Once in a Blue Moon COMPLETE
by FullMoonDreams
Summary: In a world where Remus never received his Hogwarts invitation and Sirius wasn't accepted by the Gryffindors the two lonely boys become friends. A story beginning in their first year, and continuing right through Hogwarts and beyond. RLSB.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.

**Author notes**: Yes, I know the title is an overused one. I like it though, so decided to be predictable with it. With the exceptions of the prologue and epilogue, each chapter title will be the title of/line from a song – virtual cookies to anyone who gets them all. The answers to the chapter titles are over at my LJ (if anyone is curious) - just look at the "music" for each chapter. My LJ user name is fullmoon underscore dreams. You can also see some sneak peeks for this story on my journal. I post them on the first of every month, so do check them out.

_This story is now written in full, and each chapter is posted as and when my beta has worked her magic on them. There will be 71 in total (plus the prologue and epilogue), so rest assured nothing short of my sudden and unexpected death will stop this story from being marked complete._

**Full summary**: An AU Remus/Sirius story set in a world where an eleven year old werewolf named Remus Lupin never got his Hogwarts invitation, and where Sirius Black was not accepted by the rest of the Gryffindors. The two outcasts form a friendship despite overwhelming odds, but will their friendship survive when Sirius finds himself falling in love with his best friend...his friend who wants nothing more than to be 'normal', despite the passion he feels for the heir to the Noble House of Black.

**Happy ending guaranteed. **

**Warnings**: RL/SB Slash (later on in the story), character deaths, violence, non-graphic sex (slash and het) and strong language. There will also be mention made of the idea of a male pregnancy, although not an actual one.

If you don't like any of the above then don't read this story. Ye be warned. Flames will be ignored.

Due to the rules of this site this story is slightly edited in later chapters. For details of how to access the unedited version please visit my LJ and view the "Fic List" post at the top of the page.

**Beta acknowledgement**: LostAndAwaiting has kindly offered to beta this story from chapter 11 onwards. I pass all thanks on to her from reviewers and she is very grateful for the same.

Finally, I know this first part is unbelievably short, especially for me. However, this is just the prologue and the actual chapters will be longer. Also, the chapters themselves will be from the points of view of Remus and Sirius; only the prologue and epilogue aren't.

* * *

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**Once in a Blue Moon**

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Prologue

"You're not taking him," the wizard ordered, his wand raised towards his eldest son, who could see that he had every intention of using it.

"You're condemning him to death," the younger man replied with equal venom.

"He's not our son any more," the witch sobbed. "It's for the best."

"He's six years old," the young man yelled. "I won't let you do this!"

"The Ministry officials are on their way. It's too late."

"He's your son!"

"Not any more. Now he's a monster."

"For one night of the month; the rest of the time he'll be a scared little boy." Romulus Lupin pushed his parents aside and ran up the stairs to his younger brother's room.

"Remus?" he called as he pushed open the door.

"Rom?" a small voice called out from beneath the bed, and Romulus cursed his parents for the fear he heard in his younger brother's voice.

"I'm here, Remus," he said softly. He held out his arms and his younger brother threw himself into them. The boy was thinner than he remembered and there was blood on his robes. That Romulus didn't know whether they were injuries from his brother's first transformation or inflicted by his parents only made him that much more furious.

"I'm scared, Rom," Remus whimpered.

"It's all right now," Romulus assured him. "I'm here now. You're going to come and live with me."

"Mum and Dad too?"

"No Remus, just us two." Romulus swore silently to himself as he felt Remus relax at the news that he was being taken away from his parents' care.

"You're not taking him." Romulus turned to face his father who was now blocking the doorway, his wand raised ready to fight. "You're still underage."

"And that he'll be better off with me, an underage wizard, than his own parents is hardly something to brag about!"

"You'll be hunted down all your life if you take him now."

"I'm not going to let you turn my brother over to the monsters that work for the Ministry. And if that means I spend my life on the run, then so be it."

"He's the monster!" the elder Lupin snapped before spitting on his younger son.

Romulus pulled out his wand and sent a disarming spell at his father. He vaguely noted the sound of Remus crying, but he didn't have time to comfort him. He pulled the young boy into his arms and ran for the door. There was no time to pack and no time for explanations. They were on their own.

* * *

"Is that our new home?" Remus asked as he and Romulus walked the short distance from the village of Hogsmeade to the rundown and dilapidated house that stood on the hillside.

"It's not much to look at," Romulus admitted.

"They won't find us will they?" Remus asked quietly.

"Not while I've breath in my body," Romulus promised. Remus nodded seriously in response and they continued on their way.

With little money and no chance of a legitimate, well paid job, Romulus knew that this shack of a house was the best they could hope for. He prayed that they could remain hidden from the Ministry of Magic officials who even now were searching for both himself and the young werewolf who was in his care. Realistically he knew it was only a matter of time before the long arm of the law caught up with them.


	2. Watching Through Windows

Watching Through Windows

Remus Lupin sat on the table that ran alongside the window of his bedroom and looked out over the countryside that had become so familiar over the last five years.

He knew every inch of the land for miles around and loved to spend his days exploring the area that surrounded the village of Hogsmeade.

The day was warm and sunny and Remus would normally have been outside as soon as the sun rose, but today was different. Today shouldn't have been bright and sunny; it should have been overcast and miserable, just like Remus's mood.

Remus watched as a bird appeared in the distance and soared amongst the clouds. It was one of many that had appeared during the course of the morning. Every now and then one of the birds had seemed to come in his direction and Remus had felt his heart lift in hopeless anticipation.

"You're still looking out at the owls?" Romulus asked from the doorway.

Remus shrugged but didn't turn away from the window.

"I wish I'd never told you what they were," Romulus continued as he sat down on one of the chairs at the table.

"It's not your fault," Remus muttered. "I know that there isn't one coming here. I just wish…"

"I know."

Remus nodded and continued to look out the window. They had both known for some time that today was going to be hard. Today was the day the Hogwarts invitations were being sent out and were it not for the circumstances in which they found themselves, today would have been the day that Remus received his own letter.

"Firenze was round here looking for you," Romulus told him. "He said that he'd be in the meadows later if you want to go spend the afternoon with him."

Remus shook his head. Normally he enjoyed spending time with the rebellious young centaur, but today he couldn't muster up the energy to even move from his spot by the window.

Firenze didn't understand how much Remus longed to go to Hogwarts. He'd pointed out that Remus could learn far more from his own experiences than he could in a classroom. He just didn't realise that Remus didn't want to learn from his own experiences. He wanted to be with other boys his own age, sitting in a classroom whilst a boring teacher droned on and on about some topic or another, complaining about homework, chatting and playing and just being…normal.

But the events of five years ago had made it so that Remus Lupin would never be normal again. A cruel twist of fate meant that instead of opening his letter from Hogwarts and going to Diagon Alley for his robes and supplies, Remus was sitting watching the owls pass him by, wondering what it would have been like to know that in a few short weeks he'd have been living in the castle round the corner instead of in the old haunted house on the edge of the village.

Sometimes he wished that he didn't know about Hogwarts. But his brother had attended the school for five years and had told Remus all about it long before the werewolf had attacked him.

His brother had been a prefect for his final year at the school and Remus still remembered how proud he'd been to receive the honour. He might even have been made head boy were it not for Remus.

"Do you regret it?" Remus asked quietly.

"Regret what?" Romulus replied, confused as to exactly what direction his younger sibling's thoughts had taken.

"That you never got to finish school."

"I got my OWLs," Romulus pointed out quietly. Remus could tell he almost sounded guilty that he'd had the chance to go to Hogwarts.

"You got full marks on everything. You could have got your NEWTs too…if it weren't for me."

"You're worth far more to me than a piece of paper with exam results on."

"But you could have had a good job."

"I_ have_ a good job."

"You work in The Hog's Head as a barman," Remus replied. "You could have done anything. You wanted to work with kelpies."

"Sometimes I wish you didn't have such a good memory," Romulus teased. "I could still work with kelpies later on. They aren't going anywhere. Besides, Abe's a good bloke to work for, and he doesn't ask questions."

"How come he didn't recognise you?"

"I used to go to The Three Broomsticks when I came into the village. Never met him."

"But don't you worry that someone else might recognise you?"

Romulus looked away and Remus could tell that he was hiding something. "Have you been recognised?" Remus asked, dreading the answer.

"Abe is Albus Dumbledore's brother," he finally admitted. "He stops by on occasions and I think he knows who I am."

"Why hasn't he said anything? Why hasn't he called the Ministry?"

"I don't know," Romulus replied. "There's not much gets passed Dumbledore and I've no doubt he knows exactly why I didn't return to school for my NEWTs. If the first time I saw him in the pub hadn't been on the evening of a full moon I'd have packed our things and took off then and there. But by the time the full moon was over, it was clear that the Ministry weren't beating down the door and since we didn't have anywhere else to go and it took all my savings to buy this place…"

"I'm sorry."

"What have I told you about apologising for things that aren't your fault?"

"Sorry," Remus replied with a sheepish grin and Romulus rolled his eyes, knowing it was hopeless.

"Do you think I'd have got good results at school?" Remus asked as he turned back to the window.

"Of course you would," Romulus assured him with a quick hug. "Now I've got to go to work."

Remus nodded absently.

"You'd have been top of the class Rem."

Remus tried to muster a smile but another owl swooped down nearby and Remus felt his heart lurch at the sight. Then the owl passed by the house and the moment of false elation disappeared with the bird.

Romulus left and the hours passed by more slowly than they ever had before. Remus's eyes were starting to drift shut as the sound of shouts and laughter carried to him on the wind.

He sat up straighter and strained to see where the sounds were coming from.

The two boys were in the village itself. They were laughing and playing in the sun. Remus could see that they both had wands, not surprisingly since the village was made up entirely of wizards and witches.

"You missed it!" one of the boys called out as his friend crowed in delight that he hadn't missed at all.

Remus frowned. Missed what?

Then he saw the second boy raise his wand and point it at one of the owls passing overhead. The spell shot out and hit the bird, which fell to the ground with a thump.

Remus drew in a sharp breath as he looked to see where the bird had fallen. He spotted it lying stunned on the path but the boys who'd felled the creature didn't seem to have noticed. Or more likely, they weren't bothered and had simply moved onto their next target.

The bird didn't seem to be moving at all and Remus knew he couldn't leave it there.

He climbed down from the table and hurried outside to the unconscious owl.

The barn owl didn't move as he picked it up, nor did it release the letter it was carrying.

"_To Mister Sirius Black, 12 Grimmauld Place, London_," Remus read aloud. He turned the envelope over and saw the official Hogwart's seal. "Lucky Sirius," he muttered, unable to keep a trace of bitterness out of his voice. "At least _he_ gets to go to Hogwarts."

* * *

"SIRIUS!"

Sirius Black heard the scream of his mother and cringed at the sound. He turned back from the window that he'd been staring out of and descended the stairs to see what it was he'd done, or not done, this time.

"Where is it?" Walburga Black demanded the moment that Sirius stepped over the threshold to the study.

"Where's what?" Sirius asked with a frown. He didn't recall hiding anything away recently but there was always the chance that it was something he'd moved some time ago that had only just been missed.

"Your letter," Walburga stated as she held out her hand.

"I don't have any letters," Sirius replied. "I've not had any post all week."

"You must have. I've just seen those Potters down in Diagon Alley with their son. Right proud of him for being accepted to Hogwarts, they are. If he's got his letter then you _must_ have one too."

"It's not arrived," Sirius muttered with a shrug.

"The Potters got their letter two days ago."

Sirius stood silently and shifted from one foot to the other. He hadn't received his letter so he couldn't produce it. He didn't know what his mother was expecting him to do about it.

"Well, we'll go and get your supplies anyway," Walburga stated imperiously. "You won't have been rejected from Hogwarts. All the Black family have attended Hogwarts and you'll be upholding the tradition. Go wash your face and put on your best robes. We'll leave immediately."

Sirius nodded and scurried out of the room to do his mother's bidding.

* * *

Diagon Alley was crowded with parents and children who had clearly received their letters and were now hurrying to buy their supplies before the stores began to run short. Sirius could see many of the people frequently referring to the letters to check they had everything they needed.

"How will I know which books to buy?" asked Sirius as he looked into the window of Flourish & Blotts.

"I'll purchase them for you," Walburga stated as she swept into the store and began pulling books off the shelves. Sirius held out his arms as she piled one book after another into his hands.

"I didn't think they taught the Dark Arts at Hogwarts," Sirius said as he spied the title of one of the books.

"So you'll have a few more books than the rest of the class," Walburga muttered. "It means you'll have no excuse not to come top in all your subjects."

Sirius nodded as his mother continued to pick out books for his selection. He noticed that there weren't any books on Defence Against the Dark Arts but when he brought it to his mother's attention she merely shrugged and moved on towards the Potions section of the store.

Once Sirius had all the books he needed, or at least the ones that his mother believed he needed, they headed towards Madam Malkins for his school robes.

"In green and silver," Walburga announced as Sirius climbed up onto the stool in order to be measured. "The Slytherin colours always look so good with the family colouring."

"A second year, eh?" Madam Malkin asked as she brought Sirius's arm up to take the first measurements.

"First year," Sirius replied.

"But…" Madam Malkin turned to Walburga. "If he hasn't been sorted yet, surely you'd rather purchase the standard school robes that can merely have the house badge added to it?"

"My son will be in Slytherin house," Walburga replied with a sneer at the dressmaker.

"You do understand that with the material you've requested we are unable to offer a refund or exchange if your son should be sorted into one of the other houses?"

"My son will be in Slytherin," Walburga repeated.

"Very well," Madam Malkin nodded. "Would you like the Slytherin tie as well?"

"Of course."

Sirius stood patiently as Madam Malkin continued to take the measurements she needed.

"Green lining inside as well, if you please," Walburga asked.

"Certainly Madam. They'll be ready for collection by noon tomorrow."

"I'll pay you an extra fifty galleons if you can have them ready by close of business today."

Madam Malkin looked momentarily astonished but hurriedly assured her that this would indeed be possible.

Sirius spent the next few hours trailing after his mother as she descended on one store after another, purchasing both Sirius's school supplies and items for Grimmauld Place.

"I suppose you'd like an owl?" she asked as they came to a halt outside of Eeylops.

Sirius grinned instantly at the idea of having his own owl and nodded eagerly. "Can I pick it?" he asked.

"Certainly not," Walburga muttered. "You'll probably pick the most sickly animal in the store."

Sirius felt a small stab of disappointment in not being able to choose his own pet but the joy of having an owl of his own was more than enough to quell it.

"That one!" Walburga stated, pointing to a bad-tempered and rather vicious looking tawny owl at the back of the counter.

The owner of the store turned to see where she was pointing and paled slightly. "Is the owl for your own use, or for the boy's?" he asked hesitantly.

"My son's," Walburga replied with a glance at Sirius. "He's just been accepted to Hogwarts and will be needing an owl."

"Hmm." The owner looked even more nervous. "Perhaps a more amenable bird would be better suited to the boy. Damon is rather cantankerous and is known to bite." He raised his own hand to show the evidence of this and Sirius looked warily at the bird. If that was the damage he could do to a grown man, what hope did he have of arriving at school with all his fingers intact?

"That bird, or we take our business elsewhere," Walburga demanded.

The owner shrugged and turned to bring the cage down from the shelf. Sirius moved forward to pick up the bird as his mother paid for the animal and purchased the flashiest cage in the store.

Damon looked back at him and Sirius sighed at the malevolence in the bird's eyes.

* * *

It was dark by the time Sirius and his mother arrived back at Grimmauld Place. They'd finished their shopping early in the afternoon but had had to wait until the robes were finished. Madam Malkin had remained at her place of business long after the usual closing time in order to finish his new robes.

"You've got a letter Sirius!" Sirius's younger brother Regulus called from the kitchen as soon as they stepped through the front door.

"That'll be your Hogwarts letter. Clearly they're using deficient owls these days," Walburga muttered. "Thankfully you've now got a fine bird of your own and won't need to rely on the school owls when you write home."

Sirius nodded thanks to his brother when he passed him his letter and then struggled to carry all of his new belongings upstairs to his room.

Once he'd set his things down he threw himself across his bed and looked at the letter. He frowned when he realised that the letter didn't have an official Hogwart's seal and, on closer inspection, the address was written out in rather untidy handwriting. Curious as to what it contained, Sirius opened the letter and saw that it wasn't from the school at all.

_Dear Sirius Black_

_I am sorry to tell you that your Hogwarts letter has been delayed. The owl that was bringing it was injured and won't let go of the letter for me to send it with my brother's owl. My brother says the owl should be well again in a day or two and we'll send him on his way then. _

_I know you must be eager to get your letter so I wrote this to let you know not to worry. _

_Sincerely_

_R.L._

Sirius looked at the letter and saw that there was no return address and the only clue as to who had sent it were the initials.

"Regulus!" Sirius called as he stuck his head out of the door. His brother looked out of his own room in response to his call. "Is the owl that brought this still here?"

"Yeah, why? Do you need to reply to the school?"

"It's not from the school," Sirius confided. "The owl delivering my letter's been injured."

"Probably been attacked by a brute like that thing you've brought home," Regulus muttered. "What possessed you to pick that thing?"

"I didn't, mother did."

"Figures."

"Can you go get the owl so I can send a reply to the person who's looking after the owl?"

Regulus nodded. "Sure, back in a minute."

Sirius smiled and hurried to his desk as his brother ran down the stairs. He vaguely heard the sound of a thump as his brother took the last flight by sliding down the banister. The thump was followed immediately by a predictable yell of "Regulus!"

Sirius grinned as he grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment and began to chew on the former as he tried to decide what to write.

After a couple of failed attempts he'd finally decided what to put and re-read his letter one last time before sealing it with hot wax.

_Dear R.L. _

_Thank you for your letter telling me the owl with my letter from Hogwarts had been injured. My mother had been worried it was lost and took me for my school supplies today anyway in case it didn't arrive. _

_Do you and your brother go to Hogwarts? I'm going to be a first year student this year so if you are going to be at platform 9 and ¾ on 1 September I would like to meet you to say thank you in person. I'm sending my own owl back with your own and you can send a reply with him. _

_Sincerely_

_S.B. Sirius Black_

_PS: What does R.L. stand for?_

"Doesn't sound like I'm too desperate to make friends," Sirius muttered to himself. "If R.L. isn't a first year like me, I can just say thank you. If he or she is a first year maybe we can be friends."

He sealed the letter and attached it to R.L.'s brother's owl and cautiously approached Damon's cage. "You're to just follow this owl and bring back any reply the owner has, right?"

Damon looked back at him and Sirius pulled out his new wand so that he could open the cage from as far away as possible.

A few minutes later and Sirius was sitting back at his window, watching the two owls disappearing towards the horizon. He hoped that Damon didn't attack the other owl, or the owner and belatedly realised he should perhaps have put a warning in the letter about his own owl.

"Oh well, too late now," he mumbled as the birds vanished from his sight.


	3. Read Between the Lines

Read Between the Lines

"Who've you been writing to?" Romulus asked in surprise as two owls, one being his own and carrying a letter, the other looking positively vicious, flew in the open window and settled down in front of Remus.

"I just sent a note to Sirius Black, the one who the injured owl was going to," Remus replied as he took the proffered envelope from the first of the two birds.

"Did you sign it? Why didn't you let me see it before you sent it? You didn't give him your address or your name did you? Remus, what have I told you about how careful we have to be?"

"I didn't sign my name or give the address. I just told Athena to hang around a while in case he wanted to send a reply." Remus ducked his head to avoid his brother's glare. He knew the rules, and he also knew he'd deliberately broken them because he knew that if he'd asked Romulus if he could send the letter the answer would have been no.

He opened the only letter he could ever remember receiving and grinned widely at the contents.

"What does he say?" Romulus asked as he looked at the careful script on the envelope addressing the correspondence to R.L. Remus tried to ignore his brother's exasperated shake of the head.

"Just thank you and asking if either of us go to Hogwarts so he can thank us in person on the first of September," Remus said as he read the letter. He wasn't surprised to see Romulus's outstretched hand when he looked up from the parchment. He passed it across to him so that he could see the truth of his words. Remus knew that it wasn't because Romulus didn't trust him, he was just a little overprotective.

"You can't tell him what R.L. stands for," Romulus informed him sternly as he passed the letter back.

"I can write back?" Remus asked with a hopeful grin.

"It would be rather rude not to, especially since he's one of the Black family. Besides, I don't trust that owl of his not to bite one or both of us if you don't send something back."

"I'll be careful, I promise." Remus jumped up from the table, his breakfast only half eaten as he rushed to his room.

"Let me see it before you send it!" Romulus called up the stairs after him but Remus wasn't listening.

* * *

_Dear S.B._

_Thanks for your letter. _

_You won't be able to meet me or my brother at King's Cross. My brother did his OWLs at Hogwarts but he left a long time ago. He knows lots of great things about the school though. He told me about a secret tunnel from the school to the sweet shop in Hogsmeade. _

_Your owl seems in a bit of a hurry so I'm going to send this right away before he decides my finger is breakfast. _

_Sincerely _

_R.L._

* * *

Sirius woke to the sound of an irritating tapping and pulled a pillow over his head to try and shut it out.

_Tap_

"Go 'way," he mumbled into the pillow.

_Tap _

_Tap_

_Tap_

Sirius pulled the pillow from his face and threw it in the direction of the noise.

_Tap_

_Tap_

He opened his eyes and looked across the darkened room. His pillow had hit the window and was now teetering precariously on the edge of his desk.

"Stupid owls," he muttered with annoyance.

_Tap_

"Owl!" Sirius leapt out of bed and flung open the drapes. On the other side of the window Damon was tapping the glass hard enough to have put a crack in it were it not reinforced by magic. He opened the window and Damon stepped over the sill and planted his offering on Sirius's desk.

Sirius saw that there was no official seal on the letter and when he saw it was addressed to S.B. he knew it was from the mysterious R.L.

* * *

_Dear R.L._

_Sorry if my owl caused you trouble. There was a red mark on the parchment. He didn't bite you did he? His name is Damon and I just got him the day I wrote to you._

_Will you be going to Hogwarts next year? It's the best wizarding school in Europe. All my family has been there too. I have a cousin who will be in fifth year but she said I can only talk to her if she speaks to me first. _

_Your brother sounds more fun than my family. Did he tell you where to find the secret tunnel?_

_Sincerely_

_S.B._

_PS: You forgot to tell me what R.L. stands for._

* * *

_Dear S.B._

_The red mark was just ketchup. Your owl gave me a few evil looks but he didn't bite me. My brother spilt the ketchup on the letter when he was checking it. Sorry._

_I wish I could go to Hogwarts but I can't. My brother had a lot of fun there._

_He says the tunnel to the cellar of the sweet shop is found under the hump of a statue of a hump-backed witch on the third floor. He says to tell you to have fun but not to blame him if you get caught. _

_Your cousin sounds a bit horrible. My brother says I shouldn't jump to conclusions about people but she does. _

_Don't you know any other first years?_

_From the mysterious R.L. who isn't going to tell you what it stands for._

_PS: The owl with your Hogwarts letter is being sent with Athena so you should get your invitation to the school at the same time as this letter. _

* * *

_Dear mysterious R.L._

_I'm glad Damon didn't bite you. He bit my younger brother this morning so be careful around him. I think Reg was teasing him but he says he wasn't. _

_Tell your brother thanks for telling me how to get into the tunnel to the sweet shop. He doesn't know how to get into the school kitchens too does he? Narcissa, the cousin I told you about, says it doesn't have a door. She knows how to get in but she won't tell me. You are right. She is horrible. She's vain as well. She's going out with Lucius Malfoy. He's a prefect. They are both in Slytherin house. All my family has been in Slytherin. I've even got green and silver robes for when I get sorted into it too._

_Which house was your brother in?_

_Which house would you like to be sorted into? Your letter made it sound like you won't ever be going to Hogwarts but surely you will be in a couple of years. You can't be that young. I thought you were about my age at first, maybe a bit older. I don't know any other first years._

_From the not mysterious S.B. because you already know it stands for Sirius Black._

_PS: Why won't you tell me what R.L. stands for?_

_PPS: The invitation arrived just before Athena did. Thanks again._

* * *

_Dear Sirius _

_Are all your family like your cousin and brother? I bet they are if they were all in Slytherin. _

_My brother was in Hufflepuff. He liked it because it was near the kitchens. He found out how to get in when he was in first year. He says you need to find the painting of a bowl of fruit and just tickle the pear to get in. He says again that you are not to blame him if you get caught. _

_I hope you get into the house you want to. I don't think you sound like someone who will be in Slytherin. My brother says it's the house all the dark wizards have been in. You sound too nice for that house._

_I wouldn't mind which house I was in if I could go to Hogwarts. Even Slytherin would be all right. I'm eleven but I won't ever be going to Hogwarts. I'm not allowed to. You will have to write and tell me all about it. I'll just have to share your fun that way. Just don't forget about me when you make all your new friends at school._

_From the mysterious R.L._

_PS: I'm adding this after my brother checked the letter. He told me to ignore you asking about what R.L. stands for. My name is Remus but don't ever put it in a letter. My brother reads them too and I will get in trouble if he finds out I told you._

* * *

"Remus…Remus…" Sirius tested the name a time or two as he grinned at the latest letter.

"Who's Remus?" Regulus asked from the doorway. "Your quill pal?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied as he turned to his brother with a wide grin.

"Dad says dinner's ready."

"I'll be down in a few minutes," Sirius promised. "I just want to write back."

"Mum says she's not going to get Kreacher to keep it warm for you," Regulus added as he left the room.

Sirius nodded in an absent manner as he turned back to his letter. Cold stew for dinner didn't sound very appetising. Perhaps his reply could wait a little while. Carefully he tucked the letter into drawer of his desk where he kept all the other letters and the journal his father encouraged him to write in at the end of each day. He'd never seen the point of the journal himself. Where was the fun in writing in a book? It wasn't like you ever got a reply. It was far more fun to write letters which someone would actually read and reply to.

* * *

_Dear R.L. _

_Most of my family are like my cousin and brother. My cousin Andromeda is nice. She's Narcissa's sister. But the rest are pretty awful. Bellatrix their other sister is a nutcase. She was nearly expelled from Hogwarts but no one will tell me what for. _

_Why won't you be going to Hogwarts? Are you a squib? I don't mind if you are. I don't know any squibs. I don't know what my family would do if they couldn't do magic. Probably rely on Kreacher our house elf. He's a bit bad tempered but I try to keep out of his way. Do you have a house elf? _

_How did your brother do in his OWLs? My family say they are really hard but I don't know if they are just saying that to make me work harder when I get there. My cousin Narcissa says that Hufflepuff is the house where all the stupid kids get put and it would be great to prove her wrong if your brother did well. _

_Of course I will write to you from Hogwarts. I'll write to you even more than I write to my family. I just wish you could be there with me._

_From the not Mysterious S.B._

* * *

_Dear S.B._

_My brother says he remembers Andromeda and Bellatrix. He says Bellatrix once hexed him in the hallway for walking too slowly. I think it was because he was a teacher's pet. He was a prefect. Swot. He doesn't remember Andromeda very well though he says he thinks she looked a lot like her sister. He doesn't remember Narcissa at all but from what you said he thinks she might have started the September after he left. _

_I'm not a squib. I just can't go to Hogwarts. My brother says lots of wizard children don't get to go to Hogwarts. He says it only seems like it's just me. _

_We don't have a house elf. Unless you count me. I am being called to clean up the pots from breakfast. Your owl arrived just as I was starting them and I wanted to reply right away. _

_My brother got Outstanding in all his owls apart from Potions where he got Exceeds Expectations. Swot. My brother adds that in light of Narcissa's comment about students in Hufflepuff he is glad he doesn't seem to have met her. _

_Now I really have to clean the breakfast pots._

_From the M.R.L._

_PS: My brother told me what Bellatrix was nearly expelled for. He told me not to tell you so I am adding this after he's read it again. He said that she cursed the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher and he quit his job because of her. _

_Remus_

* * *

_Dear R.L._

_Wow. Your brother sounds really clever as well as fun – even if he was a prefect. Why didn't he do his NEWTs? Or did he do them at another school? _

_My cousins came over to dinner tonight and I told them about your brother being in Hufflepuff and getting really good grades. Bellatrix said I made it up. We had an argument and she called me a liar. But when I told her that he was a prefect and she had hexed him she thought she might remember him. _

_My parents are always complaining about how expensive Hogwarts is. Maybe you will win some gold on one of those wireless shows and get to join me later on. _

_I have to do chores round the house too. Yesterday I had to clean doxies out of the study. I think Reg put them in there. He got a book last Christmas about where to find those sorts of creatures and he's ticking off when he finds them one by one. So far he's only got to the Ds. _

_Kreacher found your letters today and told my mother about my writing to you. She says I have to ask if you are a pureblood or not. Kreacher is getting really nosy, always poking through my stuff. I hope you are a pureblood or else I might not be able to write to you any more until I get to school. _

_Yours sincerely _

_Mr. Sirius Black Esq._

_PS: My mother made me write out my letter again and sign it properly. _

_PPS: I really want to keep writing to you so lie if you have to. Mother doesn't know I added this bit so don't say anything in your reply._

* * *

_Dear Sirius_

_My brother says I should follow your example and address you properly. _

_My brother couldn't do his NEWTs. He had to leave school suddenly. He says he might try to do them later on but he's pretty busy at the moment. He works in a local pub and looks after me. He keeps me out of trouble. Or at least he says he tries to._

_You can tell your mother that I am a pureblood. _

_Yours sincerely (and mysteriously)_

_Mr. R.L. Esq._

* * *

"I didn't actually lie," Remus said as his brother read through his latest letter.

"You said that he could tell his mother that you're a pureblood," Romulus pointed out with a roll of his eyes.

"But I didn't say that I really was," Remus smirked. "Just that he could tell her that."

"That's a very fine line between truth and lies that you're walking."

"You're the one that said we had to be secretive. I'm just following your example."

"Cheeky!" Romulus chided as he passed the approved letter back. "And don't get any smart ideas from this Sirius about adding any postscripts to your own letters after I've checked them."

Remus nodded obediently. There was no need to tell Romulus that he'd already done exactly that, and Sirius had no doubt got the idea from him.

* * *

_Dear R.L._

_My mother is really pleased you're a pureblood. She's suggested that you and your brother might like to come over to our own house for a dinner party she's throwing next week. It was supposed to be a goodbye feast for me before going to school but now father's boss is coming and a bunch of other people I've never met. It would be great if you could come visit._

_Are you allowed to tell me why your brother is the one to look after you? Or are you going to be all mysterious about that too? _

_Reply soon about the dinner party. I hope you can come. It won't be any fun if you don't. _

_From a very relieved Sirius Black._

_PS: I noticed how you answered the pureblood question. Mother didn't though so your secret is safe with me. Because she thinks you're a pureblood she's not checking my letters any more. What a pain. I don't know how you put up with it. I don't mind that you're a half-blood. I am guessing with a brother who is a wizard you can't be a muggle-born, not with two in a family. _

_S.B. _

* * *

_Dear S.B._

_My brother says we can't come to dinner. He has to work every evening all next week. He says I'm too young to come on my own, even by floo. _

_Try and have fun at the party anyway. You could always pull a few pranks and write and tell me about them. My brother says he won't give me any ideas for pranks for you but I am sure you can think of some yourself. _

_My brother looks after me because we only have each other. I want to write more about what our parents were like but I don't remember them very well and my brother doesn't like talking about them much. _

_Sorry I can't come and visit with you._

_From a mysterious and miserable R.L._

_PS: I thought you would notice my answer and am glad you don't mind._

* * *

_Dear R.L. _

_The party was a bore. I let off a couple of dung bombs in the kitchen so the guests would think the meal was going to be horrible. But not only was I not sent to my room for the evening I was made to help in the kitchen instead of Kreacher because the house elf wouldn't go in there because of the smell. _

_I'm sorry about your parents. I'm guessing they died? You don't have to talk about them if you don't want to. _

_You will have to come and visit at Christmas instead. The Black family always have a party on Christmas Eve and invite EVERYONE. With your help I am sure we will come up with a lot of great pranks to pull at the party. _

_Please say you can visit. _

_From Sirius Black_

_Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (as of tomorrow)_

_PS: I meant what I said about staying friends after I am at Hogwarts. _

* * *

"He'll be packing his trunks now, ready to get the train in the morning." Remus sighed as he looked out of the window at the darkening sky.

"I'd hope his trunks were packed earlier than this," Romulus replied with a snort of laughter.

Remus looked at Athena as she looked at him curiously. He could tell that she was waiting for another letter and simply didn't understand why, all of a sudden, there was nothing for her to deliver.

"I know what you're thinking," Romulus said as he sat down at Remus's desk and looked at the pile of letters Sirius had sent during the summer. "And you can't do it."

"Why not?"

"Because if you got caught we'd both be in serious trouble. You'd be looking at one of the dangerous creatures camps at best, or the death sentence at worst. As for me, I'd get sent to Azkaban."

"I only want to see him," Remus muttered. "Just to see what he looks like, maybe say hello or something. I wouldn't tell him who I am."

"You wouldn't mean to," Romulus replied as he flicked through the letters. "But we have to be so careful. You've already told him far more than you should have done."

"What do you mean?" asked Remus with a twinge that seemed suspiciously like his conscience.

"There's no need to look so alarmed," Romulus assured him. "I should have been more careful too. But if this Sirius is smart then he could find out who you are…if he really tried."

"He could?"

"He knows I was a prefect at the same time two of his cousins were at school. Hogwarts has a record of past prefects that anyone can see. Our dad was a prefect too and I looked him up in my first year. This Sirius could look through the prefects' list and see who was a prefect at the right time. I was only a prefect for one year and would be quite easy to spot if someone looked. Plus, with your initials on the letters…well if he's smart he could figure out who we are and everything."

"But he doesn't know where we are or anything," Remus pointed out. "I could be anywhere in the country."

"Which is exactly why you can't risk saying hello or even being seen."

It was then that Remus realised that he'd effectively made his brother's argument for him.

He was doomed to live vicariously through Sirius Black, longing to attend Hogwarts instead of merely hearing all about it from his first real friend.


	4. Different as Night and Day

Different As Night and Day

"Why don't you go and visit with Firenze?" Romulus suggested as Remus sighed with boredom for the dozenth time.

"I thought I wasn't supposed to go out today in case I get spotted?"

"I said you couldn't go into Hogsmeade," Romulus reminded him. "The forest should be all right as long as you stay to the paths and don't detour off of them." He ended the sentence with a warning in his tone but Remus had no intention of disobeying this time. He'd not seen Firenze in over a week and he needed something to distract himself from the depressing thoughts of Sirius and the other first years arriving at Hogwarts later that day.

Remus ran through the forest paths with an ease that came from familiarity and in almost no time at all he arrived at the centaur camp.

"Good morrow Master Lupin," Torin, Firenze's father, and the leader of the centaur herd greeted him.

Remus waved hello, no longer bothering to ask how it was that the centaurs knew who and what he was. It was enough that they accepted him and hadn't turned him over to the Ministry of Magic. Not that they didn't have their own problems with that honourable institute, and he knew that might well have influenced their decision to maintain their silence about Remus.

"Where's Firenze?" Remus asked as he approached Torin.

"Practising his archery in the long clearing," Torin replied, pointing in the appropriate direction, even though he knew that Remus knew the way as well as any member of the herd. "I'm heading there myself in a moment, if you want to walk with me."

Remus nodded and waited as Torin picked up several bows and an assortment of arrows, then he followed after him towards the clearing. He didn't ask Torin whether he could ride him, and Torin didn't offer. Remus knew enough of the centaurs to know that they were a very proud race of creatures and although Remus had ridden on Firenze a time or two, usually so they could escape punishment for some combined mischief, he knew it was a privilege that was offered only rarely.

They approached the clearing quietly, so as not to distract Firenze who was concentrating intently on the wooden target that was swinging from one of the trees.

The arrow flew from Firenze's bow and Remus gasped in admiration as it hit the target just an inch or two from the centre. It appeared that he was the only one who was impressed though. Firenze was frowning at the target with displeasure and Remus could see a trace of disappointment in Torin's face as he observed his son.

"Would you like to practice with Firenze?" Torin asked Remus as he considered first one, then another, of the bows, before finally offering one to him.

"I've never held a bow before," Remus admitted as he took the unfamiliar weapon into his hands.

"And you shouldn't be holding one now!" a voice spat from behind them.

Remus turned round to see two more of the herd approaching the clearing. One of the two was Ebony, Firenze's older sister. The other, the one who'd spoken, was Magorian, one of the few centaurs who actually scared Remus.

"I'm leader of the herd," Torin stated quietly. "If my son's friend wishes to learn some of our ways, then I shall teach him."

"He's a dark creature," Magorian sneered as Remus shifted from one foot to the other. "Dangerous."

"Only on the night of the full moon," Torin replied calmly.

"You'll bring death and destruction on us all," warned Magorian, one of his front hooves pawing at the ground with frustration. Torin merely looked at him calmly and eventually Magorian spun round and galloped off into the trees.

Ebony turned to follow after him but was halted by her father's voice. "I don't like you hanging around with him," he admitted. "We must learn to get along with the humans, no matter how badly they treat us. Fighting won't achieve anything except the death and destruction he fears."

"Magorian craves your position as leader," Firenze warned his father. "And many of the herd are eager to let him lead them against the Ministry."

"Well for the time being, I'm still leader of the herd and I will not be waging a war on the Ministry."

Ebony nodded dutifully to her father and turned to follow after Magorian.

"You're worried about her, aren't you father?" Firenze asked quietly.

"And about you," Torin admitted. "If it comes to a war within the herd Magorian will try to take the leadership from me, and from you, if I am gone. With the support of your sister, Magorian may be successful. She's forceful, not like the other mares. I sometimes wonder if maybe she has mixed too much with humans. She talks of equal rights for the mares and if she throws in her support with him and raises the mares too…"

Firenze nodded seriously while Remus felt uncomfortable, as though he was intruding on matters that didn't concern him.

"You're barely more than a foal," Torin sighed. "We'd best both hope I'll be around for many years to come."

With that Torin shook his mane of hair at the same time as he seemed to shake off the morose mood that had descended. "Well, young Lupin, are you ready for your first archery lesson?"

Remus felt his uneasiness disappearing at Torin's encouraging smile and he nodded eagerly.

* * *

Sirius stood on Platform nine and three quarters and looked in trepidation at the throng of people dashing here and there. To his left stood his mother, tall, proud and domineering. To the right was his trunk, along with Damon, looking as vicious and malevolent as ever.

Close by, a young boy was being hugged by his elderly mother. The boy was wearing robes without the insignia of one of the school houses, and Sirius guessed that he was a first year, still to be sorted, not unlike himself.

The boy's mother tried in vain to flatten his brown hair into a presentable style and Sirius smirked slightly at the annoyed expression on the youngster's face.

The boy caught him looking and Sirius flushed and turned away to look back towards the train. He was grateful that his mother wasn't making such a spectacle of herself. Ever the epitome of respectability Walburga Black would never do something as common as show affection for her son in a public place. Sirius looked around the platform again and saw more and more students hugging and kissing their parents as they said their goodbyes. Not all of them were carrying on like the elderly woman nearest to him and Sirius wondered, for one brief moment, whether his own mother would in fact kiss him goodbye.

He turned to look at her but she was paying him no mind and was instead engaged in conversation with her sister-in-law Druella. Sirius groaned inwardly as he realised that that meant that Narcissa was probably lurking around nearby too. He spotted her almost at once, locked at the lip with Lucius Malfoy. He closed his eyes at the sight and turned away. When he opened his eyes again it was to see the messy-haired boy standing close by and about to poke his finger through the bar of Damon's cage.

"Don't!" Sirius called out but it was too late.

The boy gave a harsh cry of pain when Damon bit him on the finger.

"James? What is it? What happened?" James's mother turned from handing his trunk over to the station staff and hurried over to her son.

"The owl bit me," James replied in a somewhat muffled voice as he currently had his finger in his mouth to stem the bleeding.

"Let me see," his mother demanded as he pulled out her wand.

"It's just a cut," James muttered but he didn't pull his hand away as his mother cast a healing charm to repair the damaged skin.

"What do you think you're doing, bringing a vicious thing like that to a school?" James mother snapped and Sirius stepped back involuntarily, right into his own mother.

"Sirius, do be careful," Walburga said with a sigh of impatience. She didn't turn round and barely deviated from the flow of her conversation.

"Your son is he?" James's mother asked.

Walburga turned round at this and glared at the smaller woman. "Ah, Mrs Potter, isn't it?" she asked with a sneer of contempt.

Sirius had never seen anyone lose the colour in their face as quickly as Mrs Potter.

"Mrs Black, my apologies," Mrs Potter grovelled, backing away rapidly. "Come away James. You don't want to get on the wrong side of them."

Walburga continued to glare at the Potters until they finally turned away. Then she turned back to Druella with a smile.

"That bird is a bit vicious though," Druella commented with a nod to Damon's cage.

"Sirius wished to have an owl. It was the finest bird in the shop and you know how I dote on my eldest," Walburga replied with an airy wave of her hand.

Sirius sighed again, and when it became clear that his mother wasn't going to assist him, he heaved his trunk towards the train himself.

* * *

Remus's morning passed in pleasant companionship and he was delighted when he even managed to hit the target, held stationary for him by Torin.

"Will you stay to lunch?" Torin asked as they walked back to the camp.

"Is it that time already?" Remus replied in astonishment. Firenze pointed to the sun, high in the sky above them, and he saw that time had indeed slipped away from him. Sirius would be eating on the train now.

"You're thinking about that school again, aren't you?" Firenze commented idly.

"I'd be on the train to the school now, if it weren't for…"

"Your lycanthropy," Firenze concluded.

Remus nodded silently.

"You can learn so much without going to Hogwarts," Firenze reminded him. "Do they teach you archery there?"

Remus shook his head. "I don't think so. They call it a muggle sport. Hogwarts teaches magical stuff but nothing else."

"What about the herbs and creatures of the forest?" Firenze asked, waving an arm around him enthusiastically.

"They offer Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures."

"But the centaurs know so much more than wizards," Firenze stated enthusiastically. "Wizards have barely scratched the surface of all there is to know about this world. They fear the forest; they don't try to understand either it, or those who live here."

"It's not like I don't enjoy learning what your father teaches us," Remus assured his friend. "I just want to be at school with other boys my age. I just want to be normal."

"You can_ never_ be normal," Firenze told him. Remus cringed at the cold hard truth. He knew that Firenze didn't mean to be so harsh, he was still a teenager, and that, combined with the ways of his people, that had been ingrained since birth, meant that sometimes he said things that were uncomfortable to the young werewolf. It wasn't as if Remus could deny the truth of the words.

He wished that Firenze could understand him but they were from two different worlds and he knew that no matter how hard he tried to explain, the young centaur could never truly appreciate the position Remus was in.

They were both what the Ministry termed half-breeds but other than that they were as different as night and day.

* * *

"Didn't Romulus tell you not to come into Hogsmeade today?" Firenze asked as he and Remus crept up to the almost deserted train station. In the distance Remus could see the steam of the Hogwart's Express, as its long journey from King's Cross drew to a conclusion.

"We won't be seen," Remus assured him. "I just want to watch. There's no one here yet anyway."

"Hagrid's over there," Firenze pointed out as the Hogwart's Gamekeeper soothed an edgy thestral waiting to pull the carriages. At least that was what Remus thought the man was doing. Since he couldn't see the creatures it was a little hard to tell the state of mind of the animal.

Remus ducked down as the Gamekeeper, whose hearing was as sharp as any animal, turned round to look curiously at the bushes where he was hiding.

"It's just me Hagrid," Firenze called out as he stepped out into the light of the station, successfully diverting attention from the still hidden Remus. "I thought I'd come see how you were doing. I forgot it was the first day of term."

"Easy ter lose track," Hagrid agreed with a smile. Firenze approached him and they talked easily for a few minutes before the train arrived and Firenze bid the Gamekeeper farewell and galloped for the forest.

Remus remained hidden, a little less cautious now that he knew any sound he made would, in all likelihood, be lost amidst the noise of the train full of students.

"Firs' years! This way!" Hagrid called and Remus watched with a mixed feeling of eagerness and envy as he watched the smallest of the students make their way through the crowd towards Hagrid. Remaining in the bushes he followed with them, curiosity battling with caution as he trailed after the group. They soon reached the dock and Remus settled himself down in the bushes once more to observe.

Remus looked at each of the faces as he wondered which of the boys was Sirius Black. Voices drifted to him on the wind and he strained to make out the words.

"We have to go by lake?"

"Wow!"

"Which house do you want to be in?"

"_He'll_ be in Slytherin."

Remus looked at the messy-haired boy with glasses who'd sneered the last comment. He was looking towards another boy with a glare and Remus followed his gaze.

The boy who was the object of their attention seemed oblivious to the fact. He was neatly dressed in green and silver robes and his raven coloured hair was tied back at the nape of his neck.

"Sirius?" Remus whispered the question.

He pulled his gaze away from the boy to scan the crowd for anyone else who might already be wearing the Slytherin colours. There were none, most students having no idea which house they were likely to end up in.

"Sirius," Remus whispered again. This time a grin spread across his face and he felt a certainty in his gut that his guess was correct.

"…his stupid bird bit me at King's Cross, you know."

Remus's grin grew wider. Silver and green robes and a vicious bird. Who else could it possibly be?

Remus watched as the first years climbed into the boats. Many were talking, laughing and joking as they approached the side of the lake. Some stood alone and Remus could see that Sirius was one of those. He seemed to have an air of reserve about him, a quality that made him unapproachable. Remus frowned a little, wondering briefly if he'd made a mistake. Could the haughty looking boy really be the same friendly and mischievous Sirius Black whom he'd been writing to for the past few weeks?

"Who is he?" the messy-haired boy's companion asked.

Remus drew in a sharp breath as he waited for the reply.

"A Black," the first boy replied. "Slytherin scum like the rest of that family. Pureblood fanatics and psychos, every last one of them."

Remus frowned and glared at the two boys. Sirius wasn't a pureblood fanatic. How dare they judge him before they even knew him!

It took every ounce of self control for Remus to remain hidden in the bushes as he watched Sirius standing quietly on his own. He wondered if Sirius had heard the other boys talking about him and although he suspected that he'd caught every word, he couldn't help hoping that he hadn't.

The first years climbed into the boats and Remus wished more than anything, that he could join them. Sirius didn't seem quite so eager to embark on the final leg of his journey and was instead hovering at the back of the crowd.

Remus wondered later if he'd made some involuntary noise that had attracted the other boy's attention. All he knew was that one moment Sirius was standing with his back to him, looking out over the lake and ready to climb into the last of the boats, then the next minute he'd turned round and was staring right at him.

Grey eyes, glistening silver in the moonlight, looked back at him with mild surprise and curiosity.

For several long seconds Remus stared back at his friend, longing to step forward into the light, to tell him who he was and to say something, anything. But he knew that he'd already done far too much.

Then Hagrid called out to the stragglers to get into the boats and the moment had passed.

Remus remained hidden as the boats crossed the lake. When the last of them was out of sight he finally turned to make his way home.

* * *

Sirius felt the presence staring at him as he stood on the small dock near the lake. It wasn't frightening, or even unnerving. It was just_ there_.

He could hear James Potter telling the other students about him and he resolved to ignore the boy. The Potters never got put into Slytherin so it wasn't like he'd have anything to do with him. James would forget about Damon biting him and they'd be going their separate ways.

Sirius lingered at the back of the crowd as the others climbed into the boats. The presence was still there and before he knew what he was doing he'd spun round to look at the bushes.

Light brown hair, darker in the moonlight, betrayed the presence of the young boy watching from the edge of the circle of light from the lamp on the dock. Beneath the mop of hair, he saw two eyes looking back at him with open curiosity.

A boy? Sirius could tell he was young and felt a start of surprise at the fact. It was late in the evening and there was no sign of the boy's parents. What was he doing out here on his own?

"Come on now," Hagrid urged and Sirius turned to climb into the boat.

He looked back only once before his gaze was captured by the vision of Hogwarts School. But even though he didn't turn back again he still felt the gaze of the young boy in the bushes.

* * *

"You went down to the station, didn't you?" Romulus asked quietly as soon as Remus had stepped over the threshold.

"I just wanted to see," Remus replied. "I didn't speak to any of them."

"Were you seen?" Romulus asked urgently.

Remus stood still as his brother's gazed bore into him.

"You were, weren't you?" Romulus didn't wait for a reply as he pulled a trunk from the hallway cupboard.

"We don't have to leave," Remus pleaded, his hand reaching to stop Romulus from opening the trunk.

"I asked you not to go into Hogsmeade today. Just one thing I asked of you, for both of our safeties and you still did it!"

"I'm sorry."

"You could have been caught! You could have been killed!"

"I hid, I was careful."

"You weren't that careful, or you wouldn't have been seen!"

"I didn't tell him who I was. I don't even know how he knew I was there."

"It was Sirius wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any idea how powerful and dangerous the Black family are?" Romulus asked before he seemed to remember who it was he was talking to. "But of course you don't. You don't remember seeing anything more than this small village and the Forbidden Forest."

"I've seen the papers," Remus reminded him. "I've seen the Black family mentioned in stories in the Daily Prophet."

"They're dangerous," Romulus told him. "You can't trust them."

"That's what they say about werewolves," Remus whispered.

Romulus stopped and sat down on top of the trunk, pulling Remus alongside him.

"Please can we stay?" Remus asked. "I promise I'll be more careful."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Can we stay?"

Romulus sighed. "It's not like we have any other place to go."

* * *

"Black, Sirius," Professor McGonagall called out.

Sirius felt the eyes of everyone in the hall fall on him as he made his way to the stool in order to be sorted.

"Another Black eh?" the Sorting Hat whispered into his mind. "I know just where to put you."

Sirius sat patiently and wished the Hat would get on with it.

"Wait a minute though…" the Hat continued. "I see something different in you. Something your brethren didn't have."

_Uh-oh._

"Bravery and the courage to be different."

_It wouldn't. Please. No. Not that. _

"Gryffindor!"

"What?" Sirius spluttered and there were several audible gasps in the room.

Even Professor McGonagall looked somewhat taken aback as she removed the Hat and proudly pointed towards the Gryffindor table.

"But I can't be?" he muttered as he made his way towards the table.

He sat down on one of the benches, feeling out of place and conspicuous in his green and silver robes and tie, amidst a sea of red and gold.

Across the room he could see Narcissa looking at him in pure shock and he ducked his head to avoid her sneering expression.

"It's a mistake, it has to be a mistake," he mumbled to himself as the Sorting continued.

"I'll say it's a mistake," a horribly familiar voice replied. Sirius looked up to see James Potter looking at him from across the table.

"No?" he whispered in horror. _He couldn't be in the same house as James Potter. That was just too much to have to bear._

"Too good for the rest of us," James said in a loud whisper to the boy sitting next to him. "Dressed in his fine green and silver robes. Pure Slytherin."

"The Sorting Hat must have been at the butterbeer," the boy next to James suggested.

"Nice one Peter," James laughed.

Sirius felt his face flushing in embarrassment and when the speeches were over and the feast began he could hardly touch his food.

"Mother's going to be furious," he mumbled to himself, trying to ignore the snickering from across the table.

* * *

_Dear R.L. _

_I'm writing this from Hogwarts School. _

_It looks like you were right about me not being right for Slytherin. I got sorted into Gryffindor. I think it might have made a mistake. I'm not brave or anything. I daren't even write and tell my mother. She will be absolutely furious when she finds out._

_There are two other boys in first year in Gryffindor. It seems strange because there are four beds in the dormitory but only three of us. I wish you were here in the fourth bed. I'd have someone to talk to then. _

_The two other boys are James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. They seem to be really good friends. I wonder if they knew each other before school. _

_Damon bit James at King's Cross, so that didn't help either. _

_I really wish you were here too. _

_Your friend_

_Sirius Black_

* * *

"See," Remus stated as he passed Romulus the letter. "No word of seeing anyone near the dock. I bet he's already forgotten he ever saw me."

"Lucky for us."

Romulus read through the letter before passing it back. "You can't reply yet," he warned.

"Why not?"

"Because he'll know how close you are to the school," Romulus pointed out. "His owl probably made it here in a matter of minutes and your reply will be just as quick to get back to him. If you reply before morning he'll know you're in Hogsmeade or somewhere nearby."

"I can send a reply in the morning though?" Remus asked anxiously.

Romulus looked like he'd like to say no, but Remus knew his brother could refuse him little and when he nodded his agreement he threw his arms around him and grinned.


	5. Like a Knight in Shining Armour

Like a Knight in Shining Armour 

Sirius _hated_ Hogwarts.

That was the conclusion he had come to after three months where everything had been wrong.

His mother had purchased the wrong books for him, much to the glee of Potter and Pettigrew who delighted in his embarrassment at having to admit the same in front of the rest of the class.

His robes were the wrong colour, much to the amusement of Potter and Pettigrew who found this highly comical too. Sirius had even gone so far as to ask Professor McGonagall if she might be able to fix them so that they were the same colours of the rest of the Gryffindors, unfortunately she'd recognised Madam Malkin's work immediately and had shaken her head sadly.

Having the wrong books and the wrong robes was bad enough, but being placed in the wrong house was the very worst thing about Hogwarts.

Sirius presumed that Narcissa had been the one to let his family know all about the horrific outcome of the Sorting Ceremony. Certainly his mother had found out quickly enough. On the plus side, at least she hadn't sent him a howler to complain about it. Though it was a very small plus since she had instead sent one to Professor Dumbledore himself. The sound of her shrieking at the Headmaster had echoed through the hall during breakfast on his second morning at school. Sirius had cringed beneath the smirks of Potter and Pettigrew who'd agreed loudly and heartily that Mrs Black was quite correct and Sirius would be better off with his own kind, in Slytherin house.

Professor Dumbledore on the other hand had merely smiled and shook his head at the yelling missive. Sirius had heard him comment to Professor McGonagall that this wasn't the first time in the history of the school that a parent had been disappointed in the results of the Sorting Ceremony. He'd added that none of the other students had been moved into another house and he wasn't going to set a precedent for it with Sirius.

Sirius didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

All he knew was that Potter and Pettigrew had groaned at the news that they were not getting rid of him from the dormitory that easily and they had set out to make his life as difficult as possible.

The only good thing about being at Hogwarts was that his replies from Remus were coming through a little faster than they had at Grimmauld Place. Sirius briefly wondered if Remus were somewhere in Scotland too but the other boy was still as mysterious as ever and by now he knew better than to ask.

Remus had replied to his first letter from Hogwarts with assurances that everything would turn out well in the end and that he thought he'd make a great Gryffindor. He'd continued to offer advice and amusing anecdotes to cheer Sirius up although Sirius doubted the other boy had any idea that his letters were the only things he had to look forward to.

He was sitting out near the lake on a cold Saturday afternoon at the end of November reading Remus's latest letter when he heard the familiar sound of Potter and Pettigrew laughing nearby.

"Well look who it is," Potter announced with a sneer that Sirius didn't have to see to know that it was there on his face.

"Another letter from mummy?" Pettigrew asked as they approached him. "He gets one nearly every day, did you notice James?"

"Yeah," Potter snickered. "She wants to make sure her little darling hasn't been corrupted by the nasty old Gryffindors."

Sirius knew better than to inform them that the letters weren't from his mother. There would be no point, and knowing his luck they'd probably try to steal them if they believed they contained more than complaints like the ones in the howler to Dumbledore. His mother, once she'd recovered from the shock of the Sorting, continued to write to him on a fortnightly basis but it was Remus who was his almost daily correspondent: Not that Potter and Pettigrew would understand that.

"Say, Peter," Potter commented idly as Sirius tucked his letter into his robes and stood up to leave. "Do you realise it's been nearly forty eight hours since we last hexed our friend here?"

Sirius reached for his wand in readiness to deflect whatever hex, jinx or curse Potter threw at him this time but it was already too late.

His hand flew up to his head in horror as he felt his hair mutate into something that was hissing and writhing about.

"Nice one, James," Pettigrew chuckled. "Perfect for our little Slytherin wannabe. What's it called?"

"The Medusa curse," Potter replied. "I read about it last week and I've been waiting for a chance to try it out."

"All right, you've had your fun, now take it off," Sirius asked.

"What would I want to do that for?" Potter laughed, and he and Pettigrew made their way back to the castle.

Sirius made to follow after them, to insist they remove the curse from him, but unfortunately that was the exact moment he spotted Professor McGonagall walking out of the doors. Things had only got worse between him and the other boys after she'd come across them during one of their previous altercations. The last thing he needed was for things to get worse than they already were. For the moment though the Professor was still looking in the other direction and so Sirius ran for the cover of the trees of the Forbidden Forest, out of sight of everyone.

Sirius wasn't sure if he was following a path through the forest or not. It had looked like a path at first, but the longer he walked the less it seemed to be one. All too soon he was hopelessly lost, the sunlight blocked out by the thickness of the trees, and any path that had once existed was now long gone and impossible to follow.

He was just wondering whether panicking might be a good idea when the sounds of whooping and cheering drifted to him through the trees. Heading towards the sound he soon found himself on the edge of a clearing. In the clearing itself was a young-looking centaur together with a young boy who he felt he'd seen somewhere before but couldn't quite place.

The centaur was firing arrows at a swinging target whilst the young boy watched. The boy had his own bow in his hand and Sirius guessed he was waiting to take his own turn. The centaur fired a shot that missed the target entirely and turned directly to where Sirius was lurking.

"You missed?" the boy with the bow asked incredulously.

"We have company," the centaur replied with a nod to the trees.

Sirius didn't know how he'd been spotted but there was no point in lingering any further. He stepped forward, wishing he had something with which to cover his head and the nest of snakes that had replaced his hair.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," he offered. "I got a bit lost."

"Easily done," the centaur replied with a smile. "For humans anyway."

Sirius smiled back but at that instant he also stepped into the sunlight and the two archers saw him clearly and gasped in shock.

"Cursed eh?" asked the centaur, whilst the boy merely looked at him in horror. Sirius felt a bit uncomfortable at the boy's reaction, there was surely no need for him to be that surprised? Magical mishaps were commonplace in and around Hogwarts; everyone knew that.

"I don't know how to lift it," Sirius admitted as he batted a particularly irritating snake out of his eyes.

"Any ideas?" The centaur turned to the boy who shook his head.

"You should probably go back to the school and get Professor McGonagall to fix it," the boy suggested. "It looks like some sort of transfiguration."

"You know Professor McGonagall?" Sirius asked in surprise. "Are you from Hogwarts too?"

"I've only heard of her," the boy replied with a shake of the head. "I don't go to Hogwarts."

"Wish I didn't," muttered Sirius before he could stop himself.

"Don't say that. You're lucky to be able to go there."

"But I hate it there," replied Sirius, who was mortified to find his eyes were welling up with tears. "I got sorted into the wrong house and the other Gryffindor boys spend their whole time thinking up hexes to use on me."

"I'm sure things will get better soon," said the young boy, who was now looking very uncomfortable with the conversation.

"I guess I should head back and find McGonagall," Sirius said. "If one of you could point me in the right direction?"

"Perhaps Romulus can help you out with the curse," the centaur suggested.

"Romulus?" Sirius asked as he looked from the boy to the centaur and back again.

"My brother," the boy explained. "He's at work at the moment though. And I'm not supposed to invite anyone home without checking with him first."

"I don't want to get you into any trouble," Sirius assured him.

"Maybe I can find something in one of his books to remove the curse before he gets home," the boy speculated, almost to himself.

"You'd better hurry then," the centaur suggested with a pointed glance at the sky. "Time is moving on."

"I didn't realise it had gotten so late," the boy replied as he thrust his bow into the centaur's outstretched hand. "See you tomorrow Firenze."

"Farewell," Firenze, the centaur called after them as Sirius found himself tugged unceremoniously through the trees.

"You do know the way, right?" Sirius asked.

"Of course! I just stick to the path," the boy replied.

"This is a path?"

"Well, yeah."

"Where do you live? Is it far?"

"On the edge of Hogsmeade, and not very. You should be back at the school in plenty of time to avoid getting a detention or anything."

"You're not going to get into trouble for this are you?" Sirius asked, still conscious of the rule the boy had mentioned about visitors. "I'm Sirius by the way." He made sure not to add his surname to his introduction in case the offer of help was rescinded once his proverbial knight in shining armour found out exactly who he was.

"What he doesn't know, doesn't get me extra chores," the boy joked. "Now hurry up, we're nearly there."

Sirius frowned as he realised the boy wasn't offering his own name in return. But before he could say anything further he realised that the trees were clearing again ahead of them and a moment later they were out in the sunlight and the village of Hogsmeade stretched out before them.

"Which is your house?" Sirius asked.

"That one," the boy said as he pointed to a building set apart from the small cluster of houses that made up the village of Hogsmeade. The house on the outskirts looked a little run down but as they drew nearer Sirius could see that the yard was neatly tended and the windows were regularly cleaned.

The boy let him into the house through the back door and Sirius found himself standing in a kitchen where the breakfast pots, and possibly the dinner plates from the previous evening, were piled high in the sink.

"Don't you have a house elf?" he asked casually.

"No." The boy shook his head. "I'm supposed to do the pots before my brother gets back but Firenze got a new bow from his father this morning and…" His voice trailed off and Sirius couldn't help but grin back at the boy who was making it clear that hanging out with a centaur was far more fun than doing the washing up.

"Er…I could give you a hand with them if you like?" he offered casually. "As a thank you for fixing my hair back."

"I've not fixed it yet," the boy pointed out as he led him through a door and into what appeared to be a study.

Sirius stood hovering nervously in the doorway whilst the boy pulled several books off of the shelves and piled them onto the desk.

"Do you know what the curse is called?"

"Potter called it the Medusa curse," Sirius replied with a frown.

"That makes sense," the boy replied as he went back to the bookcase and grabbed a couple more books to add to the pile. Finally he seemed to be finished and he picked the books up to take them through to the kitchen table where they could both sit down with plenty of room to scour through them for the counter-curse.

An hour later and they were still no nearer to finding the counter-curse. Sirius was actually starting to get used to the snakes and was becoming more than a little curious about who the boy sitting across from him was. At first he'd been too distracted and hurried to press him on the issue of who he was, but as time moved on it seemed a little silly not to know who it was whose kitchen he was currently sitting in.

"You didn't tell me your name," Sirius commented casually as he flicked through an old and musty book that predated the era of indexes and contents pages.

"Didn't I?" the boy asked without looking up from his book. "Hey! Here's something about the Medusa curse."

"What does it say?" Sirius asked eagerly, the question of the boy's identity pushed to the back of his mind for the moment.

"It says it's not actually a curse," the boy replied with a sigh. "_The Medusa curse is named after the most famous of the Gorgon sisters. Although the original Medusa was permanently cursed by the Greek Goddess Athena, the Medusa curse as it is commonly known is in fact a hex. The effect of the hex is to give the subject hair in the form of snakes. Victims of the Medusa curse do not possess any of the other attributes of the original Medusa, they do not have the ability to turn people to stone with merely a look and their blood is neither a poison nor possessing of additional magical qualities."_

"Does it say how to reverse it?" Sirius asked.

"No," the boy replied with a shake of his head. "Let's keep looking."

Sirius nodded and turned back to his own book with renewed energy. He was about to ask the boy his name again when the sound of a door opening on the other side of the house sounded.

"Oh crap," the boy muttered. "Quick hide in my bedroom, through there." He pointed to the door opposite the one to the study and practically pushed Sirius through the door, slamming it beside him.

"Remus?" a voice called out. "You home?"

_Remus?_ Sirius listened at the door, his heart racing from not only the mad dash to hide, but from the knowledge that the boy's name was Remus, a name he knew as well as his own.

"It has to be the same one," Sirius whispered to himself. How many Remus's are there out there who are this secretive and live with their older brother? And who have to wash the pots but put it off to do things more enjoyable? And who are old enough to go to Hogwarts but don't? At least he guessed the Remus in the other room was old enough to go there, he seemed about his own age, though he hadn't actually asked. After all, it seemed a bit daft to ask someone how old they were when you didn't even know their name.

"I'm in the kitchen Rom," Remus called.

"Done the pots yet?" Romulus asked.

"Er."

"Please tell me you haven't been near the school, again," Romulus asked with what seemed a heartfelt sigh of impatience.

"Firenze got a new bow," Remus replied as though this explained everything. And perhaps it did, because as Sirius watched through a crack in the door he could see that Romulus was smiling and shaking his head in despair.

"And what's all this lot doing on the table?" Romulus asked as he gestured to the books.

"I was just looking some stuff up."

"This doesn't look like healing charms," Romulus commented as he picked up the book Remus had been looking at.

"I _know_ all about healing charms," Remus replied, in a bored tone.

"You barely know anything. How many times have I got to explain to you? I might not always be around to patch you up. You have to learn these spells so that you can take care of yourself if anything happens to me."

"Nothing's going to happen to you." Remus sounded very sure of himself but Sirius could see that Romulus was very worried that something might.

"We don't know that," Romulus pointed out as he read from the book before casting his brother a worried glance. "Do I want to know why you've been reading about the Medusa curse?"

"I was just looking stuff up and it sounded interesting," Remus replied, though Sirius could tell that he had trouble meeting his brother's eyes as he lied through his teeth.

"Hmm? Is that right? This wouldn't be a case of looking things up for your friend Sirius's Christmas present would it?"

Sirius gasped quietly at the sound of his name as his suspicions were confirmed. He continued to look through the door and caught Remus's quick and guilty glance in his direction. Thankfully for both of them, Romulus missed it.

"Remus," Romulus sighed and rubbed his temples with his hands. "I know you think you're trying to help your friend out with this booklet of hexes and jinxes you're putting together, but have you thought that maybe you'll just make things worse for him?"

"But he's getting hexed all the time," Remus replied. He seemed to have come to the decision that since Sirius now knew who he was he'd just carry on as normal and hope that his brother didn't realise that they had a guest hiding out in Remus's room.

"But there's a bit of a difference between being supportive and giving him ammunition to fight back."

"But…"

"But nothing. You don't know anything about these boys who Sirius is having problems with. They might be perfectly nice young lads."

"They're mean to him."

"You don't know that. You've only heard one side of the story."

"But Rom…"

"Okay, okay," Romulus gave up in the face of Remus's pleading tone. "But I want to see that booklet before you send it. And you're not putting the Medusa curse in it. It's been open to debate for years as to whether any of the snakes that appear in place of hair are poisonous."

"Poisonous?" Remus squeaked nervously. "Er, Rom…"

"What?" Romulus looked at Remus as he stood shifting from one foot to the other. Sirius meanwhile tried to distance himself from the snakes, an impossible task since they were attached to his head.

"Sirius?" Remus called out. "You'd better come through here."

"Sirius?" Romulus asked as he glared at Remus.

"Hello," Sirius whispered from the doorway. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get Remus into trouble but…" He gestured mutely to his head and Romulus's jaw dropped slightly.

"You didn't?" he asked Remus.

"It was Potter, from school," Sirius explained, shaking his head rapidly, agitating several snakes in the process, as he hurried to Remus's side. "Remus was just trying to help. He thought there might be a counter-curse in one of your books."

Romulus stood silently for a moment or two, and Sirius wondered if he might be thrown out of the house, snakes and all. Eventually Romulus pinched the bridge of his nose, shook his head slightly and gestured for him to take a seat.

Remus and Romulus sat down at the other side of the table and Romulus sorted through one of the books that they hadn't yet looked through, quickly finding the counter-curse and removing the snakes, replacing them with his usual raven locks of hair.

"Thanks." Sirius breathed a sigh of relief and ran his hand through his hair.

"My pleasure," Romulus replied as he looked from him to his brother.

"Remus isn't in too much trouble is he?" he asked nervously.

"No more than usual," Romulus sighed. "Apart from the not doing the pots, not studying the charms I set him to learn today –"

"I practised them earlier!" Remus exclaimed.

"For how long?" Romulus asked with a snort. "For ten minutes after I went to work and then you high-tailed it to the forest to hang out with Firenze?"

"Er."

"Thought so," Romulus groaned. "So, Sirius Black is it?"

Sirius nodded.

"Well you've already met Remus, and I'm Romulus."

"Pleased to meet you sir," replied Sirius, holding out his hand formally. Remus snickered at his words and he felt his face flushing slightly.

"Ignore him," Romulus advised with a smile. "I've done my best to teach him some manners but I'm afraid I'm fighting a losing battle."

Remus stuck out his tongue childishly, and Romulus gestured towards him that this just proved his point entirely.

"Now Sirius," Romulus began, and Sirius had an inkling of a suspicion that he knew what was coming. "I don't know how much Remus has told you today –"

"Nothing sir. I didn't even know he was Remus until you came back and called his name."

"Oh."

"Does that mean I'm not in trouble for telling him who I am?" Remus asked with a grin. "And can I give you chores to do for slipping up?"

Sirius gasped at the idea, wondering just how purple his mother would have gone had he made such a suggestion to her. Romulus merely laughed though, and Sirius felt a pang of envy for the relationship between the two brothers.

"No, Remus," Romulus replied. "Because if Sirius knew who you were because I'd called out your name, then it means that someone had to have told him it in the first place."

"Sorry," Sirius whispered with an apologetic look at Remus. He shrugged in reply, clearly realising that the game was up anyway.

After telling Remus that he was now doing the pots for the next week for telling Sirius what his name was in the first place, Romulus turned back to him with a serious expression. "What you need to understand Sirius, is that there are some people out there who are trying to find us. People who…well, let's just say they don't have our best interests at heart. That is why we've been a little secretive about who we are and where we are."

"I won't tell anyone," Sirius promised. "Really I won't."

"We're trusting you not to," Romulus said. "Please don't use our names in letters or anything. Keep calling Remus R.L., and don't write the address on the envelopes."

Sirius nodded. "I don't suppose you'd tell me what the L stands for?" he asked. "I've been dying of curiosity since the summer."

Romulus looked at his brother quietly and Sirius could almost see the unspoken discussion taking place between the two of them.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Sirius offered as the silence stretched on a shade too long. "You don't really know me so you don't have any reason to trust me."

"It's not that," Remus explained.

"We don't really trust anyone," Romulus continued. "It's too dangerous for us."

"I understand."

"No you don't," Romulus stated firmly. "You can't understand because you don't know the reasons behind why we live the way we do. And we can't tell you. I'm sorry, but that's my final decision."

"But Rom, you said…" Sirius looked at Remus and tried to make out what it was that he was trying to silently communicate to his brother.

It seemed however that he didn't need to. Romulus understood him perfectly and turned back to Sirius with a tired smile. "Lupin, our name is Lupin," he said quietly. "As anyone with the information you already have could find out merely by looking at the record of prefects where I'm afraid I've been listed since my fifth year at Hogwarts."

"I never thought to look there," Sirius replied. "I didn't even think about it."

"As Remus was casually hinting to me, you would have done eventually."

"I won't tell anyone," Sirius promised again.

"Sirius could even keep an ear open for news of anyone looking for us," Remus suggested.

"There's no need for that," Romulus replied. "I have my ear to the ground and very little happens hereabouts without it being the subject of gossip in The Hogs Head."

"That's where you work?" Sirius asked.

"As you would surely find out when you reach your third year and can take advantage of the Hogsmeade weekends," Romulus pointed out. "Now you should be heading back to Hogwarts or you'll miss dinner and end up in detention. It's already getting dark."

Sirius nodded and stood up to leave. He held out his hand formally and Romulus took it to shake. "Remus, please see our guest out," he asked.

Remus stood up and guided Sirius back out the kitchen door.

"You'll have to come back and visit some time," Remus suggested after he'd closed the door.

"I'd like that," Sirius replied. "Maybe next time you'll tell me why you and your brother are hiding?"

Remus looked back at him in the evening dusk and shook his head sadly. "I can't do that," he whispered.

"But you've told me stuff before that your brother said you couldn't."

"That was different."

"Why?"

"It just was."

Sirius looked at Remus carefully and tried to read his expression. The friendly mischievous boy was still there, but lurking beneath the surface was something akin to fear. Sirius decided in that moment it would be better not to pressure the boy into revealing all his family secrets. It was enough that his friend was so much closer to Hogwarts than he'd previously thought…the last thing he wanted to do was scare him off by being so inquisitive.

"I won't ask again, not if you don't want me to."

Remus nodded in response to his offer and the fear disappeared from his eyes. It was replaced with a wide grin and a pointed finger in the direction of Hogwarts. "Follow that path to get back to school." Sirius looked in the direction he was pointing and when he turned back it was to see that his friend had disappeared back into the house with a wave, leaving Sirius to walk back to Hogwarts alone.


	6. The Mask You Wear

The Mask You Wear

"Come on Remus, you know this," urged Romulus. Remus meanwhile sat looking at the various weeds…they weren't really weeds but that is how he thought of them…scattered across the kitchen table. "You _have_ to learn what they are, how to recognise them in all their forms, and where to find them."

"But we buy them from Pollyanna's Potions Parlour," Remus replied with a groan. "They come in jars with labels on. We don't need to go picking them ourselves."

"But one day you might have to," replied Romulus with a weary sigh. "If…when the Ministry catches up with us, you'll have to forage for all these ingredients if you're going to manage to make the healing potions yourself."

"It's not like there's a potions lab in the forest."

"You'll have to make do with an open fire. You've been taught how to build one without magic."

"You don't really think the Ministry will look for us here, do you?"

"Sooner or later they will. We've always been on borrowed time Remus. You need to learn how to take care of yourself in case I'm ever captured."

"I know, I know," Remus muttered. "Run to the forest, don't go to the centaur camp, don't use magic and don't come back to the basement for the full moons."

"Right!" Romulus appeared relieved that at least something of his teachings and rules had managed to infiltrate their way into his younger brother's head. "Now what is this one?" He pointed to a brownish looking plant with small purple flowers and nasty looking thorns.

Remus looked blankly at the item. He hadn't got a clue.

"Go fetch the herbology books," Romulus finally instructed.

"Can't you just tell me what it is?" Remus complained.

"Not this time," Romulus replied. "We've already been through this a dozen times. This time you're going to look them up yourself until you've correctly identified them all."

"But there's loads of them," Remus groaned. "It'll take hours."

"Then you'd better get started quickly."

Remus stood up and went through to the study for the books, but not before he caught sight of the exasperated look on his brother's face.

For nearly two hours Remus ploughed through one book after another, trying to find first one, and then another of the plants that Romulus had laid out across the table.

The sound of a knock at the kitchen door had him bolting from his seat, eager to leave off the tedious task for even a few moments.

"If that's Firenze, tell him you're not allowed to go out until you're done studying," called Romulus from the living room.

"It's Sirius!" Remus called back a moment later. "Come in," he encouraged as he waved the dark-haired boy into the room.

Romulus appeared at the doorway to the hallway and frowned slightly. "Back again?" he asked. "Do I need to remind you, again, that first and second years aren't allowed out of the grounds of the school?"

"It's safer for him here than being hexed by those bullies in Gryffindor," Remus replied immediately.

"That's not the point," Romulus pointed out, even as he pulled out three mugs from the cupboard and pointed his wand at the fire to raise it high enough to boil the water in the kettle that was hanging over the flames.

"So have you got any new hexes for me?" Sirius asked with a grin as he pulled out the booklet that Remus had given him for Christmas a few months before.

"You're not still adding to that?" Romulus asked. "You can't have mastered all those spells yet. Some of them are OWL level."

"I'm having trouble with some of the harder ones," Sirius admitted. "Potter seems to have a knack for all the spells. I read up on that Medusa one and it's OWL level transfiguration."

"Guess he has a natural talent for transfiguration," Romulus speculated as he sat down and started to check through the plants that Remus had already identified.

"Bullying git's got a natural talent for everything," Sirius muttered.

"Never mind," Remus offered as he patted Sirius consolingly on his arm. "You'll get the hang of the spells, and until then you've got me to help you." Sirius grinned back at him at the thought of Potter and Pettigrew being taken down a peg or two.

"Remus," Romulus muttered in annoyance. "Were you even looking up this plant or just picking a name at random from the index page?"

"I looked it up," Remus muttered.

"Then why have you labelled it sneezewort? You add sneezewort to your wound cleaning potion instead of this and all you'll get is a sneezing fit."

Romulus sighed and turned around to levitate the kettle off of the fire. Sirius nudged Remus quietly whilst his brother's back was turned and he pointed to one of the labels that Romulus had not yet checked. "Belladonna," he silently mouthed and Remus quickly amended the label, mouthing back "thank you".

Unfortunately he wasn't quite quick enough and Romulus caught his silent appreciation. "If I'm not around to help you, I think you can also safely assume that Sirius won't be either. Remus, you _have_ to learn these yourself."

Remus sighed. Romulus sighed. Sirius merely looked confused at the idea of Romulus ever leaving his younger brother alone to fend for himself.

* * *

"Potter's the messy haired one with the glasses," Sirius whispered as he pointed to the group of about half a dozen boys loitering around twenty feet from where he and Remus were watching from the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

"And Pettigrew?" Remus asked equally quietly. He wasn't sure why they were whispering, no one was close enough to hear them. It just seemed more fitting that they should speak in hushed tones.

"The one sitting down nearest the edge of the lake. Has a sickening adoring expression on his face."

Remus grinned at the apt description and an idea popped into his head, widening the smile still further.

"What are you thinking?" Sirius asked as Remus began looking through the booklet of hexes.

"Just something my brother says a lot when I'm sulking or pulling faces at him." Remus giggled. "He says 'if the wind changes it'll stick like that',"

"What'll stick?"

"The expression on my face," Remus replied. "Don't you think it would be fitting if we fixed Potter and Pettigrew's faces so that they got stuck in one expression?"

"We'd have to wait for Pettigrew to look different to how he is now," Sirius muttered. "No one could tell the difference otherwise. He always looks this vapid."

"He just yawned a time or two," Remus suggested. "How about we catch him mid-yawn?"

"Perfect!"

"We'll have to get closer though." Remus moved back into the trees and edged nearer the crowd of boys, Sirius close at his heels. "Okay, this should be close enough. Look he's yawning again, once he'd started he won't be able to stop."

Sirius nodded and pulled out his wand, pointing it at Pettigrew. He muttered the spell that would cause the boy's face to stick in position but was immediately disappointed that it had no effect whatsoever on his tormentor.

"It's no use," Sirius sighed as he sank down on the ground and leaned back against one of the trees, a thoroughly despondent expression on his face.

"You want me to try?" Remus asked.

"You think you can manage it from here?"

"No harm in trying."

"Do you have a wand?"

"Not of my own. I usually borrow Rom's but it…well it's…"

"Not compatible," Sirius supplied. "Hand me downs are never a patch on one that's a true match for the owner."

"Well it's not like I can go and buy one myself," Remus muttered.

"Why not?"

"Just because."

"Do you have Rom's wand with you?"

"Er…no. I can run back for it though. Do you think they'll still be here?"

"I don't know," Sirius replied as he looked at the gathering clouds overhead. Remus followed the direction of his gaze and realised that if the threatening rain did begin to fall the boys would return to the castle and their opportunity would be lost.

"Here, borrow mine," Sirius suggested as he held out his wand.

"But you're not even family," Remus replied. "If I have trouble with Rom's wand, I doubt if I'll do any better with yours."

"No harm in trying." Sirius shrugged and continued to hold out his wand to Remus.

The temptation to cause a little havoc for the boys who'd been making his friend's life so miserable was too much to resist and Remus took Sirius's wand into his hand. He turned away from Sirius and pointed it at James who had caught the yawning bug from Peter and was open-mouthed and perfectly primed for the hex. He muttered the spell and pointed it directly at Potter and it worked like a charm…or more like a hex.

"It worked?" Sirius asked in surprise as he peered around the corner of the tree and saw a rather confused James attempting, without success, to close his open mouth.

"Want me to do Pettigrew too?" Remus asked with a wicked grin. "How about now while he's got the look of total utter confusion on his face?"

"He's chewing his lip now," Sirius added. "Just to make it that bit more special."

"One frozen faced Pettigrew coming up," Remus said as he pointed Sirius's wand at Pettigrew and muttered the spell a second time.

"I think they know we're here," Sirius warned as he pulled Remus back under the cover of the trees. "What if you get seen? Will you be in trouble?"

"Only if Rom finds out," Remus replied. "Besides they didn't see me. They only know _someone's_ here. You can always step forward and take the credit."

"You mean the blame?"

"That too. But if they think you can hex them back maybe they'll leave you alone for a bit."

"But I can't hex them back, can I?"

"You'll get the hang of it soon enough," Remus assured him.

"Says you, who can manage the spell first time, and with someone else's wand at that."

Remus sat down beside Sirius and passed him back his wand. The other boy took it and glared at the offending piece of wood, as though it was that that was somehow responsible for all his troubles.

"You don't have to tell them it was you," Remus said. "I thought you'd want to though. It's not like I can own up to it myself. Not without getting…" he cut himself off before he said more than he meant to but Sirius had clearly caught his meaning.

"You don't mind me taking the credit with the other students who hate Potter and Pettigrew as much as I do? They'll want to know who's hexed them."

"So just tell them it was you."

"You don't mind?"

"I just said I didn't, didn't I?" Remus snapped. Sirius looked at him with concern at the harsh and somewhat bitter tone that was not only out of character for Remus, but out of character for any twelve year old boy. "I'm sorry," Remus muttered. "It's just hard to be so near to Hogwarts and not be able to be a part of things."

"Do I make it more difficult?" Sirius asked quietly.

"No!" Remus exclaimed. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Without you I'd…"

"Die of boredom?" Sirius supplied with a grin.

"Probably." Remus smiled back at him and shook his head sadly in an effort to chase away his gloomy thoughts. "Please take the credit for the hex. I want you to."

And so it began.

As the cold spring turned into a warm summer Remus watched from the edge of the forest as the Hogwarts students made the most of the sunshine. More often than not Sirius was hidden alongside him and whenever that was the case Remus borrowed his wand to aim one hex after another at Potter and Pettigrew. They also cast a fair few hexes on Sirius's Slytherin cousin Narcissa and her boyfriend Lucius. Sirius had been rather reluctant at first, worried that his family would find out he was behind them, but Remus had quickly talking him around. After a while Remus even forgot his resentment at Sirius having to take the credit for his spells and instead revelled in the fact that between the two of them they were garnering quite a reputation within the halls of Hogwarts. Sirius joked that Remus was the brains behind their duel operation, and that he was merely the mask Remus was hiding behind in order for them to inflict the most chaos on the other students.

"They're so arrogant," Sirius muttered. "You'd think by now they'd realise that this is the worst spot for hanging out. You've hexed them in this location four times in the last month."

"They're too big-headed to think like that," Remus replied. "How about we swell their heads for them?"

"Good idea," Sirius grinned. "Pettigrew's right there but where's Potter?"

"Right behind you Black!" a cold voice interrupted.

Remus squeaked in surprise as he turned round to look at the face of the bully Sirius had been facing since the first day of term. Potter's wand was out but he hadn't raised it. He looked curious and Remus knew instinctively that his curiosity was centred on him.

"I don't believe I've seen you before," Potter said, his tone casual but with an underlying menace to it. "Are you Slytherin scum like him?" He jabbed his wand at Sirius as he spoke.

"Sirius isn't in Slytherin you stupid dolt! He's in Gryffindor! Or are you so thick you haven't noticed?"

"He may have been placed in Gryffindor but he's Slytherin through and through. Hexing people from the cover of the trees instead of face to face. A cowardly Slytherin thing to do."

"And reversing his knees when his back's turned is such a brave thing to do?" Remus retorted, recalling Sirius's letter of a few weeks ago detailing that particular incident. Potter flushed though Remus didn't know whether it was in embarrassment or anger.

"Why don't we just call a truce?" Sirius suggested quietly. "I'm in Gryffindor with you. We need to learn to get along. We're stuck with each other for another six years after this one's over and done with."

"A truce?" James let out a bark of laughter. "Said like a true Slytherin who knows that in a fair fight he'd have no chance at all."

Sirius flushed and Remus knew that in his case it was with embarrassment.

"You weren't the one doing any of those hexes were you Black?" Potter asked with a smirk. "It was your little friend here, wasn't it?"

"So what if it was?" Sirius snapped.

"Taking the credit for someone else's spell work is just another thing to prove how much of a Slytherin you really are."

"He's not a Slytherin!" Remus yelled, drawing the attention of Pettigrew who wandered into the trees to see what the shouting was all about.

"And I wonder what house you'd be in," Potter said idly. "You've performed some pretty impressive spells these last few months so I guess you wouldn't be in Hufflepuff, the duffers' house."

"Hufflepuff isn't the duffers house!" yelled Remus, no longer caring who heard him.

"Touched a sore spot?" Potter asked. "So which of your parents was in the duffers' house?"

At that Remus grabbed Sirius's wand out of his hand and pointed it at Potter's head, yelling _'silencio'_ as he did.

"Well that's certainly an improvement, don't you think?" Remus said conversationally as he passed Sirius his wand back.

"You undo that now!" Pettigrew ordered.

"Good grief now the cheering squad's at it too," Remus muttered, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"Are you deaf or stupid? Undo it now!" Pettigrew yelled.

"You want a taste of it as well?" Remus threatened as he held out his hand for Sirius to pass him the wand again.

"Maybe you should stop now," Sirius suggested instead.

"Why?" Remus asked with surprise. "I haven't had this much fun in ages. It's nearly as funny as when we made them think they were being chased by a swarm of bees."

"I think you've made your point," Sirius said quietly.

"Oh, I don't think I have," Remus replied in a cold voice as he advanced on the magically silent Potter and the surprisingly silent Pettigrew. "In case either of this pair of bullies has missed it, this is my point. You leave Sirius alone or you'll have _me_ to deal with. And unlike Sirius I know a _lot_ about pain and suffering and I know how to inflict it too." He was nearly nose to nose with Potter by the time he finished his little speech and knowing that Sirius was safely at the back of him he glared at Potter silently. The full moon was the following night and the wolf was close to the surface. He could control the wolf without any difficulty apart from on the night of the full moon itself and he had more than enough control to let Potter get a peek at the monster that resided within him.

Potter blanched white and shook his head mutely. Remus growled low and quietly, knowing that only the boy in front of him would be able to hear him, and hear him he did. Potter took off through the trees at a run, Pettigrew following close behind him asking over and over what had happened.

Remus watched them go, took a deep calming breath and forced the wolf back. When he was sure that not a trace of the wolf remained he turned back to Sirius who was looking rather shaken himself.

"What just happened?" he whispered.

"We dealt with your bullies," Remus said with a shrug that he hoped conveyed that it was nothing unusual.

"But they just ran," Sirius said as he waved his hand to point after the two boys who were nearly out of sight already.

"They're just cowards," Remus replied.

"What if they tell a teacher they saw you?"

"The teachers don't know who I am," Remus pointed out. "They can tell tales on me all they like but it won't make any difference. One advantage of not being a student is that I can't get detentions." He grinned momentarily but the mirth fled his face when he realised that Sirius wasn't grinning back at him. "What is it?"

"What did you do to Potter to make him run off like that?"

"Nothing," Remus lied as he chewed on his lip.

"He looked really white and scared," Sirius pressed on.

"He's just not used to anyone standing up to him," Remus reasoned. "He'll probably be in shock for about a week from the horror of my not getting down on bended knee to worship at his feet."

"That's all it was?"

"Of course. What else _could_ it be? You're still holding your wand."

Sirius looked down at the wand and question and nodded absentmindedly.

"You'd better get back to the school anyway," Remus said as he walked further into the forest. "And Rom wanted me home before he left for work this evening."

"I'll stop by again on Saturday," Sirius said, a note of hesitation in his voice.

"Don't come round until afternoon though," Remus suggested. "Not unless you want another lecture on how you shouldn't leave the school grounds. I think we both know that one by heart now."

* * *

The sound of the door slamming warned Remus that Romulus was not in a good mood when he arrived home from work Saturday evening. Sirius raised a questioning eyebrow at him but Remus merely shrugged. He had no idea what had put his brother in a temper, he'd been perfectly fine when he'd left for work shortly after lunch.

"Sirius," Romulus nodded to him by way of acknowledgement. "Get your things and go back to school." Sirius looked confused and looked to Remus for assurance. Remus nodded for him to do as his brother said and Sirius slowly gathered his things together.

"And Sirius," Romulus called after Sirius just as he'd stepped through the door. Sirius turned round. "I don't want to see you outside of the school grounds during term time again."

"But Rom!" Remus complained but any other words he had planned died on his lips at the glare his brother shot his way.

"First and second years are not allowed outside of the grounds, and from now on I'm not going to be encouraging it."

Remus wanted to say something further but he'd never seen his brother like this. Sirius looked even more confused than he suspected he did himself and he watched as the other boy nodded silently before disappearing back towards Hogwarts.

"Why can't he visit?" Remus asked after Romulus had closed the door and turned back to face him.

"You went up to the school, didn't you?" Romulus asked instead. "You were seen by another student up at the school…James Potter in fact."

"How…?"

"How do I know?" Romulus yelled. "I know because Albus Dumbledore came to the bar today and dropped some rather heavy hints about just what has been happening right under my nose. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I just…"

"Going onto the school grounds is bad enough but threatening one of the students! And growling at him…_growling_ at him! Are you out of your mind?"

"He was…"

"I don't care how badly this boy picks on your friend. You _never _use the wolf to threaten others! Never! Do you hear me? Do you listen to anything I tell you?"

"But…"

"But nothing! This ends right now. You are _not_ to sneak into the school grounds again."

"But if Sirius can't leave the grounds and…"

"Then you'll just have to write to each other like you should have been doing in the first place. And all letters will come through me. I'll send them myself so there's no possibility of plotting being added to them after I've checked them though. Do you understand me?"

Remus nodded, even as he plotted to sneak off to see Sirius just as soon as Romulus's next shift started the following day. Unfortunately for the schemer his brother knew him too well, and he next words shot that idea down in flames.

"While I'm at work I'll leave you with Torin at the centaur camp. I'll deliver you there myself and make sure he understands that you aren't to leave his company until I collect you myself. And don't even think of asking Sirius to meet you there…because I'm going to tell him not to encourage him in his rule breaking either."

"It's not fair!" Remus sulked. "You never want me to have any friends."

"It's not about having friends," Romulus sighed. "It's about being safe. It's about staying out of the eye of the authorities. It's about taking every precaution we can so that we don't get caught."

"But why can't Sirius come and visit?"

"Because if he does it'll only be a matter of time before you start sneaking back to the school with him again. It'll only be a matter of time before you're seen again. You can consider yourself lucky that the headmaster isn't going to take this any further and report us to the Ministry."

"Why isn't he going to?"

"I don't know Remus," Romulus admitted. "From what he casually said he knew well enough exactly what you'd been up to and I don't doubt that he knows you're my brother. But why he doesn't turn us in is something I just can't answer."

"Why didn't you ask him?"

"Because Albus Dumbledore isn't known for giving straight answers and if he wanted me to know his reasons he'd have told me already."

"I'm sorry."

"Just be more careful in the future," Romulus asked as he sat down in the seat next to Remus and pulled him into a tight hug. "We're all we've got and you scare me so much when you do stuff like this."

"Stuff like using the wolf?" Remus whispered.

"That too, Remus. That too."


	7. You're With Me Every Single Day

You're With Me Every Single Day

The centaur camp was a veritable hive of activity on warm June morning. The early morning mist had gone and the afternoon promised to be hot and sunny.

A group of young foals were racing each other whilst the older centaurs went about their daily routines.

Remus had spent the morning helping plant young saplings to replace the trees that the older centaurs had chopped down for building materials. It was a tiring job but enjoyable because the centaurs seemed to know everything about the different type of trees and were happy to share their knowledge with him.

As interesting as it was, Remus was more than ready for the midday meal and when Firenze volunteered them to start the cooking he had leapt at the chance.

In the past Remus would have loved hanging out at the camp every day, but since the day that Sirius had walked into the clearing he couldn't help but wish that right now he was meeting Sirius at the other side of the Forbidden Forest. Unfortunately he now had a full time childminder in the form of Torin and the chief of the centaur herd was not letting him out of his sight for so much as a moment. It was only after several weeks of being constantly watched that Remus realised that Romulus was not going to ease off with his new rules, and the trust that had once been between the two of them had gone. Remus hoped that he won it back soon, and not just so that he could see Sirius again.

"Remus?"

"Hmm?" Remus looked up from the fire he was trying to coax to life for the meal. Firenze was making every effort to appear occupied with his task of cleaning the utensils.

"Don't look now, but you appear to have a visitor."

Of course telling Remus not to look meant that it was the younger boy's cue to do the exact opposite. "Sirius," he whispered, grinning widely.

"Foolish kid," Firenze chided as he grabbed hold of Remus's arm to stop him waving towards where Sirius was hidden in the trees. "Do you want to get him caught? To get you both caught?"

"I knew he'd sneak out," Remus grinned.

"Shout a bit louder, why don't you?" Firenze muttered.

"Why not let him go play with the human?" Ebony asked as she approached the cooking fire, which was still failing to ignite. "Its not like the cub's much use round here anyway. Can't even light a decent fire."

"That's enough Ebony," Torin ordered as he too approached the fire and examined it closely. "The wood appears to be damp; no wonder it's not lighting. Who gave him this?"

Ebony stamped a hoof on the ground a time or two and looked everywhere but at her father.

"Go fetch him some dry wood and don't take all day about it," Torin snapped. Ebony looked sulky at the order but silently obeyed her father and chief.

"Have you spoken to her yet?" Firenze asked.

"Last night," Torin confirmed as he frowned after his daughter. "She is opposed to the idea of course."

"Naturally."

"Perhaps in time she will come round."

"She has set her sights on Magorian," Firenze stated with a barely concealed sneer as he spoke the name of the other centaur.

"I am hopeful that it is merely a passing infatuation," Torin replied. He frowned as though he didn't truly believe this was the case. "The Ministry is beginning to encroach on our lands and the herd is restless at what they perceive to be my lack of action. They do not realise that the lowlands' herds have already been in the same position we are in now, and that fighting did not work. We are too few in number and must form alliances with other herds."

Firenze nodded silently and Remus listened intently. He could see Sirius still hidden at the edge of the trees and knew that his opportunity to slip away for a moment or two had come. Seizing his chance he casually walked to the edge of the forest, he knew that running would only draw attention to his actions like it had the previous week.

"I can't talk for long," Remus warned as he nodded towards the camp. "As soon as Ebony gets back with the wood they'll notice I'm missing."

Sirius nodded in understanding. "What happened?" he asked. "And why haven't you told me why in your letters when I asked?"

"Rom's checking all my letters and sending them himself now," Remus explained.

"Oh."

"He'll probably have come round by next term," Remus speculated quietly. "You break up for the summer soon don't you?"

Sirius nodded as he sat down on the ground and began rummaging around in his pockets. After a nervous glance back towards the camp Remus dropped down beside him

"What you looking for?" Remus asked curiously as Sirius pulled out a variety of sweets, scraps of parchment and numerous unidentifiable items.

"These," Sirius announced with a grin as he pulled out two mirrors and passed one to Remus. "A present for you."

"I know you said Narcissa was vain but I didn't think you were."

"It's not that sort of mirror," Sirius grinned. "At least not just that sort of mirror."

"What does it do?" Remus asked with a grin of his own at the idea of owning something magical of his own. There were plenty of magical objects in his house but they all belonged to Romulus and Remus didn't even have a wand of his own.

"They're two-way mirrors," Sirius announced. "Ordered the set from Diagon Alley with the last of my pocket money."

"How do they work?"

"Just say my name into it and see."

"Sirius," Remus dutifully said and he watched in astonishment as Sirius's face appeared in the mirror in his hand. Sirius held out his own mirror and Remus could see his own face staring back at him from the looking glass. "Wow!" he breathed.

"Sound carries through them too," Sirius explained. "We can use these to talk to each other instead of sending owls all the time."

"You don't like sending owls?" Remus asked. He loved receiving letters himself and Sirius was his only correspondent.

"I just hate waiting for replies. This way if we have something to say to each other we can just pull out the mirror and speak to each other that way."

"Rom might get suspicious if we stop writing," Remus pointed out.

"Then we'll write as well." Sirius shrugged. "I thought you'd like the mirror. I know it's not the same as being together or anything, but it's pretty close. I thought you'd like it."

"I _do_," Remus exclaimed as he pulled his friend into a tight hug. "It's the best present ever."

"Really?"

"Really, really." Remus laughed.

Sirius grinned back at him, showed him how to turn off the mirror, and tucked his own back into his robes. "Just try not to call out to me when I'm in class," he warned.

"I won't," Remus promised. "How are things back at school?"

"The same," replied Sirius, his grin falling from his face immediately and a dark scowl appearing. "Potter's still the same. After a few weeks of looking over his shoulder in case you appeared he just started hexing me again. He told the whole school that it wasn't me pulling those pranks as well. He asked everyone in Gryffindor whether they thought I should have been in Slytherin or Hufflepuff. They all hate me."

"You'd have had more fun in Hufflepuff," Remus commiserated. "But you're getting the hang of the spells now?"

"Some of them. I'm going to practice all summer. Mother won't care if I'm doing magic outside of school and Father's at work all the time anyway."

"What's your dad do?" Remus asked when he realised that although Sirius frequently spoke of his mother, he rarely mentioned his father.

"He works for the Ministry of Magic. He's also a member of the Wizengamot and has to sit on cases all the time."

"He sits on trials?" Remus squeaked and cleared his throat, hoping his next question sounded less panicky. "What sort of trials?" he asked as he tried to quell the alarm that had risen at the new direction their conversation had gone in.

"All sorts." Sirius shrugged with disinterest. "Any criminal case that requires the full Wizengamot; not all of them do, just the big and important ones."

Remus felt his stomach turn at the idea that one day in the – hopefully distant – future, his best friend's father might one day hold the fate of himself and his brother in his hands. "Is your dad fair when he makes a decision?" he asked, even though he suspected the answer would not be the one that he so desperately wanted to hear.

Sirius frowned for a moment before answering. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "I guess so. I've never really thought about it."

"Is he as strict as your mum?"

"Only when he's in a temper because someone got freed who he didn't like," Sirius snorted. "I'll just stay in my room out of their way."

"Sounds like your summer's going to be as rubbish as mine," Remus replied.

"You could always come and visit," Sirius suggested hopefully.

Remus snorted, knowing that Romulus was highly unlikely to agree to such an idea. He wondered if Romulus knew what Sirius's father did for a living. He knew that he'd heard of the Black family long before Remus had received his first letter from Sirius. But did he know that Sirius's father worked for the Ministry? "Um, Sirius?"

"What?"

"Don't put anything in your letters about your dad's job," Remus asked quietly.

"Why not?"

"Just don't. Promise you won't let Rom know where he works."

Sirius frowned slightly and a small crease appeared between his eyes. "Is it the Ministry that's looking for you?" he asked in a whisper.

Remus felt the colour drain from his face as his friend spoke the words that revealed that he'd guessed the truth.

"It is, isn't it?" Sirius whispered again.

Remus finally nodded his reply, his throat too dry to form words.

"Why?"

"I can't tell you."

"Did you do some underage magic or something? They aren't that harsh you know. You'd just get a warning. Or did Rom do something?"

"It's both of us they're looking for," Remus whispered. "And they can't ever find us."

"But you can't spend all your life hiding!"

"We don't have a choice."

"But-" Whatever Sirius had been about to say was cut short by the dark shadow that preceded the arrival of Firenze.

"You'd better get back to the school," Firenze warned with a subtle nod behind him. Sirius sighed in resignation but stood up. Remus clambered to his own feet, and casually pocketed his mirror. He could tell that Firenze had caught his movement by the wink he gave him. Thankfully the teenager centaur was as prone to mischief and trouble as Remus himself and he knew that he wouldn't tell anyone what he had seen.

"I'll…er…" Sirius cut himself off, and Remus guessed he had been about to say that he'd talk to him later.

"I'll be in touch later," Remus promised, knowing his own words could be interpreted in a variety of ways and only Sirius would know he meant the mirror.

"I should be getting back to the lions' den anyway," Sirius sighed.

"Try not to worry about them," Remus advised. "Next term you'll have mastered all those spells and Potter will have forgotten everything he learned all year."

"I wish I had your confidence."

"You do," Remus told him. "It's just a bit buried. You got put in Gryffindor so you _must_ be brave."

"It's hard to be brave when you're getting hexed every other day by the rest of the dorm."

"Rom says that being brave is doing the right thing even when it scares you."

"I don't feel brave."

Firenze stamped a hoof impatiently. "Remus, we really need to get back."

Remus nodded and turned back towards the camp once more. "It'll all work out," he told Sirius one last time before waving him goodbye.

* * *

"Remus? You there?"

Remus moaned sleepily and rolled over.

"Remus?"

Remus blinked a time or two and reached for the mirror. "Sirius? Wasup?" he mumbled as he tried to focus on the face in the mirror.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?"

"It's six o'clock in the morning. What do you think?"

"Sorry," Sirius repeated. "I wanted to talk to you before the others woke up. It's the last day of term today and we'll be heading in to Hogsmeade to go home later on. I thought…"

"Rom won't let me," Remus complained in anticipation of the question. "He won't let me out of his sight today at all. He took the day off work to watch me."

"Oh. I just thought perhaps he'd let us say goodbye in person."

"No chance," Remus muttered. "We'll have to make do with the mirrors. They're nearly as good as being together for real."

"I'll write loads over the summer," Sirius promised.

"You better," Remus warned. "If you don't Rom might figure out we've found another way to keep in touch and put a stop to it."

"Maybe next year he'll let me visit again," Sirius suggested hopefully.

"Maybe," Remus replied, though he was no longer as hopeful that that would be the case.

"Have a nice summer."

"You too."

* * *

Sirius saw that his mother had come to collect him from the train and could sense the now familiar feeling of disappointment cast in his direction. When he'd returned home for Christmas he had hoped that her dismay at the result of the Sorting Ceremony was only temporary. Now he could see that it wasn't. Walburga had had nearly a year to get used to the idea of one of her sons being in the house of Gryffindor and Sirius now suspected that she was never going to like it.

"Come along Sirius, hurry up," Walburga ordered as she stalked towards the barrier that separated platform nine and three quarters from the rest of King's Cross Station. Sirius hurried to keep up with her and wondered when might be a good time to suggest getting him some new robes for the following term. He was already outgrowing the ones that he had and he really wanted to dress in the Gryffindor colours in his second year.

He passed James Potter in the red and gold robes he'd received for Christmas and glared at the boy as he hugged his mother – who was weeping again – and excitedly told her all his latest news.

As Sirius queued at the barrier with his mother the sounds of the Potters' conversation drifted over to him.

They talked of their plans for the summer, the holiday they would be taking, and whether James would like to invite any friends over to stay.

"Peter would love to come over," James replied to the last question. "He's invited me to stay with him too. Can I?"

"Of course, dear. And what of your other friends? There must be more than just the two of you in Gryffindor. Don't you want to invite anyone else to visit?"

"There's only one other boy in our year in Gryffindor," James snorted. "And I'm not inviting him!"

From the corner of his eye he saw James nod in his direction and he resolutely looked away.

"A Black in Gryffindor?" Mrs Potter exclaimed and Sirius felt his face begin to flush under her assessing gaze.

"It's got to be a mistake," James replied. "He's got Slytherin written all over him."

"The Sorting Hat doesn't make mistakes," Mrs Potter said quietly and Sirius risked another quick glance over towards her.

"He's pure Slytherin scum," James stated.

"Not if he was sorted into Gryffindor," Mrs Potter pointed out. "Haven't you tried to get to know him better? To find out what he's really like?"

"What for?" James sounded positively aghast at the very idea.

"Oh James." Mrs Potter sighed with barely concealed exasperation. "How would you have felt if you had been sorted into a different house to the one that not only you, but your whole family, expected you to be in?"

Sirius watched as James shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other under his mother's assessing gaze.

"Well?" Mrs Potter asked again.

"I don't know," James finally replied. "Lonely I guess."

"I think you would guess right," Mrs Potter said quietly. "From what I can see, the young Black heir is the only student on this platform who isn't saying goodbye to his friends this evening."

"That's because he doesn't have any," Peter chimed in as he approached the Potters.

"Then perhaps you could…"

Sirius never heard what it was that Mrs Potter suggested Peter could do. He and his mother had reached the front of the queue to the barrier and stepped through, leaving the Potters to wait their turn on the other side.

He wondered if his mother had heard any of the Potters' conversation but there was no way he could ask her, at least not without enduring another speech about how the Sorting Ceremony was outdated and needed to be discontinued for the good of wizard-kind.

* * *

Grimmauld Place hadn't changed much in the months since Sirius had last been home. The parlour had been re-wallpapered but the pattern on the paper was the same as before, the same as it had been for as long as Sirius could remember.

Sirius's room looked as though he had stepped out of it barely moments ago. The room was spotless and Kreacher was polishing the brasses around the fireplace. Sirius dragged his trunk over to the end of the bed, scratching the floorboards in the process. Kreacher moaned at him under his breath as he glared at the marks on the floor.

"Embarrassment to the noble house of Black," Kreacher muttered. Sirius drew in a sharp breath at the words. He'd never been particularly fond of Kreacher; the house elf was devoted to his mother, and frequently told tales on both himself and his brother. But he'd never heard the creature actually insult him in such a manner.

It was a few moments before he realised that the insult was something that wasn't necessarily Kreacher's own belief, merely something that he'd picked up from the rest of his family whilst he'd been away at school. Rather like a parrot might learn often heard phrases and repeat them back, house elves were known to parrot the beliefs of their owners.

"Get out of here!" Sirius snapped as he flung open the door and pointed out into the hallway.

Kreacher gave a mocking bow and backed out the door. "Very good, _master_," he murmured as Sirius slammed the door in his face.

In no time at all Sirius had unpacked his trunk. He threw his clothes into the wardrobe without even the pretence of order and piled his books up on his desk in a haphazard manner. He found what he was looking for at the bottom of the trunk, buried there since the last Quidditch match of the year.

The red and gold banners had been handed out to all the students of Gryffindor so that they could wave them as they cheered on the house team. Sirius hadn't waved his banner, although he'd taken it to the match with the rest of the students. He found it difficult to yell encouragement to the team when he knew that they, like the rest of the house, thought he should be sitting in the Slytherin stands instead. The banner had remained still in his hands and after the match, which Gryffindor had lost spectacularly to Ravenclaw, he'd put it away in his trunk, forgotten about until now.

Up until now Sirius had not put up any decorations on his walls. His mother had told him such things were vulgar, and although he'd pointed out at the time that no one but the family ever saw his room, she had not relented.

Pulling out the banner he walked to the wall and pulled a chair across so that he could reach high enough to place it where he wanted. When he thought he had judged it just right, so that the gold would glisten when the sun shone in the room, he pulled out his wand and cast a permanent sticking charm to keep it on the wall.

"Mum will do her nut when she sees that," Regulus hissed as he ducked into the room. Sirius jumped in surprise and fell backwards off the chair.

"It's just a banner," he replied as he pulled himself up off the floor.

"It's not _just_ a banner," Regulus pointed out. "It's a _Gryffindor_ banner. She'll go mental. You've got to take it down before she sees it."

"Let her see it," Sirius snapped. "I don't care."

"I thought you hated being in Gryffindor?" Regulus asked as he righted the chair that Sirius had been using to stand on.

"I don't really hate the house," Sirius admitted. "I just don't like the other students who are in it with me."

"Why not?" Regulus asked. "You must be like them if you're in the same house as them."

"I'm nothing like them!" Sirius snapped. "They hex me and hate me and…"

"Narcissa said you were hexing them back."

"Narcissa should shut up."

"But were you?"

"Sometimes," Sirius admitted, which was true. Although Remus had performed most of the spells that they had cast at Potter and Pettigrew he had been a part of it and towards the end of the year had cast a few of them himself.

Regulus smirked back at him at his admission, but the sound of Walburga screeching from downstairs forestalled any response he was about to make. "Imps in the laundry! Regulus Black get down here at once!"

"Got to the Is then?" Sirius asked with a grin.

"Yep!" replied Regulus proudly as he disappeared out of the door.

Sirius shook his head with a smile as he cleared room on his bedside table and placed the mirror in the space he'd created. "Remus?" he whispered into the mirror and a moment later the face of his friend appeared before him.

"You're home then?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," Sirius confirmed. "Do you want to guess what I did?"

"Hexed Potter at the station?" Remus suggested hopefully.

"Nope, guess again."

"Pushed him off the train?"

"You'll never guess," Sirius said as he shook his head. "I put up a Gryffindor banner in my bedroom."

"You didn't?"

"Did too," Sirius replied. "Mother hasn't seen it yet though."

"I'm proud of you," Remus said solemnly, his lips twitching as a grin tried to break free.

"Why?"

"Because from what you've said about your mum, I wouldn't be brave enough to do that," Remus replied.

"So you think maybe I might be a proper Gryffindor after all?" Sirius asked.

"_I_ never thought you weren't," Remus pointed out. Sirius watched as the face in the mirror darted a look away from him. "I think Rom's coming upstairs. I'd better go."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow night then," Sirius said. "We've got my grandparents visiting tomorrow so I'll be on display downstairs all day."

"Not tomorrow," Remus whispered, shaking his head. "The night after."

"Why not tomorrow?" Sirius asked with a frown, but Remus was gone, the mirror deactivated.

"What was that about?" Sirius mumbled to himself. In the last week, since he'd given Remus the second mirror, they had spoken every single night before going to sleep. Sometimes it was for just a few minutes, other times for longer. They hadn't missed a single night and Sirius wondered what could possibly keep his friend from speaking to him for even so much as a minute.


	8. You're Not Alone

You're Not Alone

Sirius wondered how long it would be before his mother found out about the red and gold banner that was now adorning his bedroom wall. The initial burst of bravery had long since vanished and the fear of what was almost certain to be an ugly scene was now preying on his mind.

Thankfully Walburga Black rarely looked into her sons' rooms, at least not since finding the cockatrice under Regulus's bed. On the one hand this meant that she might not see the banner until after he'd returned to school. On the other, it meant that he had the whole summer to worry about what her reaction was going to be.

"Sirius," Regulus called through the door the following morning. "Grandfather Pollux and Grandmother Irma are here. Mother wants us down in the parlour right now."

Sirius groaned, having been hoping that perhaps they might have cancelled at the last minute.

"Sirius! Hurry up! You can't make me go down and face them alone!"

"I'm coming!" Sirius called back as he hurriedly finished the entry he was making in his journal. He then tucked the journal away in his trunk before following the equally reluctant Regulus down the stairs.

"It's about time," snapped their father, Orion, the moment they walked into the parlour.

"Sorry father," the boys murmured before turning to greet their grandparents.

"You've not grown much," Irma commented as she swept a critical glance over Regulus. "Looking rather the runt," she said to Walburga who nodded in agreement.

"And what about you?" Pollux asked as he looked at Sirius through cold grey eyes. "They feeding you properly at that school?"

"Yes, sir," Sirius replied with an obedient nod.

"With your brother being what he is, it'll be up to you to make sure that the Black line remains as strong as it is." He turned to Orion; "you got a wife in mind for him yet?"

"We're in talks with a couple of families," Orion confirmed. "Plenty of time to sort out the details later. With the changing politics these days, we'd rather not commit ourselves just yet."

"Quite right," Pollux replied, nodding thoughtfully. "You can never tell what's going to happen in a family. Look at the Lupins, three generations ago they were one of the most powerful pureblood families. Now, well it's no wonder they rarely show their faces in society."

Sirius felt his ears perk up at the name Lupin. Was it Remus and Romulus's family that his grandfather was talking about?

Remus had never answered his question about why he lived with his brother instead of his parents. Sirius had assumed they were dead and hadn't liked to bring it up again. He had never really considered the rest of their family, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Was it Remus's grandparents that his grandfather was talking about?

Sirius opened his mouth to ask, but the sound of the front door banging distracted him from his purpose.

"Where are my favourite nephews?" boomed the unexpected but very welcome voice.

"Through here Alphard," Pollux called.

"There you are!" Uncle Alphard declared as he pulled Sirius and Regulus to him and hugged them both.

"Really Alphard," Walburga sighed, "is that really necessary?"

"No harm in showing my favourite nephews a bit of affection," Alphard said as he ruffled Regulus's hair.

"They're your only nephews and it's quite vulgar," Walburga snapped. "Kreacher!"

The house elf appeared at her call and gave a sweeping bow. "Mistress?"

"Set an extra place for lunch," Walburga ordered. "We have an extra, uninvited, guest."

"I can always eat at the Leaky Cauldron, if it's too much trouble," Alphard offered, even as Sirius and Regulus shook their heads at the very idea.

"It's no trouble at all," Walburga replied in a tone that clearly conveyed that it was in fact a great deal of trouble.

"Well if you're sure," Alphard said as he dropped easily into a chair. "So Sirius, I hear you got sorted into Gryffindor, what's it like in the tower? I always wanted to know."

Sirius cast a nervous glance at his parents and grandparents, none of whom seemed thrilled at being reminded of the embarrassing result of the Sorting Ceremony. Thankfully he was saved from having to say anything by his uncle sensing the tension in the room and tactfully changing the subject.

"You'll have to tell me later," he whispered to Sirius with a wink.

* * *

Remus looked at the blank sheet of parchment in front of him and wished that he knew what to write. He knew that Sirius wanted to know why he couldn't speak to him this evening, and would want an explanation when they next spoke. He knew he wasn't the greatest liar when face to face with another person, and he suspected that even through the mirrors, Sirius would be able to tell when he spoke a falsehood. So he'd decided to give his excuse in a letter. Romulus would be at work until late and all Remus had to do was send the letter from the Hogsmeade Post Office and get home before his brother returned.

If only he knew what to say.

"Dear Sirius. Sorry I can't talk tonight. Only it's the full moon and I turn into a werewolf." Remus threw his quill across the room in a temper.

The lies just weren't coming to him as easily as he would have liked. He'd known Sirius for a year now and the longer he knew him the harder it was to hide the truth from him. He knew that things could have been a lot harder than they were if Sirius had been more persistent in his questioning. But he seemed to accept the 'I can't tell you' reason relatively easily and it was a simple truth that prevented him telling a multitude of lies.

The only problem was that the closer they became, the weaker 'I can't tell you' sounded.

Remus looked at the mirror on the bedside table and tried to recall what time the moon would be rising that night. It was one of the many things Romulus tried to get him to learn but Remus was sure that it was the one thing he didn't need to learn. He could tell when the moon was rising, the wolf could tell, it could feel it coming hours beforehand and Remus didn't need to memorise the dates and times to feel it himself.

Remus looked out the window as he considered things, it was summer and the days were longer, perhaps he could still talk to Sirius after all. It would be a short conversation, but some of them were, particularly when Romulus had the night off.

Just a quick hello and a chat…what harm could it do?

* * *

Sirius played with his food as the dinner conversation dragged on and on.

Politics had been the topic of discussion during the starters. Then during the main course it had moved on to work and the usual complaints about how muggleborns were infiltrating wizarding society. By the time dessert was served gossip, mostly malicious, was the focus.

"May I please be excused?" Sirius finally asked.

"Me too?" Regulus asked.

Orion waved them away from the table without pausing in his recounting of the rumour that Medea Malfoy had eloped with a muggleborn.

"Can happen in the best of families," Pollux said as Sirius pushed back from the table and ushered his brother towards of the door.

"If it happened in this family I'd disown my son even if he were the last of the line," Walburga declared, shooting a glare at Sirius.

"I think I'll go chat with the boys," Alphard said as he patted his ample stomach and followed Sirius and Regulus out of the room.

"So what's been happening that you don't want your parents to hear about?" Alphard asked with a wink as they sat down in the study.

"Not much," Regulus replied. "I put some imps in the laundry."

Alphard chuckled at the idea and Sirius grinned, knowing that their uncle thought Regulus's antics to be highly amusing and was thrilled that his Christmas present to his nephew was being so well used.

"And have you managed any magic yet?" Alphard asked gently.

Regulus flushed and shook his head sadly. "Face it uncle, I'm a useless squib."

"Squibs aren't useless," Alphard said with a kind smile. "And you still have another year before you'll be going to Hogwarts. You're just a late bloomer."

"I won't be going to Hogwarts," Regulus muttered and Sirius could hear the faintest trace of bitterness in his voice just as clearly as he could see the sheen of unshed tears in his eyes.

Sirius felt a twinge of guilt over all the times he'd thought badly about his brother. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't do magic yet, but they both knew that their parents were beginning to worry about his lack of powers.

Unfortunately Regulus seemed to make up for his lack of magical abilities by agreeing with their parents in everything they said, despising muggleborns as vocally as they did. Already the cruel streak that seemed to be hidden within all the Blacks was starting to show through in the ten year old boy.

"And what about you Sirius?"

Sirius turned to his uncle questioningly, pulled from his musings about his younger sibling.

"Made any friends at school?"

"Not really," Sirius said with an uneasy shrug.

"Why ever not?" Alphard asked in surprise.

"I got sorted into Gryffindor, didn't I?" Sirius muttered.

"It shouldn't matter which house you got sorted in," Alphard said. "I was always kind of jealous of the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor kids myself. Getting to look down on all the rest of us from their towers."

"The other Gryffindors think I should have been in Slytherin," Sirius explained and soon the story of the whole miserable mess was tumbling from his lips. The only thing he left out was the identity of his friend in Hogsmeade.

"Oh Sirius lad," Alphard said when he'd finally stopped talking. "Why didn't you write to me and tell me any of this?"

Sirius shrugged.

"Tell you what, we'll go shopping for new robes for you before you start back next term. Red and gold just like the rest of the Gryffindors. How about that?"

"Mother won't like it," Sirius said.

"We won't tell her then," Alphard said with a wink. "It'll be our little secret."

Sirius nodded and felt the beginnings of a smile forming.

"And what about you Reg? You want to join us?"

Regulus nodded eagerly. "Can we visit Eeylops?"

"I don't think your mother will let you have your own owl until you're at school," Alphard warned.

"Guess I'll never get one then," Regulus muttered. "I only wanted to visit to see them."

"Well just a visit," Alphard conceded. "Now who's for a game of exploding snap whilst the stuffed shirts through there are busy with their gossip?"

Sirius grinned and hurried to his room to dig out a pack of cards. He had just found the set when he heard the sound of a familiar voice calling out to him.

"Remus!" he grinned as he picked up the mirror. "I thought you couldn't speak tonight?"

"I can't talk for long," Remus replied.

"Me neither," Sirius explained. "My uncle Alphard is waiting for me downstairs."

"We'll talk tomorrow then," Remus suggested with a smile. "You don't want to keep your insane relatives waiting."

"Uncle Alphard's not like the rest of them," Sirius replied. "He's out of the country most of the time though so we only get to see him once a year, sometimes even less."

"Too bad."

"But he's in London for the whole summer," Sirius grinned. "And he's going to buy me some new school robes in the Gryffindor colours."

"That's great!"

"It's brilliant! It means I won't have to ask my mother for them at all." Sirius wiped his hand across the forehead in a gesture of relief. "I'd better get downstairs though. Talk to you tomorrow."

Remus nodded in the mirror and gave a small wave. Then the mirror was just a regular mirror once again.

Back in the study the two brothers played cards with their uncle for several hours and Sirius wondered if the rest of the family had even remembered they were around. Not that he was complaining at all.

By midnight Regulus was yawning widely and Sirius could tell that if it weren't for the explosions of the cards he'd have fallen asleep in his chair hours ago. Sirius on the other hand was wide-awake and determined not to miss a single minute of his favourite uncle's visit.

"You boys should be heading up to bed," Alphard finally said as he put the remaining cards back into the box. "Don't want to get on the wrong side of your mother for keeping you up to late." He gave an exaggerated shudder at the idea of his sister on the warpath, causing both Sirius and Regulus to laugh.

"I am a bit tired," Regulus admitted as he stood up, stretched and stumbled towards the door.

"I'll come up in a minute," Sirius told him. His uncle looked at him questioningly and Sirius explained that there was something he wanted to ask him. Regulus looked at him curiously but Sirius knew he couldn't ask what he wanted in front of his brother.

"Something else on your mind lad?" Alphard asked as he passed him the pack of cards.

"I wanted to ask if you'd ever heard of the Lupins?" Sirius asked quietly. "Grandfather mentioned them earlier and…well I just wondered why I hadn't heard of them before."

"The Lupins eh?" Alphard looked a little startled but quickly recovered. "Well there are a few branches of that family."

"Grandfather said they never go into society," Sirius added.

"Hmm, well that narrows it down. That'll be the ones who were in the middle of that scandal from oh…getting on for, well it must be six years now. Yes, six years. I was out of the country at the time but it was still the talk of London when I returned."

"What was the talk of London?" Sirius asked as he wondered if he was finally going to get the answers to the questions that were plaguing his mind about the two brothers he'd befriended.

"Well no one really knows what happened, it was all hushed up. Though there were all sorts of rumours doing the rounds. I don't like to repeat them and since I don't know the truth I won't go into them. But the Lupins had two sons and they just upped and disappeared into the night that summer. Never seen again."

"No one knows what happened to them?"

"Well someone must know where they are," Alphard pointed out. "Though there are stories that they died. At least that's what the pompous asses at the Ministry tell the public rather than admit that two underage wizards managed to give 'em the slip for so long."

"Do you think they're dead?"

"Couldn't rightly say," Alphard replied. "I never knew the Lupins or their boys. But I'll say this, if even half of those rumours are true they'd be better off dead than in the hands of the Ministry of Magic."

Sirius nodded solemnly and wished he could ask what those rumours were. "What were the boys names?" he asked, hoping he sounded casually curious and nothing more.

"Romulus and Remus," Alphard replied immediately. "Easy names to remember those; their mother said she'd named them for the founders of Rome, she's Italian you see."

"Really?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"Oh yes," Alphard nodded. "Used to be seen at all the wizarding society functions in the latest Italian fashions. When your mother was younger she used to be rather jealous of her wardrobe, not to mention the way all the young wizards used to throw themselves at her. Never saw her as a fashion icon myself, she had the most hideous collection of hats I've ever seen."

Sirius wondered what the rumours that had circulated about the Lupin family were as he tossed and turned in bed that night. He tried to contact Remus by the mirror but there was no sign of the other boy appearing in the looking glass. More than anything he wanted to know what could have happened to cause the two brothers to run away from home; what would cause an underage wizard to go on the run with a six year old boy? Why would the Ministry of Magic want them so badly? What could make his kindly uncle believe that the two boys would be better off dead than found?

He also wondered why it was that they had remained in wizarding society rather than hide in muggle society without using magic.

Somehow he felt that he should know the answers to all the questions that were running through his mind, keeping him awake. There was a simple explanation, something clear and obvious, but each time he tried to focus on figuring out the mystery he felt the truth slipping through his fingers and he was as in the dark as he had been for the last year.

Finally he gave up on sleep and pulled out his journal to write down his thoughts, hoping they might make more sense when down on paper.

They didn't and Sirius finally fell asleep at the desk, the full moon shining through his window on the sleeping boy and the solitary Gryffindor banner on the opposite wall.

* * *

"It was a tough one last night, wasn't it?" Romulus said as he carried Remus up the stairs towards the ground floor room that was Remus's bedroom. As his brother grew older and heavier, Romulus felt relieved that he'd won the argument about which room would be Remus's. He didn't think he could manage more than one flight of stairs.

"I can walk," Remus muttered weakly.

"Don't be silly," Romulus chided. "You legs are all cut up this month. You'll get blood all over the stairs."

"I'll clean it up," Remus replied.

"There's no need," Romulus replied as he placed Remus on his bed and set about the monthly task of healing the many self-inflicted wounds that Moony inflicted on his brother on the nights of the full moon.

"Moony's getting restless," Remus sighed. "It's getting worse as we get older."

"The books said that might be the case," Romulus agreed.

"The sheets are covered in blood," Remus commented in a voice that was barely more than a whisper.

"I've got fresh ones here."

"I'm so tired," Remus whispered.

"Of course you are, you've been up all night."

"Tired of lying too," Remus murmured as Romulus helped him to a chair while he changed the bedding.

"I know you are," Romulus said with a sad smile. "But you know why we have to do this. You know what's at stake here. We can't trust anyone."

"Sirius won't tell anyone," Remus argued sleepily. "He's my friend."

"It doesn't matter if he is," Romulus insisted with a shake of his head. "You can't trust him with this secret, you can't trust anyone. They won't understand, no one will. Even if you think you know them well enough to trust them, even if you think they love you…it doesn't mean they'll accept Moony as well."

"I know," Remus said as he crawled into bed. "No one can love a monster. I'm sorry I'm a monster Rom. I'm sorry."

"You're not a monster," Romulus said firmly as he brushed Remus's hair from his eyes and tucked him into bed. But Remus was no longer listening as sleep had claimed him at last.

* * *

Sirius entered Diagon Alley with his Uncle Alphard and Regulus on a day shortly before the end of the holidays. He had his Hogwarts letter in his pocket and felt relieved that this term he'd at least have the right robes and books when he arrived back at school.

"Madam Malkins first," Alphard said with a smile. "We'll get you measured up and collect them tomorrow."

Sirius grinned at the reminder that the three of them were staying in the Leaky Cauldron overnight. The grin soon disappeared though when he caught sight of James Potter and his mother inside the clothing store.

"Come on Sirius," Alphard said. "I thought you wanted new robes."

Sirius took a deep breath and followed his uncle through the door. He tried to ignore James who was sitting on a stool waiting for his turn.

"Sirius," James said in a slightly less cold voice than he usually used when speaking to him. Sirius looked up and saw Mrs Potter jabbing her son on the arm in silent encouragement.

"James," Sirius replied, the name strange on his tongue because he always referred to him as Potter.

"This a friend from school?" Alphard asked with a grin.

"Not really," Sirius muttered. "This is James _Potter_." He made sure to emphasise the surname and Alphard nodded as he recalled what Sirius had said about the boy earlier that summer.

"Well, I'm sure he's looking forward to going back to school as much as you are," Alphard said with a wink at Mrs Potter who Sirius could see immediately knew what his uncle's game was and was happy to go along with it.

"Who says I'm looking forward to going back?" Sirius muttered, knowing that it was a lie since he'd been practising his spells all summer and finally felt that he was going to be able to keep up with the rest of the class. Not to mention he was determined to find a way to visit Remus again.

"Don't be rude Sirius," Alphard scolded. "Or I may just change my mind about the robes and buy you the same ones as you had last year."

"That's blackmail!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Yes it is, isn't it?" Alphard chuckled. "Ah Madam Malkin, looking as lovely as ever I see." He turned to greet the owner of the store and planted a sloppy kiss on each of her cheeks. Sirius groaned as his uncle, a lifelong bachelor, began to flirt with the woman. He looked forward to the day when he could go and get his own school supplies without having to suffer embarrassing displays from his family.

He risked a glance at Regulus who had two fingers in his mouth and was miming vomiting. He felt his lips twitch and turned away before he burst out laughing. On the other side of him James was looking equally amused. For a moment their eyes caught in shared mirth before they seemed to remember who they were with and looked away rapidly.

"Gryffindor robes, that's right," Alphard said. "The best you've got."

"So you didn't get put in Slytherin," Madam Malkin commented and Sirius felt his face flushing. "I hope your mother wasn't too disappointed."

Sirius snorted.

"She sent a howler to Dumbledore," James piped up.

"Oh dear." Madam Malkin shook her head sadly. "Well let's get you the proper Gryffindor colours for this year." She gestured to the box and Sirius climbed up on it so she could take the measurements required.

"Do you need to collect them today?" Madam Malkin asked cautiously. Sirius realised that his mother must have made quite an impression on the woman for her to remember as much as she did about his last visit to the shop.

"No, no," Alphard assured her. "Just send a message to the Leaky Cauldron when they're ready. We'll be there until tomorrow afternoon."

"Very good," Madam Malkin replied as she made a note of the instructions.

Sirius was nearly out of the door when Alphard called him back. "Well aren't you going to say goodbye to your friend?"

"What?" Sirius asked, for a moment wondering who his uncle was referring to.

"James," Alphard said with a gesture to where the other boy was trying on the robes that he'd been waiting for. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to him?"

"Oh right," Sirius muttered. "Bye James."

"Bye," James replied, at least that was what Sirius thought the other boy had said, he was mumbling so quietly it was difficult to say for sure.

* * *

Sirius didn't see anyone else from school during the next two days. Of course the one face he wanted to see more than any other was that of Remus who was miles away in Hogsmeade.

Still there were only a few more days left of the holidays, he had two fine sets of robes in the Gryffindor colours and all the correct school books. He'd even read ahead in a few of them so that he was sure he wouldn't be falling behind as soon as he started back. He knew that as long as Potter and Pettigrew laid off him he could keep up with the work and would no longer be bottom of nearly all his classes.

He had a spark of hope that his second year at Hogwarts might be better than the first had been.

"Well I'll leave you to go pack your things," Alphard said as he left his nephews on the doorstep of number 12. "And try not to upset your mother too much with that stuff from Gambol and Japes," he told Regulus with a wink.

Regulus grinned widely as he hid the more incriminating items in Sirius's new cauldron until he reached his own room.

"Boys! Is that you?" Orion Black called through from the parlour.

"Yes sir," Sirius called back.

"Is there something you'd like to tell us?" Orion asked as Sirius poked his head round the door.

"Um…" Sirius wracked his brain for what it was that was being hinted at by his father. Clearly he'd done something but what was it?

"In your room," Walburga hissed from behind her husband.

"Oh," Sirius felt his face flushing. He'd forgotten all about the banner he'd put up, after the first few days of wondering when it would be spotted he'd pushed it from his mind. He wondered which of his parents had been into his room and why. Then he spotted, lurking in the shadows, Kreacher.

"Well?" Walburga asked.

"Hateful elf," Sirius snapped. "It's only a banner!"

"Don't speak to your mother like that," Orion ordered.

"Kreacher had every right to tell me what you'd done," Walburga stated coldly. "And it's not just a banner, it's a Gryffindor banner and it won't come down!"

"I used a permanent sticking charm on it."

"I am well aware of that," Walburga snapped. "Go to your room and stay there for the rest of the day whilst you think about your actions."

Sirius shrugged, as punishments went it wasn't so bad. He spent most of his time in his room anyway.

"And you'd better have found a way to remove that banner by tomorrow morning," Walburga called up the stairs after him. She didn't add the words 'or else' to her sentence, but Sirius could hear them as clearly as if she had.

He put his new belongings on his bed and picked up the two way mirror. "Remus?" he called.

A moment later Remus appeared in the mirror.

"Hi! How was Diagon Alley?" Remus asked with a grin. "Get anything nice?"

"It was great but I got home to find that Kreacher told mother about the banner I put up. Do you know how to remove permanent sticking charms?"

"Er…I don't think you can," Remus replied. "That's why they're called permanent."

Sirius sighed and felt relieved that at least the holidays were nearing their end. Maybe by the end of term his parents would have forgotten about the banner.


	9. Racing Through the Darkness

Racing Through the Darkness

"Excellent work, Mr Black, wonderful! Ten points to Gryffindor."

Sirius felt himself flush under the unexpected praise from Professor Flitwick. It was his first week back at school following the summer holidays and he had never found his lessons so easy. The extra practice he'd done during the holidays, and most especially during the final days whilst he'd been confined to his room, had certainly paid off.

He could see several of the other Gryffindors looking at him with pleasure for the points he'd earned, that made thirty this week, and he risked a smile at Lily Evans, one of the more friendly of the girls in the class. She smiled back and he felt, for the first time, that perhaps this second year might be far better than he'd expected. He turned to look at the other students in the room and saw the familiar glare of James Potter cast in his direction.

"Or not," Sirius mumbled under his breath as he wondered what he'd done to earn the other boy's wrath this time.

"What was that?" the girl sitting beside him asked.

"Nothing," Sirius replied with a sigh, wondering why he was always the Gryffindor who ended up working with the Slytherin students. It was especially bad when he found himself working with the overly chatty, and especially nosy, Rita Skeeter.

"So your younger brother will be at Hogwarts next year, won't he?" Rita asked. "You think he'll be in Slytherin? Or will he be following in your footsteps and branching out into Gryffindor or one of the other houses? Has your mother accepted you as a Gryffindor yet? Has it been difficult for you?"

Sirius groaned as Rita rattled off one question after another, never giving him the time to consider, let alone answer, any of them.

"I'm thinking of asking Dumbledore for permission to start a school newspaper," Rita chirped. "I'm going to be a journalist you see and I feel the school really needs a paper for the students. I'm trying to think of a good name for the paper, how about The Slytherin Standard? Or perhaps simply Hogwarts News? What do you think?"

Sirius groaned as Rita rattled on beside him, completely oblivious to his utter lack of interest.

Finally the final class of the day was finished and Sirius made his escape.

"No wonder he's doing so well," he heard Pettigrew mutter as he passed the other boy. "He's had all summer to practice because he's not got any friends."

Sirius felt his face reddening again and he pushed his way out of the door.

"At least he's getting points for Gryffindor instead of losing them like last year," Potter replied as they too stepped out into the corridor. "We'd better start working harder or he'll be beating us on points. That's thirty he's got this week and we've only got ten a piece from Slughorn."

So that was it, Sirius thought to himself with a frown. He'd earned more points than Potter and instead of being pleased that he was helping the house, he was jealous.

Suddenly the unfairness of it all was simply too much and Sirius spun round on his heel, bringing the two boys walking behind him to an abrupt halt of their own.

"Just what would it take to make the two of you lay off and leave me alone?" he snapped. "Last year I was losing points and you were hexing me every other day. This year I'm trying harder, I just got Gryffindor ten points, and you're still not happy. What's it going to take?"

"Er…" Peter mumbled as he cast a glance at James.

"Well?" Sirius asked again.

"Come on Pete," James said. "Let's head up to the common room. I want to get started on my Transfiguration homework."

"Walking away from a fight are you?" Sirius asked. "Thought you said that was the sign of a coward? Someone who should be in Slytherin?"

James turned back with a scowl. "Been practising your hexes and jinxes too?" he asked.

"You got it!" Sirius replied as he pulled out his wand.

"I don't see your crazy friend anywhere to back you up," Peter snickered.

"Remus isn't crazy," Sirius snapped.

"Sounds it to me," Peter argued. "Growling at people like some sort of animal."

"Growling?" Sirius repeated with a questioning frown.

"Yeah, growling," Peter repeated. "Like some crazy wild dog or something. No wonder he isn't here in Hogwarts. He's a right loon."

"He is not!"

"Then why doesn't he come to school here?" Peter asked with a smirk. "He's a wizard so why isn't he here in Hogwarts?"

"I don't know," Sirius admitted. "He just isn't. It doesn't mean he's crazy. Lots of kids don't get to come here."

"Seems to me you don't know much about your friend," James commented. "Remus did you say his name was?"

Sirius opened his mouth to confirm the name before he remembered that Remus and Romulus were wanted by the Ministry of Magic, and with an unusual name like Remus he shouldn't have revealed it to anyone else.

"Remus what?" Peter asked. "Or are you such good friends that you don't even know his last name?"

"I do know his last name," Sirius muttered. "I just don't think I'll tell you what it is."

"Why not?" James asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Oh forget it," Sirius snapped and he hurried away towards Gryffindor Tower, hoping that Remus would be near his mirror so that he could confess what he'd done.

* * *

"I'm so sorry Remus," Sirius gasped as soon as his friend's face had appeared in the mirror. "It just slipped out and I don't know why I said it and I'm so, so sorry."

"Sirius, slow down," Remus replied through the mirror. "What's the matter? What happened?"

"I accidentally told Potter and Pettigrew your name," Sirius admitted as he shook his head and the tears of shame started to fall.

"My full name?" asked Remus urgently.

"No, just your first name," Sirius sniffled.

"Oh, don't worry about it then," Remus said. "Nothing you can do about it, not unless you've mastered memory spells already."

"But I wasn't supposed to tell anyone," Sirius said. "You and Rom are on the run and I just told someone your name."

"Sirius, calm down," Remus instructed. "It's not as bad as all that. This is Potter and Pettigrew we're talking about. They're not exactly Ministry workers."

"But…"

"Don't worry about it," Remus repeated. "Just don't tell them anything else, stay out of their way and they'll forget all about me. It's not like Rom's letting me come up to the school, so they won't see me again."

"Are you sure I've not really screwed up?" Sirius asked quietly as he brushed away his tears. The frantic racing of his heart finally slowed and began to return to a normal pace at Remus's assurances.

"Course you haven't," Remus assured him with a grin. "Just don't let Rom know what you said or he'll have us packed up and grabbing a portkey to Australia before you can blink."

"I won't," Sirius promised. "I won't mess up again, I promise."

"It's okay," Remus said. "I trust you."

"Thanks," Sirius replied, even as he wondered if his friend's unwavering trust was well placed or not.

* * *

Remus put away the mirror and hurried downstairs when he saw Romulus walking up the path towards home. He threw himself down on the sofa and began to flick through the Quidditch Quarterly magazine that his brother had picked up for him the previous day. He knew it would be pointless to pretend to be practising his charms, it would throw up the red flag with Romulus immediately if he was doing what he'd been asked to when he returned home from work.

"Busy shift?" he asked as Romulus pulled out his wand and dried his cloak.

"Pretty dead," Romulus replied. "It's been pouring outside all day so no one wants to go out. Abe's given me the rest of the night off. What you been doing all evening?"

"Nothing much," Remus replied with a shrug and a nod to the magazine.

"Not snuck out to see Sirius then?" Romulus asked cautiously and Remus shook his head in reply. It was the first day since Remus had been put under constant surveillance that he'd been allowed to stay on his own whilst Romulus was at work. Normally he'd have been escorted to the centaur camp but the heavy rain of the last two days had flooded the camp and caused damage to several of the huts. Torin had sent a message advising them of the situation, and Romulus had decided that instead of adding to the burdens of the centaur, he would trust Remus to do as he was told and remain in the house…just this once.

Of course it helped Remus's case that he'd been coughing and sneezing for two days with a cold and that, combined with the approaching full moon, meant he was too weak for running around the forest or getting into mischief at all.

"Glad to hear it," Romulus said as he sat down and picked up the Daily Prophet.

"Rom?" Remus asked without looking up from his magazine.

"What is it?" Rom replied, peering over the paper as he spoke.

"I was wondering," began Remus, wondering how to phrase what he wanted to ask without looking suspicious. "Well, I wondered if you'd heard of the Potters and the Pettigrews?"

"Those are the boys that are in Gryffindor with Sirius, yes?"

"Yeah." Remus nodded. "Have you heard of them? Like you'd heard of the Black family?"

"I've heard of the Potters," Romulus replied after a moment of thought. "They're old, pureblood just like the Blacks are and how we used to be. Not sure about the Pettigrews though."

"I thought we were half blood," Remus asked curiously.

"We are," Romulus explained. "But only because we have a muggle grandparent on our mother's side."

"We have?" Remus asked with surprise.

"Our mother's mother was a muggle," Romulus explained.

"What were they like?"

"I don't really remember much of our grandparents," Romulus admitted. "We never saw much of them, and I never met our muggle grandmother."

"I meant mum and dad," Remus whispered hesitantly.

"Oh." Romulus looked at the fire; it was starting to die so he stood up to stoke it.

"Rom?" Remus asked.

"They were…well they…er…"

Remus sat up properly on the sofa and Romulus sat down beside him, at a total loss for the right words to say.

"I don't remember them," Remus admitted quietly. "I try to remember what they look like and I can't remember seeing them."

"Well our father looked a bit like me, or so I remember everyone saying. I never really saw the resemblance myself. His hair's dark, more black rather than brown like ours. I think he was tall but I've not seen him since I was fifteen and since I was still a bit on the short side then, most people looked tall to me. As for mum, I remember she wore a lot of makeup, and really bright clothes. She used to change the colour of her hair all the time. She was blonde last time I saw her but I don't even know what her original colour was."

"Were they nice?" Remus whispered.

"Until that last day, I'd have said they were the best parents any two boys could have," Romulus whispered. "Now I…"

"I'm sorry," Remus exclaimed as he watched a single tear trickle from his brother's eye. He reached up and awkwardly put an arm around his shoulders. "Is it wrong to miss them?"

Romulus pulled Remus towards him and sighed. "It's not wrong to miss them Rem, but promise me never to go looking for them."

"Why not?"

"Because it'd be too dangerous," Romulus whispered quietly. "Promise me you'll never try to find them. No matter what happens in the future, even if you're on your own and I'm not around…never try to find them."

"They're still our parents though," Remus pointed out.

"No they're not," Romulus snapped. "They're not our parents any more. They disowned you; they disowned both of us. We're not their sons and they're not our parents."

Remus listened quietly as his brother's voice returned to something like it's normal level as he pleaded with Remus to promise not to try to find their parents. "I promise," Remus finally replied. "I'll never look for them. Never."

"Thank you," Romulus sighed. "Now how about I quiz you on the Cannons before dinner?" He pointed to the quiz on the open page of Remus's magazine and Remus was only too happy to change the subject to a more light-hearted one.

Half an hour later the atmosphere was back to the usual easy peace that resided in the house and Romulus went through to the kitchen to cook dinner.

Remus let his mind drift back to his initial question about the Potters and Pettigrews. He hoped that, unlike the Black family, these didn't have connections to the Ministry of Magic, connections that might result in James and Peter figuring out exactly who he was.

* * *

Remus was foraging for herbs on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest and was enjoying the freedom that he'd finally managed to persuade his brother he deserved once again.

He had his mirror in his pocket and wondered whether to call Sirius through it or not. It was a Saturday so he knew the other boy wouldn't be in class, chances are he'd be on his own somewhere and would be only too eager to come and keep him company in the forest. But Remus knew that Romulus would angry if he knew that he'd betrayed his trust so soon and so the mirror remained in his pocket.

He'd been out in the forest for nearly an hour when he heard the familiar voice of Sirius Black emanating from his pocket and pulled out the mirror.

"Great day isn't it?" Sirius asked as soon as Remus had activated his mirror.

"First day of Spring," Remus replied back with a grin. "And my first official day of freedom."

"Really?" Sirius asked.

"Yup!" Remus nodded. "No more being babysat by the centaurs or watched every minute of the day. Freedom at last."

"So where are you right now?" Sirius asked excitedly.

"In the forest," Remus replied. "About ten minutes west of the clearing where the Care of Magical Creatures classes take place."

"You've been sneaking to watch the lessons?"

"No," Remus shook his head. "I get my own lessons there sometimes."

"I'm thinking of doing Care of Magical Creatures next year," Sirius commented and Remus could tell that his breathing was becoming more laboured.

"Are you running or something?" Remus asked curiously.

"Just walking really quickly," Sirius replied with a grin. "Got to make sure I get to you before you get put under house arrest again, haven't I?"

Remus laughed. "Rom's trusting me to behave. I can't come up to the school at all. You really shouldn't be coming to see me either."

"Are you going to stop me?"

"No."

"Do you want me to go back to the school?"

"No."

"See you soon then!"

Remus slipped the mirror back into his pocket. It wasn't like he'd contacted Sirius and asked him to join him. And what Romulus didn't know, wouldn't get him into trouble.

"Hi Remus!" Sirius called a short time later, and Remus looked up from where he was kneeling on the ground with a wide grin. "It's been a long time."

"Too long," Remus agreed as he jumped to his feet and pulled Sirius into a tight hug. "It's been nearly a year."

"I know," Sirius replied as he sat down in the grass. "I've missed this."

"Me too," Remus admitted. "So how's school going?"

"Better. I'm in the top three of the class now that Potter and Pettigrew aren't hexing me all the time and stopping me working."

"So you're all friends now?" asked Remus, shocked by the slight twinge of jealousy that accompanied his question.

"Not really. They pretty much leave me alone and I leave them alone. But a few of the other Gryffindors are more friendly than they were."

"So you've got friends at school now?"

"Don't worry," Sirius laughed. "You're not being replaced. You're my best friend Remus."

Remus felt his fears disappear as Sirius nudged him lightly with his arm. "Best friends," he repeated with a smile.

* * *

Remus knew he was cutting things fine as he activated the two-way mirror early on the evening of the full moon.

"There you are!" Sirius exclaimed. "I thought you'd lost the mirror or something."

"Sorry, I keep it in the bedroom when Rom's in the house and he was late going to work tonight."

"That's okay," Sirius assured him. "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I didn't get chance earlier and I couldn't leave it 'til tomorrow. It'd be too late then."

"Thanks."

"You didn't think I'd forget did you?" Sirius asked. "Did you like your present?"

"It's great," Remus replied as he looked across to where the brand new Quidditch almanac was resting on his bed. "Really, it's perfect. Just what I wanted."

"I thought you'd like it. You're as Quidditch mad as Potter is and he's totally crazy about the game."

"And you're not?" Remus teased.

Sirius laughed, knowing that Remus had him with that one. Remus meanwhile chanced a look out of the window. The sun was about to set and he didn't have much time to spare to get into the cellar. "I've gotta run," he said as he jumped up from his bed and hurried towards the door that lead down to the basement.

"Where to?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I can't tell you," Remus said as he ran down the stairs. The sun was almost down and the magical barrier that kept him safely away from humans during the full moon would be appearing as soon as the sun disappeared over the horizon, making sure that he was secure for the rising of the moon. There were only seconds to spare as he skidded across the floor. "Made it!" he breathed.

Then the wolf was rising and with his last human thought Remus placed the mirror on the floor and slid it to the other side of the barrier, keeping it safe from the violence that he knew Moony was capable of.

* * *

"Made it?" Sirius repeated as he looked into the mirror in confusion. "Remus?"

But Remus was no longer looking back at him through the mirror, instead all Sirius could see was the grey stone of the ceiling.

"Remus?" he called again. "Are you okay?"

Remus didn't reply even though Sirius kept calling into the mirror. Then he heard the sound of a howl, loud and clear, echoing around the dormitory even though he knew it was coming from where Remus was.

Sirius didn't think as he pulled on his outdoor robes and ran from the room. His mirror was still in his hand as he raced from the castle, the only thought in his mind was that Remus was in danger, on his own, and he had to get there as fast as he could.

He slid in the mud several times as he raced through the forest, unable to find the path in the darkness and making his way entirely from memory and instinct. The fourth time he stumbled he tore the knee of his trousers and grazed his knee. He swore under his breath but didn't dare waste time in checking what damage he'd done.

Finally he reached the Lupin house and he banged loudly on the back door.

"Remus!" he yelled over and over, but no one was coming to the door. From inside the building Sirius heard the sound of howling once again, the eerie animal cries echoing strangely through the mirror that was now in his pocket.

"Remus! Romulus!" Sirius called as he ran round the building to try the front entrance. "Remus? Are you in there?"

The howling continued, louder than before and Sirius pounded on the front door so hard he nearly took it off the hinges. Moving back around the house again, he suddenly spotted the window to Remus's bedroom was slightly ajar. "Hold on Remus!" he called as he eased the window open and climbed over the sill, landing with a thump on the bedside rug.

The inside of the house looked just the same as it always did. Remus's room was as messy as it always was and Sirius's birthday present to his friend was lying open on his bed.

"Remus?" he called again and the howls he'd heard before began again, louder now that he was in the building. Sirius pulled out his wand and edged towards the door. He pulled it open quickly but there was nothing out of place there either. In fact, Sirius realised as he walked slowly round the ground floor, nothing was out of place.

"Remus, where are you?" Sirius called. "Come on mate, this isn't funny any more!"

Again the sounds of howling was the only response to him pleas. This time however, Sirius could tell where the noises were coming from.

The basement.

Sirius had never been in the basement of the Lupin house. He'd seen most of the rest of the house, Remus's room, the kitchen, the attic where the ghost of a cantankerous old witch hung out…but never the basement. Remus had just shrugged and replied 'nothing interesting' when Sirius had asked what was down there. He'd not asked again, not when there was so much else to see and do around the house, the village and the forest.

But now there were strange and frightening sounds coming from the basement, Remus was missing, Romulus was at work, and it was up to Sirius to find out what had happened to his friend.

"It's only a basement," he told himself as he pulled open the door and looked down the dimly lit staircase.

"_Lumos_," he commanded before making his way slowly down the stairs.

"Remus?" he called and the loudest howl yet answered him. Sirius stumbled on the stairs and he fell the remaining few steps, landing on his knees on the stone floor. He grunted at the further pain to his already grazed knee. His wand meanwhile had flown from his hand and was rapidly spinning on the floor, the light revolving round and round like the beam of a lighthouse. Sirius watched the light from where he knelt on the floor, trying to see into the darkest corners of the room, trying to see where Remus was.

The light reflected off of something shiny on the floor and Sirius reached out to pick up Remus's mirror. "Remus?" he whispered into the darkness as he pocketed the mirror with his own and picked up his wand. He pointed it around the room and shrank back at the sight of a pair of golden eyes staring at him.

Sirius watched the eyes draw closer and closer to him before the room suddenly lit up with a pale blue light and the creature re-bounded off the magical barrier that was keeping it caged. It howled in pain and frustration and Sirius watched as it tried to break through time and time again, each attempt punctuated by the pale blue light and the howls.

Too shocked to do much more than sit and watch, Sirius edged backwards until he was pressed up against the wall, his eyes never leaving the animal pacing the basement cage. One word resounded through his mind over and over again.

Werewolf!


	10. Your Secret's Safe With Me

Your Secret's Safe with Me

Sirius didn't know how long he sat leaning against the cold stone wall of the basement. Time didn't seem to have any meaning for him and things as trivial as curfews and school rules didn't even cross his mind. The only thought in his head was whether the magical barrier that was keeping the werewolf from attacking him would hold out forever.

Gradually Sirius came to realise that the magical barrier was strong enough to keep the creature contained and his fear subsided enough that he felt comfortable enough to inch forward ever so slightly to see the werewolf more clearly.

The barrier was invisible until the werewolf touched it and Sirius made sure to stay well back from where he thought it was. Raising his wand, still glowing from the lumos spell, Sirius pointed it towards the werewolf. His hand began to shake slightly as the wolf growled and snarled at him but now that the initial shock had passed he was curious to see the animal at close quarters.

Sirius knew that there were differences between regular wolves and werewolves, but he didn't know what they were. For a moment he wondered if the wolf was a normal one, one that the Lupin brothers were perhaps keeping in their basement, then the sight of a torn shirt, one that he recognised as belonging to Remus, forced him to dismiss that notion.

"Remus?" he whispered and the golden eyed creature turned to snarl at him again. For a moment Sirius thought the werewolf was going to charge at the barrier again and he braced himself for the blue light and the shock of the animal leaping towards him. But surprisingly the werewolf didn't try to attack him again. He wondered if perhaps the animal had realised that it was fruitless to attack the barrier, or whether it was just too tired to do so. Then, somehow, the foolish idea entered his mind that perhaps, just maybe, Remus was still in there and was controlling the wolf in some way. It went against everything that Sirius had ever heard about werewolves but for some reason he liked that idea more than the others.

"Remus?" he asked again, slightly louder this time. "Can you hear me? Can you understand?"

If he was expecting an intelligent response, Sirius was sorely disappointed. But any disappointment was completely quelled by the realisation that the werewolf, Remus, was not minded to try and attack him again.

The sound of a door slamming set the werewolf howling again and Sirius jumped up in horror as he realised that it was probably Romulus returning home and that he would be furious to find Sirius there on this particular night.

"_Nox,_" Sirius whispered to put out the light his wand was emitting, but before he could creep back up the staircase a familiar silhouette appeared in the doorway.

"You've been noisy tonight Moony," Romulus said as he walked down the stairs. "What's been upsetting you?"

Sirius slid back into the shadows wishing there was something for him to hide behind, but the only furniture in the basement was a small and rickety chest of drawers, and Sirius knew that the moment he took a step towards it he would be seen.

"I could hear you at the Hogs Head clear as anything," Romulus continued. "Luckily for us the regulars think the sounds were coming from the forest."

Moony, Remus, howled again before stretching and growling at Romulus.

"I see you cut it close again tonight Moony," Romulus said as he gestured towards the torn clothes. "And you're sewing them yourself this time as a reminder to be down here well before sunset."

Sirius listened as Romulus talked to Moony as though the werewolf could understand him, as though it were simply a normal discussion between the two brothers with Remus likely to answer back at any time. More than anything Sirius wanted to ask whether Romulus believed the werewolf could understand what he was saying.

Crouching down on the floor, Sirius watched as Romulus sat down on one of the lower stairs and leaned back against the wall. Even in the dim light from Romulus's wand, Sirius could see that he was tired and he wondered if he was going to sit there all night. He hoped he'd fall asleep so that he could creep out of the house but it didn't look as if he was going to. Instead Romulus was chatting away, just as he did when the two brothers were sitting at the kitchen table, as though he was expecting a cheeky response every other moment.

Moony meanwhile seemed much calmer than he had been arlier that night. Instead of attacking the barrier, he was curled up on the basement floor looking every inch like a household pet. Every now and then Sirius felt the werewolf turning his gaze towards him and he tried to slink back even further into the dark.

"You're calm now, aren't you Moony?" Romulus commented after he'd been sitting chatting for nearly an hour. "I don't think I've ever seen you less agitated. You tired or have you hurt yourself?"

Moony lifted his head up and looked towards where Sirius was hiding. If Sirius didn't know better he'd have sworn that Moony was trying to explain to Romulus that he was there. Whether it was intentional or not, it had that precise effect and Romulus jumped up from his seat on the stairs and pointed his wand towards the corner of the room.

"_Lumos maximus_," he called out and the small glow from the wand expanded to light up the whole room, revealing Sirius's presence and startling Moony into attacking the barrier again.

"Sirius!" Romulus exclaimed as he looked from the werewolf to Sirius and back again.

"I'm sorry," Sirius hurriedly cried out. "I didn't mean to pry, I didn't know, I heard noises, I thought Remus was in trouble. I didn't know, I swear."

"Upstairs, now!" Romulus ordered. "Don't worry, Moony can't get past the magical barrier," he added as an afterthought.

Sirius nodded and hurried after Romulus, wondering just how he was going to talk his way out of this one.

"Sit down," Romulus said as he pointed to the squashy living room sofa, taking a nearby seat for himself.

Sirius obeyed instantly and he scuffed the toe of his shoe on the carpet, scared of meeting the eyes of his best friend's brother.

"So now you know," Romulus finally commented in a tired voice that sounded far older than his actual years. "I imagine it's been a bit of a shock; would you like a cup of tea or something? It's supposed to help."

"Yes please," Sirius replied with a nod. He didn't really want a drink but at least while Romulus was rummaging around in the kitchen it would give him time to collect his thoughts and try to work out how to explain himself.

He was still wondering what he was going to say when Romulus returned and passed him the hot mug of tea. "Drink it while it's hot," he advised and Sirius nodded obediently as he raised the mug to his lips. He vaguely thought that it tasted a little strange, somewhat bitter. Then he felt his eyes closing of their own accord and no matter how much he tried to keep them open he couldn't seem to manage it. He felt Romulus removing the mug from his hands but couldn't seem to muster the strength to resist.

His eyes were completely closed as he felt strong arms catch him and a soft cushion being placed beneath his head. Then he gave himself up to the sleep that he knew was potion-induced.

* * *

Remus opened his eyes and cringed at the pain the action caused his swollen left eye. It felt like he'd spent all night beating his head against the wall and the pounding of his head when he tried to sit up only served to verify that assessment.

It wasn't quite sunrise but Moony had retreated for the month. All Remus had to do now was wait for the sunrise to come and for the magical barrier to vanish for the day. The barrier itself appeared every sunset and remained until the following sunrise, the spell working irrespective of the moon's cycle. It was for Remus to make sure that he was safely behind the barrier when the sun disappeared beyond the horizon on the evenings when the moon was full.

It was also for Remus to remember to leave himself plenty of time to undress and push his clothes out of Moony's way. The barrier only stopped living beings, animal or human passing through. Remus looked at the torn shirt and jeans and knew he'd left it too late the previous night. He looked through the barrier and saw that his mirror had gone and wondered if Romulus had picked it up. He didn't like his brother seeing him in his wolf form but he had long suspected that he came down to the basement after he'd transformed in order to check on him during the night. His mirror certainly wasn't where he'd left it, so someone must have been there, and Romulus was the most likely suspect. He only hoped that he hadn't recognised the mirror as a magical item, and that Sirius hadn't tried to speak to him through it during the night.

Remus waited, somewhat patiently, until the barrier flashed red before disappearing entirely. Gathering his torn clothes, he hurried to the small chest of drawers and pulled out the replacements that he kept there. Once he'd dragged on his jeans and t-shirt he made his way up the stairs, limping slightly from the soreness that almost always accompanied the mornings after the full moon.

"Remus?" Romulus asked quietly from the top of the stairs.

"Who else?" Remus called back with a rueful smile.

"Come through here," Romulus said, as he hurried across the kitchen, ushering Remus through to his bedroom.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked as soon as the door closed behind them.

"We need to get out of here."

Remus looked around the room and saw that the battered trunk from the closet was open, his belongings crammed into it in a rather haphazard fashion.

"Are you all right for travelling?" Romulus continued as he hurried through to the adjoining bathroom, returning a moment later with the potions and ointments for Remus's monthly injuries.

"I'm just a bit bruised this month," Remus said. "I think I twisted my ankle too, it's sore and a bit painful to walk on."

"That's okay, we're apparating," Romulus said shortly as he passed Remus the ointment to treat the bruises.

Remus gasped. "But you don't have a licence."

"We don't have a choice."

"But why? The Ministry doesn't know we're here, do they?"

"Not yet, but it's only a matter of time before they arrive on our doorstep. Now where did you put the herbs you were gathering last week?"

"In the study. But why do we have to leave now?"

"You're secret's out," Romulus said quietly. "Go get those herbs and put them in the kitchen with the rest. Then start packing the books into the boxes from the attic. I'll shrink them down for storage when I'm done in here."

Remus stood as still as a statue as Romulus continued to rattle off instructions. He'd heard nothing past the words that his secret was out.

"Well don't just stand there Rem," Romulus ordered as he waved him back out of the door, following after him to start packing away the kitchen utensils.

"But how?" Remus whispered, the ointment jar forgotten in his hand.

"We had a visitor last night," Romulus explained. "We don't have much time, now hurry up and help me pack."

"Can I go and say goodbye to Sirius?" Remus asked quietly. "I can't leave without saying goodbye, he's my friend."

"Not any more."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, a cold feeling of dread settling in his stomach as he realised that Romulus wasn't meeting his eyes.

"Just start packing and I'll explain later," Romulus hedged.

"I'm not leaving without saying goodbye to Sirius," Remus argued, his jaw stubbornly set, despite his brother's look of warning. "He's my best friend." He didn't add that Sirius was his only friend, but the words hung in the air just as surely as if he had.

"Sirius was the one who saw you last night," Romulus sighed. "Now please…"

"He won't tell anyone," Remus interrupted frantically. "He's my friend. He'll keep it a secret, I know he will."

"Remus," Romulus warned. "We are _not_ having this discussion. Now do as you're told and start packing."

"But I have to explain to him."

"Explain what?" Romulus shouted. "You're a werewolf, he's not stupid! He'll know why you kept it a secret. You're unregistered and on the run. We have to leave before he tells anyone."

"He won't."

"You don't know that! You didn't see him last night. He was hiding in the corner of the basement; he was frightened. We can't trust him. We can't trust anyone."

"But…"

"Remus, we don't have time for this. Just go and get the boxes and start packing. We need to get out of here before – " Romulus stopped himself suddenly and Remus wondered what it was that his brother had been about to say.

"Before?" he asked.

"Just get the boxes."

"Before what?" Remus pressed on.

"Before he wakes up," Romulus finally admitted with a nod towards the closed door to the living room.

"He's still here?" Remus gasped as he rushed towards the door, only to find it locked.

"Yes, he's still here," Romulus sighed. "I couldn't risk him going back to the school and raising the alarm before the full moon had passed."

Remus looked at his brother with narrowed eyes. There was something Romulus wasn't telling him and although he already had a sneaking suspicion as to what it was, he wanted to hear it from his brother himself.

Finally Romulus seemed to get Remus's silent message. "I slipped him a sleeping draught, okay?"

"I want to talk to him," Remus insisted. "As soon as he wakes up, I want to talk to him."

"We're going to be long gone before he wakes up," Romulus pointed out. "At least we will if you go and get the boxes like I've told you to, and start packing."

"I'm not going," Remus muttered stubbornly.

"You want to stay here and wait for the Ministry to come and get you?" asked Romulus with barely concealed sarcasm amidst the growing impatience.

"Maybe mum and dad have changed their minds about me?" Remus suggested. "Maybe they missed us?"

"And if they haven't, then we're both screwed," Romulus snapped.

"Let me talk to him, please."

"And what exactly do you think you're going to say to him?"

"I'll explain things"

"There's nothing to explain," Romulus pointed out again. "There's nothing you can say to him."

"I can ask him to keep our secret," Remus cried. "I have to give him the chance."

"And what if he says he'll keep quiet but then tells someone?"

"He won't."

"You don't know that for sure. It's safer to get out of here now before he has the chance to tell anyone."

"It's not fair," Remus sulked, knowing that it was pointless to continue arguing but determined to have the last say anyway.

"Just go get the boxes from the attic," Romulus sighed. "And don't take all day about it. I don't know how long it'll be before Sirius wakes up. I didn't dare give him an adult dose since he's only thirteen, so he could wake up any time. We need to be out of here before then."

Remus nodded dejectedly and slowly made his way into the hallway. He dragged his feet as much as he dared, hoping that they would still be there when Sirius woke up, but at the same time terrified of what would happen if he did get to speak to his friend before they left.

* * *

Sirius's neck was hurting when he woke up and for a moment he wondered where he was. Then he realised that he had been asleep on the Lupins' sofa, the uncomfortable position causing the crick in his neck. Memories of the previous night drifted back to him, the golden eyes staring back at him from the other side of the magical barrier, Romulus discovering him hiding in the basement, and the knowledge that his best friend was a creature of nightmares…a werewolf.

From the other side of the door came the sounds of someone moving about in the kitchen, to Sirius's ears it sounded like pots and pans were being thrown around the room and he wondered what was happening.

Then the sound of footsteps on the stairs caught his attention. Remus's footsteps he thought to himself with a smile. The same pace of footsteps usually signalled that his friend had some chore or another to do and that he was reluctant to get started on it.

"Have you got them all?" Sirius heard Romulus call from the kitchen.

"I think so," Remus replied.

"Okay, put them in the fireplace and I'll burn them."

"No!"

Sirius rubbed his neck as he walked over to the door, wondering what it was that Romulus wanted to burn.

"I want to take them with me," Remus was saying as Sirius reached the door and tried unsuccessfully to open it.

"We're not taking everything," Romulus argued. "You don't need those letters."

"I can't find my mirror either," Remus said. "I'm not leaving without it."

"I'll get you another mirror for Merlin's sake."

"I don't want another mirror, I want mine."

"Remus, please!"

Sirius could tell that Romulus's patience was wearing thin. He put his hand into the pocket of his robes and pulled out the mirror that he was sure was the one Remus was searching for.

He was about to call through the door that he had Remus's mirror here when the ramifications of the conversation finally registered in his still sleepy mind.

The Lupins were leaving. Remus was leaving.

Sirius tried the handle of the door again but to no avail. When it was clear that he wasn't going to get out of the room that way he banged loudly on the door instead.

He heard Romulus swear in the neighbouring room.

"Let me out!" Sirius yelled as he banged on the door again, in his distress forgetting to check whether he still had his wand, and not knowing that Romulus had forgotten to remove it from his person, while in a similar state panic.

* * *

"Rom, please?" Remus begged. "Just a few minutes."

Romulus looked hesitantly at the door that Sirius was clearly trying to open.

"Just a few minutes?" Remus repeated. "What harm can it do?"

"Five minutes," Romulus finally agreed. "Here, take my wand."

"What for?" Remus asked curiously even as he reached to take the long strip of wood from his brother's outstretched hand.

"If he looks like he's going to run for it or hex you – I forgot to take his wand off him – if he tries anything …stun him," Romulus whispered. "Don't hesitate, just do it."

"I can't stun Sirius," Remus whispered back, the very idea of such an action completely unthinkable.

"Just in case," Romulus said quietly. "And I'll be right out here."

"Counting the minutes," Remus muttered as he pointed the wand at the door handle and spoke the spell that would unlock the room.

The door swung open from the force of Sirius's banging on the wood and Remus jumped back to avoid being hit with it.

"Five minutes," Romulus reminded him as he stepped into the room and closed the door again.

Despite all his arguing and all his pleading for a chance to talk to Sirius, now that he was finally in the same room as his friend, Remus had no idea what he was going to say.

"So?" he said questioningly. Sirius didn't reply, and Remus suspected he was equally unsure about what to say.

"Why did you come here last night?" Remus finally asked. His eyes were trained on the threadbare carpet and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't bring himself to look Sirius in the eye. Romulus's wand was still in his hands and he toyed with the wood distractedly.

"You left your mirror activated," Sirius explained as he pulled the said mirror from his pocket and held it out to Remus. "I thought you were in trouble."

Remus snorted with the bitter humour that he certainly was now. Even so, he reached out to take the mirror from Sirius's hand, his fingers brushing the other boy's slightly as he did so. Sirius pulled his hand back as though he'd been scalded and Remus couldn't help but notice the way his friend flinched at his touch.

The mirror and Romulus's wand dropped to the floor and Remus bolted from the room, unable to bring himself to look at his friend. He pushed past Romulus who was standing on the other side of the door and ran into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Sirius looked at his treacherous hand, which was starting to shake. He reached down and picked up the mirror at the same time as Romulus quickly retrieved his wand. A moment later and Romulus had his wand trained on him and Sirius wondered if he was going to be allowed to leave the Lupin house alive.

He knew he'd seen Romulus angry before, but he'd never seen hatred in his eyes; he'd seen nothing like what he was seeing right now.

"I…I'm…"

"Don't!" Romulus snapped. "Just listen up, and listen good."

Sirius nodded obediently as he pulled his hand into a fist in an attempt to stop it from shaking.

"Remus is a werewolf. He's a danger to humans on one night of the month. I'm his brother and there is _nothing_ I won't do to protect him. That makes me dangerous _every_ day of the month."

Sirius shrank back against the sofa, the flashing anger in Romulus's eyes far more terrifying to him than the golden eyes of the werewolf the previous night.

"I can't stop you from telling everyone what you've seen," Romulus continued in a low voice. "But I promise you that if anything happens to my baby brother because of you, I'll track you down no matter how powerful your family is."

"I won't tell anyone," Sirius whispered, shaking his head vehemently. "You don't have to leave, do you?"

"Remus has spent all morning begging to stay here," Romulus said quietly. "All my arguments have gone over his head like water off a duck's back. But in less than a minute, and without a single word, you've done what I couldn't. You've made him want to leave."

"I'll talk him round," Sirius said and he felt his eyes begin to water. He rapidly blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I don't want you to talk him round," Romulus replied.

"Doesn't mean I'm not going to try," Sirius declared and he ran from the room before Romulus could stop him.

Remus hadn't locked his bedroom door but as soon as Sirius was inside the room he pulled out his wand and took care of that.

"Go 'way," Remus mumbled from where he was laying face down on the bed.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered.

"I said go away," Remus snapped, turning to glare at Sirius before turning to face the wall instead.

"No," Sirius declared as he took a few paces further into the room. He was vaguely aware of Romulus trying to open the door and he pulled out his wand to move a chest of drawers into the doorway. He knew it wouldn't keep Romulus out for long, but he hoped the few additional minutes would be enough.

"Remus?" Sirius asked as he sat on the end of the bed.

"..."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said again, louder this time.

"..."

"I don't want you to leave," Sirius tried again. "You're my best friend…"

"I'm a werewolf!" Remus muttered bitterly.

"So I saw," Sirius replied.

"Do you hate me now?" Remus asked as he finally turned round to face him. Sirius could see Remus's face was tearstained and he cringed inwardly at the thought that he had been the one to make it that way.

Sirius shook his head, replying "no" without hesitation.

"But you're scared of me," said Remus, and Sirius could tell it wasn't a question.

"No." Sirius shook his head and reached out to take one of Remus's hands in his own. "I'm not scared, not any more. And I don't want you to leave."

"We're still friends?" Remus whispered, hope emanating from his every word as he sat up properly and used his free hand to wipe his eyes.

"Best friends," Sirius assured him, pulling Remus into a hug. "Please don't leave," he whispered.

"It's not up to me," Remus replied with a barely concealed sob. "It's up to Rom."

"Guess we'll have to talk him round then," Sirius said. "He doesn't like to refuse you anything and with me and the infamous Black family charm," Remus snorted at this. "With my charm we'll talk him into staying here forever."


	11. If Ever I Fall

If Ever I Fall

Sirius arrived back at Hogwarts feeling dejected and miserable. No matter how much he and Remus had begged, pleaded and argued, there had been no talking Romulus around. Remus had even threatened to stop eating unless he was allowed to stay. That had merely made Romulus laughingly produce a bar of chocolate that Remus had salivated over for nearly ten minutes.

Sirius had tried to work his charm on Remus's older brother, but although Romulus had softened towards him somewhat during the course of the day, he hadn't managed to persuade him to change his mind.

Sirius made his way slowly up the stairs towards the Gryffindor boys' dormitory, his footsteps heavy and his heart even more so.

He still had his own half of the set of two-way mirrors in his pocket, and the only bright spot of the entire day had been the fact that he had successfully managed to slip Remus's own mirror back to him without Romulus spotting the exchange. But Sirius knew that it wasn't going to be the same as it had been before. Even when Remus had been forbidden from seeing him, they had known that they were not that far away from each other. Now Sirius didn't even know if Remus was going to be staying in the country.

Pushing open the door to the dormitory, Sirius was immediately greeted by the bright smiles of James and Peter. He wasn't so miserably tired that he didn't realise that their expressions of glee did not bode well for him.

"So where've you been all night?" Peter asked with a smirk. "James thought you'd run away, but I said we weren't that lucky."

"Have you been crying?" James asked with obvious surprise and he leaned forward to take a closer look. Sirius turned away from the questioning gaze of the other boy and wished that he'd stopped in the boys' bathroom to clean his face on the way.

"Piss off!" Sirius snapped as he busied himself with straightening his bed even though it had already been made to perfection by the house elves.

"That what you're going to tell McGonagall when she asks?" James asked. "She wants to see you right away."

"What for?"

"Because you're in trouble, you idiot." Peter rolled his eyes at James who laughed loudly. "Did you think no one would notice you were missing?"

It was on the tip of Sirius's tongue to reply that he didn't think anyone would care, but the sound of the steady footsteps of Professor McGonagall on the staircase halted his words.

"Sirius Black," said McGonagall with a frown. "If you'd come with me please."

Sirius nodded, even though Professor McGonagall had already turned away and was descending the stairs once more.

"Maybe he'll be expelled," Peter suggested hopefully.

Sirius hesitated in the doorway and turned to glare at his tormentor. "With a bit of luck I will be," he snapped. "Anything's better than being stuck here with you two gits for the rest of the year." He caught a fleeting glimpse of surprised looks on the faces of the two boys just before he slammed the door shut and hurried after Professor McGonagall.

"Aren't you taking me to your office?" he asked a minute later when he realised that that the teacher had passed straight by the staircase that would eventually lead down to her office.

"No," McGonagall replied shortly.

Sirius wanted to ask where they _were_ going but he had a feeling that he already knew the answer to that question. His suspicions were confirmed when they arrived at the gargoyle guardians to the headmaster's quarters.

"Sugar mice," McGonagall stated firmly, prompting the gargoyle to step aside to allow them access.

Sirius's feet felt like lead as he made his way up the staircase; McGonagall remained below, standing sentry-like at the bottom in case he decided to make a run for it. "Professor Dumbledore is expecting you, just knock and go in," she told him. Sirius nodded woodenly before forcing himself onwards. Images of his mother's face drifted unbidden across his mind and he pictured her furiously shouting at him once she'd learned that he'd been expelled.

Dumbledore's office was empty save for the headmaster's phoenix and Sirius wondered whether he should sit down or stand whilst he was waiting. Fortunately for his nerves, Dumbledore was not long in returning to his office.

"Ah Mr Black, thank you for coming to see me, do take a seat."

Sirius blinked a time or two at the headmaster's greeting, it was more reminiscent of him being greeted by a friend when stopping by for afternoon tea, rather than his being summoned before the headmaster to account for his absence from the school.

"Would you like a lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked as he pointed to the large bowl of sweets on the desk. Sirius shook his head numbly and wished the headmaster would just get it over with and expel him, that would be far preferable to the torture he was currently inflicting.

"Hmm, now what was it I wanted to see you about?" Dumbledore mumbled to himself, displaying an absentmindedness that nearly fooled Sirius. But something in the headmaster's eyes made it clear that the professor knew exactly why he'd summoned him and was waiting for him to elaborate.

Sirius looked down at his shoes, noticing as he did that they were rather dusty from the long walk from Hogsmeade. "It's because I left the school grounds," he finally whispered as he forced himself to meet the headmaster's eyes.

"Ah yes, you were visiting the Lupins last night, weren't you?" Dumbledore smiled across the table and Sirius wondered how it was that the headmaster knew exactly where he'd been. "Young Remus is a friend of yours, isn't he?"

Sirius nodded, even as he felt his heart rate increasing with fear. Did Albus Dumbledore know what Remus was? Did he know that the Lupin brothers were on the run from the Ministry?

"I've not met Remus myself," Dumbledore continued with another smile. "Though his brother was here for five years until he'd finished his OWLs. Exceptionally gifted student, such a shame that circumstances prevented him from continuing his education."

Sirius nodded obediently, wondering if Dumbledore knew the exact circumstances that had prevented Romulus from returning to school for his sixth year.

"The two boys are very close." Dumbledore stood up and walked across to look out the window. Sirius rubbed at the back of his neck, nervously looking round the room at the various portraits that adorned the walls of the office. Most of the occupants of the paintings were listening intently to the practically one-sided conversation.

"Such a shame that they didn't have the parents they deserved," one of the witches on the wall commented sadly.

"Quite," Dumbledore replied. "Romulus has had a heavy burden placed on his shoulders, and I fear it is becoming too much for him. He's scared for his brother and is only too aware that they are on borrowed time."

"The Ministry have more important things they should be concentrating on at the moment," an elderly wizard griped loudly from behind Sirius. He turned to look at who had spoken and saw a stern faced wizard in very old-fashioned crimson robes staring back at him.

Sirius turned back to Professor Dumbledore who was still gazing, apparently lost in thought, out the window towards the Forbidden Forest. He coughed quietly to try to get the headmaster's attention, not that he was entirely sure he wanted it, the word 'expulsion' still hovering in the forefront of his mind.

"Ah yes," Dumbledore turned back to him with a somewhat apologetic smile. "Now you really shouldn't be leaving school grounds, and certainly not at night." He shook his head slightly but there was the faintest glimmer of a smile on his stern visage. It was enough to give Sirius hope that maybe he wasn't going to be catching the next train back to London.

"I'm sorry, Professor."

"You thought your friend was in trouble," Dumbledore replied airily. "Perfectly understandable, and in the circumstances, quite accurate. Not that there's anything you could have done to help him last night."

Sirius frowned at the headmaster's words. He had the sneaking suspicion that the teacher was trying to ascertain whether Sirius knew what Remus was but didn't want to ask directly in case he didn't.

"Do you think he'll be all right?" Sirius asked, hoping the question was vague enough to let the teacher know that he knew. "They've left, and Remus said if they apparate the Ministry will catch them but Rom wouldn't listen and…" He halted his rush of words when Dumbledore raised his hand calmly.

"They haven't apparated anywhere, that I'm sure of, or the Ministry would already be lurking around Hogsmeade, and I've heard no word of their presence. I'm sure they're both fine at the moment but…"

"Are you going to report them?" Sirius asked.

"Oh no, I don't see any need to bother the Ministry with such a trifling matter as this." Dumbledore chuckled quietly, and a few of the portraits joined in as though this was some private joke that only they were privy to. "Now am I correct in assuming that you ventured into the basement of the Lupins' house last night?"

Sirius nodded mutely.

"I suspected as much," Dumbledore replied. "Nothing except someone discovering Remus on the night of the full moon would prompt Romulus to pack up and leave so suddenly."

"It's because of me," Sirius confessed, his voice cracking and his eyes watering. "He doesn't trust me, and even though I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, he didn't believe me and said they had to leave."

"Now, now," Dumbledore consoled as he conjured a handkerchief and passed it across the desk to Sirius. "Don't be upset that Romulus doesn't trust you yet. He doesn't trust anyone, at least not when it comes to protecting Remus."

"But if I hadn't gone to see Remus…" Sirius sniffed and blew his nose loudly.

"But you did, and nothing you can say or do will change that," Dumbledore pointed out. "What we need to do now is figure out the best way you can help your friend."

"But what can I do?" Sirius argued. "They're gone!"

"Oh, I doubt they'll have gone too far just yet," Dumbledore commented with another glance out of the window. "Unless I miss my guess, they're probably at the centaur camp round about now."

"You think so?" Sirius asked, visibly brightening up at the idea that Remus was still fairly close by.

"That doesn't mean I'm giving you permission to go visit," Dumbledore warned.

"But how else can I help Remus?"

Dumbledore looked back across at him for several minutes. Sirius was squirming in his seat under the quiet appraisal of the headmaster as he waited for his reply. "Romulus is scared for his brother's safety," Dumbledore said quietly. "He doesn't realise, or refuses to acknowledge, that of the two of them, his is the fate that will be the worse if they are caught."

"But they'll kill Remus!" Sirius exclaimed loudly. "How can Rom's fate be worse than that?"

"If they are caught, Remus will probably end up in one of the dangerous creature camps," Dumbledore explained. "He's still a child and cannot be held accountable for the circumstances he finds himself in. He may even be lucky enough to be adopted if the Ministry believe he can be 'trained to be more human'."

"But he is human," Sirius pointed out with a frown. "How can he be 'more human'? I didn't even know what he was until last night?"

"An excellent argument, but not one that would go down very well in the Wizengamot," Dumbledore replied with a sad smile. "But Remus would be unlikely to receive the death sentence unless he was apprehended in his werewolf form and attacked an auror. Romulus, on the other hand, is in a far more precarious situation."

"Why?"

"I'm afraid it's rather complicated," Dumbledore sighed.

Sirius scowled at the insinuation that he wouldn't be able to understand the situation but didn't ask the headmaster to elaborate further. "How can I help Remus?" he asked instead.

"I think you should take some extra lessons with Madam Pomfrey," Dumbledore suggested quietly.

"Extra lessons?" Sirius groaned at the idea, even as he wondered what the school healer could possibly have to teach him.

"Romulus teaches his brother what he can about healing," Dumbledore continued. "But he doesn't know everything, and Remus isn't the most patient of students from what I've heard. Madam Pomfrey is one of the most gifted healers in the country, top of her class at Beauxbatons, and the best person to teach you what you need to know if you're going to be able to help your friend."

"But…"

"No, that still doesn't mean you have permission to leave school grounds," Dumbledore interrupted with a wink.

Sirius felt a small smile spreading over his face, the first one since he'd said goodbye to Remus. "Will I have to have extra tests at the end of the year?" he asked.

"No, these lessons will be informal," Dumbledore assured him. "The true test of whether you've learned enough will be when you have to put what you've learned to use…when Remus needs your healing skills."

Sirius felt his stomach churn at the daunting prospect of Remus's life hanging in the balance and his knowledge meaning the difference between life and death.

"You'll start with healing charms and then move onto restorative potions," Dumbledore explained. "Now I believe it's nearly time for dinner. I'll get Poppy to speak to you about the extra lessons in the morning."

Sirius stood up but didn't move towards the door.

"Yes?" Dumbledore prompted.

"Why can't Remus just come to Hogwarts?" Sirius blurted out. "You're the headmaster, can't you just let him come here?"

"I'm afraid it's not that easy," Dumbledore replied with a sad shake of his head. "I'd like nothing more than for every young wizard to receive an education here; I'm sure that young Remus would be as much a credit to the school as his brother. Unfortunately the Ministry keeps a list of all Hogwarts students, one that cannot be tampered with and shows the true names of all students, and the moment Remus's name appears on that list they will simply come and arrest him."

"But couldn't you stop them?"

"I'm afraid that if I, or anyone else," Dumbledore gave Sirius a meaningful look, "were to step in the path of the aurors they would simply arrest us, too."

"So Remus will never be able to come to Hogwarts," Sirius stated quietly.

"Not while he's wanted by the Ministry," Dumbledore stated sadly.

"Do you think they'll ever catch them?"

"I'm sure they will." Dumbledore sighed and returned to the window. "You'd better head down to dinner."

Sirius nodded, even though the headmaster couldn't see him, and left the room. He wondered whether Dumbledore was right about where the Lupins had gone to, but he knew it would be far too risky to sneak out to the centaur camp so soon after his return. He also had the horrible suspicion that should Romulus see him, he would simply run again.

* * *

Remus was still sulking when they arrived at the centaur camp.

"We'll just stay here tonight, then move on in the morning," Romulus explained as they approached Torin.

Remus remained stubbornly silent, his hands shoved into the pocket of his robes, the right one clutching his precious two-way mirror.

"Greetings to you," Torin called as they walked through the camp towards the large Meeting House situated in the centre. "What brings the Messrs Lupins here today?"

"Greetings, Chief Torin," Romulus replied with more formality than Remus could ever recall him using when speaking to the centaur. "We seek shelter for the night."

"You are both most welcome here," Torin answered. He looked skyward for a moment before continuing. "It was the full moon last night, was it not?"

"We had a visitor," Romulus confirmed in answer to the unspoken question.

Torin nodded seriously, but Remus was already looking around for Firenze and no longer listening to the conversation. He only turned back towards his brother and Torin when he heard the shout of anger from Magorian.

"You would let them bring the Ministry down upon us?" the dark centaur shouted at his leader.

"We'll be gone by tomorrow," Romulus explained.

"Stay out of this, human!" Magorian spat out before rounding on Torin once more. "You cannot let them into our camp!"

"I'm still Chief here," Torin stated in a tired voice that made it clear that arguments with Magorian were still commonplace. "They will stay with us as long as they need shelter."

"Thank you," Romulus murmured and he bowed respectfully to the Chief, nudging Remus to do the same.

Remus bowed too and when he rose he saw Firenze cantering towards him. "Greetings cub!" he called out. "Come to help us sort out the new storehouse?"

"Can I?" Remus asked eagerly, knowing that Firenze would have chosen that job because of all the edible goodies that would be available to them.

Torin nodded and waved him away.

"Just ignore Magorian," Firenze whispered as soon as they were out of earshot. "He's sore because Ebony's been sent to the lowlands. Father wants her to bond with one of the leaders of a herd down there."

"Bond?" Remus asked curiously.

"It's rather like a wizard marriage," Firenze explained. "Magorian wants to bond with her himself, but father refused him because we need to form alliances with other herds."

"Because of the Ministry taking your lands?" Remus asked, recalling earlier conversations in and around the camp.

"We centaurs are being pushed into smaller and smaller living areas," Firenze complained. "The Ministry use the excuse that muggles are spreading too far throughout the country and we must hide or risk exposure of the magical world…like they even consider us half-breeds a part of it!"

Firenze pulled a couple of apples from one of the nearby wicker baskets and tossed one to Remus. He took a large bite of his own before continuing. "Most Chiefs have a lot of sons to help protect the herd but there's just me and Ebony."

"How come?" Remus asked as around a mouthful of apple.

"Our mother was killed in a landslide just after I was born. Father resisted all pressure from the rest of the herd to bond again. His only hope now is to have Ebony bond and form an alliance with another herd and combine the two…safety in numbers and all that."

"But what if she really loves Magorian?" Remus asked, trying to sound grown up in front of the older boy.

"What do you know about love?" Firenze laughed. "You're just twelve years old."

"I'm thirteen," Remus replied with a haughty sniff and a grin.

"That reminds me," Firenze suddenly declared. "Wait here!"

Remus would have replied that he had no intention of moving anywhere but Firenze had already disappeared round the corner of a nearby hut. Remus continued to munch on his apple as he waited. A few minutes later Firenze reappeared with a wide grin on his face, and a bow and quiver in his hands.

"You got another new bow?" Remus sighed. "You're so lucky."

"It's not mine," Firenze laughed. "I've already got three. This one's for you, from me and my father, for your birthday. I'd have delivered it yesterday but the shaman was predicting a storm coming in, so we had to get the roof of the storehouse finished."

"Really?" Remus asked hopefully, if a little doubtfully.

"Of course," Firenze said and he pointed to the rim of quiver. Remus leaned in to take a closer look and let out a low whistle at what he saw there. "You like it?" Firenze asked.

"Oh yeah," Remus breathed. "I like the little wolves you've added round the top."

"Knew you would," Firenze said. "Though father said I was being tactless by adding them."

"Is it really mine? For keeps?"

Firenze nodded and smiled. "Happy birthday…sorry it's late."

"That's okay," Remus replied as he took the bow and tested it for springiness. "This is the best present ever."

"Liar," Firenze whispered with a grin. "You know that you like the mirror Sirius gave you better."

"They're both great presents," Remus amended. "I wish we could stay here so that I can learn how to use this better though."

"What do you mean? Are you leaving?" Firenze asked. "What's happened?"

"Sirius came to the house last night," Remus explained. "He saw Moony and now Rom wants us to leave in case he tells the Ministry where we are."

"Do you think he will?"

"Never!"

"You sound pretty sure about that."

"Sirius is my friend, he won't tell anyone what he saw."

"Why doesn't Romulus believe that?"

"Don't know," Remus muttered with a frustrated sigh. "I've been arguing with him all day and he just won't listen."

"Maybe you could stay here for a while and if the Ministry doesn't start snooping round you can both go home. If Sirius has told them about you, they'll not waste any time in coming to find you."

"He wants to be out of the country by the end of the week," Remus muttered. "I talked him out of apparating but he won't agree to anything else."

"I'll get my father to speak with him," Firenze suggested. "No one ever wins an argument against him, if anyone can talk him round it's him."

"You think so?" Remus asked hopefully.

"You've met my sister?" Firenze asked slightly sarcastically. "Not the most amenable of mares, and stubborn as a mule. Yet she's been packed off to the lowlands anyway."

Remus grinned at his friend as he savoured the idea of staying in the centaur camp. There was always so much happening and it was actually closer to the school than the house in Hogsmeade. At least it was closer if you journeyed as the crow flies, avoided the acromantulas, and successfully navigated through the swamp in the centre of the forest. It was certainly better than hiking around the continent.

* * *

Torin was still trying to talk Romulus into staying when Remus finally pleaded exhaustion and stumbled towards the small lean-to that they were camping under. Even though they had a magical tent in their belongings, Romulus had decided against using it within the centaur camp in case the Ministry was close by, waiting for any signs of magical use in the area.

The night air was chilly and Remus tugged several blankets out of their luggage as he bedded down for the night. His tiredness wasn't a complete lie, after all, it was the night following the full moon and he'd normally have napped throughout the day to catch up on his sleep. But before he slept there was one thing he knew he had to do.

"Sirius?" he whispered as he tapped on the mirror. "Are you there?"

"Of course," Sirius replied, as his grinning face appeared in the mirror. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, just tired," Remus whispered. "I can't talk for long though."

"Me neither." Sirius looked hesitant for a moment and Remus frowned slightly as he watched his friend collecting his thoughts. Finally he spoke again. "Are you at the centaur camp?"

Remus nodded. "How did you know that?"

"Dumbledore said you might be."

"You told the headmaster about me?" Remus accused, tears welling up in his eyes at the perceived betrayal.

"No, he already knew," Sirius hurriedly assured him. "I was missed from the school and got summoned to his office. He already knew about the both of you, and the Ministry and everything."

Remus breathed a sigh of relief but he couldn't entirely shake the unease at someone else knowing his secret.

"Dumbledore won't tell anyone," Sirius said. "He said he wouldn't."

Remus nodded cautiously in response. "Did you get in a lot of trouble for leaving the school?" he asked.

"Not even a detention," Sirius replied with a wide grin.

"Nothing at all?" Remus asked in astonishment. "No extra homework or detention or anything?"

"I've got some extra lessons with Madam Pomfrey," Sirius admitted. "But that's all."

"Who's that?"

"The school healer. Dumbledore thought it might be helpful for me to learn about healing charms and stuff like that."

"Poor you," Remus sympathised. He knew just how time-consuming and boring that particular task could be.

"I don't mind," Sirius replied. "Dumbledore says he thinks it would be useful for me to know that sort of stuff…in case you need help one day."

"I can take care of myself," Remus grumbled. "And Rom's always around to help anyway."

"But if he's not, I'd like to know what to do."

"You don't have to do this, not for me," Remus insisted.

"Remus, you're my best friend." Sirius sighed audibly, and a look of fleeting impatience crossed his face. "Don't you get it yet? I_ want _to do this for you. I can't do much else to help, but I can do this. I can be there for you, just like Rom is."

"You'd really take loads of extra lessons, just for me?" whispered Remus, a different sort of tears gathering in his eyes.

Sirius looked back at him earnestly. "I'd do anything for you."


	12. You Can Try To Resist

You Can Try to Resist

It wasn't quite dawn when Remus awoke the next morning. Although he'd spent many hours within the centaur community, he'd never truly realised how early their days began.

Several of the larger centaurs were raising a roof on one of their huts, whilst two of the younger centaurs were tending the large fire in the centre of the camp.

Remus looked blearily around the camp and soon spotted Romulus talking to Torin. He wondered if he'd been to sleep at all last night, but if the unruffled grass that was beside Remus was any indication, then it seemed that his brother, indeed, had not slept under the makeshift lean-to that night.

He looked longingly at the large cooking pot over the fire and felt his mouth watering as the tantalising smell of breakfast drifted in his direction.

"Looks like you're sticking around for a day or two," Firenze said from behind him, causing Remus to jump slightly.

"How do you do that?" he complained.

"Do what?"

"Sneak up on people like that."

"Lots of practice," Firenze grinned. "Are you coming to break your fast?"

Remus nodded and staggered to his feet. "Your father managed to talk Rom 'round?" he asked as Firenze passed him a small wooden bowl and a spoon.

"Of course," Firenze snorted. "He's asked him to help us out at the stream, and it's not like he can refuse when we've been so hospitable."

"Sneaky," Remus commented with a grin as one of the centaurs tending the fire poured him some porridge from the cauldron. "Does he really need help?"

"We could probably manage without, but your brother's help will be appreciated. Father just doesn't want him making rash decisions right now."

"The stream's that way, right?" Remus asked as he pointed his spoon towards the trees.

"It was," Firenze muttered. "The latest storm broke the dam and it's changed its course. We need to get it fixed if we want our water supply back. We've got enough stored for a week or two, but then we'll be in trouble."

"And you need Rom to help divert it?"

"Human feet have a much steadier footing in the steam; our hooves aren't suitable for such work. The dam was natural in origin, so we've never had to do this before."

"I'm sure Rom will help, and I will, too."

"You're already on the roster to help in the storehouse," Firenze reminded him. "Theresa and Manus are returning with supplies this afternoon, so father wants to make sure that we're as ready as we can be for them."

Remus nodded as he tucked into his breakfast. He hoped that over the next couple of days he'd have time to continue trying to persuade Romulus to return to Hogsmeade.

* * *

"You're still here then?" asked Peter as Sirius opened the curtains around his bed and forced himself to face the day.

"I guess so," Sirius sneered. "What? Disappointed I've not been expelled?"

Peter looked as if he was about to reply that he was severely disappointed, but a strange look sent in his direction from James caused him to hesitate.

"Got something to say, Potter?" Sirius snapped irritably.

"Where were you the other night?" James asked.

Sirius gave a bark-like laugh and shook his head with amusement.

"What's so funny?" James queried. He'd clearly not expected that particular reaction to his question.

"You are," Sirius told him. "You're actually arrogant enough and stupid enough to think I'd tell you _anything_. Where I was is my business and nothing to do with you."

"You were seeing that weird kid from last year, weren't you?"

"What's it to you?"

"He lives in Hogsmeade, doesn't he?"

"What's this? Twenty questions?" Sirius snapped as he pushed James out of the way and stalked towards the bathroom. Unfortunately, it seemed that James wasn't taking the anvil-sized hints Sirius was giving him, and he followed him into the white tiled room.

"Did you know it's my birthday in a couple of weeks?" James asked, feigning casual indifference to whatever Sirius's reply was going to be. Sirius simply ignored him. "We thought we'd sneak out to Hogsmeade that day, or rather during the night."

"And you're telling me because…?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"Well, you've been sneaking there since first year," James pointed out. "So you must know how to get there without getting caught."

"And you think I'd tell you?" Sirius laughed and shook his head in bemused wonder. "What makes you think I'm not going to simply tell McGonagall what you're up to, and then gloat when you find yourself in detention?"

"Because I'm inviting you to come with us," James replied with a smirk. "That way, if you tell, you'll be in as much trouble as the rest of us."

"You think I'd want to spend time with _you_?" Sirius laughed again.

"Thought you'd be grateful to have an offer of friendship from me and Pete."

"I don't need friends like _you_," Sirius sneered.

"So, you're not going to tell us how to get into Hogsmeade without going through the main gates?" a disappointed James asked.

"No."

"Guess we'll have to find another way to get to the Hog's Head then."

"The Hog's Head?" Sirius turned to face James properly for the first time since he'd entered the bathroom.

"You've heard of it?" James looked surprised and his next words told Sirius why. "Wouldn't have thought it would be your kind of place. It's kind of a dive."

"You don't know anything about me or 'my kind of place'," Sirius snapped. "And of course I've heard of it. Dumbledore's brother owns the place."

"What?" James looked at him in astonishment. "Are you sure? How do you know that?"

"I heard it from a friend," Sirius evaded.

"From Remus?"

"Why do you want to know?" Sirius asked, his voice rising, as worry over his friend came to the forefront of his mind again. "You spent most of last year hexing me and most of this year ignoring me. Now, all of a sudden, you want to chat and hang out with me! How stupid do you think I am?"

"I…"

"You're pathetic," Sirius raged. For more than a year he'd been bottling up his feelings of anger and frustration at his treatment by his fellow Gryffindors. Now he'd had enough, and since James Potter was too stupid to shut up and leave him alone, he'd find out just what the famous Black temper was like.

James backed away slightly as Sirius advanced on him.

"Afraid?" Sirius asked. "Good! Now you know how I felt! I'm a Gryffindor, same as you! I'm not evil! I'm not a Slytherin! You're the one who's afraid and cowardly." He poked James in the chest. "You're afraid of Remus, and I'll always remember the day you ran away from him like a herd of angry hippogriffs were after you."

"He g-growled at me," James stammered as he realised he'd backed himself up against the wall.

Sirius growled deep in his throat as he advanced on James. James's face went white and he stumbled as he edged towards the door.

"That's it, Potter, run away again." Sirius watched as James disappeared out of the bathroom. It was only after he was alone again that he began to wonder if he'd made the right decision.

Romulus worked for Aberforth Dumbledore and now that Sirius knew the true situation of the Lupin brothers, he realised that it would be hard for Romulus to obtain another job so easily. He suspected that it was not a coincidence that Remus's brother was working for Albus Dumbledore's brother. If the Lupins were staying in the vicinity, then Romulus would be continuing to go to work, wouldn't he?

Sirius chewed this over in his mind for the next few days, messing up frequently in lessons as his attention wandered from the tasks at hand.

If he could just go and see Romulus and let him know that he'd keep their secret forever. He didn't relish the idea of spending time with James and Peter, but he knew he had to start somewhere if he were to succeed in mending bridges with Remus's brother. Going to the centaur camp was too risky, especially since the headmaster knew Sirius was likely to try to sneak there. But if Romulus was at work, then he couldn't simply up and leave; he'd have to listen to him.

Finally Sirius had reached his decision.

"You still want to know how to sneak into Hogsmeade?" he whispered as he took a seat in the Great Hall opposite the messy-haired boy who had been the bane of his existence since arriving at Hogwarts.

James' jaw dropped open and the hand holding his fork full of mashed potatoes seemed frozen in place.

"Yes or no?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"He's just going to tell us and then report us," Peter whispered as he glared across the table.

"I'm going to come with you," Sirius said quietly.

"Why?" James asked once he'd recovered his voice.

"None of your business," Sirius answered easily. "Do you want my help or not?"

"Okay," James nodded, ignoring Peter's protestations. He stuck his hand out across the table and Sirius shook it briefly.

"Truce?" he asked.

"Truce," James agreed. He nudged Peter who repeated the sentiment, albeit rather reluctantly.

* * *

Life in the centaur camp was harder work than Remus had first realised. The days were long and the work exhaustingly strenuous. But Remus was not one for complaining, not when the alternative was leaving the camp and heading for mainland Europe and parts unknown.

The day or two at the camp had soon stretched to a week, then two. Romulus was still talking about leaving, but Remus noticed, with barely concealed glee, it was no longer taking Torin as many hours to talk him around.

Remus suspected, or at least he hoped, that if they could make it past the next full moon, then they'd be going home. Unless something went drastically wrong, Remus knew that he'd be returning to Hogsmeade for the full moon. He was sure that once they were back home it would be that much easier to persuade Romulus to remain there.

"And what makes you think you're going back there for the full moon?" Romulus asked when Remus finally broached the subject with him.

"But I can't just run around the forest," Remus pointed out. "What if I attack someone?"

"And what if your friend Sirius has told the Ministry about you? What if they're lying in wait for you to return on the night of the full moon?"

"He hasn't told anyone," Remus insisted.

"You don't know that."

"He hasn't."

"You can't be sure."

"I _am_ sure."

Something in Remus's tone must have conveyed more to Romulus than he'd intended and he shifted uneasily as his brother's piercing gaze bored into him. "Remus?" Romulus asked suspiciously. "What have you done? Have you been sneaking off to the school again?"

"He cannot have been," Torin interjected. "He has been supervised at all times. For his own safety."

Romulus breathed a small sigh of relief but he didn't stop glaring at Remus. "I'm waiting…"

Remus's hand moved automatically to his pocket and the mirror contained within it. He knew he'd given himself away when Romulus reached across him and roughly turned out his pockets.

"Didn't realise you were so concerned with your appearance," he commented in a slightly sarcastic tone as he took the mirror. "Hey, I recognise this…the day we left you were complaining about a mirror…Sirius dropped it…"

"That's mine," Remus cried, as he tried to take it back.

"I don't remember giving this to you," Romulus said as he turned the mirror over in his hands and looked at it curiously. "A present from Sirius, is it?"

"Yes," Remus mumbled his admission.

"A communications mirror," Romulus guessed. "Looks pretty expensive, too."

Romulus continued to look over the mirror before placing it in his own pocket. Remus let out an involuntary cry and reached out to try to take it back.

"You can't trust him," Romulus said quietly. "Now I want the truth, have you told him where we are?"

Remus ducked his head and nodded once.

"Damn it, Remus!" Romulus shouted. "How long has he known? When did you tell him?"

"He guessed the first night we were here," Remus whispered. "I think Dumbledore told him."

"Dumbledore? Albus Dumbledore?"

Remus nodded again.

"A good man," Torin commented quietly. "He will not betray you."

"You know Dumbledore?" Romulus asked in surprise.

"He has been a good friend to the herd for many years."

Romulus nodded thoughtfully and seemed to be considering things. "It doesn't change the fact that Sirius might have told the Ministry about us."

"I think if he had, they would have been here long before now," Torin wisely pointed out.

"He won't tell anyone," Remus repeated for what seemed to be the millionth time. "He's my friend. He's learning healing charms for me. He's taking extra lessons to help me. He's…"

"…your friend," Romulus anticipated with a tired nod.

"I don't want to be out in the forest on the full moon," Remus pleaded. "I want to be back home."

"You hate the basement," Romulus pointed out.

"But I'm safe there," Remus whispered. "You won't let anything happen to me there. If I'm in the forest, I might…"

Remus didn't dare finish the sentence, not even in his own mind. But he knew that Romulus knew exactly what it was he was afraid of. If Remus were caught on the night of a full moon, the consequences would be much worse.

* * *

Sirius crawled down one of the many tunnels that led from Hogwarts Castle to the village of Hogsmeade. James and Peter were close on his heels, eagerly breaking the school rules, and making far more noise than was strictly necessary.

"So, how did you know about this tunnel?" James asked.

"The Blacks have been coming here even longer than the Potters," Sirius replied. "I'm surprised you didn't know about it already."

"The Potters aren't known for being rule breakers," James huffed.

"Not like the Blacks," Peter muttered, still far from happy about the company he was keeping.

Sirius turned round to glare briefly at Peter. "Coming from someone who is breaking loads of school rules at the moment, you might want to consider shutting up."

"We're only breaking one school rule," Peter argued.

"Really?" Sirius asked with barely concealed amusement. "Planning on getting back to the dorm before curfew, are you? That's one rule broken. Then there's leaving school grounds without permission, and I'd guess you'd want a drink when you get to the pub. That last one isn't only rule breaking, it's law breaking."

"Fine, whatever," Peter grumbled, cutting Sirius off before he could continue with the list of transgressions.

"So, are you going to tell us why you agreed to come with us?" James asked once they were out of the tunnel and wandering down the main street of Hogsmeade.

"No."

"Look Black, I'm just trying to make an effort here," James snapped.

"Oh don't pretend like you're actually interested in being friends," Sirius barked. "You needed a way to sneak into the village and I was convenient."

"I didn't have to invite you."

"No, you didn't," Sirius agreed. "You could have left me behind and hoped I wouldn't report you."

"Why didn't you stay behind?"

Sirius frowned to himself, wondering why he'd agreed to tag along with James and Peter. At first, he'd told himself it was because he didn't want them suspecting him and blaming him if they got caught. Then he wondered if maybe he was actually a little bit envious of the friendship between the two boys. With no real friends of his own at the school, he'd actually enjoyed plotting with them the last few days. He'd even admit – to himself, if not to the others – that when they weren't making his life a misery, James and Peter were actually quite good company.

"Well?" James asked as they approached the pub.

"Don't know," Sirius replied with a shrug as he pushed open the weather-beaten wooden door that looked as though it had certainly seen better days.

"I'll get the first round," Peter said.

"No, I'll get them," Sirius offered as he scanned the nearly empty pub and saw that Romulus wasn't behind the bar.

"Okay," Peter agreed as he and James moved towards a table in the far corner of the room.

Sirius approached the barman who was clearly Aberforth Dumbledore. The resemblance between him and the headmaster was far too strong for him to be anyone else.

"You're underage," Aberforth said with a scowl. "Now hop it, before I owl the school and tell 'em you and your pals have snuck out."

"Does Romulus still work here?" Sirius asked, ignoring the comment about his age.

"Who wants to know?" Aberforth asked suspiciously.

"Can you give him these from me?" Sirius asked as he pulled out two envelopes from the pocket of his robes. The first contained a letter to Romulus that he'd spent considerable time over the last two weeks writing and re-writing. He hoped he'd managed to convey all he wanted to in the letter and that it might help the young man to start to trust him again. The second was a letter to Remus, penned in order to keep up the pretence that they had no way of keeping in touch. Sirius frowned to himself as he realised that it had been two days since he'd last spoken with Remus and that maybe they really didn't have any way of communicating.

"This ain't a ruddy post office," muttered Aberforth, though he did take the proffered envelopes from Sirius's outstretched hand. "He's down in the cellar, if you want to speak to him."

"Sirius?" a familiar voice asked and Sirius watched as Romulus popped up beside his boss. Romulus took the letters from Aberforth and looked at them curiously.

"You're still here," Sirius stated with a great deal of relief.

"You're out of bounds again," Romulus replied with a raise of one eyebrow. Sirius thought he could see a faint glimmer of the young man he'd come to know before the night of the full moon peering at him from behind the obvious tiredness and the barely concealed suspicion. "What are these?"

"Letters," Sirius explained. "Please don't take Remus away from Hogsmeade. I swear I won't tell anyone…"

"For crying out loud," Romulus interrupted him impatiently. He cast a nervous glance around the room and, with at a nod from Aberforth, gestured for Sirius to join him in a room off the back of the bar.

"Now we can talk without everyone in the building listening in."

"S-sorry," Sirius stammered. "I didn't think anyone was listening."

"Which is why it's so dangerous for me and Remus to stay here," Romulus sighed. "What if you accidentally let something else slip out without thinking?"

Sirius shook his head vehemently. "I won't," he insisted. "Please don't leave."

"I can't believe you snuck out to the village just to pester me," Romulus muttered incredulously.

"I wanted to know if Remus was okay, as well," Sirius explained.

"Did you indeed?" Romulus asked as he pulled out an all too familiar mirror from his pocket.

"Oh."

"I'll give it back to him once I get off work," Romulus said with a heartfelt sigh of resignation. "I can't argue with both of you forever, and I don't want you sneaking here again, you got that?"

"Got it!" Sirius repeated with a grin. "No more pubs."

"No more sneaking out, full stop," Romulus ordered.

Sirius chewed on his lip and suddenly found the stains marking the wooden floorboards to be rather engrossing.

"You'll get expelled if you get caught."

"I did get caught," Sirius confessed. "Dumbledore's got me doing extra lessons. Healing charms and stuff."

"So Remus was saying."

"I want to help," Sirius whispered. "After the full moons… I want to be there, to help."

"I'm not going to give you permission to sneak out of the school," Romulus laughed. "Even if I had that sort of power."

"But if I just happened to be there, you wouldn't send me back, would you?"

"I suppose you could learn more if you got to put it into practice," Romulus suggested quietly. "I'll speak to Abe about you using the tunnel that leads to this place."

"There's a tunnel that comes right here?" Sirius asked with surprise.

"There're probably more tunnels from the school than any one person knows about. At least if you've got Abe's permission he can keep an eye out for you."

"He won't tell his brother, will he?"

"Of course he will, you dolt." Romulus snorted and shook his head in wonder. "How do you think Dumbledore knows everything about everyone? He's got spies all over the place."

A moment later Aberforth stuck his head around the door. "You planning on doing any work tonight?" he asked impatiently. "And the young lad's friends are wondering where he's got to."

"They're not my friends," Sirius muttered under his breath.

"Well, the taller one still seems worried about you," Aberforth replied. "Threatening all sorts of punishments if you don't appear soon."

"That'll be Potter," Sirius sighed. "Any excuse to hex someone."

"Not _the_ Potter?" Romulus asked in surprise.

"That's the one."

"I'm glad to see you're getting on better with the Gryffindor boys."

"I wouldn't put it quite like that," Sirius said as he pushed his chair back and made to leave.

"Wait a minute, Sirius," Romulus said as he pulled Aberforth to one side for a whispered consultation. Aberforth looked surprised, then suspicious, and finally resigned.

"Come on then; hurry it up," he called out the door to where James and Peter were waiting. "Ruddy kids."

Sirius let James and Peter go on ahead of him as they descended the stairs to the cellar.

"Where does the tunnel come out at the other end?" Sirius asked.

"Three portraits to the west of the kitchens," Aberforth replied. "Right near the entrance to the Hufflepuff quarters. Get more from that house sneaking into the cellar than from any of the others." He shot a sharp look at Romulus who had the decency to flush. Sirius grinned and tried not to laugh as he watched Aberforth pull open a hidden door on one of the barrels. It revealed a dark tunnel that was easily big enough for the young boys to crawl through.

"Thanks," Sirius said as he climbed into the tunnel. "I'll see you soon."

Romulus nodded and waved before the door was closed behind them. The three boys were now plunged into darkness.

"Who was that?" Peter asked as they crawled some ten feet along the tunnel, waiting for it to expand so that they could stand up.

"None of your business," James replied before Sirius could open his mouth.

Sirius drew in a sharp breath.

"Well that _is_ what you were going to say, isn't it?" James pointed out. "And you owe us both a drink."

"We weren't going to get served, we're underage," Sirius pointed out.

"Then you'll have to buy us a round when we _are_ of age," Peter suggested.

"Assuming we haven't all been expelled by then," Sirius muttered. "Aberforth is going to tell Dumbledore we were out of bounds after curfew."

"Can't prove it though, can they?" James snorted.

Sirius shook his head and crawled to his feet. The ceiling of the tunnel was low and brushing the top of his head. He saw that James was in a similar position, and only Peter was able to stand up properly in the confined space.

"So, that's Remus's brother, right?" James asked conversationally. Sirius stumbled in surprise at the question that was spoken so confidently it was almost a statement. "I'm not totally stupid," James continued. "He looks just like him."

Sirius didn't bother to deny the truth of James' words; there wouldn't have been any point. He was only surprised that James had been so observant on the one occasion that he had met Remus. Hidden by the tunnel's darkness, Sirius smiled to himself at the lasting impression his friend must have had on the boy walking just a few paces in front of him.

They continued the rest of their walk in silence and soon found themselves in the corridor that contained the entrance to both the Hufflepuff quarters and the school kitchens.

"Fancy getting something to eat?" Peter asked as he tickled the pear on the painting that concealed the entrance to the kitchens.

"Sure," James agreed. "Cake would be nice."

Sirius made to continue along the corridor to the Entrance Hall but James's voice called him back. "Don't you want some cake?"

Sirius hesitated, waiting for the invitation to be rescinded or for it to turn out to be a prank. Then James disappeared after Peter into the cavernous kitchen, leaving him alone in the corridor.

The sound of laughter coming from the kitchen drew him closer, like a moth to a flame. The entrance was still open and the delicious smells of food were making his mouth water. He moved closer to the entrance and looked into the room. James and Peter were sat at a table with a huge pile of desserts in front of them. A trio of house elves was adding to the pile and Sirius licked his lips as he saw his favourite apple crumble sitting untouched at the edge of the table.

"You're letting all the warm air out," James commented before cutting himself a large slice of chocolate cake.

"Sorry," Sirius mumbled, as he closed the door behind him and hesitantly joined the other boys at the table.

"Well tuck in," James ordered with a chocolate-y grin.

Sirius gave a small smile of his own as he gave in to temptation and reached for the apple crumble. Maybe the other Gryffindors weren't so bad after all?


	13. We Will Fight 'Til The End

We Will Fight 'Til the End

"Delivering this stray," said Aberforth by way of greeting when Romulus opened the door.

"Sirius!" Remus called from the kitchen. "I didn't think you'd come until tomorrow."

"That makes two of us," Aberforth muttered as he delivered Sirius into the house and took his leave.

"You'd better come through here," Romulus said as he pointed Sirius towards the kitchen. "I wasn't expecting you tonight either."

"I wanted to be here," Sirius explained nervously. He hoped that he wasn't going to be shown the door because of his unexpected arrival.

"But there's nothing you can do until morning," Remus pointed out. "Seems a bit silly to be here all night."

"I wanted to be here," Sirius repeated.

"Well, there's no point in my sending you back," said Romulus with a shrug. "Remus, you should be heading downstairs soon."

"The moon doesn't rise for another ten minutes," Remus argued. "Can't I talk to Sirius for a few minutes?"

"I'll come down with you," Sirius offered. "We can talk for as long as possible that way."

"No!" Remus shook his head wildly. "You can't!"

Sirius laughed quietly. "I didn't mean on your side of the barrier," he explained, frowning when he realised that his words hadn't changed Remus's mind and he was still shaking his head.

"No," Remus whispered. "You can't come down there. Rom, make him stay up here!"

"Why do you want to go down there, Sirius?" Romulus asked instead.

"I…" Sirius faltered as he tried to find the words to explain. "I think I need to be down there. I know I saw Moony last month, but I didn't see the transformation. I think I have to see it, just once…I _need_ to see it. I can't explain why…"

"It doesn't seem real, not until you've seen it for yourself," Romulus stated, firmly but quietly. Sirius nodded in agreement.

"But I don't want you to see it," Remus muttered.

"I…" Sirius hesitated again. "Please…I swear I won't be afraid, I won't hate you…I just need to be there, to see for myself…just this once."

Remus looked like he was about to argue again, but after several long minutes of contemplation he finally nodded reluctantly and opened the door to the basement.

Sirius followed him down into the darkness. Romulus followed behind them providing light from his wand. "I'll just light the lamps for you," he said. Once the room was fully lit, he made his way back up the stairs.

"Rom doesn't stay down here at night," Remus explained. Sirius frowned slightly at the comment, recalling how Romulus had been in the basement on the previous full moon. He'd not acted as though that was the first time he'd done such a thing.

Remus didn't notice his expression though; he was too busy toeing off his shoes and unbuttoning his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked.

"Getting undressed," Remus replied, as though this should be extremely obvious. "You going to turn round?"

"Um, yeah, sorry," Sirius mumbled as he turned his back to give his friend the privacy he wanted.

"If I leave it too late I end up with a load of sewing to do," Remus explained. "Like last month. Moony's kind of destructive and he attacks anything he can get his paws on. Okay, you can look now."

Sirius turned to see that Remus had now stepped into the part of the room that would be on the other side of the barrier when it appeared. His clothes were in a not particularly neat pile on top of the chest of drawers and he was wrapped up in a ragged looking blanket.

"What's it like?" Sirius asked, taking a step closer to where Remus was now sitting, leaning against the stone wall. "The change, I mean? Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, it hurts," Remus whispered. "Not at first, at first it's just like an itching all over my body as the fur bursts out of my skin. Then everything starts to change and…" His voice trailed off and Sirius could see that he was shivering. He wondered whether it was from the cold or from nerves.

"I can go back upstairs if you want me to," he offered quietly.

"It's okay." Remus sighed. "You can stay."

Sirius sat down on the floor and wondered what to say in order to pass the last few minutes before the full moon rose.

"Thanks for coming tonight," Remus offered just before the magical barrier flickered to life with a red glow before it became invisible.

"You're welcome," Sirius replied even as Remus began scratching at his skin. "It's started, hasn't it?"

Remus nodded as he continued to scratch more and more frantically. "The moon causes the transformation, but as long as the sun's in the sky, it holds it back."

Sirius listened as Remus explained and he didn't fail to notice the other boy's voice becoming more hoarse and raspier with each word he uttered.

Sirius watched as Remus scratched at his left arm with his right hand. He didn't notice the wolf claws protruding from the human fingers until after he'd seen the long scratches they'd left.

"Remus, stop scratching!" he ordered.

"Can't help it," Remus rasped just before he turned over onto all fours, the wolf claws seeking a grip on the stone floor.

The fur was sprouting all over Remus's body and Sirius could hear popping sounds as bones were forced out of their sockets and into new positions – some growing longer, some growing shorter. Remus was whimpering as though he was trying not to cry out in pain and Sirius could see the sheen of tears in his brown eyes.

Remus's face was the last thing to change and Sirius knew that his friend was beyond speech by this point.

Sirius saw the nostrils widening and flinched when a stream of blood began to pour from them. The blood flow was short-lived however and Sirius watched as Remus' nose became elongated and changed into the snout of a wolf. Remus' jaw stretched with the snout and Sirius saw a flash of long and deadly teeth.

Most disconcerting were Remus's eyes, which were still the same brown eyes of his friend, only now they were in the face of the wolf. Sirius wondered if he'd imagined the golden orbs that had stared at him the previous month.

Then the wolf tossed back his head and let loose a piercing howl. Sirius's hands flew to his ears and only when the sound had stopped did he bring them down again.

He looked at the wolf, Moony, and saw that the last vestige of Remus was gone…the brown eyes were golden, just as they'd been on the night of the last full moon.

Sirius sat down on one of the lower stairs and wondered what to do now. A few minutes later Romulus came back down the stairs and sat down a few stairs above him.

"Remus doesn't know you come down here at night, does he?" Sirius asked quietly.

"I think he suspects, but he doesn't know for sure," Romulus confirmed quietly. "It calms Moony down to have someone down here with him."

"Why doesn't he try to attack you?" Sirius asked. "I've been reading up on werewolves and they attack humans whenever they can."

"That's right. But the barrier has spells on it to prevent the wolf smelling humans on the other side."

"It does?"

"On the other side of the barrier the wolf can smell the forest, trees, flowers, other animals…it overpowers the scent of humans. As long as Moony can't smell us, he won't attack the barrier."

"Do all werewolves have one of these?" Sirius asked, gesturing vaguely towards the barrier and the spells.

"Those with a conscience have some form of cage for tonight, but this one I built myself. Took nearly a year to get all the spells up. Still can't deaden the sounds he makes though. Spells to keep the sounds in seem to react badly with the spell for the forest smells…I can't figure out why…but I'd rather have him making a noise than killing himself by attacking the barrier all night while trying to get to the villagers."

"Last month…" Sirius began. "Erm…"

"What about it?"

"I heard you talking to Remus when he was…" Sirius gestured towards the pacing wolf. "Does he understand you?"

"Remus doesn't remember anything I say the next morning," Romulus replied. "But it helps keep Moony calm. Sometimes I just chat to him about general stuff. Sometimes I read to him. I tried reading text books to him to see if it helped some of the stuff sink in, but no such luck."

Sirius nodded quietly and smiled at the weak joke.

"I think that sometimes it's as much for me as for Moony," Romulus continued with a small sigh.

"Why don't you tell Remus you come down here?"

"He doesn't like anyone seeing him in his wolf form. But on the nights I have to work during the full moon he's always more beaten up than on those where I can sit with him."

"So, if someone's down here with him, he'll not hurt himself?" Sirius asked.

"Not always." Romulus shook his head sadly. "If Remus is troubled, if something's bothering him…it's like the wolf seems to sense it as well."

"So, if Remus is upset, it makes it worse?"

"That's about it," Romulus agreed. "He's had a few really rough ones the last six months from worrying about you."

"Me?"

"Worrying about lying to you, worrying about losing your friendship…"

"Oh." Sirius shifted slightly on the stair and he felt another twinge of guilt at how he'd reacted in his first meeting with Remus after the last full moon.

"Don't worry about it," Romulus advised. "Tonight's not going to be so bad…look…" He pointed towards the wolf that was still pacing the floor, but thankfully not attacking the barrier or himself.

"He cut his arm up with the claws," Sirius commented after a few minutes of silently watching the wolf.

"How bad?"

"I'm not sure."

Romulus stood up and jumped over Sirius's outstretched legs, leaning towards the barrier, his lit wand illuminating the floor. "I can't see much blood on the floor," he said after a few moments. "Just a patch over there."

"That was from his nose," Sirius explained.

"Good, that always happens. Means his arm can't be too bad, at least he's not hit a major artery this time."

"You mean he has before?"

"Twice now," Romulus confirmed as he sat back down on the stairs. "Once during the first transformation after I brought him here, and then again the summer before last."

"When he didn't get his Hogwarts letter?" Sirius guessed.

"Yeah. He took it pretty badly."

Sirius didn't know what to say to that. The ever-present guilt at being able to attend the school, that Remus couldn't, had rendered him speechless.

"Don't feel guilty about being able to go there," said Romulus, causing Sirius to wonder if he'd spoken his thoughts out loud. "It doesn't help, believe me!"

Sirius nodded silently and approached the barrier once more. "Moony?" he questioned. "Do you mind me being here?"

The wolf looked back at him, baring his teeth and snarling slightly.

"He always does that if you get to close," Romulus commented. Sirius stepped back a few paces and wondered how Romulus had managed to make it through so many full moons without going mad.

"I've not told the Ministry or anyone about you and Remus," Sirius said. He knew he'd said it before, but for some reason he felt that he should repeat it again now.

"I know," Romulus smiled. "I'm not worried about you betraying us any more."

"You're not?"

"Maybe just a little bit, but not enough to pack up and leave the country."

"So, you're moving back in here?"

"I think it'd take the entire centaur herd to prise Remus out of the house now that we're back here," Romulus replied with a smile.

Sirius smiled back; his fear that Remus would be taken away was subsiding for the first time in a month.

* * *

Remus woke the next morning, bruised as always but with relatively few cuts. The sun was already up and the barrier gone, so he walked over to retrieve his clothes from the chest of drawers. As he pulled on his jeans he wondered where Sirius was. He hoped that Moony hadn't scared off his friend at some point during the night.

"Remus?" Romulus called from the top of the stairs. "You okay down there?"

"Yeah, I'm just coming," Remus yelled back. "Is Sirius still here?"

"He's eating breakfast," Romulus shouted. "And if you don't get a move on, there'll be none left for you."

Remus grinned and quickened his pace.

Sirius was sitting at the table, tucking into a plate of scrambled eggs. The moment Remus appeared he put down his fork and grinned. "How's your arm?" he asked.

Remus looked at the arm in question. The sleeve of his shirt was rolled up to keep the blood off of it but it had clearly stopped bleeding some time ago.

"Let me see," Romulus briskly ordered. "Hmm, it's just shallow." He turned to Sirius. "Have you been taught charms for wound cleansing yet?"

"I've been taught the Tersus charm," Sirius confirmed. "At least I've been told the incantation. Madam Pomfrey said the wand movement depended on the wound itself."

Romulus nodded in agreement. "And what about Profundus Tersus?" he asked.

Sirius shook his head in confusion.

"Okay," announced Romulus, sounding more like one of the Professors than Sirius had ever heard him. "The Tersus charm cleans open wounds like this one. The wand movement should be such that it will pass over the length of the wound. Like this." Pulling out his wand, Romulus cast the charm, drawing out the "S" in the incantation so that it lasted as long as the wand was passing over the wound.

"Does it hurt?" Sirius asked Remus who shook his head in reply.

"Now that one is only useful if the wound is open," Romulus continued. "Sometimes a wound might be bleeding badly and needs sealing right away. In those cases the Profundus Tersus is used because it cleans deeper under the skin."

"And that one does hurt!" Remus interrupted with a grimace.

Romulus nodded sadly before turning back to Sirius. "How about you try the next one?"

Sirius nodded and moved round to the other side of the table. "Do you have any more cuts?" he asked Remus as he looked him over.

"One on my leg," Remus said as he pointed to his thigh.

"Then, why the heck did you put your jeans back on?" Romulus asked with impatience. "It only means more washing. Really, Remus!"

Remus muttered something under his breath as he removed his jeans and tossed them at his brother.

"Okay, Sirius…" Romulus said after he'd cast a cursory glance at the cut on Remus's leg.

Sirius nodded and pointed his wand at the end of the wound. Remus meanwhile was barely taking notice of what he was doing and was instead reaching for a slice of bacon.

"You might want to take a little more notice," Romulus advised his brother. "Especially since you've yet to get the hang of this particular charm in all the months I've been trying to drum it into your head."

"But you know I'm always hungry after the full moon," Remus replied with a mouthful of bacon.

"And every other morning," Romulus muttered affectionately.

"I'm just no good at charms," Remus sighed.

"You did okay with my wand," Sirius pointed out once he'd finished cleaning the cut.

"Very good," Romulus commented as he looked at the cut. "It looks like this one will need sealing as well. Have you been told how?"

Sirius shook his head.

"Okay, let me show you," Romulus said as he batted Remus's hand away from the last of the bacon in order to access his leg.

Once the cut was sealed, and Remus had confirmed he didn't have any more scratches that needed tending, the three of them settled back down at the table.

"Sometimes we need to use the potions as well," Romulus commented. "It looks like last night was a good one though so I'll have to show you them another time.

Sirius nodded as he turned back to the eggs that had now gone cold.

"Sirius, what's your wand's core?" Romulus asked as he poured the teas.

"Dragon heartstring," Sirius said as he twirled said wand in his hand.

"Interesting."

"What's interesting?" Remus asked curiously.

"Dad's wand was a dragon heartstring," Romulus explained. "Mum's was a unicorn hair, same as mine."

"So that might be why I get on better with Sirius's wand than yours?" Remus asked.

"Could be," Romulus replied. "Now eat up, Sirius. I'll walk you back to the Hog's Head and see you into the tunnel to the school."

* * *

Sirius climbed out of the tunnel and into the corridor near the kitchens. He wasn't too surprised to see the familiar form of the headmaster just a few paces away from him.

"Ah, Mr Black." Dumbledore smiled at him. "I'd just come down to check on the house elves. Have you had breakfast yet?"

"Yes, Professor," Sirius replied with a barely concealed sigh at being caught.

"Your friends were wondering where you were when you missed breakfast," Dumbledore commented as he gestured for Sirius to follow him down the corridor. "You're going to be late for Transfiguration if you don't hurry."

"Aren't you going to give me a detention for sneaking out again?" Sirius asked.

"No, I don't think so," Dumbledore chuckled. "I imagine you'll have accumulated more than enough detentions by the end of your seventh year without my adding to them this morning. But I must ask that you be more careful about how frequently you leave the school grounds."

"I was only going to go on the nights of the full moon."

"Precisely." Dumbledore nodded as though Sirius had hit the nail on the head. "Your friends in Gryffindor are clever enough to notice that. They may begin to suspect something if you aren't more careful."

"Are you suggesting I go visit Remus on other nights too?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"I'm not giving you permission to sneak out," Dumbledore clarified. "You do understand that?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Very good, very good. Now you'd better hurry to Transfiguration before Professor McGonagall gives you a detention."

Sirius nodded and made his way towards the Transfiguration classroom, wondering, not for the first time, exactly what it was that Professor Dumbledore wanted him to do.

* * *

If Sirius had thought it was difficult sneaking out for the April full moon, it was nothing compared to the May one.

"Where you going?" James's voice called out to him just as he made it to the dormitory door.

"The kitchens," Sirius lied. He'd worry about more questions from the boy when he returned.

"You're lying," James accused. "I thought we were friends now. Friends don't lie to each other. This is the second time you've snuck out this month."

"Fine, I'm not going to the kitchens," Sirius admitted as he pulled open the door.

"Then where are you going? To see Remus?"

"Yeah. I'll be back in the morning."

"If you keep sneaking out like this, you'll be expelled."

"I'll risk it."

"I'm coming with you," James said as he crawled out of bed and fumbled for his glasses.

"You can't," Sirius quickly replied. "It'll only get us both in trouble."

"Friends get in trouble together," James pointed out as he pulled his trousers on over his pyjama bottoms.

"I can't let you do this," Sirius said as he pulled his wand out.

"'Course you can," James said. His back was turned to Sirius and he rummaged under his bed for his shirt.

Sirius shook his head in frustration. Two months ago James wouldn't have cared if he were sneaking out of the school every night of the week. Now they were – for want of a better word – friends, it was far more difficult to slip away.

James was unnaturally curious and for some reason he was _very_ curious about Remus. In his more despondent moments, Sirius even wondered if James was only pretending to be friends with him in order to find out what he could about the other boy.

Sirius raised his wand and muttered a quick spell that sent James falling face first onto his bed. He'd be furious in the morning, but Remus's secret would be safe. Remus was his friend; of that he had no doubt. He'd even put up with being enemies with James and Peter again, as long as it meant that Remus and his secret was safe.

* * *

"Last full moon of the term," Sirius commented quietly as he handed the newly patched up Remus his shirt. "Wish I could be here during the summer."

"Me, too," Remus replied quietly. "You should be heading back to school."

"I guess. James is getting really suspicious about where I go and how come I've not been expelled. Though at least I didn't have to stun him this month. He really hates it when I do that. Last time he didn't speak to me for three days."

"You won't tell him about me, will you?"

Sirius looked at Remus in shock. "Of course not. I'd never tell anyone about you."

"Not even if you become really good friends with him?" Remus asked. "Not even if he becomes your best friend?"

"_You're_ my best friend," Sirius said with a mock frown. "James could never replace you…never."

"And Peter?"

Sirius snorted with laughter. "He's just following James' lead. They're best friends, just like we are. Peter isn't worried about me taking his place, and you needn't worry about James taking yours."

"I'm going to miss you," Remus said with a sad smile. "I must be the only teenager in the country who hates the summer holidays."

"You're not," Sirius assured him. "I'm not too fond of them myself."

"You two aren't still moping around, are you?" Romulus asked after he'd returned from putting away the healing potions in the bathroom that adjoined Remus's room. "Too busy feeling sorry for yourselves to see that we've got company."

"We have?" Remus asked as Sirius slipped into the shadows in case it was a teacher looking for him. He'd not encountered any teachers whilst sneaking in and out of the school, at least not since walking into Dumbledore, but that didn't mean that Professor McGonagall or the other professors wouldn't search for him.

"It's Firenze," Romulus said as he went to open the door for the young centaur.

"Trouble," Firenze gasped as he skidded into the kitchen, his hooves not accustomed to the smooth, shiny surface. "The Ministry…"

"What's happened?" Romulus asked even as he urged Remus to fetch their bags from the hallway. Sirius felt a twinge at the idea that Romulus hadn't entirely unpacked, and that maybe despite his words, he hadn't entirely trusted Sirius not to betray them.

"Magorian," Firenze panted. "He's challenged my father to the leadership."

"I'm so sorry," Romulus said as he placed as consoling hand on Firenze's shoulder. "But what does this have to do with the Ministry? With us?"

"Ebony slipped away from the herd Father sent her to," Firenze explained once he'd got his breath back. "She's been in talks with the Ministry to see about getting our lands expanded. She's been trading in Magorian's name and he told her to…she wouldn't have done it otherwise…they're at the camp now. Father sent me to warn you. You've got to get out of here."

"Can't your father stop them?" Remus asked. "He's in charge, not Magorian, isn't he?"

"He c-can't win against Magorian," Firenze stammered. "Challenges for leaderships are f-fought to the d-death. He c-can't w-win. He…"

"You should return to the herd," Romulus advised. "You are rightful heir to the leadership."

"It doesn't work like that," Firenze muttered. "Not when a challenge has been initiated. Father's sent me away until the dust has settled, I'm going to hide out in the forest for a while."

"Would you take Remus with you?" Romulus asked quietly. "He's still weak from the full moon. Can you take him into the forest? Just for a day or two? I'll throw the Ministry off the trail."

"No!" Remus shouted. "You can't!"

"Come on, Remus," Firenze said, as though he hadn't heard his protests. He reached out his hand and with Romulus's assistance he eased Remus onto his back.

"I'll find you when the Ministry is gone," Romulus promised. "Do you have your mirror?"

Sirius stood silently as Remus nodded and a moment later the centaur disappeared back out of the door with his friend on his back.

"I don't understand," he said quietly. "What's happened?"

"Ebony and Magorian have traded the knowledge of our whereabouts with the Ministry," Romulus explained. "I need you to promise me something. Promise you'll look after Remus while I'm away."

"Away? But you told him you'd find him in a day or two?"

"The Ministry knows where we are. They aren't going to stop hunting him; they aren't going to stop hunting either of us. I can lead them off his trail by apparating out of here."

"But you don't have a licence, you'll be caught right away!"

"I'm going to apparate all over the place and lead them on a merry dance all over the country. They won't know that Remus is still here."

"It's too risky. Remus wouldn't want you to be caught."

"This is my choice. I'm telling you what I'm planning so that you're warned in advance in case I can't give them the slip."

"Dumbledore said that it would be worse for you than Remus if you got caught."

"It depends on whether you consider a dangerous creatures camp worse than the dementors of Azkaban. I told you once that I'd do anything for my brother. I still mean that. I'd even face a life in Azkaban for him, as long as I know he's safe. Now, promise me you'll take care of him."

"But can't you stay and fight the Ministry?" Sirius pleaded.

"I'm always fighting, Sirius," Romulus replied quietly. "This is just another battle I've got to face. Now, promise me."

"But the summer holidays start next week, I won't be here."

"Promise me, please!"

"I promise."

"Good. Now get back to the school quickly. You don't want to be here when the Ministry arrives."

Sirius wanted to try to talk Romulus out of his plan, but he could tell that anything he said would be futile. Instead, he did as he was told and hurried to the Hog's Head and the tunnel it concealed.


	14. No Regrets

No Regrets

Sirius wasn't surprised to find that Dumbledore was waiting for him when he arrived in the castle.

"Come with me," Dumbledore said quietly as he hurried towards his office.

"You have to help them," Sirius panted as he struggled to keep up with the surprisingly agile headmaster.

"I intend to," Dumbledore replied. "Romulus won't get far, and he'll be brought before the Wizengamot within a couple of weeks."

"A couple of weeks?" Sirius asked. "But…"

"Assuming he can give them the slip for that long," Dumbledore amended. "But he's a resourceful young man, and I have every faith in him."

"But can't you…?"

"I'll do everything I can to help him, but until he's caught my hands are tied."

"But if he's caught he'll be sent to Azkaban."

"Do you subscribe to the Daily Prophet?" Dumbledore asked, throwing Sirius slightly off balance with the rather random question.

"No, but my father does."

"I suggest you read it once you get home. Romulus' capture will be big news. The Ministry will make sure of that, especially since so many other publications have criticised them for their inability to apprehend the Lupin brothers. Now, where's Remus?"

"In the forest with Firenze," Sirius replied. "Romulus wants me to help him, but how can I? I won't be here."

"I'll keep an eye on things until you return," Dumbledore assured him. "He's in good hands with Firenze, though I imagine the young centaur has problems of his own right now."

"He said his father's been challenged."

"Torin was a good centaur, a good friend."

"You make it sound like he's dead."

"He would never take the life of a member of his herd, not even if his own were at risk. If Magorian is not already leader of the herd, I have no doubt he will be by nightfall."

Sirius looked out of the window at the early morning sun. He wondered how he was going to concentrate on his lessons today, knowing the turmoil that Remus, Romulus and Firenze were embroiled in.

It seemed that Dumbledore was one step ahead of him as always. The headmaster ushered him out of his office and ordered him back to the dormitories to catch up on the sleep he'd missed the night before.

* * *

It was two weeks into the summer holidays when the news of Romulus's capture reached Sirius. He'd been reading the Daily Prophet every day, but as it happened, the news reached him from another source.

"The aurors have captured one of the Lupins," Orion announced over dinner on a muggy July evening. "Brought him in this afternoon, captured down near Folkstone, about to board a ferry. Thought he'd give us the slip by using muggle transport, as well as illegally apparating. Didn't work though, did it? He didn't wager on the Ministry anticipating him attempting that."

Sirius pushed his vegetables around his plate as he listened to his father. His appetite had disappeared as soon as he'd heard the news.

"Sirius, stop playing with your food!" Walburga ordered. "And Regulus, sit up straight. You may be a useless squib, but that's no excuse for bad manners."

Sirius shot his brother a look across the table. The younger boy looked like he was about to burst into tears. Sirius wished there was something he could do to distract his parents from further criticising him. Then he realised that there was…

"Father?" he asked. "Will you be sitting in the Wizengamot when they deal with R- Lupin?" Sirius hoped that no one had caught his near slip; he breathed a sigh of relief that his parents were too busy criticising Regulus to have noticed.

"Of course I will," Orion replied as though this was a very pointless and stupid question.

"Can I come and watch?" Sirius asked.

"Whatever for?" Walburga snorted and shook her head. "Your time would be put to much better use doing your homework and coming with me to social gatherings."

"Now then," Orion chided. "There's nothing wrong with our son wanting to see justice in action. He might even decide to follow in my footsteps, help uphold wizarding law in years to come. It'll be a good experience for him, and a trial like this will be open to the public."

"I can come with you?" Sirius asked hopefully.

"As long as you're up in time," Orion replied with a sharp glare. "I can't be late for an important case like this, so you'll need to be ready to leave at seven."

"I will be," Sirius promised, knowing that he probably wouldn't be able to sleep at all due to worrying so much.

Sirius slipped away from the dinner table and up to his room at the first available opportunity.

He pulled his mirror out of the back of his journal, where he'd been keeping it locked away, and tapped it.

Remus appeared almost immediately, and Sirius knew that the other boy had been waiting to hear from him. Remus looked older than he had before, even though it was only a few weeks since they'd last seen each other. Worry lines that should never be on a face so young were clearly visible.

"They've caught him, haven't they?" Remus asked.

Sirius wondered whether it was something in his face that had given it away, or whether Remus had already known on some instinctive level. It didn't really matter either way, and Sirius watched his friend's face fall as the last trace of hope vanished.

"I'm going to the Wizengamot tomorrow," Sirius told him quietly. "I'll let you know what happens."

Remus nodded in the mirror, but Sirius could tell he was too upset to form words.

* * *

"He'll be alright," Firenze said, after Remus had stowed his mirror away once more.

"He'll be sent to Azkaban," Remus whispered. "People _die_ in Azkaban. I'm never going to see him again."

"Maybe the Wizengamot will understand why he did what he did?"

"I have to go there, I have to see him," Remus said as he gathered his things together.

"You can't, it's too dangerous," Firenze warned him. "They'll be expecting you to do that."

"But I have to…"

"Romulus wouldn't want you to be captured," Firenze pointed out.

"And your father wouldn't want you to be trying to raise the other centaurs to fight against Magorian," Remus countered.

"That's different."

"No, it's not. We've both been told to run and hide when we should be…" Remus's voice trailed off and he sank down onto the grass.

"You're right," Firenze stated quietly after several minutes of uneasy silence. "My father wouldn't want me to split the herd like this."

"Do you think they'll accept you back?"

"In time, if I don't challenge Magorian…"

"Why don't you go back now and ask if they'll take you back? It has to be better than living rough in the forest."

"And leave you here on your own?" Firenze shook his head. "I can't do that. Your brother would kill me if I left you to fend for yourself."

"If he were here," Remus pointed out bitterly.

"He'll come back; nothing would stop him from watching over you."

"I hope you're right," Remus whispered.

"So do I," Firenze replied in a whisper so quiet that Remus barely heard it.

* * *

Sirius stood nervously at the entrance to the public gallery of the Wizengamot as he looked for a spare seat. He could barely believe how many people were in the crowded room.

"Took them long enough to catch him," a woman behind him commented.

"Still haven't got the other one though," her companion replied. "Makes the Ministry look incompetent…even more so than usual."

Sirius felt someone shoving him between the shoulder blades, and he moved further into the room. He wished his father had not deposited him at the door quite so suddenly. Even though he was slightly tall for his age, he felt small amongst all the older witches and wizards. He was just wishing he recognised someone when he heard the sound of a familiar voice coming from a seat near the front.

Rita Skeeter was sitting in the public gallery with a notebook and quill at the ready. Sirius contemplated turning back and finding somewhere else to sit, but there was an empty seat right beside her in the second row. He realised as soon as he'd sat down beside her why the seat was empty; a woman with an obnoxiously large hat sat in front of him, effectively blocking the view of the accused's seat in the centre of the floor.

"Sirius!" Rita exclaimed excitedly. "I didn't think to see you here. I'm reporting on the trial for the school newsletter. Dumbledore's letting the Slytherin Standard go to the whole school next term."

"How…nice," Sirius muttered as he tried to see around the woman in front of him.

"He says I have to change the name though," Rita complained. "Something to show the newsletter's about the whole school."

"So, if the newsletter's about the school, why are you reporting on this?" Sirius gestured to the floor where several members of the Wizengamot were standing talking before the proceedings began.

"Romulus Lupin was a Hogwarts student," Rita explained. "He was a prefect and one of the top students in his year. He was in Hufflepuff house, and everyone was really surprised when he didn't go back to do his NEWTs. My brother was in the year above him and told me all about it."

"What happened?" Sirius asked, wondering what rumours had circulated the summer the Lupin brothers had ran away.

"Well…" Rita launched into a detailed list of the various rumours that had circulated the halls of Hogwarts that year. When she got to the tidbit about Romulus and Remus masterminding a plan to rob Gringotts, he actually laughed out loud. Unfortunately for Rita, she didn't manage to finish her list because proceedings were about to start.

Sirius strained to see what was happening, and flashed Rita a grateful smile when she prodded the wizard on her right with her quill. This encouraged him to move along slightly, so that she and Sirius could do likewise.

Sirius watched as Romulus was led into the room. He breathed a grateful sigh of relief when he saw that Albus Dumbledore was accompanying him. Romulus looked tired, and far older than when Sirius had last seen him. His hair was a little unkempt and he looked as though he hadn't shaved in a couple of days.

"That's strange," Rita whispered into his ear.

"What?" Sirius hissed back.

"Dumbledore's Chief Warlock," Rita murmured. "But someone else is sitting in his seat instead."

It seemed that Rita was not the only one to have noticed the oddity, and the whisperings of the crowd were becoming louder and louder, until finally the wizard sitting in the seat of the Chief Warlock called for silence.

"The accused will stand," the Chief Warlock commanded. "State your name and date of birth for the record."

Romulus's reply was clear but Sirius could hear the slight tremor in his voice.

"And representing the accused?" the Chief Warlock continued.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore," Albus Dumbledore announced.

The Chief Warlock nodded. "Let the record show that Albus Dumbledore stands for the accused instead of sitting as Chief Warlock. Let it also show that I, Tiberius Ogden sit as Chief Warlock in his stead." He shot a glance at a younger wizard who was seated further down the row, scribbling frantically.

Sirius waited impatiently as the formalities were dragged out, rather unnecessarily in his opinion. He suspected that the still standing Romulus might share his opinion. Surely it was better to just get this over with?

Ogden finally seemed to realise that everyone in the room was shifting impatiently and turned back to Romulus. "Romulus Lupin, you stand accused of various crimes committed in contravention of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, the Decree for Apparition Restrictions and the Decree for the Control of Dangerous Creatures. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Romulus replied with a nod of his head.

Ogden nodded in acknowledgement and turned to the parchment before him. "Do you admit that on the date of the fifth of July, nineteen sixty six, you did perform the expelliarmus disarming spell on John Lupin?"

"Yes, sir."

"And do you accept that at that time you were aware that at the age of sixteen years such a spell was in contravention of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery?"

"Yes, sir."

Ogden nodded and turned to the scribe to ensure that he was still taking notes, before referring to his parchment again.

"Do you admit that on the same date of fifth July you did remove Remus John Lupin, a child of six years of age, from the lawful custody of his parents, John and Celeste Lupin?"

"Yes, sir."

Ogden looked somewhat surprised at this reply and it was apparent from the whispers in the public gallery that many people had been expecting a different reply to the one they had heard.

Ogden didn't let the whispering hold matters up for long though and returned to his list after only a moment's hesitation. "Would the accused please clarify whether he was aware at the time of the abduction that there was a warrant of execution issued on the afternoon of the fifth of July for Remus John Lupin?"

The gasps from the public gallery were louder this time and Ogden had to shout for order again. Sirius couldn't tell if Romulus had replied to the question or not, though he was sure that whether he'd known about the warrant or not would have made no difference to his actions.

Sirius watched Dumbledore give a small nod to Romulus, before turning to face Odgen and the rest of the interrogators. "I think we can safely assume that at the time of the…abduction…no one in the Lupin residence had been notified of the success or failure of the application for the warrant. The boys had left the vicinity before the Officers from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures arrived."

"Does this accused agree with this?" Odgen asked.

"Yes, sir."

"We'll continue then." Ogden returned to scanning the parchment in front of him and Sirius caught a glimpse of how long it was. He hoped that it wasn't all a list of accusations, after all how many laws could he have broken? "Do you admit that when you left the residence of John and Celeste Lupin you did apparate without a licence at the risk of your own health and wellbeing and that of Remus Lupin whom was apparated alongside you?"

Romulus looked like he was about to make some sort of sarcastic response but Dumbledore was stepping in again. "I think we can safely assume that all instances of underage magic and apparating without a licence will be admitted to, without the need to go through them all individually," he stated calmly. "Perhaps, we might move on to the more complicated business at hand?"

Ogden looked a little put out, but nodded his agreement. "Very well." He shuffled through the parchments until he found the one that he was looking for. "Romulus Lupin, do you admit that between the fifth of July nineteen sixty six and an unspecified date in June of this year, you did commit the following offences? You did neglect to inform the Ministry of Magic that you knew the whereabouts of a dangerous creature, namely a werewolf…"

At the word 'werewolf' the public gallery let out so many cries of astonishment that Odgen threatened to clear the room of all non-official persons. Rita had actually dropped her quill in surprise. It seemed that despite all the rumours about what had happened to the Lupins, the mention of a werewolf was a surprise to most people in the room. Thankfully for Sirius the room finally settled down again as no one wanted to be forced to leave before the conclusion of the case.

The room waited as Odgen repeated the charge and Romulus replied in the affirmative.

Sirius risked a glance to the side of him and saw that Rita was now writing away again. She seemed to have recovered from her own surprise fairly quickly and was scribbling away at her notebook.

Meanwhile, the list of charges went on and on. Sirius wondered if Romulus had known at the time how many laws he'd been breaking, when he'd taken Remus away from their parents. Failure to notify the Ministry of the whereabouts of a werewolf, failure to ensure that a werewolf in his custody was properly registered, disrupting aurors in their duty to capture said werewolf, failure to properly secure said werewolf on the nights of the full moon…

Sirius frowned at this last one, wondering just what more Romulus could have done to keep Remus, and anyone in the vicinity, safe during the full moon. It seemed that he was not the only one who was of that opinion.

"I would call a witness to speak on the accused's behalf in relation to the security at the Hogsmeade residence of the Lupin brothers," Dumbledore requested.

Ogden nodded in agreement, though Sirius suspected that he was simply reluctant to argue with the man who was standing before him.

"I call Officer Horby of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," Dumbledore announced.

"You can't call a Ministry worker!" a horribly familiar voice called out from a seat to the left of the Chief Warlock. Sirius looked across the room at his father, and hoped that no one would listen to his complaint.

"Orion." Dumbledore acknowledged the other man with a polite nod. "I merely call Horby to assess the appropriateness and security of the spells cast by Romulus Lupin in order to confine his brother during the time of the full moon. As the Head of the Ministry Department that has dealings with such matters, who better to determine such a thing?"

Orion looked furious but gruffly took back his complaint.

"That's your father, isn't it?" Rita whispered beside him.

"Unfortunately," Sirius muttered back.

"You sound like you're on Lupin's side," Rita commented.

"So?"

"So?" Rita echoed. "No one else seems to be."

Sirius looked about him and listened to the snatches of whispered conversations. The couple in front of him were clearly advocating the harshest penalties for the accused. The man sitting beside the woman was commenting in a nasally tone that it was only a shame they hadn't captured both of the Lupin boys, and that the more dangerous one was still out there.

"Dumbledore is," Sirius finally replied with a shrug.

Rita looked down to where Dumbledore was now questioning Horby who, to the obvious disappointment of quite a few members of the Wizengamot, confirmed that he'd rarely seen such effective measures of encaging werewolves outside of a dangerous creatures camp. He actually seemed quite impressed with the way the spell continued to work regardless of Romulus's presence. He even openly suggested that the staff at the dangerous creatures camps might take to implementing the forest smells charm in order to calm down their prisoners.

The morning dragged on as the Wizengamot heard evidence from other witnesses, including several residents of Hogsmeade, who all expressed their astonishment at learning they'd had a werewolf living in their midst for so long. Unfortunately the room seemed divided on whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, it was good that they hadn't noticed a dangerous creature running loose through the village, but on the other hand, it had been noted by one of the residents that Romulus had been working in the village, including on nights of the full moon.

"Remus always knew to get to the basement before sunset," Romulus explained for the fourth time. "He's not stupid and I never left him on his own until he was old enough to understand."

"You took the werewolf to work with you, didn't you?" Ogden asked.

"Not on a full moon night," Romulus pointed out.

"Nevertheless, only a dangerous creatures camp can provide the appropriate security that creatures of this kind need."

"I'm not going to let you put my brother in one of those places," Romulus replied harshly.

"Well as it happens, the decision is not yours to make," Ogden calmly pointed out. "The warrant of execution issued seven years ago is still valid today, and only the werewolf's legal guardian can request its withdrawal. If he is still at large when he comes of age he can make the appropriate application through the proper channels."

"I believe this would only be relevant if Remus were also here," Dumbledore interrupted. "Perhaps, we might concentrate on the matter at hand."

"Excellent idea," another member of the Wizengamot called out. "I have a question for the accused."

Dumbledore nodded, as did Ogden. Sirius leaned forward in his seat to see who it was that had spoken. The grey-haired man looked somehow familiar but it wasn't until Rita whispered in his ear that he realised who it was.

"That's one of the Potters," she whispered. "They're quite controversial in their opinions."

"How do you know?" Sirius asked.

"I'm going to be a reporter, I make it my business to know," Rita haughtily replied as she continued taking her notes.

Sirius turned back to the proceedings where a man who could be none other than James Potter's father was now questioning Romulus.

"Why did you take your brother?" Potter asked.

"So he wouldn't be murdered by the Ministry," Romulus replied without hesitation. His reply caused another stirring in the ranks of the Wizengamot.

"It isn't murder when there is a sanctioned warrant of execution in force," Ogden declared and he called for silence again.

"I'm sure the accused means no disrespect," Dumbledore assured the Chief Warlock. Sirius was grateful that Dumbledore was helping to smooth things over although he disagreed with his comment. From the look on Ogden's face as he glared at an equally furious Romulus, he suspected that no one was really convinced.

"If I may continue?" Potter asked. "Were you aware of the seriousness of your actions when you took your brother away?"

"I was, sir," Romulus replied.

"And would you have done anything differently, if you had been of age?" a kindly looking witch asked.

"I'd have applied for guardianship of my brother."

"Why didn't you do that when you came of age?" Potter asked.

"Because he knew he was facing thirty years or more in Azkaban," Orion Black called out.

Sirius saw Romulus's face pale to a near white colour. Thirty years in Azkaban? No one could survive that, not without going completely insane.

Dumbledore raised his hands and shook his head. He reminded Sirius of Professor McGonagall when a student had given an entirely wrong answer to a question much to the hilarity of the rest of the class. "As an adult, Romulus would indeed be facing a rather lengthy stay in Azkaban," he commented. "But you are forgetting that when most of these crimes were committed, he was an underage wizard, and the penalties for those are not nearly as harsh."

"He was apparating without a licence just last week," Orion argued.

"But apparating without a licence doesn't carry a prison sentence, merely a fine of up to five hundred galleons."

"Or a prison sentence if the accused does not have the funds," Orion concluded.

"I believe the Wizengamot has, in the past, allowed payment in instalments of fines," Dumbledore commented. "But, back to the point in question. As the majority of these crimes were committed when the accused was underage the maximum penalty that can be imposed is ten years in Azkaban."

"Ten years?" Sirius whispered. Ten years with the dementors didn't sound that much better than thirty. His father seemed to disagree with that assessment though, and was loudly pointing out that even though the initial abduction had taken place when Romulus was underage, he'd had more than enough time since turning seventeen in which to turn himself in.

The members of the Wizengamot continued to argue about whether Romulus should be sentenced as an adult or an underage wizard for some time. Most of the arguments were going over Sirius's head, and from the stalling of Rita's scratching, he suspected she was equally confused about the technicalities.

Finally, it seemed that Dumbledore's arguments had won out and a vote by the Wizengamot confirmed that the majority were agreeable to Romulus being treated as a juvenile because most of the crimes had been committed, at least initially, while he was still sixteen. Sirius didn't fail to notice that his father was against the idea, whilst James's father was quite vocal in his agreement with Dumbledore. In fact, Sirius suspected that it was Mr Potter's stance, as much as Albus Dumbledore's that had helped to sway the Wizengamot in their favour.

"I push for the maximum penalty of ten years," declared Orion immediately after the vote had been taken.

"Surely, the maximum penalty is a little extreme?" a squeaky-voiced witch piped up. "The accused has been truthful and forthright today. He hasn't sought to excuse his actions, or waste everyone's time with a long and drawn out trial."

"Just wasted everyone's time by going on the run for seven years," Orion argued.

"I would ask the Wizengamot to take into account the reasons for the actions of Romulus Lupin," Dumbledore asked quietly. "The bond between siblings is not always strong, but in this case I doubt anyone would disagree that Romulus did what he did out of love for his brother."

"The accused's love for his brother is not in question," Orion sneered. "I believe that the only thing that could be said that would encourage leniency, would be if the accused were to reveal the location of his brother…does he intend to do so?"

"No, sir," Romulus replied immediately.

"Then I suggest we adjourn to consider the sentence."

Ogden nodded thoughtfully. "If there are no more questions…?"

The members of the Wizengamot shook their heads and began to get to their feet.

"Isn't it exciting?" Rita asked breathlessly as they too stood up and walked towards the exit.

Sirius looked back towards the centre of the room and saw that Dumbledore was speaking quietly to Romulus, who was nodding in a somewhat resigned manner to whatever it was the older man was saying. Sirius wished he could go over and talk to them but couldn't think of an excuse to do so.

"I think my story needs something…more…" Rita muttered beside him. "I wonder what Dumbledore's saying to him. I wish I could get close enough to hear. Romulus is quite handsome, isn't he?"

Sirius was barely listening to Rita as she rattled on.

"I wonder if Dumbledore might like to give me a quote, or maybe Romulus will…?"

"We should probably leave," Sirius suggested. "Everyone's going to get lunch, my father gave me some money to go to the Ministry Refectory. Are you coming?"

"In a minute," Rita said as she climbed over the railings and hurried towards Dumbledore. "Professor Dumbledore?"

"Miss Skeeter," Dumbledore said politely. "And Mr Black. So nice to see youngsters taking an interest in the justice system. Can I help you Miss Skeeter?"

"I'm doing a report for the school newsletter," Rita announced as she brandished her notebook importantly. "I thought you might like to give me a quote?" She looked hopefully at Romulus and shot him what she probably thought was her most winning smile.

"May I see that?" Dumbledore asked politely as he pointed to the book.

"Of course, Professor." Rita handed over her book proudly and was positively preening as Dumbledore flicked through the pages, commenting on things like how impressed he was with the amount of detail she'd included and the like.

Finally he handed the notebook back to her with a smile. "Very informative," he told her with a nod. "Now, perhaps you should be running along to lunch…"

Rita looked a little disappointed, but was not inclined to argue. She turned towards the doorway, pulling Sirius along with her.

"One moment," Dumbledore called. "Sirius, I have a message from your father, if you'd wait a moment." Rita halted as well, but Dumbledore waved her away, telling her that Sirius would be joining her shortly.

Dumbledore waited until Rita was out of the door before turning to Sirius. The room was now empty apart from the three of them.

"My father's message?" he asked curiously, wondering what his father could have had to say that he hadn't said that morning.

"Oh, there isn't one," Dumbledore chuckled. "But Miss Skeeter is quite persistent when it comes to a story – she'll make a fine, if rather moral-free, reporter one day."

"Professor?"

"Oh, her story was true in essentials, but quite exaggerated. Giving her more information for her newsletter would be rather foolish, especially considering the precariousness of Remus's position."

"You aren't going to let her print that story, are you?" Sirius asked.

"I can't stop her printing it entirely," Dumbledore sighed. "Not without shutting down the newsletter altogether, and I'd rather not do that unless it's absolutely necessary. Especially when so many other publications will be reporting on the hearing anyway. But I think I can successfully apply for the removal of Remus's name from any and all reports about the hearing. He's still underage and it will be a simple matter for the Wizengamot to cast a spell to remove his name from all notebooks that have been in the room…even those of students."

"So, Remus's name won't be in the paper?" Romulus asked with relief.

"No, I don't think so," Dumbledore replied. "That doesn't mean yours won't be…you're of age now and I can't make the same application on your behalf."

Romulus nodded in understanding. "Do you still have your mirror?" he asked turning to Sirius. "How's Rem?"

Sirius smirked as he pulled the carefully wrapped mirror out of his pocket. "I wanted to be able to talk to him as soon as I knew what had happened," he explained. "I know he's worried."

"May I?" Romulus asked.

"You won't be able to take it into Azkaban with you," Dumbledore told him as Sirius handed the mirror over.

"If he gets sent to Azkaban," Sirius corrected.

"They've already got me a place booked on the next boat," Romulus muttered. "The only question is how long I'm going to be there for."

"We'll give you a few minutes," Dumbledore said as he steered Sirius away so that Romulus had the privacy to speak with Remus for a few minutes.

"Professor?" Sirius asked.

"Yes?"

"You said before that it would be worse for Romulus if he got caught than for Remus…"

"I did."

"But Remus will be killed if he's caught, isn't that worse than Azkaban?"

"So young," Dumbledore mused. "There are worse things than death and few would disagree that dementors fall into that category."

"Can Remus stay hidden until he's of age?" Sirius asked.

"I doubt it," Dumbledore replied sadly. "But there's new legislation being drafted that might help when it comes into force."

"I don't understand."

"And I'm afraid there's no time to explain now," Dumbledore said with a shake of his head. "Let's just hope that when Remus is brought before the Wizengamot, I will be able to use the new legislation to keep him alive and well."

Sirius nodded in agreement and let Dumbledore lead him back to where Romulus was still sitting in the chair in the centre of the floor.

"Thank you," he whispered as he passed the mirror back to Sirius, turning his head away as he did, but not before Sirius had spotted the tears on his face.

"I'd better go catch up with Rita," Sirius said as he wrapped up the mirror and tucked it back into his pocket.

"Sirius?" Romulus called after him. "Don't forget your promise."

"I won't," Sirius replied.

"We'll look after him," Dumbledore assured Romulus kindly. "You just remember what I've taught you."

"I still don't know if I can do it," Romulus replied.

"Yes, you can," Dumbledore stated firmly. "You know what the dementors are, you know how they feed, this is the best chance you have of coming back out of there with your sanity intact."

"But…"

"Think of Remus," Dumbledore advised quietly.

Then Sirius was out of earshot and heard no more of the conversation.

* * *

Sirius could still hear his father raging downstairs, when he finally managed to slip away to his room.

He activated his mirror as soon as his door was shut.

Later, he couldn't help but compare the reaction of Remus with that of his father.

"Six years!" Orion had shouted, thoroughly disgusted with what he perceived to be a light sentence.

Remus on the other hand had barely been able to choke out a reply to the news. Sirius had ended up speaking with Firenze and wishing there was something more he could do. More than anything, he wished he was in the Forbidden Forest with his friend. He didn't know how Remus was going to make it through the rest of the summer holidays and he wanted nothing more than to be in Scotland with him.


	15. No One Must Hear

No One Must Hear

Remus stared up at the nearly full moon, high above the trees of the Forbidden Forest. He wondered if Romulus could see the waxing moon from Azkaban Prison, or whether he was confined deep within the building. Sometimes, when he first woke in the morning, Remus forgot where he was, forgot that his brother and protector had been taken from him. Then he woke fully… and remembered.

"He'll be alright," Firenze said quietly. "He'll be back before you know it. Six years isn't that long."

"I'll be nineteen," Remus whispered. "If they don't arrest me too."

"They won't."

"You don't know that. Rom didn't think they'd catch him either."

"Yes, he did."

Remus shot Firenze a sharp glare. "What do you mean by that?"

"Romulus knew it was only a matter of time before the Ministry tracked him down. He's always known. Why do you think he's been pushing you to learn all the healing charms and useful herbs?"

"It wasn't because he thought he'd get caught," Remus argued. "Not that the charms will be much good now; I've not got a wand to use."

"Not yet," Firenze pointed out.

"Not ever."

"So, you're just going to give up?" Firenze snapped. "You think that's what Romulus would want you to do?"

"I thought you said a jailbreak would be pointless?" Remus sulked.

"And it would be. No one's ever escaped from Azkaban before. It's not located in the middle of the North Sea without good reason."

"I can't bear to think of him all alone out there," Remus whispered.

"He'll be back before you know it."

"But he won't be the same," Remus cried. "The dementors do things to people in there. They take their happy memories away. What if he forgets me?"

"He won't."

"But if he really loves me, then he'll forget about me because his memories of me are happy."

"He worries about you," Firenze said quietly. "His worries won't be happy memories, he'll keep them."

"But then he'll be worrying about me all the time in Azkaban. It'll make it worse for him if he's got to worry about me."

Firenze didn't have a reply to that, and Remus turned back to look at the moon.

* * *

Sirius cringed at the sound of raised voices coming from his father's study. Regulus was sitting beside him on the staircase, wincing visibly as their mother's voice reached new volumes of rage.

"It's a perfectly respectable school!" Walburga yelled.

"It's in Australia," Orion countered.

"Far enough away that people here won't know of our shame."

"But the expense! Even if we sent him by muggle means the cost would be prohibitive."

"Not if he stays for the holidays."

"He can't stay there forever."

"He can come back during the summer," Walburga compromised.

"I'll think about it," Orion replied.

Sirius turned to look at his brother and saw his expression of despair at the result of the argument.

"Guess I'm going to Australia," he muttered quietly.

"At least you'll be able to come back for the summer holidays."

"Who says I want to?" Regulus snapped, and he jumped to his feet and ran back up the stairs towards his room.

Sirius sighed as he followed after his brother. "Maybe it won't be so bad," he said as he stretched out on Regulus's bed and flicked through the brochure for _Sheila Shuttleworth's School for Squibs_.

"It's just a place to dump all us useless squibs together," Regulus complained.

"It could be worse."

"How?" Regulus laughed bitterly.

"They could be sending you to a muggle school here in London."

"That'd be better than being taught things like History of Magic, knowing that I'll never be able to do any magic myself."

"There are other subjects too," Sirius pointed out. "Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, Muggle Studies…"

"They make you do Muggle Studies, because most squibs end up living as muggles."

"But you get to do Care of Magical Creatures right away," Sirius said as he pointed at a page showing some of the animals the students would be studying. "At Hogwarts, we only get to take that starting in your third year. I'm going to be taking it next year; starting from the beginning, just like you."

"But I won't be studying any dangerous creatures. They only let squibs near the really tame ones."

"Well, it's not like they let Hogwarts students near stuff like manticores and dragons."

"I'd still rather go to Hogwarts."

Sirius couldn't say anything in response to that. Of course Regulus wanted to go to Hogwarts…what eleven year old boy from a wizarding family wouldn't want to go to the famous school? Then he remembered another boy who had been denied the chance to go to Hogwarts. "You're not the only one who wants to go to Hogwarts, but can't," he offered quietly.

"I'm not?" Regulus asked. "Do you know another squib?"

"Not exactly," Sirius said. "Just a kid in Hogsmeade who can't go to Hogwarts."

"Why not?"

Sirius hesitated, knowing that he was on the verge of saying too much. "Not all wizard children get to go to Hogswarts," he finally said.

Regulus didn't look convinced, and Sirius couldn't meet his gaze.

A small gulf had appeared between the two brothers when the word squib had first been brought up in relation to Regulus. They'd tried to ignore it, putting aside the uncomfortable idea that there was another squib in the family. They'd both seen the scorch marks on the tapestry downstairs, and although the family rarely spoke of those whose names had been expunged from the family tree, both boys knew that their great-uncle Marius had been a squib.

"I don't want to be blasted off the tapestry," Regulus whispered.

"You won't be," Sirius assured him, though he didn't feel as confident as he pretended. "I thought they'd blast me off for being in Gryffindor, but they didn't."

"That's different. You're not a _squib_." He spat the last word as though it were a vile curse that should never have been uttered. Sirius knew that in the house of Black the word squib was worse than any curse…

* * *

"What's that?" Remus asked weakly, pushing away the foul smelling concoction that Firenze was trying to press into his hands.

"A herbal remedy," Firenze replied. "I know it isn't as good as your brother's potions, but it should revive you a little."

"I don't want reviving," muttered Remus, closing his eyes and laying back in the bracken, unheeding of the uncomfortable ground.

"You've had a rough night, cub," Firenze said. "But we have to head back, we can't stay this deep in the forest for much longer."

"Don't see why we had to come this far in anyway," Remus complained, though he did sit up and accept the small cup from the centaur's outstretched hands.

"You know why." Firenze nodded approvingly as Remus scrunched up his nose and drank.

The full moon of the previous night had taken its toll on the young werewolf and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a comfortable bed and sleep the day away.

He knew why they'd travelled so deep into the forest; it was safer that way, both for himself and the residents of Hogsmeade. With the Ministry still snooping around, there was no possibility of returning to his basement cage and the depths of the forest, kept under control by the powerful, young centaur, had been his only option.

"Come on," Firenze said, and he stretched out his hand. "I'll carry you for a while."

Remus let himself be pulled up onto Firenze's back and leaned his forehead against the centaur's shoulder. "You didn't have to stay with me," he whispered.

"'Course I did," Firenze replied seriously, passing Remus his few belongings.

"I could have bit you," Remus pointed out. "You're half human."

"You could have tried," Firenze laughed. "If you had, I think you'd have found my horse half would have had something to say about it."

Remus gave a half-hearted chuckle as he searched through the pocket of his robes. His fingers found the cool smooth mirror almost immediately and he pulled it out.

"Sirius?" he called as he tapped the mirror. A few seconds passed before a sleepy looking Sirius appeared in the glass.

"Remus? You're okay?" Sirius asked around a wide yawn.

"Just tired," Remus replied with a yawn of his own. "How come you're tired? You've not been running round a forest all night."

"I couldn't sleep," Sirius admitted sheepishly. "I…"

Remus frowned as Sirius's voice trailed off into nothing. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he could see an embarrassed flush on the face of his friend. "You shouldn't worry about me," he told him, though he was secretly quite pleased that his friend thought that much of him… especially since he now knew his secret.

"I'll be back at Hogwarts for the next one," Sirius said.

"I know," Remus said with a smile. "I miss you."

"Me too," Sirius replied. Remus watched as his friend's eyes darted away, looking towards something to Sirius's left. "Someone's coming," he whispered, before the mirror went blank once more.

* * *

Sirius stood near the barrier that separated platform nine and three quarters from the rest of Kings Cross Station. Platform ten was crowded with dozens of muggles who had just stepped off the delayed train from Stevenage. Consequently, it was rather difficult for Sirius to find the appropriate moment to slip unnoticed through the barrier, much to the annoyance of his mother.

"You could have gone through then," Walburga chided impatiently.

"The driver of the train over there was looking," Sirius replied, nodding discreetly towards the newly pulled in train.

"Well, I can't wait here all day," Walburga complained. "You'll just have to go through alone."

"But I…" Sirius began, but his mother was already stalking back the way they'd come.

"Hey! Black!" a familiar voice called out. "That your mother?"

Sirius turned to Peter who was nodding in the direction of Walburga Black. "Yeah, she's in a hurry."

"I'll bet," James snickered at the side of Peter. "Doesn't want to face the rest of the purebloods, not now one of her precious sons is a squib."

"How did you know that?" asked Sirius, more than slightly irritated at the attitude of the two boys who he'd actually started to consider his friends.

"Can't keep stuff like that a secret," James laughed. "So, it's true then?"

"So, what if it is?" Sirius snapped as he steered his trolley nearer to the barrier.

"What's your problem?" Peter asked.

"Yeah," James added. "I thought we'd got that broomstick removed from your arse last year."

Sirius glared at James one last time before he pushed his way through the barrier, not bothering to check whether any muggles were watching.

Any fleeting thoughts of escaping the questioning of the other Gryffindors disappeared when they appeared alongside him.

"So, where's your mother?" Sirius asked James. "Too distraught to come say goodbye to her little angel?"

James looked like he was about to make an equally scathing remark, but thought better of it. "I don't care if your brother's a squib," he said instead.

Sirius shrugged, not in the mood to talk about Regulus. Especially since most of the summer had been spent listening to arguments about Regulus's schooling. "We'd better get on the train; it'll be pulling out soon."

The other boys nodded and followed Sirius to the train.

The train was crowded, and there were few seats spare.

"Come on, in here!" James said as he pushed open a door.

"But…" Sirius stalled, having already passed the compartment, and seen for himself the solitary student already seated in there.

"It's only Rita," Peter pointed out, following James inside.

"Only Rita." Sirius groaned and braced himself for a long journey.

"Sirius!" Rita exclaimed. "How are you? Have you had a nice summer? It was so nice to see you at the Ministry. Why haven't you written?"

Sirius busied himself with stowing away his luggage, trying to ignore the smirks on the faces of the other two boys.

"So, what were you doing at the Ministry?" James asked casually, once they were all seated.

"It was _so_ exciting," Rita enthused. "I was reporting on the Lupin trial; you did hear about it, didn't you? It's been all over the Daily Prophet! I'm doing a story for the school newsletter."

"You got to see the Lupin trial?" James asked Sirius enviously.

"Yeah," Sirius admitted, turning to look out of the window as the train started to move. James and Peter jumped up from their seats and rushed into the corridor, eager to wave to their parents. Sirius remained in his seat and was surprised to see that Rita hadn't moved either. "You're not going to wave to your parents."

"My dad had to leave me here," Rita explained with a shrug. "He heard a rumour about a shop that keeps materialising in different places and wanted to check it out."

"Least we won't lose our seats," Sirius reasoned with a small smile. Rita smiled back before turning to her notebook once more.

"It's so frustrating," she muttered.

"What is?"

"It keeps removing Remus's name from the parchment. The spell to stop his name being reported must have been really strong."

"It was performed by the most powerful wizards in the Wizengamot," Sirius pointed out, even as his stomach turned at the idea of Rita being able to talk about Remus at all. Even if she couldn't put his name in the report, she could still tell the whole school about him.

"You know he's our age?" Rita commented. "He'd probably be at Hogwarts with us, if he hadn't been bitten."

"What's that?" James asked as he came back inside the compartment and threw himself into the seat beside Rita, nosily scanning the top page of her notebook.

"Romulus Lupin's brother," Rita replied, clearly in her element at being the centre of attention, knowing something that the others didn't.

"He's the one that's still on the run, right?"

"You've been following the trial?" Rita sounded rather surprised, although slightly impressed too.

"My dad's in the Wizengamot," James clarified. "He said that the younger brother was still on the run, but he wouldn't say much else. Wouldn't even tell me his name."

"That's because there's a reporting restriction spell on the case," Sirius pointed out.

"Doesn't mean he couldn't tell _me_ all about it," James sulked.

"Maybe he thought you couldn't be trusted not to tell everyone else about it, too?" Sirius suggested.

"Then he'd be wrong," James snapped, before turning to Rita. "So, what was his name?"

"Remus," Rita informed him knowingly.

Sirius felt his stomach start to somersault and he couldn't bring himself to meet the questioning gazes of the other two boys. He was only thankful that they didn't say anything about the supposed coincidence of the name in front of Rita.

Sirius knew that he couldn't put off the questions forever, and wasn't surprised when James leaned across the table during the start of term feast and whispered, "_I__t is_ _him_, isn't it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius lied.

"Sure you don't," James replied. "Come on, you can tell me…we're mates now, aren't we?"

"It's a common name, just because…"

"Fine!" James cut him off. "Don't tell me! I don't care; just stop lying."

It was on the tip of his tongue to say that he wasn't lying, but James had already turned to Peter to ask him whether he thought he should try out for the Quidditch team this term.

The feast continued with the usual gasps of surprises at the delicious delicacies spread out in front of them. Sirius was just reaching for his second treacle tart when he felt the table lurching under his hand. Several other Gryffindors seemed to have noticed the movement and were edging away as best they could. Then suddenly the table gave a violent jerk, sending puddings and drinks flying.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" a voice yelled out above the uproar of the students.

Sirius felt his face turning a violent shade of red as he turned to face the furious glare of Albus Dumbledore.

"I will not tolerate this sort of disruption," Dumbledore continued in a quieter, but still stern tone. "You will report to my office immediately."

Sirius didn't know what to say. He hadn't done anything, but it seemed as though he was going to be blamed for the incident anyway. He'd always heard that Dumbledore was fair, and he'd certainly never seen or heard anything that would insinuate otherwise. So, why was he being singled out as the one to blame?

Sirius placed the treacle tart back on his plate and stood up. He could feel the eyes of the entire school on him as he walked out of the hall. He wished that he knew who was responsible for the prank, he'd hex them into the middle of next week.

* * *

"Ah, there you are," Dumbledore said with a smile as Sirius stepped into the office. "I had one of the house elves send up a treacle tart for you."

"Sir?" Sirius questioned, more confused than ever.

"You were about to eat a treacle tart, weren't you?" Dumbledore asked politely as he passed Sirius the plate.

"I don't understand," Sirius said quietly. "I thought I was in trouble?"

"What for?" Dumbledore asked. "You've not been here long enough to have crept out to Hogsmeade this year."

"But the table…"

"Oh, that was me," Dumbledore admitted with a chuckle. "Not as effective as when I did that particular spell in my fourth year, but back then I didn't really think about anyone being scalded by hot custard and sent the table flying without warning. I thought a gentle nudging to give everyone a warning would be better."

"You?" Sirius whispered.

Dumbledore nodded and his smile turned rather sheepish. "I needed a way to speak with you, one that wouldn't raise the suspicions of our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Sirius frowned in confusion.

"Professor Spion works for the Ministry of Magic," Dumbledore explained. "He's here to teach, but also to search for Remus. It seems the Ministry believe I'm hiding Remus Lupin from them."

Dumbledore chuckled slightly at the idea and several of the former head teachers looked equally amused.

"You said you could help him," Sirius pointed out. "Back at the Wizengamot, you said…"

"And I intend to," Dumbledore assured him. "But with Professor Spion watching my movements…well, it makes things harder. That's why I needed to speak with you."

Sirius nodded thoughtfully, the treacle tart forgotten.

"You'll continue to take extra lessons with Madam Pomfrey," Dumbledore said. "I'm also going to suggest to Professor Slughorn that he pushes you in Potions; he tells me you have a natural talent in the subject."

"Are you giving me permission to go and see Remus?" asked Sirius cautiously.

"Certainly not," Dumbledore replied with a wink. "The tunnel to The Hog's Head is being watched at the other end. The Forbidden Forest is still out of bounds, particularly on the night of the full moon…but if you should happen to come across young Remus…"

"The morning after?" Sirius guessed.

Dumbledore nodded, clearly pleased that Sirius was following his train of thought. "You know how to access the school kitchens?" he asked.

"Yes," Sirius admitted, wondering whether it was against the school rules to sneak into them, even before curfew.

"Good, good." Dumbledore nodded. "I would recommend stopping off there before you take your morning walks, I think weekly walks wouldn't arouse too much suspicion. Madam Pomfrey will be providing you with an emergency healer's kit, make sure it isn't seen, but have it with you just in case."

"Remus can't live in the forest forever," Sirius whispered. "You said there was a new law that could help him."

"It isn't in force yet," Dumbledore explained sadly. "It may never be. I'm doing what I can to push it through, but there are many at the Ministry who oppose the idea of a law that treats werewolves like the human beings they are for most of their lives."

"Like Professor Spion?"

"Exactly. If he suspects you know Remus, he'll try to befriend you in order to find him."

"I won't tell him anything," Sirius assured the headmaster.

"Very good," Dumbledore replied. "Now you should join your friends in Gryffindor Tower. I imagine you have a lot to talk about after the summer holidays."

"They were asking about Remus," Sirius blurted. "Rita told them his name and they know it's the same Remus they saw in first year."

"Oh dear," Dumbledore sighed. "I feared this might happen as soon as I heard the reports from Professor McGonagall about a duo of pranksters, one of whom wasn't a student."

"It's my fault," Sirius whispered. "I accidentally told James Remus's name; it was last year, but he remembered it."

"His full name?"

Sirius shook his head. "Just his first."

"And they're sure it's the same person?"

"I think so." Sirius took a deep breath before he asked another question that had been bothering him. "You're not really going to let Rita print that story, are you?"

"It won't contain Remus's name," Dumbledore said. "But you're right to be concerned. Rita will no doubt mention his lycanthropy, which could give rise to awkward questions from your friends."

"Maybe they'll understand?"

"They don't know Remus, not like you do," Dumbledore pointed out. "Even amongst the most liberal-minded wizards, werewolves are something to fear."

Sirius hoped that Dumbledore was wrong.

"One more thing, before you go," Dumbledore said as he opened one of his desk drawers. "Romulus asked me to see that Remus got this. I'm sure I can trust you to pass it onto him when you see him."

Sirius held out his hand and Dumbledore dropped a heavy ring into his hand. He'd last seen the ring on the right hand of Romulus Lupin; it was the ring that displayed the Lupin family crest.

"He fears he might lose it within Azkaban," Dumbledore explained. "He asked that Remus keep it safe for him."

"Do you think he'll survive?" Sirius whispered, as he continued to look at the ring. "Will he be the same when he comes out?"

"Prison changes everyone," Dumbledore replied, equally quietly. "Azkaban, even more so than others."

"You've taught him something to help him though?"

"I have."

"What is it?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you," Dumbledore told him with a sad shake of his head. "It would be too cruel to raise false hopes and…it's dangerous…very dangerous. If he's successful, Romulus will tell you himself."

"But if it's dangerous, he shouldn't do it!" Sirius exclaimed. "He should just wait and then come home when he's released."

"Maybe he should," Dumbledore mused. "But Romulus is stubborn, it is a trait of the Lupin family, unfortunately. He doesn't care how dangerous something is, not when it comes to protecting and caring for his brother."

"He'd do anything for him," Sirius replied, recalling Romulus's words the morning after he'd discovered Remus was a werewolf.

"Precisely," Dumbledore agreed.


	16. Summer is Over

Summer is Over

When Sirius arrived back at the dorm he found James and Peter were busy unpacking their trunks while discussing the subjects they had decided to take during their third year.

"Why anyone would want to take Ancient Runes is a mystery to me," James commented as he pulled his new Quidditch gloves from his trunk with a wide grin.

"It's good money in Egypt," Peter replied with a shrug. "If you want to work over there, then you need Ancient Runes."

"I guess," James muttered. "What about Divination?"

"Could be good for a laugh. According to May, in the fifth year, Professor Delphi goes off into trances every other lesson…wastes loads of time."

Sirius listened idly to the other two boys as they chattered away. It didn't take him long to realise that they were giving him the silent treatment.

"So, how long are you going to keep this up?" he asked impatiently.

"I don't know what you're talking about," James replied mockingly.

Peter looked from James to Sirius and back again; it was clear that he wanted to say something, but was hesitant to spit the words out. Finally, he settled for turning back to his scattered belongings and rearranging them from one disorganised pile into another.

It was clear that unless Sirius was prepared to divulge what he knew about Remus, his so-called friends were not going to speak with him. He finished unpacking in silence and was the first of the boys to climb into bed. He wasn't the first to fall asleep though, and was still awake long after the others were deep in slumber.

-o-xXx-o-

After a restless night, Sirius woke and groggily looked around the room. James and Peter had already risen, and Sirius swore under his breath when he realised they'd left him asleep on purpose, just like they'd done so frequently back during first year.

He scrambled into his robes and hurried down to breakfast, cursing himself for not waking earlier, and missing his first opportunity to sneak out to see Remus.

"Defence Against the Dark Arts first," James was saying as Sirius sat down on the bench and reached for the platter of bacon.

"Wonder what the new teacher's like," Peter commented, nodding towards the staff table where Professor Spion was seated next to Professor McGonagall. The two were engaged in an animated discussion and seemed to be getting along very well.

"I heard he used to work at the Ministry of Magic," Lily Evans interrupted. "Somewhere in the Magical Creatures Department."

"So, why's he not teaching Care of Magical Creatures?" James asked scornfully.

"Because Professor Kettleburn already does that job," Lily replied, equally scornfully. "I'm sure he's a perfectly capable Defence teacher, Professor Dumbledore wouldn't have hired him if he wasn't."

Sirius listened to the two Gryffindors bickering, keeping one eye on the staff table. He could guess just precisely where the 'somewhere' in the Magical Creatures Department was…he'd bet anything that Professor Spion had joined them directly from the Werewolf Capture Unit.

His attention was only pulled away from the staff table when James yelled a greeting to Rita, and waved her over.

"Since when do _you_ associate with Slytherins?" Lily asked in surprise. "I thought you hated them all on principle?"

"Not all of them," James replied. "Not when they have an ear for gossip, anyway."

Rita strolled over, a scowl on her face.

"Something the matter?" James asked.

"The first school newsletter's been delayed until the weekend," Rita grumbled. "I've been working on my stories all summer, but no one else has. Dumbledore says I have to wait for the rest before we send it out. I've also got to wait for Professor Slughorn to write an article about the new Oris potion that's been added for the NEWT students – apparently, they added it at the last minute and it isn't in the standard school textbook. St. Mungo's is insisting all new Healers know how to brew it and quite a few NEWT Potions students want to follow that path. Oh, and McGonagall wants to make sure a notice is included about all the Quidditch tryouts for the house teams and the Ravenclaw Captain is stalling on setting a date for the first tryouts. It's just not fair!"

Sirius nodded sympathetically along with the rest of the boys and Lily. He strongly suspected that they'd listened to even less of Rita's ranting than he had.

This seemed to be confirmed by James's attempt to bring the conversation round to the subject of the Lupin trial once more. Unfortunately for him, Rita was reluctant to elaborate any further on the subject, laughingly telling him that he'd just have to wait until the newsletter was available and read all about it then.

Sirius's relief at that was short-lived, it meant he had less than a week before James and Peter discovered the truth.

-o-xXx-o-

"Dangerous creatures don't always look dangerous," Professor Spion announced to the class as he paced the room. "They can look like a regular human being a lot of the time. And _that_ is what makes them so dangerous."

Sirius kept his eyes on his book, rather than risk the Professor seeing the glare he couldn't control at his words.

"Vampires…" Professor Spion continued, "can look almost human, particularly after they've taken blood from one of their victims. Werewolves can appear entirely human when they are seen at any time other than during the full moon. But there are ways to tell if someone is hiding a secret identity, and if you listen carefully and study hard I see no reason why each and every one of you won't be able to recognise any dangerous creature on sight."

Sirius _did_ listen carefully throughout that first lesson. He didn't believe it was a coincidence that the new Professor had decided to focus on werewolves at the very start of term.

He wondered how it was that he hadn't seen the signs in Remus before his race to the Lupin household on the night of Remus's birthday, and smiled to himself for his own apparent foolishness.

Nothing, however, could shake Sirius's resolve that Professor Spion was wrong in his beliefs about werewolves. Remus wasn't dangerous, not unless it was a full moon. He didn't spend his time plotting and planning how he was going to find his next victim. He didn't have any sort of superhuman strength, not that Sirius had seen anyway. He was just another young boy. Remus was his best friend, and there was no way Professor Spion was going to get information out of him about his whereabouts. Sirius knew that he'd learned his lesson the hard way about keeping his mouth closed about Remus. He risked a glance at James, who was listening intently to the Professor, and hoped that Remus wouldn't be the one who paid for his previous slip of the tongue.

-o-xXx-o-

It wasn't until the following morning that Sirius managed to slip away from the school and into the Forbidden Forest. He activated his mirror and hurried through the trees, hoping he was going in the right direction.

"We're somewhere south of the stream," Remus said.

"Could you be any more vague?" Sirius grumbled as he looked about him and tried to remember in which direction the stream lay.

"Well, if you can't find me, there's no way the Ministry will," Remus joked.

"That's not funny," Sirius replied, listening for the telltale sound of running water.

"I know," Remus whispered. "Firenze says to walk as if you're going to the centaur camp, then start heading north when you get to the grove where all those blackberry bushes are."

Sirius nodded and quickened his pace.

Finally, he heard the faint sound of movements through the trees, and the telltale scent of a campfire that led him straight to the small clearing where the werewolf and the centaur had clearly camped the night before.

"You made it!" Remus cried, hopping up from the rock he was perched on and throwing himself at Sirius with enthusiasm. "I've missed you so much."

"Me too," Sirius replied, gingerly hugging Remus back.

"I'm not going to break," Remus chided.

"But you were out here in the forest at full moon," Sirius said. "Didn't you get hurt more?"

"Not much, and it was a few weeks ago now," Remus replied with a shrug. Then his eyes caught sight of the goodies that Sirius had brought with him. "Are those muffins?"

Sirius nodded and opened the bag. "Freshly baked by the Hogwart's house elves."

"Can I have one?" Remus whispered as he eyed the cakes.

"Help yourself," Sirius laughed. "I brought them for you."

"Really?"

"Professor Dumbledore practically gave me permission to raid the kitchens for you," Sirius explained. "And Madam Pomfrey's going to be fixing up an emergency healer kit for me to use after the full moons."

"I don't like so many people knowing about me being out here," Remus muttered as he sat down with his back to the rock he'd previously been using as a chair. Sirius sank onto the grass opposite him, leaning back against a tree. He didn't know what he could say to ease Remus's fears, not when he knew how determined the Ministry was in their quest to track down the young werewolf.

"No one else knows I'm here, do they?" Remus asked between bites of the muffin.

"We've got a new Defence teacher who's here to look for you," Sirius admitted.

"Is he a good teacher?"

"Doesn't know anything about werewolves," Sirius scoffed. "Spent most of the first lesson telling the class how they're dangerous all the time."

"That's what all the books say."

"But it's not true."

Remus looked back at Sirius with a small smile on his face.

"What?" Sirius asked, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"Thank you," Remus whispered.

"What for?"

"For everything," Remus replied. "For being here, for not believing your new teacher, for being my friend."

"There's no need to thank me for any of that," Sirius assured him.

"Thank you anyway," Remus said, leaning across the space between them to grab another muffin. "And for the muffins."

Sirius nodded and chewed on his lip. He could feel Romulus's ring practically burning a hole in his pocket, and he wondered how he was going to bring the subject up without upsetting Remus. His change of mood didn't go unnoticed by the other boy.

"What's the matter?" Remus asked.

"I've got something else for you," Sirius explained. "Dumbledore asked me to give it to you."

"What is it?"

"It's…" Sirius hesitated and pushed his hand into his pocket to pull out the ring. "Romulus left it with him at the Ministry," he explained, holding out his hand to Remus. Remus reached out and Sirius placed the ring carefully into the upturned palm. "He wanted you to look after it for him."

"But I'll lose it in the forest," Remus whispered, his eyes not leaving the ring. "It would have been safer with him. He doesn't think he's coming back, does he?"

"He'll come back," Sirius promised. "He's just being careful, that's all."

"But I'll lose it at the full moon."

"No, you won't. Just keep it with the rest of your things."

"What am I going to do?" Remus asked quietly. Sirius could see that the other boy was blinking rapidly, as though fighting back tears. "I'm so scared."

"I won't let them find you." Sirius crawled over to Remus and settled down beside him. Remus's futile efforts to hold back the tears weren't working and were soon falling in earnest. He patted the other boy on the shoulder a time or two, unsure of what to do. During the summer Regulus had cried several times, but he'd always shunned any form of comfort and hidden in his room until the tears had dried. Remus didn't even have a room to run to.

"I don't like it in the forest," Remus sobbed, leaning into Sirius's touch. "Rom always said it'd be like c-camping, but it's not. It's cold at night, even after a hot day, and when it rains it takes days to get dry. I'm s-so cold all the time."

Sirius put his arms around Remus and pulled him close, moments later his best friend was sobbing in his arms. He patted Remus's back, unsure whether he was helping or not.

Finally, Remus pulled back a little so that he could wipe his face on his sleeve.

"Feeling better?" Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged and shook his head. "Still cold," he mumbled.

"Here," Sirius shed his cloak and wrapped it around Remus's thin shoulders. He wondered briefly whether Remus was getting enough to eat, and resolved to bring much more food the next time he slipped out of school. As he pulled Remus's hair out of the way, his hand brushed bare skin and he gasped when he realised how cold Remus truly was. He added warmer clothing to the list he was mentally making.

"I can't take your cloak," Remus argued.

"Sure you can. I've got another two back at the dorm." He smiled as Remus fiddled with the edge of the cloak, clearly torn or whether to accept the gift. "It's got a built in water-repelling charm," he added.

"But won't you get in trouble?"

"Who's going to know?"

Remus looked like he was about to argue again but then thought better of it. He pulled the cloak around him and smiled. "Thank you."

"Where's Firenze, anyway?" Sirius asked in order to break the silence.

"Hunting," Remus replied. "As soon as he knew you were on your way he went to find some breakfast for us. We didn't know you were bringing food."

"Does he leave you on your own for long?" Sirius questioned with concern.

"Not much, just when he's hunting or if he has to go back to his camp. Magorian won't let him live there, but says he has to attend all the formal ceremonies."

"Ceremonies?"

"The centaurs have them for all sorts of things," Remus explained. "Magorian's the new leader of the camp, but there are ceremonies they have to do before it's all official."

"What happened to Torin?" Sirius asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Remus glanced towards the trees, presumably where he'd last seen Firenze. "He died," he whispered. "He didn't fight back when he was challenged for the leadership."

"But how can Magorian get away with it?"

"They're centaurs." Remus shrugged. "They live differently to us."

"Is Firenze okay?" Sirius asked. He'd not met the young centaur that many times, but he'd liked him. He was also the only one, beside himself, who was in a position to help Remus.

"He doesn't say much," Remus replied. "He's a centaur." He shrugged as though that explained it all.

The two boys sat quietly for a little longer, until Sirius realised that time was getting on and he'd be late for his first class if he didn't start making a move soon.

"You'll come and see me again, won't you?"

Sirius knew that even if he'd not intended to return to the forest, the pleading of his friend would have won him over instantly. "I'll come again on Saturday," he promised. "After the full moon."

Remus's tear-stained face lit up into a bright smile and they walked together for as long as they dared. Finally they reached the point where they realised that it wouldn't be safe for Remus to come any closer to the school and he let Sirius walk on ahead.

"See you Saturday," Sirius called back before hurrying out of the forest, past Hagrid's hut and towards the castle.

Remus watched Sirius return to school, wishing more than ever that he could join him. He hadn't been lying when he'd said he didn't like staying in the forest. It was uncomfortable and cold, and he was so bored he was actually missing his lessons.

"You shouldn't have come so close to the edge of the forest," Firenze scolded as he approached.

"No one's about," Remus pointed out. "And if they see me, they'll just think I'm a student."

"A borrowed cloak doesn't make you a Hogwarts student."

"I know." Remus sighed, pulling the cloak tighter around his shoulders. The fabric still held the fragrant scent of having been recently washed for the start of term. The soft wool still held some of Sirius's warmth and Remus felt a surge of gratitude for his friend. Although he was dreading the full moon on the Friday night, he was looking forward to Saturday more than anything.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius woke early on Saturday morning, determined to find Remus as soon as possible. He was also desperate to be nowhere near James and Peter when they read Rita's article about Romulus Lupin's trial. Rita had told him after dinner the previous evening that the copies of the newsletter would be sent round to the various common rooms first thing in the morning, so the students could read the news over breakfast.

Sirius saw the pile of papers in the empty common room, presumably delivered by the ever-helpful house elves. There was also a roaring fire to take the chill off the draughty room. Sirius was almost tempted to burn the entire pile of newsletters, but he knew that if he did he would only be putting off the inevitable and that the Gryffindors would simply borrow from their friends and relatives in other houses. Instead he took the top copy of the newsletter and pocketed it in his robes. He had no intention of letting Remus see the article, but he wanted to make sure he read it before James confronted him.

Sirius left the castle, laden with food from the kitchen, his emergency healer's kit, some warm clothes that he hoped would fit Remus, and a couple of books to ease the boredom he was sure his friend was suffering.

No one was in the grounds as Sirius hurried towards the lake and the forest beyond. Remus hadn't replied to his call through the mirror and he was worried about what had happened the night before. He hoped it was merely a case of Remus having been too tired to answer, or having misplaced the mirror temporarily.

He made his way to the same clearing that he'd visited earlier in the week, only to find that his friend and the centaur had moved on. They'd covered their tracks well, and if Sirius hadn't seen it for himself, he'd have refused to believe that there had been a fire on the ground he was now standing on.

Pulling out his mirror again, he tapped on it and called Remus's name. This time his friend appeared in the mirror, looking rather the worse for wear. "Follow the stream west," Remus advised. "I'm going to sleep a little 'til you get here. We're about half an hour walking distance from where we were camping."

"See you soon," Sirius said as he made his way further into the forest, letting the sound of the nearby stream guide him.

He was sure he'd been walking for half an hour when he felt the first spots of rain on his head. Knowing that Remus was somewhere out there, suffering after the full moon, and now being rained on, he quickened his pace.

Another ten minutes of walking and Sirius finally stumbled, literally, onto the new campsite. His clumsy approach sent Firenze's bow and quiver of arrows toppling over and the resulting clatter woke up the sleeping werewolf.

"How are you?" Sirius asked as he sat down next to Remus under the rocky overhang that was serving as a shelter from the rain. He didn't wait for a reply before he started rummaging through his bag for the healer's kit and the flask of warm vegetable soup he'd asked the house elves to make especially.

"Tired and bruised," Remus muttered. He struggled to sit up for a moment, before Sirius pushed him back to the ground with a forceful hand.

"Any cuts that need sealing?"

"Not this time."

"You're sure? I've got a blood-replenishing potion here, if you need it."

"Foul stuff," Remus complained. "I've not got more than a couple of scratches on my arms."

"Let me fix them up for you," Sirius asked, pulling out his wand.

"There's no need. They're only light."

"But they might get infected," Sirius pointed out. "I've been reading Madam Pomfrey's books on healing charms and one of them says that the Tersus charm cuts the risk of infection by up to eighty five percent."

Remus looked like his eyes were glazing over as Sirius explained the advantages of the charm. Finally, he smirked at Sirius and held out his left arm. "If I let you do the charm on me, will you _please_ stop boring me with the details?"

"Sorry," Sirius mumbled. "I thought it was interesting."

"It is," Firenze interrupted.

Sirius shot a grateful look at Firenze before pointing his wand at the light scratch and healing it almost completely. As a werewolf inflicted scratch, it would never truly heal, but it was healed as much as it could ever be.

Remus ran his finger down the new scar, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"I'm sorry I can't get rid of it completely," Sirius offered apologetically.

"You've done a great job," Remus assured him. "I should be the one apologising. You've come here to help me and I'm being mean. You can tell me about the healing charms if you like."

"Maybe later. How about I just heal the rest of them and then we can get some breakfast?"

Remus's eyes lit up as Sirius produced another bag of muffins, some bread rolls, a slab of cheese, and the flask of soup. Sirius was somewhat surprised to see Remus's face fall at the sight of a large bar of chocolate. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"That's the sort of chocolate Rom always got for me," Remus replied with a small sigh. "I don't really want it."

"Madam Pomfrey told me to bring it," Sirius said quietly. "In case they bring dementors into the forest to find you."

Remus's face, already considerably pale after the previous night, turned chalk white, but he took the chocolate and put it with the rest of his things.

"I got you some other stuff too," Sirius said as he emptied out his bag. "A spare pair of jeans, a tee shirt, a couple of jumpers, scarf, gloves, underwear, socks…I think I remembered everything. All my sets of pyjamas are really thin though, so I didn't bother with those. I hope you don't mind?"

"But I've already got your cloak, and I'm making do with stuff that Firenze has brought from the centaur camp."

"Really?" Sirius asked with a raise of one eyebrow. "Last time I was there, I didn't see any centaurs wearing jeans, or any clothes at all from the waist down. Them being half horses and all."

Firenze snorted with laughter as Remus's face reddened. "I don't want your underwear," he mumbled with embarrassment.

"And I don't want to think of you wearing the same clothes every day for however long you're hiding out in the forest!"

"But…"

"Look, it's all brand new. My parents bought me new stuff this term 'cos I've grown out of most of my clothes over the summer. I've not worn any of them yet, apart from the cloak that you already have."

"Your mother bought you a Gryffindor scarf and gloves set?" Remus pointed at the red and gold matching set.

"Fat chance," Sirius muttered. "No, those are from my Uncle Alphard. Mother got me a green and silver set like last time."

"But if I've got your Gryffindor set, what are you going to wear? The Slytherin ones?"

"Sure," Sirius replied with a shrug.

"Why didn't you bring me the Slytherin ones?" Remus asked. "You'll get picked on again if you don't wear the Gryffindor colours."

"This one's thicker wool," Sirius explained.

"But…"

"I told you, they stopped picking on me last year. We're sort of getting on a bit better now and…"

"Sort of?"

"Well, they're not exactly speaking to me at the moment," Sirius admitted.

"Why not?"

Sirius chewed on his lip.

"Why not?" Remus repeated. "Is it something to do with me?"

"They're just being nosy. Even more than usual."

"How come?"

"They…" Sirius faltered, not wanting to tell his friend that they were close to discovering his secret.

"They know what I am, don't they?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not yet. But Rita Skeeter, this girl in Slytherin, was at the Wizengamot with me. She's done a report on it and even though your name can't be written in it, she mentioned your name to James and he guessed that you're the same Remus who's on the run. The report for the school newsletter tells everything…apart from your name."

Remus was silent for several minutes. "So, when this newsletter comes out, they'll know what I am."

Sirius nodded.

"When does the newsletter get published?"

"Today."

"Will you let me see it?"

"No." Sirius shook his head.

Remus looked back at him in surprise. "Why not?"

"Because Rita isn't the most truthful of writers. She makes stuff up and twists things about."

"Maybe she won't mention about me being a werewolf?"

"She will. If the truth makes the story more exciting, she'll include it."

"Do you think it's exciting?" Remus asked quietly.

"No," Sirius replied, equally quietly. "It's a lot of things…but it's not exciting."

"Will you still be able to come and see me?"

"If I have to stun everyone who crosses my path to get here, I will!" Sirius declared with a firm nod.

Remus laughed at his expression and Sirius felt an answering smile spread across his face. He hadn't heard the joyful sound of Remus's laughter since the day he'd ridden away on the back of Firenze. "I like it when you laugh," he said. "You should do it more often."

"Not had much reason to recently."

"I know."

"How long can you stay today?"

"Until curfew, if you like? I bought enough food to last us all day."

"Would you be really disappointed if I said I was tired and wanted to sleep for a while?" Remus asked, barely managing to complete the sentence without yawning widely.

Sirius shook his head. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Thanks," Remus murmured as he curled back up in Sirius's cloak. He fidgeted around for a minute or two, trying to find a comfortable position on the hard ground.

"I can bring you a pillow next time," Sirius suggested.

"I guess you'll have to do for today," Remus joked as he twisted round to lay his head on Sirius's lap. "Serves you right for forgetting my pillow."

Sirius grinned down at his friend and reached for one of the books he'd brought with him. "This your way of making sure I don't leave before you wake up?"

Remus's only reply was a soft snore. Sirius smiled and brushed Remus's hair back from his face. It had grown over the summer and was now longer than Sirius's own dark locks. "Sweet dreams," he whispered. He wondered if he'd imagined the small smile appearing on Remus's face at his quiet words.

He looked across to where Firenze was standing, watching him with a curious expression on his face. The young centaur nodded towards the stream and Sirius nodded in return. He knew that the centaur wasn't going far. In the meantime he'd watch over Remus just like he'd promised.


	17. This Journey's Over

This Journey's Over

Sirius felt that the day had passed all too quickly. He'd left Remus in the care of Firenze, promising to visit again during the week. He wished he could spend the Sunday with him too, but he knew he had too much homework to do. The last thing he wanted to do was raise the suspicions of the teachers as to how he was spending his free time.

Sirius didn't like leaving his friend alone in the Forbidden Forest. He knew that whilst Remus might be a dangerous monster one night each month the rest of the time he was still a boy…and a scared and lonely one at that.

He was still worrying about Remus when he walked through the main doors to the castle. The crowd of students milling about told him that he'd arrived just in time for dinner. Sirius didn't go into the Great Hall though; instead, he slipped down towards the kitchens, hoping to eat somewhere away from the other Gryffindors, somewhere where he could read Rita's article alone.

"Mister Black isn't eating in the Great Hall?" the house elf that greeted him asked.

"I'd rather eat in here," Sirius asked. "Just for today."

"Very good, Sir." The house elf guided him to one of the stools next to the long counter that stretched the length of the far wall. "What would Mister Black like to eat?"

"Whatever the other kids are having," Sirius replied with a shrug. He had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn't have much of an appetite left after reading Rita's story anyway. His stomach was already churning at the thought of what she'd written.

"Dinner is bangers and mash, and blueberry pie for dessert."

Sirius nodded and waited for the meal to be served.

"Will Mister Black be wanting anything else?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, thanks."

The house elf disappeared into the throng of elves that were scurrying around, getting dinner served to the rest of the school. Sirius ate a few forks of potato and then pulled the newsletter from his pocket.

He wasn't surprised to see that Rita's story had been allocated most of space on the front page.

_Hufflepuff Prefect Sent to Azkaban_

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

Five minutes later and he knew just how bad it was.

Although Rita had been unable to write the name Remus, she had been able to write Romulus's name in full and simply referred to Remus as 'the younger Lupin brother'. She had written a full account of the trial and there was no mistaking the identity of the werewolf at the centre of the scandal.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, she'd somehow managed to find a photograph of Romulus from his days at Hogwarts. On the one hand, Romulus had grown up rather a lot since the photograph had been taken, and there might have been a faint chance that James wouldn't recognise the young man he'd seen in the Hog's Head. Unfortunately, on the other hand, the younger Romulus looked a great deal like Remus.

"So, now they know," Sirius whispered, tossing the newsletter into the nearby fireplace. He wondered what the reaction of the other boys had been; maybe they'd had enough time to think about things and calm down.

When he could put it off no longer, he left his barely touched dinner on the counter, and slowly made his way to Gryffindor Tower.

The common room was crowded, as it was wont to be after dinner. Sirius half expected the other students to question him about Remus, but no one approached him. Lily Evans waved a casual hello from a chair near the fire, but nothing was said to him about Rita's article.

Sirius glanced at the pile of newsletters and saw there were still quite a few left. A surreptitious glance around the room revealed that the newsletter wasn't preying on the minds of everyone else. Other than a couple of seventh year students, who were complaining about the additional potion being added to their workload, no one seemed to be talking about the newsletter at all.

But Sirius knew that there was still James and Peter to face, and both boys were notably absent from the common room. He made his way up to the dormitory, opening the door as quietly as he could manage. He wasn't surprised to see both boys sitting on Peter's bed, a copy of the newsletter lying nearby.

He could see James watching him out of the corner of his eye. He closed the door behind him; the last thing he wanted was for the rest of the Gryffindors to hear what he had to say.

"Professor Spion's the best teacher, isn't he?" James stated loudly, still not quite turning to Sirius.

"Best Defence teacher yet," Peter agreed.

"He really knows all about the monsters out there," James replied. Sirius snorted briefly and turned towards his bed. "Got something to say, Sirius?"

"No," Sirius snapped, belatedly realising that James had called him Sirius, when he normally simply called him Black. He wondered briefly what had brought about the change.

"Don't you agree that Spion really knows his stuff?" Peter asked. "I bet he'd have recognised Remus Lupin as a werewolf right away."

"Not like the rest of us," James laughed. "We were totally clueless, weren't we?"

Peter nodded in agreement. "Guess it was a bit of a shock for you," he commented. "Hearing all about your friend at the trial."

"Yeah," James turned round to face Sirius at last. "No wonder you've been in a temper all week. You should have just said something."

Sirius frowned in confusion at the two boys. "Said something?" he echoed.

"We wouldn't have thought any worse of you for not knowing your friend was really a monster. It's not like we figured it out either."

"Wait a minute." Sirius held up his hands to slow down the babbling boy. "You think I'm in a bad mood because I'm ashamed I didn't realise Remus was a werewolf?"

"Well, yeah," James answered, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing at Peter for support. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about…we didn't guess either. We know he's your friend, but it's like Professor Spion said in class…werewolves are really sly, and they can appear almost human when it isn't a full moon."

"Almost human?" Sirius asked, rolling his eyes. "Potter, you're an idiot!"

"What?" James gasped, his mouth opening and closing a time or two, before he finally found his voice again. "We're saying we don't blame you for not knowing."

"I've known since last March!" Sirius shouted.

"But, you were sneaking out to see him after that."

"You think I'd stop being his friend because he got attacked by a werewolf?"

"He's a werewolf!"

"I don't care!"

"Is that where you've been today?" Peter suddenly interrupted. "Have you been with the werewolf all day?"

Sirius merely glared at the other boy, knowing it would be pointless to deny it.

"You have, haven't you?" James sneered. "And here we were, believing you when you said you weren't like the rest of the Blacks. And all the time you're hanging out with a bloody werewolf!"

"You think the rest of my family hangs out with werewolves?" Sirius asked with a bark of laughter. He shook his head in stunned wonder at the ignorance of the other boy.

"They're dark creatures, aren't they?"

"They're also half-breeds," Sirius sneered. "And the Black family don't associate with half-breeds."

"Apart from you."

"Apart from me," Sirius confirmed. "Remus is my friend, and I don't care if he's a werewolf, a vampire or the devil himself."

"You can't just hang out with a werewolf," James stated coldly. "They're not like the rest of us; they're dangerous. He's probably already plotting how to bite you and turn you into one."

"Rubbish."

"Professor Spion says…"

"I don't give a toss what Professor Spion says," Sirius interrupted. "He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Dumbledore must think he does, else he wouldn't have hired him."

"I don't care," Sirius snapped. He suspected that Dumbledore had had no other choice, but to hire the teacher; however he had no intention of confiding those suspicions in the other boys.

"You're going to carry on seeing him, aren't you?" James asked. "I'll bet he's hiding out in the forest."

"That's really close to the school," said Peter, shivering slightly and looking out of the window at the moon hanging in the night sky.

"Full moon was last night," Sirius sighed, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "There isn't a werewolf running round the forest tonight, just a thirteen year old boy who's cold, hungry and scared, and still weak from a transformation that's more painful than we can imagine."

"Have you seen it?" James asked curiously.

"The transformation?"

James nodded.

"Once. Remus doesn't like people watching him change."

"What's it like?"

"Awful," Sirius whispered. "My friend was in horrible pain, and there wasn't anything I could do to help him."

"Professor Spion could help him," Peter suggested. "If we went to him, I'm sure he'd be able to help."

"No!" Sirius shouted jumping to his feet again.

"He's a, teacher, he'll know what to do," James reasoned.

"Did you read Rita's story?" Sirius asked impatiently. "There's a warrant of execution issued for Remus. If the Ministry catches him, they'll kill him!"

"Now you're being over-dramatic."

"Over-dramatic?" Sirius shouted. "What do you think a warrant of execution means? They'll kill him."

Sirius was shaking so hard he had to sit down on the bed again.

"Professor Spion told us we can approach him any time if we need his help with dark creatures," James commented. "I'm sure if we…"

"Spion's here to find Remus, you flaming idiot!" Sirius yelled. "That's why he's here, that's why he's asking us to go to him, so he can find Remus."

"Now you're just being paranoid."

"You're not going to tell Spion _anything,_" Sirius declared, pulling out his wand and pointing it at James.

"You going to hex me?" James asked with a smirk.

"I'll obliviate you if I have to," Sirius replied, the cold tone of his voice making it clear that he wasn't joking.

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"Fine," James raised his hands in surrender. "Go hang out with the werewolf, but if I see one scratch on you that looks like a bite, I'll report you to Professor Spion without a second thought."

Sirius looked at James sceptically. He didn't entirely trust that the other boy would simply let him carry on sneaking out of the school, but unless he was prepared to carry out his threat of obliviating him – a spell he wasn't even sure he could manage – he had no choice.

Finally, he gave an abrupt nod and lowered his wand. He'd just have to make sure he was especially careful not to draw attention to his jaunts out of the grounds.

-o-xXx-o-

Over the next few months Sirius made sure that when he visited Remus he wasn't followed. He never went on the same day each week, nor did he take the same route into the forest. He also made every effort to try to make his visits coincide with James's Quidditch practices. He found himself especially grateful for the early morning practices the new Gryffindor Chaser was being subjected to on the opposite side of the school to the forest. He also knew that Remus was moving about the forest with Firenze, and he hoped that between the two of them, they were covering their tracks sufficiently enough.

James and Peter were still cool towards him, and had made it more than clear that they didn't approve of his associating with a werewolf. They also raved incessantly about Professor Spion, a man who Sirius was beginning to despise. They'd spent all of September studying werewolves before finally moving onto vampires, but the Professor still casually dropped comments about werewolves into the lessons. He did it frequently enough that even some of the other students had noticed and commented on their teacher's obsession with the creatures.

Sirius would have been scornful of the teacher's obsession himself, were it not for the fact that he knew he was equally obsessed with werewolves, and one in particular.

Sirius continued to sneak out not only food and healing potions, but more clothes, books and anything else that he thought might be useful for the young werewolf.

Sirius worried constantly about Remus. He was sure his friend was losing weight, and there was a tiredness about him that he'd never seen before. He'd also started to notice that Remus's wounds from the full moons weren't healing quite as quickly as they used to.

The simple truth was that life in the forest was difficult…too difficult for a young boy who was not quite fourteen.

It was becoming harder and harder for Sirius to leave Remus after his visits, and he was terrified of what would happen once Scotland was truly in the grip of winter.

"I'm going to miss you after the next full moon," Remus said wistfully.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked with a frown.

"It falls between Christmas and New Year," Remus explained. "I won't see you until the new term starts."

"Sure you will," Sirius grinned. "Didn't I tell you? I'm staying at school for Christmases from now on."

"Because of me?" Remus asked suspiciously. "I've told you, I'm doing okay."

Sirius shook his head, successfully stalling what he was sure would have been another argument. "Because of my brother," he explained. "You remember I told you about how he goes to a school for squibs in Australia." Remus nodded. "Well, Mother and Father say it's too expensive to bring him back over Christmas, but people will talk if I go back and he doesn't. That means I get to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays."

"That doesn't sound like much fun."

"Better than having to sit through my parents' dinner parties," Sirius muttered. "And it means I'll be here for the full moon."

Remus smiled at the news, and Sirius felt his own face breaking into a wide grin. It was like a reflex action: Whenever Remus smiled so did he, no matter how dire the situation they were in.

"So you're warm enough out here?" Sirius asked. "The first snow of the year wasn't too bad?"

"Cold and wet, like snow always is." Remus grimaced.

"I can try and smuggle you some more blankets out, if you like?"

"Nah." Remus shook his head. "Firenze got plenty from the camp."

"They just let him take the stuff for you?"

"Well, he's practically living there now, so they don't mind so much."

"He's been leaving you alone even more?" Sirius asked, grabbing hold of Remus's arm and pulling him round to look him in the eye. The knowledge that Firenze was with Remus was the one thing keeping him from truly panicking over the wellbeing of his friend. He glared at Remus, noticing his friend's flushed face, and realising that he'd not meant to let that bit of information slip out.

"Not for more than a day or two at a time, and he's always with me for the full moons."

"You can't live in the forest on your own!"

"He's got responsibilities to the other centaurs," Remus explained quietly. "If he doesn't do as they ask, they'll tell the Ministry where I am."

Sirius scowled. He didn't like the idea of Remus being out in the forest on his own, not one little bit.

"I'm doing okay," Remus assured him. "You worry too much."

"I can't help it," Sirius admitted. "I hate to think of you out here on your own."

"Are the Ministry still snooping around?" Remus asked, and Sirius could tell that he was trying his best to change the subject. The last thing he wanted to do was argue with his friend, so he pushed his worries aside again.

"Just Professor Spion," Sirius muttered in reply to Remus's question. "He tested us on werewolves again last week. Said our marks were too low last time."

"Think you passed?" Remus smirked at him.

"Probably not," Sirius replied with a small grin of his own. "How do you recognise a werewolf?" he recited. "Well, he's about my height, maybe an inch or two taller, brown hair, brown eyes, cute smile…what?"

Remus was looking back at him chuckling.

"What's so funny?"

"You think I have a cute smile?" Remus grinned back at him.

"Erm…" Sirius felt his face flushing red as he realised what he'd said. _Cute smile?_ Where in the world had _that_ come from? Then he looked at that very smile once more and realised that it was cute. He gave a small, mildly embarrassed shrug, causing Remus to laugh and nudge him in the arm with his elbow. He nudged back and grinned.

"Cute smile," Remus repeated with a smirk.

Sirius smiled back, wondering briefly when it was he'd first realised that he liked Remus's smile.

He laughed and joked with Remus for the rest of the afternoon, trying not to dwell on the one thought that kept creeping back into his mind at unexpected moments.

Remus was his best friend; it was only natural that he liked him. Just because he thought he had a cute smile, it didn't mean anything, did it? It wasn't like he fancied him or anything. He fancied girls, just like every other fourteen year old boy he knew. Okay, there wasn't any particular girl he had his eye on right now, or any that had ever really caught his eye at all…it didn't mean he liked other boys.

He laughed with Remus as they walked back through the forest, trying not to think of how much he enjoyed listening to his friend's laughter. He tried not to notice how Remus's brown hair looked lighter, almost golden in the winter sun, or how his eyes sparkled with mischief.

And he certainly did his best to stop thinking of the lips, slightly chapped from the cold weather, that formed the cutest smile he'd ever seen.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus shivered, colder than he'd ever been. He tried to sit up, but was too dizzy to make it into an upright position.

"Drink this." He vaguely recognised Sirius's voice but he couldn't manage to open his eyes to see his friend. He could taste the potion in his mouth and felt it spilling down his chin.

"S-s-so c-cold," he whispered.

"Can you stand?" Sirius asked.

Remus tried to shake his head.

"You can't stay here, not tonight," Sirius said. "There's a storm coming."

"N-no choice," Remus replied.

"You're coming to Hogwarts."

Remus tried to shake his head.

"No arguments, Remus. You're not well, and if you stay out here tonight, you'll die."

"But…"

"The other boys are home for the holidays; no one will know you're there."

Remus felt strong hands pulling him to his feet, but a moment later his knees buckled beneath him.

"You've got to try to walk, Remus. I can't carry you all the way to the castle."

Remus nodded and Sirius pulled him to his feet once more. It was a struggle to stay upright and he leaned into Sirius, relying on him to get him to Hogwarts in one piece. He stumbled frequently, but Sirius never let him fall. He was so tired he couldn't keep his eyes open, but he trusted that Sirius wouldn't lead him wrong.

He barely noticed when the soft grass beneath his feet became hard stone.

He could hear the sounds of voices as they made their way up the stairs. "Who?" he whispered, trying to open his eyes to see who it was that was talking.

"It's just the portraits," Sirius whispered back. "They won't tell anyone. Come on, there's not far to go now."

At one point he felt the staircase beneath him moving and he clung to Sirius as they waited for the stairs to settle back into place.

Remus did manage to open his eyes long enough to glimpse the Fat Lady, guarding the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Mistletoe," Sirius said firmly in response to her request for the password.

Then the portrait swung open and Sirius was helping him to climb through the portrait hole.

"The dorm's just up the stairs," Sirius said. "Come on, there're a few other Gryffindors here for the holidays, we need to get you upstairs before they come back."

"Tired."

"I know, just a few more stairs, then you can sleep. I promise."

Then he felt himself falling back onto a soft mattress, a comfortable pillow beneath his head. He sighed contentedly and snuggled under the covers, vaguely aware of the warm presence he was clinging to.

"Sleep now," whispered Sirius, close to his ear. "I won't let anyone find you."

Then Remus drifted off into a deep sleep, one plagued with fitful dreams that were more like nightmares. The only stable presence in his dreams was Sirius, standing between him and the faceless hunters that were trying to track him down.

-o-xXx-o-

He was so tired, and he ached all over. Remus was dimly aware of the fact that he was ill, but couldn't seem to find his way back to full consciousness.

Through the darkness, he heard voices.

First there was Sirius, calm, caring, and urging him to get better. A strong presence, promising that he'd keep him safe.

Then, there was a second voice, even more familiar, whispering to him through the darkness.

"I'm here, Rem. I'm not leaving you this time. I'm here as long as you need me."

"Rom?" rasped Remus in confusion. He tried to reach out towards the voice, but could only find chillingly cold air. His hand fell back to the mattress, and he winced at the pain the movement had caused him.

"Don't try to move. You've re-opened the wound on your arm."

"Sirius…"

"He'll be back soon. Don't try to move again."

"Rom?"

"I'm here, Rem."

"Missed you."

"Me too."

"Don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere. Try not to move."

"Where…?" Remus whispered, trying to raise his hand again.

"Don't try to move."

"Can't…" Remus groaned, struggling not only to finish his sentence, but also to stay awake.

-o-xXx-o-

The sound of a strangled scream woke Remus, and this time when he opened his eyes he found that he could keep them open properly.

He turned his head to survey his surroundings, but saw nothing more than the inside of the bed curtains, shielding him from the rest of the room.

He tried to sit up, but he was too weak to manage it. Nor could he call out, his throat hurt too much to force any sound from it.

"You can't tell him," a voice whispered loudly.

"But you're…" he heard Sirius reply.

"He doesn't need to know, not right now."

"He'd want to know!"

"It'd kill him."

_Rom?_

Remus frowned, recalling that he thought he'd heard his brother's voice before. He'd put it down to a wishful dream, but he was more awake now than he'd been at any time since the last full moon.

Had his brother been released from Azkaban?

He tried again to sit up, but failed miserably. He reached out to the curtain, stretching as far as he could reach, in order to pull back the drapes.

Standing near the window was Sirius with his back to the bed. He watched as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "He'll find out sooner or later."

"I'll let him know when he's well."

It _was_ Rom. Remus tugged at the curtain, trying to pull it back further in order to see his brother.

He turned onto his side and gave the material as hard a tug as he could manage.

Then he saw his brother and the smile of greeting froze on his face.

"No," he whispered, shaking his head. Then the world went black once more.

-o-xXx-o-

"Remus?"

Remus opened his eyes and looked into the stormy grey ones of Sirius.

"What happened?" Remus whispered.

"You fainted," Sirius explained. "Understandable really." He turned and shot a glare across the other side of the bed.

Remus turned his head towards see who Sirius was scowling at. "Rom?" he whispered, his vision blurring again, this time with tears.

Standing, or more accurately, hovering on the other side of the bed was the pearly white form of a ghost.

"No!" Remus screamed. "NO!"

"It's okay, Remus," Sirius assured him, pulling him into his arms and trying to soothe him.

Remus shook his head, his eyes never leaving his brother's face. "No," he whispered.

"It'll be alright," Sirius promised. "It'll be alright."

But, looking at his brother's ghostly visage, Remus couldn't believe the words of his friend, no matter how sincere they sounded.


	18. Here By My Side

Here By My Side

Remus looked out of the cracked window of Gryffindor Tower to the grounds below. He tried to tell himself that if he didn't turn round then it wouldn't be real. If he simply kept looking anywhere else, then it wouldn't be true. He'd just be sitting in a room with his brother, and any moment now Romulus would lean over and ruffle his hair affectionately, just like he always did. He just had to keep telling himself this, even if it was all lies.

"I'd hoped it would have been a few more years before they found us," Romulus explained sadly.

"It had to happen sooner or later," Remus replied dully. "They've been looking for us for so many years."

"I never meant to leave you for so long either," Romulus continued. "A few days, a week at the most, and I'd have come back for you. But every time I thought I'd lost them, I'd spy another Auror hard on my heels."

"It's not your fault," whispered Remus, still looking out the window. He wanted to tell Romulus to shut up and stop talking about it. Maybe then he could pretend it hadn't happened, that it wasn't real, that he wasn't living in the middle of his worst nightmare.

"It's not yours either," Romulus told him sternly.

"I should be heading back to the forest." Remus sighed, but didn't move from his position on the window seat.

"You're not going anywhere," Sirius announced from the doorway.

"The rest of the school will be back tomorrow," Remus pointed out. "I have to get out of here before it gets too difficult to slip away with being seen. You said Professor Spion would be coming back on the Hogwart's Express with the other kids."

"He is," Sirius confirmed with a nod. "He's been at the Ministry over the holidays. He was bragging before we broke up for the holidays about how they'd captured a really vicious werewolf named Greyback. He wanted to be there when they interrogated him."

"I have to be out of here before he gets back. The weather's a bit better now. I…"

"You're not going back to the forest," repeated Sirius. He placed the tray of food from the kitchens down on the bedside table, a little more harshly than was necessary and the pumpkin juice spilt over slightly onto the tray.

"You got any better ideas?" asked Remus scornfully. He pointedly ignored the food that Sirius had brought him. It was no use getting used to such fine meals when he knew that there would be no more forthcoming.

"You can stay here," Sirius said, as though this was a rather obvious solution that Remus had simply overlooked due to some form of short-sightedness.

"You think your _friends_ won't notice the werewolf in the spare bed?" Remus snapped sarcastically.

"I'll hex them into the middle of next week if they –"

"Sirius," Remus interrupted with a sigh of frustration. "You can't just hex everyone forever."

"Remus is right," Romulus agreed, a hint of pride in his voice. "You've both been too quick to draw wands instead of finding a better way to work things out."

"Then you agree I should go back to the forest?" Remus turned to his brother for the first time and was surprised to see him shaking his head.

"It might have stopped raining, but its still winter and you're far from well."

"I can't stay here," Remus pointed out, much as he would have loved to remain in Gryffindor Tower.

"Yes, you can," Sirius replied. "The dorm's empty most of the day, no one will even know you're here. Romulus can lurk about and let you know if someone's heading this way. It'll give you plenty of time to hide."

"What about at night?" Remus asked sarcastically. "You going to convince the others to sleep in the common room or something?"

"I always sleep with the drapes closed," Sirius explained. "At least since that first week, when I found out having an advance warning of their approach would be a good idea." He pulled at the nearest bed curtain, demonstrating the loud rattling noise it made as he pulled it closed. "They won't bother to look inside the curtains. They won't even know you're here."

"And where were you planning on sleeping?"

"Erm…" Sirius faltered and shrugged his shoulders, glancing back at his bed. He wasn't entirely thrilled with the idea of sharing his bed with Remus, especially considering the type of dreams he'd been having lately. But Remus couldn't stay in the spare bed without being seen by the other boys.

"Pity I can't use this one," Remus muttered, kicking out a leg at the extra four-poster bed. "It's already here and no one's using it."

"I asked about it once," Sirius commented as he sat on the bed in question. "Professor McGonagall said that Dumbledore had said to keep the bed in here even though no one was using it. When she'd asked about it, he'd said something about spare beds sometimes being useful, and something about a fire."

"He set the bed curtains on fire once," Romulus explained. "It's a rumour that's been going round for years, and every now and then someone gets dared to ask him about it. He used to be quite a rebel in his day."

"You really think I could stay in here without them knowing about it?" Remus sounded doubtful, Sirius didn't blame him. He wasn't entirely sure they could pull it off either.

-o-xXx-o-

"Budge over," Sirius hissed quietly as he and Remus wrestled with the heavy crimson covers on the bed.

"Sorry," Remus mouthed, not entirely sure that the other boys were asleep, despite the snores that said they were. The last thing they wanted to do was risk waking the sleeping Gryffindors.

James and Peter had arrived back at Hogwarts with the rest of the school shortly before dinner. Sirius had skipped the back to school feast, which was really another Christmas dinner especially made for those students who, for whatever reason, had been unable to have Christmas dinner at home. Sirius had given it a miss and had instead appropriated food from the kitchens, and he and Remus had eaten in the dormitory.

They hadn't needed Romulus to tell them when the rest of the Gryffindors returned to the tower, the sounds from the common room had drifted up the stairs as the school came to life once more.

Remus had slipped into the boys' bathroom, just down the corridor from the dormitory, while Sirius had gone to mingle in the common room. Romulus had disappeared in order to find out what Professor Spion was up to, and to keep from raising the suspicions of the Gryffindors as to why a new ghost had suddenly appeared in their tower…in particular one that might be surprisingly familiar to James Potter and Peter Pettigrew.

Sirius had promised to keep James and Peter talking in the common room for at least an hour, giving Remus plenty of time to bathe, change the dressings on his wounds, and sneak back into the dormitory. By the time Sirius and the others returned to the dorm, Remus should be safely hidden behind the bed curtains and no one would be any the wiser to his presence.

It hadn't worked exactly like a charm, a telltale sneeze from Remus, even though it was hastily stifled, caused Sirius's heart to speed up. Thankfully James and Peter had both been looking away from him, and Sirius had managed to convince them that the sneeze had come from himself, despite his being on the opposite side of the room to Remus.

But the worst was over, and now all they had to do was keep up the deception for as long as it took.

"Sirius?" Remus whispered.

"What?"

"Do you think ghosts get a second chance to move on?"

"I don't know," Sirius admitted. "There're a few ghosts here, but I've never asked them that."

"I don't want Rom to be stuck here forever," Remus explained, needlessly. Sirius knew how much Remus was worrying about what his brother had chosen to do. He was blaming himself, and there was very little that Sirius could do or say to ease his friend's mind.

"Have you asked him?" Sirius queried.

Remus shook his head silently.

"You'll have to talk to him properly at some point."

"I don't want to," Remus admitted. He averted his eyes rather than look at Sirius.

"Why not? He's still your brother. He might be hurt if you keep ignoring him, especially when he's given up so much for you."

"If I talk to him, it means it's really happening," Remus whispered. "It means he's really…" His voice trailed off, unable to complete the sentence due to the tears in his throat.

"Ignoring Rom won't make it any less real," Sirius pointed out.

"I know," Remus whispered as the tears started to fall again.

Sirius pulled the other boy close as he began to sob again.

"You must think I'm a right cry-baby," Remus sniffed a few minutes later.

"No, I don't," Sirius replied quietly. "But you have to talk to him."

Remus nodded. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

-o-xXx-o-

"Did you sneak out over the holidays?" James asked as they made their way to Herbology.

"What's it to you?" Sirius asked, his usual reply to questions of this nature. James questioned him about his trips into the forest far more frequently than Sirius would have liked. Sirius was starting to wonder if James was becoming as obsessed with Remus as he was. It seemed that no amount of brushing off was convincing James to mind his own business.

"Just trying to make conversation," replied James with an easy shrug. "So, did you?"

"Yes." There was no point in denying it. James would easily have guessed that Sirius would have taken the golden opportunity of the holidays to slip away from Hogwarts.

"I was telling my parents about how Professor Spion is really focusing on werewolves," James continued, ignoring Sirius's curtness. "My dad says he's well known for working with them."

"And your point is?"

"My dad doesn't like him much," James offered with an uneasy smile that was really more of a grimace. "Thinks he sticks too close to the rule book or something."

Sirius snorted. "Sounds like your dad's got more brains than you."

"Hey! I'm trying to apologise here."

"Is that what you call it?" Sirius laughed humourlessly.

"Look, I'm trying to make things right," James hissed. "We were getting on better last year, weren't we?"

Sirius nodded.

"Maybe next time you go visit Remus," he stressed the name to show that he was no longer referring to him as the werewolf, "me and Peter could come with you."

"No chance." Sirius shook his head.

"Fine." James forced a smile. "If you change your mind, let us know."

Sirius ignored him as they stepped inside the rather stuffy greenhouse four. Not that it wouldn't make things a great deal easier to have James and Peter on side, but there was no way he was going to trust the abrupt change of heart. Professor Spion said that werewolves were sly and deceptive, but it seemed to him that the werewolf hunters were just as bad, if not even worse.

-o-xXx-o-

"You ready to talk yet?" Romulus asked a moment after he'd appeared in the dormitory.

Remus nodded and forced himself to take a good look at his brother. He'd changed in the few months they'd be separated from each other. His hair, normally worn short, was now barely an inch from brushing his shoulders. He was thinner, too, clearly the meals in Azkaban weren't anything to write home about. He looked older, tired, and there was a smattering of stubble along his normally clean-shaven jaw. Remus cringed at what he saw, blaming himself yet again for everything.

"Stop that," Romulus ordered affectionately.

"I'm not doing anything!"

"You're blaming yourself again," Romulus accused. "I know you well enough to recognise the signs."

"How can I not?" Remus whispered. "If it weren't for me, you'd still be alive."

"Remus." Romulus hesitated and Remus looked up to meet his brother's eyes. "I made this choice, with my eyes wide open. I knew what I was getting into, and I'd do it all over again if I had to."

"But you'll be stuck like this…" Remus waved his hand in a helpless gesture, his words failing him. "You won't be able to move on or…"

"Remus, don't," Romulus said with a shake of his head. "I'm not here to make you feel guilty, and I don't want to talk about what may happen years down the line."

"So, why are you here?"

"Because you need me," Romulus replied simply.

"I'm doing okay," muttered Remus defensively. "It's just a bit harder than I thought it would be."

"Oh, Rem," Romulus sighed. "You're doing great, and I'm really proud of how well you've managed. But, like it or not, you still need me. Now, go get that book on healing potions from the shelf over there."

Remus frowned and looked at the shelf Romulus was pointing at. "You're not going to give me lessons, are you?"

"Well, yeah," Romulus muttered with a roll of his eyes. "It's the book on the end; now hurry up, so we can get started."

"But…?"

"But nothing," Romulus retorted. "You've probably been slacking off for months, now you don't have any excuse. It's not like I've got to go to work."

Remus sighed, but got up to go fetch the book from the shelf near Sirius's bed.

"Looks like he's got the newest edition," Romulus commented as Remus skimmed the contents list. "Chapter six was the last one we looked at, I'm guessing you haven't looked at seven yet, right?"

Remus flushed and turned to chapter seven. "Blood replenishing potions," he began, familiar boredom already settling over him as he read the dry and tedious passage aloud.

The two brothers passed the morning by reading through chapter seven, with Remus trying to memorise what the practical lessons entailed.

It was nearly lunchtime when he heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs below. Romulus disappeared for a moment, before returning to confirm that it was Sirius. Remus breathed a sigh of relief and hopped back onto the bed.

"How's it going?" Sirius asked, poking his head round the door.

"He's bored," Romulus replied with a shrug.

"I just don't see the point," Remus complained. "Even if I knew all this stuff, it wouldn't be any use without a cauldron and all the ingredients."

"There's a spare cauldron under the bed," Sirius said. "There's also a bunch of the basic ingredients for the standard healing potions in a box down there."

"You don't mind me using your stuff?" Remus asked, his eyes already lighting up at the idea of doing something practical instead of just reading about it.

"The ingredients are from Madam Pomfrey, and she knows they're for you. Just don't make the strength-restoring potion yet. It's only good for a few days as it grows weaker over time. We'll have to make that nearer to the full moon."

Remus nodded his agreement, trying not to feel jealous at the smile Romulus cast in Sirius's direction. There was a certain amount of pride in that gaze, as though Sirius had impressed him. He wished he could evoke that type of reaction from Romulus. He knew his brother was proud of him, he'd said so just that morning; but when it came to the lessons he felt sure he was a disappointment.

"Where are your books on Charms?" Romulus asked Sirius.

"In my trunk," Sirius replied. "Is that what you're going to be working on this afternoon?"

Romulus nodded as Sirius dug out his textbooks and passed them up to Remus. "I think we'll start with a refresher on concealment charms."

Remus sighed again.

"Here." Sirius dug his wand out of his robes and passed it to Remus. "You can borrow mine for the afternoon."

"Don't you need it?" Remus asked, holding the wand tentatively nonetheless.

"Not this afternoon," Sirius explained. "I've got double History of Magic – boring lectures and never any practical – and Ancient Runes – again all writing."

"I always thought lessons at Hogwarts would be exciting," Remus said with a frown.

"Some of them are," Sirius replied. "I tend to have all my practical classes like Potions and Transfiguration in the mornings, and written stuff in the afternoons. If you do the opposite you can borrow my wand in the afternoons."

"You've got this all worked out, haven't you?" Remus commented with a smile.

"Pretty much," Sirius grinned back. "I just need to find a way to stop you hogging the covers at night."

"Git!" Remus laughed. Even Romulus was chuckling.

Lunch passed companionably. Sirius appropriated plenty of food from the kitchens for the two of them. If he tried really hard, Remus could almost believe that they were back in Hogsmeade, sitting around the kitchen table. Only Romulus's ghostly presence shattered the illusion.

Sirius soon disappeared back to class, and Remus returned to his own lessons.

"I wish I could join the rest of the school in class," Remus commented idly as he flicked through the Charms textbook.

"I know, Rem, I know," Romulus replied.

-o-xXx-o-

"Potter!"

Sirius opened his eyes at the sound of a very irate female voice screaming outside the dormitory. It was Saturday morning and he had been looking forward to sleeping in. He'd not slept particularly well all week; the strangeness of having Remus curled up beside him had kept him awake until the early hours of the morning. He had been particularly wakeful on Friday night, although he had eventually drifted off to sleep long after Remus's soft snores had begun.

He wasn't particularly surprised to find that Remus had moved closer to him during the night. Remus's head was resting on his shoulder and one of his arms was flung across his chest. All in all, Sirius was not in the most comfortable of positions when he woke, and Remus – highly irritatingly – was blissfully sleeping through the screeching.

"Potter! You should have been on the pitch ten minutes ago. Get your lazy ass out of bed and down there now!"

Sirius listened to the yelling coming from outside the dormitory door, the noise punctuated by the loud banging of fists on the wood. He recognised the voice as being that of Charlene "Charlie" Grahams, a Quidditch mad girl who was Beater on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Remus wasn't the only one who was managing to sleep through the yelling; it seemed that James was equally oblivious.

"If you don't appear in the next ten seconds, I'm going come in and drag you down to the pitch in your pyjamas! Ten…nine…eight…"

"James, get up you git," Peter called. "We don't want her in here."

"…five…four…"

"James!" Peter's call was accompanied by a thump that sounded suspiciously like a textbook being thrown across the room.

"…two…one…that's it, Potter!"

Sirius heard the sound of the door crashing open, this particular bang coaxing Remus to wake up.

"Wha-" he began, but was stopped by Sirius's hand covering his mouth. Remus nodded once, and Sirius took his hand away once he knew that Remus was awake enough to realise it was important he keep quiet.

Remus was also awake enough to notice that he was practically lying on top of Sirius and he began to edge away from him. Unfortunately the tangle of sheets hindered his movements and he had barely put a couple of inches between them when the bed curtains flew open.

"I warned you –" began Charlene, only to falter when she realised her mistake. "Who the heck are you?"

"That's Sirius's bed," explained Peter, his own view of the bed hindered by the angle of the beds and the rest of the still-closed curtains.

"I'm not talking about Sirius," Charlene replied impatiently.

"Then, who are you-?" James asked, as he stumbled out from behind his own bed curtains, tugging on his shoes as he did. "Bloody hell!"

Sirius was straining to reach his wand before James had recovered from his shock.

From the corner of his eye, Sirius could see just Peter leaning out of his bed at a dangerous angle in order to see what Charlene and James were looking at.

"Is that the-" Peter began, but a quick Silencio from Sirius halted the rest of his sentence.

He turned to Charlene. "Get out," he ordered.

Charlene looked hesitant.

"Go on, Charlie," James said with a nod. "I'll be down on the pitch in a few minutes."

"Sirius?" Remus whispered.

"It's okay," Sirius replied, his eyes not leaving James.

"But who is he?" Charlene asked, pointing at Remus. "Is he new?"

"No," James answered, before Sirius had the chance to open his mouth. "He lives in Hogsmeade, but sneaks into the school to visit his boyfriend sometimes."

Sirius glared at James, his face flushing red with embarrassment.

Charlene didn't look like she was entirely buying the story, but since no other explanation was forthcoming she didn't have a great deal of choice. "Five minutes, Potter," she warned, the Quidditch practice topping her priorities list once more.

Sirius waited until the door had closed before turning to glare at James. "What did you tell her that for?"

"Isn't that what he's here for?" James asked with deceptive innocence. "You certainly look like a couple of cozy queers."

"I'm not queer," Sirius muttered, purposely ignoring his own recent ponderings on that very topic.

"If you say so," James commented with a smirk. "Would you prefer I go after Charlene and tell her the truth?"

Sirius shook his head. The fewer people who knew what Remus was, the better.

"How long has he been hiding here?"

"A couple of weeks," Remus whispered.

"Very sneaky," James commented with a grin. "Worthy of a Gryffindor, I'd say."

"You think so?" Remus asked with a small smile.

"Definitely." James nodded and stuck out his hand. "We've never been formally introduced," he said. "James Potter."

"Remus Lupin," Remus replied, tentatively reaching out his hand and shaking that of James.

"And this is Peter Pettigrew," James said, beckoning the still silent Peter forward.

Peter pointed at his throat and glared at Sirius.

"Fine," muttered Sirius, lifting the spell on the other boy.

"Are you really a queer?" Peter asked, the moment he had his voice back.

"I can always take it away again," Sirius warned, waving his wand at Peter's throat once more.

"None of my business, right?" Peter chirped with forced cheerfulness. "So, what about those Harpies? They just signed a couple of right lookers last month."

Sirius groaned and clambered out of bed. He wondered whether he might be able to manage even a weak memory charm on the two boys, but quickly discarded the idea. The way he saw it they had two options, trust James and Peter to keep Remus hidden, or get Remus back to the forest as quickly and as quietly as possible.

Remus, who seemed to be attuned to his thoughts, made his own feelings known. "I don't want to go back to the forest."

"Why would you go back there?" James asked. He sat down on the end of the bed, Quidditch apparently forgotten.

"Because that would be better than being caught by the Ministry," Sirius pointed out.

At that moment Romulus chose to float through the door. "Oh," was all he said when he saw the group clustered around Remus.

"Aren't you his brother?" asked James as he looked from Remus to Romulus.

"Yes," Romulus replied. "I see you've become reacquainted with Remus."

"We were just discussing how we're going to hide him from the Ministry," James said with a grin.

Sirius raised an eyebrow in question. "We were?"

Romulus ignored him and turned to James. "You're going to help protect my brother?" he asked politely.

James nodded his agreement.

Romulus stared at James seriously. "Okay."

"You aren't just going to trust him?" Sirius asked. "He spent most of last term going on about how great Spion is and how werewolves are evil."

"No, Sirius," Romulus replied. "I don't trust him. But Remus won't survive in the forest, so he has to stay here. But, I'm going to be keeping an eye on this pair, and Sir Nicholas and the Fat Friar are going to be helping me. And if I see one hint of them betraying us, I'll get every ghost in Hogwarts to haunt them for the rest of eternity."

"You can't do that," James argued. "The Ministry won't let you."

"I gave the Ministry the slip for years when I was alive; you think I can't do the same now I'm a ghost?"

Peter gave an involuntary squeak of protest and James paled slightly.

"Potter!" Charlene, sounding both impatient and angry, was on her way back up the stairs.

"Go," Sirius ordered James.

"You'll trust me?" James asked.

"Follow him," Sirius said to Romulus. "Don't let him out of your sight. If you see him talking to Spion – "

"You won't," James interrupted.

"If you do," Sirius continued. "Warn us as quick as you can."

Romulus nodded and followed James out the door.

"What about me?" Peter asked. "You going to follow me around all day?"

Sirius was as thrilled at that idea as Peter was and he shook his head. "You won't go to Spion," he said, knowing as he spoke that he was right. "You won't do anything without James giving you the okay first."

Peter looked annoyed at the assessment. He didn't say a word as he grabbed his things and headed to the bathroom.

"At least I don't have to keep hiding from them," Remus commented.

"I just hope we can trust them," Sirius replied quietly as he climbed back into bed.

"You're going back to sleep?" Remus asked in surprise.

"It's Saturday morning, and not even eight yet, what do you think?"

Remus laughed as Sirius closed his eyes. "Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you mind if I stay here?"

"You're not going back to the forest, not yet," Sirius promised. "We'll deal with the full moon when it comes, but until then you're staying here."

"Firenze will help at full moon."

Sirius grunted at that.

"What?"

"I'm going to be having a chat with Firenze when I see him," Sirius muttered. "Leaving you alone like that, anything could have happened to you."

"It's not his fault."

"That's not the point."

"That wasn't what I meant anyway. I meant here, in your bed. I don't want everything thinking you're a queer when you're not, not because of me."

"I don't care what people think."

"So, you don't mind?"

"Do you want to stay here?" Sirius asked, turning to face Remus properly.

Remus nodded slowly. "I feel safe here."

Sirius smiled and pulled Remus into a hug. "You _are_ safe. With me beside you, you're as safe as can be."


	19. Invisible

A/N: Chapter unbeta'd.

Invisible

"What's it like?" James asked Romulus curiously.

"What's what like?" Romulus replied, looking across from where he was hovering near one of the windows of Gryffindor Tower.

"Being dead," James clarified. "Is it cold? Ghosts feel cold to us, but are _you_ cold? How did you die? Was it painful? I can't see any scars or blood on you, not like the Bloody Baron has."

"I feel the cold sometimes," Romulus commented with a shrug. "It seems to depend on the weather."

James looked disappointed that Romulus hadn't replied to the rest of his questions, and Sirius felt disappointment, too. He knew that Remus hadn't asked exactly how his brother had died, and neither of them wanted to broach the obviously sensitive subject with the new ghost. Thankfully, James had about as much tact as a manticore, and was nosy as hell.

Unfortunately, no information about Romulus's untimely demise was forthcoming, and Sirius turned back to Remus to demonstrate the cheering charm again. "Your wand movement's too sharp," he explained, moving his empty hand in a graceful loop to show what he meant.

Remus nodded and tried to copy the movement, unfortunately all he managed to do was give Peter a healthy dose of the hiccups.

Peter glared at Remus, and reached for the glass of water to take a swallow. It was his third bout of hiccups that evening, and he was now prepared.

"You could just use a spell to get rid of them," James pointed out.

"Last time he tried that, he lost his voice," Sirius pointed out.

"As I said, he could just use a spell to get rid of them." James grinned at Peter teasingly. Peter responded by throwing a pillow at him. Sirius shook his head, amused at the antics of the others, but hesitant to join in with the fun.

He turned back to Remus, who was looking at him thoughtfully. "Can you show me that wand movement again?" he asked sheepishly.

"Sure," Sirius agreed, taking his wand back and completing the wand movement again.

"You're doing it wrong?" Romulus interrupted.

"I am?"

"Your second movement should be clockwise, but you're moving your wand counter-clockwise instead."

Sirius frowned and picked up the textbook again. "Well, that explains why we're not getting very far," he mumbled. "Let's try this again."

He followed the movements precisely and watched as Remus mirrored his movements with his empty hand.

"Pretty good," Romulus commented, nodding at the two boys. "Not as smooth as Professor Flitwick of course, but who is?"

"Wish he could show me what to do," Remus muttered, apologising a moment later, when he realised that Sirius may take his thoughtless comment as an insult.

Sirius shrugged off his apology and looked back to his textbook.

"You could always sneak into class," James suggested from where he was now lounging on his bed.

"It's too risky," Romulus quickly replied. "The teachers will notice an extra student in class."

"Not necessarily," James smirked.

"James!" Peter hissed, a worried look coming over his face.

"Stop worrying," James replied as he hopped down from the bed and opened his trunk. "We're all friends now, aren't we?" He looked towards Sirius and Remus questioningly.

Sirius shot a look at Remus from the corner of his eye. He knew that over the last few days his friend had come to trust James a lot more than he had.

Peter, on the other hand, looked as suspicious as Sirius felt. Unlike Peter though, Sirius was also curious as to what it was that James was rummaging around in his trunk for.

Finally the other boy emerged with a triumphant 'ta-da'.

Sirius wasn't sure what he was looking so pleased about. The cloak he was displaying so proudly was rather old and tatty looking, and not even remotely stylish.

"It's a cloak," Remus said, equally confused.

"Not just _any_ cloak," James smirked, sweeping it around his shoulders as he spoke.

Sirius gasped as the boy's body vanished from sight, leaving only his head and feet visible.

"Wow!" Remus breathed.

"You won't tell anyone I've got it?" James asked. "It's been in the family for years, and my dad'll go mental if it gets confiscated by Filch."

"Who would I tell?" Remus asked, with a somewhat bitter laugh.

"Sirius?" James asked.

"You're going to let Remus use your cloak to sneak into class?" Sirius asked quietly.

"If he wants. It's not like I can use it in class time anyway." He turned to Remus with a grin. "So, what do you think?"

"You'd let me borrow it?" Remus whispered.

"You're shorter than me, you could attend classes completely hidden."

Remus nodded, his hand reaching out to skim the edge of the fabric tentatively.

"You want to try it on?" James asked. He took the cloak off with another flourish and handed it to Remus.

Sirius caught a look of pure joy on Remus's face, right before he vanished from sight.

"This is a bad idea," Romulus said, though not with a great deal of conviction. Sirius suspected he already knew that his arguments would be falling on deaf ears. "What if you knock into something, or _someone_, or what if the cloak slips accidentally?"

"I'll be careful," Remus's disembodied voice replied. Sirius realised that he'd moved across the room, towards the doorway.

Romulus appeared to have realised the same thing and he drifted towards the door. "Remus!" he called.

But Remus didn't reply. Instead the door was opened and closed by an invisible hand.

"Could you see him?" Peter asked.

"What?" James laughed. "You think ghosts have some sort of super vision or something?"

"No, but he might be able to…"

"I couldn't see him," Romulus confirmed. "And now he's running around the school, risking being caught by the Ministry at any minute."

"I'll go find him," Sirius said. "He can't have gone far."

"You won't find him while he has the cloak on," James pointed out.

"I can't just sit here and worry," replied Sirius. He stood up and made his way towards the door. "You keep an eye on them," he said to Romulus.

"You still don't trust us?" James sounded aghast at the idea. "Your mate is running round the castle in a priceless family heirloom, and you still don't trust me?"

Sirius ignored him and nodded to Romulus. Then he disappeared out the door, wondering where Remus might have gone.

"Where would I go?" he mumbled to himself as he hurried into the common room. "If I was at Hogwarts for the first time, with an invisibility cloak, where would I go?" He glanced towards the staircase that went to the girls' dormitories, and immediately saw that it was still a staircase. Clearly Remus hadn't tried to sneak up there.

"Sirius?"

Sirius turned at the sound of his name. Charlene was looking at him nervously, and he wondered what it was she wanted. He halted his progress towards the portrait hole and waited for the girl to approach him. "What is it?" he asked impatiently. He really didn't have time for whatever it was she had to say.

"I'm really sorry," she began, looking almost tearful. She pulled him out of the portrait hole and down the corridor towards one of the empty classrooms.

"What for?" Sirius asked, getting more worried by the minute.

"I didn't know anyone was listening to us," Charlene hurriedly explained. "I was just talking to Lily about you and your friend. I didn't know anyone was listening, I swear. Lily wouldn't tell anyone about you. I didn't know anyone was listening."

"Charlie, slow down," Sirius interrupted. "Just tell me what you said."

"I sort of mentioned that you had a boyfriend." Charlene looked sheepishly at him.

"I don't have a boyfriend," Sirius replied with a glare.

"But…"

"I don't. James was just being a jerk."

"But, you were…"

"He was sharing my bed," Sirius finished for her. "That's all, and only so the house elves wouldn't figure out we had a visitor in the dorm."

"Oh dear." Charlene looked even more tearful at this.

"What's the matter now?"

"Everyone is going to think you're gay anyway," Charlene whispered. "Rita overheard us."

"Rita Skeeter?"

Charlene nodded and chewed on her lip. "She was listening round the corner, getting gossip for the next edition of the school newsletter. I couldn't see what she put, but she was taking notes and looked really pleased with herself."

"Great, just great," Sirius muttered. He felt thankful for the small mercy that Charlene didn't know Remus's name, and thus hadn't given Rita even more ammunition for her gossip column.

"I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Sirius said kindly. "I'll have a word with her."

Charlene breathed a sigh of relief. "So, the boy isn't your boyfriend?" she asked.

"No, just a friend."

"Good."

Sirius frowned. "Why is it good?"

"Oh, no reason," Charlene grinned. "I'm going to go flying for a bit. Want to come along?"

"No thanks," Sirius replied. "I was looking for a mate. I should…"

"Okay." Then Charlene was dashing through the door, waving briefly back at him as she left.

Sirius was left alone to contemplate on where Remus would be likely to disappear to. He checked the kitchens first, always a popular place to sneak off too. There was no sign that Remus had been there, merely a group of Ravenclaw students stocking up on food for a late night study session.

The Great Hall was empty and Sirius called out for Remus a time or two, but there was no answer.

He couldn't see the attraction of the numerous empty classrooms, though he did briefly stop in Professor McGonagall's room to see if Remus had gone to see the various animals that were in the cages lining the walls. They'd been talking about them earlier that day, so it was as likely a place as any to look for him.

"Can I help you, Mr Black?" Professor McGonagall asked.

Sirius jumped slightly and turned to face the Head of Gryffindor house. "Just looking at the mice," he replied.

"Just looking?" Professor McGonagall looked and sounded highly suspicious. "I'll take your word for that, but be assured that if I hear reports of mice suddenly appearing where they shouldn't, you'll be the first person I'll be speaking to."

Sirius nodded and wondered just where McGonagall's white mice had popped up in previous years.

"Is there a problem here, Professor?" another, even less welcome voice asked from behind her.

"Certainly not," Professor McGonagall replied shortly. "Mr Black was just looking at the mice."

"Is that so?" Professor Spion asked as he slipped into the room. "Mr Black might be better advised to spend his time studying, instead of petting the school mice."

"The students are allowed a little time off," Professor McGonagall replied. "Mr Black's marks have shown considerable improvement this last year."

"In _your_ classes, perhaps," Professor Spion sneered. "In my classes on the other hand. Average at best. His essay on werewolves last term was sloppy and full of romanticised ideas that have no basis in reality at all."

"Every student has a weak subject," Professor McGonagall replied, clearly not too worried about Sirius's Defence Against the Dark Arts marks.

"Of course," Professor Spion agreed. "But a student can't afford to be slack in Defence class. It's hardly a crisis if a person can't transfigure a mouse into a goblet or some other such nonsense."

"Nonsense?"

Sirius tried to conceal his amusement as he watched Professor McGonagall turn an interesting shade of pink.

"Not to diminish your own achievements in the field," Professor Spion hurriedly assured her. "But Defence really is the most important of all the school subjects."

"_That_ is a matter of opinion," Professor McGonagall hissed, sounding very cat-like as her temper rose. "Mr Black, perhaps you'd better run along now. You should just have time to get your friends off the Quidditch pitch and back to the common room before curfew."

Sirius nodded and ducked out of the door, keeping as far away from Professor Spion as he possibly could.

He hurried across the grass towards the stadium. Charlene was still in the air, battling with a bludger and seemingly winning the fight. There didn't appear to be anyone else in sight though, and Sirius wondered who McGonagall had been referring to when she spoke of his friends.

"Hey! Charlie!" he called out, pointing at the clock tower. Charlie nodded, and after hitting the bludger away once more, she flew to the ground to put the equipment away.

"She's pretty good." Sirius turned to see where Remus's voice had come from. The Quidditch pitch – of course – he wondered why he hadn't thought to check there first. As mad about the game as James Potter, it was the obvious place to look for his invisible friend.

"Where are you?" Sirius whispered.

"Right next to you," Remus replied, lightly nudging him in the arm.

"You scared me, running off like that," Sirius scolded, sitting down on one of the benches.

"Sorry. I just hate being cooped up all the time."

"That's okay," Sirius sighed. "We should head back though, it's nearly curfew."

"For students," Remus teased.

"You won't be able to get into the tower without the password," Sirius pointed out.

Remus chuckled quietly.

"Shush," Sirius hissed as Charlene bounded up the steps of the stands.

"Did you find your friend?" she asked as she sank onto the bench in front of them.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. I found him." He felt Remus nudge his side, a subtle way of reminding him that without him speaking, he wouldn't have found him at all.

"Good," Charlene looked out over the pitch thoughtfully. "We should be heading back."

Sirius nodded again and stood up. He started to walk towards the entrance to the pitch but Remus's legs were stretched out across his path. He tripped and fell to the floor with a complete lack of elegance. His fall dislodged the invisibility cloak, revealing part of Remus's legs.

"Bugger," Sirius muttered. Remus snickered at him as he struggled to pull himself up off the floor.

"Here, let me," Remus said as he tugged off the cloak and reached down to grasp Sirius's hand.

"So, you sneak into the school quite a lot?" Charlene asked with a grin. "Don't you ever get caught?"

"Not yet," Remus replied with a smirk. "You were pretty good up there, but you're favouring your right hand too much. You need to practice with your left as well."

"You're the expert, are you?" Charlene huffed.

"No," Remus flushed. "But you should."

"You fancy a quick circuit next time you're up here?" Charlene asked. "Show me how it's done?"

"I can't," Remus admitted. "I'm not supposed to be up here, remember?"

"Who's to know?"

"I can't," Remus repeated.

"Why not?"

"I…" Remus looked down at his hands, his face flushing with embarrassment. "I've never been on a broom before," he finally admitted.

"You haven't?" Sirius asked in surprise. "Not ever?"

"Flying lessons!" Charlene exclaimed. "I've never taught anyone how to fly before. It'll be so much fun."

"We should be heading back to the common room," Sirius pointed out.

"And I should be heading back to Hogsmeade," Remus lied, pulling the invisibility cloak back on.

"See you round…er…" Charlene hesitated. "What _is_ your name?"

Remus remained silent.

"I guess he's gone," Sirius commented with a forced laugh. "Come on, let's go back inside."

Sirius and Charlene made their way back to the school. Sirius could tell that Remus was with them, the brush of the cloak occasionally catching his arm and hand, and the telltale sound of a third set of footsteps on the stone floor giving his presence away. Charlene, however, didn't appear to have noticed the invisible presence walking alongside them. She chattered about the upcoming Quidditch match and complained at length about certain players – James Potter in particular – who were constantly slacking off during practice.

They arrived at the portrait hole and Sirius made a show of gesturing for Charlene to enter first, making sure he allowed Remus enough time to pass by as well.

Back in the dormitory, Remus was delighted to tell Romulus and the others how easy it had been to slip through the school under cover of the cloak. "I can come to lessons with you guys," he said with a wide smile.

"I still don't like the idea," Romulus commented.

"If I had access to the cloak, I wouldn't use it to go to classes," Peter added with a snort. "I'd use it to sneak into the prefects' bathroom or the girls' changing rooms, like James does."

"Shhh," James hissed.

"What's up?" Peter asked. "Thought we were all such good pals now. No secrets amongst friends and all that?"

"Yeah, but I don't want them to think I'm some sort of creep who goes spying on girls all the time."

"I don't think that," Remus said, and he handed back the cloak. "Friends?"

"Friends," James agreed. "Peter?"

"Whatever," Peter muttered.

"Sirius?" Remus asked. "If I can trust them, surely you can?"

Sirius nodded slowly. "Okay." He did notice that Romulus wasn't asked his opinion on the matter, and knew that Remus's brother would continue to keep a close eye on James and Peter. That was enough to ease his lingering fears.

-o-xXx-o-

Classes with Remus alongside them were, in a word, interesting.

The invisible presence was always nearby, perched on the desk, slouched on the floor, or very occasionally in an empty seat beside him. At first he'd found it hard to follow where Remus was, but after a while he'd started to notice the signs. The sharp intake of breath as Professor McGonagall performed a particularly impressive spell; a slight choking sound, hastily stifled as a potion went awry. Even the steady breathing of his friend, less raspy as his health returned, told Sirius where Remus was at any given time.

The only classes Remus didn't join the other boys in were flying lessons and Defence Against the Dark Arts. For the former, Remus watched from the ground, for the latter, he remained in Gryffindor Tower, and as far away from Professor Spion as he could.

Sirius was surprised at how enthusiastic Remus was about attending the lessons, though he was amused to see that his friend's excitement was tempered slightly by Romulus's suggestion that Remus complete the homework set in the classes, just like the other boys.

"You never put this much effort into the homework _I_ set you," Romulus complained as he watched Remus scribbling across the parchment. "I guess I wasn't a very good teacher, huh?"

"I…" Remus looked up from his work and felt a twinge of guilt. "This is just more interesting than healing charms," he muttered.

"You still have to learn those," Romulus pointed out. "And while we're on the subject, what are you going to do tomorrow night?"

"I'll go back to the forest," Remus replied with a grimace. "Firenze will keep me from getting into trouble, from hurting anyone."

"I'll be there too," Romulus promised. "Moony can't do anything to ghosts."

"I don't want you there."

"You can't stop me," Romulus reminded him.

"I don't like you seeing me like that."

"I know, but if anything happened to you out in the forest, I'd never forgive myself. At least now I can watch over you."

Remus nodded reluctantly, but was immediately distracted by the sounds of the other boys returning from the dinner.

"You didn't have to hex all of them," James said as he threw himself onto his bed.

Sirius glared at him but didn't reply.

"What's happened?" Remus asked with a frown.

"Nothing," Sirius snapped.

Remus turned to James and Peter. "What happened?"

"The school newsletter was published today," Peter explained, tossing the paper in question to Remus. "Rita Skeeter has a bit about Sirius in the gossip section."

"You can't even tell it's really about him," James pointed out. "No one would have known who it was about if he hadn't hexed the first person to ask him."

Remus looked through the newsletter until he found what he was looking for. The gossip section was fairly small, and consisted mainly of sly hints at who the new Hogwarts couples were and who had broken up with whom. Remus skimmed the section until he spotted what had put Sirius into his bad mood. "The heir to one of the oldest and purest wizarding families may be breaking the family traditions in more ways than one…while his parents are choosing him a bride, he has been looking at grooms. Fireworks are predicted."

"I'll give her bloody fireworks," Sirius snarled.

"Come on Peter, let's leave him to it," James suggested. "We'll come back up here when you've calmed down."

"Sirius?" Remus asked, after the other two boys and Romulus had left. "Why does this bother you so much? I thought you didn't care what people thought? As long as you know it's not true, that's all that matters."

Sirius stared out of the window, refusing to look at him. He hadn't cared if people thought he was queer when he didn't believe he was. In a way, it wasn't that much different to people thinking he was a pureblood fanatic just because he was a Black. He knew it wasn't true, so he didn't care what everyone else said. But, the more he tried to sort out the tangled thoughts that ran through his mind about his best friend, the less sure he was of his own feelings, and the last thing he wanted was everyone staring at him and gossiping about him. He was quiet for a long time before he spoke again. "What if it is?" he finally whispered.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked as he approached Sirius cautiously.

"What if it was true?" Sirius whispered. "I don't fancy any of the girls here at school. James keeps talking about Lily and how he fancies her, but I don't fancy any of them. What if Rita's right?"

"You've probably just not met the right girl," Remus suggested.

"What if the right girl's a boy?"

"I'd still be your friend," Remus told him. "You're my best friend, and nothing will ever change that."

"Not even if I was queer?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Not even that." Remus took hold of Sirius's hand and squeezed it slightly. "You and your boyfriend would just have to be uncles to all my kids."

"You want children?"

"I guess. I never really thought about it."

"I didn't think you would," Sirius explained. "I read about how Lycanthropy can be passed on by parents to children, and I thought…"

"It can be passed on like that?" Remus asked.

"You didn't know?"

"I never really looked up stuff about werewolves," Remus admitted. "I know enough about what I am to hate it." He looked down at his hands, wondering what else he didn't know about the monster that resided in his body.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said. "I thought you knew."

"It's okay," Remus replied with forced cheerfulness. "Maybe by the time I've found the right girl, they'll have found a cure?"

Sirius nodded, encouragingly. "I'm sure they will," he said. "And if they haven't, I'll find a cure for you myself."

Remus smiled slowly. He was inordinately pleased that he had managed to calm Sirius down, and even persuade him to smile again. It was a small smile, but it was still there, and Remus felt his own face stretching into an answering grin.


	20. The First Cut

The First Cut

Sirius and Remus trudged through the Forbidden Forest, both thankful for the fact that most of the snow had melted earlier in the week. Sirius didn't mind the cold that much at all, he was just thankful to be outside of the castle. The stares and snide comments that had been made since the publication of Rita's latest gossip column were really starting to get to him, and if he stayed in the school, he might just strangle the sneaky Slytherin.

"I don't think it's as cold as it was before," Sirius commented with forced cheerfulness. "And at least it's not raining."

"I guess," Remus replied. "You should be heading back though. Sunset isn't far off now."

"I'll start back when Firenze shows up," Sirius replied, his voice colder than the Scottish weather as he spoke of the young centaur.

Remus gave an exasperated sigh. "He'll be here soon…he promised."

"And until then…"

"You can't stay with me all night."

"I wasn't going to." Sirius tried to sound affronted at the idea that he'd want to spend the night out in the forest with Moony, a nearly full grown werewolf.

"You should be returning to the castle," Romulus added. "The only reason Moony didn't attack you in the basement was because the forest smells spell prevented him from picking up your human scent. Out here it's a whole different matter. You can't be out here."

"You should lead him back to Hogwarts," Remus suggested brightly.

"Nice try," Romulus replied with a snort of humour. "Sirius, you really should go back."

"Not until I've spoken to Firenze," Sirius stubbornly retorted.

"Spoken with me about what?" the centaur's voice carried through the trees several moments before he appeared in the flesh.

"About last month," Sirius snapped.

"What about it?" Firenze asked, a tone of warning in his voice.

"You left him on his own," Sirius accused. "When I came into the forest to find him on the morning after the full moon, you'd left him to fend for himself. He could have died."

"I had no choice, and he's fared well enough despite my absence. I knew you'd be here within an hour of the sunrise."

"And if I hadn't been?"

"I had no choice," Firenze repeated. "I was called to attend the pre-New Year rituals."

"I don't care about your stupid centaur rituals!" Sirius yelled. "You left him alone!"

"Our rituals have existed for longer than your Hogwarts has," Firenze replied, his own voice rising in volume to match that of Sirius. "You know nothing of them, so don't disrespect them in my presence again."

"He could have died!" Sirius shouted, caring nothing for how long the rituals had been carried out.

"And my father _did_ die!" Firenze snapped. "I'm trying to carry on his work, to keep the herd from being broken up, to do the right thing."

"The right thing?" Sirius laughed bitterly and shook his head. "The right thing includes leaving the boy in your care to die in forest, does it?"

"He didn't die."

"He could have!"

"Enough!" Romulus bellowed.

Sirius and Firenze both turned towards Remus's brother, the latter faltering slightly as he saw what had become of the elder Lupin brother. "I'm sorry," he offered quietly. Romulus nodded respectfully before turning to Sirius.

"You need to get back to Hogwarts, and quickly." He pointed to Remus and Sirius immediately saw why.

Whilst he had been arguing with Firenze the minutes to the full moon rising had slipped past.

Remus was doubled over in pain, the fur already coating his body.

"Sirius, run!" Romulus yelled.

Firenze shook his head. "He won't be fast enough, the wolf will give chase, he'll think he's prey."

"He can't just stay here."

"I'll take him back to the school grounds," Firenze suggested, reaching over to pull Sirius onto his back. Unfortunately, Sirius was unprepared to be hoisted up off the ground, and was unfamiliar with how to mount a regular horse, let alone a centaur. Missing his footing completely, Sirius tumbled right over Firenze's back and onto the ground on the other side, a position that left him sprawled on the floor barely two feet from Remus.

Sirius scrambled backwards, only to become blocked by Firenze.

"Give me your hand," the centaur ordered. "Slowly, don't make any sudden movements."

Sirius reached his hand upwards, his eyes never leaving the werewolf. He gave an involuntary shudder as Moony put back his head and howled. He felt Firenze's fingers grip his hand as Moony turned to face him.

For several long seconds Sirius stared right back at Moony, silently repeating in his head 'I'm not scared…I'm not scared'.

He wasn't sure exactly when it was that he realised that Moony wasn't attacking him. There were no vicious, sharp teeth snapping at his leg and no claws seeking to strip the flesh from his body. Just a pair of golden eyes staring at him in the darkness.

"Moony?" Romulus called from the other side of the werewolf.

Sirius watched as Moony turned towards the sound of the voice. He heard the low growl of the werewolf a second before it sprang towards, and straight through, the ghost.

"Quickly," hissed Firenze, as he pulled Sirius onto his back and took off through the forest. Sirius clung to the back of the centaur, casting a single glance back through the trees as they hurried away from the werewolf. Sirius's last view of Moony, before there were too many trees obscuring his vision, was of the werewolf trying to take a swipe at the ghost.

In what seemed like no time at all Sirius found himself being deposited on the ground at the edge of the forest, the dim light from Hagrid's hut warning him to go quietly. He turned to thank Firenze, but the centaur had already disappeared back amongst the trees.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius crept back into Gryffindor Tower with very little trouble. He suffered one heart-stopping moment when he spied Professor McGonagall strolling down a corridor near the entrance to the common room, but thankfully she didn't notice his presence and merely continued on her way.

Back in the third year boys' dormitory, James and Peter were wide-awake and awaiting his return.

"He's definitely far enough away from the school?" Peter asked. He cast a nervous glance out of the window towards the darkness of the forest.

"Of course," Sirius replied impatiently. James, and especially Peter, had become more and more anxious as the full moon had approached. James had even gone so far as to threaten to report Remus to Professor Spion if he were still in the dorm an hour before sunset.

"We don't mind him coming back tomorrow though," James assured him. "Right, Peter?" Peter nodded. "Just not while he's dangerous."

"We're not stupid," Sirius snapped. "Remus had no intention of staying here on the full moon night. He's not some bloodthirsty monster."

"Okay, okay." James raised his hands in mock surrender. "What time are we planning on going to fetch him in the morning?"

"_I'm _going to leave just before sunrise," Sirius replied.

"We're coming with you."

"What for?"

"To help."

"I don't need your help," Sirius answered as he grabbed his pyjamas, towel and wash things and headed out towards the bathroom. He wasn't particularly worried about James and Peter going with him into the forest, the chance of either of them being awake in time was pretty slim.

It therefore came as rather a surprise to be rudely awoken by James Potter roughly shaking him awake in the early hours of the morning.

"Wake up, you lazy git," James hissed, punctuating his order by way of a sharp poke in the shoulder.

"Wha'?" Sirius mumbled, before he remembered what he was meant to be doing and sprang from his bed. He had meant to stay awake all night, but sleep had overtaken him despite his best efforts. The Transfiguration textbook he'd been reading until after midnight was lying open on his bed, one of the pages folded and creased by his arm.

With James and Peter both awake and dressed before him, Sirius had no choice but to let them come with him as he headed out of the castle.

The first rays of sunlight were creeping over the horizon as they entered the forest.

"How do you know which way to go?" Peter asked. "It all looks the same."

"Going to head in the same direction as last night and take it from there," Sirius replied. "Romulus will be looking out for me too. I'll find him."

"_We'll_ find him," James corrected.

Sirius shrugged and continued to hurry through the trees. Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was probably only ten minutes or so, he made out the silvery form of Romulus in the distance. He quickened his pace and sprinted towards the ghost. He wasn't surprised to see Remus lying on the ground, wrapped in the torn remnants of the robe he had borrowed from Sirius.

"Morning," Remus greeted him. "What sort of night did you have?"

"Not a wild one like you've had," Sirius teased. "You don't look as bad as I was expecting you to."

"That's because he was unconscious half the night," Romulus commented. "Moony knocked himself out on a tree."

"Well, that was a dumb thing to do," James chimed in.

"Who asked you?" Sirius retorted, without turning round.

"If you didn't want my opinion, you shouldn't have invited me to come with you."

"I _didn't_ invite you," Sirius pointed out. He opened his satchel, pulled out a couple of potions and handed the first of them to Remus.

"What are they?" Peter asked.

Remus screwed up his nose as he took a swallow from the first vial. "Revolting," he replied.

"Do you have any cuts that need sealing?" Sirius asked as Remus took a swallow from the second vial.

"Just one on my leg," Remus confirmed.

Sirius pulled out his wand and reached to pull back the material. His fingers had barely brushed the edge of the robe, when Remus pulled back sharply, his eyes flickering nervously to the other two boys. "I don't want them watching," he whispered to Sirius, the words carrying to them anyway.

"Come on, Peter," James said, nodding in understanding at Remus. "We'll just be over there."

Sirius waited until the two boys were out of earshot before turning to Remus. "May I?" he asked, gesturing towards Remus's injured leg. Remus nodded and pulled back the robe. The scratch, deep and ugly, stretched from his right knee to his hip and was bleeding profusely.

Sirius wasted no time in sealing the wound and cleaning up the blood.

"Now, the blood replenishing potion," announced Sirius, passing across the second vial he'd retrieved from his satchel.

Remus groaned but took the vial from him anyway. "Don't you have anything nice in there?" he asked. He winced as he leaned forward to try to reach the satchel to see for himself.

"Might have," Sirius teased as he pulled the satchel out of Remus's reach. "I might have a sugar quill or two in here." Remus's eyes lit up. "If you're a good boy and drink all the nasty potions."

"Did I ever tell you that you're sometimes really annoying?"

"You might have mentioned it once or twice, and quit stalling…drink."

Remus downed the potion in one gulp, coughing slightly as he finished the last drop. He passed the empty vial back and held out his hand with a smirk. Sirius grinned back as he pulled out the bag of sugar quills and passed them into Remus's eager hands. "Don't eat them all at once," he warned. "The next Hogsmeade weekend isn't for over a month, and there's no way my parents will be sending me any. This bag represents the last of my Uncle Alphard's Christmas box."

"I can't take the last of them," Remus gasped, pushing the bag away.

"Don't be daft. Of course you can. I've had plenty already."

"If you're sure…" Remus looked longingly at the bag of sweets.

"Take them," Sirius told him with a smile. "I want you to have them."

"For Salazar's sake, take the ruddy things," James interrupted. "Before I start retching from all this mush."

"We should head back to the castle before we're missed," Peter added.

"You okay to walk?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded and let Sirius help him to his feet. He stumbled slightly as he took the first few steps, then two sets of strong hands were holding him upright. The first hands were those of Sirius, reliable as always. The second set belonged to James, slightly hesitant but sturdy nonetheless. "Let's get you back to the dorm," he said. "You look like you could use some sleep."

Remus nodded again and leaned into Sirius as they walked back through the forest.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus stayed hidden in the dorm for the next two days, slowly regaining his strength.

James had surprised Sirius by how attentive he was towards the young werewolf, even going so far as to comment on the severity of the injuries Remus had accrued over the years.

Sirius meanwhile took the opportunity to quiz Romulus about what had happened during the night of the full moon. Romulus had barely spoken a word since they'd returned from the forest, and Sirius could tell that something had happened.

"Remus is angry with me," Romulus explained with a grimace.

Sirius looked at the ghost in confusion. "But Moony…?"

"Moony is angry with me, because Remus is angry with me," Romulus continued.

"Remus isn't angry with you," Sirius argued. "He's just upset because…"

"He's upset because I'm a ghost, but he's angry because I won't tell him what happened in Azkaban."

"He's asked you?" Sirius questioned in surprise. He hadn't thought that Remus had brought up the subject with his brother, at least not directly.

"Not in so many words," Romulus confirmed. "He wants to know, and yet he doesn't want to know. He's confused and upset, but all those emotions are too complicated for the wolf to understand. The wolf just understands that his host is suffering and I'm the cause."

"Why don't you tell him what happened to you?" Sirius asked.

"Because he'll blame himself if…" Romulus's voice trailed off as though he'd said too much.

"He blames himself anyway," Sirius pointed out.

"I know."

Sirius was quiet for a long time, as he worked up the courage to ask what he wanted to know. "Romulus?" he tentatively asked.

"No, Sirius," the ghost replied softly. "I'm not going to tell you what happened to me."

"Why not?"

"Apart from the fact you'll tell Remus at the first opportunity?"

"I won't, not if you don't want me to."

"Drop it, Sirius," Romulus warned.

Sirius was quiet for barely a minute before he spoke again. "Back at the Wizengamot," he began. "Professor Dumbledore said he'd taught you something, something to help you…"

"He did."

"What was it?" Sirius asked. "I read about the dementors and you need a wand to perform the Patronus charm. That's the only way to fight them off."

"Professor Dumbledore wasn't teaching me how to fight them."

"Then what was it?"

Romulus was silent for so long that Sirius thought he hadn't heard him. He was about to repeat his question when Romulus finally replied. "I can't tell you."

"Why not? It's not like it'll make any difference now you're dead."

Romulus snorted humourlessly.

"Well, it won't," Sirius insisted.

"It'll make all the difference," Romulus replied with a sigh.

"I don't see how."

"I promise that one day I'll explain to both you and Remus, but not now."

Sirius could tell that the subject was closed and he scuffed his shoes on the wall impatiently.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of another ghostly voice.

"Rom, lad. Been looking all over for you," the Fat Friar called.

"Friar," Romulus greeted the older ghost with a respectful nod of his head.

"That irritating little weasel of a Defence teacher is heading this way. Better make yourself scarce, don't want him recognising you and getting suspicious."

"Thanks," Romulus called as he hurried out of sight, leaving Sirius with the Friar. A moment later Professor Spion appeared round the corner.

"Mr Black," Professor Spion growled as he approached him. "What are you doing loitering in the corridors?"

"I'm not loitering," Sirius replied. "I'm just hanging around here."

"Five points from Gryffindor for your cheek," Professor Spion snapped. "Now, hurry along and stop bothering the ghosts."

"Oh, he's no bother at all," the Friar insisted. "We _were_ having quite a pleasant chat."

"Nevertheless, Mr Black should be making his way to class; don't you have Herbology down in the greenhouses in ten minutes?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Then run along, before you lose even more points by arriving late for class."

"I'll come with you," the Friar said with a jovial grin. "We can continue our discussion on the way."

Sirius nodded and made his way down the stairs towards the Entrance Hall.

"A fine young man," the Friar commented once they were out of earshot. "It's a pleasure to have him join us ghosts at Hogwarts, even if it won't be forever."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked. "Why won't it be forever?"

"Because of Remus, of course. Romulus is here for him, but Remus won't be here forever, will he?"

"You mean once Remus dies, Romulus will be able to move on?" Sirius asked in hopeful surprise.

"Well, I don't know about that. I was just speaking of the school generally. Once Remus leaves the school, Romulus will have no reason to remain at Hogwarts. Such a shame. It's nice to have a young ghost on the premises. And one who doesn't persistently flood the corridors on a yearly basis."

"Thanks for helping us," Sirius whispered as they left the building.

"I could do no other," the Friar replied. "Romulus was a Hufflepuff, just like I was. We are loyal until the end…and even afterwards. I'd be proud to have his little brother in my house too, so would Professor Sprout."

"I'd rather he were in Gryffindor with me."

The Friar laughed. "Of course you'd want that. Just remember: if you ever need the help of this old Hufflepuff, send word through Romulus or Sir Nicholas. I'm always around somewhere."

Sirius nodded his thanks and hurried towards the greenhouses.

He was a few minutes early and saw that only Professor Sprout had arrived before him.

"Mr Black." She nodded at him and directed him towards the nearest bench. "I'm glad to see you're taking such an interest in my class. We're starting studying plants commonly used in healing potions today; I'm sure you'll find it very interesting."

Sirius frowned slightly at the tone of the Professor's words. Although nothing had been said to him directly, he was sure that Professor Dumbledore knew he'd smuggled Remus into the school; he was sure that nothing happened in the school that the Headmaster didn't know about. Madam Pomfrey was also likely to have been made aware of Remus's presence in case of an emergency. But did other members of staff know as well?

Suddenly, a comment made by Professor McGonagall popped into his mind and he chewed on his lip thoughtfully. She'd referred to his 'friends' on the Quidditch pitch, when the only person she should have seen out there was Charlene. Did she know about Remus? Did Professor Sprout, Romulus's former Head of House, know about the return of her former student and the arrival of his younger brother?

He was sure that they had been careful. Remus never left the dorm unless he was under cover of the invisibility cloak. He avoided the Great Hall because of the crowds, choosing to eat in the safety of the dorm. They had done all that they could to keep Remus hidden.

Yet still Sirius couldn't shake the feeling that more people knew about the extra student in the castle than he had originally believed.

-o-xXx-o-

"I think maybe you shouldn't come to classes any more," Sirius suggested the following morning.

Remus looked up from where he was tying his shoes and frowned. "You don't want me there?" he asked quietly.

"It's not that," Sirius assured him. "I'm just worried that some of the other teachers might have realised you're in the school."

"But, how can they have?"

"I don't know, but the Fat Friar said Professor Sprout would like to have you in her house, and then Professor Sprout made this comment yesterday about plants that are used in healing potions, and I think she knows."

"She could just know about your extra lessons with Madam Pomfrey," Remus pointed out.

"And what about McGonagall saying my friends were out on the Quidditch pitch?"

"She can't have seen me, I had the invisibility cloak on."

"But what if she did?"

"You're just being paranoid. That or you just don't want me coming to class with you any more."

"Not if it means you end up in the hands of the Ministry!"

"Sirius, you worry too much."

"Well, one of us has to," Sirius snapped, his temper rising.

"Fine!" Remus yelled. "I won't come to classes with you. I'll just live here in the dorm, or maybe you'd like it better if I went to live in the forest again? That safe enough for you?"

"Now you're just being stupid."

"Well, what do you expect?" Remus screamed. "We can't all get a wonderful education at Hogwarts like the Black family can!"

Sirius stared at Remus silently. They'd had minor disagreements before, but Remus had never used his family as a weapon against him. He could tell immediately that Remus knew he'd gone too far, but he didn't wait around for the apology he knew was coming. He grabbed his books for Charms class and bolted out of the door.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus winced as the door slammed behind Sirius.

"Maybe you should skip classes this morning," James suggested, his invisibility cloak in his hands. "You don't want to be fighting with Sirius in class, or you really will get caught."

Remus nodded and turned towards his new friend. "Can you get him to come up here at lunch?" he asked.

"I'll try," James offered. "But he looked pretty pissed off, and it's not like he listens to me much."

Remus nodded again. "Do you mind if I borrow your cloak anyway? I'd like to check out the library while it's quiet."

"Just be careful."

"I've not torn it yet, have I?" Remus asked as he took the cloak from James.

"That's not what I meant," James replied with a smile. He didn't wait to see if Remus understood his meaning and grabbed his own books so that he could hurry after Sirius.

Remus put on the cloak and followed him out the door, being especially careful not to brush against anyone in the still rather crowded common room.

He arrived at the library just before the first class of the day started and quietly ducked through the door when Madam Pince's back was turned. He hadn't been inside the library before, it was always too crowded when the classes were over for the day, and he had preferred to be in classes with his friends than wandering round the school on his own.

Now he was inside the library, and he stood in awe of the sheer volume of books in the room.

A few of the tables were occupied with sixth and seventh year students who were using their free periods wisely. It didn't take long for Remus to find an empty corner of the library to settle down in for the morning. Making sure that no one saw him appear, he took off the cloak and draped it over the back of the chair.

Then he settled himself down with a book from the Defence Against the Dark Arts section of the library, a book which focused heavily on dangerous creatures such as werewolves.

It was late in the morning and he was halfway through the fifth chapter when he heard Romulus sigh impatiently behind him. "Remus, have you lost your bloody mind?"

"Not since the full moon," Remus replied calmly, without looking up from the book.

"That's not funny," Romulus hissed. "You're sitting here in the library where anyone can see you; can't you see what's wrong with this?"

"I'm in Sirius's uniform, anyone who sees me will think I'm just another student."

"Even if Pince doesn't realise you're not a student, what do you think will happen if she sends you to class? Do you see anyone below sixth year in the library this morning? Of course you don't. That's because they're all in class. And what do you think Slughorn will say if you turn up in his classroom? Do you think he'll just calmly tell you to take a seat and join in?"

"It's Charms this morning," Remus pointed out.

"Remus, please," Romulus pleaded. "Just put the cloak on and go back to the dorm where it's safer."

"I'm perfectly safe here."

"And if Spion comes into the library for something?"

"He's teaching at the moment."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Pretty sure."

"Just go back to the dorm…please."

"Fine," Remus sulkily replied. He pulled the cloak on and made sure it covered both himself and the book.

"You can't take the book from the library without checking it out," Romulus pointed it out.

"I think Madam Pince might notice me if I tried to check it out properly."

"Put it back on the shelf and get one of your friends to check it out later."

"No," Remus argued. "I'm reading it now and don't want to have to wait until later to carry on with it."

With that, Remus crept back out of the library and made his way towards Gryffindor Tower.

It was only when he got to the Fat Lady's portrait that he realised he wouldn't be able to get back into the common room without revealing his presence.

He was about to turn round and go back down the stairs when he heard the sound of footsteps heading his way. He pressed himself back up against the wall, hoping whoever it was who was approaching, didn't hear him there. He drew in a sharp breath as Professor McGonagall swept down the corridor.

"Good morning, Professor," the Fat Lady greeted the teacher.

"Good morning," Professor McGonagall replied. "Everything in order within Gryffindor Tower today?"

"As always. Would you like to check for yourself?"

"Considering the dungbomb incident last term, perhaps it might be best," McGonagall replied with a grimace. "Poor Argus is at a loss as to how they get so many of them into the school during the year."

The Fat Lady chuckled as she swung open the portrait hole, enabling both Professor McGonagall and Remus to enter the empty common room.

Remus pressed himself up against the wall, not daring to risk the creaking stairs until the Professor was safely on her way.

"Well, at least the air is breathable," Professor McGonagall commented to herself. "Wouldn't you agree, Mr Lupin?"

Remus darted a look around the room, hoping that Romulus was lingering somewhere, and that was whom she was talking to. But a cursory glance revealed that Romulus had disappeared again and the only 'Mr Lupin' in the room was himself. This fact was confirmed by Professor McGonagall turning to look right at him.

Sirius had been right, he realised. Professor McGonagall did know he was in the school and now he was going to be turned over to the Ministry and sent to a Dangerous Creatures' Camp for the rest of his life.

"Come with me," Professor McGonagall asked as she opened the portrait hole again and stepped back into the corridor.

Remus knew that if she could tell he was there even when he was under the invisibility cloak, there was no point in ignoring her request. He wondered where Romulus had disappeared to, and for the first time since his return, Remus wished for the sight of his brother's ghostly face.

Remus followed Professor McGonagall out of the portrait hole, down the corridor and into her office.

"Do take a seat," the teacher asked kindly. "And I would much prefer you take the cloak off while we're talking. It's rather distracting not to be able to see the person to whom I'm speaking."

Remus pulled the cloak off reluctantly and sat down in one of the comfy chairs.

"Ah, that's better." Professor McGonagall smiled at him. "You look a great deal like your brother, you know."

Remus flushed slightly, not really enthusiastic about the idea of discussing his brother with the older woman.

"You're not eating properly though," she chided. "Here, have some biscuits whilst I get the house elves to bring you a proper lunch."

Remus wasn't hungry, but he didn't dare refuse the offering. He placed his book down on the chair next to him and nibbled on the biscuit while staring at the bookcase that lined the wall beside him.

A few minutes later saw the arrival of one of the Hogwart's house elves bearing a large platter of delicious looking food. He placed the meal in front of Remus who, with very little prompting from Professor McGonagall, gave in to temptation and began to tuck in.

"Is that from the library?" McGonagall asked, pointing at the book.

"Yes," Remus mumbled round a mouthful of potatoes.

McGonagall held out her hand. "May I?"

Remus passed her the book and the teacher flicked through it, tutting occasionally and sighing. "I only borrowed it," he whispered. "I wouldn't have kept it forever."

"Of course not," McGonagall replied kindly. "But, if you want to read up on your condition this isn't a very good book. It's a Ministry approved publication and highly inaccurate. May I suggest you start with _Lycanthropy: A Healer's Analysis_. It's a collaborative effort by several of the Healers from St Mungo's and other wizard hospitals, and whilst it won't answer all your questions, it is at least more accurate than this one."

"Is that one in the library?"

"Probably, but I'd rather you borrow my own copy instead of going back there. You really should be more careful," McGonagall continued. "It's rather windy this time of year, and that cloak isn't much use when it's flapping about in the breeze. Now, what are we going to do with you?"

"Turn me over to the Ministry, I guess," Remus muttered.

"Goodness, no!" McGonagall exclaimed. "Not until Professor Dumbledore is ready."

"Ready?"

"Until he can make sure he can keep you alive."

"Alive?" Remus asked, choking on his biscuit as he spoke.

"Yes, Mr Lupin, alive," Professor McGonagall repeated sternly.

"But, I thought I'd just get locked up in one of those camps?"

Professor McGonagall hesitated, clearly realising that Remus had no true idea of the seriousness of the position he was in.

"Professor? Rom always said if I got caught I'd be sent to a Dangerous Creatures' Camp. He wouldn't lie to me."

"You brother is quite correct," McGonagall said quietly. "But, I feel that perhaps you don't know the true extent of your situation." McGonagall looked hesitant for a few moments and Remus frowned in confusion as he waited for her to continue. "I'm not sure that Professor Dumbledore would approve of my telling you this, but I feel you need to know how dangerous a position you're in. Perhaps then you might be more careful when wandering the school."

Remus nodded as Professor McGonagall looked at him sternly.

"If you are caught you'll be sent to a Dangerous Creatures' Camp until the Ministry can decide what to do with you."

"Wouldn't I just live there?"

"Many werewolves and other creatures deemed dangerous by the Ministry do live their lives in the camp, but it is very expensive to keep adding to the number of…prisoners. The Ministry only allows someone to live in the camp indefinitely if there's no other option."

"But, where else would I go?"

"Remus, the Ministry issued a warrant of execution for you shortly after you were bitten."

Remus opened his mouth and closed it several times, the words he wanted to say not coming forth. "There can't be…" He shook his head violently, refusing to believe the words he'd just heard.

"I'm sorry, but there's no doubt about it."

"You're lying," Remus shouted. "Rom would have told me if there was a…a…"

"I'm sorry, but there _is_ a warrant issued and unless the person who requested it changes their mind, there is nothing the Ministry can do except carry out the order. Professor Dumbledore had hoped to persuade them to retract the warrant, but when he finally had the chance to speak with them after your brother's trial they refused."

"But, Rom said I'd be sent to a camp. He said that I'd only be killed if I'd attacked someone."

"Your brother didn't know about the warrant until his own trial. He told you what he thought was right. In all likelihood you would be confined to one of the camps if you were to be captured. At least until the order can be carried out, or until Professor Dumbledore can argue your case."

"Maybe I should find somewhere else to hide?" suggested Remus, more to himself than to the Professor.

"You're safer here than you realise," McGonagall advised. "Professor Dumbledore will do everything he can to help you…when the time comes."

"But you said he'd tried to get them to change their mind about the warrant and they said no."

"That's true, but there may be another way he can help you. One that doesn't require the co-operation of those who won't give it."

"Are you going to tell him I'm hiding out in the school?" Remus asked.

"I assure you, Professor Dumbledore is well aware of your presence here, as are several other members of staff. Did you think us teachers wouldn't notice an extra body in our classrooms?"

"But I was under an invisibility cloak."

"Nevertheless, your presence was noted. Though thankfully not in Professor Spion's class."

Remus shook his head rapidly at the very idea of going into the classes of the man who was trying to find him. "I've not been to his."

"Well, that's a relief at least. Thank goodness you've shown _some_ sense," Professor McGonagall huffed. "Now, what about your meals. I assume you've been sneaking into the kitchens or getting your friends to bring you food?"

Remus nodded.

"Healthy food?" McGonagall queried.

"Er…"

"I didn't think so. From now on, _I'll_ give the orders to the house elves to provide you with three regular meals a day in the dormitory, and I promise you won't be living on desserts, snacks and whatever other things your friends have appropriated for you."

"Thanks," Remus said, earning a beaming smile from Professor McGonagall.

"Now, I believe your friends will be arriving at my classroom shortly, are you planning on joining them?"

"Can I?"

"Of course, but try to keep all your limbs under the cloak this time."

Remus grinned as he pulled the cloak on.

"I'll see the book we spoke of is sent up to the dormitory for you," Professor McGonagall told him. "Now, come along, before the class thinks I've forgotten them."

Remus trailed after Professor McGonagall, thrilled that he practically had permission to be in her class. He saw that there was a spare seat next to Sirius and made a beeline for it. It seemed that Rita, who was often seated next to him in this class, had opted to sit elsewhere today. He took advantage of her absence to slide into the seat as quietly as he could.

Unfortunately he wasn't quiet enough and Sirius shot him a look that told him he knew he was there. The other boy didn't look particularly pleased to see him, but Remus knew there was nothing either of them could say until after the class was over.


	21. Tempt the Hand of Fate

Tempt the Hand of Fate

By the time the sun set that evening Remus was desperate to speak with Romulus about what Professor McGonagall had said about the warrant of execution. It wasn't that he thought the teacher was untruthful, he simply had to hear it from Romulus himself before he could believe it. Unfortunately the ghost, who had been an almost constant presence since his return, was nowhere to be seen.

"He can't have gone far," Peter pointed out reasonably.

"He'll turn up when he wants to," Sirius added. "Kind of like the way you do. I thought we'd agreed that you wouldn't be coming to classes any more?"

"Things have changed since this morning," Remus replied.

"Changed how? Spion decided to adopt you instead of turning you over to his mates at the Ministry?"

"Professor McGonagall said I could go to class," Remus stated, glaring at the other boys, almost daring them to argue with him.

"You've been talking with McGonagall?"

"We had lunch together," Remus added. "She said I could go to class as long as I'm careful."

Sirius looked like he didn't know what to say to that. "So, why are you so eager to talk to your brother all of a sudden?"

"I want to ask him something?

"Ask him what?"

"Just about something that McGonagall said."

"Why? What else did she say?" James asked. "It's something bad, isn't it?"

"What is it?" Sirius asked. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Remus hesitated a little longer but eventually gave a sigh and sat down on Sirius's bed. "She said that the Ministry will kill me if they catch me," he finally whispered. "She said they have an execution warrant or something."

"She's probably lying," James said reassuringly. "Wants to scare you into behaving whilst your hiding out here."

"It's working," Remus answered with a snort. "I just wish I knew for sure if it's true or not. Rom will know, but now I need to talk to him, I can't find him anywhere."

"It is true," Sirius whispered. "They talked about it at Rom's trial last summer."

"They did?" Remus asked, equally quietly.

Sirius sat down beside Remus and put his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Rom always said that there was a possibility I might be killed, but I thought he meant that they might kill me by accident when they catch me. I didn't think they would capture me and then kill me later. Not if I haven't hurt anyone."

Remus started to shake as he thought about what he had been told. Until now his worst nightmare had involved being sent to a camp for dangerous creatures. Now, all of a sudden, he had been told that instead of a life imprisoned, he would have no life at all.

"Don't worry," Sirius told him. "Dumbledore will sort it all out."

"How?"

"I don't know," Sirius admitted. "I'm sure he has a plan though. He'll just go to the Ministry and tell them they can't kill you because Sirius Black doesn't want to lose his best friend, and they won't want to incur the wrath of the Black family."

Remus chuckled slightly and shook his head. "You're nuts," he teased.

"Didn't you know that already?" Sirius joked. "The whole Black family is totally crazy. Comes from all the inbreeding."

"That your excuse, is it?" James asked.

Sirius grabbed a pillow from his bed and threw it at James, missing him completely but hitting Peter, who was unfortunately in the middle of drinking a glass of pumpkin juice. The juice spilled over James's bed and James retaliated by tossing a pillow from his own bed towards Sirius.

In no time at all, all four boys were belting each other with pillows, two of which had burst, raining feathers all around the room.

In the midst of all this, Romulus appeared, shook his head briefly at the mess and settled down on one of the high window ledges to watch the chaos. Remus, unfortunately, was too caught up in the pillow fight to notice.

-o-xXx-o-

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked as he watched Remus turn back the covers on the spare bed in the dormitory later that night.

"Getting into bed," Remus replied. "What's it look like?"

"But you usually sleep here," he pointed out, gesturing to the spot beside him, in his own bed.

"I just thought that since Professor McGonagall knows I'm here, and she's told the house elves to bring me food…well, it seems silly not to use this bed, not if they know I'm here anyway."

Sirius couldn't argue with the logic of that and merely reminded Remus to make sure the bed curtains were closed, just in case they had an unexpected visitor.

It was strange, Sirius considered later that night. At first he had found it difficult to sleep with Remus lying next to him. But now, just a little over a month later, and he was having the opposite problem. Gryffindor Tower, always chilly and draughty in the winter months, seemed even more so without Remus's warm presence curled up beside him.

The cold didn't seem to be bothering James and Peter. The former was snoring loudly and the latter, who was apparently impervious to the cold, had even thrown off his blankets.

Sirius couldn't tell whether Remus was awake or not, and he was reluctant to disturb the other boys by calling out across the room. He finally resorted to counting imps until he fell asleep.

Remus meanwhile, was still awake long after Sirius had fallen asleep, his eyes on the watchful ghost perched in the window. "Rom?" he whispered, peering through the gap in the bed curtains.

"What is it?" Rom whispered back, drifting down towards the bed.

"I can't sleep."

"Have you tried counting imps?"

"I've tried _everything_," Remus muttered. "I just keep thinking about what Professor McGonagall and Sirius said about how the Ministry want to kill me."

"Try not to worry about it too much. Just be careful."

"Why does the Ministry hate me so much?" Remus whispered. "I've not done anything to them, and they don't kill all werewolves. So, why do they want to kill me?"

Romulus looked away and Remus could tell he was hiding something from him.

"Rom? You didn't know about the warrant before, did you?"

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I knew one had been asked for," Romulus whispered, finally turning back to Remus. "I didn't know they'd got one."

"Who asked for it?" Remus asked with a frown. "Did I try to bite someone when I was first bitten? Is that why the Ministry wants to kill me?"

"No, Remus. You've never hurt anyone."

"But someone thought I was too dangerous," Remus pointed out.

"Just try and get some sleep. Don't worry about it. Professor Dumbledore is working on a plan to help keep you safe."

Remus lay back down and tried to force himself to fall asleep. "Rom?"

"Go to sleep Remus."

"Was it Mum and Dad?" Remus whispered. "Was it them who asked the Ministry to…to…?"

Romulus was quiet for a long time before he finally replied. "I'm sorry, Rem."

"Why didn't they love me?" Remus asked.

"They did love you," Romulus replied. "They loved both of us. They just got scared."

"But you said that Dad was a Gryffindor. They're supposed to be brave."

"I know."

"Do you think I'll ever be safe?"

"You're safe now," Romulus replied. "Or as safe as you can be."

"But, will I ever really be safe?"

"I don't know. I wish I had all the answers, but no one does."

Remus stared up at the ceiling, listening to the quiet and not so quiet snores from the other boys. All three boys in the room were Gryffindors, just like his Dad had been. Why was it they could be his friends, but his father didn't even want him to live?

He heard the bed opposite his own creak as Sirius turned over in his sleep. Remus slipped out from under the covers and padded quietly across the room. "Sirius?" he whispered.

Sirius didn't open his eyes or acknowledge him in any way.

"Sirius?" Remus tried again, this time poking him in the arm.

"Remus?" Sirius murmured sleepily. "What time is it?"

"I don't know, it's still dark."

"What's up?"

"I can't sleep," Remus replied, feeling rather silly for waking his friend for so trivial a thing.

"Have you tried counting imps?"

"Yes."

"You want a drink of water or something?"

"No. I…"

"What?"

"I'm sorry for what I said about your family."

"Doesn't matter. It's true, and Potter and Pettigrew have said a lot worse about them. Mostly true as well."

"I still shouldn't have said anything."

"Forget it. Just try to get some sleep, you don't want to fall asleep in class."

"Do you mind if I…?" Remus's voice trailed off as he gestured to the space beside Sirius.

Sirius smiled as he pulled back the covers. "'Course not."

Remus smiled back and climbed under the blanket. "You're all cold," he complained.

Sirius chuckled quietly. "Go to sleep, Remus."

Remus closed his eyes and snuggled under the blankets. "Goodnight Sirius," he whispered, feeling safer now than he had all day.

"Goodnight," Sirius replied, feeling warm at last.

-o-xXx-o-

"Weren't you in that bed last night?" James asked Remus the next morning. He pointed to the spare bed, the curtains still drawn on two sides.

"Yeah," Remus replied, yawning widely.

"Can't sleep without each other, eh?" James teased, casting a glance towards Sirius, who was still dead to the world.

"You got it," Remus said. "But, do us a favour and stop teasing Sirius about this sort of stuff."

"But he's so easy to wind up." James laughed and began rummaging around in his wardrobe for a clean shirt, only to find they had all fallen to the floor.

"That's because he's worried about not fancying any of the girls here."

"So what if he doesn't? Neither does Peter. He even called Evans a shrew the other week."

"Yeah, but you don't tease Peter like you tease Sirius, do you? And Peter hasn't had some silly gossip printed in the school newsletter by that nosy, little cow in Slytherin."

"Sirius knows we're just having a laugh with him," James insisted, although he no longer sounded quite so sure of himself.

"Just leave it alone," Remus asked quietly.

"Okay, I'll not say another word. Though if I see the two of you snogging I reserve the right to tease you both as much as I want."

"We're not going to start snogging," Remus replied with a laugh. "We're just friends. Best friends."

"Yeah, I'm best mates with Peter, but if he tried to get in bed with me, he'd find himself booted right back out again."

"It's different for me and Sirius though."

"I can see that," James smirked.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus loved being able to attend classes without having to worry about the teachers spotting him. He sometimes wondered how no one else seemed to know he was there, especially when Professor McGonagall chose to demonstrate the spells for her class on the desk he was sitting at. Or when Professor Sprout instinctively reached to pull him back from one of the more dangerous plants, that had reached out to grab him as they were leaving greenhouse three.

It seemed that plants and animals could either see or sense his presence and he was convinced that Professor McGonagall retained her cat-like abilities when she was in her human form. But, somehow, the other students remained oblivious to his presence, too wrapped up in their own lives and problems to notice the invisible boy who was joining them in class each day.

Every couple of weeks Remus found himself summoned via one of the house elves to visit Professor McGonagall's office, where she proceeded to check he was putting on weight and regaining his health. Once a month Madam Pomfrey was in attendance as well, clucking over him like a mother hen and making sure that he knew she was always around to help him if he was seriously injured after one of the full moons.

On his birthday, he even found Professor Sprout in attendance, and for a moment had thought that he was going to be sent from the school. Instead he was pleasantly surprised to find that the head of Hufflepuff was a talented cook and had taken the trouble to bake him a proper birthday cake, complete with icing and candles.

He'd brought pieces of the cake back to the dormitory for the other boys, and endured so much teasing he threatened that the next time they could starve.

Sirius had brought him a jumbo box of sugar quills, though how he'd managed to buy them without Remus seeing was a mystery, and James and Peter had clubbed together to buy him various pranking items from Zonkos. Of course, the latter pair did have a somewhat ulterior motive for their present, pointing out that Remus was the best one to use the items since he was invisible most of the time.

All in all, Remus was pretty much convinced that it was the best birthday ever, and certainly a vast improvement on the last one.

"You're thinking about last year, aren't you?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Trying not to," Remus muttered. He looked across the room towards Romulus.

"Sorry, no present from me this year," Romulus apologised. "It's a bit difficult with no money or anything."

"It's all right," Remus replied. "It's nice to have you here, even if I'd rather you were in Azkaban. How dumb does that sound? I'd rather my brother were locked up in prison, surrounded by dementors, than here with me on my birthday."

"Now, what did we tell you this morning?" James scolded. "No miserable thoughts on your birthday. They're not allowed."

Remus forced a smile and picked up a sugar quill to eat.

"We've got something else for you as well," James said, reaching inside his robes. "It's not finished yet…"

"Because we got stuck," Peter interrupted.

"But when it's done it'll be great."

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"It's a map of the school," James explained. "It was Sirius's idea. You know how much he worries about you."

Remus watched as James unfolded the map and spread it out over the bedspread.

"What are all those little dots?" he asked.

"People moving about," Sirius explained. He pointed to the third year boys' dormitory. "These five dots are us."

"Ghosts show up too?" Remus grinned. "Looks like you won't be able to keep disappearing on me now," he told Romulus.

"How can you tell who's who?" Romulus asked curiously.

James sighed as he looked at the parchment. "Well, that's one of the things we haven't figured out yet. We need a way to label everyone."

"And a way to make it disappear in case a teacher sees it," Peter added.

"Naturally," Romulus chuckled. "This is pretty good work though."

"And once it's working, we can see where Professor Spion, Rita Skeeter, Filch and anyone else who we want to avoid is at any time of the day," Sirius explained.

"It's great," Remus exclaimed. "Really."

"We're calling it Moony's Map," James said proudly.

"Moony?" Remus whispered.

"Well, we didn't think it'd be too sensible to call it Remus's Map in case we got caught with it on us," Peter pointed out.

"Moony is still you though."

"Moony's the wolf," Remus muttered. "It's…"

"We know that," James interrupted. "We can change it if you don't like it."

Remus considered it for a moment, before shaking his head. "No, it's okay," he replied. "Moony's Map sounds fine."

"So, any ideas on how to hide it and how to label everyone?" Peter asked. "We're all out of ideas, and we've figured out by now that you're the real brains of the dorm."

"I might have an idea or two," Remus replied thoughtfully, tapping his lower lip with the sugar quill.

-o-xXx-o-

Moony's Map, as it had been named, was not as easy to finish as Remus had initially hoped. It seemed that no sooner had one problem been solved than another cropped up.

Two days after starting work on it, the problem of getting the map to disappear was solved. Unfortunately a side effect of that meant that the staircases were no longer moving. Then once the staircases problem was fixed, the dots (still unlabeled) vanished from the map.

There was also a problem with a persistent blot of ink that insisted on marring the parchment whenever the map was hidden.

In short, it was plain frustrating and Remus was about to start tearing his hair out.

"Why not take a break?" Sirius suggested. "Look at it again in a week or two?"

"But I'm so close," Remus whined. "I just know that the answer is right there, I just can't see it."

"You're probably just trying too hard."

"Maybe."

"Tell you what, how about we go down to the Quidditch pitch for a bit? Spion's not here this week, off on important Ministry business or some such rot. You can have your first flying lesson without worrying about being seen."

"Really?" Remus asked, the temptation too much to resist.

"Remus," Romulus warned.

"It'll just be for a little while," Remus replied, already making his way towards the door.

"What if Spion comes back early?"

"Just for an hour," whined Remus, his hand on the door handle.

"This is a bad idea."

"I'll look after him," Sirius promised. "He'll come back here all in one piece. I won't even use the bludgers."

"One hour," Romulus conceded. "Then I'm coming down to get you myself."

"Thanks Rom," Remus called, disappearing under the invisibility cloak and out of the door, Sirius close at his heels.

James was already down on the Quidditch pitch, putting in some extra training under the stern eye of Charlene, who looked like she would have no hesitation in sending a dozen bludgers in his direction.

"Hi, Sirius," James called from the air, aiming the quaffle at the hoops, but missing by several feet.

"Ruddy useless," Charlene screeched at him.

"Yeah, yeah," James replied, coming in to land and waving absently back up at her. "You'd think she was Captain the way she harps on, wouldn't you?"

Sirius laughed and shook his head in amusement as James pulled off his gloves and walked over. "Thought you'd still be in the dorm with you-know-who," he commented with a conspirator's wink.

"Thought we'd come down here and give him his first flying lesson," Sirius replied. "Didn't know you'd be out here though."

"We're just done," James told him. "It's all yours."

"Thanks."

Sirius sat down on the bench and waited a few minutes until James and Charlene had disappeared back up to the school. "Remus?" he hissed, even though no one was near enough to hear him.

"Right here," Remus replied, pulling off the cloak.

"So, are you ready for your first flying lesson?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"Then let us begin," Sirius announced in his most professor-like voice as he led the way towards the store cupboard for the school brooms at the back of the stands.

Remus, it turned out, was a natural in the air. With a fearlessness that rivalled James, he was soon tearing around the pitch at a speed that was making Sirius dizzy.

"Wow!" Remus called. "I can even see my house from up here."

Sirius turned his broom skyward and joined Remus. He soon realised that he could indeed see the small house at the edge of Hogsmeade. Although it was some distance away Sirius fancied that the garden looked rather more unkempt than it had been when the Lupins were in residence. On the one hand it was sad to see it so neglected, on the other, at least it meant that no one was living there, and that one day it could be Remus's home again.

"I miss being at home," Remus admitted quietly. "I used to hate it there, and wanted, more than anything, to be here at Hogwarts, but not like this."

"I know."

"It's not that I don't like being here in the school. I just hate hiding like this. It sounds stupid, but I really want to raise my hand in class when I know the answer to a question."

Sirius, who rarely bothered to raise his hand, even if he did know the answer, laughed at that. "You do know you're a freak, right?"

Remus nearly fell from his broom, stunned at the comment.

"I meant about raising your hand in class," Sirius clarified when he realised how Remus had interpreted his offhand remark. "I'd never call you over _that_."

"But I am a freak," Remus whispered, looking away from Sirius and back towards Hogsmeade. "If I wasn't, I'd be here at the school properly, wouldn't I?"

"You will be, one day…"

"When I'm about to retire?" Remus snorted and turned his gaze back to the castle. "I just want to be normal. Is that too much to ask?"

"No," Sirius whispered.

"I guess we should be heading back inside," Remus commented as he continued to look at the school. "Wouldn't want Rom getting all panicked, would we?"

Sirius nodded and dipped the nose of his broom so that he descended steadily to the ground. Remus, in a final moment of recklessness, chose the faster descent and nose-dived towards the ground, pulling up at the very last second to come to an abrupt halt.

"We've _got_ to do this again!" Remus exclaimed as Sirius took his broom to put it away.

"If Spion goes away again," Sirius promised, and they walked back up to the school, Remus once again hidden by the invisibility cloak.

-o-xXx-o-

"Really, Remus." Professor McGonagall sighed and shook her head in exasperation. "What if someone besides me had seen you out there on the Quidditch pitch? What if you'd been recognised?"

"It was only for a little while," Remus argued. "Barely even an hour."

"It would only take a moment for someone to recognise that you aren't one of the students, even if you are wearing your friend's clothes." McGonagall looked him up and down, shaking her head again as she saw the slightly too long sleeves and turned up trousers. She pulled out her wand and pointed it firstly at the shirt, then the trousers, magically adjusting the lengths. "I'll see about getting you some of your own things from Hogsmeade," she suggested kindly.

"I think I've grown out of them all," Remus admitted.

"In which case, I think a trip to the lost property office would be in order. You'd be surprised how many items of clothing the students of this school misplace during the course of a year. There must be hundreds of items that have been here for years. I'll bet I can ever find some of your brother's old things in there if I looked long enough. According to Professor Sprout he was always losing his belongings."

"Professor?" Remus asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"I…will…do you think I'll ever be able to….?"

"Come to Hogwarts properly?" McGonagall guessed.

Remus nodded and rubbed at his nose in embarrassment.

"I'm afraid I can't say for sure whether you'll be able to join your friends here," McGonagall explained. "I'm afraid it's a little complicated."

"Everyone keeps saying that!" Remus snapped impatiently. "It's complicated, you wouldn't understand, I'll explain when you're older…if you don't want me being with the other kids, why don't you just say so?"

"Oh, that's not it at all, dear," McGonagall hurriedly assured him, patting him on the shoulder in a calming manner. "I'd like nothing better than for you to be sorted into Gryffindor, though I think Professor Sprout might fight me for you to be in Hufflepuff with her instead."

"Really?" Remus asked hopefully.

"Really." McGonagall nodded firmly. "But until this whole mess with the Ministry is sorted out, it's just impossible."

"Maybe it would be better for me to give myself up?" Remus suggested. "Get it over with, and then I can come here."

"I'm afraid that would be impossible."

"Why not?"

"Because at the moment your legal guardians are still your parents, and unless another family member – an adult – is prepared to take responsibility for you, their decision as to your welfare stands."

"And they want me dead," Remus whispered. "Why can't I just go and live with one of my other relatives? Rom said that Mum had a sister, Aunt Rosina, Rosina White or Wilson or something beginning with W. She works in St Mungo's, I think."

"Professor Dumbledore is looking into that at the moment."

"He is?"

"After your brother was sent to Azkaban, Professor Dumbledore spoke with your parents to try to persuade them to… Well, they wouldn't listen and so the headmaster has been tracking down all of your relatives to see if he can find one of them who will take responsibility for your upbringing and welfare."

"Are they difficult to find?" Remus asked with a frown.

"Some are, but the main problem seems to be finding someone who…" Professor McGonagall's voice trailed off as though she realised that she had said too much. Remus however knew exactly what the unspoken words were.

"Someone who wants me," he finished quietly.

"I shouldn't have said so much," McGonagall scolded herself. "Remus, there are many families out there who would love to have you live with them. It's just…"

"Complicated?" Remus guessed with a weak smile. "What if Professor Dumbledore asks all my family and none of them want me?"

"Then he'll find another way to help you," McGonagall promised. "There's a law being debated by the Wizengamot which may help."

"A law?"

"Yes. But it's taking a long time to be passed. When it does I'm sure Professor Dumbledore will ensure you are one of the first to benefit from it. At least, if he hasn't found a family member to resume custody of you in the meantime."

Remus looked at Professor McGonagall and shifted nervously in his seat. "Professor?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think I'd be sorted into Gryffindor?" Remus asked, chewing on his lip as he waited for an answer.

"I'm sure you'd be an asset to the house," McGonagall replied. "Now, you'd better run along or your friends will be missing you."

Remus nodded and pulled the invisibility cloak back on. "Thanks, Professor," he said as he opened the door and crept back through the corridors towards Gryffindor Tower.


	22. On the Hunt

On the Hunt

"Exams?" Remus spluttered as he looked at Professor McGonagall, sitting across from him in her office.

"The end of year exams," McGonagall clarified. "I think you should try sitting them along with your friends. The theory exams anyway."

"But I'm not a real student."

"There won't be a record of your marks, we'd just like to see where you're at with your education."

Remus wanted to argue with the teacher, but could already tell that it would be no use.

"You can take them here in my office, and myself, Professor Sprout and the headmaster will mark them for you."

"Why doesn't Professor Dumbledore ever want to see me?" Remus asked, wondering, not for the first time, why he'd never run across the headmaster in all his wanderings around the castle.

"I'm afraid that the headmaster is closely watched by Professor Spion whenever he leaves his office. It seems that the Ministry is convinced that Professor Dumbledore is harbouring you within the school. He'll speak to you when he's ready. But I must ask you not to try to visit him yourself."

Remus nodded his agreement. The last thing he wanted to do was run afoul of the Defence teacher. McGonagall rummaged around in one of her desk drawers for a moment, before emerging with a sheet of parchment, which she passed to Remus.

"Now, this is your exam timetable, don't lose it. And I suggest you study just as hard as the rest of your friends." Remus snorted at this. "Make that even harder than the rest of your friends," McGonagall amended.

-o-xXx-o-

"They're making you take exams?" a horrified James asked. "Well, that's just plain cruel, isn't it?"

"It's definitely screwed up your plans for me to prank the Great Hall during OWL week," Remus replied, secretly relieved that he wouldn't be required to pull off that particular prank. During the last couple of months, James, Peter, and even Sirius on occasion, had talked him into pulling one stunt after another under the cover of the invisibility cloak, and Remus, thrilled to be a part of a group had joined in eagerly. But charming all of the desks to grow teeth and snap at anyone who tried to open them in the middle of OWL week wasn't likely to go down well with any of the staff.

"Shame about that," James muttered. "Guess we'll have to find a way to prank the Express on the way home instead."

"I guess." Remus looked out of the window at the setting sun.

"Sorry, mate. I didn't think," James apologised. "Maybe things will be sorted out by the end of term? You might be on the train with us."

"I doubt it," Remus sighed.

"What are you going to do in the summer holidays?" Peter asked. "Stay here at Hogwarts?"

"Wish _I_ could," Sirius chimed in. "Mother's been sending owls for weeks about her plans for the summer. Boring dinner parties and then cousin Bellatrix's wedding. I may just accidentally miss the train and stay here."

"They can't be that bad," James commented.

"They're all pureblood fanatics and want me to think the same way they do."

"_All of them?_"

"Most of them," Sirius amended. "Uncle Alphard's all right, and Bellatrix's sister can be a laugh."

"Narcissa? A laugh?" James choked out. "Her face would crack if she ever smiled."

"Not that sister, Andromeda," Sirius explained around his own bubbling laughter at the thought of Narcissa's face cracking into pieces. "But the rest of them are just what you guys thought I was back in first year."

"Maybe you're wrong about them?" James suggested. "Just like we got you pegged all wrong."

"I don't think so. They'll never change."

An awkward silence descended over the room and Sirius pulled out his Transfiguration textbook, eager to avoid any more talk about his family.

Remus picked up his own book, but he couldn't so easily push from his mind the problem of what he was going to do at the end of term. He had no idea what was going to happen to him after the other boys boarded the Hogwart's Express, leaving him alone in the cavernous castle, without the protection of James's invisibility cloak to keep him hidden from the eyes of others.

-o-xXx-o-

"It's perfect," James announced proudly.

"It's way more advanced than anything we're going to learn at school," Sirius pointed out.

"But imagine the looks on everyone's faces when they look out of the windows of the train and see all sorts of other places instead of Scotland and England."

"We don't know how to do the spells," Sirius repeated for the umpteenth time.

"The maintenance workers at the Ministry can do them."

"Then why don't you owl them and ask them if they'd like to help you prank everyone on the Express?" Sirius muttered. "Because I've got no clue how to pull a stunt like that on one window, let alone a train full of them."

"I might just do that," James replied with a haughty sniff, and with that he stood up and hurried down to the common room to tell Peter his latest idea.

"It would be a good prank," Remus commented quietly.

"No, it wouldn't; it's stupid."

"You wouldn't be saying that if I was coming back to London on the train with you guys," Remus felt obliged to point out.

"Doesn't make any difference whether you're with us or not, I still don't know how to do those sort of spells."

"But you'd be looking them up right now instead of doing your Herbology revision."

Sirius scowled at Remus's accurate assessment and ducked his head so that anyone coming into the room would believe he was diligently reading back through his class notes for the year.

"Sirius?" Remus sighed. "You've got to stop worrying about me all the time. You'll fail all your exams if you don't stop it."

"I can't help it," Sirius replied with a sigh of his own. "London seems such a long way from here and you're going to be on your own, visible and you'll be on your own and I won't be here."

"Sirius, in one way or another, I'm always on my own."

Sirius looked up at him curiously. "What do you mean? You're not on your own now, I'm here."

"But you can't always be with me." Remus looked out at the evening sky; another full moon was only a couple of days away. "No one can be with me all the time."

Sirius tossed aside his notes and buried his face in his hands. "What do you think about sneaking back home with me?" he finally asked.

"You know I can't."

"Why not? My parents won't notice, they're out most of the time anyway."

"And what about your brother and the house elf? You told me that Kreacher always tells tales on you, so what's to stop him telling your parents I'm hiding out there?"

"We'll be careful, Regulus won't say anything and we won't let Kreacher know you're there."

"And on the full moon? What about then?"

"We'll work something out."

"Oh, Sirius." Remus sighed and shook his head. "I wish I could come back home with you. I want to see London, your home, your room, everything, so badly. But it's too dangerous. You know it is."

"You can't stay here on your own. That's too dangerous, too."

"Some of the teachers are staying for the holidays. They live here at the castle. And the school ghosts are always keeping a watch on me. I think Rom's got them on some sort of schedule or something. Then there's Rom himself. He won't let anything happen to me. The summer will go by really quickly and you'll be back here before you know it."

"Liar," Sirius muttered. "The summer's going to drag horribly, and you know it."

-o-xXx-o-

"How did you do?" Peter asked eagerly after Remus had returned to the dormitory following his meeting with Professor McGonagall about his test results.

"Totally failed Potions," he replied with a grimace. "Professor McGonagall also suggested that next year I sneak into Arithmancy with James instead of Divination. Apparently I don't have the gift for that either."

"But you passed the rest, didn't you?" Sirius asked.

"Scraped through them," Remus muttered. "But if they were OWLs I'd have failed most of them."

"You'd make it up on the practical exams though. You've only done the written tests."

"I guess."

Remus tossed his results onto the bedside table and threw himself down onto the bed. "So, what about the prank for the train? Are you all set?"

"Nearly," James confirmed. "We were just discussing…"

"Arguing," Sirius interrupted.

James glared at him for butting in. "…Discussing whether to do the driver's windows too."

"I say it's too dangerous," Peter piped up. "James thinks it's a brilliant idea, and Sirius is on the fence."

"It does sound kind of dangerous," Remus commented after a few moments of thought.

"It'll be just as good a prank if it's only the rest of the train," Sirius added as he turned to James.

"I thought you hadn't made your mind up?" James queried with a raise of one eyebrow. "When Peter said it was dangerous you weren't sure."

"You're outvoted anyway," Peter crowed. "We'll just do the rest of the train."

Sirius nodded in agreement. "It'll be great. Nearly perfect."

"Only nearly?" asked James, with a sniff of annoyance.

"Nearly," Sirius repeated. "Perfect would be if Remus was with us on the train." He looked across at Remus who was trying his best to hide his disappointment. Unfortunately, everyone knew that there was no realistic possibility of Remus joining them on the journey and his absence would be the only blight on the day.

-o-xXx-o-

"You sure you've packed everything?" Remus asked as he watched Sirius close his trunk with a loud slam.

"Probably not," he replied. "But I'm not wasting the rest of the morning hunting for whatever it is I've missed." He sank down onto the bed and looked around the room. James and Peter were eating breakfast in the Great Hall, but Sirius had opted to stay and eat with Remus on the last morning of the school year. The carriages would be leaving for Hogsmeade in an hour and he didn't want to waste a single minute.

"I'll be all right," Remus assured him. He sat down beside Sirius and nudged him with his elbow. "You worry too much."

"I can't help it. I'm going to miss you so much in the holidays."

"We'll talk every day," Remus promised. "I've still got my mirror and you've already packed your own. And we can write and it'll be just like every other summer."

"How can you say that?" Sirius asked. "The Ministry is breathing down your neck and you could get caught any minute."

"Like I said, just like every other summer," Remus repeated with a grimace. "I can't remember a time when the Ministry _wasn't_ looking for me."

Sirius stood up and walked over to the window. "You're so brave," he whispered. "Braver than all the other Gryffindors by miles."

"I don't see it as being brave," Remus replied as he joined him at the window. "It's not like I've got any other choice."

"I'm going to miss you so much," Sirius told him again.

Remus reached round to pull Sirius into a tight hug. "I'll miss you, too."

Sirius hesitated only a moment before he hugged Remus back. No one was around to see them, and Rita's gossip was long forgotten by the rest of the students. Only Sirius had continued to think about the words that had been printed about him, and he hadn't let himself dwell on them that often. But now, with Remus held tightly in his arms, his half-forgotten worries surfaced once more.

He pulled back ever so slightly so that he could see Remus's face and looked down at the other boy. "You've gotten taller," he commented when he realised that Remus was now barely an inch shorter than him.

Remus grinned up at him. "I'm catching you up. I'm going to overtake you by this time next year, just you watch."

Sirius smiled back, and before he could think about what he was doing, he was leaning forward, perfectly positioned to kiss the other boy right on the lips.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a small voice was shouting at him, screaming out all the reasons why this was the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. From reminders about the fact that this was his best friend to the cringing knowledge of how his mother would react if she knew, the reasons tumbled through his mind in a heated rush.

Unfortunately, the pounding of his heart was drowning out the voice of common sense. His pulse quickened and his breathing became more ragged.

Remus was looking at him with wide-eyes, but he wasn't pulling back.

Sirius could feel the other boy's heart beating at an equally rapid pace and moved a little closer.

Then suddenly Remus was torn from his arms and a dreadfully familiar voice was coming from the doorway.

"Keep back, werewolf!" Professor Spion warned. "Black, did it bite you?"

"W-what?" Sirius stammered, turning to face the Professor.

"Did it bite you?" Spion repeated impatiently.

Sirius looked at Remus, then back at the Professor. This was not good at all and with the Defence teacher blocking the dormitory door there was no way that Remus could escape the room. The best he could do was play for time and hope that someone arrived to help them. "Did what bite me?" he asked, feigning confusion as best he could.

"The werewolf!" Spion snapped.

"Werewolf?"

"There!" Spion pointed his wand at Remus who had risen into a sitting position beside the bed, but had yet to stand up properly. "Did it bite you?"

"Why would he bite me?" Sirius asked.

"I know you failed your Defence Against the Dark Arts exam this term, but even you must know that werewolves bite their prey in order to turn them into werewolves themselves. Did it bite you?"

"Of course not," Sirius replied. "You okay, Remus?"

Remus nodded and Sirius went over to help him to his feet. "Get Dumbledore," Remus whispered as he stumbled slightly.

Sirius shook his head in reply. There was no way he was leaving Remus alone with Professor Spion. There was no telling what 'accident' might happen before he returned.

"Foolish boy," Spion snapped. "Stand back and let me deal with it."

"I think I should take him to Madam Pomfrey, he's hurt his wrist," Sirius argued, hoping that Remus would play along with his lie.

"Stand aside," Spion ordered again. "You've no idea what sort of monster you're dealing with."

"He's not a monster," Sirius shouted. "He's my friend and I won't let you hurt him."

"It's a werewolf, they're deceptive and dangerous, and this one's been on the run for years."

"You're not taking him," Sirius stated. He pushed Remus behind him and faced the Professor who was still brandishing his wand in a menacing manner.

The stand off may have continued until long after the Hogwart's Express had departed, were it not for James and Peter returning to the dormitory.

"Shit!" James swore as he took in the scene.

The distraction was just enough for Sirius to grab Remus's hand and sprint for the door.

"It's too late for running," Remus told him, though he kept up with Sirius as he tore down the stairs and into the common room.

"We're going to Professor Dumbledore," Sirius told him. "He'll know what to do."

"What if he's not there?"

"Then McGonagall will be about somewhere, or Sprout or someone, anyone who can…"

"Who can stop the Ministry?" Remus panted, pulling Sirius to an abrupt halt.

"We don't have time for this," Sirius warned as he tried to pull Remus along again.

"Professor Spion knows I'm here, he's seen me. He won't just let me go on hiding here."

"You can come home with me," Sirius said with determination. "Dumbledore won't let Spion take you and Grimmauld Place is like a fortress, no one can get in."

"You know that's not possible."

"Dumbledore will let you, he doesn't want you caught by the Ministry either."

"But he can't stop them," Remus pointed out sadly. "If he could, then Rom would still be alive."

"Remus, Sirius," Professor McGonagall hissed as she strolled round the corner. "This may be the last day of term but that's no reason for not taking the usual precautions. Where's Mr Potter's cloak?"

"James has already packed it," Remus replied, forgetting for the moment the fact that he'd already been discovered. Professor McGonagall had that effect on a lot of people, if she asked you a question you were compelled to answer it without haste.

"Well I suggest you stay in the dormitory until such time as the school is empty of students. Professor Spion intends to travel back to London with the students so you should be safe for the summer. If he intends returning Professor Dumbledore will be aware of it and can make the appropriate arrangements. Now…"

"He's already found him," Sirius interrupted.

Professor McGonagall looked momentarily stunned at being interrupted, but quickly recovered her composure as the words sank in.

"He just barged into the dorm and we were going to Professor Dumbledore to get help. Spion's right behind us."

"Professor Spion," McGonagall corrected automatically. "And in that case, I suggest we don't linger here any longer. Professor Dumbledore is in his office and will need to see you both."

"Stop right there!" Professor Spion shouted from the far end of the corridor.

Sirius groaned as he turned to look at the Professor. The man appeared to have been on the receiving end of a spell or two since their hasty exit from the dormitory and he looked none too happy about it. He stumbled down the corridor with great difficulty, his knees having been reversed by a jinx that Sirius knew was a speciality of both James and Peter, having been on the receiving end of it himself.

"You two run along to the Headmaster's office," McGonagall whispered, shooing them away. Sirius tugged Remus along again, but not before he heard Professor McGonagall greet Professor Spion. "Oh dear, whatever has happened to you. Now, what is the counter-curse again? My memory isn't what it used to be, I just don't have the knack for Defence Against the Dark Arts, as you pointed out to the rest of the staff at dinner last month…"

Sirius and Remus raced to the Headmaster's office, password at the ready.

Sirius wasn't surprised to see that Professor Dumbledore was waiting for them as soon as they arrived.

"Ah, Mr Black, Mr Lupin," he greeted them, waving them towards the seats. "I've been expecting you."

"You have?" Remus asked nervously.

"Yes." Professor Dumbledore gestured to the third seat in the room. Sirius had thought at first that it was empty, then he saw that the occupant was one of the school's house elves, who appeared to be in great distress. "It would seem that Professor Spion has taken it upon himself to question each and every one of the school house elves in the hope of finding your whereabouts. With more than a hundred in residence here, it has been quite an undertaking and Minny here has been doing her utmost to keep out of his way.

"Unfortunately, this morning, she was spotted returning to the kitchens with your breakfast tray and taken aside for questioning. As Professor Spion is a teacher she has been unable to lie to him without inflicting punishment on herself, which alerted him to her untruths. She came to me immediately and explained the whole thing."

At this point Minny threw herself from her chair and wrapped her tiny arms around Remus's leg. "Minny is sorry, Master Lupin. Minny didn't mean to betray you. Minny has punished herself and begs Master Lupin's forgiveness."

"It's all right," Remus assured the house elf, patting her on the arm whilst simultaneously trying to disentangle himself from her grip.

"As you can see, Minny is thoroughly distraught at what has happened." Professor Dumbledore summoned another house elf to lead her back to her quarters before he continued.

"What are we going to do now?" Sirius asked. "Can Remus come home with me?"

"A generous offer, but quite impractical," Professor Dumbledore replied with a shake of his head. "I'm afraid that there is nothing that can be done other than to allow Professor Spion to notify the Ministry that Remus has been located."

"But the Ministry wants to kill me," Remus whispered, the blood draining from his face.

"You can't just turn him over to them!" Sirius shouted, rising to his feet in anger.

Dumbledore looked back at Sirius calmly and waited until he had resumed his seat before speaking again. "I'm afraid that if we don't, Remus will be taken anyway and I will be forced to flee the Ministry myself. If that should happen then I won't be in a position to help."

"You can stop them from k-killing me?" Remus stammered hopefully.

"We'll talk later," Dumbledore replied kindly. "In the meantime, I believe Professor Spion is rather anxious to join us."

"He is?" Sirius asked. "How can you tell?"

Dumbledore smiled secretly and pointed his wand towards the door. Sometimes it seemed that Dumbledore simply knew.

A moment later Professor Spion charged into the room, his wand raised and pointed towards Remus again. Professor McGonagall followed close behind him, Professor Sprout and Madam Pomfrey trailing behind her.

"You can't possibly turn this delightful young boy over to the Ministry," Professor Sprout demanded as she pushed Professor Spion aside and moved to Remus's side.

"As the school healer, I have to agree," Madam Pomfrey stated. "It would be detrimental to his health; the last full moon took quite a toll on him."

Professor McGonagall merely nodded as she joined the rest of them in facing off Professor Spion.

"I am under orders from the Ministry of Magic," Professor Spion announced imperiously. "I am compelled to take the werewolf into custody immediately."

"And I am compelled to request that you show a little compassion for a young boy who is clearly unaware of the intricacies of the laws set by the Ministry," Dumbledore replied.

"You can explain the intricacies to it _when_ it's in custody," Spion replied.

"He, Professor Spion, has a name," Professor McGonagall snapped. "Sirius, you'd better be heading back to Gryffindor Tower. You still need to collect your things for the journey to London."

"Professor McGonagall is correct," Professor Dumbledore agreed. "Run along, Remus will be quite all right for the moment."

"But…"

"No arguments, Mr Black," McGonagall warned. "I don't wish to be the one to explain to your mother if you were to miss the train."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue again, but saw that it would be useless. "Look after yourself," he told Remus before he turned to leave the office.

-o-xXx-o-

James and Peter were in the common room when Sirius arrived back at Gryffindor Tower.

"Did he get away?" James asked. "Peter got Spion with a great hex, but he was still giving chase."

"They're all in Dumbledore's office," Sirius replied. "I don't think there's anything Dumbledore can do now. Remus has been well and truly caught."

"We didn't tell on you," Peter said. "Really, we didn't."

"I know." Sirius sighed. "It was one of the house elves, they can't lie to teachers without consequences and Spion questioned the one that brings Remus his meals."

"Should have known that the teachers getting involved would cause problems," James muttered. "We should have taken care of him ourselves."

"We did our best," Sirius replied. "It just wasn't good enough."

"Is Romulus in the Headmaster's office?" Peter suddenly asked. "I've not seen him all day."

"No, me neither," replied Sirius after a moment of thought. "I'd better go find him and let him know what's happened."

"You can use Moony's Map now we've finished it," James suggested. "Didn't Remus hide it upstairs?"

Sirius nodded and ran for the dormitory, easily finding the map in the drawer of Remus's bedside table. Unfortunately it wasn't as easy to find Romulus on the map. Sir Nicholas was hanging around in the Great Hall, and the Fat Friar was loitering around in the Hufflepuff common room, but there was no sign of Romulus anywhere on the map.

"I'll go get one of the ghosts to find him," Sirius said as he ducked out of the common room. "They said they would help if they could."

Sirius flew down the stairs, suffering only one near miss as the staircase leading down to the second floor moved whilst he was on it. He soon spotted Sir Nicholas and enlisted his help in persuading the Friar to emerge from the Hufflepuff quarters. Sir Nicholas did raise an eyebrow at Sirius's earnest belief that the Friar was in there, but thankfully he didn't press him on how he could be so sure.

"I can't find Romulus," he began, the moment the Friar drifted through the door.

"I'll go get him," the Friar promised, disappearing out of sight faster than Sirius had ever seen a ghost move.

"You'd better be getting ready to leave for the train," Sir Nicholas advised. "Romulus will return to his brother soon."

"Return from where?" Sirius asked, but Sir Nicholas was already moving back towards the Great Hall.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius loitered in the Entrance Hall until the last possible minute. He climbed aboard the last of the carriages as slowly as he could, lingering as long as possible in the grounds.

James and Peter had already gone ahead of him and Sirius felt more alone as he left the school at the end of his third year than he ever had before.

He turned to look back at the castle as the carriage pulled away, but he couldn't see anything of either of the Lupin brothers. High above him in the tower that housed Albus Dumbledore's office, he knew that Remus was waiting whilst the teachers decided his immediate fate. The boring summer was now something he longed for, anything was better than this.


	23. To Fight for the Right

To Fight For the Right

Remus sat quietly in his seat as the teachers argued his fate. He wished that Sirius was still at his side, though he had no idea what the other boy could have done to help him… other than be there beside him, offering him support.

Finally, it seemed that a decision was reached.

"Come along, Remus," Dumbledore said. "We'll floo directly to the Ministry, and Professor Spion will follow us."

"I'm coming too," Madam Pomfrey insisted. "There's no telling how long it'll take you to get through the red tape, and I'm not leaving the boy alone with _him_."

"Very well," agreed Dumbledore, much to the obvious dismay of Professor Spion.

Remus stood up and watched Dumbledore use the floo powder to travel to the Ministry.

"You know what to do?" Pomfrey asked kindly.

Remus nodded and took a handful of powder. He'd never travelled by floo before, at least not that he could ever remember, but it didn't seem like there was much to it.

"Make sure you speak very clearly," Professor Spion warned. "Don't think you can give us the slip by mumbling, we'll still find you."

"Really, Professor," McGonagall muttered. "Does the boy look like he's about to go on the run?"

"It's been on the run for years already," Spion snapped. "I'm just warning it that if it tries anything now it won't get very far."

Remus nodded and stepped into the fireplace. He spoke clearly and felt the world begin to spin. A few moments later he arrived at the Ministry of Magic, where Albus Dumbledore awaited him.

"Remus, listen to me carefully," Dumbledore advised. "We don't have much time before Professor Spion joins us here. I'm going to do everything I can to help you, you must believe that. But in the hearing I may suggest something that you will find shocking, you mustn't interrupt me, nor argue against what I suggest. Do you understand?"

"Not really," Remus replied with a frown of confusion. "What is it you're going to say?"

"I can't explain just yet. I need to speak with someone first. I was hoping we would have a little more time before this day arrived. Poppy will be here shortly and she'll take care of you until I return. Now, I must have your word to let me do what I must to help you."

"I promise," Remus whispered.

"Very good."

Dumbledore nodded firmly just as Poppy Pomfrey stepped out of the fireplace. "Obnoxious little man tried to push me aside to come through first," she huffed loudly. "Obviously they don't teach good manners in Durmstrang these days."

"I doubt it is the school that's at fault," Dumbledore replied in an undertone that Remus suspected wasn't for his ears, but caught nonetheless.

"I'll take good care of him," Poppy promised.

"Try to delay things as much as you can," Dumbledore asked. "It'll take me at least an hour to get everything ready."

Poppy nodded and pulled Remus close to her side. "I think the boy's looking rather peaky, don't you think? Perhaps a full medical examination is in order? It could be something highly contagious like Dragon Pox, and it'd be such a shame to expose everyone to it."

"Dragon Pox?" Spion asked as he stepped from the fireplace. "Who's got Dragon Pox?"

"I think perhaps Remus might be coming down with it," Poppy suggested as Dumbledore took his leave and stepped across the atrium towards a fireplace that was well out of earshot of the others.

Spion barely seemed to notice Dumbledore departing, as he looked Remus up and down suspiciously. "It looks perfectly fine to me."

"Are you a qualified Healer?" asked Poppy, her tone of voice making it perfectly clear that she already knew the answer to the question.

"This is just a ploy to squander time and put off the inevitable," Spion argued. "I suggest we waste no further time and report to the Werewolf Capture Unit immediately."

Spion directed himself and Poppy to walk ahead of him, clearly not wanting to let them out of his sight, and they made their way towards the nearest lift.

"Now, isn't that beautiful," Poppy announced as they approached a large fountain. Poppy stopped Remus, much to Spion's annoyance, as she told him a little history about the Fountain of Magical Brethren. "Of course, you know the local centaur herd personally, don't you?" she asked.

"Just a few of them really," Remus admitted quietly so that Spion couldn't hear him. He didn't want to get his friends within the herd into any trouble. "Firenze is only a few years older than me, so we hang out sometimes."

"I don't believe I've met him, although I've heard nothing but good things about his father. I believe the centaur who posed for this sculpture was one of their ancestors."

"Is the guided tour really necessary?" Spion snapped impatiently as he came up behind them.

"I just thought he might be interested in a little history," Poppy replied with a small shrug. "The fountain is a symbol of unity amongst _all_ creatures."

"Really?" Spion asked with a raise of an eyebrow. "Because from where I'm standing I don't see a werewolf in the quartet. Or maybe I missed it?"

"Werewolves are human most of the time," Poppy pointed out. "They are represented by the wizard, as I'm sure you already know."

"Foolish sentimentality," Spion spat. "Come on, the lift has just arrived."

Remus could tell that Poppy was torn between stalling a little longer or walking towards the lift. Eventually, she seemed to reach the decision that hovering around the fountain might result in her being pushed into it, and she ushered Remus towards the lift.

"Why are some of the owls different colours?" Remus asked as a blue owl entered the lift with them and a green one flew out.

"The coloured owls are for messages between the different Ministry departments," Spion explained. He seemed far more willing to impart his knowledge about the Ministry now that they were actually moving towards their destination again.

"Where's this blue one going?" Remus asked.

"I don't know," Spion admitted. "But blue owls are from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Horrible, messy creatures; the Ministry is looking at other ways of internal communication."

"Is the Law Department where we're going?"

Spion shook his head. "No, we're going to the Werewolf Capture Unit, which is part of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Magical Law Enforcement deals with proper wizards not animals."

"I _am_ a proper wizard," Remus muttered under his breath.

"I think you'll find that the members of the Wizengamot, in whose hands your fate lies, don't share that opinion."

Remus reached up to pet the owl, which was perched on a railing with several other birds. "Ow!" he squealed as it bit into his finger.

"You see," Spion crowed. "Animals sense dangerous creatures and react accordingly."

Remus sucked on his finger and ducked his head. Maybe Professor Spion was right. Maybe he wasn't anything more than an animal.

He didn't have long to dwell on his thoughts. Poppy reached down and examined his hand carefully. "Oooh, that looks quite nasty. We should get it treated right away. Nasty things owl bites, we get so many at Hogwarts, but this one looks really bad." She turned to Professor Spion, her face all business. "We should go to the nearest Healer Station before we go to your department." It sounded like a suggestion, but Remus could hear the commanding order in her tone.

"It's barely a scratch," Spion scoffed.

"It's a bite, and they can get infected if they're not treated properly and promptly."

Remus privately agreed with Professor Spion that the bite was hardly worth bothering about. He had suffered far worse injuries and had the scars to prove it. Remus wasn't stupid though, and he knew exactly what Poppy was playing at. He gave a small pitiful whine, playing up the bite to the best of his ability.

"Make it quick," Spion barked as they stepped out of the lift and turned down the corridor for the nearest Healer Station.

"Poppy!" the healer at the desk exclaimed with a bright smile and a slight French accent. "What brings you here today? I didn't think Hogwarts had broken up yet."

"The Express is on its way to London as we speak," Poppy replied. "How are you doing here? Settling in well?"

"Wonderfully. Everyone's so friendly and helpful. I'm still learning my way around though. The Ministry is huge compared to my last place."

"I'm sure you'll soon learn the ropes," Poppy assured her. "And how are things with your beau upstairs?"

"Not good," the healer replied with a small sob. "I think he's cheating on me with one of the Auror trainers."

"Oh, you poor thing," Poppy sympathised. "He's obviously a fool."

"If we could get back to the matter at hand," Spion insisted. He glared at the two healers, his harsh gaze finally landing on the young witch at the desk. "We don't have all day to discuss your love life."

The healer on the desk promptly burst into tears and Poppy turned to scowl at Spion. "Now look at what you've done!"

Remus skulked in the background, wondering whether the Healer had been notified prior to their arrival to put on a bit of a time-wasting show, or whether her unfortunate boyfriend problems were merely a stroke of good luck for him. He felt slightly guilty as soon as the thought occurred to him, and hoped that it was the former.

Ten minutes of sobbing and wailing ensued before Remus's finger was even looked at. Then Poppy and the Ministry's Healer debated for a further five minutes on which was the most appropriate course of action for Remus, the walking wounded.

"Don't you think he's looking a little peaky?" Poppy suggested. "I'm thinking maybe he should be checked for Dragon Pox."

"You think so?" the healer asked. "It's been a while since I've seen a case before the second stage is reached."

Poppy nodded knowingly. "Do you notice the greenish tinge to the complexion?"

"Now you mention it." The healer nodded. "Have you been feeling nauseous?"

Remus nodded, quite truthfully. The longer they played for time, the more anxious he felt. He didn't bother to elaborate on the origins of his queasiness.

"Perhaps we should get him admitted to St Mungo's?" the healer suggested with a cautious glance at Spion.

"Absolutely not!" Spion snapped. "I'll suffer no more of this nonsense. We're expected at the Werewolf Capture Unit."

"You are?" the healer asked, frowning in confusion. "There are some awfully dodgy characters hanging round that department. Do you think it wise to take a young boy in there?"

"The 'young boy' is the werewolf," Spion informed her coldly. "And I must insist we waste no further time on trivialities."

Remus barely heard the rest of the argument. The only thing that he was taking in were the eyes of the healer as Spion's words registered in her mind. The kindly face of a moment ago had vanished, replaced by a cold glare that Remus recoiled from. The hand that had so recently tended the tiny owl bite was now gripping her wand purposefully, poised for defence.

"Come along, Remus," Poppy quietly urged. "I'll stop by again, dear," she told the healer as she steered Remus back down the corridor. Remus risked a glance back at the healer and felt his heart sink at the horror and fear so evident on her face.

They arrived at the Werewolf Capture Unit a short while later and Remus felt a comforting hand gripping his arm. "Try not to worry," Poppy murmured as Professor Spion approached one of the staff in the department. "Professor Dumbledore has a plan, we just need to give him time to get back. Now, I know you can read, but perhaps it might be better if you struggled a little. Being poorly educated might buy us a little more time."

Remus looked up at Poppy who gave him a small smile and a wink. He smiled back weakly and waited for Professor Spion to wave them over to one of the offices.

"Once the forms are filled in, they'll be sent to the head of the department. He'll check the warrant is still effective and that'll be that."

"You despicable little man," Poppy snapped with a frown. "Speaking so callously about someone's life."

"It's a werewolf." Professor Spion waved them towards the seats and sat down at the desk. "Full name please?"

Remus looked at Poppy, who nodded slightly.

"Remus Lupin."

"Middle name?"

"Erm…"

"It's John," Spion snapped impatiently. "Surely you know that?"

"If you knew, why did you ask me?" Remus muttered.

"In case of mistaken identity. You must confirm your details for the forms."

"What if I lied and said I was someone else?"

"That would be very unwise," Spion warned. "Considering your situation, it would be very unwise indeed. Now, confirm your full name please."

"Remus John Lupin."

"Age?"

"Fourteen years, three months, er…"

"That's fine. Date of birth?"

"March the tenth."

"And the year?"

"I'm not very good at counting," Remus lied.

"1960," Spion muttered, adding it to the form. He didn't bother to comment on Remus's lack of mathematical skills. Apparently it was to be expected.

"Place of residence…well, how long have you been hiding out amongst the normal children at Hogwarts?"

"I…" Remus ducked his head again. Spion made it sound like he had no right to be anywhere near boys his own age. If the reaction of the healer earlier was any indication, he wasn't the only one who shared that opinion. Perhaps his friends were simply too young to know better.

"How long?" Spion asked again. "It's not that difficult a question."

"I don't know," Remus whispered. "I wasn't well when I first arrived. I don't know when it was exactly." He didn't meet Spion's eyes as he bluffed his way through the question. Although it wasn't entirely a lie, he could easily give him the answer he wanted if he merely confirmed that it was immediately after the December full moon.

Remus played up his ignorance as much as possible as they worked their way through the various forms. He could tell that time was getting on and he hoped that Professor Dumbledore would return soon. He didn't know how long it would take for the forms to be processed, but he suspected it wouldn't take that long.

He waited with Poppy as Professor Spion hurried out of the office with the paperwork.

"What would have happened if I'd refused to give him the answers?" he asked curiously.

"Then you'd have been treated as a hostile capture and they'd have brought the Aurors in immediately," Poppy explained. "You did very well to drag things out so long."

"Do you think Professor Dumbledore is back yet?"

"I suspect he's on his way, if he isn't back already. It's been nearly three hours."

"It has?"

"Almost," Poppy confirmed. "Thank goodness for the reams of paperwork that the Ministry insists on inflicting on everyone these days."

A few minutes more passed before the door to the office slammed back against the wall. "It seems that whilst we've been working our way through the paperwork, Albus Dumbledore has applied for a custody hearing under the new Familial Ties legislation," Professor Spion snarled. "We're wanted in room five in ten minutes."

"What's the Familial Ties thing?" Remus asked.

"It means Professor Dumbledore has done what he set out to do," Poppy replied with a grim smile. "Come along, no sense wasting time sitting around here."

"Sure," Spion sneered. "Now you don't want to waste time."

Poppy ignored him as she ushered Remus out of the door and back towards the lifts once more.

Room five was two floors and several long corridors away, but they made the journey in less than five minutes. Dumbledore was waiting outside the door with a serious expression on his face. "Thank you, Poppy," he said with a small nod.

"Do you have it?" Poppy asked quietly.

"I do. I just need to convince everyone in this room that this is the best course of action."

"I'm sure you can do it."

"I'm afraid I cannot share your optimism," Dumbledore sighed. "The three members of the Wizengamot who are hearing the application are not known for their broadmindedness."

Remus chewed on his lip and cast a darting glance down the corridor. Doing a runner had never looked so tempting. Somehow he'd always thought that Dumbledore would have the answer to all his problems, but if the formidable headmaster was unsure, then it shook his own faith. The idea that things would turn out for the best seemed little more than a vague dream.

The room where the application was to be heard was nothing like Remus had been expecting. Sirius had told him – after a great deal of pestering from Remus – about Romulus's trial before the Wizengamot, and he had been expecting a similar room full of people looking down on him and deciding his fate.

Instead, there were two witches and one wizard sitting at a circular table in a fairly small room that bore a slight resemblance to Professor McGonagall's office. He glanced at the bookcases lining the wall but was unable to linger for long. Poppy steered him to a seat next to her and Professor Dumbledore took the seat on his other side. He looked across the table at the elder of the two witches and tried to catch her eye. He thought might be the grandmotherly type; not that he had any experience with grandmothers. Unfortunately, the woman seemed to be engrossed in her paperwork, that or she simply didn't want to look at him.

"Where's the applicant?" Professor Spion asked as he took a seat between the younger witch and the wizard on the other side of the table.

"He's right where he's been since his capture," Dumbledore replied easily. "His application is on paper only. It was considered to be for the best."

"Quite right," the witch who appeared to be in charge of hearing the application commented. At least Remus thought she was the one in charge. She certainly seemed to have the largest stack of books and parchment in front of her, and it was to her that Dumbledore addressed his remarks.

The witch looked at the thickest roll of parchment and skimmed it quickly. "The Familial Ties law was introduced primarily for the vampire community, in order that any vampire who chooses can apply to have a vampire they have sired be treated as family and next of kin in the case of any emergency. That vampire would also be able to override the wishes of any living relatives of the applicant were they to differ."

"The law doesn't specifically state that it can only be used by vampires," Dumbledore pointed out quietly. "The wording is open to interpretation and many werewolves consider those who they have turned to be family."

"Not _all_ of them," Spion retorted.

The witch in charge turned to glare at Spion. Remus guessed he either wasn't very popular at the Ministry, or he simply shouldn't have been talking out of turn. Either way he couldn't stop the small smile that appeared on his face at the silent reprimand.

"Albus," the witch continued, turning back to the headmaster with a sigh. "Although I agree that many werewolves consider their pack as family, the applicant has always been a loner, and a particularly vicious one at that. To turn a child over to his care would be reprehensible."

"If you don't, that same child will be turned over to the executioners," Dumbledore replied calmly.

Remus felt his hands begin to shake as the word executioners echoed through the room. He felt Poppy place a warm hand over his own and he squeezed her fingers slightly in acknowledgement of her support.

"You are asking that the child be allowed to be brought up by the very creature who made him what he is, and could, if given the opportunity, guide him and encourage him to be an even more cold-blooded killer than he is himself."

"As you are already aware, the applicant was taken prisoner by the Werewolf Capture Unit late last year. He is not in a position to be influential in that manner."

The younger witch cleared her throat and Remus turned to look at her. She appeared nervous but her voice was strong and steady as she addressed Dumbledore. "Why has the applicant made the application, if not to try to mould the young boy into a monster like himself?"

"Since his capture in December, the applicant has been kept in total isolation within the Dangerous Creatures Camp. As a guardian to Remus he would be allowed certain freedoms."

"Surely you're not suggesting he be released to take care of the boy?" the witch asked, her eyes widening in shock.

"Certainly not," Dumbledore replied with a shake of his head. "But by making the application he is showing more humanity than he has so far. Enough that he may be, in a few months time, integrated into the main quarters of the Camp in which he resides. He would still be a prisoner of course, but would be treated like any other resident."

"So you've bribed him into making the application?" the wizard, who had until this point remained mostly silent, asked.

"Hardly a bribe," Dumbledore argued calmly. "I have no control over whether he will be integrated into the main Camp, I only gave him a choice that may lead to that possibility."

"If we were to grant the application, where would the boy live?" the elder witch asked.

"The applicant has agreed that he will pay for Remus's education at Hogwarts, and as headmaster I would be happy to have him with us." Dumbledore turned to smile at Remus. "Arrangements can be made for him to return to his home in Hogsmeade on the nights of the full moon, and he would be no danger to the other students."

Hogwarts? If the application was granted, he could go to Hogwarts?

Remus shifted impatiently in his seat and subtly crossed his fingers in hopeful anticipation. They didn't sound like they were just going to usher him into the next room and kill him. They sounded like they were actually considering what Dumbledore was saying.

A small part of him was concerned that the werewolf who had bitten him was being put in charge of his life, but when the alternative were the parents who wanted him dead…well, there was no doubt in his mind who he should be rooting for.

As the adults debated how long the rest of his life was going to be, he wondered what the werewolf who had bitten him was like. It didn't sound like he was a particularly nice person but Remus knew better than anyone that on the night of the full moon there was nothing he, nor any other werewolf, could do to control his or her actions.

He wondered if he would be expected to live in a Dangerous Creatures Camp during the holidays or whether he could stay at Hogwarts all year round. Maybe he could even stay at his home in Hogsmeade with Romulus?

He was idly contemplating what he would say to the older werewolf if he were to meet him when he felt a hand resting on his shoulder.

He looked up at Albus Dumbledore who was smiling down at him kindly. "You agree to this course of action, don't you Remus?"

Remus blinked a time or two, wondering what he had missed whilst his mind had been wandering. He nodded weakly.

"Then the applicant is granted," the witch in charge announced. "As of this day Remus John Lupin's legal guardian is the applicant, Fenrir Greyback. Albus?"

Dumbledore nodded in response to the prompt that he was apparently expecting. "As the legal guardian of Remus John Lupin, Fenrir Greyback has authorised me to apply for the warrant of execution to be retracted immediately."

"Application granted," the witch replied promptly, much to the dismay of Professor Spion.

At that Madam Pomfrey gave a thoroughly undignified whoop and threw her arms around Remus. "I knew you'd do it!" she exclaimed to Dumbledore as her eyes began to water.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius trailed after his father as they walked through the front door of Grimmauld Place. The prank on the train had never taken place and he'd spent the whole journey worrying about what was happening to Remus. James and Peter had been almost as downcast as him, and for the first time Sirius truly accepted that the other two Gryffindors were just as concerned for his friend as he was, and were true friends.

James had assured him that Remus would be fine, because Dumbledore was the greatest wizard in the world and he wouldn't let anything happen to him, but Sirius was still more worried than he had ever been in his life.

Now, back at Grimmauld Place, it seemed that Remus had never been further away from him. His two-way mirror was still in his trunk, but he knew that Remus would be unable to reply to his calls for some time to come… if ever.

"Don't know what the world's coming to!" Walburga ranted as soon as they'd closed the door. "Have you seen the Evening Prophet?"

Orion shook his head, clearly confused.

"That ridiculous new law they passed earlier this month," Walburga elaborated. "Dumbledore has invoked it to give some werewolf custody of another one."

"I don't see what that has to do with us," Orion replied, even as Sirius's heart seemed to stop. It had to be Remus they were talking about, but what did this news mean for his friend?

"Don't you?" Walburga asked. "Well, maybe you'll think differently when you realise that the young werewolf will be at Hogwarts next term? He's Sirius's age and could easily be sharing a dormitory with him."

"Sirius can take care of himself," Orion announced. "Or would you rather he change schools?"

"It's something to consider," Walburga contemplated. "Durmstrang has possibilities."

"No!" Sirius exclaimed. "I like Hogwarts, my friends are there. I don't want to change schools."

"You're not old enough to make that decision," Walburga told him sternly. "We'll consider it over the summer."

Sirius glared at his parents and bolted for the stairs. He pushed Kreacher aside as he slammed into his room and threw himself onto his bed.

It simply wasn't fair. Remus – it couldn't be any other werewolf – was going to go to Hogwarts and his parents wanted to consider sending him somewhere else instead.


	24. Dreams in the Mist

Dreams in the Mist

Remus was pretty sure he was dreaming. It was the only way he could stop himself from squealing with joy, or doing something equally embarrassing every other minute. If he kept telling himself that he would soon wake up, he could keep his melodramatic impulses under control.

Albus Dumbledore had disappeared soon after the applications had been heard, simply telling them that he had to see a couple of people who were anxious to hear the outcome of the hearing.

Remus was left with Madam Pomfrey who promised to see him safely delivered to Hogwarts just as soon as they'd done a little shopping in Diagon Alley.

"Really?" Remus asked in surprise.

"You need some more clothes," Poppy pointed out. "You can't keep wearing school robes from the Lost Property Department. We'll get you some of your own, and maybe a few books to help pass the time during the summer."

"Can't I just borrow books from the school library?"

"Of course you can, but wouldn't you like some of your own? Some new fiction, perhaps? The fiction section of the library is a little outdated. Or perhaps a book about Quidditch? Professor McGonagall tells me you're interested in the game."

"I had a book on Quidditch once," Remus whispered. "It was a birthday present from Sirius. It got left at the house in Hogsmeade."

"We can pick it up on the way," Poppy promised. "And anything else you left there. I don't believe anyone's been in the house, only the Ministry snooping around, and they won't have been interested in books about Quidditch."

"Can we visit Sirius before we go back?" Remus asked. "He lives in London and I know he'll want to know what happened."

"I'm afraid not," Poppy apologised with a regretful shake of her head. "It would be quite rude to arrive unannounced at his home."

"Sirius won't mind, he really won't. He always used to visit me and Rom all the time without telling us first."

"I'm sure Sirius wouldn't mind," Poppy agreed. "But I'm equally sure his parents would be less than happy to find us on their doorstep without an invitation. Perhaps we can pick you up some parchment and quills and you can write to him instead?"

Remus nodded, slightly deflated, but still happier than he'd been in a long while. "I should write to Mr Greyback too, shouldn't I?" he asked after they had flooed to Diagon Alley.

Poppy looked down at him in surprise. "Only if you want to."

"I should thank him for saving my life," Remus said. "Even if he is the one who bit me. He couldn't have known what he was doing at the time; it isn't his fault. He didn't have to agree to look after me."

"Remus," Poppy began, faltering slightly. "Fenrir Greyback isn't… he's not… well, he's…he's not a nice person at all. Even if he weren't a werewolf… well, let's just say he'd probably be residing in Azkaban instead of a being where he is."

"Not everyone sent to Azkaban is a bad person," Remus pointed out quietly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear," Poppy hurriedly apologised. "I didn't think."

"It's okay," Remus replied. "I'm sure most people in Azkaban deserve it, and most people probably think Rom deserved it, too."

Poppy nodded thoughtfully and they continued their way down the Alley. "You write to Mr Greyback if you wish. You never know, it might do him some good."

Remus was no longer listening though. The sight of the Quidditch supply store had caught his eye and he hurried across to look in the window at the latest Cleansweep.

He grinned widely at the knowledge that he was in Diagon Alley, the most famous place to find magical shops in all of Britain. He was free and he was going to Hogwarts School in September. He just hoped that if this was a dream, he never woke up.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius had never seen Regulus so cheerful, at least not since the first day that the word squib had been heard spoken in a hushed tone within the hallowed walls of Grimmauld Place.

"So, Shuttleworth's isn't so bad after all?" Sirius asked as he flopped down on his brother's bed and skimmed through the list of homework that Regulus had been given. He was slightly annoyed to see that his brother had got far less homework to do than he had. He had even less than Sirius had been given after his first year at Hogwart's.

"Nah," Regulus replied. "Everyone there's in the same boat, though not many of us have parents that hate the sight of us."

"Mother and Father don't hate you."

"They just wish they didn't have to put up with me being round here at all. They probably wish I could stay at school during the summer holidays, too."

Sirius shrugged without commenting. Regulus was probably right. But then again, it seemed that nothing either of them did these days could appease their parents.

"The lessons are fun," Regulus continued, clearly eager to change the subject from that of their parents. "They don't go on about how muggles are useless; they really make you see how they live and some of the stuff they have is even better than magic."

Sirius listened as his brother chattered on about his school and the things he had learned in his first year there. He smiled to himself as he realised that his brother was far happier with his life than he had been in a long time. There was still a lingering trace of bitterness when he spoke of his parents, but the jealousy of wizards and the ability to do magic had evaporated under the excitement of things like flying on an aeroplane, movies and muggle music.

"Mother and Father are wrong about muggle-borns, too," Regulus whispered. "According to Professor Corrigan, muggle-borns have witches or wizards back in their family somewhere and the magic had just been lost for a long time."

"You'd better not let Mother or Father hear you say that," Sirius warned. Although he was pleased to hear that his brother was no longer echoing the beliefs of their parents, the last thing he wanted was for Regulus to start repeating what his teachers were saying, not when it was things that their parents would hate.

"But it's true," Regulus argued.

"But if Mother thinks they're teaching you stuff like that at Shuttleworth's, they may look for a new school for you too."

"They really want to move you out of Hogwart's?" Regulus asked.

"If they can get me into another one, they will. If you like Shuttleworth's, you'd better keep quiet about stuff Mother won't like."

Regulus made a motion to indicate locking his lips shut and grinned.

A knock at the door sounded and both Sirius and Regulus turned to see who it was. Neither of their parents would bother to knock, which meant they either had a visitor or Kreacher was about to enter.

Sirius wasn't that surprised to see that it was the latter. The house elf looked at both boys with clear malevolence. Sirius wasn't surprised to see it directed at him. He had never been a favourite with the house elf and ever since being sorted into Gryffindor the creature had made it clear that he was no longer considered to be of any importance within the household.

What did surprise Sirius was the way that Kreacher looked at Regulus. His expression towards his brother was even more hostile than to himself. Of the two boys Regulus had always been the favourite of the house elf, and Kreacher had even been known to help Regulus cover up mischief within the household.

Now, it seemed that Regulus was as despised as Sirius.

"Disgraces to the noble house of Black," Kreacher muttered as he gathered Regulus's laundry from his school trunk.

"Ignore him," Sirius said. "He's just repeating the crap Mother's no doubt been coming out with all year."

"Nice to know what our parents really think of us," Regulus whispered with more than a little bitterness.

Annoyed at seeing his brother's bitterness returning once more, Sirius turned to Kreacher with a scowl. "Get out of here, vile creature!" he shouted.

"Don't take it out on him," Regulus said. "It's not his fault our parents hate what we are."

"Doesn't mean we have to listen to it."

"Well, I'm not going to take it out on Kreacher," Regulus resolved loudly so that the mumbling house elf could hear him. Sirius suspected that his brother was wasting his breath, but he couldn't help feel a slight twinge of guilt at the number of times he had snapped and shouted at the house elf the last couple of summers.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus had the run of the castle when he arrived back at the school. He even found that during the long summer holidays the passwords to the various common rooms were no longer necessary.

"I've fixed a few bits of the map that were wrong. We'd got the Ravenclaw boys' and girls' dorms mixed up and the Slytherin quarters stretch right to the lake so I've altered those," Remus told Sirius through the two-way mirror. Romulus had given them enough information about the Hufflepuff quarters to complete that section of the map some months before, but the other house areas had been completed purely on guesswork. "I'm in the Ravenclaw common room at the moment."

"Cool! Let me see it," Sirius asked, and Remus dutifully turned the mirror around so that he could see it for himself.

"Isn't it great?"

"You sound like you want to be sorted into Ravenclaw," Sirius suggested quietly and somewhat slyly.

"Nah, but it's fun to be able to see the rest of them."

"I can't believe they're letting you run around them without passwords."

"Why not? It isn't like most of the other students are here, and I've not got sorted into any house yet, so who's to say which one I would be in?"

"You've got to be in Gryffindor. No question about it."

"We'll see."

"Who else is there with you for the summer?"

"Professor McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey and Hagrid. Some of the others who live in the school have gone away for a holiday, but there's always someone here."

"No other students?"

"Just two Hufflepuffs," Remus replied. "A brother and sister. Their home is in quarantine and they don't have any other relatives they can stay with."

"Can they get into all the common rooms too?"

"Yeah, we all had supper in the Gryffindor common room last night."

"James would go nuts if he knew that."

"So don't tell him."

"Do the Hufflepuffs know…you know…about who you are?"

"I think so. They've not said anything, but I think Professor Dumbledore spoke with them before I got back from London. They've not said anything and they seem okay with me hanging out with them."

"Is Dumbledore there too?"

"He's out most of the time. He and McGonagall had a talk with me about next term."

"Oh, fun."

Remus snickered. "Hardly. Lots of lectures about behaving myself and making sure that I don't let them down by getting into so much trouble that the parents of the other students demand I'm kicked out."

"They can't do that!"

"I'm a werewolf," Remus pointed out. "They're going to be looking for any excuse to demand that the school throws me out and into a Dangerous Creatures' Camp. The Prophet even included my name in the story this time. Dumbledore couldn't stop them because it was the first case where the new law was used. It means everyone will know what I am and I've got to be extra careful."

"Does that mean you can't take part in the pranks James has planned?"

"No." Remus grinned through the mirror. "It just means I better not get caught."

-o-xXx-o-

"Sirius, straighten your robes," Walburga ordered.

Sirius dutifully straightened his robes again and tried yet again to edge away from his mother's watchful eye.

Bellatrix Black, now Bellatrix Lestrange, stood beside her new husband Rodolphus at the far side of the gardens. Sirius disliked his cousin immensely, but he had to admit that she did look radiant today. She was no virginal blushing bride, but she had a timeless beauty that was inherent in the Black family. Sirius had been told in the past that he also possessed those looks, though he hoped his face never portrayed the sneering expression that was frequently found on his cousin's.

"Sirius, come and say hello to Amarylis," Walburga called. "Hasn't she grown into a beauty?"

Sirius looked at the blonde teenager who was a few years his senior and groaned silently. His mother's increasingly frequent attempts to parade every eligible pureblood female in front of him had been pushed up a gear at the wedding. Sirius didn't know what number Amarylis was in the line of potential brides; he'd stopped counting after the first half dozen.

"It's hard to believe Sirius is nearly fifteen," Walburga commented to a woman Sirius guessed to be Amarylis's mother. "They grow up so quickly, don't they?"

Amarylis's mother nodded in understanding. "It seems like just yesterday Amarylis was on her way to Beauxbatons for the first time. Now she's about to start her final year."

"And what do you think of the school itself?" asked Walburga, with what Sirius knew was feigned casualness. "We're thinking of having Sirius transfer in September."

"Beauxbatons is a fine Academy, but the cost is prohibitive. I understand they are at their capacity already though."

"They are?"

"Rumour has it."

"Ah well, we were more interested in Durmstrang actually."

"I think you'll find that you have the same problem there. Apparently there have been several transfer requests these holidays and both schools are limiting admissions."

"The Black family has enough influence to get him into one of those schools," Walburga stated, although Sirius could tell that she didn't sound quite so sure of herself. Sirius knew that she had sent an owl to the headmaster of Durmstrang but had yet to receive a reply. If the school was full, surely he could stay at Hogwarts?

"I think you'll find that a family name won't do as much for you as an obscene amount of money."

"If only Orion weren't counting the knuts," Walburga complained. "Anyone would think we're on the verge of bankruptcy the way he guards the vault."

"Walburga, darling," Orion quietly implored as he strolled up behind her. "Do you really think it appropriate to discuss our personal finances in public."

"It's hardly in public," Walburga replied. "We're all friends here."

"Nevertheless, we'll discuss this further when we return home. Sirius, go find your brother and see that he's not getting into mischief."

Sirius hurried to do his father's bidding. The last thing he wanted was to give his parents another reason to question his schooling. Being on his best behaviour was about the only thing he could do.

Sirius soon found Regulus hiding out in the kitchens. He was chatting with the house elves who were undergoing the last minute preparations for the wedding banquet.

"Escaped?" Regulus asked with a grin.

"Just barely," Sirius replied. "I've been sent to find you and make sure you don't get into mischief."

"Too late," Regulus smirked and he pointed to the five tier wedding cake.

Sirius frowned slightly as he tried to figure out what his brother had done. Then he spotted the figures on the top tier. The bride and groom were magical miniatures of the happy couple and were charmed to smile, wave and dance a waltz across the top of the cake. The most expensive models were charmed to contain a small amount of the personality of the witches and wizards they were modelled after. Naturally, the Black family had to have the best.

"What did you do?" Sirius asked as he watched mini-Bellatrix and mini-Rodolphus duke it out on the icing. Mini-Bellatrix had uprooted one of the pink flowers that circled the edge of the cake and was brandishing it like a weapon. Mini-Rodolphus meanwhile was desperately trying to climb down to the relatively safety of the tier below.

"Bellatrix called me a stupid squib again," Regulus muttered. "She said I shouldn't have been invited as a guest, and should work in the kitchens with the elves. So, I sort of told the models of them on the cake about how I caught her making out with Lucius Malfoy at their engagement party last summer."

"You didn't?" Sirius choked out around his laughter.

"They started laying into each other right away," Regulus explained. "Serves her right for being so mean."

"Maybe we should get out of here before they realise what you did?" Sirius suggested, although the sight of mini-Rodolphus, now on a lower level of the cake, hiding behind a column in an effort to avoid being hit by the confectionery that Bellatrix was hurling down at him, was quite entertaining.

Sirius and Regulus returned to the main party, looking forward to seeing the arrival of the cake, if nothing else.

-o-xXx-o-

"How was the wedding?" Remus asked through the two-way mirror.

"Awful," Sirius replied with a sigh. "Like it would be anything else."

"Wasn't there anything nice about it?"

"The food was okay," Sirius reluctantly admitted and he brightened up considerably as he told him about Regulus's prank with the wedding cake and how Bellatrix had pulled out her wand to blast the miniature models, but had blown up the entire cake instead. "Everything else was a nightmare though. Mother kept shoving all these girls at me. The only time she stopped was when she was moaning about Hogwarts and how she wants to get me transferred."

"You won't really have to go to another school, will you?"

"Don't know. Durmstrang and Beauxbatons are supposed to be full, but if they pay enough money I may get in one of them. Mother wants me to go to Durmstrang, but Father doesn't want to spend the money."

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

"Don't be daft. Mother's been looking for an excuse to get me out of Hogwarts ever since I got sorted into Gryffindor. If it hadn't been this, it would have been something else."

"Still… it won't be the same if you're not here with me in September."

"You got everything you need for school?" Sirius asked. "Maybe we could _accidentally_ meet up in Diagon Alley?"

Remus grinned in the mirror. "I'm going shopping for school things with Romulus some time in the last week of the holidays."

"Perfect," Sirius grinned back. "Just another dozen dinner parties to get through until then."

"They can't be that bad."

"Oh, they can," Sirius muttered.

"Just think of how much fun we're going to have at Hogwarts next year."

"If I get to go back."

"You will," Remus replied quietly. "You have to."

Sirius nodded reluctantly.

Long after he'd gone to bed, Sirius lay awake worrying about the following September. He'd had a couple of letters from James in which he'd moaned and complained about how much he was missing Lily Evans and how he was looking forward to seeing her again.

The love-hate relationship between James and Lily had been grounds for a great deal of amusement in the final couple of months of the year. One day Lily was the bane of his existence and the next she was a goddess incarnate. James was still of the opinion that she was the latter when they had broken up for the holidays and it seemed that his new crush wasn't lessening in the slightest during the long hot summer.

Peter had written too, though only one letter. He'd begged Sirius to reply with a letter that didn't mention 'that annoying Evans bird', and Sirius guessed that he'd been on the receiving end of more of James's letters of woe. Woe, because Lily was not speaking to him following a prank involving the girls' bathroom and some rather insulting talking mirrors.

Now, alone in his room, Sirius couldn't help but dwell on the thoughts of how he was missing Remus as much as James was apparently missing Lily.

He thought back to the last day of term when he had come dangerously close to kissing his best friend. He wondered if Remus would have kissed him back and he ran his tongue over his lips as he thought about what it would have been like if he had.

With everything that had happened since that July morning, Sirius was almost sure that Remus had forgotten all about that moment in the dormitory. He just wished that he could put it from his own mind as easily.

He didn't know what he would do if his parents succeeded in getting him into one of the other wizarding schools. The thought of not seeing Remus again was completely unbearable, but still it lingered in his mind.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius escaped from the dinner party to his room at the earliest opportunity and threw himself onto his bed with frustration. He wondered if his mother could get any more obvious with her plotting and scheming. He picked up a pillow and threw it across the room, narrowly missing his uncle as he stepped through the door.

"Sorry," muttered Sirius, meekly accepting the pillow back from his rather bemused uncle.

"So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Alphard asked quietly, sitting down beside Sirius on the edge of the bed.

Sirius shrugged and began to pick at a loose thread on the pillowcase.

"Your mother means well," Alphard continued. "Though I don't think the little madam downstairs is interested in you either."

"She stabbed me with her fork," Sirius pointed out.

"Well…erm…"

"Is mother really mad?"

"She'll calm down," Alphard assured him. "Now, are you going tell me what's been bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me."

"Nonsense," Alphard snapped. "You've been quiet and withdrawn all summer. I thought you'd have cheered up once you found out that you were going back to Hogwarts, but instead you've grown even more distant. You used to confide in me…"

Sirius looked up as his uncle's voice trailed off. Of course he was happy to be going back to Hogwarts. The financial problems that his father had been hiding for a number of years had turned out to be his own good fortune. But now that worry had gone, the other one had returned even stronger than before. Sirius wondered if maybe he should talk to his uncle about what was bothering him. It's not like he could talk to his parents, and there wasn't anyone else.

"What is it?" Alphard asked kindly.

"How can you tell if you have a crush on someone?" Sirius asked in a rush. "I mean, how do you know if you like a friend as more than a friend?"

"You've got your eye on a girl at school?" Alphard asked with a wink. Sirius didn't bother to correct his assumption. "Well, I remember the first girl I liked as more than a friend. She was a little corker in Ravenclaw. I used to think about her all the time; I got more detentions from daydreaming about her in class than anything else. I'd take longer routes to classes so that I could 'accidentally' bump into her. I even pretended to like her favourite Quidditch team so that we'd have something to talk about… and they were the worst team in the country at the time."

Sirius didn't have to force a smile at his uncle as the older man chuckled at the recollections.

"So, do you think you've got a crush on this girl?"

"I…" Sirius faltered as he thought about what his uncle had said. If those were the symptoms of a crush then he was well and truly doomed. The number of times he had detoured out of his way to check on Remus were too numerous to count and even though he'd never had a great deal of interest in Quidditch he was happy to talk to Remus about the game for hours on end. As for thinking about him…he never did anything else.

"Do you think she's pretty?" Alphard asked.

"Gorgeous," Sirius whispered. He pictured Remus's smile and the sparkle in his eyes when he had told him through the mirror that he was really going to go to Hogwarts.

"You like spending time with her?"

Sirius nodded mutely.

"You miss her during the holidays?"

"We talk all the time," Sirius admitted. "But, I still can't wait to see him again."

"Him?" Alphard's head snapped round to face him and Sirius felt his face flushing in embarrassment.

"I…I…"

"Oh, Sirius," Alphard murmured with a sigh.

"I can't stop thinking about him," Sirius whispered. "I even dream about him sometimes."

"It's perfectly normal to dream about people you know."

"I meant…" Sirius's voice trailed off and he felt his face flushing even redder. He ducked his head, mortified at what he'd almost admitted.

Alphard nodded in understanding at Sirius's unspoken confession. "How long have you felt like this?"

"I'm not sure," Sirius replied. "Since just before last Christmas, at least that's when I first thought I might like him that way. It might be longer. I've been trying not to think about it, but I miss him so much."

"Oh."

"Maybe it'll go away," Sirius suggested hopefully.

"It might," Alphard agreed with a nod. "But nearly a year is a long time. Have you told this boy you like him?"

"No." Sirius shook his head. "Not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

Sirius could feel his face getting even redder as he blurted out what had happened in the dormitory on the last morning of term.

"Has your friend mentioned this 'almost kiss' since?"

"No, not a word. I think he must have forgotten about it. I hope he has. I don't want him to hate me. I don't even know why I was going to do it; it was just some stupid spur of the moment thing. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I just don't know."

"Is he a good friend?"

"My best friend."

"Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel?" Alphard suggested.

"What if he doesn't like me that way?"

"You won't know unless you ask."

"We kind of talked about it once before. Not about me liking him, just about me maybe liking other boys instead of girls."

"And?" Alphard prompted.

"He said he'd still be my friend. But…"

"But, there's a big difference between accepting that your friend likes other boys, and knowing that they like you that way," Alphard concluded as Sirius nodded.

"What if he hates me?"

"Then he's not a very good friend."

"He's a great friend," Sirius argued, shaking his head at the idea that Remus was anything else.

"Then he'll understand… even if he doesn't feel the same way about you."

"Maybe I should just see if it goes away on its own," Sirius whispered, more to himself than to his uncle.

"Perhaps you should," Alphard agreed. "I'd certainly not recommend telling your mother that you think you prefer other boys to the girls she's introducing you to, at least not yet."

"She'll be furious."

"Wait until you're of age," Alphard advised. "That should be plenty of time to figure out whether these feelings you're having are going to pass."

"I hope they do," Sirius grumbled. "I don't want to like boys, not when everyone else likes girls. I don't want to be different."

"Maybe you'll go back to Hogwarts next month and find that the chubby girl with pigtails has turned into a slim and pretty teenager who makes your palms go sweaty and your heart beat faster. And all this worry will be nothing more than the overactive imagination of a teenage boy who simply hasn't found the right girl, yet."

"You think so?" Sirius asked with a hopeful smile.

"You'll find the next few years a lot easier if you do," Alphard replied with a rueful chuckle. "But, since when did my favourite nephew take the easy route?"

"It must be the Gryffindor in me," Sirius commented with a small smile of his own.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus sat at one of the tables outside of Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, a stack of new books on the table beside him, and the remains of a large, mostly melted, ice cream in front of him.

"I still need a cauldron and school robes," he said between mouthfuls of ice cream.

"Hmm," Romulus replied distractedly from the other side of the table.

"A cauldron and robes," Remus repeated and he pushed the list towards his brother. Romulus leaned forward to glance at the list, but was soon distracted again by something over Remus's shoulder.

Curious as to what his brother had seen, Remus twisted around in his chair and followed his brother's gaze to a woman by herself a couple of tables away from them. The woman looked to be in her twenties and was dressed in muggle clothes. The table in front of her contained two large empty ice cream bowls, and she was currently part way through her third. "She knows how to put it away," he commented, turning back to his brother with a grin.

"It's cravings," the waitress commented with a grin, as she took Remus's now empty ice cream bowl away. "She pops in every week for her 'fix' as she calls it."

"Cravings?" Remus asked.

"Pregnancy cravings," the waitress clarified. "Can I get you anything else?"

Romulus sighed with disappointment as he eyed the menu.

"We're done, thanks," Remus replied. He picked up his books from the table, and the rest of his school items from the chair next to him, and made his way towards Madam Malkin's, Romulus drifting along at the back of him.

"You miss it, don't you?" asked Remus, after he'd caught Romulus casting a second longing glance back at the ice cream parlour.

"Who wouldn't miss Florean's ice cream?" Romulus joked weakly.

Remus smiled sadly and pushed open the door to Madam Malkin's. It was time to face another shop assistant, who would no doubt ask awkward questions about his ghostly companion. It wasn't that he was ashamed of Romulus, but he hated being the centre of attention, and going shopping in Diagon Alley with a ghost had turned out to make him rather conspicuous.

"Remus!"

On the other hand, at least he was easy for Sirius to spot. He turned with a wide smile at the sound of the voice and saw Sirius stepping off the stool after being measured for yet another set of robes. "Hi, Sirius," he replied with a small wave.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce us?" an older man asked with a wide smile. Remus could tell at a glance that the man was a Black, though he wasn't at all what he imagined Sirius's father to look like. From what Sirius had said about his father, he found it difficult to believe that the man would ever wear his hair in a ponytail. Nor could he picture Orion Black smiling so widely at anyone.

"Sorry," Sirius apologised. "This is my friend Remus. Remus, this is my Uncle Alphard. What a coincidence that we're doing our school shop on the same day!"

Alphard looked amused at Sirius comment, and not a little suspicious. "The way you've been badgering me all week, I'm thinking set up, rather than coincidence. Nice to meet you Remus. And who's this?" He turned to face Romulus with open curiosity.

"Oh, sorry. This is my older brother, Romulus."

"Romulus and Remus," Alphard repeated. "Not the Lupin brothers?"

"That's right," Romulus replied with a glare that dared the man to make an issue of it.

Alphard missed his look entirely though, because his gaze was now fixed on Sirius. "And how is it you know the Lupins?" he asked pleasantly.

"We met when I was in first year," Sirius admitted. "They lived in Hogsmeade and I sort of used to sneak out."

"You've been friends quite a while then?"

"We're best friends!" Remus declared.

Alphard raised an eyebrow and turned to look at Sirius. Remus watched his friend flushing with what appeared to be embarrassment and he wondered why.

"I can see that you read the papers," Romulus commented.

"I like to keep up on current events," Alphard agreed. "All the Black family do. Though don't make the mistake of likening me to the rest of them in all matters."

"You're not going to make a scene about Remus?" Romulus queried cautiously. "We've been shopping all morning without his being recognised."

"Even with my ghostly escort," Remus added.

"I don't believe in making scenes," Alphard assured them. "We're heading to Flourish and Blotts next, how about you two?"

"We've been there already," Remus said, slightly disappointed that he and Sirius hadn't managed to plan their mornings a little better.

"Never mind. I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to spend together back at school. Come along, Sirius, I promised your mother we wouldn't take all day about this."

Sirius nodded and followed after his uncle. "See you next week," he called back to Remus.

"So, that's your best friend, huh?" Alphard asked once they were out in the street.

"Yes," Sirius whispered, his face flushing again.

"Remus Lupin." Alphard shook his head sadly. "Hogwart's new celebrity. You really do believe in making things difficult for yourself, don't you?"

"I don't mean to."

"He's a werewolf," Alphard whispered.

"I know. But he's still my best friend."

"Just make sure that you're absolutely sure before you let the rest of the family know," Alphard advised. "Another boy, a half-blood, _and_ a werewolf. Oh, Sirius."

"Maybe I'll suddenly start to like girls once I'm back at school," Sirius muttered dismally.

"I hope so, Sirius. I hope so."

Sirius glanced back towards Madam Malkin's and caught a fleeting glimpse of Remus through the window. Next week couldn't come soon enough, but he knew that it wasn't any of the girls he was looking forward to seeing…it was only Remus.


	25. It's a Beautiful Morning

It's a Beautiful Morning

Platform nine and three quarters was as crowded as it always was on the first of September. Parents and children jostled their way along the platform as they tried to find their friends.

"Hey, Sirius, over here!"

Sirius looked up at the sound of his name and saw James waving frantically from the doorway to the end carriage.

"Hi James!" he yelled back.

"Sirius! Keep your voice down," his mother hissed with annoyance. "Shouting and yelling like a common marker vendor. Your manners the last few years have become appalling. If only Durmstrang had accepted your application."

Sirius tuned out the rest of his mother's complaints – he'd heard them all already – and dragged his trunk towards the carriage.

James helped him carry his belongings onto the train. When Sirius turned back to the platform it was to see that his mother had already disappeared back into the crowd and was no doubt heading for the barrier.

"She didn't even say goodbye," James commented with surprise.

"She's still angry that she couldn't get me into Durmstrang," Sirius explained. "The only time she's stopped complaining about that has been when she's been foisting some girl or another on me."

"I can't really see your mother playing matchmaker."

"You really don't want to," Sirius muttered. "One of the little cows stabbed me with a fork and another actually had the nerve to ask to 'check the merchandise'."

"Merchandise?"

"Me," Sirius clarified. "She wanted me to strip at a dinner party so she could see what she was getting."

"You didn't?"

"Good luck for me that my Uncle Alphard pointed out there were children present and I got out of it."

James laughed loudly. "Wish I'd been there to see that. You should have stripped anyway, you've got a decent body."

"Didn't know you'd been checking me out," Sirius replied, his face flushing even as he made the comment. James merely laughed again and tugged him down the corridor and into the compartment he'd already claimed for them.

"And look who I found wandering around on the platform," he declared with a grin as he opened the door.

"Remus!" Sirius exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Going to Hogwarts," Remus replied with a smirk. "What are you doing here?"

Sirius pulled Remus into a hug and ruffled up his hair. "I meant why are you here instead of at school already? You've been living there all summer."

"I wanted to travel on the Hogwart's Express," Remus smiled. "Dumbledore arranged for me to floo to the platform's office and travel back with the rest of you."

"The platform has an office?" James asked.

"Of course it does," Remus replied with a roll of his eyes. "It's not like you can buy tickets for the Express in the muggle part of the station."

"If you only came down here for the journey, what's in the bag?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Some food and my school robes to change into."

"There's a food cart that comes round," James pointed out.

"I know, but Professor McGonagall seems to think it's full of sweets and cakes and insisted I bring some sandwiches for us. They look quite nice actually, though not as good as the feast tonight is going to be."

"Your first Hogwart's feast," Sirius declared. "It's going to be so great. You'll be able to sit with us in the Great Hall from now on. No more sneaking food into the dorms, unless we want to have a midnight feast or something."

"You're forgetting something," Remus pointed out quietly. At the blank faces of the other two boys he sighed and continued. "I have to be sorted before I can sit with the rest of you."

"You're not worried about _that_ are you?" James asked with a laugh. "You'll be in Gryffindor with us. You _have_ to be."

"You don't know that."

"I guess we'll have to wait and see," Sirius conceded. "But if you're not in Gryffindor I'll be so surprised that I'll…I'll…well I don't know what I'll do, but it will be something very surprise-worthy."

Remus smiled weakly. "We'll see. At least by tonight I'll know for sure which house I'm in."

"Where's Peter?" Sirius asked, suddenly realising the absence of the other boy and wondering where he was.

"Setting up the prank," James replied after a glance at the door to make sure no one was lingering outside.

"What prank?"

"What prank?" James echoed. "You great plank! _The_ prank. The one we were setting up for the train last term."

"I'd forgotten all about that," Sirius admitted.

"Good job the rest of us didn't," James replied. "It's going to be great."

Sirius looked at Remus with a smile. "It'll be perfect!" he amended.

Later that morning the four boys were lapping up the glory that came from pranking the entire Hogwart's Express. They had, much to the relief of Peter, Sirius and Remus, convinced James that the driver's window should be left alone, but everyone else was treated to a surprise tour of the world.

The latest group of admirers had just left their compartment when the sweet cart arrived.

"Ice creams?" James asked hopefully. Their window no longer reflected the Northamptonshire countryside, instead they were viewing the Pyramids of Egypt and even though the temperature was still that of late summer, the sight was giving them all cravings for something colder than sweets.

The trolley lady laughed and shook her head. "I'll see what I can do," she replied before moving down the corridor.

James sat back in his seat, satisfied with the well executed prank. Outside the window the view shimmered and changed to Mount Rushmore.

"Who's got Mount Rushmore?" shouted one of the sixth year students who was running a book to take bets on what else they would see through the windows of the Express. Another voice shouted in delight that she had that location and squealed as she collected her winnings and made her way to the sweets cart.

"Best prank ever," Peter commented.

"For the moment," James replied. "We'll have to work hard to outdo ourselves."

Sirius nodded and set his mind to thinking up something spectacular to top this, their finest prank so far.

-o-xXx-o-

They arrived at Hogsmeade Station right on time. It was slightly disconcerting to see a dark ocean out of the window but solid ground outside the door, but no one seemed to mind too much.

"Firs' years, over 'ere," Hagrid called. "You as well, Remus."

"What?" Remus asked as he turned away from his friends who were heading towards the carriages.

"You've still got to be sorted," Sirius reminded him. "I guess you'll have to go with the rest of the first years. I'll save you a seat next to me."

Remus nodded, and watched his friends walk away. The first years looked so small and tiny; he'd stand out a mile when he walked into the hall with them. Everyone would know immediately who he was… the werewolf.

Those who hadn't actually seen the report in the Prophet at the start of the summer would be sure to ask who he was, and those who had read it would certainly be able to guess his identity and tell everyone. Everyone knowing there was a werewolf in the school was one thing, everyone knowing that _he_ was the werewolf was something that hadn't really occurred to him. Sure, he knew that his classmates would notice the extra student, but he'd foolishly imagined he could just slip into place without any sort of fuss. He couldn't believe that actually standing in front of the rest of the school with the first years wasn't something that had crossed his mind before now.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Are you getting in?" one of the first years asked as Remus lingered on the dock. He nodded and climbed into the boat.

"I'm a muggle-born," the boy whispered confidentially. "This all seems so strange and a bit unreal. What about you?"

"I'm a wizard, but I'm still nervous," replied Remus, fingering his brand new wand in his pocket. He hadn't been surprised to find that the wand that had chosen him had a dragon heart-string core and he smiled to himself as he recalled the day he'd bought it. Unlike Sirius's wand of Ash, Remus's was made of Willow and whilst practising his magic over the summer, under the instruction of various professors who were keeping an eye on him, he had found his ability to perform spells had improved beyond all his expectations.

Remus looked at the castle as they approached it. The boy beside him gasped in awe, as did several others in the other boats. It really was the best view of the school there was and Remus wasn't sorry that he was there to see it.

They arrived in the Entrance Hall without incident and were met by Professor McGonagall, whose duty it was to lead them into the Great Hall. Remus slouched in his spot slightly, trying unsuccessfully to look shorter than he actually was. Professor McGonagall caught his eye and appeared to have guessed what he was doing. He shifted nervously, but stood up straighter under her knowing gaze. She smiled at him approvingly and proceeded to explain the everyone about the school houses and the points you could win or lose for your 'family'.

Then they were trailing after her into the Great Hall.

Remus had seen the inside of the Great Hall, of course, but he'd never seen it full of students as it was now. He walked with the first years between the tables of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. Over to his right he could see Sirius, James and Peter at the Gryffindor table. True to his word, Sirius had saved a place next to him in hopeful anticipation. He gave a small wave to the other boys and James gave him two thumbs up in encouragement.

Then he had passed them and reached the front of the hall. The rest of the teachers were seated at the staff table. There was only one that Remus didn't recognise, and he guessed her to be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. He'd been very relieved to hear that Professor Spion would not be returning to the school and wondered what the new teacher's philosophy on werewolves was.

He didn't have much time to speculate though because the hall had quietened to allow the Sorting Hat to sing its annual song.

-o-

The founders of our noble school

Were famous in their day,

But not all wizards at that time

Liked what they had to say.

-o-

Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff

Were witches, as you know,

And many thought they should not teach,

Should pack their bags and go.

-o-

They did not have an easy time

In Hogwart's early years,

But they struggled on regardless

Of the prejudicial fears.

-o-

Eventually it came to pass

The women were accepted,

And female students joined the school,

Without fear of being rejected.

-o-

The prejudices suffered then

Were seen to be the norm,

And sadly they still linger here,

But in a different form.

-o-

Hogwart's School is open now

For all who wish to study,

But not everyone can come here,

Some are not so lucky.

-o-

Some don't have the money,

Others live too far away,

But prejudices in our school,

Keep many more at bay.

-o-

I do not seek to tell you

What is right and what is wrong.

I only try to guide you,

Through the singing of my song.

-o-

Gryffindors have naught to fear,

'Tis bravery they prize,

And Ravenclaws are smart enough

To judge with their own eyes.

-o-

For those hard-working Hufflepuffs,

Their loyalty is their creed,

They welcome all into the house,

Where everyone's received.

-o-

Ambition hungry Slytherins,

Know prejudice and fears,

They've dealt it out and got it back,

For many dark long years.

-o-

Each and every one of you

Is different from the rest,

And Hogwart's welcomes everyone

Which makes us quite the best.

-o-

Remus listened as the Sorting Hat finished its song. He guessed that the Hat had been picking up things from Dumbledore's office, things about him and those who were in a similar position, but not fortunate enough to be able to attend the school. A slight twinge of guilt caused him a moment of unease, but then the sorting began.

"Adams, Melanie," McGonagall called and a nervous looking girl stumbled towards the stool. The Hat didn't take long to sort her into Ravenclaw.

Slowly they continued down the list of students, lingering quite a while in the Ds when the Davies triplets were sorted, two into Hufflepuff and one into Ravenclaw.

Finally the L's were reached. "Lupin, Remus," Professor McGonagall called, looking directly at him and waving him forward.

He could hear some whispers coming from the student tables and could tell that at least some of them had heard about him. As he passed McGonagall he saw her turn to glare at the culprits, but when she turned back to him she was smiling kindly as always.

He sat down on the small stool, feeling like some sort of awkward giant on the miniature piece of furniture.

_The younger Lupin brother, eh? _ He wasn't surprised that the Hat knew who he was, but the next words in his mind caused his heart to plunge. _Hufflepuff House would be happy to welcome you, just like it welcomed him._

"No," Remus whispered to himself. He didn't want to be in Hufflepuff, he wanted to join his friends in Gryffindor.

Are you sure about that? Perhaps you would prefer to be in Ravenclaw? You have the brains for that house, you know?

He guessed he wasn't brave enough for Gryffindor, but the moment the thought flitted through his mind the Hat picked up on it.

_Not brave enough? No, you have courage in abundance. It's not going to be easy for you, no matter where I place you. You'll need every ounce of courage you have, and you have plenty. _

Then the Hat was calling out 'Gryffindor' and the students at that table were clapping and cheering. He stood up and passed the Sorting Hat back to Professor McGonagall who looked thrilled as she waved him towards the Gryffindor table.

He shot a last look over his shoulder at the staff table and saw that Professor Sprout was smiling at him, though he thought she looked a little disappointed, even though she was clapping along with the rest of the staff.

He reached the Gryffindor table and the space that Sirius had saved for him.

"Knew you'd be in with us!" he declared as he pulled Remus down onto the bench beside him.

"I wish I'd been so sure," Remus whispered back as the applause died down and the Sorting continued.

He was at Hogwarts and he was in Gryffindor, right now there wasn't anything else he could wish for.

-o-xXx-o-

The common room was crowded and noisy that evening. Remus was curled up in one of the chairs, soaking up the lively atmosphere that signified the start of a new school year. Sirius was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the chair, occasionally grinning up at him in between joking with James about his latest disastrous attempts to woo the sharp-tongued Lily Evans.

"She called me a bullying toe-rag again," James complained.

Remus raised an eyebrow, but bit his tongue rather than point out to the other boy that Lily's words were actually rather accurate.

Sirius commented that she would probably come 'round eventually.

"I notice you're not disagreeing with what she called me," James pointed out.

"Did you expect me to?" asked Sirius, as he gave the other boy a sharp glare, causing him to flush.

"I thought we'd put all that behind us?" Peter asked.

"We have," Sirius promised. "I guess Lily is the type to hold grudges for longer than me and Remus."

"I guess," James muttered as he watched Lily laughing at something one of her friends was saying. He leaned back to get a better look when someone stepped into his line of sight and toppled backwards off his chair.

"Smooth," Charlene commented as she reached down to help him up.

"Did you want something?" James asked impatiently. "I've been practising all summer, so you better watch out on the pitch."

"Glad to hear it," Charlene answered easily as she pulled up a chair. "I just came to say hello to the new boy. Nice to put a name to the face at last, Remus."

"Hi," Remus replied in a small voice. "I guess I owe you some thanks for not letting on that I was hiding out at the school last year."

"Well, I didn't know you were hiding out here all the time," she pointed out. "Not until you made the Daily Prophet in the summer, anyway. I thought you were just sneaking in and out under that brilliant cloak of yours."

James coughed and glared at Remus.

"What?" Charlene asked.

"That happens to by my cloak, not his," James huffed. "It was supposed to be a secret."

"It is?"

"Yeah. It's a Potter family heirloom, that is."

"What did you bring it to school for then?"

"It's useful, came in really handy for Remus last year, didn't it?"

"But what do _you_ use it for?" Charlene pressed. "Oh, don't tell me! Sneaking into the girls' changing rooms, right?"

"Only a couple of times," James blurted out, too flustered to realise he was incriminating himself with every word he uttered.

Peter started to choke as he tried to hold in his laughter. Sirius and Remus didn't even bother to try to hide their mirth.

Charlene turned back to Remus and smiled shyly. "Can I ask you something?" she whispered, glancing round the rest of the room to see if anyone was listening to them.

"I guess," Remus replied hesitantly.

"Are you really a… you know… a _werewolf_? Or was the Prophet making stuff up again?"

Even though the word was whispered by the girl, it seemed to carry across the room and a number of students were now staring at him, waiting for his answer.

He saw that Sirius had reached for his wand and he placed a calming hand on his shoulder to still his movements.

He knew he had to make a choice about how he was going to handle the stares and the questions. He knew that not everyone would accept him and that things could get very difficult for him if he made the wrong choice.

He couldn't run away to the dormitory and hide from the questions, much as he might like to.

He briefly considered lying and saying that the Prophet was printing false reports; it wouldn't be the first time. But he knew that sooner or later the lie would be revealed for what it was and everyone would know that he was not only a werewolf, but also a liar, just like Professor Spion had taught them.

"Yes," he replied, simply and quietly.

A few of the students who had been standing nearby edged away slightly; groups of friends were gathering together protectively. He felt his heart sinking at how many of them were looking at him differently now that they knew. He guessed that there were a lot of them who hadn't read the Daily Prophet over the holidays or had simply forgotten the details of the report.

The muggle-born first year who had shared the boat across the lake with him was staring at him with wide eyes.

"Got a problem with that?" Sirius asked as he stood up and glared around the room. "And that goes for the rest of you, too!"

Then James and Peter were on their feet beside Sirius, wands out and pointed threateningly at anyone they thought was looking at them with the wrong expression.

Charlene raised her hands in the standard display of surrender. "I only asked if it was true," she said.

"It's true," Remus repeated as he got to his feet. "Geez, guys, put the wands away. We're not under attack."

He stepped around the three boys and held out his hand to Charlene. "Remus Lupin," he said.

"Charlene Grahams," Charlene replied. "Charlie to my friends." She smiled hesitantly.

"Charlie." Remus tested the name on his tongue and smiled back.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," Charlene said. "Just be careful how you choose your friends," she warned, casting a glare at James and Peter.

"I always am," Remus replied. "And these three have already proved themselves to be the best friends I could wish for."

Charlene looked doubtful, but she didn't say anything more as she returned to the other side of the room.

Gradually, the rest of the students turned back to their friends and activities, leaving Remus and his friends to enjoy the rest of the evening.

-o-xXx-o-

"Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Remus commented as they walked into the dormitory. "No one started throwing silver sickles at me or anything stupid like that."

"Does silver burn you?" Peter asked, curious now that the subject had been brought up.

Remus laughed and shook his head. "No. And if anyone was stupid enough to throw sickles at me I'd just catch them all and spend them in Hogsmeade first chance I get."

Peter laughed and turned to his trunk.

"Guess we ought to unpack," said Sirius around a wide yawn.

"Except me," Remus grinned. "One advantage of living at Hogwarts during the summer is that I'm already settled in and can just go straight to sleep. Good thing I wasn't sorted into one of the other houses."

"Next summer you can set up some pranks whilst you have the run of the castle," James told him. "You've obviously been slacking these last few weeks."

Remus laughed and pulled his pyjamas out of the chest of drawers. "I'll see what I can do," he promised.

Peter, having found what he was looking for, headed out the door to the bathroom. James followed after him with a yawn of his own.

"You coming?" Remus asked as he picked up his wash things.

Sirius nodded, but Remus could tell there was something else troubling him. "What is it?" he prompted.

"I'm just worried about you," Sirius replied. "Not all the students looked pleased when you answered Charlie's question."

"I know."

"You think some will cause trouble?"

"The Slytherins probably will," Remus muttered. "Not sure about the Gryffindors. They looked a bit scared, but so did you when you first found out."

"I'm not scared any more," Sirius told him. "Not even a little bit."

"You've not seen me on the full moon for months," Remus pointed out. "Moony is even bigger now, and a lot more dangerous."

"You don't have to go into the forest again, do you?"

"No. I was back home in the basement for the last one and can go back there for the rest during the school year. Professor Dumbledore has arranged with his brother for me to use the tunnel to the Hog's Head."

"I wonder if he'd let me come with you," Sirius speculated. "You need someone to take care of you in the mornings, you know, in case it was a bad night."

"Romulus will be there," Remus pointed out.

"Where is he at the moment?" Sirius asked, looking around the room as though he expected to see him hovering in the corner.

"Don't know. I've not seen him for a couple of days, but he's promised to be here on each full moon."

"I still think I should come with you."

"I'll speak with Professor McGonagall and see if it's possible."

"I'm sure they won't mind. I'm still doing the extra classes for healing spells, it's stupid not to put them to good use."

Remus laughed. "Could you try not to sound so thrilled at the idea of practising your dubious skills on me?"

"Well, it's not like your own skills are any good in that area," Sirius pointed out with a teasing poke to the ribs.

Remus laughed again and ducked out of the door. "Come on, you daft idiot," he called back to Sirius. "There'll be no hot water left if we wait much longer."

Sirius grabbed his own things and followed after Remus. The next full moon was nearly two weeks away that gave them plenty of time to try to talk the teachers into letting him go with Remus. He just had to turn on the old Black charm.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus dithered around in the bathroom, trying his hardest to avoid disrobing in front of the other students. This was easier said than done because there were several students who were apparently curious to know whether he had any visible scars and were loitering around themselves even though they had clearly finished getting ready for bed.

In between worrying about how much attention he was getting from the other students, he also took some time to decide where he was going to sleep. As an official Gryffindor student he had his own bed now along with his own bedside table, wardrobe space, shelves and trunk. But he also had a best friend who he actually liked to curl up beside on the coldest nights of the year.

Thoughts along those lines brought to mind something else that Remus hadn't given much thought to over the summer. That being the last few moments before Professor Spion had charged into the dormitory.

Sirius hadn't mentioned the incident once, even though Remus had half expected him to several times over the summer.

Remus was not entirely sure what would have happened if Professor Spion hadn't torn him away from Sirius with a blast from his wand. He had thought at the time that perhaps Sirius might have been about to kiss him, but those thoughts became increasingly doubtful as the summer passed with no word from Sirius about what his intentions had been.

He knew that thanks to Rita Skeeter, some of the students were firmly convinced that Sirius fancied boys and not girls. Remus had heard several conversations whilst hidden under the invisibility cloak that he had declined to relay to his friend. He knew that Sirius was still rather sensitive about such rumours and the last thing he wanted to do was upset his friend. That same fear was why he hadn't brought up the incident in the dormitory himself.

He didn't know for sure that Sirius had been about to kiss him, he could have had something in his eyes, or he could have been feeling a bit dizzy from lack of food, after all, he had only had seven slices of jam laden toast for breakfast that morning. Even if he couldn't think of what they were right now, there were loads of reasons why he might have been standing so close and moving towards him so slowly and most of them didn't involve the touching of lips.

The one thing that finally convinced Remus that Sirius hadn't been about to kiss him was that his friend hadn't confided in him about definitely liking other boys in that way. They were friends, and although Remus had never had that many of them he was very sure that friends would tell each other things like that. Sirius was his best friend and if he liked other boys then he should know that he could tell Remus. He had confided in him about his worries before, so why was this any different?

Clearly Remus was reading far too much into things. Sirius hadn't been about to kiss him and there was no need for Remus to worry about how to let his best friend down gently. Nor could Remus see that there was any reason for him to put distance between the two of them. When it came right down to it, he liked sleeping in the same bed as Sirius and that was all that mattered to him.

"I missed this," Remus murmured as he curled up beside Sirius later that night.

"Missed what? Peter's grunts and James's snores?"

"No," Remus whispered. "You. Well, all of you really. But especially you."

"I thought you'd want to be in your own bed now the Ministry isn't after you any more."

"You want me to go?"

"Now who's being daft?" Sirius teased. "So, how was your first day at Hogwarts as an official student?"

"Perfect," Remus replied. "Just perfect."

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius was woken on his first morning back at school by a sharp poke in his ribs. He grunted and turned over, reluctant to leave the luxurious warmth of the bed.

"Sirius, get up," Remus hissed in his ear.

"What time is it?" Sirius muttered, his eyes still stubbornly closed.

"Nearly six," Remus replied cheerfully. "Come on, it's a beautiful morning and we've got classes in a few hours."

Sirius scowled at the other boy as he cracked open a single eye. "A few hours are the important words there, Remus. A few hours means that there is at least two and a half hours of sleep still to be had."

"But you're awake now," Remus pointed out. "Come on, the common room is empty."

"That's because anyone with sense is still asleep."

"Come and feed the thestrals with me," Remus pleaded in a voice that was bordering on the very edge of whining.

Sirius groaned and glared at his friend. "You're not going to stop pestering me until I get up, are you?"

"Nope, come on."

Sirius knew that it was pointless to argue and he was now wide-awake anyway. "Just this once," he warned. "You wake me up at stupid o'clock in the morning again and you can go feed Hagrid's pets on your own."

Remus nodded and bounced off the bed. "I'll meet you down in the common room," he called as he slipped out the door.

Sirius staggered out of bed, pulled his clothes from his trunk, retrieved one of his shoes from under his bed, and stubbed his toe on the beside table. He swore loudly under his breath, but it was apparently just loud enough to wake James, who sat up in bed and glared at him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he hissed. "It's the crack of bloody dawn."

"Go back to sleep," Sirius told him. He watched enviously as James took him at his word and within a few seconds he was once again dead to the world.

Remus was pacing in the common room when Sirius joined him. "What's so great about the thestrals?" he asked as they ducked out of the portrait hole. "I can't even see them. Can you?"

"No, but they're still fascinating," Remus told him as they made their way down the stairs. "We don't get to study them until next year though."

"How do you know that?"

"Hagrid told me. He's been giving me extra lessons all summer to help me catch up with the rest of you."

"Lucky you," Sirius smirked.

"It's been great," Remus argued with a shake of his head. "It's been like having my own private tutors. It's a pity Hagrid isn't a real teacher because his lessons are really fun."

"You weren't so happy about it when it was your brother teaching you," Sirius pointed out. "Or when you found out you were taking exams with us last term."

"That's different," Remus replied with an easy shrug. "Now I can be with the rest of you properly, isn't it great?"

Chatting about the classes they were taking, the two boys made their way across the grounds to Hagrid's hut. The morning was chilly with a light mist over the grounds, but Sirius could tell that Remus was right… it was going to be a beautiful day.

-o-xXx-o-

It was after eight by the time the other boys emerged from the dormitory and showed their faces in the Great Hall.

"Sirius?" James asked as he sat down opposite him. "Was it my imagination, or did you wake me up at the crack of dawn this morning?"

"You must have dreamt it," Sirius blithely replied. "I was quiet as a mouse as I crept out."

James snorted as he helped himself to a plateful of eggs and bacon.

Peter was wolfing down his own breakfast like it was going to disappear off his plate any second. He then dashed off to the Owlery, explaining that he'd left one of his textbooks at home and needed to ask his parents to send it on to him.

"Every year, first day of term, he remembers something he forgot," James laughed.

"Don't we all?" Sirius chuckled. "At least his parents will send it on to him. When I forget my Transfiguration holiday homework last year, my mother wrote back to tell me she'd burnt it and she hoped it taught me to pack more carefully."

"At least Remus won't have to worry about that sort of thing," James commented.

"Yeah, if I've forgotten something, it's probably still in Diagon Alley. No owl post for me."

Almost as if the fates wanted to prove his words wrong, a large Barn Owl chose that moment to swoop into the hall and land at the side of his plate.

"You were saying," Sirius said as the owl held out his leg and waited patiently for Remus to take the parchment from him.

"But I _never_ get post," Remus said. "I don't know anyone who isn't here at Hogwarts. You didn't send this, did you?" He turned to Sirius with an accusing glance.

"No, why would I? It's not Damon, is it?"

"No, he's not bitten me yet."

"He's getting better trained," Sirius muttered. "All the trips to Regulus are making him too tired to be vicious."

"So, who's that from?" James asked, leaning forward eagerly.

"Dunno."

"You could open it and find out," James pointed out impatiently.

Remus shrugged and examined the seal on the parchment. "D.C.C. Cheshire," he read aloud.

"What's D.C.C.?"

Remus shook his head and broke the seal to see what it was he'd received.

"What is it?" Sirius asked.

"D.C.C. stands for Dangerous Creatures Camp," Remus whispered. "It's from Fenrir Greyback."

"Who's that?" James asked.

"He's sort of my guardian now," Remus explained. "He's the werewolf who bit me."

"Didn't you read the report in the Prophet?" Sirius asked.

"What for? I knew you'd write and tell me what had happened as soon as you knew, and you never mentioned his name."

"What does he want with you?" Sirius asked Remus as the other boy tucked the letter into the pocket of his robes.

"Just wishing me good luck on my first day and letting me know that if I need funds to write to him for them. He's also enclosed a letter giving me permission to go into Hogsmeade."

"Doesn't seem like your regular werewolf," James commented, somewhat thoughtlessly considering the present company. "You planning on hitting him up for a loan?"

"Of course not, I intend to pay him back for the school fees as soon as I can. I don't want to be in debt to him any more than I already am."

"You going to write back to him?" Sirius asked.

"I guess. I wrote to him in the summer to thank him for what he did for me."

"You wrote to thank him for biting you?" James spluttered around a mouthful of eggs.

Remus rolled his eyes and looked skyward as though searching for patience from the heavens. "I wrote to thank him for stepping forward to offer to be my guardian. He didn't have to do that. He could have just left me to the executioners."

Sirius nodded thoughtfully, feeling a rare moment of thankfulness for Fenrir Greyback.

"It'll have to wait until later though," Remus told them. "We've got Herbology in ten minutes in Greenhouse Five."

"We've plenty of time," James replied as he stuffed the last of his bacon into his mouth and reached for the pumpkin juice.

"We don't want to be late on the first morning."

Sirius shook his head as Remus stood up and tried to chivvy them into joining him.

"Come on!" Remus urged them, tugging on Sirius's arm.

"I guess I'm done," Sirius muttered, grabbing a final piece of toast to eat on the way.

"I'll catch up with you in a few minutes," James called after them as he reached across the table for the rest of Sirius's bacon.

-o-xXx-o-

Greenhouse Five was hot and stuffy, but Remus wasn't complaining. He was thoroughly enjoying his first lesson as an official Hogwart's student.

"Ten points to Gryffindor," Professor Sprout declared with a wide smile, after Remus had answered his second question correctly.

"Creep," James coughed into his hand with a smirk across the table.

Sirius waited until the Professor's back was turned before flicking the pruned leaves across the table with a wave of his wand.

"Your first ten house points," he whispered to Remus. "How does it feel?"

"Great!" Remus grinned back at him.

The rest of the day progressed in a similar fashion. Remus was the first to raise his hand in class and earned house points in almost every lesson.

The smile that had appeared, from the moment he had awoken that morning remained on his face for the rest of the day. Not even homework in the form of twenty inches of parchment on transfiguring sea creatures into boats from Professor McGonagall could dampen his spirits.

"Twenty inches from McGonagall, twelve from Slughorn, half a dozen translations for Ancient Runes and we've got Astronomy tonight too." James gave a long-suffering sigh and collapsed into a chair in the common room.

Sirius stretched out on the sofa and Remus sat down on the floor next to him. "Still think it's great?" he asked, nudging him with his foot.

"It's perfect!" Remus declared for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day.

Sirius laughed and shook his head.

"He'll learn," Peter confided in a loud whisper. "A few Ts on his homework assignments, a week or two of detentions and he'll be as miserable as the rest of us."

"Not going to happen," Remus stated loudly. "I love it here and I even love the homework."

Peter and the others laughed loudly.

"Freak!" Sirius teased, and this time Remus laughed along with them.

* * *

A/N: For the non-British readers, yes, "plank" is spelt correctly. It is a mild insult stemming from the phrase "thick as two short planks". Just in case anyone was confused with that one.


	26. Paint Your Pictures

Paint Your Pictures

The first two weeks of school seemed to fly past in the blink of an eye. The four friends were inseparable and had soon fallen into a regular routine.

Remus was always the first to wake each morning, and was far too chipper for the rest of the boys. He and Sirius reached a compromise, whereby Remus wouldn't wake him up before seven o'clock in the morning and he promised not to sleep away the whole of every Saturday and Sunday morning.

They regularly visited with Hagrid, and occasionally Firenze stopped by to say hello. Things at the centaur camp were still rather precarious and Firenze was still no nearer to regaining the position of chief. Remus worried about his friend, but he didn't dwell on the problems too much, there was far too much happening at the school needing his attention.

In classes Remus found that he always had a place beside Sirius in the lessons that they shared. Passing notes and whispering in class landed them with more than one detention, but Remus didn't mind at all. When Professor McGonagall set them to cleaning the school trophy cabinets, he actually arrived at the detention with a smile on his face and hummed cheerfully and tunelessly the whole evening.

"Detention again?" Romulus asked as he appeared in the doorway of the McGonagall's classroom.

Remus looked up from where he was cleaning the cages of the mice and shrugged sheepishly.

"How many is that? A dozen?"

"Four," Remus replied cheerfully. "I still have a way to go before I catch up with you."

"The way you're going, you'll have had more detentions by Christmas than I had in five years."

"I don't mind."

"Detentions are supposed to be punishments for doing things wrong. You're acting like they're some sort of essential part of being at school."

"Are you just here to complain about my behaviour?" Remus asked with a frown of annoyance.

"No, I wanted to see how you were doing. I just didn't expect you to be in detention again so soon."

"Well, I'm doing great," Remus replied, moving from one cage to the next.

"Full moon's in a couple of nights."

"I hadn't forgotten."

"You've not had any trouble from any of the other kids about – what is it your friends call it? Your furry little problem?"

"Nothing I can't handle," Remus assured him. "There have been a few comments and a lot of stares, but most people have just left me alone. Probably helps that the staff is keeping an eye on me so closely; they daren't do anything in front of them."

"That's a relief."

"Not really, means I can't pull any pranks because of the close watch."

"I repeat, that's a relief."

Remus chuckled and hopped up onto one of the desks.

"I keep expecting to find you beaten up by Slytherins or something," Romulus admitted.

"The only Slytherin that's said anything to me is Rita Skeeter, and she wanted to do an interview for the school newsletter."

"You didn't agree to one, did you?"

"Didn't have much choice. At least this way I know what she's writing."

Romulus didn't reply, merely smiled back at him.

"What?" Remus asked. He was starting to feel uncomfortable under his brother's gaze.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About you." Romulus smiled. "I can't remember the last time I saw you so happy."

Remus looked down at where his feet were swinging close to the floor. "Would you think I'm really selfish if I said I _was_ happy?" he asked quietly.

"Why would I think that?"

"Because I've got what I always wanted, to go to Hogwarts, but you…you're…" His voice tailed off as gestured vaguely towards his brother.

"You're not selfish," Romulus told him sternly. "I made my choice, and I don't regret it at all."

"But…"

"No," Romulus halted his protests again. "I made my choice," he repeated. "And now I get to see you here at school, doing what you've wanted to for so long… how could I ever regret that?"

Remus continued to look down at his feet until Sirius popped his head round the door. "You done in here?" he called.

"Yeah, all the little rodents are nice and clean. Just waiting for McGonagall to come and check I've done a good job."

"You might be in for a long wait," Sirius warned him as he slipped into the room and straddled a seat. "James and Peter just transfigured the two suits of armour flanking the staircase down to the dungeons into crocodiles. McGonagall's gone to fix them and find the culprits. They're going to be in detention until after the OWLs at this rate."

Remus laughed loudly.

"Are you lot having a contest to see who can get the most detentions or something?" Romulus asked despairingly.

"No," Sirius smirked. "We're having a bet to see which of us can pull the most pranks _without_ getting caught."

"None of you are doing that well at it," Romulus pointed out.

"I'm winning," Remus gloated.

"I find that even more worrying."

"He has an unfair advantage," Sirius pointed out, referring to Moony's Map, which Remus had used on numerous occasions to give the teachers the slip after executing various pranks.

Remus merely smirked and patted the pocket of his robes where the map was safely hidden. "Best birthday present ever!" Romulus rolled his eyes and shook his head, but declined to comment further.

-o-xXx-o-

It had been surprisingly easy to persuade Professor McGonagall to let Sirius go with Remus to Hogsmeade on the night of the full moon. Sirius suspected that Professor Dumbledore had said something to her before he and Remus had had the chance to.

They arrived at the Hog's Head where Aberforth had met them and escorted them to Remus's house.

"And no leaving before morning," he warned as he deposited them at the door.

"They won't," Romulus promised. "Remus, basement."

"On my way," Remus replied, as he obediently made his way to the stairs.

"Letting students out at night," Aberforth mumbled as he shot a look at Sirius. "My brother's lost his ruddy mind if you ask me."

"Professor Dumbledore knows I'm here as well," Romulus pointed out. "He also knows that if he didn't give his permission, Sirius would no doubt sneak out anyway. This way he maintains some control over the situation."

"Still say he should be in the castle and not down here with you two," Aberforth argued as he turned to leave.

Sirius didn't care if Aberforth thought he shouldn't be there. Dumbledore had given his permission and that was all that mattered to him. He hurried down the stairs to join Remus.

"You've cleaned up in here a bit," he commented as he looked around the room.

"Dumbledore got some of the school house elves to give it a coat of paint in the summer," Remus replied as he sat down and waited for the sun to set.

"It's a bit white," Sirius said as he looked at the plain walls. "Should have painted a forest scene or something to brighten the place up a bit."

Remus laughed and pointed to the wall on Sirius's side of the room. "Feel free to have a go if you like."

"You've got paint down here?"

"There's some upstairs in the attic from when we moved in."

"What colour?"

"Any you like, it's magical paint and changes to whatever you want it to with a spell."

"I'll go get it later," Sirius said. "It'll help to pass the time."

"You should get it now if you're going to," Romulus advised from half way down the stairs.

"But Remus will be changing any minute."

"My point exactly. Moony was a lot calmer when you were down here with him. Go and get the paint now, in case he thinks you've deserted him again."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, his gaze going from Romulus to Remus and back again.

"It's nothing," Remus assured him, delivering a warning glare to Romulus, who proceeded to ignore it.

"Last month was bad," Romulus told him. "The first month back here instead of running around in the forest, and only a ghost for company. Moony missed you, and I don't think any of us knew how much of a bond you'd forged until then."

Sirius turned to Remus with a glare of his own. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you were already worrying," Remus replied with a shrug. "It's not like you could come up here for the full moon or anything."

"I might have been able to, if you'd asked."

"You know your parents would never have let you."

"That's not the point. You should have told me."

Romulus came down into the basement completely and stepped between the two boys. "How about you go and get the paint Sirius? You can both discuss the rest in the morning."

Sirius nodded and hurried up the stairs towards the attic.

The ghost of the witch in the attic greeted him with a snarl, but Sirius ignored her as he hurriedly hunted for the paint. He levitated as many cans as he could, grabbed a few brushes and ran back down the stairs. He knew he'd taken a little too long as he reached the ground floor and heard the sound of the werewolf howling; the transformation was completed once more.

"So, what are you planning on painting?" Romulus asked after Moony, content that Sirius was staying for the night, had apparently settled down to watch the proceedings.

"A forest scene, I guess," Sirius replied as he read the instructions on the paint can. "I'm better when I'm copying stuff though, so it'll probably not be very good."

"There are some books upstairs in the study with forest pictures and animals and stuff."

"You think it'd be okay to leave him for a minute to get them?" Sirius asked.

"He seems calm for the moment."

"I'll leave my outdoor robes down here, he should understand that, right?"

Romulus shrugged. Sirius pulled off his outer robes; he didn't want to get paint on them anyway, and placed them near to where Moony was laying. The wolf sat up and snarled slightly but settled back down a moment later. Sirius edged back towards the stairs, repeating over and over that he'd only be gone for a minute.

He grabbed the nearest books he could find that contained forest pictures and hurried back down the stairs once more.

Moony watched quietly as Sirius set to work.

"You're quite talented," Romulus commented a few hours later as Sirius put the finishing touches to the outline of a large stag that was standing majestically amidst the still only half sketched out trees.

"Only when I'm copying something," Sirius replied. "I can't draw from memory without getting it all wrong."

"I can't draw at all, so you're doing much better than me or Rem ever could."

"Can I ask you something?" Sirius asked as he stepped back slightly to survey his work.

"Depends what it is."

"Why do you call Remus, Rem?"

"It's just a nickname," Romulus replied with a frown of confusion.

"Yeah, but it's not really short for Remus, is it?"

"Not really."

"So, where did it come from?" Sirius pressed on.

"Promise you won't tease Remus if I tell you," Romulus said after a moment of quiet thought.

Sirius grinned at Romulus and cast an amused look at Moony. "I promise, now spill."

"Well, I guess I should admit that I wasn't always the nicest of older brothers to Remus, I used to tease him a bit." Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Okay, a lot. And one of the things I used to tease him about was his spelling. He couldn't spell my name no matter how hard he tried. He constantly gave up after three letters and started calling me Rom. I got annoyed at him shortening my name all the time and chopped his own down to three letters as well."

"Which is how you got Rem," Sirius concluded with a chuckle.

"Yeah. By the time Remus had got the hang of his spelling, the shortened names had already stuck. Drove our mother right up the wall with it. Rom kind of grew on me, but she hated the shortened names with a passion. Which just gave us the perfect excuse to keep it up even longer, of course."

Sirius laughed and shook his head.

"Rem might not really be short for Remus, but it's my name for him, just like Rom is his name for me."

"It's a bond between you," Sirius commented quietly as he sat down on the stairs beside Romulus.

"No, it's just a part of one," Romulus replied. "Now, what are you going to paint next? Or are you going to fill in the stag?"

"I think I'll take a break now, or maybe do something small here on the stairs."

Romulus looked doubtfully at where Sirius was pointing. "It'd have to be a very small animal to go there."

"Could do some mice or something, running up the stairs in different positions."

"I'll leave you to it then," Romulus said as he moved out of his way and down into Moony's cage. Sirius shifted his position and went back to work.

-o-xXx-o-

"It's nearly sunrise," Sirius said as he watched Moony becoming increasingly restless as the dawn approached.

"Already?" Romulus replied. "Damn."

"What is it?" Sirius asked. "I thought you'd be pleased that the full moon's nearly over."

"I am but…"

"But what?" Sirius prompted.

"There was something I wanted to speak to you about without Remus hearing. I didn't realise that time had slipped away so quickly tonight."

"There's still a bit of time," Sirius pointed out.

"You're right." Romulus sighed. "I don't like to leave it until next month, the longer this goes on the worse it'll be."

"The longer what goes on?"

Romulus looked at Moony, pacing in his cage. "I want you to tell Remus that he can't share your bed any more," he finally said without looking back at Sirius.

"What? Why?" Sirius frowned slightly as the words sank in. "It's not doing anyone any harm."

"It's doing Remus harm," Romulus replied quietly. "He's becoming too dependent on you. Last year was different, he was ill for so long, then he was hiding and scared, and I didn't have the heart to say anything, not when he needed your comfort so much. But now things are different. He's safe, but he's still relying on your presence to get him through the night."

"I don't mind."

"That's not the point. What are you going to do in a few years time, once you've left school? What about when you get a girlfriend and get married?"

Sirius shrugged, he hadn't really thought that far ahead. Or more accurately, he tried not to because that usually resulted in thinking about the almost kiss he and Remus had shared, and what it would be like to spend the rest of his life with _him_. He was surprised that Remus had never mentioned the almost kiss, and kept expecting him to bring it up, to ask him why he had done it, or even whether he had imagined it. But so far he hadn't said a word.

Sirius supposed he could have broached the subject himself, but his Gryffindor courage deserted him whenever he tried to bring it up. So instead he had let things carry on much as they had before and if, in the darkest hours of the night, he dreamt of a life where Remus Lupin was entirely his, he forced such thoughts from his mind with the coming of the dawn.

"Remus can't keep on relying on you like this," Romulus continued. "It's not good for him. It might not seem to be doing any harm, but in the long run it will be easier for Remus to end this dependency now."

"I don't mind him depending on me. That's what friends do for each other."

"I'm not saying not to be friends; I wouldn't do that to either of you. I can see how close you both are. But Remus has to learn to cope on his own. He has to learn to be able to sleep properly without you being beside him."

Sirius chewed on his lip, reluctant to say that he found it difficult to sleep without Remus with him, too. He'd had many restless nights during the summer, just like Remus himself had. "I'll have a word with him," he reluctantly agreed as he sat down on the stairs, careful not to lean back onto the still damp paint.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus looked around the basement as he pulled on his jeans. Sirius had certainly been busy during the night.

"I've not really started the background and the trees and stuff," Sirius explained. "I was concentrating on the animals. I've only done the outlines so far, I'll start painting them in next month."

"The stag looks great," Remus replied. "But what did you paint the Grim for?"

"It's not the Grim, it's a dog," Sirius explained with a roll of his eyes. "It was supposed to be another wolf to keep you company, but it went a bit wrong so I made it into a dog. It's a bit on the big side though."

"Well, it's definitely brightened the place up. I hope you weren't drawing the rat from life." He pointed towards the stairs.

"It's supposed to be a mouse," Sirius muttered.

"It's too big for a mouse, it's got to be a rat."

"Fine, fine," Sirius huffed. "It's a rat and the dog's the Grim."

"I'm only teasing," Remus told him with a laugh. "It really looks great. And the Grim is definitely my favourite."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I thought the stag came out best," Sirius commented as they climbed the stairs again.

"It did; it's perfect. But I still like the dog the best."

Sirius laughed. "Come on, let's get out of here. I'll get your scratches sorted out and we should be back at school just in time for breakfast."

Remus's stomach growled at the mention of breakfast and soon the two of them were laughing loudly as they contemplated the amount of food they were looking to gorge themselves on in a short while.

-o-xXx-o-

The two boys arrived back at the school to the news that Rita Skeeter had delivered the latest edition of the school newsletter in the early hours of the morning. Remus and his arrival at Hogwarts took up the entire front page.

"Bloody hell," Sirius swore as he picked up a copy of the newsletter that had been cast aside by an early student who had eaten at the Gryffindor table.

"What's she put?" James asked as he passed the pumpkin juice down the table to Remus.

"You've not read it yet?" Sirius asked with surprise.

"I skipped ahead to the Quidditch team news. Hufflepuff have a new beater and Ravenclaw have two new chasers and a seeker. Slytherin doesn't have any changes in their line up, but they've been practising like crazy since the first week back; they're a lot stronger than they were last year."

Sirius waited for James to wind down his roundup of the Quidditch news before he continued. "She's not only interviewed Remus – who should know better – but every student who has a problem with him being here, too."

"Are there many?" Peter asked. "There's not been any trouble for Remus, has there?"

"Let me see," Remus asked quietly, gently tugging the newsletter from Sirius's hands and spreading it flat out on the table. He read it quietly, mumbling occasionally as something caught his eye. "A danger to the other students… depriving more worthy students of a place at the school… fourteen students removed from Hogwarts over the summer…"

"They didn't all leave because of you," James pointed out. "Guy left because his father died and his mother couldn't afford the fees any more."

"He did?" Remus asked.

James nodded. "He was seeker for Ravenclaw last year. He told me after the last match of the year that he wasn't coming back this term. He was thrilled that Ravenclaw won the Quidditch Cup before he had to leave."

"But thirteen others… and it would have been fourteen if Sirius's mother had had her way."

"I told you before, my mother has been looking for an excuse to pull me out of Hogwarts ever since I got sorted into Gryffindor."

"But…"

"But nothing!" Sirius snapped. "You have every right to be here." He turned to glare around the room when he realised that several students were looking over towards them. "You got a problem?" he snarled at one of the loitering Slytherin students. "Checking to see how many kids he bit last night? Good luck finding any!"

"Sirius, calm down," Remus whispered as the student hurried towards the doors. "He was just waiting for his friend." Remus pointed across the room to where the friend in question was going back to the table for his forgotten bag.

"You have every right to be here," Sirius repeated in a harsh whisper of his own.

"We always knew that not everyone would believe that," Remus pointed out. "There are always going to be some kids who'll judge me because of what I am, instead of who I am."

"You're taking this a lot better than I would," Peter commented.

"And a lot better than Sirius is," James added.

Sirius was no longer listening however; he'd spotted Rita arriving in the Great Hall, with several admirers close at her heels.

"Remus!" she called out cheerily, hurrying to the Gryffindor table. "Have you seen the interview?"

Remus groaned as he turned the page to see how he'd been quoted, or misquoted as it turned out to be. "I didn't say anything about a full trial at the Ministry," he pointed out. "And I didn't try to bite Professor Spion, that's a load of rubbish."

"But it makes a much better story like this, don't you think?" Rita looked at the other students who had trailed after her, and they nodded approvingly.

"I've never tried to bite anyone," Remus insisted. "Now the students who weren't scared of me already will think I'm dangerous too."

"But you're a werewolf," Rita pointed out, her eyes wide with confusion. "Of course you're dangerous."

"Only on the night of the full moon, and I make sure I'm locked away so I can't bite anyone."

Rita looked a little dejected but soon gave a bright smile and a shrug. "Details, details," she commented with a wave of her hand. "The article is hugely popular. Everyone was dying to find out more about you."

Sirius scowled at Rita and stood up. He towered over her and glared down. Anyone else would have backed up several paces under the force of the Black stare, but Rita was made of sterner stuff than most and stood her ground, her admirers flanking her position.

"Come on," Remus said as he stood up and grabbed his books and the newsletter. "We'll be late for class."

Sirius let himself be pulled away from Rita and they headed outside to the Care of Magical Creatures class near the edge of the forest.

"You shouldn't let her wind you up," Remus pointed out.

"You can't tell me that the rubbish she put in the newsletter didn't bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me, but it's just a school newsletter. It'll be forgotten about in a week or two and people will have something new to talk about. You know that, so why let it bother you so much?"

"You weren't saying that when you were reading it."

"Some of the stuff might be true though," Remus replied after a few moments of quiet. "Siobhan in Ravenclaw told Rita that her best friend had been transferred to Beauxbatons because her parents didn't want her in the same school as a werewolf."

"Says Siobhan. Or more to the point, so Rita says that Siobhan says. You don't know if it's true."

"I'm going to ask her."

"What for?"

"Because I want to know whether it's true or not."

"And if it is true?"

Remus shrugged. "I'd just like to know." He pulled out the newsletter and scanned it again. "I'm going to find out exactly what's true and what isn't."

"You're going to find out about all of them?" Sirius asked, coming to a halt as Remus's words sank in.

"Every last one," Remus stated. "James has already told us about Guy. I'm going to speak to Siobhan before Potions, then work my way down the rest of them."

"Don't do this," Sirius begged.

"Why not?"

"Because you might find out that most of it is true," Sirius replied. "Wouldn't you rather not know for sure?"

"And live in some sort of fantasy world where everything is perfect." Remus laughed and shook his head. "I like to know the truth, no matter how awful it is. I'd rather know the awful, ugly truth than believe a bunch of pretty lies."

Sirius shook his head, knowing that it would be pointless to continue to argue with Remus. His friend was dead set on finding out how much truth there was in Rita's article, and he knew that nothing he said would dissuade him from his course. He only hoped that Rita had exaggerated and lied even more than usual. But looking at how the other students edged away from Remus as he arrived at the edge of the forest, he suspected that there was more than the usual single grain of truth in the article.


	27. Where Do I Belong?

Where Do I Belong?

Remus made his enquiries about Rita's article as quickly and as calmly as he could. He was slightly disheartened to find that most of the students who had left _had_ done so because of Dumbledore's decision to allow him to attend the school. On a more positive note, he had found that several of the students he had spoken with had been far more accepting of him that he would have initially thought. In fact there was only one student who was openly hostile towards him, and the Ravenclaw in question had lost a parent to a werewolf attack and was understandably bitter about it. On the whole though, it seemed that most of the students were far more concerned with their own lives and dramas to be too bothered about Remus and his furry little problem.

"I told you that you were worrying too much," Sirius told him as they walked up the stairs towards the dormitory.

"I guess," Remus agreed. "Hopefully everyone will forget about Rita's story soon and I can just enjoy being at Hogwarts again."

"You mean you're not enjoying it at the moment?" Sirius asked.

"I didn't mean it like that," Remus replied, faltering slightly as he tried to put his feelings into words. "I just want to enjoy being here, instead of worrying about the other students and what they think about me. I don't want to be the freaky werewolf, I just want to be a normal student."

Sirius didn't know what to say to that. Remus would always be a werewolf, unless someone found a cure. He would never be just another student.

They arrived in the dormitory and Remus threw himself onto Sirius's bed with a contented sigh. "It's been a long day," he declared. "I'm so tired I may even sleep in tomorrow."

Sirius hovered at the edge of his bed, casting a wary glance at Romulus who had appeared in one of the windows. He'd put off talking to Remus about the sleeping arrangements in the dormitory for the last couple of days, but with Remus's ghostly brother lingering nearby, he knew he couldn't put it off any longer.

Remus, seemingly anticipating that Sirius was going to say something, sat up with a questioning expression on his face. "What is it?" he asked.

"I was thinking about this," Sirius said vaguely as he waved his hand towards the bed.

"About what?"

"About us sharing a bed like this," Sirius said. "I think maybe it would be best if we didn't do it any more." The words tumbled forth in a rush, but he could tell that Remus had understood them all.

"I thought you didn't mind?" Remus asked quietly.

"I don't," Sirius assured him.

"Then why?"

Sirius chewed on his lip slightly and suddenly the exact words to make Remus agree with him appeared in his mind. "Because it's not normal," he said quietly.

Immediately the words were spoken, Remus lost the will to argue about the situation. "I didn't think about it like that," he whispered as he climbed off of the bed and moved towards his own.

Sirius reached out to Remus as he passed him, but the other boy ducked out of his range.

That night they climbed into their separate beds and Sirius tried his best to ignore the empty space beside him.

James arrived in the dormitory after yet another detention and looked like he was about to make a comment of his own. A warning look from Remus saw the words dying on his lips and he climbed into his own bed without making a sarcastic remark.

Sirius tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning, frustrated with his inability to fall to sleep, a problem only compounded by the fitful movements of Remus on the other side of the room.

-o-xXx-o-

Hogsmeade was the image of a winter wonderland on the December morning that had been chosen for the second Hogsmeade weekend of the year.

Sirius, Remus, James and Peter made their way slowly to the village, stopping to throw snowballs at each other every dozen or so yards.

"No using magic, you cheater!" Remus yelled at Sirius who was using his wand to conjure more than one snowy missile at time.

"We're wizards," Sirius called back. "We're meant to use-"

Unfortunately he never finished his sentence because a particularly well aimed snowball from Peter caught him squarely in the mouth.

It was mid-morning when they finally reached the village itself. The street was crowded with students from the school, many doing their last minute Christmas shopping.

The school choir was singing carols under the watchful eye of Professor Flitwick in the main village square and there was a joyous holiday atmosphere in the air.

The four boys had organised their own shopping schedule the night before. Sirius and James would shop together for Peter and Remus, and vice versa, before switching partners after eating lunch in the Three Broomsticks in order to buy the last of their presents.

Sirius and James were already laden down with goodies and heading towards the Three Broomsticks, when they found their path blocked by an elderly woman, barely visible beneath the threadbare cloak that covered her from head to toe.

"Foretell your future, boys?" she croaked, her hand outstretched in the hope of payment for her offer.

"Do you see a pretty redhead in my future?" James asked with a laugh. "Or failing that, the little blonde in Hufflepuff would do for a date or two?"

"Old Ursula will tell you only what she sees," Ursula said with a laugh that was almost a cackle. "Whether it be good or bad, you'll know the truth."

"I think I'd rather live in hope," James laughed. "Come on Sirius, the others will be waiting for us."

Sirius nodded and stepped to the side to let the old woman pass him by, but she didn't seem to be moving on.

"What about you, young man?" she asked, reaching out for his hand.

Sirius was about to protest that he didn't want to know his future, but the old woman suddenly looked up and stared him directly in the eye. "What is it?" he asked, shocked by the stunned expression on the woman's face. "What do you see?"

"Come on, Sirius!" James was getting impatient and was already several paces ahead of him when he called back.

Sirius ignored him, his eyes unable and unwilling to break contact with those of the crone. "What do you see?" he asked again.

"Nothing," the woman whispered. "I see nothing but darkness, darkness like you can't imagine."

"I'm one of the Black family," Sirius replied with a forced laugh. "Darkness is practically our name."

"Not like this," the woman warned. "You've never known darkness like that which is to come to you."

Sirius shrugged. He knew that warnings of doom and disaster were the bread and butter of those in the trade of foretelling the future. It was just his bad luck that she seemed to have chosen him for her predictions.

"Sirius!" James called again. "We've not got all day for you to try and pick up women!"

Sirius laughed at the affronted expression on the face of the woman and made his escape.

"You do seem to attract the weirdos," James teased as they continued down the road. "Werewolves, ghosts and now seers."

"The Lupins aren't weirdos," Sirius replied as they side-stepped the carol singers who were starting to sound a little strained after a morning of singing.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Then you shouldn't have said it."

"Don't know why you're so touchy about it," James muttered. "It's not like I said that all the Blacks are inbred lunatics."

"Why not? They are," Sirius replied easily.

"You really hate your family that much?"

"Not all of them, but my parents are determined to drive me up the wall with their plans for me…and all the girls they keep trying to set me up with are distant relatives somewhere on the family tree."

"Not all of them?" James asked in surprise. "Besides, they might not really be related."

"They are," Sirius explained. "We've got this ugly family tree tapestry at home. Every time Mother invited one of the wretched girls over in the summer she made me memorise the relevant branches of the tree so that I could ask her about her family."

"Sounds right boring."

"It's even more boring than having to memorise the dates of all the Goblin Rebellions."

"You mean those same dates that Remus was reciting in his sleep last week?"

"That would be the ones."

They reached the Three Broomsticks and found that Remus and Peter were already waiting for them and had got the first round of butterbeers already.

"It's about time," Peter complained as he glanced up from the menu. "We were about to order without you."

"Sorry," James replied as he took a sip of his drink, relieved that it was still warm. "We got held up when Sirius pulled."

Sirius glared across the table at James as Peter and Remus both asked, "Who?"

"I just got collared by some old seer," Sirius explained.

"That'll be old Ursula Trelawney," Remus commented. "I think she lives in Dove Town, but she used to come to Hogsmeade quite a lot."

"You've met her?"

"A couple of times."

"Is she really a seer?"

"If she is, she's not a very good one," Remus muttered. "She cornered Rom when he was working at the Hog's Head one weekend and told him he'd marry a muggle."

"Oh."

"Just forget about whatever she said."

"She said she saw darkness."

"She probably just recognised you as one of the Black family and took a lucky guess."

Sirius nodded in agreement. It was too nice a day to worry about vague predictions of darkness. "Probably. We are pretty recognisable. Everyone knows who we are."

They ordered their lunch and were determined to put all dreary thoughts from their minds for the rest of the day.

"So, did James drop any hints about what he might like for Christmas?" Remus asked as he and Sirius made their way towards the Post Office later that afternoon.

"Not really, he just went on about Quidditch most of the morning."

"I thought you liked Quidditch?"

"In small doses," Sirius replied with a smile. Remus laughed and elbowed him teasingly.

Their laughter lasted only until they entered the Post Office. Rita Skeeter, who had been successfully evaded by both boys for some time now, was blocking their way and the look on her face made it clear that her presence in their path was not a coincidence.

"Remus, how _are _you?" She smiled coyly and batted her eyelashes in what she clearly thought was a winning manner.

"Fine," Remus muttered as he tried to step past her.

"You're just the person I've been looking for," Rita continued. She stepped into his path once more. "I've been watching you all term, seeing how you're settling into school life…"

"Yeah, I noticed," Remus snapped. "Maybe no one told you that the boys' bathrooms are out of bounds for the girls."

"I think you'll find that in cases of emergency, any student can use either the girls' or boys' bathrooms," Rita informed them with a smirk.

"And I think _you'll_ find that harassing students about your newsletter isn't an emergency."

"But you'd be perfect for it," Rita gushed.

"I don't have time," Remus replied. "I'm trying to catch up on all my subjects as it is."

"Don't have time for what?" Sirius asked curiously. He was well aware of Rita pestering Remus, but he'd assumed she just wanted to write a follow-up article on him. Now, he wasn't so sure that was the case.

"Nothing," Remus said as he tugged him towards the counter.

Rita wasn't giving up though, and she trailed after them, clearly sensing that Sirius might listen to what she had to say, if only for the sake of curiosity. "I want Remus to write for the newsletter," she explained with enthusiasm.

"Write what?" asked Sirius as he paid for the fastest owl they had to take Regulus his Christmas present. He hoped the bird made it in time. He'd waited until the last possible minute for Damon to return and he had a sneaking suspicion that his own bird was deliberately taking the slowest route back to him in order to avoid the anticipated Christmas journey.

"Don't encourage her," Remus interrupted. "I've already told her no a dozen times."

"But it would help so much," Rita argued. "All the news about the dark creatures of the wizarding world, right from the source."

"I don't know any other dark creatures."

"You've been writing to Fenrir Greyback all term," Rita pointed out slyly.

"How do you know about that?" Remus asked.

"I have my sources," Rita replied with a smirk. "You could give us reports from practically right inside a Dangerous Creatures Camp. Not even the Daily Prophet has ever reported from inside one of them."

"You think Greyback tells me what's going on inside there?" Remus asked. "He's written to me three times since the summer and most of that has been asking questions about me."

"You think he's looking to act as a real father to you?" Rita asked, her quill already poised to take down his reply.

"I have a real father, I don't need another one," Remus replied with a scowl. "Greyback's just…" Remus's voice trailed off as he tried to explain just what the older werewolf was to him. The problem was he didn't know what he was. Fenrir Greyback had written politely and curiously about his young ward, but never once had he revealed just why he had done what he had to save Remus from the executioner's axe.

"Come on," Sirius urged, steering Remus back outside.

Rita was not so easily discouraged though. She continued to pester them as they walked down the street.

Sirius could tell that Remus was getting more and more irritated by the never-ending questions. Rita seemed to be completely impervious to the Black glare and was like a dog with a bone. "What do you think your real father thinks about you being practically adopted by Greyback?" she asked.

The question was the final straw for Remus and he spun round to level a glare of his own on the irritating blonde. Whilst the Black glare had done nothing to phase her, the Lupin version forced her to at least back up a few paces. "What does my father think?" he asked in a deadly quiet tone. "I've no bloody clue what he thinks. I've not seen him since I was six years old and only have one memory of him. Do you want to know what it is?"

Remus waited whilst Rita made her decision. Sirius knew that if he had been standing in the girl's place, he would have declined to hear about it. Rita on the other hand nodded slowly.

"I remember him standing over me with his wand pointing at me. It was the morning after the first full moon after I'd been bitten. I didn't really understand what had happened to me; I only knew that I hurt all over and I was crying and screaming for the pain to stop. Then my dad was there and I knew he would make it all better again. Because he was my dad, and that's what he did. But you know what he did?" Rita shook her head. "He pointed his wand at me and put a silencing spell on me. Then he left me."

Rita was pale and her quill had stopped moving, which was certainly a first in Remus's experience of the irritating blonde.

"Now, what do you think my _loving father_ thinks about Greyback?"

Rita shook her head silently. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the gaze of the young werewolf. She was still clutching her parchment and quill, but was not even attempting to write down the quotes that Remus had given her.

"Come on, Remus," Sirius whispered. "We've still got some presents to buy."

Remus let Sirius steer him back down the street with only a single glance back at Rita.

"I'm lucky," Remus said quietly as they entered Zonko's. "I only had two full moons at home with my parents. Rom came home after the second one and got me out of there."

"I never thought I'd ever meet anyone with parents worse than mine," Sirius commented. "But I think you've managed to beat me hands down with your lot."

"Good thing we've both got great brothers, isn't it?"

Sirius smiled tightly as he nodded. Remus seemed to notice his change of mood and halted his examination of an alarm clock that that spat out mini bludgers to wake up the sleeper. "You and Regulus get along all right, don't you?"

"Yeah, but it's more difficult since he found out he was a squib. Our parents are always going on about how useless he is and how he's lucky he's not been disowned. I worry that one day they'll carry out their threat and throw him out on the streets."

"Godric help us if our parents ever met each other," Remus muttered. He turned back to the alarm clock. "What do you think about this for Peter?" he asked. "You know how he hates to get up in the mornings."

Sirius laughed as the clock spat out a bludger that caught him on the ear. "You're sure you don't just want it for yourself?" he teased, knowing that he had already purchased an identical one for Remus's own Christmas present. The alarm clock that would wake up the person who set it, but not the rest of the room was, in Sirius's opinion, perfect for Remus with the added bonus of being something the rest of the boys could appreciate as well.

Remus flushed and put the clock back down.

"I'm just teasing," Sirius told him with a laugh. "Come on, there's some new stock over here in the window. I'm sure we'll find something for him."

The new items in the store held their attention for the rest of the afternoon and they had no trouble finishing their Christmas shopping before heading back to Hogwart's, already anticipating the warmth of the Gryffindor common room.

They were halfway back to the school when Sirius realised that Remus had lost his gloves somewhere during the day.

"They're not lost," Remus replied in answer to Sirius's question. "They're in my pocket. They got so wet in the snowball right it was pointless to keep wearing them."

"Why didn't you just dry them with a spell?"

"I tried but…" Remus's voice trailed off to an embarrassed mumble.

"But what?"

Remus sighed and pulled what was left of his gloves from his pocket. They were certainly no longer wet, unfortunately they were also somewhat charred from a rather enthusiastic warming spell that seemed to have set them alight.

"You should have used your wand to make snowballs," Sirius teased as he tugged off one of his gloves. "Here."

"I can't wear your gloves," Remus argued.

Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled Remus's right hand into his own and pushed the glove onto the fingers. "Fine, we'll share. You take the right one, I'll keep the left."

Remus laughed. "So, we'll have one warm hand and one cold hand each?"

Sirius shook his head and took Remus's bare hand in his own. "Your fingers are freezing," he said as he squeezed the cold digits. He drew the hand up towards his face and blew warm air onto the fingers, rubbing them gently to get the blood circulating once more.

"We'd better be getting back," Remus pointed out.

Sirius kept Remus's hand snugly enclosed within his own as they made their way back to the castle. They passed a few other students along the way, several of whom smirked at the two boys holding hands. When Remus spotted the first of the amused glances he tried to pull his hand away, but Sirius kept a firm grip on it and glared at anyone who looked like they might be tempted to make a comment.

He told himself it was only because it was cold, that he'd never consider holding hands with Remus in the warmer months, and that it was just a one off.

He knew he was lying to himself. He knew that if he had the opportunity he'd hold Remus's hand every chance he could, and for no other reason than that it felt so right.

-o-xXx-o-

Two days later Remus walked into the Great Hall for breakfast and felt numerous pairs of eyes on him once again. "Ever get the feeling you're being watched?" he whispered to Sirius as they made their way to the Gryffindor table.

"I think Rita's printed something else about you in her newsletter," Sirius replied. He had already spotted several sheets of parchment scattered across the tables and could see that many students looking in their direction had the newsletters in front of them.

"Better take a look and see what damage she's done this time," Remus muttered, picking up a discarded newsletter on the way.

Sirius immediately took the newsletter off of Remus and sat down at the table.

Remus tried to grab the parchment back. "Let me see," he insisted.

Sirius ignored him, wondering whether it would be possible to prevent Remus from seeing the article if it was something too bad. One swift glance to his left told him that it wouldn't. The article itself was easy enough to find. Rita had written it as a follow up to her initial interview with Remus and the other students, and just like the previous article, it took up a large portion of the newsletter and was impossible to miss.

Unlike her previous article however, this one told nothing but the simple truth. There had been no reason for her to elaborate on Remus's words in the snowy Hogsmeade street.

"What lies has she said this time?" Remus asked. He buried his face in his arms and sighed dramatically.

"She's printed what you said about your father," Sirius told him as he skimmed the article.

"And?"

"And nothing. She's not elaborated on it or anything."

"Why would I?" Rita asked from behind him. "The story speaks for itself."

"You didn't want to add that Remus's father beat him up regularly or something?" Sirius asked with a great deal of sarcasm.

"I don't make things up for my stories," Rita replied with a haughty sniff. "I might embellish ever so slightly in the interests of capturing the attention of the reader, but only when it's absolutely necessary."

Remus took the parchment from Sirius and read through the article for himself.

"Do you like it?" Rita asked eagerly.

"I'd rather you hadn't written it," Remus replied with honesty. "But it _is_ a good piece of writing."

"But your story should be told," Rita gushed. She sat down at the table and helped herself to a bowl of porridge. "I could follow your years at Hogwarts and keep everyone regularly updated on how you're doing."

"If people want to know how I'm doing, they can ask me themselves."

"But some people are scared to approach dark creatures like werewolves."

"Am I that scary?" Remus whispered.

"'Course not," answered Sirius, who shot a glare at Rita, who looked like she might have replied in the affirmative.

"Please let me follow your story," Rita pleaded. "Everyone wants to know all about you. I get loads of owls asking how you're doing."

Remus looked up at this and raised an eyebrow in question.

Rita nodded in answer. "Even some from the parents of students who have sent the newsletters home."

"And how many have you got from parents saying I shouldn't be allowed to come here?" Remus asked.

"Not as many as I thought I would," Rita admitted sheepishly. "I thought there would be loads of complaints after my first report. Worried parents wanting assurances of their children's safety."

"You sound like you were hoping for that?"

"Not hoping, expecting. It seems that Professor Dumbledore is so greatly admired in the wizarding community, he can even allow a werewolf into the school and most of the parents just accept it, because he's such a great wizard. I was even copied in on a letter to the headmaster asking if he would allow the vampire daughter of the family to come here."

"What did he say?" Remus asked with a frown.

"I think he said no, but not because vampires are dangerous, something to do with not being able to change the school timetable to allow for every class to take place at night."

"That would be kind of inconvenient for the rest of us," Sirius agreed. "You say that most of the parents don't mind Remus being here with us?"

"Some seemed surprised, but hardly anyone said he should be kicked out or anything."

"Could you try not to sound so disappointed in that?" Remus asked.

"I'm not," Rita argued. "This is so much better. People writing to me in response to my article, asking about you and wanting to hear all about how you're doing. You _have_ to let me write more about you. You're the only interesting thing going on in this school."

"Don't do it, Remus," Sirius warned.

"Why don't you let him speak for himself?" Rita snapped. "Please? Come on Remus, at least take a look at some of the letters I've received before you say no."

"I'll have a look at them," Remus promised. No sooner were the words out of his mouth than Rita was digging into her bag and pulling out dozens of scraps of parchment. Remus groaned as she pushed his barely touched breakfast out of the way to make room for more letters.

"I have loads more," Rita told him with a bright smile. "These are the best ones and the ones that want a personal reply from you."

"Replies?" Remus squeaked.

"Some of them have a lot of questions for you," Rita explained brightly. "You can borrow some of the school owls if your own can't handle all the trips."

"Athena could do with the exercise," Remus mumbled, knowing that the owl had been getting decidedly overweight since she had joined him at Hogwarts at the start of the school year. A handful of trips to Cheshire were nowhere near enough to keep the bird occupied for long.

"Then it's settled." Rita clapped her hands excitedly.

"Why did you agree to answer this lot?" Sirius asked as he plucked a letter from the top of the pile. "It's not like you have time for it."

"I can answer them over the holidays. It shouldn't take too long to get through them all if I do a few a day."

"You're crackers," Sirius told him with a frown. "All these nosy people wanting to know every detail about your life, why don't you just tell them to mind their own business?"

"Because I can't."

"Sure you can."

"No, I really can't," Remus said. "Think about it. What if I wrote back to these people and told them to mind their own business? What would they think?"

"Who cares?"

"The Board of Governors would care if they wrote to them and told them how the school's werewolf was rude and secretive. I can't be all secretive about everything without them thinking I'm hiding something, and you know what they would think I'm hiding, don't you?"

"They would think you're up to no good," Sirius guessed.

"Exactly. I can get into mischief and get detentions like the rest of you, but to those outside the school I have to appear to be a model student or Dumbledore will have to kick me out. If the way to stay here involves writing to every nosy parent who's read Rita's article, then that's what I'll do. I don't want to leave."

"Sounds like you've thought a lot about that," Sirius commented in surprise.

"Professor Dumbledore warned me some of the parents might write in when they found out I was being accepted as a student. He and the other teachers, mainly McGonagall and Sprout, have made sure to – how did McGonagall put it? – drum it into my head to at least appear to behave like the rest of you."

"I'm surprised she didn't tell you to behave better than the rest of us," Sirius commented with a grin.

Remus grinned back. "She did. Anyway, they made it clear that if too many parents complain I may lose my place here. If writing to them gets them on my side then I'll write to every last one of them."

Sirius nodded. "I'll help you answer them if you like."

"Thanks," Remus replied with a smile. "You can start with this one from your mother."

"What?" Sirius grabbed the parchment in astonishment. "How did she get a hold of the newsletter?"

"You're asking me?"

"I guess one of my cousins got hold of a copy and sent it to her. You'd think they would have more important things to worry about than a school newsletter. What does she have to say for herself?"

"Don't know, I just recognised the name."

Sirius unrolled the parchment and skimmed the letter, his annoyance mounting with every word. "Looks like this is Bellatrix's handiwork. Her husband's younger brother sent her a copy with a note about how I'm friends with you. My mother is ordering you not to associate with me and, if possible, to request a room to yourself instead of staying in the dormitory."

"Wonder what she would say if she knew just where I was sleeping in the dormitory for nearly a year," Remus whispered wickedly.

"Don't even joke about it," Sirius warned. "I'm surprised she hasn't written to me about staying away from you, too."

"She did," Remus replied automatically.

"I think I'd remember that."

"It was a howler and arrived about a week after the last newsletter got published."

"She must have sent it at the same time she sent this," Sirius commented as he spotted the old date on the parchment. "How come I didn't see or hear the howler?"

"It arrived at the crack of dawn whilst I was down in the common room and the rest of you lazy gits were still in bed. I saw the name and the return address and it was obvious it was a howler so I opened it for you. I figured if there was anything important in it I could tell you about it. If it was just shouting and ranting and all the usual rubbish she writes to you – and it was – then you wouldn't have to know about it."

"You opened a howler for me?" Sirius smiled at Remus, inordinately pleased.

"You'd do the same for me," Remus replied with a smile of his own. "Tell you what, you reply to your mother's letter for me and we'll call it even."

"Deal," Sirius replied with a grin. "What sort of reply should I send? Polite and respectful or what she deserves?"

"Depends on how you plan on signing it. If you're putting my name on it – and remember to disguise your handwriting if you are – then go for polite. If you plan on being rude then sign your own."

Sirius laughed and tucked the parchment into the pocket of his robes. Remus gathered the rest of them into his bag and they made their way outside. One thing was for sure, they would have plenty to occupy them during the Christmas holidays.


	28. Dreams Are Never Free

Dreams Are Never Free

The stack of letters requiring his attention seemed to be never ending. No sooner had Remus replied to all those in the first pile, than another one seemed to appear. Rita seemed to be delighted to get them off her hands and brought him more every day. It probably wasn't helping that so many students had taken the school newsletter home with them for the holidays.

Unfortunately for Remus, not all of them were simply from people asking how he was doing and expressing their sympathy for his situation. There were plenty that appeared at first glance to be supportive, but when you read between the lines they were far less so. Some were even openly hostile.

"Don't let them get to you," Sirius told Remus as he pulled the latest of these letters out of his hand and tossed it across the room. "You're at Hogwarts and there's nothing the complainers can do about it."

Remus stood up and walked across the room to retrieve the letter. "You know that's not true." He straightened out the parchment again and picked up a blank sheet to begin his reply. "What do you think is the politest way I can tell them to mind their own business?"

"By not replying at all."

Remus shook his head and sighed. "Have you heard from your mother again?"

"Yeah, her reply arrived this morning."

"What did she say?"

"Don't know, I've not read it yet." Sirius nodded towards the bedside table, indicating that Remus could read it for himself if he liked. Remus, ever the procrastinator, put down the letter he was about to reply to and went to read Walburga Black's reply instead.

"The usual rubbish?" Sirius asked a minute or two later.

"Yeah," muttered Remus, his face dark with suppressed fury as he walked over to the fireplace and tossed the parchment into the flames.

"Hey! I do still have to write back eventually."

Remus didn't bother to try to retrieve the letter. Instead he walked across the room and pulled Sirius into a tight hug. "I'm sorry you're family is like they are," he whispered.

Sirius didn't reply as he watched his mother's letter burn to ash in the grate of the common room fire. He wondered what she had written before realising that it didn't really matter. He could guess what she had to say to him and he didn't want to hear it any more. He would stay friends with Remus whether his parents liked it or not. They were in London and he was in Scotland; it wasn't like they could do anything about it.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius and Remus found they had Gryffindor Tower all to themselves during the holidays. They got used to leaving their things lying around in the common room and taking the best seats closest to the fire. They often talked long into the night as there was no need to get up early the next morning and there was no reminder from anyone else as to how late the hour was.

Remus had nodded off to sleep on the sofa half an hour beforehand and Sirius was staring into the dying embers of the fire, his own eyelids drooping occasionally.

"You should go up to bed," Romulus suggested as he drifted through the door. "You both look exhausted."

"I'm not that tired," Sirius lied, yawning widely and prompting a laugh from Romulus.

"Really though, you should get to bed. The rest of the school comes back tomorrow."

"I don't want to wake him up," Sirius replied with a nod towards the sofa.

"Then don't." Romulus sat down on the arm of the sofa and looked down at his brother with a smile. "Just because he's sleeping on the sofa, it doesn't mean you have to sleep in the chair."

"I don't like to leave him on his own."

Romulus sighed. "Remus can take care of himself for a few hours," he pointed out. "You can't watch over him all the time."

"He needs someone to watch over him. He's pushing himself too hard."

"He's got me to keep an eye on him."

"But you're not here all the time, you come and go from Merlin knows where…"

"No one can be with another person twenty four hours a day, not even me… and certainly not you. Remus needs to learn to take care of himself and stand on his own two feet."

"I like taking care of him."

"That's not the point. Remus has always wanted to come to Hogwarts and a part of being at Hogwarts is growing up and maturing. Remus will be fifteen in a few months and he still acts like he's twelve half the time."

"Just because we've pulled a few pranks and got some detentions..."

"That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the fact he shadows you all the time and doesn't seem to know how precarious his position here at the school is."

"He knows he could be kicked out any time, if that's what you mean?"

"He does?"

"Of course he does. Why do you think he's been replying to all the parents who've written in after seeing Rita Skeeter's newsletter? He's trying to prove to them all that he's not dangerous, and that their kids are safe with him here."

"Those that have taken the trouble to write aren't the ones he should be worried about. I'd be more concerned about those who are watching silently and waiting for him to slip up and make a mistake."

"He won't."

"You don't know what he'd do without you watching over him all the time."

"He wouldn't do anything to risk losing his place here. You say he acts like he's still twelve, but you're wrong. He's really changed since he's been accepted. Even with all the pranks, he's keeping up with his schoolwork. His grades are getting good; they're better than at least half the year. He's even talking about trying out for the Quidditch team next year."

Romulus waited quietly until Sirius had reached the end of his speech in defence of Remus. He turned to Remus and moved as though brushing a hand over his hair. "I guess my baby brother's growing up after all," he replied quietly. "I just wish he'd be a little more careful and learn to take care of himself more. You can't be there for him forever."

Sirius stood up and walked towards the sofa. He sat down on the floor and looked at Remus fondly. "Maybe not," he said. "But I can be here for him now." He caught the quick tilt of Remus's lips and realised that the other boy had woken up at some point during his discussion with Romulus.

"I just worry about him," Romulus explained. "How's he going to cope when you're not around?"

"He'll muddle through the same way I do."

Remus opened one eye and looked at Sirius and his brother mischievously.

"How long have you been awake?" Romulus asked suspiciously.

"Long enough," Remus admitted, turning his head so that he could look up at his brother properly. "You shouldn't worry so much about me. I'm not a child any more. You said it yourself: I'm nearly fifteen. I'm studying hard and you can ask any of the teachers about my grades. In fact, I bet you've already spoken to them all. I'm not going to risk getting kicked out of here. I don't care what it takes to stay here; I'll do anything. I'll give up my Christmas holidays to reply to all these owls. I'll live in the library next year if I have to. Whatever it takes to appear normal and safe like the rest of the students are… that's what I'll do."

Romulus nodded quietly as Remus spoke, the younger boy getting louder and louder with each word.

"I'd never do anything that would get me kicked out of here!" Remus declared. "I'm not some stupid kid any more!"

Romulus reached out to try to calm Remus, but his hand went straight through him. Sirius climbed up onto the sofa and placed one of his own hands on Remus's shoulder. The other boy drew in a deep breath at the contact and shook his head as though to shake off the last remnants of his temper.

Romulus looked thoughtful as he contemplated the two boys sitting in front of him. "Okay, Remus. I'll back off a little and leave you to make your own decisions. You say you've grown up and I'll give you the chance to prove it."

"Thanks, Rom."

Romulus nodded and grinned. "Now, bedtime," he ordered, clearly unable to help himself.

Remus stood up and smiled at his brother. "Just so you know… I'm going to bed because I've also decided it's past time I went up to the dorm, not because you told me to."

Romulus laughed and shook his head as Remus turned towards the dorms, calling goodnight over his shoulder as he started to make his way up the stairs.

"Just so you know…" Sirius repeated with a smirk.

Romulus laughed as Sirius stood up to go to bed as well. "Oh, get out of here."

-o-xXx-o-

"Are you sure we're allowed to go to the camp during the holidays?" Sirius asked. Not that it would make any difference if they weren't, they were already well on their way. It was just handy to know whether they should be sneaking back into Hogwart's or not.

"I don't know," Remus replied. "But I've not seen Firenze for ages and I'm worried. If I ask and McGonagall says no, she'll be keeping a close eye on me in case I try to sneak out."

"At least he can live in the camp again," Sirius commented as they trudged along the muddy path. "That's good, isn't it?"

"I don't know. On the one hand, it means he doesn't have to hunt for his food all the time and can live in one of the huts, instead on living rough."

"But…?"

"But at what price?" Remus replied.

Sirius didn't know. Neither of them did.

It was slow going, but neither of them had any place else they needed to be and they knew they could take their time.

The centaurs didn't celebrate Christmas, although they did hold festivals and celebrations for the coming of the New Year. That being the case, it was these preparations that Remus and Sirius arrived just in time to help out with.

"We can always do with a couple more pairs of hands," Magorian stated. "Even if they are merely human hands."

Sirius scowled, but Remus stated that he was happy to help out and cheerfully wandered over towards where Firenze was standing waving at them.

"You're looking more cheerful than the last time we saw you," Remus said.

"There's a new year upon us," Firenze replied.

"And?" Remus asked, sensing something else had happened.

"And Ebony and Magorian are bonded."

"Is that good news?" Sirius asked. He was far less knowledgeable about the ins and outs of the centaur tribe and wasn't entirely sure this was a good thing.

"It's good news when it means less earache for those of us who have to live with the whining mare," Firenze replied with a wink. "But from the point of view of regaining my birthright, no, this isn't really good news. Now, with this bonding, the last remaining stallions who were opposed to Magorian being chief are coming around. They're being talked around by their own mares, who Ebony had already won to her side with her talk of equal rights. Ebony has my father's blood in her veins and is bonded to Magorian. The mares see her as some sort of pioneer, ruling the herd through Magorian."

"Is she?" Remus asked.

"No. But the stallions who were thinking of challenging Magorian are letting the mares convince them it is. That way it isn't so bad. Instead of opposing the centaur who murdered my father, they can say they are supporting my father's daughter."

"You sound like you don't think you're going to get the leadership back?"

"Sometimes I don't think I will."

"Does it bother you? Will you be very disappointed if you don't?"

"It's not my disappointment that worries me," Firenze replied. "It's my father's."

"Can anyone ever live up to the expectations of their father?" Sirius asked quietly.

Firenze looked at one boy and then the other. "Good point," he said with a smile. "Now, are you two going to help us get ready to bring in the New Year, or are you just here for the food?"

"Just the food," Remus replied as Sirius nodded in agreement.

Firenze laughed and set them to work.

The two boys weren't able to sneak out on New Year's Day; much to their annoyance, Professor McGonagall was keeping a suspiciously close eye on them. They did find that they both received gifts from Firenze, a new set of arrows for Remus and a large collection of herbs and instructions on how to use them for Sirius.

Both boys resolved to put their presents to good use as soon as they could. Sirius succeeded in making several successful potions with his herbs. Remus, after an incident involving several older Slytherin students, the portrait of Wilfred the Wanderer, and Mrs Norris, found his bow and arrows secured safely in Professor McGonagall's office and himself in detention once again.

-o-xXx-o-

The winter turned to spring and with the warmer weather came the reminders that exams were fast approaching. The teachers were working the students harder than ever and even though O.W.L.s were a year away, the four Gryffindor boys were spending more and more time studying and far less time pulling pranks… much to the relief of students and teachers alike.

Remus also found that as the months passed by the teachers were watching him far less closely. At first he thought that he had simply got used to them monitoring him so closely. Then he suddenly realised that they weren't watching him at all. For the first time since arriving at Hogwarts, he felt like just another student.

"Guess you've proved yourself," James commented with a wide grin. "Which is great news for those of us you like to call your friends, since it means they aren't watching any of us as closely as they were before either."

The rest of the boys nodded in agreement of this assessment and were soon plotting ever more spectacular magical mischief.

Of course, with the good came the bad, and it soon became apparent that there was also a downside to the less frequent presence of the staff, something Remus found out one April evening as he returned from the library.

"Looks like they've let Dumbledore's pet werewolf off its leash," a sneering voice announced from the top of the staircase that Remus was climbing.

Remus halted halfway up the stairs and saw that three Ravenclaw students were blocking the landing. They were all older than he was, sixth years if his guess was correct, and each of the three boys was quite physically larger too. He was fairly certain that one of them was a beater on the house Quidditch team.

He continued up the stairs, refusing to turn round and take the longer route back to Gryffindor Tower. He had lost track of time and unless he took the shortest route back to the common room, he knew he would be late for curfew.

"Excuse me, please?" he asked as he reached the landing.

"Got a question for you," one of the Ravenclaws commented instead. "Thought you could help us out with a special Defence project."

Remus frowned slightly. Defence Against the Dark Arts was his best subject by far, but he had no doubt that he was still far less knowledgeable than any of the N.E.W.T. students.

"Cat got your tongue?" the apparent leader of the group asked. "Or should it be wolf?"

Remus tried to side step around him, but he had gone no more than a pace when a flash of white drew him to a halt. The knife was made of bone and pointed right at his throat.

Remus's eyes darted to the paintings on the wall, but he quickly realised that the Ravenclaws had chosen the place of their ambush very well. There was not a single portrait on the landing, only landscapes and animals.

"Like I said," the Ravenclaw continued, as though Remus hadn't tried to brush him off and he hadn't pulled a knife on him. "We thought you could help us with a little project."

Remus nodded slowly and reluctantly.

"That's better. You like this?" He nodded to the knife, still at Remus's throat.

Remus shrugged slightly.

"You'll notice it isn't silver. We've seen you using the silver cutlery in the Great Hall and know that one's an old wives tale. But, we wanted to find out about one of the other myths, find out if it was true or not."

"Which one?" Remus whispered.

"The one that says wounds inflicted by werewolves never heal."

Remus reached down and pulled up his right sleeve, revealing a thin white scar. "That answer your question?"

"You could have got that anywhere, but not got it treated quick enough to have it heal completely," the second Ravenclaw suggested.

"It was healed as much as possible," Remus replied. "If you don't believe me, I can't help you."

The leader chuckled and shook his head. "Oh, you can help us all right. This knife was carved from the bone of a werewolf. My dad gave it to me just after he read you were coming here to Hogwarts. He said he wanted me to be able to protect myself and what better way to fight off a werewolf than with a werewolf bone knife?"

"But, we don't know if it's genuine or a fake," the second Ravenclaw added.

"I say it's a fake," the third one announced.

"So, we're going to test it," the first stated. "Not on ourselves of course, that would be pretty stupid. But since you're a werewolf no one will notice a new scar amongst those you already have."

"I'm not going to let you slice me up with that thing," Remus snapped.

"You can't stop us. Not without us screaming to the teachers that we were attacked by the werewolf whilst he was human. And you know what would happen if we did that?"

Remus was trapped, completely, totally and utterly. He took a step back, feeling for the top step of the staircase. Missing his curfew was the least of his problems; he would take the long route and be thankful if all he got out of the evening was another detention.

"Oh no you don't," the Ravenclaw with the knife warned and Remus felt the cut of the knife as it sliced across his face. His hand shot to his face and he felt the warmth of the blood as it trickled from the shallow cut. He stepped backwards, blindly reaching for the staircase railings with his free hand.

It was only when he felt the empty space beneath his feet that he realise the staircase had rotated away from him whilst he'd been on the landing.

Tumbling backwards he fell, his scream echoing through the corridors as he plummeted down. He felt the pain of the impact as he hit solid ground, then everything went black.

-o-xXx-o-

"I've been saying for years that those staircases are an accident waiting to happen!"

"Rowena Ravenclaw's moving staircases were the magical achievement of the century when they were built."

"They're far too dangerous to be in a school."

Remus recognised the arguing voices as those of Professors McGonagall and Flitwick. For a long moment he wondered what had happened, then he remembered. The staircase had moved and he'd fallen.

He wondered how he'd managed to survive the fall at all. He'd been high up and he'd fallen for such a long time. Or maybe it had just seemed like a long time…it was difficult to tell.

"I think he's awake," Madam Pomfrey said in a low voice. "Remus?"

Remus opened his eyes and turned his head towards the healer. His cheek brushed against the pillow and he felt a stinging pain as the fabric made contact with his damaged cheek.

"Don't try to move," Poppy warned him as she pointed her wand at his face and murmured a spell.

"I don't know why you're trying that spell again," McGonagall muttered impatiently. "If it didn't work the first dozen times…you need to try something new."

"I don't understand why it isn't working," Poppy replied, equally impatiently. "Every other cut and bruise he got has healed fine, but this one is just not co-operating. If I didn't know better I'd have sworn it was self inflicted during the full moon."

Remus felt his face flushing as Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey stared at him, waiting for any explanation he might be able to offer. He squirmed slightly and tried to sit up.

"Lie back down," Poppy ordered. "You took quite a tumble there. You've very lucky you only fell two floors before your fall was broken by another staircase."

Only two floors? It had seemed like so much more.

"Can I go back to the dorm?" Remus asked.

"Certainly not. You're staying here until tomorrow morning. I may even keep you in here for a day or two longer if you don't lie still and do as you're told."

"My friends…they'll be wondering where I am."

"They know where you are," McGonagall told him. "Mr Black has been waiting outside the doors for the last few hours. Adamantly refused to go back to the dormitory when I told him to."

"You couldn't make him go?" Remus asked.

"He's cast a permanent sticking charm on his shoes," McGonagall muttered, although Remus could detect a hint of begrudging admiration in her tone.

"He didn't?" Remus grinned up at his head of house.

"The only way to get him out of those shoes without his co-operation would be too risky. He'd probably end up in the next bed with injuries of his own."

"Can I see him?"

"Not yet," replied Poppy, in between tutting over her lack of success at getting the scratch on Remus's face to disappear.

Remus frowned sulkily but didn't argue. He knew there would be no point. Poppy Pomfrey was in her 'mother hen' mode, and until she was done there would be nothing happening in the hospital wing without her approval.

Finally, she nodded to Professor McGonagall to tell Sirius he could come into the room for a few minutes.

Professor Flitwick disappeared out of the door, muttering about staircases and clumsy students. Remus heard his squeak of annoyance as Sirius apparently barrelled into him as he skidded into the room, his shoeless feet sliding on the polished stone floor.

"What happened?" Sirius asked after he'd given Remus the once over and assured himself that he was okay.

"The staircase moved," Remus muttered, his face flushing in embarrassment.

Sirius shot a look towards Madam Pomfrey's office before turning back to Remus with a glare. "They've always moved and you know it. What really happened?"

"Someone got me with a werewolf knife," Remus whispered. "But you can't tell anyone. Promise me you won't breathe a word."

"What's a werewolf knife?"

Remus explained what it was and Sirius listened in horror as he looked at the new scar that was adorning Remus's face. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached up to trace his finger along the scar, carefully avoiding touching it. "You've got to tell Madam Pomfrey."

"You promised you wouldn't say anything."

Sirius didn't bother to point out that he hadn't actually promised anything of the sort. He wanted to call Madam Pomfrey from her office, but one look into Remus's pleading brown eyes and he was nodding his agreement to keep quiet.

"Is it really bad?" Remus whispered, even though he knew the answer already. A wound from a werewolf would never truly heal, no matter how it was inflicted.

"You'll have to practice those concealing charms that Romulus keeps on pestering you about."

"He's not been hassling me about them since I came here," Remus reminded him. "It was mainly so I could blend in with the rest of the world without being recognised as an on the run werewolf. Now I'm not wanted by the Ministry of Magic there's no need…"

"Except for vanity," Sirius interjected.

"I'm not vain," Remus huffed, folding his arms across his chest and scowling at his friend. "I know I'm nothing much to look at."

"Who told you that?" Sirius asked with a frown of his own. It was on the tip of his tongue to say that he thought Remus was gorgeous, but he couldn't quite pluck up the courage to say it out loud.

"I'm a teenage werewolf who has nearly ten years of scars already. The girls aren't exactly beating a path to my door."

Sirius snorted and shook his head. "First of all, most of your scars are hidden under your clothes, and you know it. As for the girls, they're not exactly queuing up for any of us Gryffindor fourth years. Peter thinks we've pulled too many pranks on them, so now they're just running when they see us coming."

Remus smiled slightly. "But, still…"

"But nothing," Sirius scolded. "The girls won't care if you've got a little scratch on your face. They'll probably think it's all sexy and cool. Girls like that sort of stuff."

"Girls are stupid," Remus muttered, his hand wandering up to touch the scratch again. "Madam Pomfrey's keeping me in overnight. Did you learn any concealing charms?"

"Sure."

"Um…"

"What?"

"Would you be able to…you know…hide it for tonight?"

Sirius smiled and pulled out his wand. "Sure." He spoke the spell that would conceal the wound from the eyes of anyone who looked upon Remus Lupin. It would only last a few hours, but he would make sure that he was around to cast it again whenever it was necessary.

"Remus, what about those Ravenclaws? You can't let them get away with this?"

"It'll only get worse if you tell the professors," Remus pointed out. "Other kids will see me as a telltale. Besides, McGonagall and the others will be watching me closely again now. It'll soon be forgotten."

"But they can't get away with it!"

"What good will telling tales do?" Remus asked. "Just let it go."

"Okay, I won't tell the teachers," Sirius agreed. "But we can't let them get away with it. We have to do something!"

"We will," Remus replied with quiet determination. "I'm thinking about that list of pranks that James has been concocting all year."

"You mean the ones we've all been pulling all year?"

Remus shook his head. "No, I mean the list of the ones we've told him are too dangerous and risky."

"Which one do you have in mind?"

"I don't know, but I'm not going to let them get away with this." Remus lifted his hand towards his face and he looked warily at Sirius. "You don't have to help me, not if you don't want to."

Sirius took Remus's hand in his own. "Do you even need to ask?" he whispered. "I'll take a look at James's list tonight and whatever you decide, we'll help you do it."

-o-xXx-o-

"How is he?" Peter asked as soon as Sirius walked into the dormitory.

"He'll be okay."

"How did he manage to fall from the stairs?" James asked incredulously. "I've never heard of anyone doing anything so stupid before."

"He got cornered by a bunch of Ravenclaws," Sirius explained. "They attacked him with a werewolf knife and when he backed up from them he fell."

"They'll be expelled for sure," Peter whispered.

"No, they won't."

"Why not? They can't just attack another student like that. He could have died."

"Remus won't tell the teachers who it was."

"You mean he's going to let them get away with it?" James asked. "He doesn't seem to me to be the type to just let bullies get away with it."

Sirius smirked at him; silently reminding James that he knew first hand that this was indeed the case.

Peter, who was a little faster on the uptake on this occasion, realised what James had not. "He's going to get revenge himself, isn't he?"

Sirius nodded. "He wants to do one of the pranks from the 'too dangerous' list."

"Really?" James looked at him in surprise, but wasted little time in pulling the list from the bottom of his trunk. "Which one?" He scanned the list quickly. "Most of these were focusing on the Slytherins and their quarters. Never thought we'd want to pull anything like this on one of the other houses."

"Never thought that it'd be the Ravenclaws who'd attack Remus either," Sirius muttered.

"What's that?"

Sirius jumped as Romulus appeared in the dormitory.

"Well?" Romulus asked. "What's this about Ravenclaws attacking Remus?"

"Three of them cornered him with a werewolf knife," Sirius explained. "He fell from one of the staircases and they sliced up his face."

Romulus didn't say anything as he took off through the nearest wall in the direction of the hospital wing.

The three boys were still contemplating the list of pranks, and considering which ones could be adapted to be used in Ravenclaw Tower instead of the Slytherin dungeons, when Romulus reappeared.

"You can put the list away boys," he advised. "I've spoken with Remus and it won't be needed."

"You've talked him out of revenge?" James asked.

"I thought you'd be all up for it," Sirius added. "You'd let these gits get away with it? What happened to doing anything to protect your baby brother? What happened to tracking down anyone who hurt him?" What happened to making anyone who hurt him pay for it?"

"Oh, they'll pay for it," Romulus hissed. "Won't they?" He turned around and Sirius saw that they had more company than he had first realised.

Sir Nicholas, the Fat Friar and the Grey Lady of Ravenclaw were right behind Romulus and looking as furious as any of the boys had ever seen them.

"A disgrace to the school," the Friar muttered. "That's what they are."

"Three against one," Sir Nicholas added. "Highly unfair and the mark of cowardice."

"What do you plan on doing?" Sirius asked.

"We're going to haunt them," Romulus said with a grim smile. "For every waking moment as long as they are here at Hogwart's, they will be trailed by one of the school ghosts."

"At least until they confess what they have done this night," Sir Nicholas explained.

"We will be acting as their consciences," the Friar explained.

"They won't get a minute of peace," Romulus insisted.

"So, you're all going to haunt them and torment them until they confess, and once they do they'll be expelled for sure." Sirius smiled to himself. It was a fitting revenge and far better than the juvenile pranks they had been plotting.

The three Ravenclaws held out for less than a month before the first one cracked. After that the other two were quickly brought before the Headmaster and were immediately expelled from Hogwart's.

Remus had not seen any of them since the night on the stairs, but he did watch them leave in one of the school carriages from his seat at the common room window of Gryffindor Tower.

He hoped that these three would be the last of the bullies he would have to face at Hogwart's, and that Dumbledore's swift punishment would be a warning to others not to try the same thing again.

He raised a hand to his face and traced the invisible scar.

"They're gone now," Sirius commented from across the table. "They won't hurt you again."

"What's to stop someone else trying it though?"

"We won't let them," Sirius whispered harshly. "_I_ won't let them. No one's going to hurt you again, not if Sirius Black has anything to say about it."

Remus smiled softly and turned back to his essay, but he couldn't help wondering how long it would be before he was once again on his own and there was no Sirius to protect him.

-o-xXx-o-

Two weeks later and Remus knew that he could put it off no longer. Sirius had been painstakingly casting the concealing charm every morning, reinforcing it at lunchtime and again before dinner. As such, Remus had no idea of the extent of the damage the werewolf knife had done.

He slipped from the Gryffindor dormitory and down the corridor to the bathroom. None of the other boys were awake yet; it was far too early in the morning for them. He crept into the bathroom and approached the mirrors from the side. The side of his face that bore his injury was turned away from the mirrors and Remus steeled himself to turn and look himself in the face.

The scratch wasn't deep, but it was clearly visible and stretched from his temple, down his cheek and towards his chin. He raised a tentative hand upwards and gently touched the wound.

"Finally decided to take a look at it?" a voice behind him asked.

Remus jumped, startled and turned to face his brother.

"It's not as bad as all that," Romulus continued as he looked appraisingly at the scratch.

"I'll never get rid of it though, will I?" Remus turned back to the mirror, rather than face the truth that he could see in his brother's eyes.

He pulled out his wand and pointed it at his face, his mind scrambling for the appropriate words for the charm.

"Oooh, that looks awful!" a gleeful female voice declared as she swooped towards him for a closer inspection.

Remus jumped backwards, his hand rising reflectively to cover his face. "Who are you?" he asked.

"This is Myrtle," Romulus said. "She usually haunts one of the girls' bathrooms downstairs."

"Not always," Myrtle replied with a coy smile towards the older Lupin brother. "I've been looking for you for hours."

"What for?" Remus asked even as his brother edged his way towards the door.

Myrtle ignored him as she moved towards Romulus. "We're the only ghosts here in Hogwart's who've been dead less than fifty years. We've got so much in common, both dying so tragically young. Don't you agree?"

Remus couldn't remember the last time he had seen Romulus looking so alarmed. A small smile threatened to escape as Myrtle moved even closer to his brother. "Rom, is there something you're not telling me?" Remus asked with a smirk.

"Remus…" Romulus shot him a warning glare.

Remus's grin was about to blossom into full blown laughter.

"There's a lovely romantic spot at the far side of the lake," Myrtle suggested. "I saw it when I got flushed out of the castle last month. No one _ever_ goes there."

"I'm too old for you," insisted Romulus, his voice barely more than a panicked squeak.

"I died before you were even born," Myrtle pointed out with a smile. "That makes _me_ older than _you_, and time doesn't mean as much when you're a ghost. The years just drift together…long, lonely years."

"She has a point," Remus teased. "I'd hate for you to be lonely."

Myrtle shot him a grateful look and Romulus immediately took advantage of her distraction to make his escape, shooting a dirty look at Remus before he disappeared through the wall.

Myrtle looked disappointed, but followed after him, leaving Remus to fall to the floor in borderline hysterical laughter. Eventually the laughter died down, although the tears of mirth continued to fall for a much longer time.

That was how Sirius and James found him a short while later when they had finally emerged from the dormitory.

"Remus? Are you all right?" Sirius asked as he hurried to his side. "Why didn't you wait for me to cast the concealing charm?"

"It's not as bad as all that," James added, looking at the scar for the first time.

Remus shook his head as tears continued to stream down his face.

Sirius sat down beside him and put an arm around Remus's shoulders. "Don't cry, Remus," he pleaded. "It's not that noticeable, really."

"I'm okay," Remus gasped. He rested his head on Sirius's shoulder as the tears of laughter continued to fall. "I'm not upset."

Once Remus had recovered enough to talk properly he explained the reason for his laughter and the source of his tears.

James grinned widely and Sirius chuckled. They were in complete agreement with Remus that the idea of Myrtle having set her sights on Romulus Lupin was certainly cause for amusement.

"Maybe we should set them up?" James suggested wickedly.

"I don't think Rom will let you," Remus pointed out. "Though it would be fun to try. I don't remember him ever having a girlfriend."

"Not ever?" Sirius asked.

"Well, I suppose he might have had one that I didn't know about. Though I can't imagine why he would keep it a secret."

"Maybe because you'd tease him like mad?" James asked.

Sirius grinned, knowing that all three of them were thinking the exact same thing; that teasing Romulus was on their agenda immediately they saw him again.


	29. Out of Control

Out of Control

Remus soon decided against covering up the scar on his face on a permanent basis. "Maybe just for special occasions," he suggested, as Sirius put away his wand, the concealing charm not yet performed.

"You're sure?" Sirius asked.

"I've got loads of scars already, one more isn't going to make much difference. It isn't that bad now; it's healed as much as it ever will."

"And the girls will think it's sexy," James added, unknowingly echoing Sirius's words in the hospital wing.

Remus snorted and shook his head. It seemed that despite their rather shaky start, Sirius and James were now on very much the same page, at least when it came to their advice.

He grabbed his books and headed downstairs to the common room. His head was held high as the other students turned to look at him, many doing a double take as they caught sight of his face.

It was just one more scar, he told himself. He had far worse on his body and he knew that any girl he had a relationship with would have to accept far more than a thin scar stretching down the side of his face.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius looked at his handiwork on the wall of the Lupin basement. After nearly a year of hard work painting the walls the forest mural was finally complete. It had taken more hours than he cared to think about. The first wall, the only one entirely outside of the cage was worked on during full moons, the rest during Hogsmeade weekends and, on occasion, weekends when he and Remus had crept out to the house without permission. Today was just such an occasion.

"So, what do you think?" he asked from his position on the stairs as he waited for Remus to finish his inspection.

"You missed a spot," Remus teased, pointing at the ceiling.

"Git!"

"You could enchant it like the Great Hall," Remus suggested. "It can't be that hard to do."

"I suppose I could try," Sirius agreed. "But I don't want to risk mucking up your brother's safety barrier or the forest smells spell."

"I didn't think of that. Maybe you'd better leave it as it is."

"You really like the mural?"

"It's wonderful. Makes it seem like less of a prison. Moony likes it, too."

"He does? How can you tell?"

Remus frowned and rubbed his nose. "It's hard to explain. Moony… he's… well, he's in me all the time, and he gets so agitated around the full moon. Sometimes I can tell what he's feeling, just impressions really, but enough to know that he likes the mural. He…"

"What?" Sirius prompted.

"He likes you," Remus finished with a shrug. "You keep him calmer, I think."

"There's only one more full moon before the summer holidays," Sirius commented.

Remus sighed and sat down beside Sirius on the stairs. "I know. I'm going to miss you."

"Was last summer really bad?" Sirius asked, turning to face Remus directly.

Remus avoided his gaze and chewed on his lip. Sirius already knew the answer to the question. He had seen the new scars that Remus had acquired over the last summer holidays for himself. Romulus believed that it had been bad partly because of the wolf having tasted something of freedom, but also because Moony had become used to Sirius being around when he was trapped in the basement. Sirius knew that the bond between them had only strengthened over the course of the year.

It was a difficult situation, and one that Romulus had spoken of on several occasions in recent months. He was worried that the bond between Sirius and Moony was too strong. On the one hand, it was comforting that Sirius was able to calm the werewolf and stop him from harming himself. But, by the same token, it meant that Moony was as dependent on Sirius as Remus had been. The difference with Moony was that no matter what choice they made now, sooner or later Remus would pay the price for the strength of the bond between Sirius and the werewolf.

Romulus had no ideas on how to solve the problem, and with the summer holidays fast approaching, it was clear that things were about to come to a head.

"I could come visit for the full moons," Sirius suggested.

"Your mother would never allow it," Remus replied in a tired voice. They had already discussed this a dozen times or more.

"I can't just leave you to suffer again. I wouldn't have left you last year if I'd known." The accusation in his voice was barely concealed, but he reached out to squeeze Remus's hand and take the sting out of his words.

"We didn't know how bad it would be until it was too late."

"But this summer we _do_ know."

"Moony will just have to learn to get through the night without you here."

"You know he'll hurt you more if I'm not around. I'll find a way to get here."

"Maybe it would be best if you didn't. Rom's right. You can't always be around for me and I've learned to accept that. Moony will just have to learn it, too."

"You don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do," Remus replied with a sad smile. "Moony has to learn not to depend on you."

Sirius remained silent, he knew as well as Remus did that it was already way too late for that. "I'll be here," he whispered. "I promise."

-o-xXx-o-

The summer holidays arrived all too quickly. No sooner were the exams out of the way than the students seemed to be packing up their belongings for the journey home.

"You're not hiding your report card, are you?" Remus asked as he spotted Sirius stuffing it between his books in his trunk. "You got top marks in nearly everything."

"Like my Mother will care anything about that," Sirius replied as he pulled the report card back out and pointed at the front. "She'll take one look at the fancy Gryffindor lion on the front and chuck a hissy fit, just like every other year."

"Maybe you could ask Professor McGonagall to write it out again on plain parchment?"

"Or maybe I could just hide it in my trunk and hope she forgets to ask to see it." Sirius stuffed the card back in the trunk with a sigh. "What are you going to do with your card?"

"Leave it for Rom to look at when he pops in again," Remus replied with a shrug. "I passed everything, just, so hopefully I won't get too much grief about the comment about 'an abundance of detentions'."

Sirius laughed and continued to pack his belongings away, determinedly not looking too closely at Remus, and hoping the other boy really had forgotten what had nearly happened at the end of the previous school year. He had been trying to forget it himself, but it was easier said than done. Occasionally, when he thought he saw Remus looking at him in a curious sort of way, the memory popped back into his mind and sent his heart racing once more.

It was best forgotten, he told himself. It was a single moment of adolescent madness. He was older now, older and wiser, and not willing to risk losing his best friend for another one.

Sirius was getting quite good at lying to himself.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus didn't get the opportunity to travel back to London with the rest of them, and consoled himself with waving the other boys off from Hogsmeade Station.

He stood on the platform until the train had vanished from sight.

"They'll be back soon," Romulus told him.

"Six weeks of boredom."

"Only if you let yourself get bored," Romulus pointed out. "Why don't you go visit with Firenze and the centaurs? You've not been there for ages. He probably thinks you've forgotten all about him."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "I've not seen him since Easter," he replied, somewhat surprised to realise how long it had been. "I think I'll go visit the camp tomorrow. What about you? Going to take advantage of the empty castle to spend time with your new girlfriend?"

Romulus rolled his eyes. He was more than used to Remus's teasing about Myrtle's persistent pursuit of him. The pesky ghost had taken to appearing at the most inconvenient times, most recently singing – in a voice that was even more off key than Remus's – outside the window of the boys' dormitory.

"Why don't you give her a chance?" Remus teased. "She seems to have taken quite a liking to you."

"She's a kid and she's really not my type," Romulus muttered.

"So, who is your type?" Remus asked with a cheeky grin as they made their way home.

"Not Moaning Myrtle, that's for sure," Romulus replied with a grimace.

-o-xXx-o-

It was raining in London, but Sirius was ecstatic anyway. The sight of his Uncle Alphard waiting for him at the station was enough to make him grin widely and throw himself into his uncle's arms.

"It's nice to see you, too," Alphard chuckled. "Though you know your mother wouldn't approve of such a public display of affection."

Sirius didn't care. "You've got to meet my friends," he said as he waved over James and Peter.

"And where's Remus?" Alphard asked when he realised that someone was missing.

"He lives in Hogsmeade," Sirius reminded him. "He saw us off at the station and I promised to send him an owl as soon as I get home."

"Speaking of which, we'd better not linger," Alphard advised. "Your mother told me that dinner is at eight prompt."

Sirius nodded and let his uncle take the weight of his trunk. He waved his goodbyes to his friends and walked towards the barrier.

Alphard was looking at him curiously and Sirius felt his face flushing under the frank appraisal. "What?" he asked.

"You've grown up so much since last summer," Alphard replied. "Things more clear for you now, or are you still confused?"

"Um."

"I should warn you, your mother has set up even more dinner parties this summer and I think she's invited every pureblood female in the country, not to mention most of those on the continent. The first one's tonight."

"Great," muttered Sirius with a total lack of enthusiasm.

"Is there really no girl that you could invite home to appease her?"

"I tried," Sirius declared. "Really, I did. I tried not to look at him like that and…"

Alphard stopped walking and spun Sirius round to face him. "Now stop that. Stop worrying. If there _is_ a girl out there for you, you'll find her when you least expect it."

"And if there isn't? If I can't stop thinking of him like that, what then?"

"We'll worry about that if and when it happens," Alphard reassured him. "Now, come along. We don't want to be late."

Sirius nodded as he followed in his uncle's wake, he didn't dare voice his fear that it was no good saying 'if and when', because he was fairly sure that he would never stop wanting Remus in the one way he knew he shouldn't.

-o-xXx-o-

"What is that awful noise?" Walburga asked, casting an annoyed look towards the ceiling.

"Sounds like music," Alphard replied. "Probably coming from next door."

"Next door?" Walburga looked disgusted at the very idea. "The spells on this house are more than adequate to keep out noises from the muggle neighbours."

"It must be Regulus," Orion growled.

"Regulus?" Pricilla, who Sirius was mentally referring to as girl number one, asked.

"My younger brother," he replied with a forced smile.

"Sirius, hold your tongue," Walburga snapped, even as Pricilla's mother asked if she had heard correctly.

"He's a squib, so Mother makes him stay upstairs when we have company," Sirius explained.

If he had been hoping for a sympathetic reaction from their guests, Sirius was sadly mistaken.

"A squib in the family?" Pricilla asked, her nose wrinkling with distaste.

"It happens to the best of families," Walburga assured her, eager to smooth things over as quickly as possible.

"It hasn't happened in mine," Pricilla's mother announced with a sneer. "Come along dear, we're leaving."

"Now, don't let's be hasty," Orion intervened, but it was too late. Pricilla took hold of her mother's arm and they apparated right out of the dining room.

"How rude," Alphard muttered as he reached for his wine.

"May I be excused?" Sirius asked, now that what little appetite he had left, after eating so many sweets and cakes on the train, had disappeared completely.

Orion nodded and he bolted from the room before anyone could stop him. He took the stairs two at a time and burst into his brother's room, only then stopping to catch his breath.

"Don't you knock any more?" Regulus asked, his voice nearly a shout in order to be heard over the music.

"You better turn that music down a bit," Sirius warned. "They heard it downstairs and as soon as the guests heard you were a squib they took off. Mother's on the warpath."

"Who cares?" Regulus muttered, though he did turn the volume down a little.

"Where did you get this?" Sirius asked as he looked at the muggle record player and the album sleeves scattered across the bed.

"Muggle store across the city."

"When did you get a chance to visit there?"

"Father was late meeting me at the airport," Regulus replied. "I thought he'd forgotten me, so I made my own way home, and stopped at a few muggle shops on the way."

"You have muggle money?"

"Yeah." Regulus looked towards the door with a nervous glance. "Do you remember the gold galleon I got from Uncle Alphard on my birthday? Well, I took it to a muggle pawn shop."

"You didn't?"

Regulus nodded. "It's gold and the owner just thought it was some fancy medallion or something. He gave me muggle money in exchange for it."

"But we're not supposed to give wizarding money to muggles. If you want muggle money, you're supposed to exchange it at Gringott's or somewhere like that."

"The exchange rate at Gringott's isn't as good as the muggle pawn shop. Besides, he didn't know what it was."

"How do you know about exchange rates?"

"Learnt about them in school last year," Regulus replied with a grin. "Muggles have different money for different countries and all sorts of complications. But I found out about the pawn shops from a fifth year student at school who pointed out that you can get more money from pawning a wizard coin than exchanging it properly. Isn't it great?"

"Mother and Father will go nuts if they find out."

"You're not going to tell them, are you?"

Sirius knew that he should. What his brother had done was not approved of in the wizarding world and, at worst, risked the exposure of their world. But he didn't want to get his brother into trouble, not when he was already in enough of it already.

"You'd better hide this lot," he warned, waving his hand towards the albums.

"You won't tell on me, will you?" Regulus asked again.

"No," Sirius replied with a small shake of his head. "Just don't do it again."

"I'll use a different pawn shop next time," Regulus promised, and Sirius knew that that was the best he was going to get. He hoped his brother knew what he was doing.

-o-xXx-o-

The centaur camp had changed since the last time Remus had visited. As he looked at the fortifications that surrounded the buildings he realised that it had actually been nearly a year since he'd been there.

Remus walked around the edge of the tall wooden wall, wondering which way was the quickest to the gate that would lead inside.

Finally he reached the gate and knocked for entrance.

"Who goes there?" a voice called out from inside.

"Remus Lupin," Remus called back. "Is Firenze around?"

The sounds of hooves were his only reply and he wondered if he was going to be kept outside all day.

"Cub, is that you?"

Remus stood back as the gate swung outwards and Firenze trotted out to greet him. "Don't call me that," Remus muttered. "I'm not a kid any more."

"Sure you are," Firenze replied with an easy grin. "Compared to me, anyway."

Remus rolled his eyes and looked back at the gates that were now closing once again. "So, when did all this happen?" he asked, waving towards the wall.

"We finished it a few months ago," Firenze replied with a wary glance behind him. He drew Remus away from the camp before he continued. "Magorian suspects the Ministry will try to take our lands by force. He's taken these precautions to ensure that doesn't happen."

"The Ministry doesn't have enough land of its own?" Remus asked. "It's not like the centaurs have that much of it."

"It's not so much how much we have, more like what we have," Firenze pointed out. "The forest is rich with plants and herbs, many of which can't be found anywhere else in Britain. Then there are the unicorns to consider; this forest is one of only three locations in Britain where they're still found. Well, let's just say the Ministry know how valuable the land is and Magorian believes they'll use any means they can to get it from us."

"Do you believe that?"

"I've not been party to the discussions with the Ministry," Firenze replied, bitterness evident in his voice.

"You're still being shut out?"

"As much as they can."

"But you've been doing everything Magorian has asked you to."

"Not quite."

Remus waited for Firenze to elaborate, wondering what it was that Firenze had refused to do. He had thought the young centaur would do anything to regain his birthright, but it seemed he was wrong.

"Magorian and Ebony had a son a couple of months ago," Firenze explained. "Magorian has made it clear that their son is going to be raised to lead the herd, and he wants me to be his sponsor."

"Sponsor?"

"Keep an eye on him, help to raise him and train him…"

"But he's your nephew, wouldn't you do that anyway?"

"Yes, but as his sponsor it also means that I'm giving away any rights I have to the leadership. Only the heir of the Chief is sponsored."

"Were you?"

Firenze snorted and stamped his hoof in the dirt. "By Magorian," he replied. "My father's most trusted friend was chosen to sponsor me and instead…"

"He stole what was rightfully yours."

"And now he wants _me_ to sponsor his son, knowing that I'd never do to him and his son what he did to me and my father."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"What does Ebony think about all this?"

"She agrees with Magorian." Firenze snorted with barely concealed contempt. "As long as she gets her own way, she'll agree with anything."

Remus didn't know what to say to that and when he felt the first spots of rain beginning to fall he used them as a chance to change the subject.

"I'd invite you back into the camp, but Magorian won't permit any non-centaur to pass through the gates," Firenze explained apologetically. "Are you staying at the castle or in Hogsmeade?"

"A bit of both really. I'm allowed to go into Hogsmeade whenever I want during the holidays, but I've got to make sure I'm back at the school by sunset. Except on full moons, obviously."

"Sounds like they're taking good care of you."

Remus laughed. "They are. Between the teachers and the ghosts I don't get a minute of peace."

"Don't complain, you know you love it," Firenze teased. "What about your friends? Are they coming to visit you during the summer?"

"I don't think so."

"Not even Sirius?"

"His parents probably won't let him. You know who they are, right?"

"Who doesn't know the Black family? Even the centaurs have heard of that particular household, though we've not had dealings with them for several generations. Not since one of them decided they wanted to add a centaur trophy to their macabre collection."

"Trophy?"

Firenze ran his finger across his throat and make an ick sound to demonstrate his point.

"They didn't kill one of the herd, did they?" Remus whispered. His mind filling with a gruesome vision of a centaur head on display in Sirius's home.

Firenze laughed. "The foolish human forgot that centaurs are far better hunters than he was, though our arrows helped to remind him of that fact. It was a long time ago, a little over a hundred years, but it's a story that gets retold every few years."

"I wonder if Sirius knows about it."

"I doubt it. I don't imagine the noble house of Black would advertise their shortcomings and failures."

"Sirius isn't like the rest of them."

"No, he's not," Firenze agreed with a smile that was more of a smirk.

"What's that look for?" Remus asked. "He's not like the others, really."

"I never said he was. Anyway, you're what, fourteen now?"

"Fifteen," Remus corrected with an annoyed sniff.

Firenze grinned, making it clear he knew exactly how old Remus was all along. "You got a girlfriend?"

"No," Remus replied with a laugh.

"Has Sirius?" Firenze asked, and there was something in his tone that caused Remus to wonder at the question.

"Why did you ask like that?" he asked.

"Like what?"

"Like you already know the answer and find something amusing about it."

Firenze chuckled. "I just think it might be a long, _long_, time before you see your friend Sirius with a girl on his arm."

-o-xXx-o-

The latest of Walburga Black's dinner parties seemed to be lasting forever. It was already well into the evening and they weren't even halfway through the main course.

Sirius had chosen a seat opposite the windows of the dining room, much to the annoyance of his mother, and was watching the moon as it appeared and disappeared behind the clouds. He wondered how Moony was coping without him and silently plotted how he could sneak out to Hogsmeade.

He had a handful of floo powder in the pocket of his robes, purloined from the bowl in the study earlier that morning. He just needed to find a way to get out to a fireplace without being noticed. The fireplace in the study was out of the question, the room had been locked earlier that evening after a niffler had mysteriously found it's way in there. Sirius suspected that Regulus had probably helped it into the house as a way of making his presence known and to show their uncle that he was still taking an interest in magical creatures. Unfortunately it meant that Sirius couldn't slip into the room as he had initially planned to do.

Since the study was off limits, that left the kitchen fire as the only option, and Kreacher would be sure to tell tales on him if he spotted him escaping through there. He had persuaded Regulus, once again confined to his room until the guests were gone, to keep Kreacher occupied upstairs as best he could after the main course had been served. Unfortunately, the house elf was still very hostile towards Regulus, and Sirius knew that the longer the dinner dragged on, the more likely it was that Kreacher would have returned to the kitchens, his brother no doubt giving up on exchanging pleasantries with the horrible little sneak.

"Isn't the moon lovely tonight?" Cherie asked from beside him. "So romantic, don't you think?"

Sirius made a non-committal sound and tried to ignore the hand that had suddenly appeared on his knee. Across the table his Grandmother Irma was glaring at him. He wondered what it was she was trying to convey to him, but he was at a bit of a loss. Was she annoyed at the obvious activities going on under the table or at the fact he wasn't responding to them? If it was the former, he wished she would glare at Cherie instead of him, and if it was the latter…well, there was nothing he wanted to do less.

"Sirius, stop fidgeting," Walburga snapped. "At fifteen you should be more than capable of sitting through dinner without squirming around like a toddler."

Sirius shovelled a forkful of carrots into his mouth rather than reply, earning him a further reprimand. This one came from his Grandfather Pollux about his poor table manners.

Sirius sighed as his relatives took turns in criticising him, and he wished that his Uncle Alphard hadn't been running late. At least he stuck up for him once in a while, unlike his Great-Aunt Cassiopeia who actually seemed to be surreptitiously encouraging Cherie to be even bolder with her wandering hands.

The main course was finally over, and Sirius turned to his father to ask to be excused. Orion hadn't even opened his mouth when Walburga interrupted with a loud 'no'.

It was going to be a long evening.

Dessert was brought into the room by Kreacher, and Sirius knew his chance to slip into the kitchen whilst the house elf had been occupied upstairs had been lost. The guests were served first and the family second. Sirius wasn't surprised in the least to discover that he was served last of all.

Cherie's hand seemed to be permanently attached to his leg, and as such it was she who screamed out in surprise when Kreacher accidentally spilled Sirius's dessert into his lap. Sirius couldn't help but think there was some sort of justice in that.

After that things seemed to descend into something of a farce, and whilst Cherie was wailing about the mess, Sirius took the opportunity to slip out of the room unnoticed.

The kitchen was empty since Kreacher was no doubt punishing himself for inadvertently insulting a guest, and Sirius wasted no time in climbing into the fireplace.

He threw down the floo powder and stated clearly 'Lupin residence, Hogsmeade', but nothing happened.

He tried again but although the flames were green, he simply wasn't going anywhere.

A shadow passed the door and he caught sight of his Uncle Alphard hovering in the hallway. He didn't blame him, if he'd arrived to witness the chaos of the dining room, he'd not want to go in there either.

Sirius tried the address for a third time, in a quieter tone, before he suddenly remembered one important detail. Remus wasn't on the floo network. Romulus had never applied to be connected because it would have alerted the Ministry to their presence, and Remus was still underage and couldn't apply until he was seventeen. How could he have forgotten such a thing?

He shook his head at his own stupidity and instead tried The Three Broomsticks, which was the closest public floo to the Lupins. This time it worked and a moment later Sirius was stepping out of the fireplace in Rosmerta's pub in Hogsmeade.

He hurried through the crowded pub and out into the night air. He wasn't sure of the time, but he knew it was late. In the distance he could hear Moony howling in protest at his captivity and he sprinted down the path towards the Lupin's house and pushed his way through the front door.

Moony's howls were louder now and Sirius stumbled down the stairs to the pitch-black basement, scared for what he would find when he arrived.

Romulus was hovering at the foot of the stairs and Sirius could tell from the look on his face that it was bad.

"I came as fast as I could," he panted.

"I know you did," Romulus replied. "We knew it was going to be bad this month."

"How bad is it?" Sirius asked. He could only see the golden eyes of the werewolf, but there was a sharp smell of blood in the air, and cold feeling of dread settled down in his gut. He had his wand in his hand, but was reluctant to light up the room.

"Bad," Romulus said. "I've never seen him so violent, nothing I did calmed him down."

"He's quieter now," Sirius commented.

"You're here."

Sirius stood silently for a minute more, gathering the courage to light up the room and look at the werewolf properly.

"_Lumos_," Sirius whispered, though he kept his eyes shut to put things off just that little bit longer.

Finally he opened his eyes and looked into the cage. "Fucking hell," he swore, and it was a testament to how bad things were that Romulus didn't even scold him for his bad language.


	30. Now I Know

Now I Know

The grey stone floor was stained with a horrendous amount of blood.

Moony was pacing the cage and didn't even seem to have noticed the additional presence in the basement. He sat back on his haunches and let loose an ear-splitting howl.

"Moony," Sirius called out, hoping that his voice would calm down the werewolf.

It seemed that something had got through to the werewolf and the animal turned to look at him. Sirius thought he could sense accusation in the golden gaze and he knelt down on the floor to bring him on a level with him.

Moony made his way towards him and Sirius could tell that there was something wrong with his front right leg. The werewolf was limping badly and the smell of blood grew stronger as he approached the edge of the cage.

"I think he dislocated his shoulder when he threw himself at the barrier," Romulus explained.

"Will it go back into place when he transforms back?"

"I doubt it," Romulus replied with a grimace. "I think the best we can hope for is that the transformation doesn't do even more damage to it."

"He seems to be calmer now," Sirius said, just before Moony proved him wrong by charging at the barrier in an attempt to get at him.

The werewolf howled in pain as his shoulder made contact with the barrier.

"There's so much blood," Sirius whispered.

"He's been tearing himself up for hours. I think he's hit several blood vessels. I don't think he's hit an artery though."

"How can you tell?"

"He'd be dead already if he had."

"But you said he'd hit an artery before?"

"He has, twice, but both times were when the transformation back to human was close enough that I could treat him in time. He's losing blood, but not quick enough for it to be an artery."

"But won't he have lost too much blood by morning anyway?"

"I don't know."

"We have to do something! We can't just wait."

"Waiting is all we can do. The barrier won't let a spell through."

"Can't you bring the barrier down?"

"No."

"But it's your spell, surely you can…" Sirius frowned slightly as something occurred to him about continuous spells and the few ways they could be stopped. He opened his mouth to say something, but Romulus spoke first.

"I can't do anything."

Sirius could tell from his tone that his arguments would get nowhere, and all he could do was wait until the morning.

Moony remained calm after that, either through Sirius's presence or plain exhaustion, but Sirius couldn't help but focus on the pool of blood that was growing increasingly wide with every minute.

"Maybe someone should get Madam Pomfrey to come down here?" Sirius suggested and Romulus nodded before he reluctantly left the basement.

Madam Pomfrey arrived with Professor Sprout following close at her heels. Sirius was surprised that Professor McGonagall wasn't there, too, but then recalled that Remus had told him the head of Gryffindor house was away this summer giving lectures on the procedures that were required to become an animagus.

Madam Pomfrey set out her potions and conjured up several chairs in order for them to sit down and wait.

"Will he be okay?" Sirius asked, the guilt at his late arrival tonight making his voice waver slightly as he questioned the Healer.

Madam Pomfrey replied that she was sure he would be fine, but she didn't sound very convincing to the increasingly worried Sirius.

The minutes passed, each one seeming to last even longer than the previous one, until finally a pitiful whine from inside the cage warned the watchers that Moony was about to relinquish control back to Remus.

Sirius sprang to his feet and rushed to the edge of the cage. He watched Moony writhe in pain as the bones stretched and popped, the movements causing even more blood to spill onto the floor.

"I think most of the blood is coming from that scratch across his chest," Madam Pomfrey commented as she struggled to see it. Romulus drifted through the barrier so that he could see to the other side of his brother and he nodded in agreement of her assessment.

"How long until the barrier comes down?" Madam Pomfrey asked impatiently.

"Sunrise," Romulus replied.

"Not long now then," she replied. "Thank goodness it's summer."

Sirius chewed on his nail as he paced the floor, breathing a huge sigh of relief when the barrier finally flashed red and disappeared for the day.

Sirius was the first through the barrier, with Madam Pomfrey right behind him. He wanted to ask the Healer if there was anything he could do to help, but he could tell that this was no time for him to practice what he had learned during his lessons with her. Remus's life was in the balance and he knew any help he tried to give would only interfere.

The chest wound was sealed, eliciting a sharp hiss from Remus who had slowly regained consciousness.

"Well, what have you done to yourself?" Professor Sprout asked as she hovered nearby. "Surely you aren't missing your lessons so much you have to do this to yourself?"

Remus gave a small smile at her weak joke and turned to Sirius. "Your parents let you come?"

"Like they could stop me," Sirius replied with a snort.

Professor Sprout raised an eyebrow at the implied meaning behind the words, but declined to comment.

Madam Pomfrey meanwhile thrust a large vial of Blood-Replenishing Potion into Remus's hand and turned to examine his injured shoulder. "You've dislocated it good and proper," she stated.

Remus finished the potion with a grimace at the taste and passed the empty vial to Sirius. "It isn't hurting much," he said.

"It will when I put it back into place," she told him as she gently turned him around so that he was in a better position for what she had to do. "Brace yourself."

Remus grimaced and looked away from the limb. Sirius reached out to grab his other hand in his own and squeezed tightly. He couldn't look as Madam Pomfrey fixed Remus's shoulder. Remus didn't cry out, but he turned a pasty white as the bone popped back into place.

"I'm sorry, dear," said Madam Pomfrey as she began to strap it up. "But it's the only way to do it. With all the spells for fixing bones, growing bones and everything else… you'd think someone would have invented a painless way of putting them back into place. The only other way would be to remove the bone and re-grow it, and I promise that is just as painful."

"It's all right," Remus replied. "It can't be helped."

"I'll go make a start on some breakfast for you," Professor Sprout said. "Are you staying to eat, Sirius?"

Sirius nodded as he helped Remus to his feet. "If its not too much trouble?"

"Not at all."

Professor Sprout made her way back upstairs as Madam Pomfrey continued to fuss over Remus.

"Um, Ma'am?" Remus mumbled several minutes later.

"Hmm?"

"I'd really like to put some clothes on, if you don't mind."

Sirius tried to hide his grin at Remus's obvious discomfort. He had seen Remus naked after so many full moons he had forgotten that initially he had been rather shy about such things.

Madam Pomfrey wasn't phased in the slightest and stepped aside so that Remus could go and get his clothes. Sirius supposed that as a Healer she had seen plenty of students in a similar state of undress and this was nothing new.

"I'll be upstairs in the kitchen," she said, leaving the two boys and the ever-watchful ghost in the basement.

"Can you manage?" Sirius asked as Remus struggled into his pyjamas.

"Yeah," Remus replied. He groaned slightly as he continued to struggle and Sirius stepped forward to offer his support.

With Sirius's help Remus was finally dressed and they headed upstairs to where Professor Sprout was cooking a full English breakfast for them.

"There you are," Professor Sprout said as they sat down at the table. She placed two heaped plates in front of them, and they began to tuck in.

The two boys sang their praises of the food until Professor Sprout explained that she had to get back to the castle. After checking that they were going to be all right, and giving Remus numerous instructions about taking care of his shoulder, Madam Pomfrey decided to go with her, leaving the two of them to finish their meal.

"You really scared me last night," Sirius said quietly. "I thought I might have lost you."

"Can't say it's been the best full moon, but there've been worse," Remus replied.

"Not many," Romulus interrupted.

"I'll make sure I'm here for the next full moon before you change," Sirius promised. "Even if I have to sneak out in the morning or the day before."

"You don't have to do that. Moony will have to learn to get by without you."

"Not if it means losing you in the process."

Sirius waved his fork in Remus's face and told him in no uncertain terms that he was going to be there for every full moon and he'd brook no arguments to the contrary.

"I'm too tired to argue," Remus said with a wide yawn. "It's been a long night."

"You should get some sleep," Sirius agreed.

"You, too," Remus pointed out. "You've been up all night as well."

Sirius laughed. "I can just imagine my parents' faces if I said I wanted to go back to bed after I got home. I'll be doing chores for a week as it is."

"You want to get some sleep here before you head back?" Remus asked.

"That'd be great. I can get some kip on the couch, you won't even know I'm here."

"You won't get any sleep on that thing, it's all lumpy," Remus argued. "Come on, my bed has plenty of room."

"Er…" Sirius looked cautiously at Romulus.

"I know it's not normal," Remus muttered. "But I don't think anyone would mind, just this once. The spare bedroom is a mess and Romulus's room is…well…"

"It's okay," Sirius said. He knew that Remus still hadn't plucked up the courage to sort out his brother's room, especially with his brother still lurking around to oversee the whole procedure. "I don't mind bunking with you. I never did."

Remus shrugged, cringing slightly at the pain the movement caused, and led the way to his bedroom.

"Do you mind taking the side next to the wall?" Remus asked. "I don't like feeling trapped."

Sirius nodded in understanding as he toed off his shoes and placed his wand on the bedside table. He pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed with a yawn of his own. A moment later Remus crawled in beside him and he pulled the blanket up over the two of them.

Sirius smiled as Remus snuggled closer, clearly trying to find a comfortable position that didn't involve him lying on his tender shoulder.

"What?" Remus asked sleepily.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing much, just thinking how long it's been since we did this."

"Nearly a year."

"Yeah."

"I missed this," Remus whispered sleepily as he closed his eyes.

"Me, too," Sirius admitted before he, too, succumbed to sleep.

The sun made its way through the sky unnoticed by the two boys who were dead to the world. Some time during the course of the morning their positions changed so that Remus was resting his head on Sirius's chest, and Sirius's arms were wrapped around Remus's waist, and that was how Alphard Black found them when he arrived to fetch Sirius back home.

"Uncle Alphard?" Sirius mumbled sleepily, his eyes still half closed. "How did you get here?"

"Same as you did. I overheard you sneaking out and took the floo to Rosmerta's after you didn't come home. Didn't take long to track you down, Hogsmeade isn't that big and everyone knows everyone else's business round here, always have done."

"Was too tired to come straight home," Sirius explained sheepishly.

"Your mother's livid and you've been grounded until the end of the holidays."

"No!" Sirius shot up at that, waking Remus in the process. "I can't be grounded all the rest of the holidays. I have to be here next full moon, I have to!"

Remus, dislodged by Sirius's movement, woke up disgruntled and glared at Sirius. "You could have woken me up better than that," he muttered.

"Sorry," Sirius said. "I didn't hurt your shoulder any more did I?"

"No, it's the other one that got banged that time."

Alphard watched the exchange with a degree of amusement. "Come along, Sirius," he ordered. "I promised I'd have you home in time for afternoon tea with Cherie and her mother."

"What?" Sirius spluttered. "I thought she'd have done a runner after Kreacher spilled food all over her."

"No such luck," Alphard replied. "Her mother and yours have spent most of the morning discussing various forms of discipline for wayward boys and clumsy house elves."

"Ten minutes in the company of Cherie of the Wandering Hands is punishment enough," Sirius muttered.

"Who's that?" Remus asked as he sat up so that Sirius could crawl around him and out of the bed.

"Cherie De something or other," Sirius replied. "Annoying little cow who can't keep her hands to herself at the dinner table."

Remus snickered, earning himself a glare from Sirius. "So, where was she putting her hands?" he asked.

"Everywhere she could manage," Sirius replied.

Remus laughed again and Sirius restrained himself from giving Remus a friendly punch, he didn't want to hurt his friend's shoulder and was still feeling guilty about sitting up so suddenly.

"Come on," Alphard urged. "Your mother was threatening to come get you herself, and I don't think you'd want that, would you?"

Sirius shook his head rapidly and hurriedly pulled on his shoes. The thought of his mother walking into the room right now was enough to spur him into action.

"Sorry, Sirius," Remus offered quietly. "I didn't mean to get you into trouble."

"Don't be daft," Sirius replied. "I promised to be here for the full moons and if I hadn't been so late Moony wouldn't have been so violent. I should be the one apologising."

"You can both apologise as much as you like," Alphard interrupted. "Just so long as you don't leave me in the position of having to apologise to your mother."

"I'll see you next full moon," Sirius said as he gingerly pulled Remus into a one-armed hug.

Remus nodded and after seeing the Blacks out of the house he grabbed some lunch and settled down on the sofa with a stack of Quidditch magazines.

-o-xXx-o-

Grimmauld Place was in an uproar when Sirius and Alphard arrived back, and it didn't take a genius to realise who was at the centre of the chaos.

Regulus stood at the bottom of the stairs with a guilty expression on his face whilst Walburga Black yelled and shouted her disapproval.

Sirius wondered what his brother had done, surely he hadn't brought any more magical creatures into the house?

"How dare you show your face down here amongst respectable witches!" Walburga yelled.

Sirius looked to the entrance to the sitting room, where Cherie was sneering in the doorway.

Regulus looked like he was trying to say something, but unfortunately Walburga wasn't giving him a chance to get so much as a word in. "A disgrace to the family, that's what you are!" she continued.

"Now, what's going on here?" Alphard asked as he breezed his way across the hallway. "I'm sure that whatever young Regulus has done, it's probably just a case of a young boy letting off a bit of steam."

"I haven't done anything," Regulus interrupted. "I just wanted something to eat."

"You know that Kreacher would have brought you food as soon as he'd finished serving luncheon," Walburga snapped. "You were told to stay in your room until the guests had left, one simple thing like that and you couldn't even manage it. Useless squib!"

"Now, really," said Alphard calmly. "You can't punish the boy for wanting to get a snack."

"Just get out of my sight!" Walburga yelled. "And don't think that Kreacher will be bringing you _anything_ today. You can wait until tomorrow and use the time to reflect on your behaviour."

Sirius cringed as his mother continued to rage against her youngest son. He caught his brother's eye and mouthed 'I'll sneak food up to you later'. Regulus shot him a brief glance of gratitude, which unfortunately Walburga caught.

"And you!" She turned on Sirius with a look of fury. "Where have you been? Sneaking out and showing me up when you aren't here to help me entertain our guests."

"I'll just be going up to my room then, shall I?" Sirius asked meekly, hoping his mother didn't pick up on how much he would rather do that than help her entertain her guests.

"Certainly not," Walburga snapped. "Go change into your best robes and be back down here in ten minutes." She looked at him a little more closely and fingered the edge of his robes curiously. "What is this? It looks like blood."

"Blood?" Cherie squeaked, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"Just go and change," Walburga ordered. "Cherie dear, I'm so sorry you had to witness this." She glided over to the young girl and guided her back into the sitting room, casting one last glare at her sons before she closed the door behind them.

"Why are you covered in blood?" Regulus asked. "It's not yours, is it?"

"No, it's not mine," Sirius replied. "Let me get you something from the kitchen before I get changed and go back to face the lions."

"They aren't the lions," Regulus muttered. "Pure snakes, and venomous ones, too."

Sirius smiled to himself. It seemed that even without having to suffer through their company, Regulus had their guests pegged with remarkable accuracy.

When Sirius returned downstairs and entered the sitting room it was with great annoyance that he saw not only Cherie and her mother, but also his cousins Narcissa and Bellatrix.

Narcissa looked at him coldly and picked up a cream cake from the tray on the coffee table. Sirius wondered if he should make a comment about her putting on weight, but in light of how his mother's temper was still simmering he restrained himself. Instead he turned to Bellatrix and asked why she wasn't partaking of the cake herself. Bellatrix looked as if she would like to throw it at him and Sirius knew that she was thinking about the wedding cake of the previous summer. He had a feeling his mother might suspect that his comment wasn't made out of politeness, but it was subtle enough that she couldn't reprimand him for it. Even so, it was going to be a long afternoon.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus paced back and forth in the kitchen as the minutes towards the next full moon ebbed away.

"You should be getting down to the basement," Romulus advised.

"Just a few more minutes," Remus replied distractedly.

"You leave it much longer and you won't get down there in time, and what if Sirius shows up whilst you're tearing up the house?"

"He said he'd be here."

"You know what his family's like. As much as he'd like to be here, you know he might not be able to get away."

"He'll be here," Remus snapped.

Romulus sighed impatiently. "At least wait in the basement," he asked.

"Fine," Remus muttered and he made his way down the stairs, resuming his pacing in the basement cage.

A few minutes later he heard the sound of running footsteps from the floor above him and Sirius half ran, half fell, down the flight of stairs. "Made it!" he panted, grinning widely at Remus.

"How did you get away?" Remus asked as he threw himself at Sirius and hugged him with evident relief.

"Uncle Alphard," Sirius replied. "He borrowed me for a week to help him move into his new place. I'd have been here earlier, but my bloody mother was hanging around, making sure I was working. I thought she'd never leave."

"I didn't know your uncle was moving house?"

"Me, neither." Sirius smiled again. "Apparently he thinks he's getting too old for all the travelling and wants to settle down in one place. He's bought a place in Cornwall, right on the coast. It's so great; you've got to come and visit."

"I don't think your family would like that," Remus pointed out. "But thanks for thinking of me."

Sirius snorted. "I'm always thinking of you, Remus," he said with another smile. "And Uncle Alphard won't mind you visiting, he's upstairs right now clearing it with Romulus."

"He's here?" Remus looked nervously towards the stairs.

"He won't come down here, not if you don't want him to."

"It's okay. I don't mind."

"How's your shoulder?" Sirius asked as Remus shrugged out of his shirt.

"Still a bit sore," Remus replied. "I doubt the transformation's going to help it heal any either."

"We'll take care of you," Sirius promised as he took the shirt and placed it on top of the cupboard. "You can relax down on the beach with me for the rest of the holidays. You can even travel back to school on the Hogwart's Express again."

"I don't have a ticket," Remus pointed out.

Sirius dismissed this detail with a wave of his hand.

"Professor Dumbledore might not like it."

"Uncle Alphard will talk him into it. Other kids visit their friends in the holidays, why not you?"

"What about Greyback? He's my guardian and he might have to give his permission as well? And James wanted me to set up some pranks at school in the holidays."

"If you don't want to come visit me, just say so," Sirius snapped. "I just thought you might like to spend some time with me, you know, just the two of us?"

Remus was about to reply that of course he wanted to spend time with Sirius, but in that moment the cage activated and the transformation began.

The second full moon of the holidays was far less violent than the first, much to the relief of everyone who kept up the vigil through the night. That isn't to say that the night didn't drag just as dreadfully as every other full moon night, but at least this time Moony didn't punish Remus for the absence of Sirius.

Finally the sun rose and Remus changed back into himself again. Sirius rushed to his side as soon as the barrier was down and helped his friend to sit up.

"How you feeling?" Sirius asked as he tenderly examined Remus's shoulder.

"Like every bone in my body has been compacted and stretched and pulled out of their sockets," Remus muttered.

"You can't be doing too badly, not if you can joke about it."

"I'll live," Remus said as he let Sirius help him to his feet. "Where's your uncle?"

"Snoring away on your sofa," Sirius replied with a chuckle.

"Um." Remus faltered and felt his face flushing slightly. "You know what you said before, about visiting you at your uncle's house?"

"It's okay, just forget about it."

"I'd like to," Remus blurted out.

"You would?"

"Of course I would."

"Good." Sirius grinned. "Because Uncle Alphard talked Romulus into going to speak with Dumbledore, and he says you can visit until the end of the holidays."

"Really?"

"If you want to; we can leave right after breakfast."

"Thanks," Remus said as he hurried to dress and decide what to take with him.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius stretched out on the secluded beach and watched Remus flying above him.

"You think I'll make it?" Remus called down to him.

"Depends which position you plan on trying out for," Sirius yelled back, though he suspected it wouldn't make much difference. Remus was determined to try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team this year, and Sirius knew that once he had set his mind to something, there was nothing that could stop him.

Remus swooped down and reached out to ruffle Sirius's hair as he passed.

"Hey!" Sirius growled as he straightened the long black locks back to their normal style.

"Hey, boys!" Alphard called from the house. "You finished packing for tomorrow?"

"Nearly!" Sirius yelled back.

"Nearly isn't good enough," Alphard replied. "Come on in and finish, you can lark about on your brooms later."

Sirius stood up and brushed the sand off his robes while Remus came in to land.

Sirius hadn't lied about the packing; it was nearly done, although there was still quite a jumble of items lying around the room he and Remus were sharing.

"You got all your school books?" Remus asked as he searched through various scraps of parchment for the book list.

"I think so. Uncle Alphard got them for me a couple of weeks ago, and he at least read the list properly, unlike my mother."

"We'd better check it anyway," Remus advised as he rifled through various letters from James and Peter before finally finding the book list attached to another letter.

"I'll check it," Sirius said as he quickly grabbed the parchment from Remus.

"What's the matter?" Remus asked. "It's only a book list."

"I just want to make sure it's…"

But it was too late; Remus had grabbed the parchment back and seen the covering letter that Sirius had been trying to hide.

"You're a prefect?" Remus asked, his jaw dropping. "After all the detentions and stuff, McGonagall chose you to be a prefect?"

Sirius sat down on his bed with a groan. "Don't laugh. She probably didn't have much choice. James and Peter have been chalking up detentions since first year and…"

"And too many students are scared of the school's resident werewolf," Remus concluded. "My best friend, a prefect. Do James and Peter know?"

"Merlin, no!" Sirius shook his head. "I haven't told anyone. I don't want everyone thinking I'm some sort of swot or teacher's pet."

"I don't think anyone would think that as long as I'm at the school," Remus pointed out. "Between Madam Pomfrey and Sprout and McGonagall, it's like having three mothers hovering over me. If anyone's a teacher's pet, I'm pretty sure it's me."

"In that case, why not you?" Sirius asked. "Dumbledore wants you to be seen like any other student, so why not make you a prefect and show how well you're doing?"

"There could be loads of reasons. I'm still catching up on all the subjects and this year is going to be O.W.L. year, I don't think I'd have time to be a prefect anyway."

"You'd be a better one than me."

"Rubbish, you'll be a great prefect."

"Maybe."

"Definitely," Remus amended. "Sirius Black, Gryffindor Prefect."

"I don't know which shocked me the most, being sorted into Gryffindor or being made a prefect."

"Where's your badge?"

"In my trunk."

"Let's see it."

Sirius stood up and went to dig the badge out of his belongings. "Here it is."

Remus reached out to take the badge from Sirius's outstretched hand and Sirius drew a ragged breath as their fingers brushed.

"You were right," Sirius said as Remus polished the badge on the sleeve of his shirt.

"About what?" Remus replied distractedly.

"You've overtaken me," Sirius replied. He held up his hand to demonstrate what he was talking about. Remus wasn't much taller than he was, but he was taller.

"Told you so," Remus said with a smug smile.

Sirius thought back to the morning they had been talking about this and realised that they were standing as close now as they had been then. In the last year Sirius had avoided thinking about just how close he had come to kissing Remus. He had spent a year lying to himself and trying to deny his own blossoming feelings. He'd tried to look at any number of the Hogwart's girls as potential girlfriends, but none had captured his interest. He didn't want to spend his time with them; he only wanted to be with Remus.

He was a Black and they didn't shy away from anything unpleasant. Okay, they did cause most of the unpleasantness, but the point was still there.

He was a Gryffindor and he had the courage within him to be different, he just had to find it.

There was no point in lying to himself, he was only making himself miserable. He just didn't like girls, at least not in the way that other boys seemed to.

He liked Remus.

He liked the enthusiasm and joy he had seen so much of since Remus had been invited to go to Hogwarts. He liked his quiet sense of humour and the way he teased him without malice. He liked his reckless daring and brave determination.

More than that, he liked the feel of Remus's hand when it was held within his own. He liked the feeling of warmth that came from sharing a bed with the other boy, and he knew he wanted that every night. It had taken him months to get used to sleeping without Remus curled up beside him, and now, since that one morning earlier in the summer, he was craving his presence once more. He didn't want to have to get used to sleeping on his own, he wanted Remus with him, no matter what Romulus or anyone else said about it.

He wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss Remus, but he knew he didn't have the courage to discover that just yet.

"You okay?" Remus asked, dragging him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah." Sirius nodded. "Just thinking."

"Knut for them?"

"They're not worth that much," Sirius replied with a laugh and he turned back to his packing.

That night he lay awake, listening to the sound of Remus breathing across the room. "You still awake?" he whispered.

"Yeah," Remus replied. "Why can't you sleep?"

"Don't know. I think I'm just a bit cold."

Remus laughed. "Today was the hottest day of the year," he pointed out.

"I'm still cold," Sirius muttered.

He listened as he heard the bedsprings creaking and Remus padded across the room. "Budge over," Remus ordered as he poked Sirius in the ribs.

Sirius smiled and shifted across the mattress so that Remus could climb in beside him.

"Better?" Remus asked as he curled up beside him and pulled the blankets over the two of them.

"Much," Sirius replied, trying not to feel guilty at how he had manipulated Remus into joining him in his bed. He told himself that it wasn't like they hadn't done this before. They had shared a bed every night for the better part of a year after all. The only difference was that this time Sirius knew that on his part it wasn't entirely innocent. He wondered whether Remus would have been quite so quick to climb under the covers with him had he known just how much Sirius liked the idea of the other boy's body pressing up against his own.

He felt Remus's breathing change as he drifted off to sleep, but Sirius was awake for a long time after the rest of the household had fallen asleep. As he shifted to find a more comfortable position, hoping he didn't wake Remus, he wondered if maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all. It wasn't that he didn't like Remus curling up with him; the problem was his body liked it far too much.


	31. Trying to Catch Your Heart

Trying to Catch Your Heart

Sirius woke up the next morning with a new determination for how he was going to set about winning the heart of Remus Lupin.

He had briefly contemplated telling his friend that he liked boys, but discarded that option when he realised that Remus might not take it that well, considering their sleeping arrangements the previous night.

Instead, Sirius had decided to go out of his way to act towards Remus as he thought a boyfriend should and see how his friend reacted. That wasn't to say that he was going to grab him and kiss him senseless, tempting as the thought might be. No, Sirius was going to be the most caring and considerate boyfriend imaginable. Then, when the time was right, he would come out to Remus and, hopefully, Remus would agree to make things official, because he had already seen what a great couple they made.

Sirius stroked his hand through Remus's hair as the other boy continued to sleep. They would have to get up soon, the Hogwart's Express wouldn't wait for them, but for the moment Sirius was content to simply lay there and savour the feeling of Remus lying sprawled across him.

The peace was soon broken with the advent of Alphard as he came into the room to check if they were out of bed yet.

"Come on," he chivvied. "The train leaves in two hours and you aren't even dressed yet."

Remus shot up and practically ran from the room in his eagerness to be ready on time.

"It's too early," Sirius groaned as he stumbled from the bed and tried to remember where he had put his clothes the night before.

"Sirius?" Alphard asked quietly, closing the door to, even though they could hear the sound of running water from the bathroom down the hall. "Are you sure?"

Alphard didn't need to be any more specific, Sirius knew exactly what he was asking and he nodded once.

"Just remember what I told you about letting your parents know."

"I'll tell them when I'm of age," Sirius promised.

"If they find out earlier, know that you can always come here until things calm down."

"Thanks," Sirius replied and he hugged his uncle tightly.

"Remus seems like a nice young man," Alphard commented. "And clearly he has good taste if he's fallen for you."

"He is nice," Sirius agreed. "But he hasn't fallen for me."

"He hasn't?" Alphard looked towards the unmade bed and his brow furrowed with confusion.

"Not yet anyway," Sirius said with a wink.

-o-xXx-o-

Platform nine and three quarters was as crowded as ever. Sirius had crammed both his and Remus's trunk onto one trolley and had carefully positioned himself so that he was standing on Remus's injured side, thus ensuring that no careless students or parents were going to knock into his shoulder as they jostled towards the train.

"Sirius!" James called from across the platform. "Over here!"

Sirius waved back, and after saying a brief goodbye to his uncle, he and Remus slowly made their way through the crowd.

"Guess what?" James asked as soon as they reached him. "Evans is a Gryffindor prefect. So, which of you two got the badge?"

"How do you know it isn't Peter?" Remus asked.

"Because I already asked him." James turned to Remus with a grin. "It's you, isn't it? Teacher's pet all last year, it couldn't be anyone else."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "Wrong," he said with a grin as he reached over and pulled aside Sirius's cloak to reveal the shiny badge.

"Great," James said with another wide grin. "Now, you know what you have to do, don't you? You'll be working closely with Evans from now on, so be sure to put in plenty of good words for me."

"Don't you think maybe it might be time to look elsewhere?" Remus asked hesitantly. "I mean, this crush of yours has been going on a while now and you still spend half your time fighting with her and the rest being rejected."

"It's a love hate relationship," James explained.

"Yeah," Peter chimed in as he approached the group. "He loves her, and she hates him."

"Hey! You're supposed to be my best mate."

"I am," Peter replied easily. "That's why I keep telling you to stop chasing her; gather up the last scraps of dignity you possess and move on."

"Hi, Peter," Sirius greeted him. "You have a good summer? Sorry I didn't write more."

"That's okay, I had more than enough correspondence from James, pages and pages on the glorious Lily Evans to keep me from getting bored. Summer was pretty good. I was in Egypt for most of it. Bloody hot, but I made some good contacts in case I decide to work out there after school."

"We should get on the train," Remus interrupted, nodding towards where the rest of the students were beginning to clamber on board the Express.

Sirius steered them towards the train and guided Remus into the first empty compartment they came across. "Where do you want to sit?" he asked. "You won't get knocked if you sit near the window, but you don't want to be leaning on that shoulder too much."

"I'm fine here," Remus replied as he sat down in the window seat that put his sore shoulder away from the rest of the compartment.

"You're sure?" Sirius asked. "I've got to go to the prefects' carriage, but I'll be back soon. I'll take this seat." he dumped his things onto the seat beside Remus. "If you get tired you make sure not to lean on the window, you can rest against me, I won't mind."

With those last words of advice Sirius ducked out of the compartment and made his way towards the other end of the train where the rest of the prefects were gathering.

"What's with him?" James asked after Sirius had gone. "I know he's always looked out for you, but not to this extreme."

"I hurt my shoulder on one of the full moons," Remus explained.

"Badly, I take it?"

"Dislocated it." Remus reached up to rub at the offending joint and grimaced slightly. "It's not too bad now, but the second full moon didn't help it much. Sirius is making sure I'm okay, because he knows I want to try out for the Quidditch team, and if I hurt it again, it'll screw up my chances completely."

James's eyes lit up at the word Quidditch and he pulled a thick book from his bag. "It'll be so great with you on the team," he said enthusiastically. "What position are you hoping for? We need a new Keeper this year and a new Beater, too, I think. You'd be great for Keeper; you're so fast you could guard all the hoops at once."

Remus smiled at James's enthusiasm and felt a small measure of relief that he hadn't said anything about not wanting him on the team, stealing any of the glory that he seemed to bask in after every winning match of the year. He hoped everyone else on the team would be prepared to give him a chance.

When Sirius returned to the carriage he took his seat beside Remus with an uncharacteristically shy smile. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Fine," Remus replied, somewhat testily. He was getting a little tired of the smirks from the other boys as they watched Sirius clucking over him.

Sirius seemed to realise that he was crowding Remus and focused his attention on the food trolley that had just arrived at their compartment.

"What's everyone having?" he asked as he reached into his pocket for his money.

Remus put in his order, along with the rest of the boys, and felt his irritation evaporate as quickly as it had arrived. Sirius was only looking out for him, probably because he was still feeling guilty about arriving late for the first full moon. That was all it was… wasn't it?

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius kept up his attentions towards Remus as they settled in for their fifth year at school. He carried Remus's books for him, helped him with his homework, ensured he had the best helpings of his favourite foods whenever he was late for breakfast due to some early morning activity, and did countless other little things to make his life easier. Sirius was as attentive towards Remus as if they were really dating, although he made sure he didn't crowd him too much, like he had apparently done on the train.

Remus hadn't joined him in his bed since they had arrived back at school, and Sirius was reluctant to ask him to do so, not when he was so unsure as to whether Remus liked him in the same way. He wasn't sure what Remus would think about sharing his bed if he knew that his best friend was gay.

Despite his sleepless nights, Sirius made sure that he was wide-awake for Remus's early morning Quidditch practices with James and Charlene as he trained for the upcoming tryouts.

He cheered as Remus saved one quaffle after another that James sent his way. He just hoped that the still lingering prejudices within the school didn't keep Remus from taking what he was sure was his rightful place on the team.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus turned his head and buried it in Sirius's chest. "I can't look," he mumbled into his shirt.

Sirius laughed and tried to steer his way through the crowd that had gathered around the notice that announced the new members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He was sure that his own heart was probably pounding as rapidly as Remus's, but in his case it wasn't entirely through nerves and anticipation over who had made the team.

"Step aside," Sirius ordered with a friendly smile to take the edge off his words. "Prefect coming through."

"With a nervous werewolf in tow," James added with a laugh of his own.

Sirius pushed his way to the front of the crowd, not an easy task with Remus clinging to him like a limpet. "You didn't make Beater," he commented with a consoling pat on Remus's back.

"I didn't try out for Beater," Remus pointed out. "I tried for Keeper, remember?"

Sirius laughed again. "Of course I remember. You don't really think I'd forget that, do you?"

"Then stop teasing and just tell me," Remus scolded. "Please, I can't bear the suspense."

"Hmm, let me see, Keeper, Keeper…"

"Bloody hell, stop tormenting him," Charlene interrupted. "Of course you made it Remus, you were the best by far."

"Really?" Remus asked, finally looking up from Sirius's robes.

Charlene looked at him in surprise. "You really thought you wouldn't make the team?" she asked incredulously.

Remus shrugged. "I knew I played well, but I'm… well… I thought maybe the rest of the players wouldn't want someone like me on the team."

"Someone like you, who can stop the other team from winning?"

"Someone like a werewolf," Remus corrected.

"The team wants to win," Charlene pointed out simply. "They may even think that having the scary werewolf on the team might work to their advantage."

"They don't, do they?" Remus asked uneasily.

Charlene laughed and shook her head. "I'm just teasing. Really we put you on the team so that we can be sure you can wake up lazybones over there for the early morning practices." She nodded towards James who looked affronted at her comment, but could hardly argue with her when her words were so accurate.

Remus laughed and basked in the attention he was receiving from making the house team. Sirius kept his arm hanging loosely around his friend's shoulders and smiled widely to see his friend so happy. "Knew you could do it," he said as he gave Remus a quick squeeze of congratulations.

Remus smiled back up at him before turning to Charlene. "The full moons won't be a problem, will they?"

"I've already spoken with Professor McGonagall and she's confirmed she'll make sure any matches that are close to the moon are put back far enough for you to recover."

Remus breathed a sigh of relief although his grin seemed to be permanently fixed to his face. He turned to Sirius with a smile. "I can't wait to tell Rom. Have you seen him?"

Sirius shook his head. "He'll turn up soon. He never stays away for too long and he'll be as proud of you as I am."

"He'd better turn up to my first match," Remus stated.

"He will," Sirius assured him. "Neither of us would miss it for the world."

-o-xXx-o-

"You don't have to get up to come and watch the practice," Remus said as Sirius sleepily dressed.

"Wouldn't miss it for anything," he said.

James was still fast asleep and Sirius took out his wand and muttered the incantation to send a stream of icy water at him to wake him up.

"You absolute tosser!" James yelled as he sat up, reaching blindly for his glasses.

"Practice time," Remus reminded him.

"You could have just woken me up gently. You know, persuaded Lily to come in here and kiss me awake or something."

"If Lily was waking you up, I'm sure it would be a far ruder awakening than a bit of cold water," Sirius pointed out. "She spent most of the prefect meeting last night complaining about you."

"What about this time?"

"Something about stalking her between classes and damaging her robes when she tried to get away."

"I didn't mean to tread on them," James muttered. "I was only offering to carry her books for her."

"Maybe she didn't want her books carrying?"

"Neither does Remus, but you keep carrying them for him even though his shoulder's all better now."

Sirius flushed and turned to Remus. "You don't mind me carrying your books, do you?"

Remus rolled his eyes and chuckled. "I can carry them myself perfectly well, but it seems to make you happy to lug them around for me, so who am I to argue?"

"So, you don't mind?"

"No, Sirius," Remus replied patiently. "I don't mind. Just don't come complaining to me if you one day find yourself with back problems because of the extra weight you're carting around every day."

"Why are you up anyway?" James asked as they headed outside to the Quidditch pitch.

"Showing support for the house team," Sirius replied easily.

"Didn't see you showing support when it was just me on the team."

"Didn't see you getting to practice on time either," Sirius countered. "Besides, we've got a great team now that Remus is on it."

Remus blushed as James continued to tease Sirius over his sudden interest in the game. "Anyone would think you fancied someone on the team," he slyly suggested. "Our new Beater has a boyfriend, just so you know."

"Who says I'm interested in her?"

"The only people who get up at the crack of dawn to come watch the practices are the other teams checking out the competition and those who have crushes or are dating someone on the team. Since you're not on the team for one of the other houses, I'll draw my own conclusions and guess you have a crush on someone on the team."

"No, he hasn't," Remus interrupted.

"You don't know that."

"If Sirius had a crush on someone, he'd have told me."

"Not necessarily."

"Of course he would have."

Sirius knew that if he let them continue arguing about this sooner or later one or both of them would figure out the identity of his crush. Unfortunately, whilst he wanted to know what Remus thought of the idea of the two of them together, he certainly didn't want an audience for that particular conversation. Timing it so that it wouldn't look too suspicious, he deftly changed the conversation to the one topic he knew the other two boys would leap into without hesitation. "So, which team do you think is the most competition for the Cup this year?"

James was sure that it was Slytherin and immediately launched into a long, and in Sirius's mind, rather boring lecture on their flying style and tactics. He was still detailing several of the worst fouls the Slytherins had committed in the previous year when they arrived at the pitch.

"You ready for your first practice?" James asked Remus as he climbed onto his broom. "Don't be too hard on yourself if I get a few past you. I'm the best Chaser in the school."

"Arrogant git," Remus replied as he too took to the air. "Don't be too upset if you don't score a thing, Potter!"

Sirius laughed and settled down on one of the benches to watch the practice. He wasn't surprised to find that Rita Skeeter had appeared beside him, her quill poised over the ever-present parchment as usual.

"He's doing quite well, isn't he?" Rita commented. "Gryffindor might even give us Slytherins a run for our money this year."

Sirius laughed. "We might even beat you."

Rita just smiled.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Just seems odd to hear you refer to the Gryffindors like that. Back in first year you didn't really seem to like being a Gryffindor. You were a bit full of yourself really."

"I wasn't," Sirius replied, slightly stunned. "Was I?"

"You hardly talked to anyone back then, you were always disappearing to goodness knows where; it just seemed like you were kind of a snob."

"I never realised people thought that." Sirius looked down at his shoes and frowned. Was that really how people had seen him back when he had first come to Hogwarts?

"Dressed in your fancy Slytherin colours but sitting at the Gryffindor table," Rita continued. "Even though you started talking to people later on, you still seemed to be looking down on everyone else."

"I wasn't, or at least I didn't mean to."

"It's like sometimes, even now, you think you're so much better than the rest of us."

"I don't think that at all."

"Then why don't you prove it," Rita suggested with a sly smile. "Prove to the rest of the school who still think you're just another stuck up member of the Noble House of Black that there's more to you than meets the eye."

"People believe what they want to believe," Sirius replied. "I don't see that I can do anything to change their minds about it."

"Of course you can," Rita cooed. "You could give me an interview for school newsletter. 'Sirius Black – Best Friend of the Werewolf of Hogwart's School Speaks Out'."

"So, you want to know more about Remus?" Sirius rolled his eyes at the predictability of Rita and her manipulation.

"My readers want to know about what it's like to be friends with a werewolf. What happens on the full moons? Where do you both go? Are you really training to be a Healer?"

Sirius groaned as Remus missed saving the quaffle for the first time in the last fifteen minutes.

He was only half listening to Rita prattle on as he applauded and cheered his friend's triumphs. One quaffle had got through, but it was clear he wasn't making it two.

"Well, what do you think?" Rita asked. "One teeny little interview and everyone will see you in a whole new light."

"I'll think about it," Sirius said, hoping that she'd forget about it and find someone else to bother.

Thankfully the practice soon drew to a close and Sirius hurried down to the pitch as the team came down to land.

"Okay, let's hit the showers," the captain called. "Good practice everyone."

"You were great!" Sirius said to Remus as he approached him. "Here, let me put your broom away while you get cleaned up."

"Thanks," Remus replied as he handed the broom across.

"Thanks, mate," James added as he tossed his own broom towards Sirius, clearly thinking that the offer was aimed towards the both of them.

Sirius watched as Remus headed inside with the rest of the team. "Hey, James!" he called. "Wait a minute!"

"What is it?" James asked as he pulled off his elbow pads.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Just did, didn't you?"

"Funny," Sirius replied sarcastically. "Um, I was wondering…do you…did you…erm…do you think I'm a snob?"

James looked at him in confusion for nearly a minute and Sirius began to wish he hadn't asked the question.

"Is it that difficult a question?" he finally asked.

"Do you want an honest answer?" James finally asked in all seriousness.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

"You can sometimes come across as a bit of a snob," James finally admitted. "Not so much now, but back in first year, you did kind of look down your nose at everyone else. Even now sometimes you come across like you think you're better than the rest of us."

"Oh."

"We don't mind so much now we've got to know you," James assured him. "But you wanted an honest answer and there it is."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Thanks," he whispered. "You'd better hit the showers or you'll not get time to eat breakfast."

James took off after his team mates, leaving Sirius standing on the edge of the Quidditch pitch. He wondered if Remus thought he was a snob, who thought he was so much better than the rest of them. For some reason, he didn't want to know the answer to that question. Remus wouldn't want to be with him if he thought he was a snob; he wouldn't want to date him if he thought Sirius was looking down his nose at him.

He could see Rita in the distance, making her way back to the castle and he ran to catch up with her.

Sirius knew that Rita only wanted to speak to him because he was a friend of Remus, and because Remus had persistently refused to give her another interview. But with recklessness borne of the shock that everyone thought he was just another snobby Black, he told her breathlessly that he would speak with her for the newsletter.

Rita's face lit up into a bright smile as she tugged him towards the castle, eager to get started on the interview as soon as possible.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius didn't tell the other Gryffindor boys, not even Remus, about his interview with Rita. He hoped that she printed what he had told her honestly and without elaborating on things, but he suspected that was too much to hope for.

It was over a week later when the newsletter was dispatched to the rest of the students and Sirius, having been tipped off by Rita the day before, was up before even Remus in order to see the interview for himself.

He read it twice before he tossed the parchment into the fire and buried his face in his hands.

He should have known it would backfire on him. All he had wanted to do was try to convince people he wasn't what they thought he was. Instead, Rita had written a long and detailed article about Remus, from Sirius's point of view, and she had pulled out all the stops to make it as dramatic and dreadful as possible.

"What are you doing up so early?" Remus asked as he wandered into the common room, still dressed in his pyjamas.

"Thinking about how bloody stupid I am," Sirius replied.

Remus came over to sit beside him and tugged his hands away from his face. "You're not stupid, so what's wrong?"

"I've screwed up big time," Sirius said.

"What have you done?"

"Something really stupid."

"It can't be that bad, surely?"

"Oh, it can," Sirius replied with a groan. "I just didn't want everyone thinking I'm a snob." His voice dropped to barely more than a whisper. "I didn't want you to think that."

"Who thinks that?" Remus asked in astonishment. "You're no such thing. I'd never think that."

"Rita and James think I am."

"James is a tactless idiot, and since when do you listen to anything that Rita says?"

"Er, never."

"Exactly. So, what have you done that's so terrible?"

Sirius couldn't look at Remus as he confessed that he'd given Rita an interview for the newsletter.

"Is that all?" Remus asked with a quick laugh.

"You haven't seen what she's written," Sirius muttered.

Remus stood up and went to fetch one of the newsletters from the pile near the portrait hole. "Let's see what's so terrible," he said as he sat back down on the sofa and quietly began to read the article.

"Well," Remus finally said as he tossed the newsletter onto the table. "Let's hope no one sends your mother a copy of that one, too. If she finds out you're best friends with a werewolf she'll, no doubt, hit the roof."

"Is that all you have to say?" Sirius asked quietly.

Remus laughed loudly. "Come on, Sirius," he chided. "You didn't think I'd actually believe any of the rubbish she's written, did you?"

"I guess not," Sirius muttered. "I'm so sorry, Remus. I never thought she'd twist everything round like that."

"Don't worry about it."

"But how many people are going to believe what she's written?" Sirius asked. "So many of the students are still scared of you, and now she's printed that I'm terrified of you, how's everyone going to react?"

"How many people are actually going to believe her?" Remus asked in turn.

"Too many," Sirius whispered. "She's made you out to be some sort of monster. I didn't think she'd do that. All I said was that I was scared for you on the full moons. She seemed to be quite friendly with you last year."

"Sirius, she was only friendly because she wanted me to help her with the newsletter and all those letters from parents. You know she got top marks in Defence Against the Dark Arts in third year?" Sirius nodded. "It's because she thinks just like Professor Spion did. She believes everything she reads, just like he did, even when what she's reading are her own stories. She might have talked to me last year, but she still thought I was a monster. That's why I didn't want to give her more information for the newsletter. She doesn't care about the truth, not unless it helps to further her career."

"But she wrote the truth about what you said about Greyback and your father."

"Because the readers she had spoken to wanted to hear about tragedy and stuff, and what I said fitted in nicely. If I'd told her some happy memory about before I was bitten, she'd have made up something else instead."

Remus was being so kind about things Sirius felt his eyes beginning to water.

"Come on, Sirius," Remus said as he pulled him into a tight hug. "It's not as bad as all that."

"I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered as he began to sob in earnest.

"We'll just have to think of a way to pay her back for this," Remus promised. "She won't interfere again in a hurry."

Sirius pulled back and sniffed loudly. "A prank on Rita?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah, why not?" Remus replied. "Now, come on upstairs to the bathroom and get cleaned up, you look like crap when you've been crying."

"I'm not usually so…"

"I know you aren't."

"I feel so stupid."

Remus sighed and pulled Sirius to his feet. "We all do stupid things now and again, it just makes you human."

"Us," Sirius corrected. "It makes _us_ human."

Remus didn't reply as he urged Sirius towards the staircase.

Sirius disappeared into the bathroom while Remus headed back into the dormitory. James and Peter were still sleeping and Remus walked purposefully towards James's bed. He cast the Sonorus spell and leaned over the bed to scream 'James' into the boy's ear. James sprang up and fell out of the bed in surprise.

"What the hell?" he spluttered. "Am I late for practice?"

"It's Sunday," Remus reminded him after casting the spell to return his voice to a normal volume again.

"Then why did you just scream in my ear?" James picked himself up off the floor and climbed back onto his bed.

"Why did you tell Sirius that you think he's a snob?" Remus asked bluntly.

"Huh?"

"Don't you even remember?" Remus snapped. "He's not a snob and he never has been."

"He does look down his nose at people though, you have to know that."

"No, I don't know that."

"Back in first year he barely spoke to the rest of us."

"Gee, I wonder why? You know damn well why he didn't speak to people in his first year, and most of that was your fault anyway."

"You're not going to start on that again, are you?" James moaned. "So, I told him he looked down on people at times, so what? He asked me for my opinion and I told him."

"And to try and prove to people that he's not, he's gone and given an interview to Rita."

"Well, that's a bloody stupid thing to do."

"How bad is it?" Peter asked from his own bed, the noise having woken him up too.

"From Sirius's point of view, not that bad, but she's made me look like a monster all over again."

"Bloody hell," James swore. "How upset is he about it?"

"What do you think?" Remus replied. "We've got to get back at Rita for this; we can't take it lying down. And you're going to help us."

"Me?"

"Yes, since this is partly your fault."

Sirius chose that moment to come back into the dormitory and quickly assessed the situation. "Remus?" he asked quietly.

"James has something to say to you," Remus said, giving James a meaningful glance and a harsh glare.

James looked a little reluctant and wouldn't meet Sirius's eyes, but he mumbled the required apology.

"So, we're all good now?" Remus asked, making it very clear that he expected no answer that wasn't an affirmative.

James and Sirius nodded whilst Peter shrugged his own agreement.

"Right." Remus patted the bed beside him to encourage Sirius to take a seat. "So, what are we going to do about Rita and her bloody newsletter?"

Sirius shrugged whilst James and Peter just looked blank.

"She's not going to get away with this," Remus declared. "This is her revenge on me for refusing to write for her newsletter last year… and she's not going to get away with it!"


	32. Last Christmas

Last Christmas

Sirius and Remus grinned at each other as Rita Skeeter found herself earning her second detention of the day.

"She's so much easier to listen to when you can't understand what she's saying," Remus whispered.

The spell had been found after Sirius's first legitimate foray into the restricted section of the library. It was relatively simple and caused the person it was cast upon to speak nothing but a long died out language that sounded like little more than gibberish. That several of the ancient words spilling from her mouth sounded extremely vulgar was an added bonus.

They had cast it on her several hours ago and it was showing no signs of wearing off.

The best thing about it though, was that the person it was cast on had no idea that they were speaking anything other than their regular English.

"That'll teach her to mess with us," James whispered from the desk behind them.

Sirius tried to hide his smile as Professor Flitwick lectured Rita for a few minutes more before returning to the lesson. It was clear that the Professors knew that Rita was under a spell, but it was her refusals to remain quiet when told to do so that was landing her in trouble.

Although it was some time before anyone told Rita what had happened to her, it took her only minutes to figure out who was responsible and she approached the Gryffindor table with fury in her eyes.

"Sorry, what was that, Rita?" Remus asked innocently.

"Couldn't quite make out what you said there," Peter added.

Rita screeched something unintelligible and pointed her finger at each of them in turn.

"What was that?" Sirius asked.

Rita reached for her wand, but the four boys were too quick for her and had their own wands trained on her before she could even raise her own.

"You really don't want to be doing that," James warned. "No telling what you might do if you don't enunciate your words properly."

Rita looked even more furious, but at least saw the truth of his words.

"It'll wear off in a few days," Sirius said. "In the meantime maybe you should take the time to keep your mouth shut and reflect on what you say about other people, both on and off of parchment."

Rita made a noise that didn't sound entirely like agreement before she spun on her heel and stalked over to the Slytherin table.

"Well, I think that went pretty much according to plan," James commented.

"Yeah," Remus agreed. "Pity it wears off after a few days. We'd be doing everyone a favour if she stayed like that forever."

-o-xXx-o-

Once the initial buzz about the newsletter had died down Sirius didn't think much more about it. It seemed that most people were now used to Rita's fabrications, and took most of what she wrote with a healthy pinch of salt. Best of all, Remus didn't seem to be upset with him for the whole mess and they were just as close as ever.

From Sirius's point of view, they weren't getting any closer though. He was being as attentive as he could be and spent pretty much all of his spare time with Remus. He cheered him on at Quidditch practice, helped him catch up on his studies, snuck down to the kitchens late at night, went with him to feed the thestrals early in the morning and did everything he could to prove himself the perfect attentive boyfriend.

The one thing he hadn't done was to make a move that would show Remus exactly what direction he wanted their relationship to go in.

They were sitting down near the lake on the late November morning, taking a well-earned break from their studies when a familiar owl swooped down towards them.

"A howler," Sirius stated as the bird dropped the letter into his lap. "Want to guess at what I've done this time?"

"Only one way to find out," Remus replied. "There's no one else out here to hear it, you might as well open it."

Sirius reached out to break the seal and cringed as his mother's voice echoed through the grounds. Remus took a hold of his hand in silent support and Sirius basked in the moment, concentrating on the warm hand wrapped around his own, instead of the screaming of his mother.

"SIRIUS BLACK, YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO THE FAMILY, AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE! HOW DARE YOU TAKE UP WITH A HALF-BLOOD HALF-BREED LIKE THAT LUPIN CREATURE? YOU CONTINUE TO BRING SHAME ON THE HOUSEHOLD WITH YOUR BEHAVIOUR AND ACT AS IF YOU'RE PROUD TO BE HIS FRIEND. YOU SHOULD BE PROUD TO BE A BLACK AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR OF YOU ASSOCIATING WITH THAT MONSTER AGAIN!"

The letter then burst into flames and the remnants of the parchment fell to the grass.

"Guess someone sent her the newsletter," Remus finally commented.

"She was going to hear about us sooner or later," Sirius replied easily.

"Did _you_ send it to her?" Remus asked curiously.

Sirius shook his head. "I just wrote and told her about our friendship. I figured that way at least she got my version of it and not Rita's. I asked if you could come visit in the holidays."

"Wait a minute?" Remus shook his head in confusion. "You're saying you wrote to your mother and told her you were friends with me?"

"That's right."

"But why? You know she'll never approve."

Sirius turned so that he was facing Remus directly. "Remus, you're my best friend, and I'm not ashamed of you, or our friendship. My mother was going to find out about you and me being friends sooner or later, especially if someone sends her this newsletter like they did last time."

"Sometimes I think you go looking for trouble," Remus said with a sigh. "But I'm glad you're not ashamed of me."

Sirius smiled and took a deep breath. This was the perfect time to have the talk with Remus. There was no one around to interrupt them, and it wasn't like Sirius hadn't planned it all out in his head already a hundred times or more.

"Remus?"

"Yes," Remus replied cautiously, clearly wondering at the serious tone.

"Um…do you remember when we talked about –"

Unfortunately Sirius's words were cut off by the cry of a second owl as it dove towards them, also carrying a letter in its beak.

"Who's that from?" Remus asked as Sirius took the letter from the clearly exhausted bird.

"My Uncle Alphard," Sirius replied as he tried to stop his mother's owl, which was still hanging around for some reason, from attacking the older and less healthy bird of his uncle.

Sirius opened the letter and quickly scanned the contents. He gave a snort of laughter when he read his uncle's warning that his mother was sending him a howler.

"Something amusing?" Remus asked.

"Enid here has flown like the wind to try to warn me that my mother was sending a howler in reply to my letter. My uncle says that I should have known better than to write to her about my friendship with you."

"I agree."

"He also invites us both to Cornwall for Christmas, and Regulus is coming from Australia, too."

"I'm invited?"

"Yeah, he's getting a port key organised for us two, while he picks up Regulus from the airport. Apparently, his plane lands at the same time the Express arrives in London and he doesn't like to leave us to make our own way around the city or to Cornwall."

"A port key? How's he going to fix that? Students who go home for Christmas are supposed to go by train."

"He'll sort it, he'll probably talk to Dumbledore or something. It won't be too much trouble, he _is_ a Black."

"Er…Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"You remember the other week when you asked me to tell you if you were ever saying something that other people might think is snobby?"

"Yeah? Oh crap, I just did it, didn't I?"

"I don't think you can help it," Remus said. "You're a Black, and you're all used to getting your own way."

"Just slap me upside the head every time I do it," Sirius ordered.

Remus dutifully obliged immediately.

"I didn't mean now," Sirius muttered as he hurriedly straightened his hair.

"What's your uncle mean about heeding his earlier advice?" Remus asked as he read over Sirius's shoulder.

"Just reminding me about keeping on my mother's good side as much as I can," Sirius hedged, reluctant to tell Remus about what exactly he and his uncle had discussed now that the moment he had chosen for his confession had well and truly passed.

-o-xXx-o-

"Where is he?" Remus muttered as he scanned the stands for the ghostly presence of his brother. It was his first Quidditch match and he really wanted Romulus to be there to see him play.

He could see Sirius sitting at the very front of the Gryffindor stands, waving a banner like the rest of the house.

He could also see that Sirius, too, was searching for Romulus.

"Lupin!" Charlene called from across the pitch. "Would you bloody well concentrate!"

Remus shook his head to clear his thoughts and tried to concentrate on the match instead of the absent spectator.

Thankfully for Remus, his lack of concentration didn't lose them the match, and an early catch of the snitch by the seeker secured them a victory only twenty minutes into the game.

Remus flew to the ground with the rest of his team, but his smile was forced as he tried to quell his disappointment at Romulus's absence.

"Don't worry about it," Sirius told him as they talked in the common room later. "I'm sure he had a good reason for not being here."

"What good reason could he possibly have?" Remus snapped. "He's a bloody ghost for crying out loud! What else could he possibly have to do that is so much more important than being here today?"

"I don't know," Sirius admitted.

Remus sighed. "Me neither."

Sirius stayed up until long after the rest of the Gryffindors had gone to bed, and somehow he wasn't surprised to see Romulus appear in the common room that night.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"How mad is he?" Romulus asked instead of answering the question.

"Very," Sirius replied. "So, where were you?"

"Around."

"But not around at the match," Sirius pointed out. "In fact it seems to me that you're not around a lot of the time."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Romulus looked half nervous and half challenging as Sirius glared at him.

"You missed his first day at school," Sirius commented casually. "The day he'd dreamed about for so long, and you missed it."

"Maybe I was trying to let him enjoy the day without forcing him to remember sadder times?"

"You could have been," Sirius agreed. "But somehow I don't quite believe that. Then you missed being with him when he got his exam results, and the Quidditch tryouts and now his first match. The best and most important days of his life at Hogwart's, and you're never around for any of them."

"Maybe they're the best days because I'm not around making him sad…"

"That's a load of crap and we both know it," Sirius argued. "He wanted you at the Quidditch match today and you let him down. Why? What could be so important to a dead man, that he would miss so many important days in his younger brother's life? Especially since that same ghost made the choice to remain here with his brother instead of moving on?"

"I can't be here all the time. Remus has to learn to get along without me."

"He _does_ get along without you," Sirius snapped. "But there's a difference between letting him stand on his own two feet and abandoning him."

"I've _never_ abandoned Remus!" Romulus shouted back. "Don't you ever say that to me again!"

"Then what else do you call it?"

Romulus didn't reply; he merely left the room the way he had entered, leaving Sirius staring at a tapestry and wondering if he had done more harm than good during his confrontation with Remus's brother.

-o-xXx-o-

Christmas in Cornwall was very different from Christmas at Hogwarts, and Sirius had almost forgotten how it felt to spend the holiday season with his family.

"What does Mother think about us being here for Christmas?" asked Sirius, with a gesture to encompass Regulus in his question.

"I didn't tell her," Alphard replied with a wink. "I wasn't invited to Christmas lunch at Grimmauld Place, and I didn't see any need to tell her about my plans."

"You mean she doesn't know we've been pulled out of school for the holidays?" Regulus asked in surprise.

"I mentioned it to your father, had to have a parent's permission after all, and he knows better than to tell your mother." Alphard chuckled, clearly amused at having got one over his sister without her even knowing.

"Thank you for inviting me, too," Remus offered quietly.

"Well, if I hadn't I'm sure Sirius would have refused to come and stayed with you at Hogwart's instead," Alphard pointed out. "You'll have to travel back by train though. We'll all get the train to London; then I'll drop you two off at King's Cross and travel on with Regulus to the airport."

"Can I see the Hogwart's Express?" Regulus asked eagerly.

"I don't think we'll have time," Alphard replied apologetically. "You need to be at the airport in plenty of time for check in."

Regulus looked disappointed, but soon cheered up when Sirius and Remus expressed their own jealousy of Regulus for getting to fly on a plane.

Sirius grinned at Remus as they placed their presents under the tree and finished the decorating by hand, so that Regulus could join in completely. "He's right, you know?" Sirius whispered. "I would have refused to come if you hadn't been invited. too."

Remus smiled back before casting a look over his shoulder at Alphard. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Is your uncle all right?" he whispered. "He looks a lot thinner than when we saw him in the summer."

Sirius turned to look at his uncle and frowned when he realised that Remus was right. In fact, now that he looked at him properly, his uncle didn't look that well at all.

-o-xXx-o-

"Sirius?"

Sirius groaned and turned over in his bed. "It's far too early in the morning to be awake," he replied.

"I want to ask you something," Regulus whispered.

"What?"

"Is Remus, you know, gay?"

Sirius opened his eyes and looked over at Remus's bed. The snores made it clear that he was still asleep, but Sirius had to see for himself. Once he was sure that Remus couldn't hear him, he turned back to face his brother. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason, just thought he might be."

"Why do think that?"

"He…" Regulus hesitated a moment before he spoke again. "He kind of touches you a lot."

"He does?" Sirius couldn't say that he'd noticed and was surprised that his brother had been that observant.

"Yeah," Regulus replied. "When you slipped from the stepladder he was all concerned and rubbing at your shoulder, and he was always patting your arm at dinner, and nudging you when we were playing that muggle game. He just seems to touch you an awful lot."

"I don't mind."

"Don't wizards mind that sort of thing?" Regulus asked. "There are a couple of boys in the year above me at school who snog and stuff, and they got beat up for it."

"I don't think wizards like it either," Sirius admitted. "I…" Sirius frowned and hesitated. He wanted to confide in his brother, but more than that he wanted Remus to be the next one he told about his own preferences.

"What?" Regulus prompted.

Sirius chewed on his bottom lip a moment longer. "I wouldn't mind if he was gay," he finally whispered.

"Okay," Regulus replied, his curiosity apparently appeased.

Sirius looked up at the ceiling as he listened to the sound of his brother as he went back to sleep. Could Remus really prefer boys, just like him? It would be perfect if he did, or was it just that his brother reading more into things than he should? Sirius resolved to take a lot more notice of just when and how Remus touched him in the future, hoping it would give him an indication of how his confession might be received.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus was reading the Daily Prophet in the living room when Alphard came to sit down beside him. Sirius and Regulus were still fast asleep and Remus felt some degree of surprise at seeing a member of the Black family up and about so early in the morning.

"Anything interesting in there?" Alphard asked as he gestured to the Prophet.

"Not really," Remus admitted as he offered the paper to the older man. Alphard shook his head and Remus placed the paper on the coffee table in front of them.

They sat in silence for several minutes, during which Remus formed the distinct impression that Alphard wanted to speak to him about something.

"You've been friends with Sirius for a few years now," Alphard commented. It wasn't a question, but Remus nodded in response anyway. "I'm glad my nephew's made friends at school now. That first year was very hard for him. But I guess you already know that."

"Yeah," Remus agreed. "But things are much better now. You don't need to worry about him any more."

Alphard chuckled and shook his head. "I'll always worry about him, right up until the day I depart this Earth. That's part of my job as an uncle."

"Wish I had an uncle like you," Remus replied with a sad smile. "I don't even remember meeting any of my uncles or aunts at all."

"Tell you what, lad," Alphard whispered. "You can pretend that I'm your real uncle for as long as you like."

Remus smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Now, onto less pleasant subjects," Alphard said with a grimace of annoyance. "I want you to do something for me."

Remus nodded again. "Of course."

"I want you to look after Sirius for me."

"Does he need looking after?" Remus asked with a chuckle. "He seems to spend most of his time looking after me."

"I know, but he's going to need you soon, a lot more than he has up until now."

"What do you mean?"

Alphard cast a quick glance towards the doorway, but there was still no sound from the floor above and no sign of the two brothers. "A long time ago I told my nephews, and the rest of the family, that the only time I would stop my travelling was when I knew the time had come to embark on the final journey."

"Oh." Remus looked down at his hands, somehow not surprised at this.

"I don't have much time left, though I'm determined to see this Christmas through with my nephews." He gave Remus a quick wink. "All three of you."

"You don't want me to tell Sirius, do you?" Remus guessed.

"I think he suspects; I can't think of any other reason for his willingness to help out with every little thing around the house. But I'd rather he didn't know for sure. I don't want the holidays to be ruined with such miserable thoughts. I want to enjoy my last Christmas."

"I won't say anything," Remus promised.

"Thank you." Alphard reached across and patted Remus's hand gently.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. Remus was sure that Alphard had more he wanted to say, and he waited patiently for the older man to continue. Finally, he did. "You've not met Sirius's mother, have you?" Remus shook his head. "I'm afraid my sister is a harsh woman who'll stop at nothing to see the Black line continue. With Regulus being… what he is… well, her hopes and dreams for a grandchild will focus on Sirius."

"From what Sirius has said about the last couple of summers, they already do."

"You're probably right. My point is, she'll only get more determined the older Sirius gets, and things are going to get very difficult for him for the next few years."

"Until he picks one of the girls?"

Alphard looked at him a little strangely for a moment before he continued, avoiding Remus's question in the process. "I've always been sort of a buffer between the boys and their mother, but when I'm no longer around to be the voice of reason things will get very difficult, especially for Sirius."

Remus nodded, although he had the feeling that he wasn't seeing the whole picture here. He guessed it didn't really matter. Sirius was his best friend, and of course he would be there to help him after the loss of his favourite uncle.

-o-xXx-o-

Christmas Day was, in the opinions of both Sirius and Remus, the best one ever. There were plenty of presents to go around and Romulus had appeared briefly to wish his brother a Merry Christmas, too. He would have stayed for the entire day, but Alphard had explained that his muggle neighbours were coming around for Christmas dinner and might be a little surprised to see a ghost at the table.

By the time the Mackenzie family arrived all of the Blacks and Remus were wearing muggle clothes and had ensured that anything of a magical nature was safely hidden out of the way.

Mr and Mrs Mackenzie were delighted to be Alphard's guests and their daughter Libby was equally enthusiastic. At nearly fifteen years old, Libby was older than Regulus, but younger than Sirius and Remus, and had an infectious giggle that brightened up the party considerably.

"That's a lovely dress you're wearing," Alphard said as he pulled out Libby's chair for her. "Very becoming."

Libby giggled and blushed.

Sirius grinned across the table at her and agreement. "Very pretty," he added. "Don't you agree, Reg?"

Regulus nodded silently and smiled shyly across the table. Sirius nudged him under the table to try to encourage him to pay the girl a compliment, too. Unfortunately, the lack of attendance at the Grimmauld Place dinner parties had resulted in a rather tongue-tied young man when it came to social gatherings and pretty young girls.

Dinner went smoothly, with Sirius spending most of the meal peeking at Remus out of the corner of his eye. Several times he caught his uncle watching him and felt his face beginning to burn.

After dinner the party moved to the living room where everyone joined in the muggle party games whilst Regulus's new cassette recorder blared out various Christmas songs that had been part of his presents.

Eventually the day had to end though, and the Mackenzies gathered their belongings in order to set off home.

"Hey, Reg!" Sirius called with a grin at his younger brother who was standing across the hallway. "You and Libby are under the mistletoe," he said as he pointed to the sprig hanging from the ceiling.

"Oh," Libby said as she giggled and flushed.

"It is tradition," Mr Mackenzie said with a wink at Regulus.

Regulus looked as red as Libby, but dutifully leaned forward to kiss her briefly on the lips.

Alphard let out a wolf whistle as the two teenagers blushed at the attention.

The older Mackenzies were still laughing as they walked down the path and Regulus closed the door behind them.

"So, Reg, how was your first kiss?" Alphard asked as they sat back down in the living room and Regulus put a new cassette in the tape deck.

"I'd have liked it better without an audience," Regulus replied after he'd sat down in front of the fire.

Alphard chuckled and began to hum along to the muggle Christmas carols whilst the three boys yawned repeatedly and tried to keep their eyes open.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius woke up the next morning and looked around the living room with some surprise. The winter sun was shining through a crack in the curtains and he yawned and stretched as he blinked in the bright light.

Regulus was curled up in the comfy chair by the fire and Sirius shivered as he saw that the flames had long since died. He wondered why he wasn't as cold as he should have been, then he realised that he had the warmth of Remus curled up next to him, his head on his lap.

Remus mumbled something in his sleep and shifted restlessly. Sirius wondered what it was that was troubling his friend and he stroked his hand along the other boy's arm and shoulder until he settled again.

Sirius didn't want to move at all. He wanted to stay where he was forever. No worries about his parents and their plans for his life that had everything to do with his duties as the Black heir, and nothing to do with his happiness. He could just stay here with his favourite uncle, his younger brother, and most importantly… Remus.

He smiled down at Remus as he continued to idly play with a lock of his hair. His finger brushed his ear and Remus twitched slightly in his sleep. Sirius giggled quietly and did it again, provoking the same reaction. Remus was so cute when he was sleeping, and he couldn't resist the temptation to simply gaze upon him and touch him as though he was really his boyfriend… as though he had the right to.

His smile turned sadder as he realised that he didn't yet have the right to touch Remus as he really wanted to. Instead, he would have to settle for the gentle caresses that soothed the werewolf's troubled sleep, and the enveloping hugs that warmed him to the very core of his being.

"One day," he whispered as Remus turned over in his sleep so that he was lying on his back, giving Sirius a clear view of his face. Sirius pressed his index finger to his lips before touching the same digit to Remus's slightly parted mouth. "One day," he repeated quietly.

He looked about the room to ensure that no one had seen his overly soppy gesture, but Regulus was still fast asleep and his uncle appeared to be likewise.

Sirius couldn't see Alphard very well without turning round in his seat and disturbing Remus, but he knew that if he couldn't see his uncle, then he wouldn't have been able to see his gesture either.

Sirius sat watching Remus and the first snowfall of the holidays for some time, until finally he realised that he would have to get up and go to the bathroom. He edged his way out from underneath Remus and tiptoed out of the door.

When he returned to the living room, it was to find everyone almost exactly as he had left them. Remus's arm had fallen to hang down towards the floor and Regulus was looking in increased danger of falling to the floor, but no one had woken.

He was rather surprised that neither Remus nor Alphard were awake yet, both having known to be early risers and not the type to sleep in. He knew Remus was probably catching up on sleep from the most recent full moon, not to mention the late hours he'd been staying up all term studying combined with early morning Quidditch practices. Remus was determined to succeed at everything, but there were only so many hours in a day, and Sirius knew that he had been eager for the holidays to arrive, so that he could relax and catch up on some much needed sleep. Sirius's uncle's slumber troubled him more. He felt increasingly sure that his uncle was unwell, and keeping the extent of his illness from the rest of the family.

Resolving to do more to help around the house, Sirius made his way to the kitchen and set about making breakfast. He was just dishing out the fried tomatoes when he heard Regulus calling his name from the living room. Something in the tone of his voice alarmed him, and Sirius flung the frying pan and fork onto the table and hurried through to the living room.

He arrived to see Regulus hovering over their uncle and Remus standing close by, a worried look on his face.

Regulus turned to him with a look of panic. "He won't wake up," he whispered. "Why won't he wake up?"

Sirius hurried across to his uncle and took hold of one of his hands. It was cold, too cold. He shook his head in denial as Regulus continued to try to rouse Alphard from his sleep.

"Sirius?" Remus asked and he felt a hand come to rest on his shoulder. He turned to look at his friend and began to shake. Then Remus pulled him into his arms and held him close until the tremors stopped.

"I'll have to floo our parents," Sirius said and he looked towards the fireplace with trepidation.

Remus nodded and guided Sirius to the sofa. "Regulus?" he called and the younger boy reluctantly joined them.

"Is he really…?" Regulus's voice trailed off and he looked over towards his uncle.

Sirius nodded. Neither of them could bear to say it out loud.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Remus asked as Sirius walked over to the fireplace and picked up the jar containing the floo powder.

Sirius shook his head and stepped into the fireplace. "You stay here with Regulus. I won't be long."

With those last words he flooed to Grimmauld Place and made his way purposefully out of his father's study and into the hallway.

It was still early enough that the Blacks hadn't risen for the day. Sirius wasn't surprised. Even though he hadn't been home at Christmas for years, he still remembered the lavish parties that lasted long into the night.

"Kreacher!" he called out. He looked through all the ground floor rooms, but there was no sign of the house elf. He tried calling again, this time much louder.

"Sirius?"

Sirius turned at the sound of his mother's voice and saw her standing at the top of the stairs.

"Why aren't you at school? And what are you doing in your pyjamas?"

"It's Uncle Alphard…he's…" Sirius gestured vaguely towards the study and the fireplace.

"Your uncle is in Cornwall," Walburga stated firmly. "Now, answer my question."

"We've been in Cornwall for the holidays," Sirius explained.

"We?"

"Me and Reg, and Remus from school."

"The werewolf?" Walburga hissed. "Have you no sense of proper decorum at all?"

"You have to come back to Uncle Alphard's with me," Sirius stated as he made his way towards the study.

"I'll not set foot in a house with a werewolf," Walburga declared. "Now, go to your room and I'll have to make up some excuse for our guests as to why you're back here instead of at school."

"But Uncle Alphard…"

"What about him?" Walburga snapped. "Surely he can handle a squib and a werewolf on his own? If he was stupid enough to invite a monster like that Lupin creature into his house, then he gets everything he deserves."

"Remus is my friend!" Sirius yelled. "He's not a monster or a creature. He's my best friend."

"Just go to your room," Walburga ordered.

"You don't understand," Sirius cried. "Uncle Alphard's….he's….he didn't…"

"Didn't what?" Walburga asked quietly, the distress in her son's voice finally getting through to her.

"He didn't wake up this morning," Sirius finally blurted out. "He's all cold and he didn't wake up."

"ORION!" Walburga yelled, causing Sirius to take several steps backwards in shock.

Orion Black appeared a moment later; he knew better than to keep his wife waiting for too long. "Sirius, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in Cornwall?"

Sirius watched as realisation dawned on Walburga's face, and he felt a momentary twinge of unexpected sympathy for his father.

"Sirius, what is it?" Orion asked as he hurried down the stairs.

"Uncle Alphard," Sirius said quietly. "He didn't wake up this morning. I think he's…"

"Come along then," Orion stated as he hurried through to the study and stepped into the fireplace.

A few minutes later, he, Walburga and Sirius were in Cornwall. Orion took command of the situation immediately whilst Walburga watched the proceedings stonily.

Sirius had gravitated towards Remus immediately he had arrived back and the three young boys were now sat on the sofa together. Sirius was in the middle whilst Remus and Regulus flanked him. He kept a death grip on Remus's hand and hoped that his mother didn't suddenly remember who he was and throw him out onto the street or anything like that.

Once Orion had checked that there was nothing to be done for Alphard, he turned to Sirius and told him to take Remus back to Grimmauld Place.

"Never!" Walburga yelled. "I will not have that creature in my house."

"It's my house, too," Orion reminded her. "And right now we can do with as few teenage boys underfoot as possible. Regulus will have to travel back by train, I'll put him on it myself."

"There aren't any trains running down here today," Regulus interrupted. "It's Boxing Day."

"Then I'll put you in a muggle taxi," Orion replied. "That would probably be easier anyway; they can drop you off at the house and there won't be any need for someone to collect you at the station."

"He's a werewolf!" Walburga hissed as she pointed at Remus.

"I am well aware of that," Orion answered firmly. "Boys, go and get dressed and get your things together."

Sirius hurried from the room, tugging Remus along with him, eager to be out of sight of his furious mother.

"Your dad seems okay," Remus commented as they gathered their things.

"He can be, sometimes," Sirius agreed. "Mostly he just lets Mother get her own way about things though. Have you got everything?"

Remus nodded and they headed back down the stairs.

"Kreacher will get you some breakfast," Walburga told them as they stepped towards the fireplace. She looked thoroughly dismayed at the idea of a werewolf eating at her table, not that Sirius cared. He nudged Remus towards the fireplace; there was no way he was going to leave Remus alone with his parents. He could tell from his mother's face that he had correctly anticipated her intentions to speak with Remus, without Sirius, before they left.

"Go ahead, I'll be right behind you," he said as he held out the jar of floo powder for Remus. Remus nodded and took a handful of the powder so that he could floo to Grimmauld Place. Sirius stepped into the fireplace as soon as Remus had gone and followed after him.

"So, this is Grimmauld Place?" Remus asked as Sirius stepped into the study.

"Yeah, the Noble House of Black, blah, blah, blah," Sirius muttered. "Do you want some breakfast?"

Remus shook his head. "You?"

"I'm not hungry," he replied quietly. "And I don't think I could bear to listen to Kreacher and his insults right now."

"What now then?"

Sirius shrugged. "Come on, I'll show you my room, if you like. You'll probably have to bunk with me until we go back to school. Mother won't set up a guestroom for you, even if there is one spare with whoever they've got visiting this year."

Remus nodded and followed Sirius up the stairs.

"It's a bit gloomy," Sirius said as he closed the door behind them. "Probably fitting really." He walked across the room and sat on the edge of his bed. The bed was made, but there was a thin layer of dust over the sheets and all the other surfaces of the room.

Remus remained quiet as he sat down next to Sirius and put his arm around him.

"I can't believe he's gone," Sirius whispered. "I know he wasn't well, but he seemed okay yesterday."

Remus didn't know what to say and so he simply rested his head on Sirius's shoulder and held him close.

"He was the only one of my relatives I could talk to," Sirius continued. "The rest don't care for anything except continuing the family line and keeping it pure and all that rubbish. He was the only one who knew."

"Knew what?" Remus asked when it was clear that Sirius wasn't elaborating any further.

"Knew me," Sirius replied, after a silence so long that Remus thought he wasn't going to reply at all. "Knew me, and knew what I wanted. He was the only one who cared."

"I care," Remus offered.

"I know you do," Sirius replied with a small smile. "But it's not the same as having someone older, who you can ask for advice."

Remus held Sirius as he began to shake once more. Sirius wasn't crying, there were no tears falling, but both of them knew that they would come later, once the initial shock had passed.

-o-xXx-o-

The various guests staying at Grimmauld Place were all distant members of the family, and as such no one departed once the Blacks returned and news of Alphard's death had spread. Instead they stayed on and did what they could to prepare for the funeral.

Sirius stayed in his room with Remus as much as he could, and Regulus joined them as soon as he returned.

Sirius suspected that Regulus wanted the funeral to be over and done with as much as he did.

The burial was arranged for the day before the end of the holidays, and when that day came it was as dark and miserable as Sirius's mood. The steady downpour of rain was showing no signs of abating as he dressed in his finest black robes.

"I don't have any dress robes here," said Remus, in answer to Sirius's question about what he was going to wear. "And I don't think I'd be welcome there."

"I want you there," Sirius stated as he pulled out a spare set of robes and passed them to Remus. "And Uncle Alphard would want you there too. He really liked you, you know?"

"He did?"

"He thought you were nice."

"I thought the same about him," Remus admitted. "Not many people would let a werewolf come visit for the holidays."

"Or a squib," Regulus added as he pulled on his own robes that were at least a size too small for him, but had never been replaced the previous summer.

"What are you going to say to your mother about me coming with you?" Remus asked.

"Nothing; she won't ask. Mother won't make a scene if she can help it, not in front of the relatives anyway. We'll go downstairs at the last possible minute and she won't be able to stop you coming with me."

"Are you sure she won't say anything?"

"I don't care if she does," snapped Sirius, before continuing in a quieter tone. "_I_ want you there. I _need_ you there."

"Okay," Remus replied as he struggled with the robes. Sirius batted his hands out of the way and finished tying them for him.

Sirius's prediction about his mother had been correct. She looked furious at seeing Remus heading down the stairs with Sirius, but with a crowded hall of relatives she had no choice but to hold her tongue for once.

"Isn't that the Lupin boy?" one of the mourners whom Sirius didn't recognise asked. Sirius took hold of Remus's arm and pulled him closer. They were in the proverbial snake pit and he had no idea from which direction an attack would be coming.

"He's from Sirius's school," Walburga explained. "He was invited for the holidays since he had nowhere else to go. You know how the Blacks are always most charitable to those less fortunate?"

"Quite," the mourner replied. "And so good of you not to send him back when tragedy struck."

Sirius scowled as he listened to his mother spinning one lie after another in order to make her appear better in the eyes of everyone else. He wondered how far she would be prepared to go with her lies and decided to find out.

"Mother?" he asked. "Can Remus come stay in the summer as well?"

Walburga hid her fury well, but Sirius could see it quite clearly in her eyes, even if the others couldn't. "We'll see," she replied through gritted teeth. Sirius knew better than to push her any further.

The funeral was well attended and Sirius discovered, much to his surprise, that Remus was getting a lot of attention from his relatives and the other guests, and that not all of them were unhappy to see him there. It soon became clear that Alphard had spoken to some of his friends about Sirius's friendship with Remus and many of them approached them to offer condolences to Remus, as well as to Sirius and his brother.

That night Sirius's tears finally began to fall and he sobbed quietly into his pillow as Remus held him in his arms. Remus didn't say anything, he knew there were no words he could speak that would help. Instead he offered the only comfort he could, that of his presence.

"Sirius?" Regulus called quietly from the doorway. "Can I sleep in here?"

Sirius looked across the room and nodded. Regulus closed the door behind him and scurried towards the bed. He climbed in beside Sirius and gave a sniff of his own. Remus reached across Sirius and took hold of Regulus's hand, giving it a squeeze of comfort. The younger Black brother gave a small watery smile of thanks.

Downstairs the sounds of various members of the Black family reminiscing about Alphard drifted upstairs to where the three boys who had shared his final Christmas with him took what comfort they could from each other.


	33. Say It

Say It

When Sirius arrived back at Hogwart's, he found Enid, Alphard's owl, waiting for him in the Gryffindor dormitory. The bird was perched on one of the bedposts and, the letter it had delivered was placed on the bedside table, ready for Sirius's arrival.

"Why would he have sent me a letter when we were there for the holidays?" Sirius asked as soon as he recognised the handwriting.

"I don't know," Remus replied. "Perhaps you should open it and see what it says."

"I don't think I can," Sirius admitted. "Not yet."

"Do you want me to open it for you?" Remus offered.

Sirius shook his head; the letter was still clutched in his hand. "I don't think I can take it right now. Not after listening to everyone from James and Peter to Professor McGonagall asking if I'm all right. How did they even know about it?"

"It was reported in the Daily Prophet," Remus explained. "A Black family funeral is always a big deal, and your Uncle was very popular with everyone. It was the biggest turn out for a Black family funeral in over a century."

"I didn't realise," Sirius whispered. "I knew there were a lot of people there, but I didn't realise it was that many, or that unusual."

Remus took the letter from Sirius and carefully placed it on the bedside table. "Why don't you try and get some sleep?" he suggested. "You've not slept properly since Christmas Day."

Sirius nodded mutely and gathered his wash things so that he could get ready for bed. He hurriedly showered in the prefects' bathroom, thankful that it was empty, and made his way back to the dormitory. He wasn't surprised to see that Remus was already in his pyjamas and turning back the covers of his bed.

He knew he wouldn't need to ask Remus to sleep in his bed tonight, it was almost as if the other boy was reading his mind and anticipating his need for comfort. He climbed beneath the covers and gave Remus a grateful smile when he joined him.

Sleep was a long time in coming, but finally Sirius let slumber overtake him completely.

"How is he?" Romulus asked Remus after Sirius had finally fallen asleep.

Remus brushed Sirius's hair back out of his face before turning to answer his brother. "He misses him."

"Of course he does," Romulus replied as he hovered at the end of the bed.

"He looks troubled, even when he's asleep," Remus whispered.

"It'll get easier with time."

"Will it?" Remus asked. "Because I don't see it getting easier." He gave his brother a pointed look.

"Would it help if I left?" Romulus asked quietly.

"No," Remus replied with a sigh. "I don't know what I'd do without you here. You're the only family I have, ghost or not."

Romulus nodded thoughtfully. He looked like he was about say something more, but the distinct cry of Moaning Myrtle came from somewhere nearby and he made a sharp exit from the room, explaining that he didn't want to risk his pesky stalker waking Sirius now that he was finally asleep.

Remus called a quiet goodnight before he went to sleep too.

-o-xXx-o-

It was nearly two weeks before Sirius found the courage to open Alphard's letter. When he did, he realised that it had been written whilst the boys had slept late on Christmas Day. His uncle made it clear that he knew that his time was almost over, and he urged Sirius to take care of Regulus, since he would no longer be able to keep an eye on them both.

Sirius spared a thought for his brother, alone on the other side of the world, and felt increasingly grateful for the comforting presence of Remus. He hoped that Regulus had a friend who was there for him whilst Sirius could not be.

The letter wasn't particularly long. In it, his uncle explained that he had left the property in Cornwall to Regulus, whilst the remains of his fortune (which he apologised was not much) would go to Sirius. He cautioned him to use the money wisely, and to save it for when he really needed it. Sirius knew that it was his uncle's way of giving Sirius a way out of Grimmauld Place, when the time came.

Sirius read the letter several times, then he stored it away at the back of his journal, safely secured behind the magical lock.

"You've read the letter?" Remus asked as soon as Sirius walked into the common room.

Sirius nodded.

"You okay?"

Sirius nodded again and pulled out his transfiguration textbook to revise for Professor McGonagall's upcoming test. Keeping busy was the key, and he intended to do precisely that. Remus pulled up a chair beside him and patted him on the arm. He didn't need to say anything; they both knew that just being there was enough.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius wondered how long it would be before Romulus spoke to him again about the sleeping arrangements in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory.

Since their return after the Christmas holidays, Remus had joined him in his bed every night. At first Sirius had just needed the closeness and comfort of the other boy as he mourned for his beloved uncle, but the longer it went on, the less innocent he knew his intentions were.

He was half expecting Romulus to appear to have a chat with him on the night of the upcoming full moon, so it didn't come as a surprise to find that the lingering ghost brought up the subject almost immediately after Remus had transformed.

"You aren't going to send Remus back to his own bed, are you?" Romulus asked. Sirius was grateful that he was direct and to the point, and not skirting around the subject.

He looked at Remus's older brother warily as he took his usual seat on the stairs. "No," he finally replied.

"Do you…er…I'm not sure how to phrase this, not without risking getting punched in the face or something."

"You're a ghost," Sirius reminded him. "I couldn't punch you, even if I wanted to."

Romulus laughed briefly and shook his head at his forgetfulness. "Good point."

Sirius smiled and turned back to look at Moony.

"Er…" Romulus faltered again. It seemed that even without the threat of physical violence, he couldn't manage to find the words.

Sirius sighed and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes as he consciously gathered his courage together. "Yes," he finally said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper. "The answer to your question is yes."

"You don't know what I was going to ask," Romulus pointed out.

"You want to know if I fancy Remus," Sirius stated and he turned to look Romulus in the eye.

Romulus nodded thoughtfully. "And the answer's yes, is it?"

Sirius nodded slowly. "I've tried not to, really I have. I just can't seem to help myself."

"No one can help who they fall for."

"You speaking from experience?" Sirius asked in a voice that was half teasing and half serious.

"Not really, but I'm told it's a universal truth."

"Are you going to tell him?" Sirius nodded towards Remus. He wasn't sure which answer he wanted to hear.

After giving it some thought, Romulus shook his head. "It's not really my place to, is it?"

"I keep trying to tell him," Sirius said. "I just can't seem to find the right time, or the right words…or the courage."

"I'll make myself scarce in the morning, if you like?"

Sirius considered the offer for a minute before he shook his head. "Remus didn't get to see you for more than a few minutes before he transformed tonight; he'll want to see you in the morning."

"Well, if you change your mind, just say the word and I'll disappear myself somewhere for a while."

Sirius smiled at the offer and picked up the book he'd brought with him to pass the time. Unfortunately he found it difficult to concentrate on the words.

"Do you really not mind that I like Remus like that?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Let's just say I've noticed you checking my baby brother out, even if he hasn't."

"But, do you mind?"

"It's not really important whether I mind or not, is it? The important thing is what Remus thinks about it."

Sirius nodded and turned back to his book.

"Sirius?" Romulus asked after some time had passed.

"Hmm?"

"About the bed…er…"

"What about it?"

"Do you think that perhaps it might be a good idea to stop sharing a bed until after Remus knows how you feel about him?"

Sirius flushed as Romulus gave voice to the one thing that had been bothering him the most. Every time Remus curled up beside him, Sirius couldn't help but wonder whether he would be so quick to do so if he knew how Sirius felt about him. He knew it wasn't fair on Remus to continue taking advantage of his good nature, and he had felt more and more guilty with each passing night. He cursed his selfishness, even as he savoured the feeling of Remus lying in his arms.

"I'll speak to him today," he finally said. He just hoped he could find the courage before the sun went down that night, because if Remus crawled into his bed tonight, he knew he wouldn't have the willpower to turn him away.

-o-xXx-o-

The rest of the students were in class when Sirius and Remus arrived back at the castle.

"You want to go to the last twenty minutes of Potions?" Sirius asked.

"I intend to make the most of my excuse not to," Remus replied as he headed past the staircase leading down to the dungeons and up the stairs towards Gryffindor Tower. "What about you?"

"I'm ahead of the rest of the class anyway," Sirius reminded him. "All those extra classes with Slughorn and Pomfrey are paying off at last."

Remus laughed. "So, they weren't paying off whilst you were pouring those revolting concoctions down my throat?"

"You know what I mean," Sirius replied with a laugh of his own. "Come on, let's go and sit in the common room."

The two boys made their way to the Gryffindor common room and were surprised to find it entirely empty of students. There weren't even any sixth of seventh years with free periods hanging around the cosy fireplace. As such, Remus and Sirius took advantage of their good fortune and snagged the best seats, right in front of the roaring fire.

"Better get reading up on the next chapter for Charms," Remus said as he pulled out his textbook. "What about you?"

"I read it last night. Still got McGonagall's essay to do though."

"Isn't that due this afternoon?"

"Yeah, I guess I better get on with it, huh?"

Remus laughed as Sirius went to fetch his things so that he could get started.

Five minutes later, Sirius had still not put quill to parchment. The common room was deserted, and likely to remain so for some time. Sirius knew that the students would soon be finishing the last lesson of the morning and making their way to the Great Hall for lunch.

"You planning on handing in a blank page?" Remus teased with a nod towards the parchment in question.

Sirius frowned and continued to dither over starting the essay. He knew he had to talk to Remus and now was as good a time as any. In fact it was better than most, since it was a rare occasion when they were entirely alone with no other students around at all.

"Remus?" he finally asked quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Anything's possible."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm being serious."

"I guess you must be," Remus replied with a grin. "Especially since you said that without a rubbish joke being added to it. What's up?"

Sirius looked at Remus as the other boy looked back at him earnestly. This was harder than he had ever imagined, and he felt his courage ebbing away with every passing moment.

"Is something wrong?" Remus asked. He looked around for his bookmark in order to give Sirius his undivided attention.

"Carry on reading," Sirius requested nervously.

"I thought you wanted to talk?"

"I do, but I think I'll find it easier if you aren't looking at me when I say this."

Remus gave him an odd look, but opened his book again.

"You're still looking," Sirius accused, easily spotting that Remus was peeking at him from under his eyelashes.

Remus ducked his head a little further. "Better?" he asked.

"Much." Sirius drew in a deep breath and looked towards the fireplace. He chewed on his lip for a moment before turning back to Remus. "Do you remember back in third year when Rita wrote all that stuff about me?"

Remus's head shot up. "Oh, Merlin, please tell me you haven't given that nosy cow another interview?"

"Never!" Sirius exclaimed. "Don't even joke about that. I never want to see my name in print again, and definitely not if she has anything to do with it. But do you remember what she wrote about me?"

Remus frowned slightly as he thought back to the time in question. "You mean about liking boys instead of girls?" Sirius nodded. "You're not still worried about that, are you?"

"Not exactly," Sirius replied, and he pointed at Remus's book, reminding him that he wasn't supposed to be looking at him.

Remus rolled his eyes, muttered something that didn't sound very complimentary, and looked back down at the pages.

"She was right," Sirius finally admitted. His voice was barely more than a whisper, but he could tell that Remus could hear what he'd said as clearly as if he had shouted his confession at the top of his lungs, with his voice magically amplified for good measure. He felt a great weight lift from his chest as soon as the words were spoken, but he knew the weight wouldn't be relieved entirely until he knew what Remus thought about his confession.

Remus looked up again.

"You're looking!" Sirius accused, pointing at the book again. "I can't do this while you're looking at me."

Remus ignored him and closed his book. He placed it on the table beside him and looked across at Sirius. "So, what you're trying to say is that you think you might be gay?"

"I don't think I might be," Sirius replied. He rubbed at the back of his neck and turned to face the fire once more. If Remus continued to look at him, he would have to look away instead, or he would never get through the next few minutes. "I thought I might be back then. I spent last year trying not to be, trying to ignore my feelings, but it's no use. I just don't like girls. Or I don't like girls in that way. I like them as friends – or some of them anyway. Lily and Charlie, and most of the Gryffindor girls are okay, though I could cheerfully strangle Rita and her harpies. I just don't _like them,_ like them. You know what I mean?"

"You mean you don't fancy them?"

"Exactly!"

"But that doesn't mean you're gay," Remus pointed out sensibly.

"It does when you fancy boys instead," Sirius muttered, his face flushing as he made his confession.

"And do you?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded. "I tried not to, but I can't help it. Do you mind?"

Remus laughed easily. "Why in the name of Merlin would I care if you fancy boys? Leaves more girls for me, doesn't it?"

Sirius smiled weakly. Although he was relieved that Remus didn't appear to have any problems with him liking boys, he wasn't exactly coming out with his own confession of a similar nature.

"So, have you got your eye on anyone?" Remus asked with a conspirator's grin. "Want me to try and set you up with someone? How can you tell if someone is, you know, like you?"

Sirius cringed under the barrage of questions, but was saved from answering them by the opening of the portrait hole and the arrival of a boisterous group of third years.

"You can tell me later," Remus said as he stood up. "You coming down to lunch?"

Sirius looked at the still blank parchment and shook his head. "McGonagall will hit the roof if I don't hand something in."

"I'll see you later then."

Sirius nodded and Remus headed out of the common room. He hadn't quite worked his way up to confessing his feelings for his friend, but at least Remus knew what his preferences were, and even better, he didn't seem to mind at all.

That night Sirius was surprised to find Remus in his usual place in Sirius's bed. "I didn't think you'd want to sleep here," he confessed as he climbed in beside him.

"Why not?"

"Well, because of what we talked about earlier."

"I told you, I don't care who you fancy. You liking other boys won't stop us being friends, will it?"

"No," Sirius promised. "Of course it won't."

"Then what's the problem?"

"There isn't one," Sirius assured him with a smile.

"Unless you don't want me here," Remus guessed. "Do you think that maybe the boy you like will be upset if they knew about me sleeping here?"

Sirius shook his head mutely.

"Do James and Peter know?" Remus asked.

"No. Only you and Romulus… and my Uncle Alphard knew."

"Rom knows?" Remus nearly fell from the bed with surprise. "How come he knew and I didn't?"

"He guessed," Sirius explained as he pulled Remus back towards the middle of the mattress.

"Thanks," Remus muttered as he moved back into place. "So, who do you have your eye on?"

"Um."

"There _is_ someone, isn't there?" Remus crowed. "Come on, you've got to tell me. I'm your best friend; you can't keep something like this from me! Who is he? Is he handsome? Is he in our year? Does he go to Hogwart's? Come _on_, tell me, please!"

Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus continued to plead and beg for an answer to his questions. He was almost ready to tell Remus exactly who it was who had caught his eye, but was forestalled by his friends next words.

"I'll tickle it out of you if I have to," Remus threatened.

"You wouldn't dare," Sirius warned, regretting that he had ever confessed to Remus that he was terribly ticklish pretty much everywhere.

"Oh, yeah!" Remus launched himself at Sirius, and after tugging the blankets out the way, began tickling him mercilessly.

Sirius squealed and wished he didn't sound quite so girlish when he did so. "Remus, no!" he cried, although the other boy was showing no signs of halting his torture.

"You going to tell me who it is?" Remus asked again as he climbed on top of him.

Sirius shook his head as he tried to get his breath back.

"So be it," Remus stated as he ran his fingers lightly over Sirius's ribs.

Sirius squirmed as he tried to escape but Remus was having none of it.

"What the hell?"

Sirius and Remus both turned towards the door at the sound of James arriving in the dormitory.

"Do you two have any idea what you look like?" James asked casually.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, a look of genuine confusion on his face.

James shook his head and walked towards his own bed. "I do wonder about you two sometimes," he muttered as he shrugged out of his robes and undid his tie.

Remus turned to watch James but didn't alter his position, which was currently straddling Sirius. "I wonder about you, too," he commented casually. "Is that a love bite on your neck? Or has Lily hexed you again?"

"What do you think?" James replied.

Remus sat back on his heels and grinned. "Hex."

"I didn't even deserve it… this time."

Remus laughed loudly and it was then, listening to that joyous sound, that Sirius realised he had a problem. He stayed as still as he could manage, hoping that Remus didn't lean back any further than he already was. He guessed there was little more than an inch or two between Remus and his increasingly painful problem, and he tried to will it to go away.

"Sirius, are you okay?" Remus asked. Sirius blinked at him a time or two. He had completely lost track of the conversation whilst he had been silently praying to whatever deities may be listening to give him the equivalent of a very cold shower.

"You're getting kind of heavy," he finally muttered, causing James to snicker loudly as he gathered his wash things and left the dormitory once more.

"Sorry," Remus apologised and he scooted backwards slightly.

Sirius squeaked as Remus pushed up against him, and he saw the very second that comprehension dawned in his eyes. He felt his face flushing and wished that Remus would just get off of him, or at least say something.

"Oh," Remus finally whispered.

"That's all you have to say?" Sirius asked. "Oh?"

"What do you want me to say?" Remus countered.

"I…I just want you to get off me, please," Sirius stuttered.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Remus clambered off of Sirius and looked warily across the room towards his own empty bed.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered.

"It's okay. You can't help it, no more than any other bloke can."

"I can't believe you're being so nice about this."

"You want me to act like some narrow-minded Slytherin?"

"No, but…I don't know…I just thought you'd be more weird about it."

Remus leaned on his side as he looked down at Sirius. "I'm a werewolf, one of a very unpopular minority group. After what happened last year, did you really think I would judge you on this?"

"I guess not."

Remus nodded and lay back down again. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Was it me or James?"

"What do you mean?"

"Was it James getting undressed that got you hard, or was it me jumping on top of you?"

Sirius looked at Remus for a long time before he answered. "You."

"Oh."

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

"Does it bother you?"

"I don't know." Remus frowned a little. "I don't like to think of you fancying James, not when he's so loopy over Lily. You'd only get your heart broken if you fancied him."

"But…?"

"But, I don't know what to think about me making you hard."

Sirius knew that the time had come for his final confession, but once again he took the coward's way out. "I'd probably have had the same reaction no matter who it was rubbing up against me."

Remus chuckled. "Just your average horny teenager then? You want me to go back to my own bed tonight?"

"What for?"

"So you can take care of that problem I've given you."

"S'okay, you can stay."

"But don't you want to, you know…?"

Sirius shook his head.

"But isn't it painful?"

"Of course it is," Sirius muttered. "But I can't…er…"

"Why not? Everyone does it. You can't tell me you've never done it before."

"'Course I have; just not when someone else knows I'm doing it. I can't do it while you're listening."

"You could go to the bathroom, or I could leave the room."

"But you'd still know I'm doing it."

"But everyone does it."

"You don't," Sirius pointed out.

Remus laughed loudly. "You think I've never…" He continued to chuckle and shake his head.

"You mean you have?" Sirius asked. "You've never said."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Do you know any bloke that advertises it?" he asked. "I don't do it every day, not like James does, but sometimes…"

Sirius groaned. This conversation wasn't exactly helping his problem. "Just go to sleep," he said with a sigh.

Remus sighed too, and settled down to go to sleep. Sirius unfortunately was still awake long into the night, wondering whether he would ever find the courage to tell Remus that he was the focus of his crush.


	34. A Taste of Heaven

A Taste of Heaven

January slipped away, and with it, numerous chances for Sirius to tell Remus about his feelings for him. He knew he was stalling, but couldn't seem to help himself. He wished he could find the inner courage to simply take the plunge. Remus had been so understanding about the first part of his confession; he really had no excuse whatsoever for keeping quiet.

He was thankful that Remus wasn't pestering him about the identity of his crush, because he was sure he would have caved and told him long before now. Instead, he could tell that Remus was quietly trying to see who it was that Sirius had his eye on. Unfortunately for Remus, he seemed to have put himself out of the running right from the start, and was therefore somewhat oblivious to the way that Sirius's eyes were always drawn to him.

The path to Hogsmeade was slippery with ice on the chilly February morning. Sirius would rather have stayed in front of the common room fire, but Remus had been determined to drag him down the village for the morning.

"Where do you need to go?" Sirius asked as he looked into the window of Honeydukes. The shop was already filled with students from Hogwarts, and Sirius could tell that he and Remus wouldn't be able to get through the door for a while yet.

"I need some new quills, and I said I'd pick up some dung bombs for James."

"Why can't he buy them himself?"

"He's in detention this morning."

"What for?"

"Setting off the last of his dung bombs in Greenhouse Four."

Sirius laughed. "Well, I've got to post my mother's birthday present, so why don't you get your quills and I'll meet you in Zonko's?"

"Isn't Damon back yet?" Remus asked as he gestured to the present.

"It's a long way to Australia," Sirius pointed out. "I wish there was another way to contact Regulus, but owls are the only way. I'll just use one of the Post Office owls for Mother's present."

"You could have used Athena if she hadn't hurt her wing on the way back from Cheshire last week."

"Don't worry about it. It'll get there just the same with a post owl."

Remus nodded and hurried off down the road with a wave. Sirius waved back and walked across the road to the Post Office.

The moment he stepped through the door, he was assaulted by the sight of red and pink hearts fluttering around the room. He tried to ignore them as he approached the bored looking witch sitting at the counter.

"Something for your sweetheart?" she asked with an overly bright smile that seemed to be extremely forced.

"I need to send this to London." Sirius placed the parcel on the counter.

"For your girlfriend?" the girl asked. "Can I interest you in getting it wrapped with our Valentine's paper, or how about using one of our special Valentine's owls for the delivery – they've been charmed pink."

"My mother," Sirius replied with a heavy sigh of annoyance. "A normal owl will be fine."

"Oh." The girl scowled when she realised he wasn't going to be paying for the extras, but she took the parcel and placed it on the scales. "For next day delivery it'll be four sickles."

Sirius dug into his pocket and placed four silver coins on the counter. A flying pink heart chose that moment to fly close to his face, and he batted it away impatiently.

"Can I interest you in a Valentine's card for anyone special?" the girl asked.

"I don't have anyone to send one to," Sirius replied, a flush creeping up over his face.

"Really?" the girl asked with a great deal of surprise, and a much brighter smile than any that she had displayed so far that morning. If Sirius didn't miss his guess, he would say that she was actually trying to flirt with him. "Can't you think of anyone?"

"Why are you so eager to sell me a card?" Sirius asked suspiciously. The girl was young and couldn't have been out of Hogwart's a year, if she had been fortunate enough to attend that school. She was pretty enough, with black hair, streaked with red; her eyes were a dark green and framed with long jet lashes. That she was plainly interested in him should have been flattering, but Sirius merely felt uncomfortable as she batted her eyelashes at him and smiled enticingly.

"I…er…"

"What?"

"I messed up the order with the supplier," the girl confessed in a hushed tone. She shot a look at the door behind her, clearly anxious that her boss might overhear her. "I ordered twice as many as I should have done, and if I can't sell the extras then it comes out of my wages."

"Oh. Sorry."

"You're sure you can't think of anyone to buy one for? There must be lots of girls who would be happy to get a card from someone like you. Can't you just take a look at them? Some of them are for friends instead of girlfriends. You could send one of those instead. Please?"

"I'll take a look at them," Sirius muttered.

The girl shot him a grateful smile and he wandered over to the nearby shelf of cards.

"You could even send one to me, if you like," the witch called. "Agatha Bagshaw," she added as an afterthought.

Sirius ignored her as he looked at the cards, most of which appeared to be overly flowery, in varying shades of pink and sickeningly girlish. He scowled at the shelf as he thumbed his way through the cards, wondering how long he could pretend to look at them before he could make his escape.

Why weren't all the other students looking for cards in here? It was the last Hogsmeade weekend before Valentine's Day, they should be here, buying cards and distracting the girl at the counter so that he could slip out the door.

Unfortunately the room was empty, save for himself and Agatha.

He carried on flicking through the cards, wondering whether he should send one to Remus. He wanted to tell Remus how he felt about him face to face, but in light of the fact that he couldn't seem to find the courage, perhaps this way would be better? Not that he relished the thought of it arriving in the Great Hall with everyone watching, especially if Remus were to turn him down.

"We're offering a special deal for Hogwarts students," Agatha called across to him. "For an extra two knuts we'll deliver on the morning for you. And for three knuts extra we include an automatic quill service so you're handwriting isn't recognised."

Sirius nodded with feigned interest. If he was going to send a card to Remus he would certainly sign it; why else would he bother?

He turned away from the overly eager assistant and moved towards another shelf. This one had cards with various cute animals on them. Most of the animals were sleeping, although a few were moving about. Several cats were meowing, and one of the dogs was chasing its tail. Sirius picked up the card with the dog on it and smiled. It wasn't the cutest animal he'd ever seen, but it was certainly amusing. The dog was large and black, and Sirius suspected that if it had been pictured in any other setting it would have looked downright vicious. In fact, it bore a passing resemblance to the dog painted on the wall of the Lupins' basement.

"You like that one?" Agatha asked eagerly. "I love dogs. Do you know if the girl you have in mind is a dog person?"

Sirius flushed. Remus was definitely a dog person; there was no question about it. But if he was going to send the card, he certainly didn't want to do it with Agatha hovering at his shoulder.

A bell rang out from the doorway, causing the girl to scurry back to the counter.

Sirius had almost made up his mind to buy the card, whilst Agatha was otherwise occupied, when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Thought you'd got lost," Remus said as he came up behind him. "What have you got there?"

"Just a card," Sirius muttered as he put it back.

"Aren't you going to buy it?"

"No, I…I was just looking."

"You should send a card to your mystery man," Remus whispered.

Sirius shook his head and moved away from the shelf. "Come on, I'll bet Honeydukes has emptied out a bit now."

"No, wait a minute," Remus argued. "I've got an idea!"

Sirius was speechless as Remus grabbed hold of his hand and tugged him back towards the cards.

"You want to send a card?" Sirius asked, trying to quell the disappointment he was feeling at the idea of Remus wanting to send a card to someone… that is someone besides him.

"It'll be so funny," Remus said as he flicked through some particularly sappy cards.

"What will?"

"We're going to send a card to James and mark it from Lily."

"But, she hates him. And he's still fuming about her reporting him to McGonagall last week, after that stunt with the bludgers in the common room."

"Exactly!" Remus grinned at him. "And we'll send one to her from him, too. Imagine the looks on their faces when they open then. We could just put their initials and see if they figure out who has sent them?"

Remus thumbed through the cards on the rack, finally picking up two of the most revolting ones he could find. "What do you think?" he asked.

Sirius snickered as he looked at the cards. They first card was covered in hideous looking pink flowers, which could be smelt rather strongly from several feet away. The second had a couple of fluffy rabbits on the front, which might have been rather nice, were the rabbits not going at it rather eagerly.

"Well, they're certainly pretty awful," Sirius agreed. "But I don't think either of them would believe the other had sent them a card. It'd just be a waste of money."

"James is conceited enough to believe anyone would send him a card, even Lily, who hates his guts."

"Okay, we'll send them," Sirius conceded. "But, I'm paying for them."

"But…"

"Remus, put your money away!" Sirius ordered. Remus looked like he was going to argue, but Sirius had already put his money on the counter.

"Fine," Remus finally agreed. "I just hope they don't recognise the handwriting.

"Confidentiality is part of the service. These friends of yours won't know who really sent the cards, not unless you tell them." She went on to explain about the automatic quill service as she took Remus to the booth and left him to it.

Sirius watched as Remus chuckled to himself in the booth. He sighed and turned away, only to find himself face to face with the shop assistant again.

"So, do you have any plans for Valentine's Day?" she asked. "Madam Puddifoot has a special menu for the day."

"I'll be back at school on the day," Sirius reminded her. "We only get a few of these Hogsmeade weekends each year."

"You could always sneak out," she suggested. "There are secret passages into the castle from all over the village."

Sirius nodded, already well aware of this fact.

"We could meet during one of your free periods, you do have one that day, don't you?"

Sirius shook his head. "I'm only a fifth year," he explained, wishing she would just give up on him and shut up.

Agatha looked like she didn't believe him. He was about to repeat it, but was saved by Remus who had finished writing out the cards.

"So, why didn't you want to send a card?" Remus asked as they left the post office. "Your mystery man might like a surprise delivery on Valentine's Day. And, by the way, I will figure out the identity of him soon… even if I have to crack the password to your journals."

"You wouldn't dare!" Sirius gave Remus a look of pure horror. If anyone could crack the password it was definitely Remus.

"Don't look so horrified," Remus said with a sigh. "I wouldn't really sneak a look at your journals, you know that."

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. Of course he knew that Remus would never betray his trust like that.

"Come on, let's get check out Honeydukes' new range," Remus suggested as he hooked his arm through Sirius's and tugged him along the path. Sirius let himself be dragged through the village, even though a part of him was wishing he could run back to the post office and buy the card with the dog on for the boy walking beside him.

-o-xXx-o-

Valentine's Day morning saw the arrival of more owls than any other morning in the school year, except the second day of term when numerous letters and parcels arrived from parents checking their children had settled in and delivering various forgotten items.

Sirius was sprinkling sugar on his Rice Runes Cereal when a delivery owl flew low over the table and deposited its envelope in Remus's lap.

"Hey, Remus has got a card," Peter exclaimed as he nudged James in the side.

"So have I," James replied with a smug grin.

"Who's it from?" Sirius asked when he saw James looking at his card in confusion.

"It says it's from 'L.E.'," James said with a frown. "Who's got those initials?"

Remus turned to Sirius and rolled his eyes. They both knew that James's brain rarely checked in before at least ten o'clock.

"Lauren Entwhistle?" Peter suggested with a nod to the Head Girl at the Ravenclaw table.

"She's a seventh year," James pointed out. "I don't think she'd be sending a card to a fifth year."

"She has a boyfriend anyway," Remus said. "But at least you've got more to go on than I have."

"No initials at all?" Peter asked.

"Nope." Remus shook his head. "Just a question mark. Cute card though."

Sirius took the card from Remus's outstretched hand and looked at it in mingled surprise and horror. The card was the one he had been looking at, although now the dog was sitting calmly in the card, an adoring expression on its face. Sirius smiled weakly as he passed the card across the table to James.

Remus meanwhile was nudging him in the ribs and he followed the direction of his friend's gaze. Lily Evans had received her card as well, but unlike most of the recipients of cards, she was looking far from happy. She was also shooting venomous looks in the direction of James.

"You think she knows?" Sirius whispered.

"Don't know," Remus hissed back. "He isn't the only one with those initials, is he?"

"No. There's Justin Puddleton in Hufflepuff for one."

"She keeps glaring at James though."

"As long as she's not glaring at us," Sirius snickered.

"Looks like she's heading this way."

"Potter!" the redhead shouted, drawing the attention of most of the room.

"I'm not deaf," James replied with a frown of his own as he passed Remus his card back. "What do you want?"

"Did you send this?" Lily asked as she thrust her card in front of James's nose.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Why would I send _you_ a card after you went tattling to McGonagall about those bludgers?"

"Because you're a flaming idiot," Lily suggested.

James was a little slow on the uptake, but even he couldn't fail to spot the identical smug smiles on the faces of the two boys sitting opposite him. "You gits!" he yelled as he pulled out his wand and pointed it at them.

"Gotta get to class," Sirius choked out as he scrambled off of the bench. Remus didn't bother wasting time with words and simply grabbed his arm and ran.

They were out of the door before Remus spoke again. "Sirius?"

"What?"

"I didn't want to say anything in front of the others…"

"Say what?" Sirius prompted when Remus had hesitated for far too long.

"My card…it's the one you were looking at in the post office."

"I noticed that, too."

"Sirius…you didn't…you didn't send this to me as a joke, did you?"

"What?"

"Did you send me this card as a joke?" Remus repeated.

"No, never."

"Are you sure?"

Sirius felt his temper rising as Remus continued to question him. "I didn't send you that card, or any other!" he snapped. "I don't know who sent you the card, but it wasn't me!"

Sirius turned on his heel and practically ran down the corridor. He hadn't sent the card, but someone else had, someone who seemed to know what Remus would like as well as he did. He didn't know what was the more upsetting, that someone else had taken a liking to _his_ Remus, or that Remus was so blind he would believe that if Sirius were to send him a card, it would be as a _joke_.

-o-xXx-o-

It took over a week for James to calm down after discovering the true identity of the sender of the cards. He was still ranting about it the following Saturday, and was sulking in the dormitory whilst the rest of the Gryffindors were hanging out in the common room. He'd even managed to come to the conclusion that the two boys might have done irreparable damage to his quest to win the hand of the fairest Lily Evans, as he called her. The fact that he'd not been speaking to the girl in question at the time had apparently been forgotten. They were now – apparently – united in their annoyance at Remus and Sirius, although not united enough for Lily to accept a date with James.

"He'll get over it," Remus said as he looked at his own card again. "I'm sorry I thought you sent this as a joke."

"So you said, several times," Sirius replied, already heartily sick of the subject of Valentine's Day cards and those who might have sent the card in question.

"Perhaps it's someone with really unusual initials," Remus suggested. "Zoe Zeller or Queenie?"

"Maybe," Sirius agreed quietly, though his mind wasn't on the conversation at all.

He wished that either he could find the courage to tell Remus the truth about how he felt, or that Remus would figure it out for himself. Could his best friend really be so blind that he couldn't see how Sirius felt about him?

"I can't believe you didn't get any cards," Remus said, not for the first time. "You're the best looking of all of us, and you didn't get a single one."

Sirius felt his heart increase its pace at Remus's quietly casual appraisal of his looks. He knew looks weren't everything, but the idea that Remus thought he was good looking gave him a particularly pleasant feeling. "I wasn't expecting any. I'm a Black, remember? We're not the most popular family round here."

"If I'd known you weren't going to get a card and I was, I'd have sent you one," Remus whispered confidentially.

"You would?" Sirius asked, brightening up considerably.

"Only so you didn't feel left out," Remus hurriedly added.

"'Course," Sirius replied with a nod, but he couldn't stop the small flutter of hope that was blossoming in his chest.

-o-xXx-o-

"Happy Birthday tooooo yoooooou!" Sirius, James and Peter sang to a rather surprised, but extremely pleased Remus.

"Your sixteenth birthday," Sirius said with a grin. "How does it feel?"

"Great!" Remus replied as he looked at the feast spread out before him. "But, maybe we'd better keep the noise down in case we get caught?"

"Good idea," Peter agreed with a nervous glance towards the kitchen door. "We're awfully close to Professor Sprout's rooms." With more than a dozen detentions each so far that year, they all knew it wouldn't do to be caught out of bounds.

"Make a wish," James ordered. Remus closed his eyes and looked thoughtful. Then he leaned forward to blow out the candles on the chocolate cake that was the centrepiece of the table.

"What did you wish for?" Peter asked.

"I can't tell you," Remus replied with a laugh. "It won't come true if I tell."

"You'll tell us after it comes true though, won't you?" Sirius asked.

"You'll be the first to know," Remus promised. "Now, who wants cake?"

Sirius nodded as he passed Remus a knife. He wondered what his friend had wished for so thoughtfully.

There were so many things his friend wanted, to be cured of Lycanthropy, to have his brother alive and well again… Sirius knew he hadn't wished for either of those things though, he'd wished for something that could come true, he'd said so himself.

Sirius felt his heart rate increase as he watched his friend laughing and joking with the others. He knew exactly what he would have wished for… and that his own wish was as impossible as any of Remus's most desperate desires… at least whilst he struggled to find the courage to take a chance on telling Remus how he felt.

-o-xXx-o-

"I'm telling you, I heard someone down there." James pointed down the corridor they needed to go down to get back to Gryffindor Tower.

"There's no one on the map," Sirius pointed out.

"The map's not perfect, you said so yourself." James tapped the parchment and muttered 'mischief managed' before tucking it back into the pocket of his robes.

"We're working on the problems, and most of those are caused by too many people moving about at once. Since nearly everyone's in bed at the moment, it should be working fine."

"I say we make a run for it," Remus suggested quietly.

"I agree," Sirius nodded.

"There's a surprise," James muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius snapped.

"Not now," Peter interrupted.

"I want to know what you meant," Sirius insisted, his voice rising slightly and waking the occupant of a nearby portrait.

"You want to take your argument back to the dorm?" the irritated wizard in the portrait suggested.

James ignored the suggestion and turned to Sirius with a look of impatience. "Fine, I'll tell you want I meant. I meant that you agree with everything Remus says, no matter what; it's like you don't have a mind of your own any more."

"That's ridiculous," Sirius spluttered.

"Is it?" James asked. "Think about it for a minute and you'll realise it's true. You trail after him like a devoted puppy or something."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do," Peter chimed in. "You're always…"

Sirius cut off Peter with a glare. "Coming from someone who's been living in the shadow of James Potter since first year, I don't think you have the right to criticise me."

"Sirius, calm down," Remus pleaded. "We're near to some of the teachers' quarters; we don't want to wake any of them."

Sirius took a deep breath and reined in his temper.

"And what a surprise," James commented sarcastically. "A few words from Remus, and he calms down like an obedient little puppy."

Sirius glared at James one last time, before stalking off down the corridor.

"The Tower's this way," Peter called after him, bringing Sirius to a halt.

He turned round to see that James and Peter were already heading down the corridor. Remus on the other hand was waiting for him patiently.

"Do you think I'm like what James said?" Sirius asked quietly as they trailed behind the other two boys.

"I…"

"You do, don't you?" Sirius accused.

"I don't mind," Remus said as he hooked his arm through Sirius's.

Sirius slowed his pace and tried to pull his arm from Remus's grip. The other two boys were now some distance ahead of them, climbing up the staircase.

"I like it that you're always around," Remus continued. "I like that I can help you keep your temper, and you do the same for me."

Sirius didn't know what to say to that, and so he merely climbed onto the staircase beside Remus in silence. They were only halfway up the stairs when they felt the familiar creaking that indicated the staircase was about to move.

"Oh no!" Remus muttered as he realised what was happening.

Sirius looked up and saw that James and Peter were already on the upper landing. Unfortunately, he and Remus were now heading in the wrong direction.

"We'll have to go down towards Ravenclaw Tower and double back down the Ancient Runes corridor," Remus called across to the others, as quietly as he could, using frantic hand gestures to convey what they were going to do.

James nodded, and he and Peter disappeared into the corridor that would eventually lead them to the Fat Lady's portrait.

"Pity James has the map," Sirius said as they caught the telltale sound of footsteps on the floor above them.

"Did you hear that?" Remus whispered.

"Mrs Norris," Sirius hissed back as the cat's eyes appeared down the end of the corridor. "Quick, in here!"

Sirius grabbed hold of Remus's arm and pulled him into one of the alcoves that was hidden behind a tapestry. There wasn't much room, but it would have to do until the inquisitive cat had passed them by. He hoped she hadn't seen them, or that Filch himself was in a distant corner of the castle for the night.

"How long should we wait here?" Remus whispered into his ear. Sirius shivered as the warm breath blew his hair back and tickled his ear.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked. "You're not getting a cold or something?"

"No," Sirius replied with a quick shake of his head.

"You're shivering."

Sirius couldn't deny it.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked.

"Nothing."

"You're lying."

"There's nothing wrong."

"I don't believe you," Remus accused sadly. "You've never lied to me before, not ever."

"I'm not lying now."

"Fine, be like that," Remus muttered. "I thought we were best friends, and best friends aren't supposed to keep secrets from each other."

No, they don't, Sirius thought to himself, except when they happen to fancy their best mate and can't find a way to tell them. "I think the coast is clear," he said. "Let's head back to the dorm."

Remus nodded and followed after Sirius.

Sirius hoped, rather than believed, that Remus would drop the discussion.

"You've been acting funny for a while now," Remus continued as soon as they were safely back in the common room. It seemed that James and Peter had not only beaten them back to the tower, they had already gone upstairs to the dormitory. The common room was quiet and was in almost total darkness. Sirius made his way towards the stairs, but it was clear that Remus wasn't going to let this go and had instead taken a seat on one of the sofas. "Have I done something to upset you?"

"You don't understand," Sirius replied. "It's not you, it's me."

"You're not making sense."

"I'm scared," Sirius admitted in a quiet whisper as he sat down next to him. He simply couldn't go on like this. Not knowing how Remus would react was killing him. He had let far too many opportunities slip through his fingers while he struggled to find the courage that the Sorting Hat seemed to believe that he had.

"Of what?"

"This," Sirius whispered and he inched closer to Remus. The glow of the fire cast half of Remus's face into shadow. Sirius could make out the scar he'd received from the werewolf knife and he lifted his hand up to trace it gently with his thumb as he cupped Remus's face.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked in a confused whisper.

Then Sirius's lips found those of the other boy and he kissed him softly. It was hesitant and sloppy and Sirius felt very awkward as he pressed his lips Remus's. His heart was pounding so loudly he was sure that everyone in the tower would be able to hear it. He wished that Remus would kiss him back, and he realised that the kiss would be going a lot better than it was if there was some participation from the other boy.

"Sirius?" Remus gasped as he pulled away. "What are you doing?"

"K-kissing you," Sirius stammered. "D-didn't you like it? Remus?"

Sirius could hear that Remus was breathing as rapidly as he was, and he reached down to grasp his hand. He could tell that Remus was now shaking as much as he was, too. "Remus?" he asked again.

"Why did you do that?" Remus whispered.

"I…" Sirius didn't know what to say. He'd wanted to kiss Remus for months, maybe even years, but why he'd chosen that moment to do so was a mystery even to him. The only answer that really sprang to mind was that it was only now that he had found the courage, but the last thing he wanted was for Remus to think he was scared of him.

"Sirius?"

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered, pulling Remus into a friendly hug, and wishing that he couldn't feel his friend becoming tense at their closeness. He'd never felt Remus stiffen at his touch before, and he felt his heart twinge.

He hugged Remus close, feeling the other boy gradually relax in his arms. He pulled back slightly in order to lean his forehead against Remus's own. "I'm sorry," he whispered again.

He could feel Remus's warm breath mingling with his own, and couldn't stop himself from wanting to move forward once more.

"Sirius?"

Then Remus closed the gap between them and their lips were pressed together once more. With Remus's co-operation the kiss was far less awkward and considerably better than the first. Sirius ran his tongue over Remus's lower lip, instinctively coaxing his mouth open wider. He tentatively pushed his tongue into Remus's mouth, tasting chocolate and something else that he knew was uniquely Remus. He teased Remus's tongue with his own, tempting it back into his own mouth and moaning deep in his throat as Remus's tongue brushed the roof of his mouth.

The noise seemed to pull Remus out of whatever trance he'd been in and he pulled away. Sirius whimpered slightly at the loss of contact, but Remus was now seated as far away from him as possible at the other end of the sofa.

"Guess we've had a bit too much to drink," Remus rasped.

"I only had one."

"I won't tell anyone what you did," Remus continued. "I promise I won't."

"What _we_ did," Sirius corrected. "There are two of us here, and that second time _you_ _kissed me_."

Ignoring the comment about how he'd been just as much of a participant in their second kiss, Remus stated calmly. "You'll regret it in the morning, when you're sober."

"I'm not drunk!" Sirius snapped.

"You have to be," Remus argued. "You can't like _me_ like that."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm…" Remus lifted his hand to his face and absently traced the scar that Sirius had been caressing a minute before.

"I fancy you, Remus, no matter what scars you have. I have done for ages. You said you didn't care if I liked boys instead of girls."

"That's different."

"Why?"

"Because it is. You liking some random boy is totally different to…"

"Liking you," Sirius concluded miserably.

"You've just had too much to drink."

"I'm not drunk," Sirius whispered as he reached out to try to caress the other boy's cheek. But Remus was gone before he could touch him, the portrait hole closing behind him as he fled the Tower.

"Damn," Sirius muttered as followed him out of the common room. The corridors were in semi-darkness, but in the distance he could see Remus hurrying away. He wanted to run after him, call after him…do something…anything, to stop his best friend's flight. But Remus had soon disappeared into the darkness and Sirius was alone. He sank down onto the floor of the corridor and drew up his knees to his chest. Somehow, he suspected that Remus's Birthday wish hadn't been for the love of Sirius Black.


	35. This Ain't the Way it's Meant to Be

This Ain't the Way It's Meant to Be

Remus ran from the castle without much thought as to where he was heading. He realised as he entered the Forbidden Forest that he was making a beeline for his home in Hogsmeade, and taking the shortest route possible.

He stumbled as he ran through the trees and was only saved from falling down the steep hillside by a set of strong arms that helped to steady him.

"What are you doing out here at this time of night?" Firenze asked curiously.

Remus shook his head mutely, still too short of breath to actually speak.

Firenze guided him over to the trunk of a fallen tree and sat him down firmly. "What's happened?" he asked as soon as it was clear that Remus was in a fit state to talk again.

"Nothing," Remus replied, his face flushing with embarrassment, and making him thankful that it was so dark in the forest.

"It can't be nothing," Firenze stated confidently. "You're blushing."

Remus ducked his head to hide his face. "I'm just red from running," he muttered.

"Maybe you humans can tell the difference, but you'll find that we centaurs have much better vision than you lot. It's what makes us such good hunters."

"It's what makes you so impossible to lie to," Remus complained.

"What happened to make you run into the forest in the middle of the night?"

"I…" Remus hesitated and looked at his scuffed shoes with a frown. "Someone kissed me."

Firenze laughed. "And that's a reason to run into the Forbidden Forest at this time of night?"

"It is when it's someone you didn't expect to kiss you."

"Was it Sirius?" Firenze asked quietly.

"How did you-?" Remus cut himself off abruptly, having long since given up on wondering how Firenze and the other centaurs seemed to be so knowledgeable about everything and everyone they came across.

"Because of the way he looks at you," Firenze explained anyway. "The way he's always looked at you."

"I haven't noticed him looking at me strangely."

Firenze laughed. "Of course you haven't noticed. He's always looked at you like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you're the most precious thing in the world to him."

"That's just Sirius looking out for me. We're best friends, and that's what best friends do for each other."

"Since, by your own admission, Sirius kissed you tonight, I think we can safely assume that it isn't just him looking out for you."

Remus was quiet for several minutes before he spoke again. "I don't know what to do," he whispered.

Firenze looked thoughtful for a moment before he replied. "Did you run out here right after he kissed you?"

Remus nodded.

"Then the first thing you should do is go back and apologise to him."

"Apologise?" Remus spluttered. "He was the one who kissed me."

"And by running off like this you've probably done more damage to your friendship than his kiss ever could have."

"But he _kissed_ me," Remus repeated. "What am I supposed to say to him? What if he tries again?"

"You really think he'd risk you running off again? He's probably worried about where you are, regretting kissing you and wishing he could turn back the clock so that he never did it."

"You think?"

"Think about it, Cub. Suppose you kissed someone you really liked and they ran off right after…"

"I wouldn't try again in a hurry," Remus concluded. "I guess I've hurt him, haven't I?"

"I'm sure an apology would go a long way to putting things back on track."

Remus nodded, but made no move to return to the school. "It's going to make things really awkward between us. My best mate fancies me."

"It'll only be awkward if you let it."

"But he kissed me!"

"Is that really what's bothering you?" Firenze asked. "Or are you more upset by the thought that maybe you liked it?"

"I didn't!"

"Didn't you?"

"No!"

"My mistake," Firenze commented with a casual shrug.

"Why would you even think that I'd like kissing a boy?"

Firenze laughed and urged Remus to start walking back towards the school.

"Why?" Remus asked again.

"Why did I think you might like the idea of kissing Sirius?"

"Yeah."

"Because you look at him the same way that he looks at you… or at least I thought you did."

"I'm not like that," Remus exclaimed as he hurried on ahead. "I don't fancy boys, I like girls."

"Any girl in particular?"

"No, but that doesn't mean anything. I just don't have time for dates and stuff. I've got my O.W.L.s to catch up with, and Quidditch; I just don't have time for girls."

"You have time for Sirius."

"He's my best mate, of course I have time for him."

"And if you really wanted a girlfriend, you could find time for her, too."

Remus huffed and grumbled as they reached the edge of the forest.

"I should be getting back to camp," Firenze told him.

"What were you doing out anyway? Thought you had all that new security now?"

"Magorian has us patrolling the forest in case of trouble."

"Sounds fun," Remus commented sarcastically.

"Boring, pointless, and somehow I always seem to get the graveyard shifts."

"Nice!"

"Not the word I'd have chosen," Firenze muttered.

"Have you decided what you're going to do about Ebony's son, yet?" Remus asked, not only curious about the current situation at the centaur camp, but also eager to change the subject.

Firenze shook his head. "I keep putting off making the decision. Magorian tries to force the issue, and I avoid getting myself into situations where he can do so."

"It sounds complicated."

Firenze shrugged. "Not really, but sooner or later I'll have to choose one way or the other anyway. Magorian knows that, and bides his time."

"When will you have to choose by?"

"The summer after this next one," Firenze replied. "After that I will either have to sponsor Taranis, or let another take that position."

"Another like Magorian?" Remus asked.

Firenze nodded. "If I sponsor him and try to teach him the ways of our people, then I'm giving up my birthright. If I don't, then Magorian will choose someone else, someone who shares his values, rather than those I learned from my father."

"Seems like you're in a no win situation to me," Remus commented. They had reached the edge of the forest and Remus knew that Firenze had to return to his people.

"Which is why I seek to avoid making the choice for as long as I can," Firenze replied before turning back to the forest. "Goodnight, Cub."

"And don't call me Cub," Remus called after him. Firenze merely laughed and cantered off into the trees.

Remus didn't want to go back to Gryffindor Tower. He suspected that Sirius was probably still waiting up for him in the common room, and he really didn't want to have the discussion about what had happened just yet. He knew he would have to apologise for running off, but he couldn't help wanting to put it off just a little longer.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius blinked owlishly at the ghost of Romulus Lupin, who had awoken him rather abruptly a moment before. "What time is it?" he asked around a wide yawn.

"Early. Why are you sleeping in the common room?"

"Didn't mean to," Sirius mumbled, rubbing his eyes and yawning again. "Was waiting for Remus to get back."

"Back? Back from where?" Romulus was instantly alert and Sirius cringed slightly at the suspicious glare he received.

"Don't know. He ran off last night and I can't find him on the map at all."

"He's left the school grounds?" Romulus was heading to the door already. "Why didn't you let me know?"

"You're not exactly easy to get a message to," Sirius pointed out, rushing out of the portrait hole after the anxious ghost.

"He'll have gone home," Romulus guessed. "I'll go find him."

"I'm coming, too," Sirius insisted. Romulus didn't bother to point out to him that he shouldn't be leaving the school grounds, not that it would have made any difference.

"Why did he run off?" Romulus asked. "Was it more trouble over his Lycanthropy?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Then what was it?"

Sirius drew to a halt and waited for Romulus to realise that he was no longer running alongside him.

"Sirius?" Romulus turned round and made his way back to Sirius who was studying the stonework of the floor as though it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

"It's because of me," Sirius whispered. "He ran off because of me."

Romulus looked like he didn't believe him at first, but then a look of resignation appeared on his face. "What happened?"

"I did something stupid and scared him away."

"Care to clarify on the 'something stupid'?"

"Not really."

"I'll haunt you 'til you do."

"You'd really do that, wouldn't you?"

"Absolutely. I'm a very meddlesome ghost, when I want to be. Now, what did you do?"

Sirius cringed again. "I sort of kissed him."

Romulus blinked, opened and closed his mouth a time or two, then coughed loudly. "Sort of? You mean that you've finally told him how you feel about him?"

Sirius nodded his head. "Are you really mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?" Romulus asked. "You care for my brother as much as…" He hesitated and gave a small smile. "Even more than I do."

"But I scared him off. He ran away because of me."

"Well, he won't have gone far. Come on, let's go find him."

"He won't want me to find him. He hates _me._"

Romulus laughed again and shook his head. "I doubt that very much indeed."

"But he ran off!"

"And we're going to bring him back. Come on."

Sirius and Romulus hurried from the castle and out onto the school grounds. "Romulus?" Sirius huffed as they swiftly slipped out of the gates.

"What?"

"You remember back at the start of fourth year?" Romulus nodded. "I didn't think about it at the time, but later I wondered if you asked me to stop sharing a bed with Remus because you suspected something."

Romulus shook his head. "I asked you to send Remus back to his own bed for the exact reason I told you at the time. It was only later that I realised you had a thing for him."

"When was that?"

"I don't know when I first started to suspect, but I knew for sure after he got attacked by that group of Ravenclaws. When I saw you with him after that… I just knew."

Sirius chuckled to himself. "Sounds like you knew for sure before I did. I only really realised for definite during the summer holidays."

Romulus sighed. "And now Remus knows."

Sirius couldn't stop himself from mirroring Romulus's sigh. He just wished he knew what to say to Remus when they found him.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus grabbed one of the school brooms and took to the air above the Quidditch pitch. He hadn't slept at all; instead he had sat on a bench in the bleachers, stubbornly avoiding going back to Gryffindor Tower. He was dreadfully tired and he knew that some flying would help to keep him awake.

Although he wasn't a Beater, he released one of those dangerous balls and swung a bat experimentally. If nothing else, hitting bludgers across the sky would be sure to release some of the tension he was feeling.

He was still knocking the bludger around when the inhabitants of the castle started to rise. At first it was the appearance of the odd light or two in the windows. First in Ravenclaw Tower, then in Dumbledore's office, until finally the sun came up and the castle began to bustle with life once more.

"We don't have a practice this morning," a familiar voice called out from nearby.

Remus turned to see Charlene hovering on her broom nearby. "I couldn't sleep," he called back.

"Well, a bludger to the head will fix that, but I don't recommend it."

Remus laughed and swung at the bludger, sending it careering away from both himself and Charlene. "I'm not that desperate for sleep," he told her.

Charlene flew closer and looked at Remus properly. "Have you been to sleep at all?"

Remus shook his head. "Is it that obvious?"

"You look like hell!"

"Thanks," Remus replied dryly.

"I'm heading back inside," Charlene called, swooping down to the ground with a speed that made even Remus gasp at. "You coming?"

Remus nodded and emulated her descent, his speed a little slower, but still fast enough to cause two early morning flyers from Hufflepuff to jump back, startled.

"So, how come you couldn't sleep?" Charlene asked as they walked back to the castle. "The team needs all the players to be wide awake and alert if we're going to win the Cup this year."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine for the match," Remus told her. "It's nothing really." He yawned widely and Charlene stifled a small smile.

"If you're sure?" Charlene said.

Remus nodded, and they made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast.

He scanned the room for his friends, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that none of them were present. He slid onto the bench next to Lily and helped himself to a toasted teacake.

"Good morning to you, too," Lily chided with a teasing smile.

Remus mumbled a reply around a mouthful of food and shrugged apologetically.

"So, Remus, did you ever find out who your Valentine was?"

"How do you know I got one?"

"I saw it," Lily told him.

"Didn't think you'd have noticed, what with getting your own."

Lily snorted with laughter. "I'll get you back for that, by the way."

"I'd expect nothing less from the girl who has captured the heart of Mr James Potter."

"Oh, don't you start. I'm not interested in him and it's about time he realised that. Anyway, stop changing the subject. I was asking about your card, not mine. Did you find out who it was from?"

Remus shook his head. "No."

"You must have a few ideas, a guess or two?"

"Not really thought about it."

"Not at all?" Charlene asked from across the table.

"I might have wondered on the day, but then I sort of forgot about it."

"You forgot about it?" Lily asked, giving him a glare that he thought was entirely too sharp for the occasion.

"I've been busy," Remus muttered. "And unlike you girls, we blokes don't obsess over stupid stuff like Valentine cards."

"So, who did you wonder about on the day?" Lily pressed.

Remus opened his mouth and closed it again before he said the first name that had popped into his mind. Sirius had insisted that he had not sent him the card as a joke, but could he have sent it as a way of trying to tell him how he felt? He cast his mind back to the day in question and tried to recall the exact words of their conversation, but it was too long ago and he couldn't remember.

"Wouldn't you like to know who sent it?" Lily tried again.

"You sound like you know," Remus commented.

"I might."

Remus turned to face Lily who was smiling sweetly and he wondered if she was the one who had sent the card to him. He hoped he was wrong; he didn't want to get on the wrong side of James, not when their friendship had begun so shakily anyway.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius and Romulus returned from Hogsmeade, still no wiser as to where Remus had disappeared.

"Romulus!"

Sirius looked up to see the Hufflepuff Friar hurrying in their direction.

"Heard you were looking for that brother of yours?"

Romulus nodded. "He ran off last night. We don't know where he's gone."

"Apparently not that far," the Friar replied with a chuckle. "He's in the Great Hall, enjoying a rather hearty breakfast."

Sirius exchanged a look of relief with Romulus.

"Should have known he'd return when he was hungry," Romulus said with a chuckle.

"A lad after my own heart," the Friar replied. "I still say he should have been in my house."

"I like having him in Gryffindor, with me," Sirius pointed out.

"I'm sure you do," the Friar agreed. "Now, why don't you run and join him."

"You coming?" Sirius asked Romulus.

Romulus shook his head. "I'll catch up with you both later. I need a word with the Friar."

Sirius looked at the two ghosts curiously, but it was clear that neither were going to elaborate any further whilst he was there. "I'll be heading inside then," he said, turning towards the entrance.

The Great Hall was crowded when Sirius arrived, but he had no trouble spotting Remus, who was laughing loudly from his seat next to Lily.

He was still hovering in the doorway when he saw Lily lean closer to him and whispered something in his ear. Remus looked surprised at whatever it was she had said and Lily nodded and smiled.

Sirius felt his fingers curling into fists as he watched. His appetite was gone and he turned on his heel and bolted for the staircase.

Classes were forgotten as he flung himself down on his bed and pulled the curtains closed.

"Hey, Sirius!" James poked his head in between the bed curtains. "Where've you been all night? And where's Remus? Come on, we've got class in fifteen minutes."

"I'm not going," Sirius muttered.

"You can't just not go to class," Peter pointed out as his head appeared on the opposite side of the bed.

"What's wrong? Where's Remus?" James repeated.

"I'm not well," Sirius lied. "And Remus is in the Great Hall getting breakfast. If you hurry, you can probably catch him."

"Do you want us to get Madam Pomfrey?" Peter asked.

"No, I'm okay."

"If you're okay, you should be in class."

"Just bugger off and leave me alone," Sirius snarled.

"Fine," James snapped back. "Come on, Peter, let's leave him to his sulking."

Sirius called out that he wasn't sulking, but the other two boys had already left the room.

He remained in the dormitory for the rest of the day, and only moved from his bed when his hunger pangs forced him to rummage through his trunk for what was left of his stash of sweets from the last Hogsmeade visit.

His only visitor during the day was Madam Pomfrey, who had apparently been sent to check on him by Professor McGonagall after he had failed to show up to Transfiguration.

Not surprisingly, Madam Pomfrey failed to find anything wrong with him, although she did comment that he was looking very tired. She suggested peace and quiet and for him to rest and take things easy for the rest of the day.

Sirius shut his curtains and tried to get some sleep, but even though he was genuinely tired his mind was far too active to let him.

He heard the sounds of the common room getting crowded after dinner and frowned when he realised that the entire day had passed without Remus coming to check up on him. He felt a twinge of bitter disappointment when he recalled how frequently he had slipped up to the dorms when Remus had been hiding out in them.

The evening dragged and Sirius heard footsteps heading up the stairs and the door creaking open.

"Looks like he's still sulking," James commented. "Why don't you see if you can sort him out?"

Sirius heard Remus sigh and move closer to the bed. "I'll talk to him later," he replied.

Sirius listened as he heard Remus moving things on the bedside table and walking across the room.

"What are you doing?" James asked, echoing Sirius's own silent question.

"Moving my stuff back over here," Remus replied.

"What for? You've not been using your own bed since Christmas."

"I don't want to disturb him, not if he's asleep."

"That's never stopped you getting into bed with him before," James pointed out.

"Just drop it," Remus muttered. "I'm sleeping in my own bed tonight. It's no big deal."

Sirius heard James mutter something else, but he couldn't make out the words over the sound of the door opening and Peter arriving in the room.

Gradually the sounds of the other boys died down, and eventually Sirius's exhaustion overtook him and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

-o-xXx-o-

"Sirius?"

The voice whispered in the darkness and drew him out of his much needed slumber.

"Sirius?"

"What is it?" Sirius muttered, refusing to open his eyes to the bright glare of Remus's lit wand.

"Can I talk to you?" Remus asked hesitantly.

Sirius opened his eyes reluctantly. "It can't wait until morning?" he asked.

Remus shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Sure you want to sit there?" Sirius asked. He didn't try to hide the bitterness in his voice.

"Do you really like me, you know, like that?" Remus replied, ignoring Sirius's question entirely.

Sirius bit back a sarcastic response and simply nodded. Remus didn't say anything for a minute and Sirius could see that he was shivering in the coldness of the dormitory. "You should get into bed," he advised, nodding towards Remus's bed across the room. "You're freezing."

Remus took his advice, but ignored the gesture towards his own bed. Instead, he quickly crawled under Sirius's covers and propped himself up on one elbow. "I don't fancy boys," he said firmly. "Just so you know."

"You kissed me back," Sirius pointed out. "And before you say anything, I wasn't drunk."

"I know you weren't," Remus admitted, ignoring his first comment. "I just wanted to give you an out if you found out you regretted it later. Guess you aren't going to though, are you?"

Sirius shook his head silently.

"I'm sorry I reacted so badly," Remus whispered. "I didn't mean to freak out like that. You just took me by surprise."

Sirius nodded his acceptance of the apology.

"How did you know you liked boys and not girls?"

Sirius frowned as he thought about the question. "I guess I knew when I realised that it was only boys that made my heart race and my palms get all sweaty and… you know?"

Remus frowned and shook his head slightly. "Know what?"

Sirius knew that the sensible thing to do would be to say that it was only thinking about boys, and Remus in particularly, that ever got him hard. But with Remus lying in his bed, so close and yet not close enough, it was just so much more tempting to demonstrate his point. He also wanted to know whether this would prompt a reaction from Remus, since he appeared to be determined to ignore the fact that he had kissed him back.

He inched his way closer to Remus and tilted his hips ever so slightly towards the other boy. Remus's eyes widened and his mouth opened into a small "oh" as Sirius proceeded to tentatively rub up against him. He would have stopped as soon as he knew he'd made his point except for one thing… the telltale twitch from within Remus's pyjama bottoms that told him that his friend wasn't entirely immune to his touch.

He wanted to speak, to say something, anything, but he suspected that a single word would break the spell that seemed to have settled over the two of them. So, instead he continued to rock his hips gently towards Remus, whose eyes fluttered closed as he quietly moaned.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Remus eventually whispered.

"It's all right," Sirius assured him. He reached across and rested his hand on Remus's hip, caressing him gently.

"What if the others wake up?"

"You know James sleeps like the dead, and Peter won't say anything even if he hears."

"It's still wrong," Remus said. "It's not normal."

"What harm does it do anyone?" Sirius countered. "Lots of wizards are gay, just like lots of muggles are."

"But, _I'm _not."

"Aren't you?" Sirius asked, rocking his hips a little more forcefully and eliciting a sharp breath from Remus who matched his movement with a thrust of his own.

"I have a girlfriend," Remus replied.

Sirius stilled his movements so quickly that any observer might be forgiven for thinking that he'd been petrified. "What?" he whispered. "Since when? Who?"

"Since this morning," Remus whispered. "We're going on the next Hogsmeade weekend together."

"Then what are you doing here with me?" Sirius snapped, his voice rising as he pulled away from Remus and sat up.

"I didn't want this to happen," Remus muttered. "I just wanted to let you know before you found out from someone else."

"You could have just told me over breakfast or something."

"And have you react like you're doing now in front of the rest of the school?"

"The way I'm…" Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "If I'm taking it badly it's because a minute ago we were practically getting each other off."

"You mean you were getting off by rubbing your cock against me," Remus argued.

Sirius reeled back as though he'd been slapped. "Get out of here!" he snapped. "Get back to your own bed, go on!"

"I didn't mean to upset you. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Please, Remus. Just go back to your own bed."

"Sirius?"

"We'll talk in the morning, okay?"

Remus nodded and crawled out from beneath the covers. Sirius couldn't stop himself from looking at Remus's crotch and felt a very brief moment of satisfaction when he saw how much his friend had liked what they'd been doing.

Remus was just climbing into his own bed when Sirius realised that he'd never answered his other question. "Remus?" he called across the room.

The other boy turned back to him with a questioning gaze.

"Who is she?" Sirius asked, knowing he wouldn't be able to get to sleep until he knew the identity of the girl he was already beginning to see as his rival.

"Charlene," Remus replied as he climbed into bed. "She was the one who sent me that card. Lily told me this morning."

Sirius nodded to himself and settled back down beneath the covers. A quick glance at the other beds confirmed that both James and Peter had slept through the argument, but Sirius knew that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. He was painfully aroused, but the idea of taking care of the problem when he knew that Remus was lying across the room, thinking about his new girlfriend, seemed somehow distasteful to him.


	36. Take a Chance on Me

A/N: Just to clarify something in the last chapter. I promise that Sirius was not trying to force himself on Remus. He was only teasing him, to try and get a reaction out of him.

Take a Chance on Me

Sirius sat at the table and forced himself to eat his breakfast. Remus was sitting next to him as always, but at the other side of him was Charlene, who was talking animatedly about Quidditch.

Remus was laughing and joking, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to run from the room.

"What's your problem?" James asked after Sirius had failed to answer his question for the third time.

"I've not got a problem," Sirius replied, forcing a cheerful, and entirely fake, smile onto his face. He tried to concentrate on what James was saying to him, but he couldn't seem to focus on his words, instead all he could hear was Remus and Charlene as they discussed the varying tactics of the professional Quidditch teams.

He had fully intended to speak with Remus this morning, but so far he had not had the chance to say much more than a hurried 'morning'. First it was James and Peter hanging around and getting in the way, then Charlene had appeared as well. Was it too much to ask for a few minutes alone with his best friend?

"Are you coming to class, Remus?" Charlene asked as she gathered her books together and stood up.

"I'll catch you up," Remus promised.

Charlene nodded and headed on her way.

"Come on, Sirius," Remus said, tugging on his arm. "We've got a few minutes before class."

Sirius nodded and followed after Remus. They didn't speak until they were out of the way of the rest of the students in a deserted corridor.

"Well?" Remus asked. "You said you wanted to talk this morning."

Sirius studied his shoes. Now that he was finally alone with Remus he had no idea what he was going to say.

"I thought you liked Charlie?" Remus asked. "You always got along okay with her."

"I do."

"Then why couldn't you even manage to say a polite good morning to her this morning?" Remus snapped.

"I doubt she noticed," Sirius muttered. "She was too busy fawning all over you to see anyone else in the room."

"She would have spoken to you if you'd bothered to open your mouth."

"If she wanted to speak to me, all she had to do was say something."

"Don't be so childish," Remus snapped. "You were sitting there sulking and glaring at everyone – of course she wouldn't want to speak to you."

"Well, what do you expect?" Sirius snapped back. "I finally pluck up the courage to tell you how I feel and within twenty four hours you suddenly produce a girlfriend. Forgive me for not being as thrilled as you are."

"I'm sorry," Remus replied. "I didn't do it like that on purpose."

"Didn't you?" Sirius asked, his tone making it clear that he didn't believe him.

"I didn't!"

"You kissed me, too; you can deny it all you like, but we both know its true."

"I'm sorry, Sirius." Remus turned away as he spoke. "I'm not like that."

Sirius didn't reply. After all, what could he say that he hadn't already said? Remus had Charlene now and would only continue to deny that he had any feelings for Sirius that went beyond friendship.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius tried not to be jealous of Charlene, but the green-eyed monster had reared its ugly head and had made itself permanently at home at Sirius's side.

"Don't they talk about anything other than Quidditch?" Peter asked after he, James and Sirius had escaped to the dormitory, away from the young lovebirds, as James had dubbed them.

Sirius pulled out his textbook and started to read. He felt a coolness that he had long since realised was Romulus close by.

"Remus downstairs?" he asked.

"Yeah," James replied. "With his new girlfriend."

Peter snickered, and Romulus shot a glance at Sirius, who steadily refused to take his eyes from his book.

"I'd better grab my broom and head to practice," James said. "You coming to watch, Peter?"

"Sure."

Sirius mumbled something appropriate as the two boys left him alone with Romulus.

"You okay?" Romulus asked quietly.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders and looked up briefly. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you fancy my brother," Romulus stated calmly. "Did you think I'd forgotten what you told me?"

"Hoped," Sirius replied with a wry smile. "I should never have said anything to Remus at all. Should have kept my stupid mouth shut."

"No, you did the right thing telling him how you felt."

"If that's the case, why do I feel so miserable?"

"Because he's with someone else."

"It doesn't matter," Sirius muttered. "I was stupid to think he'd ever like me back like that."

Romulus reached out his hand as though to pat Sirius consolingly on the arm, before he remembered that he couldn't do so.

Sirius smiled at him weakly. "I thought ghosts could touch and move things."

"With a lot of practice, they can."

"They?"

"We. It's so easy to forget."

"Even with Myrtle reminding you?" Sirius asked with a grin. Although the ghost of the young girl was still lingering around, she had not managed to persuade Romulus to take her up on her offer, despite all the fifth year Gryffindor boys encouraging her at every given opportunity.

Romulus shook his head. "You're not changing the subject that easily. Now, what are you going to do about Remus?"

"What can I do? He rejected me and… and…"

"Oh, Sirius."

"I'm okay," Sirius insisted as he dashed the back of his hand across his face, trying to hide the treacherous tears that were determined to sneak out of his eyes when he least wanted them to do so. "No wonder he doesn't want to be with me," he muttered dejectedly. "He probably thinks I'm a right girl, crying all the time."

Romulus laughed. "I'm sure he thinks nothing of the sort. He's cried enough himself over the years, and if he said anything to you about you being upset, all you'd have to do is remind him of that fact. Everyone cries sometimes."

"You don't."

Romulus shook his head and snorted with laughter again. "You think that, do you?"

"I've never seen you."

"How short is the memory of youth," Romulus said with a sigh. "You've forgotten the last time you saw me in the flesh so easily?"

Sirius frowned as he cast his mind back. "The Wizengamot," he said. "After you spoke to Remus through the mirrors. Oh…"

Romulus nodded.

"I'd forgotten," Sirius admitted, feeling slightly better about things as he recalled that Romulus had indeed been tearful on that particular day. Of course, his circumstances had been entirely different, but it still cheered him a little.

"Now, what about Remus and this Charlie?"

"They're going to Hogsmeade together."

"I know that," Romulus replied. "The Friar and Sir Nicholas were practically falling over each other in their eagerness to fill me in on that bit of gossip. I want to know what you're going to do?"

"You're going to help me split them up?" Sirius suggested with a grin.

"Certainly not," Romulus told him with a stern look. "I want to know that you're going to be all right with them."

"It'll take some time to get used to," Sirius admitted. "But I'll be okay with it eventually."

"You want a bit of advice?"

"Depends what it is."

"Well, I'll give it to you anyway. Get used to it real quick, unless you want the whole school to know about your crush on Remus. The ghosts are already gossiping – they haven't much else to do with their time – and it's only a matter of time before the other students pick up on it, too."

"So, unless I want to be outed as a queer in front of the whole school, I'd better smile and offer them my congratulations?"

"I wouldn't have put it quite like that, but yes."

Sirius groaned and threw himself back down on the bed. "Maybe they'll break up soon?"

"Maybe they will, but if they don't you'll only do more damage to your friendship if you don't try to accept them."

Sirius knew that Romulus was right, and when he went back down to the common room later that evening he made a real effort to act as though everything was normal, and as though he was thrilled that Remus and Charlene were now an item.

Charlene seemed to accept what he said at face value, but he could tell that Remus wasn't entirely convinced. Of course, it would probably help his cause if he could stop growling every time he saw the couple brush hands, or even look at each other in a certain way.

That night, back in the dormitory, Sirius was disappointed to find that Remus was once again back in his own bed, instead of curled up at his side.

"Sirius?" Remus called in a loud whisper.

"Yes?"

"Thanks for making an effort to like Charlie."

"I liked her already," Sirius pointed out.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know."

"It means a lot to me," Remus whispered. "I know it can't be easy for you to see me with her."

"You can say that again," Sirius muttered under his breath.

"It's better this way."

"Is it? Is it really?" Sirius asked, the bitterness creeping into his voice, despite his best efforts to stop it. "Better for who?"

"Everyone," Remus replied. "You can't tell me that your parents would be happy about you being with a boy instead of a girl. You're the Black heir, the eldest son. Your family has plans for you, plans that involve girls and marriage to one of them. You'll have a family and forget all about me, and this silly idea you have about being gay."

Sirius snarled as he climbed out of bed and stalked across the room. "I don't give a toss what my family wants me to do," he hissed. "I'm not marrying any of those girls. Even if I can't have you, it won't change how I feel about you. It won't change the fact that I fancy other boys and not girls."

Remus shrank back on his bed as Sirius loomed over him. "Maybe it's just a phase?" he suggested.

Sirius climbed onto the bed and took Remus's face between his hands. "Or maybe it's not," he whispered as he drew closer. He stopped when his lips were barely an inch from Remus's own, waiting for the other boy to move towards him.

His breathing grew heavy and he was sure that Remus must be able to hear his heart pounding in his chest, but he didn't move any closer.

"Sirius, don't," Remus whispered.

"I like you, Remus," Sirius replied, making no effort to pull back. "I like you, I fancy you, I think I might even be in-"

"No!" Remus pushed Sirius back slightly. "Don't say it. You're not! You can't be."

"Why not?"

"Because you just can't," Remus insisted.

"You might have stopped me saying it, but it doesn't mean I don't feel it," whispered Sirius, before climbing off of the bed and moving back to his own.

He heard Remus swear quietly to himself, and silently echoed that sentiment.

-o-xXx-o-

Things were still rather tenuous between them when the next full moon came around.

It didn't make things any easier when Charlene insisted on walking Remus to the entrance to the tunnel, and making it clear that she was as genuinely worried about Remus as the rest of his friends were.

"Take care of him for me," Charlene whispered just before Sirius followed Remus into the tunnel.

"I always do," Sirius told her honestly.

As they walked down the tunnel and through Hogsmeade, still closely chaperoned by Aberforth Dumbledore, Sirius began to think that maybe things between them could go back to normal.

They laughed and joked and tried to make light of things, just as they had always done when facing the approaching full moon.

They were still laughing about the disastrous results of Remus's recent Transfiguration test when they arrived in the basement.

"I'd better get ready," Remus said. "Only got ten minutes or so before it starts."

"It's not my fault we're late," Sirius pointed out. He didn't add that it was Remus and Charlene saying goodbye that had made them later than usual, even though that had been the case.

"I know it's not," Remus replied. "You going to turn round so I can get undressed."

"What?" Sirius asked, wondering for a moment if he had misheard.

"Turn round," Remus repeated, gesturing with his hand. "Hurry up, I don't want to have to waste tomorrow mending my robes."

"But…" Sirius faltered as he realised what Remus was asking. The young werewolf had long since lost his shyness in his presence. Long gone were the nights when he had been too self-conscious about his self-inflicted scars to undress in front of his best friend.

At least Sirius had thought those days had passed. Apparently he was wrong.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Remus muttered.

"No, it's okay," Sirius replied stiffly. "I understand. You don't want me checking you out. I'll go wait upstairs."

"You don't have to do that," Remus told him. "Just turn round."

"I'll wait upstairs," Sirius repeated, dashing for the stairs and hoping that Remus could not see the hurt in his eyes or hear it in his voice.

"Sirius?" Remus called a few minutes later. "You can come back down now."

Sirius sat at the top of the stairs. He made no effort to move back down them and instead waited for the sun to go down.

"Sirius, don't be bloody childish!" Remus yelled up at him.

"I'll be down once you've transformed," Sirius called, adding under his breath, "Wouldn't want you to risk me seeing a bit of flesh and jumping your bones."

Sirius remained stubbornly at the top of the stairs until he heard Moony's first howl of the night. Once he was sure that Remus was no longer human, he crept down the basement stairs once more and looked into the cage.

Moony was pacing the basement, snarling in a manner that Sirius hadn't seen since back in Remus's second year, when he had first ventured into the Lupins' basement on the night of the full moon.

"Moony," he whispered. "Come on, calm down. It's only me. It's Sirius."

Sirius approached as close to the cage as he could, but was startled when the wolf charged at the barrier, his jaws snapping as he tried to leap at him.

Sirius stumbled backwards, leaning against the wall, his heart pounding in fear.

"Sirius?" Romulus asked as he appeared in the basement as he always did.

"Something's wrong," Sirius replied. "Moony's angry."

Even as he spoke, the wolf charged at the barrier again, snarling and howling when he was unable to break through.

"Maybe I should wait upstairs?" Sirius suggested. "It seems to be me that Moony's mad at."

"It's not Moony that's angry," Romulus told him. "It's Remus. I know it's easy to forget, but the wolf is merely a part of Remus, not a totally separate entity."

"But, Remus talks like they're two separate beings."

"Remus hates the wolf; it's easier to think of it as apart from him. But, I've been researching werewolves ever since we went on the run, and the wolf is as much a part of him as any of his limbs. We might call the wolf Moony, but it's still a part of Remus. We only gave the wolf a separate name to make it easier for Remus to understand what was happening to him after he was bitten. It was easier for a six year old to think of the wolf as something separate, but it isn't really true. Remus is angry and conflicted, and we can both take a pretty good guess as to why."

"But, I've been trying to get on with Charlie, really I have."

"I know, but that doesn't change the fact that things aren't entirely right between the two of you. If he were human right now, Remus would be bottling things up, or arguing and fighting with you. But the wolf part of him doesn't have that option. The wolf is dominant tonight, and all it understands is that things have changed between the two of you. As your friendship's grown stronger, so has the bond between you and Moony. Now the wolf can sense the change, even though it doesn't understand it. It isn't that the wolf is angry with you, it's that the wolf is a part of Remus and _he_ is angry at you, and probably at himself, too."

"You mean the wolf doesn't like the idea of me and Remus being… you know… like that?"

"I doubt the wolf would even understand the complexities of the situation," Romulus said with a shake of his head. "The wolf doesn't care if you fancy Remus. But until things are completely right between you and Remus, Remus's anger will be coming out through Moony. As a human, he can bottle up his feelings all the time, but not as a wolf."

"Moony's going to punish Remus for my mistake," Sirius whispered regretfully.

"Don't beat yourself up over it," Romulus advised. "Look, he's calming down a little now."

"Not much," replied Sirius, not moving from his place near the wall in case his movement caused the wolf to attack the barrier again.

"You might as well take a seat," Romulus commented. "It's going to be a long night."

"The full moon nights always are."

-o-xXx-o-

The next morning Sirius waited for the moment when he knew that the change was about to take place before he bolted for the stairs.

He knew that Remus, despite the difficult night, wasn't so badly injured he needed assistance in getting up the stairs.

He put the kettle over the stove in order to brew them a couple of hot drinks before they set out for Hogwart's, in what was promising to be a rainy and miserable day.

"Sirius?" Remus called from the basement. "Are you still here?"

Sirius was tempted to pretend not to hear him, but he knew that not only would it be rather childish, but that Romulus was still lurking around and would tell Remus he was there anyway. "I'm in the kitchen," he called.

He kept his back to the basement door as he pulled mugs from the cupboard and spoons from the cutlery drawer.

"I thought maybe you'd left me here," Remus said as he appeared in the kitchen.

Sirius shook his head. "You want tea or coffee?"

"Tea," Remus replied. "But, I need you to patch my back up a bit first, if you don't mind."

"You sure you don't want to wait until we get back to school, and have Madam Pomfrey sort it out?" Sirius turned round just in time to see Remus flinch at his words.

"I guess I deserved that," Remus said as he sat down at the table and hung his head.

Sirius sighed and opened up his kit of potions. "Turn round and let me take a look at it."

Remus gave him a small smile as he complied with the request. "I don't think it's too bad, but I can't see for myself. It doesn't hurt too much."

"It's pretty shallow," Sirius agreed, quickly performing the charm to clean the wound, and knit the skin back together.

"All done?" Remus asked after Sirius had stepped away and turned back towards the now boiling kettle.

"Yeah," Sirius replied shortly. "You can cover yourself up now."

From the corner of his eye he saw Remus flinch again. "I said I was sorry about that."

"Did you?" Sirius asked. "I didn't hear you apologise."

"Okay, that's enough," Romulus stated as he glided into the room. Both boys hung their heads in shame. "Last night was bad, and we all know why. Now unless you want every full moon from now on to be a replay of this one – and, if my guess is right, getting steadily worse – I suggest you two sort things out… and quickly."

Romulus disappeared, leaving the two boys to stare at the tabletop as they each waited for the other to make the first move.

"Sorry," Remus finally whispered. "When I asked you not to watch me undress, I guess it was a bit thoughtless. It's not like you've not seen me naked before."

Sirius poured them two cups of tea and sat down opposite Remus. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry I ran off like that."

Remus sipped at the hot tea, his gaze fixed firmly on the beverage. "I don't want the next full moon to be like last night."

"It won't be," Sirius assured him. "We'll have things back to normal by then and it'll be just like before."

"Will it?"

Sirius nodded, though he didn't believe it any more than Remus did.

-o-xXx-o-

By the end of the week Sirius had come to the conclusion that the way to fix things was to pretend that nothing had happened. All he had to do was convince Remus that he was fine with the idea of him dating Charlene, and hope that by fooling Remus, he could avoid any more full moons like the last one.

Unfortunately for him, whilst Remus had been annoyingly oblivious to his feelings before, now he had become far more observant and fooling him was not going to be easy. Especially when Remus was spending more and more time with Charlene, but watching Sirius's every move when they were all in the room together.

"I've got to say," James commented one afternoon after Quidditch practice, "Charlie is looking quite hot."

"You mean you've finally given up on Lily?" Peter teased.

"Never," James declared. "But, you've got to admit, Remus has got himself a good one. Don't you agree, Sirius?"

Sirius nodded silently, not daring to do anything else, lest he give away his secret.

"What about you, Sirius?" Peter asked. "Got your eye on anyone? The next Hogsmeade weekend isn't that far away."

"I'll probably stay here, or just go with you guys," Sirius replied with a casual shrug. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to risk seeing Remus and Charlene on their date, but the thought of sitting around in the castle, wondering what they were doing, was just as untenable.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus tried to ignore the smirks of his friends, and most particularly James, as he picked out his clothes for his first real date, scheduled the day before the next full moon.

"You're not wearing that, are you?" James commented with a grin.

Remus looked at the plain blue shirt and frowned. "Why not?"

"It's just a bit boring," James replied. "You should pick something that makes you stand out from the crowd."

Remus looked through his wardrobe doubtfully. "Most of my stuff is all similar to this."

"It can't be!"

Remus shrugged. "It is. I've not got loads of weird stuff like you have."

"You can borrow something of mine, if you like," James offered, ignoring comment about the weirdness of his clothes. "We're about the same size."

Remus chewed on his lip, reluctant to have James's input into his clothing choices, after all, this was the boy who didn't even seem able to find two matching socks.

James wasn't taking no for an answer though, and was rummaging through his own wardrobe. "This will look good on you," he said with a grin, tossing a gaudy purple shirt with a flowery pattern across the room.

Remus picked it up gingerly. "I'm not sure. The colour's a bit…er…loud."

"That's the whole point," James pointed out with a laugh. "You want to be noticed if you're out with a girl."

Remus scowled. He didn't want to be noticed at all, but for some reason James was determined that he should be. "This isn't a wind up is it?" he asked cautiously. "Some way to make me look like an idiot in front of the whole of Hogsmeade?"

James shook his head and looked insulted at the idea. "Just try it on and see how it looks. You can wear it down to the common room and see what the reactions of everyone are like. You've plenty of time to change if you don't like it."

It sounded perfectly reasonable when he put it like that, so Remus reluctantly tugged on the shirt. It was a little bit too short in the sleeves, but other than that it was okay.

James disappeared down to the common room whilst Remus set about fixing his hair. He was just finishing up when the door of the dormitory burst open, and Sirius walked into the room.

Remus couldn't really say what it was that Sirius said when he saw him, but his reaction was certainly something he had never seen from anyone before. "James loaned me the shirt," he explained, absentmindedly smoothing down the front. "I'm not sure it's really suitable."

Sirius nodded mutely.

"You think I should change?"

Sirius shook his head.

"So, I look okay?"

Sirius sat down on the edge of his bed, the books he had been holding resting on his lap. "You look great," he finally said.

"Really? You think Charlie will like it?"

Sirius nodded again. "She'd have to be blind not to. You look…amazing."

Remus grinned widely. "I guess I'd better get going," he said. "I'll see you in the village later?"

"I don't know." Sirius looked out of the window. "I might just stay here and catch up on my homework. I've still got that Potions essay to do."

Remus nodded and promised to fill him in on all the details later.

"Can hardly wait," Sirius replied with a grin.

Remus was momentarily startled by Sirius's enthusiastic reply, but quickly realised that Sirius was merely lying to cover up his own feelings again. "You sure you're okay with this?"

Sirius turned to face him with a sharp glare. "Would it make any difference if I said I wasn't?" he asked.

"No. I'm sorry. I really like her."

"And I really like you," Sirius countered.

Remus sat down beside him and studied his hands for several minutes.

"I can't help the way I feel," Sirius continued. "I've tried not to let you see how jealous I am, but we both know I'm rubbish at hiding my feelings."

Remus snorted. "I wouldn't say that," he commented wryly. "You kept them hidden for quite some time."

Sirius gave a snort of his own and peeked at Remus out of the corner of his eye. "All I'm asking for is a chance, is that too much to ask?"

"I guess not."

Sirius, who had clearly been expecting a different answer, looked Remus in the eyes. "Really?"

Remus nodded.

"Can I… erm… would you mind if I… you know…?"

Remus twisted round so that he was facing Sirius properly. "Okay."

Sirius looked hesitant as he slowly inched his way closer. "Remus," he whispered, right before his lips touched those of the other boy.

Remus closed his eyes as Sirius kissed him. He heard the sound of a faint whimper and realised he had made it. He reached out and placed his hands on Sirius's shoulders; he could feel Sirius's own hands on his waist, drawing him closer. He heard Sirius moan and wrapped his arms tight around his neck.

He could feel Sirius's tongue brushing against his lips and he opened his mouth a little wider. This was wrong, a small voice at the back of his mind warned him. Boys were supposed to kiss girls, not other boys. He nipped at Sirius's lower lip, and felt his pulse quicken when Sirius deepened the kiss in response.

He didn't remember the shirt becoming untucked, but suddenly he felt one of Sirius's hands creeping beneath the hem at the back of the shirt, and he felt warm fingers stroking his back, sending shivers down his spine. Despite his reservations about what they were doing, it felt good, and he reached round to unbutton Sirius's own shirt, pushing it back off his shoulders as his hands searched for bare skin.

He could feel Sirius's heartbeat, pounding beneath his palm, and knew his own was matching it beat for beat.

He shouldn't be enjoying this so much.

He shouldn't be getting so excited at the feel of another boy's hands on his skin, or his own hands caressing that same boy's bare chest.

He wasn't sure when they went from sitting up to lying down, but there was no denying the fact that Sirius was stretched out beneath him when they finally pulled their lips apart.

"Damn," Sirius whispered, his mouth stretching into a grin, a genuine one this time.

Remus was still having difficulty catching his breath and could only gaze down at Sirius silently. He certainly echoed the sentiment though.

"Your shirt's undone," Sirius said.

"Yours, too."

"I'd not noticed."

Remus climbed off of Sirius and sat back down on the bed. "I'm supposed to be meeting Charlie down in the Entrance Hall," he said quietly.

"Do you have to?"

"I can't just stand her up," Remus pointed out. "She doesn't deserve that."

"You'll explain things to her though?"

Remus nodded as he buttoned up his shirt once more. His hair was now a rumpled mess, but it would have to do. "I'll be back later," he said, his hand on the door handle.

"Wait a minute," Sirius called, scrambling off of the bed and moving towards him.

The kiss was brief, a soft brushing of lips against his own, and Remus didn't have time to respond at all. "Good luck," Sirius whispered.

Remus ducked out of the door, hoping that no one could tell, just by looking at his face, what he had been doing a few minutes before.

Charlene was waiting for him, just as they had planned, and Remus felt his heart jump at the sight of the pretty young Quidditch player. Surely that wasn't right? If he liked boys and not girls, then why did his heart start racing when he saw her, too?

"Hi, Remus," Charlene called. "Is that a new shirt?"

Remus shook his head. "I borrowed it."

"From Sirius?"

Remus shook his head. "No, from James."

"Are they going into Hogsmeade today?"

"James and Peter are."

"And Sirius?"

"I think he's staying here," Remus replied.

Charlene shrugged and smiled. "Shall we go?"

Remus knew that he should call things to a halt now, but he'd actually been looking forward to the date ever since they had begun planning it. Now he was finally there, he didn't want to turn back. He felt a twinge of guilt when he recalled that Sirius was waiting for him to return, but he pushed it aside as he smiled at his date. "You look very nice today," he offered, his face flushing a little with embarrassment.

Charlene blushed, hooked her arm through his and steered him out of the doors.

As dates went, Remus had nothing to compare it to, but he enjoyed the time he spent wandering through Hogsmeade with Charlene at his side. The village was crowded with students and he tried his best to ignore all the stares they were getting.

They were walking towards Remus's house when the rain began to fall. "Come on!" Remus ordered, grabbing Charlene's hand and taking off for the house at a run. They made it inside just as the downpour began in earnest.

They were laughing as they shut the door behind them and Remus realised that this was the first time they had ever actually been alone together. "You want to see the house?" he asked.

Charlene nodded and he gave her a quick tour of the main rooms, carefully avoiding the basement.

Once the tour was over, Remus sat with Charlene in the living room, where they chatted about lessons and homework and other trivial topics.

The conversation came easily, and there were only a few awkward pauses. It was in one of these pauses that Charlene asked a question that took Remus by surprise.

"What?" he asked.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" Charlene repeated.

Remus felt his cheeks reddening as he recalled the heated kiss he had shared with Sirius shortly before leaving the castle. He knew that should he answer 'yes' to the question, the next one would be 'who?' and the last thing he wanted to do was confess to anyone that he had kissed another boy.

He knew Sirius wanted a relationship with him. He also knew that he liked kissing Sirius, far more than he should. But he could not bring himself to tell Charlene about the kiss.

Thankfully, Charlene took his silence as embarrassment over lack of experience. "Me neither," she said with a smile. "You want to?"

Remus knew what answer she was expecting and he nodded slowly.

The kiss was different to the one he had shared with Sirius; it was softer and there was a lot less touching involved. The only parts of their bodies that were touching were their lips and there were no tongues or teeth involved, not like earlier.

"How was it?" Charlene asked after they had sat back from each other.

Remus smiled. It hadn't been as passionate as the one he had shared with Sirius earlier that afternoon, but his pulse had quickened slightly. He hadn't felt repulsed by the idea of kissing Charlene, and the kiss had been quite pleasant. He wasn't sure what that meant with regard to Sirius, but when he kissed Charlene a second time he knew the choice had been made.

The kiss with Sirius had been a momentary lapse of judgement, and that was all. He wasn't gay; he couldn't be, not when he enjoyed kissing Charlene, too.

As they made their way back to Hogwart's, Remus wondered how he was going to tell Sirius about his decision. It was a conversation that he wasn't looking forward to at all. The full moon was the following night and he dreaded the outcome of that if the two of them had had another fight. He wondered if he might be able to put off the discussion until after the full moon had passed. He knew it wasn't fair on Sirius, but it was the only thing he could think of to do.


	37. Are You Just Using Me?

Are You Just Using Me?

Sirius stretched out on his bed with a huge grin on his face.

"You're looking very pleased with yourself," Romulus commented as he drifted through the wall.

Sirius sat up and cheerfully bounced off the end of the bed. "I am," he declared.

"Any particular reason why?"

"Because of Remus," Sirius elaborated with a thoroughly dreamy sounding sigh.

Romulus snorted with laughter and shook his head. "What's my baby brother done now?" he asked suspiciously.

Sirius didn't reply; he merely raised his fingers to his lips and tentatively brushed them. His smile was becoming wistful as he relived the memory of Remus's lips pressed against his own.

"Well?" Romulus prompted.

Sirius gave Romulus a shy smile. "He said he'd give me a chance," he explained. "And we kissed. A proper kiss and he kissed me back."

"He did?"

Sirius nodded. "It was great."

"So, where is he?"

"He went downstairs to speak to Charlie. They were supposed to go on a date this afternoon."

"Oh."

"He'll break things off with her gently," Sirius assured him. "Remus wouldn't be mean to her or anything."

"I'm sure he wouldn't be mean," Romulus agreed. "Though he might be a bit tactless, if given the opportunity."

"She'll be okay. It's not like they've even been on a proper date or anything."

"I think I'll go down and see where he's got to," Romulus said. "You going to wait up here?"

Sirius nodded. "I've got an essay to write. I think I'll get it done now, so that I've got the evening free to spend with Remus."

Romulus chuckled at the logic and disappeared through the door.

Sirius pulled out his textbook and parchment, but concentrating on the essay was easier said that done, especially when he could still feel the pressure of Remus's lips against his own. One thing was for sure: dating Remus would send his grades plummeting unless he managed to pull himself together.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus and Charlene arrived back at the school well before the curfew and only slightly damp from the rain.

"Is that your brother?" Charlene whispered to Remus as they made their way up the stairs and back towards Gryffindor Tower.

Remus turned to where she was pointing and saw that it was. "Yeah, it is. Do you want to meet him? You know, properly?"

Charlene nodded. "Sure."

Remus and Charlene changed direction to meet Romulus, and Remus proceeded to introduce the two of them properly.

"Nice to meet you," Charlene said, holding out her hand awkwardly, before remembering who it was she was talking to.

Romulus waved her hand away easily. "You, too," he replied. "I don't get introduced to people very often these days. I think it comes from my complete failure to get Remus to learn some decent manners."

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed with a scowl of annoyance. "You're giving my girlfriend a bad impression."

"Am I?" Romulus teased, but Remus could detect a hint of something else in his voice. Something more serious and warning him that he was in trouble about something. Thankfully, the warning was too subtle for someone who didn't know Romulus as well as Remus did, and Charlene was therefore oblivious to the underlying tone in the words.

"We're heading up to the common room," Charlene explained. "Do you want to join us?"

Romulus nodded. "In a minute though, I need a word with my brother alone, if you don't mind?"

Remus protested at the exact same time as Charlene stated that it was fine with her. Romulus promptly ignored Remus and told Charlene that they would join her shortly.

"That was really rude," Remus hissed the moment Charlene was out of earshot.

"No, it wasn't," Romulus replied easily. "Come on, in here." He pointed towards one of the empty classrooms and waited for Remus to enter the room.

"So, what's so important you can't speak to me in front of Charlie?"

"I noticed you called her your girlfriend," Romulus commented.

"Well, she is. We've just come back from Hogsmeade. You knew we were going out, so why do you sound so surprised?"

"Does Sirius know?" Romulus asked instead.

"He knew I was meeting her."

"Does he think you've spent the afternoon on a date?" Romulus asked, immediately cutting Remus off before he could reply. "Somehow I don't think he realises that. When I spoke to him earlier, he seemed to be under the impression that you were going to break things off with Charlie, and that the two of you were getting together."

"Fuck!"

Romulus made as though to smack Remus upside the head, before remembering that he couldn't. He settled for a verbal scolding about bad language instead.

"Sirius will understand," Remus finally muttered.

"Will he?" Romulus sounded doubtful. "From where I'm standing, it looks like you're leading him on, by letting him think he has a chance with you."

"It was only a kiss," Remus argued.

"A kiss that clearly meant a lot more to him than it did to you," Romulus snapped. "But what do I know? I'm only your brother."

"He'll get over it."

Romulus looked angry, and Remus flinched a little under his gaze. "I'm sure he will get over it… in time. Until then, you might want to consider being a little more considerate of his feelings."

"I am considerate!"

"You could have fooled me. Sirius has feelings for you – though when you're being as insensitive as you are right now, I'm sure I don't know why – you could at least try not to stamp on them quite so brutally."

Remus scowled. "I'll talk to him."

Romulus nodded. "Good. And don't put it off for too long either, because if you don't tell him about Charlene being your girlfriend, I will."

"You wouldn't!"

"Yes, Remus, I would. I don't mind which of them you choose to be with, but I'm not going to sit around and watch while you treat your best friend like dirt."

"It was just one stupid kiss."

"So you keep saying," Romulus replied with a sly smile. "Who are you trying to convince, me or you?"

Remus glared at his brother. "I'm not gay!"

Romulus folded his arms across his chest. "Perhaps you should tell Sirius that?"

"I have told him, loads of times."

"Since you kissed him?"

"Well, no."

"Then you know what you have to do…"

Remus nodded as Romulus's voice trailed off. "I'll talk to him after the full moon tomorrow."

"What's wrong with today?"

"I don't want to risk someone walking in on the discussion," Remus said quietly. "We were lucky no one walked in on us when he kissed me. It'll be quiet at the house and we won't get interrupted."

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"You said that Sirius kissed you."

"Yeah, so? He did."

"Did you kiss him back?"

Remus felt his face flushing red. "I don't remember," he lied.

Romulus shook his head sadly. "Oh, get out of here, before Charlene or Sirius sends out a search party for you."

Remus nodded and left the classroom. He hadn't meant to kiss Sirius back, but inside the confines of his own head he couldn't deny that he had been just as much a participant in the kiss as Sirius.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius looked up as Remus arrived back in the dormitory that evening. "I'm just going down to dinner," he said. "You coming? You must be starving. Where have you been all afternoon?"

"Went into Hogsmeade," Remus explained quietly. "Dinner sounds good."

Sirius was surprised that Remus had gone to Hogsmeade after all, but didn't say anything. It didn't mean anything that he had gone into the village. He could have gone with James and Peter, neither of whom had been seen all afternoon. He hadn't necessarily gone on his date as originally planned. Somehow though, Sirius suspected that he was fooling himself yet again. He hoped that he was wrong.

The two of them spent the evening together, and Sirius was relieved to see that Charlene was buried in a book about Quidditch whilst simultaneously taking notes for the following morning's practice.

He was tempted to say something to Remus about Charlene throwing herself into Quidditch to get over him, but in the end he didn't.

Finally, the four Gryffindor fifth year boys turned in for the night, leaving Sirius to wonder whether Remus would be creeping into his bed or not. He didn't want to ask outright, and certainly not in front of the other boys, but he made sure that he was as far to one side of his bed as he could get, just in case Remus decided to join him.

The sounds of James and Peter snoring soon filled the room and Sirius sat up to look over at Remus. "Remus?" he whispered loudly. "Are you awake?"

Remus didn't stir, although Sirius could have sworn that the other boy was as wide awake as he was. "Remus?" he tried again.

The sound of a soft snore drifted across to him from Remus's bed, and he sighed in disappointment. Giving up for the night, he crawled beneath his covers once more and went to sleep.

Across the room, Remus listened as Sirius climbed back under the blankets. A small part of him wondered what it was that Sirius wanted to speak to him about in the middle of the night. He shivered a little as he tugged the covers closer around him. The idea of padding across the room to Sirius was almost more tempting than he could bear, but he wasn't sure he could trust himself if he slipped beneath the covers with the other boy.

One kiss and he had been tumbling Sirius back onto the bed whilst practically tearing his shirt off his back. He couldn't risk the same thing happening again.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus, with an instinctive deviousness that worried him ever so slightly, persuaded Sirius to fetch some food from the school kitchens before heading to Hogsmeade on the evening of the full moon. This was so he was able to say goodbye to Charlene in the common room, without raising the suspicions of Sirius as to what had happened the previous day.

They arrived in the basement of the Lupin house with plenty of time to spare, and Remus immediately began removing his shirt. Sirius didn't leave the room, but he couldn't fail to notice that Remus was turning away from him as he undressed.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, picking up Remus's shirt from the floor and placing it on the top of the cupboard.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Remus replied, turning round slightly.

Sirius nodded, taking his words at face value. "I guess it's just that it seems a bit strange being here with you like this, you know… now that we're… well, you know what I mean?"

Remus knelt down to undo his shoe laces, neatly avoiding looking Sirius in the eyes.

"Here, let me help," offered Sirius when he saw that Remus was fumbling with the knot. He knelt on the floor and gently moved Remus's hands out of the way so that he could tackle the knot himself.

Once the knot was untied he stood up and let Remus lean on him in order to remove one shoe and then the other. He could not resist the temptation to leave one steadying arm around Remus's shoulder. Remus looked up at him, and he leaned over to plant a quick kiss on the end of other boy's nose.

Remus rolled his eyes in response.

"Do I have time to kiss you properly?" Sirius whispered with a teasing grin.

Remus blushed, but he didn't resist when Sirius kissed him. His response wasn't as enthusiastic as it had been the day before, but he couldn't deny that he liked the kiss just as much as he had liked Charlene's… maybe even more.

Sirius pulled back and rested his forehead against Remus's. "You should finish getting undressed," he said.

Remus nodded, but didn't make a move. The kiss had certainly sent his blood pumping, and he wasn't sure he wanted to finish stripping off, thus showing Sirius just precisely where it had flooded to.

He was still deliberating on what to do when he realised that time had got away from them and the transformation was only moments away. "Get back!" he shouted at Sirius, pushing him to the other side of the basement just a moment before the barrier appeared.

"That was close," Sirius panted, but Remus could no longer hear him.

-o-xXx-o-

The next morning the two boys sat in the living room, discussing how well the full moon had gone.

"Much better than last month," Sirius agreed. "We'll have to make sure we stay as good friends as we are now, that way they should all be fine."

Remus nodded. "We'll always be best friends."

"Boyfriends," Sirius reminded him with a shy smile.

Remus screwed up his nose.

"What?" Sirius asked. "We are, aren't we?"

"It just sounds weird."

"What do you suggest instead?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know, friends is fine with me."

"But we're more than that now," Sirius pointed out. "We're together…aren't we?"

"Erm."

"What?" Sirius prompted. "Aren't we a couple now?"

Remus sighed and looked at the empty fireplace. "I don't know."

"But we kissed."

"I know, but it's not that easy."

"Didn't you like it?"

"Yes, but I liked kissing Charlie, too."

Sirius shot to his feet. "What? When did you kiss her?"

Remus cringed. "The other day, on our date."

"But you said you were going to break things off with her!"

"I meant to, but I really like her."

"And I really like you!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Haven't we already had this conversation?"

"Don't try and change the subject. What's going on with you and Charlie? Did you break up with her?"

Remus shook his head, the feelings of guilt making his stomach churn. "We're going out. She's my girlfriend now."

Sirius glared at Remus. He clenched his fists and tried to rein in his temper. "Why didn't you tell me this yesterday, or the day before?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"I was going to."

"But you didn't. Why did you let me think I had a chance?"

"I…"

"Why?" Sirius repeated, harsher this time. "Is this some sort of cruel game you're enjoying? Is that it?" Remus shook his head. "Then why? Why would you do this to me?"

"Because I didn't want to fight with you," Remus snapped. "I didn't want…" He glanced towards the kitchen and the entrance to the basement.

Sirius followed his gaze. "You mean you thought the full moon would be easier on you if we hadn't argued?"

Remus looked guilty. "It was easier than last month, wasn't it?"

"You selfish little git!" Sirius hissed. "You let me think that I had a chance, just so we wouldn't be fighting at the full moon, and you didn't have a rough one."

Remus rose to his feet and glared back at Sirius. "You try turning into a monster every four weeks!" he shouted. "You try it, and then tell me you wouldn't do everything you could to make it less painful!"

Sirius grabbed his Healer kit and stalked out of the room. He could hear Remus calling after him, but he didn't stop to listen to what he had to say.

Back in the house, Remus gave the leg of the sofa a hearty kick, swearing when he realised his shoes were still in the basement and kicking furniture was not the brightest idea.

"You could have handled that better," Romulus commented.

"You shouldn't listen in on other people's conversations," Remus snarled.

"Bit difficult not to when you're yelling like that."

Remus scowled and threw himself onto the sofa, wincing at the way the movement caused one of the previous night's scratches to rub against his shirt. "Thought you'd be happy that I've told him."

"I'm happy you're not lying to him, but you still could have handled it better."

"Well, how about next time you want me to have a conversation like that with Sirius, you have it for me. I'm sure you'll do a better job than I have. He may even come to like you better than he likes me, then you can both be happy together."

"Don't be silly," Romulus said impatiently.

"Why not? You think Sirius would be such a great boyfriend, why don't you go out with him?"

Romulus gave Remus a hard look. "Have you finished?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, listen up."

Remus squirmed in his seat as Romulus loomed over him.

"You are going to go after Sirius and apologise to him. And when I say apologise, I mean properly, too."

"I…"

"Don't interrupt."

Remus wriggled a little more, but listened quietly as Romulus continued to scold him. By the time his brother was done shouting at him, Remus's face was damp with tears, his eyes were red and his nose was running.

"Oh, Rem," Romulus sighed as his finished his tirade.

"I didn't mean to use him like that," Remus mumbled. "But I hate the full moons so much, and last month was so awful after our fight."

Romulus sat down next to him on the sofa. "I know, Rem, I know."

"I don't know what to do."

"Well, first of all you're going to clean your face and get yourself some breakfast. Then you're going to go find Sirius and tell him you're sorry." Remus nodded and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Urgh, Remus, honestly. You'd better go change your shirt as well, and use a tissue next time."

Remus managed a watery smile as he made his way to the bathroom. He just hoped he could sort things out.

-o-xXx-o-

By the time Sirius arrived back at Gryffindor Tower he was in a fine temper, as those in his path soon came to realise.

"Hi, Sirius," Charlene greeted him with a smile. "Is Remus with you?"

"Does it look like he is?" Sirius snarled.

Charlene shrank back a little at his response. "Is he all right?"

"Who cares?"

"Hey, that's uncalled for," Lily interrupted. "She was only asking a simple question."

"What's it got to do with you?" Sirius hissed. "You could try minding your own business for once, too. Bloody girls – always sticking their noses in where they're not wanted."

"What's your problem?" Lily asked.

"At the moment – you!"

"Well," Lily huffed. "There's no need for that."

"Oh, piss off!" Sirius's last glimpse of Lily was of her dropping jaw in surprise, but he didn't bother to apologise, striding towards the stairs to the dormitory, eager to get out of the sight of everyone, before someone else decided that speaking to him was a good idea.

He slung his Healer's kit carelessly into the bottom drawer of his bedside table. Peter and James were in the dormitory, running late as always. James was gathering his books for the first class of the morning. He gave Sirius a cautious look, decided that it might be better not to ask, and left the room. Peter, either feeling braver, or not picking up on the tension, turned to Sirius as he pointed towards the window. "I think it's a letter from your mother," he said as he ducked out the door, hurrying after James.

"Bloody marvellous," Sirius muttered as he took the roll of parchment from Hestia. He growled in annoyance when his mother's owl didn't immediately fly back out of the window. He didn't really feel like trying to compose a polite reply to her letter right now.

Walburga's letter was very similar to her usual ones. Lots of complaints about his lack of attentiveness towards various pureblood girls who were with him at Hogwarts. He didn't even know whom two of them were, and he had no intention of trying to track them down to ask after their bloody families.

This particular letter however, contained one other item that the previous ones didn't. A confirmation that Remus could indeed come and stay with them for the summer holidays. Sirius gave a bitter laugh as he read the lines. His mother, always concerned about the reputation of the family, was prepared to let a werewolf into her home just so that she could look charitable in front of her snobby friends.

For a single moment, he felt a spark of pleasure as he thought of telling Remus that he was invited to stay. Then he remembered their argument – he had a feeling that Remus wouldn't want to stay with him during the summer – and his heart sank.

Since he had no intention of going to class, Sirius pulled out a quill and parchment and quickly penned a reply, but when he turned to the window he saw that Hestia had disappeared. Assuming she had either flown home or made her way to the Owlery, Sirius set off for the latter, knowing that even if Hestia wasn't there, Damon was. A small part of him hoped that Hestia had gone home; he rather liked the idea of sending Damon to his mother. He knew the thought was uncharitable, but he hoped that he'd bite her when he made his delivery. He was having that sort of a day.

Thankfully, for the safety of Walburga's fingers, Hestia was far too well trained and was waiting for his reply. Sirius watched her fly over the mountains from the small window in the tower. Down below, he could see students moving about and realised that the first class of the morning was over. He should be making his way to Transfiguration now, but he couldn't will himself to move.

He was still staring morosely out of the window when he heard the sound of footsteps coming up the outer stairs. He looked around quickly, scanning the room fruitlessly for anywhere to hide. It wouldn't do for him to be caught skipping classes, especially since, as a prefect, he was supposed to be setting a good example for the rest of the school.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus shifted in his seat as Professor McGonagall's icy glare settled on the empty seat beside him.

"And where is Mr Black this morning?" she asked.

"Don't know," Remus mumbled.

"Was he in Potions earlier?" Several heads shook in response to the question, although Professor McGonagall's gaze never wavered from Remus's face. "Did he return from Hogsmeade with you this morning?"

Remus felt the gazes of his classmates focusing on him, another reminder that he wasn't like the rest of them…as if he needed it. "He left before I did."

"He did come back to school," James called out from the seat behind Remus. "I saw him returning his things to the dorm just before first period."

Professor McGonagall looked far from pleased as she went to her desk, picked up a quill and returned to Remus. "Your quill, please." Remus dug into his bag and pulled out his quill. McGonagall took it from him, held it in the same hand as her own quill and tapped them both with her wand. "You will take duplicate notes for Sirius, and when he returns, be sure to send him to see me immediately."

Remus took his own quill back from McGonagall and she placed the second one over a blank sheet of parchment on Sirius's desk. "Remember to change the parchment and return the quill to the top of the sheet when you begin a new page," she advised.

Remus wrote the lesson and date across the top of his own page, his attention partially on the second quill, which was following his moves exactly and producing a second copy of his notes.

"Brilliant," James exclaimed as he saw what the spell did. "What spell was that, Professor?"

Professor McGonagall smiled at him and shook her head. "One that you won't get taught at Hogwarts," she told him. "Nor will you find it in any of the school library books, so don't go looking for it. Nor will any Hogwarts teacher accept duplicate essays from anyone if they were to find the spell elsewhere. And yes, Remus, I will remove the spell at the end of the lesson."

James and the rest of the class chuckled at her comments, but Remus could barely muster a smile, not when the seat beside him was empty and things were so bad between the two of them.

He wondered if Sirius was planning on returning for lunch and resolved to sneak down to the kitchens before he went to the Great Hall to eat. He was on first name terms with several of the school house elves, and he knew he could easily persuade one of them to come and tell him if Sirius turned up in the kitchens.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius squirmed under the attention of the two seventh year students who had caught him skipping class.

"And a Gryffindor prefect, too," the blond boy commented to his darker haired companion. "What's it coming to when McGonagall's prize pupils are skipping lessons?"

"What class are you skiving from?" the second boy asked with a grin.

"Transfiguration," Sirius replied, much to the amusement of the other boys.

"You've got guts, I'll give you that," the blond said. "I'm Benjy Fenwick, by the way. Currently missing from Care of Magical Creatures."

"And I'm Philip Maguire," the darker boy added. "I've got a free period at the moment, though that don't let that fool you. We're planning on having a day out."

"Sirius Black," Sirius replied, holding out his hand, much to the amusement of the other two boys. He pulled it back after a moment, his face flushing a little with embarrassment.

"We're going to take a trip into Hogsmeade," Benjy explained. "Just as soon as Phil's sent his love letter winging on its way."

"It's not a love letter," Phil grumbled. "It's my mum's birthday card."

"When's her birthday?" Sirius asked, trying to make polite conversation.

"Yesterday," Phil mumbled. "I'll just say the owl must have got lost or something." The owl in question nipped his finger, giving his opinion of that idea.

"So, fancy coming into the village?" Benjy asked. "Less chance of getting caught by a teacher if you're not on school grounds."

"Depends where you're planning on going," Sirius replied cautiously. "I don't want to risk the Hog's Head."

"Why not?"

"Because Dumbledore's brother runs it, and he knows who I am."

"What?" Philip gasped. "Abe is Dumbledore's brother?" Sirius nodded. "No wonder we always wind up in detention on the days we go in there when we sneak into the village, even when we've not skipped class at all. Damn. Why did no one tell us?"

Sirius shrugged. "I guess they keep it pretty quiet."

"I wonder why."

"But you knew," Benjy said with a grin. "I think you could be a very useful friend to have. So, how does The Three Broomsticks sound? They've got a pretty good lunch menu."

"How are you planning on getting to Hogsmeade?" Sirius asked. "The only way I know that isn't out the front gates is a tunnel that leads into the cellar of the Hog's Head."

"A tunnel to the Hog's Head?" Benjy looked like he was making mental notes of all the new information Sirius was providing them with.

"We use a different tunnel," Philip explained. "It's hidden behind a mirror on the fourth floor. It leads to another mirror in Hogsmeade." His grin widened. "A mirror in the ladies changing rooms of Gladrags."

"Don't get excited though," Benjy interrupted. "There's not enough room for the mirror to open when anyone is in there."

"I still live in hope for some skinny scantily clad girl who doesn't take up the whole room," Philip said with a laugh.

Although Sirius was now reconciled to the fact that he had no interested in girls, scantily clad or otherwise, he couldn't help but join in the laughter of the other two boys.

"You coming then?" Benjy asked. "Less chance of getting in trouble if you aren't here to get caught."

"And if you're avoiding someone, it's only a matter of time before they track you down," Philip added.

That final reminder was the thing that swayed Sirius's decision to join them on their jaunt into Hogsmeade. He knew that as soon as classes let out for the morning Remus would be searching for him, and with Moony's Map, he would find him in no time at all.

Following the other two boys, they slipped through the school, using the least navigated corridors as they made their way to the fourth floor.

They climbed into the tunnel with relative ease and after a few quick _Lumos_ spells they were on their way. When they arrived at the back of the mirror at the other end of the tunnel Benjy pointed to a nook in the wall. "Take off your tie and school cloak and hide it here with ours. Better put that prefect badge in your pocket too."

Sirius nodded and followed the example of the other boys, adding his red and gold striped tie to their green and silver ones.

When they were ready, Philip rubbed his hands together excitedly, pleaded to anyone who might be listening to answer his request, and hopefully pushed the mirror open. "Damn," he muttered. "Deprived again."

Benjy gave him a shove and they stumbled into the changing room.

"How are we going to get outside without being seen?" Sirius whispered. "Won't the owner suddenly wonder where we've appeared from?"

"You've never shopped here, have you?" Benjy asked.

Sirius shook his head.

"Watch and learn, then. Watch and learn."

Sirius watched as requested as Benjy walked into the main store.

"Do you have anything in maroon?" he watched the other boy ask the assistant.

"Hi, Benjy. Sneaking out again, I see," the girl said with a grin. Sirius watched as the girl turned around and he saw her face clearly for the first time.

"Hi, Katy," Benjy said as he swung his arm round her shoulders. "You wouldn't have a few nice plain cloaks lying around that we could borrow for an hour or two, would you?"

"His older sister," Philip explained, although the resemblance between the two of them made it rather unnecessary. "Been working here for a couple of years. She won't tell on us."

"And who's this?" Katy asked as she rustled up three cloaks and handed them out.

"This is Sirius," Benjy explained.

"He doesn't look old enough to be a N.E.W.T. student."

"He's a fifth year," Benjy replied as he swung his borrowed cloak around his shoulders.

"Corrupting minors now, too?" replied Katy, tutting under her breath.

"Even worse," Benjy replied with a grin. "He's a Gryffindor _and_ a prefect."

Katy shook her head and shooed them out of the store before they told her any more. She was a firm believer in the philosophy that it was usually better not to know… especially when it came to younger brothers.

-o-xXx-o-

After a brief detour to the kitchens to ask the house elves to let him know if Sirius put in an appearance, Remus joined James and Peter in the Great Hall for lunch.

"Have you looked on the map?" James asked.

"He's probably still sulking in the dorm," Peter muttered.

"He wasn't there when I went up to get my things for class after I got back from Hogsmeade," Remus said. "I'll check the map though. He can't have gone far."

"No one can hide from Moony's Map," James whispered. "Not even Sirius."

Remus smiled, knowing this was true. He hoped he could give the other boys the slip before he tracked down Sirius though. He really didn't want an audience for that particular conversation.

"Hi, Remus," Charlene said as she moved up the bench to sit beside him. "How was last night?"

"Not too bad," Remus replied with a shrug. He frowned as he realised that he would have to make sure Charlene was out of the way, too.

"Glad to hear it," she replied with a smile, right before planting a quick kiss on his cheek.

James let out a childish and loud whistle, while Peter grinned stupidly. Remus felt his face flushing in embarrassment and he reached up unconsciously to wipe his cheek where Charlene's lips had touched it. He didn't notice her look of disappointment at his action, as he was too busy glaring across the table at James and Peter.

-o-xXx-o-

"Want one?" Benjy asked. Sirius looked dubiously at the packet of muggle cigarettes the older boy was holding out to him.

"I don't smoke," he replied with a shake of his head.

"Never tried one at all?" Benjy asked as he pulled a cigarette from the box and lit it from the wall sconce. Sirius shook his head again. "Here, have a drag of this one?" Benjy offered. "One drag won't hurt."

Sirius wasn't sure, but Philip had picked up the packet from where Benjy had placed it on the table and was helping himself to one as well, he didn't want to be the only one who was left out. He'd had enough of being left out of the group with James and Peter.

His hand was shaking slightly as he reached out to take the cigarette from Benjy. He held it up to his lips and drew a deep breath. He dropped the cigarette to the table as he began to choke, and he was fairly certain his throat was on fire.

"You'll get used to it," Benjy said with a laugh after Sirius had stopped choking long enough to take a drink of his butterbeer. "Here, try it again."

Sirius picked up the cigarette once more and tried again, this time prepared for it.

"Good lad," Philip said as Benjy pulled out another for himself, leaving Sirius to finish his first.

They ordered lunch, with Sirius promising to pay the other boys back since he had left the school without any money. They waved his concerns away as they tucked into Rosmerta's beef and vegetable stew.

Benjy leaned forward with a grin. "Don't you find that food always tastes better when you aren't supposed to be eating it?" he whispered.

Sirius grinned back, knowing that the food smuggled out of the Hogwarts kitchens did always taste better than when it was on the table for everyone to savour.

They did a bit of shopping, none of the shopkeepers looking twice at them, before returning to Gladrags and the tunnel back to the school.

Sirius was laughing and joking with the other boys, almost as if they were old friends, as they climbed out of the tunnel on the fourth floor.

"What time is it?" Philip asked.

"Just in time for the end of the day's lessons," Benjy replied. "Nicely timed, I'd say."

They laughed as they walked down the corridor.

"Don't you worry that you might have missed something important in class?" Sirius asked. "Or that you'll get a detention for skipping?"

Benjy shrugged. "It's not like we do it every day, just once every couple of months. It was just lucky for all of us that we bumped into you today."

"Yeah," Philip agreed. "You're not bad… you know… for a Gryffindor."

Sirius laughed. "You're not so bad yourself," he replied with a grin. "You know… for a Slytherin."

They were still laughing as they went their separate ways.

Sirius arrived back at the dormitory to find that Remus was sitting on his bed and didn't look at all surprised to see him. As he approached nearer he realised why – Moony's Map was opened up in front of him.

"You found another tunnel to Hogsmeade?" Remus asked.

Sirius knew that Remus must have seen him suddenly appear on the edge of the map, along with the other two boys, and guessed the rest. "Yes," he answered, as abruptly as possible.

"Where does it lead to?" Remus asked curiously. "I'll add it to the map."

Sirius ignored him as he pulled his illicit purchases from his pockets and dumped them in the top drawer of his bedside table.

"Cigarettes?" Remus asked with a frown as he caught sight of the packet. "Since when do you smoke?"

"Since now; you got a problem with it?"

"It makes your breath smell," Remus said.

"Not that much," Sirius replied. "Not unless you're really close to a person, so it shouldn't bother you at all, should it? Since you don't want my mouth anywhere near you and all…"

"Sirius-"

"I don't care, Remus," Sirius snapped. "You made yourself real clear this morning."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't care," Sirius repeated, louder this time. "You used me; you let me think you liked me-"

"I do like you," Remus interrupted. "We're best friends, of course I like you."

"Don't play dumb, Remus. You know what I mean."

"But-"

"I don't care," Sirius said, no longer shouting, or even snapping the words out. "Just leave me alone for a bit."

Remus nodded and climbed off the bed, taking the map with him. "Are we going to be all right?" he asked.

Sirius sighed as he yanked off his tie. "I don't know," he finally said. "I can deal with you not liking me back. I can deal with Charlie, or any other girl you want to date. But the lies… I'm sorry, Remus. I just need some time to sort my head out."

"Okay. Just one thing before I go."

"Can it wait?"

Remus shook his head. "McGonagall wants to see you right away… sorry."

Sirius sighed again and turned to leave the dormitory. At least he would have plenty of time to think whilst he was in detention.


	38. Too Blind to See

Too Blind to See

A week of detention was less than Sirius was expecting after skipping all his classes for the day. He wouldn't have been surprised to have his prefect status revoked, as well as at least a month of detentions. He also found himself with double homework for every subject he had skipped out on. The twelve inches of parchment for Professor Slughorn had become twenty four, and the twenty from McGonagall was extended to forty. He wondered how he was going to fit those in around the detentions, especially since he didn't have any notes from the lessons.

When he returned to the dormitory however it was to see several rolls of parchment on his bedside table, all in Remus's fairly messy scrawl. "What's this?" he asked.

"Notes from the classes," Remus replied, his head half buried his trunk and his voice slightly muffled. "McGonagall got me to make copies for you."

"Thanks," Sirius said as he picked up his wash things and made his way to the bathroom.

He half expected Remus to try to talk to him again, to try to apologise to him again, but the other boy kept him at a distance for the rest of the evening.

The next morning Sirius went down to breakfast alone. Peter was still in bed and James and Remus had already gone down to Quidditch practice.

He saw Benjy waving at him from the Slytherin table and went to sit next to him.

"Where do you think you're sitting?" a sour-faced girl asked as Sirius slid onto the bench.

"I invited him," Benjy said around a mouthful of toast. "Got a problem?"

"No," the girl hurriedly assured him, edging down the table and away from the two of them. A moment later Rita Skeeter took her place.

"Rita, there's a whole table here to sit at, why do you have to sit there?" Benjy asked with a sigh of annoyance.

"Why not?" Rita replied before turning to Sirius. "Hi, Sirius. It's nice to see you embracing my idea of inter-house relations."

"Huh?"

"My article in the last newsletter," Rita explained. "All about the students from different houses getting along together. I don't know about you, but I find a lot of animosity from the students from other houses when I try to persuade people to write for my newsletter."

"Wonder why?" Benjy whispered to Sirius, who snickered in response.

"You can scoff," Rita told him with a haughty sniff. "The Hufflepuffs like the idea of everyone getting along better."

"Hufflepuff's full of idiots," Benjy replied with another laugh. Sirius laughed along with him, even as he felt a guilty twinge when he recalled that Romulus had been in Hufflepuff, and he didn't think anyone could ever describe him as an idiot.

Across the room, he could see Remus, James and the rest of the Quidditch team approaching the Gryffindor table. He saw Remus scanning the table, probably looking for him, but he didn't call out or try to get his attention. From his seat at the Slytherin table he could see Charlene sitting down next to Remus, and he watched them laughing and joking together.

Trying to look at the two of them objectively wasn't easy for Sirius, but he could grudgingly admit to himself that Remus and Charlene were quite a nice looking couple when seen together. He didn't know what they had in common besides Quidditch, but they certainly seemed to be doing a lot of laughing and joking right now.

"Friends of yours?" Benjy asked, pointing across the tables towards the Quidditch team.

"Oh, that's Remus, the werewolf," Rita whispered loudly.

"Yeah, I know who he is," Benjy replied with a roll of his eyes at Sirius. "Thanks to your newsletter the whole bloody school knows who he is…whether they want to or not."

Rita looked a little put out and turned back to her breakfast.

"So, are they friends of yours?" Benjy asked again.

Sirius nodded. "Some of them are. It's the Quidditch team."

The talk then turned to Quidditch generally; it wasn't Sirius's favourite subject, but there were enough other people joining in the discussion that he could listen while only half paying attention. Which, of course, enabled him to keep the rest of his attention on Remus and Charlene.

"You fancy Charlie then?" Benjy whispered as they stood up to go to their respective classes.

"What?" Sirius asked, nearly dropping his bag as he climbed over the bench.

"Couldn't take your eyes off her," Benjy replied. "Can't say I blame you, she's quite a looker. I dated her older sister for a few months last year."

"I didn't know she had a sister."

"She was in the year above me, left last year," Benjy explained. "Well, old Sluggie awaits. I think I might put in an appearance today; what do you say?"

Sirius grinned. "Well, I wouldn't recommend cutting classes two days running," he said. "I got a week of detention from McGonagall."

"That's not too bad. Sluggie noticed me and Phil were missing from his afternoon class, too."

"You get a detention?"

"Nah. We're both in the Slug Club. He thought it was amusing, especially when we gave him those crystallised pineapple chunks."

Sirius smiled. "Next time I'll have to get some shortbread for Professor McGonagall," he suggested.

"Minnie?" Benjy laughed loudly. "No one can bribe her. You're lucky you only got a week of detention."

"Plus extra homework," Sirius added.

"Even so, you got off lightly, mate. Last time she caught me sneaking back in I was in detention for a month."

"Well, I'm heading this way," Sirius said, pointing out the front doors of the castle. "Care of Magical Creatures."

Benjy looked out at the pouring rain and grimaced. "Poor you," he said as he turned towards the stairs down into the dungeons. "See you around."

"Yeah," Sirius called back. "See you."

Sirius hovered in the doorway as he looked at the driving rain outside.

"Sirius?"

Sirius turned round to see Remus standing just behind him.

"Planning on going to class today?" he asked.

Sirius nodded and stepped outside.

"Sirius, how long are you going to keep this up?" Remus asked as he walked alongside him.

"I'm not doing anything," Sirius replied, keeping his eyes on the ground as he tried to avoid the muddiest parts of the pathway.

"Why were you sitting at the Slytherin table this morning?"

"Didn't think you'd noticed."

"Red and gold in the middle of all that green and silver, you were pretty hard to miss."

"I guess you didn't want to let go of your girlfriend's hand long enough to give me a wave hello," Sirius commented.

"I wasn't the one sitting at the Slytherin table this morning," Remus pointed out. "That was you."

"I'll sit with who I want!"

"But Benjy Fenwick!" Remus exclaimed. "He's bad news. Charlie told me he used to date her sister, he cheated on her with some girl from the Ravenclaw Quidditch team."

"So?" Sirius asked. He was horribly tempted to point out that Remus was hardly one to talk about cheating on girlfriends, but he held his tongue.

"So?" Remus echoed. "So, he's bad news. You don't want to be hanging around with him."

"It's not like I'm dating him," Sirius muttered. "He's just a mate. He's fun to be with."

"More fun than your real friends?" Remus asked.

"Right now? Yeah, a lot more," Sirius snapped as he turned on Remus. "You want to be careful, you're sounding jealous. I might get the wrong idea and think maybe you do have feelings for me after all."

Sirius turned away to continue down the path, with every intention of stalking away with his usual grace. Unfortunately, the slippery mud of the path had other ideas and Sirius found himself flat on his back in the middle of a spectacularly large and muddy puddle of water.

"Great," he muttered as he sat up. He glanced to his side and saw Remus was trying his best not to laugh. "Think that's amusing?" he asked.

Remus shook his head, his hand rising to try to conceal his laughter.

"Let's see if you find this funny," said Sirius, right before he reached out to grab Remus's ankle and yanked him down into the mud, too.

Remus landed beside him in the muddy puddle with a squawk of shock as the cold water seeped through his cloak and trousers. He looked at Sirius for a few seconds before he splashed some of the water at him. Sirius smirked and retaliated immediately. In no time at all they were rolling around in the mud, laughing and squealing as they each tried to evade the muddy missiles that the other was throwing.

Finally, they lay exhausted on the path, heedless of the other students passing them by on the way to the class. They did take more notice when Professor Kettleburn hobbled towards them, tutting and muttering under his breath.

"We fell over," Remus explained.

"So I see," Professor Kettleburn replied. "You'd better go get cleaned up. I'll have one of your classmates write the homework down for you."

Sirius nodded as he struggled to his feet, slipping only once as he stood up. Remus didn't do much better, stumbling to his knees before he'd even truly got to his feet.

"And use the showers at the Quidditch pitch!" Professor Kettleburn called after them. "Mr Filch won't like you traipsing mud through the whole castle."

Remus nodded and they turned in the direction of the showers.

"I really am sorry," Remus said as they walked down the path. "I shouldn't have misled you like that."

Sirius nodded. "I guess I could have been more understanding about how bad the full moons are for you."

"Friends again?" Remus asked, holding out his muddy hand hesitantly.

Sirius gave a small smile and took the hand in his own. "Friends."

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius tried his best to be happy for Remus and his new girlfriend, as well as trying his best not to be jealous whenever he saw them together. It wasn't easy, especially since Remus, as excited as any boy was over his first girlfriend, wanted to talk to his best friend about her.

Remus could tell that Sirius was making an effort, but he still tried not to bring Charlene into the conversation too much. It was the least he could do, as Romulus reminded him at least once a week.

Remus enjoyed spending time with Charlene, and soon realised that when they were together students who had previously avoided the resident werewolf were more willing to approach him. At times he could almost believe that he was normal…almost.

The O.W.L.s were approaching though, and none of the fifth years really had time to be goofing off every evening. They were hitting the books almost as diligently as the N.E.W.T. students were. At least everyone was except for Sirius.

"Have you done your Herbology report?" Remus asked.

"Not yet," Sirius replied, from where he was sitting at the window, blowing smoke rings out into the balmy evening air.

"It's due tomorrow," Remus pointed out. "You were late handing in Flitwick's essay yesterday, too."

"I'll do it later," Sirius said. He flicked some ash out of the window and leaned back to look up at the sky.

"I thought you ran out of fags last week?" Remus queried.

"Went to get some more," Sirius replied in a low tone that no one else in the common room could hear.

"I wish you wouldn't smoke."

Sirius shrugged as he took another drag.

"It's a horrible habit," Remus pressed on. "And right here in the common room… McGonagall will skin you alive if she sees you."

"She won't," Sirius replied calmly. "She hardly ever comes in here; you know that. Anyway, she's supervising Benjy's detention at the moment."

"What did he do this time?"

"Dunno."

"I wish you weren't friends with him," Remus said.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius muttered. "He's trouble. He's bad news. He's a bad influence. Change the record, Remus. Just because you're not my only friend any more…"

"I'm not saying you can't have other friends."

"That's what it sounds like. Besides, who else am I supposed to hang around with when you're off with Charlie?"

"James and Peter."

"They don't want me hanging round all the time."

"Then someone else."

"Benjy is someone else."

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"I'm Sirius Black," Sirius replied. "My mother tells me that all the time."

"Have you heard from her yet?" Remus asked.

"Got another letter the day before yesterday," Sirius replied. "The usual rubbish. Be nice to the pureblood Slytherins and try not to shame the family name any more than you already have. She likes Benjy though. She was practically gushing when I wrote and told her he had an older sister. She wasn't as enthusiastic when I told her she was a shop assistant, but her blood is pure, which can make up for a whole lot of other sins."

"You don't fancy her though, do you?" Remus asked.

"'Course not." Sirius looked across the room to check no one was in earshot. "She's a girl."

"You don't fancy Benjy, do you?" Remus looked up at Sirius as he waited for the answer. He wasn't sure how he felt about the idea of Sirius fancying someone like Benjy, or anyone else at all for that matter. He told himself he wasn't jealous, he was with Charlie after all, he was just looking out for his friend. "Well, do you?"

Sirius turned from the window and looked down at Remus. He smiled slowly. "He's straight."

"That's not what I asked. Besides, so am I, that didn't stop you fancying me."

"Remus, keep your voice down," Sirius hissed.

Remus glanced nervously behind him, but no one was paying them any attention. "Sorry. But my point still stands."

"I don't fancy him, not really," Sirius replied. "He's fun to hang out with, that's all."

Remus nodded and turned back to his essay. Sirius turned back to the window and tossed the butt of his cigarette out the window. Then he climbed down from the ledge and leaned over to whisper into Remus's ear. "If I kissed Benjy, he'd hex me into the middle of next week… that's because he's straight. Unlike someone else I could mention who kissed me right back, and quite enthusiastically if I recall correctly."

Remus gripped his quill tighter, but didn't look up at Sirius.

"Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answer to," Sirius whispered. "You know who I fancy, you don't need me to tell you again."

Remus flushed as he turned to face Sirius.

"Lucky for you we're in a crowded common room," Sirius continued. "Or else I might be tempted to test if my recollections are correct."

Remus could barely breathe as Sirius stepped away and headed up to the dormitory. He knew Sirius was waiting for him to follow him upstairs. He knew that if he did, Sirius would kiss him again. If he was honest with himself, he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from kissing him right back.

He looked behind him to where Charlene was sitting with a group of other girls as they tested each other with questions from previous O.W.L. exam papers. It wasn't that Charlene was a bad kisser, or that he didn't enjoy kissing her. They had locked lips on numerous occasions during the last couple of months, and each time he had liked it just as much as the first time.

He ran his quill over his lips as he thought back to the kisses he had shared with Sirius, most specifically, the one which had ended with them lying on top of the bed covers, half undressed and gasping for breath.

Charlene's kisses never left him out of breath, nor did they involve anything like hands sliding under clothes or lying on a bed with their legs tangled together.

Remus wondered what it meant when he enjoyed kissing his best friend more than his girlfriend.

"Hey, Remus, can you come and test us, please?" Charlene called from across the room.

Remus nodded and pushed thoughts of heated kisses from his mind. He packed his things away and joined the girls in front of the fireplace.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius hadn't really expected Remus to follow him up the stairs, but a small part of him had still hoped that he would.

When it became obvious that Remus wasn't joining him, he reluctantly pulled out his textbooks and made a start on the homework. He wasn't giving it his full attention though, and he knew he would be lucky to scrape even an Acceptable on it. Professor McGonagall had already spoken to him about his grades the week before; she had been far from happy at the way the standard of his work had gone downhill in recent weeks. She had wanted an explanation, but Sirius had been unable to give her one. Eventually, she had shooed him from her office, warning him that if he didn't buck his ideas up, he might find himself re-sitting his O.W.L.s the following term.

He tried to care and thoughts of what his parents would say had persuaded him to knuckle down for a day or two, but he had too much on his mind to concentrate on school work for long.

The recent full moons hadn't been as bad as he'd expected them to be, although the lingering tension between the two of them had made them less easy than they had been before Remus's birthday.

He was sure that Remus was in denial over how he felt about him. He couldn't believe that he could have kissed him back so passionately and enthusiastically if he didn't have any feelings for him. Remus was just confused, as he himself had been the previous year. He just had to be patient and wait for Remus to come to the same realisation he had. He would just find it so much easier to be patient if he didn't have to see Remus and Charlene feeding each other desserts at the dinner table, or snuggling in front of the fireplace, even when it was unlit.

He scribbled a hasty conclusion to his essay and tossed it into his bag, ready for the morning.

It was clear that Remus wasn't coming upstairs, and eventually Sirius made his way slowly down to the common room to see if he was still there; he was about three steps from the bottom when he saw him. He was pointing his wand at the empty bowl that normally held a selection of fruit for the students to eat if they were peckish. Some joker was trying to juggle two of the oranges and an apple, but Sirius's attention was focused on Remus. Charlene was standing behind him, her right arm running alongside his own and her hand wrapped around his.

"A little less swish," Charlene was saying, guiding Remus's hand to demonstrate the movement.

Sirius felt a familiar pang of jealousy at the sight, a reaction that was only compounded by hearing Remus laugh as he asked her to show him again. From the laughter of the other girls and Charlene's blush, it was obviously he had already had at least one demonstration and was simply asking for another in order to be closer to his girlfriend.

Sirius couldn't watch any more, and he turned to quietly make his way back up the stairs.

-o-xXx-o-

The exams passed in a bit of a blur for both Sirius and Remus. Sirius was too busy mulling over his feelings for Remus to concentrate fully. Remus, meanwhile, was buried in books for the last few weeks, cramming as much as he could as he prayed that he was keeping up with the rest of the class who had had such a large head start in their studies.

"You think you did okay?" Remus asked as they relaxed beside the lake on the final week of term.

"No idea."

"I'm sure you passed them all."

"Failed Potions," Sirius muttered. "Blowing up a cauldron in the practical has got to be automatic failure. How about you?"

"I think I did okay, doubt I'll get any O's though. Maybe a couple of E's in Astronomy and Defence."

"You'll do okay."

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Did your mother ever say one way or another if I could visit during the summer?"

Sirius frowned as he realised he'd completely forgotten to tell Remus about the letter that had arrived on the morning of their argument. Remus, taking his frown as a definite no, assured him that he wasn't too disappointed.

Sirius waved a hand to cut him off. "No, I forgot to tell you. It was ages ago. She wrote back and said yes."

"She did?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. The letter arrived… er… that morning."

Remus nodded; neither of them needed to say anything to clarify when 'that morning' was. "So, it's okay with your mother?"

Sirius nodded.

"Is it okay with you though?" Remus asked quietly.

"Of course it is," Sirius exclaimed. "We'll just come back to Hogsmeade for the full moons. It'll be great!"

"Will it?" Remus asked hesitantly. "Do you really want me there?"

Sirius sat up on his elbows and looked at Remus. "Remus, you know how I feel about you; why would you think I wouldn't want to spend every minute I could with you?"

"It won't change anything though."

"It might help us get our friendship back on track," Sirius said quietly, admitting aloud for the first time what they had both known for quite some time… that their friendship hadn't entirely recovered from the hurtful things they had said to each other.

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "We're going to be okay, aren't we?"

Sirius shifted closer and hooked his arm around Remus's shoulder. Remus made to shrug him off, but Sirius kept a tight grip on him. "We will be when you stop doing that," he said. "You never used to shy away from my touch."

"I didn't know you were thinking of me… you know… like that, when you touched me before."

"I wasn't always thinking of you _like that_," Sirius told him irritably. "That only happened later."

Remus pulled up his knees so that he could rest his chin on them. "I'll try not to let you touching me bother me," he said. Privately he knew that it wouldn't be too difficult to keep his word, he liked the feeling of Sirius's arm around his shoulders and was already leaning in towards him.

Remus was sure that after they had spent some time together during the summer, just the two of them, things would go back to how they had been before.

Sirius meanwhile, cherished the feeling of sitting with his arm around Remus and wondered how he could use their summer together to convince Remus to come to terms with the attraction he was sure they were both feeling for each other.

He had no idea how he was going to go about it, but he was nothing, if not determined.


	39. Turn the Page

Turn the Page 

"Who's picking us up from King's Cross?" Remus asked as the Hogwarts Express ground to a halt in the station.

Sirius shrugged. "Don't know. Probably Mother."

"She hasn't changed her mind about me visiting, has she?"

"'Course not. Be too late now anyway, and there's no way she'll make a scene in front of all the other parents."

Remus nodded and they reached to get their things from the luggage rack.

"I'll get it," Sirius said, reaching up to grab Remus's bag.

"I can get it myself," Remus told him. "I don't need you carrying my things for me all the time."

"You didn't used to mind."

"That was before I knew why you were doing it."

"Damn it, Remus," Sirius muttered. He was about to say more, but the appearance of Charlene stopped him. "I'll go check if the first years are managing with their trunks," he said instead, darting out through the door as quickly as he could.

"Was it something I said?" Charlene asked.

"Don't mind Sirius," Remus told her.

"You two are back to being friends now then?"

"You knew we'd been arguing?" Remus asked.

"Well, yeah. Everyone knows."

"They do?" Remus hadn't realised that it was common knowledge and wondered what else everyone knew about their fight.

"No one knows what you were fighting over," Charlene continued. "Mary thinks it was over me, that Sirius wanted to ask me out or something. It wasn't that was it?"

Remus shook his head. Mary had been close to the mark, but still miles off, and he was very relieved about it.

"What was it about then?"

"It doesn't matter," Remus told her. "Don't worry about it."

Charlene didn't look entirely convinced, but they really didn't have time to discuss it further. "Come on, I want you to meet my parents."

"What?"

"My parents," Charlene repeated. "They want to meet you."

"Why?"

Charlene rolled her eyes. "Why do you think? I wrote and told them about you."

"Did you tell them everything about me?" Remus asked.

"They knew about you being a you-know-what anyway. They read the Prophet."

"And they're okay with it? With you going out with me I mean?"

"They haven't really said, that's why they want to meet you. They want to check you out."

Remus nodded nervously and followed Charlene off the train. Her parents were standing near to the ticket office and were clearly sizing him up well before they were close enough to be introduced. He tried to remember his manners as he held out his hand to Mr Grahams.

Further down the platform, Sirius helped one of the final struggling second years with his trunk. When he hopped back onto the train in order to fetch the youngster's broom for him he happened to notice Benjy lurking in one of the empty compartments.

"What you doing in here?" he asked. "You do know we're in London, right?"

"He's avoiding his parents," Philip said from behind Sirius. Sirius turned and saw that Philip was leaning out of one of the windows overlooking the platform. He was grinning widely and clearly enjoying himself at his friend's expense.

"What's the problem?" Sirius asked. "Is he in trouble or something?"

Philip shook his head. "Nah, he's just embarrassed at being collected by Mummy and Daddy. Most seventh years get to make their own way home after they leave school… like me. Did I tell you I've got my own flat?"

Sirius nodded. He had heard all about Philip's new flat, as had Benjy and anyone else unfortunate enough to be in earshot the day he had sealed the deal.

"You can't wait in here all night," Sirius told Benjy as Philip leaned back out of the window once more.

"I'm hoping they'll give up and go home," Benjy replied. "Give them an hour or two and they might think I've apparated home from the school gates."

Philip laughed. "I think your mum's heading this way," he teased.

Sirius looked out of the window and Philip pointed out Benjy's parents. "Looks like they're talking with my mother," he said. He turned back to Benjy. "You could be in for a long wait; my mother can talk forever."

"Damn," Benjy muttered. "Suppose I'd better go see them. But I swear, if she tries to kiss me hello, I'll hex her lips off."

Sirius laughed and stepped off the train, handing the broomstick he was still holding to the second year. Sirius then said goodbye to Philip and made his way over to his mother, Benjy following reluctantly behind him.

"Sirius," Walburga said in her usual exasperated tone. "Come here and say good evening to Mr and Mrs Fenwick."

Sirius dutifully turned to Benjy's parents and greeted them politely. Benjy was lurking the side, trying to look like he wasn't really with the rest of them.

"We're so relieved that Sirius is finally making some suitable friends," Walburga told Benjy's parents. "It's been so difficult since the Sorting Hat erroneously sorted him into Gryffindor. Such a shame that this was Benjy's final year at Hogwarts."

Sirius groaned quietly and looked around the platform, hoping that Remus was making his way across to him so that they could leave.

"So, where is it then?" Mr Fenwick suddenly asked. "Never seen one close up before. I must say, I was surprised to hear Orion was letting a werewolf stay with you during the holidays."

Sirius bristled at the way Mr Fenwick referred to Remus as 'it'.

"Oh, you know us," Walburga replied cheerfully. "We're always looking out for those less fortunate."

"Of course, of course," Mr Fenwick said. "I say, is Orion still going for that Senior Warlock post at the Ministry?"

"Oh, yes," Walburga assured him. "As long as he manages to put in time in all the Ministry departments, he should get the position without any trouble. He's the only pureblood in the running. The promotion will elevate the family back where it belongs."

The Fenwicks nodded sympathetically. Sirius scowled, but declined to say anything. He had known for years that his mother was a snobby social climber; the Blacks had been at the top of the ladder for years, even if she was now hanging onto the rungs by the very tips of her fingers.

"Which department is he working in at the moment?" Mrs Fenwick asked.

"The Spirit Division," Walburga replied. "He's been there for two months now. He'll be moving to the Werewolf Registry next week. He's hoping to do a lot to sort out the Department; up until now it's been in total shambles."

An increasingly irritated Sirius listened as Walburga continued to talk to the Fenwicks about his father's work and werewolves generally. From the way Walburga was talking, it seemed that his father had only agreed that Remus could stay with them in order to help further his career. He was also a little concerned at the things that his mother was saying were being considered for the werewolves of England. The ideas ranged from magically tagging them with some sort of brand, to testing new and dangerous potions on them. He didn't like the sound of any of them, and he doubted Remus would either.

"I suppose he'll be wanting to speak with the young werewolf over there, and get it's view on things," Mr Fenwick commented.

"Remus isn't an 'it'," Sirius snapped at the older man.

"Sirius," Walburga warned.

"Well, he's not!" Sirius snapped.

Sirius could see that his mother's face was turning a rather interesting shade of red, but he had no intention of backing down.

Then he felt the familiar weight of a hand on his shoulder and a sense of calm came over him.

"Good evening, Mrs Black," Remus greeted her, removing his hand from Sirius's shoulder and holding it out to her. "Thank you for inviting me to stay for the summer."

Walburga didn't take his hand. Instead, she gave a sharp nod and something that might – from a distance – have passed for a smile.

The platform was almost clear when Walburga finally decided that they would return home. She would never involve herself in trying to push her way through the crowd if she could do otherwise.

By the time they left, Sirius had listened to her talking about his father's work with more parents than he could count, and she had made sure that all of them knew that Remus – the werewolf – was staying with them for the holidays. Sirius had to give her credit – when she introduced Remus to the various families, she made it seem as though it was merely a coincidence that he was staying with them at the same time that Orion was going to be working in the Werewolf Registry.

"Sorry," Sirius whispered to Remus as they trailed after Walburga. "I didn't know she was going to put you on display like that."

Remus shrugged and tugged his bag over his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I figured your parents would have some sort of ulterior motive for inviting me to stay."

"I didn't."

Remus laughed briefly. "You think purebloods like the Blacks would let a werewolf into their home out of the goodness of their hearts?"

"I would," Sirius replied. "And Uncle Alphard did, too."

"I'm sorry, Sirius. I didn't mean it like that."

"It's okay. You're right. I should have known my parents would have something up their sleeves."

They reached the barrier and followed Walburga through to the main station. She hurried them on impatiently, never having been that comfortable within the crowded muggle station, and Sirius tugged Remus along with him. It didn't really matter why his parents had chosen to let Remus stay with them - the important thing was that they had.

-o-xXx-o-

"I'll show Remus to his room," Sirius said as they entered Grimmauld Place.

Walburga waved them away as she called for Kreacher.

"You're in the Green Room," Sirius explained as they made their way up the stairs.

"From what I can remember, all the rooms are in shades of green," Remus replied.

"Yeah, most of them are," Sirius agreed. "But only the one overlooking Mother's herb garden is actually called the Green Room."

"Your mother likes gardening?" Remus asked in surprise.

Sirius couldn't stop the laughter from bubbling up at the idea of his mother on her hands and knees in the mud. "Never touches it," he explained. "Kreacher cultivates what she tells him to, but we can hardly call it Kreacher's herb garden, can we?"

"Why not? If it's his?"

"He's a house elf," Sirius replied, shaking his head, still trying not to laugh. "Besides, Mother is the one in charge of it, even if she doesn't tend to it."

Remus shrugged; sometimes he just didn't understand the Black family at all.

The room had been aired, and Sirius told him that he could use anything in it for as long as he was there. "You remember where the bathroom is?"

Remus nodded. "Just down the hall on the left, right?"

Sirius nodded. "I'm going to go and see if Regulus is back yet."

Remus put his bag down on the floor and looked around the room. It was like standing in a museum. The four-poster bed was huge, with ornate carvings on the headboard and the posts. If he didn't know better, he would have thought the bed had never been slept in. Beside it was a matching bedside table with handles on the drawers that looked suspiciously like snakes. There was also a large wardrobe with similar handles and one door slightly ajar. On the other side of the room was a desk with a quill and inkpot waiting beside a pile of blank parchment. The silver and green lamp on the desk had a twin on the bedside table, and they looked so delicate that Remus was almost afraid to touch them.

There was a boarded up fireplace with a mantelpiece containing various small knickknacks. Remus wandered over to the mantel to take a closer look at them. "Oh good, more snakes," he muttered with a shiver. He could only hope that there were no live ones lurking around the darker corners of the building.

"Does the werewolf need anything?" a small voice asked from behind him, causing Remus to spin round, startled.

Kreacher was standing a few feet away, his trunk of belongings alongside him.

"No, thank you, Kreacher," Remus said. "I'm Remus, by the way."

"Kreacher knows who you is. You is the werewolf."

"But my name's Remus."

"You is the werewolf," Kreacher insisted.

Remus shrugged and gave up, dismissing Kreacher after assuring him that he would call him if he needed anything. He wondered if it was his imagination, or whether Kreacher had really looked quite so annoyed at the thought of Remus summoning him.

He was just in the middle of putting his things away into the wardrobe when the door to his room opened. "Is Regulus home yet?" he asked as Sirius poked his head round the door.

Sirius shook his head. "No, his flight has been delayed. He'll be back late tonight. Father is going to stay late at work, and then go and collect him on the way home. He just flooed in to tell us."

"It'll be nice to see him again," Remus said. "How's he doing?"

"He's holding in there," Sirius said as he took Remus's scarlet and gold slippers from his trunk and placed them near the bed. "At least I think he is. He and Uncle Alphard were very close, and there's only so much you can put in a letter."

"He'll be home soon. That'll be good… you know… being with his family again."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. Anyway, Mother says that dinner will be in half an hour. Just leave most of the unpacking until tomorrow. Just get your wash things and pyjamas out and leave the rest."

"My pyjamas are at the bottom of the trunk," Remus said with a sigh. "I put the ones I wore last night into the wash for the Hogwarts house elves. I did it automatically. My spares were packed first, so they're right at the bottom."

Sirius laughed. "I'm sure that if you write to one of the staff they'll send the things you put in the wash here."

Remus shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I've got plenty of clothes here, it's just that my night things are at the bottom."

Remus leaned over his trunk once more and pulled out a large handful of clothing, dumping it onto the bed in one large heap.

"Some of these are looking a bit frayed," Sirius commented as he fingered the cuff of one of the shirts.

"I know," Remus replied. "I'll have to get some more school robes for next term. Your parents will take us to Diagon Alley at some point, won't they?"

"I should think so," Sirius said. "Or they may let us go on our own, now that we're sixteen."

"As long as I get to go at some point," Remus said as he pulled a pair of pyjamas from the bottom of his trunk.

"Well, we'll have to go and get our new books for N.E.W.T.s," Sirius reminded him. "And I need some new robes, too."

Remus nodded in agreement and they continued to chat until they went downstairs for dinner.

-o-xXx-o-

That night Sirius was woken up by the sound of a tapping noise. At first he thought it was an owl at the window, but a quick glance at the glass confirmed that there was no bird trying to gain access to the house. Turning over he tried to get back to sleep, putting the noise down to his imagination, or maybe Regulus and his father returning home.

He had barely closed his eyes however, when the tapping sound began again. More awake than before, Sirius realised that it was the sound of someone knocking on his door. "Come in," he called, assuming it was probably Regulus, eager to see him and not wishing to wait until morning.

"Are you awake?" Remus asked from the doorway.

Sirius sat up and looked at Remus with surprise. "I am now," he said with a grimace. "What's up?"

"Sorry," Remus mumbled. "I wanted to talk to you."

Sirius was tempted to point out that it was the middle of the night, but with things still being so tense between them he wasn't sure how that comment might be taken. Instead he nodded and sat back against the headboard, wondering what it was that couldn't wait until morning.

Remus came into the room, closed the door behind him, and scurried over to the bed. He sat on the edge, his left leg tucked under him and his right dangled down onto the floor. Sirius tried not to notice that Remus had chosen to sit on the side of the bed that was furthest away from him.

"I've been thinking about what you said," Remus began. "Back at school, when we were talking out by the lake."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "We've talked out by the lake loads of times. Any chance you could be a bit more specific?"

"When we talked about you…touching me," Remus clarified.

Sirius sighed. He was really too tired to be having this particular conversation right now. "You used to touch me, too," he finally said.

Remus nodded. "I know. I didn't realise how much until afterwards. I had to keep stopping myself from…" He waved his hand vaguely as his voice trailed off.

"You don't have to stop," Sirius said.

"I want things to be back the way they were before," Remus said, his words coming out in a rush and his gaze focused on the silver trim of the dark green bedspread.

Sirius didn't say anything. If he was entirely honest with himself, he didn't want things to go back to the way they were before, but if Remus was determined not to give him a chance, then that would at least be better than where they were at now.

"Sirius?" Remus questioned. "Don't you want the same?"

Sirius nodded, albeit rather slowly and a little reluctantly.

Remus finally looked up at him and smiled. "We'll get things back to normal this summer," he said. "You'll see."

Sirius smiled back; he was not entirely convinced. Then, before he could say another word, Remus was pulling back the covers on his bed and crawling in beside him. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"We used to do this," Remus replied. "We used to share a bed every night."

"But…"

"Do you want me to go back to the guest room?" Remus asked quietly.

Sirius shook his head and burrowed back beneath the covers, stretching out alongside Remus.

"It's just for the holidays, you realise?" Remus whispered.

"Just for the holidays," Sirius repeated as he stared up at the ceiling. Of course Remus wouldn't want to share his bed back at school.

They lay in silence for a few minutes until finally Sirius broke the silence again. "Well, this is awkward, isn't it?" he commented.

"It didn't used to be," Remus replied.

Sirius turned to face him and frowned. "There didn't used to be a foot of empty mattress between us."

Remus met his eyes and nodded before scooting closer. When there was only an inch or two between them he stopped and gave a small sigh. "This isn't working, is it?"

"Do you remember how we used to lay before?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded. "I think so."

"Maybe we should try that?" Sirius suggested.

Remus nodded and turned onto his side, curling up closer as he did. "Where did I usually put my arm?" he asked.

Sirius took hold of the arm in question and placed it around his torso. "Right about here." Then he slipped his own arm around Remus's back and hugged him close.

"Does this feel different to you?" Remus whispered into his chest. "Laying together, I mean. It used to feel more… I don't know… it just feels different."

"Good different or bad different?"

Remus shrugged slightly. "I don't know, just different."

Sirius smiled to himself and closed his eyes. He could take a wild guess at what felt different, but he knew that if he spoke his suspicions out loud, Remus would no doubt bolt. Instead, he kept quiet and savoured the sensation of Remus rubbing up against his hip as he moved to find the most comfortable position, as aroused by their close proximity as he was.

The next morning Sirius awoke to find that Remus was still in his bed, still wrapped around him and still very much turned on by their night together. He was resolved that by the end of the summer Remus would have forgotten all about Charlene, and his ridiculous and stubborn insistence that he was straight.

-o-xXx-o-

Dinner in the Black household was always a formal affair, even when there were no guests whom Walburga was eager to impress.

Sirius was seated beside Remus and opposite Regulus, who was talking animatedly about an old lady he had been talking to at the airport whilst waiting for his flight.

Sirius could tell that his parents weren't listening at all, but he and Remus were both fascinated by airports, neither of them having had the chance to visit one.

"So, Remus," Orion said when Regulus had finished his story. "How would you like to visit the Ministry of Magic with me on Monday?"

Remus, a little startled by the offer, could only nod mutely. Although he certainly hadn't enjoyed his previous visit to the Ministry, he knew that visiting as a guest of a worker, instead of as a recently captured runaway, was sure to be an entirely different experience.

"Can I come, too?" Sirius asked, with Regulus adding his own plea a moment after.

"Certainly not," Orion replied. "I'm not having all three of you underfoot all day. I just thought that Remus might like to see the Registry and the Containment Facility, especially since he will be visiting the latter during the full moons."

"Why would Remus need to go to the Containment Facility?" Sirius asked suspiciously. "He has a safe place to transform back in Hogsmeade."

"Remus's Hogsmeade residence is not on the Floo Network," Orion replied. "It will be far easier for him to floo to the Ministry. The Containment Facility there will also have qualified Healers on hand for the morning after."

"Madam Pomfrey is up at Hogwarts," Sirius replied. "She's a great Healer."

"Nevertheless, Remus is in our care for the duration of the holidays, and it will be far better for everyone if we use the prescribed Ministry facilities."

"But-"

"Enough!" Walburga snapped. "He will go to the Ministry Containment Facility. It's good enough for the other werewolves, and it's more than good enough for him."

Remus placed a calming hand on Sirius's arm, successfully halting further arguing far more than Walburga's command had done. "That's all right," Remus said. "I'd like to see the Ministry facilities. Thank you, Mr Black."

Appeased by Remus's co-operation, Orion began to talk about the Registry and the various things he would be showing Remus when he visited.

-o-xXx-o-

"Good morning, Mr Black." The young witch, who in Remus's opinion was wearing far too much makeup, called out the greeting from her desk at the entrance to the department sign-posted 'Werewolf Registry'.

"Good morning," Orion replied as he strode past her.

"Who's that?" Remus asked as he gave the young woman a small wave and followed after the older man.

"I'm sure I wouldn't know," Orion replied. "Just the receptionist. No one important."

Remus glanced behind him and saw that the witch had heard his reply, and from the look on her face, was far from pleased with it. Remus gave her a small apologetic smile, to which she responded with a wink at him and a rude gesture towards Orion's retreating back.

Remus grinned and hurried to catch up with Orion.

The older man walked purposefully through the department, greeting anyone who spoke to him, but rarely by name.

"The Register itself is over there," Orion said, pointing across the room to where a large book was displayed on a golden podium. "It's updated magically with all the most recent information on every werewolf in the country. The Head of the department takes care of that task on the first day of every month. You may take a look at it later, if you wish."

Remus nodded and looked over at the book. He knew his name was already in it. Although most minors who were werewolves were only registered when they came of age, exceptions were made for those who were known to the authorities, those like him.

"So, this is the werewolf who's staying with you?" a jovial looking man asked as he halted his progress through the department, juggling papers and books as he did.

"Yes, this is him," Orion replied. "I thought he might like to see the Registry and the Containment Facility, before the full moon in a couple of weeks."

"Very good, very good," the man replied, turning to Remus with a smile. "I'm Angus Billington. You need anything, just give me a holler."

Remus nodded and – once Angus had managed to juggle all his items to one hand – shook his hand.

"Good to meet you," Angus said before turning to Orion. "The old goat wants to see you right away."

"He does?" Orion asked.

"Yeah, he's been screeching something about missing records all morning. Needs you to look into it."

"Remus, take a seat and I'll be back as soon as I've dealt with this."

"No need for that," Angus said. "Let the lad wander around. There are wards protecting the restricted areas; he can't get into any mischief."

Orion nodded reluctantly.

"I could go look myself up in the Register," Remus suggested.

"Capital idea!" Angus agreed and Orion nodded his own approval of the idea.

"I'll be back shortly," Orion told him.

Remus nodded, and as soon as Orion was on his way he turned back towards the golden podium. Angus was walking alongside him and told him how to use his wand to quickly find what he was looking for in the Register.

"I'm not allowed to use magic outside of Hogwarts," Remus told him. "I'm not seventeen until next March."

"Ah, yes," Angus replied with a nod. "In that case you'll have to use the index at the back. It's easy enough, just time consuming flicking through all the pages."

"That's okay," Remus said.

"I think Orion might be gone a while anyway," Angus said. "The old goat, that's the Head of the department, has been in a foul mood all morning."

Remus suspected he might be correct; he hoped that his bad mood didn't rub off on Orion Black. The wizard wasn't the most sociable of men as it was.

"I'll have to leave you here," Angus said as they reached the podium. "I'll be around though, so just holler out if you need anything."

Remus promised that he would and stepped up to the podium, curious as to what he would find in the book that held the details of all the werewolves in Britain.

The book was heavy and thick, and the writing in it was of the large and loopy variety. But it was readable and Remus soon found his name in the index. He turned to page seven hundred and thirty to see what the register said about him.

Name: Remus John Lupin

_Date of Birth: 10 March 1960 _

_Place of Birth: St Mungo's Hospital, London_

_Primary Residence: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, Hogsmeade, Scotland_

_Secondary Residence: Hogsmeade Village, Scotland_

_Father: John Lupin_

_Mother: Celeste Lupin_

_Guardian: Fenrir Greyback (see custody case number JV72991)_

_Residence: Dangerous Creatures' Camp (DC8), Cheshire_

_Date Infected: 8 May 1966_

_Date Reported: 9 May 1966 by John Lupin (father of registered werewolf)_

_Bitten by: Fenrir Greyback _

_Victims infected: none known_

Remus skimmed down the page reading the notations and shivering as he realised just how much the Ministry already knew about him. Everything from the location of the scar from Greyback's bite to the colour of his hair and eyes was included in the book. He was also surprised to see that he had his own Case Worker, although he couldn't recall ever meeting the witch in question.

There was also a detailed chronology of what had happened after he had gone on the run, together with the names of all the relatives who had been approached with a view to taking over his custody during Albus Dumbledore's enquiries. Remus hadn't realised there were quite so many of them, and he felt his heart sinking as he looked at all the names on the list. Only one was not followed by 'refusal', and that was the name of Romulus Lupin. Unfortunately, his name was followed by 'request refused – location Azkaban Fortress', along with the date of his request to take over custody. Remus felt his eyes watering as he realised that Romulus had made his request on the very day he had been sentenced to Azkaban. In the middle of his own crisis, Romulus had still been thinking only of him.

One thing that Remus didn't expect to see on the page was the current location of his parents, but there it was, right in front of his eyes. The address of his parents when he was bitten, together with their current place of residence, was written right there, apparently in case of the death of Fenrir Greyback before Remus came of age.

Remus waved over a nearby witch and begged a scrap of parchment and quill from her. It took only a moment to note down the address, which was right in the middle of London, and he quickly pocketed the parchment, resolving to find a way to visit the house as soon as he could.

He looked over towards Orion's office and saw that he was still not back yet. Giving a sigh he turned back to the Register and decided to see what it had to say about Fenrir Greyback, since he was the only other werewolf he knew.

It only took a few moments to find him in the index and flick to the appropriate page, or pages as it turned out to be.

The information started off much the same as his own. Name, date of birth and so on and so forth. It was further down the page where things were different, at the part where the list of victims infected began. Unlike Remus's page, where there were no names, Greyback's page included a long list of names, dates and locations of victims who had been unfortunate enough to be bitten by the older werewolf. It also included whether the victim had survived and whether they were werewolves, too. The list was so long that it went not only onto the opposite page, but over to the one after that as well. Remus eventually found his own name about half way down the third page.

"So many," he whispered as his finger traced down the page.

He felt cold as he read down the list, knowing immediately that no single werewolf could have accidentally bitten so many victims. The dates were almost all a full moon apart, and Remus suspected that those missing dates were simply nights when the victims had either never been found, or had not come forward. He knew that many werewolves chose to live in hiding, in fear of the prejudices they would encounter if they came forward, and he had no doubt that the list of Greyback's victims was far from complete.

He wondered how the older werewolf had managed to avoid execution, but even more than that, Remus wondered why Fenrir Greyback had chosen to help him.


	40. Ghosts of Long Ago

Ghosts of Long Ago

Remus found that sneaking out of the Black house was relatively easy, or at least it would be if Sirius would let him.

"Where do you want to go?" Sirius asked after he had caught Remus putting on his muggle clothes two mornings after his visit to the Ministry.

"Just for a walk," Remus replied. "You know I don't like being cooped up all the time."

"Well, give me a minute to get changed, and I'll come with you," Sirius said.

"Wouldn't you rather spend some time alone with Regulus?" Remus suggested, as casually as he could.

"He could come with us," Sirius replied. "He knows his way around London even better than me. He's learned about it in school."

"I'd rather go alone," Remus said. "Just this once."

"Mother won't like you wandering around on your own," Sirius pointed out. "You know what she's like."

"Then don't tell her," Remus muttered. "I just want to go out and take a walk on my own. I do it all the time in Scotland. I don't want to be shut up in here like a prisoner all summer."

Sirius gasped and grabbed Remus by the arm. "You're not a prisoner," he insisted. "You're a guest."

"Guests can come and go as they please," Remus countered as he pulled his arm out of Sirius's grip.

"Fine." Sirius sighed. "At least tell me where you're going though."

"Just for a walk."

"If it was just a walk, you wouldn't be so secretive about it."

"I just want some time on my own."

Sirius huffed, but Remus stood his ground. He knew that if he told Sirius where he was going, he wouldn't let him out of his sight.

Sirius, knowing he was defeated, backed down with a frustrated sigh of impatience. "Just make sure you're back in time for luncheon."

Remus nodded and pulled on his coat. "I will."

He hoped that Sirius didn't follow him as he slipped out of the building.

It took Remus half the morning just to make his way to the address of the Lupin family. Then he spent a further thirty minutes just sitting on the bench across the street, wondering whether to knock on the door or not.

Finally, and knowing he would be unlikely to succeed in slipping away from Sirius and the Black household a second time, he walked across the street and pulled the metal chain to ring the bell.

There had been no movement around the building in the time that Remus had been watching it, but the sound of hurrying footsteps indicated that someone was in.

"Who is it?" a small girl's voice called through the door.

"Are Mr and Mrs Lupin in?" Remus called back.

"Mummy's in," the girl called back. "Who is it?"

Remus wasn't sure if his mother would come to the door if he gave his own name. With that in mind he gave the name of Mr Fenwick, and hoped the girl – his sister! – didn't question him further.

"Cecily, what are you doing?" an older woman suddenly called. "What have I told you about not answering the door to strangers?"

Remus could hear Cecily moving away from the door as she answered. "I'm never to open the door to anyone. But I didn't open the door… look… see."

"Go into the sitting room," the older woman said. "Go sit with Romulus, go on now."

Romulus? Remus frowned; he hadn't seen his brother since the last day of term, and had wondered where he was, when he could have been visiting him at Grimmauld Place. Was he really inside here, visiting their family?

"Who is it?" called the older woman.

"Is that Mrs Lupin?" Remus asked, his voice wavering slightly.

"It is. Who are you?"

"I…" Remus leaned a hand against the door and sighed. He had no idea what to say.

Suddenly, the door opened slightly, and he could see the end of a wand pointing at him. He raised his hands, showing that his own wand was not out.

"Remus?" Celeste Lupin asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"Can I come in?" Remus asked. "Just for a minute or two?"

"You should leave, immediately," Celeste ordered, her wand still trained on him.

"Not until I talk to you," Remus insisted, his voice growing stronger with every word.

"You can talk from the doorstep," Celeste replied. "Say your piece and go."

"You want me to talk to you from the doorstep?" Remus asked. "Whatever would the neighbours say?"

He could see his mother's eyes darting around the street and knew that she, just like Sirius's mother, was eager to keep up appearances in front of the neighbours. "Very well," she muttered, stepping back and opening the door just wide enough to admit him.

Remus stepped into the hallway, more nervous than he would ever admit, even to himself. In some ways the house was very similar to that of the Blacks. It wasn't as dark, and the furniture wasn't covered in snake motifs, but it had the same museum like quality, the same sense of coldness. It also seemed vaguely familiar.

"Have I been here before?" he asked.

"You stayed here for the summer when you were four," Celeste replied shortly, directing him through one of the doors to the left with her wand.

Remus walked through the door, keeping one eye on the woman behind him, and wishing he had his own wand with him. Instead his wand was safely tucked away in his trunk, awaiting his return to Hogwarts.

"Mother, is that really necessary?" Romulus asked, with a tired sounding sigh of annoyance.

Celeste ignored him. "Cecily, go play in the nursery."

"But I'm talking to Rom," Cecily replied with a childish whine.

"His name is Romulus," Celeste snapped. "You're not a child any more, you'll be seven in a few weeks; you should learn to speak properly."

"She can call me Rom if she wants," Romulus said with a wink at Cecily. "Remus still calls me Rom, and he's sixteen."

"I'd expect no better from a barely educated werewolf," Celeste sneered. "Cecily, go to your room, now!"

Remus bristled at the barely educated comment, especially considering that if it weren't for her he might have been at Hogwarts when he was eleven.

"You'd better do as she says," Romulus advised with a nod to the door. "I'll come by and see you again soon."

"Really?" Cecily asked, at the same time as her mother declared that he would do no such thing.

"You going to stop me?" Romulus asked with a smirk as Cecily skipped out the door. "I hear you've already applied to the Ministry to get them to bind me to Hogwarts. The application has failed by the way. I lurked about during the hearing, and apparently I've not been anywhere near enough trouble to warrant a binding."

"You've no right to be here, tormenting respectable witches and wizards. Terrorising poor Cecily."

"Cecily is hardly terrorised," Romulus replied, with a snort of laughter. "She likes me visiting."

Remus watched as his ghostly brother and his mother continued to argue, their voices rising with each accusation they slung at each other. He took the time to look his mother over. She was tall and thin with blonde hair, and wore makeup that really didn't suit her colouring. Her robes were, as far as he could tell, fashionable and clearly tailor-made for her. She held her head high and her back straight as she glared at his brother, who merely glared right back.

"And now – allowing that monster to know where we live!" Celeste screamed. "Endangering your poor innocent sister, how could you?"

Romulus stood up and loomed over his mother. Remus had thought he'd seen Romulus angry before. He'd certainly heard him shouting before. But he had never seen him like this. He was very relieved that he wasn't the focus of his fury.

"Remus is not a monster," Romulus said in a voice was even more terrifying for its quiet tone. "He's my brother. He's Cecily's brother, and whether you like it or not, he's your son."

"He's the son of that Greyback creature now," Celeste replied. "And you had no right to bring him here."

"Er…" Remus began, rather reluctantly in the face of the two furious beings across from him. "Rom didn't bring me here, I came on my own. I got your address from the Ministry of Magic."

"They let a monster like you wander around the Ministry like a proper person?" Celeste asked with a snort of contemptuous laughter.

"He's not a monster," Romulus hissed at his mother again, before turning to Remus with a glare for him, too. "Though the fact he has come here, when I specifically told him not to, makes me wonder at his intelligence. Remus, you promised me you wouldn't try to find them."

Remus ducked his head. "I know. But I wanted…"

"You promised me," Romulus repeated.

"He's a werewolf," Celeste said with a sneer. "He doesn't know the meaning of the word. All they know is lying and deceit and…"

"Mother, you are really pushing it," Romulus warned. "Remus, you promised not to try to find them. I told you it was too dangerous."

"You're here," Remus pointed out, feeling slightly braver now that Romulus was no longer glaring quite so harshly at him.

"That's different."

"No, it's not," Remus argued right back.

"They disowned us, and it's still dangerous for you to be here."

"But I'm not on the run any more."

Romulus sighed and gestured for Remus to take a seat on the sofa, sitting alongside him and running his hand through his hair in frustration. "You're still in danger from them," Romulus said quietly. "Anyone can put in a report to the Ministry and say that they are being hounded by a werewolf, and that werewolf gets locked up permanently."

Remus looked across the room to where Celeste was standing with her wand still pointed at him. "But she's our mum," he whispered.

"Are you my brother, too?" a small voice asked from the doorway.

Remus turned to see that Cecily had either come back down from her room, or hadn't gone there at all. From the mischievous look on her face, he suspected the latter.

"Cecily, go to your room," Celeste ordered. "He's a werewolf, he's dangerous."

Cecily shrank back a little, but didn't leave the doorway entirely. "He doesn't look like a werewolf," she said. "He looks like Rom."

"He does at that," Romulus said with a smile. "Why don't you come here and say hello to your other big brother?"

"Hi, Cecily," Remus said with what he hoped was a friendly smile.

Cecily inched forward until she was standing at the opposite end of the sofa to where Remus was sitting. She peered around Romulus curiously. "Are you really a werewolf?" she asked.

Remus nodded slowly. "Sorry, but I'm afraid I am."

"You won't bite me, will you?" Cecily asked as she inched closer to Romulus.

Remus shook his head. "I've never bitten anyone," he replied.

"Remus was just your age when he was bitten," Romulus told her.

"Really?" Cecily asked, before adding importantly, "I'm nearly seven."

"And a very grown up seven you are, too," Romulus replied. "Remus is sixteen, a whole ten years older than you."

"That's old," Cecily said, screwing up her nose as she continued to stare at Remus.

"I think this has gone on quite long enough," Celeste suddenly interrupted.

"I agree," Romulus replied. "Remus, you should leave. Go back to Grimmauld Place and, for once in your life, do as you're told, and don't come back here."

"Why not?" Cecily asked. "Why can't my brothers visit, Mummy?"

"They aren't your brothers any more," Celeste told her.

"Will you come and visit me later?" Remus asked Romulus, as he stood up to leave.

"I'm sorry," Romulus replied with a shake of his head. "I can't enter the Black house. They have wards to keep out spirits like myself."

"Oh." Remus felt slightly better at hearing that, knowing that that must be the reason why he had not visited him earlier. He also caught the calculating look his mother gave at hearing about the wards, and suspected she might be looking into some of her own.

Romulus, clearly arriving at the same conclusion, looked at his mother and gave her a knowing smirk. "I think you'll find that they won't work on this house," he told her. "Me being family, you see."

Celeste gave an incensed look that Remus couldn't help smiling at.

"I'll find a way to speak with you soon," Romulus promised him. "You'll be back at Hogsmeade for the full moon, won't you?"

Remus shook his head. "Mr Black says I have to use the Ministry's Containment Facility while I'm staying with them."

"He what?" Romulus practically shouted.

"He took me to see it a couple of days ago," Remus went on. "It didn't look too bad."

"It's not what it looks like," Romulus replied. "They're just cages, nothing to help make it easier for you, or keep the wolf from trying to escape."

"It's only for the summer."

"What about Sirius?" Romulus asked. "What about how the wolf reacts when he isn't there with you? Remus, one full moon would be pushing it, but two…"

"Perhaps if the first one is bad, Mr Black will let me go to Hogsmeade with Sirius for the second one?"

"Perhaps…"

"I'll be all right," Remus said. "There's nothing I can do about it."

"Oh, Rem," Romulus whispered, reaching forward as if to hug him, before remembering that he could no longer do so.

Cecily, who was still ignoring her mother's orders to leave the room, turned to Romulus with a querying look. "Can't you hug Remus?" she asked curiously.

"Afraid not," Romulus replied with a half smile as he reached out and passed his hand through Remus's arm, causing him to shiver.

"Do you want me to hug him for you?" Cecily asked.

"You'd do that for me?" Romulus asked. "You'd hug a real live werewolf for me?"

"He doesn't look very scary," Cecily said as she approached Remus.

"Cecily, stand back from him," Celeste ordered.

Cecily, precocious in the extreme, ignored her mother and clambered onto Remus's lap. She reached round and grabbed him round the neck, hugging tightly. "This is from Rom," she said into his ear.

Remus looked at his brother who was gazing fondly at Cecily with a sad smile on his face. "How long have you been visiting here?" he asked.

"Ever since I… you know…" Romulus replied. "I thought I could try and haunt them into retracting the warrant."

"Fat chance," Remus muttered.

"Yeah, but I figured it was worth a try. Then on my third or fourth visit, Cecily here saw me and demanded to know who I was. How could I resist?"

"Rom comes to visit me lots," Cecily said as she twisted round on Remus's knee.

"Does he really?" Remus said. "He visits me lots, too."

"He always visits you on full moons," Cecily told him. "He missed my birthday once because he had to visit you."

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered.

"Rom said you needed him on full moons because you were scared."

Remus chuckled. "And how is it that you're not scared of me?" he asked, knowing that the answer was sitting beside him. Romulus had clearly been coaching the young girl for some time, and teaching her that not all werewolves were evil monsters. From the look on their mother's face, Remus would guess that she hadn't known quite how frequently Romulus had been visiting, and looked far from pleased at the revelation.

-o-xXx-o-

"Hiding again?" Regulus whispered loudly as he poked his head round the door to the kitchen.

"Stocking up on food for later," Sirius replied as he helped himself to a couple of oranges and a jug of butterbeer. "It's not like I'll get anything I like to eat at dinner."

"At least you get to eat dinner with the rest of the family," Regulus pointed out. "You're not hidden out of the way like I am. You get to invite your friends to stay here, too. Can you imagine Mother's face if I asked her if one of my friends from school could visit?"

"You want to swap places?" Sirius asked. "Be my guest."

"I don't know what you're complaining about. Mother and Father are taking an interest in you and trying to find you a bride. It could be worse. They could be threatening to disown you every other day."

"I don't want a bride," Sirius snapped as he pushed past his brother and headed back up the stairs to his room. Regulus grabbed a couple of empty glasses and followed after him.

"Why don't you just pick one of the girls and have done with it?" Regulus asked as he followed Sirius into his room. "That girl last night was quite pretty."

"You were spying from upstairs again?"

"Not like I'd got anything better to do. But seriously, what was wrong with her? She seemed quite pleasant and pretty enough. Remus seemed to get along with her."

"She was vapid and nauseating after five minutes in her company," Sirius amended with a snort. "Remus gets along with nearly everyone; that's just the way he is."

"Where is he anyway?" Regulus asked. "I've not seen him all morning."

"Gone out for a walk," Sirius replied. His relief at the change of subject was short-lived however, when Regulus returned to the previous topic almost immediately.

"If you don't accept one of the girls like that one last night, you might end up with a shrewish hellcat like cousin Bellatrix?"

Sirius shuddered. "Don't even joke about it. I don't want _any_ wife."

"You'll have to pick one eventually, so why not one of the pleasant ones?"

Sirius stood up and closed the door to his room, adding a charm to the door so that anything he said would stay within the four walls. Regulus looked at him curiously. Sirius had tried not to use magic in front of his younger brother whenever he could avoid it, and he knew that by doing so now he had his undivided attention.

"I thought you weren't supposed to do magic outside of school?" Regulus asked.

"I'm not, but no one will know. They'll just think it was Mother or Kreacher."

Regulus nodded and Sirius quickly stashed his wand back into the drawer. Whilst the Ministry might be fooled as to who cast any spells in Grimmauld Place, it wouldn't do for him to be caught with his wand in his hand by Kreacher or his mother.

"If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell Mother or Father?"

"What is it?" Regulus asked curiously.

"Promise me first. Promise you won't tell them, that you won't tell anyone."

"I promise."

Sirius sat down on his bed and gestured for his brother to join him. "You really won't tell anyone?"

"I promised I wouldn't," Regulus replied, sounding slightly impatient now.

"I don't like girls," Sirius whispered.

Regulus frowned slightly, clearly trying to understand the point that Sirius was trying to make. "I don't get it," he finally commented. "Just because you don't like the girls Mother keeps inviting over…"

"No." Sirius shook his head rapidly. "Not just those girls, _any_ girls. I. Don't. Like. Girls."

"None of them?"

Sirius shook his head again. "I'm not going to get married… ever. I can't, not when I don't like girls."

"Maybe you just haven't found the right girl," Regulus suggested.

Sirius sighed with annoyance. "Everyone keeps saying that."

"Everyone?"

"Uncle Alphard, Remus, now you."

"Uncle Alphard usually knew what he was talking about," Regulus pointed out.

"I know. He told me not to tell Mother until I was of age, and knew for sure."

"So, if you don't like girls… does that mean you like boys?"

Sirius nodded and felt his face flushing slightly under his brother's assessing gaze.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Regulus asked, and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief at his brother's easy acceptance. Thinking about it, he wasn't surprised. Just like Remus had accepted his preferences – at least before he had found out where his affections lay – Regulus, too, had suffered prejudices, which made him less likely to cast judgement on others.

"Not really."

"But you like someone." It wasn't a question, but Sirius nodded all the same. Regulus looked thoughtful for a moment until something else apparently came to mind. "What's it like kissing another boy?" he asked. "You have kissed a boy, haven't you?"

"Just a few times," Sirius replied. "The first time was kind of awful, because he didn't kiss me back and just sort of sat there. The second time was better, but he ran off afterwards."

Regulus snickered slightly, causing Sirius to flush even more before he grabbed a pillow from behind him and threw it at him. "Sorry," Regulus apologised. "But if the better kiss was the one that sent him running away, then I guess you must be doing it wrong."

"You might be right," Sirius muttered. "It's not like I've had a lot of practice kissing. The third kiss was great though."

"It was?"

Sirius nodded. "He kissed me back properly, and I really thought I was in with a chance. He was as excited as I was, and I really thought I'd convinced him to choose me."

"He didn't?"

"He had a date with a girl just afterwards. He chose her over me. I did wonder later if maybe he chose her because I was a rubbish kisser."

"Maybe you should practice on a few of the girls Mother invites over," Regulus suggested with a wicked grin. "It'd keep Mother happy, and help you win over the boys."

"The thought of kissing one of those girls makes me want to heave," Sirius replied with an exaggerated shudder of revulsion.

Regulus shrugged his shoulders. "It was just an idea."

The two boys were quiet for a while, each lost in their own thoughts, Sirius's revolving around how to get his kissing skills improved enough to win over Remus. Regulus's thoughts however had taken a somewhat different course. "Sirius?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"How do two boys have sex?" he asked with a puzzled frown. "We do Sex Education at school, but they only teach you about men and women together. Do they teach you the others at Hogwarts?"

"We don't learn anything like that at Hogwarts," Sirius admitted. "They don't teach you how to _do it_ do they?"

Regulus grinned widely. "You mean that there's a subject I get to learn, that you don't?"

"But do they?" Sirius asked.

"Wait here," Regulus replied and he hurried out of the door. He returned a few minutes later with a couple of textbooks. Sirius recast the charm on the room and pulled the larger of the two books towards him.

"Does Mother know what's in this?" he asked as he flicked through the pages.

"Mother didn't buy any of my textbooks, remember," Regulus pointed out bitterly. "I got them from the school library the first couple of years. Then I started pawning wizard coins, and used the muggle money to buy what I needed for school."

"How many coins have you pawned?"

"A fair few," Regulus replied, without a hint of remorse. "Though not many since Uncle Alphard…" His voice cracked and faded away as he remembered their shared loss.

"I was sort of hoping you'd stopped pawning the coins," Sirius admitted with a sigh. "Just be careful, please."

"Anyway," Regulus said, changing the subject back, opening the other book and skimming the list of contents. "The books don't say anything about two men. Though maybe we cover that later. If you tell me how you do it maybe I'll get ahead on the subject."

Sirius rubbed his nose and kept his eyes firmly on the book. He was loathe to admit to his brother – his _younger_ brother – that he actually didn't know precisely how two men went about having sex with each other. He'd thought about it often enough, but still had little more than a vague idea.

"You have had sex, haven't you?" Regulus asked.

Sirius shook his head. "Not exactly."

"So, what have you done?"

"Just a couple of kisses and…"

"And?" Regulus encouraged.

"There was this one time when we kind of rubbed up against each other," Sirius admitted. "You know." He glanced quickly at his groin and his brother nodded in understanding.

"What was it like?" Regulus asked.

Sirius hesitated, as he thought back to the night in question. His cock twitched in remembrance and he shifted his position slightly to ease the growing discomfort the memory brought. "It was a bit weird, I guess," he finally replied. "It feels different to when you're touching it yourself, because you know what you're doing and you know that if you touch it in a particular spot then it will feel a certain way. You know what to expect." Regulus nodded. "But when we were rubbing against each other I didn't know what to expect. I knew I was hard, but I'd no idea he was until I felt him move against me. I could feel him growing harder every second, and knowing that I was the one doing that to him made me even harder. Every movement of his cock against mine felt brilliant, a million times better than my own hand."

"So, it's like wanking, but with someone else?" Regulus asked.

"I think there's more to it than that," Sirius said. "But that's all I've done."

"Maybe this other boy you were with knows more?"

Sirius snorted bitterly. "I doubt it."

"He might."

"He has a girlfriend now, and they don't seem to be breaking up any time soon. If he does know anything else about how men have sex, I can hardly ask him."

"We could look it up in a book," Regulus suggested. "Or magazines, there's some in the newsagent next door to the record store I go to. They have some with naked women and others with naked men."

"They do?"

"Loads of them."

"How do you know?"

"I bought a couple of the ones with women in to trade at school last year."

"To trade?" Sirius teased.

"Yeah, to trade," Regulus replied with a smirk. "Though the flight to Australia was long and boring, and they did help to pass the time."

Sirius laughed. "Where is this shop?"

"Come on, I'll show you." Regulus jumped off the bed and tossed Sirius some muggle clothing from the wardrobe. Sirius dutifully changed and followed his brother out of the room.

-o-xXx-o-

"They're at the back," Regulus said. "But I've got no muggle money on me. I spent the last of it a few days ago. Don't you have any?"

"Never had any muggle money at all." Sirius searched through his pockets, knowing it was a pointless exercise. "I don't even have any wizard money on me."

"We'll have to come back some other time," Regulus advised as he turned away from the store and began to walk away.

Sirius continued to look through the window. The girl on the cash register didn't seem the most observant of shop assistants, and there were plenty of shelves to obscure her view of the magazines at the back of the store. He turned to Regulus who had stopped a short distance away and was looking into the window of the record store. "Back in a minute," he called as he pushed open the door of the newsagent.

He nodded a greeting towards the girl, who barely glanced up from where she was painting her nails. He reached the back of the shop and scanned the racks of magazines, his eyes searching for what he wanted. Unfortunately there was nothing that was helpfully labelled as a 'How To' guide for young men who knew they were gay, but didn't know what they were doing. He picked up one of the magazines with a half naked man on the cover and flicked through the pages, scanning the titles of the articles with hopeful anticipation.

It didn't seem particularly helpful, but Sirius kept a hold of it as he grabbed a second magazine from the rack, then a third and a fourth.

"Can I help you?" the girl called across to him.

"I'm fine," Sirius called back. "Just browsing."

"This isn't a library you know," the girl chided. "Are you buying those?"

"I…" Sirius faltered slightly as the girl, who had apparently not been chained to her seat, strolled towards him.

"You know, if you're looking for the really hardcore stuff, the owner keeps it out back," the girl suggested with a wink. "I can close up for lunch and show you, if you like…"

Sirius flushed and looked down at the magazines in his hands.

"A nice looking lad like you shouldn't have to resort to porno mags," the girl said.

Sirius stumbled backwards as the girl reached him. He staggered into the racks, and one of the magazines fell from his hands to the floor. It opened on a page that made it very clear what sort of magazine it was. The girl looked down at the magazine with a stunned expression on her face. Sirius didn't hesitate to use her distraction to his advantage and, keeping a firm grip on the three remaining magazines, he ran for the door.

"Hey! Shoplifter!" the girl yelled. "Stop!"

Sirius ignored her and sprinted out onto the street. Regulus was still looking into the record store and he grabbed his arm and tugged him down the street as he made his escape.

They ran as though their lives depended on it, and if they were caught and their mother discovered what they had done, that may well be the case. They had no way of knowing that the girl from the shop hadn't even followed Sirius out of the door.

Running first down one street and then another, the two boys finally arrived back at Grimmauld Place with the magazines Sirius had stolen hidden within his jacket, lest their mother see them.

Walburga Black was nowhere in sight when they slipped into the house and the boys hurried up to Sirius's room before they were spotted.

"I can't believe you stole them," said Regulus, after he'd recovered his breath enough to speak.

"I'd have paid if I had any money," Sirius replied. "I just hope these are worth the effort." He pulled out the magazines and placed them on his bed. Regulus immediately reached for one and began to flick through it.

"I don't know how helpful these are going to be," he said after a minute or two. "This one just seems to be a lot of pictures of naked men and stories that readers have sent in."

Sirius opened one of the others at a random page and looked at the photograph of the man that was spread across the double page. The nose was too long, the cheek bones a little too well defined, but the hair and eyes were both the exact right shades of brown, and that was enough to send Sirius's heart racing and his blood flooding to his groin. The man could be Remus in five years time and Sirius let out an involuntary groan.

"You okay?" Regulus asked.

Sirius nodded dumbly as he continued to look into the brown eyes, willing himself not to look lower. But, like a moth that was drawn to a flame, Sirius's eyes took in the smooth, flawless chest, so unlike Remus's own scarred torso. The man was posing in a chair, his legs spread wide and his arousal proudly displayed. He felt a stirring in his own groin as he continued to gaze at the model.

"Sirius?" Regulus asked, his voice lower, barely more than a whisper. "What is it?"

Sirius barely heard his brother as continued to stare at the photograph.

"I'll just leave you alone then, shall I?" asked Regulus in a teasing tone of voice.

Sirius jerked his head up at his brother's words. "Shit!" he swore as he slammed the magazine shut.

"That bloke looked a bit like Remus," Regulus commented with feigned casualness.

"Did he?" Sirius replied with an equally fake offhand tone.

"Should have guessed, shouldn't I?" Regulus continued. "It couldn't really be anyone else."

"I'm so screwed," Sirius whispered. "He's my best friend, and I'd rather spend the rest of my life with him than the most beautiful witch in the world. Even though he doesn't like me the same way and we'll only ever be friends. I'd settle for that. If that was all I would ever have, I'd settle for that."

"You said he kissed you back," Regulus pointed out. "And that he rubbed himself against you, too. And don't think I haven't noticed whose bed he's been sleeping in while he's been staying here either."

"He has a girlfriend now," Sirius replied. "I should move on and find another bloke."

"How do you know which ones are like you?"

"No idea," Sirius replied with false cheerfulness. "We don't exactly advertise that we're queers."

"You could always try a personal ad," Regulus suggested as he pointed to the adverts in one of the magazines.

"I doubt any of them would be too pleased to hear from a sixteen year old boy."

"Maybe not," Regulus agreed. "But when you've left school you could look into it, if you've not found anyone else by then."

Sirius nodded and picked up the third magazine. With the trouble he'd had in acquiring them, he had every intention of reading them all from cover to cover. Surely there would be some helpful information within the pages?

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius did find that although at first glance the magazines were little more than 'pictures of naked men' as his brother had put it, there was some information hidden within the articles that helped answer a few of his questions. He didn't know whether he was relieved or dismayed at finding out exactly how two men went about having sex with each other. On the one hand, it seemed obvious what went where, but on the other Sirius couldn't help but wonder how the hell it would fit.

He'd seen Remus naked before. By now Sirius had been present at so many full moons that Remus had long since lost his shyness, at least up until he'd found out that Sirius fancied him. Sirius knew roughly what size Remus was and, well, to put it bluntly, there was just no way that he could take him up the arse without breaking something. Likewise, he couldn't imagine any way that Remus would be able to take his own slightly smaller length, not that Remus was even willing to have him, but still…

"I guess most gay men in the world have bloody high pain thresholds," he muttered to himself, trying not to wince as his imagination ran riot.

It was several days later that he spotted that several of the advertisements in the magazine were for various brands of lubricant. He cursed himself for his own stupidity, but in the darkest hours of the night he wondered just how much help a tube or jar of cream would actually be.


	41. There's No Escape For You

There's No Escape for You

Sirius, despite his preoccupation with worrying about what went where, could not fail to notice that when Remus had finally returned from his walk, shortly before dinner, he was more subdued than he had ever seen him before.

He was also observant enough to realise that when Remus had crawled into bed with him that night, he had clung to him with a desperation he hadn't displayed since the first days after Romulus had returned as a ghost.

Sirius had thought that Remus would tell him what was wrong in his own time, but decided to press the issue a couple of days later, after the other boy had nearly bitten his head off, for griping about his mother and her latest dinner party, of all things.

"You want to talk about it?" Sirius asked as he sat down on the staircase, a few steps above where Remus was sitting.

"Not really."

"Is it the full moon?" Sirius questioned. "Are you worried about going to the Ministry?"

Remus shook his head.

"Are you worried about Romulus? I know he's not been round to see you since you came here, but I'm sure he'll be by soon."

"He can't visit me here," Remus said. "Something about the wards on the house. I'll see him at the full moon."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said. "I didn't realise. Do you want me to ask Father to remove the ward that keeps out ghosts? I'm sure he would if I told him why."

Remus shook his head again. "It's okay. I'll see him at full moon in a few days."

"So, not seeing Romulus is what's bothering you?" Sirius asked.

"There's nothing bothering me," Remus replied. "Nothing at all."

"Why won't you talk to me any more?" Sirius asked quietly. "I'm still your best friend. Or are you still worried about me? About how I feel about you?"

"It's not you," Remus assured him.

"So, what is it?"

"Nothing."

"Damn it, Remus," Sirius snapped. "I can't help you, not if you won't tell me what's wrong."

"You can't help me even if I did tell you," Remus replied, jumping to his feet and pushing his way past Sirius, up the rest of the stairs and back to his room.

Sirius watched him run away, still no wiser as to what it was that was bothering Remus so much.

-o-xXx-o-

The afternoon of the full moon arrived, and Remus gathered the things he was taking together, trying to ignore the sounds of Sirius arguing with his father coming up from downstairs.

"I've got to come with him!" Sirius yelled. "You don't understand. Moony needs me there."

"Who in the name of Salazar Slytherin is Moony?" Orion asked loudly.

"The wolf," Sirius explained. "I told you before, he needs me there."

"You're not coming!" Orion repeated. "The Containment Facility is no place for a teenage boy."

"But I have to!"

"That's enough!"

Remus sighed as they continued to argue. Tonight was going to be bad; he could feel it with every fibre of his being.

He gathered the rest of his things together and made his way downstairs to the study.

"Ah, good, you're ready," Orion said as he entered the room.

Remus nodded and glanced across the room to where Sirius was standing by the fireplace, looking to all intents and purposes as if he was planning on blocking the floo unless he was allowed to come along.

"Sirius, step aside," Orion ordered. "You're staying here, and that's final."

Sirius folded his arms across his chest and shook his head. "No. I'm coming, too."

"We don't have time to argue," Orion pointed out. "Remus must be at the facility at least half an hour before sunset."

"I agree," Sirius replied. "We don't have time to argue, and that's why I should come with you."

"Sirius…" Remus warned. "It'll be all right. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You could be dead tomorrow!" Sirius yelled. "You know what happens when I'm not there; you know how bad it is!"

"I'll be okay," Remus said, gently guiding Sirius out of the way and taking up a handful of floo powder from the large porcelain jar at the edge of the mantelpiece.

"You see," Orion said. "He knows what's best for him."

Remus turned to Orion and smiled sadly. "Oh, this isn't what's best for me," he said quietly. "What's best for me is to be home in Hogsmeade, with Sirius watching over me. But the Containment Facility and Sirius not being with me is the price I have to pay for being here for the summer. I'm willing to pay that price, but it isn't what's best for me."

With that Remus stepped into the fireplace and flooed to the Ministry.

"Father, please," Sirius begged.

"No, Sirius," Orion replied as he stepped into the fireplace. "And don't even think about following us."

Sirius, already reaching for the floo powder, swore under his breath as he watched his father floo away, the container with the entire stock of floo powder held under his arm.

-o-xXx-o-

Unlike during his previous visit, the Containment Facility was now bustling with activity. Ministry officials were guiding werewolves into the various cages, ready for the coming of the full moon.

Remus stepped into his own cage and began to undress. He passed his clothes to the Ministry worker who had been allocated to him, and wished that Sirius were there with him.

Across from him was another cage, this one containing a man and a woman. "Is it that crowded here?" he asked the worker.

"Huh?" the worker replied distractedly. Remus pointed across to the other cage. "Oh, no. They're husband and wife; they always share a cage. Have done for years. It's not a good idea to put two strangers in with each other, so don't worry, you'll be on your own in there."

Remus nodded as he watched the couple opposite him kiss briefly.

Orion had disappeared to talk with the head of the department almost immediately after they had arrived, and Remus wondered if he would see him again tonight. He even wondered briefly whether he would be collecting him in the morning, or whether he would leave him there for the duration of the holidays.

"It'll be all right, Rem," Romulus said, appearing behind him within the confines of the cage. "I'm here. I'm not going to leave you."

Remus nodded, but in his heart he knew that it wouldn't be enough. Moony wanted Sirius… Moony _needed_ Sirius… _he_ needed Sirius.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus had never heard another werewolf howling before, and when he woke up the next morning, he was sure he never wanted to again.

The howls of the caged werewolves, each protesting their captivity at the loudest possible volume, echoed through his mind.

"Remus?" Sirius's voice was nearly drowned out by the memory of the howls.

"You came?" Remus whispered.

"Ah, I see you're back with us, Mr Lupin," a new and strange voice chirped.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"The full moon was bad," Sirius explained. Remus felt a slight pressure on his fingers and realised that Sirius was holding his hand. It didn't even cross his mind to pull his hand away, and instead he clung to it like an anchor.

"How bad?" Remus whispered.

"You've been in St. Mungo's for three days," Romulus told him.

"Three days?"

"Yeah. For a while there we didn't know if you'd make it."

Remus turned to look at Sirius, and once he had focused on him properly he could see quite clearly the redness of his eyes. He wasn't sure whether it was from tears, lack of sleep, or a combination of the two.

"Takes more than a full moon to get rid of me," Remus said with a weak smile.

"Father says I can come with you to Hogsmeade for the next full moon," Sirius said.

Remus nodded his head as much as he could, but he was too tired to even feel happy at the news.

"I think he was actually scared for you," Sirius continued. "I've never seen him like this before. He's been here at St. Mungo's the whole time."

"He has?" Remus was surprised at this news, but then he realised what Sirius either hadn't yet figured out, or maybe didn't like to say – Orion Black would not get his promotion if he had died while in his care.

Sirius nodded. "He let me come with him to collect you in the morning. You were worse off than any of the others, even the woman who was going through her first transformation. One of the others down there has been using the Containment Facility for over twenty years, and he said he hasn't seen anyone down there as badly cut up as you were."

"Sirius?" Remus whispered.

"Yes?"

"You're cutting off circulation in my fingers."

"Oh," Sirius said, letting go of Remus's fingers with a mumbled apology. "Sorry."

Remus remained awake only long enough for the Healers to poke him, prod him and pour potions down his throat. The last thing he saw before he closed his eyes was Sirius's face, worried and tired.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus was in St. Mungo's for another two days. Sirius was at his side for a lot of that time, along with Orion Black and Romulus.

"I'm not sure I'm ready to be sent home, yet," Remus said as the Healer in charge of his ward expressed the opinion that he could be sent home that afternoon.

"I'm sure you'll be fine," the Healer replied with a smile. "Just be careful not to do anything too strenuous for a few more days. I'd also advise against playing Quidditch for at least two weeks."

"But…"

"It's okay, Rem," Romulus said. "Sirius's father has removed the ward keeping me out of Grimmauld Place for the rest of the summer."

"He has?"

"I'll be with you for just as long as you need me."

"What about Cecily's birthday?"

"I'll visit her some other time," Romulus said.

"No," Remus replied quietly. "You should visit her on her birthday, she'll be waiting for you."

Romulus nodded in agreement, and Remus felt a brief rush of pleasure when he saw pride in his older brother's gaze. It was something he couldn't remember seeing in rather a long time.

-o-xXx-o-

That night Remus decided to tell Sirius about the visit to his parents' home.

"I saw my mum," Remus whispered as he curled up alongside Sirius, his head rested on Sirius's shoulder and his hand on his chest.

"When?" Sirius replied. "At St. Mungo's? Did she visit you?"

Remus shook his head. "No, it was that day I went for a walk on my own."

"Oh. That's why you were so late back, you wanted to spend some time with her. Sorry you got in trouble with my mother for it."

"I was only there about half an hour," Remus said. "She hates me."

"No one who knows you could ever hate you," Sirius assured him, hugging him closer.

"She does," Remus whispered. "She didn't even want to let me into the house. In the end, she only did it so that the neighbours wouldn't see me on the doorstep."

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded. "Rom visits them. That's where he disappears to. He was hoping to haunt them until they came round."

"That sounds like him," Sirius said with a chuckle.

"I've got a little sister, too," Remus said. "Her name's Cecily. She's seven this summer. I always wanted a little brother or sister; I hated being the baby of the family."

"I think you'll always be a baby brother to Romulus," Sirius pointed out with a smile.

"She wasn't scared of me," Remus continued. "She likes Rom; she trusts him. He's taught her not to be scared of werewolves when it isn't the full moon."

"I'm sensing a but in this somewhere."

"But… I'm never going to see her again," Remus whispered. "Because my mum doesn't want me any more."

"Your mum's a hateful bitch," Sirius snarled.

"I hate being a werewolf," Remus whispered, saying out loud the words he had thought so many times in the last ten years.

"I know."

"No," Remus whispered. "You don't know. You can't know what it's like. You might complain about your parents, but at least they haven't turned you out of their lives forever. At least you still have a home under their roof. You don't have to worry that if they see you in the street, they might report you to the Ministry for stalking them. You… you…"

"It's okay," Sirius crooned as Remus's voice cracked and he began to shake. "It's okay."

Except it wasn't okay. Until now, Remus had always hoped that maybe one day his parents might change their minds and welcome him back into their lives. They had lost Romulus, and he had foolishly believed that perhaps they might one day come to regret losing their youngest son and last remaining child, too. Except he wasn't their only remaining child any more. They had replaced him with Cecily, a sweet little girl, and one who didn't deserve Remus's jealousy.

"I'm jealous of her," Remus admitted. "I'm jealous of a little girl, and one who was sweet enough to hug me on behalf of Rom. I don't deserve to be a part of a proper family, not any more. What sort of a selfish person could be jealous of a six year old girl?"

"Stop that," Sirius ordered, sitting up and pulling Remus up with him, so that he could look him in the eyes. "You're not being selfish. You have every right to want to be a part of your own family. You know as well as I do that if you were living there with your parents and Romulus and Cecily, you would adore and spoil Cecily as much as any big brother ever could. You know it's true, don't you?"

Remus nodded slowly, but didn't speak.

"Don't you, Remus?" Sirius insisted. "Come on, let me hear you say the words."

"I'd adore her and spoil her," Remus whispered.

"That's better," Sirius said with a grin. "And your mother's a cruel bitch, and if I ever see her I'll tell her so myself."

"That probably wouldn't be a very good idea," Remus pointed out as he lay back down.

Sirius stretched out alongside him and waited until Remus was settled beside him once more. "Maybe not, but it would make me feel a hell of a lot better."

-o-xXx-o-

The next morning, Sirius woke up to the truly terrifying sound of Kreacher cleaning. He opened his eyes and saw the house elf scrubbing away at the windows.

"Shit!" he swore as he shot up in bed and glared across the room.

"What is it?" Remus asked sleepily.

"Kreacher," said Sirius, pointing to the house elf.

Remus sat up and rubbed at his eyes. "Bloody hell."

"It's okay," Sirius said, calmer now that the initial panic had subsided. "Kreacher…"

Kreacher turned round at his command, though he looked thoroughly sulky about it.

"I am ordering you not to tell Mother or Father that Remus has been sleeping in my bed. I order you not to communicate that to either of them in any way at all. I…" Sirius's voice trailed off as he saw the house elf's sulky expression turn to one of gleeful delight.

"Mistress already knows where the werewolf is sleeping," Kreacher said with a snigger.

Sirius thought that maybe his blood had turned to ice, and he struggled to force out his next question. "How long has she known?"

"Since Kreacher told her," Kreacher evasively replied.

"When did you tell her?" Sirius snapped.

"On the werewolf's second morning here," Kreacher answered with another grin. "When Kreacher noticed the werewolf's bed had not been slept in. Kreacher was worried that the werewolf might have run away and told Mistress right away. Mistress ordered Kreacher to search all the rooms in the house until the werewolf was found."

Sirius felt queasy as he listened to the house elf as he pretended that it was concern for Remus that had prompted his tattling to Walburga. "Does Father know?" he whispered.

Kreacher shook his head. "Mistress ordered Kreacher not to tell Master Orion."

Sirius could tell that Kreacher was not entirely happy about that order and would have been only too thrilled to tell Orion as well. "I'm also ordering you not to tell Father," he said firmly. "I am ordering you not to tell Father, even if Mother changes her mind and says that you can."

He was about to fill in all the little loopholes so that Kreacher could not circumvent his order when Remus tapped him on the shoulder. "If your mother changes her mind, she'll probably tell your father herself."

"Oh." Sirius scowled as he realised that Remus was right.

"Just saying," Remus said. "Anyway, it's not like we're actually doing anything other than sleeping."

Sirius didn't need the reminder and scowled even more.

"I wonder why Mother hasn't said anything to us…" Sirius said, turning back to Kreacher once more. "Did she say anything to you?"

"Mistress says a lot of things to Kreacher," Kreacher replied. "Mistress trusts Kreacher above all others."

Sirius groaned and ran his hand through his hair impatiently. "What did Mother say to you after you told her where Remus was sleeping?"

"Kreacher can't remember."

"I'm ordering you to tell me," Sirius amended, knowing that the house elf was simply being difficult, just for the sake of it.

Kreacher's scowl matched Sirius's own, but he knew it was only that the house elf was annoyed at being ordered. This was proven to be the case when Kreacher told Sirius what he wanted to know, his voice becoming less sullen and more cheerful the longer he spoke. "Mistress was angry to hear that Master Sirius was sleeping with the werewolf. She asked Kreacher to change the bedding and bring the dirty sheets to her. Mistress wanted to know what perverted practices Master Sirius had picked up from the werewolf. Mistress called Master Sirius a bloody shirt-lifter and a half-breed lover. Mistress was very angry."

"That sounds about right," Sirius muttered. "What else? Why hasn't she said anything to me?"

"Mistress knows that Master Sirius is the last wizard of the noble house of Black," Kreacher explained. "When Mistress calmed down, she say that Master Sirius can fuck who he likes, as long as he marry well and has pureblood children."

"She still wants me to marry one of those half-witted girls?" Sirius exclaimed, turning to Remus with an expression of disbelief on his face. Kreacher, seeing his chance for escape, hurried from the room before any more orders came forth.

"They can't all be that bad," Remus said. "Surely one of them would make you happy?"

Sirius glared at Remus. "You make me happy, when you're not insisting you're straight."

"But I _am_ straight."

"Straight blokes don't snuggle up with other men like you do," Sirius pointed out. "I just don't understand why you won't admit that you're attracted to me, too."

"I'm with Charlie," Remus reminded him.

"You don't need to remind me," Sirius muttered. "You know something, Remus, this is getting really old now. How long are you going to stay in denial?"

"I'm not in denial."

Sirius sighed. "I don't want to spend the summer fighting about this," he said.

"Me neither," Remus replied with a small grimace. "I just wish you'd accept what I tell you…"

"Maybe I would, if you hadn't kissed me back so enthusiastically," Sirius pointed out.

Remus climbed off the bed and grabbed his robes. "You know what I'm finding really old?" he asked in a mocking tone. "You reminding me of one weak moment and turning it into something it wasn't."

"We kissed," Sirius shouted. "More than once as well. We shared kisses. Shared, Remus, as in there were two of us participating in them."

Remus ignored him as he tied his robes and hurried out of the door. He didn't want to be reminded of those kisses, or of how much he had enjoyed them.

"Well," Sirius muttered to the door. "So much for making progress."

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius sat at the breakfast table, eating his scrambled eggs, and trying not to listen to his mother rattling on about the latest insipid female she was planning on marrying him off to.

He was in the middle of deciding whether to say anything about what Kreacher had said when the sound of flapping wings heralded the arrival of the morning post. Three owls swooped into the dining room, much to the annoyance of Walburga.

"Honestly, what possesses people to send owls scheduled to arrive during meal times?" she muttered as she paid the owl that had delivered the paper and sent it on its way.

Sirius looked at the owl that was standing with one leg in his eggs and saw that it was carrying a letter addressed to him. Remus also had a letter, although the bird delivering his had at least had the sense to perch on the back of his chair.

"O.W.L. results," Remus whispered, reaching to get his letter from the bird.

"Already?" Sirius questioned, mentally counting the weeks since school had broken up.

"You can read them after you've finished your breakfast," Walburga ordered. "I refuse to have mealtimes interrupted for every little thing."

Sirius sighed, but knew that it would be pointless to argue. He took the letter from his bird and placed it beside his plate. "Can I at least replace my eggs?" he asked.

Walburga nodded and summoned Kreacher, ordering him to bring Sirius a clean plate of eggs. Kreacher nodded and disappeared.

He took nearly fifteen minutes to return with the fresh plate, and Sirius was sure he had done it on purpose, because he knew that he was eager to read his letter and see what his results were. Remus had already finished his breakfast, but was kindly waiting for Sirius to finish, too. Sirius shovelled his eggs into his mouth as fast as he could, at least until he was told to remember his manners and eat properly.

Finally, Sirius had finished his breakfast and was able to open his letter. He stood up, intending to go and read it in his room, but one glance at his mother's face was enough to force him back into his seat.

He tore open the envelope, and quickly scanned the contents of the letter.

"Well?" Walburga asked.

"Not too bad," Sirius replied.

"Let me see," Walburga ordered and Sirius reluctantly passed the letter over to her. She read it quickly and Sirius could tell that she was far from pleased with his results. "How did you manage to get a Dreadful in Potions?" she asked.

"I blew up the cauldron in the practical," Sirius admitted. "I didn't mean to."

"At least Professor McGonagall has indicated you will still be allowed to do the N.E.W.T. in the subject, and retake your O.W.L. in the autumn. It seems that Professor Slughorn believes you are more than capable of the N.E.W.T. level work, and that this incident was an unfortunate accident."

Sirius nodded, he hadn't actually read that part of the letter, focusing instead on the list of results. He turned to Remus, who was still reading his letter. "How did you do?" he asked.

"Okay," Remus replied. "I didn't really expect to get a whole load of Outstandings, what with only having two years to do the work."

"May I see?" Walburga asked politely, reaching across the table for Remus's letter.

Remus passed it over to her and waited as she read it through, openly comparing his results with Sirius's.

"You've done very well," Walburga stated as she passed the letter back to him. Sirius shifted in his seat and fiddled with his cutlery, knowing that now she was through with comparing them he was the one that was being found wanting.

"May I go and see if my brother is around?" Remus asked. "I'd like to show him my results."

"Of course," Walburga replied with a wave of dismissal.

"I'll come with you," Sirius said. "We'll find him faster with the two of us looking."

"You haven't been excused yet," Walburga interrupted, sending Sirius back into his seat for the second time.

Sirius knew what was coming, or at least he had a rough idea. The moment Remus had closed the door behind him, Walburga turned to him with an icy glare.

"Mother…"

"You do realise that that half-breed has got better results than you?" Walburga hissed, cutting him off before he could say more than a word. "They're only O.W.L.s, and employers don't take much notice of them when you have your N.E.W.T.s, but you need to be applying yourself properly and clearly you're not."

"I…"

"I will be writing to Professor McGonagall and requesting monthly reports from her," Walburga continued. "I will not have you shown up by a werewolf!"

Sirius nodded, knowing that it was entirely his own fault, his results weren't up to his usual standards. He just hoped that his parents wouldn't take their anger at him out on Remus.

When Walburga had finally finished ranting, he made his escape and tracked down Remus in the study.

"Hi, Romulus," he greeted the ghost. "I take it Remus has told you how well he did?"

"He could have done better if he'd bothered to knuckle down more," Romulus chided affectionately. "He hasn't beaten me in any of the subjects we both did."

"I'll beat you at N.E.W.T.s," Remus told him with a smirk.

"Since I didn't do any, that won't be too difficult."

"You shouldn't be too hard on Remus," Sirius said as he sat down on the sofa. "He did better than I did, and he didn't have as much time to learn everything as you and me."

Romulus grinned. "I'm not that hard on him; I'm just making a point."

Remus nodded in agreement. "Is your mother really pissed off?"

"Language, Remus," Romulus scolded.

"She's not what I'd call happy about my results," Sirius muttered. "Father will probably have something to say about them, too."

"I'm sure they're proud of you really," Romulus said.

Sirius snorted. He wasn't so sure at all.

-o-xXx-o-

The rest of the summer went by so quickly that Sirius barely knew where the time had gone.

No sooner had their exam results arrived, than it seemed like the second full moon was upon them. They travelled to Hogsmeade by floo, Orion accompanying them, and making a huge song and dance over it in the process. Sirius was sure that everyone in The Three Broomsticks already knew why Remus was there, they didn't need to hear it all over again from Orion.

Sirius would have complained at the way that he was embarrassing Remus, but he knew that this was far preferable to the alternative option of shutting Remus up in the Ministry of Magic's Containment Facility for the second month running. So, instead, he kept his mouth shut and let his father show off his care and consideration for the werewolf he was sheltering for the summer.

Orion had brought paperwork from the Ministry with him, and remained in the living room throughout the night, working on it. He left Romulus and Sirius to watch over Remus.

The night passed by as smoothly as could be expected and all too soon they were back at Grimmauld Place, and getting ready to return to Hogwarts.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius had managed to persuade his parents to let Remus and himself shop for their school items alone. Walburga, who was in the middle of organising a lavish party to celebrate Orion's new promotion, reluctantly agreed that as long as they travelled by floo, and didn't leave Diagon Alley itself, they could be allowed out on their own.

"I've got to get a bunch of Potions ingredients," Sirius said to Remus. "Why don't you go ahead to Madam Malkin's and get started on your fitting. I can catch up with you."

Remus nodded and hurried through the crowds towards the shop.

Sirius turned in the other direction and made his way to the Apothecary, checking his list of required ingredients as he wove in and out of the shoppers.

He was pretty sure that he had everything on his list and was standing in the queue to pay when he caught sight of the display at the back of the counter. He felt his face flushing as he realised what he was looking at. There, discretely stocked between lotions for curing burns and potions for dispelling foot odours, was a small collection of jars labelled lubricant.

"Is that everything?" the elderly wizard behind the counter asked him as he rang his purchases through the ancient register.

"Er…"

"Is there anything else?" he asked again, a little more impatiently this time.

Sirius could hear the grumbling of the customer behind him in the queue and he felt his face burning even more than before. "Can I get one of those please?" he finally blurted, pointing at the display.

The wizard nodded and pulled a jar of burn lotion from the shelf. "Better safe than sorry, eh?" he said with a smile.

Sirius shook his head. "I meant the other one, to the right," he whispered.

The wizard apologised for his mistake and turned back to the shelf. He replaced the burn lotion and picked up a jar of lubricant. "This one?" he asked, turning back to Sirius questioningly.

Sirius nodded, wishing that the store had been empty, or that the jar could have been somewhere in one of the displays that he could reach. That way he could have just slipped it in with the rest of his school supplies, without having everyone staring at him like this.

The wizard, who had clearly seen numerous young men make similar purchases over the years, took the jar and added it to the rest of Sirius's shopping.

As Sirius left the store, he wondered if it had been worth all the embarrassment, after all, he was still no nearer in winning Remus over than he had been a year before. If he was honest with himself, then he was in a worse position now than then. A year ago he had come to terms with his sexuality and decided that it was Remus who he wanted. A year ago he had had hope of making Remus fall for him, too.

Now… now he was standing outside of Madam Malkin's, watching Remus greet Charlene with an awkward kiss on the cheek. Awkward because her parents were standing close by, and not because Remus was secretly crazy about his best friend.

Sirius sighed and walked on to Flourish and Blotts. Perhaps by the time he had purchased his books, Charlene would have left?

Perhaps by this time next year, he and Remus would be the couple, and Charlene would be out of the picture?


	42. Just For Tonight

Just for Tonight

The morning of the first of September began early, with all three boys hurriedly preparing for their return to school, a task that, as usual, had been put off until the last possible minute.

Regulus was searching the house for his missing Biology textbook, whilst Sirius and Remus were packing the last of their belongings into their trunks.

Sirius had hidden the small jar of lubricant and a couple of packets of muggle cigarettes into one of his socks, and had stuffed the same at the bottom of his trunk, a place where no one in their right mind would venture. He was now wondering where he could hide his stolen magazines. He didn't want to take them to school with him, knowing they would be much harder to hide from his friends, but nor did he want to leave them where Kreacher could find them.

Finally, he decided to secure them underneath one of the floorboards beneath his bed. From the volume of dust bunnies under the bed, he was quite sure that Kreacher would never think to go snooping under there.

He was still trying to prise up the floorboard when he heard the sound of his door opening.

"Sirius!" Walburga snapped. "What are you doing under the bed? Come out of there at once!"

Sirius shuffled backwards, his excuse about an escaped chocolate frog already on his lips. Then he decided that he might as well tell her the truth. He had been waiting for her to bring up the matter ever since Kreacher had revealed that she knew he preferred boys, but she had not said so much as a word. Were it not for the occasional glances and veiled comments, he would have wondered whether she really did know at all, or whether Kreacher had somehow found a way to lie to him.

Confronted by her now, Sirius decided that rather than continuing to worry about when she would choose to say her piece, he would take matters into his own hands and pulled the magazines out with him.

"I was finding somewhere to put these," he said. He didn't hand the magazines over, but he knew that his mother could see what they were. He stood his ground as he waited for the explosion.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus looked at the dried mud on the soles of the shoes and cast a wary glance at the newly laundered shirts in his trunk.

"You should have put the shoes at the bottom," Romulus advised him. "And they need cleaning, too."

"I'm not allowed to do cleaning charms until I'm back at school," Remus replied as he pulled the clothes from his trunk and stuffed the shoes at the bottom.

Romulus shook his head and frowned. "I meant clean them manually, you know, without magic? It's not like you're any good at cleaning charms anyway."

"I'm better than Sirius," Remus said, tossing the shirts back into the trunk.

"Kreacher probably spent a great deal of time folding those," Romulus pointed out.

Remus ignored him and pulled his winter cloak from the wardrobe, wondering why he had even brought it with him for the summer holidays. He tossed it into the trunk as well.

"Have you seen my new quill?" he asked.

Romulus shook his head. "Have you tried looking in the desk?"

Remus nodded and continued to search the room.

"What are you going to do about Sirius?" Romulus asked from where he was casually lounging in the window seat; his gaze was focused on the world outside of Grimmauld Place.

"What do you mean?" Remus replied as he picked up his comb and shoved it down the side of his trunk.

"You've been sleeping with him all summer," Romulus reminded him. "What are you going to do tonight, when you're back at school?"

"You make it sound like we've been shagging," Remus muttered.

"I said sleeping, and I meant sleeping. You're the one reading things into it. Ever thought that maybe there's a reason for that?"

"Oh, don't you start," Remus complained. "Sirius knows I'm with Charlie."

"Does Charlie know that you _sleep_ with Sirius?"

Remus caught the emphasis in his brother's words and scowled. "Are you going to tell her?"

"If you want more from Sirius, then it's not fair to lead her on."

"I'm not! I don't!"

"And if you don't want to take things further with Sirius, you should tell him so."

"I have. He understands."

Romulus raised an eyebrow. "He does?"

"Fine, he doesn't understand; he thinks I'm in denial."

"I agree with him."

Remus ignored him. He was tired of arguing about this with Sirius, and had no intention of getting into it with Romulus, too.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius should have guessed that if his mother didn't want to deal with something, she would ignore it in a way that only she could.

He knew that she could see that the magazines were pornographic. He knew that she could see that the covers bore pictures of half-naked men.

However, it was on neither of these things that Walburga Black chose to focus her fury.

"You dare to bring _Muggle_ magazines into this house?" she hissed as she glared at them, her nostrils flaring with anger.

That the pictures in the magazines were of men wearing little or no clothing appeared to have escaped her notice. Only the fact that the pictures were static was of interest to the furious woman.

Sirius shook his head and angrily flicked open one of the magazines. He found a picture of an entirely nude man and waved it in front of her face. "This is what I want, Mother!" he shouted. "This is what I like… men!"

Walburga froze for only a moment; then she recovered herself and continued to glare at the magazines. "I care nothing for your perversions," she declared. "You can do whatever you please, with whomever you please, as long as you don't bring scandal to this house and do your duty as a Black."

"My duty?" Sirius questioned, already knowing the answer.

"You are the last heir of the line," Walburga replied. "You will marry a pureblood witch and produce an heir."

"Aren't you listening to me?" Sirius yelled. "I like men!"

Walburga waved her hand in dismissal of his cries. "It is of no consequence. It simply means that I will choose your wife for you, instead of allowing you more choice in the matter. Since you have no liking for women, I will choose a suitable bride instead."

"I don't want a bride!"

"We all have to do things that we don't want," Walburga replied. "It's a part of growing up. You think I wanted to marry your father?"

Sirius didn't know what to say to that. Although he knew that his parents had had separate bedrooms for many years, he had always assumed that they were at least in love in the beginning.

"I married where my parents told me to," Walburga continued. "And you will do the same."

"But-"

"Enough!" Walburga shouted. "Get the rest of your things packed for school and get rid of those muggle magazines. I want you down in the hall, ready to leave in thirty minutes."

Sirius nodded, knowing it was pointless to continue arguing, especially since they were already running late. He stuffed the magazines into the bottom of his trunk, guessing that they were going with him to school after all.

-o-xXx-o-

"Remus?" Romulus said.

"What?" Remus sulkily replied. "Going to tell me how to live my life a little more?"

"Rem, listen to me…" Remus sat down on his bed, fiddling with his quill, recovered from inside one of his new Quidditch boots. "Rem, you've got to sort things out with the two of them."

"There's nothing to sort out."

"Merlin, you're stubborn!"

"Learned it from you," Remus replied. "Are you going to see Cecily later?"

Romulus nodded. "I said I'd stop by this afternoon. I don't like disturbing her in the mornings; she has a private tutor between nine and twelve."

"A tutor?" Remus asked, another pang of jealousy hitting him sharply.

"We both had one, too," Romulus reminded him. "Don't you remember him?"

Remus shook his head. "The only tutor I remember is you."

Romulus chuckled. "I wasn't your first tutor though. There was old Professor Scribbulus before me. He was much better than me, too."

"You weren't so bad."

"I'd probably have done better with a more focused student," Romulus teased. "The one I had was continually distracted by the pursuit of mischief-making."

Remus laughed. "You'll say hello to Cecily for me?" he asked.

"Of course. She always asks after you."

"She does?" Remus replied with a small smile.

"Oh, yes. I'm quite jealous of the way she asks about you before she asks about me."

"Does Mother ever ask about me?" Remus whispered. "Or Father."

Romulus ducked his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, Rem."

Remus feigned a casual shrug. "It's okay, I guess I shouldn't expect them to." He turned back to his trunk and forced the lid closed.

"That would all fit in nicely if you packed it properly," Romulus told him.

Remus grinned as he forced the straps to meet and did up the buckle. It would all be dragged out again soon anyway, when he was back at Hogwarts.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius returned from the Prefects' compartment, only to find that Remus was not sitting in the seat where he had left him. James and Peter were playing Exploding Snap and looked up as he walked through the door.

"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked as he sat down.

"Gone to sit in Charlie's compartment," Peter replied.

James made a sound that seemed to be something that was between a snort and a grunt.

Peter grinned as he dealt Sirius into the next round. "James tried to join them, but Lily wouldn't let him through the door."

"She didn't get you already, did she?" Sirius asked, trying not to laugh. He knew exactly what had happened; Lily had told all the prefects why she was slightly late in arriving at their meeting.

James scowled and grumbled under his breath. "I swear that girl must have spent all her summer looking up jinxes to practice on me."

"Let's see them, then?" Sirius asked, nudging James's long travelling cloak out of the way.

James tried to stop him, but it was too late.

"I told him he looks like a Hobbit," Peter commented, but that particular joke was as lost on Sirius as it had been on James.

"If you were real mates, you'd look up the counter-jinx and help me get them back to normal," James pointed out as the other two boys continued to tease him over his newly grown feet.

"At least she made the shoes grow with them," Sirius snickered.

"It'll probably wear off by the time we get to Hogsmeade," Peter added.

"And if it doesn't?" James asked.

"You can always go leave a trail in the Forbidden Forest and see if you can be mistaken for Bigfoot?" Peter suggested with a wicked grin. Unfortunately, once again his more muggle-oriented humour was lost on the others.

The Hogwarts Express made its way north, the bright sunshine of the south giving way to light rain as they crossed the border into Scotland. Sirius's mood seemed to match the weather, and the longer he waited for Remus to return to their compartment, the more miserable and gloomy he felt.

He tried to remain cheerful; he didn't want the other boys to guess what his problem was. It was only a matter of time before James, tactless as ever, brought up the subject of Remus.

"Wonder if wolf-boy's let her up for air yet?" he asked as he popped another ice mouse into his mouth.

"Don't call him that," Sirius said, not bothering to turn away from where he was gazing out of the window.

"It's only a nickname," James replied. "He wouldn't mind."

"He hates being a werewolf," Sirius said with a sigh. "I don't think he would like any nickname that reminds him of it."

James was quiet after that, or as quiet as a teenage boy with a mouth full of ice could ever be.

They arrived at Hogsmeade right on schedule, and there was still no sign of Remus returning to the compartment.

"I'll get his trunk," Sirius said. "Can one of you grab his cloak?"

"I can't believe he didn't even come back here to change into his uniform," Peter commented as he picked up the cloak in question.

Sirius shrugged. "He'll have to change in the carriage."

Between the three of them, they managed to gather all their own belongings and those of Remus, and disembarked from the train.

"There he is," Peter said, pointing across the platform.

James turned to where Peter was pointing. "Oi! Lupin!" he yelled. "Put her down, you randy wolf! We're not carrying all your crap for you!"

Neither James nor Peter spotted the brief flash of something akin to dismay on Remus's face at the word wolf, but Sirius saw it and cringed inwardly. He also noticed, and it gave him a brief moment of satisfaction, that Charlene had smiled at James's words. She clearly had no idea how Remus truly felt about the wolf.

"He's just being thoughtless," he whispered into Remus's ear as they clambered into one of the waiting carriages. "He didn't mean anything by it."

Remus nodded. "I know."

They took their seats and James and Peter climbed in after them, James tripping over his still enormous feet in the process.

Lily and Charlene looked like they were going to join them, but James, still sore about the earlier hex, drew his wand and pointed it at Lily. "You're not coming in our carriage unless you fix my feet," he ordered.

Lily smiled up at him. "Not a chance, Potter," she replied. "Come on, Charlie, we'll find our own carriage."

Sirius silently thanked James and Lily for their continued battle of wills, knowing that without it, he would no doubt have been subjected to watching Remus and Charlene holding hands and exchanging soppy glances.

Instead, he was able to sit next to Remus, and enjoy the final leg of the journey with his best friend beside him.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius tried to ignore that Charlene had sat down at the other side of Remus as soon as they had arrived in the Great Hall for the start of term feast. He was also determined not to notice that the two of them were holding hands under the table, or that their heads were suspiciously close together as they whispered during the Sorting Ceremony.

James, who on rare occasions, like this one, was even more observant than Sirius noticed all of these things that Sirius was ignoring, as well spotting the way that Sirius was holding his fork in a grip that had turned his knuckles white.

"You okay, mate?" he asked.

"Fine," muttered Sirius, turning his attention back to the feast once more.

The happy couple, as Peter referred to them, stuck together like glue for the rest of the evening. They walked side by side back to the common room, cuddled up together in one of the overlarge chairs, and appeared to be, to all intents and purposes, in a world of their own.

Sirius tried his best to focus his attention on the newest bunch of first years, answering their questions as best he could, but his gaze continued to wander over to Remus, no matter how much he tried to stop it.

Eventually the evening drew to a close. The second and third years were the first ones to disappear up to the dormitories, closely followed by many of the fifth and seventh year students, all with the best of intentions for studying hard in the coming year. The first years followed later, once the excitement of finally being at Hogwarts had died down somewhat. The fourth and sixth years were the final ones to head upstairs, and Sirius was amongst the last to rise from his seat on one of the sofas.

Peter had already disappeared upstairs to the bathroom, and James had declared his intention to follow his example. Sirius decided to make use of the Prefects' bathroom, and ducked out of the portrait hole at about the same time.

It wasn't until he reached the door to the bathroom that he realised he had forgotten to get the new password. He knew it was late, and he would be struggling to make it back in time for curfew as it was; he didn't have time to run around the school looking for another prefect or a teacher.

Shrugging his shoulders, he turned and made his way back to Gryffindor Tower, annoyed with himself, not to mention rather chilled in the draughty old castle.

He arrived back at the tower and sprinted up the stairs to the sixth year boys' bathroom, narrowly barrelling into James, who was just returning from the same, his hair still damp from his shower. Sirius noticed that his feet seemed to be returning to their normal size; they weren't quite there yet, but they were certainly smaller than they had been.

"Sorry," Sirius apologised.

"Thought you'd gone to use the Prefects' bathroom?" James asked.

"Forgot to get the password off someone," Sirius replied.

James laughed and shook his head in bemusement, before continuing on his way back to the dormitory. "You'd better hurry," he called back up the stairs. "Remus is in there, and you know what he's like about using up all the hot water."

Sirius laughed, having heard this rumour before, and after spending the summer with Remus, now knowing it was true. He continued up the stairs, leaving James to stumble his way back to the dormitory.

The bathroom was empty, except for the final shower cubicle, and Sirius smiled at the steam coming from it. James was right; he would have to hurry if he was going to get a hot shower.

He quickly shrugged out of his robes and tossed them onto one of the benches running alongside the wall.

He made his way towards the showers, but stalled when he heard a noise that sounded like a whimper coming from the shower at the end… the one that Remus was in.

Sirius's first instinct was that something was wrong, and he took two quick steps towards the cubicle. He was still several paces away from Remus when a second sound stopped him from moving any nearer.

Unlike the first sound, there was no mistaking what this one was. Remus, clearly believing he was alone, was making no effort to stifle his moans, and suddenly Sirius knew exactly what it was that Remus was doing.

"Shit!" he breathed, backing away as quickly and as quietly as he could.

Sirius knew that Remus was – werewolf attributes notwithstanding – a normal teenage boy. He had told Sirius that he occasionally did it, but Sirius had not really thought any more about his friend's confession... at least not until now.

Sirius returned to his clothes, struggling into them as rapidly as he could, as he tried not to listen to his best friend pleasuring himself just a matter of feet away.

It was something of a race for Sirius, and he struggled to dress before Remus had finished. He yanked on his trousers and shirt, not bothering to do up the latter, then pulled on his robes. He picked up his socks, underpants and tie and stuffed them into his pockets, and then stepped into his shoes.

He picked up his pyjamas and wash things and crept towards the door as quietly as he could, breathing a sigh of relief when his hand reached the doorknob. He turned the knob slowly, and pulled the door open. Behind him, he could hear Remus moaning even louder. Even the sound of the shower couldn't disguise his cries as he reached his climax.

Sirius was half out of the door when he heard Remus give a final cry of pleasure, the name on his lips stopping him in his tracks as effectively as Petrificus Totalus.

"Sirius!"

Sirius turned back towards the showers, even though the one Remus was using was around the corner and out of sight.

His name? Remus had called out his name?

Remus, who had spent the journey on the train with Charlene, who had been sitting with her at the feast, holding her hand and kissing her all evening, had called out _his_ name.

He wasn't sure how long he had stood in the doorway, but when the sound of running water stopped he quickly exited the room and ran back to the dormitory.

"What did you get dressed again for?" James asked when he saw that Sirius had returned.

Sirius looked down in surprise, having scrambled into his clothes so quickly he hadn't even thought about what he was putting on. "No hot water left," he whispered, cautious not to wake Peter, and hoping that James would accept his lack of a real explanation. "I'll shower in the morning instead."

James nodded and turned over, leaving Sirius to quickly change into his pyjamas and climb into bed.

Sirius was still awake when Remus returned to the dormitory a short while later. He turned his head to watch as Remus climbed into his own bed, trying not to recall all the nights they had slept together during the summer.

He smiled in the darkness, more determined than ever to win over Remus. Straight boys didn't cry out the name of their male best friend when they came. Remus was no more straight than he was, and Sirius was more sure of that than he had ever been.

A few feet away from Sirius, Remus was also staring up at the ceiling, but unlike his friend, he wasn't smiling in the darkness. Instead he was sneaking glances across at Sirius, studying his profile in the moonlight.

That was the last time, he told himself; a last moment of guilty pleasure, during which he pictured Sirius instead of his girlfriend. It had become a habit whilst at Grimmauld Place, one he had begun almost immediately after he had begun sharing Sirius's bed again. One night of lying in Sirius's arms had been enough to show him how much a certain part of his anatomy had liked it. That was when Remus had decided to make sure that he took care of the problem before going to bed each night, in the hope that it wouldn't be quite so evident – especially to Sirius – the following morning.

At first he had made a valiant effort to think of Charlene while taking care of the problem, but for some reason he found it harder to bring her face into his mind when the time came. By contrast, he found that Sirius was easy to picture, and despite feeling very uneasy about it, he had soon slipped into the habit of fantasising about his best friend, rather than his girlfriend.

He had told himself it was because Charlene wasn't around at Grimmauld Place, while Sirius was present the whole time. Remus bit his lip as he sneaked another glance at Sirius; he didn't have that excuse tonight. He had spent most of the day with Charlene. He had spent a good portion of the evening kissing Charlene. So, why was it the thought of Sirius's dark head nestled between his legs that had brought him to completion?

Remus closed his eyes to block out the sight of Sirius moving about restlessly in his bed. It didn't help him; instead, it was merely replaced by the image of Sirius climbing into his bed, hovering over him, touching him, and leaning down to kiss him.

Remus tried to will his breathing to slow down; he tried to stop the fantasy from going any further.

He opened his eyes and looked back across to Sirius. He opened his mouth to whisper his name, but Peter climbing out of bed stopped him.

"You okay?" he asked instead, as the other boy stumbled towards the door.

"Too many cream cakes," Peter muttered as he left the dormitory.

"Serves you right," James called after him.

"You had four," Sirius reminded him.

"So did you," James replied. "And Remus had five."

"I'm not the one rushing to the bathroom," Remus pointed out. "How many did Peter have?"

"Only three, I think," James said, after a moment of thought. "But he had loads of sugar quills on the train, too."

"Says the bloke who scoffed his way through a bag of ice mice and nearly two entire boxes of Bertie's," Sirius said with a chuckle. "And how many liquorice wands?"

"Not that many?"

"At least a dozen," Sirius replied, sitting up in his bed and counting off the goodies they had collectively eaten on his fingers.

James shook his head and climbed out of bed. "I didn't have any pasties from the trolley."

"Yes, you did," Sirius argued. "You bought three of them, one for each of us. It's probably the beans you stuffed into Peter's pasty that are making him ill."

James looked guilty as he sat on the edge of Sirius's bed. "You saw me?"

"We both did," Sirius told him with a smirk. "You were trying to get rid of the horrible ones, weren't you?"

James nodded. "If you both saw me, then why did Peter eat it?"

"Because I was bloody hungry," Peter replied as he came back into the room and joined James on the edge of Sirius's bed. "I don't think it was those anyway; most of them were toffee flavour."

"They were?" James looked thoroughly put out at this bit of information. "They're my favourites."

"We know," Peter replied. "Serves you right for hogging them to yourself all these years."

"Git!" James accused as he pushed Peter off the bed with a thump.

Peter stood up and threw himself at James, and soon both boys were wrestling on the bed. Sirius pulled his legs out of their way as they continued to pummel each other. It was when a particularly forceful fist came dangerously close to his face that he deserted his bed entirely.

Remus watched Sirius as the other boy judged how to best go about reclaiming his bed.

"If you don't go back to your own beds right now, I'm claiming one of them!" Sirius ordered.

"Peter's is full of crumbs," James warned.

"It's cleaner than your bed," Peter countered. "I've only been eating in mine. No telling what Sirius will find in your bed – especially considering the sounds you were making earlier… _ooooh Lily… ooooh yes… Lily_."

Peter's mocking was cut off only when James began to pummel his face with a pillow. "I wasn't!" he yelled. "Why would I be thinking about that bloody shrew when I'm tossing off, after what she did to me this morning?"

Sirius turned to Remus and rolled his eyes. "Guess I'm bunking with you," he said, wondering even as he spoke, whether Remus would refuse him.

James and Peter continued to fight as Remus lifted the covers in an invitation for Sirius to join him.

Sirius climbed into the bed and the two of them pulled the bed curtains shut. A quick Imperturbable Charm shut out the noise from the other two boys.

"Just for tonight," Remus said.

"Hmm," Sirius mumbled as Remus curled up against him.

"I mean it," Remus insisted. "We've all slept in each other's beds on the odd occasion, but we can't keep doing it every night, not without the others thinking there's something going on between us."

Sirius was tempted to reply with a sarcastic 'and we wouldn't want that, would we?' but instead he closed his eyes and smiled to himself. 'We'll see about that,' he thought to himself. 'We'll just see about that.'

-o-xXx-o-

When Remus woke the next morning he was not surprised to find himself wrapped rather thoroughly around Sirius. Something that did surprise him was the sight of the rest of the dormitory; he could have sworn that they had closed the bed curtains the night before.

"Sirius?" he whispered.

"It's too early," Sirius mumbled. "Go back to sleep."

"Sirius?" Remus insisted, a little louder this time. "Did we close the curtains last night?"

"Think so," Sirius replied sleepily, though his eyes remained closed.

"They're open now," Remus whispered.

Sirius ignored him and turned onto his side, burying his face in Remus's neck with a sigh of contentment.

"Sirius, stop it," Remus hissed.

"Not doing anything," Sirius mumbled.

"I wouldn't say that," Peter replied, snapping a picture from the foot of the bed. "Wonder how much Rita would pay for this?"

Remus shot up in bed and launched himself at Peter, tackling him to the floor.

Sirius, shocked awake himself, scrambled to the edge of the bed.

"What's all the noise?" James asked, waking up and glaring around the room. "It's the crack of bloody dawn, for Salazar's sake. Shut the hell up and go back to bed!"

Sirius was expecting a comment about which bed he was in, but James merely yanked the covers over his head in an attempt to block out the racket.

"Give it back!" Peter shouted.

"Not until you give me the film," Remus cried.

"It's just a bloody picture!"

"I don't want my picture in the stupid newsletter," said Remus, as he struggled to open the back of the camera.

"You'll break it," Peter warned, trying to pry the camera out of Remus's hands.

"I'll give you it back, if you give me the film," Remus compromised.

"It's just a picture," Peter said, though he nodded his agreement.

Remus handed back the camera, and Peter undid the catch that opened the back. He held out his hand and Peter passed him the film. "Thanks."

"Still don't see what the big deal is," Peter muttered.

"I have a girlfriend," Remus reminded him. "Somehow, I don't think she'd like to see a picture of me like that in the school newsletter."

"She's seen you in bed with Sirius before," Peter pointed out.

"Yeah, when we thirteen and fourteen years old."

"So?"

"So?" Remus echoed. "That was different."

"It was?"

Remus hesitated. "I wasn't seeing her then."

Sirius knelt on the bed as he looked down at the two boys. Peter had his back to him, but he knew that Remus could see his face clearly. He raised an eyebrow, giving Remus a meaningful look. He didn't expect him to admit that there was anything else different between then and now, but they both knew that there was.

-o-xXx-o-

After the first night of term Sirius returned to his own bed and Remus remained in his own. Sirius consoled himself with the knowledge that it was only a matter of time before they were sharing a bed permanently.

Remus was still seeing Charlene, but he no longer shied away from Sirius's touch, and Sirius made sure that he touched him… a lot.

A nudge with the elbow, an arm around the shoulders, sitting just that little bit closer than before…

Sirius was sure he was making progress with Remus, especially when the first full moon of the term was easier than any of them had been for a long time.

"Told you we'd get things back to normal again," Remus said as they tucked into breakfast in the kitchen of his house.

Sirius nodded; his was mouth too full of bacon to reply.

"We should be heading back soon," Remus continued, speaking around a mouthful of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Romulus scolded, without any real feeling in it. He knew that teaching Remus manners at the table had been a lost cause for years.

Remus rolled his eyes and grinned at Sirius.

Sirius finished his breakfast and stood up to fetch the textbook he had been reading from where he had left it in the basement.

"Remus," Romulus whispered as soon as Sirius had disappeared. "I need to talk to you."

Remus frowned in confusion. "About what?"

Romulus shook his head, signalling not yet. "Send Sirius back ahead of you."

"Why?"

"Just do it. Say you want some sleep or something."

Remus frowned again, but when Sirius reappeared in the kitchen he did as his brother had asked.

"I can stay with you, if you like?" Sirius suggested.

Remus shook his head. "You can't keep skipping classes when you don't have to," he told him. "It's N.E.W.T.s and you've got your Potions O.W.L. to re-sit next month."

"You sure you're going to be okay?"

"I'll keep an eye on him," Romulus interrupted. "You head back to school. I'll make sure Remus is back for classes this afternoon."

Sirius agreed, albeit a little reluctantly, and left the Lupin brothers alone.

"So, what lecture do you have in store for me now?" asked Remus, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back in his chair.

"You assume I'm going to lecture you," Romulus commented with a wry smile. "That's the sign of a guilty conscience if ever I heard one."

"If this is about that incident in Greenhouse Six, I swear I had nothing to do with it," Remus began.

"It isn't about that incident," Romulus replied. "Though I doubt your argument would hold up against the eyewitness evidence of you and your friends sneaking in there with a book from the Restricted Section and a gallon of Pepper-up Potion just half an hour before the Snapdragons started breathing fire six months before reaching maturity."

"There weren't any witnesses," Remus said.

"The Friar saw you," Romulus told him. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"So, what is it?"

"Sirius and Charlie," Romulus replied.

"I thought you were going to leave off hassling me about them," Remus said with a growl of frustration.

"I never said that. I just let you change the subject every time I bring them up."

"Oh," Remus said. "So, any idea who won the Falcons versus Cannons match at the weekend?"

"Not this time," replied Romulus, shaking his head and pointing Remus back to the seat he had just stood up from.

Remus sat back down, looking more sulky than ever.

"Can I ask you something?" Romulus said quietly.

"Sure," Remus replied. "It's not like you're not going to anyway."

"What's stopping you from being with Sirius?"

"I'm seeing Charlie."

"Pretend for a minute that you aren't," Romulus said. Remus opened his mouth to argue, but was immediately cut off. "Humour me, Rem. What's stopping you?"

Remus looked down at his empty plate and scowled. "I'm not gay."

Romulus sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Remus, the word you're looking for here is bisexual."

Remus looked up at that. His face began to flush, making it clear he knew exactly what Romulus was talking about.

"You like Charlie and you like Sirius, that makes you bisexual," Romulus said firmly. "Now, what is it that's stopping you from being with Sirius? Besides Charlie?"

"I can choose whoever I want to be with," Remus muttered. "I chose Charlie. I've been seeing her for six months now. We have a lot in common. I like hanging out with her."

"But why did you choose Charlie over Sirius?" Romulus pressed on.

Remus glared at his plate again. Why had he chosen Charlie? Because she was there? Because she had sent him the card? Because it was easier?

"People stare at me all the time," Remus whispered. "Even now, I'm still the freaky werewolf to most of the school. I hate it."

Romulus nodded sympathetically, even though there was nothing he could do about the position Remus was in, nothing expect offer support when it was needed.

"I hate being stared at. Being a werewolf is bad enough; can you imagine how much more they would stare at me if they knew I liked other boys?"

"Well, at least now we're getting somewhere," Romulus replied. Remus looked at him with confusion. "That's the first time you've admitted to me that you actually do like other boys," Romulus explained quietly.

"I didn't say that," Remus argued.

"So, you're saying you don't fancy Sirius?" Romulus asked with a smirk.

"I don't!"

Romulus leaned down and gave Remus a grin that wasn't entirely pleasant. "In which case you might want to learn how to cast a decent silencing charm, or alternatively find somewhere else to toss one off… somewhere that Moaning Myrtle doesn't haunt."

"I've not been in the girls' bathroom!" Remus exclaimed, heat rushing to his face at his brother's unexpected words.

"You know that Myrtle doesn't stick to the girls' room," Romulus said with a laugh. "She travels all round the school via the plumbing. She heard you one night last week, and asked me if I swung that way, and whether that was why I was refusing her advances."

"She what?" Remus squeaked.

"She heard you," Romulus repeated. "Are you calling her a liar?"

Remus's scowl deepened even more.

"Didn't think so," Romulus said. "Remus, I don't mean to be so harsh with you, but, putting it crudely, if you're getting off by thinking about Sirius, then you really need to reconsider who you want to be with."

"I don't want to be with Sirius," Remus replied. "I won't be any more of a freak than I already am! I won't!"

"Remus, you're not a freak."

Remus ignored his brother's comment as though he had not spoken at all. "I'm with Charlie, and if I break up with her, then I'll find another girlfriend sooner or later. I won't be with Sirius or any other boy. I might be the freaky werewolf, but I'm not going to be the freaky _gay_ werewolf, too!"

"Remus…"

"No!" Remus shouted. "I won't do this. I _can't_ do this…I can't."

Romulus nodded and sighed. "You do know that you'll only be making all three of you miserable if you keep this up?"

"Charlie isn't miserable. None of us are miserable."

"Sirius is, and Charlie will be if she finds out how you feel about him."

"She won't find out if you don't tell her," Remus warned, ignoring the suspicion that Romulus might be right about Sirius. He knew Sirius wanted more from him, although he had been trying to ignore the fact as much as he could. But even Remus couldn't fail to notice that his friend was becoming more and more down as the weeks passed.

"And how do you feel about him?" Romulus asked.

"He's my best friend."

"Remus," Romulus warned. "Even if you can't be honest with Sirius, at least be honest with yourself. Be honest with me. How do you feel about him?"

Remus picked up his mug of tea, even though it had gone cold long ago. He stared at the skin that had formed on top of the liquid and screwed up his nose in distaste. "It doesn't matter how I feel about him," he finally whispered. "There can never be anything more than friendship between us."


	43. This Feels Too Right

This Feels Too Right

When Remus arrived back at Hogwarts, the first thing he did was run up to Gryffindor Tower to get his books for the afternoon classes. He came back down the stairs to the common room and found that there was a crowd gathered around the notice board.

"What is it?" he asked as he drew nearer.

"They've set a date for the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year," Lily replied. "Middle of November this time."

Remus, who had a legitimate reason to go into Hogsmeade every month, was never quite as enthusiastic as the rest of the students about such notices. It didn't stop him from enjoying the days in the village though.

"We can spend the day together," Charlene said with a smile as she hooked her arm through Remus's. "How was last night?" she added in an undertone.

Remus shrugged. "Not too bad." He leaned in closer and looked at the notice for himself. "Oh."

"What is it?" Charlene asked.

"Sirius's birthday," Remus replied. "The Hogsmeade weekend is on Sirius's birthday."

"Ah," Charlene said, nodding in understanding. "You'll want to spend the day with him, won't you?"

"You don't mind?" Remus questioned uneasily. "It's his seventeenth and he's my best friend."

Remus could tell that she did mind, but she waved him away, securing his promise that they could at least spend the Sunday together.

Remus looked around the room, but there was no sign of Sirius amongst the students. Wondering where he was, and eager to find out if he knew about the Hogsmeade weekend, Remus darted back up the stairs to take a quick look at Moony's Map. It didn't take long to spot Sirius, sitting down near the lake.

Remus cast the spell to vanish the map, and headed outside to speak with him. He was still quite a distance away when he saw that Sirius was smoking.

"I thought you'd quit?" he said as soon as he sat down beside him.

Sirius shrugged and took another drag from the cigarette.

"It's a filthy habit," Remus scolded, wafting the smoke out of his face.

"It's not bothering anyone," Sirius replied, flicking ash away from the two of them. "I don't light up that often anyway. Just when I really need to."

"You managed to go all summer without having any," Remus pointed out.

"No, I didn't," Sirius replied shortly.

"I never saw you."

"It was the night you were at the Ministry," Sirius explained. "I got through my whole stash in one night. I'd have got through even more while you were in St. Mungo's, only they don't let you smoke in there."

"And doesn't that tell you it's something you shouldn't do?" Remus asked impatiently.

Sirius sighed and turned to glare at Remus. "I know it's a bad habit; I know it's not good for me; you tell me often enough. I just need it sometimes. Just give it a rest and at least let me enjoy it in peace."

"Have you seen the notice about the Hogsmeade weekend?" Remus asked, eager to change the subject back to the one that he had originally been seeking out Sirius to discuss.

Sirius snorted with what Remus was sure was feigned disinterest.

"It's on your birthday," Remus added.

"Yeah, I know," Sirius muttered. He gave a shrug and took another drag of his cigarette.

"You could sound a bit more excited about it."

"Why? It's no big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal," Remus argued. "You'll be seventeen, an adult."

Sirius looked out over the lake and flicked the last of his cigarette into the water. "I've got to get to Potions," he said, standing up and stretching slightly.

"Sirius?" Remus asked from where he was still seated on the ground. "Are you all right?"

"Sure," Sirius replied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Remus frowned, wondering what had happened, but he had little time to dwell on things, he still had to finish his Defence essay, or rather start it, not to mention catching up on what he had missed that morning.

-o-xXx-o-

As October stretched into November Sirius found himself with little time to think about Remus. He re-did his Potions exam at the end of October, and was relieved that this time he didn't blow up any of his equipment. Professor Slughorn, who told him confidentially that he was sure he had passed the exam this time around, had supervised him.

That didn't mean that his workload slacked off after the exam was out of the way; the N.E.W.T. lessons were even more gruelling than the O.W.L.s, and unless he wanted to fail them, he knew he would have to apply himself.

By the time his birthday rolled around, Sirius had the entire day planned out ahead of him. He intended to sleep in an hour later than usual, the only birthday treat he was going to allow himself, and then spend the rest of the day in the library, working on his various assignments. That way he wouldn't have to suffer through watching Remus and Charlene fawning over each other in Hogsmeade. He wondered again why fate had been so cruel as to schedule it so.

Remus hadn't mentioned anything about the Hogsmeade weekend since they had spoken by the lake, at least nothing specific. He had been dropping hints about big plans, and it being a special day, but Sirius had tried his best not to think about Remus's plans for romancing Charlene on his birthday.

It therefore came as rather a shock for Sirius when he woke up to find Remus curled up in bed beside him on the cold Saturday morning.

He looked across the room and saw that James and Peter had already left. It always amused him that James, who struggled to get out of bed for lessons and Quidditch practice, could manage to rise at dawn on days like a Hogsmeade weekend.

"Ah, good, you're awake," Remus said with a grin. "At last!"

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked with a yawn.

Remus's grin widened. "Where else would I be on your birthday?"

"Aren't you going into Hogsmeade?"

"Of course," Remus replied. "When you're ready. Everyone else should be leaving round about now. I thought we could spend the day together, you know, just the two of us."

Sirius sat up and looked down at Remus suspiciously. "Remus, you know how I feel about you…"

"I know," Remus interrupted. "I'm not saying that today is going to change anything between us, but it's your seventeenth birthday. Today's supposed to be special and I want to spend it with you. Just the two of us, like it used to be."

"What about Charlie?"

Remus shrugged. "I think she's going into the village with some of her friends. She knows I'm spending the day with you."

"And she doesn't mind?"

"Why would she?" Remus asked.

Sirius sighed. "I want to hate her so much for taking you from me," he whispered. "But…"

"She didn't take me away from you," Remus told him quietly. "I was never yours in the first place."

Sirius nodded. "I know. I just wish…"

"What?"

"I don't know. I guess I just keep waiting for you to throw me a bone or something."

Remus laughed and climbed out of the bed. "Come on, get dressed and we'll go to the village. It's your birthday and you're not allowed to be miserable today… I order it."

Sirius chuckled and did as Remus ordered. "I never realised how bossy you could be," he said as he opened the wardrobe and rummaged around for a clean shirt.

"Sure you did," Remus replied. "I'm sure you've told me that before."

Sirius grinned to himself. He probably had at that.

-o-xXx-o-

They spent the morning walking around Hogsmeade, visiting all their favourite stores and stocking up on treats and items for pranks. Sirius tried to pay for his own shopping, but Remus was adamant that he shouldn't, and practically had to shove him away from the cash register in several stores.

They ate lunch in The Three Broomsticks, joking and chatting as easily as they ever had, before they decided to start on a bit of early Christmas shopping, since they suspected that there wouldn't be a second Hogsmeade weekend before Christmas was upon them.

They were laughing at some of the new style dress robes in Gladrags when Sirius spotted Charlene across the road. He knew that Remus hadn't yet spotted her, and waited for the girl to come and intrude on their day. He was mildly surprised when, instead of walking over to them, she merely called out 'happy birthday' to him and, after waving at the two of them, continued on her way.

"Told you she didn't mind my spending the day with you," Remus said as they walked towards his Hogsmeade house, hoping to track down where Remus might have lost his Quidditch gloves. Sirius wasn't sure why Remus would have taken them home on a full moon night, but they had searched everywhere else and they hadn't managed to track them down yet.

"Found them!" Remus exclaimed from the kitchen.

Sirius, who was half under the sofa, breathed a sigh of relief and got to his feet. "Where were they?"

"In the oven."

"Why?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't remember putting them there, but I guess they got wet."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You need waterproof gloves, mate," he advised.

Remus laughed and put the gloves into one of his bags of shopping.

"You ready to head back to school?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked like he was considering the idea, but shook his head. "Let's just stay here for a bit."

Sirius nodded and sat down on the sofa. He was hardly going to argue with the idea of spending more time alone with Remus.

"So," Remus began after he had sat down next to Sirius. "Did you get what you wanted for your birthday?"

"Well, I didn't get a howler from my mother," Sirius commented wryly. "So, it has to be an improvement on last year."

"That didn't arrive on your birthday," Remus pointed out.

"Near enough to it," Sirius replied.

"Yeah, well, you only have yourself to blame for that one," Remus reasoned. "But, back to my question, did you get what you wanted this year?"

Sirius sighed and looked at the empty fireplace. "You already know the answer to that."

Remus gave a sigh of his own and they sat quietly for several long, and increasingly awkward minutes, neither knowing quite what to say.

"I'm sorry," Sirius finally said, punctuating it with another sigh. "You've gone to the trouble of arranging to spend the day with me, and I'm just… I'm sorry… I just can't help wanting more."

Remus nodded slowly. "I'm with Charlie," he said quietly. "I've not broken up with her or anything."

"I know."

"And you can't tell anyone…" Remus continued. "Promise me you won't?"

"Tell anyone what?" Sirius asked curiously.

"About this," Remus whispered, right before he pressed his lips to Sirius's.

Sirius was too startled to respond to the kiss, and he pulled back almost immediately. "What are you doing?"

"Throwing you a bone," Remus whispered as he twisted round and kissed him once more. This time Sirius didn't hesitate to kiss him back.

Sirius moaned into the kiss and tried to ignore what Remus had said about Charlene. They were still dating, and this wasn't going to change that. But, damn it, he couldn't help but respond to the kiss, not when Remus was climbing on top of him and deepening the kiss with every second of contact.

He wound an arm round Remus's back and held him closer. His heart was pounding, and the blood, which his brain required in order to tell him how much he shouldn't be doing this, had rushed south rather quickly.

Remus's tongue was in his mouth, and Sirius brought his free hand up to caress his face, his thumb absently tracing the scar he'd received from the attack of the Ravenclaws.

He gave a choked whimper when he felt Remus rock against him, the movement only slight, and probably an accident, but more than enough to make him hard as a rock.

The arm that had been wrapped around Remus's back moved lower, cupping his arse and encouraging him to repeat his earlier movement.

He could feel Remus's hands on face, on his shoulders, on his chest, burning him even through the material of his clothes.

He moaned again, and this time Remus echoed the sound.

All thoughts of why they shouldn't be doing this had disappeared from his mind, replaced with the thought that this felt too right to be wrong.

Remus continued to rock against him, no longer needing Sirius's encouragement, and moving ever more forcefully as they each searched for friction.

Sirius knew he was close and he pulled out of their kiss only when he knew he couldn't hold back any more.

Gasping and shuddering, he cried out as waves of pleasure washed over him. "Fuck!" he gasped. "Bloody hell, Remus!"

He opened his eyes to see that Remus was staring intently at him, his mouth hanging open slightly as he drew in sharp breaths of air. He felt his face flushing under the gaze, and despite the fact that they were both still fully clothed, without so much as a single undone button between them, he had never felt more exposed in his life.

The longer Remus watched him, the more fidgety he felt. He could feel the damp, stickiness in his trousers and looked down to see if there was any visible evidence showing. There was, but his embarrassment was somewhat alleviated when he spotted the similar patch on the front of Remus's trousers, too.

"You okay?" Remus asked quietly.

"More than," Sirius replied with a sheepish smile. "Are you?"

Remus nodded. "It's never been like that before," he admitted quietly.

Sirius smiled. "Never?"

"Never," Remus repeated, shaking his head for emphasis.

"Does that tell you anything?" Sirius asked. He reached up to caress Remus's face, running his thumb over his lower lip, all the while recalling just how sweet those lips had tasted just a few minutes before.

"It doesn't change anything," Remus replied with a sigh.

"You can't tell me that you're not attracted to me," Sirius argued. "You can't tell me that you don't have feelings for me. Not now… not after what we've just done. You said yourself, it's never been like this before."

"It's just hormones," Remus said, and he climbed off Sirius and sat back on the sofa properly.

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

Remus stood up and walked over to the window. He was looking outside when he spoke again. "It's your birthday," he said. "Let's not do this today. I don't want you to remember your birthday as being a day we argued."

"I don't want to argue," Sirius agreed. "But I want to know whether what we just did meant anything to you at all?"

"Call it a birthday present," Remus said.

"You got off, too," Sirius pointed out. "That has to mean something to you!"

Remus snorted. "I'm a teenager, Sirius; pretty much anything can get me off these days."

"So, you're saying it didn't mean anything to you?" Sirius asked. "It doesn't matter if you're rubbing up against me, or whether you're rubbing up against a mattress?"

Remus frowned at him before quickly turning to look out of the window once more. "Yeah," he replied. "That's pretty much it."

Sirius watched as Remus turned back to face him, and forced a bright smile onto his face. "Well, I guess I should thank you for the present then," he offered. "As birthday presents go, it was one of the best I've ever had."

Remus smiled and walked back over to the sofa. "Remember your promise?" he said.

"I won't tell anyone," Sirius agreed. "But…"

"But what?" Remus looked worried.

Sirius stood up and pulled Remus towards him. "But, let's seal the bargain," he whispered, pulling Remus into a final searing kiss.

As their tongues swept each other, tasting and teasing, Sirius wondered whether to point out to Remus that what they had done was a little more than getting each other off with a bit of mutual friction. In the end he decided against it. He knew that there was something more between the two of them, and that Remus had given him something more than his first non-self-induced orgasm… he had given him a little more hope that there would one day be more between them.

-o-xXx-o-

Back at Hogwarts, Remus tried to act as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened between the two of them. It was easier said than done, and worse than that, he had a feeling that Charlene was starting to suspect that there was something going on between him and Sirius. He had caught her looking across at Sirius with unconcealed suspicion on several occasions.

Sirius meanwhile, who had been walking on clouds for several days following his seventeenth birthday, hadn't noticed Charlene watching him, and as such he was a little surprised to be taken aside by her the following weekend.

"I don't know where Remus is," he said, incorrectly anticipating what he believed her question would be.

"He's with Madam Pomfrey," Charlene said, and Sirius couldn't stop his twitch of annoyance that she knew where Remus was when he didn't. "It's you I wanted to talk to," Charlene continued.

"Yeah?"

"Is there somewhere we can talk privately?" Charlene asked, as she nervously eyed several groups of students heading their way from further down the corridor.

"Want to walk outside?" Sirius suggested. "It looks like rain, so there won't be many people out there."

Charlene nodded and they altered their direction towards the entrance.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Sirius asked. "If it's about the full moon…"

Charlene shook her head. "It's not the full moon. I know that you'll take care of Remus."

"Always do. So, what is it?"

"When me and Remus first got together, well, some of the girls thought you were jealous, and that you wanted to ask me out yourself."

Sirius snorted with laughter, cutting Charlene off rather effectively. The girl glared at him and crossed her arms impatiently. "Sorry," Sirius spluttered. "I didn't mean it like that."

Charlene nodded and her glare cleared. "I'm not saying that I believed them, but I did start to take more notice of you when you were around the two of us, which wasn't very often, was it? Since you kept disappearing on us."

"Do you have a point?" Sirius asked, looking up at the heavy grey clouds that were threatening a coming storm before the end of the day.

"I think they were right about you being jealous," Charlene said. "But they got the wrong end of the stick about why, didn't they?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about," he lied, even as he felt his stomach churning with the implications of what she was saying.

"You want me to spell it out for you?" Charlene asked, before steaming on anyway. "You fancy Remus, don't you?"

"You've been reading Rita's rubbish again?" Sirius asked with a forced laugh that sounded appallingly false, even to his own ears.

Charlene shook her head. "No. I've just been watching you."

"Maybe you should try watching your boyfriend instead?" Sirius suggested.

"Would you just answer my bloody question!" Charlene snapped. "Do you, or do you not, fancy Remus?"

"I don't see what it's got to do with you," he muttered as he turned to walk back to the castle.

"He's my boyfriend," Charlene reminded him, pulling him back by grabbing hold of his arm.

"And he's my best friend!" Sirius retorted.

"Do you fancy him?" Charlene asked. "Please, just tell me the truth!"

Sirius turned to face her, unsuccessfully trying to get her to release his arm. No wonder the Beater never dropped her bat; she had a bloody death grip. "Yes," he finally hissed. "So, what are you going to do about it? Run and tell him? Well, I've got news for you, he already knows."

"He does?" Charlene asked. "Not that I was going to tell him, but I didn't think he already knew."

"Yeah, he knows," Sirius said with a sigh of relief when Charlene finally loosened her grip on his arm enough for him to release himself. "Has for months."

"Oh."

"That's all you have to say?" Sirius asked.

"I wasn't sure if I was right or not," Charlene admitted. "I hadn't really planned on what to say if you said it was true. I hadn't thought that far ahead."

Sirius smiled and shook his head slightly. "Well, that's us Gryffindors, isn't it? Always charging in without thinking things through."

Charlene smiled back. "So, I'm guessing you've liked him a while then?"

"Yeah," Sirius admitted as they slowly walked back towards the castle. "Much good it's done me though."

"I feel like I should be apologising," Charlene said quietly.

"What for?"

"I don't know, stealing him from you or something."

"You didn't steal him," Sirius told her. "Remus knew how I felt before you started going out together."

"He did? You've liked him that long?"

"I'd liked him for ages," Sirius said. "Finally plucked up enough courage to tell him on his sixteenth birthday."

"But that was…"

"Right before he asked you out," Sirius concluded for her.

"I asked him, after prompting from Lily," Charlene corrected. "Bloody hell! No wonder you were looking daggers at me for those first few weeks."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," Charlene assured him. "So much for thinking Remus was the most sensitive guy I knew… I can't believe he did that to you. Damn, I'm going to have words with him when I see him later."

"Don't bother," Sirius said. "I don't think he did it to hurt me."

"How about I really work him into the ground during Quidditch practice?" Charlene suggested. She was Captain of the team this year, and Sirius knew that she was working the team harder than ever already.

Sirius chuckled. "Now there's an idea."

"You must really hate me," Charlene said quietly.

"I wanted to," Sirius admitted. "You've no idea how much I wanted to."

"You mean you don't?"

Sirius shook his head. "How can I hate the Captain of the house Quidditch team, the girl that's going to bring us victory in the championship at long last?"

Charlene raised an eyebrow and looked at him questioningly.

"Besides," Sirius said with a sigh. "You're my best friend's girlfriend. I'm not allowed to hate you under the basic rules of being a best friend."

"But you like him as more than a friend," Charlene pointed out.

"Yeah, but unless he admits that he feels the same way, there's nothing I can do about it."

"And if he does?"

"Then all bets are off," Sirius told her with a wink. "I'll fight dirty to get my man if I have to, even if I'm fighting a girl."

"I'm the best female Beater in the school," Charlene warned him. There was no real conceit in her words; they both knew that she was simply stating a fact. "I think I could hold my own."

Sirius laughed. "I don't doubt it, which is why I would have to fight dirty."

Charlene laughed and sank down onto the front steps of the castle. Sirius sat down beside her and pulled out his packet of cigarettes. "Want one?" he asked, offering the packet.

Charlene shook her head. "Remus doesn't like it," she said.

"I know," Sirius replied. "I'm not offering one to Remus; I'm offering one to you."

"No, thanks," Charlene said, shaking her head again. "But I meant that you might have had more luck with him if you weren't a smoker."

"I didn't start smoking until after he'd rejected me," Sirius told her, trying to ignore the bizarre position he was in, accepting advice on how he might have won over Remus from the girl who had. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it with his wand. "Are you finding this conversation as weird as I am?" he asked.

"A bit," Charlene agreed. "I guess I was expecting an argument or something."

"I don't like arguing; I do too much of that with Remus as it is."

"So I gathered."

"He's not told you about our fights," Sirius said, and it wasn't a question. The only thing that he and Remus really argued over was Remus's persistent insistence that he was straight, and if he had told Charlene about that, she would not have needed to ask Sirius anything at all.

"You sound sure about that?" Charlene questioned.

"I'm right though, aren't I?" Charlene nodded in response.

"Are you going to tell everyone about me?" Sirius asked. "I'd rather you didn't, if you don't mind. Remus knows, and some of my family, but I'd rather not have the whole school staring at me and whispering behind my back."

"My lips are sealed," Charlene promised. "But I should warn you that most of the sixth year Gryffindor girls are already doing some of that whispering."

"They are?"

"Yeah. You're the best looking bloke in the year, but you've never asked any of the girls to go into Hogsmeade with you. That alone is suspicious."

"You think I'm the best looking bloke?" Sirius asked with a grin. "Does Remus know that?"

Charlene blushed. "Probably. Anyway, my point is most of the girls are already wondering, some of the blokes, too. I've noticed Potter giving you a few funny looks now and again. If he doesn't already know, he at least suspects."

"Terrific," Sirius muttered.

They were sitting quietly on the steps when Remus found them a short while later. The rain had started to fall, but the wind was ensuring that the water didn't hit the two students. Remus sat down on the steps beside Sirius, yanked the cigarette from between his fingers and stubbed it out on the stone step. "You know I hate it when you smoke," he muttered with a sigh of annoyance.

"Told you," Charlene said.

"So, what are you two talking about out here?" Remus asked.

"You, of course," Charlene replied. "It's not like we have anything else in common. Sirius isn't the biggest of Quidditch fans, after all."

"Sirius loves Quidditch," Remus argued. "Tell her."

Sirius shook his head. "I just like checking out the arses of the blokes on the teams," he said with a grin.

Remus's jaw dropped, and he cast a nervous glance past Sirius and across towards Charlene who wasn't even trying to hide her laughter.

"She knows I like blokes," Sirius told him.

"You told her?"

"She guessed," Sirius replied. "She asked me, and I told her the truth… about everything."

"Everything?" Remus squeaked.

"Everything?" Charlene echoed, looking across at Remus and his unexpected reaction to Sirius's words.

"Well, not everything," Sirius amended. "She might know who I prefer to fantasise about when I'm tossing off, but it's not like I'm going to give her the details."

"Well, thank Merlin for that!" Charlene laughed and stood up. "I'm going to head back to the Tower. I'll see you later."

Remus nodded and promised to follow shortly. As soon as she was out of earshot he turned to Sirius with a glare. "You promised," he accused.

"I haven't broken my promise," Sirius replied in a quiet but harsh whisper. "As tempting as it was, I didn't tell her that we got each other off last weekend, nor did I tell her anything else that might give her the impression that you're not exactly a complete heterosexual."

"I'm not gay," Remus whispered back.

Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled out a fresh cigarette.

"Do you have to?" Remus asked, gesturing to the fag.

"Tell you what," Sirius said with a grin. "I'll do you a deal. I'll quit smoking if you promise me that for every kiss you share with Charlie, I get one, too."

"You're not serious?"

"Why not?" Sirius asked.

"Why not?" Remus echoed. "Because Charlie's my girlfriend, and it's not fair to cheat on her like that."

"Didn't seem to bother you last weekend," Sirius pointed out. "Besides, it's not fair to keep seeing her when you have feelings for me either."

"I don't!"

"Don't you?" Sirius asked innocently. "Maybe you should tell that to the bulge in your trousers…"

Remus looked down and flushed.

"A kiss for a kiss," Sirius offered again. He took a deep drag of the cigarette. "And I'll quit smoking for as long as it takes for you to come round."

Remus laughed. "And then you'll start up again? That hardly seems fair."

Sirius shook his head. "No. If I had the promises of your kisses every day for the rest of my life, I swear I would never light up another cigarette ever again."

"You'd quit smoking for me?" Remus asked.

Sirius smiled and nodded. "Don't you remember, Remus? I'd do anything for you."

"Anything?" Remus replied.

"Anything." The word came out as a whisper and sent shivers down Remus's spine. Shivers that had Remus visibly shuddering and Sirius's smile stretching into a knowing grin.

Remus took a deep breath. "Then find someone else, and forget about being with me," he said.

Sirius turned to look back out at the rain. He lifted his cigarette to his lips and took another long drag.

"And quit smoking for yourself," Remus added as he stood up and walked back into the castle.

Sirius ignored him and sat on the steps for a long while. Eventually, Professor McGonagall spotted him, confiscated all the cigarettes he had on him and gave him a detention. Sirius handed the illicit goods over, accepted the detention and then walked out into the rain.

Upstairs, in the Gryffindor common room, Remus was snuggling in front of the fire with Charlene. Since he had returned to the Tower they had kissed three times, and whilst Remus had enjoyed each and every one of those kisses, he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to claim an equal number from Sirius.


	44. Getting Nowhere

Getting Nowhere

The Christmas holidays arrived, and with them the realisation that all four Gryffindor sixth year boys were staying at school for the holidays. They were determined to make it a double celebration since Peter was also celebrating his seventeenth birthday.

"Midnight feasts are the best!" James exclaimed as he looked through the goodies that Remus and Peter had brought up from the kitchens. "Best way of celebrating Peter's birthday. Now he's of age and the world is his… er… whatsit… them things you find in the sea…"

"Crabs?" Sirius suggested with a Firewhiskey induced snicker.

"Oysters," Peter supplied as he raised his bottle of spiked butterbeer and grinned round the room at his friends. "The world is my oyster and I can do magic outside of school now. I'm totally legal."

"I'll drink to that," Sirius said as he leaned down from where he was perched on the end of his bed and grabbed his own bottle of butterbeer from the stash that James always seemed to have. The stash that had been spiked earlier that day with a bottle of Firewhiskey stolen from the cellar of The Hog's Head.

"Do you think Lily would have joined us if we'd asked her?" James speculated some time later when they'd all eaten their fill.

Sirius snorted quietly as he tried to suppress his laughter. The love hate relationship between the two of them had reached new heights this year, with James feelings for the fiery redhead going from one extreme to the other on an almost weekly basis.

"What's so funny?"

"The idea of Lily doing anything you ask her," Remus supplied with a smirk. "Not a snowball's chance in hell would pretty much sum it up."

"But, how can she say no to a party?"

"Because you'd be the one asking," Sirius suggested with a grin.

"It's what I've been telling you since fourth year," Peter added. "You need to lower your standards a little and try to focus on someone else."

"I tried that last year," James pouted. "Don't you remember me asking Esme from Ravenclaw to go to Hogsmeade in the spring?"

"Yeah, but you only did that to make Lily jealous," Remus pointed out. "And picking a Ravenclaw for that little stunt was asking for trouble."

"There was no reason for her to slap me," James muttered.

"Why not try asking a girl out, without an ulterior motive revolving round Lily?" Peter asked. "You'll have to eventually."

"Why will I have to eventually?"

"Because she's _never_ going to say yes," Remus, Sirius and Peter replied in almost perfect synchronisation.

"It's not like I'm trying to steal her away from someone else," James huffed. "She's not been on a date all year."

"I think she's wanting to concentrate on her N.E.W.T.s this year," Remus pointed out.

"I believe she said she'd rather fail the whole lot than go on a date with you," Peter chimed in with a wicked grin.

"I think the subject needs changing," James announced with a final glare at Peter. "So, who would you guys have invited to our little party if you'd bothered to plan this properly?"

"It's a bit hard to plan a party properly when the first you hear about it is someone waking you up at quarter to eleven screeching 'party!' in your ear," Sirius pointed out.

"Hypothetically then," James amended. "If you could invite any girl in the school to our party who would it be?"

"Rochelle," Peter said dreamily, his eyes going out of focus.

"In your dreams," James teased. "She's been off the market since last year."

"You said hypothetically," Peter pointed out. "What about the rest of you?"

"Charlie," Remus replied without hesitation. Sirius felt a flicker of unease at the promptness of Remus's response, but consoled himself with the thought that at least his eyes hadn't started to glaze over as Peter's had done, or as they had done on Sirius's own birthday, some six weeks ago now.

"Boring," James groaned. "She'd just bang on about tomorrow morning's Quidditch practice all night. She'd also point out that none of us are getting a full night's sleep and the food here isn't part of the team's dietary requirements."

"I'd keep her quiet." Remus smirked and waggled his eyebrows.

"And how would you plan on doing that Mr Lupin?" James asked with a grin of his own.

"Well, she might find it rather difficult to talk if my tongue was in her mouth," Remus replied in a mock serious tone.

James and Peter howled with laughter, and even Sirius couldn't help cracking a smile at the joke. Though his own amusement was less at the comment, and more at the memory of just how Remus's tongue had felt in his mouth. As such, his own mirth was soon gone.

"What about you Sirius?" James asked, taking a swig of his butterbeer. "Who would you most like to bring to the party?"

Sirius shrugged and looked down at his empty bottle and wished that he still had some left in it, so that he could take a swig and avoid answering the question a little longer.

"I think Sirius is holding out on us," Peter drawled. "Who is she?"

"No one," Sirius muttered before forcibly rallying himself to answer in what he desperately hoped was the same light and teasing manner the others had displayed. "I just can't bear to choose from all the beauties here. I'd invite them all."

"Be a bit crowded in here," James snickered.

"Cop out of an answer," Peter accused. "At least narrow it down to half a dozen or something."

"And let you nutters try and set me up with one of them?" Sirius laughed. "No chance!"

"Who? Us?" James asked innocently. "Like we'd play matchmaker like that. No Sirius, we'd let you get the girl yourself. Promise. You'd have no trouble; you're the best looking of the four of us. If Remus can get a girl on his own, you'll have no trouble."

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed, realising somewhat belatedly that there had been something of an insult directed at him in James's little speech.

"I didn't mean it like that," James groaned, raising his hands in surrender as Remus threw a pillow at him, spilling James's drink in the process. "But, you've got to admit that you and Charlie do make a bit of an odd couple."

"Odd, how?" Remus asked with a frown.

"Well, not odd exactly," James amended, backtracking rapidly at Remus's earnest expression. "Just not who I'd have picked out for you, if I'd been setting you up with someone."

"They're not the oddest couple in the school though," Peter commented. "Look at Vincent and Sophie… the brains of Ravenclaw and the dingbat of the Slytherins."

"Or what about Connie and Steven?" James snickered. "He's about seven foot tall and she could pass for one of Flitwick's relatives."

"She needs a stepladder just to kiss him," Sirius added with a laugh of his own.

"At least she won't have to bend too far to suck him off," Peter chuckled, much to the hilarity of the others.

"I still reckon there's something going on between Dumbledore and McGonagall," Peter speculated a few minutes later.

"There _is not_," James replied with a sigh of total, utter impatience. "I told you before…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know…" Peter interrupted. "Dumbledore's gay. I still say you've got no proof of that."

"He is?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"Don't tell me you hadn't heard that rumour?" James asked. "That one's been flying around on a regular basis since first year."

Sirius shook his head mutely. He was quite sure he'd have remembered that particular rumour if he'd ever heard even so much as a whisper of it.

"Ah well," James said idly. "Each to his own and all that."

"I still say it's a load of old rubbish," Peter replied. "Dumbledore and McGonagall are just perfect for each other."

"What do you think Sirius?" James asked with a grin.

"I can't really picture Dumbledore and McGonagall together," replied Sirius, shuddering slightly at the thought.

"So, you agree he's probably gay?" James pressed on.

"I didn't say that," Sirius hurriedly amended.

"So, what do you think about the idea of two blokes together?"

Sirius felt his face flushing and was grateful that it was the middle of the night, and that most of the candles had long since been extinguished or melted completely. He wondered whether he was imagining the way that James's voice had lost its teasing and playful quality, and sounded far more serious than it had previously. Nor did James sound quite as inebriated as he had only moments before. It was almost as though James was probing him for an answer that he already knew. Or maybe Sirius was just paranoid following his conversation with Charlene.

He ducked his head and shrugged his shoulders, not daring to risk a glance at Remus, even though he was more than a little curious as to what, if anything, he would add to this particular conversation.

Finally the conversation drifted on to other topics and Sirius looked across at Remus. Remus however was looking steadfastly at James and Peter and refused to meet his eyes even once.

Later that night Sirius was lying awake long after he believed the other boys had gone to sleep. The thoughts of the kisses he'd shared with Remus were plaguing his mind, and the more he thought about them, the more restless and uncomfortable he became. That, of course, only reminded him of their activities in Hogsmeade… which did even less to help him fall asleep.

"Can't sleep?"

Sirius jumped slightly at the sound of James's voice.

"Probably too much sugar," Sirius replied quietly. "Next time someone should bring back healthier food for the parties."

"Where's the fun in that?" James laughed. "Anyway, it's not the sugar and you know it."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Well, I'm restless because I'm thinking about Lily. I recognise the signs."

Sirius made a snorting sound, which he hoped neither denied nor confirmed James's guess.

"Here!" James said and Sirius felt something cold hit him in the face.

"What's this?" he asked as he picked up the magazine James had slung at him and rubbed his nose.

"What's it look like?" James asked with a snort.

"A magazine?" replied Sirius, a cold feeling of dread settling over him as he wondered if James had been rifling through his trunk. "I don't think a bit of light reading is going to help me sleep," he added, trying to force lightness into his tone.

"It's not that sort of a magazine," James responded. "Go, take it to the bathroom, sort yourself out, then come back and get some sleep."

Sirius sat up and began to fumble with the oil lamp on the bedside table. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to see the magazine that James had thrown at him or not.

"Don't turn that on in here," James warned. "You'll just wake the others. Go to the bathroom and you'll see what it is."

"Okay," Sirius replied as he climbed out of bed. The sooner he got this over with the better.

Once in the bathroom, Sirius lit a lamp to see what it was that James had thrown at him.

"Oh, thank Merlin," he whispered as he looked at the cover of the magazine which displayed a somewhat scantily clad witch beckoning provocatively below the title _Wicked Witches._ The muggle porno magazines were nothing compared to the moving wizarding ones and Sirius immediately wondered where James had purchased this, as well as whether there were any showing blokes for sale.

On the one hand Sirius was slightly embarrassed that James had ascertained his problem quite so easily. On the other hand, at least he hadn't figured out the identity, or even the sex of, the person Sirius was enamoured with. It seemed that James wasn't quite so adept at guessing who was gay and who was straight as one might think from what he'd said earlier that night.

Sirius sat down on one of the benches, hesitant to go back to the dormitory just yet. With nothing else to do he opened the magazine and flicked through it idly. The pictures of the topless witches winking and flirting at him from the pages did nothing for him. If he'd ever had any lingering thoughts or doubts that maybe it was just a phase, and that he'd stop thinking of Remus every waking minute, they vanished forever as he flicked disinterestedly through the magazine.

The most interesting thing he actually found in the magazine was a picture of two witches sitting astride a muggle motorbike. Needless to say it wasn't the women who had caught his attention.

"Nice bike," Sirius said to himself with a grin.

"I didn't lend you that for the bikes," James said from the doorway with a grin. "I thought you'd fallen asleep in here or something," he added by way of explanation for his presence.

"Lost track of the time," Sirius mumbled, starting to get up from the bench. James waved him back down and sat down beside him instead.

"The others are still asleep," he commented.

"We should be getting some sleep, too," Sirius replied, moving to get up again.

"Hold on a minute," James asked, placing a hand on his arm to stop him rising to his feet.

"What is it?"

"You haven't used the magazine," James commented with a pointed look at Sirius that caused his face to flush red with embarrassment again.

"Yeah, well, I… er…"

"Girls don't… um… do it for you, do they?" James asked quietly with a quick glance to the door to check he hadn't been followed by one of the other boys.

Sirius groaned, realising now that Charlene was right, and that other students were wondering about his sexual preferences. Somehow this conversation with James was even more uncomfortable than the one he had had with Charlene, though he suspected that had a great deal to do with his being incredibly aroused right now, and James's blatant acknowledgement of that fact. "Er…"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," James assured him hurriedly. "I know we've not always been the best of mates, and that I've teased you in the past about being a queer. But, I never really thought you were, I was just having a laugh. But, if you are…well…I just thought you might want to talk."

"The past is in the past," Sirius said. "We're friends now, aren't we?"

"Sure," James nodded. "But, even if you don't want to talk to me about this, at least talk to Remus."

"Remus?" Sirius whispered, as thoughts of bolting returned.

"Well, he _is _your best friend, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he's my best friend," Sirius repeated quietly.

"He'd understand," James assured him. "He's good with stuff like that. He's listened to me go on about Lily for hours, and even offered some advice for what to do about the problem."

"Lily's a problem now, is she?" Sirius teased.

"I didn't mean it like that," James replied. "And stop changing the subject. Do you go for blokes?"

Sirius nodded and sighed.

James nodded in response and gestured to the magazine. "Sorry, not got any with blokes in to lend you."

Sirius laughed shortly. "I have a few in my trunk, thanks."

"You do? I've never seen you using them."

Sirius gave him a look that reminded him what they were talking about.

"Oh, yeah, right," James mumbled.

"I've not used them at school anyway," Sirius said. "I only brought them because I couldn't leave them at home. They're muggle magazines, you see."

"Muggle?" James asked excitedly. "Really? Can I see them?"

Sirius laughed. "You want to look at pictures of naked men?" he asked sceptically.

"Well, no, but I've never seen a real muggle magazine before…even Peter doesn't have any and his mother's a muggle."

Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "Do you have any idea how much you are reminding me of my mother right now?" he asked.

James looked at him in confusion. "I am?"

Sirius nodded. "She caught me with the magazines just before we came back to school, and it was the fact they were muggle made that annoyed her the most."

"Your mother caught you wanking to pictures of naked blokes?" James asked in astonishment.

"Merlin, no!" Sirius explained, shuddering slightly at the thought. "She just caught me trying to find somewhere to hide them on the morning we came back to school. She hit the roof."

"So, does your mum accept that you're gay?" James asked in surprise. "I thought the Blacks were real big on continuing the pureblood line and all that crap?"

"They are."

"But you said it was just that you were buying muggle stuff that had annoyed her?"

"Yeah, well, she's still insisting that I marry some pureblood brainless bint and produce an heir," Sirius explained. "I can shag who I want, as long as I don't let the family down."

"I take it you're not going to marry?" James asked, though it was not really a question.

"Never," Sirius replied with a shake of his head.

They sat on the bench for a few more minutes until James spoke again. "I still think you should talk to Remus about all this. He's your best friend; he deserves to know."

"He already knows," Sirius replied, as though this should have been rather obvious.

"He's never said anything," James commented. "Are you sure he knows?"

"Yeah," Sirius muttered. "I'm sure."

He'd have to have been obliviated not to know, he thought privately to himself. It might have taken a while for Remus to realise, but shoving his tongue down his throat had clued him in pretty quickly.

"Oh."

Sirius looked up at James's quiet exclamation. "Oh crap! Did I say that out loud?"

"Say what out loud?"

"What I just thought about…er…?"

"No. Care to enlighten me?"

"No!"

"O-kay," James drawled. "So, about Remus…"

"What about him?" Sirius asked, far too quickly, causing James to raise a questioning eyebrow.

"How long have you fancied him?" James asked with a sly smirk.

"Crap!"

"Bit of a funny answer, that."

"How did you know?" Sirius asked resignedly.

James laughed. "Couldn't be anyone else."

"Oh." Sirius wondered if the whole bloody school knew how he felt about Remus. First Charlene, now James… At this rate the entire population of Hogwarts would know he fancied his best friend before Valentine's Day rolled around.

"Well, how long?"

"A while," Sirius replied with a sigh. "I'm not sure when it started exactly."

"And I take it Remus isn't… you know… interested. Is he even bi?"

"I don't know," Sirius lied; it wasn't really his place to out Remus with the others, even if Remus wasn't firmly in denial.

"Didn't you ask him? Oh, I guess it might be a bit awkward, what with him having a girlfriend. But, you never know, he might swing both ways."

"He wasn't going out with her when he first found out about me."

"And?" James asked. "I sense a bit more to this than what you're telling me here."

"I kissed him, all right?" Sirius snapped before burying his now flushed face in his hands.

"I take it he didn't kiss you back?" James asked quietly. "I'm sorry, mate."

"Oh, he kissed me back all right," Sirius muttered without thinking of the implications of what he was saying, and what Remus might say when he found out. "Tongues and everything."

"Urgh, that was more than I needed to hear."

"Sorry. Anyway, he kissed me back, but then he said he thought I was drunk. It was back in fifth year, on his birthday. You remember we all got separated on the way back from the kitchens?"

James nodded quietly.

"It was in the common room after we got back. We didn't speak for bit and then he came to tell me that he'd got a girlfriend, and next thing I know he's going to Hogsmeade with Charlie for their first date."

"Didn't you talk to him when you were sober?"

"I _wasn't_ drunk!"

"Sorry. But have you talked to him?"

"Of course I've bloody well tried to talk to him," Sirius snapped. "Loads of times."

"Hey! I'm just trying to help."

"Sorry."

"It really is a while then," James commented. "He's being seeing Charlie for ages now."

"It doesn't matter," Sirius mumbled. "You won't let on to Remus, or anyone, that I told you about that, will you?"

James shook his head.

"Not even Peter?" Sirius questioned.

"Peter won't care if you're a shirt-lifter," James commented. "His favourite uncle lives with another bloke."

"He does?" 

"Yeah, but don't worry, I won't tell him if you don't want me to."

"Thanks," Sirius replied. "Now, I think I'll go back to bed."

"Okay," James replied quietly. "And Sirius?"

"Yeah?" Sirius paused in the doorway to look back at James who was only now rising to his feet.

"I'm sorry."

"What for this time?"

"That there's not much I can do to help with your problem."

"It doesn't matter. Goodnight James."

Ten minutes later Sirius was back in bed, still wide-awake, and still uncomfortably aroused.

"Sirius?" James whispered. Sirius turned his head to see James rummaging around on the shelf near his bed.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Looking for something."

"What?"

"This!" James exclaimed as he pulled what appeared to be a book from the shelf.

"You're not actually doing homework are you?" Sirius joked.

"Hardly. No, this is my photo album."

"And you need that in the middle of the night because…?

"Because it's where I keep all the photos of us," explained James, as though this was fairly obvious. "Here, pick any one you like." He passed the album to Sirius who sat up to look James in the eye, but didn't take the album.

"What for?"

"Well, there are a few of Remus in here," James explained.

"What do I need a picture of Remus for?" Sirius asked. "I don't think he'd like it if I put it up on the nightstand."

"I didn't mean to put on display," James replied with a roll of his eyes as he sat down on the bed beside Sirius and began flicking through the album.

"How many pictures of Lily do you have in there?" Sirius asked curiously as he saw another page filled with pictures of the vivacious redhead.

"A fair few," James replied with a shrug.

"There's a word for this, you know?"

"Hmm?"

"Stalker."

"Git!" James replied with a laugh as he flicked through the pages. "Here are a few of Remus from the party at the end of last year."

Sirius sighed. "Keep them."

"I'm just trying to help," James whispered. "You said yourself you fancy him." He pointed to one of the photographs. "What about this one?"

Sirius looked at the picture of Remus, shirtless and smiling at the camera.

"Looks like it would be in place in a magazine for blokes," James continued. "He's not wearing nearly as much as some of the birds in mine."

"W-what?" Sirius spluttered. "You think I'd want a picture of Remus so that I can… so I… so that… I… I…"

"Everyone does it Sirius," James told him calmly as he pushed the album back into Sirius's hands.

"Not to pictures of their best mates, they don't."

James grinned wickedly. "Whatever floats your boat."

"I don't want a picture of Remus," Sirius insisted with a scowl. "I don't _need_ a picture of him."

"Are you sure?"

"Just put the album away."

"Okay. But you know where it is, if you change your mind." James finally took the album back and put it away on the shelf. "But seriously mate, you need to get this sorted out. Talk to him again. Or move on. You know… I've got a distant cousin in Hufflepuff who prefers blokes, too. I could set you up with him."

"No thanks."

"You sure? He's a nice bloke, and I know he thinks you're cute."

"Cute?" Sirius looked aghast.

"Well, it _was_ back in third year he said that," James admitted. "We weren't exactly getting along at the time, but he did ask who the cutie in the dorm was. Remus wasn't officially here, it was just before I found out you'd got him hidden in here. And I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about Peter. I could have a word with him, if you like…"

"No thanks," Sirius repeated. "There's only one bloke I like, and it wouldn't be fair on your cousin to lead him on."

"He'd be so grateful for a date he wouldn't mind," James joked. "Besides which, he'd owe me the biggest favour ever."

"Thought you'd get to the ulterior motives sooner or later."

"Well, if you change your mind let me know."

"Sure James. _Now,_ can we please get some sleep?"

"Is that the polite way of telling me to shut up?"

"If you like."

"Okay. Goodnight, Sirius."

"Goodnight, James."

James climbed into bed and turned out the lamp. Within minutes James was snoring away like the other two boys in the room. Sirius however was still wide-awake. He looked at the shelf where James had put the photo album. He had been telling the truth when he'd said he didn't need a picture of Remus, all he needed to do was close his eyes and he could picture the other boy as clearly as if he were standing in front of him. He tossed and turned as he tried to fall asleep.

Unfortunately sleep was determined to elude Sirius, and eventually he gave in to the temptation that had been a constant presence ever since he had crawled into bed. Sitting up, he carefully closed the curtains around the bed and made sure to cast a charm so that no sound escaped into the rest of the room. Then laying back down he fumbled with the drawstring of his pyjama bottoms and slowly slipped his hand inside.

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes, remembering how Remus had straddled him on the sofa in Hogsmeade, and how he had kissed him. He parted his lips slightly and darted out his tongue to moisten them, imagining that the touch was coming from Remus once again.

Then Sirius imagined that Remus was in the bed with him, kissing him, touching him, caressing him. If he tried really hard, he could almost recall the feel of Remus lying alongside him as they rubbed up against each other and he knew he wouldn't last long.

He kept his eyes shut for a long time afterwards, not wanting to let go of the fantasy. But eventually he cracked open his eyes, only to see that his bed was as empty of Remus as it had been earlier that night… as it had always been. His cleaned himself up and turned onto his side, hoping to get to sleep some time before dawn; his movements dislodged one of the bed curtains and he looked through it towards where Remus was lying in his own bed as awake as he himself was. He wondered how long he'd been awake for, and whether any sound had escaped the confines of the bed.

"Remus?" he whispered. "You awake?"

"Yeah, something woke me up."

"You know what?" Sirius whispered, hoping that Remus wouldn't reply that he had heard him.

"No," Remus answered. "Can't you sleep either?"

"No," Sirius replied with a shake of his head.

"Why not?" Remus asked as he sat up and crawled to the edge of his own bed.

Sirius felt his face burning with embarrassment, even as the wicked imp on his shoulder whispered in his ear to tell Remus what he'd been doing, just to see what his reaction would be. "I'm cold," he eventually replied with a shrug.

"Come over here," Remus replied. "I want to talk to you anyway."

Sirius nodded and climbed out of bed. He pulled on his evening robe and joined Remus on his bed. "What's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you about the full moons," Remus whispered as he pulled the bed curtains closed.

"What about them?" Sirius asked. "They've not been too bad the last few months, have they?"

Remus shook his head. "No, they've been okay. It isn't that."

"Then what is it?"

"It's Charlie," Remus said. "She wants to come with us on the full moons."

"What?" Sirius hissed. "She can't."

"She wants to ask Professor McGonagall for permission," Remus said.

"We don't need her there," Sirius insisted. "Interfering and poking her nose in where it's not wanted. I'm the one who takes care of you after the moons, not her. I'm the one that Moony pines for."

"I know you take care of me," Remus whispered, trying to encourage Sirius to keep his voice down so that they didn't wake the others. "And I don't want her there any more than you do."

"You don't?" 

Remus shook his head. "She'll freak out when she sees what I turn into."

Sirius nodded, although he didn't entirely believe that that would be the case. He knew that it was Remus's own fear that was making him believe that she would run for the hills if she ever saw the wolf. If he had honestly believed that she would desert him, Sirius knew that he would probably do everything in his power to encourage Remus to allow her to accompany them.

As it was though, the main thing running through Sirius's mind was that the full moons were his time with Remus. It was his place to assure Remus that everything would be okay in the morning, his task to watch over the wolf all night, and his job to look after Remus in the morning. He neither wanted nor needed Charlene tagging along with them.

"So, you'll help me talk her out of it?" Remus was saying, and Sirius found himself nodding in agreement once more.

He had no intention of sharing the full moons with Charlene, and the sooner the girl knew that, the better it would be.


	45. Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

It wasn't easy trying to talk Charlene out of accompanying them to Remus's house when the next full moon came round. In the end though, it was Professor McGonagall who put her foot down and refused her permission.

Sirius suspected that she might have decided differently if Remus had been enthusiastic about the idea. But since he had made it clear that he would rather it was just Sirius with him, McGonagall had told Charlene that she was to remain at Hogwarts, and that she would be keeping a close eye on her, to ensure that she kept to that rule.

Charlene wasn't happy about it, and she and Remus had had their first real fight over the whole messy business.

Sirius had consoled Remus, telling him that he didn't have to worry, he was still there for him, just like always.

He would have been happy if that had been the end of Remus's relationship with Charlene, but when he returned to the boys' dormitory one evening a week after the fight, he found Remus and Charlene sitting on Remus's bed, clearly having made things up.

Sirius stood in the doorway, gaping stupidly at the two of them.

Remus's shirt was untucked and his tie was undone. His face was flushed and his hair was messy.

Charlene's back was to the door, but from her hurried actions at his entrance, he could tell that her own blouse was undone, too.

"Sorry," he muttered. "Didn't know anyone was up here."

"Sirius!" Remus called after him, but Sirius was already hurrying back out of the door, trying to push the image of what he had seen out of his mind.

They didn't speak of it, although Sirius spent far more time than he wanted to thinking about it. He wondered how far Remus had gone with Charlene, but he didn't dare ask the question.

-o-xXx-o-

When Remus woke up on the morning of his seventeenth birthday, it was to find a small scroll waiting for him on his bedside table.

"Is this from you?" he asked Sirius, after he had woken the other boy up.

Sirius shook his head and yawned. "Not me. It looks like one of the scrolls McGonagall sends to the prefects when she wants to call a meeting."

"But I'm not a prefect."

"Never said you were," Sirius replied. "I'm just saying what it looks like."

"Then what do you think it is?" Remus asked.

"Why not just open it and find out?" Peter suggested as he crawled out of bed.

Remus nodded and snapped the seal of the scroll.

"Well?" Sirius asked.

"It's from Dumbledore," Remus said quietly. "He wants me to go to his office after breakfast."

"What have you done?" James asked curiously.

"Nothing that warrants a summons from the headmaster," Remus said with a frown.

"Maybe he wants to wish you a happy birthday?" Peter teased. "You being the teachers' pet and all."

Remus laughed and put the scroll on the bedside table.

"Hey! Does that have the password to Dumbledore's office in it?" James asked.

Remus laughed again. "I'm sure he'll change it as soon as I've used it. He knows we're not to be trusted with such important information."

"Spoilsport."

Remus dressed as quickly as he could, and bolted down the stairs to the Great Hall, eager to eat his breakfast as fast as he could, in order to find out that much sooner what Dumbledore wanted to speak to him about.

"You could have waited for us," Sirius scolded as he slid onto the bench beside Remus.

Remus, who had almost finished his breakfast by the time the other boys joined him, apologised round a mouthful of toast and stood up.

He was just grabbing his things together, when Professor McGonagall appeared behind him. "I'm sure that when Professor Dumbledore asked to see you after breakfast, he meant at the time that you would normally finish breakfast, not as soon as you could hurry through it." She pointed her wand back at the table and summoned a full English breakfast into Remus's place.

"But, Professor…" Remus began.

"Eat your breakfast," McGonagall ordered, cutting him off with a glare that brooked no arguments. "All of it. Or I'll tell Madam Pomfrey that you're not eating properly."

"You wouldn't!" Remus exclaimed, though he sat back down.

"Eat," McGonagall repeated, her facial expression and tone making it quite clear that she certainly would.

Remus nodded and picked up his knife and fork. "Professor, do you know why Professor Dumbledore wants to see me?"

"Yes," McGonagall replied. "But that's for him to tell you, not myself. Don't worry, you're not in trouble. I can't prove that you and your friends are responsible for Professor Delphi's crystal balls suddenly picking up muggle television signals, even if I have my suspicions."

James snorted pumpkin juice out of his nose at McGonagall's comment. Of course their head of house would know they were responsible, and everyone knew that the reason she was probably not looking too hard for that proof was because Gryffindor were currently in joint last place with Hufflepuff for the House Cup.

McGonagall huffed at the appalling table manners of her student before she swept away, leaving the boys to finish eating.

Remus was just cleaning up the last of his egg yoke when the owl post arrived.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius swore as four birds descended on his plate, two of them far more interested in stealing his last slice of bacon than delivering their mail.

"Where'd they all come from?" Peter asked, batting away a third owl, that had decided that rather than fight the two bigger birds for Sirius's bacon, he would try his luck with Peter's plate of sausages instead.

"Well, that one's from my mother," Sirius said, pointing to the bird Peter was shooing away. He gave up on his breakfast and instead grabbed at his letters. "One from Regulus." He placed it on the table and moved onto the second owl. "And this one seems to be for Remus, whose plate looks far less appetising than mine. Here you go." He passed the letter to Remus.

"It's from Greyback," Remus commented.

"What's he got to say for himself?" Sirius asked as he took his mother's letter from Peter and tackled the final bird to see who else had written to him. "Ah, one from Benjy, too."

"You're still writing to him?" Remus asked, looking up from his own letter with an annoyed expression.

"Don't start," Sirius muttered, putting the letter to one side and opening Regulus's first. "Looks like Reg has found himself a girlfriend," he commented as he skimmed through the letter. "She's a muggle from London who visits her father in Australia near his school during the holidays."

"Your mother will love that," James commented with a grin.

Remus scowled across the table. What did James know about Sirius's mother? He hadn't even met the woman! Even more annoying, Sirius didn't seem to mind his comment and was nodding in wholehearted agreement.

"Wonder if he's written to tell her," Sirius said as he opened his mother's letter.

"Has he?" Remus asked.

"Doesn't look like it," Sirius replied. "Though she could have sent this before hearing from him. I'm sure she would have mentioned it, if she knew when she wrote to me. There's nothing she hates more than muggles, unless it's muggles who dare to get mixed up with wizards, of course."

"Will she be really angry?"

"Well, she won't exactly be pleased about it," Sirius said with a sigh. "So, what does Greyback have to say for himself?"

"He wants me to visit him," Remus replied. "Apparently he knows it's my birthday today, and that I come of age this year. Minors aren't allowed to visit the camp, unless they are being locked up in one, but now I'm an adult I can visit him."

"Are you going to?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know," Remus said. "I want to know why he stepped in to help me, but I know a lot more about him now than I did then."

"You do?" Sirius asked curiously. "I thought he was really cagey about giving you any information about him?"

"He is. But I looked him up in the Werewolf Register at the Ministry last summer."

"You never mentioned that."

"I forgot, what with looking up my real parents and all that. Anyway, I looked him up and…"

"What did it say?" Sirius asked quietly.

"He's just what everyone says he is. The list of his victims was huge, I'm just one name amongst the many."

"I'll bet he hasn't become a guardian for any of the others though," Sirius pointed out.

"Me neither," Remus muttered. "So, why did he?"

"Maybe if you visit him, he'll tell you why," Sirius guessed.

"I'm not entirely sure I want to visit him," Remus admitted. "He's the sort of werewolf that makes it so difficult for the rest of us to get accepted by the rest of society. If he had been caged up on full moons then I wouldn't be a werewolf either. It's those that run free that force the Ministry to lock us up."

"Maybe he's changed?"

"Maybe he hasn't."

"You won't know unless you visit him."

Remus shrugged. "I'll think about it. It's not like I can go until the summer holidays anyway."

"Maybe you should speak to Dumbledore about it, since you're seeing him anyway?"

"I don't want to bother him with this," Remus replied with a shake of his head. "I'm supposed to be an adult now; I shouldn't need to be asking whether I should or shouldn't go and see my guardian. I'm supposed to be making my own decisions about stuff."

"You could still ask his advice."

"I'll think about it," Remus repeated. "I still don't know what he wants to see me about."

"At least we know we're in the clear about the crystal balls," James said, a shade too loudly, thus drawing the attention of a prefect from the Hufflepuff table, who immediately docked them another twenty points.

"Puts us just ahead of you in the Cup now," the student sitting next to the prefect said with a grin.

James glared, made an obscene gesture, and immediately started plotting how he was going to prank the Hufflepuffs before the week was out.

Remus shoved the letter from Greyback into the pocket of his robes and stood up once more. "Will one of you let Professor Sprout know where I am?" he asked.

Sirius nodded. "'Course we will, though I'll bet she already knows that Dumbledore's summoned you. See you later."

By the time that Remus arrived at Dumbledore's office he was thoroughly regretting eating so much. Even though Professor McGonagall had said he wasn't in trouble, he was still very nervous, and now that the moment was upon him, he was starting to feel slightly sick.

"Ah, Remus," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Take a seat. Thank you for coming."

Remus blinked in confusion a time or two and sat down. Dumbledore was acting as though he had every right to refuse a summons to the headmaster's office.

"We have quite a lot to get through this morning," Dumbledore said, rifling through the papers that were scattered all over his desk. "Feel free to help yourself to a lemon drop or a chocolate frog if you find yourself getting peckish."

"Pardon?" Remus asked.

"A lemon drop or a chocolate frog," repeated Dumbledore, pointing at the bowl of sweets on his desk. "I don't imagine you're hungry just yet, but you probably will be later. Incidentally, I often find that I get some of the rarer chocolate frog cards in the ones that are sent to me from the factory, so don't be surprised if your own collection has a rarity or two by the end of the morning."

"You get sweets sent to you straight from the factory?" he asked.

"Oh, yes," Dumbledore confirmed. "Have done for years, though I'm still not sure why. Perhaps I signed up for it accidentally… it has been known to happen with so much paperwork to get through. You know how it is?"

Remus nodded, even though he had no idea how it was, and wondered even more why he had been summoned.

"Ah, you'll be wanting to know why you're here," Dumbledore announced, giving every impression of having plucked that very thought right from Remus's mind.

Remus nodded again and shifted nervously.

"I'm afraid it's bad news," Dumbledore told him. "It's paperwork, and lots of it. A rather arduous and tedious task, but a necessary one."

"Paperwork?" Remus echoed.

"Yes. You're seventeen today, which means, of course, that you are now of age. It also means that we have a lot to sort out. I'd have left it until the weekend, but I'm afraid that I'm sitting at the Wizengamot most weekends during term time. I hope you don't mind my pulling you out of Herbology…"

Remus shook his head.

"Good, good," Dumbledore said with a smile. "First of all, your residence in Hogsmeade…"

"What about it?"

"Well, as you know, the house was purchased by your brother, under a false name of course, but we need to get it transferred into your name now."

Remus nodded as Dumbledore pulled a thick bunch of papers from the pile on his desk.

"Romulus sorted out the messy business regarding the false name before he was sentenced and imprisoned in Azkaban; he also started the paperwork that would enable the property to be transferred to yourself on your seventeenth birthday. It has been held in trust for you until now. As you are now of age, you can finish what he started and take over the ownership of the property."

"Do I have to?" Remus asked. It was stupid. He knew that Romulus wasn't coming back, he was a ghost after all, but there was something rather final about signing the paperwork that would make the house his.

"It would be advisable," Dumbledore said. "You can't apply to get connected to the Floo Network unless the property is in your name, and then there are the bills to consider."

"Bills?"

"Oh, yes," Dumbledore assured him with a smile. "I'm afraid that coming of age brings with it responsibility and all sorts of expenses. Until now, the bills for your house have been paid from money out of the trust fund that Romulus set up for you. As the appointed trustee, I have been keeping things running for you for the last few years. However, once the relevant paperwork is completed, that fund will be yours to access as you wish, and you will be responsible for ensuring that the bills are paid."

"Wait a minute?" Remus interrupted. "I have money?"

"It's not much," Romulus told him and Remus spun round to face him.

"Would you not creep up on me like that?" Remus snapped.

"I've been here nearly the whole time," Romulus replied. "The money isn't much, just what I saved after the bills were paid. It should be enough to cover all the essential bills until you leave school though, and maybe for six months afterwards, just until you find a job of your own and have your own income. Though to be on the safe side, you might want to consider looking for a holiday job in the summer."

"You'll need to notify the various establishments of your intention to take over the payments," Dumbledore explained, waving a large pile of papers with a sigh.

"There's a lot of them," Remus said with a grimace.

"I'm afraid that's always the case," Dumbledore replied with a chuckle. "Some of them could probably wait until the summer, but others will require your immediate attention. _Accio Water Services_ will cut off your water supply if you don't keep up payments, which, I'm sure you'll agree, would be rather inconvenient during the full moons. Likewise, _Muggins' Anti-Muggle Spells_ should be kept up. While not all Hogsmeade residences have them, most do, and in view of your condition, well, we wouldn't want any muggles wandering up to your house during a full moon, would we?"

"No," Remus confirmed immediately.

"I also took the liberty of obtaining the necessary application forms to get you connected to the Floo Network," Dumbledore continued. "It normally takes about six weeks to get on the network, so you should be able to go home by floo for the full moon after this next one. I'm afraid there is a rather hefty set up fee, although the yearly payments for the connection are not as steep. Once the jar of floo powder you receive at the set up is gone, I'm afraid you'll have to pay to replace it. I'll let you have the details of the company who supplies the school with ours, they're quite competitive with their pricing."

Remus grimaced and chewed on his lip. "Can I afford the set up fee?" he asked.

Professor Dumbledore smiled. "Perhaps, as a coming of age present, you won't mind if I pay the set up fee for you?" he suggested. "Though the rest of the payments will be your responsibility once you are connected."

"You'd do that?" Romulus asked, echoing Remus's own thoughts.

Dumbledore smiled and took the payment details part of the application form, filling it in as they watched.

Remus pulled his chair closer to the desk and picked up the rest of the application. Dumbledore nodded approvingly and passed Remus a quill. "Might as well get started," he said. "Unfortunately, when it comes to this sort of thing, there is no magical way of getting the forms to write themselves. The parchment disallows such actions in order to prevent fraud."

Remus finished the Floo Network application and then turned to the papers regarding the ownership of the house itself. He felt his hand shaking as he looked at the signature line he was supposed to be signing.

"Rem?" Romulus asked quietly.

"It seems so final," Remus replied. "Why did you sign the house over to me as soon as you were captured?"

"Because you need it more than I do," Romulus told him. "It's not like I need it where I am."

Remus frowned. "But what would have happened if you'd been released after six years? What if you hadn't…?"

"I'd have trusted that my little brother wouldn't turn me out onto the streets," Romulus replied with a chuckle. "This was just a precaution to make sure that you were taken care of, in the event of something happening to me."

"Do I have to sign it?" Remus whispered.

Romulus looked at Dumbledore, who shook his head at the unspoken question before answering the other. "I'm afraid so," he told him. "The trust is only active until today, which means I can only act as trustee until today. If you don't take over the responsibility for the property I'm afraid it will be repossessed within six months at the most. Hogsmeade properties are very highly sought after, and you do still need the house, and more importantly, the basement, for the foreseeable future."

"I didn't think that houses in the area were wanted so badly," Remus commented as he signed the paper with a flourish and pushed it back across the desk. "If they're that hard to get, how did Rom manage it?"

Dumbledore smiled mysteriously. "Let's just say that as soon as I discovered that an underage wizard, with another in tow, was enquiring about properties, I made sure that your home was entirely unsuitable for every other purchaser who asked about it. It's surprising how the prices drop when rumours start flying around."

"Rumours you started?" Remus guessed.

Dumbledore merely smiled. "Now, the trust fund papers for Gringott's…"

Remus slowly worked his way through the various piles of paperwork and didn't even notice how quickly the morning was passing.

It was nearly time for lunch when he arrived at the paperwork for the Werewolf Registry.

"But I'm already registered?" Remus queried. "I saw my name in the book last summer."

"Yes, you're quite correct, you are indeed registered," Dumbledore confirmed. "However, this is paperwork that you must sign to confirm that you are taking the appropriate precautions on full moon nights. You are also giving your permission to be inspected by the Ministry on full moon nights, so that they can see that you're complying with the measures."

"Do I have to?" Remus asked with a frown of annoyance. He didn't want people poking around his home, especially during the full moons, it would only aggravate Moony to have strangers in the place.

"No," Dumbledore confirmed. "But there is a Bill being passed by the Ministry, which will no doubt be in force before the end of the year, which gives them permission to inspect all werewolves in this manner, regardless of whether they have given their permission. I suspect that those who have not given their consent, will be those who are visited both first and most frequently."

Remus turned back to the form and continued to read it. "It says that if I fail to take the appropriate precautions, I can be sent to a Dangerous Creatures' Camp for life."

"It does," Dumbledore agreed. "However, I assure you that the spells at your home are more than adequate. The Camps are a last resort for those who have nowhere else to go and are therefore a danger to the rest of the population. There's no need for you to worry about that."

Remus nodded and signed the papers. "Next?" he asked with tired resignation.

"Have a pear drop," Dumbledore said instead. "I did warn you it would be a rather long and tedious morning. However, there are some advantages to getting all this done now."

Remus smiled and reached for a sweet. "Like what?" he asked.

"Well, for one thing, when the summer holiday comes, you can, if you choose, stay at Hogsmeade permanently. You won't need permission from anyone to come and go as you please; you can also invite anyone you wish to stay with you. As a legal adult, you will have a lot more freedom, and can spend your summer however you wish."

Remus nodded. "I got a letter from Fenrir Greyback this morning," he suddenly found himself saying.

"I thought you might," Dumbledore replied. "I can assure you that he has already paid your fees for next year, so nothing that happens between the two of you will threaten your place at Hogwarts. He paid all the school fees as soon your place here was confirmed."

Remus breathed a sigh of relief, although the thought had not even occurred to him that he might have to find the money to pay his own school fees for the final year of his education.

Dumbledore nodded understandingly before he continued. "He's asking you to visit in the summer, isn't he?"

Remus nodded.

"You can't go!" Romulus ordered.

"Now, now," Dumbledore intervened. "I believe it could be good for Remus to meet the werewolf who is responsible for his condition."

"I don't see why," Romulus snapped. "That monster is best left where he is, and the farther away he is from Remus, the better."

"On the other hand, Remus has never had the chance of speaking to another werewolf before…"

"If he wants to speak to werewolves then he can visit the Werewolves Support Service at the Ministry. He doesn't need to see Greyback."

"I disagree," Dumbledore said quietly.

"What could he possibly have to gain from a visit with that monster?"

"A better understanding of what he is, perhaps?"

"He knows what he is! He's had over ten years to get used to what he is!"

"But has he?" Dumbledore countered.

"Of course he has!" Romulus shouted. It was clear to Remus that Romulus was becoming more and more angry in the face of Dumbledore's calm demeanour.

Remus sat back in his seat as his brother proceeded to shout at Albus Dumbledore, the latter of which just sat calmly, not even so much as raising his voice.

"Romulus," Dumbledore said quietly, when it seemed that Romulus had finally run out of steam. "Remus deals with his Lycanthropy remarkably, but I do not believe that he has completely accepted what he is."

"He's a bloody werewolf! He knows that!"

"Of course he does," Dumbledore agreed. "That isn't what I meant. Remus sees himself as a monster because of his Lycanthropy. He has yet to realise that just as there are good and bad amongst wizards and witches, there is also good and bad amongst the werewolves of this world."

"The wolf is a monster," Remus interrupted. "I know that, but it doesn't mean I'll become like Greyback."

"No," Dumbledore agreed. "I don't believe you will. But you still struggle to accept the werewolf part of you."

"What do you suggest?" Remus asked. "I can't let the wolf run free and attack people, the only thing I can do is lock myself up when the full moon rises."

"I'm not suggesting you do anything different with regard to your security. The Ministry regulations are for the safety of everyone, including yourself. But Remus, you are a werewolf, and the wolf is going to be a part of you for the rest of your life, you cannot continue to hate it as much as you do."

"How do you know I hate it?" Remus interrupted.

"Because you just told me so," Dumbledore replied with a small, rather smug smile. "The wolf is a part of you and if you don't accept it, it will eventually drive you mad. The wolf will sense your anger and resentment towards it, and will punish you each time the full moon rises."

"What do you mean?" Remus whispered.

"You're an adult now," Dumbledore explained. "This means that the wolf is also fully matured, and it will be even more attuned to your feelings. You will already have found that when you are upset or angry the wolf is more violent…"

Remus nodded. "When I've had a fight with Sirius, it gets pretty angry."

"Exactly," Dumbledore said. "How was the full moon the first month after you didn't receive your Hogwarts invitation?"

"Bad," Romulus replied for him.

"I'm not surprised," Dumbledore said. "Remus, you are going to be facing prejudices at every turn. You will find yourself struggling to find work because of your Lycanthropy. You will find that your life will always need to be arranged to fit around the full moons, and it won't always be convenient. The resentment will grow with each rejection and with each missed opportunity. The part of you that is the wolf will sense that resentment and, if you don't learn to accept what you are, it will eventually kill you."

Remus paled as he looked at the headmaster.

"There's no need to scare him like that!" Romulus snapped.

"There's every need," Dumbledore replied firmly. "I understand why you've never explained this to him, it's hard to determine when a child is capable of understanding something as complex as Lycanthropy. But if the full ramifications aren't explained to him, it puts him in even more danger."

"He still doesn't need to see Greyback!" Romulus huffed.

"Although the decision is Remus's to make, I disagree," Dumbledore said. "He needs to know that the monster isn't necessarily the wolf inside the man, but sometimes it's the man himself. He cannot truly know that until he sees him for himself."

"He can see his Registry record," Romulus argued.

"I already have," Remus interrupted. "I saw it last summer."

"Is there anything you weren't snooping into last summer?" Romulus asked with a trace of his usual humour.

"Didn't get much chance to meddle in your love life," Remus teased in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Romulus rolled his eyes. "I can't come with you to the Camp," he said. "They have wards up to keep out spirits in case we antagonise the inmates."

"Residents," Dumbledore amended. "They prefer to call them residents."

"Whatever," Romulus muttered. "I still can't get inside the perimeter. There's a barrier about fifty feet away from the grounds in every direction except north, where the barrier stops at the stream, about forty feet away."

"That's rather specific," Dumbledore commented with a smile.

Romulus looked suitably guilty as he admitted that he had tried to get inside the Camp to see Greyback for himself.

Remus chuckled as Romulus found himself under the scrutiny of Dumbledore, almost as if he were a student who had been caught getting into mischief.

Eventually, Romulus sat back down in his seat and sulkily agreed that it was for Remus to make the decision as to whether he visited Greyback or not.

"I'm not going to decide right away," Remus said. "I need some time to think about it first."

His reply at last brought Dumbledore and Romulus to agreement. He just wished that he knew whether going to see Greyback was a good thing or a bad.

He was curious about the werewolf who had bitten him, and he knew that he would never get answers to his questions through the letters they exchanged. But he didn't know whether he would like those answers or not.

Now, in addition to his curiosity, he had the conflicting views of Dumbledore and Romulus to consider. He trusted both of them, but now that they were giving him different advice he didn't know which one to listen to.

"Rem?" Romulus said as Remus made his way to the Great Hall to get some lunch.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want you to visit Greyback," Romulus began, holding up his hand to cut off Remus's reply before he could make it. "But if you want to see him that badly, don't let me be the only thing stopping you."

Remus nodded. "Thanks, Rom."

Romulus glided along the corridor with Remus, at least until Myrtle appeared at the far end of the hallway, cooing in eagerness when she spotted him.

"Hi, Myrtle!" Remus called.

"You little git!" Romulus hissed as he high-tailed it back the way they had come.

Remus laughed as Myrtle continued her pursuit, and he was still chuckling when he sat down in the Great Hall with his friends.

"So, what did Dumbledore want?" Sirius asked.

"He'd organised a birthday party for me," Remus teased.

"Funny!"

"Nah, just a lot of paperwork to sort out because of coming of age. Boring property issues, bills and application forms. Thoroughly tedious."

"Did you ask him about Greyback?"

"Yeah. He and Rom both told me what they thought about the idea of visiting him."

"And?"

"And Dumbledore says yes, while Rom says no. I don't know whose opinion to trust."

Sirius nodded in understanding and Remus watched him for a moment. Then he realised that he had come to value Sirius's opinion just as much as those of the other two men. "What do you think?" he asked.

Sirius smiled. "I don't know. But if you want me to go with you when you visit, I'll be right beside you."

"Thanks." Remus turned to his lunch. "You want to come and stay at my place this summer?" he asked casually.

"You mean at Hogwarts?" Sirius replied, slightly confused.

"No, Hogsmeade," Remus answered with a grin. "I don't have to stay here during the summer any more. I can live at home. Isn't it great?"

Sirius looked dubious. "The place is kind of messy, isn't it? Only the downstairs ever gets used, and not even all of that."

"Guess my project for the summer is fixing it up then, isn't it?" Remus said with a grin. "So, fancy helping me make the place liveable?"

"Let me see…" Sirius replied with mock seriousness. "Sitting through boring dinner parties and listening to my parents ranting on incessantly, or hanging out at your place… which should I choose?"

"You think they'd let you stay the whole summer?" Remus asked.

"I doubt it," Sirius replied. "And, I don't like to leave Regulus alone there all summer."

"He could visit, too."

Sirius grinned. "I'll write and let him know then."

"Even if you can't stay all summer, maybe you could stay here at the start of the holidays," Remus suggested. He had not been looking forward to watching everyone else leave from Hogsmeade Station again, and at least this way the person he would miss the most would be waving the train off with him.

"What's this about the summer?" Charlene asked as she spied Remus from further down the table and moved places to talk to him.

"Just making arrangements for Sirius to visit me in the summer," Remus explained. "Dumbledore says I can stay at my place in Hogsmeade during the holidays now that I'm of age."

"That's great," Charlene replied enthusiastically. "I wonder if my parents would let me come visit, too."

Remus shrugged, ashamed that he hadn't even thought of asking Charlene to visit as well. "You'll have to write and ask them," he said, trying to ignore Sirius's expression of misery at his offer.

It wasn't until the summer, he reasoned. There was plenty of time before then for Sirius, and himself, to come to terms with the idea of Charlene staying over.


	46. Heading for Disaster

A/N: Sorry for the delay in my posting this chapter. It did arrive back from my beta on Saturday, but I delayed posting it because I was trying to figure out if there was a way for me to re-write the next dozen or so chapters of the story to appease those who are sick of Charlene being in the story. Unfortunately, I can't see a way that I can do this without removing half of the plot of the story and causing even longer delays whilst I try to think of something suitable to replace it with. Please bear in mind that this story is mostly written, so it isn't just a question of taking the story in a different direction. I have less than five chapters to write (making the total chapter count somewhere in the early/mid seventies) and to replace so much of it would cause some very long delays, especially since I have no intention of punishing those who are waiting so patiently on my other stories, which I am hoping to get back to shortly, by concentrating all my efforts on keeping the updates on this one flowing at a reasonable speed.

So, I am afraid that those who are sick of her have two choices - either put up with her and trust me when I say that she does have a role to play in the story (and not just as Remus's girlfriend) or, alternatively, there's a search button right at the top of the page which will enable you to find something more to your liking.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I have done my best to try to find an alternative solution and all I have got out of it is a migraine.

Heading for Disaster

Remus screwed up yet another sheet of parchment and tossed it onto the floor. He had spent the last two hours trying to compose a suitable letter to Greyback, but nothing seemed right. He wanted to appear thankful for the chance to visit him, but without actually promising that he would.

He started the letter again, only to stall after a couple of sentences and toss another futile effort to the floor.

This sheet was Remus's last piece of parchment and after a fruitful search of his trunk, his bedside table, and the bottom of his wardrobe he realised that he had actually run out completely.

He was tempted to go downstairs and get some from the student supply cupboard, but he knew that Charlene was in the common room, and he didn't really want to see her just now. She was asking about coming to his house during the full moons again, and he was running out of excuses for why she shouldn't.

He knew that Sirius had a supply of parchment in his trunk and he made the decision to flip open the lid. He promised himself that he would replace it later as he rummaged through the messy contents… that is, he would replace it if he could actually find it.

His hand was groping underneath a dirty shirt that should probably have been placed in the laundry basket for collection by the house elves, when he felt paper beneath his fingers. He grasped the paper and pulled it out, only to find that it wasn't blank parchment he was holding.

His face flushed as he looked at the cover of the magazine and realised what it was he had found. He knew he should put it back and pretend he had never laid eyes on it. But the temptation was too great, and before he had even really thought it through, Remus was flicking through the magazine, drinking up every word of every article and – although he wouldn't admit it to anyone – savouring the sight of the partially and entirely naked men spread out before him.

Some of what he read caused him to shift uncomfortably, nearly wincing at the thought of doing what was described in the articles. But, stronger than the trepidation, was a sense of curiosity at what might be like if he and Sirius were to do some of those things.

Only the sound of someone outside the door diverted his attention away from the magazine, and he quickly stuffed it under the mattress, out of sight, though it was still at the forefront of his mind.

He realised that Sirius's trunk was still open, but when the door opened it was only Peter, searching for his Herbology project – it had escaped from it's pot again – and he took no notice of the trunk. Remus offered to help him in his search, during which he casually closed the trunk again. He hoped he would get the chance to sneak the magazine back inside again before Sirius noticed that it was missing.

-o-xXx-o-

"Is there something going on between you and Sirius?" Charlene asked quietly, but impatiently.

Remus frowned as he looked up from untying the laces of his Quidditch boots. "You do know this is the boys' changing room?" he commented.

"I'm the Captain," Charlene replied, as though this gave her the right to be there. It wasn't that any of the boys really minded, in fact they were joking that her presence in their changing room made it fair game for them to sneak into the girls' room.

"You can't," Charlene told one such joker.

"Why not?"

"Because the moment a boy steps into the girls' changing room the bludger attack starts," she explained. "So, unless you want to spend the rest of the day in the hospital wing, I'd rethink trying to get in there."

Several of the boys grumbled at another display of the double standards of Hogwarts, but Charlene ignored them. Instead she glared at Remus, waiting for him to reply.

"Can we not do this here?" Remus asked.

"So, there is something going on," Charlene concluded.

"No, there isn't," Remus told her in a harsh whisper. "And would you keep your voice down, you know that Sirius isn't exactly out, but he will be if you don't shut the hell up."

"No one's listening to us," Charlene pointed out. "No one cares what we're talking about."

"You don't know that," Remus replied impatiently. "Me and Sirius have both had enough of being written about in Rita's bloody newsletter, and the last thing we need is another bit of gossip doing the rounds."

"I'm not gossiping," Charlene argued. "I'm just asking a simple question."

"And I gave you a simple answer," Remus replied. "There's nothing going on, so just drop it."

Charlene looked like she didn't believe him, but she left the changing room, her bat swinging rather threateningly as she stalked past the rest of the players.

"What was that all about?" James asked from where he had clearly been lurking and eavesdropping.

Remus shook his head. "Nothing. She's just got a snitch up her arse about not coming over to my place for the full moon tonight."

"And Sirius doesn't like the idea?" James asked.

"Not just Sirius," Remus replied. "She's never seen a werewolf at the full moon, it'll scare the hell out of her."

"Scare Charlie?" James asked with a laugh. "I doubt that very much."

"The wolf would scare anyone, including you and including her," Remus told him.

"It doesn't scare Sirius," James pointed out.

"It did at first," Remus admitted. "Terrified him. Anyway, that's not really the point."

"So, what is the point?"

Remus ran his hands though his hair and sighed. Suddenly he had the attention of not just James, but the rest of the students as well. He had no idea that they were so interested in hearing about his Lycanthropy, though he supposed that they were eager to hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

"Moony, the wolf, gets agitated when someone new is around during the full moon," he explained. "He's used to my brother being there, and he's used to Sirius. I don't know how he would take the presence of another person there. It's all well and good if it goes smoothly, but if it doesn't then I end up spending time in the hospital wing. Would you want to risk it?"

James and the other boys shook their heads.

"So, it's not because there's anything going on between you and Black?" Richard, one of the Chasers, asked.

"Of course not," Remus replied impatiently.

"Only asking," Richard replied. "I mean, everyone knows that Black's as bent as a three winged snitch."

The other boys snickered at his remark, but Remus felt increasingly uneasy at the comment. "What do you mean?" he asked, knowing exactly what Richard had meant, but wondering just how much the other boys knew.

"Well, you know…" Richard said as he shoved his gloves into his locker. "Black never seems to have a date, does he?"

"That doesn't prove anything," Remus replied. "Neither does Gordon, but I don't see anyone calling him bent."

Gordon, the team Seeker, was rather unfortunate in the looks department, and had long since given up on the girls at Hogwarts.

"Gordon at least tries to get a date with a girl," Richard countered. "Black hasn't even asked a girl out. You can't get to seventeen without a date and not expect people to wonder whether he's playing for the home team."

"Yeah," Gordon agreed. "And it's not like he's bad looking either. He could get a date every week if he tried."

"So, you think he's good looking do you?" James teased. "Something you're not telling us, Gordon?"

Gordon picked up the quaffle and threw it at James with a good enough aim and more than enough force for the other boy to wonder why he had been made Seeker.

Richard laughed as they continued to joke and tease each other. Only Remus remained quiet, listening to them as he continued to get changed.

"Anyway," Richard said as they left the changing rooms. "It's not that I've got anything against that sort… live and let live, that's my motto."

Remus nodded and smiled, he was in complete agreement.

"And it's not like he's on the Quidditch team," Richard continued. "And I don't have to share a dorm with him… or even the bathroom since he's a prefect."

"I thought you didn't have anything against people like that?" Remus asked, the feeling of uneasiness returning.

"I don't," Richard assured him with a grin. "But that doesn't mean I want him checking me out or anything."

"Good job you've got a girlfriend," Gordon added from behind them, and Remus turned to see that the comment had been directed at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus asked.

"Well, Black's your best friend, isn't he?" Gordon pointed out. "If you didn't have a girl, people would think that you're his boyfriend or something. He's always trailing around after you."

"He's my best mate," Remus replied. "Of course he hangs around with me."

"Just saying," Gordon said, raising his hands as a sign of peace at Remus's shorter and sharper tone.

"Well, don't!" Remus snapped.

"So, is he?" Richard asked. "Black, I mean… is he a shirt-lifter?"

Remus was about to open his mouth to reply, ready to lie through his teeth for his best friend, but someone else spoke up first.

"Even if he is, it's not really any of our business, is it?" James said. "I share a dorm with him, and I've never caught him checking out my arse."

"Why would anyone want to?" Gordon teased. "Scrawny thing like that, no wonder you can't get Evans to give you a second look."

"Nothing wrong with my arse," James huffed, spinning round and giving it a wriggle in the direction of the other boys.

The rest of the boys laughed loudly and they carried on up the path. As they neared the castle Remus could see a familiar figure sitting on the steps.

"Look!" Richard said with a grin at Remus. "Your boyfriend's waiting for you."

Remus felt his face flushing, even though he knew that the other boy was only teasing him, trying to get a reaction out of him, and apparently doing quite a good job of it.

As they neared the steps he could see that Sirius was smoking again, and he swore under his breath at the sight.

"Hi, Remus," Sirius said as they approached him. "Been waiting for you."

Remus tried to ignore the knowing look that Richard was giving him as he frowned at Sirius.

"See you later, Lupin," Gordon said as the rest of the boys traipsed up the steps, dragging a fair amount of mud into the Entrance Hall. The sound of a furious Mr Filch echoed down from one of the upper floors when he saw the mess they were making.

Remus chuckled, but stopped when he turned back to Sirius. He frowned pointedly at the cigarette, and Sirius gave a sigh and stubbed it out on the step.

"You're late this evening," Sirius commented as he stood up.

"You're not my keeper," Remus grumbled as they headed inside towards the kitchens.

"I'm just saying," Sirius replied. "We'll have to just grab what we can from the kitchens and eat on the way."

"Fine with me," Remus said.

They munched on pasties as they walked down the tunnel to The Hog's Head for the final time.

"Next month we'll be able to floo there from the common room," Remus said. "That'll be much better, won't it?"

Sirius nodded as he crammed the last of his pasty into his mouth. "Charlie was looking a bit peeved when she came back from the pitch," he commented. "She still going on about tonight?"

Remus nodded. "I don't think she's going to give in," he admitted. "I'm thinking about telling her she can come visit during a full moon in the summer."

"What?"

"It'll get her off my back about it," Remus pointed out. "Plus, I bet her parents won't let her. They've only met me once, and they didn't look that thrilled to see she was dating a werewolf."

"You sure it's the werewolf they have issues with?" Sirius asked. "They could just be normal parents who aren't pleased that their daughter is dating anyone…"

"I don't know. I just figure that if her parents say she can't come on the full moon, then at least she'll stop hassling me about it. It won't be my fault she can't come."

They reached The Hog's Head and headed up the stairs to the main pub. Aberforth was behind the bar and he greeted them with a curt nod. "Hear you had your seventeenth birthday," he commented as they closed the door to the cellar. "Think you can make your way to your place without an escort?"

Remus nodded. "Sure. Thanks for walking us over there all this time," he offered.

Aberforth nodded and mumbled something under his breath. "Better get a move on," he advised. "You're cutting it fine as it is."

With that final piece of advice, Aberforth turned back to his customers, who were demanding his attention, and didn't look like they were going to wait patiently for him to serve them.

Remus and Sirius left the pub and hurried along the road. A quick glance at the sky told them they had less than thirty minutes to get there. They made it in plenty of time.

"Hey, want to see what I've been practising?" Sirius asked, pulling out his wand with a grin.

"Sure," Remus replied as he unbuttoned his shirt.

Sirius turned and pointed his wand at the stairs. One quick incantation later and the stone steps were transformed to sort cushions.

Remus chuckled as Sirius sat himself down on the newly transfigured stairs. "Better?" he asked.

"Much," Sirius replied with a grin. "I've been practising that one for months."

Remus rolled his eyes and continued to undress. "Nice to know someone's going to be comfortable tonight."

Sirius's smile disappeared from his face and was replaced with a look of guilt. "I'm sorry, I didn't think." He stood up, and Remus could tell that he was going to undo the spell.

"You don't have to do that," he told him. "I was only teasing."

Sirius halted his wand and turned to face him. "I'm going to find a way to help you, too," he said. "One day I'll find a cure for you."

Remus sighed. Sirius had said as much on so many occasions he had long since lost count. Sirius seemed to accept everything that life threw at him, but when it came to his Lycanthropy, he was just not prepared to believe that there was nothing he could do about it. Remus knew differently though. Wizards had been searching for a cure for Lycanthropy for as long as there had been werewolves. If there was a cure out there, surely they would have found it before now.

Remus had told Sirius all of this, but the words had washed over his head like water off a duck's back. Sirius Black was determined to prove the world wrong. He had told Remus he would find a cure, and a cure he would find. Despite the fact that he was seventeen years old, Sirius still held tight to the belief that he could do anything, and nothing Remus or anyone else said could shake that conviction.

He would probably have said something to Sirius tonight about wasting his time, but the full moon robbed him of the chance of saying anything at all.

Sirius sat down on the stairs, cursing his foolishness at transfiguring the steps into cushions, when he could have simply summoned cushions from the sofa upstairs. He turned the steps back to their usual hard stone and summoned a couple of cushions instead. Then he turned back to Moony, who was trying to play with the newly appeared Romulus. He smiled and settled back to watch.

They didn't need anyone else here, messing up their routine. It was bad enough that there was the threat of Ministry of Magic Inspectors showing up without warning; they certainly didn't need Charlene interfering as well.

Once Moony had settled down somewhat, Sirius approached the barrier and sat down on the floor.

Moony approached him and tried to nuzzle at him through the barrier.

"He doesn't seem dangerous any more," Sirius commented quietly.

Romulus shook his head. "It's only because he recognises you and can't smell that you're human."

"I know," Sirius replied. "I guess I just want to believe that maybe there's enough of Remus in there for him to know who I am."

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that."

Sirius looked at the wolf and wished more than anything that it did.

It was about two hours before dawn when Romulus disappeared upstairs, saying that he thought he had heard something.

Sirius looked at Moony. The wolf had been lying down, stretched out on the floor near to where Sirius was sitting, but he had clearly heard something, too, and he was now sitting back on his haunches, ears pricked back and eyes alert.

"Hush, Moony," Sirius whispered as he looked up the stairs. He suspected that the sounds were nothing more than the normal creaking of the house, sounds which they had heard before and had never found any cause of. But, lurking at the back of his mind, was the fear that perhaps it was someone from the Ministry, coming to check on them. It was Remus's first full moon since he had become an adult, and the Ministry hadn't exactly shown itself to be trusting of him. He also suspected that his father might ensure Remus was investigated simply because he knew him.

It was therefore with some unease that Sirius looked up towards the doorway to the kitchen as he waited for Romulus to return.

Then he heard the sound of voices and realised that they had underestimated Charlene's persistence.

"You can't stop me," she said. "I've permission from Professor McGonagall to be here."

"I find it difficult to believe that McGonagall would agree to this, not when Remus has said no," Romulus replied.

"I've got every right to be here," Charlene argued.

"No! You don't!" Romulus shouted. "I won't have you upsetting my brother like this. Now, go back to school and Remus will see you in the morning."

"I will not," Charlene insisted, right as she appeared at the top of the stairs.

Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it at her. "You really don't want to come down here," he warned.

"You think you can stop me?" Charlene asked with a harsh laugh. "I don't know what you two think you are hiding from me, but it ends now."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked in confusion. "There's nothing going on between us, you know that."

"Isn't there?" Charlene replied as she came down a couple more steps. "Then why is it Remus spends more time with you than with me, and why do his eyes seem to be following you round the room all the time, just like yours follow him?"

"They don't," Sirius argued. "Do they?"

"Yeah, they do," Charlene said. "Which is why I am staying here until morning, to see what Remus has to say for himself."

Romulus followed her down the stairs, but Sirius's attention was on the werewolf behind him.

Moony was no longer sitting watchfully; instead, he was stalking along the edge of the barrier, snarling and growling.

"Fine," Sirius said. "But go back upstairs and wait in the living room or something. You can't be down here."

"And give the two of you time to get your stories straight before you see me?" Charlene asked. "No chance."

Sirius cast a cautious glance at Moony. "Why now?" he asked. "Why are you wanting to go through this now?"

Charlene scowled and folded her arms across her chest. "Some of the boys from the Quidditch team were talking in the common room this evening," she said. "They think there's something going on between you two."

"Well, there isn't," Sirius snapped.

"I want to hear it from Remus," Charlene insisted.

"Well, as you can see, he's not exactly able to talk to you right now," Sirius pointed out sarcastically.

Moony was getting more and more angry, and Sirius knew that raising his voice at Charlene wasn't exactly helping matters.

Charlene was, not surprisingly, giving as good as she got, and Moony was becoming ever more enraged.

The two sixth years only stopped shouting when Moony charged at the barrier, baring his teeth and snapping at them. When he found he could not get at them, he threw back his head and howled.

Sirius cringed slightly, but stood his ground.

Charlene on the other hand was only now seeing her first glimpse of a fully-grown werewolf, and an angry one at that. He howled again and tried once more to get through the barrier.

Sirius knew that Remus would not want Charlene to see him like this. He also knew that it was one of his friend's greatest fears that everyone who saw the wolf would reject him, just as his parents had done. The only ones he trusted to stay by his side were Romulus and Sirius, both of whom had proven their loyalty.

Sirius knew he should be forcing Charlene back up the stairs, but a small part of him was pleased to see the fear in her eyes, and secretly hoped that she would do what Remus feared. He knew it was a selfish thought, and he knew that Remus would be devastated, but he still hoped that if Charlene was out of the picture, Remus might now be ready to have him instead.

Charlene's eyes were wide and although she wasn't moving any closer, she wasn't leaving either.

Moony stared at the intruder through the barrier. He sensed that she was familiar, but did not know where from.

He knew the other two though. The misty one, who vanished and reappeared, playing with him when he was bored, was familiar, as was the dark-haired one who talked to him when he had tired himself out.

Moony didn't know the other one, but he could tell that that one was stopping the dark-haired one from talking to him. He snarled at her and charged the barrier again, screaming in the only way he could for her to go away and leave them alone.

"It's okay, Moony," the dark-haired one said, moving to the edge of the barrier and crouching down.

Moony howled and charged the barrier again, making it as clear as he could that it wasn't the dark-haired one he wanted to get at, but the stranger.

The stranger wasn't leaving and so Moony howled again and again. He could hear the dark-haired one saying something, but he didn't understand the words, he never had. He howled again until finally the stranger turned and ran.

Moony howled again, this time rejoicing in the victory of chasing the stranger from their midst.

He turned to the dark-haired one and gave a quiet whimper. He tried to convey to him that he wanted him to talk again, like he had before, and eventually he did.

Moony settled down on the floor again. The floor beneath his fur was damp with blood, although he didn't recall how it had got there. He didn't want to move though, not when the dark-haired one was stretching out on the other side of the invisible wall that always separated them, talking as he had earlier that evening.

"He's hurt," Sirius said, looking back at Romulus. "The pool of blood is getting larger."

"I think he'll be all right," Romulus said. "You know what to do when he turns back."

Sirius nodded. "You sound like you're not going to be here?" he said, making it a question.

Romulus scowled. "I'm going to speak with Professor McGonagall, try and find out if Charlie really did have permission to be here or not."

"Is she okay?" Sirius asked.

"She's upstairs in the bathroom," Romulus said. "I'll take her back to the school as soon as she's done in there. Foolish, foolish girl."

Sirius nodded. "Thanks."

"The wolf would scare anyone," Romulus said quietly.

"I know."

"It scared you the first time you saw it."

"Yeah," Sirius replied. He looked up at Romulus curiously. "Did it scare you?"

"I'll say it did," Romulus replied. "I hadn't figured out how to set up this barrier when the first full moon came round. Or rather, I had set one up, but I didn't trust my own abilities enough to rely only on that. The door at the top of the stairs wasn't very secure, and so I had to chain Remus to the wall as well."

Sirius looked across the room at where Romulus was pointing. He wondered how he had never noticed the hooks in the wall, hooks that were thick, sturdy and strong enough to stay firmly in the wall when a werewolf was trying to pull them out.

"They probably wouldn't be enough to hold him now," Romulus said. "But back then he was small enough that the chains could hold him almost all night."

"Almost?"

"It was about half an hour before dawn when he finally broke loose. Even at six years old a werewolf is a mighty powerful creature. He tore loose and charged right for me. I had no idea whether the barrier would hold him, and for a while I thought I was about to meet my maker."

"But it did hold him, didn't it?"

"Yeah. I've changed the spells I've used since then, several times in fact, and added to it so that he can't smell the humans in here, but that night I hadn't done any of that and Moony was after my blood. He hit the barrier with enough force to knock him out for the rest of the night. I don't know what scared me more, the wolf coming right at me, or waiting for the barrier to drop while wondering if, by trying to save him, I'd actually ended up killing my little brother."

"How come he attacked Charlie?" Sirius asked.

"Because Remus didn't want her here. Moony probably doesn't even know who she is, but he knows that Remus doesn't want her in here and acted accordingly."

"You think Charlie will come to accept the wolf, don't you?" Sirius asked.

"I think she might. I'll go and see if she's ready to go back to the castle."

Sirius nodded and turned back to Moony, intending to wait out the rest of the night.

He only moved when the transformation began, at which point he made his way back upstairs to the kitchen. He wondered how Remus would take the news of Charlene appearing here tonight, and felt more nervous than he had in a long time.


	47. Way Too Fast

Way Too Fast

Sirius hurried upstairs and put the kettle on the stove. He rummaged through the cupboards, knowing from experience that Remus would be especially hungry when he appeared.

Sirius wondered how much Remus remembered of the events that had happened the night before. He knew that Remus said he didn't remember much more than sensations and feelings, but in that case, why wasn't he coming upstairs?

Was he hiding out downstairs because he remembered?

Or was he too injured to make his way up the stairs? There had been quite a bit of blood on the floor, although he didn't think there was that much more than usual. He wondered if maybe the transformation had caused a more serious injury and it was that thought more than anything else that galvanised Sirius into action and he took the stairs back down to the basement two at a time.

"Remus?" he called out as he turned the corner. The scent of blood was still quite strong and in the semi-darkness Sirius could make out the glowing silvery figure of Romulus, who had apparently taken the quick way back to the basement.

"Why's the barrier still up?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"It's not quite dawn yet," Romulus whispered as he looked into the cage. "It'll be a few more minutes before the cage unlocks itself."

"I thought it was later than that," Sirius replied as he looked into the cage, too. He felt the tingling sensation that came with being too close to the boundary and stepped back a pace.

"Time does seem to stretch on when our thoughts are troubled," Romulus commented quietly. "I think you might worry about him even more than I do."

Sirius nodded in silent agreement; he didn't need to ask what was troubling the lingering ghost. He couldn't form any words as he looked at the silent and eerily still form of Remus.

"She didn't have permission to be here," Romulus commented. "I asked Professor McGonagall."

"Is she in a lot of trouble?" Sirius asked.

Romulus shook his head. "McGonagall could see how scared she was; I think she thinks that's punishment enough for her."

Sirius nodded. Even though he hadn't wanted her to come to the basement, he couldn't really blame her for sneaking out, not when he had done the same thing so many times himself.

The minutes passed slowly, and with the coming of the dawn the magical bars of the cage flashed red and evaporated into a fine mist.

Sirius ran into the cage and immediately slipped on the bloody floor. He fell with a hard crash that he knew was going to result in bruises. He didn't bother trying to get up again and instead crawled to Remus's side.

He placed a hand on Remus's shoulder and was immediately rewarded with a soft groan. "Hey, there," he said when Remus opened his eyes and looked at him blearily.

"Rough night," Remus replied with a grimace.

Sirius smiled at him as he pulled Remus into a sitting position. "How's your head?" he asked.

"Pounding like a herd of centaurs have charged through it. What happened?"

"You decided to head butt the barrier a time or ten."

Remus clutched his head and groaned again. "Any idea why?"

Sirius stalled and looked at Romulus for support.

"I'll think I'll leave him in your capable hands," Romulus said, before he vanished to wherever it was he disappeared to.

"Chicken," Sirius muttered. Remus raised an eyebrow at the comment, but Sirius ignored his questioning look in favour of rooting through his Healer kit.

"Damn you, Moony," Sirius swore as he carefully helped Remus to his feet.

"I'm okay," Remus said as he stumbled towards the cupboard, in search of his clothes. He pulled on his underwear and trousers, though opted in favour of leaving off the shirt, knowing that there were several scratches that would stain it with blood.

"Come on," Sirius said. "Your breakfast is waiting. I'll fix you up while you're eating."

Remus smiled and let Sirius help him up the stairs. "It's been a while since it was this bad," he said. "What happened last night?"

"Later," Sirius insisted.

Remus didn't look like he was up to arguing, so he sat down at the kitchen table and let Sirius fuss over him and feed him.

"Feeling better?" Sirius asked after he had sorted out all his cuts and scrapes, and Remus had finished off his second plate of food.

Remus nodded as he smiled around a mouthful of food. "Are you going to tell me what happened now?"

"How much do you remember?" Sirius asked instead.

"Someone was here last night," Remus replied with a frown. "Someone who shouldn't have been. I could sense… her."

"Charlie," Sirius confirmed. "She followed me… us. She thinks there's something going on between you and me, and came to have it out with us." Sirius shook his head bitterly at the thought of how wrong Charlene was.

"So, now she knows what the wolf is like, she's seen it for herself," Remus stated in a deadened voice. "I guess that's that then."

"She was scared, but I think she'll understand if you speak with her. It's not like she didn't know what you were before last night."

"I'd have thought you'd be happier if she simply dumped me," Remus commented with a rueful, almost accusing smile.

"Not if she's the one who makes you happy," Sirius replied seriously. "But you know as well as I do that she doesn't."

"She does make me happy," Remus argued. "We have fun together, we enjoy ourselves, we've got a lot in common."

"Have you had sex with her, yet?" Sirius asked, dreading the answer even as he gave voice to the question that had been plaguing him ever since the day he had walked in on the two of them in the boys' dorm.

For several minutes Sirius thought that Remus wasn't going to reply. Then finally he shook his head. "No, we haven't done it."

"It's because she's not the right one for you."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, for one thing, you're hard as a rock right now and the only one here is me." Sirius looked pointedly at the bulge in Remus's trousers before raising his head to look him in the eye. "You respond to my touch, when you're not too busy worrying about what everyone else will think. There's something between us, you can't keep denying it!"

Remus looked down to where Sirius's gaze had been just a moment before and Sirius watched with barely concealed pleasure as an embarrassed flush crept over his face. "I can't help it," he muttered.

"I know that," Sirius replied. "You said it to me yourself, before you found out it was you I liked. No bloke can help how his body reacts to others."

"Yeah, I can't help it," Remus interrupted. "It doesn't mean I fancy you."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but Remus had already pushed back from the table and was escaping to his bedroom.

"I'm going to get some sleep," Remus called through to him. "I'll see you at school this afternoon."

Sirius ignored the pointed hints for him to leave, instead choosing to follow Remus into his room.

He froze in the doorway, drawing in a deep breath of awe when he saw that Remus had already undressed.

"Stop staring," Remus said, and he picked up his discarded clothes to try to cover himself up.

He wasn't quite quick enough though, and when Sirius risked another fleeting glance at Remus's groin, he couldn't quite suppress the smile that appeared on his face as he observed Remus's body's reaction to his presence and his gaze.

"You can't deny that you want me," Sirius whispered. "If you try, I can see it for the lie it is."

"It's because of the full moon," Remus replied with a grimace. "It isn't me, it's Moony."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, curious as to the meaning of the unexpected words.

"The wolf part of me wants you," Remus elaborated, and he sat down on the bed with a sigh.

"It wasn't a full moon on your birthday," Sirius reminded him. "Or mine." He didn't need to clarify which birthdays he was referring to, they both knew.

"_You_ kissed _me_," Remus snapped.

"And you kissed me back, more than once," Sirius insisted, knowing it was true. "It wasn't just me, _you kissed me back_. You can deny it all you like, but we both know the truth. Both of us got off on my birthday. And what about that time in the dorm, when you crawled into my bed to tell me about you and Charlie? The full moon was a week away. I know you've been watching me, when you think no one is looking at you."

"I don't."

"Yes, Remus, you do. Charlie told me last night, and after she pointed it out to me I realised that I had seen it, too. I just hadn't realised what it was I was seeing. I'd spent so much time being jealous of Charlie, I hadn't even noticed that you were checking me out."

Remus scowled, but didn't respond. Sirius ducked his head to hide his small smile of triumph when he realised that Remus wasn't going to deny the accusation again.

He walked over to the bed and sat down beside Remus. He was tempted to reach out and grasp one of his hands, but Remus was busy wringing the material of his shirt in nervous agitation, and he didn't think that he would appreciate the gesture right now.

"Is it really only the wolf that wants me?" Sirius asked in a whisper.

"Yes," Remus replied, but he'd hesitated a fraction too long, and Sirius was quick to pick up on it.

"You're lying," Sirius accused as he turned to Remus and took his face in his hands. There was a new scratch on his left cheekbone and Sirius was careful not to let his fingers brush against it as he moved forward to gently capture Remus's lips with his own.

He felt Remus's hesitation for only a second before he began to kiss him back, softly and gently. Sirius ran his tongue along Remus's lips, cautiously coaxing his mouth open and pushing his tongue between Remus's teeth, drawing the other's inquisitive tongue back into his own mouth. He moaned into Remus's mouth and reached tentatively downwards.

He heard the sound of Remus's shirt dropping to the floor, the sound almost deafened by the pounding of his heart.

He could feel the smoothness of Remus's chest as his hand drifted over the Quidditch toned muscles. He was barely touching the other boy, but he could still feel Remus's heart pounding as swiftly as his own.

Remus moaned as Sirius ran a finger across one of his nipples, and he whimpered slightly as he closed his eyes, savouring the sensations.

Then Remus's arms were wrapped around his back and pulling him closer and closer. Sirius put one arm around Remus as they continued to kiss. His other hand continued to explore the contours of the other boy's chest, slowly inching their way towards his stomach and abdomen.

"You're not the werewolf right now," Sirius whispered as he pulled out of the kiss. "You're Remus, and you want me as much as I want you."

Remus's mouth was open slightly, as though he was going to deny it, but the only sound that escaped his lips was a whimper.

"You do want me," Sirius repeated as he pulled back just enough to shift his position on the bed so that he was straddling the other young man.

"The wolf's near the surface around the full moon," Remus ground out. "Moony's the one that wants you."

"_You_ want me," Sirius stated. "Your kisses are gentle and sweet. They're not the kisses of a wolf." His own on the other hand were far from gentle as he crashed his lips into Remus's once more, urging and beckoning Remus to respond with equal enthusiasm.

Sirius only drew back when he needed air; he looked into Remus's passion-dazed eyes. "Do you want me to stop?" he whispered, and Remus's quick shake of the head was all the permission and encouragement he needed.

Sirius planted tender kisses along Remus's jaw line, his neck, and then moved down to his chest. He flicked his tongue over one of Remus's nipples and smiled when he heard the sharp intake of breath. He took the nub between his teeth and tugged softly.

"Ow," Remus grumbled and Sirius pulled back, blushing and apologising.

"Can I try that again?" he asked.

After a moment, Remus nodded and Sirius bent his head again. This time he sucked gently, and felt a thrill of pleasure when Remus moaned. Then he felt the touch of a hand in his hair.

For a second or two Sirius thought that Remus was going to push him away, but then he realised that he was merely impatient.

"You _do_ want me," he whispered. He kissed Remus again and again, pulling back only briefly to help Remus whose shaking hands were fumbling with the buttons of his shirt.

"I want you," Remus demanded in a choked voice, nodding his agreement and encouragement. "Now, Sirius! I want you _now_!"

It was all that Sirius had ever wanted to hear, and he grinned widely as Remus pushed back the collar of his shirt and planted kisses down his neck.

Sirius tore the last of the buttons from his shirt as he yanked it off and threw it to the floor behind him. Remus's shaking hands had already undone his belt, along with the button and zipper of his trousers, and he let loose a moan of desire as he anticipated what was to come.

"_Now,_ Sirius," Remus pleaded again. Sirius could only nod as he clumsily struggled out of his remaining clothes.

Sirius felt as though his body were on fire everywhere that Remus touched him. Small, questing hands were tenderly caressing his arms, his back, his neck, as he was drawn down for one long lingering kiss after another.

Sirius wondered how Remus could possibly believe that it was the wolf that was in charge right now. The wolf would have ripped Sirius's clothes from his body rather than fumble with the buttons and zipper. The wolf would have been brutal and violent in its demands; Remus on the other hand was tentative and hesitant in his touches, whilst still being an eager and willing participant. The wolf would want to be dominant in any situation, never submissive. The wolf wouldn't let Sirius take the lead, or lay back passively as Remus was currently doing.

"It's not too late to stop," Sirius whispered, and he pulled back briefly, wondering even as he did whether Remus would change his mind now that he'd given him another chance to call things off. "We don't have to do this."

Remus stared back up at him in silence, and Sirius watched the indecision flicker across Remus's face.

"Do you want me to leave?" Sirius whispered.

Remus shook his head slowly, and Sirius couldn't stop the sigh of relief that escaped his barely parted lips.

When Remus reached up and brushed a finger across those same lips Sirius captured the hand with his own, planting small kisses on each finger and in the palm.

"You really want this?" he asked, forcing his eyes to stay open and focused on Remus as he waited for the answer. "This isn't going too fast for you, is it? I've wanted you for so long. I've _loved_ you for so long. But, if you want to take things slow I won't mind. Are you really sure about this?"

Remus nodded his consent.

"I need you, Sirius," pleaded Remus. He took Sirius's hand and copying his gesture from a moment before, he planted a kiss in the palm. "Now, Sirius, please."

Sirius silently cursed that the lubricant he'd purchased during the previous summer was uselessly hidden away at the bottom of his trunk, and he swore silently under his breath for not bringing it with him. Not that he could have known that he and Remus would end up doing this on this particular morning. Somehow, Sirius had always imagined that there would have been a lot more planning involved when he and Remus finally had sex. He'd also imagined that they would have been dating for a while first. He'd had it all planned out in his mind. First, Remus would confess that he really did like him _that way_. Then they would spend even more time together than they already did, though there would be a lot less pranking and a lot more kissing involved. They would go on dates on Hogsmeade weekends and during the holidays, and there would be even more kissing involved, along with some touching and maybe some more rubbing up against each other. They would take things slow and steady and their first time would be well planned, unhurried and essential things like lubricant wouldn't be stashed in the bottom of his magic proof trunk in the dormitory, instead of being close to hand or accessible with a simple accio spell.

"_Now__,_ Sirius," Remus repeated impatiently, and it was all the encouragement Sirius needed.

He looked into Remus's eyes and saw a determination within them that was very familiar. This was the Remus who wanted to go to Hogwarts more than anything else in the world. This was the Remus who stated he was going to make the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, pass his O.W.L.s, and be damned to anyone who said that werewolves couldn't do that.

For a long time afterwards, the only thought going through Sirius's mind was that he wondered if he'd ever be able to breathe properly again.

"I love you, Remus," he whispered as they lay together, and he tried not to feel too disheartened when Remus didn't respond in kind.

They slept a while, in a tangle of limbs, and when Sirius woke he turned to lie on his back, pulling Remus on top of him. He could see the now dry tear tracks on Remus's cheeks and brushed his fingers gently over his lover's face, following the path with his lips and whispering apologies for the unintentional pain he'd caused.

"It's okay," Remus whispered as he returned the soft kisses in kind. "It's okay, Sirius."

Finally they drifted off to sleep once more.

Sirius's eyes were still closed when he felt Remus's lips on his own. He opened his eyes and kissed Remus back passionately, wrapping his arms around the other young man's slighter form. They barely broke lip contact as they struggled into a sitting position, Remus curled up in Sirius's lap as their tongues tangled together; it was as though they were determined to explore every last inch of the other's mouth before coming up for air.

"You're mine," Sirius repeated over and over. "I'm yours, and you're mine. This is how it's meant to be. I love you so much Remus. Tell me you love me, too."

Remus didn't respond with words, but Sirius could feel his love in every kiss and every touch, and took as much pleasure from those as he would have if Remus had replied with what he most wanted to hear.

Sirius held Remus to him as they snuggled together on the bed and sleep claimed them once more.

"What are we going to do now?" Sirius asked some time later as he stared up at the cracked ceiling while he idly toyed with a stray lock of Remus's hair.

"I don't think I have the energy to do anything more than lie here," Remus replied with what might have been a snort of laughter as he propped his chin up on Sirius's chest and looked back at him with an expression that he just couldn't read.

"I meant about telling people," Sirius replied with a roll of his eyes as he looked down at his lover.

"We don't need to tell people," Remus said as he sat up, a frown creasing his brow.

"I don't mean everyone, but James and maybe Peter, and your brother. We could tell them. And there's Charlie to consider, too. Even though you've broken up with her-"

"We've not really broken up," Remus interrupted. "She ran off, but she might come around."

"But what about us?" Sirius asked, a feeling of dread settling over him.

"This can't happen again," Remus whispered. "I can't give in to the wolf like this… not again."

Sirius shot up from his languid position on the bed and glared down at Remus. "The wolf?" he yelled. "That wasn't… you were…"

"Moony's always nearer the surface around the time of the full moon," Remus stated in a calm, almost cold tone of voice. "I told you that before we started this."

"You think the wolf would let me do to you what I just did?" Sirius snapped.

"Moony… he's always had a soft spot for you," Remus replied with a small smile. "You remember the time you saw him out in the forest, he didn't attack you."

"If the wolf is the one in control today, why are _you_ the one saying all this?"

"Your passion roused Moony, now he's… sated."

"Really?" Sirius asked as he grabbed Remus's arm and pulled him up from the bed to kiss him. He poured every ounce of frustrated passion he felt into the kiss, and felt the brief thrill of elation when he realised Remus was kissing him back.

"Sated, is he?" he asked in a ragged voice after he pulled away. "What if I kiss you tomorrow, or the day after, or next week? Will you use the wolf as an excuse when you kiss me back then?"

"I'm _not_ gay," Remus replied, wiping his hand across his mouth as though he'd been contaminated by Sirius's last touch. "I, Remus Lupin, like girls. I'm _not_ gay."

"But Moony is?" Sirius laughed humourlessly. "Talk about swinging both ways. Hell, Remus, you take it to a whole new level!"

"I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be," Remus offered. "You're my best friend, but I can't… I just can't."

"The only thing you can't do is admit it to yourself that you actually have feelings and sexual desires for another bloke," Sirius shouted. "All these years I've wondered if I'd been sorted into the wrong house, because you were so much braver than I was and I didn't know how you did it. But you're a coward. You're afraid of what people might say about you if you admit that you're different from the rest of them."

"I _am_ different!" Remus yelled back. "I'm a bloody werewolf for crying out loud! You can't get much more different than that!"

"But you can stop everyone from seeing the wolf! You know if you admit this, then one day you'll have to admit it to the rest of the world. Maybe not today or even this year, but at some point in the future you'll have to announce to the world that you, Remus bloody Lupin, like to fuck men!"

"I seem to recall it was you fucking me!" Remus screamed back at him.

"Oh, of course," Sirius responded in a loud voice heavily laced with sarcasm. "You didn't fuck me, did you? You just let me suck your cock and came in my mouth. You _begged_ me to fuck you! But you didn't fuck me, did you? You were happy enough licking my cock, but since you didn't _actually_ fuck me, and _that_ makes all the bloody difference!"

"It was Moony!"

"Why don't you just admit that you liked it?" pleaded Sirius in a much quieter voice than he'd previously used, although it was still a far cry from his normal tone.

"I can't…" Remus began. "I don't… I'm not…"

"Not what?" Sirius snapped. "Aroused by me?" He reached out and grabbed Remus, pulling him towards him. He rubbed himself against him and Remus let out a moan of desire. "Turned on by another bloke?" He pulled back slightly in order to look down pointedly.

"You do have feelings for me, I know you do," Sirius insisted. "For Merlin's sake Remus, it's the middle of the afternoon now and we've spent most of the day in bed together. You can't tell me that it meant nothing to you."

"Sirius, please, just stop it," begged Remus as he sank back down onto the bed. He tried, without success, to cover up his state of arousal.

"No, I won't bloody well stop it," Sirius cried. "I can still taste you. I can still remember how it felt when you came in my mouth. Why don't you just admit that you liked it?"

"Because I didn't!" Remus cried. "It wasn't me!"

"You _loved_ it," Sirius argued. "They could probably hear you on the other side of Hogsmeade, screaming in pleasure when I made you come."

"It was Moony!"

"It was _you_!" Sirius sank down on the bed beside Remus, exhausted from all the shouting. "I love you, Remus. I've loved you for so long."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Remus whispered, his gaze firmly on the floor. "This… this morning… it wasn't me. It was Moony."

"Sure Remus, you keep telling yourself that!"

With that bitter parting shot Sirius grabbed his discarded clothes and wand and ran from the room, before Remus could see the tears that were already beginning to fall.

Remus cringed, as the door slammed shut behind Sirius. A few moments later he heard the outside door banging shut in a similar manner.

He leaned forward, his head aching slightly, and ran his fingers through his hair. "Shit!" he swore.

He looked at the bed linen he was sitting on; the sticky evidence of what he and Sirius had done was clearly visible. He sighed and shifted slightly, cringing at the pain the movement caused.

His wand was in the bedside drawer, where it almost always was during the full moon nights. He pulled it out and cast a few quick cleaning charms on the sheets. He tried not to think of it as removing the evidence.

He gingerly leaned down and picked up his clothes from the floor. He thought he had a spare set of evening robes in the wardrobe and made his way across the room in search of the same. He ignored his trousers and shirt and pulled on the robes, thankful for their loose fittings, which he knew would hide any number of sins, including the fact that he was still painfully hard following Sirius's last touch.

He made his way back into the kitchen and, like Sirius had earlier that morning, rummaged through the cupboards in search of food. There was just enough left there for him to put together a plate of sandwiches.

Remus soon found that sitting down on the wooden kitchen chairs was a mistake, so he walked through to the living room and its softer couch.

"You okay?" Romulus asked from his seat in one of the chairs.

"Fine, just getting something to eat."

"You're a rubbish liar," Romulus told him with a short humourless laugh.

Remus ignored his comment and sat down as carefully as he could. He took a bite of his sandwich, keeping his eyes on the plate, rather than facing the gaze of his brother.

"You used to talk to me," Romulus reminded him.

"I can't talk to you about this."

"Why not?"

"Because…"

Romulus moved from his seat across the room and sat down next to Remus. "Okay, here's what you're going to do. Firstly, finish your sandwiches, then go run a bath and clean yourself up. Then you have to go sort out this mess with Sirius and Charlie."

"They hate me."

"Nonsense."

"Charlie's seen the wolf now; how can she still like me after that?"

"Sirius has seen the wolf, it doesn't stop him."

"Sirius hates me, too."

"I don't think Sirius could ever hate you," Romulus said quietly. "You've treated him badly again and again, and he still loves you."

"Don't say that!" Remus snapped.

"You can deny it all you want, but you've not treated him very well at all."

"I didn't mean that part," Remus muttered.

"Oh. You meant the part about him loving you?" Remus nodded. "He does love you, even I can see that."

"I don't want him to love me."

"Why not?"

"Because…"

"Remus, you can't stop him loving you. I think he's had feelings for you for even longer than he's been admitting them."

"You do?"

Romulus rolled his eyes and shook his head. "What? Did you think that Sirius suddenly woke up one day and decided he was gay, in love with you, and just went to tell you right away?"

Remus shrugged. He hadn't really given much thought as to what Sirius might have been going through before that day he had admitted having feelings for him. Remus knew he had said he'd liked him for a long time, but he hadn't really made the connection that Sirius might have struggled with telling him how he felt for that same length of time.

"You need to think about what you're going to do," Romulus continued. "You know what happens when you and Sirius fight… and it's not like the full moons have been all that easy since Sirius came out anyway."

"That's not my fault."

"I never said it was," Romulus told him. "But, you know that if the two of you are arguing it will only make it worse."

"I know. Moony likes him too much. The wolf gets angry when we're fighting."

"Remus, the wolf is a part of you. It's your anger that Moony feeds off of. You have to sort things out with Sirius."

"You think I should just keep letting him… you know… so that Moony doesn't get too violent next month?"

"No, I bloody well don't," Romulus snapped. "I thought we went through all that last year when you and Sirius had your first big fight. You can't use him like that. It's wrong, and you know it."

Remus nodded. "I know. I'm just scared of what's going to happen next month."

Romulus sighed as Remus put the remainder of his half-eaten sandwich on the table. "Can I ask you something, Rem?"

"I guess."

"Did you like what you and Sirius did today? Did you enjoy it?"

Remus felt his face flushing red. "You watched us?"

"Of course not! But bloody hell, you boys are noisy when you fight. I'll bet the whole of Hogsmeade heard you yelling at each other."

"Oh."

"Well, did you?"

"I… erm… some of it was okay."

"Just okay?"

"It was good. Apart from…"

"Apart from the parts that hurt, right?" Romulus guessed.

Remus nodded in response. "I don't know how I'm going to sit down in class for the rest of the week."

Romulus tried, rather unsuccessfully, to stifle a chuckle.

"It's not funny," Remus muttered.

"I know; I'm sorry." Romulus schooled his face into a more sombre expression. "I can teach you the cushioning charm they use on brooms, if you like?"

Remus, thankful for the offer, nodded his agreement.

Romulus looked hesitant, but he clearly had something else he wanted to say. Remus urged him on with a nod. "Can I ask… did you two use anything?"

Remus frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Did you use anything as a lubricant?" Romulus asked.

Remus shook his head.

"I think you might find that things will be easier if you do," Romulus told him. "To tell you the truth, I'm kind of surprised that Sirius would have gone all the way with you without using something."

Remus felt his face burning even more than before. "We got a bit carried away. He offered to stop, but I…"

"But you wanted it as much as he did."

"Moony wanted it." Remus gave his brother a hard look, almost daring him to say differently.

Romulus shook his head. "I'm not going to argue with you, Rem. I heard what you and Sirius said to each other, and I'm not going to get into that fight with you."

"You sound like you agree with Sirius."

"I'm not going to get into a fight over it," Romulus repeated.

"So, you do agree with him?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Yes."

"Then yes, I agree with Sirius. But Remus, I know how stubborn you are, and I'm not going to argue it out with you. This isn't about the wolf, it's about you, and what you want… who you want."

Remus sighed again as he stood up. "I'm going to take that bath now."

"You can't avoid dealing with your feelings forever," Romulus warned him.

"I don't have those sort of feelings for Sirius," Remus insisted. "I'm not like that. I like Charlie."

"I'm sure you do."

"But you think I like Sirius, too."

"For the sake of all that's magic!" Romulus shot Remus a very frustrated look. "Remus, you had sex with him this morning! I think you more than like him."

"It was Moony."

Romulus shook his head and gave Remus a look that could only be described as disappointed. Remus was about to repeat his declaration, but Romulus vanished before he could say another word.


	48. Frightening Magic

A/N: First of all a note on the last chapter. I realise that some people may have been expecting something explicit, and am sorry to disappoint. However, contrary to popular belief explicit sexual content is not actually allowed at this site. It used to be available under the MA rating, but was banned some years ago. I realise that lots of other people ignore the ban and simply use the M rating for explicit content, however I am not prepared to risk this story being deleted by following their example. The M rating is not for explicit sexual content and I don't intend to use it as such.

This story is archived at a couple of other places where the rules do not prevent me from posting it in its entirety. One of those is my livejournal, which can be found via my profile page. You do need a livejournal account and need to confirm that you are over 18 and ask me to add you to the custom group to see the unedited chapters. If you don't have a LJ account and are over 18 feel free to PM me and I will direct you to the other archive the unedited story is located at.

Stella - Yes, a happy ending is totally guaranteed for this story.

Charlotte - Sorry, the chapter did arrive with me on your birthday, but I didn't have time to post it. Belated birthday wishes anyway.

And a note for anyone reading this story who (like me) dreads every multi-chapter fic you invest time in being abandoned. This one is now all written and ready for my beta. Every last word (apart from the occasional ones I accidentally miss out that my beta puts in for me). There will be 71 chapters, plus the prologue and epilogue. Which means that at this site it will look like there are 73 chapters in total. I hope you will all stick with it until the end.

Louisa

Frightening Magic

When Remus got back to Hogwarts, he found that nearly everyone was on their way to the last of the afternoon classes. He knew that he would probably be late for his own class, at least by the time he had navigated the various staircases that led to Gryffindor Tower, gathered his books and then come all the way back downstairs to class. He knew he should probably hurry, so that he would miss as little of the lesson as possible, but unfortunately, he was still moving fairly gingerly. As he made his way up the second set of stairs, he cursed the slow processing of his application to get on the Floo Network, something that could have saved him a great deal of time and pain.

By the time he arrived in the Gryffindor common room, he wanted nothing more than to go right back to bed for the rest of the day.

He saw Charlene sitting in one of the chairs near the window and wondered if he could slip by her without being noticed. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side, and Charlene spotted him just as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Remus?" she called out to him, and he groaned, realising he had been caught.

He was tempted to ignore her and carry on up the stairs, but he knew he would only be putting off the inevitable.

"Can you skip Defence today?" Charlene asked. "I think we need to talk."

Remus nodded, after all, he had been thinking of skipping the class anyway.

Charlene waved at the seat opposite her and Remus sat down on the cushioned surface, wishing it was one of the more fluffy sofas, but relieved that it wasn't one of the wooden seats in the library.

"Are you okay?" Charlene asked, clearly having picked up on his somewhat pained movements.

"Just aching a bit," Remus replied, praying that she wouldn't ask him why.

Charlene merely nodded in understanding and offered some sympathetic words about the pain of the transformation. Remus shrugged, entirely unwilling to correct her false assumption.

"I shouldn't have gone there last night, should I?" Charlene said, ducking her head and focusing her gaze on the barely started essay in front of her.

Remus shook his head. "I told you I didn't want you there."

"I thought it was because you wanted to be alone with Sirius. I thought you were trying to shut me out… I guess I still think that. I thought there was something going on between you two either before moonrise or after sunrise."

Remus felt his face heating up as he realised that they had now done exactly what she had suspected the two of them of doing.

"I didn't know you'd be so angry at me being there," Charlene continued.

"I'm not angry," Remus said with a sigh.

"You were though."

Remus shook his head.

"As soon as I went into the basement, you went nuts," Charlene pointed out. "You were mad at me being there."

"That was the wolf," Remus explained.

Charlene shook her head. "I read about werewolves, and according to what I read, the wolf channels the feelings and emotions of the human, just without restraint."

"Werewolves attack humans and bite them," Remus pointed out. "I promise, I don't want to attack anyone at all."

Charlene frowned. "You weren't trying to attack the barrier until I got there. Romulus told me as he brought me back to the castle."

"Rom put a spell on the barrier, one that stops the wolf smelling humans in the area," Remus explained. "Without that I'd have been trying to attack Sirius just as much."

"If you couldn't smell any humans, then you couldn't smell me either," Charlene countered. "The way I see it, the werewolf's first instinct is to attack humans, but when it can't smell them, it merely channels the feelings of the human half of it. The wolf was calm when it was only Sirius there, but I showed up and it attacked."

"It wasn't like that," Remus interrupted. "The wolf is a monster and it would have tried to attack any stranger it didn't recognise."

"I'm not a stranger."

"You are to the wolf."

"Then why don't you let me get to know the wolf, the way that you let Sirius?"

"Aren't you scared of it?" Remus asked, ignoring her question as thoughts of just how Sirius knew him flashed through his mind, bringing another blush to his face.

Charlene nodded. "The wolf was bigger than I thought it would be," she admitted. "And those teeth look wicked sharp."

"They are," Remus replied, pulling back his sleeve in order to give her visual evidence of just how sharp they were.

The wound was still raw and even Remus didn't like to look at it too closely. He tried not to blame Charlene for the way she drew back in her seat at the sight of it. He also tried not to compare her reaction with that of Sirius, who had sealed the open wound so carefully that morning, and had later kissed the ugly scar so softly Remus had barely felt it.

"This is what I am," Remus said quietly. "Each month brings with it new pains and new scars. In the easiest months it's just a couple of scratches, faint enough to mostly fade after a while. In the harder ones I get scars like this one is going to leave. This is just one of many."

"Is that why you didn't want us to go all the way?" Charlene asked.

Remus nodded. "Partly, yes. I'm seventeen years old and my body already has more scars than most other people gather in a lifetime."

"I've not seen that many."

"Of course you haven't. Most of them are on my arms and legs. Those are the parts of the body that the wolf can get its teeth round without any difficulty. But they're there, and they're only going to be added to as I get older." Remus pulled his sleeve back down and covered up the scratch. "You can't even bear to look at it, and yet you think you can handle getting up close and personal with the rest of them."

"You're not even giving me a chance!"

"Fine!" Remus pulled back his sleeve again and thrust his arm across the table. "Go ahead, touch it."

"Won't it hurt you if I do?" Charlene asked, making no movement to reach out.

"You think a bit of a twinge from someone touching this even compares to what I go through at the start and end of every full moon? You've got no idea!"

"I don't want to hurt you," Charlene insisted.

"Touch it!" Remus snapped. "Just bloody well touch it!"

He wasn't surprised that she didn't reach out, nor that she gathered her things together and ran from the room. However, he was surprised at how little her leaving him alone hurt, at least compared to when Sirius had left him that morning.

He pulled his sleeve back down and made his way upstairs to the dormitory. As soon as he entered the room he realised that he was not the only one who was skipping classes. The curtains of Sirius's bed were drawn tightly closed, and Remus could hear what sounded like choked sobs coming from within.

He paused at the edge of the bed, knowing that the occupant was far too distressed to have heard him enter the room.

He was tempted to give Sirius some privacy and leave the room, but his heart was aching at the sounds coming from the four-poster and he cautiously approached the curtains.

"Sirius?" he whispered.

There was a sound of a choked sniffle before Sirius replied. "Fuck off!"

Remus pulled back the curtain and sat down on the edge of the bed. "No," he said, shifting into a more comfortable position.

Sirius watched him moving and frowned. "Does it hurt an awful lot?" he asked.

Remus ducked his head and felt his face flushing once more. "Not as much now," he said as honestly as he could.

"We shouldn't have done it," Sirius said as he said up and looked at Remus. "If we hadn't, then maybe you'd not be so scared now."

"I'm not scared," Remus argued defensively. "I'm just not like you… like that."

Sirius sighed and a hard look came over his countenance; it was a look that Remus couldn't recall ever having seen before, at least not on the face of his best friend.

"What?" he asked, cautiously.

"Fuck off, Remus," Sirius replied quietly. "If you still aren't prepared to admit that you fancy me, then fuck the hell off of my bed, and don't bother coming back until you do."

"Sirius…"

"No!" Sirius shouted. "I don't want to hear it. I don't care to listen to the same crap you came out with earlier, so do us both a favour and _fuck off_!"

"Fine!" Remus snarled as he climbed off the bed, struggling to cover up his wince at the sharp movement.

He tried not to feel hurt that Sirius merely shut the curtains behind him. Sirius, who had always shown nothing but the utmost concern for Remus, had, for the first time he could recall, turned his back on him when he was in pain.

"At least I'm not the one being a bloody girl, crying all the time and acting all feminine," he called towards the closed curtains.

Sirius pulled back the curtain and glared at him. "It won't be happening again," he snarled, climbing off the bed and stalking out of the dormitory. "You're not worth it!"

Remus turned to his own bed and pulled back the covers. He stripped off as quickly as he could and climbed into the bed. He wasn't tired, but he knew that he was the one student in the school who could sleep this particular afternoon away without being reprimanded by Professor McGonagall. He closed his eyes and tried to force himself to sleep, hoping that when he woke again the last twenty four hours wouldn't have happened at all.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius sat on the edge of the wooden dock at the lakeside. It wasn't his favourite place to hang out; the planks were old and damp no matter what time of year it was. But it was out of sight of both Gryffindor Tower and the staff room, in case he wanted to sneak a quick fag.

He reached into the pocket of his robes, feeling past Moony's Map and pulling out his wand. He pointed it at the water and cast a spell to start a small whirlpool.

"The merfolk will be pissed off if they catch you," James said as he walked towards him and sat down.

"They have to catch me first," Sirius replied as he cast another spell, this one to make the whirlpool even more powerful.

"You want to talk about it?" James asked.

"About what?" Sirius replied with feigned casualness.

James, realising that he would have to spell it out for Sirius, sighed. "Why aren't you and Remus talking to each other?"

"None of your business."

"The two of you are making the atmosphere in the dorm unbearable," James pointed out. "That makes it my business."

"So, why harass me about it? Why not go and talk to Remus?"

"I already have."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what did he say?"

"He told me to fuck off."

"Most sensible thing he's said all week," Sirius said as he stood up.

"Sirius?" James said, stalling him from returning to the castle.

"What now?"

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up just before the next full moon; you should invite a girl to go there with you."

"What?" Sirius asked, his mouth gaping at James's suggestion.

James sighed. "Some of the lads are starting to talk," he explained. "They're starting to suspect you might not be one for the girls. Unless you want the whole school knowing which way you swing, you'll take my advice."

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it!" Sirius snapped and he turned his back on James and stalked towards the castle.

The whirlpool he had conjured was still stirring the waters of the lake, and he was half way up the path when he heard the sound of a merman breaking the surface of the water and berating James for the disturbance. He should have been sorry for getting his friend into trouble, but he only had so much sympathy to spare, and at the moment he was far too busy feeling sorry for himself.

-o-xXx-o-

"Give it a bloody rest," Remus complained. He didn't bother to look up from his textbook in order to reply to his brother.

"I told you to sort things out with them, not to stop speaking to them and go into a week long sulk."

"I'm not sulking."

"Well, you're doing a pretty good impression of it," Romulus muttered. "Where's Sirius?"

"I don't know, I'm not his keeper."

"And Charlie?"

"Probably out buying everything silver she can find in order to keep me at bay."

Romulus rolled his eyes and muttered something about stubborn werewolves who should start acting their age.

"She said she was going to the library," Remus finally replied.

"And Sirius?"

"I don't know."

Romulus raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I really don't know," Remus said. "He has the map with him."

"So, you've tried to find him?"

"No… I was going to use it to avoid him."

"You can't avoid him forever."

"Obviously," Remus replied sarcastically. "We both have Defence this afternoon."

"Remus," Romulus said quietly. "Don't you see how much damage you're doing by denying your feelings? You could lose your best friend forever if you don't do something about this."

"It seems to me that the only way I can keep my best friend is to have sex with him."

"You know Sirius would never force you to be with him if you didn't want to be."

"I don't want to be with him."

"But you did a week ago."

"That was Moony."

Romulus looked as frustrated as Remus had ever seen him, but he had no intention of backing down. He closed his textbook and shoved it into his bag. "I'm going to study in the courtyard," he said.

"It looks like its going to rain," Romulus pointed out.

"But it's a nice busy place thoroughfare, which means you can't harass me about this there."

"I'm not harassing you."

"Not any more," Remus replied as he left the dormitory, slamming the door behind him.

-o-xXx-o-

"I swear they're driving me up the wall." James was whispering in the darkness of the dormitory, and keeping Sirius awake in the process.

Sirius pulled a pillow over his head to try and drown out the voices, but he was unable to do so. He wished he could reach his wand in order to cast an imperturbably charm, but he could not do so without the other boys realising he was still awake.

"I don't get what's happened?" Peter replied. "They were fine a few weeks ago."

"I think something happened during the last full moon," James said. "They were fine before then."

"I heard that Charlie snuck out to Remus's," Peter whispered confidentially.

"Really? Who did you hear that from?"

"It's common knowledge. I thought you knew."

"That must be why Remus and Charlie aren't speaking either. I wondered why they'd broken up."

"We've not broken up," Remus suddenly called out impatiently.

"So, why aren't you talking to her?" James asked.

"She's not talking to me," Remus argued. "There's a difference."

"Why not?" Peter asked, and Sirius could hear that he had moved from his own bed to James, in order to hear Remus better.

Remus sighed loudly and a second set of feet padded across to James. "She did come to my place at the full moon," he told them. "Moony got mad and she got scared. She doesn't want to date some ugly, scarred werewolf, not now she knows what it really means."

"Charlie doesn't really seem like the type to get scared," James said, and Peter immediately voiced his agreement.

"She was when she saw this," Remus said.

Sirius sat up and peered through the curtains. He could see Remus was pulling back the sleeve of his pyjamas, and James and Peter were leaning in close to see the scar that Sirius knew was there.

"Cool!" James said, leaning forward to poke at it.

Sirius could see Remus wincing from his bed, and he stifled the urge to go over and smack James for being so thoughtless.

"It looks kind of icky," Peter said. "Is it supposed to be like seeping like that?"

"No," Remus replied. "It's the arm I lean on when I'm writing; I keep catching it and it's not healing properly. It needs re-sealing. I'm just crap at healing spells though."

"Why don't you ask Sirius to sort it for you?" James suggested.

"Because we're not exactly talking at the moment," Remus reminded him. "I'll go see Madam Pomfrey when she returns from her conference at St. Mungo's."

"There's always that Junior Healer they've got in until then," Peter added.

Remus shook his head; they all knew that the Junior Healer was pretty useless and it was a total waste of time to go to her for anything. Rumour had it that she'd actually fainted the previous week.

Sirius scowled and climbed out of bed. He could feel the other boys watching him as he grabbed his wand from the bedside table and walked across the room. "Give it here," he ordered, pointing at Remus's arm.

"It's fine," Remus muttered, tugging the sleeve back into place.

"Pomfrey isn't going to be back until the day before the next full moon," Sirius reminded him. "It could get infected if you leave it until then."

Remus looked like he wanted to argue, but he did pull back his sleeve once more and held out his arm obediently.

"It's infected already," Sirius said as soon as he saw it. "Hold on a minute while I get the book Pomfrey gave me."

Remus nodded as Sirius fetched the book and flipped through the pages, searching for the spell to remove the infection. "You're an idiot, you know that?" he muttered as he searched for the spell. "You'd rather let your arm get this bad, than simply ask me for help?"

"I didn't think you'd want to," Remus admitted.

Sirius scowled at him. "You really don't know me at all, do you?" he said. Then, without waiting for Remus to reply, he pointed his wand at the wound and cleaned it thoroughly.

Remus swore under his breath and hissed in pain.

"Does it hurt?" James asked.

"Of course it bloody hurts," Remus replied, his fingers clenched into a fist.

Sirius finished cleaning and sealing the wound and closed his book. "Try leaving the bandage on it this time," he advised.

"I can't flick my wand properly with a bandage on," Remus argued.

"Fine, don't take my advice," Sirius muttered. "But for your own sake, at least tell me if it gets infected again, unless you fancy the idea of losing your arm, of course?"

"No, of course I don't want to lose my arm," Remus snapped.

"Then stop being an idiot," Sirius snapped back.

"So, why are you two arguing?" Peter asked.

"None of your business," both boys replied simultaneously.

Sirius turned and walked back to his own bed, tossing his book and wand on the bedside table and climbing back under the covers.

Peter and Remus went back to their own beds and soon two sets of snores were heard.

"Sirius?" Remus called across the room quietly.

Sirius was tempted to ignore him, to pretend to be asleep, too.

"Sirius?" Remus called again.

"What?" Sirius replied impatiently.

"Thanks for fixing up my arm," Remus whispered.

"You're welcome," Sirius replied.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

-o-xXx-o-

Remus sat down opposite Charlene in the library three days before the next full moon.

"Does this mean you're done avoiding me?" Charlene asked.

Remus didn't bother to deny that this is what he had been doing. "Yes."

"And what now?"

"It's up to you," Remus told her.

"How's your arm?" Charlene asked instead.

"Sore," Remus muttered. "Sirius had to fix it up for me again."

"Sirius, huh?"

"Yes," Remus confirmed, somewhat testily.

"You want to go into Hogsmeade with the others?" Charlene asked, clearly trying to steer the conversation back onto smoother waters.

"Sure," Remus replied with a nod. "We should get there in time for lunch."

Charlene nodded her agreement to the suggestion and gathered her things together.

Remus knew that they still had a lot to talk about, but at least now they were going to talk instead of just arguing.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius slipped out of the changing room of Gladrags and made a beeline for Katy Fenwick.

"There you are," she said with a sigh of relief. "I thought you were never going to get here."

"That makes two of us," Sirius replied. "Was that last customer trying on every robe in the shop?"

"Just about," Katy said with a laugh. "Shall we go and meet Benjy then? He's probably wondering where we are."

Sirius nodded and they walked out into the road. He could feel the eyes of several of the students on him and knew that they were wondering who it was he was with. It wasn't a date, or even a pretend one, but if the other students thought it was, then he had no intention of correcting their false assumption.

"Did Benjy tell you that he got a job at the Ministry?" Katy asked.

"Yeah," Sirius confirmed. "Something in one of the international affairs departments, right?"

"That's right. He's so chuffed. He's always wanted to travel."

They chatted as they made their way to The Three Broomsticks and ordered some lunch. Benjy arrived a few minutes after they had ordered, and made his way to the bar to order his own food.

Sirius and Katy continued to chat and Benjy soon joined them.

"Why do you keep looking over at the bar?" Katy asked Benjy as they tucked into their food.

"Just a bunch of idiots over there at the end," Benjy replied.

"What do you mean?"

"They're gossiping about you and Sirius; some of them thought you were on a date."

"You know we're not," Katy pointed out. "It was your idea for Sirius to meet me first."

"Yeah, I know. I set them straight."

"Well, that's good. Isn't it?"

"I thought so," Benjy said. "Until one of them called Sirius a shirt-lifter."

Sirius nearly choked on his mouthful of vegetables.

"Well, that's just ridiculous," Katy said as she thumped Sirius on his back.

"Is it?" Benjy asked, and suddenly Sirius was the focus of his attention.

Sirius put down his fork and took a drink of his butterbeer.

"Is it?" Benjy repeated.

Sirius couldn't meet his friend's eyes, and he realised that Benjy wasn't going to be anywhere near as understanding as Remus or James had been about things.

"You are, aren't you?" Benjy hissed. "You're a bloody pouf!"

"Benjy," Sirius whispered, but his voice trailed off immediately, and he didn't know what to say.

"Come on, Katy," Benjy said. "Let's get out of here."

Katy gave Sirius an apologetic look, but she still followed her brother out of the pub.

Sirius's appetite was gone, and when he saw how many students were in the building, and how many had heard what Benjy had said, he wondered if it would ever return. He stood up and pulled on his cloak, hurrying to leave as quickly as possible.

He didn't see Remus sitting across the room with Charlene.

"Maybe you should go after him?" Charlene suggested as Sirius bolted for the door.

"He'll be okay," Remus said. "He's had the school gossiping about him before."

"Your best friend has just been outed; he probably needs someone to show him a bit of support."

Remus knew that she was right and stood up to follow after Sirius. Charlene declared her intention to do a little shopping before meeting them back at Hogwarts, and Remus set out to see if Sirius was all right.

Unfortunately, he was nowhere in sight. Slightly worried for his friend, Remus hurried back to Hogwarts, expecting to find Sirius in the Gryffindor common room, or perhaps hiding out in the dormitory. It was only after he checked the map that he realised that Sirius was not on the grounds of the school, or anywhere in sight at all.

Remus had no way of knowing that his friend had been waylaid on his way back to the school, and that Remus had in fact passed him almost as soon as he had left Hogsmeade.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius hurried along the path back to Hogwarts, his head down in order to avoid looking anyone in the eye. He didn't see the half dozen students who suddenly blocked his path until he was upon them.

"Black," the tallest one greeted him with an unpleasant smile.

Sirius nodded his own greeting and tried to step around them. Suddenly he was feeling very small in the face of the larger boys.

"Not out here in the open," one of the other boys muttered.

"He's right," a third agreed. "The other side of those trees should do."

Sirius looked at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, where the boy was pointing. There was no way he was going in there with them. He reached into his pocket and gripped his wand. A nice good hex on the ringleader, and with a bit of luck the rest would leave him alone.

He pulled out his wand, pointed it at his target and called out the first hex that came into his mind. Unfortunately, three of the other boys had anticipated his move and his wand flew from his hand and out of his reach before the stinging hex was even completed.

"This way," the tallest boy ordered, and Sirius found himself being pushed roughly towards the trees.

He shoved back at the gang as hard as he could, trying to reach for his wand, but the boy who held it was keeping well out of his way.

They were soon hidden well within the trees, and Sirius found himself being pushed back towards a large Oak, a wand held at his throat.

"Okay, you've had your fun, now," Sirius said. "You've got one over on a prefect. Well done. Now just give me back my wand, and I won't say anything more about it."

"This isn't because you're a prefect," the ringleader said. "This is because you're a pouf."

Sirius had had a suspicion that that might be the case; he recognised at least two of the boys from the pub. They must have practically flown to get ahead of him on the path.

"Going to deny it?" one of the other boys asked.

"He's not going to deny it," the ringleader said. "He's going to admit it for us, aren't you, Black? You're going to admit that you're just a dirty little cock-sucker, so that we can all hear it for ourselves."

"Go to hell," Sirius snarled, pushing the boy away as hard as he could. It was a mistake, and suddenly two sets of arms were pinning him back against the tree, and the ringleader had his wand at his throat once more.

"Admit it," he repeated. "Say it, go on. Say that you like to suck cocks, and then we'll let you go."

Sirius didn't believe him, but he didn't have much choice in the matter. The boy on his right was twisting his arm tightly and he gave every impression of being capable of snapping the bones of his arm without even breaking a sweat. "I like other blokes," he whispered, and wasn't surprised when he wasn't released.

"Now, now," the ringleader chided. "That wasn't what I told you to say, was it? I mean, I like blokes, my best mates are blokes, but I don't like to suck their cocks, do I?"

The rest of the boys laughed at his comments and the ringleader turned back to Sirius once more. "Say it, properly this time… tell us how much you like to suck cocks."

Sirius briefly considered spitting in the boy's eye, but his mouth was too dry even to manage that. Instead he forced the words out of his mouth. "I like to suck cocks," he whispered.

"I don't think the lads at the back heard that," the ringleader said. "Say it again, louder."

"I like to suck cocks," Sirius repeated in his normal voice, spitting out the words through gritted teeth.

"Still didn't catch it," the boy holding Sirius's wand called. "Make him shout it."

The ringleader laughed. "You heard him," he said to Sirius. "Shout it out, so we can all hear you admit it."

Sirius closed his eyes, his face burning with embarrassment. "I like to suck cocks," he shouted.

"That's better," the ringleader said.

"Now let me go!" Sirius said.

The ringleader shook his head. "Not just yet," he replied. "We want to make sure that you know we don't exactly approve of those sorts of perverted carryings on."

"Oh, I already got the message," Sirius told him.

"I don't think he has," the one on his right arm commented, twisting the limb again for good measure.

"But you will," the ringleader said, putting his wand away and stepping closer. "You will."

Sirius couldn't step back because of the tree, nor could he step to the left or the right because of the two boys holding him in place. All he could do was stand there while the ringleader placed his hands on his shoulders and quickly brought his knee up sharply, making contact with his groin.

Sirius thought he might actually be sick with the pain, and he drew in deep gulps of air as his eyes watered.

He hadn't even straightened up again when the first fist hit him in the stomach. Were it not for the two boys holding him up, he would have doubled over in pain. Then a hand was pulling his head back, yanking him by the hair, so that he was looking into the face of his chief tormentor.

"You're just a dirty little cock-sucker," he snarled. "Say it, Black… what are you?"

"A d-dirty little cock-sucker," Sirius rasped out between gasps.

"You're not fit to be a wizard like the rest of us… say it!"

"I'm not fit to be a wizard," Sirius repeated, praying that they would end their torture soon.

"You want your wand back?" the boy holding it asked, twirling it in his hand like a baton. He clearly had no intention of handing it over, but was eager to rub it in that he had taken it from him so easily.

Sirius nodded as much as he could, which wasn't much considering the ringleader was still holding him by the hair.

"Maybe I should hex him with his own wand…" the boy suggested with a grin. "What do you think would be suitable?"

"Well, since he's such a girl, you could try and give him a pair of tits and take away the cock he clearly doesn't know how to use properly," one of the boys standing nearby suggested.

"You know he's crap at those sort of spells," the ringleader pointed out. "I say we deal with him the muggle way, since he's not fit to be a wizard. Maybe it'll teach him a lesson for the future." His final words were punctuated with a flying fist that sent Sirius to the ground, along with one of his two captors. The second one had the sense to let him go.

Sirius pulled a shaking hand up to his face and gingerly felt his nose. He was pretty sure it was broken and there was blood running down his face, dripping down into the mud.

He had barely registered what had happened when he felt the first of many kicks to his stomach, groin, and back.

He struggled to turn over onto his stomach, trying to shield his groin from the most violent of the blows.

He was trying to get to his feet when he felt the crushing pain of a boot grinding into his hand.

"Is this the hand you wank with?" the owner of the boot asked, pressing the heel in a little more.

Sirius heard a sickening crack and knew that at least one of his fingers had broken. The boot hadn't even left his hand, when he felt a second one pressing down on the back of his neck, constricting his throat, choking him under the pressure. Even worse though, he could feel a telltale rush of warm liquid between his legs and he knew his humiliation was complete.

The boot disappeared from his throat and he felt a sharp kick to the side of his head. A few more kicks followed, but Sirius's shattered hand hurt far too much to really note where they were falling.

"I think he's got the message," the ringleader finally said. "Just one more thing. I want him to see when I do this, turn him onto his back."

Sirius felt hands roughly turning him over and his prayers for this to end were rapidly replaced with prayers for them not to notice the wet stain on the front of his trousers.

His prayers were ignored, just as he would have expected them to be.

"Oh, brilliant!" a voice crowed with laughter. "The pouf's actually pissed in his pants."

The rest of the boys howled with laughter, too, the ringleader loudest of all. "Have you wet your knickers, pouf?" he asked.

Sirius felt too sick to even try to reply; instead, he mustered up the best glare he could manage.

"Maybe we should vanish his trousers and see if the pouf wears women's underwear, too?" one of the boys suggested.

"Vanish them with his own wand," the ringleader suggested. "It can be the last spell it ever casts."

"What?" Sirius whispered, and then he felt the cool spring breeze against his bare legs. He was thankful that his boxers remained on his person, wet and urine-stained though they were.

The boys were laughing louder than ever, and Sirius reached down with his good hand, trying to cover up his shameful weakness.

"Looks like he wants to toss one off for us," one of the boys said, prompting more laughter from his friends.

Sirius struggled to sit up, crying out in pain as he did. "Give me back my wand," he asked, trying not to think of it as begging.

"In a minute," the ringleader asked, taking the wand in question from the boy who held it out to him.

"Give it back!" Sirius repeated, louder and harsher this time.

"The wizarding world doesn't need the likes of you in it," the ringleader said as he held the wand in front of Sirius, but well out of his reach.

"No!" Sirius yelled, but it was too late; the ringleader snapped his wand in half, tossing the broken pieces at him.

His wand, never truly out of his possession since the day he had bought it, was broken forever.

He didn't listen to the other boys as they left, nor did he notice the ringleader's fist flying at his head for a second time, this time rendering him unconscious.

-o-xXx-o-

When Sirius came round he didn't recognise his surroundings at all. He certainly wasn't back at Hogwarts, unless he had been dumped in the stables. There was a distinct horsy smell to the air.

He turned his aching head to one side and saw the familiar countenance of Firenze looking down at him.

"Where am I?" he whispered.

"You were found by one of the patrols and brought back to the camp," Firenze told him. "What happened?"

"Got set upon by a bunch of thugs," Sirius replied. "It's nothing."

"Nothing?" Firenze echoed. "You've got several broken ribs, two broken fingers and a broken nose, too. I wouldn't call that nothing."

"I'll be okay." Sirius tried to sit up, but his head was spinning too much to manage it. "I have to get back before curfew."

"Curfew has been and gone," Firenze told him. "You've been out of it since you were found yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Sirius asked. "I'll be expelled for sure."

"I'm sure you won't," Firenze promised. "Dumbledore will be far more concerned about what happened to you."

"I have to get back to school," Sirius repeated. "Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ready to go."

"You aren't going anywhere," Firenze stated firmly.

"Can I at least send an owl to the school, so they know where I am?" Sirius asked.

"We don't use owls to communicate," Firenze explained. "That's the wizard way."

"But you must have some way of getting word to them."

Firenze nodded and glanced across the room at a centaur who Sirius had not noticed before.

"You know what the price is," the centaur said to Firenze.

"I know," Firenze replied coldly.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, his curiosity aroused by the obvious tension in the room.

Firenze turned to him. "To use a term you would understand, I've been checkmated."

"The ceremony will take place within the hour," the older centaur announced. "The feathers you require will be the gift to the Sponsor of my son."

Firenze nodded and Magorian left the room.

"I don't understand," Sirius said.

"We use arrows to send messages," Firenze explained. "We use our own form of magic to ensure that they reach their destination. Part of the magic involves using something closely tied to the recipient as either part of the arrow or the parchment that is written on. My father corresponded with Dumbledore for many years, and your headmaster provided him with a supply of phoenix feathers to be used when making arrows to send messages to him. Magorian has those now, and will only let me have what I need if I agree to sponsor his son."

Sirius recalled Remus telling him about this and didn't really need to hear the answer to his next question. "And give up your birthright?" he asked.

Firenze nodded.

"Why can't someone just go to the school and tell them I'm here?"

"Magorian has closed the gates and refused all requests to leave."

"So, I'm a prisoner here?" Sirius asked. "But won't the teachers be looking for me?"

"And your friends," Firenze added. "Unfortunately, Magorian cares nothing for such things, only that he gets what he wants."

"I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault," Firenze assured him. "If it hadn't been this, it would have been something else. I promise that I will get word sent by arrow to Dumbledore as soon as the ceremony is done. Then it will just be a question of waiting for him and your Madam Pomfrey to come and heal you."

"Madam Pomfrey's away at the moment," Sirius told him. "Now I think about it, I'd much rather just stay here until the full moon."

"I don't believe your teachers would allow that."

"I don't want to go back there, yet," Sirius whispered. "It's only a couple of days. Can you at least ask? I'm of age, they'll let me stay here, I know it."

Firenze looked doubtful, but he promised to add Sirius's request to the letter.

The sponsoring ceremony took place nearly an hour later. Within an hour of the conclusion Firenze had sent word to Dumbledore, who had immediately arrived at the camp and had repaired Sirius's various broken bones.

"Now, what's all this about not wanting to come back to Hogwarts?" he asked as he sat down opposite Sirius.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders and cast a quick involuntary glance at the broken pieces of his wand. Whoever had found him had found those, too, and had left them in his possession.

"Is it the wand?" Dumbledore asked, pulling out his own wand and looking at it thoughtfully. He reached across and cast a quick reparo, fixing the wand in a flash. "Now, you have no excuse not to join your classmates in their lessons tomorrow."

"They don't want me there," Sirius muttered.

"Who doesn't?"

"Doesn't matter," Sirius replied, picking up his wand and checking it for damage. There was none to be found.

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "Being different is never easy, even in these modern times. Even we Gryffindors struggle to find our courage on occasion."

"What would you know about being different?" Sirius asked. "You're the greatest wizard ever born."

"I am, am I?" Dumbledore replied with a chuckle. "Would it interest you to know that I am just as different as you are?"

Sirius looked at the headmaster curiously. "How so?" he asked.

Dumbledore smiled. "When you're as old as I am, you start to recognise the signs."

"Signs?"

"Signs of others like myself," Dumbledore told him with a wink. "You didn't think you were the first gay wizard to attend Hogwarts, did you?"

Sirius shook his head. "You mean that you're…?"

"Oh, yes," Dumbledore replied. "Very much so."

"What happens now then?" Sirius asked.

"Well, that's up to you," Dumbledore told him. "You are of age, and if you wish, you may leave Hogwarts at any time."

"I can?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Though I would hope you would have more courage than that."

"I have got courage," Sirius insisted. "I have!"

"Then I suggest that you summon up a little of it," Dumbledore told him sternly. "Remus will need you during the full moon. If you want to stay here with the centaurs for a few days to think things through and recover I am told that Magorian will allow it, but don't leave it any longer than the full moon before you return."

Sirius nodded. "Will you tell my friends where I am?" he asked.

"And have them sneaking out into the forest to see you?" Dumbledore asked, shaking his head. "I'll tell them that you are safe, and for Remus to expect you back at the full moon."

Sirius promised he would return for the full moon and Dumbledore stood up to leave. He stood up as well, to walk the headmaster out, but he was still aching from the beating and his movements were slow. Broken bones were easy to mend, but the bruises still lingered. It wasn't entirely a lie that he needed a little more time to recover.

"I'll go to Remus's from here on the evening of the full moon," he promised once more, though he had no idea whether Remus would actually want him there.

Dumbledore nodded one final time and left. It was only after he had gone that Sirius realised that he had left a small bundle of items on the end of his bed. Sirius looked at what he had brought him and saw that there were spare clothes, his schoolbooks for the subjects he would be missing, and notes from his teachers telling him what the lessons were covering and what the homework was.

Sirius smiled when he realised that Dumbledore had always intended to let him stay at the camp for a couple of days, but had no intention of letting him slack off during his absence.


	49. Every Hour So Long and Empty

A/N: Apologies to everyone who is still waiting for a reply from me for reviewing the last chapter. I will get to them eventually, I promise. I am just having some severe problems with getting this site to load. It has taken me nearly an hour just to get this chapter uploaded and goodness knows how long it will take to actually post it.

Every Hour So Long and Empty

The moon had already risen when Sirius arrived at Remus's house, and he cursed his lousy sense of direction that had caused his delay. He could hear Moony howling in the basement as he let himself into the building and felt a shiver run down his spine. Would Moony react with violence to his presence like he had with Charlene's last month? It was hard to say. Sirius made his way slowly down the stone steps towards the cage, knowing that if Moony attacked the barrier, he would have no choice except to leave.

"I wasn't sure you'd be here tonight."

Sirius spun round, startled as he looked at Romulus. "Do you have to do that?" he complained, rather more harshly than necessary.

"Sorry," Romulus apologised with a shrug. "Ghost… footsteps… I tend to forget."

Sirius waved away the apology. It wasn't Romulus's fault he'd been having a bad month. "Why did you think I wouldn't be here?" he asked as he approached the cage. Moony looked at him silently and Sirius stared right back.

"He's not attacking the barrier," Romulus commented, ignoring Sirius's question. "I thought he might get agitated."

"So did I," Sirius admitted as he sat back on the stairs to watch over his friend once more.

Romulus continued to hover and Sirius could tell that the spirit had something he wanted to say. "Why did you think I wouldn't be here?" he asked again.

"Because of what happened last month," Romulus replied simply, as though he was speaking to an ignorant child. "Because you've been missing from school for three days."

"You know about what happened last month?" Sirius felt his face flushing with heat. "Remus told you?"

"Yes and no," Romulus replied. "Rem didn't exactly tell me, not at first anyway, he didn't have to. This place isn't what you'd call large, or even moderate in size."

"You _heard_ us?" Sirius croaked.

"Bit difficult not to."

"Oh, Merlin," Sirius sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall.

"There's no need to be embarrassed."

"Easy for you to say."

Romulus chuckled. "I meant that I only heard the two of you yelling, I promise."

Sirius felt the heat leaving his face a little, and he rummaged around in his robes for his cigarettes.

"They'll kill you, you know?" Romulus commented as Sirius pulled out his wand to light it. Sirius ignored him and took a long drag. "So, when did you start smoking?"

"Fifth year," Sirius replied as he looked back towards Moony who was now pacing in the cage. He pulled one knee up and rested his arm on it as he watched the werewolf move restlessly. It was going to be a long night.

"I don't remember seeing you light up before."

"I knew you'd have something to say about it."

"Like it's a horrible habit that turns your teeth yellow and makes your breath smell, perhaps?"

"Yeah, like that. They help me relax, and Merlin knows I need one tonight."

They sat quietly for a few more minutes before Romulus spoke again. "Do you really love him?" he asked quietly.

Sirius turned away from Moony to look at the inquisitive ghost. He didn't reply; he didn't need to.

Romulus nodded slowly in understanding. "I thought so," he said. "He's not going to make this easy on you, you know?"

"I already figured that out for myself," Sirius snapped.

"I'm only trying to help."

"Sorry," Sirius muttered, feeling rather contrite. None of this was Romulus's fault. Sirius only had himself to blame for his current predicament.

"Do you want to know why Rem's making this so hard?" Romulus asked, as casually as if he was asking about the weather. Sirius looked back at him and nodded once. Romulus had never been particularly forthcoming with information about himself and his brother, at least not about the important stuff, and Sirius was more than a little curious as to what he had to say.

"Remus wants to be normal," Romulus said with a small snort of humourless laughter.

"He's a werewolf," Sirius replied. "Not much chance of that."

"No kidding! But he doesn't see it in quite the same way. He can't do anything about the wolf, about Moony, but he can try his best to be normal in every other respect. It's all he ever wanted. And it's the only thing I've never been able to give him."

Sirius didn't know what to say to that, so he merely sat quietly and waited for Romulus to continue.

"He wants his parents," Romulus finally said. "They're alive, you know?" Sirius nodded. "You may even have seen them, if you knew where to look. They were sitting in the public gallery of the Wizengamot during my trial, in the same section as you in fact. You probably saw them, though you wouldn't have known who they were. They were sitting in the row in front of you, almost directly in front of you actually."

Realisation suddenly dawned and Sirius wondered how he hadn't known before, how he hadn't recognised the man as being the father of the two Lupin brothers. "Your father doesn't have a nasally voice and your mother wasn't wearing a huge revolting looking hat?"

"That's them," Romulus replied with a grin at Sirius's description. "My dad looks a bit like me, though his hair isn't as long as mine is."

Sirius frowned slightly as he took in Romulus's hair, tied back today, and reaching down his back. He wasn't really sure what he was expected to say. He remembered hearing snatches of the Lupins' conversation and he wondered how they could have been so cold when it was their own sons the case was revolving around. "For a while I thought they were dead, what with them not looking after Remus themselves."

"They might as well be," Romulus replied. "And don't make the mistake of thinking that they'd gone to the Wizengamot to show their support or anything."

"Why were they there?" Sirius asked, though he suspected he already knew the answer to that question.

"If I'd denied the charges, they were there to give evidence against me," Romulus explained, unknowingly confirming Sirius's suspicions.

"But you're their son!"

"As is Remus. They wanted to turn him over to the Ministry after he was bitten. The Ministry authorised the death sentence without question."

"Murderous gits!" Sirius muttered.

"Yeah," Romulus agreed quietly. "I came home from school after doing my O.W.L.s. They didn't tell me what had happened until after I got home. It was just after the second full moon following the attack. I'm just relieved that the Ministry hadn't arrived before I did. I grabbed Remus and ran, and we came here. I figured a life on the run was better than death at the hands of the Ministry."

"He told me once that he remembers your father silencing him after the first full moon."

"That's our father. Keep things quiet and don't make a fuss. Sweep it under the carpet, and no one will be any the wiser about the family's _shame_. At first, Rem thought the Ministry was just doing its job, getting rid of all the werewolves. He didn't know the reason they came for him in the first place was our parents."

"Why are you telling me this now?" Sirius asked quietly as he looked down at Moony.

"Because to understand Remus, you have to understand that all he ever wanted was to be normal. I did my best, but I'm not his nice, _normal_ parents."

"From the sound of it, your parents aren't normal anyway."

"Actually, they are," Romulus stated. "Normal parents don't have werewolves for children. They call the Ministry and get rid of the problem, nice and quiet like. No scandal, no fuss, just sign a few papers, get the Ministry to do their job, and forget it ever happened. That was the idea anyway. They just didn't count on me stepping in and putting a wand in the works."

"Remus is lucky to have a brother like you."

"But he doesn't want a brother like me, not raising him anyway. He wants to be normal."

"Define normal," Sirius muttered.

"It's not my definition of normal that matters; it's Remus's that's important here. He'll never be normal because of the wolf, but he'll try and get as close to it as he can. I sometimes think that he'd rather be normal than truly happy."

"I'd rather be happy than normal," Sirius replied without hesitation.

"So would I," Romulus admitted with a sad smile. "Though in my position I'm about as likely to be normal as Remus is."

"Yeah, well, being a ghost is a bit of an abnormal thing to be."

"Anyway, Remus doesn't see two men in a relationship together as normal…"

"So I noticed. It's probably my own fault. I told him it wasn't 'normal' for us to share a bed, didn't I? If only I'd kept my mouth shut."

"You mean if only I hadn't told you to kick Rem out of your bed?" Romulus corrected. "I'd not have suggested it if I'd known how things were going to turn out now."

"Doesn't matter," Sirius replied. "You were right; Remus was depending on me too much. Just like I was depending too much on him."

"Still, what's done is done. Remus got it into his head that being with another bloke wasn't normal, and he'll apportion those feelings to Moony. Moony isn't normal anyway; he's the werewolf part of him. What does it matter if the wolf's gay? He'd rather push you away and try for normality with a girl, any girl, than be any less normal – by his definition – than he already is."

"But the wolf is a part of him," Sirius pointed out.

"I know, and despite the nonsense he's been coming out with this last month, deep down so does Remus."

"He uses the wolf when it suits him," Sirius commented, recalling even before he'd discovered Remus's secret that the boy had once used the wolf to scare James into leaving him alone.

"He used to," Romulus corrected. "When he was younger. But, once he'd had a taste of a nice normal life at Hogwarts…"

"Do you think I can talk him round?" Sirius asked as he stubbed out his cigarette on the step. Romulus frowned at him in disapproval, and Sirius pulled out his wand to summon a saucer to use as an ashtray from upstairs.

Romulus turned back to him. "Honestly?" he asked and Sirius nodded for him to continue. "I don't know."

"Damn."

"It wasn't the wolf you were with," Romulus offered, as though it were some form of consolation. "It was Remus."

"I know that," Sirius muttered.

"So does Remus. Deep down, he knows that, too."

"He'll never admit it though, will he?"

"I don't know."

"I'm so screwed."

"What are you going to do in the morning?" Romulus asked curiously.

"What I usually do, I guess," Sirius replied with a shrug. "Clean him up and all that. If he lets me."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what about after?" Romulus gave him _a look__,_ and Sirius felt his face flushing again.

"He doesn't want me," Sirius pointed out. "He made that pretty clear."

"No, he said that Remus didn't want you, but that Moony did."

"You really did hear everything didn't you?"

"Every word, at least those that the two of you were yelling at each other like you were on opposite ends of the Quidditch pitch, and incidentally you should watch your language."

"Yes, Father."

"Cheeky. But you're missing my point."

"Which is?"

"You know, I'm not sure I want my baby brother hooking up with someone this dense," Romulus teased. "It's the full moon tonight. Moony is down here, and by Remus's own admission Moony wants you. He says the wolf is nearer the surface at the time of the full moon, and tonight _is_ the full moon. You getting there, yet?"

"Oh damn!"

"I'm not saying that he definitely will, but there's a strong possibility that he might. You need to think about what you're going to do if he does."

"Oh damn!" Sirius briefly wondered whether the whole mess had caused him to lose the ability to say anything else. Then something else came into his mind, a memory from the morning after the last full moon. "Um… can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Erm… I was wondering you had any advice about… er… well… you know…" He felt his face flushing as he struggled to find the words.

"Not really," Romulus replied.

Sirius sighed. "You know... _it_… last time it was kind of awkward."

"I meant, not really, I don't have any advice, you're barking up the wrong ghost here."

"Oh, I didn't mean to suggest you were gay," Sirius assured him. "Just some general advice."

"It was your first time, wasn't it?" Sirius nodded. "You'll learn as you go along. Though I'm guessing you don't have any lube on you?"

"It's back at the castle, in my trunk," Sirius replied with a grimace. "I'm pretty sure I hurt him a couple of times, and neither of us really knew what we were doing. There's only so much you can learn from books and magazines."

"I'm sure you'll figure things out."

"But, you must have _some _advice for us."

"I told you, you're asking the wrong spook."

"But…"

"Sweet Merlin, do I have to spell it out for you?" Romulus rolled his eyes and sighed.

"What?"

Romulus swore under his breath and put his face in his hands momentarily. "There was this girl back in Hogwarts, she was in Ravenclaw and was the smartest witch in our year."

Sirius grinned. "What was her name?"

"Jessica. I had the biggest crush on her, but it took me most of fifth year to get up the courage to ask her out."

"How come?" Sirius interrupted. "You're not bad looking."

"Gee, thanks," Romulus replied sarcastically. "Anyway, being in Hufflepuff, the house that's known as the one the dumb kids are in, I thought she'd never agree to go on a date with me."

"Hufflepuff is the house of the most loyal," Sirius commented with a smile. "I think it placed you right."

"The Sorting Hat usually does, but back then I didn't think about that. Anyway, I finally plucked up the courage to invite her to Hogsmeade for the last visit of the year. It was fun and we had a lot in common."

"So, she was your first girlfriend?" Sirius smiled. "What happened to her?"

"She got married about four years ago, according to the Daily Prophet Society Section." Romulus shrugged. "She wasn't my first girlfriend though, not really. I didn't even manage to find the courage to kiss her after our one and only date. I chickened out and told myself they'd be another chance the following year. She was planning on doing most of the same N.E.W.T.s as I was… I figured there'd be time later."

"But Remus was bitten?" Sirius guessed.

"Exactly. I took him and ran. My only thought was to do whatever it took to keep him safe, and that meant letting no one close. I made sure that neither Remus nor me were in the village on Hogsmeade weekends; it was safer that way. I never saw her again."

"Oh." Sirius didn't know what to say.

"I always told myself there'd be time later," Romulus continued.

"So, you're a…" Sirius hesitated and couldn't bring himself to look the ghost in the eye.

"A virgin," Romulus stated miserably. "A twenty seven year old bloke who's never so much as kissed a girl… Merlin, that's depressing."

"Twenty seven?" Sirius questioned with a frown.

"That's how old I'd be now," Romulus explained. "If I weren't…"

"There hasn't been anyone at all?" Sirius asked quietly. "No one you've trusted enough to…"

"No one worth risking my brother's life for," Romulus replied. "Like I said, you're asking the totally wrong ghost for advice on your sex life. I should be the one asking you, except that'll only depress me even more because of the whole lack of a body problem."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Romulus stretched and yawned. "If given a choice, I'd do it all exactly the same anyway. Now, what are you going to do about Remus?"

"I don't know," Sirius admitted.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you to think it over," Romulus said before he vanished, leaving Sirius alone on the stairs.

Sirius dug out his cigarettes and lit another one. And he'd foolishly thought that his life couldn't get any more complicated than it already was.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus was still in obvious pain, but at least he seemed to be in a better state than he'd been the previous month, when the moon set.

The magical barrier disappeared with the rising of the sun and Sirius walked across the floor to Remus, a clean set of robes in his hand.

"S-Sirius… you're here?" Remus whimpered as Sirius put the robes around his shoulders and guided him out of the cage.

"Where else would I be?" Sirius replied. "It's not like I ever listen in History of Magic anyway."

Remus winced in pain as he laughed at Sirius's weak joke.

"I thought you'd… that you w-wouldn't… I-I mean…"

"You thought I'd desert you when you need my help?" Sirius asked as he assisted Remus up the stairs. "Didn't Dumbledore tell you I'd be here?"

Remus nodded. "But last month…?"

"Was last month," Sirius interrupted. "I still mean what I said, but I promised I'd be here every month to help you. I keep my promises."

"Thank you," Remus whispered.

"You sound surprised?"

"We've hardly spoken in the last month. Then you disappeared and haven't been seen by anyone since you left Hogsmeade. I didn't think you'd be here. Where have you been?"

"I gave my word," Sirius replied, ignoring the question. There would be an opportunity to talk about his time with the centaurs later, when it wasn't so humiliating to think of how he had ended up there.

"Your word means that much to you?" Remus asked.

"Yes. I never say anything I don't mean… except…"

"Except?"

"Sometimes when I lose my temper, I say things I shouldn't."

"Things you don't mean?"

"No, things I mean, but shouldn't say," Sirius clarified. "Sit down while I get the potions."

Remus collapsed onto the bed with another wince and groan of pain. Sirius forcibly pushed from his mind the memories of the last time he'd been in this particular room and just what had happened on the bed that Remus was now sitting on.

Sirius pulled the potions from the cupboard. He guessed that Remus had put them away as he vaguely recalled he'd left them on the kitchen table after the last full moon. He hoped he looked professional and clinical when he walked back into the room, but he suspected he appeared anything but.

"Roll up your sleeve," he ordered, pointing to Remus's right arm. Remus complied and Sirius sat down beside him.

"The green one," Remus said as he pointed to the appropriate jar.

Sirius nodded obediently, even though he knew as well as Remus, probably better in fact, which jar was the one he needed. He silently opened the jar and began tending the re-opened wound on Remus's arm from the previous month. He mumbled apologies each time Remus hissed with the stinging pain the lotion caused.

"Now the other one," Sirius ordered, standing up and moving to Remus's other side. Remus let the sleeve of his robe fall and then pulled up the other one. There was a new cut on the other arm, and while this one also started at the elbow, it then stretched higher to the shoulder and, Sirius guessed, around Remus's back.

"It'd probably be easier if I took the robe off," Remus pointed out as Sirius worked his way up his arm.

"Leave it on," Sirius replied shortly.

"Does it need sealing?" Remus asked as he tried to spin round to see the damage he'd caused.

"Not this time," Sirius assured him as he continued to patch up his friend. One by one he worked his way through the cuts and gashes, relieved that none of them would require Remus to disrobe. "There! All done!" he announced brightly before standing up to leave. "You should get some sleep."

"Sirius?" Remus's voice was hesitant and barely more than a whisper, but it still had the power to stop him in his tracks.

_Don't do this Remus,_ Sirius pleaded silently. He realised, of course, that it might have had more of an effect if he'd spoken the words out loud.

"Sirius?" Remus called again. "Don't leave me."

"You should get some sleep if you're going to come back for this afternoon's lessons," Sirius advised.

"Stay with me?"

"Who's asking?" Sirius whispered.

"Moony," Remus replied after an inordinately lengthy pause.

Sirius stood at the door, a dozen thoughts flying through his mind.

Some muggle scientists believe that there are an infinite number of universes, each one playing out every possible outcome of each and every decision ever made by each and every person.

Sirius Black was a wizard however, and he hadn't heard of the multiple universe theories. Even if he had, he wouldn't have taken a great deal of notice of them. After all, what difference did it make if somewhere out there was another Sirius living out his life who hadn't, at the age of five, put mice in the pocket of his cousin Bellatrix's bridesmaid's dress, and forever earned her undying wrath?

Did it matter if another Sirius was living his life in Slytherin house, embracing the dark arts and his family's pureblood fanaticism?

Who cared if another Remus had never been bitten by a werewolf and was loved by his parents, with a living brother and three extra years worth of memories of Hogwarts?

Even if Sirius had heard of other universes he'd have brushed the thought of them aside, because _this _was the universe he had to live in, and as such it was the only one that mattered.

If Sirius had been aware of the theory of other universes he may however have imagined himself looking briefly into one of those as he stood, still as a statue, at the door.

Sirius saw himself apologising to Remus before leaving the room without looking back. He saw himself making the decision that it wasn't enough to have Remus only at the time of the full moon. It wasn't enough for him, and for whatever reason he walked away.

Maybe that other Sirius was confident enough to believe that Remus would come around?

Maybe he believed he deserved better?

Perhaps he didn't really love Remus at all?

Or perhaps he'd been in the vicinity of a loud misfired spell that had rendered his hearing damaged, and he hadn't been able to hear the gentle pleading in Remus's almost tearful voice?

Whatever the reason was, Sirius watched himself walk away and never look back. He wondered if that other Sirius would be happier in the long run. Whether he would be able to live with the decision he had made, or whether he'd change his mind further down the line.

Sirius didn't care.

All he cared about was this universe, this reality, the here and now.

And right here and right now Remus was placing one of his hands on the small of his back, whilst the other was pulling his hand away from the door handle.

Here and now, Sirius wanted Remus, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the compromise.

"Stay." Remus whispered again as he gently pulled Sirius around to face him.

"I'm not going anywhere," Sirius replied as he leaned down to kiss him.

Who cared whether he'd have been happier in the long run if he had made the decision to leave?

Sirius guided Remus back to the bed and they sat down together.

"Sirius?" Remus asked cautiously. "Um…"

"What?"

"Do you have anything with you… er… you know, to help make it easier?" Sirius had to lean in close to Remus to catch all his words because he was speaking in a voice that was only marginally above that of a whisper.

"You mean lube?" Remus nodded.

"Not on me," Sirius admitted. "I've not been back to the castle since Hogsmeade."

"Oh." Remus ducked his head and shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"It's okay," Sirius said, reaching out to take one of Remus's hands in his own. "We don't have to do that again. We can go as slow as you want; we'll only do what you're comfortable with. Okay?"

Remus gave a small smile and a nod.

Sirius smiled back, but made no further move. He wasn't going to be the one to make the first move this time. He was going to let Remus be the one to make the choices, and hope that Remus would finally admit his feelings were his own.

Remus, who had seemed to guess what it was that Sirius was waiting for, reached out to nervously undo his robes.

Sirius gave Remus all the time he needed, and tried not to blush under Remus's curious gaze, as he looked his nude body up and down. There were still traces of bruises on his stomach and abdomen, and Remus ran his hand over them slowly. He didn't ask where they had come from; he simply made sure that Sirius knew he had seen them.

It was on the tip of Sirius's tongue to tell Remus what had happened, but he was terrified that one wrong word would have Remus bolting once more.

This was better than nothing, Sirius reasoned silently as they continued to explore each other's bodies. Having Remus only at the time of the full moon was better than never having him at all.

Wasn't it?

Right here, right now, in this reality, Sirius didn't stop and think about it long enough to care.

-o-xXx-o-

"Sirius?" The hesitant voice whispering to him in the darkness of the dormitory was almost drowned out by the sounds of James and Peter snoring.

"What is it?" Sirius asked as he looked at Remus who had pulled the curtain of his bed aside and was hovering in the moonlight.

"Can I join you?" Remus asked quietly.

"The full moon was last night," Sirius whispered back, trying to ignore the way his heart rate was increasing.

"Moony's still nearby," Remus replied. "For the couple of days around the full moon he's nearer the surface and…"

Sirius felt his hopes being extinguished with Remus's words, but it didn't stop him turning back the covers and beckoning the other boy to join him. Remus crawled into the bed and pulled the curtain closed once more.

"I'll be back in my own bed before James and Peter wake up," Remus promised as he curled up close to Sirius.

"They won't mind," Sirius said as he snuggled nearer to Remus, pulling him into a close embrace. "Or do you mind them knowing?"

Remus didn't reply; he didn't have to. Sirius knew that he didn't want the other boys to know about their relationship, such as it was. He wanted to be normal… whatever the hell that was! After his own recent experience, he couldn't exactly blame him for his reluctance. He had told Remus what had happened before they had left Hogsmeade. Remus had said very little in response. Instead, he had kissed each and every one of the bruises, and caressed each and every newly mended finger. He had even kissed Sirius lightly on the nose when he had heard that that too had been broken.

"I don't like the idea of sneaking around like this," Sirius whispered. "I thought this morning that maybe you'd broken up with Charlie again, but you haven't, have you?"

"Charlie and me are still seeing each other," Remus confirmed. "We've sorted things out."

"You know this isn't fair on her?"

Remus sighed. "I know."

"She has a right to know what's going on between us?"

"She'll dump me if I tell her."

"Would that be so bad?" Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged, inching closer to Sirius in the process. "If you don't want to do this, just say so," he whispered. "If you don't want to share me, then I can go back to my own bed right now."

Sirius groaned as Remus brushed up against him, and he knew he would not be sending him back to his own bed that night. "I can share you," he whispered, kissing Remus softly on the lips. "But you know that Charlie wouldn't want to share you with me if she knew about us."

"Don't ask me to choose between you," Remus begged.

"I won't," Sirius replied, knowing that the only reason he would never ask that of Remus was because he knew that Charlene would be the one he chose.

The feelings of guilt were pressing down on him, but they were easy to push aside when he was holding Remus in his arms. He sighed and hugged Remus close. "Sometimes I wish I lived in a different sort of world to this one. One where I could just tell everyone about us, and no one would bat an eye. I want to stand on the steps of Gringotts and declare to the whole bloody world that you're mine, that I love you."

"I'm not yours though," Remus replied. "It's just Moony and I'm… I'm weak. I want to give in to the wolf, because it makes it easier."

"Makes what easier?"

"Everything."

"I don't understand."

"It's complicated," Remus whispered, and he averted his gaze from Sirius's intent stare. "Moony has needs just like I do, and he seems to need you. I can't give in to the rest of his desires. I can't let him hunt or run free. But I can do this… this I can allow him."

"You make it sound like you're repulsed by me."

It wasn't really a question, but Remus looked back at Sirius when he answered. "You're my best friend. You don't repulse me, but I'm not… I can't…"

"Can't or won't?"

Remus didn't reply.

"Won't," Sirius concluded himself when it was clear that Remus wasn't going to answer his question.

"Maybe a bit of both," Remus finally admitted in barely more than a whisper.

"Will you ever… do you think you could ever…?"

"I don't know," Remus replied, and Sirius caught the sadness in his voice and took a small measure of hope from it.

He pulled Remus even closer, but felt a stab of disappointment when the other boy pulled back slightly. "Not here, not when they might hear us," he whispered.

"It's okay," Sirius replied. "Just let me hold you."

After a moment's thought Remus nodded and shifted as close to Sirius as he could get without actually being on top of him. They kissed briefly, but took things no further. Remus slept soundly, but Sirius found that his mind was working too furiously for slumber to claim him. One question resounded through his mind over and over again, the question of whether he'd ever have Remus in every sense of the word.

He thought back to the third year he had spent at Hogwarts, the year when Remus had hid within the school and shared his bed on a nightly basis. He wished that he'd never told him not to, and even more that he had not told him it wasn't normal.

Normal – just one little word, the perfect one to stop Remus climbing into his bed… and it had worked only too well. Sirius had never regretted his words more than he did now. He couldn't help but think that if only he hadn't stopped Remus joining him at night, then perhaps things would be different between them now. Maybe Remus would be less worried about being normal and more open to the idea of a relationship with him… a proper relationship.

But again, it was useless to wonder about what might have happened if he had had the courage to admit to Romulus that he wanted Remus in his bed and hadn't spoken those fateful words. This was the world he lived in, the world where a few careless words may well have cost him the chance of a lifetime of love with Remus Lupin.

That night was the start of a pattern for the two boys. From that night on, on the night before and night after the full moon Remus crept quietly into Sirius's bed after James and Peter had gone to sleep. After the first time, Sirius never asked him whether it was Remus or Moony who was joining him, he knew what Remus's reply would be. He consoled himself with the knowledge that he knew it was Remus, even if the other boy wouldn't admit it to himself. He wasn't even too disappointed that Remus was always safely back in his own bed before the other boys in the dormitory woke up.

Sirius began to look forward to those two nights almost as much as he dreaded the night in between as he watched over Moony, caged and angry, trapped in the basement of Remus's Hogsmeade home.

He continued his nightly vigils, keeping a close eye on his friend and lover, waiting for the dawn to arrive so that his Remus would be returned to him, and he could show him how much he loved him.

He lost himself in the routine and treasured the memories he was gathering of how it felt to hold Remus in his arms, how it felt to kiss him, to show him how much he loved him, and to hear the sounds of pleasure Remus made.

The routine and the memories helped to push aside the increasingly frequent and disturbing thoughts that he wanted far more than Remus was prepared to offer.

He didn't want Remus for only three nights of the month; he wanted him forever. The compromise was enough for now, but would it be enough forever?


	50. I'm The One You Need

A/N: Yes, I know I am dreadful at replying to reviews these days and still have the ones from the last two chapters to reply to. There are reasons why I am behind with them, but I am sure you would much rather read the next chapter than those...so here it is.

I'm the One You Need

Remus had never asked Sirius for the full details of what had happened to him after he had left The Three Broomsticks. In truth, he hadn't any need to do so.

When Remus had discovered that Sirius was missing, he had immediately enlisted the help of James and Peter. It was rather typical of the trio that they didn't ask for help from the teachers, at least not at first.

The three sixth year boys had conferred amongst themselves and decided not to tell the staff that Sirius was missing until the next morning. Remus had flooed to his house in Hogsmeade, on the off chance that Sirius was there, and then he had sent Romulus to search the school. He hadn't slept, and the next morning he knew he had no choice but to go and see Professor McGonagall.

Minerva McGonagall, always perfectly calm and composed, even in the worst sort of crisis, had immediately taken him to see Dumbledore.

Remus had merely been glad it was a Sunday, and that he didn't have to go to lessons. He knew that he would never have been able to concentrate for more than a moment or two.

He was fairly sure that it had been the longest day of his life, and time had only seemed to move normally again after Dumbledore had told him that Sirius was safe. Remus had wanted to go and find Sirius immediately, but no amount of pleading had persuaded Dumbledore to tell him where Sirius was.

Instead, all he could do was count the days and hours to the next full moon, by which time Dumbledore had assured him that Sirius would return. He wasn't sure that he believed him, but there was nothing he could do.

He took that time to feel very guilty over letting Sirius leave The Three Broomsticks without him. He was sure that whatever had happened could have been avoided, if only he had followed after him immediately; no matter that he had been only a few minutes behind him.

Through the days of Sirius's absence, Remus had come to two very startling conclusions.

The first thing he had realised was that as the full moon neared, his mind was dwelling more and more on what he and Sirius had done during the morning after the last one. He still had lingering memories of the pain, but he also recalled the sensations that Sirius had managed to coax from his body… sensations and feelings that he wanted to feel again.

The second thing that he had realised was that he truly missed his best friend, and would do anything to have him back at his side again.

Now Sirius was back in school, and it was clear that he needed Remus's support more than ever.

When Sirius had told him that a few of the lads had taken offence at his preferences, Remus had known immediately what had happened. He had seen the bruises for himself, and his heart clenched when he recalled them.

The gossip about Sirius being gay had spread through the school like wildfire, and as soon as he had returned the name-calling had started. Remus would have given anything to be able to silence every student who called Sirius a fag, a pouf or a queer, but there were far too many of them for him to take on them all. That wasn't to say that he didn't try. When Sirius had been hexed on his second morning back at school, the students involved all mysteriously ended up in the Hospital Wing with various painful ailments. No one could prove that it was Remus who had put them there, but Sirius knew who was responsible and was very grateful for his fiercely protective friend.

His best friend was back at his side, and Remus knew that that was where he was meant to be. Things between them were slowly working their way back to normal. They sat together in class again, they worked on their homework together, they played chess, cheered on the Gryffindor Gobstones champion, and things were very close to being much as they had been before the day that Sirius had kissed him.

There was really just one bone of contention between the two of them, and that was Charlene.

No matter how hard Remus tried, he could not get Sirius to accept that he liked her, and was not prepared to break up with her just because the wolf got a bit horny around the time of the full moon.

Remus knew that Sirius was working at breaking him down in this regard, but he was fighting a losing battle. While Remus might like the feelings that Sirius roused in him, he didn't want to risk being mistaken for a pouf. He had already been attacked for being a werewolf, and he had no intention of giving the bullies that remained in the school the opportunity of setting on him for anything else.

He had asked Sirius whether the boys who had attacked him had been expelled, but Sirius had shaken his head. He wondered why not, but James had heard their discussion and his theory that it was because it wasn't the school werewolf who was under attack unfortunately rang true. He didn't like to think that he was getting special treatment, but there was no denying that it seemed to be the case. He was the only werewolf who had been allowed to attend Hogwarts in the entire history of the school… it really did say it all.

Still, he was determined that they wouldn't get away with what they had done entirely, and he had used James's invisibility cloak to creep into the Restricted Section behind Sirius in order to find the perfect way to get back at them. No simple hex would do for those boys; Remus was going to make them pay.

"Your work?" Sirius whispered as he watched them hobble out of the Great Hall a few mornings later.

Remus nodded. "I decided one hex wasn't enough for them," he whispered. "So, I combined a few of them. Not sure where the purple feathers came from though. Must have been from two or more of the spells reacting to each other."

"I like their new voices," Sirius replied. "Are they what I think they are?"

"Chicken cackles," Remus confirmed. "Ganging up on you like that, bloody cowards!"

Sirius grinned as the last of his tormentors stumbled, almost drunkenly, into the doorframe. Remus chuckled and turned back to his breakfast. He didn't tell Sirius that he had copied down even more spells from the Restricted Section, just in case the boys were foolish enough to try anything else.

He reached under the table and patted Sirius on his leg, trying to make it a casual supportive gesture, while wondering how long he could leave his hand there before Sirius would consider it something more. It felt nice to rest his hand on Sirius's leg, nicer than he wanted to admit.

Now the full moon had passed and Sirius was back at school, Remus was already counting the days until the next one. He would never admit to anyone, not even himself, that for the first time since he had been bitten, it wasn't only a case of counting the days because he had to and because he dreaded it. No, for the first time, Remus was counting the days to the full moon because he was eagerly anticipating the day when he could let Sirius touch him as he wanted him to.

The full moon was still more than a week away, but Remus was already more than eager for Sirius to take him in his mouth once more.

Remus was very confused and getting increasingly angry about his own lack of restraint. It was becoming obvious that he didn't just want Sirius at the time of the full moons, but the closer the full moon was, the less control he seemed to have over his impulses. He wondered whether the wolf was taking him over, or whether it was the other way around. He didn't know which thought scared him the most.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius was hurrying down the corridor towards the Potions supply cupboard when he felt a hand grab his arm and found himself tugged into a darkened cupboard.

"What the hell?" he muttered, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

Then he felt a hand on the back of his neck and a pair of lips pressed against his own. He pulled back slightly. "Remus?"

Remus chuckled and pulled him close again. "Who else were you expecting?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone," Sirius pointed out. "Where are we?"

"One of Filch's store cupboards."

"Why?"

"Can't you guess?" Remus teased.

Sirius drew in a sharp breath as Remus pressed himself closer. He felt the collar of his robes being pushed aside and then Remus was sucking on his neck. He felt a twinge of annoyance that Remus had taken the time to make sure that any mark he left would be safely hidden from the eyes of others. He still didn't want anyone to know about what they were doing. Then again, he reasoned, perhaps it was best to be cautious about their relationship. Even if Remus hadn't been stubbornly pleading his heterosexuality, Sirius didn't really need any more attention from the bullies of the school.

Then he felt the evidence of how much Remus wanted him, and he knew he didn't have the willpower to argue with him.

"Full moon tomorrow," Remus gasped.

Sirius didn't need reminding. It wasn't like Remus would voluntarily touch him at any other time of the month.

"Don't talk," he whispered before pushing Remus up against the wall and kissing him fiercely.

He didn't want to hear that it was Moony who wanted him.

He didn't want to hear Remus's denials again.

He wanted to feel Remus in his arms.

He wanted to taste his lips.

He wanted to hear Remus cry out in ecstasy as he came.

No matter the cost… he wanted Remus.

Sirius pulled Remus towards him, letting the other boy use him as a pillow as he lay sated on the dusty cupboard floor.

"Love you," Sirius whispered.

Remus didn't reply.

"Remus?"

"I'm so weak," Remus mumbled.

"I hope you're talking about being exhausted after what we've just done."

"You _know_ what I'm talking about."

"Yeah, I guess I do," Sirius replied. "So, this is what it comes down to, is it? You aren't getting any from your girlfriend, so you'll settle for me?"

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it?"

"Charlie isn't like that."

"Like what? Easy, like me?"

"You're not easy."

"Aren't I? Seems like it to me. You're feeling horny; your girlfriend won't put out, so you turn to me because you know I'll go down on you in a heartbeat. You don't even need to ask."

"Oh, Sirius." Remus sighed and hugged him tightly. "I've already explained about Moony and you seemed to accept it."

"I understand what you said, but that doesn't mean I accept what you're telling me."

Remus sat up and glared at Sirius. "If you're going to be like this every time we're together…"

"You'll what?" Sirius snapped. "Deny _Moony_ what he wants?"

"If I have to."

"You know you won't. You want me too badly to let this delusion you're under stop us being together."

"It's not a delusion."

"Seems like it to me. In case you hadn't realised, I have needs, too. Maybe you can limit your urges to the three days around the full moon, but I can't. I want you every day of the month. I love you."

"I don't have to give in to the wolf," Remus pointed out quietly. "That I let him have you this much should be enough. Most blokes would hate the idea of another guy touching them… you know… down there."

"Do _you_ hate the idea of me touching you?" Sirius whispered.

"Moony…"

"No!" Sirius snapped. "I don't want to hear about Moony. I want to know what Remus thinks. If I touch you next week would you like it? Or would you be repulsed by the very idea?"

"I…"

"I'll want you next week, just as much as I want you right now. Probably even more as I'll have spent nearly a week without you. Do you have any idea what it's like to have all these feelings and not be able to act on them?"

"I guess I've been a bit selfish, huh?"

"A bit?" Sirius shook his head and laughed bitterly. "It sometimes seems like you're using me. You take what you want, when you want it, and I just have to put up with it."

"We never really talked about your needs, did we?" Remus murmured quietly. "I guess you're probably thinking about getting a boyfriend or something."

"No, I want you!"

"But since you can't have me, perhaps you should look elsewhere? It would be great if you could find someone who won't mind sharing you with Moony, but I'll understand if you can't. I don't want you to have to choose between Moony and a potential boyfriend."

"Whoa, wait a minute." Sirius held up his hands and replayed the last few minutes of the conversation in his mind. "How did we get onto me getting a boyfriend? I don't want a boyfriend. I want you!"

"You can have me," Remus said. "Today, tomorrow and the day after that."

"And then?" Sirius whispered.

"You always have to ruin things, don't you?" Remus snapped as he pushed Sirius away. "You just can't leave it alone."

Sirius could tell that Remus was getting angry again. He didn't want to fight, not any more. He reached out and took Remus's hand in his own. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't want to fight."

Remus nodded, appeased for the moment. "I'm kind of glad you don't want a boyfriend actually," he told him.

"Why?" Sirius asked, tempted to ask if he was jealous, but unwilling to risk angering Remus again.

"Because a boyfriend would want you every day of the month, and I wouldn't get you at all," Remus said.

"I'd choose you over anyone else," Sirius whispered, leaning across to kiss him hard on the lips.

They slipped out of the cupboard, relieved to find that the corridor was empty. With not a soul in either direction, Sirius took the opportunity to take Remus's hand in his own and squeeze it briefly.

"Don't," Remus whispered. "Not where someone might see."

Sirius nodded and reluctantly released Remus's hand. It was just how it was.

"What are we going to do during the summer?" he asked as they climbed onto one of the moving staircases.

"It's not far away now," Remus replied. "One more full moon and then we break up."

Sirius tried not to read the double meaning of Remus's words and concentrated instead on the problem at hand. "My father may let me visit, if he hasn't heard about my perversions."

"You'd have heard from him by now if he had," Remus pointed out. "All the usual suspects who would tell tales to him have left Hogwarts now."

"They'd probably write to my mother first," Sirius added. "Good job she already knows."

From the floor below they heard the sound of laughter and a call of "fag".

Sirius watched Remus take a step away from him and reach for his wand with lightning reflexes. It was clear there would be two more for the hospital wing before the day was over. He hoped that by next year things would change. Most of his tormentors had been seventh years, and at least they would have left school when he returned.

"Charlie has agreed to stay away during the full moon again," Remus commented as they continued up the stairs.

"Bloody good job," Sirius muttered. "I don't think she'd like seeing her boyfriend getting sucked off by another bloke."

"You sound very sure that that's going to happen," Remus said.

"You saying it isn't?" Sirius challenged. "You know that you're still hard for me, even after what we've just done."

"It's the full moon."

Sirius didn't answer that. Instead, he took a detour to the prefects' bathroom and tugged Remus inside. Remus didn't pull away from him or argue with him. He simply gave himself over to Sirius, crying out repeatedly as he was pushed over the brink again and again.

Sirius didn't believe it was the full moon that made Remus want him. He had caught sight of far too many longing looks from Remus at other times of the month. He had spotted the bulge in Remus's trousers on far more days than the three surrounding the full moon. But, most encouraging of all, on the day that Moaning Myrtle had decided to camp out in the prefects' bathroom, he had returned to the one down the corridor from the boys' dormitory, and heard Remus crying out his name, just as he had done on the first night of the year.

He knew it couldn't be a coincidence that on both of the two occasions he had used the regular bathroom, he had heard Remus pleasuring himself with thoughts of him. He had no doubt at all that this was something that Remus did on a regular basis, if only Remus would admit it to the both of them.

-o-xXx-o-

The summer holidays arrived in the middle of the worst heat wave in living memory.

Sirius had managed to persuade his parents to let him stay with Remus for the start of the holidays. Remus privately wondered if he had blackmailed them, but Sirius had assured him that that was not the case.

"Just the first week," Sirius said as he read the letter. "Then I have to go back for the rest of the summer. They won't let Regulus come either, they say he's too young."

"Do you have to stay in London for all the rest of the summer?" Remus asked.

"Don't worry; my parents would never separate us during a full moon again," Sirius promised him. "They say you can visit for the last week of the holidays, too."

"They'll let you stay for all three days, won't they?" Remus asked, more concerned about the full moon than the end of the holidays.

Sirius smiled to himself, knowing exactly what it was that Remus was asking, without actually saying the words. "I can come on the day of the full moon, and they want me back by dinner the following night."

Remus nodded. "Oh."

"You won't even miss me," Sirius teased. "You'll be too busy sorting out the house, making it liveable again."

Remus didn't reply for a long time. "I've decided to visit Greyback in the summer," he finally announced. "If I arrange it for the day after the full moon, will you come with me?"

Sirius nodded. "Of course I will."

Remus smiled with obvious relief and they turned back to their homework. Even though the end of term exams were over, the professors were not easing up on the N.E.W.T. students.

The lessons continued right up until the last day, and several students were despairing over finding the time to pack.

"It's all right for you two," Peter complained. "You can leave it until after the rest of the school has gone to the station tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Remus said, without looking up from the Quidditch magazine crossword he was presently struggling with. "Anyone know which member of the Cannons was knocked out for three weeks during the blatching incident of 1893, losing them the league cup for the first time in over two decades?"

"Was it McAdams?" James asked as he pulled several sets of robes from the wardrobe and threw them onto his bed.

"Doesn't fit," Remus replied as he chewed on his quill.

Remus turned to the next clue while the rest of the boys continued to pack. Sirius wasn't trying too hard though, instead, he was crawling under the beds as he searched for various lost items.

"You aren't still trying to find your spare tie, are you?" James asked.

"No, it was in the bathroom cabinet," Sirius replied, his voice echoing from beneath Remus's bed.

"What was it doing in there?"

"Who knows."

"So, what have you lost now?"

"Just a magazine," Sirius replied, his voice a shade too casual.

Remus stilled his quill and chewed his lip. He had forgotten all about the magazine he had found in Sirius's trunk, and knew that it was still hidden beneath his mattress.

"You shouldn't worry about it," Peter advised. "The house elves will pick up anything you leave behind."

"I know that," Sirius muttered. "That's why I need to find it. I don't fancy starting off next term with a detention."

"A detention?" Peter asked. "Why would you get a detention for forgetting a magazine? Unless it's one of those…"

"Yeah," Sirius interrupted. "It's one of _those_ magazines, except I can't bloody find it. If the house elves find it, they'll hand it in to the teachers with the rest of the lost property, and you know they'll know who it belongs to."

He crawled back out from under the bed, grabbed a shoe and threw it across the room at its owner. It was a direct hit and James rubbed his bruised forehead. "Is it the magazine you told me about?" he asked. "The muggle one with blokes in it?"

Sirius nodded. "It was in my trunk, I know it was. I've never taken it out of the damn trunk."

"You haven't?" Peter asked. "Then why bring it to school?"

"My mother caught me with them when I was in the middle of packing at the start of the year. She demanded I get them out of the house, so I shoved them in my trunk. I need to make sure they're all hidden out of her sight, but I can't find one of them."

"Well, who else would have it?" Peter asked. "The three of us aren't exactly into blokes."

Sirius sighed and sat down on his bed. "I just don't understand where it could have gone."

The mystery of the missing magazine lingered for the rest of the day, and it still hadn't re-appeared the next day when Peter and James said their goodbyes and went to join the rest of the students in the Entrance Hall. Remus went downstairs with them to say goodbye to Charlene, but Sirius chose to remain in the dormitory and search behind the more bulky items of furniture.

Sirius's trunk was packed, but Remus's belongings were still scattered around the room, when the main school left to catch the Hogwarts Express and Remus returned upstairs.

They were gathering things together when two house elves appeared in the dormitory to collect the bedding for the laundry. They quickly stripped the beds, leaving Remus's, that still had several piles of clothes on it, until last.

Sirius spotted the magazine as the elves tugged the valance sheet from the bed. He turned to Remus, who had clearly spotted it, too, and saw the flush of embarrassment on his face.

"Should have guessed," Sirius said as he pulled his magazine from its hiding place. "How long have you had this?"

"I'd forgotten about it until last night," Remus admitted. "I couldn't say anything in front of the others, you know that."

"Yeah, I know," Sirius replied, trying not to feel too smug at the knowledge that Remus had been sneaking looks at his magazines. "This one isn't very good actually. I've a couple more in my trunk that are much better."

"You do?"

Sirius hid his smile as best he could. "Actually, could you do me a favour?" he asked.

"What sort of favour?" Remus replied hesitantly.

"Would you keep all the magazines for me?" Sirius asked. "My mother will do her nut if she catches me with muggle magazines again. You could hide them at your place and she'd never know the difference."

"But what if Charlie comes to visit and sees them?"

"Say they're mine," Sirius said with a shrug. "You wouldn't be lying. Besides, if you put them in the study no one would ever know they were there. You could just hide them in with all the rest of the books and magazines."

Remus nodded. "Okay. Pass them here and I'll put them in my trunk."

Sirius grinned as he retrieved the rest of the magazines from his own trunk and passed them across to Remus. He didn't comment on Remus's blush as he looked at the covers of the magazines, nor did he remark on how long Remus had looked at them before putting them away. But he noticed both of these things and stored them in his memory for future reference.

-o-xXx-o-

"Where do you think we should start?" Sirius asked after they had dumped their trunks in Remus's living room and stocked up the larder with food purloined from the Hogwarts kitchens.

Remus shrugged and turned to Romulus. "Where do you suggest?"

Romulus looked at the stack of pots in the kitchen sink, some of which had been there for more than four months, and immediately suggested the kitchen.

Remus opened the cupboard, displaying the large array of remaining mismatched pots. "No need to do the kitchen just yet," he said. "Next suggestion?"

"The pots," Romulus repeated. "You'll have things growing in the sink if you leave them much longer."

"You're just saying that," Remus replied, clearly not bothered by the threat.

"I'm not just saying it," Romulus said. "This is – and always has been – a home for witches and wizards, and it doesn't pay to leave things lying around. You never know how things will react to the magic in the house."

"Maybe we can get the old ghost up in the attic to do the cleaning?" Sirius suggested with a grin.

"Oh, that's a great idea," Romulus said, the faintest trace of sarcasm in his voice. "Do let me know when you go to ask her; I could do with a good laugh."

"I'm going to start in the study," Remus announced. "You coming, Sirius?"

Sirius nodded and the two of them set about beginning the task of putting the house back into some sort of an order again.

Remus seemed determined to avoid the kitchen sink, and after four days of not very subtle hinting by Romulus, Sirius finally decided to give it his best shot. It was that or trying to talk Remus into sorting out Romulus's room, and he didn't like the idea of attempting that again. Remus seemed to believe that if he simply left the room as it was Romulus would one day be able to use it again. Romulus had tried to persuade Remus to clean the room himself, pointing out that it had always been tidy when he was using it, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.

The week flew by faster than either boy could have imagined, and all too soon Sirius was sitting on his trunk, forcing it shut, and preparing to apparate to Grimmauld Place.

"You will come back for the full moon, won't you?" Remus reminded him.

Sirius nodded.

"As soon as you can?" Remus added.

"As soon as I can escape my mother's clutches," Sirius promised with a grin.

"I'll miss you," Remus said as Sirius finally managed to strap the trunk shut.

Sirius's smile lit up the room. "I'll be back soon," he said.

Remus's lower lip was sticking out ever so slightly, his pout almost unnoticeable, although Sirius, who knew him better than anyone else, could see it quite clearly.

"I'll see you on the full moon," Romulus said, vanishing from the room with nod and a smile.

"Yeah, see you!" Sirius called, even though he suspected the ghost had gone where he could no longer hear him. He turned to Remus once more. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

Remus nodded and the lower lip jutted out just a little bit more.

Sirius knew he should leave well enough alone, but a small part of his brain told him to stuff it and he pulled Remus into his arms and pressed their lips together.

He waited for Remus to push him away, to remind him that it wasn't the full moon, and that they shouldn't be doing this.

It was therefore something of a surprise to find that Remus was kissing him back every bit as passionately as he did around the time of the full moon.

Sirius knew that he should pull away, and stop this before they went any further, but he also knew that as soon as Remus was able to speak again, he would push him away and continue his denials.

Eventually, he knew he had to stop, and he pulled away from Remus and grabbed his trunk. Remus stood looking at him with a stunned expression on his face, and that was the last thing that Sirius saw before he apparated away with a crack.


	51. The Big Bad Wolf

A/N: July (and anyone else wondering if the beating will have a lasting effect on Sirius) - there is a link at the bottom of my profile page where I have answered this question for someone at Livejournal. The short answer is, yes, there will be lasting effects, though I suspect I will not be dwelling on them as much as people might like.

Still slightly behind on answering the reviews for the latest chapter - but look how early you are getting this one - surely that makes up for it?

Oh, and check out the art section of my profile, too. There are some new pictures for this story there, courtesy of anna_bm over at Livejournal.

The Big Bad Wolf 

Walburga Black wasted no time in niceties where her eldest son was concerned. As soon as Sirius had stepped through the front door of Grimmauld Place, he found himself summoned to Walburga's study where she thrust an itinerary for the rest of the summer into his hands.

Sirius scanned the engagements and was pleasantly surprised to see that she had remembered to make allowances for the full moons. He noticed that the day immediately following the first full moon of the summer included a late brunch with the Lestranges, but he decided not to say anything about it. He would return from Remus's as and when he wanted to, and take the consequences afterwards.

He looked back to the top of the page and saw that he was due to have dinner at the Crouch residence that evening.

"We're expected at six o'clock sharp," Walburga told him. "Dinner will be served at seven. I don't need to tell you to be on your best behaviour, do I?"

Sirius shook his head. He knew that one false move from him would mean a retraction of the promise that was allowing him to spend the full moons with Remus. Not that it would stop him going there, but it would be easier all round if he didn't have to sneak out.

"Oh, and Sirius?" Walburga called him back just after he reached the door.

Sirius turned to face her and she waited until she was sure she had his undivided attention.

"You will say nothing about your werewolf lover or your sexual preferences," Walburga warned. "Once you are married and there is no risk of an annulment, you may confide in your wife if you wish, but until then you will hold your tongue."

Sirius smiled. "You may find that some of those girls you keep sending in my direction already know," he replied. "I got outed at school, the whole of Hogwarts knows I'm gay."

Walburga frowned, and Sirius could tell that she was trying to figure out whether he was lying or not.

"It's true," Sirius added. "But don't worry; if the other guests don't know about me, I'm not going to go around advertising it."

He knew his tone was somewhat bitter, but he couldn't seem to stop it. He turned to leave once more, but was called back a second time.

"Sirius?"

He turned to face her, trying not to sigh too loudly with impatience. He still had to unpack and he wanted to see Regulus as well.

"Did something happen?" Walburga asked quietly. "When the other students found out about you?"

Sirius gave a snort of contempt. "What is this, Mother? Worry? Don't you think it's a little late to be playing the concerned parent?"

Walburga flushed slightly and rose to her feet. "Did something happen?" she repeated icily.

"Nothing you need to trouble yourself with," Sirius assured her. "Just a few older lads showing me how disgusted they were."

"You stood up to them, didn't you?"

"I was on my own and outnumbered," Sirius said. "I didn't exactly have much of a chance to do more than take what they dished out."

"Are you all right?"

Sirius was about to make another sarcastic comment about her previous lack of concern, but there was something in her voice that halted his tongue. Instead he nodded slowly. "I am now, and thank you for your concern," he replied politely. It wasn't entirely true, but the idea of confiding in his mother was entirely foreign to him.

Walburga nodded and turned to look out of the window. "Do you really think me so uncaring?" she asked. "Did you not think I might want to know if my son and heir had been attacked?"

Sirius bit his lower lip and wished he could just turn and leave the room. "I…"

"What spells did they use?" Walburga asked. "Nothing with lasting effects, I hope?"

"They didn't use spells," Sirius replied. "Just their fists and boots."

Walburga turned back from the window, her eyes narrowed. "Muggle methods," she sneered.

Sirius shrugged. It was over and done with and he didn't really want to be discussing what had happened with anyone, least of all, his mother.

Walburga, insensitive though she was most of the time, seemed to sense something of Sirius's reluctance and nodded firmly. "You are dismissed. Please be in the hall, ready to leave at quarter to six."

-o-xXx-o-

"You should try and find a holiday job," Romulus suggested to Remus as the young werewolf sighed at the latest bill that had arrived.

"I'll ask in the village," Remus agreed. "Maybe Aberforth will give me your old job?"

Romulus shook his head. "I doubt it. He has someone else now. It's not like he could wait around for me to return. It wouldn't hurt to ask around the village though. You could even look further afield now you have your apparating licence."

Remus hoped it wouldn't come to that. Everyone in Hogsmeade knew who he was, and more importantly, what he was. He didn't fancy the idea of having to come up with lies for employers each time the full moon came around.

In the end, Remus found himself running errands for various shops in the village. He found that it helped to pass the time until the full moon that much quicker, and whilst the pay wasn't exactly great, it did help him afford a few extra luxuries. He ordered a new subscription to Quidditch Quarterly and paid for proper repairs to Romulus's old broom, a Silver Arrow, so that he could finally use something other than a school broom in his Quidditch matches.

He hardly realised that the next full moon was only two days away until Romulus reminded him.

"So soon?" he asked, looking up at the night sky with surprise.

"You really should start keeping a closer eye on the lunar cycle," Romulus chided.

"I do," Remus argued. "And even if I didn't, I'd know about it the morning of the full moon anyway. That's when my joints start to ache."

Romulus nodded, knowing that it was true. "You should still take more notice, you'll need to know the full moons well in advance when you find a proper job. Just calling in sick won't cut it with most employers, you'll need to plan your excuses in advance if you can."

"I'll worry about that when it happens," Remus replied, banishing his empty mug to the kitchen sink, which hadn't been emptied since Sirius had left.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius arrived in Hogsmeade with a small bag of belongings and his mother's orders ringing loudly in his ears. He knew that she would be furious when he didn't return in time for the social engagements she had planned for the following day, but he had promised to go with Remus when he visited Greyback, and he intended to keep his word.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, hurtling down the stairs and throwing himself at Sirius with so much enthusiasm he nearly knocked him right back out the front door.

"I take it this means you missed me?" Sirius said with a grin as he returned Remus's hug.

Remus nodded as he pulled Sirius the rest of the way inside and closed the door behind him. "You have no idea!" he declared as he pushed Sirius up against the door and tugged his robes open.

Sirius chuckled. "Oh, I think I'm getting the idea," he gasped as Remus's questing hand found what he was searching for.

"We've got nearly an hour before the sun sets," Remus told him, swallowing Sirius's reply with a heated kiss.

They stumbled into the living room, Remus complaining that Sirius was wearing far too many clothes for his liking.

"I'll remember that for next time," Sirius promised, realising as he pushed Remus's own robes aside that the werewolf clearly hadn't intended to waste any time with such things as undressing. "Have you been naked under your robes all day?" he asked.

Remus grinned at him and shrugged. "Rom keeps telling me I have to learn to prepare for the full moon," he explained.

"I don't think this is what he had in mind," Sirius pointed out with a grin of his own.

"You complaining?"

Sirius shook his head. "Definitely not."

"Then shut up and kiss me again," Remus told him, winding his arms around his neck and pushing him down onto the sofa. He climbed on top of him and immediately set about making up for lost time.

-o-xXx-o-

The next morning, after Remus had been sufficiently fed and patched up, he turned to Sirius with a hesitant smile.

"What?" Sirius asked as he continued eating his own, now rather cold breakfast.

Remus's smile widened and he shook his head. "Nothing."

Sirius shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"Aren't you going to pester me into telling you?" Remus teased.

It was Sirius's turn to shake his head as he continued to eat.

"Finish your breakfast, then come through here," Remus said with a grin as he walked through to the bedroom.

Sirius rolled his eyes. He wondered briefly how many times they could get each other off before they had apparate down to Cheshire. He quickly stuffed the last of his toast into his mouth and hurried after Remus.

When he entered the room he found Remus sitting on his bed, naked and very much aroused. He wasn't surprised, and the sight before him was enough to stir his own blood. Then he saw that Remus was reaching out to him, holding something in his hand.

"What's that?" he asked.

"You don't recognise it?" Remus asked, tossing the jar to him. Sirius, while not on the Quidditch team, did have pretty fast reflexes, and they were more than enough to catch the lubricant.

Sirius walked towards the bed and looked down at Remus, his eyes asking the unspoken question.

"I'm sure," Remus replied. "It's supposed to be easier with that stuff, right?"

Sirius nodded. "If you remember to bring it with you," he said with a rueful smile.

"Don't you want to?" Remus hesitantly asked. "I thought you liked what we did?"

"I did, but…"

"But what?"

"What about Charlene?" Sirius asked. "The longer this goes on, the more guilty I feel about what we're doing behind her back. I still remember how I felt when I found out you had kissed her; it's not a pleasant feeling. And this… this is a hell of a lot more than getting each other off."

Remus remained silent, but placed a hand on Sirius's arm.

"It's not that I don't want you," Sirius continued. "You know I do, but the longer this goes on, the more hurt she's going to be when she finds out."

"She doesn't have to find out," Remus pointed out.

"You know she will eventually," Sirius replied. "She'll find out and she'll get hurt; don't you care about that at all?"

Remus sighed and nodded. "Of course I do. But I hope that one day she'll come to understand about the wolf and his needs, the same way that you do."

Sirius snorted. He didn't believe the nonsense about the wolf being gay, and he had no doubt that Charlene would treat the explanation with a similar amount of scepticism and contempt.

"If you don't want to do this any more, just say so," Remus whispered.

Sirius looked down at where Remus's hand was still resting on his arm and placed his own hand over the top of it. This was better than nothing he told himself again. The guilt was the price he would have to pay in order to be with Remus, and when Remus was touching him, holding him and kissing him, it was a price he was happy to pay.

"Do you want to top this time?" he asked, slightly nervously.

Remus shook his head. "No, I need you inside me."

"If you're sure?" Sirius replied. "You know it hurt last time."

"This time will be better," Remus assured him, taking the jar of lube from Sirius's hands and removing the lid from the same.

As Sirius slowly disrobed, he hoped that Remus was right.

-o-xXx-o-

It had still hurt a little, Sirius could tell that it had. But Remus had assured him that this was what he wanted, and that he would want it again. He would want him again.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," Remus whispered sleepily as they snuggled in the bed.

"Me, too," Sirius agreed. "What time do we have to be at the camp?"

"Visiting hours are between one and three," Remus replied between yawns.

Sirius nodded thoughtfully, pushing thoughts of the plans his mother had made to the farthest corner of his mind.

-o-xXx-o-

They arrived at the camp by public port key at one o'clock prompt. Next time they could apparate there, but this time they had no idea how to visual the place since they had never seen it before.

"Doesn't look very intimidating, does it?" Sirius commented.

"Probably in case muggles are passing this way," Remus replied, pointing to the traffic passing on the main road in the distance.

Sirius watched the vehicles whizzing past, inwardly marvelling at the speed they were achieving. Remus was probably right. They followed the others who had travelled with them from Dove Town towards the entrance. There was a sullen-looking witch, who appeared to be in her thirties, and two elderly wizards who told them that they were making their monthly visit to see their brother.

"Why doesn't he live with you?" Remus asked curiously.

"No facilities for a werewolf," the taller of the two replied. "At least not good enough for the inspectors from the Ministry. One of the neighbours reported him, and by the next full moon they'd sent him here."

"Who you visiting?" the other wizard asked. "Werewolf or banshee?"

"How do you know it's one of those?" Sirius asked.

"Different creatures have different visiting hours. Those are the only two you can visit on a weekday afternoon."

"Oh," Sirius replied.

"Werewolf," Remus explained.

"Relative?"

"Guardian."

The wizard looked at him curiously, but they had reached the main gate, and there was no time for further questions.

Remus and Sirius found themselves in a waiting area where a young witch with a clipboard checked off the visitors against the names on her list.

"Winters," the sulky looking witch who had arrived with them said.

The witch with the clipboard nodded. "Relation?"

The witch glared at her. "Do we have to go through this every time I visit?" she snapped. "I'd rather just get it over with."

The witch with the clipboard made a note on her parchment. "Yes, we do. Relation?"

"Aunt," the witch replied.

The witch with the clipboard nodded and turned to Remus. "New here?" she asked.

Remus nodded.

"Your name?" the witch asked.

"Remus Lupin."

"And you're visiting?"

"Fenrir Greyback."

One of the elderly wizards drew in a sharp breath and exchanged a glance with his brother. It was obvious he had heard of him.

"Relation to the resident?" the witch continued.

"He's my guardian," Remus explained.

"Visitors must be seventeen years of age," the witch told him.

"I am," Remus confirmed.

"Former guardian," the witch amended, making another note.

She then turned to Sirius. "Name?"

"Sirius Black."

The witch looked at her parchment for several moments. "I'm afraid you're not on my list," she finally said.

"I'm with him," Sirius said, nodding to Remus. "Moral support and all that."

The witch smiled. "Well, I'm afraid that without the resident's permission, you'll have to show moral support here in the waiting area. Only officials from the Ministry of Magic and those who the resident has invited are permitted to visit."

"Are you going to be okay on your own?" Sirius asked quietly.

Remus looked nervous, but he nodded. "You can go home if you like. I know your parents will be expecting you back."

Sirius shook his head. "I'll just wait out here."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm curious to know what he wants to see you about."

The witch, satisfied that she wasn't going to have any trouble from him, moved on to the last of the visitors, and finally guided everyone except Sirius through the door on the opposite side of the room.

"Good luck," Sirius said, and a brief thrill of pleasure shot through him when Remus reached out, of his own accord, and briefly squeezed his hand in thanks.

The action, so simple, so brief, and so innocent, pleased him like nothing else could have. It was something Remus used to do all the time, at least before Sirius had kissed him. It wasn't that Remus hadn't touched him at all since that night, just that it had been either forced or awkward, or in the moments of heated passion. Now, for the first time that he could recall, Remus had touched him like he had before.

Remus, who hadn't noticed how much his unconscious action had pleased Sirius, followed the witch out of the room and down a long corridor with the rest of the visitors.

Since he was the only visitor who had never been to the camp before, the witch leading them walked alongside him, explaining the procedures and security measures as they went.

"The room you'll see your guardian in is private," she told him. "However, if you're in difficulty then the guards are only a call away. Cry out loudly and they'll hear you. I assume you know that werewolf bites are rarely dangerous when it is not the full moon?"

"Rarely?" Remus questioned, remembering the numerous times he had bit on Sirius's lips and his neck without even thinking about the consequences.

"You'll be in no danger," the witch assured him.

"I'm already a werewolf," Remus told her, keeping his voice down so that only she could hear him. "But what do you mean by rarely?"

"There are only two reported cases of a werewolf being created following a bite from a wolf in human form," the witch explained. Remus's confession about his own Lycanthropy didn't seem to have phased her at all.

Remus tried to swallow the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat.

"Are you all right?" the witch asked.

Remus stopped walking and sat down on one of the chairs that was positioned along the wall of the corridor.

The witch was looking concerned now, but she still had a job to do. Leaving Remus in his seat, she directed the rest of the visitors a little further down the corridor, and into separate rooms where the residents were waiting for them.

"Do you need to go back?" the witch asked as she sat down beside him.

Remus shook his head.

"Greyback is waiting for you in the room at the end," she told him, pointing down the corridor. "Do you still wish to see him?"

"I can't back out now," Remus said. "I didn't know that biting someone while human could turn them."

"As I said, it's rare. But surely you've not been going round biting people, have you?"

Remus felt his face flushing bright red.

"Or have you?" the witch asked, edging away from his slightly. "You realise that if there's a risk you've infected someone, it has to be reported to the Ministry?"

"Oh, shit!" Remus breathed, burying his face in his hands and wishing himself anywhere but here.

"Have you bitten someone?" the witch asked, and from the corner of his eye, Remus could see her reaching for her wand.

"I didn't know there was a risk," he whispered. "I swear I didn't. We just… I just… oh shit!"

The witch was looking a little less worried now, but she still had her hand on her wand.

"Sometimes we get a bit carried away," Remus said. "You know… when we're…"

"Oh, you mean you're a biter during sex?" the witch asked when understanding had dawned.

"I didn't know there was a risk," Remus repeated.

"Well, as I said, it's very rare that someone can turn from a bite from a werewolf in human form. The only recorded cases were of victims who had the Lycanthropy gene in their blood already."

"They did?"

"They each had a parent or grandparent who was a full werewolf. Even though they were not born werewolves, the bite was enough to push them the rest of the way. Do you know if she has a werewolf in her ancestry?"

"I don't think so," Remus replied, reluctant to correct her assumption that the person he was talking about was female. "How long did it take for them to change?"

"The next full moon, just like anyone else who's bitten."

Remus nodded. He knew he had bitten Sirius often enough before the most recent full moon, and he suspected that if the Blacks had a werewolf in the family, he would have heard about it before now. But even so, he intended to check with Sirius just as soon as he was done with visiting Greyback.

"The bites they suffered were also very vicious," the witch added. "They were bitten by those who are monsters on other days besides the full moon. They were trying to turn them."

"That makes a difference?" Remus asked.

"The reports said that their throats had nearly been torn out. Which causes a lot more damage than biting a lover during a bit of rough sex."

Remus nodded, his mind easing a little.

"Are you ready to see Greyback now?" the witch asked.

Remus stood up and nodded. They continued the short distance down the corridor until they reached the door at the end.

"One thing, before you go in," the witch said.

Remus nodded and the witch cast a quick glance back down the corridor to check that no one was about.

"One of the victims," the witch whispered. "One of those who was turned by a bite from a werewolf in human form…" Remus nodded, curious as to what else she could have to say. "He was bitten by Greyback."

Remus's hand froze on the door handle, but the witch's manner had returned to strictly profession.

"You'll have a little under the three hours," she explained as Remus entered the room.

Remus closed the door behind him without taking his eyes off of the older werewolf.

He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but Fenrir Greyback wasn't it.

The werewolf was dressed in a set of robes that looked, if not fashionable, at least clean. He was cleanly shaven and his dark brown hair, greying at the temples, was tied back neatly. At first glance, there was nothing to differentiate him from any other wizard. Then he smiled and Remus caught a brief flash of fangs between the thin lips.

"Remus, I'm glad you've come to see me," Fenrir said, waving him to the seat opposite his own. Remus took the seat, and was quite thankful for the table that separated the two of them.

"Hello," he said, not sure what else he was expected to say.

Fenrir smiled again, not as widely this time and Remus got the impression he was trying to conceal the fangs.

"How did you do in your end of year exams?" Fenrir asked, sounding pleasantly interested rather than stern.

Remus shrugged. "Okay, I think. Only one Outstanding."

"In Astronomy?" Fenrir guessed.

Remus shook his head. "Defence Against the Dark Arts. I got Exceeds Expectations in Astronomy."

"You got a werewolf question in Defence, didn't you?"

Remus grinned. "Yeah, got lucky on that one."

They chatted for a few more minutes about Remus's schoolwork, with Fenrir giving every impression of casual interest and pride in the younger man's achievements.

"I guess you're wondering why I asked you to visit?" Fenrir said, and Remus nodded.

"I suppose you know all about werewolves that get supervised," Fenrir commented.

Remus frowned and shook his head. "Not really."

"Oh." That seemed to stall Fenrir somewhat, but he soon recovered. "Well, it's like this; werewolves are pretty much left to their own devices until the Ministry steps in, but once they have, they insist on certain measures to ensure that the public is safe from us monsters." He chuckled slightly and shook his head. "Measures like locking us up in here, or getting some responsible wizard to supervise us during the full moons."

Remus nodded that he understood this.

"Did you know that werewolves can supervise each other?" he continued, and Remus shook his head.

Fenrir nodded that this was the case. "But only werewolves who aren't on the Ministry watch-list can supervise another werewolf. Werewolves with a clean record, that is to say, werewolves with no victims. It also helps if they're related to the werewolf they're supervising. Mothers who have passed the Lycanthropy onto their children are often called on to supervise the children if they get a bit out of hand and run foul of the Ministry later in life."

"I'm not sure what this has to do with me," Remus replied, although he had a sneaking suspicion he knew what was coming. He just hoped that he was wrong.

Fenrir smiled, showing a bit of fang once more. "According to the law, you're my son," he said. "A son with a clean record with the Ministry."

"I was on the run from the Ministry," Remus pointed out. "That's hardly a clean record."

"But you have no victims," Fenrir reminded him. "And according to the Ministry, we're related."

Fenrir sat back in his seat and grinned. "You're an adult now, though I don't imagine the Ministry would let you supervise me whilst you're still in school. But this time next year…"

Remus chewed on his lip as he realised what was being asked of him. He wasn't quite sure what to say. He had seen Fenrir's record and knew how long the Ministry had been tracking him before they finally captured him. He very much doubted that the Ministry would be amenable to letting him out in public again, and certainly not under the supervision of a teenager.

"Isn't there anyone else who could supervise you?" he asked. "Right now, instead of next year?"

Fenrir shook his head. "Afraid not. Not got a lot of relatives and most of them don't want anything to do with me."

"Sorry."

Fenrir snorted. "The feelings entirely mutual, I assure you. So, what do you think?"

"You want me to supervise you?" Remus questioned, hoping that despite everything he might have misunderstood.

"Isn't that what we've just been talking about?"

Remus rubbed at his nose and couldn't bring himself to look Fenrir in the eye.

"It's a lot to think about," Fenrir continued. "Especially since you didn't know about the whole supervision thing at all. You'll want time to think it over. And by this time next year, I know you'll have come to the right decision."

Remus took a deep breath and finally looked Fenrir in the eye.

This was the wolf that had bitten him, the one who had made him what he was and altered his life forever.

It had taken years for the Ministry to track him down and remove him from the rest of society.

He was the werewolf that everyone had heard of, the monster that attacked in the dark of the night, the one that parents threatened young misbehaving children with.

Remus shivered involuntarily, but did not flinch from the steely gaze he was facing.

Ever since the day Greyback had become his guardian, Remus had wondered why he had done so. The more he had thought about it, the more reluctant he had been to believe that Greyback had done what he had, merely to gain a few more freedoms within his prison. Now he knew that he was right.

Greyback didn't want to be a guardian for Remus; he wanted Remus to be a guardian for him.

No, Remus realised almost immediately. Greyback didn't want a guardian; he just wanted to get out of the camp. Remus had no doubt that the man sitting across from him would vanish into the morning mist as soon as he had won his freedom, leaving Remus to face the consequences for failing to keep him under control.

"I don't need time to think it over," Remus finally said, his voice strong and clear.

Fenrir's smile widened and the fangs flashed again. "Knew you'd do the right thing!" he exclaimed.

"I won't be your supervisor," Remus interrupted. "Even if I thought the Ministry would ever let you out."

"What?" Fenrir spluttered. "You've forgotten all I've done for you so soon?"

Remus could see that he was getting angry and he hoped that the guards were really in hearing distance. He hadn't seen them when he'd entered the room, but he knew that didn't necessarily mean anything. "I've not forgotten," he replied.

"You'd be dead now, if it weren't for me!" Fenrir shouted. "You owe me this!"

"I don't owe you anything," Remus replied, his own voice rising with suppressed anger.

"I'm your guardian!"

"I'm of age now," Remus reminded him. "That means I no longer need you."

"You owe me!" Fenrir repeated. "I gave you your freedom, you owe me the same."

Remus stood up and slammed his fist down on the table. "I owe you nothing!" he yelled. "You were one who bit me! You made me what I am and ruined my life, and now you dare to say that I owe you. You only became my guardian so that you could ask this of me, didn't you?"

"I don't deny it," Fenrir replied coldly. "I would advise you to strongly reconsider your decision."

"I'll never be your supervisor," he hissed. "You're right where you should be, and I hope you rot in here. I only wish they'd executed you when they caught you, instead of just locking you up."

For a moment, Remus thought that Fenrir was going to leap across the table and attack him. Then, to his complete surprise, Fenrir leaned back in his seat and laughed loudly.

"What's so funny?" Remus asked, disconcerted by the response.

Fenrir shook his head and stopped his laughter. "You say I made you what you are, and what a job I did, too. Even shut away in this prison my influence on you is evident to see. You're as cold and unfeeling as I am. What a team we would have made had I taken you the night I bit you!"

"I'm not cold and unfeeling," Remus argued. "I'm nothing like you."

"Oh, but you are," Fenrir replied, leaning across the table, this time deliberately displaying the pointed fangs. "You want to know why they didn't kill me? It's because I've got several pureblood connections still out there. It's always handy to have friends in high places. They couldn't get me my freedom, but those connections are what kept me alive. I hear you're friends with the young Black heir…"

"I'm not friends with Sirius for what he can do for me!"

"Maybe you should be. There may come a time when being friends with a pureblood is the only thing that stands between you and the executioner's axe."

"I'd never use Sirius like that."

Fenrir gave him a hard look. "You don't know what you are capable of until the time comes. You're more like me than you realise. Anyone else would be grateful for what I've done for them, eager to return the favour and repay the debt, but not you. You owe me a life debt, and don't you forget it."

"Your life isn't in danger," Remus pointed out. "How about you look me up again when it is?"

Fenrir shook his head. "Looking at you, I'd say that your life will be the one in danger before mine is."

"I think I'm done here," Remus said, standing up and backing towards the door.

Fenrir shrugged. "You're more like me than you know. It's only a matter of time before you realise it."

Remus shook his head and opened the door. He wouldn't be visiting Greyback again, and he sincerely hoped that he never heard from him again at all.

"That was quick," Sirius commented when Remus returned to the waiting area.

"Let's get out of here," Remus said, hurrying towards the door.

"So, what did he want to see you about?" Sirius asked after they had arrived back at Remus's house.

Remus just shook his head.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked as he pulled Remus down beside him on the sofa.

"Do you think I'm cold and unfeeling?" Remus asked quietly.

"What? No! Of course not." Sirius put his arm around Remus and was pleased that he didn't try to pull away. "Did he say that to you?"

Remus nodded. "I don't want to be like him," he whispered.

Sirius hugged him close. "You'll never be like him. I know it."

Remus turned to face him, and the next thing that Sirius knew Remus was pushing him down onto the sofa, straddling him and tugging his robes open.

"I'm not cold and unfeeling," Remus insisted, even though Sirius had never said he was. "I'm not!"

"I know you're not," Sirius replied as he pulled Remus down for a kiss.

Remus pulled back almost immediately. "Sirius, do you have any werewolves in your ancestry?" he asked.

Sirius frowned up at him. "No. Why do you ask?"

Remus shook his head and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, come here you daft sod," Sirius chided, pulling Remus back down to him once more.

Sirius wasn't sure what had happened in the meeting with Fenrir Greyback, but cold and unfeeling were the last things he believed Remus to be, and as he reached his hands inside Remus's robes he set out to prove it the only way he knew how.


	52. Cold and Empty Heart

*usual apologies for not yet replying to all the reviews from the most recent updates. You know I'll get to them eventually. Enjoy the latest chapter in the meantime.*

Cold and Empty Heart

The summer holiday seemed to be dragging for Remus. Since Sirius had returned to London, he had found himself at a loose end every day.

"You could give the outside of the house a coat of paint?" Romulus suggested, after Remus had declared his boredom for the eighth time that morning.

Remus sighed and looked outside. "It looks like it's going to rain," he replied.

Romulus drummed his fingers on his arm impatiently. "Well, how about you clear out the attic? It's long overdue."

Remus shook his head. "I don't fancy arguing with the old witch up there, and you know she gets all possessive about the junk up there."

"You could do some studying for next term."

Remus didn't even bother replying to that suggestion. He wasn't so bored that he would resort to that. He had several homework assignments still to do, but he was putting them off until the end of the summer, when he was planning on working on them during his visit with Sirius.

"Roll on next summer," Romulus commented.

"Why?"

"Because you'll have left Hogwarts, and I won't have to put up with weeks of complaints about you being bored," Romulus told him. "Next summer you'll have to find a job as soon as you leave school."

"Maybe I'll go visit Firenze," Remus said. "I could practice my shooting."

"Merlin spare us," Romulus said with a roll of his eyes. "McGonagall should have kept that bow in her locker."

"I'm not that bad," Remus huffed.

"You've not practised in years," Romulus reminded him. "You're downright awful."

Remus glared, but he knew there was nothing he could say in his defence. After all, the last time he had tried shooting anything he had been distracted so much his arrow had gone right through Romulus. If he hadn't already been dead, Remus's poor aim would have finished him off. Romulus had assured him though, that if he had still had a body, he would have stood somewhere well out of range, just in case.

His mind was made up, and Remus dug his bow and arrows out of the trunk and set out to walk through the forest to the centaur camp.

As it happened, he actually came across Firenze well before he reached the camp.

"Out hunting?" the centaur asked, startling Remus and causing him to stumble into a rather prickly bush.

Firenze, and the centaur he was with, laughed as he pulled himself free and stood up.

"What are you doing out here?" Firenze asked. "On your way to the camp?"

Remus nodded as he brushed himself off. "It's been a while, and I thought I'd check in and see how things are over there?"

Firenze snorted without humour. "Same as ever," he muttered. "Can't really talk about it though."

"Why not?" Remus asked.

Firenze gestured towards his companion. "Politics," he said with a sigh.

"If you wish me to return to the camp…" the other centaur's voice trailed off and he turned as if to leave.

Firenze looked like he wanted him to leave, but for some reason was reluctant to say so. Thankfully, the other centaur read enough of his feelings in his face. He shrugged and turned to canter back the way they had come.

Remus waited until the pure white centaur, right down to his hair, had disappeared into the trees before he spoke again. "What was that all about?" he asked. "I don't recognise him."

"He's not of my herd," Firenze explained. "He's part of an envoy from one of the lowland herds."

"Magorian is looking to form an alliance with them?" Remus guessed.

Firenze nodded. "He wishes me to bond with Alpin there."

"What?" Remus spluttered. "But you're both male!"

"Really?" Firenze said with a small smile. "I hadn't noticed."

"But you said that bonding was the centaur equivalent of a marriage," Remus pointed out.

"It can be," Firenze replied. "But sometimes it's simply a business contract. Which is what Magorian has in mind for me."

"I thought things would be better now that you've agreed to sponsor Taranis?"

Firenze snorted again and stamped a hoof on the ground. "Magorian specialises in being paranoid," he told him. "Even though I've given up my right to lead the herd by sponsoring Taranis, he fears that his son may one day be challenged by a son of my own."

"Could your son do that?" Remus asked.

Firenze nodded. "But only a legitimate heir would ever have the backing of the herd," he explained. "By bonding me to another stallion, any foal I sire will be illegitimate."

"But what's to stop you bonding to one of the mares as well?" Remus asked. "If the bonding to Alpin is only a business contract, then surely you could bond to a mare as well?"

Firenze shook his head. "A centaur can only enter into one bonding at time. Only the death of one of the parties can break the bond."

"So, there's no divorces for centaurs?" Remus asked. "That seems a bit harsh."

"It's the centaur way," Firenze replied. "It is also for that reason, that a bonding is never entered into lightly."

"It doesn't seem fair to stop you marrying altogether," Remus said as they approached a clearing.

Firenze trotted over to the trees on the far side of the clearing and reached up to pick a couple of apples from one of the lower branches. He tossed one to Remus who took a bite.

"Do you have to enter the bonding with Alpin?" he asked as he chewed.

"No one ever has to do anything," Firenze replied. "But Magorian will make my life very difficult if I refuse."

"How so?"

"Curtail my freedom for one thing. Alpin isn't so bad. I've known him for years. His father and mine were close friends."

"Was he the one that your father wanted Ebony to bond with?"

Firenze shook his head. "No. My father was seeking an alliance with another herd, one we had no close ties with. Alpin's herd is already closely tied with our own due to several bondings."

"Then why does Magorian want to bond you to someone in that herd?" Remus asked. "If they're already allies, then what's the point?"

Firenze shrugged. "I'm not sure. Magorian hasn't exactly let me in on his reasons. It could be that the alliance is in trouble since my father's death. There is also the fact that most centaurs won't wish to give up their chance of an heir by bonding with a centaur of the same sex… especially when that centaur is not an heir."

"I can't see why they would bond to someone of the same sex anyway," Remus commented.

"Can't you?" Firenze asked.

Remus shook his head.

"Land and power are the main persuaders."

"Do any of them marry the same sex for love?" Remus asked, curious to know the opinions of the centaurs on that matter. He already knew that neither wizards or muggles were allowed to marry the same sex for love, but the centaurs had always done things differently.

"Not very often," Firenze admitted. "There are some, but we are a dying race, and for that reason it is frowned upon. There were far more in the past, when the centaurs were found in all corners of the land, instead of these tiny pockets."

Remus thought about that for a few minutes before he spoke again. "How does Alpin feel about giving up a chance of an heir?"

"He already has a son," Firenze replied. "Two actually. Did you see the markings on his arm?" Remus nodded. "That means he has been bonded before. The mare he was bonded with died last winter. They had two sons, so the loss of an heir is not an issue. He can bond with me and know that his own herd will be safely cared for by one or both of his sons. They are sponsored by his younger brother, and Alpin is free to leave his herd to come here."

"Isn't Magorian worried that one of those sons will want to challenge his son?"

"They are not of this herd and would have no claim."

Remus chewed at his apple for a few minutes more.

"There's something else you want to ask?" Firenze queried.

Remus shrugged. "Just wondering what's in it for Alpin," he said. "He doesn't need to bond for an heir, because he already has one. He already has land, so why give it up to come here?"

"They are good points," Firenze commented.

"So, why does he want to bond with you?" Remus asked. "Do you think he could be in love with you or something?"

Firenze laughed and shook his head. "I've no idea why he would agree to this, but I'm quite sure that that is not the reason behind his complacence."

"He might be."

"He isn't," Firenze insisted. "Just because you swing that way…"

"I don't," Remus said, almost automatically. "It's just the wolf."

Firenze snorted. "You are the wolf," he pointed out.

Remus didn't want to get into that particular discussion with yet another person, so he quickly turned the subject back to the one they had been discussing before. "Why don't you ask him why he'd go through with this?" he suggested.

"I did."

"And?"

"He wouldn't tell me."

"Maybe he's up to something," Remus guessed. "Trying to take over the herd or something, attack from the inside… you know?"

"You sound as paranoid as Magorian," Firenze told him with a chuckle.

"Then why won't he tell you why?"

Firenze shrugged again. "It's starting to rain," he commented. "You want to come back to the camp?"

Remus nodded. He had other things he could be doing, but he was now rather curious about Alpin, and concerned for his friend.

The camp hadn't really changed much, although the guests from the other herd made it far more crowded than usual.

Remus followed Firenze towards where Alpin was surrounded by several young mares, each of them vying for his attention. He wondered if all centaurs were as forward as these females. He certainly didn't like the idea of anyone pawing at him like they were doing to Alpin.

Alpin spotted Firenze and quickly excused himself from the presence of the mares.

"I should apologise for my rudeness," Firenze said to Alpin. "I neglected to introduce you to my friend."

Alpin nodded. "That's quite all right." He nodded at Remus. "I am Alpin of the Selkirk Herd. It is good to meet you."

"Remus Lupin," Remus said, offering his hand. Alpin took it and shook it enthusiastically.

"Remus lives in Hogsmeade," Firenze said. "He's a student at Hogwarts, although they've broken up for the summer."

"A fine school," Alpin commented.

They chatted amiably for several minutes, until Firenze saw Ebony waving at him from across the other side of the camp.

"I'd better go see what she's whining about now," he said.

Remus watched Firenze walk away before turning back to Alpin. He was surprised to see that two of the mares were now back at Alpin's side, vying for his attention.

"If you'll excuse me," said Alpin, ducking out of the way and taking refuge in Firenze's hut.

Remus followed after him. "What's with them?" he asked, pointing back over his shoulder.

"They're a little over enthusiastic," Alpin muttered, helping himself to a drink from the earthenware jug on the table.

"But why?" Remus asked. "I've never seen them act like that over the other centaurs."

"The others aren't pure white, like me," Alpin pointed out. "There's a myth about pure white centaurs and they are eager to find out whether it's true or not."

"What's the myth?" Remus asked, helping himself to a drink, too.

"We're supposed to have a lot more stamina than other centaurs," Alpin replied with a snort of annoyance. "It's nonsense, of course, but for some reason the myth never seems to die."

"Do the mares in your own herd act like the ones here?" Remus asked. "Or is it just the novelty of you being here?"

"You'll find silly mares like these wherever you go," Alpin muttered. "They were bad before I bonded with my wife, although she was equally curious. Since her passing…" Alpin shook his head in exasperation.

"Is that why you're willing to bond with Firenze?" Remus asked. "Because you're tired of the mares bothering you?"

Alpin gave him a sharp look. "I see that my ears should have been burning."

Remus had the good grace to at least look sheepish.

"Yes, that is the reason why," Alpin confirmed.

"Why didn't you tell Firenze that?"

Alpin laughed. "Any other centaur would relish the idea of having the mares fawning all over him night and day. Firenze would find far too much amusement in the situation, were he to know the truth."

Remus grinned. "What makes you think I won't tell him?"

Alpin shrugged and took another swallow from his cup. "If I have to put up with any more nonsense from the mares of this herd, I'll probably tell him myself, and for no other reason than to put a stop to his suspicions of my motives and persuade him to get on with sorting out the arrangements. If he leaves it much longer, I swear I will have to hide out in your forest with the acromantulas."

"What?" Remus gasped. "You don't mean those giant spiders?"

"I see you've heard of them."

"But you can't go and live with them, they'd eat you alive even if you are a centaur?"

Alpin shook his head. "You're right, but it's them or the mares, and both of them bite."

Remus laughed and shook his head.

Alpin laughed as well. "The acromantulas are deep in the forest, and not anywhere near to the camp or the village. The mares are right here. Seems to me like the devil you know and the devil you don't."

"I'd take my chances with the mares," Remus replied. "I'm not that fond of spiders."

Alpin chuckled. "Who is?"

-o-xXx-o-

"She's driving me mad," Sirius complained to Regulus after he had thrown himself across his brother's bed, pulled a pillow over his face, and wished he could smother himself.

It was nearly four in the morning, and Sirius had only just returned from the latest of the social gatherings he was being dragged to.

"You couldn't have waited until the morning to come in here and wake me up?" Regulus asked grumpily.

"Actually, Mother sent me up to see you," Sirius told him. "She's invited some people back here and…"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Regulus muttered. "Keep the squib out of the way in case I taint the purebloods."

"Sorry."

"Doesn't matter," Regulus replied. "Wouldn't want to speak with them anyway."

"You're not missing much," Sirius told him. "Three hours of complaints about the new editor of the Prophet are hardly riveting."

"There's a new editor of the Prophet?"

Sirius nodded. "One who apparently supports the rights of muggle-born wizards, so you can guess what the old fogies had to say about that."

Regulus chuckled and Sirius stood up.

"Sirius?" Regulus called as he made his way towards the door.

"Yeah?"

"I've been meaning to ask you, what's happening with you and Remus?"

Sirius frowned and suddenly the embroidery on the bed hangings was immensely interesting.

"I'm only asking because he's coming to stay at the end of the holidays," Regulus added. "Just want to know if I need to knock on your door before barging in."

Sirius shook his head. "Remus only wants me around the full moons," he explained. "He's still got his girlfriend the rest of the month."

"Well, that must suck."

"Yeah, thanks," Sirius muttered. "The whole of the last bloody year sucks if you ask me."

"That bad, huh?"

"Putting it mildly," Sirius replied. "Remus is being a stubborn git and I have to put up with watching him snogging his girlfriend at every opportunity. I got outed, too."

"You never mentioned that in your letters."

Sirius shrugged and walked back to the bed. "Didn't really want to think about it," he muttered as he sat down.

"Was it bad?"

"I got beat up by a bunch of seventh years," Sirius explained.

"Slytherins?" Regulus asked. After all these years, he was still curious about Hogwarts and the houses.

Sirius shook his head. "Not all of them. Some from all the houses except Gryffindor, actually."

"Well, at least your own house has stood by you," Regulus pointed out.

"Not really. They just didn't happen to be there at the time. They'd probably have joined in if they had the chance." Sirius tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but he knew that he was failing miserably.

"Do Mother and Father know?" Regulus asked curiously.

"Mother does. She actually seemed concerned when I told her. Probably worried that they might have ruined her chance of my providing an heir."

"Are you okay though?" Regulus asked. "You got your own back on them, didn't you?"

"Remus sent a few carefully chosen curses their way. The ringleader was in the hospital wing for a week."

Regulus looked thoughtful for a few minutes until he spoke again, surprising Sirius as he often did. "We do self defence at school you know? It's part of our physical education classes."

"Yeah?"

"I could teach you some of it, if you like," Regulus suggested. "It's not as good as learning spells and stuff, but it might take them by surprise if they try it again next term."

"They'll have left school next term," Sirius reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot." Regulus ducked his head in embarrassment. "I shouldn't have suggested it. What can a few surprise moves do against magic anyway?"

"Fat lot of good magic did me," Sirius muttered, with a lingering trace of bitterness. "I'd like to learn some of what you've been doing at school."

"Really?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. We can start in the morning if you like?"

Regulus grinned. "Or we could start now. There's this really cool move I could show you right now!"

"Okay," agreed Sirius, right before Regulus pulled a move that flipped him right off of the bed. "That was mean," he muttered as he picked himself up off the floor.

"Good move though," Regulus said with a grin as he sat back and made room for Sirius to sit back down.

"Can you really teach me how to fight like muggles?" Sirius asked. "Properly I mean, not catching me by surprise like that."

Regulus nodded. "I can try. You might be a lost cause with no co-ordination," he teased.

Sirius grinned. "I might kick your butt, too."

Regulus laughed. "You can try."

Sirius laughed along with him. "Thanks, Regulus."

Regulus gave an embarrassed shrug. "Are you really okay with being outed? Everyone knowing about you and talking about you? Isn't it hard?"

"It's not like I have much choice," Sirius pointed out. "I'm out and I'm dealing with it. It's not like my being gay is anything new. I had a lot of time to get used to who I am before the rest of the school found out about me. I just wish they'd all stop staring at me. It's like some of the lads see me differently now they know."

"How so?"

"Like, when I use the prefects' bathroom, if anyone's in there, they dress and leave as soon as they can in case I'm checking them out. The Quidditch players are the worst. I used to hang out in the locker room and chat all the time; now they've made it really obvious they don't want me there. It's like they think it's catching or something."

"I'm guessing you getting beat up didn't do you any favours with winning Remus round either?"

Sirius shook his head. "He's not said much about it, but I know that he doesn't want to give people anything else to hate him about. He's really careful not to do anything that might give people the wrong idea."

"You mean the right idea," Regulus corrected.

"That, too," Sirius replied.

"He'll come around eventually," Regulus said consolingly.

"Will he?" Sirius asked. "I don't know any more, and the guilt is starting to get to me. Sooner or later Charlene's going to find out about us and I'm dreading the day that happens."

"She'll be really pissed."

"Yeah."

"You could break things off with Remus," Regulus suggested. "Make him choose between you."

"I could."

"What's stopping you?"

"He'll choose her," Sirius whispered. "If I give him that ultimatum, I'll lose what little of him I have."

"You sound pretty sure about that."

"I'm more sure about that than anything else in this whole mess," Sirius replied with another heavy sigh.

Sirius returned to his own room as frustrated as he had ever been. He was still no nearer to winning Remus around and he was starting to wonder if it was even worth the effort. When he wasn't in Remus's arms, or in his bed, he felt horrendously guilty about Charlene and was far from happy about what they were doing. If only he could remember those feelings when Remus's mouth was pressed against his own.

-o-xXx-o-

The owl arrived at the end of a particularly trying day, and was the perfect way to end it.

Sirius tossed the letter onto his bed and grabbed his communications mirror. Remus appeared in his mirror a few moments later, his face looking a little nervous, as though he knew what was coming.

"Are you out of your bloody mind?" Sirius barked.

"I can't help it that her parents said yes," Remus replied. "I don't want her here any more than you do."

"Then tell her that!"

"You know I can't."

"Sure you can," Sirius replied. "Just tell her you don't want her there."

"But she'll want to know why."

"You could tell her that it'll stop the two of us shagging," Sirius suggested.

He wasn't surprised that Remus disappeared immediately from the mirror.

Sirius had known that it was only a matter of time before Charlene had insisted on being there during the full moon. Despite her initial fear of seeing the werewolf, Charlene was of the opinion that if she was there with Remus's permission then things would go much better than if she just turned up without warning. Sirius suspected that she was probably right, but it didn't mean he wanted her there.

-o-xXx-o-

The day of the full moon was hot and muggy, and Sirius was stuck at Malfoy Manor, trying to find somewhere in the shade at the annual barbecue.

The open fires weren't helping the heat and Sirius had eventually taken refuge in the gazebo.

He reached into his robes and pulled out his wand, casting a quick spell that sent a cool breeze towards his face.

"You couldn't point that in this direction, could you?" an unfamiliar voice asked.

Sirius turned to see an unfamiliar young man, around his own age, or maybe a little older, was standing in the doorway. He shrugged and pointed the wand at the other man, causing him to breathe a sigh at the welcome relief from the heat.

"You're Sirius Black, aren't you?" the man said as he stepped inside and sat down on the opposite bench.

Sirius nodded. He wasn't surprised that he had been recognised, most of the Blacks were well known in society.

"Saw you around school last year," the man continued, without bothering to introduce himself. "You got outed, didn't you?"

"What's it to you?" Sirius snapped, turning the wand back to his own face in the hope that it would cool his blush of embarrassment. Although he had now become used to being known as one of the very few known homosexuals at Hogwarts, this was the first time he had been approached outside of school with regard to his sexuality. He wondered briefly if word had made its way back to his father yet, but by now he didn't really care if it did. He was of age, he had the money from Uncle Alphard, and all he had to do was walk out the door if things became too much. Were it not for Regulus, he would have left already.

His companion wasn't answering his question; instead he was simply staring at Sirius, and making him more than a little uncomfortable.

"What are you staring at?" Sirius finally snapped. "It's not like I've got scales or something!"

The other young man shrugged and stood up. "Just wondering," he said, right before he leaned down and kissed him.

Sirius pulled back immediately. "What are you doing?" he spluttered.

"Seeing what it's like," he replied. "I watched you after you were outed. It's not like you're seeing anyone. The only bloke you really hang round with is the werewolf, and he's got a girlfriend."

"Why didn't you say anything at school?" Sirius asked.

"I was a seventh year, just about to do my N.E.W.T.s, the last thing I needed was the stress of getting outed."

Sirius nodded, understanding that sentiment very well.

"So, what do you think?"

"About what?"

"About livening up this boring afternoon, of course."

Sirius didn't need to ask what he had in mind, it was written all over his face. "I don't even know who you are," he pointed out.

"Marcus," the young man replied.

"Marcus…?" Sirius hinted.

"You think I want to be outed to everyone?" Marcus asked.

Sirius could understand that as well.

"So, what about it?"

Sirius looked outside and saw that no one was around. He judged it to be mid-afternoon, and around the time that Charlene was due to arrive at Remus's house. He was probably greeting her already, kissing her hello, and leading her into his home.

He looked up at Marcus and nodded. It wasn't like he was making any progress whatsoever with Remus, he told himself. Remus had told him that he wouldn't mind if he got himself a boyfriend, so what was the harm in having a bit of fun on a hot and boring afternoon?

He was wondering whether this was just the latest in a long line of bad ideas when Marcus leaned over him and pressed their lips together.

It was too hard, Sirius thought as he kissed Marcus back. There was no tenderness to the kiss, just hard pressure. It wasn't that the kisses he had shared with Remus were particularly soft and gentle, but there was something to them that was missing right now.

Marcus didn't seem to find anything wrong with the kiss, and was soon straddling Sirius's lap. Sirius could feel the evidence of how much Marcus was enjoying this and felt his own body responding with equal enthusiasm.

It's not like he'd had sex with Marcus, he told himself as he straightened his robes afterwards. They'd just got each other off; lots of blokes did it. According to the magazines he had read, including the newer ones he'd purchased this summer, it was a common activity for two blokes to engage in on a night out at a club. It didn't mean anything.

He was resolved to tell Remus what he had done just as soon as he was alone with him. He wondered if Remus might be jealous, but suspected he would simply encourage Sirius to pursue it further.

Marcus had disappeared back to the crowd of purebloods gathered on the lawn and Sirius sighed as he sat back down on the bench. "What the hell am I doing?" he asked himself.

Outside, he could see his mother talking to Narcissa. He wondered whether anyone would even notice if he left now. His mind was made up almost immediately that the thought occurred to him and he apparated straight to Hogsmeade.

He wasn't surprised to see that Charlene had already arrived; from the look of things she had been there for quite a while already. She didn't look entirely pleased to see him, and he had the distinct impression that he might have interrupted something.

"You're early," Remus said as he followed him into the house.

"Sorry," Sirius muttered. "I can go home and come back later, if you want?"

"Don't be daft," Remus replied. "Come on through here."

Sirius walked into the living room and tried not to be quite so pleased that Charlene was sitting in one of the chairs, leaving the sofa for him and Remus.

"Hi, Sirius," Romulus greeted him, giving one reason why Remus might not have been cuddling up with his girlfriend on the sofa.

The next few hours passed in awkward, stilted conversation. By the time that sunset arrived, Sirius was half wishing he had stayed at the Malfoys' barbecue.

He followed Remus down the stairs to the basement, trying to keep Charlene at the back of him.

"Maybe you should wait upstairs?" he suggested to her.

"She doesn't have to," Remus replied before Charlene could say a word.

"But you don't like anyone seeing you change," Sirius pointed out.

"I'm not just anyone," Charlene reminded him, as if it was even necessary. "I'm his girlfriend."

"If you two are going to start arguing, do it upstairs," Romulus ordered. "This month is going to be tense enough, without the sniping."

"She should at least wait until he's undressed," Sirius muttered.

"Do you wait until he's undressed?" Charlene retorted.

"No."

"Then don't ask me to."

Remus, meanwhile, had shrugged out of his robes and was trying his best to cover himself up. Sirius tried not to feel overly smug at the obvious fact that Remus wasn't quite as comfortable with Charlene seeing him naked as he might have made out. He took of his own robe and passed it to Remus.

"It might get torn," Remus told him.

"It's an old one," Sirius replied. "I was only wearing it because Mother insisted I wear Slytherin colours to the Malfoy's barbecue."

Remus nodded and held the robe in front of him while Sirius took Remus's clothes and put them out of harm's way.

"How long does it take?" Charlene asked. "The change, I mean?"

"Too long," Sirius said as he sat down on the floor and waited for the sun to go down.

-o-xXx-o-

Moony sat back and howled as soon as the change was complete.

There was someone else here, someone who wasn't usually there.

"Hi, Moony," the dark-haired one said.

Moony whined and approached the barrier, curious about the other one.

"Should I say hello?" the other one asked.

"If you like," the dark-haired one said. Moony could tell that he didn't sound pleased and let out another whine.

The dark-haired one wasn't talking to him like he usually did. He let out another howl, trying to get his attention.

"Now, now," the misty one scolded. "Don't start getting all angry again."

Moony turned to the misty one, before bounding back across the cage, eager to play. The misty one teased him for several minutes, disappearing from one end of the cage before reappearing at the other. Moony skidded across the floor as he chased him, wishing he had the open space to run freely.

It was in the middle of this play that he found his paws becoming tangled in the fabric that had been lying on the floor.

It had happened on occasions before now, particularly in the winter months, when Remus had tried to keep warm before the change by wrapping an old blanket about himself. Sirius had seen the wolf tear at the blanket or Remus's robes before, but never like this.

The wolf wasn't just pawing at the robes because they were in his way; instead he was tearing them apart with his teeth as though he had some personal grievance against them. He wasn't trying to get them out of his way; he was trying to destroy them.

"I think perhaps he can smell you on them," Romulus said as they watched the wolf.

Sirius nodded thoughtfully as he approached the barrier. He wondered just what the wolf could smell on his robes, and specifically, whether the wolf could pick up the scent of Marcus. Maybe that was why Moony was so angry?

Moony didn't seem to take any notice of the others for the rest of the night, and devoted himself to tearing apart Sirius's robes.

Eventually, Charlene distracted him from his observations by asking him about the healing spells and potions that would be needed in the morning.

"You don't need to learn about them," Sirius told her.

"But if I'm going to be taking care of Remus…"

"You're not!" Sirius interrupted bluntly. "I take care of him. I've been learning how to care for him since second year, we don't need you."

"But-"

"Leave the arguments until the morning," Romulus warned. "Moony might be distracted now, but he won't be if you keep this up."

Sirius sulked a little, as did Charlene, but they remained quiet until the morning came.

"You can keep the robes," Sirius said to Remus as the werewolf looked at the shredded fabric lying on the ground beside him.

He helped Remus to sit up, making sure to position himself so that Charlene couldn't see Remus's nakedness.

"What happened to them?"

"Moony seemed to take offence to them," Sirius told him. "Can't say I blame him; I never liked that set of robes myself."

Remus chuckled and picked up the fabric. "Moony could probably smell you on them," he said.

"Yeah, Romulus said the same."

"Where's Rom?" Remus asked.

"Upstairs," Charlene replied, passing Remus his own robes.

"Thanks," he said. "Can you leave us alone for a minute, please?"

Charlene looked suspicious, but Sirius was merely confused.

"Please?" Remus repeated.

Charlene didn't look happy about it, but she reluctantly went upstairs.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked as Remus dressed.

"Who were you with?" Remus asked quietly. "Yesterday, before you came here?"

"What?" Although Sirius had still intended to tell Remus about Marcus, he had no idea how he had already known.

"I can smell him on your robes," Remus explained. "I thought I could yesterday, when we were going down to the basement, but I wasn't sure. Moony was though. I don't remember much about last night, but I do remember smelling him."

"Can you smell him now?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded. "My senses aren't heightened most of the time, and not that much when they are, but for the couple of hours before and after the full moon…"

"Oh."

"Sorry about your robes," Remus said.

"Doesn't matter."

"Who was he then?"

"Just someone at the Malfoys' barbecue."

"I can smell him all over you," Remus whispered. "Especially when we're this close."

"We didn't have sex," Sirius whispered, conscious of the others who were waiting for them upstairs. "Just… you know…"

Remus shrugged and looked away. "It doesn't matter, just…"

"What?" Sirius prompted.

Remus groaned and moved towards the foot of the stairs. He looked up and saw that no one was in sight. Sirius followed after him. "What?" he asked again.

"Could you duck into the bathroom and have a quick shower?" Remus whispered. "I don't think I can stand the scent of another bloke on you right now. It makes me…"

"What does it make you?" Sirius whispered.

Remus turned to him, his eyes flashing with emotion. "It makes me want to slam you down on the floor and claim what's mine!" he hissed. "My brother and my girlfriend are just up those stairs, but that's all I can think of doing."

Sirius watched as Remus hurried up the stairs. He grinned to himself briefly and followed at a slower pace. Remus was jealous, and he was overjoyed at that fact. Of course, his own jealous nature returned as soon as he entered the kitchen, where Charlene was cooing over Remus like a mother hen. Still, he was sure it was only a matter of time.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius wasn't sure how or when he planned on coming out to his father. It was one of those things he was putting off until the last possible minute, perhaps in the hopes that he could get away with never having to tell him at all. Perhaps he could tell him via a postcard sent from the other side of the world?

Of course, he hadn't planned for the events on the day of his parents' wedding anniversary.

When Remus had arrived at Grimmauld Place for the final week of the holidays, Sirius hadn't really expected them to be getting up to anything that his parents would disapprove of. The full moon had passed, and Remus was still firmly in denial about his feelings. It therefore came as something of a surprise when Remus crawled into his bed and tugged him free of his pyjamas on the first night after his arrival.

"I've missed you so much," Remus said as he rained kisses on Sirius's chest. "Moony's been so restless since the full moon."

"Moony?" Sirius asked quietly. "Haven't _you_ missed me?"

"Of course I have," Remus assured him. "But not like this. Only Moony wants you like this. He missed not having you at the last full moon."

Sirius sighed and said nothing further, merely giving himself over to the pleasure that he felt in Remus's touch.

Hot summer nights in bed were safe from prying eyes. The Gryffindor memorabilia in his room, combined with barely concealed contempt for Sirius's choice of friends, was enough to keep his parents at bay. Stolen kisses in the hallways were a little more risky, as were the quick fumbles in the laundry room, especially when Orion was in the house. The longer they got away with it, the less Sirius worried about the prying eyes of his father. The week was slipping away far too quickly and the party his parents were throwing at the end of the summer provided even more danger of discovery for the two young men.

As careless as they were being, it was really only a matter of time before they were caught. They were avoiding the rest of the party, and were firmly ensconced in the cloakroom they had chosen for their latest tryst when Orion burst into the dark room. In the brief period of light, Sirius saw that his father had his arms wrapped round a woman who was definitely not Walburga, and he almost wished that they'd been seen kissing in the hallway earlier that morning. Anything was better than his father stumbling across him whilst he was in the process of performing fellatio on Remus.

Sirius stilled his movements completely as the door closed behind Orion and the unknown woman. Too caught up in their own groping, his father had failed to spot the two young men amidst the furs at the back of the cloakroom.

Sirius couldn't remember a time when he'd been in a worse situation. Hiding from Filch had been nothing like as bad as this.

Orion pushed the woman up against the wall of the room and Sirius closed his eyes, even though it was too dark to see much of anything at all.

Sirius wished he could close his ears as well as his eyes. From what they were saying, it was clear that this was no new thing between his father and the woman.

Finally, they were done, and Sirius prayed that they'd leave the room soon, but it seemed that luck was not on his side at all.

"Can you give us some light in here?" the woman asked breathlessly. "I can't find the sash to my robes."

Sirius opened his eyes as the light from Orion's wand lit the room.

"Here it is," he said, as he passed it to her. A second later his eyes met Sirius's with pure horror.

Sirius wondered briefly what was horrifying his father more, the fact he'd been caught with his own robes off, or the fact that his son was kneeling on the floor with his mouth wrapped around another young man's cock.

"My study, now!" Orion spat, turning to leave the cloakroom.

The woman, who'd stayed quiet from the moment they had been spotted, looked at Sirius and Remus curiously as they pulled away from each other and set their robes to rights.

"Got something to say?" Sirius snarled.

"Nothing at all," the woman replied sweetly. Sirius could tell that his name would certainly be the subject of gossip amongst her friends and wished that the silencing spells he knew could be made permanent.

"Come on," he said to Remus as the other young man tugged his robes back into place. "We'd better go face the music."

Orion was pacing in his study when they entered the room. He slammed the door behind them with a wave of his wand and cast an imperturbable charm for good measure.

"WELL?" Orion roared at the top of his lungs. "Don't you have ANYTHING to say for yourself?"

"What do you want me to say?" Sirius countered with a shrug. "I would think what you saw would be enough to answer your questions."

"Insolence!" Orion shouted. "I've made allowances for you for so long. Kept you at your precious Hogwarts when your mother would have preferred you be transferred. Allowed your half-breed friends into my house, when other purebloods wouldn't have let them in the door. Not pressed the issue of a bride, even after you came of age. And this is how you repay me!"

"Repay you?" echoed Sirius, ignoring that everything Orion had done had been firmly in the interests of Orion himself. "It's got nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with me? My son and heir is a bloody shirt-lifter, a cock-sucking queer, a freak, a flaming p-"

"I get the point!" Sirius interrupted, his own voice rising in temper. "I knew you'd be angry about it. That's why I've not told you. Well, now you know. Deal with it!"

"How dare you?" Orion's face turned white as he glared at Sirius. "And with that filthy half-blood, half-breed."

Remus cringed at the insults. Long gone was the wizard who had welcomed him into his home the summer before.

"Like I said, deal with it," Sirius snapped. "I love him, and I'm not going to stop just because you got yourself an eyeful of me with his cock in my mouth."

"It'll stop when your mother hears about this," Orion pointed out, his voice dropping to a lower tone that was even more vicious than the shouting.

Sirius laughed harshly. "You're not going to tell her."

"What makes you so sure about that?"

Sirius laughed again. "Because if you do, I'll tell her what _you_ were doing in the cloakroom."

"Walburga is well aware that our marriage is one of convenience only."

"But does she know you're shagging other women under this very roof?" Sirius countered.

"You wouldn't?" Orion no longer sounded quite so sure of himself.

"You forget what you saw, I'll forget what I saw," Sirius said with a shrug. "Then no one has to be upset by anything."

"You think I can just forget that my heir is a shirt-lifter?"

"I'm not going to change, and I'm not going to marry any of those pureblood ninnies you and Mother keep sending in my direction."

Orion was quiet for a long time, until finally he seemed to reach a decision. "A compromise," he offered. "You marry one of the girls, or a pureblood from a good family of your own choosing, and produce an heir to continue the line. Do that and I'll say nothing about your werewolf lover here."

"That's hardly a compromise," Sirius pointed out calmly. "That's blackmail."

"Then how about this?" Orion asked as he pointed his wand at Remus. "_Crucio_!"

"NO!" Sirius screamed as Remus fell to the floor with his own cry of pain.

"Agree to my terms and I won't touch him again."

Sirius knelt by Remus and pulled him into a sitting position. "Don't do it, Sirius," Remus whispered. "I go through worse every month."

"Oh, Remus," Sirius murmured as he pulled him into his arms. "I'm supposed to be the one to protect you."

"I don't need protecting," Remus argued. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Stand back from the werewolf," Orion ordered as he pointed his wand at Remus again.

"Leave him alone," Sirius snarled as he helped Remus onto the sofa and sat down beside him.

"You _will_ produce an heir," Orion demanded. "With your brother being a squib, it is your duty to marry and continue the line."

"Or what? You'll what? Disinherit me? Go ahead, I don't want your money!"

"I'll castrate your bloody werewolf if I have to," Orion announced, pointing his wand lower.

Sirius stood up, stepped in front of Remus and glared at his father. "You won't touch him," he stated coldly. "Come on, Remus." He reached his hand behind him and felt Remus entwine his fingers with his own.

"How can you stand to touch it?" Orion sneered. "Filthy, disgusting half-breed."

Sirius looked at his father and then turned back to Remus. He reached his free hand up to brush against Remus's face. "Because I love him," he stated simply before kissing him soundly on the lips.

From the corner of his eye he saw his father recoil in horror and he felt a wicked impulse to shock him even further. He deepened the kiss and pushed Remus back onto the sofa. He could hear his father's breathing becoming more ragged as he ground his hips into Remus's.

He pulled back and looked at his father. "Why does this bother you so much?" he asked. "You know what they say about men who are really homophobic, don't you? That maybe they protest so much because they secretly like the idea."

"You filthy little sodomite!" Orion roared before he left the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Are you crazy?" Remus asked as Sirius sat back up and leaned back against the sofa.

"We both know that my mother already knows about us," Sirius assured him. "Even if Father wasn't more scared of her temper than me and Reg put together. Anyway, are you sure you're okay?"

"It didn't last long enough to do much more than scare me," Remus said. "The pain of the transformation is worse than that."

"That's because you only had a few seconds of it," Sirius pointed out.

"Yeah, and let's keep it that way," Remus replied.

"I'm sorry my family are all a bunch of raving nutters," Sirius apologised, and he pulled Remus into a close hug, dropping a soft kiss on the top of his head.

"At least your family don't want you dead."

"I don't know about that. My father looked like he might be open to the idea of offing me."

"Don't you wish that we were normal?" Remus asked as he stared into the fire. "I'm a werewolf and you fancy blokes. Don't you ever wish you didn't?"

"No," Sirius replied honestly. "I love you and if I was normal I wouldn't. I wouldn't trade this for anything."


	53. Shattered Teenage Dreams

A/N: Good news! I have a new keyboard for my laptop - which means I no longer have to copy and paste my e's and d's - yay! This means I can also catch up on replying to the huge backlog of reviews that has stacked up during the couple of weeks. I'm so sorry to keep everyone waiting. In the meantime, here is the next chapter.

Shattered Teenage Dreams

When Sirius found himself summoned to his mother's receiving room the morning after the party he wasn't that surprised.

"I understand your father knows," Walburga stated coldly.

"Yes," Sirius replied, equally coldly.

"Your indiscretions will not be tolerated when you return here after you've taken your N.E.W.T.s," Walburga continued.

Sirius shook his head and was sorely tempted to tell her that he had no intention of returning to Grimmauld Place after he left Hogwarts.

"You will expect to marry by the end of the autumn," Walburga told him. "I will see that the arrangements are made whilst you are at school."

Sirius ignored her, and once she had finished telling him just how he would be living his life, he turned to leave.

His father was in his study across the hall, and Sirius could see that he had been waiting for him to emerge. He strolled across to the study and stood in the doorway.

If he didn't know any better, he would say that his father looked nervous.

"The gossip about what you and your werewolf were doing made the rounds before we'd finished our discussion," Orion told him. "I couldn't pretend not to hear it, not when the whole of society already knew."

Sirius shrugged. He knew now what his father was worried about. His suspicions were confirmed a moment later.

"Did you tell your mother what you saw?" Orion asked.

Sirius smiled.

"Did you?" Orion asked again, this time sounding every so slightly panicked.

Sirius ignored him and turned to leave the room. Let his father worry about whether he had said anything or not; it was not even half of what he deserved for what he had done to Remus.

Besides, Sirius had the feeling that one day he might need something over his father, and this was as good a bit of blackmail material as anything.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius returned from the prefects' compartment to find that this year, Remus was right where he had left him.

"There you are!" James exclaimed. "Did you get it?"

"Get what?" Sirius asked with a wide yawn.

"The Head Boy position," James said, as though he thought this was obvious.

Sirius grinned and shook his head. "Sorry. Went to Thomas from Ravenclaw. Lily got Head Girl though."

"Great," James muttered. "So, she'll be even more up herself than she already is."

Sirius looked at Peter who mouthed 'don't ask' back at him.

They passed the rest of the morning by chatting about the holidays and eating an obscene amount of sweets.

Remus was just finished telling the others about how Firenze was going to be bonded to another centaur when the trolley arrived with various treats for their lunch.

They ate their fill, and then Remus announced that he was going to try and get some sleep.

"You tired?" Peter asked.

Remus nodded and yawned.

Sirius caught James smirking at him and felt his face flushing. If there was one person who was likely to guess what was going on between him and Remus, it was the boy lounging in the opposite seat.

The Express continued on its journey, and James pulled out a buyer's guide to broomsticks, in the hopes that his parents would agree that he could have another new one this year. He sat with his back to the outside window and his legs stretching out to take over the other two spaces next to him.

Peter, planning on getting a head start on the schoolwork for the year, settled down next to Sirius with one of his textbooks for Ancient Runes.

Sirius would have got a book of his own out, but he was more interested in watching the changing landscape outside the window, enjoying his final journey to Hogwarts.

Remus had the second window seat and was on the other side of Sirius. Unlike him, he was not looking out at the fields; instead, he had closed his eyes and had rested his head against Sirius's right shoulder. Sirius smiled to himself. Remus wasn't going to track down Charlene; he wasn't keeping himself at a distance from him. Instead he was curled up beside him, just as he had been during the last week of the holidays.

They were still several hours away from their destination when they heard the sound of a ruckus in the corridor outside.

"In here!" Lily called out to someone who was out of sight.

A second later she opened the door and pointed her wand at James, fury written all over her face.

"What?" James asked, more confused than anything else.

"You did it, I know you did!" Lily yelled.

"Did what?"

"Dungbombs in our compartment, as if you don't know what I'm talking about," Lily shouted, her wand wavering in her fury.

"Not me," James told her with a shrug. He couldn't help but grin at the idea of someone daring enough to set off a dungbomb in the Head Girl's compartment of the train.

"I know it was you!" Lily insisted. "I'm docking you ten points."

Sirius could see several more girls passing by their carriage, some of them looking rather pale and sickly.

"It wasn't me," James repeated. "You can't dock points if you don't have any proof."

"It was you," Lily exclaimed. "No one else would be that stupid!"

"It really wasn't him," Sirius interrupted. "He hasn't moved from his seat in hours."

Peter nodded that this was the case although Remus didn't even open his eyes.

The crowd outside dissipated until only Lily and Charlene were left in the doorway.

"I think everyone else has found somewhere else to sit," Charlene said as she tugged her bag in though the door.

"I'm not sitting in here," Lily snapped.

"There isn't anywhere else," Charlene pointed out.

Sirius could tell that she was hoping that Remus would ask her to sit beside him, but Remus was still not moving.

Eventually, Lily shoved James's feet aside and the two girls sat down in the empty places. Lily looked rather annoyed about being next to James, but since James looked equally furious about the seating arrangements, she was suffering in silence.

Sirius could tell that it was going to be a long afternoon.

"Remus?" Charlene called.

"He's asleep," Peter pointed out, rather unnecessarily.

"If he woke up, he and Lily could switch places," Charlene suggested.

Sirius glared at her. "I'm not waking him up just so Lily doesn't have to sit beside James," he told her. "If you're that concerned about it, why don't you and Lily switch places?"

"I don't like sitting in the middle."

"Peter, you want to swap seats?" James asked.

Peter shook his head and wisely buried himself deeper in his book.

With the exception of Remus, they all continued to squabble for the next half an hour, until finally Sirius glared at James and Lily and told them to just snog already.

"You think I want to…" Lily spluttered. Sirius guessed that this was the first time in her life that she had actually been at an almost total loss for words.

"I think you both want to," Sirius told her. "You've been eyeing each other up for over a year. I don't know why you don't just get on with it and get it out of your systems."

"He's an arrogant bully and a jerk. You know what he's like; he used to bully you, or have you forgotten?"

"I've not forgotten," Sirius confirmed. "But that was back in first year. I've got over it, maybe you should consider doing the same?"

"I'd rather die!" Lily declared.

"That can be arranged," James retorted.

"You'll never get James to agree to it," Peter suddenly said. "He's afraid that his kissing skills aren't up to the job."

"What?" James gasped. "You little git. My kissing skills are legendary."

Lily snorted.

"They are," James insisted. "Every girl I've ever kissed has come back for more."

"Both of them?" Lily asked with mock sweetness.

"You've no idea what you're talking about," James told her with a glare.

"Just like you've probably got no idea how to kiss a girl properly," Lily replied.

"I've had no complaints so far."

"They're probably all speechless with disgust."

"They were speechless all right, but not with disgust."

Sirius didn't know how speechless they were, but he certainly wished that the two squabbling idiots sitting opposite him were.

"Oh, yeah! Prove it!" Lily suddenly challenged him.

James, always one to rise to the challenge, immediately complied.

"Bloody hell," Peter whispered. "Wish my camera wasn't at the bottom of my trunk. No one will ever believe this happened."

Sirius shook his head and snickered. "At least they're quiet now."

Charlene nodded her agreement and sneakily crept across to borrow James's magazine to read. He was far too occupied to notice.

"Let me know when Remus wakes up," she said to Sirius before flicking open the magazine.

Sirius nodded, knowing that he was probably the only person in the compartment besides Remus himself to know that the young werewolf had woken up several minutes before. After all, even Remus couldn't sleep through a James and Lily screaming match.

He wondered how long it would be before Remus let the others know he was awake, and hoped it would be a while. He knew that as soon as Remus 'woke', Charlene would want to swap places with him, and while he wasn't particularly enthused at the idea of watching James and Lily shoving their tongues down each other's throats, Remus curled up at his side more than made up for it.

Sirius turned to look out the window again, until finally, the lights of Hogsmeade could be seen further down the track.

The others had all changed into their school robes by the time the train pulled into the station. Only Sirius and Remus were not.

"We'll catch you up," Sirius told the others as he made a big show of gently coaxing Remus awake.

Remus faked a yawn and stretched. "We're here already?" he asked.

"Just pulled into Hogsmeade," Sirius told him. "We need to hurry up and put our robes on."

"We'll save you seats in a carriage," Peter told them, ushering the girls and James out of the door.

"Thanks," Sirius called after him.

It didn't take long to drag their robes over their clothes and there were still numerous students lingering on the train when they were ready to disembark.

"Sirius, wait a minute," Remus asked.

"What is it? You going to tell me why you've been pretending to sleep for most of the journey?"

"You could tell?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course I could tell. So, what's up?"

"I was trying to think of how we're going to work the full moons," Remus explained. "If Charlene's there, we can't… you know…"

Sirius had known that this was coming. "It's up to you what you decide," he told him. "You know what your options are."

"She won't understand the truth," Remus replied. "And I've got no idea how to make her stay away."

"Do you want her to?" Sirius whispered.

"How can you even ask me that? You know how much I need you at the full moons! You know how much Moony needs you."

"You managed last month," Sirius reminded him. He didn't add that he had much preferred having Remus for the entire last week of the holidays than just the days around the full moon.

"Yeah, but look what happened!" Remus exclaimed. "I can't be jumping on you all the time like that."

"Why not?" Sirius asked with a grin. "I don't mind. I just wish you'd break things off with Charlie, so I don't have to feel guilty about having you."

"You're not helping," Remus muttered as he picked up his bags. "Perhaps we could do something so that she gets detention on the night of the full moon…"

"No way," Sirius replied, shaking his head vehemently. "You're on your own with that one. I feel guilty enough already, without adding to it."

Remus sighed. "You're right. But I can't have her there every month."

Sirius tugged him out of the compartment and off of the train. "Let's just enjoy our last start of term feast and worry about the full moon later, okay?"

Remus nodded and they hurried to the waiting carriages, ready to start their final year at Hogwarts.

-o-xXx-o-

As it happened, they didn't have to worry about Charlene going to Remus's house on the night of the first full moon of the year.

"I'm sorry," Charlene told him as she broke the bad news. "I tried to talk her into rescheduling the meeting, but the new Slytherin captain is insisting it goes ahead as planned. They have five new team members to train and don't want to put it off any longer."

Remus nodded sympathetically. It seemed that someone was watching out for him, and that someone had offered him a reprieve in the form of Madam Hooch. The teacher had arranged the meeting for the four House Quidditch captains to take place on the evening of the full moon. The meeting wasn't compulsory, but if a captain missed it they found themselves with the worst practice time slots for their team. Slots like six o'clock on a Monday morning, which were avoided whenever possible. Charlene had the additional responsibility of making sure that the Gryffindor team practices weren't too close to the full moon, and therefore she could not risk missing the meeting.

"Maybe I could come by after the meeting is done?" she suggested.

Remus shook his head. "You saw what happened when you came to the basement late that time. It aggravates the wolf."

"I thought that was just because you didn't want me there?" Charlene asked.

"That was only partly," Remus told her. "The wolf gets agitated when Rom shows up late, too."

"Oh."

"Don't worry about it," Remus assured her. "Sirius will be there, and you know how much he takes care of me."

Charlene nodded and set out for her meeting, leaving Remus to track down Sirius and floo home.

-o-xXx-o-

"We got lucky this month," Sirius told Remus as they ate their breakfast the following morning. "You know that you're only putting off the inevitable though, don't you?"

Remus sighed and finished eating his eggs and bacon.

"She's going to find out about us eventually," Sirius said. "We're lucky she didn't catch us at the back of the Quidditch bleachers yesterday morning."

"If you don't want me any more, just say so," Remus replied, banishing his plate to the sink.

"You know I do," Sirius said, manually taking his own plate to the sink in order to avoid looking Remus in the eye.

Remus stood up and wrapped his arms around Sirius's waist. "Then come with me," he whispered, nodding towards the bedroom.

Sirius could no more resist him than Remus could resist the pull of the moon.

They stumbled into the bedroom, Remus tugging at Sirius's clothes as they clumsily fell onto the bed.

Charlene and the rest of Hogwarts seemed to be a world away. Nothing could intrude on them as they rolled about on the bed covers, desperately seeking the closeness that they both craved.

They didn't hear the sound of flames bursting into life in the living room. Nor did they hear click of a door opening or the footsteps on the bare stone floor of the kitchen.

It was the sound of a strangled gasp that alerted the boys to the presence of the intruder.

"Shit!" Sirius rasped, the shock quickly killing his erection.

Remus who was too far gone to realise that anything was wrong, took a little longer to realise that they had company.

Sirius moved to one side and pulled at the covers to hide his nakedness. From the corner of his eye he could see that Remus was doing likewise.

"Charlie," Remus breathed. "It's not what it looks like."

Sirius wasn't sure what Remus was going to say that it was, but it was clear that Charlene didn't want to listen anyway. She turned on her heel and ran from the house.

Remus followed after her, tugging on his robes and swearing under his breath as he ran for the door.

Sirius just sat and watched them leave. The feelings of guilt were overwhelming and he knew what he had to do. Recalling the look on Charlene's face right before she left, he decided to give her some time to cool down before he went to apologise to her. In the meantime he could clean up Remus's bedroom, kitchen and basement, and think about what he was going to say.

-o-xXx-o-

When Sirius arrived back at Hogwarts that afternoon he found that it wasn't hard for him to find Charlene. The Quidditch Pitch was often the place where students went to work out their frustrations and anger issues. There was nothing quite as satisfying as sending a bludger hurtling across the pitch, and, as one of the Gryffindor Beaters, it was only natural that Charlene had chosen to do just that.

Sirius sat down on one of the benches near to the entrance to the girls' changing rooms in order to wait for the Beater to come back down to the ground.

Nearly an hour passed without any sign of the girl turning her broom back towards land. Sirius knew that she had seen him waiting for her and was sure that she was deliberately avoiding him. He couldn't say that he blamed her.

Charlene sent one bludger after another soaring through the air, and as far as Sirius could see, she was showing no signs of tiring at all.

Sirius wondered how long he was going to have to wait when Charlene made it clear that she was wondering the same thing. Unlike himself, who was content to wait as long as it took, Charlene was determined to see him leave before she came down and she sent two bludgers directly at him in quick succession.

Sirius ducked the first one just in time and it crashed through the wooden seat behind him. The second one came even closer and he practically felt it brush his head as it passed him by.

"GRAHAMS!" Madam Hooch screamed from her position on the ground where she was helping a few first years with extra flying lessons. Sirius hadn't spotted the teacher there before, but he was very grateful that she had noticed what had happened. He knew that if Charlene had continued to send bludgers at him, sooner or later one of them would have found its mark.

Sirius watched as Madam Hooch ordered Charlene to the ground and berated her for aiming her bludgers at him. He couldn't hear what was being said exactly, but he easily got the gist of the conversation, and he watched as Charlene stalked towards the changing rooms. He scrambled up from where he was still crouched on the ground and followed after her. He waited only a moment for Madam Hooch to look the other way, then he slipped into the girls' locker room.

"Charlie?" he called out, hoping that no other girls were in the room. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation, and he certainly didn't want an audience for it.

"Piss off, Black!" Charlene snapped as she stuffed her broom into her locker and pulled out a large fluffy towel in the Gryffindor colours.

"I just want to explain," Sirius began, but Charlene pushed by him and headed towards the showers. Sirius followed after her, nearly tripping over a couple of third year girls who were hovering around the corner.

"Hey, pervert, get out of here," one of them squealed as she grabbed her robes and quickly covered herself.

"Get out yourself," Sirius snapped.

"This is the girls' changing rooms," the second third year pointed out.

"Just get out of here!"

"There's no need to take your temper out on them," Charlene hissed as the two third years struggled into their clothes and bolted for the door. "Now why don't you follow your own advice and get out of here?"

"Charlie, please?"

"Don't call me that," Charlene snapped. "Only my friends get to call me that, and you're no longer one of them."

"Okay." Sirius nodded. "I deserve that, I know I do. But, please listen to me. It isn't how it looks."

Charlene laughed shortly and bitterly. "Not how it looks?" she repeated and shook her head. "You know what I was doing there this morning? I'd gone to make Remus breakfast, to show I could take care of him after the full moons."

"I told you before, you don't need to do that. I can take care of him myself."

"Yeah, I saw you _taking care_ of him," Charlene snapped. "At least now I know why you two were so desperate to stop me helping. I can't believe I was so stupid."

"You weren't stupid, really you weren't."

"Oh, I was," Charlene argued. "'Let's wait until we're older', he said. 'I want our first time to be special', he said. And all the time you two were shagging each other."

"Not –" Sirius tried to interrupt, even as his stomach churned with the knowledge that Remus and Charlene had at least discussed having sex with each other. Remus hadn't told him that, or even hinted that their relationship was heading in that direction.

"Not what? Not shagging? I _saw_ you. I heard you. I heard _him_. 'Harder Sirius, harder. Oh Merlin, Sirius. I want you. I need you. More, Sirius, more. I love you, Sirius'."

"He never said that!" Sirius shouted. "He never said he loved me."

Charlene backed up a pace at the volume of his yell. "He might as well have done," she snapped as she quickly recovered herself.

"He never said it," Sirius repeated as he sank down onto one of the benches and put his head in his hands. "He's never said it, not once in all the time we've… not once."

"How long has it been going on?" Charlene asked. "Tell me. I want to know just how stupid I've been."

"Since last Spring," Sirius replied.

"And it didn't bother you that Remus and I had been dating for a year when you decided to steal him for yourself?"

"Of course it bothered me," Sirius told her. "I'm so sorry you got mixed up in this. I never wanted to hurt you, and neither did Remus."

"Didn't look like it. I should have known. You said yourself you'd play dirty to get him if you thought you had a chance."

"Remus doesn't want me," Sirius whispered. "He wants you. He chose you back in fifth year, even though he knew I liked him as more than a friend."

"If he wants me, why was he in bed with you this morning?"

"Because of Moony."

"The wolf? Oh wait, let me guess, you were helping tend his injuries. The healing power of sex?"

"Don't be stupid," Sirius snapped, his patience with the conversation he didn't want to have running out rapidly.

"Why stop now?"

"Fine. If you don't want to know the truth…" Sirius stood up and turned to walk away. He was halfway to the door when Charlene called him back.

"What about the wolf?" she asked, in a somewhat sulky tone.

"You'll let me explain, without interrupting?"

Charlene nodded reluctantly.

"You'd better sit down," Sirius suggested as he sat down again himself. Charlene sat down on the opposite bench and picked up a bat that someone had left there. Sirius wondered if she was contemplating using it on him, but swiftly decided he'd rather not know.

"Well?" Charlene asked impatiently. "Let's here this brilliant explanation of how your cock accidentally got itself shoved up my boyfriend's arse."

Sirius gave her a look that was far from friendly. "I don't want to be having this conversation," he began. "I'm only telling you this as a favour to Remus, but keep this up and I'm out of here."

"Remus asked you to speak with me?"

"No, he doesn't know I'm here. He won't explain it to you himself because he's ashamed."

"I'd have thought he'd be happy with me out of the picture. Hell, I would think you'd be happy with me out of the way. You get Remus all to yourself now."

"Not exactly."

"Go on."

Sirius drew in a deep breath and sighed. "Remus doesn't believe that he's gay."

"You expect me to believe that? After what I saw this morning? You're nuts!"

"You promised not to interrupt."

"Then get on with the explanation and stop lying."

"I'm not lying. Remus says that he's not gay, but that the werewolf is. He thinks that the wolf has a thing for me, but he, Remus, likes girls… likes you."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"But it's what Remus believes."

"I notice you're not saying that you believe it."

"That's because I don't. I've watched the wolf on more full moons than you can imagine and I know the difference between the two. The wolf may be inside him all the time, but I know its Remus with me when I make love to him."

Charlene snorted quietly.

"What?" Sirius asked with a frown of annoyance.

"Make love," Charlene commented with another snort. "You make it sound like it's more than just shagging between the two of you."

"It is," Sirius replied. "For me anyway. Remus would probably say it's animal passion or something. He believes that the wolf is the one that wants me, not him. Which means that even with you out of the picture, I don't have him, except around the time of the full moon."

"And you're happy with that?"

"Of course not. I want him all the time, but that's never going to happen while Remus insists that he's straight."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Charlene asked.

"Because Remus likes you, and he doesn't want you breaking up with him."

"Seems to me you're better off as things are at the moment."

"Except Remus is miserable, and I hate seeing him like that."

"Do you realise what it is you're asking?" Charlene asked. "You're asking me to give Remus another chance just hours after I saw you shagging – sorry, making love to him." Charlene's voice was heavy with sarcasm, and Sirius couldn't stop his wince at her tone.

"Yeah, I know what I'm asking. Can't believe I'm asking it, but there you go."

"If I do give him another chance – and I'm not saying that I'm going to – where do you fit into all this?"

"Same place I've always been," Sirius replied immediately.

"You're saying that you'd be happy with me and Remus dating as long as you could have him on the full moons?"

"I wouldn't say I'd be happy about it, but it's better than the alternative of not having him at all."

"You're asking me to share him with you!" Charlene sounded incredulous.

"I know."

"You're asking me to share my boyfriend with another bloke!"

"Yeah, _I_ _know_."

"You're insane."

"I'm a Black, it goes with the territory."

Charlene almost smiled at that, and Sirius sighed loudly.

"What are you expecting me to say?" Charlene asked.

"Nothing," Sirius replied. "I'm going to leave you to think it over. Just go easy on Remus, would you? He didn't want to hurt you. Whether you or I believe him or not isn't really important. The important thing is that _he_ believes it."

-o-xXx-o-

After leaving Charlene alone to think over what he had told her, Sirius searched the school for Remus. He eventually found him helping Hagrid weed the vegetable patch. Hagrid waved at him as he approached before turning to go inside his hut.

"Where've you been all afternoon?" Remus asked. "I looked for you after lunch."

"At the Quidditch Pitch."

"What for?" Remus asked in surprise.

"I wanted to see if Charlie was going to get you kicked off the team," Sirius lied. "It doesn't seem to have occurred to her to do that though."

"She's not the vindictive type," Remus said. Sirius privately thought otherwise, but he held his tongue. "I already asked her about my place on the team anyway," Remus continued.

"Oh?"

"This morning," Remus continued. "She said she wouldn't dream of ruining the team's chances by kicking me off. Quidditch is more important than anything else."

"You sound like you're jealous."

"I guess I am… a bit," Remus admitted. "I'll always be second place to the game."

"And I'll always be second place to her, won't I?" Sirius whispered.

"It's not a competition," Remus muttered impatiently. "You can't expect me to choose between the two of you. Not when me and the wolf are so different."

"Damn it, Remus!" Sirius snapped. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to share you like this?"

"Of course I do," Remus retorted. "You remind me often enough. If you can't handle it then just say so."

"And if I say I can't? What then? Will you let me have you to myself?"

"I can't," Remus replied with a sigh. "How many times do we have to go through this? I'm not gay."

"I don't want to share you any more," Sirius whispered. "Please, Remus?"

Remus set down the rake he was holding and tugged Sirius towards a nearby tree stump that was large enough for them both to sit down on.

"Please, Remus," Sirius begged. He ran his hand through Remus's hair and drew him closer for a kiss. Remus responded with as much enthusiasm as he always did, but Sirius knew that if he asked he would say it was only because of the full moon the previous night.

"I'm _not_ gay," Remus whispered.

"Okay," Sirius whispered back. "I won't pressure you any more."

"We're back to normal then?"

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not normal, am I? I'm gay."

"That's not what I meant."

"I don't want to share you," Sirius repeated. "Not with Charlene or any other girl. I want you with me every day and night, not just around the full moon, or when Moony has been deprived for a while."

"Sirius, you know I can't."

"Won't," Sirius corrected. "I'm sorry, Remus."

He stood up and made to walk away, but Remus pulled him back with a tug on his hand. "Sirius? Are you breaking up with me as well?"

Was he?

It certainly hadn't been his intention when he'd spoken with Charlene, or when he'd finally tracked Remus down. But maybe things would be better if they did call things off. The thought had crossed his mind before, pretty much every time he had seen Remus and Charlene together, but he had always told himself it was better to have Remus for some of the time than never. Now, for the first time, he wasn't so sure and the words were tumbling from his lips before he'd even had the chance to think things through properly.

"You're still my best friend, and I'll still look after you on the mornings after the full moon, but that's all I'm going to do, and only until you get a girlfriend who can take over that part of things. Everything else, it stops now, before anyone else gets hurt."

"You said you loved me," Remus whispered.

"I do love you," Sirius replied. "And that's why I'm ending this now, whilst I still love you. Because if I have to share you any longer I'll end up hating you instead, and I don't want that."

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius was scribbling furiously in his journal when James barged into the dorm.

"There you are!" James exclaimed. "Where've you been all day? Remus was looking for you earlier, he seemed upset about something."

"Did he?" Sirius muttered, refusing to look up from his book.

"Aren't you worried about him?" James asked. "Don't you want to run and find him, give him a shoulder to cry on and all that?"

"I saw him this afternoon; he was fine then," Sirius replied casually. "I'm going to the library to finish off the Transfiguration homework."

"Okay," replied James, confusion evident in his tone.

James was still standing there with a confused expression on his face when Remus arrived back at the dormitory a short while later.

"Remus?" James asked in surprise. "What the hell's happened? You look even worse than you did this morning."

Remus shook his head, climbed onto his bed and pulled the curtains closed.

Of course, a little thing like closed curtains wasn't enough to deter James Potter, and he immediately stuck his head in the curtains, his body following right behind it.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Everything's all gone wrong," Remus replied with a loud sniff.

"Word has it that Charlie has been on the pitch most of the afternoon. She was looking pretty mad, too."

Remus looked at James and gave a small shrug. "She dumped me this morning," he admitted quietly.

"Really?" James asked in surprise. "I thought maybe it was the other way round. She seemed pretty angry, so I thought you'd been the one doing the dumping."

Remus remained quiet and picked at the frayed hem of his robes.

"What happened?" James asked. "I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, you can always wait for Sirius to get back, or go find him in the library."

"Sirius doesn't want me to find him," Remus muttered. "He…"

"He what?"

Remus continued to worry his hem as he avoided James's eyes.

"Remus?" James urged. "What's happened?"

"If I tell you, will you promise not to tell anyone?" Remus asked urgently.

"I promise," James replied. He pulled out his wand and cast a spell on the door to lock it from intruders. "A sign of good faith," he added with a reassuring smile.

"Charlie caught me cheating on her this morning," Remus whispered, his face flushing with embarrassment.

James's jaw dropped instantly. "What?"

"She caught me cheating," Remus repeated. "With Sirius."

James nodded and sighed.

"You don't seem that surprised," Remus commented.

"I knew Sirius had a thing for you," James admitted. "Didn't realise it was mutual though."

"It isn't, not really."

"It's not?"

"It's Moony who likes Sirius that way," Remus explained. "I'm not gay."

"Oh."

"But Sirius wants more from me. He wants me all the time or not at all."

"You told him that he couldn't have you all the time, didn't you?" James asked.

"How did you know?"

"Because Sirius was here earlier and he looked kind of upset, too."

"Everyone's mad at me, and I've been dumped twice in one day. Or I've been dumped and so has Moony."

"Maybe you should talk to Sirius," James suggested. "I'm sure you can work it all out."

"Why don't you tell me to work things out with Charlie?" Remus asked. "I've been seeing her longer than this thing with Sirius has been going on."

"Because you seem a lot more upset now than you did this morning, and I'm guessing that that means that between then and now Sirius ended 'this thing' you have. Seems to me you're a lot more upset about that, than breaking up with Charlie."

"I _am_ upset about Charlie!"

"But you're more upset about Sirius."

"He's my best friend, of course I'm upset about him!"

James raised his hands in surrender. "I'm just saying."

"Well, don't. I'm not gay, no matter how much Sirius wants me to be. I've lost my girlfriend and my best friend all in one day, of course I'm upset."

"You and Sirius will sort things out," James told him quietly.

"You sound pretty sure of that."

"Sirius is in love with you, that's obvious, even to me. He'll forgive you for anything, and he'll put up with anything to keep you near him."

"Not this time."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that."

Remus didn't argue any further, but he still didn't believe James was right.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius was wide-awake when Remus crept into his bed that night.

"What do you want, Remus?" he asked tiredly.

"I want my best friend back," Remus whispered.

"I'm still your best friend," Sirius replied. "I told you that this afternoon. I just don't think we should… you know."

Remus inched closer and pressed their lips together in a soft kiss.

"Thought you didn't want to do anything in the dorm in case the others hear us?" Sirius asked.

"Please, Sirius," Remus begged and he kissed him again.

Sirius pushed Remus away, not unkindly, but firmly. "No, Remus. I meant what I said. I don't want you only at the full moon. I can't do this any more."

"Just tonight then?" Remus asked in a broken whisper. "Please, Sirius."

"Damn it, Remus," Sirius muttered and he turned on his side and pulled Remus towards him. "Just tonight," he agreed.

Then Remus was kissing him again, far more passionately than he had ever kissed him within the crowded dormitory. Sirius groaned and wrapped his arms around Remus.

_Why could he never say 'no' to the other boy? _

Remus's tongue slipped into his mouth and he closed his eyes as he savoured the sensation.

_It was just this one last time, and he wanted to remember it forever._

He heard the sounds of movement from one of the other beds, but Remus either didn't hear it or didn't care. He turned onto his back, pulling Remus on top of him.

_It was just this once…just this one last time._

Sirius tossed his head back as Remus's mouth moved from his lips to his neck. He hoped he would have the strength to keep his resolve in the morning.


	54. Talking to the Moon

A/N: First of all, I imagine that some people will get part way through this chapter and then give up on the story. Please, if you have read this far, at least give it until the end of this chapter.

Secondly, I am mostly caught up on review replies, but apologies to those who are still waiting for responses to the most recent chapter.

Thirdly, this chapter was written last year. It is in no way in response to recent events in the real world and is certainly not intended to trivialise those events.

Talking to the Moon

It took all of a week before Remus began to try to talk Sirius into carrying on their relationship again at the next full moon.

Sirius would have taken him up on the offer only too eagerly, were it not for the fact that he knew that Remus was also trying to work things out with Charlene.

"It's me or her," Sirius told him. "I'm not going to be with you at her expense again, so don't ask."

"But she would know about you this time," Remus pointed out. "It's not like we'd be going behind her back."

Sirius leaned back in his chair, balancing it on the back two legs. "And what does she think about that?"

"She'll come round."

Sirius shook his head. "No, Remus. She won't come round. She wants the same as I do, and no amount of selfish whining on your part is going to change that."

"I'm not whining," Remus argued. "And I'm not selfish. I told you that I don't mind if you see someone else as well as me. I've not hassled you about who you got off with in the summer, have I?"

"Thought you'd forgotten about that," Sirius commented.

"You think I can forget the way I could smell another bloke all over you?" Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Seems to me that you forget a lot of things when it suits you. You conveniently forgot about your insistence that you only wanted me around the full moon during the last week of the summer. You were bloody gagging for it all week."

He waited for Remus to deny his accusation, but the werewolf said nothing.

"Charlene isn't going to come round, and neither am I. You need to choose between us or find someone else to play these games with."

"I don't want anyone else."

"But you still want both of us," Sirius pointed out. "I'm sorry, Remus, but that's not enough for me, not any more."

Remus huffed and sulked, but got no sympathy from anyone who knew what had happened.

"Well, what did you expect?" Romulus asked impatiently after Remus had poured out his woes to him.

"I'd expect a bit of sympathy from my older brother," Remus muttered.

"Sympathy?" Romulus scoffed. "Did you expect her to be happy when she found out you were cheating on her?"

"I thought maybe she'd understand about the wolf."

"She does understand about the wolf. So does Sirius. So do I. In fact, the only one around here who doesn't seem to understand about the wolf is you!"

"I am the wolf; of course I understand it," Remus argued.

"No, you don't," Romulus replied, his voice rising. He took a deep breath, seemingly to calm himself, before continuing. "You remember the day after you came back from visiting Greyback?"

Remus nodded, wondering at the change of subject.

"You asked me if I thought you were cold and unfeeling, remember?"

"Greyback said that I was like him… like that."

Romulus nodded. "At the time I told you no, but now I'm not so sure. The way you're treating the two of them makes me wonder if perhaps Greyback was actually right."

"I'm not like Greyback," Remus whispered.

"But you're going in that direction," Romulus told him. "You need to choose between the two of them, because neither of them is going to put up with the way you've been treating them."

Remus sighed. The problem was he didn't know which of them he really wanted to be with.

He wanted to be normal, and by dating Charlene he could almost believe that he was. He liked her, maybe he might even grow to love her, even if there wasn't that much of a spark in the relationship.

As for Sirius, he wanted him with a passion that sometimes frightened him. It was taking every ounce of his willpower not to climb into Sirius's bed every single night. Only the thought of what everyone would say if they found out he fancied boys kept him from doing just that. The other boys on the Quidditch team had made it pretty clear that they didn't want that sort hanging out in the locker room with them. Only James didn't seem that bothered by that sort of thing – not that he ever seemed to come up for air with Lily these days anyway.

He wondered whether he could persuade Sirius to keep things a secret if he chose to be with him, but realistically he knew that it was doubtful. Sirius hadn't exactly wanted his sexuality known to everyone, but he had been outed in a very public way, and Remus could still remember the bruises he had got that day.

By the night of the October full moon Remus was ready to throw himself at Sirius and to hell with the consequences.

Unfortunately, Sirius was just not co-operating with him.

"No," he insisted, folding his arms and leaning back against the wall of the basement. "I told you, I'm sick of your only at the full moon deal, and since you don't seem to have any self control, I guess I'll have to have enough for both of us."

"But you want this," Remus pointed out. "I know you do. Hell, this close to the full moon, I can smell how much you want me."

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "Thanks for that image, mate," he muttered. "Doesn't make any difference, though. It won't change anything, will it?"

Remus was about to tell him that he'd changed his mind, that he wanted Sirius, but the full moon was upon him and his power of speech was lost to him.

"That took a lot of guts," Romulus said to Sirius as they sat down to wait out the night.

Sirius shrugged and pulled out his packet of cigarettes.

"It'll be worse tomorrow morning," Sirius said as he lit up.

"I was talking to Charlene this morning," Romulus commented quietly.

Sirius turned to look at the ghost. "She still pissed off?" he asked.

Romulus shook his head. "Wouldn't blame her if she was, but she seems to have calmed down."

"Do you think she's going to give him another chance?" Sirius asked.

"I think she's going to make him stew for a bit first, but yes."

"Damn."

They talked a bit longer, until finally Sirius pulled out his homework, knowing that there could be no slacking off this final year, and no second chance at taking the exams if he screwed things up this time around.

The next morning Remus made it more than clear that he wanted Sirius, just like he always had on the mornings after the full moons.

Sirius did his best to keep himself at a distance, making sure that there was always at least one piece of furniture between them.

Finally, Sirius said the one thing that he knew would make Remus pause in his actions. "Romulus thinks that Charlene's going to forgive you," he said.

It worked like a charm, and stopped Remus in his tracks. "Oh."

"So, who do you want?" Sirius asked. "Me or her?"

Remus didn't answer right away, and Sirius took the opportunity to put more distance between them, gathering his things and heading to the living room fireplace.

He knew that he should really wait for Remus to make his decision, but the thought of being rejected, yet again, was at the forefront of his mind, and he bolted from the room.

-o-xXx-o-

By the time of the November full moon, Remus and Charlene were giving things another go, and Sirius was more miserable than he could ever remember being.

Their friendship was on the very brink of evaporating entirely and he had never felt more alone.

It didn't help that Charlene was casting suspicious glances in his direction on a very regular basis, until it got to the point where he was spending most of his time doing his homework on his bed with the curtains drawn tightly closed.

He was also catching Remus looking at him with very obvious desire more often than he ever had. It was all Sirius could do not to give in, but he held firm to his resolve, despite the fact that every time he said no to Remus, their friendship floundered just that little bit more.

It helped his resolve that Charlene had threatened to hex him impotent if she thought Remus was cheating on her with him again. He asked Remus if he had been issued with the same threat, and found that he had.

Even so, Sirius wasn't prepared for Charlene's ultimatum during their Potions class on the morning of the full moon.

"No," Sirius told her, before turning back to his cauldron.

"But if Remus is right and he wants you more at the time of the full moon, you being there will only make it worse."

"It's a load of rubbish," Sirius told her. "We both know it."

"But Remus uses it as an excuse to act on his impulses."

"I won't let anything happen, but I'm not staying away."

Professor Slughorn chose this moment to walk between their tables, effectively cutting off their conversation for a few moments. Charlene wasn't going to let it lie however, and turned back to Sirius's table as soon as the Professor's attention was directed elsewhere.

"You can't be with him for every full moon ever," she pointed out. "What about when you leave school?"

"We'll sort that out when it happens," Sirius replied. "Remus needs me there more than he needs you; I'm the one who tends his wounds after he changes back."

"He didn't look that badly injured to me when I saw him that morning in September," Charlene pointed out, reminding Sirius yet again of what she had witnessed. "I can take care of him myself; we don't need you there."

"He's worse when I'm not there," Sirius told her. "You should have seen him after he was in the Ministry facility during the summer holidays after O.W.L.s. He was in Saint Mungo's for five days, did you know that?"

Charlene shook her head.

"Remus needs me," he told her again.

"And I need you to stay away," Charlene retorted. "You owe me, Black!"

After that, Sirius ignored her for the rest of the lesson. She wasn't letting up though, and continued to make her case all the way back to the Gryffindor common room.

It was only when Romulus saw them arguing and stepped in that a compromise was reached.

That night Sirius set up camp on one of the sofas next to the common room fireplace, a small packet of floo powder at the ready, and Romulus's promise that he would come to tell him immediately if anything went wrong in the basement.

He had various books and assignments spread out around him, hoping that they would help to pass the time.

For the first two hours it was easy to forget that it was the night of the full moon, especially since he hadn't been spending as much time with Remus in the last few weeks. At first it was easy to pretend that Remus was at Quidditch practice or in the library, but as the evening stretched on he could no longer avoid the truth. Gradually the noise of the common room died down as students made their way to bed, until finally, at around quarter past midnight, Sirius realised that he was on his own.

He gave up on studying around one o'clock, when he realised that he had read the same paragraph four times over and still hadn't taken any of it in.

Turning to his healer's kit, he set about sorting out the bottles, arranging them firstly by colour, then by size of bottle and then by name. He was trying to think of a fourth way of re-arranging the case when he heard the sound of Moony howling in the village.

Sirius had never realised that the werewolf could be heard all the way at Hogwarts, and supposed that normally the sounds of the students drowned out the mournful howls of the wolf. But with no one else around and the window open, it was easy for him to hear the cries.

Putting his case of potions on the floor, Sirius stood up and walked over to the open window. The cushioned window seat wasn't as comfortable as the sofa, and it looked like someone had left their discarded bubble gum stuck to the wall. Sirius pulled out his wand and cleaned up the seat with a sigh of annoyance. Then he sat down and looked out at the night sky.

Considering the time of year, it wasn't that cloudy and Sirius easily spotted the moon shining out from behind the clouds.

The wolf howled again and Sirius pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. He wouldn't have believed it possible, but the waiting tonight was even more unbearable than when he was sitting in the basement.

A small part of him wanted to close the window shut, but he knew that if he did, he would no longer be able to hear Moony. All he had to do was reach up and pull the window off of the latch. He wouldn't even need to stand up in order to shut out the sounds of the night.

Moony howled again and Sirius buried his face in his knees. He hadn't howled this frequently in years, at least not when Sirius was watching over him. By this time of night Moony had played with Romulus for a while and had usually settled down for the remainder of the night, listening while Sirius talked to him.

Sirius had talked to Moony about anything and everything over the years. Sometimes schoolwork, sometimes ideas for pranks, and on one occasion he had relayed all the plays from the professional Quidditch match that Remus was missing due to it lasting into the night. He had listened in to a neighbour's wireless via a handy little spell that Romulus didn't strictly approve of, but had turned a blind eye to just that once. It wasn't like Moony could understand what was being said, but it helped to pass the time.

One thing that Sirius hadn't spoken to Moony about was his feelings for the stubborn werewolf. Somehow, he hadn't liked to talk about them with Romulus hovering close by.

Now though, he was on his own, staring at the full moon, and listening to the sounds of Moony as he howled in his basement cage.

"Damn it, Remus, why'd you have to be so bloody stubborn," he said as he looked up at the night sky. "If you'd just quit this obsession you have about being normal, you'd be so much happier… we'd be so much happier."

He could feel the corner of his box of cigarettes digging into his hip and pulled it out of his pocket. He lit a cigarette in the vague hope that it would help him to relax enough for him to get some sleep. He knew he couldn't spend the whole night listening to Moony's howls, he would go mad if he did.

"I love you so much, Remus," Sirius continue, the only witness to his confession the full moon overhead. "I just wish I knew what to say or do to make you love me back."

"I think he does love you back," Romulus said, causing Sirius to drop his cigarette and leap from his seat.

"What's happened? Is he hurt?" Sirius asked as he quickly stepped on the fag end, before he set the tower on fire.

"He's fine," Romulus assured him, waving him back to his seat. He looked at the cigarette and shook his head. "McGonagall would have a fit if she knew you were smoking in here."

"What she doesn't know, won't hurt her," Sirius replied, whipping out his wand to remove the evidence.

He sat back down and looked at his unexpected visitor. "If Remus is okay, why are you here?" he asked curiously.

"Checking on you," Romulus replied with a shrug. "I figured you were probably still up and thought I'd come and tell you to go get some sleep."

"But what if Remus needs me?" Sirius argued, not moving from his seat. "I have to be here. I have to be ready."

"He'll be fine," Romulus promised. "Maybe a bit more bruised than usual, but nothing too bad. Nothing as bad as in the summer before last, thank goodness."

"So, he really doesn't need me," Sirius said with a sigh. Even though he hated the idea of Remus being hurt during the full moons, a small, selfish part of him had thought that maybe if tonight had been bad for Remus, the stubborn werewolf and his equally stubborn girlfriend might agree that things could go back to normal in December.

Romulus sat down on the other side of the window seat. "I didn't say that," he said as he looked out the window.

Moony chose that moment to let out another piercing howl.

"I didn't realise he could be heard this far away," Romulus commented. "I hope he's not keeping the whole village awake."

"They've probably put up charms to keep the noise out," Sirius pointed out.

Romulus nodded. "It's true you know," he said. "At least I think so. That he loves you, I mean. And he definitely needs you."

"Doesn't seem like it to me," Sirius muttered.

"I know. He's a bloody stubborn little git."

"Language," Sirius teased.

Romulus snorted. They both knew that Sirius was hardly one to talk about bad language, but his teasing had helped to relieve the tension in the room.

"I've been talking to Dumbledore about the bond between the human host and the werewolf," Romulus said.

"And?"

"And the older Remus gets, the more blurred the line between the two is when it comes to emotions."

"I don't understand."

"Remus believes that it's the wolf that wants you, because around the full moon he can't seem to stop himself from acting on his emotions. The rest of the month he can hold back and deny his feelings, but not around the full moon. But the reason he can't control himself around the full moon is because the wolf and the moon release his inhibitions."

Sirius frowned. "It is?"

Romulus nodded. "I just wish that Remus would accept it. He'd be so much happier if he would."

"He'd rather be normal with Charlie," Sirius muttered.

"And make the pair of them miserable in the process," Romulus replied. "He needs to accept the wolf is a part of him and not a separate entity, preferably before he ruins all three of your lives."

Sirius turned to look out at the moonlit grounds again. "I just wish I knew whether he'll eventually come round, or whether I'm just wasting my time."

"I've told you before, no one has all the answers and until Remus can face what he is… and accept what he is… until then, I don't see much of a future for the two of you."

"That makes two of us," Sirius replied. "Except I don't see any future for us. Charlie won't want me hanging around now they're making a go of things. I know she blames me for what happened."

Moony howled again.

"It wasn't all your fault," Romulus told him. "I'm not saying you're blameless, because we both know that'd be a lie, but Remus is equally to blame."

"I don't think he even feels guilty about what we did," Sirius speculated. "Not when we were doing it, or after we got caught. He just uses the wolf to excuse his behaviour. A part of me wishes I saw things his way, then I wouldn't feel so bad about the whole mess."

Romulus sighed and shook his head. "I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't think anything would help. Being stubborn kind of runs in our family, and Remus seems to have it in spades."

"Sometimes I just want to shake him and shout at him until he admits he has feelings for me," Sirius whispered. "Other times I don't think he has and I want to shake him anyway, just because."

"I promise you, he has got feelings for you, stronger than he's ever admitted," Romulus told him.

"What makes you so sure? Besides what Dumbledore says about the wolf, since that's only speculation anyway."

"Lots of things," Romulus replied with a shrug. "He's miserable when you're not together, the wolf is howling for you right now because he misses you so much. He's having nightmares again, too."

"He is?" Sirius asked, surprised that he hadn't realised that himself.

"He's been casting a silencing charm on himself before going to sleep for a few weeks now."

"You do know it's kind of creepy to be hanging around the dorm at night when the rest of us are asleep?"

"I don't pop in very often," Romulus told him. "Just when Remus needs me, and these days he seems to need me a bit more than usual."

"Because he doesn't have me?" Sirius guessed.

Romulus nodded.

"There's not much I can do about his nightmares," Sirius pointed out. "You know what'll happen if I climb into bed with him. I won't be able to keep him at a distance if I share a bed with him again. Not for long anyway."

"I know. I just thought you should know."

"Maybe I could whip up a potion for him," Sirius suggested. "I think I've got all the ingredients for a Dreamless Sleep Potion in my supply."

"It's up to you," Romulus said. "I think Remus would be grateful for it though. I don't think he's slept through the night for over two weeks."

Sirius frowned as he continued to look out of the window. "James wouldn't mind if I borrowed his cloak. I could get started on the potion right now."

Sirius's mind was made up and he hurried up the stairs to fetch the invisibility cloak and his potions kit.

"You don't need those," Romulus said as Sirius picked up his floo powder and healer things as well.

"But what if there's a problem and I have to get to Remus?"

Romulus shook his head. "There's not going to be a problem. I'd tell you to go and get some sleep, but we both know you'd just lay awake all night. Go make a start on the potion and stop worrying so much."

Sirius looked doubtful, but he crept out of the common room, his mind at least having something to occupy itself for the remaining hours until sunrise.

-o-xXx-o-

The next night Sirius was awake for a long time, listening out for any sound from Remus.

He was finally drifting off to sleep when the sound of restless movements pulled him back to full wakefulness. He turned to face Remus's bed and saw that Romulus was right, Remus was having nightmares again. The last time he had been having regular nightmares was when he had been hiding out in the school back in third year; Sirius cursed himself for not realising they had returned.

Sirius watched indecisively for a few minutes, until eventually he couldn't stand it any more and slipped out of his own bed and over to Remus's. He saw Romulus watching him from his favourite spot in one of the high windows and signalled for him to remain quiet.

Romulus nodded back at him, and Sirius climbed into Remus's bed as softly as he could.

Remus was thrashing about and didn't notice Sirius's arrival, but Sirius knew after a few moments that subconsciously Remus knew he was there. There was no other explanation for the way that Remus calmed down and curled into him, just as he had always done.

"It's okay," Sirius whispered. "I'm here now. Sleep easy."

Remus hugged him close, and that was how they were when Remus woke the next morning.

He looked down at the sleeping Sirius for several minutes, wondering for a moment what had happened the night before, and whether he had been drinking.

"Sirius?" he whispered, but before the other boy could wake, Romulus shushed him.

"Let him sleep," he told him. "He's not slept for a couple of nights now."

Remus looked at him questioningly.

"Just let him sleep," Romulus repeated.

Remus nodded and eased his way out of the bed, gesturing for Romulus to follow him to the bathroom.

"Care to explain?" Remus asked. "He's barely spoken to me in ages, but suddenly climbs back into my bed again."

"You were having a nightmare," Romulus replied with a shrug. "Sirius calmed you down like he always used to."

Remus sat down on one of the benches and put his head in his hands. "Why can't I stop wanting him?" he whispered. "It's been over two months and I still want him."

"You know why," Romulus replied softly. "You love him."

Remus shook his head vehemently. "You don't know that. Just because I fancy him, it doesn't mean I love him."

"No," Romulus agreed. "It's nice to know that you realise that love and lust aren't the same thing, but you don't just fancy him, do you?"

"I don't know," Remus whispered. "I can't stop thinking about him and wanting him, but what does a monster know about love?"

"You're not a monster," Romulus told him firmly. "A selfish little git, who wants some sense shaken into him, but not a monster."

"The Ministry of Magic would disagree with you."

"Sirius wouldn't."

Remus scowled. "It doesn't matter who's right or wrong, does it? I don't know what these feelings I have are; I only know that I can't stop thinking about him and want to be with him all the time. Is that what love's like?"

Romulus shrugged. "You're the only one who knows what it is that you feel for him."

"I know. I just wish I understood what it is I'm feeling. I don't want to hurt him any more. If I do, I think I'll lose him forever… even as a friend. I need time."

"You do know that Sirius isn't going to wait forever?"

"I'm not asking him to."

"What about Charlene?" Romulus asked. "Does she know how you still feel about Sirius?"

Remus felt his face flushing as he recalled the previous evening, and he ducked his head.

"What happened?" Romulus asked. "Or should I ask what else happened?"

Remus mumbled his reply under his breath, prompting Romulus to question him again.

"I called her Sirius by accident," Remus finally mumbled.

Romulus looked torn between laughter and a more appropriate reaction.

"It's not funny," Remus muttered. "I can't stop thinking about him, even when I'm making out with my girlfriend."

"What did she say when you called her Sirius?"

"She pushed me off the sofa and stormed off up to the girls' dorm."

"Well, at least she didn't grab the poker and attack you with it," Romulus teased.

Remus answered that with a glare.

"If Charlene decided right now that she'd had enough of you being a complete git, would you really be that bothered?"

Remus shook his head. "I want to be really upset about it, I really do, but I…"

"Don't love her," Romulus finished for him.

"That doesn't mean I love Sirius," Remus pointed out.

"Hmm."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"And what if Sirius said he'd had enough of you being a git and ended your friendship and any hope of anything else? What then?"

"He wouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Romulus replied. "But hypothetically, what if he did? What if you knew you'd never see him or speak to him again?"

"I'd hate it," Remus whispered. "It'd be like a part of me is missing."

"And doesn't that tell you anything?"

"You think Sirius will end our friendship, don't you?"

"It seems to me that between the two of you, you've nearly destroyed it already."

"I don't want to lose him."

"At this point, only you can stop that happening. It's just a question of what are you going to do now?"

"It's Charlie's birthday next month," Remus said. "Lily asked me to help organise a surprise party for her."

"Please tell me you aren't going to dump her on her birthday?" Romulus begged.

Remus shook his head. "Her birthday's two days before the next full moon. I'll talk to her at home. That way if she makes a scene no one will be around to hear it."

"And Sirius? What are you going to do about your feelings for him?"

"I need some time," Remus said. "Even if I end things with her today, I can't just… I need some time."

"Okay," Romulus replied with a nod. "Just don't leave it too long, or you may find it's too late."

"I think maybe I'll speak to him during the Christmas holidays," Remus suggested. "It'll give me time to think about things; time to figure out what it is I feel for him."

"You'll make the right decision," Romulus told him. "I know you will."

"Then why do I feel so sick?" asked Remus, in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

"Because you're scared," Romulus replied.

"You won't say anything to Sirius, will you?"

Romulus shook his head again. "Of course not. I wouldn't want to give him false hopes, would I?"

"He might not even want me any more."

"Would you blame him?"

Remus knew that he couldn't. "He thinks I'm a selfish git."

"You are," Romulus replied with a small smile. "But from what I've seen, Sirius can be equally selfish when it comes to you."

"I guess."

Romulus sighed loudly. "Remus, do you think you've been selfish?"

"What?"

"Do you think you've been selfish?" Romulus repeated. "I've told you that you are, so has Sirius and Charlie, but do you think so?"

Remus looked down at his tatty slippers for a long time. Eventually he gave a small nod and looked up.

"Now, what are you going to do about it?"

"Stop being a git?" Remus suggested.

"Obviously," Romulus replied. "But how are you going to go about that?"

"I'm going to stop asking Sirius to be with me until I've broken up with Charlie."

"And?"

"I'm going to break up with Charlie after her birthday's out of the way."

"And?"

"Er…"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," Romulus muttered. "Maybe an apology or two would be in order? You used to apologise for everything, even things that weren't your fault, but somewhere along the way you stopped doing that, and in the process you stopped apologising when it was actually warranted."

"I'll apologise to both of them," Remus promised. "I really will."

"Good."

"And Rom?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the neck for you, too."

Romulus chucked and shook his head. "Oh, Rem. What am I going to do with you?"

Remus smiled at the use of his nickname. It seemed that it had been a while since Romulus had used it, and he hadn't even realised how much he had missed it.

-o-xXx-o-

By the night of the full moon, Remus was sure that breaking up with Charlene was the right thing to do. He had been the life and soul of her birthday party two days before, hoping that she wouldn't pick up on the underlying current of discontent that he was feeling. However, it seemed that he hadn't been as good at covering up his feelings as he had originally thought.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" Charlene asked with a resigned sigh.

"How can you tell?" Remus countered. "I've not said anything yet."

"You've got that look on your face."

"What look?"

"The look that says you've got bad news."

"Oh."

"I guess I've known for a while that this was never going to work out. Ever since I saw you with Sirius."

"So, why did you agree to give me another chance?" Remus asked curiously.

"Because I like you, stupid," Charlene muttered. She sighed again and looked at the fireplace they had stepped through a short while before. "I guess I should be heading back and sending Sirius through, right?"

Remus shook his head. "Sirius is in detention. He got caught brewing away in one of the potions labs after curfew. Filch will be keep him busy for ages."

"Won't he be coming here later?"

"No. I haven't told him that we're… you know… I'm not expecting him tonight."

"Still… I shouldn't be here."

"You can stay if you want," Remus told her. "We're still friends, aren't we?"

"You want us to be?"

Remus nodded.

Charlene gave a small smile as she sat down on the sofa. "I guess it'll be something to tell my grandchildren… you know… how the first bloke I dated left me for a guy. I'm sure they'll find it amusing. I guess everyone will, won't they?"

"You think people are going to laugh at you," Remus guessed and Charlene gave a small nod in response. "Sirius and I… Whatever happens between us, we'll be keeping it low-key. I'm barely ready to admit how I feel about him; I don't think I can deal with all the stares and jeering as well."

"I'd say thanks, but it sounds like you're only thinking of yourself," Charlene commented with a rueful smile.

Remus sat down beside her and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "I'm a right selfish bastard, aren't I?"

"Yes," Charlene replied immediately, although there wasn't any malice in her voice. "Poor Sirius."

Remus gave a reluctant smile. "I should be getting down to the basement."

"I'll wait until you've transformed and then I'll come down, too."

Remus understood what she was saying and nodded his thanks. Then he made his way down the stairs, ready to face the full moon.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius didn't think he would ever be able to sleep through the night of a full moon again. It therefore came as something of a surprise when he was woken from his sleep by a loud rumbling sound that shook the room.

"What the hell?" Peter shouted, having been woken by the same sensation as Sirius.

"Earthquake!" yelled James, just as the room stopped shaking.

"We're in Scotland, not California," Sirius muttered as the sounds of other students moving about on the floor above them seeped through to the dormitory.

"Guess no one told the Earth that," James replied as he lit a lamp and checked the room for damage.

Sirius looked at his nightstand and saw that a couple of potion vials had fallen, but were thankfully unbroken. Peter meanwhile was setting the photos of his family to rights, as was James.

"I'd better go check the younger boys," Sirius said as he climbed out of bed. James and Peter nodded in agreement and he left the dormitory and descended the stairs.

He checked one room and then another, urging the students that had woken – all but the very heaviest of sleepers – back to bed.

He was just exiting the second year boys' dormitory when Professor McGonagall rounded the corner. "Is everything well?" she asked, pointing to the door.

"They're back in bed, but I doubt they're trying to get back to sleep just yet," Sirius replied.

"I'm not surprised," McGonagall said. "As long as no one's hurt, I guess there's no harm in letting them talk a while longer. Have you checked the rest of the boys?"

"I've not looked in on the older students yet. I thought I'd check the youngest first."

"Very wise. You carry on and I'll check on the girls. If there are any problems come and find me immediately."

"But the staircase to the girls' rooms is inaccessible."

McGonagall smiled briefly. "I'll remove the spell for tonight only. As a prefect, I'm trusting you not to say a word or to abuse the trust I'm placing in you by sneaking up to visit one of the girls."

"I won't," Sirius promised. It wasn't like any of the girls held any interest for him anyway. With that thought, he wondered how Remus was doing and whether Moony had been as startled by the moving of the Earth as everyone else. He knew that animals could sense things like this before they happened and he wondered if the werewolf could, too.

Sirius finished checking on the rest of the boys and returned to the seventh year dormitory.

He pushed his way through the door and saw that James and Peter were not only still awake, but had been joined by Romulus Lupin.

"Sirius!" James exclaimed the moment he walked into the room. "Get your wand, take the cloak and go with Romulus."

"What's going on?" Sirius asked as James thrust his invisibility cloak into Sirius's hands.

"Moony's escaped," Romulus explained. "Get your healer's kit, too. You might need it."

"What happened?" Sirius asked, his feet still rooted to the spot.

"Part of the plaster on the basement wall came down with the earthquake. It was the part the runes were etched into; it disrupted the spells that hold the barrier up and was enough for Moony to get out. He's escaped into the forest, but he's injured."

"What about Charlie?" Sirius asked.

"Madam Pomfrey's on her way to her already."

"What?"

"Moony attacked her. She's conscious, but she's been bitten. But I need you to come with me and find him before he makes his way here."

"How do you know he'll be coming here?"

"Because he's trying to find you!" Romulus told him. "Now, come on, and don't forget your wand. You'll need to stun him as soon as you see him."

"I can't stun Remus."

"You have to. Until the sun rises he isn't Remus; he's Moony and he'll attack anyone who comes near him. You have to stun him before he hurts anyone else. It's the only way to help him."

Sirius still wasn't sure, but he hurriedly dressed, grabbed his wand and under the cloak of invisibility he slipped from the dormitory.

In the chaos of the aftermath of what had been a very minor earthquake, but which had naturally panicked the school, Sirius found it easy to slip out of the castle. He ran towards the Forbidden Forest, where Romulus was waiting at the edge of the trees. He pulled the cloak off, safe in the knowledge that the teachers couldn't see him now, and hid it in the hollow of a nearby tree.

"This way," the ghost called as Sirius slipped on the damp leaves and belatedly wished he'd thought to grab a broom.

"How can you tell which way?" Sirius shouted.

"I just can," Romulus replied. Sirius muttered something uncomplimentary about evasive ghosts, but quickened his pace as best he could anyway.

He heard Moony before he saw him. The low-pitched growl was coming from the trees ahead of him and he raised his wand in readiness for the imminent attack.

As the werewolf ran towards him, Sirius wondered briefly how it was that the creature always seemed so much larger when seen out in the open, than when cooped up in the basement. He would have thought it should have been the other way around.

"S-stupefy!" he yelled as he pointed his wand at the werewolf. The spell found its target, but wasn't strong enough to do more than cause the animal to flinch.

"Again!" Romulus ordered, his voice drawing the werewolf away from Sirius and giving him the crucial seconds he needed to recover himself and try again.

"Stupefy!" Sirius cried. The second attempt was stronger and caught the werewolf mid leap, sending Moony down to the ground.

"Again," Romulus said.

"No." Sirius shook his head. "He's down now."

"He's still conscious," Romulus argued. "He'll recover in a few moments. You need to knock him out."

Sirius sighed, but knew it was pointless to argue. "Stupefy!" he called for a third time and the werewolf finally closed its eyes.

Sirius approached the werewolf cautiously, even though Romulus had confirmed that he was out cold. He knelt on the grass and reached out a tentative hand to Moony.

"Doesn't seem that dangerous, does he?" Sirius whispered as he stroked the brown fur gently.

"Some of the most deadly creatures on this Earth, don't appear to be," Romulus replied. "Just look at humans. No sharp teeth or claws, not that strong compared to other beasts, but still able to conquer so many others."

Sirius didn't know what to say in answer to that, so he returned to the problem at hand, that being Moony.

"Should we try to get him back to Hogsmeade?" he suggested.

"You won't be able to lift him," Romulus replied with a small chuckle. "I swear that all the chocolate and sweets Remus eats transfers straight to Moony instead of him. It's the only explanation I can think of for why he's so skinny, yet the wolf so big."

"So, we're just waiting for morning then?"

Romulus nodded and sat down at the other side of the unconscious werewolf. Sirius continued to stroke Moony distractedly.

"You love him, even when he's the wolf, don't you?" Romulus asked, though it was clear he already knew the answer to the question.

"How could I not?" Sirius replied simply.

Sirius had kept longer night vigils during the years he had known Remus, but this one, out in the open forest, seemed to last longer than any of the others and he wished that he could see the eastern horizon through the thickness of the trees.

Finally, the dawn arrived, and Remus was returned to him once more. Sirius shrugged out of his outer robes and wrapped them carefully around Remus, hoping he didn't accidentally cause him any more discomfort.

"Where am I?" Remus murmured as he blinked owlishly up at Sirius. "What are you doing here?"

"We're in the forest," Sirius explained. "And I'm here because you decided to get a bit too much exercise last night."

Remus tried to flex is wrist and winced in pain.

"Is it broken?" Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know, but it hurts like hell."

"You want me to try to fix it? I've not had to heal any breaks before."

Remus gave Sirius a dubious look and tested his wrist a few more times. "I think it's just sprained."

"Are you sure?" He pulled out his wand and pointed it at the wrist.

Remus sat up and edged away from him slightly, making sure that his wrist was well out of reach of Sirius's wand. "What happened?"

"There was an earthquake," Sirius explained, putting his wand away again. "Not a huge one, but according to Romulus it was bad enough to bring down some of the crumbling plaster on one of the basement walls. It was one of the parts where the runes for the barrier spell were etched."

"I escaped?" Remus whispered in horror.

"Yeah," Sirius replied as he helped Remus to his feet. He was shaking slightly, but, apart from his wrist, his injuries at least appeared to be no worse than usual. "Let's get you back to Hogwarts, it's nearer than your place."

Remus nodded mutely, his face screwed up in concentration.

"What is it?" Sirius asked.

"I can taste blood," Remus whispered fearfully.

"Let's just get you back to school," Sirius advised.

"No!" Remus tugged away from Sirius's grip and glared at him. "What happened? Why can I taste blood? It's not mine, I can tell it's not! Why can I taste someone else's blood?" Remus was practically shouting by this point and Sirius cringed in the face of the anger his friend was displaying.

"We'll talk later," Sirius said as he tried to spur Remus into moving again.

"No!" Remus yelled. "Is it yours? Is it your blood I can taste in my mouth? Tell me! Sirius, please, I have to know! Did I attack you? Did I?"

"No," Sirius replied. "It's not my blood."

"Promise?"

Sirius sighed. "I promise, now come on."

"Then who?" Remus whispered before he finally remembered who had been watching over him the previous night. "Charlie!"

With the realisation of what must have happened, Remus ran, stumbling and haltingly, through the trees. Despite the exhaustion he was sure Remus must be feeling, Sirius could barely keep up with the other young man as they hurried back to the castle.


	55. Alone

A/N: Cue my now usual apologies for the lack of review replies. I will get to them, just as soon as I escape from the army of Easter bunnies that has held me prisoner all weekend. They're evil I tell you, evil! On the plus side, thanks to my beta doing far more work than myself this weekend, you are getting some very fast updates.

Alone

The school was surprisingly quiet when they arrived in the Entrance Hall. Then Sirius remembered that not only was it the weekend, but that most of the school had been awoken in the early hours of the morning, and were therefore probably sleeping in later than usual.

Remus practically flew up the stairs as he raced to the hospital wing. He didn't turn round to see whether Sirius was keeping up with him or not. Sirius, who had stalled only to retrieve James's cloak, was hard on his heels and arrived at the door to the hospital wing just seconds behind Remus.

Sirius could hear a man shouting inside the room, but didn't recognise the voice.

"It's Charlie's father," Remus whispered as he looked in through the door's small window. Sirius wouldn't have believed it was possible, but Remus paled even further than he already was at the sight of Mr Grahams.

"I want the Aurors out looking for the monster!" Mr Grahams yelled.

"The full moon is over now," Professor McGonagall replied. She was as calm as ever and that did a little to ease Sirius's own fears.

"I want him dead!" Mr Grahams shouted. "He should have been executed years ago, before he had the chance to maul my daughter!"

Sirius could see Remus was swaying slightly and he reached out a hand to steady him.

"I bit her," Remus whispered, his eyes wide and fearful. "I… I…"

Sirius didn't know what to say, but it didn't matter, because Remus had turned on his heel and was running back down the corridor. Sirius only wondered for a few seconds where Remus was heading. He hurried after him and followed him into the boys' toilets a little further down the hallway.

"Remus?" he called quietly, unwilling to alert anyone else who might be in there to his friend's presence. The only reply was the sound of retching coming from the nearest stall.

Sirius turned to the sinks, picked up one of the empty glasses, filled it with water, and went over to the stall.

Remus was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the cubical wall. He was white as a sheet and shaking badly. Sirius wished that he had some sort of calming potion on him, because Remus certainly looked like he needed one right now.

"Here," Sirius said, passing him the glass and reaching over to pull the chain.

Remus washed out his mouth, nearly dropping the glass in the process. When he was done, Sirius took the glass from him and placed it on the floor.

"They're going to kill me, aren't they?" Remus whispered, his voice trembling with every word. "Even though I never meant to bite her, they're going to kill me."

Sirius sat down beside him and put his arm awkwardly around Remus's shoulders. "You don't know that. Look at Greyback; he's bitten loads of people and he's still alive."

"Because he used his pureblood connections to keep him alive."

"I won't let them kill you," Sirius told him. "I promise."

"I guess I'm just like he is after all," Remus whispered. "I hate being a monster."

"You're not a monster," Sirius whispered back. He hugged the trembling werewolf close to him, stroking his hair as he tried to calm his fears.

Eventually, Remus stopped shaking, although Sirius continued to hold him close.

"I have to go and see if she's okay," Remus said quietly. "Will you come with me? I don't want to go in there on my own."

Sirius shook his head. "I think we should go to Dumbledore. Charlie's father looked furious and I don't trust him not to take the law into his own hands."

"We don't know the password for Dumbledore's office," Remus pointed out.

"Then we'll get it from McGonagall."

"She's with Charlie's father."

Sirius scowled when he realised that Remus was right. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. You take James's cloak and wait outside the ward. I'll go get the password from McGonagall and then we'll go see Dumbledore together."

"You're not going to leave me, are you?" Remus asked, reaching out with his good hand to grasp Sirius's arm like an anchor.

Sirius shook his head. "Never," he replied, impulsively kissing Remus quickly on the lips as he pulled him to his feet.

It didn't take long before the two of them were walking into Dumbledore's office, where they found the headmaster already waiting for them, together with Madam Pomfrey.

"Remus!" Madam Pomfrey greeted him with a tight hug. "I was about to come and find you. I'd had visions of you lying dead in the forest. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Remus replied, brushing off the fussing Healer with mild embarrassment. Madam Pomfrey took a knowing look at his wrist and quickly whipped out her wand to fix it as good as new.

"Why aren't you with Charlie?" Sirius asked.

"Charlene has been taken to Saint Mungo's," Madam Pomfrey explained. "Her parents took her a few minutes ago."

"Is she going to be alright?" Sirius questioned, Remus being too shocked by the news to do anything more than stumble towards one of the chairs.

Madam Pomfrey pushed a glass into Remus's hand and ordered him to drink.

"What is it?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"A Calming Draught," Madam Pomfrey replied. "A strong one. Drink it down, quickly now."

Remus did as she ordered before repeating Sirius's question about Charlene.

"Well, that rather depends on your point of view," Dumbledore replied. "She'll live, if that is what you are asking. She was awake and quite vocal before she left the castle."

"Vocal?" Sirius questioned.

"Yelling at her father like she yells at her team mates after a bad game," Madam Pomfrey explained. "I'm surprised the whole castle didn't hear her."

"But if she's awake, why has she been taken to Saint Mungo's?" Remus asked. "Surely that means that she's okay?"

Madam Pomfrey shot a wary glance at the headmaster who gave a small nod of consent.

"Charlene was bitten," Madam Pomfrey said, and Remus although he already knew, he couldn't stop himself from making a small sound of distress. "The Healers at Saint Mungo's have been working on some experimental cures for the early stages of Lycanthropy, and Charlene's parents have taken her there to see about them."

"What sort of cures?" Sirius asked, glancing at Remus and wondering if they were any nearer to finding a cure for someone like him.

"Nothing that will work," Dumbledore said. "The Healers are experimenting with the old myths about silver, which you should both know by now are only myths. However, the old beliefs still linger, and the Grahams family, like many others, will try anything to find a cure, rather than see their child suffer."

"But if the cure won't work, that means that Charlie will become like Remus, won't she?" Sirius asked.

"Perhaps," Dumbledore replied. "Some who are bitten become werewolves, others don't. There are many theories as to why some transform and others don't, but none that has ever been proven conclusively true. If Charlene does not transform at the next full moon, it is likely that the Healers will believe it is their own work that has helped, and so the myths about silver will remain as strong as ever. If she is infected and does transform, then they will find another reason for why that happened."

"So, we won't know for sure until the next full moon?" Sirius asked.

"I'm afraid not," Dumbledore said with a shake of his head.

"What happens now?" Remus whispered. Sirius noticed that his voice was steadier, but his hands were still shaking slightly.

"You'll need to go to the Ministry to notify the Werewolf Registry of what has happened," Dumbledore explained. "Mr Black may go with you, if you wish. I will be happy to accompany you as well, although since you are now of age, it isn't strictly necessary."

"That's okay," Remus replied. "I'll just go with Sirius, if that's alright with you?"

Remus turned to Sirius questioningly. "Of course," he told him. "We can go right away."

"Perhaps not right away," Dumbledore suggested. "It might be better if you both cleaned up a little first. I don't think anyone would mind, just this once, if Mr Black were to let you use the prefects' bathroom. I think you'll find the massage function of the bath will relieve a lot of the pain from last night. I would advise you to make your way to the Ministry before lunch though. It is always better for a werewolf to notify the Ministry of things such as this as soon as they are able."

Both boys nodded and stood up to leave. The Ministry of Magic was awaiting their presence.

-o-xXx-o-

The witch at the reception desk of the Werewolf Registry was the same one Remus had seen on his last visit. She was older, wearing slightly less makeup and her hair was now a rather strange shade of peach. She looked as bored now as she had during the summer of the previous year.

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked as she shuffled parchments around her desk.

"No," Remus said. "But I've been told to report an incident last night as soon as possible. I'm not sure who I have to speak to."

"An incident?" the woman asked distractedly, finally finding her lost quill with an exclamation of relief.

"I… er… I bit someone last night," Remus whispered, his face flushing in embarrassment.

The witch looked at him in annoyance. "You should be speaking to your Case Worker. What name is it?"

"Remus Lupin."

"Your Case Worker's name," the witch clarified with a sigh of annoyance.

"I don't know. I can't remember."

"Sweet Merlin, I really need to find a new job," the witch muttered as she waved over a thankfully familiar face.

"Hello, Mr Billington," Remus said as Angus hurried over.

"Hello, Remus," Angus replied, grinning at him and guiding them away from the receptionist. "Don't mind her, she's been in a mood all morning. Rumour has it she and her boyfriend broke up in the elevator earlier. So, what brings you two here this morning? Shouldn't you be at school?"

"You remember me?" Remus asked.

"Sure, I remember you," Angus replied. "Not very often Orion Black comes into work with a werewolf in tow."

"I guess not," Remus said with a small smile. He gestured to Sirius. "This is Orion's eldest son, Sirius."

"Eldest son?" Angus asked. "Didn't realise he had more than one."

Remus heard Sirius draw in a sharp breath and he cringed in sympathy.

"So, what brings you here today?" Angus asked.

Remus looked around to see if anyone was in earshot, before whispering the reason they were there. "I bit someone last night."

Angus rolled his eyes. "Well, what did you want to go and do something like that for?" he asked. "A nice young man like you shouldn't want to go around biting people. You should know better than that."

"I didn't do it on purpose," Remus mumbled. "There was an earthquake and I escaped when the plaster of one of the walls of the basement came down."

"The earthquake, eh? Heard about that on the wireless this morning. Quite a big one for this little island, wasn't it?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't remember it."

"The girl on the desk said that Remus has to see his Case Worker," Sirius interrupted. "Can you tell us who it is?"

"It'll be in the Register," Angus said, pointing across the room to the book that Remus had looked at on his last visit. "You remember how to look stuff up in it?" he asked Remus.

"The Quick Search Spell," Remus replied with a nod. "I'm of age now," he added, just to make sure it was clear and he wouldn't get into any more trouble.

"Well, you know the way," Angus said. "Case Workers are all located through there." He pointed to a door to his left and Remus thanked him for his help, before he continued on his way.

The two boys went over to the Register and Remus pulled out his wand, which they had retrieved from Hogsmeade before flooing to the Ministry. He tapped the book and cast the spell to find his own listing, which appeared in front of him a moment later.

"Miss Dolores Umbridge," Remus read aloud. "I guess we better go find her."

Sirius nodded and they walked over to the door that Angus had pointed out to them.

Remus was starting to shake again as they walked down the long line of cubicles, each one displaying the nameplate of one of the workers. They seemed to be in alphabetical order and they made their way to the far side of the room, where they hoped to find Miss Umbridge.

They found her in one of the cubicles with a window. It appeared that Miss Umbridge had decided to decorate her cubicle in various shades of pink, which did nothing to help the queasiness in Remus's stomach.

"Can I help you?" the short, stout woman asked with a cheerful smile. "Are you lost?"

"Are you Miss Umbridge?" Remus asked.

"Did you read the name on the cubicle wall?" the witch asked in a syrupy tone that immediately annoyed Sirius.

"Yes," Remus replied. "But you might be someone else sitting at her desk waiting for her."

"Someone else, sitting at my desk?" Miss Umbridge replied, sounding thoroughly aghast at the very idea.

"Sorry," Remus hurriedly apologised. "I was told to come and speak with you."

Miss Umbridge smiled and waved them to the two seats opposite her. Both were adorned with pink lace-edged cushions, which looked far more comfortable than they actually were.

Sirius looked around the small cubicle and hoped that they wouldn't be there for long. The pink was just ghastly, and he was sure that one of cats on the plates on the wall behind Miss Umbridge was giving him the evil eye.

"Hem, hem."

Sirius turned to Miss Umbridge and saw that she was staring at Remus's leg, or more accurately, at Sirius's hand, which was resting on Remus's leg. "What?" he asked, rather more sharply than he perhaps should have.

Remus, grasping what the witch was hinting at, removed Sirius's hand from his leg. He squeezed the fingers briefly in acknowledgement of his support, and turned back to Miss Umbridge. "I believe you're my Case Worker," he said with a smile. "My name's Remus Lupin."

Miss Umbridge stared back at him and although the smile was still on her face, there was something else there, too. Remus couldn't quite put his finger on why he thought it, but he immediately came to the conclusion that Miss Umbridge didn't actually like werewolves.

"Well, Mr Lupin," Umbridge continued in the same sweet tone. "What can I do for you today?"

"There was an incident last night," Remus began.

"Last night?"

"The full moon," Remus clarified, wondering what sort of an idiot would hire a witch who didn't follow the lunar cycle as a Case Worker for werewolves.

"Ah, yes," Umbridge replied with a nod. "I understand the Werewolf Capture Unit broke its record for the year last night. Nine captures in one night."

"Um." Remus looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eye. Was this woman expecting him to be as thrilled and excited as she was at the news?

Sirius leaned forward in his seat, easily picking up on Remus's hint to steer the subject back on course. "There was an accident last night," he said.

"An accident?" Umbridge echoed, giving the impression that she didn't believe there were such things at all.

"There was an earthquake," Remus continued. "The plaster of one of the walls of my basement came down; it was the part that had the runes on it, the runes that kept the barrier up. I… I escaped."

"Well, that certainly won't do," Umbridge replied sternly, although the smile was still eerily on her face. "Since you clearly can't handle the full moons, I'll see that you're transported to a Camp right away. Do you have any preference as to location? I understand that the Fens are quite popular."

"What?" Sirius interrupted. "Remus isn't going to a Camp. We're just here to report what happened."

Miss Umbridge smiled and shook her head. "And I'm here to ensure that the humans are protected from monsters like werewolves."

"Remus isn't a monster," Sirius snapped. "What sort of a Case Worker are you?"

"Sirius, don't," Remus warned. "Miss Umbridge. I was told to come and tell you what happened."

"Of course, of course," Umbridge said. "How many victims did you bite? How many died?"

"What?" Sirius turned to Remus. "Don't answer that."

"I have to report what happened," Remus reminded him. "I only bit one person and she didn't die."

"Oh." Umbridge's smile faltered for a moment and she was clearly disappointed with his answer. She passed a form across the table and told him to fill it in. She then disappeared out of the cubicle, her wand pointed at Remus and her back to the entrance as she left.

"That horrible cow's a Case Worker?" Sirius asked. "Come on, let's fill this in, leave it on her desk, and get the hell out of here."

Remus nodded his agreement and quickly filled in as much of the form as he could. His writing wasn't as neat as it usually was, and Sirius could see that the further down the form he got, the more his hand was shaking. He wished he had one of Madam Pomfrey's Calming Draughts with him because the effects of the one Remus had taken earlier seemed to be wearing off.

They left the cubicle as quickly as they could, but it seemed that Miss Umbridge had anticipated their move and was waiting for them with a couple of intimidating wizards, both of whom had their wands drawn.

"There he is!" Umbridge declared, pointing at Remus as they made their way towards the door. "Take him into custody."

"Him?" the smaller of the two wizards asked. "You called us away from important work for a kid?"

"I'm not a kid," Remus said as he approached the trio. "I've left the form on your desk," he told Umbridge with a forced smile. "If that's all, I'll be flooing back to Hogwarts."

"You're not going anywhere," Umbridge told him. "You're going into custody."

One of the wizards gave a sigh and turned to Remus again. "If you'll come with me, please," he said.

"Um." Remus turned to Sirius, not sure what to do for the best, and wishing that he hadn't declined Dumbledore's offer to come with them.

"Your friend can come, too," the wizard said before turning to Umbridge. "We'll take it from here."

"Oh, thank you," Umbridge simpered. "I feel so much safer knowing you boys are just down the corridor, waiting to take these dangerous creatures into custody."

"They're both werewolves?" the wizard asked. "I thought it was just the one?"

"I'm sure if you look into the history of the other one, you'll find all sorts of dark practices," Umbridge suggested, before lowering her voice to a loud whisper. "He's got dark arts and perversions written all over him."

"Looks like Orion Black's son to me," the second wizard commented.

Sirius nodded that he was correct.

"Come on boys," the first wizard ordered, hurrying them out of the room and down another corridor.

"Am I being sent to a Dangerous Creatures' Camp?" Remus asked nervously.

"I shouldn't think so," the wizard who had recognised Sirius replied.

"But Miss Umbridge said," Remus began.

"Miss Umbridge is a bloody hysteric," the other wizard interrupted. "Calls us in to capture nearly every werewolf on her records. I don't know what loon made her a Case Worker; I just wish they'd transfer her somewhere else."

"But what about last night?" Remus asked. "I bit someone."

The wizard stopped and tugged at his beard. "First time, was it?"

Remus nodded.

"Okay, here's the procedure. You've filed the report and the Register will be updated on the first of next month. Someone will be coming out to check your security before the next full moon. If it's not adequate you'll be collected and brought to the Ministry Containment Facility for your next transformation. Any resistance will result in us being sent to fetch you and you could find yourself sent to a Camp. If it looks like your own place is secure enough, we'll leave you to carry on there."

"But I bit someone," Remus repeated, his voice cracking slightly.

"Biting someone doesn't mean an automatic arrest," the wizard told him. "Not unless the victim requests it, and we've not had any request through for you to be picked up."

"But Charlie's father was yelling for me to be arrested this morning," Remus told him. "He was shouting and screaming at Professor McGonagall."

"He's got a nerve," the wizard replied with a chuckle. "Charlie's the one you bit?"

"Yeah. She was watching over me last night when the barrier came down during the earthquake. I got out and…"

"Is Charlie seventeen?"

"Eighteen," Remus confirmed.

"Then it's her decision and not her father's as to whether to take it any further."

"You mean if she says she doesn't want me arrested, that'll be the end of it?"

"It'll be on your record, but that's as far as it goes."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" Sirius said, patting Remus on the shoulder encouragingly.

"Is it?" asked the other wizard. "It's rules like that which prevented us from capturing monsters like that Greyback creature for years on end. Too many victims who got turned fearing they might be next and refusing to take things further."

"You captured Greyback?" Remus asked.

"We were amongst the party," he replied. "Took eight of us to get him in the end."

"You think I should be locked up, don't you?" Remus whispered.

"If you had a conscience, you'd think so, too," the wizard replied coldly.

Remus and Sirius watched as the two wizards pointed the way to the exit and turned to leave.

"Don't listen to them," Sirius said quietly. "You were locked up last night; it wasn't your fault that you got out. It could have happened to anyone."

"But it didn't happen to anyone," Remus said as they stepped into the elevator. "It happened to me, didn't it?" He slumped against the wall and took a long breath to try and calm himself down again.

"Charlie won't want you locked up," Sirius reminded him. "She can't date you if you're shut away in one of those camps."

"We're not dating any more," Remus said. "We broke up yesterday."

"What?"

"We broke up yesterday," Remus repeated. "Just before the full moon."

Sirius wasn't sure what to say about that. He knew that he should be commiserating with Remus for being dumped, but inside he was too busy cheering. Thankfully, Remus didn't appear to be expecting a response.

The elevator came to a stop, and as they stepped out Sirius spotted Romulus lingering nearby.

"Are you okay?" Romulus asked Remus as soon as he spotted them.

"Where've you been?" Sirius asked. "You just vanished in the middle of the night."

"I'm sorry," Romulus apologised. "It couldn't be helped. Now, are you all right? What happened up there?"

"Saw my Case Worker and told her what happened," Remus said with a shrug. "I didn't like her much."

Sirius snorted. "I didn't like her at all. Prejudiced bitch."

"Want me to go haunt her for a week or two?" Romulus suggested with a rather wicked grin.

"Better not," Remus reluctantly replied. "She might have you bound somewhere if you do."

"I've been by Saint Mungo's," Romulus told them as they walked over to one of the large fireplaces. "Charlie's not going to take things further. She's a stubborn little madam."

"Is she okay?" Remus asked. Sirius could tell that the calming draught had almost completely worn off now, and his friend's panic was becoming increasingly evident again. "She's not too badly mauled or anything."

Romulus shook his head. "No. She was threatening one of the Healers when I left. Something about knocking her block off with her bat, if only she had it with her. From the look on the Healer's face, I'd say she was quite relieved that she didn't."

"Do you think they'll let me in to see her?" Remus asked.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Romulus advised. "You won't get anywhere near her with her father standing guard like a bulldog. The best thing that you can do is floo back home and get the basement fixed. I'll help you."

"I should tell Dumbledore what happened here," Remus pointed out.

Romulus nodded his agreement. "Then the basement. It needs to be put back in order before the next full moon."

"Before the inspectors from the Ministry come to check it out," Sirius corrected as he took a handful of floo powder from the container for public use, and stepped into the fireplace.

Remus watched him disappear in the green flames and stepped in after him. He hoped that they could put things to rights quickly, and that he hadn't passed his curse onto Charlene.

-o-xXx-o-

Christmas was bleak that year, and Remus spent most of the holidays studying at home, avoiding the rest of the school.

For a short time he had felt normal, but now everyone was looking at him in fear again, and he wanted nothing more than to hide away from the rest of the world.

James and Peter left him to it, but Sirius refused to leave him to wallow in his misery and crept out to Hogsmeade every day. He knew he would be in trouble if he were caught, because only Remus was allowed there for the holidays, but he hoped that the teachers would turn a blind eye to his sneaking out of the school grounds. Not that he was particularly concerned about getting caught; there was no way that he was going to let a little thing like the school rules stop him.

Even though he wished it hadn't taken Charlene getting bitten to do it, Remus was grateful to have Sirius's friendship getting back on track. He just wished that what he had to tell Sirius now wasn't something that he knew would cause another argument.

"I'm not coming back to school after the holidays," Remus finally announced on New Year's Eve.

"What?" Sirius exclaimed. "Don't be ridiculous. You've got N.E.W.T.s to sit in a matter of months; you can't just leave."

"I can leave any time I want," Remus replied. "I'm seventeen, nearly eighteen in fact. It's my decision to make."

"You can't just give up," Sirius told him.

"You think I can concentrate on lessons when everyone is staring at me and whispering about me?"

"What do you care about that? Just ignore them."

"Did you know they kicked me off the Quidditch team?" Remus asked. "Charlie still isn't back and they booted me out."

"James never mentioned that," Sirius fumed. "He just stood there and let them do it?"

"He did stick up for me, until they threatened to kick him off, too."

"Then he should have quit the team," Sirius fumed.

"You know he can't do that. He's got scouts looking for him at the games this year; he's already had an offer for one of the League teams. If he quits he'll be throwing his career away."

"And if you quit school, you'll be doing the same thing," Sirius pointed out. "Charlie wouldn't want you to quit school because of her. What about when she comes back?"

"If she comes back."

"She will. You heard what McGonagall said; it's just until they know for sure whether she's been infected. They're sending her work home to her, so you know she's planning on coming back."

"It doesn't matter," Remus said with a sigh. "I'm not going back."

"What does Romulus say about this?" Sirius asked, curious to know whether Remus's brother would be supportive of such a stupid move on the part of his younger sibling.

"He doesn't know, yet."

"I think you'll find that I do," Romulus said from behind them. "And no, I don't agree with your decision."

"Then don't agree with it," Remus snapped. "You won't change my mind."

"Do you have any idea how much trouble people have gone to in order for you to attend Hogwarts?" Romulus asked, his voice just as harsh as Remus's.

"Maybe they shouldn't have done anything," Remus replied. "If I hadn't been allowed to go there, Charlie wouldn't have been bitten."

"You can't just give up," Sirius argued. "You need your N.E.W.T.s if you want a decent job."

"I'm a werewolf," Remus shouted. "Who's going to hire me?"

"Plenty of people would love to hire you," Sirius told him. "Is that what this is all about? You think that because you're a werewolf, no one is going to give you a job anyway, so why bother trying?"

"I'm thinking of protecting the rest of the school, actually," Remus replied.

"You can't just quit!"

"I already have."

"What?"

"I've already told the Headmaster I'm not coming back."

"If you're not coming back to school, why have you been studying all holidays?" Romulus asked, pointing to the pile of books and parchments on the floor.

Remus flushed and Sirius realised that his friend wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of quitting school, no matter what he said to the contrary.

"Remus," he said as he sat down on the sofa and gestured for Remus to join him. "If you don't take your N.E.W.T.s, you won't get a second chance at them. This is your whole life we're talking about."

"Lots of people don't carry on at school after the O.W.L.s," Remus pointed out. "Rom didn't."

Romulus shook his head. "Don't bring my choice into this. You know that was entirely different."

Sirius reached out and put his arm around Remus's shoulders. "What's this really all about?" he asked quietly.

"I put a student in danger," Remus replied quietly. "It shouldn't have happened, and I can't risk it happening again."

"The basement's secure now," Sirius said. "We've re-plastered the wall and re-etched the runes. We've reinforced them all and Dumbledore came here to check all the spells himself. There's no way you're getting out of there next month."

"I think perhaps I should use one of the Ministry cages next month," Remus whispered, and Sirius could feel him shaking in fear at the idea of going back to that facility. "It'll be safer for everyone."

"Not everyone," Sirius reminded him. "It won't be safer for you."

"It'll be safer for you," Remus told him.

"Ah," Romulus said with a thoughtful nod.

"I'll be okay," Sirius assured Remus with a grin. "My skin's way too tough for you to get your teeth into it."

Remus gave a small snort and rubbed at his nose. "It doesn't matter. I don't want you here."

"But-"

"Don't you get it, yet?" Remus shouted, pulling away from Sirius and beginning to pace around the room. "I got out and immediately started to hunt you down. Doesn't that scare you at all?"

"I handled it," Sirius pointed out.

"I remember!" Remus suddenly screamed. "I remember tracking you and hunting you. I remember it."

"It's okay," Sirius said, standing up and trying to calm Remus down.

"No, it's not!" Remus yelled. "I remember hunting you, wanting to bite you, wanting to make you like me. Charlie just got in the way, but you… I remember…" Remus gave a small sob and sat down on the coffee table. "I remember."

"It's not you," Sirius told him quietly, crouching down to look him in the eye as he spoke.

"You just don't get it," Remus told him again. "I remember wanting to bite you, wanting to make you a werewolf, too."

"It's okay. You know I'd never blame you if you did. It wouldn't be your fault; you can't help what Moony does on the full moon."

"Bloody hell," Remus muttered. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Spell what out?"

"I liked the idea of turning you," Remus hissed. "Moony wants to make you like him, because a small part of me wants it, too."

"Oh."

"It's horrible and selfish, and I know it's wrong on so many levels, but I remember hunting you and liking the idea of you being like me."

"You're just remembering the full moon," Sirius told him. "It's not like you want to bite me now, is it?"

"Don't I?" Remus replied.

Sirius, still on eye level with Remus, saw something flicker in the depths of the brown orbs and he turned to Romulus to gesture for him to leave. He wasn't entirely surprised to see that he had already left and he turned back to Remus.

"You want to bite me now?" Sirius clarified.

Remus nodded mutely.

"Go ahead," Sirius whispered. "Come on, bite me."

"I'm trying to be serious here," Remus snapped.

"So am I," Sirius replied. "You can't hurt me or turn me right now, and if it gets it out of your system then go ahead and do it. It's not like you've not given me a few nips before."

One moment Sirius was crouching down on the floor, one of his hands resting on Remus's shoulder and the hand of the other pushing the brown hair back out of his friend's eyes. The next moment he was on his back, Remus was on top of him and he was getting very turned on by the sensation of Remus's mouth on his neck, sucking and nipping at the tender flesh. As he had just told him, it wasn't that Remus hadn't bitten him before; but in the past it had been quick nips in the heat of the moment, and not purposeful like this was. He gave a moan of desire as Remus increased the pressure. It had been so long.

"You like this?" Remus asked, his breath warm on the moist skin.

Sirius gave a small nod.

"But what if I drew blood?" Remus whispered. "Would you like it then? What if I bit you harder? Would it still make you hard?"

Then Remus's mouth was clamped onto his neck again. This time it wasn't the nipping and sucking from before. This time it was harder and he could feel the sharp sting of teeth. It was meant to hurt and it did.

"Remus, stop it," Sirius hissed, and the werewolf pulled back immediately.

"Didn't like that so much, did you?" Remus asked. "Not so great when it actually hurts, is it?"

Remus sat back up and looked down at him sadly. Sirius reached up to rub at the sore skin on his neck, and he wondered momentarily if he would see blood on his fingers when he pulled them away. There wasn't any, and Sirius couldn't suppress the sigh of relief.

"Do you still want me to bite you?" Remus asked. "I can stop today, but on a full moon there wouldn't be any way to prevent me from sinking my teeth into your flesh. Now do you see why I can't let you be here?"

"You need me here," Sirius told him.

"And what if you'd been here the night of the quake?" Remus asked. "Don't you get it? I bit someone and there's a bloody good chance that she's going to become a monster like I am."

"You're not a monster," Sirius whispered, reaching up to caress Remus's face.

"But I am," Remus replied, equally quietly. "I'm a werewolf and if you'd been here that night, you could… you might… I can't risk it."

"Remus, I know you feel guilty about Charlie, but it was an accident. You can't just shut me out because of what happened. I won't let you."

"You don't have a choice," Remus snapped. "I don't want you here. I won't be responsible for turning you into a monster like me. I won't take that chance!"

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but before he could say a word Remus's mouth was covering his own, kissing him desperately and thoroughly.

Remus pulled back slightly and closed his eyes, breathing deeply to steady himself. He leaned his forehead against Sirius's and sighed. "I won't risk it," he repeated.

"You'd be behind the barrier," Sirius reminded him. "There won't be any risk."

"Except if I got out again…"

"We'd deal with that if and when it happened."

"It's not going to happen!" Remus clambered to his feet and began pacing again. "I won't risk it. I won't!"

Sirius stood up and grabbed at Remus's arm. "Remus, you're just worrying over nothing."

"It's not nothing," Remus replied coldly. "I like what I just did to you… all of it. Which is why you have to leave, now. I can't be around you any more."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do mean it!" Remus yelled. "Go back to Hogwarts and leave me alone. I don't deserve to be around normal people."

"Remus, please."

"Just go!" Remus screamed.

Sirius didn't want to leave, but it was clear that Remus wasn't listening to him and needed to calm down before they could talk things over properly. "I'll come by again tomorrow morning," he said.

"Don't bother," Remus replied.

"You don't mean that," Sirius said. "I'll be here right after breakfast."

Sirius turned and stepped into the fireplace. He flooed back to Hogwarts, where he was determined to figure out a way to persuade Remus to return to the school for the new term.

Remus watched him leave and sank down onto the sofa, knowing that the fight wasn't over.

"Eavesdropping again?" Remus said when Romulus appeared a moment later.

"I've told you before, when I can hear you yelling from two floors up, it's hardly classed as eavesdropping," Romulus replied. "He's not going to give up, you know?"

"I know. Which means I need a whole new argument for when he comes back tomorrow."

"Or you could do what you previously planned to do during these holidays," Romulus said with a small smile. "You were going to tell Sirius how you feel about him."

"I was going to think about it," Remus corrected. "And speak to him if I decided I did want to be in a relationship with him."

"Which you do."

"No, I don't," Remus said.

"Liar."

"It doesn't matter any more," Remus replied sadly. "I'm not going to risk hurting him."

"You don't think that maybe you're hurting him anyway, by pushing him away."

"It doesn't matter," Remus repeated. "I'm a werewolf and he's a pureblood. It would have been better if we'd never even become friends."

"You don't mean that."

"I do mean it, every bloody word. I'd never forgive myself if I bit him, too."

"You can't give him up if you love him. And you do love him, don't you?"

Remus glared at his brother before he ran from the room.

Of course he loved Sirius, how could he not?

The wolf had known Sirius was the one he needed and loved for years. Remus thought back to the night of his escape. Hogsmeade village and all the residents had been right there, laid out before him, a veritable banquet, right on his doorstep, for the newly freed werewolf. But instead of chasing down the nearest villager, Moony had gone straight for Hogwarts, searching for Sirius.

Remus knew, instinctively, that Moony hadn't wanted to kill Sirius. Just like the night they had faced each other in the forest, the wolf hadn't wanted to tear Sirius's throat out or tear him limb from limb. Moony wanted to turn him.

Remus sat down on his bed and forced himself to face up to the truth. The wolf wanted to turn Sirius, because deep down so did he.

The wolf wasn't the monster here; he was, because only a monster would like the idea of turning his best friend into a werewolf so that he could be with him all the time. He wanted Sirius to understand what it was like for him, and he knew if he turned him, he would. He knew he'd never blame him and would never leave him.

Despite everything, Sirius loved him and would forgive him for anything. But he didn't understand that the real monster here wasn't Moony. The monster was Remus.

He looked across at his reflection in the mirror of the dresser. He didn't look like a monster, at least not really. He looked like any other average teenage boy. Sure, he had a few scars, but so did everyone else who played Quidditch, it was a rough game and only the very best players came out entirely unscathed.

Then again, Greyback hadn't looked that much like a monster either. Remus shivered and buried his face in his hands. He wasn't going to turn into the same type of monster Greyback was; he was going to make sure of that.

Remus threw himself onto his bed and buried his face in his pillow. It was better for everyone if he stayed away from Hogwarts. As long as he stayed away, people would be safe… Sirius would be safe, and that was all that mattered.

Alone in his bedroom, Remus decided that he was done with being selfish, and he was going to start with doing what was best for Sirius. He was going to do whatever it took to keep him safe, even if it meant losing him forever.


	56. Life Goes On

A/N: First of all a note for everyone. I think I have replied to all the previous reviews from members with accounts. I apologise if I have missed anyone (or if anyone got duplicates). Unfortunately the new inbox system has removed the "you have already replied to this review" prompt, so I can't tell who I have replied to and who I haven't. In future I can check the outbox, but I have no way of telling about the older reviews. I curse my bad memory and curse this site even louder. Sorry if I did miss anyone.

**Lucy Black aka Luciana** - The site has removed your email address from your reviews. If you email me at louisab75 [at] googlemail [dot] com I will reply to your messages.

**Chro** - Thanks. I can't imagine staying up to 4:30am to read a fanfic, so am honoured that you not only did that, but broke with your tradition of not reviewing to comment.

**Charlotte** - Sorry you didn't like the storyline. I promise it won't take over the story though. Thanks for your comments.

Life Goes On

No amount of persuading, nagging or outright shouting could convince Remus to come back to school for the new term.

Sirius had even gone so far as to petition Professors McGonagall and Sprout, Madam Pomfrey and the Headmaster himself, but none of them had been able to do anything to convince the reluctant werewolf to return to the castle.

Word came through to him via Professor McGonagall that Charlene had been infected with Lycanthropy. He went to visit Remus as soon as he had left McGonagall's office and found that Remus had already been informed. He tried to tell him yet again that it wasn't his fault, but it was clear that Remus's guilt wasn't lessening, and was – not surprisingly – increasing. Nor was there any sign of Remus changing his mind about returning to the school, not even when he was told that Charlene was due to arrive back a couple of weeks after the February full moon.

"He won't listen to a word I say," Sirius complained to James, after yet another unproductive visit to see Remus.

"Remus has always done exactly what he wants," James pointed out reasonably. "You know how stubborn he is."

"But he's throwing his entire life away because of one accident."

James sighed and turned to look out of the dormitory window.

"What?" Sirius prompted.

"He's a werewolf," James replied after a long pause. "Even if he aced all his N.E.W.T.s, he wouldn't have much of a hope of getting a decent job."

"He'll have no chance without his N.E.W.T.s."

"But then he'll be able to blame his lack of employment on the lack of qualifications, instead of on the prejudices of the rest of the world."

"You sound like you're taking his side."

"I'm not on anyone's side," James argued. "But with all the talk about what happened, feelings are running high and…"

"And?"

"Well, maybe he's better off in Hogsmeade."

Sirius glared at James before he stalked from the room, his temper even more enflamed than it was before he'd spoken to James.

He was still in a bad mood when Charlene returned to Hogwarts and he did his utmost to avoid her for as long as he could. He didn't want to be the one to tell her that Remus had left school, but it seemed that he was destined to do so, because no one else wanted the honour either.

"Where's Remus?" Charlene asked Sirius, who was reading up on vampires for Defence Against the Dark Arts.

"Hogsmeade," Sirius replied without bothering to look up from his book. He hoped, rather than believed that that would be explanation enough and that she would leave him in peace. He wasn't entirely surprised that it wasn't.

"I've not seen him since I came back yesterday," Charlene complained. "He didn't bother to show up for Quidditch practice this morning either."

"He was kicked off the team while you were away," Sirius told her.

"So I heard," Charlene said. "But I'm still the Captain and I'm putting him back on the team. He's the best bloody Keeper in the school."

Sirius sighed and knew he couldn't put it off any longer. "Except he's not in the school any more."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He's in Hogsmeade." Sirius looked up at the team Captain and wished he was anywhere except where he was. "Remus has left Hogwarts."

"He can't leave Hogwarts; we still have matches to play."

Sirius chuckled at the one-track mind of the girl sitting down across the table from him. "I don't think he's that bothered about Quidditch any more."

"How can he not be bothered about Quidditch?" Charlene exclaimed, making it clear that Quidditch was everything and probably the only reason she was actually back at school at all.

"He's got it into his head that people would be safer if he were away from everyone else," Sirius explained. "He refused to come back to school after the holidays."

"And you let him do that?"

"Didn't have much choice in the matter."

"We'll see about that," Charlene muttered and stalked from the common room once more.

-o-xXx-o-

The living room and the kitchen were spotless. Romulus had made sure that if Remus was going to be living permanently in Hogsmeade, he wasn't going to be spending his time lazing around the house. He was finding new jobs for Remus to do all the time, and the weary werewolf had barely a minute to spare.

"Did you clean the fireplace?" Romulus asked.

"Yes."

"What about the inside?"

"No one will see inside it," Remus muttered as he sank down onto the sofa for what he considered to be a well-earned rest.

"Except when they floo over," Romulus pointed out. "Muggles may get away with only cleaning the outside, but you can't."

"I need a break," Remus complained. "I've been cleaning since dawn."

"Cleaning with magic isn't that tiring."

"I still need a break."

Romulus shrugged. "Fine, take five minutes whilst I go and check the paint work on the windows upstairs. I think they could probably do with a new coat."

"Great."

Remus was tired of cleaning and even more tired of being nagged at about it.

On the other hand, he reflected a few minutes later, he would rather be cleaning than facing the fury of Charlene as she stepped through the fireplace he had just finished polishing.

He didn't need to worry about what he was going to say to her, at least not at first, because he couldn't get a word in edgeways.

"What are you doing here?" he began, but that was as far as he got.

"That was my question," Charlene replied with a glare. "I've spent ages looking around the castle for you, only to be told you've left school. I guess the rumours about no one hiring werewolves are really exaggerated, because it must have been one hell of an offer to convince you to leave before you got your N.E.W.T.s."

"I-"

"I don't want to hear why you're hiding out here like some spineless Slytherin," Charlene interrupted. "But you're coming back to Hogwarts with me right now."

"I've-"

"Left school. Yes, I know. I also know that Hogwarts demands all the school fees for the year to be paid in advance and they don't give refunds. Which means your fees are already paid and they can't stop you going back if you want to."

"I don't-"

"You want to spend your life sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself?" Charlene yelled. "Tough!"

"That's not fair."

"Life isn't bloody fair, is it?" Charlene shouted. "You think I wanted to come back to school with everyone staring at me and whispering about me? You think I don't know what they're saying about behind my back? I knew what it was going to be like when I made the choice to come back here, but I kept telling myself that if Remus could do it, so could I. I told myself that he would be beside me, and even if everyone else hated me and I lost all my friends because of what I am, at least Remus would stand by me. Except you're cowering away here, and I'm having to face them on my own."

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered. "I should have sent you back to Hogwarts that night. I should have done so many things differently."

Charlene drew in a long breath before she spoke again. "It was an accident. I understand that and there's no need for you to apologise for it. Though if you want to apologise for leaving me to deal with this on my own it might be a start."

"Your father would never have let me near you," Remus pointed out.

"I don't mean right after it happened," Charlene clarified. "I mean now, at school."

"I can't go back there," Remus said as he began to pace the living room. "You're the victim in all this, but I'm the monster. I didn't leave right away, you know. I put up with all the whispers and the taunting until Christmas."

"And I'm putting up with them right now," Charlene countered. "You can't leave me to go through this on my own. I won't let you!"

"You can't make me go back," Remus told her. "You think my brother hasn't already tried to talk me into that?"

"Since when do you listen to him?" Charlene replied. "What about Sirius? Has he tried to talk you out of being an idiot?"

Remus scowled at her, before turning his back.

"I see that he has," Charlene concluded. "Fine, if I can't talk you into going back, how about I try a different tactic?"

Remus turned to look at her out of the corner of his eye. "Like what?" he asked, with more than a little apprehension.

"Well, let me see…" Charlene tapped a finger to her lips and smirked. "I'll bet that Romulus has shouted and tried to reason with you and that Sirius has been all supportive and persuasive. Am I right?"

Remus nodded slowly. "Sirius did some shouting, too," he added reluctantly.

"I thought so," Charlene replied with a grin that could only be described as wolfish. "Have either of them tried blackmail?"

"They don't have anything to blackmail me with," Remus pointed out. "And neither do you."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. I'll make you a deal. You come back to Hogwarts with me, and I'll not tell Rita all about what I saw you and Sirius doing back in the Autumn."

"You wouldn't dare."

"You know I would."

"Well, you'd be wasting your time. They're already talking about me at the school. At least here, I don't have to listen to them. So, you can tell Rita what you like."

"Still the selfish little bastard, aren't you?" Charlene replied.

"I'm staying away to keep everyone safe. That's not being selfish."

"That's not what I meant," Charlene said with a glare. "The gossip if I did that wouldn't bother you, but what about Sirius? Do you really think so little of your best friend – your lover – that you'd let him suffer through that alone?"

"I…" Remus shook his head and sat back down. "You'd really do that to him? You'd make his life even more difficult than it already is, just to get back at me?"

"He hasn't done me any favours," Charlene snapped.

"You wouldn't do it," Remus said. "You're not vindictive like that."

"You want to risk it?"

"It's no risk," Remus told her. "Now, why don't you go back to the school and leave me in peace."

Charlene shook her head. "You can't let me go through this on my own," she said, in a voice that was barely more than a whisper.

Remus looked at her and saw the watery shine of tears in her eyes. "Damn it," he muttered. He could withstand arguments, shouting, threats and cajoling, but what sort of defence did he have against tearful pleas?

"Please, Remus," Charlene begged, the tears now falling without restraint.

Remus shook his head. "I'll get my things, though Merlin knows what I'm going to tell Sirius about why you can talk me into going back when he couldn't."

Charlene gave a watery smile. "Tell him I blackmailed you."

Remus went to fetch his things and schooled his face into as fierce an expression as he could manage. If the gossips were going to give him grief, then this time he was going to give as good as he got.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius was still sitting in the common room, supposedly working on his essay, when Charlene stepped back through the portrait hole, with Remus in tow. Charlene looked decidedly smug, while Remus looked positively mutinous. Sirius wondered how she had convinced him to return to the school and felt a pang of jealous annoyance that she had been able to accomplish something, where he had failed.

He could tell that Remus was uncomfortable with the stares and whispering and he called out and waved him across to sit with him.

"How did she talk you around?" he asked curiously.

"Blackmail," Remus muttered, just before the explosion happened at the other side of the room.

"What's he doing back?" Richard, one of the team Chasers asked in a loud voice.

"Got a problem?" Charlene asked in a deceptively mild tone of voice.

"Yeah," Richard replied. "I've got a problem. Please don't tell me you're letting that thing back on the team?"

"He's the best Keeper in the school."

"He's a werewolf," Richard snarled. "We don't need his kind on the team."

"Maybe you haven't heard," Charlene said, still in the same mild tone. "I'm that kind now."

"I… er…" It was clear that Richard had heard, but had momentarily forgotten.

"I'm Captain," Charlene continued, loud enough that the whole room could hear her. "Remus is back on the team and he's staying on it."

"We don't want him on the team, do we?" Richard said, looking towards James to back him up.

James, making perhaps the wisest move he had all year, shook his head and backed away. "You leave me out of this. I've not got a problem with Remus."

Richard looked furious. "I'm not playing on the team with a werewolf."

Charlene smirked and folded her arms across her chest. "Tryouts for the position of Chaser will take place tomorrow morning at seven o'clock," she announced to the room.

There were a few groans at the time of the tryouts, but they were easily drowned out by Richard's protestations.

"You can't kick me off the team."

"I didn't," Charlene replied sweetly. "You quit, remember."

"You'll never find someone as good as I am," Richard argued. "You'll be begging me to come back."

"Evans is pretty good," Peter suddenly announced. "She's been helping James practice."

Charlene turned to Lily. "You fancy trying out for the team?"

Lily looked at Richard, then at James and finally at Remus. "Sure," she said. "I'd love to be on the team."

By breakfast the next morning Lily Evans was the new team Chaser, James Potter was in Seventh Heaven, and Sirius had hope that things might finally be getting back to normal again.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus flew down to the ground after the latest Quidditch practice. He was tired and aching and he knew that the rest of the team were, too.

"You're pushing yourself too hard," he told Charlene after the rest of the team had begun the walk to the showers.

"There's a rumour going round that a scout from the Harpies is going to be at the last match of the year," Charlene said. "I need to prove to them that this… what I am now… that it won't make a difference to how well I play."

"Er…"

"What?" Charlene looked at him questioningly and Remus wished he didn't have to tell her what he knew.

He sighed and drew in a deep breath, though he could not bring himself to look her in the eyes. "They won't be able to hire you, even if you're the best player in the country," he finally whispered.

"But if I'm the best…"

"It won't make any difference. The Ministry passed a law about twenty years ago which forbids werewolves from playing Quidditch professionally."

"They can't do that!"

"They already did. They said that werewolves on teams place the other teams at a disadvantage because of our superior strength and quicker reflexes."

"But we aren't stronger and quicker."

"I know."

"It's not fair!" Charlene shouted, throwing her broom – one of the most expensive on the market and her most prized possession – across the field.

Remus knew that, too, but he also knew that nothing he said would help to make it better.

"Damn it," Charlene raged. "What am I supposed to do if I can't play Quidditch?"

"There are other careers," Remus whispered, but with very little conviction. He knew that most professions were closed to werewolves, and those that were open only offered the jobs that no one else wanted to do.

"Not for me," Charlene replied. "All I ever wanted was to play Quidditch. Ever since I was old enough to fly on my own broom."

"I'm sorry," Remus offered, and although he meant it with all his heart, he knew that it would offer no comfort at all.

"It's not fair," Charlene repeated. "It's not fair."

Remus waited until Charlene's temper had receded and then he picked up her broom and they walked back towards the castle.

It was only when Charlene reached up to push open the large wooden door of the main entrance that Remus noticed that she had been hurt during the practice.

"Your arm," he said, pulling back her sleeve and looking at the newly opened wound that was dripping blood down her arm.

"Not again," Charlene muttered. "I thought for sure it was healed this time."

"You're using your arm too much," Remus scolded.

"I'm a Beater," Charlene reminded him.

"Come on, let's find Sirius."

"What for? I should go and see Madam Pomfrey."

"Sirius can sort this out for you."

"But…"

"If Madam Pomfrey's busy, you could be waiting for ages. Sirius can fix you up in a few minutes."

"Just because he drops everything to help you, doesn't mean he'll do the same for me," Charlene pointed out as she stepped onto the staircase that would eventually lead to the Hospital Wing.

"Sirius won't nag you about pushing yourself too hard either," Remus pointed out. "At least I don't think he will. He nags me a bit, but at least he won't tell the teachers to keep you off the Quidditch pitch."

"Like Madam Pomfrey did when you were back in fifth year," Charlene said, remembering that Remus had missed four practices at the school Healer's insistence, right before the last match of the year.

"Sirius won't keep you off the pitch."

Charlene nodded reluctantly and they turned back the way they had come. "Any ideas where he is?"

"Down by the lake," Remus replied. "Come on."

"Do you have some sort of psychic connection with him? How do you know he's down there?"

"I could see him from the air," Remus replied with a laugh. "Why do you think I've missed so many saves today?"

"Do I need to ban him from coming to the matches?"

"No. I play better when he's watching. Or hadn't you noticed?"

Charlene laughed. "Maybe I should order him to attend the practices."

"Perhaps you should. I've kind of missed having him there."

They walked the rest of the way in silence, only speaking when they reached Sirius, who was sitting on the grass, surrounded by various mouldy looking weeds.

"What are you doing with that pile of junk?" Charlene asked.

"Restocking my potions kit," Sirius explained. "You can find most of the common ingredients right here in the grounds of the castle."

"You'd think with all the Black family money, he'd just order from the suppliers," Remus said with a sigh. "Anyway, that's not why we're here. Sirius, do you have your Healer's stuff with you?"

Sirius frowned. "Some of it. Why? Have you hurt yourself at practice?"

Remus shook his head. "Not me." He pointed to Charlene's, who reluctantly pulled up her sleeve.

"I can go to Madam Pomfrey if you're too busy," she said.

"Don't be silly," Sirius chided as he picked up his wand and stood up to take a closer look at the arm. "You really shouldn't use this arm as much until it's properly healed."

Charlene sighed and turned to Remus. "I thought you said he wouldn't nag me?"

Sirius gave a small chuckle. "If you think this is nagging, you don't know me very well."

The wound was sealed shut in a matter of moments.

"Now, if only I could get rid of all the aches and pains," Charlene commented ruefully.

"You should start using the prefects' bathroom," Sirius advised. "You're Quidditch Captain, so it's not like you'll have to sneak in or anything."

Charlene shot Remus a look. "Sneaking into the prefects' bathroom, huh?"

"I had permission once," Remus replied with a sheepish grin. "The other times were kind of necessary."

"Speaking of the time," Sirius interrupted. "I'm late for Potions."

"Rather you than me," Remus said as Sirius gathered his things together. "I've got free periods all morning."

Sirius smirked. "Well, I've got free periods all Friday afternoon, when you're stuck in class. I'd rather have the Friday afternoon free than Wednesday morning."

"Good point," Remus agreed. "What about you, Charlie?"

"First period free, then I've got Ancient Runes."

Sirius finished packing up his belongings and began his walk back to the castle. Remus would have followed after him, but Charlene tugged on his arm and made it clear that she wanted to talk to him about something. He was about to ask her what was wrong – it was clear something was the matter – but the sound of 'Fag!' drew his attention back to Sirius.

"Damn it, not again," Remus muttered as he pulled out his wand and looked around for the latest idiots to hassle his friend.

It didn't take long to spot them. They were howling with laughter as they watched Sirius look with dismay at his trousers, which they had magically changed to a skirt.

"Let's see if they find this as funny," Remus hissed as he pointed his wand at the two of them and vanished their clothes entirely. Then he pointed his wand at Sirius and quickly cast the counter-spell to repair what they had done.

Sirius smiled back at him. "I could have fixed it myself, you know?" he called back as the two bullies ran for the castle, accompanied by catcalls from the third years heading to their Care of Magical Creatures class.

"I know." Remus replied. "But you were the one who hexed that bloke that called me a blood-thirsty monster last week, so now we're even."

"I didn't know we were keeping score."

Remus laughed. "You'd better hurry or Slughorn will put you in detention."

Sirius nodded and quickened his pace. Remus watched him go, a frown appearing on his face. He had reversed the spell, but he didn't know if there was anything he could do about the rest of the damage.

Long gone was the proud young heir to the noble house of Black. Sirius no longer walked tall along the corridors of the castle; instead he was hunched over, almost as though he was trying to hide from the rest of the school. Remus wanted the other Sirius back, but he was starting to think that perhaps he had gone forever.

"You've got it bad, haven't you?" Charlene commented with a smirk.

Remus felt his face heating up and did his best to avoid her knowing gaze. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

Charlene shook her blonde curls from her face. "Like I'd want to go out of my way to alienate the few people that are actually not treating me like I'm contagious."

"Has someone specific been giving you a hard time, or is it just the usual?" Remus asked.

"Just the usual," Charlene replied as she sat down on the grass. "I'm starting to wonder if it was a mistake to come back here."

Remus wanted to tell her that the students would soon be busy studying for their exams. The usual mad panic after Easter was over would arrive like it did every year. He wanted to reassure her that things would improve, just like Sirius always tried to reassure him. But that was the problem; even though Sirius had tried to reassure him, Remus knew that things weren't getting any better, not for any of them. There would always be some students with nothing better to do than make someone else's life a misery, and both Remus and Charlene were easy targets.

Instead, Remus sat down on the ground and started picking at the blades of grass. "Would your parents be really pissed off if you dropped out?" he asked.

"My mum didn't want me to come back at all," Charlene replied. "My dad said the choice was mine, but he made it clear that he wouldn't like the idea of me leaving before my N.E.W.T.s."

"They're okay with you being a werewolf though?" Remus didn't know why he had to know the answer to that particular question, but it had been nagging at him for some time now.

"Well, they're not exactly thrilled, but they're dealing with it."

Remus breathed a small sigh of relief. At least Charlene's parents weren't kicking her out of the house or disowning her because of the shame.

"My dad sold his collection of exotic magical plants to pay for the possible cures," Charlene continued. "I think he's still a bit upset about that. He'll calm down in a few years."

"Years?"

Charlene rolled her eyes. "That was a poor attempt at a joke. Anyway, my parents could have reacted worse than they did. They could have done what your own did."

"Not now you're eighteen," Remus reminded her. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I…"

"Yes?" Remus prompted.

"I wanted to ask if… whether… does the actual change ever get less painful? I mean, do you get used to it?"

Remus looked out over the lake.

"Remus?"

He sighed and turned back to Charlene. "Do you want me to make you feel better, or do you want the truth?"

"It doesn't get any better," Charlene concluded for herself.

"No." Remus wondered whether to tell her that it actually got worse, but he simply couldn't bring himself to do so. For once though, he didn't have to say anything.

"It gets worse, doesn't it?" Charlene asked, bringing her knees up to her chest and dropping her chin onto them.

"I'm sorry."

"How much worse?" she questioned, ignoring his apology.

"The books say it depends on the werewolf. I get it bad around the joints, others find that their bones don't set back into place properly and they end up with breaks every month. There are even some that-"

"Enough," Charlene interrupted. "I think I'd rather not know."

"You really should try using the prefects' bathroom more often. The massage function of the bath helps a lot."

Charlene nodded. "Thanks."

"Was there something else you wanted to ask?" Remus guessed.

"Yes, but I think you'll just tell me to mind my own business if I do."

"You can still ask if you want."

Charlene turned to face him before she spoke again. "Are you and Sirius, you know…?"

"Together?"

"Yeah."

"Not exactly."

"What's that supposed to mean? Either you are or you aren't."

"We aren't."

"Why not?"

"It's complicated."

"You like him; he likes you. Nothing complicated about that."

Remus frowned and turned his attention back to the grass. "There's the whole werewolf thing to consider; not to mention his family and their plans for him. It doesn't matter. He'll be better off without me messing up his life."

"Maybe he wants you messing up his life…"

"Yeah, well, what we want isn't always what's best for us, is it?" Remus snapped.

"There's no need to bite my head off," Charlene retorted. "I'm trying to help you."

Remus was genuinely confused by her statement and said the first thing that came into his head. "Why?"

"Because we're friends."

"You're also my ex-girlfriend," Remus reminded her. "The one who caught me cheating on her with another bloke."

"I said I forgave you for that," Charlene reminded him. "And this, being bitten, and having my whole life turned upside down… Well, it makes you realise what's important and helps you put things in perspective. Some people I thought were really good friends won't even look at me now. The notice about our very last Hogsmeade weekend will be posted any day now, and I'm probably the only girl in the year who won't get invited. I used to get asked by at least two boys every time the notice was put up."

"You did?"

Charlene nodded. "Jealous?" she asked with a grin.

"Maybe just a little," Remus admitted. "Girls weren't exactly queuing up to ask me out."

"Well, the boys aren't queuing up to ask me now," Charlene reminded him. "That's my whole point. If you weren't a werewolf, you'd have had loads of dates lined up."

"I'm sure you'll find someone who can deal with your Lycanthropy," Remus assured her. "If the Black family can produce someone who can deal with it, I'm sure that loads of other families can, too."

"I guess."

"You can come to Hogsmeade with me and Sirius if you like."

"I don't want to tag along on your date," Charlene muttered.

"It won't be a date," Remus reminded her. "We're not together, remember?"

"But still…"

"Why not?"

"It'll be the very last Hogsmeade weekend for us seventh years. Don't you want to spend it with Sirius? It'll be the last time you get to visit the village before we leave school."

Remus chuckled. "I live in Hogsmeade; I can visit whenever I want. Believe me, the novelty wore off for me a long time ago."

"But-"

"No," Remus interrupted. "If you haven't been asked out to Hogsmeade for the last visit, you'll come spend the day with me and Sirius."

"I-"

"No arguments."

"Don't you think you should check with Sirius first?"

"He won't mind."

"You don't know that. He might be planning something special for you for the last Hogsmeade weekend."

"All the more reason for you to come along."

"You really should sort things out with Sirius, you know."

"We're friends, and that's as far as it goes."

"But you both want more."

"I want a lot of things, Charlie," Remus said with a sigh. "I want my parents to love me. I want to not be a werewolf. But we can't always get what we want."

"You could have Sirius, if you tell him how you feel about him."

"It's better like this."

Charlene looked like she was going to argue with him again, but he forestalled her with a glare. It was better like this, and if he kept telling himself that, maybe one day he would actually believe it.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus returned to the school after the March full moon and made it a point to track down Charlene and check she was all right as soon as he could. She had gone to the facility at the Ministry for the night, but he knew she would be coming back to the school as soon as she could.

It was three days after the full moon when she finally reappeared, and she didn't look in very good shape.

"Why is it you say they get harder, but you manage to be up and about within hours of transforming back?" Charlene asked as she curled up on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

"I'm stubborn," Remus replied. "I won't let the full moon rule my life."

"I don't want it to rule mine either, and I can't afford to miss so many lessons, not this close to the exams."

"Are the Ministry using any spells on the cages yet?" Remus asked. "They didn't when I had to use them, but they were supposed to be looking into them."

Charlene shook her head. "Not yet. I asked one of the staff there, and they said the applications to get them installed were still being processed. The panel of Senior Warlocks looking at the test results can't seem to agree on anything. And in the meantime…"

"Bloody idiots," Remus muttered.

Charlene agreed with him wholeheartedly, but it seemed that there was nothing they could do about it.

-o-xXx-o-

The message from Dumbledore was unexpected, and as soon as he received it, Remus began to mentally list all the things that he could possibly be in trouble for.

He was still working his way through the list when he opened the door to the Headmaster's office and saw that Charlene was sitting at the desk opposite Albus Dumbledore. The list flew from his mind and he realised that the summons was werewolf related.

"Ah, Remus, come in, take a seat," Dumbledore said, waving to the chair next to Charlene. "I'm not calling you out of class, am I?"

Remus suspected that the older man knew that he wasn't, but he shook his head anyway.

"Good, good," Dumbledore said. "Now, I suppose you can guess why you're both here?"

Charlene gave a shrug while Remus mumbled 'werewolf stuff' under his breath.

"Yes, Remus," Dumbledore agreed. "Werewolf stuff. Now, I've been researching werewolves and their behaviour when confined. In particular, I've been focusing on those that have company at the times of the full moon."

"You can't stop Romulus visiting me at the full moon," Remus interrupted.

"I wouldn't dream of stopping either Romulus or Sirius from being with you when you need them there," Dumbledore said.

"Sirius hasn't been coming to my place at the full moons," Remus told him. "After what happened, I asked him to stay away. It's safer for him that way."

"You might have asked him to stay away, but Sirius has a stubborn streak that rivals your own."

"You mean he's been coming to my basement?" Remus asked, not sure whether he should be angry, worried or even surprised.

"You mean you can't tell the difference between when he's there and when he isn't?" Dumbledore asked with a smile. "Not even the next morning?"

Remus frowned as he thought back to the morning after the most recent full moon. Hardly any bruises on him and only superficial scratches. Apart from the pain of the transformation, he had been remarkably injury free. Of course Sirius had been there. He could barely believe that he hadn't even realised.

"But I didn't call you here to discuss Sirius or your brother. As you know, Charlene has been flooing to the Ministry for the full moons, but I'm unsure as to whether that is the best place for her to be. She is missing several days of lessons whilst she recovers in St. Mungo's and with the N.E.W.T.s just around the corner, I think we should consider other options."

Remus nodded.

"I believe it might be beneficial for Charlene to join you on the night of the full moon," Dumbledore explained. "The basement is more than big enough for the two of you. I just need to know whether the two of you have any problems that might make things dangerous."

"Problems?" Remus asked. "No. We're friends, right?" He turned to Charlene who nodded her agreement.

"You are both absolutely sure about this?" Dumbledore asked. "You know that the wolves channel your own emotions and this is no time to be glossing over any issues that you have…"

Remus nodded again. From the corner of his eye he could see that Charlene was doing likewise. He owed it to her to do whatever he could to help make the full moon easier on her, and sharing his basement was the least he could do.

-o-xXx-o-

"Er… Sirius?"

Sirius looked up to see that Remus was hovering over him with a somewhat nervous expression on his face. "What's up?" he asked.

"It's about the full moon," Remus said, sitting down opposite him and picking up one of Sirius's quills to fiddle with.

Sirius scowled and kept his face on his parchment. Romulus had managed to convince Remus to remain in Hogsmeade for his transformations, but Remus had still insisted that Sirius stay away. Sirius had ignored him and gone to the house after he knew that Remus had transformed, then leaving again shortly before he returned to his human form. He had hoped that Remus wouldn't notice he had been there, but it seemed that he had been caught out. He knew that Romulus wouldn't have betrayed him – he knew that Moony wanted him there – but perhaps he had left something behind.

"Sirius, are you listening to me?" Remus asked impatiently.

"Sorry," Sirius muttered. "What were you saying?"

"The Headmaster just called me and Charlie to his office about the full moons between now and the end of term."

"Oh."

"Charlene is going to be coming to my basement with me. He – we – think that it might help both of us to have each other there. Werewolves aren't a danger to each other unless there is animosity between the two humans."

"Oh." Sirius ducked his head back down and shrugged. "I guess that's a good thing for both of you then."

"The Headmaster wants you to come to the basement with us and make sure things go okay," Remus continued. "He says that you've still been going there, even though I told you not to."

"You can't ask me to stay away," Sirius snapped. "I had to make sure you were okay."

Remus drew in a deep breath and reached across the table. He placed his hand on Sirius's own and smiled. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"You're not mad at me for going against your wishes?"

"I think perhaps I knew you'd been there," Remus replied. "Or I certainly should have known. The lack of horrible wounds in the morning was a bit of a clue."

"So, you don't mind my being there with the two of you?" Sirius asked cautiously.

Remus shook his head. "I don't think either of us have much choice in the matter, not now that Dumbledore has said for you to be there."

Sirius nodded his agreement to the plan, and Remus went across the room to speak with Charlene. Sirius scowled as he watched the two of them talking and his jealousy took root once more. Even though he knew that they had broken up, and even though he knew they were only talking about the full moon, he couldn't help but feel that the two werewolves now had a bond that he couldn't share. Even though he had no desire to be a werewolf, he couldn't help but wish that he were the one who would be sharing Moony's cage with him.

-o-xXx-o-

When the night of the full moon arrived, the three of them made their way to the Lupin house by floo, making sure they had plenty of time to spare.

"I'll wait up here until after you've transformed," Sirius said as he dumped his books and potions on the living room couch.

"Thanks," Charlene replied, even as Remus said that it wasn't necessary.

"I'll wait up here," Sirius repeated and he sat down on the sofa.

The two werewolves sat down, too, discussing how they hoped the night would go.

"It'll be fine," Remus said. "We'll be company for each other and the wolves will be less inclined to try to escape. I've read all about it and Dumbledore agrees."

Charlene nodded thoughtfully, but the longer they waited, the more unsure Sirius became. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this and nothing could alleviate the feeling of dread that was settling over him.

"You don't think the wolves will try to do anything?" Charlene asked curiously.

"What do you mean?" Remus replied.

"You know…" Charlene gave him a meaningful look that even Sirius could interpret.

"I don't think so," Remus answered after a moment of thought. Remus knew now that he didn't have those kinds of feelings for Charlene, but he hadn't really considered that she might still fancy him. He was pretty sure that if Charlene the werewolf did try anything, Moony would put a stop to it.

Sirius's feeling of dread doubled. The last thing he wanted was for the two wolves to decide to get it on with each other whilst he was down there watching over them.

Eventually, Remus stood up and announced his intention of storing his wand in his bedroom until the morning. Charlene passed him her own wand to keep with it and Remus disappeared from the room.

He returned a few moments later. "Shall we head downstairs?" he suggested, pointing the way.

Charlene nodded and stood up. Remus led the way, while Sirius remained in his seat, watching the two of them go. He didn't move from his spot until the howls of the wolves signalled that the transformations were over, and the moment they echoed through the house, Sirius rushed down the stairs.

The basement seemed smaller than usual and Sirius sat down at the bottom of the stairs, watching the two wolves circling each other curiously.

It was easy for him to pick out which one was Remus and which was Charlene. Although he couldn't remember noticing it before, it was now obvious that Moony's brown pelt matched the exact shade of Remus's hair, whilst Charlene's lighter fur was the mark of her blonde tresses.

They looked about the same in size, and they were certainly as loud as each other as they howled into the night.

Romulus had arrived before Sirius had made his way down to the basement, but instead of playing with Moony as he usually did, he was hovering at the side of the cage, watching quietly.

"It seems to be going okay," Sirius commented when the ghost moved to his side.

"I'm not so sure," Romulus replied with a shake of his head.

"Why not?" Sirius asked. "They're just getting to know each other, aren't they?"

Romulus shook his head again. "They're stalking each other."

"That doesn't sound very good," Sirius said, turning to face the wolves once more. Now that Romulus had pointed it out, it seemed obvious that that was what they were doing, and he wondered how he had failed to see it before.

After a long time of the wolves circling each other, Charlene – Sirius wondered if she would like a nickname, too – turned towards the barrier and growled in his direction.

Sirius stayed as still as he could, waiting to see what she would do. Romulus hovered, equally motionless, beside him.

Charlene growled again. Her ears were pricked back and her fur was standing on end. Sirius had never seen Moony look at him quite like that, not even when he had first crept into the basement, with no idea of what was waiting for him underneath the house.

Sirius continued to stare the wolf in the eyes, until they were watering with the effort it took not to look away.

He didn't see Moony leap at Charlene until he was upon her, his jaw wide about her neck and his teeth buried deeply in her throat.

"No!" Romulus yelled, charging through the barrier and into the cage in an attempt to distract the wolf. "Sirius, run! Get Dumbledore, now!"

Sirius didn't need telling twice; he turned on his heel and bolted for the stairs, flooing to Hogwarts as quickly as he could.

Moony turned to snarl at the misty one, the one that had driven the dark-haired one away.

"Come here, Moony," the misty one said, but the wolf could tell that he wasn't playful tonight. There was something else in his voice, something Moony didn't like.

Moony growled and leapt at the misty one, but was frustrated when he wasn't able to make contact with him.

Behind him, he could hear the other's howling, mourning the loss of her prey. Moony turned to snarl at her. The dark-haired one wasn't prey and he certainly wasn't hers.

Unfortunately the other wolf didn't seem to understand and simply howled again and again. Moony was torn between chasing the misty one and leaping at her. He let out a howl of his own, calling for the dark-haired one to return to him.

The other wolf howled with her own frustration, and Moony increased his volume, hoping to drown her out. The dark-haired one didn't seem to be returning and Moony was becoming increasingly angry. He turned to the female wolf – it was all her fault – and leapt.

"Remus! No!" the misty one screamed. Moony heard him easily, because the other wolf had finally stopped howling.


	57. Into Hell

A/N: Thanks to my anonymous reviewers (as well as the rest of you) as always. You know I don't beg for comments/reviews, but they really do mean a lot to me.

This chapter is a little shorter than usual - the reason is that it used to be a part of the previous chapter, but it got split off into a chapter on it's own. I could not tag it onto the start of the next chapter, since that made it too long for a LiveJournal post. So, you get a short chapter and a quick update. Enjoy.

Into Hell

Sirius returned to the basement with the Headmaster as fast as he could. He could smell the blood before he saw it, and he stopped dead in his tracks when he reached the bottom the stairs.

Moony was howling and Sirius shivered at the sound.

Romulus was hovering over Charlene, reaching out to try to staunch the flow of blood, but without a body the dark red fluid merely ran through his fingers.

Dumbledore was standing at the back of him, and Sirius felt himself being moved physically out of the way. Madam Pomfrey, whom Dumbledore had sent a house elf for was right behind them, too.

"Is she?" Sirius whispered, unable to bring himself to say the actual word.

Suddenly the wolf began to move, twisting and twitching on the ground. He had seen Remus turn back enough times to realise that that was what was happening now. There were only two differences. Charlene wasn't making a sound as her bones snapped and reformed, and it was less than an hour after moonrise – far too soon for any werewolf to be changing back to their human form.

Dumbledore turned to Sirius and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Sirius, get your wand out and point it at Remus. I need you to get ready to stun him."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Don't argue," Dumbledore said firmly. "Romulus, I need you to bring the barrier down and no arguments from you either."

"I thought the barrier couldn't come down until sunrise?" Sirius asked.

"We modified it after the earthquake," Dumbledore told him quickly. "Romulus, now!"

Sirius kept his wand trained on Moony and the moment the barrier was down he screamed out the stunning spell, sending Moony flying across the room. It took a second spell to knock him out, and Dumbledore told him to watch for any movement and be ready to stun him again if he started to wake up.

"Why is she turning back?" Sirius asked as Madam Pomfrey hurriedly tended Charlene. He had a dreadful feeling that he already knew the answer to his question, but for some reason he had to hear the words out loud.

"She's dead," Dumbledore replied. "But it might not be too late to revive her."

The transformation back to human was almost complete, and the last of the fur was retracting back under Charlene's skin.

"Can you save her?" Sirius asked, stepping closer to see how bad her injuries were.

"Stand back," Dumbledore ordered. "If we manage to bring her back, she'll turn back into a wolf. And the transformation is painful enough that she may regain consciousness. Even injured, she is would still be extremely dangerous."

Sirius noticed that Dumbledore had his own wand trained on Charlene, and realised that both he and Madam Pomfrey were close enough to be in grave danger if the Healer was successful in her work. Suddenly he had a new feeling of respect for the school Healer, and he realised how much she cared for the students and how little thanks she got for her efforts.

He kept one eye on Moony and another on Madam Pomfrey, until finally the Healer looked up at Dumbledore and shook her head sadly.

"Her parents will need to be notified," Dumbledore said. "And the Ministry as well."

Sirius could feel the blood rushing through his veins and he felt the world swaying beneath his feet. "Professor?" he whispered.

"I'm sorry," Dumbledore said. "But there's nothing that can be done."

Sirius watched as Dumbledore pulled out his wand and sent a silvery Patronus to Professor McGonagall.

"She will notify the Grahams family," he said. "I'll go to the Ministry myself."

"I'll take Charlene back to the castle," Madam Pomfrey said, conjuring a stretcher beneath the body and levitating it up the stairs. She followed up behind it.

"Romulus, you had better put the barrier back up," Dumbledore advised quietly after he had cleaned the floor with a quick wave of his wand.

"Wait a minute," Sirius interrupted, hurrying across the floor to the inside of the cage.

"Sirius, get back here," Romulus said.

Sirius shook his head stubbornly. "No. I'll stun him if he wakes up before sunrise, but I'm not leaving him."

Dumbledore looked at him sternly and shook his own head. "Mr Black, I must insist you return to this side of the barrier. I cannot possibly leave you here inside the cage."

"You don't have a choice," Sirius replied.

"I don't want to force you to come back here," Dumbledore told him, making it clear that he would if he had to.

"I'm not leaving him on his own."

"You don't have to, but you can watch him from outside the cage, just as you always have."

"I'm not leaving him," Sirius repeated, shaking his head again and sitting down on the floor next to the unconscious werewolf. He reached out to stroke the fur and turned his wand from the werewolf to the Headmaster. He knew he wouldn't have a hope in a duel against Albus Dumbledore, but he wanted to make his point.

Suddenly, Romulus was floating between Sirius and Dumbledore. "I'll watch over them and make sure no one else is hurt tonight."

"There is nothing you can do if Remus wakes," Dumbledore pointed out. "I cannot allow a student to remain inside the cage. It was my decision to allow the two werewolves to spend the night in the same cage that has resulted in the loss of Miss Grahams; I will not risk another student's life."

Romulus nodded and turned to Sirius. "I'll bring down the barrier as soon as Remus turns back. There won't be any need to wait for sunrise. Now, go back to the other side and let me raise it again."

Sirius reluctantly stood up and walked back across the room, finally releasing Dumbledore to leave and contact the Ministry.

"Are you all right?" Romulus asked quietly.

Sirius shook his head. "I don't know. What's going to happen to Remus?"

"I'm not sure," Romulus admitted. "From the moment Charlene was registered as a werewolf she was classed as half human. It kind of makes things complicated."

"Complicated how?"

"If Charlene had died the night she was bitten, Remus would almost certainly have been brought before the Wizengamot to stand trial for murder, because she was a human."

"But now?"

"Now, I don't know." Romulus shook his head and frowned. "She's a werewolf herself, or she was. That makes her only half human, but her parents may insist he stands trial anyway. From what I saw of them at St. Mungo's, I think that is pretty likely."

"But it wasn't his fault."

"It doesn't matter. He's a werewolf and he's just killed someone. I think perhaps my baby brother's luck has finally run out."

Sirius sat down and rested his head against the stone wall. His eyes kept drifting to the patch of new plaster, spoiling the mural he had painted back in his fourth year.

"What are you going to do in the morning?" Romulus asked quietly.

Sirius shrugged.

"You can't take on the Ministry when they come to fetch him," Romulus told him. "He'll have to go with them."

"I'll go with him."

"They won't let you."

"I can't let him go through whatever awaits him alone."

"He doesn't deserve you, you know that, right?"

Sirius shrugged again. "I love him."

"I know. Only someone who loves him so completely would put up with all of his crap."

"I think he's worth it," Sirius replied with a small smile.

They didn't talk much after that, and a short while later the sounds of movement came from upstairs.

"That'll be Dumbledore and the men from the Ministry," Romulus said, going upstairs to check. He returned to confirm that it was, and that they were going to wait upstairs until morning.

"I'm surprised they don't want to just come down here and kill him right now," Sirius muttered, glaring up the stairs.

"They have procedures they have to go through. They'll take him into custody in the morning."

Sirius nodded and turned back to Moony. He wondered whether the werewolf had any idea at all as to what had happened this night, or whether it would be up to him to break the news to Remus. He had a horrible feeling that it was going to be the latter.

Finally, the unconscious werewolf began to twitch on the stone floor, low whines accompanying every movement.

"Bring the barrier down," Sirius said.

"Not yet."

"But he's turning back."

"He could still scratch you or bite you if you get too close."

"But-"

"Just a few minutes," Romulus interrupted, and they were probably the longest few minutes of Sirius's life.

Eventually, Romulus judged it safe and brought the barrier down once more. Remus was still part wolf, but the teeth and claws were gone by the time Sirius sank to the floor beside him.

"Sirius?" Remus asked in a husky whisper.

"I'm here," Sirius replied, pulling him into his arms as he tried to ease the pain of the transformation.

Remus grabbed his arm as a jolt of pain shot through him. Sirius knew that his arm would be bruised from the grip, but he said nothing as Remus rode out the wave of agony.

His eyes were closed and Sirius stroked his hair continually until the last of the tremors had passed.

"Last night was a tough one," Remus croaked. "How's Charlie?"

Sirius looked across at Romulus. How could he tell Remus what had happened?

"Sirius?" rasped Remus, a note of panic creeping into his voice as he looked around the room. "Where's Charlie?"

Sirius's voice had deserted him and he looked at the spot where Charlene had last been. Even though Dumbledore had cleaned the blood from the floor before he had left, Sirius fancied he could still see the dark stain, marring the stone.

Remus tried to pull himself out of Sirius's arms, but he was not letting him go. "Sirius?" Remus whispered fearfully. "What happened last night?"

"Oh, Remus," Sirius whispered. "I don't know how to tell you."

"I can taste blood again," Remus said quietly. "I can't remember what happened, but I can tell it was bad. Is she already in the Hospital Wing? St Mungo's?"

"I'm not sure where they've taken her," Sirius said. He looked across at Romulus, silently pleading for the ghost to help him out here. Unfortunately, it was clear that Remus's brother was as reluctant to break his brother's heart as Sirius was.

"I'd better get cleaned up and head back to the castle," Remus said. "I hope she's okay."

Remus pulled out of Sirius's arms and looked down at his battered body, sighing at the sight.

Then suddenly Remus looked towards the stairs, clearly having heard a sound that had been too quiet for Sirius to notice. "Who's upstairs?" Remus asked.

Sirius shot a look to Romulus before turning back to Remus again. "Dumbledore and some people from the Ministry," he reluctantly replied.

"Dumbledore's upstairs?" Remus asked. He was quiet for several minutes before he spoke again. "The Ministry aren't just here to check up on me, are they?"

Sirius shook his head. "I'm sorry, Remus. I'm so sorry."

Remus drew back from Sirius, scrambling away across the floor, until his back was flush against the wall, and there was nowhere else for him to go. "Sirius?" he whispered.

Sirius moved so that he was sitting beside Remus and put his arm around his shoulders. He could feel the young werewolf shaking, and he knew that it wasn't because of the chill of the cold Spring morning. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.

"Is she…?"

"It wasn't your fault," Sirius told him.

Remus looked at him, his eyes wide and horrified. "No," he whispered, shaking his head slowly. "Dumbledore said it would help us to have each other as company. What went wrong?"

"I'm not sure," Sirius said. "Moony just went for her."

"You mean I just went for her," Remus corrected.

"It wasn't your fault," Sirius repeated.

"Of course it was my fault," Remus replied. "If I'd broken up with her sooner, she'd never have been here in the basement the night she was bitten. If I'd broken up with her, she wouldn't have been a werewolf and would have had no business being in my cage with me."

"Don't torture yourself like this," Sirius told him.

Remus didn't seem to have heard him, and he drew up his knees and buried his face in them, rocking slightly as he continued to berate himself.

Sirius knew that the men from the Ministry would be waiting for Remus to emerge, and getting ready to come downstairs and take him if he didn't. His suspicions were confirmed when the door to the basement opened and two strange wizards came down the stairs.

Sirius had been half hoping to see one of the wizards they had met at the Ministry the day after Charlene had been bitten, but unfortunately he didn't recognise either of them. Instead, the two wizards looked much larger, much fiercer and far less understanding than any that he had met before.

The only bright side to the matter was that at least Remus's so-called Case Worker wasn't with them.

"Lupin, you're coming with us," the first wizard said, his tone making it clear that he wouldn't stand for any arguments.

"Can you give us a few minutes?" Sirius asked when it was clear that Remus wasn't standing up, or giving an indication that he had even heard the wizard.

The wizard shook his head. "Get up, Lupin. Get dressed and come with us."

"I've not healed all his wounds yet," Sirius pointed out.

"Are any life-threatening?"

"No, at least I don't think so."

"Then they can wait until he's at the Ministry."

Sirius nodded reluctantly and tried to persuade Remus to stand up. "Come on," he urged, but Remus was taking no notice of him. His head was still buried in his knees and he was mumbling under his breath.

"Get a move on," the wizard ordered impatiently. "We've not got all day."

"Can't you see he's in shock?" Romulus snapped. "Have some pity, will you?"

"Pity?" the wizard echoed with a harsh laugh. "He's a werewolf. They're not capable of showing pity for their victims. Heartless murderers, the lot of 'em."

Romulus looked furious, and Sirius had no doubt that if he were there in the flesh then the wizard from the Ministry would have been hexed into the middle of next week long before now.

"Remus," Sirius urged quietly. "Come on, mate. We've got to go to the Ministry."

Remus still wasn't moving and so Sirius forcibly dragged him to his feet. Remus winced at the sharp movement, but other than that, he gave no indication that he was even aware of what was happening.

A quick Accio brought Remus's robes from across the room and Sirius wrapped them around the weary werewolf.

"You can't come with us," the wizard told Sirius, when it was clear that he was going to try to do exactly that.

"Are you going to stop me?" Sirius asked coldly. "I'm not leaving him alone with you lot."

"You don't have a choice," the wizard replied. "Stubbins, take the werewolf and I'll meet you there."

Stubbins moved forward, but Sirius pulled Remus closer to his side, preventing the wizard from taking one of them without the other.

The first wizard pulled out his wand and pointed it at Sirius. "Now listen here," he said. "You can either let us take the werewolf, or I can arrest you for obstruction and then take him anyway."

"It's okay, Sirius," Romulus said. "I'll go with Remus."

Sirius was reluctant to step back, but it was clear that unless he wanted to fight the two wizards he had no choice. "I'll come see you as soon as I can," he told Remus, squeezing his hand and hoping for some sort of a response. Any response would have done, but there was none at all.

Then Stubbins was pulling Remus towards him, dragging him up the stairs and away from him.

Sirius turned to Romulus, to ask him to come and tell him what was happening as soon as he could, but the ghost had already vanished.

The second wizard followed the others up the stairs, leaving Sirius alone in the basement.

He could hear him talking to Dumbledore, but he made no effort to go upstairs and join them. Instead, he leaned against the wall and slowly sank to the floor.

Dumbledore came down to fetch him some time later, but Sirius barely heard a word that the headmaster said to him. All he could think of was Remus, and what he must be going through.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus didn't take in much of the surroundings when he first arrived at the Ministry of Magic. He was in an area of the Ministry he had never seen before, but instead of looking around the unfamiliar territory, he kept his eyes on the floor and tried not to think about what had happened.

"Ah, good morning, Mr Lupin," a familiar voice greeted him as he was unceremoniously delivered into a small room containing only a table and two chairs.

Dolores Umbridge was just as he remembered her, right down to the revolting pink cardigan.

"Good morning, Mr Lupin," Umbridge repeated as Remus sank into the empty seat with a groan of pain.

"Good morning," Romulus said as he hovered at the back of the room.

Umbridge looked at the ghost with mild distaste. "Well, at least one of you boys appears to have remembered their manners," she said with disapproval.

Remus chanced a quick glance at his brother and saw that he was not exactly pleased with the woman's comments.

"I'm his Case Worker," Umbridge told Romulus.

Remus, thanks to his still slightly sharper hearing, heard Romulus swear under his breath, but thankfully Umbridge didn't notice.

"The new legislation means that this can all be sorted out right away," Umbridge explained cheerfully.

"New legislation?" Romulus queried. "What new legislation?"

"Why, the new werewolf legislation, of course," Umbridge replied. "I've already prepared the paperwork for the Wizengamot; it just needs the werewolf to sign it."

Remus gave the papers a cursory glance, but didn't reach for the quill that Umbridge was holding out to him.

"What is the new legislation?" Romulus asked. "What does it mean for Remus?"

"It means that we'll be able to sort this all out within twenty four hours," Umbridge told him with a wide smile. "The case will be before the Wizengamot this afternoon and the sentence will be carried out tomorrow."

"What?" Romulus shouted. "We can't prepare Remus's case by this afternoon. He's barely recovered from the full moon; he's in shock. He needs time!"

"I'm afraid that time is something we just don't have," Umbridge said, without a hint of regret.

"Who passed these stupid laws?" Romulus yelled. "You can't rush things like this. It's ridiculous. How can we prepare his case in a matter of hours."

"It was decided that wasting the Wizengamot's time with the hearings of half-breeds was a drain on the budget. Keeping them in Camps for weeks, sometimes months, it's really quite impractical."

"Did you just call my brother a half-breed?" Romulus hissed.

"But he is a half-breed," Umbridge told him with a smile.

"You're suppose to be his Case Worker," Romulus pointed out. "Surely you know that the term half-breed is insulting?"

"I am his Case Worker," Umbridge replied with another smile. "It's my job to make sure that this case goes through quickly and smoothly, and that it's all sorted out without any further unpleasantness."

"I'll give you unpleasantness," Romulus snarled.

"Now, really." Umbridge shook her head disapprovingly. "I'm here to help."

"Help who?"

"Why, help everyone to make sure that things go through without any nasty hiccups."

Umbridge looked at her watch and held out her quill to Remus once again. "No need for ink with this quill, just sign right there." She pointed to the parchment and gave a smile that she clearly believed to be encouraging, but was actually anything but.

Remus took the quill from her and looked at the first sheet of parchment.

"Remus, don't sign anything," Romulus ordered when it was clear that Remus was about to do just that.

"Why not?" Remus asked, speaking for the first time since he had entered the room.

"Because you've no idea what you're signing," Romulus replied impatiently. "It could be a confession or something."

"Well, of course it's a confession," Umbridge interrupted. "He's a werewolf."

"Last night wasn't his fault. I'll give evidence as to what happened, and so will Sirius Black, Madam Pomfrey and Albus Dumbledore."

"Evidence?" Umbridge questioned with a small laugh. "What does the Wizengamot need to hear evidence for? The werewolf bit someone, turned her and then killed her. It's a very straightforward case."

"Remus can't be held responsible for what happened last night."

"Then who should be held responsible?" Umbridge asked with a small girlish laugh.

"Charlene was a werewolf," Romulus pointed out. "She was in that cage with Remus of her own free will. No one had any idea this was going to happen. No one wanted this to happen."

"Nevertheless, it did happen, didn't it?"

"You can't-" Romulus began, but his words were cut off by an involuntary cry from Remus.

Remus had dropped the quill and was looking at his left hand with a frown.

"What is it?" Romulus asked.

"It's a special quill used for confessions," Umbridge explained. "We have to make sure that Dark Creatures, particularly those that are prone to lying, don't try to retract their confessions in the hearing. This way we can check the signature on the confession matches the signature on the creature itself."

"I don't see how," Romulus muttered. "It's already fading. By the time the hearing comes round it'll have disappeared."

"Oh, I don't think so," Umbridge said with another smile. "The werewolf must sign the confession on every page, and there are a few other tiny little forms that will also require his signature. By the time he's done them all, the signature will be clear as anything and will last for at least several days. There's no need to worry about that."

"Worry about it?" Romulus yelled. "It's bloody barbaric is what it is!"

Remus, who now that he realised what had happened, had picked up the quill again, gritted his teeth and prepared himself for the stinging pain as he put the quill to the parchment and signed his name in blood. He was already half way through the papers before Romulus stopped shouting at Umbridge and saw what he was doing.

"Remus, stop!" he shouted. "You don't know what you're doing; you're still in shock."

"I'm doing the right thing," Remus replied, without looking up from the parchment.

"How the hell is signing your life away, the right thing?"

"I killed Charlie last night," Remus reminded him. "That's all that matters, isn't it?" I killed someone, and I deserve whatever punishment they want to give me."

"You don't know what you're saying. They're not going to give you a bloody detention or something; they're going to kill you!"

Remus nodded and turned to the next sheet of parchment. "I know that," he whispered.

"At least wait until Dumbledore gets here," Romulus pleaded. "He'll know what to do."

"What can he do?" Remus asked, his own voice rising as panic threatened to envelop him once more. "I killed her!"

"But it wasn't your fault."

"Then who was to blame?" Remus yelled. "I killed her. I tore her throat out and I can still taste the blood. If I'm not to blame, then who is?"

"Giving up and letting them kill you won't bring her back!"

"But it'll stop it from happening again."

Remus turned back to the parchments and carried on signing his name to the papers, ignoring as best as he could the protestations of his brother.

Umbridge looked delighted in his co-operation, and beamed at him as she gathered the parchments together and hurried from the room, locking the door behind her.

Romulus continued to berate Remus for several more minutes, but now the papers were signed there was little that could be done about it.

"Rom, can I ask you something?" whispered Remus. His gaze was focused on his name, etched into his hand.

"What for?" Romulus snapped. "It's not like you've taken any of my advice so far today."

"It's not advice," Remus explained. "I just wondered if it hurts."

"Hurts?"

"When you die," Remus clarified in a broken whisper. "Does it hurt?"


	58. The Way You Love Me

A/N: I meant to include a note in the last update (and possibly even the one prior to that) about another new picture for this story. Apologies to Neve-chan for my forgetfulness. Anyway, if you want to check out a lovely picture of the two boys then the link is on my profile page. Do go take a look and (if you have a DA account) leave her some nice comments. Thanks again for the pictures.

The Way You Love Me

The Wizengamot was crowded when Sirius arrived with Dumbledore; the public was apparently eager to see the outcome of the case.

"Will I be able to see Remus before it starts?" Sirius asked.

"I'm afraid that there probably won't be time for that," Dumbledore replied. "The new legislation regarding any trials revolving around those deemed to be half-breeds is very strict with regard to how much of the Wizengamot's time they are allowed to take up."

"But I have to speak to him," Sirius implored. "I have to let him know that I'm here for him."

"He'll know that you're here," Dumbledore assured him. "You'll be giving evidence as to what happened last night, remember?"

Sirius scowled, but knew that there was little he could do to argue with the formidable Headmaster.

Dumbledore directed Sirius to a seat near the front of the room and he sat down reluctantly, fighting the urge to chew on his nails through nervousness. He was dearly wishing he had a packet of cigarettes on him, but the nails would just have to do.

Dumbledore then walked across the room to speak with a witch that Sirius didn't recognise. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but it seemed that Dumbledore was talking her into something, and the witch reluctantly pointed him towards a closed door, gesturing that his time was limited.

Sirius wondered if Dumbledore was going to beckon him to follow, but he was disappointed to see that he didn't.

As soon as the Headmaster had disappeared from the room, Sirius looked around him, wondering if the witches and warlocks who were going to determine Remus's fate were the understanding kind. Then he spotted his father in a seat close by the Chief Warlock and felt his heart sink. Understanding wasn't even in Orion Black's vocabulary.

About half an hour had passed before Dumbledore reappeared, with Remus following behind him. He walked across to the seat in the centre of the room and gestured for Remus to sit down. Sirius watched as Remus took his seat, his face downcast and his eyes not making contact with anyone in the room. He tried to get his friend's attention, but he just wasn't looking in his direction. Sirius had the suspicion that Remus wasn't even entirely aware of his surroundings.

"It'll be starting soon," Romulus suddenly said from his left, and Sirius turned to face him.

"Is Remus okay?" he asked. "He looks kind of out of it."

"He's signed a confession," Romulus whispered. "Stupid little…"

"He feels guilty," Sirius interrupted. "It's to be expected."

"Doesn't mean he has to sign his life away."

"Maybe he can retract it?" Sirius suggested hopefully. "He can't be held responsible for what happened."

"That's what I kept saying, but his Case Worker is a prejudiced bitch, who had the confession already waiting for him as soon as we got here." The bad language, coming from the normally mild-mannered ghost, told Sirius just how agitated he was.

Then the case began, and Delores Umbridge was addressing the room, requesting an immediate execution, and the swift tidying up of the whole mess.

Sirius glared at the woman and made a mental note to make sure that if Remus got through this, they got him a new Case Worker. One who didn't seem eager to send werewolves she was supposed to be supporting to a Camp or to his or her death.

He looked across to where Remus was sitting and saw that his friend was still not looking up, and still didn't seem to be taking any notice of what was happening around him.

Umbridge summed up her speech, punctuating it with a thoroughly inappropriate giggle, and took her seat again.

"Unfortunately, we can't go straight to the sentence," explained the Chief Warlock, who Sirius recognised from Romulus's hearing as Ogden. "The werewolf must be given a chance to explain his actions and defend his right to continue to live."

Umbridge looked rather annoyed, but many of the witches and wizards were nodding in agreement with Ogden, and it was clear that at least Remus was getting a trial.

Dumbledore took the floor in order to defend Remus, commanding the attention of everyone in the room as he did so. He spoke at length about the precautions that had been taken with regard to the basement cage, and the fact that it was his own decision to allow the two werewolves to share the cage on the night of the full moon.

Sirius wondered how wise it was to openly tell the hostile room that he felt responsible for what had happened, but then he realised that if it meant that Remus got to live, he would take responsibility for what had happened, too.

When the time came for Sirius to tell the Wizengamot what had happened, he stood up and took his seat in the witness chair, thankful that he didn't have to stand, because he didn't know if his legs would hold him up for that long.

He could see his father glaring down at him and averted his eyes so that he wouldn't have to look at him. He just wished that his father would do the same thing, so that he wouldn't have to feel the harshness of his glare burning into him.

"You were watching over the werewolves last night?" a kindly looking witch asked him.

"Yes, Ma'am," Sirius replied with a nod of his head.

"Why were you given this responsibility?"

Sirius shrugged. "I always watch over Remus during the full moons," he explained. "Have done for years."

"You have?" The witch looked at him with an expression of concern on her face. "How old were you when you first began this ritual?"

Sirius frowned. "I started watching him on my own regularly from fourth year, but I looked after him before then."

The witch nodded thoughtfully and whispered something to her neighbour. The wizard next to her nodded back and turned to face Dumbledore. "Has Mr Black considered applying for supervision of the werewolf?" he asked.

There were several murmurs from around the room, and Sirius turned to Dumbledore questioningly. The Headmaster gestured for Sirius to remain quiet as he stood up to address the room once more.

"I'm afraid that Mr Black is still a student at Hogwarts," he said. "Even though he is technically of age, his status as a student would prevent any application from being successful."

"I'll leave school," Sirius interrupted. "As of right now."

"I won't allow it!" Orion called out, rising to his feet in his temper.

Dumbledore raised his hand calmly and shook his head. "Neither will I," he said. "Mr Black is an exceptional student, with a lot of potential. I would not see him throw all that away."

"It wouldn't be throwing it away," Sirius argued. "You said it yourself; I'm of age now. That means it's my choice to make, and if it saves Remus's life then I'll drop out."

Dumbledore shook his head and gestured for him to be quiet again.

"Do you wish to apply to supervise the werewolf?" the witch who had questioned Sirius about his age asked Dumbledore.

Sirius looked towards the Headmaster hopefully, but his hopes fell as Dumbledore shook his head. "I'm afraid that I have far too many commitments to guarantee that I could be back in Hogsmeade for every full moon."

"I really don't see why this is relevant," Umbridge said. "The werewolf has confessed to murdering the girl. The executioner is already standing by."

Sirius snarled at her and cast a concerned glance towards Remus, wondering if he was as scared by this announcement as he was. Remus was still not watching the room properly though. He was rubbing the palms of his hands on his knees, the only outward sign that he was perhaps not as calm as he appeared to be.

"Perhaps we could return to the events of last night," an elderly wizard near the back suggested. "Would Mr Black tell us what happened?"

Sirius looked at Dumbledore, who nodded for him to continue.

"Well, I went down to the basement after they were both transformed," he began.

"Is that what you always do?"

Sirius shook his head. "I used to go down there before Remus had transformed, but not for the last few months."

"Why didn't you go down there before the transformation last night?"

"Because Charlie – Charlene – was down there, too."

"Would you care to clarify?"

"Well, she's a girl and I didn't think she'd want a boy looking at her when she undressed."

"My son is a gentleman," Orion added. "Properly raised to respect women."

There were several murmurs of approval from around the room, though Sirius couldn't stop his feelings of annoyance at the way his father was twisting even this around, just so that he looked better in the eyes of his peers. He wondered how many of them had already heard the rumours that had flown around the previous summer about Sirius and his relationship with Remus.

"So, you went down after they had transformed," a witch commented. "How could you tell?"

"They were howling," Sirius replied, as though this was obvious. He wondered just how many of those who were sitting in judgement of Remus had actually spent the night with a werewolf.

"And what were they doing when you went down to the basement?"

"They were in the cage and sort of circling each other."

"How long did they do that for?"

"I'm not sure. Not long."

"Then what happened?"

"Charlie turned to look at me and started snarling and growling at me."

"This is from behind the barrier that is supposed to prevent the wolves from smelling humans on the other side?"

Sirius nodded. "They can still see me. They just can't smell me."

"But Remus wasn't snarling at you." It wasn't a question, but Sirius shook his head anyway. "Why do you think that was?"

Sirius shrugged. "He's used to me being there by now. He sometimes gets a bit angry at me, especially if me and Remus have had a fight, but mostly he just plays with Romulus for a bit and then lays quietly while I talk to him."

"He lays quietly?" one of the younger wizards asked. "That isn't typical behaviour for a werewolf, is it?"

Sirius shrugged again. "It's typical for him."

"So, Charlene was growling at you. What happened then?"

"Moony – Remus – leapt at her. Then I left to get Dumbledore. By the time I got back…"

"Let me see if I understand this," an elderly witch called out. "The male werewolf is usually quiet and just lays there most of the night while you supposedly talk to him. Then the female joined him last night. The female didn't like you much and the male killed her when she made her feelings known. That about right?"

"I guess that sounds about right."

"Stuff and nonsense," the witch replied with a snort of contempt. "Werewolves don't lay quietly while humans talk to them through the night."

"Moony does," Sirius insisted.

"You're a liar," the witch continued. "You think that spinning fanciful tales like this will save your friend."

"I'm not lying!" Sirius replied, his voice rising with anger and panic.

The room erupted with noise, and Sirius could tell that the loudest voices were in agreement with the witch who had called him a liar.

Then suddenly an unfamiliar voice rose above the furore. "If I may ask a couple of questions, please?"

Sirius and the rest of the room turned to the wizard who had spoken out from the public gallery.

"Who are you?" Ogden asked.

"The name's Belby," the wizard replied. He stood up and Sirius could see that he was middle aged and wearing old and unfashionable robes.

"The Wizengamot recognises Belby," Ogden stated.

"He is not a member of the Wizengamot," Umbridge pointed out.

"The Wizengamot recognises Belby," Ogden repeated, and Sirius had the impression that even if he didn't know who the shabbily dressed wizard was, both Ogden and Umbridge did.

"Mr Black," Belby began. "Could you tell me which smells of the forest the spell on the barrier simulates?"

Sirius shook his head with confusion. "I don't know. I didn't set up the barrier."

"I set it up," Romulus announced from his own seat in the public gallery. He twisted round to face Belby who was several rows behind him and to his left. "I included lots of smells, plants, trees, animals. I don't remember them all."

"Ah," Belby replied. "Do you perhaps remember if you included Aconite?"

Romulus frowned. "I don't think so."

Belby looked disappointed for a moment, before something obviously occurred to him and he brightened again. "Perhaps you know it by a different name, Monkshood or Wolfsbane. Did you include either of those?"

Romulus nodded slowly. "I remember seeing the name Wolfsbane and using that one," he replied. "With Remus being what he was, the name kind of sprang out at me."

"Excellent, excellent," Belby enthused. "I knew it!"

"Knew what?" Ogden asked. "You are taking up the valuable time of the Wizengamot with these questions, so perhaps you could enlighten the rest of us as to their relevance?"

Belby, looking slightly abashed, turned to face the rest of the room. "As you may know, I've been experimenting with potions in the hope of finding a cure for Lycanthropy. One of the ingredients which has been most fruitful in my research is Wolfsbane."

"I'm not really seeing the relevance of this," Umbridge interrupted with an apologetic simper.

Belby ignored her and continued to explain what he meant. "Remus Lupin has been exposed to the smell of Wolfsbane every full moon for a number of years, and is displaying behaviour that is not normally associated with werewolves. I believe that his exposure to Wolfsbane in this manner is the cause of that behaviour. I believe that even as a werewolf, he is retaining some of the personality traits of the human."

Sirius looked at Remus to see how he was reacting to this speculation, but although he had looked over to Belby, his expression was one of disinterest. Romulus, on the other hand, looked both thoughtful and worried.

"Even though he was in his wolf form, Remus was capable of expressing concern for his friend and acted on the impulse to protect him from a perceived threat," Belby concluded. "It's quite a marvellous breakthrough."

"Marvellous, is it?" one of the warlocks called out. "Because of that impulse, a girl is dead."

"Well, obviously that's not marvellous," Belby replied, back-peddling as fast as he could. "But a werewolf retaining even a fraction of its human recollections was unheard of until now."

"Excuse me," Umbridge interrupted. "But, doesn't your discovery actually make this crime worse? If you're saying that the werewolf retained and acted on the memories of his human half, then surely you're saying that the human is as equally responsible for the death as the wolf."

Sirius drew in a sharp breath and wished that Umbridge would just disappear somewhere. Remus was blaming himself already; he didn't need to hear her comments to feel guilty.

Belby was shaking his head. "I'm certainly not saying that Remus had any way of controlling what the wolf did. But this discovery does need looking into further. It may even lead to a cure for Lycanthropy."

"But it doesn't excuse murder," Umbridge pointed out.

"She's right," Remus suddenly announced, speaking for the first time since he had confirmed his name and that he understood why he was there. "It doesn't matter whether it was me or the wolf that killed her – you can't kill one without the other, and the wolf can't be allowed to hurt anyone else."

Sirius was dismayed to hear murmurs of approval from around the room, and he fought the urge to run over to Remus and shake some sense into him.

The Wizengamot then decided that an adjournment for lunch was in order, and everyone piled out of the room, leaving Sirius wondering just how he could help Remus, when the werewolf was clearly not trying to help himself.

It seemed that not everyone had left the room, and Sirius watched as Belby fought his way through the crowd to approach him. "May I speak with you a few moments longer?" Belby asked quietly. "There's something else I'd like to ask that perhaps isn't suitable for the rest of the room."

Sirius shrugged and he and Belby stepped to one side, out of the way of the crowd.

"What did you want to ask me?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I was wondering if you'd tell me just what your relationship with the young werewolf is?" Belby asked.

"He's my best friend," Sirius replied, frowning in confusion at the question.

"Is that all he is?"

Sirius felt his face flushing and wondered whether his love for Remus was written all over his face for everyone to see.

"I thought so," Belby crowed, even though Sirius had not said a word. "I've been studying werewolves for years, ever since my poor sister was killed by one. Werewolves just don't fight with each other; they consider other werewolves to be pack. Only a very powerful connection to you could have prompted such a violent reaction from Remus."

"Can this help us save Remus's life?" Sirius asked, since that was really the only thing that mattered to him right now.

"I doubt it," Belby replied. "The prejudices against werewolves being what they are…"

"How is it you don't hate them?" Sirius asked. "Especially since you say one killed your sister?"

"The one that killed my sister was also my best friend, and my sister's husband," Belby replied sadly. "He didn't survive her for long."

"Oh. Sorry."

"That's all right. It was some time ago."

"Do you know of anything that could help us?" Sirius asked.

"Seems to me that you've got the best wizard on the case here," Belby replied, pointing to Dumbledore who was speaking with Romulus at the other side of the room.

"But Remus signed a confession. It's like he's given up."

"His wishes will have little to do with the outcome of the hearing," Belby pointed out. "The only thing that matters is how the members of the Wizengamot vote."

"They're going to vote against him, I know it," Sirius muttered.

"Now, now," Dumbledore said as he walked up to the two of them. "Let's not be admitting defeat just yet."

Sirius turned to look at where Remus was being shepherded through the door he had walked through earlier, and since Dumbledore and Belby were now engrossed in discussions about the nature of werewolves, Sirius took the opportunity to slip away and follow Remus.

The witch leading Remus gave Sirius a cursory glance, and made no effort to prevent him from joining Remus in the adjoining antechamber.

"How are you?" Sirius asked.

"Better than Charlie," Remus replied shortly as he sat down at the table and pushed away the food that had already been laid out for him.

"We're going to get you out of here," Sirius told him, trying to sound optimistic.

Remus didn't answer him and Sirius placed a comforting hand on his shoulder as he sat down in the chair next to him. He tried not to feel too hurt when Remus shrugged him off.

"Dumbledore's talking to Belby," Sirius said. "Belby thinks that –"

"It doesn't matter what he thinks," Remus snapped. "She's dead, and nothing they can say about plants and potions is ever going to bring her back."

"You dying won't bring her back either," Sirius pointed out equally harshly.

"But at least everyone else will be safe from me," Remus replied.

"Damn it, Remus. You can't just give up like this."

Remus ignored him wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Greyback bit and killed loads of people, and he's still alive. We can get you out of here, I know it."

"Greyback's still alive because he got some pureblood wizard to pull some strings," Remus pointed out bitterly. "That's the only reason he's alive and if you ask me, he should have been killed years ago."

"Maybe we should bribe the Wizengamot?" Sirius suggested. "I've got five sickles on me, think that'll be enough?"

Remus almost smiled at that, and Sirius nudged him to try and encourage that smile to return once more.

"It's not funny," Remus insisted. "Don't you get it? I killed someone."

"I know," Sirius replied quietly. "But that doesn't mean that you have to let them kill you, too."

"It's safer this way."

"Is it?" Sirius asked. "Belby is working on a cure for werewolves. We could help him if you weren't so determined to throw yourself under the executioner's axe."

"I'm not throwing myself under the axe. But there's no way that the Wizengamot is ever going to let me out of here alive, so what's the point of arguing?"

Sirius picked up the jug of water and poured himself a glass, wishing he could think of something else to do that would help. If only Remus had pureblood connections like Greyback…

Then he realised Remus did have connections. He had Sirius, and Sirius had his father, who had the ear of the Chief Warlock and could sway the vote in their favour, if only he could be persuaded to do so.

"Are you going to be okay on your own for a bit?" Sirius asked, knowing now what it was he had to do.

"Sure," Remus replied, giving every impression of not caring one way or the other whether Sirius left him alone or not.

Sirius sighed and left the room, taking what he hoped was the shortest route possible to his father's office.

Orion Black was sitting at his desk, parchments and tomes covering the surface. "Do you have the second draft of my letter to the Minister?" he asked without looking up from the book he was poring over. "He wished to hear my views by the end of the day."

"No," Sirius replied, as he inwardly rejoiced at just how well connected his father was.

"Sirius, what are you doing up here?" Orion asked impatiently.

"I came to talk to you," Sirius replied as he took a seat.

"Thought you'd be down in the cells fucking your werewolf, while you still can," Orion sneered. "Or did you think I'd forgotten about that?"

"No," Sirius said with a smile. "I was counting on you remembering the night of the party."

Orion looked up at that. "Blackmail, is it?" he asked coldly.

"I prefer to call it a father pulling in a favour or two on behalf of his son and heir," Sirius replied with a smirk.

"And if I don't?"

"Then I might accidentally let slip to Mother just who was doing what to who in the cloakroom that evening."

"Call it what you want, it's still blackmail," Orion said.

Sirius shrugged. "You use your connections to get Remus released, and I'll forget what I saw that night."

"Permanently?" Orion asked.

Sirius hesitated for a moment before he nodded his agreement.

"There's no guarantee that I'll be able to sway the vote," Orion pointed out.

"I know," Sirius replied.

"If it doesn't go your way, our deal still stands?"

"If Remus doesn't make it through this, nothing will matter, your sordid little affair included."

"And you'll agree to marry and continue the Black line?"

Sirius shook his head. "A favour for a favour. Don't push it."

"It's your precious werewolf you want me to save. I think that the price of his life is worth rather more than your silence on a single indiscretion."

"That may be the case," Sirius agreed. "But it doesn't change the fact that I'm gay."

"If your feelings for him are that strong, surely you would prefer him alive and alone than dead?" Orion suggested.

Sirius drew in a deep breath. His father was right. He had always said that he would do anything for Remus, and now he was being tested. He gave a small nod.

Orion looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he waved Sirius out of his office, promising to do what he could in the short time he had before the Wizengamot reconvened.

Sirius returned to the cells, where he found Remus in exactly the same position he had left him. "You should eat something," he told him sternly.

"I'm not hungry," Remus replied.

"It's going to be a long afternoon," Sirius told him. "At least have some of the fruit."

"Aren't you listening?" Remus shouted. "I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat the bloody fruit!" He picked up the tray and threw it at the wall, narrowly missing Sirius and bringing a guard into the room to check that everything was okay.

"We're fine," Sirius told him, waving him away and taking a cautious step towards Remus.

"Yeah," Remus replied sarcastically. "We're just fine. Real peachy, aren't we, Sirius? Pity the same can't be said for Charlie."

"Dying won't bring her back!" Sirius pointed out again, his own voice rising in temper. "You can't just give up like this."

"You think I don't know that?" Remus asked. "You think I don't realise that nothing I can do will ever fix this, will ever put it right?"

"We'll get through this," Sirius told him. "We'll be back at Hogwarts and things will be back to normal before you know it."

"Hogwarts?" Remus echoed with a laugh. "You think they'd let a monster like me back in Hogwarts after what's happened?"

"You're not a monster."

"What else do you call someone like me?" Remus asked. "Things aren't going to go back to normal either, no matter how much we might wish it."

Sirius pulled up a chair and sat down close to Remus. "I know you miss her and I know that you feel guilty, but you can still do a lot of good with your life. Please, don't give up."

Remus didn't reply, and all too soon they were being called back into the Wizengamot.

Sirius took his seat in the front row of the public gallery again and Romulus appeared beside him a moment later. "Where have you been?" Sirius asked.

"Around," Romulus replied cryptically. "Trying to get an idea of which way the voting might go."

"And?"

"And your father has been quite busy the last half hour," Romulus commented. "Any ideas as to why he might suddenly have decided to champion Remus?"

Sirius smiled grimly at the news that his father had kept his word.

"Thank you," Romulus said quietly.

"I just hope that it's enough," Sirius replied.

Then the hearing continued. Madam Pomfrey and Albus Dumbledore both told of their parts in what had happened, and Romulus filled in the gaps from the moment Sirius ran for help until they had arrived.

It was hard to tell how well the case was going, although there had been quite a few murmurs of sympathy throughout the afternoon.

Remus was called to speak to the room and answer questions, but he refused to do so, merely stating that he wished they would just get this whole thing over with.

Sirius glared at him from his seat across the room and wished he could drag him into the seat and make him fight for the right to live. Instead, Remus remained where he was, quiet and sad, waiting for them to decide his fate.

Sirius wanted to shout at him to stand up and defend himself, but he held his tongue, knowing it would only make things worse if he caused a disruption. It might also get him ejected from the room, and while waiting inside was awful, he was sure that waiting outside the room, where he would have no idea what was happening, would be even more unbearable.

The vote wasn't unanimous; it wasn't even a landslide. In fact it was so close the Chief Warlock had to take two separate counts to determine the result.

Sirius waited, his heart in his throat, as the old warlock slowly counted the number of members of the Wizengamot who wanted to murder his love.

He could see his father sitting across the room, and could tell that he was holding himself back from raising his hand, too. He caught the older man's eyes and silently told him that if he dared to vote against letting Remus live, then he would be very sorry indeed.

When the result was announced, Sirius breathed a sigh of relief and turned to see Remus's reaction. If he had been expecting pleasure or relief, he didn't find it in the werewolf's face, which looked as impassive as it had throughout the hearing. He wondered whether Remus was grateful that his life had been saved, and whether he was even aware of the verdict.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus's living room looked much the same as it had when they had last seen it.

"You want something to eat?" Sirius asked as Remus sank down onto the sofa.

Remus shook his head and scowled at the fireplace.

"You mind if I get something?" Sirius asked, already half way to the kitchen. "I've not eaten since yesterday."

"Help yourself," Remus said in a toneless sort of voice.

Sirius grabbed a slice of pumpkin pie and returned to the living room. "You okay?" he asked between bites.

"What did you do to swing it?" Remus asked, ignoring Sirius's own question.

"What do you mean?" Sirius hedged.

"You got your father to rig the vote, didn't you?" Remus accused, his tone making it clear that he was far from happy about his suspicions.

"What makes you think that?"

"Your father voted to give me another chance," Remus said with a snort of contemptuous laughter. "Orion Black voted to save his son's werewolf lover. You expect me to believe that he did that purely out of the goodness of his heart?"

"I just asked him to speak to a few people," Sirius replied. "It worked, didn't it?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm alive because my pureblood lover pulled strings."

"Does it matter how we got you out of there?"

"Greyback is alive because he got some pureblood to pull strings for him. Now you've just done the exact same thing."

"It isn't like that."

"Isn't it?" Remus glared at him. "Then feel free to enlighten me as to why this is different, because I'm really not seeing it."

"Why is what I did different?" Sirius asked. "Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because I love you, you fucking idiot. I did what I had to in order to save you. You think that whoever it was that saved Greyback did it because they loved him? More like because he scared them into it by threatening to turn their children."

"You had no right to interfere like that."

Sirius glared back at Remus. "Oh, there's no need to thank me for saving your life today," he snarled sarcastically. "Really, don't grovel like this, Remus."

"Didn't you listen to anything I said earlier?" Remus shouted. "I didn't need you to save me. I didn't want you to save me."

"Well, tough luck," Sirius snapped.

"Yeah, isn't it? Sirius Black does exactly what he wants as usual, and tough luck to anyone else."

"Why is it so wrong to want to save your life?" Sirius asked.

"Because I don't deserve it," Remus shouted back. "I'm a murderer, a werewolf, a monster."

Sirius smiled and shook his head. "Only one out of three," he said as he pulled Remus into his arms. Remus struggled for only a few moments before he hugged Sirius back and began to quietly weep.

"How can you love a monster like me?" Remus sobbed.

"You're not a monster."

"Everyone else thinks I am."

"That's because they don't know you like I do."

"Charlie's parents were at the Wizengamot."

"They were?"

Remus nodded. "They came to speak to me before the hearing."

"Yeah?"

"They said I should be put down."

"They were just upset because of losing their daughter. You can't blame them for that, but you shouldn't take what they said to heart."

"They were right."

Sirius planted a soft kiss on the top of Remus's head. "No, they weren't. Come on, let's go to bed and things will look better in the morning."

Remus snorted. "You think sex will solve this?"

"I'm not talking about sex," Sirius replied. "Neither of us has slept since the night before last. You're tired and you're still in shock. We'll talk about things tomorrow."

"Nothing will have changed tomorrow," Remus pointed out, although he let Sirius tug him through towards the bedroom and help him out of his robes and into his pyjamas.

"Sleep now, worry later," Sirius ordered, stripping out of his own robes and climbing in beside Remus.

He waited for Remus to tell him to leave, but instead the weary werewolf curled into his side and snuggled up against him under the covers.

Sirius, despite his own lack of sleep, was awake for a long time after Remus had finally succumbed to slumber.

He remembered what Dumbledore had told him just before they had left the Ministry and knew that the next few months would be the hardest Remus had ever gone through. Even though he had been freed, his last few months at Hogwarts would be difficult. He wasn't just the werewolf now; he was the werewolf who had killed someone.

It didn't matter that Remus barely remembered the events of the night of the full moon, and it didn't matter that he was even more distraught than any of the other students were likely to be. No one would realise that when they judged him. Sirius knew that Remus was very capable of fending off any attack that was sent his way; the way he stood up to those who had attacked Sirius since he had been outed was proof of that. He just hoped that Remus would stand up and defend himself, because he had a horrible feeling that his friend might just stand there and take whatever was dealt out to him. He would protect Remus when he could, but they weren't in all the same classes and much as he might want it otherwise, they couldn't be together twenty four hours a day.


	59. Rising from the Flames

A/N: Here is the next chapter. I have replied to most of the reviews of the last chapter. I'll get to the rest over the weekend, I promise. Thanks as always to everyone who takes the time to comment on this story.

Rising from the Flames

When Remus woke the next morning he found himself wrapped snugly around Sirius. He knew he should get up, but he could not bring himself to move. Instead, he sighed deeply and burrowed further under the covers. He couldn't stay angry with Sirius, not for long, and so he didn't bother trying to hold onto his resentment.

He didn't agree with what Sirius had done, but he understood his reasons. He might have been misguided, but his heart was in the right place.

"You awake?" Sirius whispered sleepily.

Remus closed his eyes and ignored him. He knew that when he 'woke' he would have to face reality, and he wanted to put that off for just a little while longer.

"Sleep on, love," Sirius whispered, and Remus could feel him stroking his hair, before resting his hand on his back, holding him close.

Remus wished that they could stay that way forever, but he knew that sooner or later he would have to get up and face the day.

Eventually, he eased himself up and looked down at Sirius, noting that he had drifted back to sleep again, his mouth open slightly as he snored away the morning.

He smiled as he looked down at him, noting every detail for future reference. The tangled black hair was spread out over the pillow and Remus brushed a stray lock aside as gently as he could. The grey eyes were hidden behind the eyelids that were framed with long thick lashes; they were the envy of more than a few of the girls at school. Remus noticed the dark shadows beneath the eyes and realised that Sirius hadn't slept nearly as much as he should have. There was a faint brush of stubble along his jaw, a rarity for the normally tidy youth. Remus carried on his observations, studying the full red lips, the lower one sticking out slightly in a sleepy pout.

"Sirius?" Remus whispered, hoping that no answer came.

Sirius mumbled something in his sleep, but didn't wake up.

Remus smiled sadly and leaned down, gently pressing his lips to the other boy's mouth. It was probably the softest kiss they had ever shared and wasn't even hard enough to wake the sleeping Sirius.

But it was over all too soon, because Remus knew that if he didn't stop, then he was running the risk of Sirius waking up and he would want to know why he was kissing him in such a manner. Soft kisses could hardly be passed off as the passionate urges of the wolf, and if Sirius was going to stay safe, he had to be kept at a distance.

Remus traced the lips he had just kissed with his finger one last time, before he climbed out of bed and dressed.

There was an owl waiting for him on the kitchen table, and Remus wasn't particularly surprised to see that it was carrying a small scroll from Dumbledore.

He skimmed the contents quickly and saw that it merely reiterated what the headmaster had said to him the previous day. His place at Hogwarts was safe, and he hoped that, despite the difficulties, he would return to finish his N.E.W.T.s.

Remus boiled the kettle and sat down at the table, still undecided on what he was going to do. He was on his second cup of tea when he heard the sound of someone knocking on the front door. He felt the reappearance of butterflies in his stomach and hoped that whoever it was would go away.

The banging continued and Remus realised that he wasn't going to be left in peace. He wondered if it was someone from one of the papers; they had been calling out to him to speak with them at the Ministry, but he had ignored them all, seeking only to escape. He hoped they had not tracked him down after all.

He placed his cup on the table and walked through the living room towards the front door.

"Remus! Sirius! Come on, open up!"

Remus breathed a sigh of relief as he recognised the voice of James Potter. He quickened his step slightly and opened the front door to reveal James, Peter and Lily on his path.

"It's about time," James said as he pushed his way inside. "It's bloody pouring out here."

"What are you doing here?" Remus asked as the other two followed James into the living room.

"Came to see how long you were planning on skiving," Peter said.

"Brought you the homework you've missed," added Lily, pulling numerous parchments out of her bag.

"Where's Sirius?" James asked as he sat down in one of the chairs and put his feet up on the table.

"In bed," Remus said with a frown of confusion.

"Lazy git," James muttered. "Hey, got any food here?"

Remus pointed vaguely towards the kitchen.

"Honestly," Lily muttered as James hurried into the kitchen. "I swear he's got a bottomless pit for a stomach."

Remus shrugged and sat down on the sofa. Lily sat down next to him and he couldn't seem to stop himself from shying away.

"How are you doing?" Lily asked quietly.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Remus replied. "Haven't you heard what happened?"

Lily snorted. "Of course I've heard. The whole school knows."

"Rita done another newsletter, has she?" Remus asked bitterly.

Lily shook her head. "No. She wanted to, but Professor McGonagall stopped her when she caught her trying to sneak out to the Ministry for the trial. Everyone knows anyway though."

"If that's the case, why are you all here?"

"Because we're worried about you," Lily said, as though this should be obvious.

"But I killed someone," Remus pointed out.

"We know," Peter said, and James came back into the room to nod his own agreement to the statement.

"Doesn't anyone realise how serious this is?" Remus asked.

"Of course we realise," Lily replied. "We're going to hold a memorial service for her near the lake. We thought you'd want to know."

"We're going to ask Dumbledore if we can plant a tree or something in her memory," James added.

"She's probably prefer to have the Quidditch pitch named after her," Peter pointed out.

Remus nodded in agreement.

"So, how are you doing?" Lily asked again.

Remus sighed. "I'm a murderer who has got away with it because of corruption in the Ministry," he snapped. "I'm doing better than I should be, wouldn't you say?"

"You're not a murderer," Lily said. "You didn't know what was going to happen and we know you'd never have hurt her. You can't blame yourself."

"Why not?" Remus asked. "I'm the one who tore her throat out! I'm the one…"

His voice broke and he couldn't seem to manage to find the words to finish the sentence. But there was no need, because suddenly Lily was reaching out and pulling him into her arms and he was crying and sobbing and shaking.

He was vaguely aware of the others closing in, too. James and Peter and Sirius, who had emerged from the bedroom, were all holding him, surrounding him and refusing to let him go.

It was a long time before he pushed everyone away and then only because he was having some small difficulty in breathing.

"Feel better now?" Lily asked with a small smile.

Remus sniffed as he pulled up his knees and curled up in the corner of the sofa. He could feel Sirius behind him, perched on the arm and tried to resist the temptation to lean back against him, desperately seeking the closeness he was craving. James was leaning on the back of the sofa, Lily was sitting beside him and Peter was on the floor. They had him quite thoroughly surrounded. He nodded and rubbed his nose. "A bit," he mumbled. "But it doesn't change anything."

"We got a copy of your timetable," Peter suddenly said, pulling it from between the parchments that Lily had dropped on the coffee table. "We're going to make sure one of us is with you all the time, just in case you're worried about the other students."

"I don't think I'm going to go back to Hogwarts," Remus replied quietly.

"Why not?" James asked. "Because some people might gossip about you?"

"They'll find someone new to talk about in a couple of weeks," Lily added.

"It's not that," Remus said. "At least, it's not just that. I just don't think I should be around people any more."

"You can't avoid people forever," Sirius pointed out.

"I can try," Remus muttered.

Sirius sighed, but Lily, who was always one for action rather talking, decided that other tactics were called for, and she reached across and slapped Remus upside the head.

"Nicely done," Romulus applauded from where he had appeared across the room.

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"Says who?" Romulus asked. "You can't avoid everyone forever, and the longer you put off going back to the castle, the worse it will be."

"You've all lost your minds," Remus told them as he straightened his hair, only to have Sirius reach out and affectionately ruffle it again. "I can't be around people after this; it's too dangerous. I'm too dangerous."

"You're only dangerous one night of the month," Sirius pointed out.

Remus twisted round to look at Sirius. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," Sirius replied immediately.

Remus sighed and turned back to the others; they were all nodding in agreement. "None of you understand," he said. "I might only transform once a month, but I'm a werewolf every day of the month. The wolf is inside me all the time."

"But you're not a danger to anyone the rest of the month," Sirius insisted.

"No more dangerous than anyone else, anyway," James added.

"Of course I'm more dangerous than normal people," Remus snapped. "Aren't you listening? I'm a werewolf."

"Yeah, we're listening," Peter said. "But it seems to me that you're not."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Peter got up from the floor and sat down on the coffee table. "You remember those bullies who slashed you?" Remus nodded. "They had a choice, right? They didn't have to attack you, but they made a choice to do it. They made a choice to do something to hurt you."

"And they were expelled for it," Remus pointed out. "But Dumbledore's pet werewolf gets away with a lot worse as usual."

"Your situation is totally different to theirs, but that's not the point I was wanting to make. My point is that they had a choice, just like everyone else has a choice in how they behave. You can't control your behaviour on the night of the full moon, and we understand that. But the rest of the time you can choose what to do just the same as the rest of us. You say the wolf is inside you, but the rest of us don't need a wolf in us to do horrible stuff. Have you ever thought that maybe the wolf is just the wicked part of you?"

"The wolf is very real," Remus reminded him. "Claws, teeth, fur, the works."

"We know that," James said. "We're just saying that what you call your wolf impulses during the rest of the month, might just be your own impulses."

"Which is why I shouldn't be around people!"

"No," Lily replied. "You just need to do what the rest of us do, control your wilder impulses."

Sirius snorted and made a valiant effort not to look at James, who, having been on the receiving end of her hexes on numerous occasions, was well aware that Lily wasn't the best person to be offering that particular bit of advice.

"We've all got our faults," Lily continued. "I've got a temper that I'm too quick to lose, Sirius has a jealous streak a mile wide, James doesn't think things through, and Peter is too easily swayed into causing trouble. We've all got things we have to work on, not just you."

"It's good advice," Romulus said. "And you know I'll haunt you and plague you until you go back to school."

Remus sighed. He knew he could argue with Sirius, but he couldn't argue with all of them.

"Is that a 'yes'?" Lily prompted.

"I'll come back tomorrow," Remus finally agreed.

"Definitely?" James asked. "You're not just saying that to get rid of us?"

Remus shook his head. "I'll spend the rest of today working through the work I've missed the last couple of days."

Peter turned to Sirius. "You going to do the same?"

Sirius shrugged. "Kind of depends if I'm welcome to stay here," he said, with a pointed glance at Remus.

"Do you even need to ask?" Remus said, adding with a small smile, "Who else am I going to copy off of?"

Sirius grinned. "We'll be back at Hogwarts tomorrow then."

Lily nodded and leaned across to give Remus another hug. "You take care of yourself, and try not to let the guilt eat you up."

"I can't help feeling guilty," Remus replied.

"I know, but try not to let it overwhelm you."

Remus nodded as Lily patted him on the back. Only a pointed cough from James caused them to pull apart.

"You've nothing to worry about," Remus told him with another watery smile.

"Yeah?" James asked, and Remus didn't fail to notice his quick glance towards Sirius.

Once the three guests had left, Remus turned to Romulus who he could tell was eager to impart some piece of news to him. "You got something else to say?" he asked.

Romulus nodded. "I've been to see Belby this morning, to discuss the spells on the basement. He thinks that he's really close to a breakthrough in his work."

Remus tried to feel enthusiastic about the idea, but he couldn't help but think that even if the cure was discovered right now, it was already too late.

"I need you to do me a favour," Romulus continued, waving Remus into the study.

"Sure," Remus replied as Romulus scanned the shelves.

"I need you to send Athena to Belby with the books I used to set up the spells on the basement," Romulus said, pointing to first one book and then another.

Remus pulled them off of the shelves while Sirius dug out some wrapping paper.

"I'll let him know they'll be on their way soon," Romulus said and he vanished from the room once more.

"Are you going to be all right?" Sirius asked as soon as they were alone together.

Remus sighed and sat down at the desk. "I guess. I just feel like I've not been punished at all for what happened."

"Rubbish."

"It's not rubbish."

"Yes, it is," Sirius replied. "You shouldn't be punished for something that wasn't your fault, and you're actually punishing yourself far worse than the Wizengamot ever could right now."

"I didn't think of it like that."

"Charlie wouldn't want to see you tearing yourself up like this either," Sirius pointed out.

"I know."

"I'm not going to apologise," Sirius told him firmly. "I know you hate that I got my father to swing the vote, but I'd do it again if I had to."

Remus sighed. "What's done is done."

"Does that mean you forgive me?"

"As long as you promise not to do it again," Remus replied.

Sirius shook his head immediately. "I'm not going to promise anything of the sort."

"But-"

"No, Remus." Sirius shook his head and raised his hand to cut him off before he could speak. "If you get in trouble with the Ministry again, and the only thing that will save you is me using my family and the Black name, then I'll do exactly that. So, I'm not going to make you a promise that I might not be able to keep."

Remus nodded and sighed again. "Okay. Just…"

"Just what?"

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask Sirius to hold him for just a few moments, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words.

Despite everything that his friends had said that morning, Remus still believed that he was too dangerous to be around normal people, especially Sirius. He had thought it before the latest full moon, and the events that night had done nothing except convince him that he had been right all along.

Unless he kept Sirius at arm's length, it was only a matter of time before he was watching over him during the full moons, caring for him in the mornings, and risking his humanity and his life by loving a dark creature like himself.

Sirius didn't deserve to be ostracised by the rest of society, as he would be if he decided to spend his life with Remus, and Remus knew that all he had to do was say the word and Sirius would be at his side forever.

"Nothing," Remus whispered, and Sirius turned to go back into the living room.

Remus knew that if he could just make it through the next few months then things would be better. They would leave Hogwarts and go their separate ways. They'd see each other on special occasions and that would be it. He could handle that. It would be hard, but he would manage it. He just had to keep reminding himself that Sirius would be better off without him. It wasn't like he had made him happy during the last few years, if anything he'd made him completely miserable.

"It's for the best," Remus whispered to the empty room.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus found that his nightmares came back as soon as he returned to Hogwarts. He put up with them for three nights; then he turned to Sirius to beg a Dreamless Sleep Potion from him. Two nights later he realised that the potion wasn't working at all.

"Oh, sod it," Remus whispered into the darkened dormitory as he slid out of bed and padded over to Sirius's.

Sirius was fast asleep when Remus pulled back the covers just enough to ease himself into the bed beside him, but he turned towards Remus almost immediately.

Remus promised himself that he would be gone from the bed long before Sirius woke up in the morning, and if he stole a quick chaste kiss before he left, no one would be any the wiser.

-o-xXx-o-

The hostility towards Remus from most of the school was almost unbearable, and only the presence of his friends – Sirius especially – made it tolerable. But it was only when Sirius was at his side that he felt truly safe.

Of course, it was impossible to hope that the hostility would cease when he was with Sirius. In fact it was sometimes worse, especially when certain narrow-minded bullies began to suggest that they were a couple, riling Sirius into losing his temper in the process.

"Just ignore them," Sirius muttered after he had sent a particularly nasty hex to cause immediate hair loss at the two fourth years, both of who should have had more sense than to say anything at all.

"It's okay," Remus replied, pulling Sirius along before he decided that that hex wasn't enough to get his point across.

Sirius glared at the retreating boys, and they continued on their way.

Remus could tell that Sirius had something that he wanted to say to him, and he pulled him into a deserted classroom to ask what it was.

"It's nothing," Sirius said in answer to Remus's question.

"Don't give me that," Remus replied. "Something's bothering you, I can tell."

Sirius sighed and sat down at one of the desks. "I just wondered whether there might be a chance that you've changed your mind about us."

Remus felt his pulse beginning to race and he knew it would be amazingly easy to just say yes.

"You've been sleeping in my bed every night for two weeks," Sirius continued. "I know it's because of the nightmares, but it doesn't change the fact that I like having you there with me. I like it way too much."

Remus took a step closer and pulled out a chair, one that was at least an arms distance away from Sirius.

Sirius ran his hands through his hair and appeared to be finding the scuffed stone floor remarkably fascinating. "I just need to know whether I'm wasting my time."

Remus balled his hands into fists, knowing it was the only way he could stop himself from reaching out and touching the other young man.

"You still think it's only the wolf that wants me, don't you?" Sirius finally whispered. "I'm never going to be able to convince you otherwise, am I?"

He wanted to say that it wasn't the wolf, and that he'd figured it out months ago, but suddenly the image of the boggart he had faced two days ago came into his mind.

He had been with James at the time, rooting around in the Quidditch supply room for a spare quaffle. He had tried to quit the team, but James – the new captain – wouldn't hear of it. Instead, he had thrown himself into the role of captain and was determined that the Gryffindors would win the Quidditch Cup this year, with Remus on the team. Even if he had to literally drag him down to the pitch for practices.

James hadn't commented on Remus's boggart, and Remus had been too shocked at first to say anything at all. He'd been expecting it to turn into the full moon, just as every boggart had since the night he was bitten. He hadn't expected to see Sirius standing before him, and especially not expected to see him transforming into a werewolf himself.

He couldn't risk it. His worst nightmare was no longer the full moon, it was that he would pass his curse onto Sirius.

So he remained silent, and let Sirius draw his own conclusions.

"I'm such an idiot," Sirius admonished himself, kicking out at the table leg and sending it screeching across the floor.

"That's not true."

"Sure it is," Sirius muttered. "I'm in love with someone who'll never love me back. That makes me the worst kind of fool."

Remus shook his head, ready to argue again, but Sirius was already on his feet and walking towards the door.

"We'd better get back to the common room before curfew," Sirius said. "Come on."

Remus nodded and followed Sirius out of the door, hoping that that was going to be the end of the matter, because he didn't know how long he could keep up the pretence that he hadn't fall completely and hopelessly in love with his dearest and oldest friend.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus was creeping out of his bed one night a few days before the next full moon when he realised that he had misjudged the sounds of the rest of the room.

"Hey, Remus," James hissed in the darkness. "You okay?"

"Can't sleep," Remus whispered back. "I thought I'd go get a glass of water."

James snorted. "Liar."

Remus stopped in his tracks and turned to face the other boy. "Why would you say that?" he whispered, although he already knew the answer.

"The bathroom's that way," James pointed out. "You were getting into bed with Sirius, did you think the rest of us didn't notice?"

Remus sighed. "Hoped," he muttered.

"You can be really dense sometimes," James commented. "Come over here. If you're really having trouble sleeping, this might help."

"What?" asked Remus, as he wandered over to the side of the bed.

"This," James declared as he pulled a large bottle of Ogden's Finest Firewhiskey from the bottom drawer of his bedside table.

"Where'd you get that?"

"The cellar of the Hog's Head," James replied as he climbed out of bed to grab a couple of empty glasses from his and Remus's bedside tables. "I left the money for them," he added at Remus's look of disapproval.

"Good," Remus said. "Because I know for a fact that when stuff disappears from Aberforth's cellar it often comes out of the staff wages."

James nodded and returned to the bed. "Here you go," he said as he passed Remus a glass of Firewhiskey. "This'll help you sleep; my Nan swears by it."

Remus grimaced as he took a tentative sip from the glass. He actually wasn't that fond of the taste, but if it helped him sleep then he'd drink the whole damn bottle.

"Not like that," James scolded. "Take a good swig. Just don't choke on it."

Remus frowned again, but did as James suggested. He could feel the liquid burning a path down his throat and he thought for a moment he was going to choke, but then the feeling of warmth spread lower and he realised that it wasn't so bad after all.

"Good?" James asked.

Remus nodded and let James fill up the glass again. "If we're going to make a party out of this, shouldn't we wake the others?"

"Leave 'em," James replied as he refilled his own glass for the second time. "I wanted to talk to you anyway."

"Yeah? What about?"

"About him," James said, gesturing across towards Sirius's bed with his glass, and sloshing a liberal amount of alcohol onto the bedspread in the process.

"What about him?" Remus said.

James shrugged. "Just wondered when you were going to tell him that you're in love with him."

Remus laughed bitterly. "Never, because I'm not in love with him. It's impossible."

"Why?"

"I'm a werewolf and we're not capable of love."

"Bollocks," James replied, slurring the s ever so slightly.

Remus nodded. "It's true. Dark creatures can't love. It's in all the books. Ask anyone."

James shook his head. "You love Sirius."

Remus shook his own head and took another drink.

"We forgot the toast," James suddenly said. "A toast to… to…"

"The Gryffindor Quidditch team," Remus suggested, hoping his blatant attempt to change the subject would succeed.

James shook his head and grinned. "To Lily Evans, the best girlfriend in the world… just don't let her know I've got Firewhiskey in here, 'cos she's the best bloody prefect, too."

Remus chuckled. "To Lily."

"And to Sirius Black," James continued, nudging Remus to continue the toast himself.

"My best friend," Remus added, but despite James's prompting he refused to elaborate further. In his mind though, he did believe that Sirius was quite possibly the best boyfriend in the world, too. He frowned as he downed his drink. If Sirius was the best, he suspected that that made him quite possibly the worst.

Sirius deserved someone better than him. He had lied to James, because he did love Sirius, more than anything. But that love came with a hefty price, and while he knew that Sirius would pay it gladly, Remus was not prepared to let him.

The bottle was emptied within an hour and Remus staggered back towards his bed.

"Wrong bed," James slurred from his own. "That one."

Remus nodded and stumbled towards Sirius's bed, clumsily pulling back the covers and sliding in. For the first time in nearly a month Remus was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

-o-xXx-o-

When the night of the full moon arrived, Remus gathered his things together in plenty of time to floo over to his house. He was halfway out of the dormitory when Sirius called after him to wait.

"Have I forgotten something?" Remus asked in confusion.

Sirius shook his head as he threw textbooks into his bag and clambered off of his bed. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Oh, no," Remus said, shaking his head and holding up a hand to halt his friend. "You're not coming with me."

"The hell I'm not," Sirius replied.

"I'm not prepared to risk having you there," Remus insisted. "What if I escape? What if I bite you and turn you? Or worse, what if I kill you?"

He didn't add, although he did think it: 'What if I can't keep my hands off you?'

It was hard enough to keep Sirius at a distance at all these days, but being alone with him in Hogsmeade was just one temptation too much. As for being alone with him in Hogsmeade while he was completely naked – well, that just didn't bear thinking about.

"So, you're shutting me out completely?" Sirius snapped, throwing his things back onto the bed in temper. "Fine, go there on your own, tear yourself up all night and then bleed to death in the morning. Is that what you want? Will that make you happy?"

"I'm not going to bleed to death," Remus replied, although he knew that the night would be worse without Sirius there. The nights when Sirius had remained at Hogwarts and Charlene had been there had been rough, and it would only be worse now that he realised just how much he loved him.

The wolf wanted Sirius there, because he wanted Sirius there, but he wasn't going to give in to the temptation. Sirius deserved better than a murderer, and once they had left school he would realise that.

"I could just do what I did before," Sirius pointed out. "Follow you later and leave before you turn back. You can't stop me from doing that."

"I know I can't," Remus said quietly. "But I'm asking you not to. If you really love me as much as you keep saying you do, then stay away."

"You can't ask me to stop caring about you."

"I'm not," Remus replied, hurrying out of the door before he gave away just how much he cared, too.

When he arrived at the basement, he saw that Romulus was already there waiting for him. "No Sirius?" he asked with surprise.

"No," Remus snapped.

"You've not had another argument, have you?"

"Not really."

"What sort of an answer is that?"

"The only one you're getting," Remus told him as he stripped out of his robes and dumped them on the stairs.

"I could always go and ask him."

Remus shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"What did you argue about this time?"

"We weren't arguing. He wanted to be here tonight, I told him to stay away. It wasn't really an argument."

Romulus sighed impatiently. "Rem, you can't keep pushing him away like this. If you do, you'll lose him as a friend as well as…"

"A lover?" Remus suggested with a grim smile that was all the more forced because the first wave of pain was washing over him and he was stumbling to the ground, struggling to keep a hold of his mind.

He wouldn't pass this curse onto Sirius, and if it meant losing him altogether then so be it.

-o-xXx-o-

When Remus became aware of his surroundings once more he knew without a doubt that Sirius had not been with him at all during the night.

He was cut up, there was blood on the floor and he felt as though he had just been pummelled by bludgers for several hours. He whimpered as he sat up and looked down at his battered body. He ached all over, but he knew that it was only a small fraction of what he truly deserved. No matter how much this hurt, he was sure that Charlene had suffered much more, and at his hands.

It took him nearly fifteen minutes to summon up the strength to make it up the stairs and when he finally managed it, he found Sirius waiting for him in the kitchen.

"How long have you been here?" he asked.

"About half an hour," Sirius replied, putting a plate of bacon and eggs down on the table with a thump. "Don't worry, I didn't come down to the basement."

"You didn't have to come and make me breakfast," Remus said, although he grabbed a fork and began to tuck in anyway.

"Yeah, well, I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

"No, you're not."

"You haven't heard why I'm here yet," Sirius said. "It's not just to make you breakfast and fix you up."

"It isn't?" Remus croaked, his mouth going dry when he realised what Sirius was saying.

Sirius shook his head. "I've made a decision."

Remus didn't say anything as he waited for Sirius to elaborate, although he had a feeling that he already knew what was coming.

"The full moons are enough for me," Sirius declared. "I won't share you again, but while you're single, I'll take whatever scraps you offer."

"Sirius…"

"Let me finish," Sirius interrupted. "I know you'll never love me back, and I've come to accept that. But if the love of the wolf is all you can give me, I'll take that. I know it's you, even if you won't admit it. For now that's enough."

"For now?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded. "I can't convince you that I'm right if you keep this distance between us. But maybe I can if we go back to how things were before."

It would be so easy to take Sirius's hand and pull him into the bedroom. It would be even easier to sweep the plates and cutlery from the kitchen table and put it to a better use. It would be so easy… if only Remus wasn't determined not to hurt Sirius any more than he already had.

"For Merlin's sake, Remus," Sirius said impatiently. "Say something, will you?"

"No."

"What? No, you won't say something or no, you don't want to accept my offer?"

"I don't want to accept your offer," Remus replied quietly.

"You're saying the wolf doesn't want me?" Sirius asked.

Remus drew in a sharp breath and prepared himself to give Sirius the most important lie he could ever remember telling.

"Remus, what is it?" Sirius questioned.

"The wolf wants you," Remus lied. "But it's like Lily said the day after the trial. I have to learn to control my wolfish impulses."

"Lily also said that the wolf's impulses were your own," Sirius pointed out.

"Lily isn't a werewolf and she has no idea what it's like to be one. But she was right about learning to control it. I'm learning to accept what I am, and that means learning not to give in to the wolf."

Sirius set his lips into a thin line and slammed several potion vials onto the table, telling Remus to drink them quickly. Then he worked in silence to seal the various cuts and scrapes Remus had accumulated during the night and left without another word.

When he heard the flames in the fireplace extinguishing themselves, Remus let out the breath he had been holding and turned back to his breakfast. He frowned down at the plate and realised that his appetite had disappeared along with Sirius.

He hoped that he hadn't done too much damage to their friendship, but he had the horrible suspicion that he had. The only consolation was that it was better for Sirius to be angry with him and kept at a distance, than it was for him to be near him and in danger. If only he didn't feel so terrible about pushing him away.

He pushed the plate away and leaned onto the table, resting his head on his arms and immediately falling asleep. The nightmare that he was immediately engulfed in only served to strengthen his resolve that he was doing the right thing.

He just hoped it would get easier in time.


	60. You Can't Erase the Facts

You Can't Erase The Facts

The seventh years were part jubilant and part depressed after the conclusion of the N.E.W.T. examinations. The eagerness to go out and make their mark on the world vied with the reluctance to leave the safety and security of the familiar environment of Hogwarts.

For Sirius, the end of his seven years at Hogwarts came with lots of troubling and conflicting thoughts.

He was relieved the exams were over, but was dreading his results. He thought he had done all right in most of his subjects, but the longer his thoughts lingered over the questions the less sure he was.

He wasn't looking forward to returning to Grimmauld Place at all, but he was more than relieved that the visit would only be temporary… just long enough to collect his belongings and break the news to his parents that he was not planning on living there any more. He knew his father would try to remind him of the promise he had forced from him the Ministry, but Sirius had no intention of keeping it. The sooner he was away from Grimmauld Place, the better.

He would miss his friends and the company they provided whenever he wanted it, but he was also looking forward to a little peace, quiet and privacy.

Most of all, he would miss Remus, even though Remus seemed to be putting more distance between them with every passing day.

Sirius had never been much for idle dreams, but he had on occasion contemplated what it might be like to live with Remus after they left Hogwarts. Best friends often moved in together as they began to make their way in the world. Sometimes it was through necessity, other times it was through desire. In Sirius's case it was definitely the latter.

He imagined them living together in a small flat, somewhere close to the city, where they could both find work without too much trouble. Somewhere they could disappear into the crowd.

He would do the cooking, since Remus was pretty useless at it, whilst Remus would do the cleaning since Sirius knew that Remus was the bigger slob between the two of them, although admittedly not by much.

They would have their owls and maybe a dog. They'd take walks in a nearby park and be on first name terms with all the local shop owners. Remus would charm them all right around his little finger, just like he had Sirius.

But, best of all, Sirius would be secure in the knowledge that Remus was his, and only his, and within the confines of their flat… no, their home… Remus would love him and they would build a life together.

Unfortunately, those idle dreams were as far from coming true as they had ever been.

Sirius had purchased a flat, sight unseen, just off of Diagon Alley. It wasn't the best area of London, but it was convenient and well within his budget.

The only thing that was truly missing was the flatmate he wanted to share it with. He had briefly considered asking Remus to move in with him anyway, just as friends, but he knew that he would want more than that before too much time had passed.

So, he had decided, somewhat reluctantly not to offer his home to Remus. He wondered if Remus was even expecting him to, and a small part of him hoped that maybe Remus was disappointed that he hadn't brought up the subject.

-o-xXx-o-

"She's refused to move in, again," James complained with as he barged into the dormitory two days before the end of term.

"How did you ask her this time?" Peter asked.

"Told her I couldn't live without her," James replied. "I said my blood would be on her hands if she left me to drown under the debris of junk at my place."

"And she refused?" Sirius asked with feigned astonishment.

"What a shocker!" Peter commented, equally sarcastically.

"I know," Sirius snickered. "I guess the thought of cleaning up after him just doesn't do it for her."

"At least I've asked the love of my life to move in with me," James replied. "You still haven't asked Remus, have you?" 

"He's not the love of my life," Sirius replied. He cast a quick glance at Peter who raised an eyebrow, making it clear that he knew at least part of what had been going on between the two boys. "He'd refuse anyway; he has his own house, remember?"

"He could still live with you and come back up here on the full moons," James pointed out. "Its not like Hogsmeade has any great employment opportunities and the nightlife is dead."

"You weren't saying that when we were sneaking out to the Hogs Head last week," Peter pointed out with a laugh.

"Beggars can't be choosers. Anyway, stop helping him to change the subject. Why haven't you asked Remus to live with you? You can't just leave him to wallow in self-pity out here in the middle of nowhere."

"In case you've not noticed, we're hardly talking these days."

"And you're both bloody miserable all the time."

"Are not."

"Are so."

"Are not."

"Are so."

"Not."

"So."

Remus chose that moment to enter the dormitory, Lily having escorted him to the door. "Such a stimulating conversation," Lily teased. "What are you arguing about?"

"Sirius was saying that he and Remus aren't miserable," Peter piped up, earning himself a thump on the arm from Sirius. "Well, you were."

"I'm not miserable," Remus said with a frown at Sirius.

"Not 'alf," James muttered. "Come on Peter, they're going to be arguing again any minute. And Sirius… ask him!"

"Ask me what?" Remus asked as soon as the other two boys had gone, James dragging Lily along with him.

"Nothing, he's just being a jerk."

"He sounded pretty serious to me."

"Lily turned him down again," Sirius explained. "He retaliated against me and Peter teasing him by suggesting I should ask you to move into my new flat with me."

Remus stopped rummaging around in the wardrobe and looked up at that. "You've got a flat?" he asked in surprise. "Your own place?"

"Bought and paid for last week," Sirius replied with a nod.

"And you told James and Peter, but not me?"

"James saw me writing to the agent, and Peter seems to have realised some time this year that there's something going on between us. Or that there was. They decided to gang up on me."

"But you didn't even mention you were looking for somewhere to live."

"Like I'm going to go back home after what happened last summer," Sirius muttered. "Uncle Alphard left me some money so that I could get out of there. I figured I would put it to good use."

"Why didn't you tell me? You could have stayed at my place, there's plenty of room."

"I'm not a charity case," Sirius snapped. "I can make my own way."

"Charity?" Remus shook his head in astonishment. "Offering your best friend a place to stay isn't charity."

Sirius shrugged and sat down at his desk, picking up a quill to play with.

"What happened to us?" Remus asked quietly. "We used to be such good friends. Best friends, with no secrets."

"You know what happened."

"No, I don't. I don't understand what went wrong."

"I fell in love with you," Sirius whispered. "That's what happened. I ruined everything we had by falling in love with my best friend."

Remus walked over to Sirius and perched on the edge of his bed. "You can't help who you fall in love with."

"You don't need to tell me that," Sirius snapped. "Do you ever wish you could just go back and do things over again?"

"Sometimes."

"What would you change?"

"I'd not have let Charlene anywhere near my basement, not ever."

"Do you miss her very much?"

"Yes. She livened the place up, and the team isn't the same without her."

"At least the team won the cup for her this year," Sirius said with a small smile. "It would have made her year."

"What would you change?" asked Remus, clearly eager to move away from the painful topic.

"I'd have…" Sirius faltered as he thought about what he would change if he had the chance. Would he decide not to kiss Remus, not to sleep with him or love him?

Remus had said himself, you can't help who you love, and Sirius knew that if he had his time over again, he would do things exactly the same because he would still love Remus no matter what.

"What?" Remus asked.

"I'd not change anything, except to try to save her, too. And perhaps I'd try not to get caught doing so many pranks."

Remus chuckled and grinned.

"So, do you want to move into my flat with me?" Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head. "I'll be fine in Hogsmeade."

Sirius knew he shouldn't be surprised by the answer. "You hate me that much?"

"I don't hate you," Remus assured him. "I don't think I could ever hate you."

"But you don't love me either," Sirius whispered.

Remus didn't reply. Sirius didn't expect him to.

"It's probably for the best," Sirius continued with forced cheerfulness. "I can't move on with my life if you're a constant part of it. And I need to find a way to move on, get a job, maybe even get a boyfriend, the usual stuff."

"Got your eye on anyone?" Remus asked casually.

"Not really," Sirius answered. "No one who's interested anyway."

"You'll have to let me have your new address," Remus reminded him. "I'll write to you every day, just like we used to in the summers."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Sirius muttered, refusing to look his friend in the eye. "I need to make a clean break of things, and I can't do that if I'm always thinking about you and writing to you and reading your letters. If I do that, I'll always be wishing for things that I can't have."

"You really mean it, don't you?" Remus whispered. "You really want to end everything, even our friendship."

"Not forever," Sirius promised. "But I need some time on my own. I'll see you guys at Christmas, maybe sooner."

"That's months away."

"It'll probably fly past."

Remus looked doubtful, but he didn't argue.

"It's for the best," Sirius added. "For both of us."

"Do you really believe that?"

Sirius thought carefully before he answered. "Yes, Remus, I do. You will be okay here, won't you?" he asked, reaching out and squeezing Remus's hand.

Remus nodded again and squeezed back. "I'll be fine."

Sirius nearly changed his mind at the sadness he saw in his friend's eyes. But he knew he had to let Remus go, not that he had ever really had him in the first place.

-o-xXx-o-

The trunks were packed and ready to be taken down to the station. The only items unpacked were the clothes the students were going to wear in the morning and various things they were planning on taking on the train themselves.

The rest of the school had gone to bed, or at least all the Gryffindors had, when Sirius crept down to the common room on the last night of school.

In his hands was his collection of journals, the latest one not quite filled with his thoughts.

The common room fire was still in, and Sirius tugged a chair close enough that he could use the light from the flames to read by.

He smiled to himself as he looked on his childish scribbles in the oldest of the books. He turned the pages and buried himself in the past.

He didn't hear the sound of footsteps on the stairs behind him, and it wasn't until James flung himself onto the sofa that he realised he had company.

"What you got there?" James asked.

"Just a few books."

"From the library? You'd better get them back there before we leave, Pince probably chases old students for books with some of the more lethal volumes from the restricted section."

"They're not library books."

"So, what are they?"

"Journals."

"What? Like diaries?"

"Journals," Sirius amended firmly.

"Are they from the girls' dorms? Whose are they?"

"Why do you think they belong to the girls?"

"Well, they're not yours, are they?" James laughed loudly but was cut short by Sirius's stern expression. "Oh bugger, they are, aren't they?"

"It's a Black family tradition," Sirius muttered. "My father made me start one in the summer before I came to Hogwarts, it's sort of a habit now. You must have seen me writing in them before."

James shrugged; clearly it had escaped his notice. "Can I have a look?"

"They're just full of rubbish," Sirius replied. "I thought I'd burn them in the fire here, you know, make a clean start."

"You can't do that!" James sat up and reached across to take one of the books. Sirius could tell that it was the sixth year journal he was trying to grasp and he pulled it out of his reach immediately.

"Not that one," Sirius said.

"Oooh, what's in it?" James asked, showing even more interest in light of Sirius's lack of consent.

"It's the one I kept last year," Sirius explained. "I put a lot of personal stuff in that one."

"Oh, come on, let's see."

"You really don't want to," Sirius assured him. "I put _everything_ in my journals, and that year was when Remus and I started… you know…"

"You wrote about _that_?" James asked, his jaw dropping.

Sirius nodded. He was slightly embarrassed, but was relieved that James was at least no longer trying to grab the journal from him.

"So, why are you sitting down here reading them in the middle of the night?"

"Couldn't sleep and all my other books are already packed."

"Why aren't these ones packed? You're not really going to burn them, are you?"

"Well, I'm not taking them with me."

"You could donate them to the school library, give anyone who picks them up a few cheap thrills?"

Sirius smiled and shook his head at the suggestion. "I'm just going to burn them," he repeated.

"But why?"

"Because they're full of rubbish I'd rather forget."

"Stuff about Remus?" James guessed. "But not all of them, surely?"

Sirius nodded. "I didn't realise until I was reading them just now how much I wrote about him."

"He's your best friend. Of course you'd write a lot about him."

"Well, not any more," Sirius declared. "Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life…my life without Remus Lupin."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do."

"You just need some time. That or a good shag."

Sirius laughed. "You offering?" he teased.

James spluttered and shook his head.

"Don't worry, Potter, you're not my type."

"I know that," James said with a grin. "The whole bloody dorm knows what your type is. Brown hair, brown eyes, sexy scars and gets real furry once a month."

"I might have to broaden my type a little from now on," Sirius suggested. "I doubt there are that many gay werewolves out there."

James laughed and sat back. His laughter soon died down though, and his face took on a more serious look when he spoke again. "Don't burn the journals, you'll only regret it later."

"I don't want to take them with me, I'll just be tempted to read them and wallow in them, instead of moving on."

"You say they're full of stuff about Remus?"

"Yeah."

"Why not leave them with him?"

"What would he do with them?"

"Look after them for you until you ask for them back, or maybe he'd like to read them."

"They have a password on them."

"So, tell him what it is."

"He'd probably be able to guess it anyway."

"Then don't. But don't burn them. Leave them with Remus."

"He wouldn't want them."

"Merlin, you're awkward." James threw his hands into the air and stood up. "Do you still love him?"

"Yes."

"Do you think he'll ever love you back?"

"No, I've screwed things up way too much for that to ever happen now. I don't think he's ever really forgiven me for getting my father to swing the vote at his trial."

"But it saved his life?"

"I know. But I don't think he wanted me to save it. Since the trial he's shut me out almost completely. He used to confide in me, but he never does now. It's like he's a different person."

"He thinks he's not capable of love because of what he is. I think he thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved because of what he is."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at that. It was rather an astute observation, especially coming from James.

"We talked one night," James explained. "Just before the first full moon after the trial."

"You did?" Sirius asked. "What else did he say?"

James shrugged. "Don't remember much of it to be honest. But I remember the way he looked at you; it was the same way that you look at him. He has feelings for you, I'm sure he does."

"It doesn't make any difference though, does it?"

"Of course it does," James replied. "He loves you. That means there's a chance."

"You really think he does?" Sirius asked in a hopeful whisper.

"Yes. You just need to find a way to convince him to admit it. Hey, have you put all your thoughts in those books about how much you love him?"

"I already told you, I put everything in them."

"And you're really determined to move on, without having Remus in your life?"

"I have to."

"What if Remus were to change his mind? What if he were suddenly realise how much he loves you?"

"After all this time, I doubt that's going to happen."

"Leave him the books and he might read them and realise he's being a complete prick."

"Sure he will," Sirius muttered sarcastically.

"He might."

"You really think there's anything in these damn books that I haven't already told him?" Sirius asked impatiently. "I love him and he doesn't love me back. Or if he does, he won't admit it. I'm dealing with it the only way I can, and that means putting some distance between us for a while."

"Okay," James agreed with a nod. "It's your decision, but at least consider leaving the journals with Remus, just in case."

"I'll think about it," Sirius muttered.

James yawned and stretched. "I'm going back to bed."

"Goodnight."

"'Night."

Sirius opened the most recent journal again and chewed on his lip for a minute or two. Maybe he should leave the journals with Remus.

It was pretty clear in his own mind that he wasn't simply going to fall out of love with Remus, no matter how much easier his life would be if he did.

He was also pretty sure that Remus had been hurt by his decision not to tell him his new address. Remus might have been the one putting all this distance between them, but his reaction to Sirius's news made it clear that he wasn't entirely happy with the direction their friendship was heading.

Sirius ran his fingers over the cover of most recent journal, wondering if maybe there was a way that he could get a message to Remus, letting him know where to find him… but only if Remus was smart enough and really did love him enough to figure it out. Slowly a smile spread across his face.

Sirius came to his decision quickly and tugged the journal from third year out of the pile. He flicked through the pages until he found what he was looking for. Then he grabbed the final journal again and set to work.

It took nearly an hour for him to sort everything out, but finally he was done. He pocketed all the personal letters and scraps of paper that he had stored in the journals over the years and crept back upstairs to the dormitory. It didn't take him long to pry open the lock on Remus's trunk and when he had he slipped the journals inside, hiding them beneath Remus's own things.

-o-xXx-o-

"Did you do it?" James asked Sirius as they dressed the next morning. The other boys were already up and about. Remus had disappeared some time around sunrise and Peter had hurried to find his girlfriend to share one last breakfast at Hogwarts with her. "Did you leave them with him?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied. "And I left him a note with the password so he can read them if he wants."

"He'll come around. You just need to keep telling yourself that."

"No, I really don't," Sirius replied. "Not if I want to move on."

"He'll be on your doorstep within a month," James assured him. "I guarantee it."

"What makes you so sure?"

"This is Remus we're talking about. He slept in your bed more often than his own through third year and trailed round after you like a shadow in fourth and most of fifth. And I don't care what crap he says about the wolf, no guy lets another bloke shove his cock up his arse if he doesn't like it."

"I know I'm going to regret asking this," Sirius said with a smirk. "But what makes you so sure it's that way round?"

"Er…" James flushed and started fiddling with the curtains on his bed.

"What?"

"There was one time, at the start of the school year, er… I think you kind of forgot the silencing charms and me and Peter woke up and heard you."

"But we only ever did anything here in the dorm once."

"Lucky us," James muttered.

"You heard everything?" Sirius felt mortified, but still had the insane desire to laugh loudly at James's expression of remembered horror.

"Let's just say we heard enough to figure out who was putting what where."

"Why didn't you say anything the next morning?"

"We would have teased you both like mad, if it hadn't been so traumatising for us."

"Probably a good job you didn't say anything," Sirius advised. "That was the last time we were together before we broke up, and I doubt it would have gone down too well with either of us."

"Yeah, there was that, too. You going to say goodbye to Remus before we go down to the station?" 

Sirius nodded. "You'd better go meet Lily, if you don't want her to think you've forgotten her."

James grinned and hurried out the door. "Maybe I can talk her into moving in with me on the train."

"Good luck with that."

Sirius shook his head and shoved his pyjamas into the top of his trunk. Then he headed downstairs to find Remus.

He found him standing near the new Whomping Willow, a tree that had been planted in Charlene's memory. There was a faraway look on his face.

Remus wasn't sure whether he had expected Sirius to seek him out before leaving Hogwarts, but he wasn't that surprised that he had.

"You'll be leaving soon?" he asked as Sirius approached him.

"In about half an hour."

"And you're really not going to tell me where you're living?" Remus tried not to feel too hurt at the idea of Sirius putting even more distance between them than there already was. He knew it was his own fault, just as he knew that it was for the best, but he still felt his heart plummet at the idea of not seeing Sirius or hearing from Sirius whenever he wanted to.

"I'm sorry. I'll be in touch before Christmas, I promise."

"So, this is what it's come to?"

"Damn it, Remus!" Sirius shouted. "You've got no right to be like this! I'm not the one who's living in denial here."

"I'm not in denial," Remus said softly. It was the truth, after all. He hadn't been in denial for a long time now, but it was far easier to let Sirius continue to believe that he was. If Sirius knew how he felt, he knew that nothing would keep him from his side, from his arms, from his life. "I just wish I could have my best friend back. I want it like it was before."

"I'm still your best friend," Sirius cried in frustration. "But I can't just pretend that I'm not in love with you."

"I'm not asking you to." Remus knew that Sirius couldn't turn off his feelings, any more than he could.

"Yes, you are, and I can't do it. Not right now anyway. Maybe in a few months…"

Remus sighed. Keeping Sirius at a safe distance was one thing, but he didn't want him out of his life altogether, and if they continued in this vein, he could see that happening. "Sirius, please. I don't want to fight any more."

"Me neither."

"It's the full moon tomorrow night."

"Will you be okay?"

"Will you be there in the morning?"

"Will you let me stay all night?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm sorry. I can't let you do that."

"Then I won't be there in the morning. You can't keep pushing me away and still expect me to stick around. It's not fair."

"I don't want to risk what happened to Charlie happening to you."

"It won't. The basement's been fixed and tested in case of other Earth tremors, the risk is minimal."

"But still…"

"But nothing. It's just an excuse, and we both know it. You don't want to admit you have feelings for me, so you're making excuses to keep me away. First, it was that you don't fancy me, and then it was the wolf that wanted me. Now it's that you don't want to put me in danger. I've been in your basement on how many full moons? It's an excuse, and we both know why. You still think you're a monster that doesn't deserve to be loved. Well, you're wrong, because I love you. I don't care if you're a werewolf. It's a part of who you are, and I love all of you, even the wolf."

Remus knew that it was the truth and for a moment he wondered what it would be like to tell Sirius that he returned those feelings. He knew that Sirius would be overjoyed, at least until another accident happened, and he was the one with a werewolf's jaws clamped around the nearest limb. It wasn't worth the risk.

If only he hadn't been bitten, things could have been so different.

He watched Sirius as he turned to walk away. It felt like he was never going to see him again. Never going to touch him, hold him or kiss him.

"Sirius?" he called.

"What?"

"Would you kiss me? Just once, before you leave."

Sirius drew in a sharp breath and closed his eyes momentarily, rather than look at him. "No."

Remus felt the sharp sting of disappointment and he asked, "Why not?"

"Because I want to kiss Remus, not Moony, and you know as well as I do that if I ask you, you'll just say it's because of the full moon tomorrow."

"You said that that would be enough for you," Remus reminded him, quashing the temptation to tell Sirius that it was him who was asking, and that the full moon had nothing to do with it. But he knew that he couldn't take the risk, not when it was Sirius's safety and life that were at stake.

"I know I did," Sirius replied quietly. "I was wrong. It'll never be enough. If we're ever going to have a future together, a proper future, you're going to have to let me get close to you again. And I don't mean just sex. You need to start trusting me again."

Remus drew in a deep breath, wishing that the lies would start coming easier, and knowing that it was getting harder and harder with every one he told.

Sirius didn't wait for him to say anything. "I just want you to stop lying, to me and to yourself. I want you to stop pushing me away."

"It's safer for you this way," Remus said quietly and a little sadly. "I'm a werewolf and I… I…" He wanted to say the words. He wanted to tell Sirius how he felt – that he loved him too much to put him in danger by being with him, but from the corner of his eye he saw a branch of the Whomping Willow swooping down in a vicious arc. The words became lodged in his throat as he remembered why the tree was there, whom it had been planted in memory of, and exactly why Sirius could never know how he felt.

Sirius was oblivious to his inner turmoil. "You know that if you don't let me – let anybody – back into your life, you're going to be miserable and lonely."

"And what about you?"

"I'm already miserable and lonely, but I'm learning to get on with my life."

"So, I guess this is goodbye."

"I guess it is."

"I'm going to miss you." Remus looked down at his shoes, hoping to shield the love he knew was probably evident in his eyes as he made his confession.

"Damn it, Remus," Sirius muttered as he walked back to him.

Remus drew in a breath, knowing what was going to happen, and let Sirius pull him into his arms and kiss him fiercely. He plunged his tongue into the other boy's mouth and felt their teeth clash together. He reached up and put a hand on the back of Sirius's head, his fingers tangling in his hair, holding him closer. It wasn't enough, and he moved his other hand from Sirius's back to his arse, revelling in the moan he heard Sirius make.

It still wasn't enough. It would never be enough. But he couldn't let himself want anything more than this moment. This one last moment, before the two of them went their separate ways.

Remus knew he looked dazed when Sirius finally pulled away and he gasped in much needed air.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't let Sirius go. He was too weak to go through with it. He wanted him too much. He loved him too much.

"How can you kiss me like that and still deny you have feelings for me?" Sirius gasped. "Remus, please, just tell me I'm not imagining this – whatever it is – between us."

Remus buried his head in Sirius's chest. He couldn't look him in the eye, not yet. If he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to do anything other than tell Sirius exactly what he wanted to hear.

"Please stop shutting me out," Sirius whispered. "You know that all you have to do is ask and I'll stay here with you. Just tell me that you love me, that you want me to stay and I'll do it."

Remus tightened his grip on Sirius's robes, hugging him close. He didn't deserve Sirius. He was a monster who hurt everyone around him and Sirius deserved better than that. But he couldn't help wanting to hold him for just a little while longer.

Then, all too soon, Sirius was stepping back, turning away and hurrying back towards the castle. He would soon be leaving Hogwarts forever. And leaving him in the process.

He was out of hearing and nearly out of sight when Remus spoke again, his voice barely more than a whisper. "I love you, Sirius."


	61. The Story Remains the Same

A/N: Here is the next chapter, which will be updated at my other archives tomorrow. Sorry, but this one contains a lot of HTML, which I will have to add manually and I just don't have the time to do that this evening. This site (for all its faults) at least keeps the formatting for me these days.

The Story Remains the Same

Remus didn't bother going to the station to wave off the Hogwarts Express. Instead, he waited until the rest of the school had departed, dragged his trunk and belongings to the gates, and apparated to his house alone.

"So, what are you going to do now?" Romulus asked. "You'll need to start looking for a job soon."

Remus scowled as he shoved his trunk up against the wall. His bad mood had descended as soon as he had realised that he wasn't going to see Sirius again for goodness knows how long, and it didn't seem to be dissipating any time soon.

"I'm going out for a bit," he announced, shrugging out of his school robes and replacing them with his regular ones.

"I heard from the Grey Lady that Flourish and Blotts are looking for someone to do deliveries of some of the more difficult books. The ones with protection spells on them are costing them too much in owls."

Remus ignored him in favour of leaving the house and walking down the path towards The Three Broomsticks.

He was on his fifth glass of firewhiskey when Rosmerta suggested he might like to look at the lunch menu.

"I don't want any lunch," Remus snapped, pushing his glass across the bar and gesturing for her to refill it.

"You really should eat something," Rosmerta advised. "How about a bowl of stew?"

"Just fill it up!" Remus snarled.

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

Remus glared at the woman across the bar. "I've had enough of the lecture," he told her, climbing, somewhat shakily down from his stool, and staggering across to the door.

If Rosmerta didn't want to serve him any more, he would try The Hog's Head. Aberforth didn't care how drunk his customers were, not as long as they paid.

Romulus found him a short while before sunset. "Is this how it's going to be then?" he asked impatiently.

"Fuck off!" Remus replied, downing the rest of his drink in one.

"Telling me to go away hasn't worked yet," Romulus pointed out. "You might be able to push everyone else away with those tactics, but it won't work with me. Is there any particular reason for the drinking binge? Or are you just sulking?"

"Sulking?" Remus echoed with a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I guess werewolves are capable of sulking. It's right up there with screwing up everybody's lives. And I'm an expert at both."

"Remus, you're being an idiot!"

"I just wanted to be normal, but it's too much to ask for, isn't it? I'll always be the freak. The werewolf. The murderer."

"Yes, you're a werewolf," Romulus interrupted. "You've been one for over ten years, and it's long past the time you stopped feeling sorry for yourself and started to deal with it."

"I deal with it," Remus argued.

"No, you don't!" Romulus insisted.

"Just leave me alone," Remus said as Aberforth refilled his glass again.

"I'll keep an eye on him," Aberforth told Romulus.

"I don't need anyone keeping an eye on me," Remus snarled. "I can take care of myself. I don't need any of you, and I really don't need Sirius Black."

He took another swallow from his glass, wondering how many it would take to make him forget the whole sorry mess that was his life.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius knew that he would have to collect his belongings from Grimmauld Place at some point, and swiftly decided that it would be better done sooner rather than later. He arrived at his parents' home, still thinking of it as his own, on the first morning after arriving back in London.

"Sirius!" Walburga greeted him with a wide smile. "I'm delighted you haven't forgotten your poor mother. Haven't you grown?"

Sirius frowned, wondering what visitors his mother had. It was the only explanation for her gushing greeting.

"Why don't you come through and say hello to Celeste and Cecily?" Walburga continued, ushering him into the receiving room.

Sirius's frown deepened at the names, and he knew that it couldn't be a coincidence that Walburga was entertaining two females whose names were the same as Remus's mother and sister.

Part of him wanted to continue upstairs to his room, but his curiosity and a lifetime of minding his manners won out, and he followed his mother into the receiving room.

Celeste Lupin was just as Sirius remembered, although this time he knew whom she was and was taking much more notice. His first impression of the woman was that she looked downright miserable and immensely irritated. He couldn't say that he blamed her, since he felt much the same way whenever he had to spend time with his mother.

Cecily, on the other hand, looked cheerful and perky as she played on the hearthrug.

"So, you're Sirius?" Celeste commented after the introductions had been made. Sirius couldn't tell from her tone whether she considered this a good thing or a bad thing, and didn't bother to ask. He merely nodded his response.

"Remus's Sirius?" Cecily chirped.

Sirius smiled down at Remus's sister. She had the blonde hair of her mother, but the eyes were definitely those of both the Lupin brothers. "I don't know about being his," he told her. "But I do know him."

"Sirius!" Walburga hissed.

He looked up and saw his mother scowling at him in disapproval. Of course, she wouldn't want anyone in society – even on the outskirts, as the Lupins were – to know about his so-called perversions.

Celeste was watching the exchange with interest, and he had the unsettling feeling that she was reading his thoughts and knew exactly what his interest in her son was.

"Celeste has invited the family to dinner this evening," Walburga announced.

"All the family?" Sirius asked, scepticism evident in his voice.

"Your brother won't be returning from school until tomorrow," Walburga explained.

"You are most welcome to join your parents," Celeste added.

"Sirius won't be able to come tonight," Cecily interrupted. "It's the full moon."

Celeste drew in a sharp breath, though Sirius knew that she must surely be aware that the Black family knew of her son's condition.

"Sirius has to stay with Moony tonight," Cecily continued, nodding vehemently. "Moony gets lonely."

"It's all right," Sirius told her. "Moony doesn't need me any more. I can come and have dinner with you tonight."

"I'm not allowed to stay up to dinner," Cecily explained.

"Well, perhaps I'll see you another time?" Sirius suggested.

Cecily nodded eagerly. "You can tell me all about Remus. I don't get to see him at all. Not like Rom."

"That's enough!" Celeste snapped.

"It's quite all right," Walburga consoled. "Children are sent to try us, after all."

Celeste nodded understandingly. "So, we'll expect you at seven?" she asked.

Walburga nodded, and Sirius wondered what he was letting himself in for.

After the Lupins had left, Sirius followed his mother into the living room, intending to find out why, all of a sudden, she was entertaining the Lupins. He didn't waste any time in asking her.

"I entertain many people," Walburga replied airily.

"You've never invited Remus's family here before," Sirius pointed out. "Even when he was staying with us, you never invited them. You only invite the most pure of the purebloods into the house, at least without an ulterior motive. Celeste is a half blood, so why does she get to visit?"

"Don't be rude," Walburga snapped. "I thought you might like to get to know the mother of man you've been sharing your bed with all this time."

"I know as much as I want to know about Remus's parents, thank you," Sirius snapped. "Why did you really invite her?"

Walburga sniffed as she sat down on the sofa. "I didn't. She arrived without invitation." She screwed up her nose at this social faux pas.

"What did she want?"

"To invite us for dinner."

"And?"

Walburga sighed. "She wants Romulus to stop visiting her home, and thought – since you know him – you might be able to speak to him about her concerns."

"Romulus does what he wants," Sirius told her.

Walburga shrugged. "It's of no matter. She'll speak to you about it over dinner; all you have to do is promise to speak with him."

"And what's in it for you?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"For me?" Walburga replied with a smirk. "Why, I get to see inside the house of the infamous Lupins. I'll be the most popular guest at parties for the rest of the summer."

Sirius shook his head and turned to leave the room. Trust his mother to have selfish motives for anything she did.

"I'll let you have the address before you leave," Walburga said, crossing over to the desk for a quill and parchment. "You will be there, won't you?"

Sirius nodded. "I'll be there. There are a few things I'd like to say to John Lupin, and now is as good a time as any."

"I'm afraid that won't possible," Walburga told him.

"Are you going to try to stop me from speaking my mind?" Sirius asked with a laugh of contempt.

Walburga shook her head. "John Lupin is out of the country at the moment. So, whatever you have to say to him will have to wait until another time."

"Damn," Sirius muttered.

-o-xXx-o-

"You've got to get him out of here."

Remus turned slowly towards the man who had spoken. The customer was pointing in his direction.

"Come on," Aberforth said. "You need to be getting home now."

"I'll go home when I'm ready to," Remus snapped, slamming his glass down onto the bar to punctuate his sentence.

"If he's not going, I am," the other customer said. "I don't fancy getting bitten by the village werewolf."

Aberforth looked at the customer with annoyance. "You won't get bitten," he told him. "Remus is going to go home and lock himself up, aren't you?"

Remus looked at Aberforth and saw that he had pulled out his wand and was pointing it at his throat.

"You've just lost track of the time, right?" he said. "Full moon's nearly here."

Remus looked out of the window and saw that the Aberforth was right. He had lost track of the time, and he didn't even know where the day had gone. He had arrived at The Hog's Head almost as soon as it had opened, still hung over from the previous day.

"Can I have a bottle to take with me?" he asked, throwing a few sickles onto the bar, his fingers fumbling too much to count out the exact change.

Aberforth nodded and reached for a bottle from behind him. "Now, hurry along," he ordered, pointing his wand at the door.

Remus, grumbling under his breath, stumbled out of the bar, the ground weaving under his feet as he staggered home.

His trunk was still in the hallway, right where he had dumped it the previous morning, and he tripped over it, smashing his bottle of firewhiskey on the floor in the process. He crawled to his feet and stumbled his way towards the kitchen. His hand was bleeding from where he had cut it on the broken bottle and he was concentrating on that as he fell once more, this time because of a chair that was sticking out from under the table.

He fell to the floor with a crash, his head hitting the hard tiles with a crack.

The blackness of unconsciousness enveloped him, and he was still lying prone on the kitchen floor when the full moon rose.

There are few things that can pull someone back to consciousness quickly, and none of them particularly pleasant. Changing into a werewolf was one of those things, and the pain in Remus's head paled in comparison to the transformation yanking him forcefully back to reality.

"Rem, the basement," Romulus cried urgently.

Remus felt the coldness of the ghostly hands trying unsuccessfully to lift him and manually drag him down the stairs. His head was aching, along with every other bone in his body. He wondered why his skin wasn't itching, then he realised that the fur had already sprouted all over his body. It was the last conscious thought he had before his mind slipped away completely.

The wolf howled as he sat back on his haunches and rejoiced in his freedom. There were so many new things to see, to smell and to explore. He howled again.

"Moony," a familiar voice said, and the wolf looked at the misty being hovering before him. This was the one who liked to play with him. He whined and leapt towards him, scattering furniture in his wake.

They kept this up for a long time, until finally Moony realised that he could do more than run around the kitchen and bolted for the living room, and the front door beyond it, wide open and inviting for the normally captive wolf.

The dark haired one wasn't here, and Moony wondered where he was. It seemed like forever since he had been here with him. He trotted towards the door, sniffing and searching for the one that was missing.

"No!" his playmate yelled. "Moony, this way!"

The wolf turned in the hallway, cocking his head at the different tone of voice. It wasn't enough to tempt him back into the kitchen though, not when freedom was beckoning him.

He turned back towards the open door, but before he reached it something else caught his eye and he stared at the bright green flames that had appeared at the other side of the room.

Then someone else was there, someone different, someone he didn't recognise, someone small and human.

He growled and stalked towards her.

"Cecily!" the misty one yelled, swooping towards Moony as he pointed the way for the newcomer to go.

Moony growled at his playmate, angry that he was depriving him of his prey.

"In there," the traitor said, pointing towards a door. "Go through to the bathroom and lock it behind you."

Moony charged after her, but the furniture slowed him down too much, and the door was already closed when he reached it. He howled in frustration and clawed at the wood.

"Moony, come here!" the traitor called. "Come on, come play through here."

Moony howled again and threw himself against the door. Why would he want to play through there, when there was easy prey so close by?

He howled and charged the door again and again, scratching at the wood, trying to claw his way through the door.

Then his prey started screaming on the other side of the door. The sounds of her cries drowned out the sounds of other intruders, and he didn't know he was being stalked until the moment he was hit with several stunning spells, knocking him out for the rest of the night.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus opened his eyes and groaned loudly. The headache was the worst he had ever had, and he wondered what had happened.

"Shit!" he said as he realised that he wasn't in the basement. Instead, he was lying on his bedroom floor, naked, cold, and very confused.

He sat up and looked around him. The bathroom door was battered and scratched, and Remus traced the newly gouged grooves with his fingers.

He could hear voices coming from the kitchen, and recognised one as belonging to Romulus.

Remus leaned on his hand to stand up, only then realising that it was cut up. He went to the bedside table for his wand, but soon realised that it wasn't there. Since he had no idea where it was, he hurriedly dressed and walked through to the kitchen in search of both his wand and answers.

She was older now, but he recognised Cecily at once. She was sitting at the kitchen table, and Remus noticed that that was looking rather battered, too.

"See, it's all right," Romulus said to Cecily. "It's just Remus."

Cecily nodded, although the look on her face was still one of fear.

Romulus turned to Remus with a glare. "Your wand is in the hallway," he said coldly. "You dropped it there when you fell over your trunk last night."

"What happened?" Remus asked, smiling at Cecily before turning to his brother. "What's she doing here?"

Romulus turned to glare at him. "Cecily saw Sirius yesterday. He happened to mention that he wouldn't be here during the full moon, and so she came to keep Moony company. Just a shame that you weren't showing the same selfless consideration for others last night. You were too drunk to get to the basement in time for the transformation."

Remus felt the world beginning to sway around him and he grasped at the back of a chair. "Are you all right?" he asked Cecily.

"How do you think she is?" Romulus hissed. "She's eight years old and she came face to face with a grown werewolf last night!"

Remus looked at Cecily, who was cringing away from him ever so slightly. "Oh, Cecily, I'm so sorry," he whispered as he crouched down beside her. "You shouldn't have come here, especially not on the full moon."

"I didn't want Moony to be lonely," Cecily replied, tears leaking out of her eyes.

Romulus coughed. "Remus, do something useful and get the floo powder out of the cupboard so that she can go home."

"Why didn't she go home as soon as she arrived?" Remus asked.

"Because she was too busy running from you," Romulus pointed out impatiently. "She made it into the bathroom and I got help from the village. They knocked you out with some stunning spells, but Cecily was too scared to come out of the bathroom until you were changed back."

"Oh."

"Now, go get the floo powder so she can go home. I'll make sure she gets there."

Remus nodded and slowly made his way into the living room, reaching up to the top of the cupboard and pulling down the jar of floo powder. Cecily followed with Romulus, and Remus tried not to notice the way she flinched when she approached him.

The moment she had disappeared through the fireplace, Romulus turned to Remus with another glare. "Your wand's in the hallway. I suggest you start cleaning this place up until I come back."

Remus looked at the torn fabric of the sofa, the broken chairs and cracked ornaments, and sighed.

"Don't even think of skiving off," Romulus warned. "Because you're already in more than enough trouble."

Remus watched as Romulus vanished, and he put the rest of the floo powder away with a groan of pain at the movement.

He found his wand, next to his battered trunk, in the hallway, but he could not concentrate on any spells at all. The only thing that was going through his mind was what had happened the night before, and how he had come far too close to killing his little sister… or worse, making her like him.

All he had wanted to do was forget his problems, but instead he had doubled them.

Instead of keeping everyone safe, he had put his sweet little sister in the worst kind of danger imaginable. His stomach churned as he recalled the marks on the bathroom door, and the room began to sway around him again.

He dropped his head into his hands and drew in a deep breath.

He was still sitting on the living room sofa when Romulus reappeared.

"I didn't scratch her, or bite her, did I?" he asked, before Romulus had the chance to speak.

"What's this?" Romulus asked sarcastically. "Remus Lupin thinking of someone other than himself? Well, there's a first!"

"Did I bite her?" Remus repeated. "Just tell me!"

"No, she's a fast runner, and a damn good job she is, too."

Remus nodded and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Do you have any injuries that require immediate attention?" Romulus asked.

Remus shook his head.

"Good. And, so it doesn't distract you from what I'm about to say, I'll tell you that the villagers who stopped you last night have all confirmed they won't be reporting you to the Ministry. Hopefully they'll keep their word. Dad's away, so he won't know what happened, and Mum doesn't want to put Cecily through the ordeal of a trial at the Wizengamot, so there shouldn't be any repercussions over last night."

Remus hadn't even thought about that possibility, but before he could feel any real relief, Romulus was looming over him, a hard and cold expression on his face.

"You listening?" he asked, and Remus nodded nervously in response. From the look on his brother's face, this was not going to be something he wanted to hear. "Good. Remus, you're my brother, and you know I love you, and it's because of that I'm going to say what has to be said."

Remus nodded again and looked away, unable to keep up eye contact in the face of his brother's anger.

"You are a selfish little bastard!" Romulus barked. "How Sirius has come to love you as much as he does quite frankly astounds me, because – Merlin knows – you sure as hell don't deserve it."

"Sirius-" Remus began, but was immediately cut off.

"Shut up!" Romulus roared. "I've not finished; I've barely even started. It's probably partly my fault for letting you get away with so much in the past, but it ends right now. I can't seem to stop you from ruining your own life, but I'll be damned if I'm going to watch you ruin anyone else's."

"I don't mean to. I only wanted to-"

"I don't care what you meant to do! Cecily could have died last night, and all because you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself to get down to the bloody basement in time."

"I-"

"Don't interrupt!" Remus shrank back into the sofa and cringed. "I should have stepped in ages ago, but I thought that you were punishing yourself so much you didn't need me adding to your guilt. I see now how wrong I was. How many more people are going to get hurt, or worse – killed – before you grow up and start acting like an adult, instead of a spoilt little brat?"

Remus shook his head slightly, not sure if Romulus was expecting an answer to his question or not.

"You've treated your best friend like dirt, and your girlfriend even worse, and all because you want to be normal. Well, Remus, it's long past time you realised that you're not normal, and you never will be. You're a werewolf, and you fancy blokes and well as women, deal with it! I've told you for years that the wolf doesn't make you a monster, but right now, when you endanger your own sister through your selfishness, I'm not so sure you weren't right after all. Greyback's a monster because he takes what he wants and doesn't care who gets hurt by the wolf along the way, and right now I'm not seeing that much difference between him and you."

"I'm not like Greyback!" Remus shouted, rising to his feet. "I'm not!"

"Greyback didn't take the appropriate precautions on the night of the full moon and bit you, a six year old child," Romulus replied, advancing on Remus again, and driving him back down onto the sofa. "Last night you were the one who didn't take the precautions and nearly bit an eight year old girl. Tell me, Remus, what difference is there?"

"I didn't mean to! I'm not like him!"

"The only difference I can see, is that you at least show a little remorse for what happened. Don't you think that maybe he did at first, too? Before it got too much trouble to worry about others, Greyback probably regretted the occasional near miss, until he started chalking up his nice long list of victims."

"I'd never want to hurt Cecily, or anyone."

"But you did," Romulus pointed out. "And if you ever pull a stunt like you did last night again, I'll hand you over to the Ministry myself."

Remus shook his head rapidly. "It won't happen again; I swear it - it won't."

"Now, clean this place up and sort yourself out."

Remus nodded and stood up. He wished more than anything that he could turn back the clock. He also realised that he was missing Sirius far more than he had ever thought he would. He wanted to see him, to hear his voice, to feel the touch of his hand.

"I miss him," he whispered as he pointed his wand at the sofa and sloppily stitched it back up.

Romulus was unsympathetic. "You've only got yourself to blame."

"What do you think I should do about him?"

"Nothing," Romulus replied. "Leave him alone; let him get on with his life."

"But-" It was on the tip of his tongue to tell his brother that he was in love with Sirius, but for some reason the words wouldn't come.

"But what?"

"Nothing," Remus muttered, as he turned towards the coffee table that was now missing a leg.

There were a few items that spells wouldn't be able to repair, and Remus forced himself to go into the village to replace them.

As he passed The Three Broomsticks he caught sight of Rosmerta and recalled the way he had spoken to her the last time he had seen her. Waves of guilt poured over him, and he turned on his heel to try to set things right.

"We're closed," Rosmerta told him as soon as he poked his head round the door.

"I just wanted a quick word," Remus replied.

Rosmerta nodded. "Make it quick, I've lots to do today."

Remus slipped through the door and shuffled his feet nervously. "I just wanted to apologise for the other day."

Rosmerta looked a little surprised, but nodded in response. "Don't worry about it," she said with a sigh. "You aren't the first drunk I've had to deal with, and you won't be the last. Making the rounds, are you?"

Remus felt his face flushing as he realised that he also owed apologies to Aberforth and those who had stunned him the previous night. "It won't happen again," he assured her as he walked back towards the door.

His next stop was The Hog's Head. Aberforth took his apology in much the same way as Rosmerta had, but adding that he wouldn't be serving him again on any day of the full moon. Remus nodded. He had no problem with that, and told him as much.

"Was there something else?" Aberforth asked.

Remus nodded. "I was wondering if you knew who it was that came up to the house last night and stopped me?"

"Well, I was one of them, plus a few of the regulars who were still here at last orders."

Remus looked at the regulars that Aberforth had nodded towards, and saw that they were all looking at him curiously.

"I wanted to apologise for that, too," Remus said. "And to thank you for what you did."

"Don't mention it," Aberforth mumbled, seemingly slightly embarrassed by Remus's declaration.

"Just don't do it again," one of the wizards at the end of the bar called across.

"I hope I didn't scare anyone too much," Remus added.

The wizard snorted with laughter. "I'm an ex-Auror, nothing much scares me these days. Though it took all my willpower just to stun you, instead of killing you. Can't say I'll be able to promise to hold back if it happens a second time."

Remus nodded. "It won't happen again."

The wizard didn't look like he entirely believed him, but nodded grudgingly.

"Is there anyone else I need to thank?" Remus asked Aberforth.

"Nah, we're all here," Aberforth told him. "So, how angry was that brother of yours?"

"Very," Remus admitted with a cringe.

Aberforth nodded. "Guess you'd better get back home again then, before he thinks your hitting the bottle again."

Remus, knowing he was right, said his goodbyes and headed back home.

Romulus was waiting for him when he arrived. "Where've you been?" he barked impatiently.

Remus held up his newly purchased items. "Shopping," he said.

Romulus grunted a little. "I don't suppose you bothered to apologise to the villagers whilst you were down there?"

"I spoke with Rosmerta, and Aberforth and the men who came up here to stop me."

Romulus looked surprised at his reply. "Oh."

Remus cringed again at the knowledge that his brother apparently thought so little of him, he hadn't even considered that he might already have spoken to the villagers.

He placed his shopping on the sofa and turned back into the hallway, where his trunk was still sitting. He sighed and dragged it into his bedroom, knowing that he could no longer put off unpacking it. It was either that, or force himself to do the laundry and he was feeling far too tired to bother with the latter.

He frowned at the contents of the trunk; he didn't remember them being quite so messy when he'd closed it the night he'd packed. Slowly and half-heartedly he pulled out his shirts and trousers that were mixed up with spell books, items from Zonkos that had never been used, and a variety of other things that had somehow found their way into his possession. He pulled out a pale pink bra that he didn't recognise and saw the name _L Evans_ magically stitched into it.

"What the…?" muttered Remus as he tossed it to one side, making a mental note to deliver it onto James the next time he saw him. He didn't fancy passing it onto Lily herself. She'd no doubt want to know just precisely how it had come to be in his possession, and he honestly had no idea at all.

He'd just finished putting away the last of his shirts, and was about to make a start on sorting out the assortment of odd socks, when he spotted something in his trunk that he was sure hadn't been there before.

Hidden between the various seventh year textbooks were several worn and battered books that looked very familiar. He'd seen them on many occasions over the years; they were normally stored on Sirius's bedside table, magically locked from the curious and prying eyes of others.

There were seven of them, tied together with a long and fraying piece of string, with a piece of parchment attached.

Remus frowned as he pulled the journals out of the trunk and opened the parchment.

Remus,

_These are my journals of my years at Hogwarts. They are yours now. Do with them what you wish. Read them, store them, burn them…I leave the choice with you._

_If you want to read them, the password is Toujours pur. You can blame my parents for that one. _

_Sirius_

Remus looked at the journals in astonishment. Sirius's journals were amongst his most prized possessions. Barely a day had passed without him scribbling down his thoughts in them. Why would he now want Remus to have them?

Unpacking and the rest of the chores were now the last thing on Remus's mind and his eyes were constantly straying to the journals, wondering whether he had the courage to read them… whether he even had the right to.

_He wanted you to have them _a small inner voice reminded him. _What are you afraid of? That he'll have written about how much he loves you? You knew that already!_

"Damn it," Remus muttered as he tossed his ties into a drawer and grabbed the oldest journal.

"Toujours pur," he whispered as he tapped the book with his wand. The book opened slowly and Remus looked for the first time on the writings of the eleven year old Sirius Black.

_My father says that all Black heirs keep a journal of their thoughts and achievements. He gave me this empty journal today and told me to keep it. _

_My name is Sirius Black and I am the eldest heir of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black._

Remus smiled at the formality of the first entry before settling back on his bed with the book and delving into it, reading a passage here and there, memories flooding back with each entry he read.

He read about Sirius's summer before they had met, and the young Black's awe and joy at seeing and attending Hogwarts. His heart wrenched as he read of Sirius's first difficult days, and he recalled his anger at his friend's treatment by the rest of the Gryffindors.

Even though he knew that they had eventually become friends, he felt tears forming at the corners of his eyes when he saw the stains of Sirius's own long ago shed tears on so many pages of the journal.

Although Sirius had told him at the time what it had been like during his first year at Hogwarts, it was only when reading the journals that Remus realised just how lonely Sirius had been. Young and proud, the young Sirius Black had tried his best to let no one see how much the other boys upset him. Only Remus had found a way past his armour.

Remus frowned as he read about Sirius's mother and her reaction to the Sorting Ceremony. Uncompromising and highly prejudiced against the other houses, it was clear that from the moment Sirius had worn the Sorting Hat he had changed in the eyes of his family. No longer proud of and doting on their eldest son, Walburga and Orion Black had instead begun to treat him as someone with an unforgivable flaw.

Sirius had rarely opened up about his family, especially in the early days, and the only comments he made later were blithe and offhand, and not really made to give any great insight into his relationship with his parents. It was only now, as Remus read about them in Sirius's own words, words he had no doubt thought only he would ever see, that he realised just how cruel and uncaring the Blacks were towards their own sons.

He didn't know which of the boys he felt more sorry for. Regulus, who had the unfortunate luck to be born a squib, and had been treated like an outcast ever since it was realised, or Sirius, who had been publicly sorted into a house that wasn't Slytherin, and was clearly not like the rest of his family.

Remus continued to turn the pages, thoroughly engrossed. It was strange to read about himself from Sirius's point of view, and he soon realised that despite his own loneliness that first year, Sirius was even more so. Remus had felt lonely because he was not allowed to attend school with the other boys his own age. Sirius on the other hand was unfortunate enough to be alone, despite the crowd of people around him.

He smiled to himself as he read about Sirius's joy and elation at finding out he lived so close to the school. He was glad they had found each other, in spite of how things now were between them.

He shook his head as he read about Sirius's wild speculations about why he wasn't allowed to attend Hogwarts.

"You could give Rita a run for her money if you went into journalism," he said to himself as he chuckled over the entries.

"What's that about Rita?" Romulus asked, causing Remus to jump in surprise. "I thought you were tidying up in here?"

Remus explained what he had found and the reason for his comment. "Just some of Sirius's speculations about why I didn't go to Hogwarts. Rita could take a few tips from his imagination, one of his suggestions is that I was too powerful and might screw up everyone else's magic because of my untamed power."

Romulus laughed. "And this was _after_ he met you?"

"Ha ha ha," muttered Remus, though inside he was pleased that his brother seemed to have calmed down a great deal. "It might have been true."

"He never guessed the real reason though, did he?"

"No, he didn't know the truth until second year when he saw me on the full moon night."

Remus looked about the room and realised that despite his previous good intentions, he was already slacking with his work. "I guess I should get back to the unpacking," he said, closing the book.

Romulus looked at the journal, still in his hands, and shook his head. "Maybe reading those, and seeing yourself from Sirius's point of view will help," he suggested.

"Help with what?"

"Help to see yourself as you really are," Romulus replied.

Remus put aside the first year book, and picked up the second, not entirely sure he wanted to see himself through Sirius's eyes. However, curiosity spurred him to find the entry for the night Sirius had raced to his basement, fearing that his friend was in trouble.

…

_I found out last night why Remus doesn't go to school. He's a werewolf. Remus was scared that I'd not be his friend any more if I found out about him being a werewolf. I was really scared at first, but I told him that we would always be friends. Romulus is taking Remus away though. He thinks I'm going to tell the Ministry because he knew I was scared of Remus. He doesn't trust me. Me and Remus will stay in contact with our mirrors. No matter what we will always be friends._

…

"It looks like he really believed that when he wrote it," Remus whispered sadly.

Romulus nodded. "He probably did."

Remus sighed. "When did it all go wrong?" he asked. "I keep thinking about it and I just wish I could see when it all went wrong, so I could put it right again."

"Maybe the answer is in those?" Romulus suggested, gesturing to the journals.

"Maybe," Remus replied quietly and he began to read again, dipping into first one journal and then another. It was starting to grow dark when he picked up the third journal and he broke off briefly to light the lamps.

He read about Sirius's worry for him as he hid, first in the forest, then in the school itself.

He was relieved that Sirius had never confided in him his uncertainty with regard to the spells and potions he used to heal him after the full moons. He had always seemed so quietly confident when tending to him. He had calmed him and healed him with an efficiency that rivalled any of the healers of St Mungo's. Remus had had no idea how unsure he had once been of which potions and spells to use. It seemed that the Black confidence had taken one battering too many, and it had apparently taken a while before Sirius had been sure of his own judgement.

Remus read on, long into the night. Sometimes Romulus stopped by to check on him, but mostly he was alone with his thoughts… or more accurately, Sirius's thoughts.

When he reached the entry where Sirius spoke of Romulus coming back to him as a ghost, his hands began to shake and he stopped reading for several minutes, unable to compose himself long enough to focus on the page.

…

_Remus's brother came back today. He's a ghost. He won't tell me what happened. Remus is really ill and I don't think he has realised yet that Romulus is stuck as a ghost forever. I never heard of a ghost being given a second chance to move on. I don't want to tell Remus this because he is really upset and blames himself. Romulus told him that it wasn't his fault and so did I, but he doesn't believe either of us. _

…

"You're wrong," Remus muttered to himself as he looked at the page. "It was all my fault."

"No, it wasn't," Romulus said from beside him. Remus hadn't even noticed that he had drifted into the room once again. "I made my own choices. I knew the risks I was taking, and I don't regret any of them."

"But if it weren't for me, you'd still be alive. You might be married, with children of your own."

"I might at that," Romulus commented. "But I'd have regrets if I were, because I'd always wonder if I'd done everything I could to save my little brother."

Remus brushed aside a stray tear and turned back to the journal.

He had sometimes wondered when it was that Sirius had realised that he liked other boys instead of girls. Certainly it was a hell of a lot earlier than he had. Sirius had always said he wasn't sure and that he'd wondered, on an off, since third year.

Now, reading the journals, Remus could see the whole process of realisation for himself, beginning with his worry after Rita's thoughtless gossip printed in the school newsletter.

…

_Rita wrote a piece in the school newsletter about me. She was hinting stuff about me liking boys and not girls. I wish she hadn't done it. Now everyone thinks I'm a queer. Remus says I shouldn't be bothered by what everyone else thinks…as long as I know it's not true. _

_I was awake all night trying to think of a girl I might fancy. I can't think of one. I'm scared that maybe Rita is right._

…

Remus squinted at the last line of the entry; a small frown on his face as he tried to make out the words that had been scribbled out. He wasn't entirely sure, but he had a suspicion the line had once read, 'I think I fancy Remus'.

"Damn," Remus muttered as he struggled to make out the line.

"What is it?" Romulus asked from where he was lurking in the doorway again.

"Third year," Remus replied absently. "Sirius thought he might fancy me way back in third year."

"That's quite a while."

Remus was starting to get really dark and his stomach growled in protest at the lack of sustenance. He reached for his wand and cast _Accio_ to summon a sandwich from the kitchen.

He couldn't believe that he'd read through almost three years of Sirius's life in the space of less than a day. _No _the inner voice corrected. _You were reading about your life_. Remus frowned as he realised that Sirius's journals were filled with writings about himself. As the years passed, the entries about the Blacks became fewer and fewer, until there was almost nothing about Sirius's family or his other friends. Only Remus. Sirius had always been thinking about him, always considering him and his feelings. He had taken care of him, sheltered and protected him, and loved him.

-o-xXx-o-

The next day Remus didn't even bother to pretend to himself that he had anything else he should or could be doing with his time. He grabbed a pile of food and settled down to pick up where he'd left off.

He read about Sirius's joy at Remus joining him at Hogwarts, and in Gryffindor. From what Remus read, it was clear that Sirius had been as thrilled as himself when he had joined him at school.

He read about his joy at attending classes, his delight at handing in his first homework assignment, and his eagerness at finally being a real part of the wizarding world.

Reading about it again, Remus felt that same elation again. Nothing would ever make him forget his first wonderful months at Hogwarts.

He read through many of the entries for their fourth year and several from their fifth year through the course of the morning.

He knew what was coming up; it was clear that Sirius had written about _everything_ in his journals, and for the first time Remus was unsure if he wanted to read further.

When he reached the start of March he marked the page and went for a walk to decide whether he wanted to read the rest at all.

"You've finished them already?" Romulus asked as Remus stepped out of the back door and leaned against the garden wall.

"Not yet. Taking a break."

"Where've you read up to?"

"March of fifth year."

"Ah."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

"I don't know; that's why I asked."

"Fine, be obtuse if you like."

"I'm not being obtuse."

"Yes, you are, and it seems to me that you are putting off reading about what happened on your birthday, just like you've been putting off dealing with it properly ever since it happened."

"That's not true."

"Then why are you down here with me, instead of reading those journals?"

"Fine, I'll read them. I was going to anyway."

Romulus smirked slightly.

"I _was_," Remus insisted.

Romulus laughed and announced his intention to go and check on Cecily, leaving Remus to go back inside and pick up where he had left off.

…

_It was Remus's birthday today. I kissed him. He tasted like chocolate, which was probably the cake. He kissed me back a bit, but then he pushed me away and told me I'd had too much to drink. I think I scared him. I scared myself because I really liked it__,__ and I can't ever imagine kissing anyone else._

…

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Remus mumbled to himself after he'd finished reading the entry. He didn't know why, but he had been dreading reading Sirius's description of the kiss. He hadn't known what to expect, a flowery description about tongues and stuff, or even worse a frank assessment of how good or bad a kiss it had been. He was thankful that Sirius had kept it brief and to the point.

It was only after the relief had passed that he re-read the entry, and realised that Sirius had been as scared as he had by what had happened that night by the common room fire.

Sirius hadn't seemed scared. Remus had thought that he knew what he was doing; he'd certainly seemed to kiss with an expertise of having done it before. Remus was actually a little surprised to find that it had been Sirius's first kiss as well as his own. Or at least it was the first one that Sirius had written about, and considering that Sirius seemed to include everything in his journals, it made sense that if there had been others, he would have written about those, too.

He felt a sharp twinge of guilt as he read of Sirius's reaction to his bolt into the night and his rejection of his advances. He had never meant to hurt him, but now he knew for sure that he had.

He realised, for the first time, just how much courage it must have taken for Sirius to tell him how he felt, and he had thrown it back in his face, with barely a thought for the crushed feelings of his best friend.

He hoped he would one day have the opportunity to tell Sirius how sorry he was.

He read on with more than a little trepidation.

Remus reached the entry relating to the night he had crept into Sirius's bed to tell him about his date with Charlene. Just like the entry about the kiss, this one was not particularly graphic in detail, although it was clear to anyone who read it what Sirius was referring to. Remus shifted slightly because the bed he was sitting on was suddenly far less comfortable than it had been.

"Damn," he muttered under his breath, casting a cautious glance towards the door.

This wasn't happening, he told himself. A few simple words about how they had rubbed up against each other for the first time was _not_ turning him on.

He quickly moved on to the next entry, and was relieved to find that reading about Sirius's inner turmoil over Charlene was as good as a cold shower.

Sirius's jealousy spilled from every page, just as clearly as did his love for Remus.

Remus had never thought that he had flaunted his relationship with Charlene under Sirius's nose, but now he wondered if he could have been a little more discreet in order to spare his best friend's feelings.

Sirius's jealousy soon gave way to his own though, when he read about how Sirius had confided in James about his feelings. It was clear that James had been far more understanding than Remus had, and he felt another stab of guilt.

He knew what was coming up, even as he continued to turn the pages that brought him towards the end of their sixth year. Even so, nothing could have prepared him for the entry when he finally reached it.

…

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! _

_I've really screwed up this time. I had sex with Remus. It was awkward and I'm scared I hurt him. I tried not to, but neither of us really knew how two blokes do it. I told him that I love him and he said it was only the wolf that made him do it. He thinks that Moony is gay but Remus is straight. _

_What the hell?!?!_

_I've been down in that basement every full moon for years. I've SEEN the wolf and I know the bloody difference. _

_Does he really think that the wolf would let me take charge of things and lie there all submissive whilst I fuck his brains out? _

_It was REMUS I was making love to. It was REMUS who was kissing me back. _

_Do I repulse him so much that he can't bear to think of me touching him?_

…

Remus looked at the page as the words sank in. He remembered the morning after that particular full moon as though it were yesterday. He wished that he had realised sooner how his words had been interpreted. Sirius had thought he was repulsed by his touch, and Remus couldn't say that he blamed him for thinking that.

"It should be the other way round," he whispered.

_He_ was the werewolf here. _He_ was the monster.

Remus read the entry for a second time. "You should have been repulsed by me," he whispered to the empty room.

Remus wasn't sure that he wanted to read any further, but he forced himself to continue.

Sirius's jealousy, guilt and anger came through clearly as he had tried to justify Remus being with him at the same time as he was with Charlene. Because he didn't believe that it was Moony he was with, he had found it far less easy to reconcile what they were doing with his own conscience.

He relived his own fears, as he read about Sirius's own in the aftermath of the earthquake.

He was shocked to read that after Charlene had been bitten Sirius had even been jealous of that. Sirius knew that Charlene would understand Remus even better now that she was a werewolf, and actually wanted that kind of closeness himself.

He read long into the night and felt wave after wave of guilt wash over him as he read how Sirius had struggled with his feelings and coped with the repeated rejections.

When Remus read the entries that had been made after he had realised how he felt about Sirius, he was relieved to see that he had been successful in keeping his feelings hidden. It was clear that Sirius had no inkling of Remus being in love with him.

"It's best that way," Remus whispered as he turned one page after another. Then he came to an entry that made his blood run cold. He wasn't sure he had read it correctly and had to go back to the top of the page and start over. A feeling of cold dread washed over him as his mind registered the words.

…

_I'm worried about Remus. Since Charlie's death he's pushing everyone away from him, even me. It's like he's shut down his feelings altogether. I used to think that nothing was worse than only being able to love him around the full moons. I was wrong. _

_Remus used to worry that he was turning into a monster like Greyback. I always told him that he'd never be like him, but now I'm not so sure. Greyback isn't a monster because he's a werewolf; he's a monster because of how he deals with it. I worry that Remus is starting to deal with it the same way. He's shutting everyone out and turning into a loner like Greyback. _

_Why can't I make him understand that he needs his friends around him? _

_He thinks that by letting me close he's putting me in danger. I wish I could make him understand that he's more likely to put people in danger if he keeps everyone away. He needs me to keep him safe and take care of him. He needs me – he needs somebody – to help keep him from turning into a monster like Greyback. _

…

Remus shivered as he read the entry. He remembered what Romulus had said the previous morning, and realised that both his brother and Sirius had realised what he had not. By trying to keep Sirius safe, and by pushing him away, he was turning into the very thing he feared.

"I don't want to be like him," Remus said. He tightened his grip on the journal and fought the urge to throw it across the room. Eventually, the impulse passed, and he turned back to read the final entries of the journal, arriving at long last at the entry Sirius had made the night before he had left Hogwarts.

…

_I'll be leaving Hogwarts for the last time tomorrow. I'm not going to be taking my journals with me. I was going to burn them, but James saw me at the common room fire and stopped me. We had a long talk and he made me realise a few things and forced me to make some tough decisions._

_I know now that I love Remus Lupin and probably always will. I also know that he'll never love me back the way that I want him to. _

_I was looking back through my journals tonight and realised that they are full of him. They seem more like the story of his life than of mine. I guess it's because he has been such a huge part of my life for the last seven years. If I take the journals with me then it's like I'm still clinging to the hope that one day he'll love me back. So, I've decided to make a clean break and move on with my life. _

_My uncle has left me some money and I've bought my own place. I've not even told James and Peter where it is yet. I need time on my own to sort my thoughts out and start living. _

_A part of me feels like I'm giving up, but James assures me that I'm not. I can tell he thinks I'm making the right choice. _

_The only thing I wasn't sure about is what to do with these journals. James is the one that suggested Remus might like to have them…since they're all about him anyway. So, after I've finished this final entry, I'm going to sneak them into Remus's trunk and he can do whatever he likes with them. _

_Maybe he'll simply burn them like I nearly did tonight. It would probably be best if he did. I suppose I'll leave him the password so that he can read them if he wants. Not that I don't think he'd be smart enough to crack it if I didn't. If he hadn't been in Gryffindor I'm sure he'd have been in Ravenclaw. _

_Remus, if you are reading this…_

_I'm sorry I hurt you. _

_I'm sorry for calling you a coward._

_I'm sorry I tried to make you feel something you didn't for me._

_I'm NOT sorry I love you, so please don't ask me to apologise for that. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm only sorry I ruined it so badly. _

_If you still care anything for me please try to remember the good times we had together and not the bad. _

_Yours always,_

_Sirius Black_

Remus's hand was shaking as he turned the page to see whether there was anything else written.

There was nothing: no more anecdotes, no more declarations of love and no more apologies. Sirius had said everything he'd wanted to.

Remus didn't notice the first tear falling until it hit the journal. At that moment it was like the breaking of a flood barrier and Remus sobbed as though his heart was breaking… and perhaps it was.


	62. Once in a Blue Moon

A/N: Sorry I have not had time to answer all of the reviews that have been left for the last chapter. Full time work = backlog of emails to reply to at the weekends.

Once in a Blue Moon

"Remus?"

Remus looked up to see Romulus hovering near the doorway, a look of concern on his ghostly visage.

"I'm okay," Remus mumbled as he grabbed a handful of tissues from the bedside table and tried to stem the tears that were still flowing freely down his cheeks. "Sirius thinks I hate him," he finally mumbled.

"Did he say that?"

"Not in so many words," Remus admitted as he looked at the journal still lying open on his lap.

"It's probably not too late to tell him how you feel. To tell him that you love him."

Remus looked up, momentarily startled. Then he realised that of course Romulus would have figured it out. His brother knew him even better than Sirius did. "How long have you known?" he asked.

"A lot longer than you have," Romulus replied. "You're probably the only person who hasn't known for years."

Remus made a small snort. "I've known for longer than you think."

"Really? Then why are you sitting here talking to me, instead of building a life with Sirius?"

"I'm a werewolf, a monster. How can Sirius, or anyone for that matter, love a monster?"

"I love you," Romulus pointed out.

"You're my brother, you have to," Remus replied.

"No, I don't," Romulus told him. "I could have turned on you like our parents did, but I didn't because I love you."

"That's different."

"No, it's not. Sirius loves you, even on the full moons. You need to stop questioning it and just accept it."

Remus chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. "But what if I escape again? What if I bite him?"

"Is that what's been stopping you from telling him how you feel?" Romulus asked. "Because of what happened with Charlene?"

Remus nodded. "Partly. I can't risk it. I don't want to hurt him."

"You already are."

"You know what I mean," Remus snapped. "I don't want to be selfish any more, and if I go to him I'll ruin his life."

"Is that what you think?" Romulus asked.

Remus nodded and sniffled again.

"It's not selfish for you to want to be happy and have someone to love."

"But I'm a monster. I don't deserve him."

"You're not a monster and you wouldn't be ruining his life by being with him. But, Remus, haven't you considered that maybe you're already hurting him just as badly by pushing him away? Perhaps even more."

"You think so?"

Romulus nodded. "Remus, how you do feel when you think of never seeing Sirius again?"

"Like my heart has been torn out," Remus whispered. "Like I'm surrounded by dementors and I'll never be happy again."

"Don't you think that Sirius is feeling the same right now?"

"Sirius thinks I'm turning into Greyback, too," Remus whispered. "He thinks that if I cut myself off from everyone, I'll be just like he is."

"I shouldn't have said what I did," Romulus said. "I was angry and I lost my temper. But I promise I won't let you turn into a monster like him."

"I thought if I pushed him away, I'd keep him safe. Instead, I've just made things worse." Remus sniffled. "I don't deserve him, do I?"

Romulus smiled and drifted closer. "Probably not, but don't you think that Sirius deserves to know the truth?"

"So, you don't think I'd be being selfish if I were to be with him?"

"No, of course not. So, what else is stopping you from going to him?"

Remus ducked his head and looked down rather than face his brother. "His parents will be furious, and…"

"And what?"

"I'm scared of what they'll do to us."

Romulus shrugged. "What can they do? I mean, really? If Sirius doesn't want to go through with their plans for him, they'll have a hard time making him, even with you out of the picture."

"They can hurt us," Remus replied in a whisper, looking up at his brother who was frowning with concern.

"Did something happen that you're not telling me?" he finally asked.

Remus chewed on his lower lip and nodded.

"Well?" Romulus prompted with an edge of impatience to his voice.

"Sirius's father caught us last summer."

"I know that," Romulus replied. "But surely you both knew it would happen sooner or later? You haven't exactly been discreet. I'm surprised the whole school doesn't know about the two of you."

"He was really angry. He…" Remus shivered as he remembered the pain that had shot through every inch of his body when Orion Black had screamed 'Crucio'.

"Remus? What happened?" Romulus prompted.

"He Crucio'd me," Remus whispered.

"He what?" replied Romulus, his voice quiet and intense.

"It was only for a few seconds. He did that last summer, then this year he saved my life by swinging the vote in the Wizengamot. It doesn't make sense. Why would he do that?"

"Because of Sirius," Romulus replied with a thoughtful nod. Remus knew that neither he nor his brother would be foolish enough to believe that Orion had simply accepted his son's choice of lover.

"He's done so much for me," Remus said with a sigh. "And look at how I've repaid him. You said it yourself. I've treated him so badly. If I go to him there's no telling what his parents will do to us."

"You more worried for him, or for yourself?" Romulus asked with a stern frown.

Remus flinched. "I can take the pain. I'm used to it, but Sirius isn't."

"You think his parents won't inflict that same pain on him, regardless of whether or not he's with you?"

Remus frowned. He simply hadn't thought of that. Sirius could actually be in trouble with his parents already. Orion could be torturing him with an Unforgivable right now. "Oh, Merlin," he whispered. "And I've let him go back to them on his own."

Remus tossed the journal to one side and jumped to his feet.

"Does this mean you're going to sort things out with him?" Romulus asked.

Remus nodded quickly, but then he remembered that Sirius wasn't at Grimmauld Place, and he hadn't left him his address. Did his parents know where their eldest son was living? Surely Sirius wouldn't have told them. He'd bought his own place to get away from them; surely they couldn't have tracked him down this quickly?

"Only one problem now," Remus muttered as he sat back down. "I don't know where he is."

"It doesn't say in the journal?"

"No." Remus shook his head. "It just says that he's getting his own place and wants to be on his own."

"Looks like he was a bit upset when he wrote it," commented Romulus as he gestured to the large blot of ink on the blank page opposite the final entry.

"I upset him." Remus looked down at the blot and realised that it looked vaguely familiar. "How strange…"

"What's strange? That you upset Sirius?" Romulus didn't have to point out that Remus seemed to have a habit of doing that.

"No, the blot. It looks like the start of the spell that works the Moony's Map. A blot like that appears just before it branches out to form the map itself."

"Probably a coincidence."

"I guess."

The two brothers sat in silence for a while until Remus finally spoke again.

"What if he really doesn't want me any more?" Remus looked down at the words of farewell in the journal and hoped with all his heart that Sirius hadn't meant them.

Romulus laughed loudly.

"What's so funny?"

"You, little brother, you are 'so funny'!"

"I'm serious. What if he's found someone else?"

"Considering how miserable he looked the last time I saw him, I doubt that very much."

"Well, what if he can't forgive me for all the times I pushed him away?"

"Then you'll have to remind him of the times you didn't," Romulus replied with a grin.

"You know where he is, don't you?" Remus asked. "Tell me, please?"

Romulus sighed. "Why in the world would I know?"

"You got an outstanding in your Divination O.W.L."

"Doesn't mean I know squat about the subject," Romulus replied. "I was just good at making stuff up."

"What am I going to do?" Remus asked. "I mean, do you have any ideas?"

"Well, you could see if he's been in touch with one of your other friends," Romulus suggested. "Or perhaps the school will have his address. They'll need to notify him of his N.E.W.T. results at some point."

"I'll try James first," Remus announced as he hopped up from the bed. "Thanks Rom."

-o-xXx-o-

Remus threw a handful of floo powder into the fire and stuck his head into the fireplace as he called out James's address.

"Remus? What are you doing lurking in the fireplace?" Lily asked with a frown. "Come on through, you can't be comfortable like that."

A minute later and Remus was standing in James's kitchen, trying to get rid of all the soot from his robes.

"How you doing mate?" James asked as he guided Remus into the study across the hall.

"Fine," Remus lied. "Lily moved in with you, has she?"

"Not quite," James admitted. "Said something about my having to clean the place up first, because there was no way on Earth she was going to do it for me while it's in this state."

"So, are you going to clean it up?"

"'Course not. She'll come around eventually."

"Yeah, but will she be able to find you amidst this bombsite if it takes her as long to come round this time as it did for the two of you to get together?"

"You know for someone who's come round for my help, you're pushing it," James warned with barely concealed humour.

"How do you know I'm here for help?"

"I can tell."

"How?"

"I just can. So, what's it about? Or should I say who?" James gestured to one of the seats, and Remus levitated a stack of old Daily Prophets out of the way so that he could sit down.

"Do you know Sirius's new address?" Remus asked bluntly.

"Wow! That was right to the point," James replied in surprise. "I expected you to hedge about a bit… or a lot."

"Well, do you?"

"Sorry, nope."

"Really?" Remus asked with a frown. "He didn't perhaps tell you where he was living, and then tell you not to tell me?"

"Sorry, Remus," James replied as he perched himself on the edge of the desk. "He said he wanted some time away from everyone to get his head straight. I told him he'd got to come over for Christmas though, so you can come by and see him then."

"Christmas?" Remus croaked. "I can't wait until Christmas!"

"Seems to me that you might have to," James pointed out. "You'll live, and it's not like you haven't kept Sirius waiting a hell of a lot longer."

Remus shifted uncomfortably under his friend's penetrating, almost accusatory gaze. "I've really screwed up, haven't I?"

"That's what he said, too," James replied quietly. "About himself."

"If he gets in touch before Christmas, can you ask him to contact me?"

"Sure," James nodded. "Erm… Does this mean you've read the journals?"

"Have _you_ read them?" Remus asked curiously.

"No, but I've got a fair idea of what's probably in them."

"I'll bet," Remus muttered, before confirming that he had indeed read the journals.

"In that case I have something for you," James announced as he crossed the room to a portrait of a man who was clearly one of his ancestors. He pulled the disgruntled and mumbling portrait aside and opened the safe that was concealed behind it. "Here you go."

Remus reached out to take the thin envelope from James's hand. He recognised Sirius's handwriting at once.

"Well, are you going to open it?" James asked, avid curiosity on his face.

"I guess," Remus whispered, suddenly nervous. "But, if it's his address, will you let me go alone before you visit him?"

"Sure," James replied. "Now open it would you? I've been dying of curiosity ever since he passed it to me at King's Cross. I nearly opened it myself, but he said there'd be no point, even if I did. He told me to pass it to you, but only if you'd read the journals and had come to me to try to find him."

Remus nodded and broke the seal. Inside the envelope was a single sheet of parchment containing just two sentences.

_If you are reading this, then there is more in the journal than what you have read. If the inkblot on the last page looked familiar, it is with good reason._

"That's it?" James asked with evident disappointment.

"His new address is in the last journal," Remus whispered. "That's why he told you to give this to me if I'd come here looking for him after reading the journals."

"What's he mean about the inkblot? And if the address is in the journal, why are you even here?"

"The last page has an inkblot that looks like the blot that appears when you first activate Moony's Map. His address is hidden on the last page of the journal behind the inkblot. I just need to activate it."

"He couldn't just write the bloody address down?" James asked.

"No," Remus replied with a grin.

"Why not?"

"Because that would have been too easy. Nothing worth having is ever that easy."

"So, you really do want him?" James asked quietly.

"More than anything," Remus whispered. "I love him. Now I just need to figure out what the password is so that I can find him and tell him."

"Good luck!" James snorted. "This is Sirius Black we're talking about, and he'll have made it a tough one."

"You think so?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. But Sirius always said you were the smartest of the lot of us. If anyone can crack the password you can."

Remus grinned, but he wasn't so sure that James was right. Sirius was the smart one. He'd had the intelligence to know and understand his own feelings far sooner than Remus himself had. When it came to matters of the heart, Remus felt a complete dunce in comparison.

-o-xXx-o-

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," Remus declared as he tapped the final page of the journal. Nothing happened.

"You've already read the journal," Romulus pointed out. "Maybe it's the other one?"

"Mischief managed," Remus announced as he gave the book another tap. "Nope, not that either. I still don't see why you can't just go and find him for me."

"I already told you, you have to figure this out for yourself."

"Figure what out?"

Romulus shook his head and smiled. "I'll leave you to it," he said as he drifted out of the room. "I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually."

"Toujours pur." _Tap_

"Sirius Black." _Tap_

"Remus Lupin." _Tap_

"Gryffindor." _Tap_

"James Potter." _Tap_

"Peter Pettigrew." _Tap_

"Moony." _Tap_

Remus paced the room as he worked his way through the most obvious passwords, each having no effect whatsoever.

"Damon." _Tap_

"Dumbledore." _Tap _

"12 Grimmauld Place." _Tap_

"Firenze." _Tap_

"Still not found it?" Romulus asked as he drifted back through the doorway.

"I've tried hundreds of words, names and places and nothing is working at all," Remus sighed. "I'm running short of ideas."

"Perhaps you're not thinking like Sirius?" Romulus suggested tentatively.

"Obviously," Remus muttered as he flung himself down on his bed in frustration. "Have you anything _useful_ to suggest?"

"Getting frustrated, are you?" Romulus teased and Remus tossed a pillow through him.

Remus scowled at the journal, threw his wand down on the covers, and swore under his breath.

"Remus, seriously, you're not thinking this through. You're thinking of passwords like the ones for Dumbledore's office or something."

"Well, how else am I supposed to think of them?" Remus snapped.

"Think of Sirius," Romulus replied simply. "Think of why he left the journals with you, what he wanted from you."

Remus considered his brother's words as he looked silently at the journal. "Sirius Black, you are one devious bastard," Remus finally muttered.

He picked up his wand and felt his heart beat increase. He was right. He knew it.

"I, Remus Lupin, admit I am attracted to other men." _Tap_

Slowly the inkblot melted into the page, stretching out and expanding to form words.

Remus practically squealed in delight as he watched spell activate. Unfortunately his hopes of seeing Sirius's address evaporated with the appearance of what appeared to be a simple poem.

"That's it?" Remus shouted when he realised that there was no address appearing on the page. "A bloody poem."

"I think it's a muggle song," Romulus pointed out from over his shoulder. "A love song from the look of it."

"No kidding!" Remus snapped. "What the hell sort of use is that to me? I need his bloody address!"

"I think it's kind of sweet," Romulus commented. "I'm guessing there's more than one password on the page. Look…"

Remus turned to where Romulus was pointing, and saw that the page was blank of words once more; the song had vanished and the inkblot was the only evidence of the fact that it had ever been there.

"On the plus side, I think you're on the right track now," Romulus added as Remus scoured his mind for the knowledge that he knew was lurking just below the surface.

"I've admitted I like men. What more does he want?" Remus complained as he pointed an accusing wand at the journal.

"I could take a wild guess," Romulus teased, and he made a suggestion on what the next password might be.

"He wouldn't be that crude," Remus replied with a flush of embarrassment as he remembered his arguments with Sirius once more and realised that in a fit of temper they could both be extremely crude.

"You can both be that crude when you're losing your tempers," Romulus chuckled and Remus wondered if he'd spoken his thoughts out loud. "Anyway, you could still try it. What have you got to lose?"

"Sirius only ever gets crude when he loses his temper, he wasn't angry when he set the passwords and left me the journals, he was sad." Even so he turned to the book and did as his brother suggested. He wasn't surprised that it didn't work.

"Seems like you know him better than you ever thought you did," Romulus commented. "Shouldn't be too hard to figure out what he wants you to say."

"Since you obviously know what the password is, why not just tell me?" Remus snapped. "Or if not, bugger off and leave me in peace."

"Temper, temper," Romulus chided. "And here was me thinking my little brother was finally starting to use his brain." He sighed with exaggerated exasperation. "What was the one thing Sirius wanted to hear from you more than anything else?"

"I've already admitted I'm gay," Remus reminded him. "That just got me a bunch of song words."

"A love song, and a bit of a sad one," Romulus replied.

"It can't be that simple." Remus gasped as he looked back at the book.

"Why not?" Romulus asked him. "Or are you getting scared?"

"Maybe a little," Remus admitted as he took the journal and placed it in his lap.

"Well, being a true Gryffindor means being brave even when you're scared," Romulus said as he drifted across to him. "It's about doing what you know is right, even when it terrifies you."

"You were in Hufflepuff," Remus reminded him with a small smile.

"Doesn't mean I don't know what the other house traits were. You're a real Gryffindor. Now prove to both of us that the Sorting Hat didn't make a mistake."

Remus nodded and placed his wand over the page. "I, Remus Lupin, love you, Sirius Black," he whispered as he tapped the page.

"Knew you'd get there in the end."

Remus watched as the inkblot spread out for the second time, this time forming the words Remus had been waiting for.

This journal is the property of Sirius Black.

_Temporarily loaned to Remus Lupin._

_When you are ready to return it, I can be found at the following address._

_Mr Sirius Black Esq._

_55a Cauldron Close_

_London_

_PS: I won't be on the floo network until after the New Year._

"Well?" Romulus asked after Remus had stared at the page in silence for several minutes. "What are you just sitting here for?"

At his brother's prodding, Remus grabbed the journals together and ran through to the living room fireplace.

He threw in the floo powder and arrived at The Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley a few seconds later. He knew that Cauldron Close was off of Diagon Alley, but he wasn't entirely sure where. Thankfully there were plenty of people in Diagon Alley doing their afternoon shopping, and it didn't take Remus long to find one who was more conversant with the local geography than he was. As such he soon found himself outside of number 55 Cauldron Close. He looked over the railings, saw that 55a was the basement flat and hurried down the steps.

He pulled the bell and waited, but no one arrived to let him in.

After a few minutes of waiting he tried again, but there was still no reply.

"Typical," Remus muttered under his breath. "I finally track him down and he bloody well goes out so I can't even see him." He pushed aside the disturbing thought that Sirius was already in trouble. He'd just gone out for the afternoon, and there was no reason for him to be panicking just yet.

Sinking onto the steps Remus settled himself down for what he knew could potentially be a long wait. Despite the lingering worry, the lack of sleep he had had the last few nights meant that he nodded off while sitting on the cold hard steps.

He woke some time later to the sound of an obnoxiously loud engine nearby. He looked up to the street above and saw Sirius climbing off the motorbike he'd been talking vaguely about getting since sixth year.

"You do know you should wear a crash helmet?" Remus asked as Sirius looked down at him over the railings silently. Sirius didn't reply as he descended the steps and opened the front door to his flat.

Remus couldn't read the expression on his face, and he wondered whether he was even going to be invited in. Had he really done so much damage to their relationship? He cringed when he realised that he had, and even worse, he had no idea how he was going to repair the damage.

"Well, are you just going to sit there all day?" Sirius asked with the faintest trace of impatience.

Remus shook his head and followed Sirius into the small room that appeared to be a living room and kitchen, combined.

"I wasn't expecting you," Sirius admitted as he cleared some of the rubbish off the table with a flick of his wand. "Sorry about the mess."

"Don't worry about it," Remus replied. "You should see the state of James's place. Honestly, you'd think he'd never heard of cleaning charms."

Sirius gestured to the sofa and Remus sat down and placed the journals on the table in front of him. He felt a start of surprise and the tiniest twinge of disappointment when Sirius didn't sit down next to him, instead opting to use one of the chairs on the opposite side of the coffee table.

Grey eyes looked across at him in the silence. Remus tried to maintain eye contact with the other man, but when he felt the telltale heat of a blush on his face he ducked his head in embarrassment. He heard a sigh, he thought of disappointment, from Sirius, but all he could bring himself to do was shift uncomfortably in his seat. He wished he'd spent more time thinking about what to say to Sirius now that he was finally here. Somehow he didn't think that just blurting out 'I love you' would go down too well.

"I've brought your journals back," Remus stated, once it was clear that Sirius was waiting for him to speak and the silence had dragged on longer than he could bear.

"So I see," Sirius replied. "I can't say I'm not surprised. I didn't think you'd even read them, let alone get the password."

"Really?" Remus asked.

"I figured you'd probably burn them, or keep hold of them in case you saw me by chance and wanted to throw them at me." Sirius smiled ruefully before a thought occurred to him and he leaned forward in his seat. "You did figure out the password right? You didn't just happen to spot me out shopping and follow me back here the other day, or send your brother to track me down?"

Remus grinned and shook his head. "Nope, I figured out the passwords."

"All of them?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"How many were there?"

"Three."

"In that case no, just two of them," Remus admitted.

"Which ones?" Sirius questioned curiously. "Obviously you got the address one. Which other did you get."

"The one with the poem or song," Remus replied.

"Ah," Sirius nodded in understanding and a small smile appeared on his face.

"What was the last one?" Remus asked curiously.

"Pass me the last journal," Sirius replied as he reached out his hand. Remus leaned forward to pick it up and passed it over to him, carefully making sure that their fingers brushed as he did so. He smiled at Sirius's sharp intake of breath. Sirius opened the journal and pulled out his wand. "I'm sorry, Sirius," he said quietly before tapping the page. He then reached back to pass the book back to Remus.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered as tears sprang to his eyes. He didn't reach to take the book back, or even notice that Sirius was holding it out to him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't even think of that being a password."

"Just read the page," Sirius asked as he continued to push the book into Remus's hands. Remus looked down through the blur of tears and had to blink several times before the letters came into focus.

_There's nothing to forgive._

_Please stop apologising for everything._

"But, you apologised in the last entry," Remus pointed out.

"I never said I was consistent," Sirius joked. "Anyway, I only included that one because you do have this habit of constantly apologising for everything. Now, do I get to hear you prove you really do know the other passwords?"

Remus looked into the teasing grey eyes and smiled. "I, Remus Lupin admit I am attracted to other men," he said as he stood up and walked round the table.

"I'm very glad to hear it," Sirius replied as he reached out to take Remus's hand into his own and tugged him down onto his lap. "And?"

"And, I, Remus Lupin, love you Sirius Black, so very, very much."

"Really?" Sirius asked quietly. "This is definitely Remus talking here?"

"It's always been Remus talking," Remus admitted as his tears began to fall again. "I just didn't want to admit it."

"And you've no problems admitting it now?"

Remus shook his head. "I should have told you months ago."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Months ago?"

"I broke up with Charlie because I realised I was in love with you."

"You did? But why didn't you say anything? That was months ago, nearly a bloody year ago for Merlin's sake! You didn't think that maybe I'd want to know that?" Sirius's voice was rising with the famous Black family temper, but Remus didn't budge from where he was sitting. He reached to put his arms around Sirius and hugged him close. "You should have told me," Sirius repeated.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered. "I was going to tell you, but then everything went wrong, and I thought that if I pushed everyone away I'd be keeping them safe."

"What changed your mind?"

"You did."

"I did?"

Remus nodded again. "You wrote that you thought I was turning into Greyback."

Sirius looked stunned and apologetic. "I didn't mean it. I was overreacting."

"You were right," Remus told him, sitting back to look Sirius in the eye properly. "I didn't even realise what was happening until I read your journals. I don't want to turn into Greyback. I might be a monster, but there are worse ones out there than me, and he's one of the very worst. I don't want to become one of those monsters that everyone's heard of. I don't want to be a name that parents use to scare their children into behaving."

"You won't."

"You sound pretty sure about that."

"I won't let you. Greyback doesn't have friends or a lover to keep him human. You do, right?"

Remus smiled at the uncertainty of the question. "Yes, I do. If you still want me?"

Sirius nodded. "Do you even need to ask?"

Remus nodded in reply. "I wouldn't blame you if you told me to fuck off."

Sirius chuckled. "You're finally here, in my arms, right where I've wanted you for so long. Why would I tell you to leave?"

"Because I was such a git to you."

"It's forgiven," Sirius told him firmly.

"There is one thing though," Remus said with a smile. Sirius quirked a brow in question. "I think I prefer the word boyfriend. It was suggested once before, I believe?"

"You said it sounded weird."

"I was an idiot."

Sirius grinned at him. "I won't argue with that."

"And selfish."

"True."

"And I don't deserve you at all."

"I'll be the judge of that," Sirius replied.

"Can you ever forgive me?" Remus whispered.

"We've both said some pretty awful things to each other," Sirius reminded him. "Can you forgive me?"

Remus shook his head rapidly. "There's nothing to forgive," he assured him hurriedly. "I was far more awful to you."

Sirius snorted. "I won't argue with that either."

"I really wouldn't blame you if you threw me out and said you never wanted to see me again."

"I couldn't do that," Sirius replied.

"Are you sure you want me?" Remus asked. "You're prepared to put up with all my crap? You wouldn't rather try to find someone else, someone with less issues than me?"

Sirius shook his head. "You're the only one I've ever wanted. Even at your worst I still loved you as much as I do right now."

Remus gave a small smile. "I really am sorry for all the horrible things I said and did."

"Stop apologising," Sirius scolded. "Just tell me that you love me again. I've waited so long to hear you say the words, I think you're going to have to tell me constantly before I believe them."

"I love you," Remus said, punctuating the words with soft kisses.

"Again."

Remus grinned. "I love you."

Sirius grinned back at him and hugged him close. "What happens now then?" he asked.

Remus looked thoughtful for a moment or two before he spoke again. "I could ask you out on a date," he suggested. "You know, so we could do things properly this time?"

Sirius's grin wavered for a moment or two. "You mean taking me out in public to restaurants and stuff like that?"

Remus tried to quell the disappointment he felt at Sirius's less than enthusiastic response. "Don't you want to?"

"With everyone staring at us?"

"Let them stare," Remus declared, only belatedly remembering that Sirius had good reasons not to want to go too public with their relationship. "I'm sorry. I'm being selfish again. I wasn't thinking. We'll do whatever you want."

"I guess I could get used to being seen on a date with another bloke, at least I can if it's you I'm dating," Sirius said with a small smile.

Remus smiled back. "I'm going to be with you every day from now on, and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again."

"How did you know I was thinking about that?" Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. "Because I know you. I'm going to be the best boyfriend ever from now on. And if anyone tries to hurt you again – and I mean anyone! – I'll make them wish they'd never been born."

"Going to protect me, are you?" Sirius asked.

"You got it," Remus replied. "I'll take on your father himself if I have to."

Sirius grimaced. "We'll stand up to him together."

Remus nodded. "Deal."

Sirius's shook his head, apparently getting rid of the troublesome thoughts of his father, and smiled. "So, my gorgeous boyfriend, what would you like to do first?"

"Well, first of all I think I'd like you to give me a tour of your flat, starting with the bedroom," Remus stated seriously. "Taking extra care to ensure that I'm thoroughly acquainted with the bed."

"Or I could just toss you onto the sofa and take you right there," Sirius suggested with a grin that seemed ever so slightly forced.

"Or we could just sit here and kiss for a while," Remus replied, guessing that perhaps Sirius wanted to take things slowly. He bent his head to capture Sirius's lips with his own.

He felt Sirius's tongue brushing over his lips and he opened his mouth slowly, his own tongue sliding out to meet the other. He leaned into the kiss, reaching up with one hand to caress the lightly stubbled jaw. He heard a soft moan, but he couldn't have said who made the noise if his life had depended on it.

Shifting slightly, he twisted round so that he was straddling Sirius's lap.

Sirius pulled back from the kiss, his breath coming in short, quick pants. "Here?" he gasped.

Remus ground their hips together. "Anywhere," he replied, his own voice equally breathless.

Sirius reached to pull him into another kiss. Harder, more desperate, but with a promise of what was to come. This was no goodbye kiss; this was something else, something that Remus thought he recognised.

He remembered something that Sirius had once said to him the first time that he'd made love to him. This was how it was meant to be. "I'm yours," he whispered against Sirius's lips. "You're mine and I'm yours."

Sirius nodded. "You're mine."

Remus moved forward the last few millimetres to suck on Sirius's lower lip, surprised when Sirius pulled away almost immediately. "What is it?" he asked.

Sirius didn't reply at first. It was nearly a full minute later when he spoke again. "The bedroom," he finally said.

"Why didn't you just say so?" Remus asked with a grin.

"I wasn't sure," Sirius explained. "This flat is mine, as is everything in it. I made sure there was nothing here that would remind me of you."

"And I've just come barging in here, disrupting your life again."

"It's not that," Sirius said. "I didn't want to let you in there and have you leave again. I'd never be able to enter that room again without thinking of you, which means I'd never get a decent night's sleep."

"We can take things slow," Remus told him. "I can go back to Hogsmeade and we can do the whole dating thing until you're ready to take things further."

Sirius shook his head quickly. "I'm ready now."

"You're sure?"

"Your kisses are different now," Sirius explained with a frown.

"They are? Good different or bad different?"

Sirius smiled and pulled him closer to get another. "Definitely good. It's like there's something else to them now. I can't explain it. I can just tell the difference."

"And you're ready to let me into your life again?" Remus asked. "And into your bed?"

Sirius gestured for Remus to stand up, before getting to his feet himself. "I'm ready," he whispered. "Are you?"

Remus nodded and reached out to grasp Sirius's hand in his own. He gave the fingers a small squeeze.

"Welcome home," Sirius said with a small smile.

Remus smiled back. The flat was small and poky, and there was nothing of his anywhere in sight, but standing here with Sirius, he knew that he was home.

-

A/N: The song that Remus saw is the one from the title of the chapter. However, since it wasn't published at the time the story is set I decided to delete it out and merely mention it here, rather than put up with the usual bitching about stuff like that. After all, no one really reads the author notes anyway, do they?

Also, please note that the chapters may be a bit longer in being posted for a while. I now have two beta's - one for the crappy story and one for the crappy spelling and grammar ;-) - which means that even though the story is written, there could be some delays (hopefully not too long), especially if I need to write some new scenes for the unposted chapters of the story.


	63. Like a Dream

Author Notes: Um, yeah, so I've got several hundred messages to reply to and have been horribly slack about it. I promise that I will reply to all of them eventually, but please be patient. Full time jobs and mountains of emails are not a good combination.

Like a Dream

"Sirius, what's wrong?" Remus asked cautiously as he lay with his head on his lover's shoulder, dreamily tracing the symbol of infinity on Sirius's chest. He didn't really want to ruin the moment, but he suspected that for Sirius the moment had already passed. He knew that there were a lot of things they still had to talk about, but he wanted to hold onto the blissfulness just a little while longer. The only thing stopping him from enjoying the moment, was the certainty that Sirius wasn't.

"Nothing," Sirius replied, just a shade too quickly.

"You're lying," accused Remus as he sat up and frowned down at the other man. "Did I hurt you? Is that it?"

"A little," Sirius admitted. "But that doesn't mean I regret letting you top for a change."

"I'm sorry," whispered Remus before planting a soft kiss on Sirius's lips.

"I hate to start sounding like your brother, but would you _please_ stop apologising all the time?" Sirius asked as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind Remus's ear. "I forgive you, for everything. How could I not, when I love you so much?"

Remus settled back down resting his head on Sirius's chest. Unfortunately he could still feel the tension in the other man, and a minute later he sat up again to get a better look at Sirius's face. "There's something else, isn't there?" he asked.

"It's nothing, really," Sirius repeated as he sat up and swung around so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to Remus.

"You think I'm going to change my mind, don't you?" Remus guessed.

"It wouldn't be the first time," Sirius pointed out with a lingering trace of bitterness amongst the obvious fear.

"I'm here, for good," Remus told him as he wrapped his arms around his lover's waist and laid his head against his back.

"It's just going to take some time for me to believe that," Sirius replied as he patted Remus's hands. "I've dreamed about you for so long that today seems a bit unreal. I keep thinking that any minute now I'm going to wake up. It's just going to take a bit of time."

Remus felt a twinge of guilt over all the times he'd pushed Sirius away over the last couple of years, and suddenly one of their discussions sprang to mind and he knew what he had to do. "Come on Sirius, get up, we're going out."

"Where to?" Sirius asked curiously, though he didn't stand up or reach for his clothes.

"Not far," Remus replied as he picked up his robes and headed for the bathroom.

Sirius finally seemed to realise that if he didn't make a move then Remus would, in all likelihood, drag him outside naked, and so he hurried after him.

"Where are we going?" he asked again as he followed Remus into Diagon Alley an hour later. Perhaps showering together hadn't been the best of ideas. Now Remus was dragging him along at a brisk pace through the crowd of late afternoon shoppers.

"Gringotts," Remus replied as he pointed up the street to the bank.

"They'll be closing any minute," Sirius pointed out impatiently. "Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

"We're not going inside," Remus told him with a grin as they reached the bottom of the steps. "Now, come on."

Remus came to a halt about half way up the steps, and waited a few seconds for the hesitant Sirius to catch him up. "This should do," he commented casually as he looked out over the still crowded Diagon Alley.

"For what?"

"For this," Remus replied as he pulled Sirius into his arms and began to kiss him. Sirius pulled back almost immediately and looked down at Remus in surprise.

"We could have done this at my place," he pointed out, casting a wary glance at the last minute shoppers.

"Your place isn't the steps of Gringotts though," Remus reminded him as he pulled him back into his arms and kissed him again.

The crowd hadn't noticed the first kiss, but they noticed the second and several whistles echoed throughout the street, drawing the attention of even more passers by to the two young men.

"Bloody hell, Remus!" Sirius gasped when they parted because of the lack of air. "When you make your mind up to do something you go all out, don't you?"

"That's part one," Remus told him with a grin as he dropped to one knee and took one of Sirius's hands in his own. "Now for part two."

"Remus, people are staring."

"Good! I want them to."

"But Remus…" hissed Sirius, his voice trailing off and Remus realised that he may have made a mistake. He was about to apologise again, and lead Sirius back to the privacy of his flat, when they were interrupted.

"Ahem," a squeaky voice coughed pointedly near Remus's ear.

"Yes?" Remus asked politely as he turned to the intruder.

"Do you realise where you are?" the goblin asked.

"Yes, thank you," Remus replied with a smile.

"The steps of this noble institute are hardly the place for this sort of carrying on."

Remus frowned and chanced a glance up at Sirius. He looked nervous, hesitant, and as though he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

Sirius, who had never been ashamed of who and what he was, was clearly embarrassed by Remus's very public display of affection. On the one hand, Remus wanted to do everything he could to ease Sirius's fears, but on the other, he needed to show Sirius that he wasn't ashamed to be with him, and this was the only way he could.

The goblin coughed again. "If you could move along to a more appropriate place," he urged.

"Actually, I think the steps of this noble institute are the perfect place for me to propose to the heir of the _noble_ and most ancient house of Black," Remus replied sweetly.

"Propose?" Sirius choked out, as the goblin looked on in astonishment.

"You once said you wanted to stand on the steps of Gringotts and tell the whole bloody world that you loved me," Remus reminded him. "What better place do you have in mind?"

"Um."

Remus released Sirius's hand just long enough to pull the Lupin family ring from his finger. Then he took Sirius's shaking hand back into his own steady grip and looked up into the eyes of the man he loved. "I love you, Sirius, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you have me?"

Sirius nodded mutely, and Remus pushed the ring onto his finger. He stood up and kissed him again as the on-looking crowd erupted into cheers, although there were more than a few jeers amidst the noise. He felt Sirius tense at the jeering and hoped that he hadn't made a huge mistake.

"So, Mr Black, what do you think your family will say when they find out you've chosen to disregard your duties to marry and produce an heir, and shack up with a werewolf?" a horribly familiar voice asked from the edge of the crowd.

Remus turned to glare at Rita Skeeter, who was flashing her shiny new press badge in their faces.

"Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet!" she announced with glee. "Mr Lupin, do you think it was the ostracism you suffered because of your Lycanthropy that persuaded you to defy convention and embark on a relationship with another man?"

Remus stepped backward as the crowd edged closer to hear what the reporter had to say. He could see that several people were starting to recognise him, and he began looking for a way to escape the throng.

"Mr Black, will you be staying with Mr Lupin during the full moons, or will you be fleeing to safety in case you turn up dead, like the werewolf's last lover?"

"Sirius! No!" Remus yelled, but it was already too late.

-o-xXx-o-

"Muggles are entitled to a single telephone call!" Rita screeched at the official on the front desk.

The guard looked at her coldly. "Lady, it may have escaped your notice, but you're not in a muggle police station. This is the Ministry of Magic and we don't have no telephones."

"It's a figure of speech," Rita shouted. "I demand that you allow me to contact my editor. I'll miss my deadline if I don't speak to him soon."

"We've sent him an owl," the guard repeated for the fourth time. "If he wants to speak with you he can get in touch via our one way floo system. Now, please step aside so my colleague can take you back to your cell."

Remus looked through the bars of the cell door. He was careful not to touch them and risk activating the spells that helped to keep the prisoners inside. In the distance he could see the flames of the fireplace turn green and a large, paunchy face appeared. "Skeeter? Where's my copy?"

"Boss!" Rita cried as she ducked out of the grasp of the guard and skidded across the room to the fireplace. "Have I got a scoop for you!"

"So," Sirius called from where he was stretched out on the hard bed. "Think we'll make the front page?"

"A scandalous brawl involving the heir to the noble and most ancient house of Black and a werewolf who was up on a murder charge less than six months ago?" Remus asked sarcastically. "Oh, I doubt we'll merit more than a paragraph on page ten."

Sirius chuckled. "Mother's going to hit the roof. Maybe she'll actually carry out her threat and disinherit me," he suggested cheerfully. "No doubt it'll save a lot of trouble in the long run."

Remus wandered away from the magical barrier and settled down on the floor beside the bed. "So, Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"I was just wondering, in all the imaginings you had that involved me finally coming to my senses, did any of them involve this particular scenario? You know, being arrested for brawling in the streets, thrown into the Ministry of Magic holding cells, and waiting for the morning session of the Wizengamot?"

Sirius snorted. "You're a bad influence on me," he teased as he turned to lean over the side of the bed. "I had a clean record until today."

Remus grinned. "But did they?"

Sirius laughed. "Of course not."

"Then this definitely seems real?"

"Oh yeah, uncomfortably so," Sirius muttered, as he punched the thin mattress to try to force a loose spring back down.

"Good," Remus replied. "Now, budge over."

"What?"

"Budge over," Remus repeated, giving him a prod in the ribs by way of not so subtle encouragement.

"But we're in a holding cell," Sirius spluttered. "Your bed's over there." He pointed across the room to where the last free bed in the cell was located. Remus grinned at Sirius's flush of embarrassment when he realised that the other occupant of the cell was watching the exchange with some amusement.

"I don't want to sleep over there," Remus replied as he prodded Sirius again. "I'm sleeping with you from now on, so move over. And you'd better not hog the blanket either."

"Better do as he says," their cellmate commented with a laugh. "Demanding little bugger isn't he?"

"You have _no idea_," Sirius replied as he scooted across the bed to make room for Remus beside him.

Remus smiled as Sirius pulled the blanket over them. He draped his arm over Sirius's waist and snuggled up against his back. "Thank you," he whispered in Sirius's ear.

"Are you okay?" Sirius whispered back.

Remus nodded, even though Sirius couldn't see him. "I did something really stupid," he replied quietly.

"Don't you always?" Sirius teased, but Remus couldn't bring himself to chuckle, not when he could still remember seeing the fear in Cecily's eyes. "Remus?" Sirius prompted.

"Can we talk about this later?" Remus asked. "When we're alone?"

"Okay," Sirius agreed. He reached down to pull Remus's hand into his own, hissing at the icy feel of it. "Bloody hell, your hands are cold," he accused.

"Got any suggestions on how to warm them up?" Remus whispered wickedly as he reached down for Sirius's belt.

"Remus, what are you doing?" Sirius hissed again as Remus's hand undid the belt and moved onto the button of his trousers.

"Warming my hands up," Remus whispered back.

"We're in a holding cell," Sirius pointed out weakly.

"Yeah, you keep saying that," Remus teased. "I had noticed."

"I don't think this is quite what the Ministry has in mind when it comes to 'holding'," Sirius squeaked as Remus grabbed hold of a certain vital part of his anatomy, one that was way too happy at the contact.

"You don't know that," Remus replied. "I've heard some very odd rumours about certain members of the Ministry."

Sirius snorted with laughter as he pulled Remus's wandering hand into his own.

"The ring fits you much better than it did me, doesn't it?" Remus commented as Sirius entwined their fingers together.

"A perfect fit," Sirius agreed.

-o-xXx-o-

After a long morning of waiting for their case to be heard, the two of them were finally released with a couple of hefty fines.

Sirius was annoyed when he saw that they were giving Remus the largest fine out of the three of them. Remus pointed out that there was nothing they could do about it, and at least they had the money to pay the fines, unlike Rita, who appeared to be trying to get her new employers to pay for her own.

"At least my father wasn't hearing the case," he muttered as they walked back towards his flat.

"Have you seen much of your parents since leaving school?" Remus asked. "I know your parents have big plans for your marriage…"

"They can stuff their plans," Sirius replied. "I've seen them, and they're still determined to marry me off. I'm hoping that sooner or later they'll figure out I'm not going to go along with it."

"They won't give up that easily," Remus pointed out. "They might make you."

"They can't."

"You know they could. What if they used the Imperius Curse? That would make you."

"They wouldn't dare go that far."

"Your father would."

"Don't worry about it," Sirius assured him as he let them into his flat, finally pulling Remus into his arms as he closed the door behind them.

"I can't help it. Your father saved my life, but he still scares me more than anyone else I've ever met. He wants you to produce an heir, and he's not going to give up."

Sirius shook his head and leaned forward to press their lips together for a quick kiss. "There's no need to be scared any more. We're together now, and as long as we are, we'll protect each other. My insane family, your rotten parents; they won't stand a chance against the combined stubbornness of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black."

Remus chuckled, but any words he was about to say were lost the moment Sirius's lips captured his own once more. He kissed Sirius back, frantically, urgently and very possessively.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that the problems with Sirius's parents would not be so easily pushed aside, but when Sirius was holding him and kissing him so thoroughly, they seemed so far away.

-o-xXx-o-

"You don't mind that we'll have to come back here every month?" Remus asked as he opened the door to his house.

Sirius shook his head and rolled his eyes at the question that Remus had already asked a dozen times. "You know as well as I do there's nowhere to keep a werewolf in my flat. There's barely enough room to swing a cat. Are you sure you're okay with me being in the basement again?"

"I want you with me, as long as you promise that if I ever get out you don't hesitate in stopping me."

"I'll keep my wand with me and stun you before you reach me," Sirius promised. "I'll even work with Romulus to find out what spells he put on the basement and whether they can be added to. Now, stop worrying about something that might never happen."

Remus nodded as he rifled through three days worth of mail. "Oh look, we did warrant the front page," he announced as he opened the edition of the Daily Prophet that had come out the morning after their arrest.

"I feel so special," Sirius muttered as he looked at Rita's article with disgust.

"It's about time," Romulus said as he glared at them from the top of the stairs. "I thought you'd killed each other or something."

"Well, if we had, surely you'd be amongst the first to know," Remus teased.

"Oh, very funny," Romulus muttered. "Where have you been?"

"Er, we got arrested," Remus admitted.

"Arrested?" Romulus's jaw dropped as he looked in horror at his younger brother. "Did you get reported about what happened at the full moon? What happened?"

"Sirius punched a reporter."

"In defence of Remus," Sirius added.

"It wasn't that Skeeter girl, was it?" Romulus asked with a frown.

"That's the one," Remus confirmed. "She was asking impertinent questions and generally being a pain. Things got a bit out of hand."

"Why does this not surprise me?" muttered Romulus. "I've been hanging around here waiting for you two and you're getting into brawls and…" His voice drifted off as he looked at the front page of the recently unrolled newspaper.

"The picture was taken right before Rita started asking questions," Remus explained as his brother looked at the picture of Remus kneeling on the steps of Gringotts, whilst repeatedly slipping a ring onto the finger of a stunned looking Sirius, before standing up to kiss him. Romulus turned to look at Sirius questioningly, and Sirius raised his hand to display the ring in answer to the unspoken question.

"Well, what did you expect?" Romulus pointed out testily as he scowled at Remus. "You proposition your boyfriend in the middle of Diagon Alley, on the steps of Gringotts, for crying out loud. No wonder you're making headlines. I thought you'd gone to find Sirius in order to keep him safe from his family. You think his family are going to like seeing this?"

"I don't care what my family thinks," Sirius said with an annoyed frown at the thought of his parents.

"You're as daft as my brother," Romulus told him.

"Good thing we've got you to keep us in line then, isn't it?" Remus teased.

Romulus rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm positively ecstatic at the thought of listening to you two shagging each other senseless on every available surface in the place?"

"Rom!" Remus gasped, as Sirius snorted with laughter.

"We won't be here all the time," Sirius assured him.

"Unless you want us here?" Remus asked. It had suddenly occurred to him that whilst he'd been making plans with Sirius, he'd completely forgotten to take his brother into account. He cringed at the thought that he was being selfish again, thinking only of himself, and without considering his brother at all.

"You have your own lives to live," Romulus replied quietly. "And I can find you if I need to."

"So, you could have found out where we were any time?" Remus asked.

"Technically, but I didn't really want to pop in on you at an… er… inconvenient moment."

"So, if Remus is living in my flat, you'll be there?" Sirius sounded less than thrilled at the prospect.

"I take it the place is pretty small?" Romulus asked.

Remus and Sirius nodded.

"I'll disappear myself when you two lovebirds want to be alone," Romulus promised, giving an exaggerated shudder at the alternative.

"Lovebirds?" echoed Remus, pulling a face at the expression as Sirius snickered.

"If you two could see yourselves, you'd know that is the perfect way of describing the pair of you," Romulus stated with a roll of his eyes. "I take it you two would like to be alone now?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Remus felt his face flushing again.

"I've heard muggles talking about getting rid of pesky ghosts by exercising," Sirius suggested with a smirk.

"You mean exorcising," Romulus corrected. "And you've got no chance of that working, not on this spook."

"I think we're stuck with him." Remus sighed dramatically and shook his head.

"On the plus side, he'll be less trouble than a dog," Sirius replied.

"I'm feeling quite insulted," Romulus replied, although he couldn't quite keep the grin from his face.

"Ah, you know we love you," Sirius assured him.

"So, what are the two of you planning on doing now?" Romulus asked. "And I don't mean _right now_, so spare me the details of your sex life. I mean generally, like for jobs?"

"Er…"

"Um…"

Romulus sighed and pointed at the Daily Prophet. "The job section starts on page twenty."

"Later," Remus said as he pulled Sirius towards the bedroom.

"You know, Sirius, I was kind of hoping you'd be a good influence on my brother," Romulus called after them.

Sirius laughed loudly. "I think you got it backwards," he called back. "He's a bad influence on me."

"What's a ghost to do?" Romulus asked the empty room, before disappearing once again.


	64. Always Something Magic

Author Notes: Insert here my usual apologies for the lack of review replies for the last chapter - sorry, been totally swamped at work and my evenings have been disappearing with working late. It is likely to continue for a few weeks more (at least) as well, so please bear with me. I do reply to everyone eventually...though if you are a regular reviewer of my stories, you'll already know that.

And now, on with the next chapter...

Always Something Magic

"Are you going to tell me what happened at the full moon?" Sirius asked quietly as they walked one of the more visible paths through the Forbidden Forest.

Remus ducked his head.

"You said you'd done something stupid," Sirius prompted. "And when he found out you'd been arrested, Romulus said something about being reported and the full moon."

Remus sighed and sat down on a tree stump, dropping his head into his hands and shuddering at the memory.

"Remus?" Sirius asked as he sat down on the ground, looking up into Remus's partially hidden face.

"I didn't get to the basement in time," Remus whispered. "I passed out in the kitchen and didn't wake up until I was transforming."

"Are you all right?" Sirius asked. "You're not ill, are you?"

"Ill?" Remus echoed.

"People don't just pass out for no reason," Sirius pointed out. "Maybe you should see a healer?"

"It wasn't that sort of passing out," Remus replied with a snort of humourless laughter. "I was drunk."

"Oh."

Remus felt his face burning in embarrassment as he waited for Sirius to say something else. He wondered how long it would be before Sirius decided that Remus didn't deserve to have him, or that he deserved better than a selfish werewolf.

"Aren't you going to say anything else?" Remus finally asked. "Aren't you going to yell at me?"

Sirius shook his head. "No. I imagine your brother has already done more than enough of that."

Remus nodded. "You've not heard the worst about it."

"What else is there?" Sirius whispered. "Did you bite someone? Is that it?"

Remus shook his head. "It was close, but she got away in time."

"She?"

"Cecily," Remus whispered. "She crept out of her house and came here."

"How did she know where to come?" Sirius asked.

"Rom will have told her," Remus explained. "You know he's always worried about what would have happened to me if he hadn't made it home in time after I was bitten. He'll have told Cecily how to get to him – to safety – in case she finds herself on the wrong side of our parents, too."

"Is she okay?"

"I scared her so badly," Remus admitted.

"Oh, Remus." Sirius sighed as he reached out to take one of Remus's hands in his own. "I should never have left you alone."

Remus's head shot up. "It wasn't your fault. Come on, Sirius! This has me and my stupidity written all over it."

"You're not stupid," Sirius argued. "Just…"

"Selfish?" Remus supplied. "Thoughtless? Dangerous? A monster?"

"Stop it!" Sirius snapped. "You're not a monster."

"I know you don't think so, but…"

"You're not!" Sirius insisted.

"I want you to promise me something," Remus asked quietly.

"Depends what it is," Sirius replied with caution.

"Romulus said that if anything like this happened again, he'd turn me over to the Ministry himself."

"He wouldn't do that," Sirius said. "No matter what you'd done."

"I know," Remus agreed. "Which is why I want you to promise that you will."

"I won't promise anything of the sort," Sirius argued, shaking his head vehemently.

"I don't want to turn into Greyback," Remus whispered.

"You won't."

"But I might."

Sirius shook his head again, but Remus cut of his words with a raised hand. "I want you to promise that if a day should ever come where you see me as a monster, that you'll either turn me over to the Ministry or kill me yourself."

Sirius shook his head again. "You can't ask that of me, Remus."

"Please, Sirius?" Remus begged, the tears starting to fall as he pleaded quietly.

Sirius didn't reply as he took Remus into his arms and held him close. "Come on, let's go home."

Remus didn't say a word as they made their way back through the forest, eventually arriving at the Lupin house.

Sirius guided Remus into the living room and settled him down on the sofa.

"Romulus?" he asked turning to the ghost, who was lingering near the window.

"Yes?" Romulus replied.

"Do you think you could bring Cecily here?" he asked. "Just for a short visit."

Romulus frowned. "I might be able to persuade her to sneak out. What do you have in mind?"

Sirius moved to the window and whispered his plan to Romulus, who then disappeared to do his bidding.

"Why did you ask him to do that?" Remus asked. "Cecily's scared of me. She doesn't need to be put through any more."

Sirius shook his head. "She needs to know that she doesn't have to be scared of you," he argued. "And you need to know that you're not a monster that scares small children."

Remus sighed. "I can't believe I let things get so bad that I was too drunk to get to the basement on the night of a full moon."

"I can't believe that Romulus wasn't pestering you to get there for at least an hour beforehand," Sirius countered.

"It's not his responsibility to get me to the basement," Remus pointed out. "It's mine. I'd give anything to be able to go back and do things differently."

"It's no use wishing for the impossible. We just need to learn from our mistakes."

Remus nodded. "And I've made some huge ones the last couple of years. I've hurt so many people…"

"Remus, don't do this to yourself," Sirius begged.

"I could have killed my little sister. I should have learned my lesson after Charlie, but I still managed to screw up."

"What happened to Charlie was an accident," Sirius told him firmly. "It was out of your control."

"But what happened with Cecily wasn't."

The fireplace suddenly burst into flames and the girl in question stepped into the room, with Romulus re-appearing beside her a moment later.

"Hello, Cecily," Sirius said with a smile.

Cecily smiled and whispered her own greeting. Her eyes flickered nervously to Remus, who couldn't seem to stop himself from flinching.

"It's okay," Sirius said, reaching out a hand and waving her over to the sofa. "It's just Remus."

Cecily moved cautiously to sit in the space between them, and Remus felt his heart sink at the way she edged closer to Sirius and away from him.

"She can't stay long," Romulus told them.

"I had to sneak out," Cecily confided with a nod.

"Is that so?" Sirius asked. "I used to have to sneak out to visit Remus, too."

"You did?"

Sirius nodded. "All the time."

Cecily turned to Romulus, who nodded that this was indeed the case.

"Remus has missed you," Sirius told her. "And he has something he wants to say to you."

Cecily turned to her brother.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered, knowing he had said it before, but also knowing that no matter how many times he said it, it would never be often enough to make up for what he had done.

Romulus moved closed and crouched down in front of the sofa. "You remember when I told you about werewolves?" he asked, and Cecily nodded. "What did I tell you was the most important thing to remember?"

Cecily chewed on her lower lip for a moment. "They're only dangerous on the night of the full moon," she answered.

"And it's not a full moon now, is it?" Romulus continued. Cecily shook her head. "So, since Remus isn't dangerous at the moment, I was wondering if you could do something for me…"

"Okay," Cecily replied, after only a moment of hesitation.

"Could you give Remus a hug for me?" Romulus asked. "Just like you did when you first met him."

Cecily smiled and nodded. A moment later, Remus found his arms were full of his younger sister and he was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't cry," Cecily said, sniffling herself. "I'm sorry I was scared of you."

Remus shook his head. "I'm sorry I scared you. I promise it won't happen again."

"We'll make sure of it," Sirius added.

"Does that mean I can come and visit again?" Cecily asked with a grin.

"Not on the full moons," Romulus said. "But I'll see what I can do to sneak you over now and then."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Remus asked. "Mum and Dad will go nuts if they find out."

"I think it'll be good for you to get to know your sister better," Romulus explained. "Since Charlie you've done your best to shut everyone out of your life, but we're not going to let you."

"Damn right," Sirius agreed.

Romulus glared at him. "Cecily, could you do something else for me?" he asked.

Cecily nodded.

"Smack Sirius for me," Romulus said.

Cecily giggled and did what he asked her.

"Hey, no fair," Sirius complained as he rubbed his shoulder, wincing dramatically at the imagined pain for the small tap she had given him.

"Next time watch your language in front of my little sister," Romulus scolded. "Now, where was I?"

"Telling me that I've been shutting everyone out," Remus said.

Romulus nodded. "And it ends now. Okay?"

Remus ducked his head.

"Okay?" Romulus repeated, firmer this time.

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm dangerous," Remus said in a quiet whisper.

Romulus scowled. "Cecily, when is a werewolf dangerous?"

"On the night of the full moon," she replied.

"Sirius?"

"On the night of the full moon."

"Remus?"

Remus ducked his head again.

"Remus?" Romulus repeated. "When is a werewolf dangerous?"

"On the night of the full moon," Remus finally replied. "But-"

"When?" Romulus interrupted.

"On the night of the full moon," Remus repeated, not trying to argue this time.

"And don't you forget it," Romulus insisted. "Now, come on Cecily, we need to get you home."

Cecily turned to give both Sirius and Remus one final hug, before stepping into the fireplace and flooing home once more.

"I'm such an idiot," Remus said as he scooted along the sofa and wrapped his arms around Sirius.

"No, you're not," Sirius replied as he pulled Remus into his arms. "And you're not dangerous. Don't deny that you're still thinking you are. I can tell."

"I killed someone," Remus whispered. "I could have killed Cecily, too. I can't just forget about it."

"I know," Sirius whispered back. "But that doesn't make you a monster, that just makes you human. You'll only be a true monster if you find yourself not caring about what happened."

Remus sighed and closed his eyes. "You make things sound so simple. I really do love you, you know?"

"I know," Sirius replied. "I love you, too."

"She knew I loved you," Remus said.

"Who? Charlie?"

"Hmm," Remus murmured. "She thought I was an idiot for not telling you sooner."

Sirius chuckled. "You managed it in the end though."

"You'll stop me from becoming a monster, won't you?" Remus asked, opening his eyes and looking at Sirius earnestly.

Sirius ran his finger along Remus's jaw and brushed his thumb over his lips. "Some people call the Black family monsters. Do you think I'm a monster?"

Remus shook his head. "That's different."

"Is it?" Sirius asked. "There are a lot of people who would disagree with you. Just believe me when I tell you that you're not a monster, no matter what's happened."

"I want to believe you, really I do," Remus replied quietly. "But then I remember what I've done and what I could have done differently."

"Don't go there," Sirius told him. "It doesn't do any good to worry about what might have been. We have to live with what happened."

Remus gave a humourless snort. "You think I don't know that?"

"Of course you do," Sirius replied. "But you can't get on with your life if you don't learn to move on and not dwell on what happened all the time."

"I'll try," Remus said.

"And I'll be right here to remind you that you're not a monster, every time you look like you're about to suggest that you are."

Remus smiled and put his head back down on Sirius's shoulder. He was right where he needed to be, and in that brief moment he knew that as long as he had Sirius with him, things would be all right.

-o-xXx-o-

It was still dark when Sirius woke up, and for a moment he wondered where he was. Then he remembered.

He was with Remus, in Hogsmeade.

Or at least he would have been if Remus had been beside him in the bed. The rumpled sheets were cold, and there was no trace of him.

Sirius climbed out of bed, pulled on his robe and set off in search of his missing lover.

He found him in the study, surrounded by books, many of them opened and resting on the desk. Remus was fast asleep with his head resting on a particularly uncomfortable looking volume.

Sirius watched him fondly for a moment or two, until he realised that Remus was twitching and moaning in his sleep, and clearly in the middle of a nightmare.

He hurried to his side and gently urged him to wake up.

"What time is it?" Remus mumbled.

"Just after three," Sirius replied. "What were you looking up?"

"Nothing," Remus muttered, quickly closing the nearest books.

"I thought we'd agreed on no more lies?" Sirius accused. He picked up one of the books and realised it was all about memory spells. "And whose memory were you planning on tampering with?" he asked. "Mine?"

Remus shook his head. "My own."

Sirius gave him a questioning look. "What are you wanting to forget?"

"What do you think?" Remus replied sadly. "Every full moon I'm going to wonder if history will repeat itself. I'm so scared of hurting you."

"Removing the memories of what happened, won't change the fact that it did," Sirius pointed out. "You can't deal with it by pretending it didn't happen."

Remus sighed. "I know. I just thought that maybe it would make it easier."

"Time will make it easier."

"Will it?" Remus asked doubtfully. "Only it's been months, and I'm still having nightmares about it. I'm still thinking that if only I'd done things differently, she might still be alive."

"I'll whip you up a dreamless sleep potion," Sirius promised. "But please drop this idea of removing your memories."

Remus looked as though he was about to argue, but he gave a reluctant nod.

"Come on, let's go back to bed," Sirius said. "You'll be like the living dead tomorrow if you don't."

Remus shrugged as he followed Sirius out of the study. "It's not like I've got anything to do tomorrow anyway."

"I think Romulus will be able to find you something to do," Sirius pointed out with a chuckle.

Remus smiled as they climbed into bed. "Actually, I can think of something we might be able to do tomorrow."

"Hmm?" Sirius mumbled sleepily as Remus snuggled up against him.

"I'll tell you in the morning," Remus replied.

"Tease," Sirius accused with a small chuckle, before he drifted off to sleep once more.

-o-xXx-o-

"Tell me again, why are we here, instead of in bed?" Sirius asked as they waited for someone to open the gates to the centaur camp.

"You'll see," Remus replied with a smug smile.

It was clear that Sirius was getting no more information out of the stubborn werewolf, so he contented himself with pulling Remus into his arms and kissing him thoroughly.

"Good afternoon, Cub," Firenze greeted Remus as the gates opened. "Sirius, it's been a long time."

Sirius nodded and let Remus tug him inside.

"What brings you both here?" Firenze asked as they made their way through the outer buildings towards the homes, further back from the wall.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Sirius told him. "Remus has been acting all secretive and mysterious since last night."

Remus chuckled and turned to Firenze. "I wanted to ask you about the centaurs' bonding ceremony," he said.

Firenze frowned whilst Sirius just looked confused. "What do you want to know?" the centaur asked curiously.

"Erm… well, specifically, is it only for centaurs?" Remus asked.

Firenze shook his head. "No, but it's rare that any other race would bother with it. For business arrangements, like my own bonding, there are legal contracts that hold much more weight in the wizarding world, and for marriage contracts, the witches and wizards have their own ceremony."

"Then it is possible for wizards to be bonded like centaurs?" Remus questioned, and suddenly Sirius knew why they were there.

It seemed that Firenze had also caught up with Remus's thinking and he smiled. "Ah," he said. "Same sex marriages are not legal in either the wizarding or muggle worlds, and you wish to know if you and Sirius can be bonded the centaur way, instead."

Remus nodded and reached out for Sirius's hand. "Can we?" he asked.

"It won't be legally binding in the wizarding world," Firenze warned.

"That's okay," Remus replied. He turned to Sirius with a shy smile. "That is, if you want to?"

Sirius grinned back and hugged Remus close. "Do you even need to ask?" he whispered.

Firenze smiled as he looked at the two of them. "How soon do you wish to be bonded?"

"Now," Remus immediately replied.

Firenze rolled his eyes. "I'm afraid the ceremony cannot take place this instant. The bonding always begins at sunset, and ends shortly after sunrise.

"Tonight then," Remus amended.

Firenze turned to Sirius. "Is that okay with you?"

Sirius nodded. "Better get him bound to me before he changes his mind again."

Remus turned to him with a frown, and Sirius realised that perhaps that had been the wrong thing to say. "I'm just teasing," he assured him. "I promise."

Remus nodded and chewed on his lip. "I know."

It was something of a relief to find that they had time to prepare for the ceremony. Remus sent word to Romulus, and was pleased to find his brother arriving just in time. Sirius would have liked for Regulus to be there, too, but unfortunately there just wasn't time.

Just as Firenze had explained, the bonding ceremony began at sunset, in an open clearing, with an unobstructed view to both the east and the west.

Firenze had agreed to officiate the ceremony for them, and had guided them to the clearing, the other witnesses following behind them.

Remus and Sirius knelt down in the clearing, facing the setting sun, whilst Firenze stood behind them, explaining the ceremony.

"You watch the sunset together, on this final day before your bonding, and know that all future cycles will be seen with the other at your side."

Remus watched Sirius out of the corner of his eye and smiled. Sirius, who was concentrating on the sunset, felt his hand being enclosed in Remus's and squeezed back. He was still not used to Remus being openly affectionate with him in public, and felt a small thrill of delight at the knowledge that everyone present could see them holding hands.

The sun disappeared beyond the horizon and Firenze urged them to stand up and follow him again. He led them to the stream and directed them to strip off their clothes and step into the water.

Both Remus and Sirius were relieved to see that the rest of the crowd had returned to the camp, instead of following them to the stream. Only Firenze remained with them, explaining that his role as officiator also required him to be a chaperone for this part of the ceremony.

The water was icy cold and both men were shivering as they made their way to the deepest part of the pool.

"You bathe each other in order to wash away any lingering doubts, resentments or harsh words of the past. When this is done, there will be nothing further to apologise for, and you both begin your new life together with a clean slate."

Sirius scooped up a handful of water and poured it down Remus's back, trailing kisses down his spine as he whispered his apologies for every transgression he could think of. Firenze coughed from the bank of the stream, reminding them of his presence, and Sirius promised they would do no more than exchange kisses.

Then Remus took his turn, apologising and running his hands over Sirius's body as he washed him, his fingers tracing the contours of his chest and dipping lower beneath the surface of the water.

"I know you're sorry," Sirius whispered into Remus's ear as Remus begged his forgiveness for everything he had put him though. "It's over now; we're together, and that's all that matters."

Remus nodded. "After today it's a new start for us," he said. "But please, let me apologise one more time for everything I did?"

Sirius smiled and brushed Remus's hair out of his eyes and kissed him softly on the lips. "You're forgiven," he said, pulling Remus into his arms and burying his face in his neck.

Below the surface of the water, he could feel Remus's hand teasing him and stroking him, but he could not bear to pull away, even knowing that they had an audience. Remus teased Sirius for as long as he could, right up until Firenze realised what he was doing and reminded him that the purpose of this part of the ceremony was to wash away the past, and not to consummate the bonding.

"Later," Remus whispered as he stepped back.

"Promise?" Sirius whispered back.

"Promise," Remus replied as they began to make their way back to the bank.

Sirius was rather relieved that the water was so icy, it helped to make sure that he wasn't as noticeably hard as he might have been in warmer waters.

"What now?" Remus asked as Firenze passed them each a set of sleeveless robes to wear as they walked back to the camp.

"Now, we feast," Firenze replied. "The others will have been serving the food, and the meal will be well under way by the time we return."

Remus's stomach growled at the mention of food, and he quickened his pace a little, tugging Sirius along by the hand once again.

Just as Firenze had said, the feast had already started, and he directed the two of them towards the final three places at the table. He took the place in between them, to the disappointment of both of them, since this meant they had to release each other's hand, and served them both food from the numerous serving dishes.

"You eat from separate platters at this final meal before you are truly bonded," he explained. "Afterwards you will share your platters at all future meals." He looked ruefully at his own platter, before adding in a whisper, "unless you're officiating a ceremony."

The meal was long and drawn out, and Firenze explained that it had to last the night. He added that this was another reason – along with the cold water of the stream – why many centaurs chose to bond in the summer months, rather than during the much longer nights of winter.

Firenze left the table towards the end of the meal, and Remus took all of two seconds to slide into his place next to Sirius.

"You'll be ordered back to your own seat when he comes back," Sirius warned, even as he slipped an arm around Remus's waist and pulled him closer.

When Firenze returned, he didn't send Remus back to his own place, but merely placed two strangely shaped goblets in front of them. "For the wine," he explained. "And I should warn you, it's very strong, much stronger than anything you've tasted before."

Remus and Sirius nodded as Firenze reached for the skin of wine and poured a liberal amount into each of their goblets. He directed them to pick them up and take a sip each.

Sirius was very glad of the warning of the strength of the wine, because even the small sip he had taken was causing a rush to his brain that normally only occurred after at least an hour of drinking. Remus, on the other hand, seemed to be handling the wine quite well, and he guessed that was due to his Lycanthropy.

Firenze then stepped back and urged the two of them to sit closer. "Now, link arms and take another sip," he advised.

They did as they were told, amidst cheers from the onlookers.

"Now, place your goblets together, so that they become one," Firenze told them.

Sirius looked at his goblet and saw that the goblets were two halves of the same one. It looked as though someone had cut through a large goblet, making an S through the middle, and then enclosing each split side in that pattern.

Remus, who had clearly noticed the same thing, turned his goblet around, so that the two of them slotted together.

Neither of them had seen true centaur magic before, but as they looked at the goblets they saw the S disappear as the goblets sealed themselves together, and became one.

"Now, each of you take a final sip from the new goblet," Firenze said, and the two of them complied. "The goblet is your bonding gift from the herd; it is yours to keep."

Then the feast was over and everyone made their way back to the clearing for the final part of the ceremony. Sirius kept his arm around Remus as they walked behind Firenze. If anyone had asked, he would have said they were holding each other up after the strong centaur wine; honestly, he just wanted to hold Remus close at every opportunity he could. Now that he had him in his arms, he had no intention of letting him go.

Remus and Sirius sat in the same place they had before, this time facing each other, their right arms clasped together, their hands at each other's elbows. Firenze had taken a long thin vine and had tied it loosely around each of their wrists, holding them together. Both of them had been prepared for this part of the ceremony and knew what was coming.

Firenze stood beside them, facing east, and performing some sort of centaur magic on the vine. When he was done, he turned to Remus.

"Remus Lupin, how do you enter this bonding?"

Sirius drew in a sharp breath, wondering, despite everything, whether Remus would, now that the moment had arrived, back out and flee.

Remus, seemingly reading his mind, smiled up at him reassuringly as he rubbed his thumb against Sirius's arm and gave the appropriate response. "I, Remus John Lupin, enter this bonding of my own free will."

Firenze nodded and turned to Sirius. "Sirius Black, how do you enter this bonding?"

"I, Sirius Orion Black, enter this bonding of my own free will," Sirius declared, his voice strong and confident. Remus's smile stretched wider and Sirius caught the fleeting look of relief on his lover's face. He knew in that moment that Remus had been just as nervous as he was, and just as scared of Sirius changing his mind.

Firenze nodded and turned back to Remus again. "Remus, what do you bring to this bonding for Sirius?"

Remus looked Sirius in the eyes and took a steadying breath. This was really it, it was really happening, and the last thing he wanted to do was mess it up.

Sirius nodded at him encouragingly and he felt the last of his nerves disappear.

"I, Remus, offer you my loyalty and protection, my heart and my love, and my body and soul." With each word and each promise, shoots sprang from the vine that was binding their arms. The shoots stretched into vines and twisted round their arms in an intricate pattern of swirls.

Firenze turned to Sirius. "Sirius, do you accept what Remus offers?"

Sirius nodded. "I accept the offering," he replied, adding his own addendum to the formal response. "With all my heart."

"And, Sirius, what do you bring to this bonding for Remus?"

"I, Sirius, offer you my loyalty and protection, my heart and my love, and my body and soul." Again, each promise was punctuated with more vines sprouting from the main vine, until the swirling shoots surrounded their arms.

"Remus, do you accept what Sirius offers?"

Remus nodded. "I accept the offering… with all my heart."

They had timed it almost perfectly, and a couple of minutes later the sun rose. As the first rays of the sun hit the vines on their arms, they disappeared with small bursts of cool flames, leaving behind a dark red pattern on their arms that mimicked where the vines had been.

"The pattern is caused by a combination of the vines, the sun and the wine you drank," Firenze explained. "Each of you carries half of the pattern, but only when you are together, as you are now, can the true beauty of the design be seen."

Both Sirius and Remus could see that many of the centaurs in the camp bore similar patterns on their arms. They had certainly seen them before, but until now they had not known the full meaning behind them. Some, like Firenze's, were less intricate, showing that fewer promises had been made. Others had more than one colour to them, and one mare later explained that her first partner had died and the second pattern was that of another stallion who had claimed her. It was clear to both of the young men that the bonding was truly permanent, and they would not have had it any other way.

Arm in arm, they returned to the table, where breakfast was now being served, and this time, just as Firenze had told them, they were sitting beside each other from the start and eating from the same platter.

"I'm actually not that hungry now," Remus admitted as they nibbled at their food.

"The bottomless pit is actually full," Sirius teased, popping a piece of fruit into Remus's mouth. "Or is it?"

Firenze laughed. "You do not have to eat it all," he said. "Few humans have the appetites of centaurs. A few token bites from the same platter is more than adequate; you can retire whenever you wish."

"Retire?" Sirius questioned as he took a drink from their shared wine goblet. "But it's morning."

Firenze laughed. "Although it isn't an official part of the ceremony, when the bonding is made out of love, and is not merely a business contract, it is customary for the parties to retire alone in order to consummate the bonding."

Remus grinned as he took the goblet from Sirius and took a drink. Firenze turned and pointed to a lavishly decorated hut behind them.

"Shall we?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded and rose to his feet.

"Take the platter and the goblet with you," Firenze advised. "It will save you having to emerge any time soon."

Both of them laughed as they stumbled towards the hut, neither having realised exactly how strong the wine was until now.

"What the hell do they put in this stuff?" Sirius asked after he had put down the platter and goblet and collapsed onto the bed, pulling Remus on top of him.

"I don't know," Remus replied. "But I'll bet we could make a fortune selling it."

His idea was met with a loud snore, and he chuckled as he pulled a blanket from the end of the bed over the two of them. There would be plenty of time to consummate things later, after they had slept off the centaur wine.

--

A/N: I know some people will be disappointed that I have not gone the wolf bonding route that is so popular in fan fiction, but I wanted to make it very clear that the "marriage" for want of a better word, is about Remus and his commitment, and not about the wolf - especially considering what has already happened in the story up to this point. So sorry to those that are disappointed.


	65. Face the Music

A/N: Several notes before the chapter I'm afraid.

1. Usual apologies for not replying to all the reviews. Been working 11 hour days and weekends for the last few weeks, which leaves me very little free time...most of which is spent sleeping. Regular reviewers know that I do reply eventually, but if there are any new readers I don't want you to think I am being rude. I do appreciate every single comment.

2. My beta has computer problems at the moment, so **this chapter is being posted unbeta'd**. Hopefully it isn't too riddled with errors. I'll be posting a new chapter every two weeks until she is back up and running, and then there may be a slightly delay whilst she gets back to checking the chapters.

3. There is - horror of horrors - another female OC introduced in this chapter. Please don't be put off by her presence. She actually appears in the story very little, and I have deleted most of the last scenes that she was in. I promise I have learned my lesson with regard to OCs after the whole Charlene mess. But I can't remove this one completely as it will cause a rather large plot hole later on. I promise I have kept her presence to the very bare minimum.

4. anna_bm has been kind enough to do another picture for this story. You can check it out at my Livejournal. Just follow the link on my profile page to see Sirius and Remus in the forest whilst Remus was on the run. I am so stoked with all the art for this story and will (eventually) add the various pictures from those who have been kind enough to do them into the story at LJ in the appropriate places. Thanks again to anna_bm for the gorgeous new picture.

Face the Music

Sirius and Remus stayed in Hogsmeade until the week following the next full moon. Partly it was so that Remus could decide what he wanted to pack for London, and what he wanted to leave in Scotland. But mostly it was because Sirius was eager to put off listening to whatever it was his mother would have to say about Rita's article and the gossip that would surely have followed it. He wondered what she would have to say for herself when she found out he had bonded with Remus, and knew that she would be furious.

"Are you really worried about what she'll say?" Remus asked in between raining kisses along Sirius's arm, tracing the pattern of spirals with his lips and tongue.

Neither Sirius nor Remus had ever really thought of their arms as being particularly sensitive, but they had found after the bonding ceremony that their right arms were highly sensitive in a way they had not expected. It was almost as though the pattern stretched under their skin and was directly connected to the groin. One touch of lips to the pattern and it caused an instant reaction that demanded to be attended to.

"No," Sirius replied, his breath coming faster. "I just don't want to listen to her ranting on for hours."

"I'm surprised she hasn't turned up here."

"Actually, so am I. Guess something more important has demanded her attention. Thank Merlin for small mercies."

Remus chuckled as he nuzzled Sirius's elbow.

"Sweet Salazar, are you two still at it?" Romulus muttered as he came into the room.

"Couldn't you cough loudly or something before you enter a room?" Remus asked without taking his eyes from Sirius.

"Couldn't you two use the bedroom for once?" Romulus retorted with a grin before turning round to leave once more.

"He has a point," Sirius commented as Remus tugged off their robes and straddled him eagerly.

"We'd have to do the laundry," Remus reminded him. "No clean sheets."

"It takes all of a minute with a spell."

"Or we could just apparate out to somewhere with clean sheets…"

"I don't think St Mungo's would like it if we just popped in to use their beds."

"I was thinking of your flat."

"Better go get your things then, hadn't we?"

Remus chuckled and leaned down to kiss Sirius on the lips. "We'll come back for them later," he said right before grabbing their wands from the table and apparating them both out of the house.

"Fuck!" yelled Sirius as the comfortable sofa vanished from beneath his back and something cold and hard appeared instead. The coffee table Remus had landed them on cracked beneath their combined weight and Sirius groaned in pain as they fell to the floor. "Where the hell were you aiming for?" he asked.

"The bedroom," Remus replied, somewhat sheepishly.

"I've come to the conclusion that women are right about one thing," Sirius muttered. "Men can't multitask."

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but whatever he was going to say was cut off by the sound of a high-pitched scream coming from behind them.

Remus's head whipped round and he came face to face with a blonde-haired girl who looked even more surprised than he was. "Sirius, this _is_ your flat, isn't it?" he asked nervously.

"Looks like it," Sirius replied as he struggled to sit up and see around Remus without exposing himself even more than he already had.

"Hi, Sirius," Regulus said in a cheery tone as he walked into the living room from the bedroom. "Have you said hello to Chloe?"

Chloe looked like she was wanted to sink through the floor and had her eyes trained firmly on the ceiling.

"Erm, no," Sirius replied. "And, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but what are you doing here?"

"Needed a place to crash," Regulus replied. "I'd have asked, but you were in jail and then you didn't come back here, and I've not got the money to get up to Scotland, even if I could get through the barrier at King's Cross."

"Why aren't you at Grimmauld Place?" Sirius asked. "Or in Cornwall at the house Uncle Alphard left you?"

"Cornwall is too far for Chloe to commute to, and as for Grimmauld Place, it's a long story, and I think everyone would be a lot happier if you two put some clothes on before I start telling it."

Remus shot Regulus a wicked grin before informing him that he didn't actually have any clothes at the flat. He suggested he apparate back to Hogsmeade for some, but Sirius was not prepared to let him risk it. He pointed out that with Remus's recent track record for apparating he'd probably end up arriving stark naked in The Three Broomsticks instead, and wind up back in jail again.

Sirius snickered as Regulus urged Chloe to turn round so her back was to the two of them. "Come on, Remus. You can borrow one of my robes."

"Sharing clothes already?" Regulus asked with a snicker of his own. "How sweet."

"Oh, we were sharing clothes back in third year," Sirius replied as he scrambled to his feet and steered Remus into the bedroom. The last thing they heard as they went through the door was Regulus calling after them that he was glad to see that Sirius had apparently figured out how two blokes went about shagging each other.

"So, what are you doing here?" asked Sirius, once everyone was fully clothed, the coffee table repaired, and Regulus had finally finished making sarcastic remarks about Sirius's sex life.

"Avoiding Mother," Regulus replied, as though the answer was obvious.

"What have you done now?" Sirius asked. Knowing his brother and his penchant for trouble it could be pretty much anything.

"Well, first of all I asked if I could stay on at Shuttleworths for another two years: big mistake. Father says he's not going to waste any more money than he has to on the education of a useless squib."

"I'll pay if you want to go back," Sirius offered. "Uncle Alphard…"

"Nah, that's okay," Regulus interrupted. "I'm not fussed about the school, I just didn't want to be stuck at Grimmauld Place if there was any other choice."

"Okay, what else happened?"

"I invited Chloe home for dinner," Regulus said. Chloe, who had made no noise at all since her initial scream, gave a small sniff at this. "Chloe works in a record store."

"She's a muggle?"

Regulus nodded. Sirius couldn't say that he was entirely surprised; Regulus had been kept apart from the wizards and witches who called on the Blacks to the extent that many of the magical community had probably forgotten that Sirius had a younger brother at all. It was only natural that he had made friends from the muggle world.

"And you invited her back home?" Sirius shook his head in amazement. "What were you thinking?"

"It was a moment of madness," Regulus replied grimly. "Anyway, Mother went ballistic and threw Chloe out, threatening hexes I haven't even heard of if I let her back in."

"Mother kicked you out, too?" Sirius guessed, but Regulus shook his head.

"I thought I'd show Chloe that not all witches and wizards are as awful as our loving parents and took her to Diagon Alley. Then when I got home Mother was screaming and yelling in the study, and so I figured I'd come here out of the way for a bit."

"When was this?"

"The day you hit the headlines."

"Great."

"Yeah, it was brilliant. Took the heat right off of me, I can tell you."

"Still doesn't explain why you and your girlfriend are in my flat though," Sirius pointed out. "Surely she's calmed down by now?"

"Don't know, don't care. They probably haven't noticed that I've gone anyway. I'm looking for my own place." He looked at Chloe. "We're looking for our own place," he amended. "I'm looking for a job and we've got some money saved. Should be enough to rent a decent place until I'm of age and can sell the place in Cornwall."

"So, you just decided you'd had enough and left?"

"That's about it. Chloe and me are going to get married, and you know once we are, Mother won't let me back in the house at all."

"You can't get married yet," Sirius pointed out. "Muggles have to be eighteen to marry without the permission of their parents. Wizards have to be seventeen."

"Chloe was eighteen last month and I'm a squib… seems to be a bit of a loophole if you ask me, and I don't fancy waiting around for another year or more. Can't anyway, we want to get married before the baby's born."

"Baby?" asked Sirius as Chloe flushed scarlet.

"You've been back from school how long? A month? How can…?"

"It happened over Easter," Regulus interrupted. "Chloe was visiting and er, we slipped up."

Sirius snickered. "So much for the brilliant extra lessons you had in your school," he teased.

"It's not funny," Regulus muttered. "It could happen to anyone."

"Didn't happen to me."

"Yeah, well, you're gay," Regulus pointed out. "Anyway, I thought I'd lie low here for a while. I've stocked up your fridge and paid the water bill that came last week."

"You did?" Sirius dug into his robes, momentarily forgetting that all his money was back in Hogsmeade. "I'll pay you back later," he promised.

Regulus waved away his concerns, and Sirius knew instinctively that his brother had been pawning magical coins again and was therefore not having much in the way of money worries. "Anyway, back to the point, me and Chloe got together last summer, so it's not like we're rushing into things. The baby's due in the new year and we're getting married before it arrives, whether Mother likes it or not."

"She won't."

"You don't need to tell me that."

"So, what are you going to do? You can't marry yet without consent."

"I'm thinking of blackmailing Father into giving his permission," Regulus smirked. "What do you have on him?"

"What?"

"You have something on him, don't bother to deny it. Something went off last summer and I think you know what."

"He found out about me and Remus," Sirius explained and he filled his brother in on the events in the hallway closet.

"You think that would be enough to get him to give his consent?" Regulus asked doubtfully.

"You can try. I guess it depends on how much he wants to keep Mother from finding out."

"You know as well as I do how terrified he is of her. He'll agree to it. You hear that, Chloe? We can get married just like we planned."

Chloe looked like she wanted to bolt out of the door and run for the hills. Sirius was actually wondering if the girl could talk at all.

"Can we stay here until the wedding?" Regulus asked. "We won't get in the way. We'll take the sofas."

"I'll turn one of them into a bed for you," Sirius offered. "Or you can take the bedroom, it may be vacant after I've visited Mother."

"She was really pissed off at the story in the paper," Regulus warned. "If I didn't know that she already knew about you, I'd have sworn that she actually hadn't got a clue you liked to take it up the arse."

"From where I was standing it looked to be the other way around," Chloe said with a small smile.

Sirius was shocked for a moment, having actually convinced himself that the girl was mute, then he began to roar with laughter. "I see why you like her, Reg," he managed to say between guffaws.

"Would your parents really stop them marrying?" Remus asked as soon as Sirius had stopped laughing.

"Why do you think I didn't invite them to Scotland?" Sirius replied with a snort of humourless laughter.

"What do you mean?" Regulus asked while Sirius smiled smugly.

Sirius pulled back his sleeve and displayed the pattern of the vines stretching from his elbow to his wrist. He gave Remus a nudge with his elbow and he did the same.

"What is it?" Regulus queried. "Matching tattoos?"

Sirius shook his head. "We got bonded," he said with a grin.

"What's bonded?" Chloe asked curiously as she, too, looked at their arms.

"The centaur word for married," Sirius explained as he wrapped his arm around Remus and hugged him close.

"That's great!" Regulus said. "Really, congratulations!"

Sirius could tell that Regulus was disappointed to only hear this now and quickly sought to reassure him. "We didn't tell anyone," he said. "Only Remus's brother was close enough to get there in time, and that's mainly because of him being a ghost."

"We didn't deliberately shut you out," Remus promised.

Regulus nodded. "Does Mother know?" he asked.

Sirius shook his head. "Thinking of using this to take the heat of your own bombshell?" he asked.

Regulus grinned. "Would you mind?" he asked.

"Nah," Sirius replied. "We can go and see her this afternoon, if you like?"

"Maybe tomorrow," Regulus amended. "We're going to see Chloe's parents this afternoon."

"Do they know your plans?" Sirius asked.

Regulus shook his head. "Not yet. I'm going to speak with her father and ask for her hand all formally, like the muggles do."

"You're really sure about this?" Remus asked quietly.

"We've spent more time planning things through than you two did," Regulus pointed out. "Last I heard, not so long ago, you were straight and my brother was completely miserable."

Remus flushed under the entirely justified accusation. "Not straight," he finally whispered. "Just a stubborn idiot. But still, it's going to be tough for the two of you."

Regulus nodded. "At first, maybe. But when I'm of age I can sell Alphard's old house, that'll help."

Chloe reached out to grab Regulus's hand. "I have a trust fund, too. When I reach twenty one I'll be able to access it. We'll be fine until then, at which point we'll be – what's the phrase? – Stinking rich."

Regulus grinned. "I look forward to the day that Father has lost all the Black money and comes grovelling to his useless squib son for a loan."

Sirius grinned back. "You'll be in for a long wait. He'll grovel to all the rest of them first."

"Maybe," Regulus agreed. "Except they don't have any more money than he does. You hear a lot of gossip when you're hanging out in the kitchens with the house elves, a lot more than you hear around the dinner table. The Blacks are on the brink of poverty; all of them."

Chloe smiled. "It's a good thing you proposed before I told you about my trust fund," she told him with a teasing look. "Otherwise, I might just think that you're marrying me for my money."

Regulus laughed and hugged her close. "Come on, let's go see your parents and leave these two to their honeymoon shagging."

"I like the sound of that," Remus said after Regulus and Chloe had left.

"The sound of what?" Sirius replied as he pulled Remus into his arms.

"A honeymoon," Remus whispered. "Somewhere far away from everyone, just the two of us. Doesn't that sound good to you?"

"As long as your intention in being alone is to have your wicked way with me," Sirius teased.

Remus chuckled and pulled Sirius closer for a kiss. "Most definitely."

-o-xXx-o-

The next morning Sirius, Remus and Regulus arrived at Grimmauld Place, ready to break all the bad news at once. Chloe, at Regulus's insistence, was at home and safely out of harm's way.

"Good morning, Mother," Sirius said as she emerged from the morning room to see who had come in the front door.

Walburga glared at the three of them without saying a word. Sirius privately suspected that she was just confused as to what she should rage about first. He decided to help her out by taking Remus's hand in his own and pulling him forward. "Mother, I'd like to formally introduce you to my… er…"

"Husband," Remus supplied when Sirius faltered slightly.

"Don't be ridiculous," Walburga snapped, focusing her glare on their joined hands.

"It's not ridiculous," Sirius replied. "Remus and I are bonded. He's my husband now, and I'm his."

"Preposterous," Walburga barked. "I'm meeting with the Crouches this afternoon. We'll be discussing the arrangements for your marriage to their second daughter Gladys. We're hoping to arrange the wedding for Halloween, or failing that, the weekend following."

"Mother, you're not listening," Sirius interrupted.

Walburga turned a patronising smile towards Sirius. "I refuse to listen to this nonsense. This bonding, as you refer to it, can't possibly be legal. You and your werewolf – in case it has escaped your notice – are both men."

"I'm fairly sure I've already explained to you, numerous times, that I'm gay," Sirius said.

"And I'm sure I've explained to you, even more times, that you have a duty to your family," Walburga replied imperiously. "You will marry and continue the Black line. Keep your werewolf lover if you wish, but make no mistake – you will marry a pureblood girl and produce an heir."

"No!"

"You'll do as I say, or I'll blast you off the tapestry!"

Sirius glanced towards the study where the tapestry was located and shivered. One part of him didn't really care if he was removed from the family tree or not, but there was still a small part of him that rebelled against the idea of being cut off. As much as they argued, and as much as his parents wanted to force his life in an unwanted direction, they were still his family.

Regulus, who had listened to the exchange in silence up until now, offered his mother a bright smile. "Never mind, Mother. You'll be a grandmother soon enough."

Walburga turned her glare on him. "Did you say something, Squib?"

"Chloe - my girlfriend - she's expecting a baby."

"You think I care if your muggle slut spawns a dozen brats?" Walburga spat.

"She's not a slut," Regulus argued, his voice rising with his temper. "We're getting married."

"Do you think I care?" Walburga replied airily.

"Does that mean I have your permission?" Regulus asked, trying to keep the question casual, and not let his mother realise how much was riding on her reply.

"At least if you wed the muggle, you won't be further tainting wizard society with your useless squib blood."

"I'll take that as a yes, shall I?"

"If you wish," Walburga replied before turning to her older son once more. "You will marry Gladys; the pre-marriage contracts have already been signed."

"I've not signed anything," Sirius pointed out.

"Your father and I have," Walburga stated. "You will marry her in the autumn."

Almost as though her words had summoned him, Orion stepped into the room, glaring at each of his sons and Remus in turn.

"The marriage will go ahead," Orion stated coldly. "As agreed, by all parties concerned."

"I've not agreed to any such thing," Sirius argued.

"But you have," Orion replied in a silky tone of voice. "Don't you remember that day at the Ministry?"

"What's he talking about?" Remus whispered to Sirius.

"I won't go through with it," Sirius said, ignoring Remus's question.

"You agreed to marry and produce an heir, if I saved your werewolf from the axe," Orion reminded him. "He's alive and well, which means that it's your turn to repay the favour. You'll marry Gladys as planned."

Sirius shook his head and gave a small smile. He had been expecting this from his father, and he knew exactly what he was going to say. He slowly released Remus's hand so that he could roll up his sleeve and show his parents the mark of the bonding. Walburga peered closer before recoiling slightly.

"What is it?"

"Centaur magic," Sirius replied, nodding to Remus to show her his own mark. "We're bonded, married, mated, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Bound by vows, by magic and by love. You know what centaur magic is."

"Powerful," Walburga whispered, her eyes still on their arms.

"Powerful and irreversible," Sirius confirmed.

"You promised to marry and produce an heir," Orion shouted.

Sirius smiled again. "I am married and maybe one day we'll look into adoption, but as I told you, I'm gay."

"You agreed to marry where I chose!"

Sirius shook his head. "Think back on that conversation, Father. I only agreed to marry and produce an heir. I've married Remus, that's part of our bargain completed."

"You knew what I meant when we made our agreement."

Sirius smirked. "You should have been more specific."

"Why have you done this to us?" Walburga hissed.

"I've not done anything to you. This isn't about you. It's about me and Remus and the commitment we've made to each other."

"You have a duty to produce an heir. An adopted child won't carry the Black blood within his veins."

"I have a duty to my husband to be faithful only to him, and no contract that I've had nothing to do with is going to change that."

He turned to Remus with a soft smile. "Come on, love. Let's get out of here."

"Love?" Remus whispered, and Sirius winked back at him. They had never used terms of endearment before, at least not when they knew the other one was listening, and both knew that Sirius was only doing so now in order to rile his mother further.

"You coming, Regulus?" Sirius asked.

Regulus nodded. "I'd better get back to Chloe and let her know we have a wedding to plan."

"You haven't heard the last of this, Sirius!" Walburga called after them. "You will produce an heir!"

"A proper one!" Orion roared from behind her.

Sirius turned back to her with a smirk. "Mother, Father, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but it's biologically impossible for two men to produce a child together."

The three of them chuckled as they left the house, though they might not have found the situation quite so humorous had any of them caught the look on Walburga Black's face as they took their leave.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius stood up as Best Man for Regulus, and was the only member of the Black family present at the wedding apart from their mother who, tactful as ever, was dressed all in black and gave every impression that she was at a funeral rather than a wedding.

Regulus put a brave face on, but Sirius could tell that he was hurt that no one else from the family bothered to attend, and that his mother was only there to give her consent to the marriage, and not because she was actually pleased for the newly weds.

"You know Andromeda and Ted would be here if she weren't expecting," Sirius said.

"I just wish Mother would crack a smile," Regulus whispered. "She's already scared off one of Chloe's relatives."

Sirius shook his head and when he caught sight of their mother reaching for her wand again, he left Regulus and made a beeline for her, before she did something else that would require him to obliviate the guests.

"So, where's your werewolf?" Walburga asked as she made her way to the open bar.

"Mother, keep your voice down," Sirius hissed.

"Ashamed of him already?" Walburga replied with a smirk.

"Hardly," Sirius whispered. "But remember, Chloe's family are muggles. They don't know about wizards and they certainly don't know about werewolves."

"Maybe they should," Walburga suggested as she downed another shot and waved the bartender over to request another.

"The wedding's over," Sirius commented. "Perhaps you should go home now?"

"Home?" Walburga echoed. "Whatever for?"

Sirius sighed and scoured the room for Remus. He spotted him dancing with one of the bridesmaids and waited for him to catch his eye.

"They look good together," Walburga commented. "The werewolf and the muggle."

Sirius smiled to himself. "Remus always looks good."

"I'd keep a close eye on him if I were you," Walburga continued. "He does seem to have an eye for a pretty lady."

"It won't work."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Trying to make me doubt him," Sirius replied with another smile. "It doesn't matter who he dances with; it's me he's coming home with, and my bed he'll be in tonight."

Walburga scowled and took another drink from her glass.

Across the room, Remus smiled at Sirius and his eyes held a promise for what was to come later.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius stared up at the ceiling and waited for his breath to return to something approaching normal.

"How did I do?" Remus asked with a grin from where he was sprawled across his lover's chest.

Sirius grinned back. "I'll let you know when I get my breath back."

Remus chuckled briefly before turning serious.

"What is it?" Sirius asked.

"In the drawer, when I was getting the lube…" Remus gestured towards the drawer and sighed. "I didn't mean to pry, but they were just in there."

"What were in there?" Sirius asked, turning towards the drawer, even though he couldn't see inside it.

"I know I've not got any right to ask you…"

"You have the right to ask me anything," Sirius told him. "Now, what is it?"

"The cigarettes," Remus whispered.

"Ah," Sirius murmured as understanding began to dawn. "I've not had a single one since you turned up on my doorstep."

"You haven't?"

Sirius shook his head. "I forgot they were even in there."

"I thought they were supposed to be really addictive?" Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. "They are, but then again, so are your kisses, and it's a bit hard to smoke a fag when my mouth is otherwise occupied."

"Does that mean you'll quit smoking?"

Sirius smiled and reached blindly into the drawer, pulling out the small box of cigarettes and his wand. A moment later and the cigarettes had literally gone up in smoke. "Consider it done."

"I don't think it's supposed to be that easy to just quit," Remus pointed out.

"Then you'll have to keep me really close by, and if you think I'm going to lapse, snog me."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "I think you're craving one already," he whispered before pressing his lips against Sirius's own.

Sirius grinned through the kiss as he tossed his wand to the side and pulled Remus back into his arms.

"I've been thinking about what you said about a honeymoon," he said after Remus had moved on from his lips to plant kisses on his chest.

"Hmm?"

"I was with Regulus when he booked his, and I might have sort of booked us one, too."

Remus looked up from his ministrations. "What?"

"I booked us a honeymoon," Sirius told him with another wide grin. "We leave two days after the next full moon, just the two of us. Sun, sea, sand and lots and lots of sex."

"Sounds heavenly."

Sirius nodded. "I thought we could escape from the real world for just a little while," he whispered. "The hotel I've booked us into is really quiet and out of the way."

"No one staring at us?" Remus guessed.

"Wouldn't be much of an escape if they were," he pointed out.

"Can we escape forever?" Remus asked, equally quietly.

"I wish we could," Sirius replied. "But it's only a matter of time before my parents cut me off and we'll need money."

Remus groaned. "Jobs."

"Any ideas what sort of job you want?" Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head. "Let's worry about that when we get back."

Sirius nodded his agreement. They would have more than enough to worry about in the future, and he knew that no one would begrudge them a few more weeks of carefree pleasure, at least no one whose opinion they cared about.


	66. Just Forget the World

A/N: Apologies as always for those who have not yet received replies to reviews they have left. I am going to try and blast through them all this weekend and get caught up. In the meantime here is the next chapter - unbeta'd since my beta is still offline.

Just Forget the World

"You know, there's another three perfectly good chairs around the table?" Romulus commented as he looked at where his brother and Sirius were huddled together on the same chair. Remus wasn't actually sitting on Sirius's lap, but he wasn't far off.

Remus declined to move to one of the other chairs, and merely continued to eat his breakfast.

"Any jobs going?" Romulus asked, gesturing to the newspaper that was spread across the table.

"Don't know," Remus mumbled around a mouthful of bacon. "The Wasps got beaten by the Harpies at the weekend. Looks like the Harpies are the favourite to win the cup this year."

"That's nice," Romulus said with far less enthusiasm than Remus. "But you two really should start looking for jobs."

Remus shrugged. "We've not even got our exam results yet."

"That's not the point. Do either of you even have an idea of what you want to do?"

Sirius shrugged, while Remus took another bite of his breakfast.

"Didn't you get pulled in for career talks with Professor McGonagall in your fifth year?" Romulus asked impatiently. "Professor Sprout made all the Hufflepuffs have one, when I was at school."

"Yeah, we had them," Sirius said with a grin. "We had a bit of a bet going as to who could get out of there quickest. Remus won."

Romulus looked like he didn't know whether to believe him or not.

Sirius grinned wider. "I told her I wanted to be a motorbike mechanic, which confused the hell out of her. Took her five minutes to cover up that she didn't really know what I was talking about when I started going on about exhausts and stuff."

"Do I even want to know what Remus did to win this dubious contest?" Romulus asked.

"I didn't actually win it on purpose," Remus muttered. "I told her I wanted to play professional Quidditch."

"Remus…"

"It's okay," Remus said, effectively cutting off his brother. "I know about the law. Professor McGonagall told me about it in our meeting. She explained that it's never going to happen, and she kept patting me on the arm. She looked like she was about to burst into tears or something."

"Well, didn't she talk with you about your other options?" Romulus asked.

Remus shook his head. "Didn't you hear me? I said she looked like she was about to burst into tears. I got the hell out of there before she did."

Romulus shook his head. "I suggest you both turn to the job section and start looking for something."

Remus groaned, but reluctantly turned the page.

"Male escorts," Sirius read out loud. "That sounds nice and easy."

Remus elbowed him in the ribs and snickered. "What about Dragon Tamers?"

"You need to be really committed for a job like that," Romulus pointed out. "It's a lot of training and you need an Outstanding in Care of Magical Creatures."

"That rules that out then," Remus said cheerily. "We'll be through the entire section in no time at this rate."

Romulus sighed wearily. "The idea is to find a job to apply for, not to find an excuse to avoid them all."

Sirius rested his chin on Remus's shoulder. "What about this one?" he said, tapping the page.

"Port Key Distributor," Remus read. "What's that?"

"Delivering the Port Keys to the designated spots ready for use," Romulus explained. "One of my friends at school had an older brother who did that."

"I could use it to put my baby through her paces," Sirius said. Both men knew that he was referring to his as yet unnamed motorbike. "They're interviewing for the post next month, which means we still have a few weeks of freedom until then."

Sirius ducked his head to kiss Remus's neck, prompting Remus to groan and Romulus to make a rather rapid exit.

"I suppose I really should find something to apply for," Remus said, but it was clear his attention was no longer on the newspaper.

"There's lots of bar work," Sirius whispered. "Just apply for the lot and it'll keep your brother happy."

Remus nodded, but then Sirius pushed him up onto the table, sending the newspaper fluttering to the floor and Remus soaring to the heavens.

-o-xXx-o-

"What is it?" Sirius asked as Remus scowled at the paper. "Did your team lose again?"

"Of course," Remus replied with a snort of laughter. "Bloody useless Chasers."

Sirius laughed and sat down beside Remus on the sofa. "There's something else, isn't there?" he guessed.

Remus shook his head and tossed the paper onto the coffee table. "Doesn't matter," he muttered as he climbed onto Sirius's lap.

"What doesn't matter?" Sirius asked, right before Remus pressed their lips together.

Sirius let himself melt into the kiss, but he kept one eye on the paper and as he leaned into the kiss, he reached out to pick it up.

"Don't," Remus said. He tried to pull the paper from Sirius's hands, but he kept a tight grip on it and wouldn't let it go.

"I thought you said there weren't any decent jobs in the paper today?" Sirius asked when he saw what page Remus had been reading.

"None for someone like me," Remus replied. "Just forget it. We could go back to bed for a while…"

"Or you could tell me the truth?" Sirius said, scanning the page for whatever it was that had upset Remus. "Ah…"

"I wouldn't have a chance of getting it," Remus said. "I'd be struggling even if I wasn't a werewolf."

"You got good results in your exams," Sirius pointed out. "You'd have as good a chance as any of the others."

"I don't know…" Remus sighed. "I like the idea of teaching, but what sort of parent would want me around their kids?"

"One who wants their child to have a dedicated and intelligent teacher?" Sirius suggested. "Though I have to admit, you don't seem much like a teacher to me."

Remus frowned. "Why not?"

"Well, you never really concentrated in lessons much. Won't you get bored?"

Remus shook his head. "I know what bored me in classes, which means I'll know how to make them fun."

Sirius smiled. "I guess that makes sense. So, are you going to apply?"

Remus sighed. "What's the point? I've been knocked back for everything from delivery boy to janitor, and all the menial jobs in between. I can't even get a job as an errand boy in Hogsmeade after what happened."

"They'll forget about it soon," Sirius told him, hugging him closer as he spoke. "You just gave them a bit of a fright."

"I showed them I can't be trusted," Remus countered. "And they're probably right."

"Rubbish," Sirius snapped. "Now, are you going to apply for that job, or am I going to apply for you?"

"I'll think about it," Remus finally agreed.

"You know I'm going to pester you until you do?" Sirius told him. "You know I'll talk you round eventually?"

Remus sighed. Of course he knew that. Sirius Black always got his own way, especially when it came to him, since now he had said yes once, he couldn't seem to manage a no at all.

-o-xXx-o-

"You can let go now," Sirius advised Remus as he drew the motorbike to a halt outside the heavy iron gates of the remote house on the outskirts of the muggle village they had just travelled through at an illegally fast speed.

Remus released his death grip and Sirius let out a dramatic sigh, hinting, not very subtly, that he had been in difficulty breathing during the latter part of their journey. "We're here?" he asked. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Yeah, this is the address from the advert. I still don't see why you didn't send in your application by owl though."

"I told you, I'm getting nowhere applying for jobs by owl. They see the word werewolf and put my application straight into the trash."

"They aren't allowed to do that," Sirius stated for what seemed to be the hundredth time during the last few months.

"Doesn't mean they don't," Remus muttered bitterly. "And I can't prove otherwise."

"So, stop putting it on the application that you are one," Sirius advised.

"You know I have to; that stupid bill that the Ministry passed means I _have _to tell them. Besides, thanks to Rita Skeeter most of the wizarding community knows what I am anyway. If I deliver my applications in person maybe they'll give me a chance."

Sirius nodded and squeezed Remus's hand in silent encouragement. "You'll find the right job soon. And who knows, maybe this is it?"

Remus smiled back before turning to the house again.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Sirius asked.

"You'll be late for your own interview if you do," Remus pointed out. "I'll apparate home. And good luck!"

"You too," Sirius replied as he pulled Remus closer to kiss him goodbye and good luck.

"Oi!"

Remus reluctantly stepped back from Sirius as he turned to see who had interrupted them.

"You're blocking the road," the muggle complained as she leaned out her car window.

"Sorry," Sirius called back, pulling his motorbike out of the path of the car as he spoke.

The woman drove past, shooting them a glare as she did. "Horrible place… full of nutters… glad to see the back of it…" she muttered.

"I'm glad she's not your prospective employer," Sirius commented.

"Me too, Sirius. Me too."

"Well, I'd better get going in case the traffic's bad," Sirius sighed. "Just you wait until I get the flight spells right. It'll be great!"

"I can hardly contain my enthusiasm," Remus replied with a deadpan expression. He couldn't say that he was really looking forward to the day that Sirius took his experimentation with flying spells to the next level. He would much rather have a nice, safe – professionally spelled – broom underneath him.

"You'll love it!" Sirius shouted as he started up the engine again. "Remus Lupin, tutor to the next generation of wizards."

Remus snorted. "Glorified babysitter, you mean?"

Sirius laughed and took off down the lane, leaving Remus standing at the end of the path, wondering what he was getting himself in to. Until he had seen the advert, he had never thought of himself as a tutor or teacher, but as soon as the idea had taken root in his mind, he had been unable to dislodge it. The idea of giving someone the head start in life that he had been denied. Not that Remus would ever say such a thing out loud. He knew that Romulus had tried his best, and Remus knew he could never truly repay the debt his brother had paid on his behalf, but private tutors had been out of reach for him from the moment he had been bitten.

But what sort of parent would want a werewolf for a tutor?

Remus grimaced as he recalled the way that people who knew what he was looked at him. Even the shopkeepers in Hogsmeade, who had known him for over ten years, were wary of him these days.

He wondered if he should turn back and forget it. Sirius would never know the difference. He would never know that he hadn't delivered his application. It would just be another failed attempt at getting a job.

The application in his pocket felt heavier all of a sudden, and Remus felt his stomach churning.

"Who's to know?" he whispered to himself as he looked at the rubbish bin next to the bus shelter across the road. He took a step across the road before he realised that he would know. He and Sirius had promised to be honest with each other from now on, but already he was considering keeping something from him. He could see the swirling pattern of the mark of his commitment peeking out from the end of his sleeve and sighed. He couldn't lie to Sirius or do anything that would hurt him, not after all that he had already put him through.

Remus turned back to the house and forced a smile onto his face as he walked down the long winding path. The place was far larger than he'd been expecting and he wished his robes were of better quality. He felt rather out of place in the grand surroundings and briefly wondered if he should turn back and take another look at the Daily Prophet to see if there was anything else out there worth applying for. The fleeting fear was soon gone though and Remus pulled his Gryffindor courage around him like an extra robe as he rang the bell.

"Yes?" a frazzled looking woman asked breathlessly as she opened the door.

"Ms Anderson?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"Yes?" the woman replied, though it seemed more of a question than an answer.

"I've come to deliver my application for the position of tutor," Remus explained as he pulled the same from his robes and held it out to the woman.

"You didn't send it by owl," the woman stated without reaching for the parchment.

"No, I…"

"Thank goodness you didn't send it by owl!"

"Pardon?"

"Dozens of owls flying into the house since seven o'clock this morning," she explained as she invited him in and led him into the sitting room. "When the last one arrived ten minutes ago the wretched housekeeper quit on me."

"Blonde hair, looks like she'd been sucking lemons?" Remus asked with a grin.

"I take it you met her on the way in?"

"Afraid so."

"Oh dear. What did she tell you?"

"Nothing really. She seemed to be rather offended because we were blocking the driveway with the motorbike."

"We?"

"Me and my… er…" Remus hesitated a moment before deciding that the truth might actually be of help right now. If she couldn't accept his homosexuality then there was no need for him to bother mentioning his Lycanthropy at all. One less person looking at him in horror could only be a good thing. "My boyfriend, husband actually."

"Oh."

Remus shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other as he waited for her to cast judgement on him.

"Is he still here?" she finally asked.

"No, he has a job interview he had to get to," Remus replied. "Do you still want my application?" he asked.

"Oh, sure, just add it to the pile," she said pointing to the stack of applications on the coffee table. "I'm Alana by the way. Do you want a coffee or something?"

"No, I didn't mean to intrude. I just wanted to explain something in my application in person."

Alana laughed shortly, and the tinge of hysteria to it startled Remus somewhat. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Only that I've been reading applications all morning and I've no idea what half of the stuff in them means."

Remus frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, take this one," Alana said as she picked up a sheet of parchment and read from it. "I have seven owls and three newts. What the heck does that have to do with anything? I've had dozens of owls coming in here all flaming morning and all they do is make a mess. I don't even want to know what the newts do."

"You're a muggle!" Remus gaped in astonishment.

"A non-magic person right?" Alana asked with a frown.

"Yes. But… er… well, you advertised in the Daily Prophet. It's a wizard paper."

"My ex was a wizard," Alana explained. "He told me a bit about your world and our daughter takes after him."

"He put the ad in for you?"

"No, I've not seen him since I told him I was pregnant. I've never seen him move so fast as he did when he was packing that morning."

"Sorry."

"It was a long time ago." Alana shrugged off his concerns. "But he told me enough about your world for me to be able to figure out how to get an ad in the Prophet."

Remus nodded. "O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s are our exams," he explained. "We take O.W.L.s in school at the age of fifteen or sixteen and then N.E.W.T.s two years after that."

"So, they're like our O Levels and A Levels?"

"Er…"

"I'm talking another language, aren't I?" Alana asked with a laugh.

"Afraid so," Remus replied with a laugh of his own. "Do you want me to translate anything else for you, while I'm here?"

"Would you?"

Remus grinned at the hopeful expression of the woman sitting opposite him. "Sure," he offered. "I've got the rest of the day free anyway."

"Let's start over," Alana said as she gathered all the parchments together and set them neatly into one pile.

For the next hour the two of them worked their way through the pile of applications, which was occasionally added to by the arrival of another owl arriving through the open window.

"So, let me see if I understand this, Potions is like science or something?" Alana asked. "Mixing stuff up and seeing what happens. Like in Chemistry?"

Remus waited for her to explain Chemistry in more detail before nodding in agreement with her assessment. It wasn't exactly the same, of course, but as a muggle it would do for a comparison.

"But what's Transfiguration?" she asked with another frown.

"Turning things into other things," Remus explained simply. "I can demonstrate if you like?"

Alana nodded as Remus pulled out his wand and pointed it at the small puppy that had been frolicking on the carpet. A moment later it was a table lamp.

"Is it permanent?" Alana asked in horror.

"No," Remus shook his head and pointed his wand at the lamp, turning it back into a dog.

"So, you can turn anything into anything?" Alana asked.

"I wish," Remus muttered. "We've got all sorts of rules and limitations on what we can do. My husband is really good at Transfiguration. Our Professor said he had a natural talent for it."

"Looks like this applicant has as well," Alana commented. "She got an A in it."

"An A?" Remus asked. "That's not that good actually."

"It isn't?" Alana asked in confusion. "A's the top grade for our exams, isn't it for yours?"

"O is our top grade," Remus explained. "It means outstanding. Then E for exceeds expectations, then A for acceptable. Those are the passing grades. The rest are fails."

"E is a pass," Alana asked in horror. "E is one of the bottom grades for muggle exams. That means I've got to start over… _again_."

Alana looked close to tears by this point, and Remus heard a telltale sniff as she scooped all the applications up once more and started again.

"Hey, we'll get through them all," Remus assured her. Alana nodded and they set to work once more.

"Well, this one's got my name wrong," Alana muttered half an hour later.

"Reject pile," Remus commented as she passed the parchment to him to set to one side.

"This one wants more money," Alana sighed. "I don't know squat about the exchange rates. What?"

Remus tried to smother the smirk that had prompted her question. "Nothing," he replied.

"What's so funny about me not knowing about the exchange rates?"

"It's just the way you said it," Remus replied. "You sounded like my brother for a moment there."

"Is that good or bad?"

"It's good."

"Maybe I could meet him some time?" Alana casually asked.

"It might be a bit difficult, he doesn't get out much."

"Why not? Is he shy?"

"Not particularly, but he's a ghost."

"Oh. I'm sorry. Maybe not then."

"Anyway," Remus tried to steer the conversation back on track. "You're offering more than enough for the position as it is. Too much, if I'm really honest."

"I wanted to add more because of travel expenses," Alana explained. "This place is kind of out of the way."

"We're wizards," Remus replied. "We can apparate all over the country in the blink of an eye."

"I feel so stupid for not knowing stuff like this," Alana sighed.

"Your ex didn't tell you much about us did he?"

"He was kind of secretive about all sorts of things," Alana replied. "Good riddance to him. But there's so much I don't know. I didn't even know that our daughter could be like him until I was asked to keep her away from the local nursery because she was doing strange things like making crayons fly across the room and stuff. I daren't send her to another one when she's doing stuff like that. I could try and teach her stuff at home, but I have to work and I don't know anything about magic."

"It's a lot to take in."

"And every time I think I've got something right, something else crops up and I have to rethink it all. Like if you wizards can apparate all over the country, why did you travel here by motorbike?"

"I was asking myself the same question the whole time," Remus laughed. "But Sirius happens to like that mode of transport, and I find it difficult to say no to him."

"Whipped," Alana smirked.

Remus grinned back. "Totally," he replied.

"Reject pile," Alana stated as she passed the application for the expensive tutor to Remus.

Remus took the parchment and added it to the pile as Alana reached for the next one.

"What the…?"

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"I… I…" Alana shook her head unable to form words at whatever it was she was reading.

"What is it?"

"Do… er… do vampires and werewolves and stuff like that really exist?" Alana whispered.

"Afraid so," Remus confirmed. "Is that a vampire or werewolf application?"

"A werewolf," Alana replied. "I can't let a werewolf near my little girl. What was he thinking to apply for the job? I just can't believe it."

"Reject pile," Remus stated in as calm a voice as he could manage, as he took his application from Alana's shaking hands and added it to the growing pile beside him. He tried not to let the overwhelming feeling of disappointment take over as they continued to work through the applications.

"That's the last of them!" Alana leaned back in her seat after placing the final application into the maybe pile. "Oh, wait! I forgot your application."

"You've already dealt with it," Remus said with a tight smile. "I put it with the others earlier."

"You did?" Alana picked up the pile of the most promising applications and flicked through it for a few seconds before stopping. "I just realised, I never asked your name?"

"Remus Lupin," Remus replied. "And it won't be in that pile," he added as Alana turned back to the pile.

"Oh." Alana flushed with embarrassment. "Well, I'll just move your application up a pile," she said as she reached for the maybe pile. "You've been so helpful to me this afternoon, that has to count for a lot."

"I should really be going," Remus said with another forced smile, already on his feet and heading for the door before the young woman realised what she had let into her house.

"Oh, of course," Alana said with an apologetic smile. "I've monopolised your time for far too long."

"You're sure you know how to handle the owls that have stuck around to deliver your replies?" Remus asked, having shown her the best way of handling the waiting birds earlier on.

"Yes, thank you."

"Then I'll be going," Remus said with a bright smile that he hoped didn't seem too fake.

"I'll be in touch soon," Alana promised as she showed him out. "And thank you again for all your help."

"You're welcome," Remus replied before apparating away with a pop. The last thing he saw before he disappeared was the astonishment on the face of the muggle mother who had watched him leave. It would have been slightly amusing if it weren't for the bitter feeling of rejection welling inside him once more.

"How did it go?" Sirius asked as soon as he walked in the door to their flat.

Remus took one look at the other man and burst into tears.

"Stupid bigots," Sirius muttered as he pulled Remus into his arms and steered him towards the sofa. "I'll go hex 'em for you if you like?"

"Don't do that," Remus whispered. "She was really nice. She's a muggle and her ex was a wizard. She's got a little girl who takes after her father and she knows so little about our world. She was really nice."

"I don't suppose you explained to her about what it means to be a werewolf? About how you take precautions when it's the full moon, and how you're perfectly human the rest of the time?"

"She was scared. I saw it in her eyes. Her hands were shaking so much I couldn't… I just couldn't…"

"Couldn't what?"

"I couldn't make things even more difficult for her by making her suffer the humiliation and fear of having a werewolf in her house." At that Remus's sobs started afresh and all he could do was let Sirius hold him until they'd subsided.

"Forget her, Remus," Sirius murmured over and over. "Just forget the rest of the world. You've got me now. I won't let any of them hurt you again. Just forget them."

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius waited until Remus had cried himself to sleep before he crept from their bed and apparated out of their flat.

The house that he arrived in front of looked the same as it had earlier that day. Even though it was quite late the lights were still on and Sirius scowled as he marched purposefully along the path to the front door. He rang the bell and waited as he heard hurried footsteps on the other side.

"Yes?" the young woman, who he guessed was Alana Anderson, asked after she opened the door.

"I'm here about the job," Sirius stated firmly.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid the position's been filled," Alana replied with a shake of her head.

"Maybe you'd like to rethink that," Sirius hissed as he pushed his way into the house.

"The deadline for applications was six o'clock."

"You had the application I'm here about well before then," Sirius replied.

"If you've already applied, why are you here?"

"Me?" Sirius spluttered. "Hell no! I'm here about the application of the young man who has spent a large portion of his day helping you with the rest of the applications, and said nothing when you rejected his own."

"Are you Sirius?" Alana asked.

"Y-yes," Sirius stammered, momentarily taken off guard by her question. He hadn't realised that Remus had spoken about him. "Sirius Black." He waited in vain for the fear that would normally come with the recognition of his family name. Then he remembered that Alana was a muggle, and that she had never heard of the so-called noble house of Black.

"Remus's husband?" Alana asked.

"Ye-es?"

"Strange," Alana replied. "You aren't what I pictured at all."

"What? No fangs and fur?" Sirius asked sarcastically.

"I didn't know until after he left that he was the werewolf who'd applied for the job," Alana whispered.

"But you rejected his application because of it anyway," Sirius hissed. "Do you know how hard it is for him to find a job with his furry little problem?"

Alana shook her head, opening her mouth to speak, but no words were coming out.

"Do you know how upset he gets at being constantly rejected at every turn?"

"I…"

"Do you know how long he cried today after he came home? Do you have any idea how much it breaks my heart every time he cries himself to sleep in my arms?"

"I'm sorry," Alana whispered. "I didn't mean to…"

"You didn't mean to treat him with the same contempt and disregard that the rest of the world does, just because he was bitten by a werewolf at the age of six years old?"

"Six?"

"Six years old," Sirius repeated slowly, watching as the horror at his words appeared on the face of the woman before him.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Sirius hissed. "Just don't do what everyone else does. Don't judge werewolves by what you've read in the books and papers. Judge Remus on his own merits, not on this."

"I already have," Alana replied as she raised her chin defiantly. "He didn't leave an owl, so I sent his reply by muggle post. He said he'd get it eventually. If I'd known you were stopping by I'd have waited. Can he start on Monday?"

"What?"

"Can Remus start on Monday?" Alana repeated.

"You're hiring him?" Sirius asked.

"My daughter requires someone with a lot of patience and he certainly showed that this afternoon with me. His qualifications are good, and I realised after I found his application how badly I'd misjudged him when I read it. I want to hire him."

"I've just made a complete idiot of myself, haven't I?" Sirius asked sheepishly.

"No more than I did this afternoon," Alana replied. "I want to tell Remus I'm sorry, and that I really want him to have the job."

"How about I take you to him, so you can tell him right now?"

Alana shook her head. "I can't leave my daughter."

"I'll be back in a few minutes with a sitter," Sirius announced before apparating out of the house. He didn't give Alana time to respond. He arrived back again as promised a few minutes later with a rather irate redhead on his arm.

"Here we go," Sirius announced with a bright smile. "Miss Lily Evans, babysitter supreme!"

Lily shot him a glare as she looked for somewhere to place her half-eaten carton of noodles. "You could have at least waited for me to agree," she complained. "And what's James going to think when he comes back from the bathroom to find me missing?"

"I'm not sure about this," Alana interrupted. "I can't just leave my daughter with a stranger."

"Which is exactly what I said you'd say," Lily crowed. Then she turned her glare on Sirius. "But Sirius isn't exactly known for taking a great deal of notice of people. And, have you even told Remus that you're here? I'll bet anything you haven't, and you know he'll do his nut when he finds out!"

"I'll worry about that later," Sirius said with a wave of his hand.

"And…" Lily interrupted him, "I don't know anything about babysitting."

"But you're a girl!"

"So?"

"So, you know all about kids and stuff."

"What? You think this knowledge is ingrained in us at birth or something?" Sirius dropped his gaze as he saw Lily's famous temper rising. "You think that because I'm a woman I'm going to spend my life chained to the kitchen sink, and up to my eyeballs in dirty nappies?"

"Well…"

"You're so lucky you're gay, because with an attitude like this you'd have some severe problems if you ever wanted to get a girl. Any girl you were dating who had to listen to this sort of rubbish would slap you six ways to Sunday and then dump you pronto. I've never heard such a chauvinistic attitude in my life!"

"But James said…"

"James said what? That we're going to have a dozen kids? Yes, I've heard him say so, and if he thinks he's leaving me with all the work for them, he's got another think coming as well."

"But, this will be good practice for you," Sirius suggested. "It's only for a few minutes, half an hour tops."

Lily made some kind of strangled noise deep in her throat as she glared at him, before turning to Alana whose expression had gone from worried to alarmed, before finally settling on amused during the course of their discussion. "As you can probably guess, Remus is the sensitive one of the couple, he's also the kindest, the smartest, the tidiest…" Sirius snorted at this, "…and the most organised."

"And Sirius?" Alana asked with a smirk.

"I'm still trying to figure out what he brings to the relationship," Lily replied. "All I've come up with so far is the you-know-what."

"What's that?" Sirius asked as Alana nodded in understanding. Lily just glared at him again.

"Sirius," she said with a sigh of frustration. "Hasn't it even occurred to you that if you drag this poor woman back to your place to offer Remus the job, that Remus will think you've forced her into giving it to him, and he'll turn it down?"

"She was giving him the job anyway," Sirius replied. "I'm just making sure he finds out as quickly as possible. And he won't turn it down, he really wants the job."

Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes heavenward as though praying for guidance, or more likely patience.

"Am I interrupting?" a familiar voice asked. Sirius spun round to see Remus standing on the doorstep. He'd been so distracted he hadn't even heard Remus apparate into the area.

"How long have you been there?" Sirius asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Long enough, and looking for you. It wasn't exactly difficult to guess where you'd gone when I woke up to find you missing. Alana, I'm sorry my friends have intruded on your time like this. Sirius can be a bit over-protective of me sometimes."

"It's all right," Alana said with a shy smile.

"And Lily?" Lily raised a questioning eyebrow at his tone. "Sirius brings more than… er… you-know-what to the relationship. In fact, he has all those attributes you've assigned to me in abundance. Plus he has the strength to keep on fighting when I just want to give up and give in." Remus walked over to Sirius and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Not that I approve of this evening's little outing."

"Am I in the doghouse?" asked Sirius as he pouted slightly childishly, knowing that it would amuse Remus no matter how annoyed it was.

"Don't worry," Remus sighed. "I won't make you sleep on the couch."

"Good. Now, can _you _enlighten me as to what it is that you three seem to think I bring to our relationship?"

"I just told you, you bring a lot more to it than Lily thinks."

"But I want to know what she meant," Sirius whined.

"Remus, I pity you," Lily consoled him. "Now, I really have to get back to James. Let us know how the job goes."

"If Alana really wants to hire me, and not just because Sirius has bullied her into it," Remus replied.

"I'd already chosen you for the job," Alana interrupted.

"So I heard," Remus replied. "Are you sure you want a werewolf in your house?"

"If it means I get you as well, then yes," Alana announced, and although there was still a lingering trace of fear in her eyes it was small and fleeting and Sirius suspected that it would soon vanish entirely. "Can you start on Monday?"

Remus didn't have time to open his mouth before Sirius answered for him. "Of course he can. Though if he doesn't tell me what Lily meant I may not let him out of the house to come here at all."

"I was talking about your sex appeal," Lily stated with a roll of her eyes.

"You think I'm sexy?" Sirius asked in astonishment, though he made a rapid recovery. "Does James know you feel this way?" he teased.

"I pity you, Remus," Lily repeated before apparating away.

"I'll never get used to that," Alana said as she looked at the spot where Lily had been standing a moment before. "People just popping in and out of the house without warning."

"You just apparated into the house?" Remus asked Sirius with a glare.

"I rang the bell the first time," Sirius insisted, prompting Alana to back him up. She nodded to confirm that he had done so and Remus's glare was replaced with a look of relief. "I do remember some of my manners," he added with a sniff. "You haven't corrupted me entirely, quite yet."

Remus smiled before turning to Alana again. "Are you really sure you want to hire me?" he asked again.

"Absolutely," she replied with a grin.

"I'll not be around during the full moons," Remus explained. "I've a house up in Scotland, and I'll be there for them. If the constant time off gets to be a problem you be sure to let me know, okay?"

"I can work my own hours around you," Alana promised.

"And I can baby-sit if you're really desperate," Sirius offered. "Not on the full moon nights, but the days after while Remus recovers. At least until I get a job myself."

"I don't think she'll ever be that desperate," Remus teased, winking at Alana and making sure that Sirius saw him do so.

Sirius gave another haughty sniff before bowing slightly to Alana and apparating out of the house with a pop.

"So, I guess I'll see you Monday?" Remus questioned.

"Eight thirty prompt," Alana replied.

"Thank you," Remus said quietly. "I'm going to apparate out now," he advised with a smile. "You ready?"

Alana nodded and Remus gave a small bow of his own before disappearing back to Cauldron Close.

Sirius was waiting for him when he arrived home. He looked like he was preparing himself for a lecture. This was confirmed by the start of astonishment when Remus approached him, planted a soft kiss on his lips and whispered a thank you into his ear as he took his hand and gently pulled him towards the bedroom.


	67. Out of Reach

A/N: Here is the next chapter, still unbeta'd I'm afraid. No word on when my beta will be back online again, so sorry for any mistakes that slip through. I've been asked why I have not been updating more frequently since it is not being beta'd and already written - the simple answer is that the more frequently I update, the more unbeta'd chapters there will be, and since I was told in no uncertain terms that this story was riddled with errors before I got a beta (somewhere around chapter 10 or 11) I would rather get it checked if possible. Technically I could probably update it once a week at the weekends, but only if people really don't mind all the errors.

Out of Reach

It soon became quite clear to Remus that Alana had made the right decision with regard to Eve's schooling. The little minx was already a very powerful young witch, with a speciality for drawing with the entire packet of crayons at once.

Unfortunately, at three years old, she was unable to understand what it was she was doing, and had no comprehension of why she shouldn't do magic in front of muggles.

Remus had explained to Alana about the various wizarding schools available for her daughter. Alana wasn't sure about sending Eve to a boarding school, but there was plenty of time for her to make that decision in the future.

In the meantime, Remus looked after Eve whist Alana was at work, and tried to teach the youngster about how to control her magic.

Remus later reflected that those first weeks of his job were amongst the happiest of his life. He had never really thought about teaching as a profession, at least not until he had seen the advert, and he knew that he would never be able to teach somewhere like Hogwarts, but he found he was thoroughly enjoying his position as a private tutor.

He had been working for Alana for nearly a week when Romulus popped into her kitchen. Alana, who was not prepared for the ghost's appearance, promptly dropped the dish she was holding, causing it to shatter on the floor.

Remus pulled out his wand, quickly repaired the bowl and levitated it back onto the table.

"Sorry," Romulus apologised. "I wasn't expecting you to be here. I'm Remus's brother. Romulus Lupin, at your service."

Alana stuck out her hand before realising that as a ghost he could not shake it. Romulus shrugged and gave a small bow instead.

"You really need to learn to knock or something," Remus muttered. "And why wouldn't she be here? It's her house."

"We thought she'd still be at work, since you're not home yet," Romulus replied.

"I said I'd stick around for half an hour, just whilst Alana makes dinner. I'm keeping the minx out of mischief." He nodded to Eve who was drawing a picture of something that looked vaguely like a castle on a large sheet of paper.

"That's very good," Romulus said as he looked over the drawing. He smiled at Eve and crouched down so that he was on eye level with her. "Is that Hogwarts?"

Eve nodded and continued to magically control the crayons, copying the picture that Remus had briefly shown her that morning.

"I think she's going to be a magical artist when she grows up," Remus commented. "She's very talented."

"Definitely better than you," Romulus replied.

"Did you come here just to insult me?" Remus asked with a smirk.

"Hmm? Oh, no, Sirius sent me. He's ordering takeout for dinner and wanted to know what you wanted. Any preferences?"

Alana laughed briefly, then flushed as the two men turned to see what was causing her such amusement. "Sorry," she said. "But, it just seems so strange."

"Strange?" Romulus asked with a frown. "How so?"

"Well, you're a ghost. You're supposed to be all wailing and moaning and rattling chains, not popping in to discuss children's drawings and takeout."

"Well, I'm just a glorified errand boy these days." Romulus grinned widely. "Though I think you'll find that I am quite capable of discussing any number of interesting topics. I don't go in for the wailing and moaning bit, and as for the chains… I've had my fill of those in Azkaban."

Alana paled slightly.

"I see you've heard of the place," Romulus commented.

"It's a prison, isn't it?"

Romulus nodded and turned to Remus. "So, takeout… what do you fancy?"

Remus grinned.

"Let me rephrase that," Romulus muttered, before Remus could send him back to Sirius with a less than suitable message. "What do you want for dinner?"

"So, you can just pop in and out of any place you like?" Alana asked as she sat down at the table.

"Any place that isn't warded against ghosts," Romulus confirmed. "Though popping up in muggle areas isn't recommended."

"Can you turn invisible?" Alana asked.

"Why would I want to do that?" Romulus replied with a frown of confusion.

Remus snickered to himself.

"It must be nice to be invisible," Alana said.

"Not that nice," Remus interrupted. "A friend of mine from school has an invisibility cloak, and while it was fun some of the time, after a bit it got to be a right pain."

"But ghosts can't turn invisible?" Alana questioned.

Romulus shook his head. "Afraid not."

Alana nodded thoughtfully. "Good."

"What's so good about it?" Remus asked with a grin. "Afraid my big brother is going to spy on you?"

Alana blushed bright red. "No. But if ghosts can turn invisible, who's to say who might be lurking around?"

Romulus laughed and leaned across the table. "I promise, if I could turn invisible, you'd be the first one I'd spy on."

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed whilst Alana turned an even deeper red than she already was.

"What?" Romulus asked with a grin.

"Could you quit flirting with my employer?" Remus asked. "I'd like to keep this job, if you don't mind. Tell Sirius to order for me, he knows what I like."

Romulus grinned, winked at Alana and disappeared.

"I've finished my drawing," Eve announced, lifting up the paper and displaying her work. "Oh, didn't the ghost want to see my drawing?"

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid he had to go," Alana said. "Perhaps if you ask Remus nicely, he'll persuade his brother to come and visit again." She looked at Remus hopefully.

"Shouldn't be too difficult to talk him into stopping by," Remus replied.

"Really?" Alana asked. "Is he, you know, like you?"

Remus frowned. "He's not a werewolf, if that's what you mean. Just a ghost."

"No." Alana shook her head. "I meant is he like you and Sirius… you know…"

"Oh, you mean, is he gay?" Alana nodded. "Nah, he's straight. But being dead is a bit of an obstacle for him. The last girl who hit on him was one of the Hogwarts ghosts and he ran a mile."

"He did?"

Remus nodded and chuckled. "Moaning Myrtle stalked him for ages."

"Moaning Myrtle? That's not her real name, is it?"

"I doubt it," Remus replied with a laugh. "She used to be a student at the school, but she died there, and now she haunts the place. That's what everyone calls her."

"She died at the school?" Alana squeaked. "And you think I should send Eve there?"

Remus smiled and shook his head. "It's up to you whether you send her there or not, but most students do make it out of there alive, I promise."

Alana looked slightly relieved at that news and turned back towards the cooker. Remus helped Eve put away her crayons and began to gather his things together.

"So, how old was your brother when he died?" Alana asked as she added some seasoning to the stew.

"Nearly twenty four," Remus replied after a moment of thought.

"Oh."

"Why do you ask?"

Alana shrugged. "I just wondered. I thought that maybe he was around my age. I didn't realise he was so young."

Remus smiled. "He'd be a year younger than you, if he were still alive," he told her. "But he isn't. He's very much a ghost."

Alana smiled back. "But a very handsome ghost," she said. "There's no harm in a bit of flirting, is there?"

Remus grinned. "No harm at all, as long as you understand that's all it will ever be. Wizards can do a great many things, but even the most powerful wizard in the world can't bring the dead back to life."

Alana nodded that she understood. Remus hoped that she did.

-o-xXx-o-

"I think we might have a problem," Remus told Sirius as they sat listening to the evening's Quidditch League game on the wireless.

"Hmm?" Sirius murmured sleepily. He was half asleep, his head resting on Remus's shoulder, as he answered.

"I think Alana might fancy Rom."

Sirius snorted. "As long as she doesn't start to fancy the younger Lupin brother, I don't see we need to worry about it."

"It's not funny," Remus replied. "She's a muggle and he's a ghost."

"Romulus isn't stupid. He knows it would be insane to encourage her."

"That's a matter of opinion. He was flirting with her when he popped in earlier."

"I'm sure he was just being friendly."

Remus frowned. He hoped that Sirius was right. Alana was a muggle; she knew little enough about their world as it was, she didn't understand that ghosts were earthbound spirits forever, or that only wizards and witches were given the option to become so.

"What if he wasn't?" Remus asked. "What if he likes her, too?"

Sirius sighed. "Romulus is the most sensible bloke I know, except for Dumbledore. I'm sure he knows what he's doing."

"I hope so," Remus replied before turning his attention back to the game.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus apparated into the backyard of Alana's house – a near miss with the muggle postman on his third morning had persuaded him that the rear of the house was far more suitable for such things.

He let himself into the house with the spare key and walked through to the living room.

Usually when he arrived for work, he found Alana ready to leave for her own job, and Eve playing on the floor.

On this particular morning however, he saw that although Alana and Eve were in the living room, they were not alone.

"No!" Alana exclaimed with a laugh.

"Yeah, so all of them wound up in detention apart from Remus, the one who had orchestrated the whole thing."

"Telling tales on me, Rom?" Remus asked as he approached Eve and bent down to ruffle her hair.

"Rom's been telling me about the mischief you got up to at school," Alana explained.

Remus quickly covered up the frown of annoyance at hearing someone else calling Romulus 'Rom'. That was _his_ name for his brother and no one else, except for little Cecily had ever called him it. He hadn't minded Cecily using the name, she was only a child after all, but hearing someone else, a grown woman, using the pet name caused a sharp stab of jealousy.

"Rem?" Romulus asked curiously. "You all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Remus replied with a forced smile. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"See what I mean?" Romulus said to Alana. "No manners at all. Can't even manage a simple good morning for his big brother."

"Good morning, Romulus," Remus said with a roll of his eyes. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Visiting," Romulus replied. "You said Eve wanted me to come and see her drawing, so I figured I'd stop by."

"I'm not sure that Alana really needs a nosy spook like you hanging around gossiping when she needs to get ready for work," Remus suggested.

"I don't mind," Alana said, a little too quickly for Remus's liking. "I've not had many visitors since Eve started doing magic; it's nice to have someone else to talk to, without having to worry about her doing something like that." She pointed at Eve, who was magically summoning crayons from their packet.

"We'll have to introduce her to some other young witches and wizards," Romulus suggested.

"You don't know any other children her age," Remus reminded him, trying to ignore the casual way that Romulus had included himself in the plans.

"Hmm, I guess not," Romulus agreed. "Cecily is nine now, and eager to go to Hogwarts. Though Eve might have a playmate with Regulus's young sprog, when it's born."

"Regulus?" Alana asked.

"Sirius's younger brother," Remus explained. "Though since the baby hasn't even been born yet, it might be a while before Eve has him or her for a playmate."

"Well," Alana announced. "I should be going to work. You going to stick around all day?"

Romulus shrugged in answer to the question. "If I don't drive Remus right round the twist I'll probably be here when you get back."

Remus turned to Romulus as soon as Alana had left, but his words were cut off almost immediately. "Don't start, Rem," Romulus warned.

"She's a muggle."

"It's not like I'm breaking the Statute of Secrecy. She already knows about our world."

"That doesn't mean she understands it all," Remus pointed out.

"So, we can teach her. Explain things to her, so she does understand."

"It isn't your place to teach her."

"Why not?" Romulus countered. "Because I'm dead? Where does it say I have to spend eternity loitering around an empty house in Hogsmeade?"

"I'm not saying you should," Remus argued.

"Yes, you are!" Romulus snapped. "I'm not your own private ghost, I can hang out with whoever I want, as long as I don't wind up before the Ministry."

"But Alana's a muggle!"

"So you keep saying. I'm not stupid. I know what she is."

"Then stop encouraging her."

"Encouraging her? I'm not doing anything other than stopping by a few times to talk to her."

"A few times?" Remus questioned. "Have you been back here since you first stopped by?"

Romulus shrugged. "I came back that evening, but Eve was already asleep, so I couldn't see her drawing. Alana said I could come back this morning, so Eve could show me the picture herself."

"Do you think that's wise?" Remus asked, nodding absentmindedly at Eve as she displayed her latest creation for his approval.

"It's not doing anyone any harm," Romulus insisted.

"It does if you let her think there can be anything more between you than casual conversations," Remus pointed out.

"I only met her a few days ago," Romulus reminded him. "All we've done is talk."

"And that's all you can do!"

"Thanks for the reminder, Remus," Romulus snapped back. "Do you think I don't know that?"

"Then why torment yourself, and her, by wanting what you can't have?"

Romulus sighed and looked at Eve. "Did you know that Alana used to crave Fortescue's ice creams when she was carrying Eve?"

Remus frowned in confusion. "Why would I know that? And more to the point, how do you know that?"

"She was at the Parlour when I took you to buy your school things," Romulus told him. "She was the woman sitting at the next table; don't you remember?"

Remus shook his head. "Not really. I remember us getting ice cream, but I don't remember her."

Romulus smiled. "She doesn't remember us either. She was very intent on her food at the time."

"How is it you remember her?" Remus asked, dreading the answer even as he asked the question.

"She caught my eye," Romulus replied with a casual shrug. "If you hadn't been so intent on your own ice cream, you'd probably have noticed that I couldn't stop staring over at her."

"So, you fancy her?"

"Any bloke with eyes in his head would," Romulus replied, before remembering whom he was talking to and amending his words accordingly. "Any straight bloke, that is."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "I think that you've just given me the very reason why you shouldn't come round here any more," he said quietly.

"Do I give you advice on your love life?"

"All the time," Remus reminded him with a grin.

"And do you ever listen to me?"

"Um."

"It's my life, and I'll visit Alana for as long as she wants me to."

"But it's not your life, is it?" Remus asked. "You're dead."

"Again, the reminder isn't needed."

"You can't lead her on like this."

"I'm not leading her on. It's not like she doesn't know I'm a ghost. She can see that for herself."

"But…"

"Don't bother, Remus," Romulus said with another sigh of impatience. "You can sit there and scold and complain as much as you like. It won't change the fact that there's nothing you can do to stop me visiting."

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius let out a low whistle of appreciation as Alana descended the stairs, all dressed up for her date.

"You look wonderful," Remus assured her with a smile.

"You think so?" Alana asked nervously. She smoothed her hands over the dress, clearly unsure as to whether she'd made the right choice.

"You look gorgeous," Sirius said with a grin. "Come on, give us a twirl."

Alana obliged, prompting another whistle as she revealed the low cut of the back of the dress. "You don't think it's a little too… er…?"

"Definitely not," Sirius replied. "You'll be turning heads all night in that little number."

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Alana hesitated. "What if Eve wakes up?"

"She'll be fine, we'll all be fine," Remus promised. "Now stop worrying, or you're going to be late."

"You don't think the dress is a little revealing?" Alana queried anxiously.

"You look wonderful," Remus repeated.

"That's a matter of opinion," Romulus interrupted from where he'd suddenly appeared near the front door.

Alana, already nervous, halted her progress across the hall. She stared at Romulus with a stricken look on her face.

"What's wrong with it?" Sirius asked. "She looks stunning."

"She looks like a tart," Romulus argued. "She's wearing too much makeup, the dress is too short, it reveals way too much cleavage; if she bends over she'll risk exposing the rest of it. As for the back…"

"Maybe I should go change," Alana whispered, edging back towards the stairs, although pointedly not turning her back on the three men.

"Nonsense," Sirius said, pulling her back towards the door. "You look great, you're going to have a lovely evening and you're not going to worry."

"Maybe I should get a jacket or something."

"We're in the middle of an Indian summer and it's boiling hot," Remus reminded her. "Besides, you don't want to ruin the outfit."

"But…"

"No arguments," Sirius continued, steering her out of the door and towards the waiting taxi.

Remus waited until the door was closed before turning to Romulus with a glare. "What the hell did you say all that for? She was nervous enough and all you've done is upset her."

"I was just expressing my opinion," Romulus replied with a casual shrug. "You and Sirius don't look at her the same way straight men do."

"You mean we don't look at her the same way _you_ do?" Remus countered.

"Don't start that again," Romulus growled.

"You like her," Remus accused. "More than you're admitting. You're jealous that she has a date tonight."

"What if am?"

Remus groaned and shook his head. "You're a ghost!" he snapped. "You're dead."

"Not that bloody dead," Romulus muttered.

"Dead enough that you can't have a proper life with her," Remus pointed out. "You've been in a foul mood ever since she said she had a date tonight. You can't expect her to give up her life."

"I never said I wanted her to."

"Well, I hope you're satisfied," Sirius snapped as he walked back into the house. "The poor woman looked like she was about to burst into tears."

"I didn't mean to upset her," Romulus whispered, looking suddenly contrite. "I just…"

"Fancy her," Sirius supplied. "Yeah, we figured that out for ourselves."

"How did everything turn into such a mess?" Romulus wondered out loud as he glided over to the window.

"I'm going to check on Eve," Remus said and he walked towards the staircase.

"I'll do it," Romulus said.

Remus shrugged, knowing that his brother wanted some time away from the hostility that had filled the entrance hall. "Call us if there's anything wrong," he said.

Romulus nodded and disappeared upstairs.

Remus followed Sirius into the living room and turned on the muggle television. He flicked through the channels until he found a variety show that looked like it might be amusing, and then settled down on the sofa beside Sirius.

"This is nice," Remus murmured as he tucked his head under Sirius's arm and cuddled up against him.

"Hmm."

"You think Rom's going to be okay?" Remus asked.

"I think the two of them are even more screwed than we were," Sirius muttered.

Remus was about to say something else when he heard Romulus's voice coming through the baby monitor. At first he thought he was calling down to them, but quickly realised that that wasn't the case, and he was simply talking to Eve.

"Still awake, huh?"

"Bet she is now," Remus chuckled.

"Can you keep a secret?"

Remus exchanged a quick glance with Sirius and turned up the volume on the monitor. He knew he should feel guilty about eavesdropping, especially since his brother probably had no idea what a monitor was, let alone that there was one in the room. But curiosity was currently hog tying morals and bundling it into a darkened closet, and he and Sirius listened with breathless anticipation.

"I thought your mum looked really pretty tonight."

Sirius snorted. Like they didn't know that already.

"I wish I were the one taking her out to dinner, instead of being stuck like this."

Sirius leaned across and turned the volume back down. They would hear if she began to cry, but regular talking would no longer be picked up. "We don't need to hear this," he whispered, knowing that Remus would only begin to feel guilty if they continued to listen.

Remus nodded reluctantly and curled up beside Sirius, eventually drifting off to sleep to the sound of the television.

Sirius stayed awake and carefully moved Remus so that he was positioned more comfortably on the sofa, his head cushioned on his lap. He was idly stroking Remus's hair when he heard the front door quietly opening.

"You're back early," Sirius commented quietly, gesturing to where Remus was fast asleep so that Alana wouldn't wake him.

Alana tiptoed into the room and sat in one of the chairs, kicking off her shoes and wriggling her toes in obvious relief.

"Didn't go that well, huh?" Sirius asked sympathetically.

"Not really," Alana admitted. "I don't know, I spent half the time worrying about Eve, and the rest worrying about what Romulus had said."

"You didn't?"

"I couldn't help it. I know you're all capable of looking after her, but I've never left her at night before."

"You shouldn't worry about what Romulus said either," Sirius scolded affectionately. "You look great, and he thinks so, too."

Alana brightened considerably at that. "He does?"

"Yeah."

"Then why did he say what he did?"

"Maybe you better ask him that," Sirius suggested. "He's upstairs with Eve if you want to talk to him."

"I might just do that," Alana agreed, standing up again, but forgoing the shoes in favour of walking barefoot.

Sirius waited until he heard her footsteps on the stairs before reaching carefully across for the baby monitor and turning the volume back up.

"Has she been behaving?" he heard Alana whisper a few moments later.

"She went to sleep about half an hour after you left and hasn't woken once," Romulus replied.

"Good. I would hate to think she was acting up."

"Did you have a nice time?"

"It was okay."

"About what I said before… I didn't mean it. You look beautiful, and I'm sorry for upsetting you."

"So, why did you?"

"Jealous, I guess."

"There's no need to be."

"Isn't there?"

"I'm not saying we wouldn't have our problems, but I'm willing to give it a go."

"Problems? Do you have any idea what you're suggesting?"

"Yes."

"What's that?" Romulus sounded curious, and Sirius could tell from his tone that his question didn't stem from the conversation.

"A baby monitor," Alana replied. "I'm just turning it off."

There was a small click from the monitor in Sirius's hand and then it went quiet.

"You shouldn't eavesdrop," Remus commented with a yawn.

"Don't you mean _we_?" Sirius asked as Remus sat up and blinked owlishly.

"I hope he knows what he's doing," Remus said, ignoring Sirius's question. They were both equally guilty of eavesdropping after all.

"Do any of us ever really know what we're doing?" Sirius replied.


	68. At Any Price

At Any Price

Walburga Black greeted Sirius and Remus with a wide smile and even went so far as to give Sirius a peck on the cheek as he arrived.

The dining room of Grimmauld Place was lavishly decorated, the finest china was on the table and the silverware had been polished to a shine.

Walburga was delighted to announce the menu for the evening and Sirius felt his stomach growl as she named all his favourites.

As had been their habit ever since the bonding, Sirius insisted that he and Remus share a platter of food, and waited for the explosion from his mother, an explosion that never came.

Sirius frowned as Kreacher opened a bottle of elf-made wine with a pop. His mother was clearly up to something; he recognised the signs all too well. It was just a question of what.

"So, Sirius," Walburga murmured. "Have you found a job yet?"

"No," Sirius replied shortly. "Still looking."

"If money gets to be a problem, you know you can always come back home."

"Both of us?" Sirius asked with a tight smile.

Walburga looked like she might choke on her reply and instead gave a small nod of agreement.

Sirius raised a single eyebrow and took a sip of his wine. Whatever his mother wanted, she must want it really badly to agree to his moving back in and bringing Remus along with him. He didn't fool himself for a moment that she might actually be accepting the choice he'd made.

"And what of you?" Walburga asked, turning to Remus with a brittle smile. "Are you still working for that muggle?"

Sirius had to give her credit – she very nearly managed to say the word muggle without sneering.

"Yes, ma'am," Remus confirmed, causing Sirius to stifle a snicker at his forced formality.

"It must be hard working for a family and knowing you'll never have one of your own," Walburga continued in a consoling tone.

"He has a family," Sirius interrupted with a glare across the table at her. "He has me." He turned to Remus and reached under the table to squeeze his knee.

"It's hardly the same thing," Walburga replied with a snort of contempt and a glare towards Sirius's wandering hand. He wondered briefly if his mother had some sort of x-ray vision.

"We're happy as we are," Remus added, his fingers entwining with Sirius's under the table.

"But imagine how much happier and more fulfilled you would be if you had a proper family if your own."

"Mother," Sirius warned. "I'm not going to be marrying any of those girls, so give it a rest. I'm with Remus, I love him and nothing you say is going to change that."

"I wasn't suggesting marrying one of the girls," Walburga replied with a haughty sniff. "Though Gladys was asking after you only last week."

"Mother!" Sirius glared across the table. He hoped, rather than believed that his mother had finally given up on her schemes to marry him off to some pureblood girl. It wasn't like her to give in, and he knew that she was hell-bent on getting a grandchild out of him.

"I was only saying. Anyway, I wasn't suggesting that. I was wondering if you'd read that interesting article in the Prophet last week, the one on the Perkin's Potions page?"

Sirius frowned as he tried to think which one she might be referring to. He read the potions page religiously, always hopeful of finding that Belby or someone else might have found a cure for Remus's condition. So far he had made a few contacts with other potions experts and was writing to anyone who appeared to be working on anything that would help the werewolves of the world. No one seemed to have made as much progress as Belby, who he was also corresponding with on a regular basis, but he still had hope that one day he would find someone who could help.

Unfortunately, try as he might, he couldn't think which potion his mother was referring to right now.

"Last Tuesday," Walburga prompted. "It took up most of the page, surely you remember?"

"Tuesday? You mean the Polyjuice article?"

Walburga nodded and smiled at his realisation. "Quite interesting, wasn't it?"

"Not really," Sirius replied. "It was hardly groundbreaking or anything."

"Not all of it, but there were some interesting ideas in it. Some uses I hadn't thought of before."

Sirius frowned as he thought back to the article that he had only read once and without a great deal of interest.

"Did you read it?" Walburga asked Remus, almost giving the impression that she cared about his answer.

"I'm afraid not," Remus replied. "Potions aren't really my thing."

Walburga nodded understandingly before launching into an impassioned speech about the potential benefits and uses of the Polyjuice Potion. Sirius frowned more and more irritably as he listened to her enthusiastic nattering and waited for her to get to the point. It was a long time in coming, but eventually, there it was.

"You mean use the Polyjuice Potion to change sex?" Remus asked. "Why would anyone bother? Unless it's to impersonate someone of the opposite sex, then what's the point?"

"There was a great tribute band a couple of years ago who used Polyjuice Potion to impersonate the actual band during a gig where there might have been a riot when the originals didn't show on time," Sirius commented. "I hear they're playing Leeds next month, Peter's trying to get us all tickets, his father's got contacts."

"The originals or the tribute?" Remus asked.

"The tribute," Sirius replied. "The originals have disappeared into obscurity. Probably a consequence of missing too many gigs."

"Sounds like it could be a good night," Remus agreed with a smile.

Walburga coughed politely, clearly hoping to steer the conversation back to the original topic.

"Would you like some water?" Sirius asked, equally politely.

"No, thank you," Walburga replied with a smile as fake as Sirius's own. "But, back to Polyjuice…"

"Must we?" Sirius snapped.

"I was only bringing it up as an option for you two young men to consider."

"Consider what?" Sirius asked. "Living life as a woman?" He laughed shortly. "I've no desire to do any such thing, and neither has Remus."

"Can't he speak for himself?"

Remus smiled politely. "I'm quite happy as I am, thank you," he assured her with a smile.

"You haven't ever wanted a family of your own?" Walburga asked. "You've never wanted to see your line continue with a new generation?"

"It's not really an option for us," Remus pointed out quietly.

"But with Polyjuice it could be," Walburga insisted. "It wouldn't have to be forever, just long enough to carry a child to term."

"It's not going to happen," Sirius interrupted with a laugh. "It's never been successfully accomplished."

"Before now," Walburga slyly added. "Just think, the Blacks would be the first, treading new ground and setting the standard for future generations."

"It's an interesting idea," Remus commented, earning himself a beaming smile from Walburga.

"It's a bloody stupid idea," Sirius argued.

"You could at least consider it," Walburga snapped. "Thanks to that little stunt of yours outside of Gringotts you're the most openly queer couple in the wizarding world. Despite my own personal opinion on the matter, you seem to have – how did Skeeter put it? – 'Captured the hearts and imaginations of the Prophet readers'. The Prophet might even be willing to fund the expenses of the pregnancy in return for an exclusive."

"We've no intention of providing the Prophet with any more stories," Sirius calmly replied. "And we've even less intention of trying out some ridiculous Polyjuice experiment."

Walburga's response was stalled by the arrival of Orion, who had been working late at the Ministry, or so he said. Sirius didn't know for sure, but he thought the brightness in his father's eyes as he entered the room was probably not in response to the delicious dinner. In the end, he didn't really care; his parents' marriage only proved to him that he'd made the right choice in following his own path. There would be no loveless marriage for him. He might not have a conventional family, but he would have exactly what he wanted… Remus.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus looked absolutely adorable. Sirius smiled as he took off his cloak and looked at his lover who was snoring quietly on the sofa, books and magazines scattered all around him. Despite the fact that he'd seen him just that morning, he took the time to savour the sight.

Then the temptation to take the quill from Remus's loose grip and tickle his nose with it grew too strong.

"Wha'?" Remus spluttered as he woke with a start, sending two books tumbling to the floor.

"Couldn't resist," Sirius said as he twirled the quill between his fingers. "So, what have you been doing all day? Besides sleeping?"

"Just a bit of light reading," Remus replied as he struggled to sit up and gather all the books and magazines together into a single pile.

"Is that so?" Sirius asked as he picked up one of the books. "Clearly not the most riveting of books: _Polyjuice: The Perils and Pitfalls_."

"I was just skimming that one," Remus hurried explained as he tried to grab the book out of Sirius's hand.

"Why are you reading about Polyjuice?" Sirius asked as he picked up a couple of magazines and saw that they were also potions related. "You don't even like potions."

Remus looked guilty, more guilty than Sirius could ever recall seeing him before. He wouldn't even meet his eyes when he replied. "I was just looking some stuff up. Nothing important."

"This is about what my bloody mother suggested, isn't it?" Sirius asked with a sigh.

"Well, she does have a point."

"Pity she doesn't know what she's talking about," Sirius muttered as he tossed the book and magazines onto the coffee table. "Just forget about what she said, and don't waste your time with this rubbish."

"It's not rubbish," Remus said in an overly casual tone. "There are quite a few reports about the feasibility of what she suggested."

"Made by pureblood families who are desperate to keep the family line going?" Sirius sneered.

"Not all of them. There's one potions master who's apparently been looking at the idea properly. He wrote an article last year for _Potent Potions Monthly_ about it. The results have been pretty positive."

Sirius found that highly doubtful. "So, you're saying that someone out there has successfully managed to get a bloke to give birth through the Polyjuice method?"

"Not yet."

"Not ever!" Sirius exclaimed. He stood up and began to pace the room in frustration. "It's too bloody dangerous, that's why! No one in their right minds would even try it."

"I'm not crazy," Remus argued. "I'm not saying we should do this right away, but it's worth looking into."

Sirius picked up the parchments that Remus had clearly been taking notes on. "It seems to me like you've done a bit more than just 'looking into' it."

"Think about it Sirius," Remus pleaded. "If we had a baby of our own, it would mean the Black family line doesn't have to end with you."

"The line hasn't ended," Sirius pointed out. "Regulus and Chloe are expecting, remember?"

"I don't think your mother sees it quite like that."

"That's her problem."

"Don't you want a family?"

"We can always adopt. That's what other gay couples in the wizarding world do. Unlike muggles, we at least have that option."

"That's not what werewolves do though, is it?" Remus snapped. "There's been no recorded instance of any werewolf being allowed to adopt, not one. It's not an option for us."

"Then we find another way," Sirius said as he sat back down and pulled Remus close beside him.

"This _is _another way."

Sirius sighed. "This way will get you killed. Have you even thought it through properly?"

"It could work, if we planned it properly and…"

"And if it goes wrong I lose you all over again, only this time there'd be no way to win you back."

"You're not going to lose me."

"Remus, how much do you know about the Polyjuice potion?"

"It's used to change one person into another one, and it can work to turn a bloke into a woman and vice versa."

"Did you know that a single dose only lasts one hour?"

"So?"

"So? After an hour you'd turn back into a bloke. You'd need a huge amount of the stuff to keep up a continuous transformation for the nine months it would take to carry a baby to term."

"Then we'd make a huge batch," Remus shrugged.

"And what about when the morning sickness starts? If you can't keep the potion down, you'll turn back into a bloke!"

"I'd only have to keep a mouthful down. I'd manage it."

"And what if you missed a dose?" Sirius asked. "It wouldn't be so bad if you turned back before you were pregnant, but if you missed a dose when you were, you'd lose the baby and probably kill yourself too."

"Then we'd be careful so I don't miss a dose."

"And what about the potions you take after the full moon? You have no idea how the Polyjuice will react with those."

"We'll find out."

"Probably the hard way," Sirius snapped. "Take the blood replenishing potion, the potion automatically knows what your blood type is and reacts accordingly. Whose blood type is it going to react to though, your own or the person you're Polyjuiced into at the time?"

"Er…"

"And what about the full moon itself? Polyjuice would need to be taken every hour, without fail. How do you think you're going to persuade Moony to take it?"

"The potion can be taken by injection," Remus replied, passing Sirius a report that indicated that was the case. "We could work round the morning sickness with that, too."

"And who the hell's going to administer it to Moony?"

"I thought maybe through something like a muggle tranquilliser gun…"

"You want me to shoot you?"

"If that's what it takes."

"And what about regular nights? Are you planning on sleeping? I hear that pregnant women get pretty tired; if you plan on going without sleep for nine months, you'd be doing yourself even more harm."

"I could take…"

"Another potion?" Sirius interrupted. "One that might also interact badly with Polyjuice."

"So, we'd test it before I actually got pregnant," Remus argued. "See if I can live as a woman for a week or two and test how the others potions react with it."

"A week or two?" Sirius laughed bitterly. "Would this week or two include a full moon? Just wondering if you've thought about what would happen when the moon rises."

"I'd still turn into a werewolf," Remus said with a snort of annoyance. "Early tests on werewolves had involved them trying to use Polyjuice potion on the night of the full moon to see if the transformation could be halted."

"And what if you were in the form of a pregnant woman at the time of the full moon?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not sure," Remus admitted. "There are a lot of reports of pregnant females with Lycanthropy carrying their babies to term without any problems. It seems that the babies are unaffected by the transformation."

"Do you know why that is?" asked Sirius, though he didn't wait for an answer. "It's because ninety six percent of babies born to women who suffer from Lycanthropy carry the strain themselves. The babies turn into unborn wolf cubs during the full moons that happened during the pregnancy."

"And the other four percent?" Remus whispered.

"Still born," Sirius answered shortly. "There's not a single reported case of any female werewolf giving birth to a child without Lycanthropy."

"It's different for blokes though. Only twelve percent of male werewolves pass on the Lycanthropy to their children."

"That's not the point, and actually makes it worse. You've got no real idea what would happen on the night of the full moon if you were a pregnant female. If you don't pass on the Lycanthropy the baby won't transform with you and will die, and probably kill you, too."

"Or the baby could transform with me and survive," Remus argued.

"And you'd be passing on your Lycanthropy to another human being!" Sirius exclaimed. "I thought you hated the wolf, that you wanted it to end with you?"

"I do hate the wolf," Remus whispered. "But I want to do this. Besides, it may be that I'll turn into a female wolf, the baby changing with me, but it not being infected because the woman I'll be at the time of the birth and conception isn't infected."

"That's an awfully big maybe you've got there," Sirius pointed out. "There's a lot riding on sheer good luck here."

"Don't you think we're due some good luck?" Remus asked.

"In spite of everything, we've still got each other. Isn't that good luck enough for you? Why put yourself through this?"

"I…" Remus looked away and Sirius felt his anger dissipating.

"What is it?" he asked as he pulled Remus into a hug.

"You've done so much for me," Remus whispered. "I don't deserve you."

"I'll be the judge of that," Sirius teased. "Now, why are you so determined to kill yourself in such a horrible manner?"

"I want to be a dad," Remus said with a sigh. "I didn't realise how much until I started working with Eve. Don't you want a baby, too?"

"If I say I do, you'll use it against me later," Sirius muttered. "I don't care if the Black lines dies out. But I do care if you die. I never thought I'd ever have you here, not like this, you know, with me properly. I thought I'd lost my best friend forever and damn it Remus, I never want to feel that way again. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again."

"We'd be careful, we'd plan it properly," Remus whispered.

"There's one other problem you've not thought of," Sirius whispered back.

"What's that?" Remus asked with a frown.

"I'm gay," Sirius pointed out with a roll of his eyes.

"I assume there's a reason you're telling me something I already know?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Sirius sighed. "I don't get turned on by women. They don't do anything for me. I'm gay, and I doubt that I could… er… perform, even if the woman was really you."

Remus smirked. "I've had a few ideas about how to get around that."

"I'll bet you have," Sirius muttered. "I'll bet you've even thought of who you're planning on turning into for the duration."

"I thought I'd leave the choice up to you."

"It doesn't matter," Sirius snorted. "I still wouldn't be able to do my duty and get you knocked up."

"Please let me try," Remus pleaded.

"Don't you understand? It's not a question of trying, failing and trying again another time. If it fails then you'll die. No one has ever successfully managed to pull this off."

"No one's managed to make a potion to help werewolves before," Remus pointed out quietly. "But it isn't stopping you from helping Belby to work on one."

"That's different."

"How?"

"Because I'm not risking my life by working on it."

"But if that's what it took, you'd do it."

Sirius sighed, knowing that Remus had him with that one. "Damn it, Remus. I don't want you to do this."

"Sirius, I love you," Remus whispered as he crawled into his lap. "I want to have your baby. Let me do this for you."

Sirius gasped as Remus's hand slipped inside his robes and Sirius groaned, knowing that if he didn't get out of the flat now, it was only a matter of time before he talked him around.

"I've got to go out," Sirius stated as he pried himself out of Remus's grip and reached for the keys to his bike.

"Sirius?" Remus called after him. But Sirius ignored the plea as he stalked out the front door; he didn't want to fight with Remus, especially not when he knew who was to blame for putting the foolish idea in his head in the first place.

-o-xXx-o-

"Mother!" Sirius called as he stepped over the threshold to Grimmauld Place.

"Sirius, darling." Walburga stepped into the hallway with a smile that quickly evaporated when she saw the view through the open front door. "Please move that muggle contraption away from the front of the house. You know it upsets the neighbours."

"The neighbours _are_ muggles," Sirius pointed out and he slammed the door shut behind him. "I'm sure they've seen a motorbike before."

"But this is a certain type of neighbourhood," Walburga argued. "Now, be a dear and go move the _thing_ down the street."

"It can stay where it is, I'm not staying for long." Sirius strode into the parlour and waited for his mother to follow after him. He knew that she would.

"Alone, are you?" Walburga asked with a deceptively sweet smile.

"Obviously."

"I hope the werewolf's not unwell. Werewolves generally have a higher immunity to trifling little things like colds and the like."

"You hope he's well?" Sirius spluttered. He shook his head in bemused wonder and raised his eyes to the ceiling as though praying for patience. "You hope he's well, but you put a crazy idea like using Polyjuice to continue the Black line in his head!"

"I only said…"

"I don't care what you said," Sirius cut in. "I don't care about the Black line. I don't care if there's never another wizard or witch in the family after me! Considering the sheer volume of raving nutters in this family, it'd probably be best if the line _does_ die out!"

"You don't mean…"

"I do mean it! Every bloody word!"

"But…"

"Mother, for once in your life, would you just listen to me?"

Walburga stepped back as Sirius's voice reached an even greater volume than before. "I'm listening," she reluctantly muttered. "There's no need to shout."

"Good. I'm gay." He raised his hand to cut off his mother's reply. "I know I've told you this before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in yet. I'm gay. I don't fancy women, none of them. I _love_ Remus, and if you think I'm going to let him risk his life by doing this, then you don't know me at all."

"But if the werewolf was a woman, it'd still be him…" Walburga's voice trailed off at Sirius's glare.

"His name's Remus!" Sirius yelled. "Remus John Lupin. It's not that hard to remember. You don't even have to remember it all, Remus will do. Just stop calling him 'the werewolf'."

"But he _is_ a werewolf."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Very well. Remus," she practically choked on the word, "would still be himself."

"I'm not here to discuss this with you," Sirius said. "I'm here to tell you to drop the subject… forever. I don't want to see you sending Remus clippings from potions publications, or hear you dropping your anvil size hints every time we come round here."

"He seemed quite interested in the idea," Walburga pointed out with a sly smile. "He likes children, and he's been known to like women, too. What's to stop you from…"

"Remus may like women as well as men, but that doesn't mean I do!"

"You've just not given them a chance. Look at that sweet little Victoria you snubbed last year."

Sirius let the comment on Victoria's sweetness pass. He knew a viper when he saw one and that particular one had the most poisonous tongue he'd ever seen on a teenage girl. "Mother, drop it!" he ordered. He had no intention of getting into that argument all over again.

"Werewolves are stronger than regular wizards," Walburga pressed on.

"Because they have to be," Sirius replied. "And that's hardly the point. You haven't thought through the practicalities of any of this. It could kill him!"

"He's only a werewolf."

Sirius recoiled as though he'd been slapped at the harsh words. "Let me ask you something, mother," he advanced on her with slow and purposeful strides. "If _I_ were the one taking the risks, would you be so eager to offer your support?"

"You?" Walburga laughed. "But you're a Black, you don't… I mean you wouldn't… you aren't…"

Sirius smirked at his mother as he debated whether to tell her that all those things she was struggling to say – all those things she apparently feared – were in fact true.

Finally Walburga seemed to reach that same conclusion on her own, without the need for Sirius to elaborate. "I would not wish for you to take such a risk, not even for the Black line," she stated quietly.

"Yes, you would," Sirius countered. "You've just read enough of the research to know that if it were me, then the bloodline wouldn't be continued at all. The child would be that of Remus and the woman I'd be for the duration of the pregnancy."

"You think I care so little for my son?"

"I think you care more for the continuing of the family line than anything else."

"That's not true."

"Not entirely, no," Sirius amended. "After all, if you cared about the family line that much, Regulus would have been invited to Father's birthday celebration last week."

"He said he was too busy."

"Funny that," Sirius replied with a gleeful smile at catching his mother out in a lie. "When I spoke to him this morning, he was under the impression that you and Father had gone abroad for his birthday. He seemed quite hurt that it was too far for him to travel to by muggle methods, particularly with his new wife being in a certain delicate condition."

"Regulus and whatever brat his wife produces has nothing to do with this," Walburga snapped. "You could continue the line if you were prepared to take the risk."

"You mean if Remus were prepared to take the risk!"

"The werewolf certainly seemed prepared to do so when I spoke to him."

"This is pointless," Sirius sighed. "You're not even listening." He walked towards the front door, shaking his head as he went.

"The werewolf said…"

"REMUS!" Sirius screamed as he turned back to face his mother one final time. "His name is _Remus!_"

"Don't you dare walk out on me!" Walburga screeched. "You'll regret it! Your werewolf lover's prepared to take the risk… I thought you were a _Gryffindor_? They're supposed to be brave, aren't they? You'll live to regret it!"

"No, I won't," Sirius replied calmly.

He didn't hear his mother's reply, not that he really needed to. He could easily imagine what she was saying as he slammed the door and ran down the front steps.

He hoped he'd heard the last of the topics of Polyjuice and pregnancies.

-o-xXx-o-

When Sirius arrived back at the flat, he could tell that Remus wasn't about to let the subject drop, at least not yet.

"Sirius…" he began. He got no further though because Sirius cut him off with a hard and determined kiss.

"No," Sirius whispered as he cupped Remus's face between his hands. "I'm not going to argue with you, and I'm not going to let you do this."

"But…"

Sirius pulled Remus back into another kiss that left them both breathless. He might not be able to talk Remus out of his plan with words, but there were other, far more pleasant methods at his disposal.


	69. Save Me From the Dark

A/N: Still unbeta'd, so apologies for all the errors. Thanks to everyone for the lovely reviews. I have a long weekend this weekend, which means I can get caught up on all the replies.

For those who were wondering if I am going to turn this into a MPreg, gender switch fic - no, I'm not - the last thing I want to do is drive away the few readers I have left.

Save Me From The Dark 

If you asked most people who was the taller between Sirius and Remus they would in all likelihood have answered Sirius without too much hesitation. It was an easy mistake to make and only the most observant of their friends could tell that in fact it was Remus who was the taller by a mere inch.

Sirius believed the mistaken assumption came from a lifetime of Remus constantly hiding himself from others and ensuring that he was invisible to the rest of the world. Unlike Sirius who'd been taught to walk straight and tall – or else – Remus had a bad habit of slouching and ducking his head. Sirius was doing his best to break him of this bad habit, but it was only on rare occasions that he succeeded.

One of those rare occasions was when they were dancing together.

"So, what do you think?" Sirius asked as the lively dance beat changed to a slow song, perfect for smooching along to.

Remus pulled Sirius into his arms and kissed him soundly on the lips. "It's perfect!" he replied. And it was. The muggle club was one he'd never heard of, and he was curious as to how on earth Sirius had managed to find out about it. The dance floor was filled with couples, mostly men but with a fair few women and even a couple of mixed couples. Unlike the wizard pubs and clubs they usually frequented, this place wasn't filled with people glaring at the two of them in disgust. Not that Remus cared what any of the strangers thought any more, but he knew that Sirius was still far from comfortable with the idea of being affectionate in public.

Remus scowled when he thought about the bastards who had attacked Sirius in their sixth year, and wished he had done far more to punish them than he had. He realised now that Sirius was probably never going to reach out and hold his hand as they were walking down Diagon Alley. Sirius would always be looking over his shoulder in case someone was watching them. He felt sad when he recalled the winter day in Hogsmeade, when Sirius had given him one of his gloves and they had walked back to Hogwarts hand in hand. It was such a little thing, and one he hadn't appreciated at the time.

Now, in this muggle club that was barely a step up from being a dive, Sirius was holding him, dancing with him and kissing him in public.

For the first time in years, things were very close to being perfect.

If only the pressure from Sirius's parents about producing an heir wasn't starting to take its toll on the both of them, it might have been entirely perfect.

It was partly because of the pressure that Remus had seriously considered the idea of using the Polyjuice Potion to turn into a woman, if only for the length of time it would take to carry a baby. Sirius, however, had been completely opposed to the idea from the moment it had been suggested and had eventually managed to talk Remus out of the idea. Remus smiled at the memory of the night the previous week when Sirius had talked him out of the idea.

But things still weren't as perfect between them as they would have liked them to be, and it was all due to the pressure from Walburga Black to find a way – any way – to continue the Black line.

"So, am I going to get lucky tonight?" asked Sirius with a smirk as he pulled Remus closer and began to move to the music.

"I don't know," Remus replied. "That guy who was hitting on you at the bar earlier seems to have moved on to another conquest."

"Good," Sirius whispered. "Because he doesn't do anything for me"

Remus grinned as Sirius subtly moved his hips towards his own in order to demonstrate that on the other hand Remus certainly did a great deal for, or rather _to_, him.

The music soon changed again and a loud dance beat drowned out Sirius's next words. He nodded to the bar and an empty booth and Remus nodded in reply.

A few minutes later and they had replenished their drinks and were closeted in one of the dimly lit booths at the back of the club.

"We should do this more often," Sirius suggested in between planting kisses along Remus's jaw line.

"We do this every single week," Remus pointed out. "We need this to recover from the weekly dinners with your mother. Did you think she was acting strange last night?"

"When does she ever act anything else?" Sirius replied with a snort of laughter as he continued to kiss him. Remus shifted his head slightly so that the next kiss landed on his lips. He deepened the kiss and moaned as one of Sirius's hands caressed his upper thigh, creeping ever further towards his already throbbing erection.

"So, am I getting lucky tonight?" Sirius asked again after they'd pulled apart.

"You're ready to go home already?" Remus asked in surprise. "I thought you liked it here?"

"I _love_ it here," Sirius amended. "But, I don't think you can wait until we get home."

"My control is legendary," Remus reminded him with a grin. "Surely you remember that?"

"I'm trying to forget it," Sirius replied with a grimace. "But you'll be coming on the dance floor if we keep this up."

Remus felt himself flushing and as much as he hated to admit it, Sirius was probably right. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this aroused, at least outside of the privacy of their home.

"Come on," Sirius said as stood up and pulled Remus to his feet.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked. "The exit is the other way."

"Gents," Sirius replied with a nod to the door ahead of them.

"I don't need to go."

"Crikey, you can be dense sometimes," Sirius muttered as he pulled Remus through the door to the Gents and straight into one of the empty cubicles.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" Remus asked breathlessly as the other man deftly pulled down the zipper of his trousers.

"What does it look like?" Sirius replied with a roll of his eyes.

"But, we're in the gents toilets."

"So? I locked the door to the cubicle."

"But, aren't we kind of loud?" Remus whispered. "I don't think Rom was exaggerating when he joked about that."

"So are the couple at the other end of the row," Sirius pointed out. It was then that Remus heard the sounds of someone moaning in pleasure coming from the other side of the room.

"The floor's not exactly clean," he commented, still doubtful as to whether this was a good idea or not. Then Sirius kissed him whilst simultaneously stroking him through his underpants and he forgot all about the dirty floor, the other couple and anyone else who might come upon them.

Some time later Remus realised that he was sitting, shamelessly exposed, on the floor of the cubicle, Sirius crushed alongside him. "They really should make these places bigger," he muttered as he zipped himself back up and shifted slightly to give Sirius a little more room.

"Do you think you can walk yet?" Sirius asked with a grin that could only be described as proud.

"What about you?" Remus asked with a pointed nod to let Sirius know that he'd noticed his own discomfort.

"I'd rather wait until we get home," Sirius replied as he pulled Remus into a one-armed hug. "Build up the anticipation."

"You mean you want to make sure that you have a comfortable bed to fall back on instead of the cold and dirty tiles in here?" Remus teased.

"Hey! I'm on the floor too," Sirius pointed out.

"And you're fidgeting like mad."

"So I happen to like my creature comforts, nothing wrong with that."

"Are we going home then?" Remus asked as he stood up and pulled Sirius to his feet.

"Might as well," Sirius replied. "Not like they've played any slow numbers for us to snog to for a while anyway. And I'm feeling kind of… er…."

"Drunk?" guessed Remus and Sirius nodded in response. He never could handle his alcohol that well. "Come on then." He put his arm around Sirius's waist and guided him back into the main club and towards the exit.

Outside, the weather had taken a turn for the worse and heavy rain was bouncing off the pavement. The street was almost deserted, but the few lingering muggles made it impossible for them to apparate to the parking lot where Sirius had left his bike. Instead they ran, hand in hand, through the rain, getting thoroughly drenched in the process.

"Tell me again why we left our wands with your bike?" Remus asked as they reached the undercover car park.

"We were clubbing as muggles tonight," Sirius explained, not for the first time. "It's not like anyone would be able to steal them. I've put every anti-theft jinx I know of on the bike; no one is going to get within twenty feet of it.

"Next time just remind me to do a water repelling charm _before _we leave the wands behind."

"A little rain never hurt anyone," Sirius cheerfully announced. "So, what did you think of the club?" he asked as he climbed onto the bike and tugged Remus towards him.

"It was great. But I think you've had far too much to drink tonight," Remus replied as he leaned down to meet Sirius's kiss.

"Define 'too much'," Sirius muttered.

"Too much for me to let you drive this bike home tonight," Remus stated firmly as he pushed Sirius back on the seat and climbed on in front of him.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked, his speech ever so slightly slurred. Remus had long since given up on trying to explain the differences in alcohol content between muggle and wizard beverages.

"I've steered us before," Remus pointed out.

"Not since I installed the flying modifications," Sirius pointed out.

"Well, at least while we're in the air, they'll be less chance of us crashing into anything," Remus pointed out.

"Except when you land," Sirius giggled as he wrapped his arms around Remus's waist. "Hey, I've got a great idea!"

"No, Sirius," Remus replied firmly as Sirius pressed himself against his back, hinting in a not very subtle manner the direction his thoughts had taken.

"Come on, Remus," Sirius whispered as he shifted his position and rubbed up against him again.

"You can wait until we get home," Remus insisted. "Besides, I thought you liked your comforts?"

"I do, but I like to live dangerously too."

"And shacking up with a werewolf isn't dangerous enough for you?"

"Nope!"

"Well tonight it's going to have to be. You can wait until we get home."

"Where's the fun in that?" Sirius asked as he nipped on Remus's ear.

"I'll make it worth your while," Remus promised. "And if you want to make it home in one piece then you better put a few inches between us."

"I'm holding you to that promise," Sirius warned as he dutifully moved back slightly.

"Hands," Remus ordered sternly.

"What about them?" Sirius asked innocently.

"You know what."

"Better?" Sirius asked after raising his hands to Remus's waist.

"Yes. Now just behave until we get home."

"I will, I promise."

"You better," Remus replied as he started the engine and steered the bike skyward.

They'd gone only a few miles when Remus realised that something was wrong. They'd been travelling at a safe and steady height when the bike suddenly dipped down and dropped sharply for several feet. He struggled to pull the bike up and level it out again, although he eventually managed it.

"Sirius, I think there's something wrong with the flying spells," he called back to Sirius, raising his voice so that he'd be heard above the roar of the wind.

Sirius, who wasn't so inebriated that he'd failed to notice the problem was already pulling himself forward so that he was sitting flush against Remus's back. Then he took first one arm and then the other and leaned forward as far as he could to try to take over the steering from Remus. The bike tilted dangerously again and Sirius swore loudly as the two of them struggled to pull it back level again.

"I think we'd better land and drive home the muggle way," Remus suggested. Sirius nodded even though he knew Remus couldn't see him. He pointed down towards a deserted stretch of road and Remus turned to descend in that direction.

"Sirius!" Remus yelled as the ground rose up to meet them. "It's not levelling up again. We're going to crash."

-o-xXx-o-

"…came out of nowhere…"

"…call an ambulance Shelly!"

"…it's on the way…"

The voices drifted to Sirius through the sea of pain that had engulfed him when they'd crashed into the ground and he struggled to understand what was happening. "Remus?" he murmured.

"He's awake!" a strange male voice anxiously called out to someone else. "Hold on," the voice advised and he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. "Don't try to move."

"Remus?" he asked again. He tried to open his eyes but they seemed to be glued shut.

"That your friend?" the voice asked quietly.

"Remus?"

"He's unconscious. But don't worry, the ambulance will be here soon."

"Ambulance?" Sirius repeated the strange word wondering what it meant. Remus would know; Remus had taken muggle studies in anticipation of the possibility of being forced to find work amongst the muggle society. Had he ever mentioned ambulance? Sirius couldn't remember. "St Mungo's," he whispered.

"I don't know what hospital's the nearest," the voice said. "I'm not from round here myself. The ambulance will be here soon. Just hold on."

"St Mungo's," Sirius repeated. "Must be St Mungo's."

"There's no St Mungo's anywhere round here," another voice, female this time, said.

Sirius tried to form the words to explain that they had to take them to St Mungo's, but it was becoming harder and harder to form coherent thoughts, and try as he might he couldn't seem to speak. They'll transfer them to St Mungo's he thought to himself. The wizards who infiltrated muggle hospitals and similar institutions would see their wands and get them transferred to St Mungo's in no time.

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief before he remembered that they'd been out at a muggle club, in a muggle town, dressed in muggle clothes, carrying nothing that would accidentally expose their world. His wand, together with Remus's, was still carefully hidden under the seat of the motorbike; the motorbike that had been smashed on the impact and wouldn't be seen by any wizards at the muggle hospital.

Sirius's last thought before blessed unconsciousness overtook him once more was that he hoped the wizard who oversaw all the patients who were admitted to whatever muggle hospital they were taken to recognised either himself or Remus by sight. It was the only chance they had.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius heard the voices around him as he regained consciousness. He dimly recalled the harsh sound of sirens and the feeling of being lifted into a muggle vehicle, but nothing after that. He had no idea where he was or why everything was so dark.

"Remus?" he whispered, hoping to hear the familiar voice close by.

"Nurse? He's awake." The voice was strange and female, definitely not Remus's. Sirius frowned and turned his head towards the speaker. Why didn't someone light the lamps?

"Why's it so dark?" he asked with a frown at the raspy sound of his own voice. "Where's Remus?"

"Nurse?" the speaker sounded worried.

"I'm here," another voice replied in a brisk no nonsense tone. "I'm Nurse Kendall," she stated from the opposite side of him to where the first voice had come from.

"Why don't you turn the lamps on?" Sirius asked in a voice that still sounded croaky from lack of use.

"Can you tell us your name?" Nurse Kendall asked, ignoring his question.

"Sirius," he whispered. "Sirius Black. Why's it so dark?" He tried to sit up, but he couldn't seem to gather the strength to move.

"Please don't try to move. Lie still. Go fetch the doctor, Ellie."

"Yes, nurse," Ellie replied and Sirius heard her leaving the room.

"Why aren't you answering my question?" Sirius snapped, regretting it instantly as he began coughing. "Why is it so dark?"

"It's not dark, Mr Black," the nurse replied quietly. "The doctor will be here in just a minute."

"Then why can't I see you?" Sirius asked. "Why can't I see?" he whispered, panic stealing over him as realisation dawned.

-o-xXx-o-

"Blind?" Sirius repeated in a dull tone. "I can't be blind. Just fix it will you?"

"This isn't unheard of when someone has suffered severe head trauma like yourself," the doctor explained. "Your sight could return in time."

"I can't be blind," Sirius repeated. "And why won't anyone tell me where Remus is?"

"Nurse Kendall is looking into the whereabouts of your friend," the doctor explained. "You have to understand that without any forms of identification on you both, you were both logged into our records as John Doe and it will just take a little time to track down your friend."

"Why should it take time?" Sirius yelled. "He was brought in with me. He has to be here somewhere. Don't bother with looking at the paperwork, just go and look around the building!"

"Your friend was scheduled for transfer four days after he was admitted," Nurse Kendall advised. Sirius hadn't even heard her come back into the room.

"Four days after?" Sirius whispered. "But the full moon was two days after our… he can't have been here for four days."

"Our records show that he was brought in, underwent surgery several times during the first forty eight hours, and then after his condition had stabilised it was deemed safe enough for him to be transferred elsewhere."

"To St Mungo's?" Sirius asked without thinking.

"Is that a private hospital?" Nurse Kendall asked in confusion. "I've not heard of it before. That wasn't where your friend was going to be taken though."

"Are you telling me that Remus was here in this hospital on the night of the full moon and then transferred to some other muggle hospital?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"Well, I'm not sure when the full moon was, but he was here for four days following the accident and I don't know what you mean by muggle."

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but finally remembered where he was and whom he was talking to. Suddenly something the nurse had said registered in his still muddled mind. "You said he was going to be taken somewhere else?" he queried. "What do you mean going to be? Is he still here?"

"I'm sorry," Nurse Kendall replied and Sirius could tell that she'd moved closer to him. She laid a compassionate hand on his arm, but he shook it off impatiently. Why was no one answering his questions?

"What's happened to him?" whispered Sirius, panic returning, along with a feeling of horror that was creeping into his very bones. "Where is he? Where's Remus?"

"I'm sorry," Nurse Kendall repeated. "I'm afraid that there were complications whilst he was in the ambulance. The doctors did everything they could, but…"

"NO!" Sirius yelled the word to cut off the nurse before she could say the words that he dreaded, the words that he foolishly believed wouldn't be true if he just didn't hear them.

"Your friend passed away three days ago. I'm very sorry."

-o-xXx-o-

"Sirius Black?"

Sirius turned towards the sound of the voice with a scowl and a nod.

"I'm Daisy Derwent," the woman said and Sirius heard her move hurriedly towards him.

"Derwent as in related to the famous Dilys Derwent?" Sirius asked cautiously. After the first visit from the hospital psychiatrist he was being far more careful about what he was saying to the muggles.

"One of my ancestors," Daisy replied. "I wanted to follow in her footsteps, but I'm a squib. So I opted for the muggle medical profession instead, and I help to get any wizards who wind up here transferred to St Mungo's."

"Not doing a very good job of it, are you?" Sirius snapped.

"There's no need to take your temper out on me," Daisy snapped back. "You come in from a motorbike accident, dressed as a muggle, with muggle injuries, no identification, and no wand to give anyone any sort of a clue as to what you really are. No one knew your name until you woke up this morning."

"Sorry," Sirius muttered. "It's not your fault."

"Maybe it is," Daisy conceded. "I was on duty the night of the accident and I didn't recognise you or your friend as wizards."

"Do you know exactly what happened to my friend?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not sure," Daisy replied. "I know he was pretty badly injured when he was brought in. He never woke up."

"What happened the night of the full moon?" Sirius asked curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"Were you working on the night of the full moon?"

"Yes."

"And did you see Remus that night?"

"I…" Daisy hesitated. "I don't remember. I mean, I came into work. I remember that. But everything else is a bit of a blur. I don't remember…"

Sirius nodded to himself. Daisy had all the hallmarks of someone who'd had their memory tampered with. But why?

If Remus had transformed into a werewolf here in the hospital, and he almost certainly had, then the muggles would have their memories modified so that they wouldn't remember him. But Daisy was a squib; there was no reason for _her_ mind to be messed with.

"Remus is… was… a werewolf."

Daisy's gasp was the only indication that she'd even heard him.

"But if he was, he'd have transformed on the night of the full moon," Daisy pointed out. "I'd remember that. The muggles would be obliviated, but the Ministry folk who deal with that sort of stuff have known me for years. They wouldn't need to wipe my memory."

"The Ministry must have found out about him when he transformed," Sirius reasoned. "But, why wait two days after the full moon to transfer him? And why not just erase him completely from the memories of everyone here?"

"They probably couldn't remove all the memories because of you being here. You'd remember him."

"Then, why am I still here now?" Sirius asked. "Why not transfer me at the same time?"

"I don't know."

"There's something not quite right about all this. Things don't add up. Maybe he's not dead after all. Maybe they just think he is, just spells and memory modifications."

"There's only one problem with that theory," Daisy said quietly.

"What's that?"

"If he was still alive he'd have been transferred to the high security ward at St Mungo's and I'd know about it. He isn't there. The last admission to that ward was two months ago and it wasn't a werewolf."

"Then they took him somewhere else. One of the camps for dangerous creatures!"

"I don't think so," Daisy replied quietly.

"Why not? How can you be so sure?"

"Well, because if your friend attacked people here in the hospital then the Ministry would have obtained an emergency execution order from the Wizengamot."

"Oh shit!" Sirius thought back to the night of the crash. It had been a Thursday night and unusual for them to be out on that particular night of the week. But they'd had dinner plans with James and Lily on Friday and the full moon had been Saturday. The Wizengamot didn't sit on a Sunday. They'd have had to wait for Monday to get the execution order. That explained the delay.

But it didn't make any difference. It didn't matter whether there had been medical complications or not. Either way Remus was dead.

"Can you contact the Ministry and get them to find out what happened?" Sirius asked urgently.

"I'll do it right away. I've already contacted St Mungo's and they're going to transfer you there later today. They'll obliviate the staff here so no one will even remember you were here."

Sirius shrugged. He didn't care whether the muggles remembered him or not.

"They should be able to fix your eyes for you, too," Daisy continued.

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters," Daisy exclaimed.

"If Remus is really dead, then nothing matters any more," Sirius replied, turning his face away from Daisy and signalling that the conversation, as far as he was concerned, was over.

-o-xXx-o-

St Mungo's wasn't exactly an improvement.

After Healer Whitby had appeared with the eighth disgusting potion to be poured down his throat, Sirius swore loudly at the woman and pushed her away. None of them had had the slightest effect on his lack of vision at all. The only slight consolation was that he was too bunged up with tears to be able to smell the worst of the concoctions. But he'd have gladly downed the foulest potion in the world, if it meant that Remus was returned to him.

He'd been put in a room with several other patients. Most of them snored, and several them couldn't seem to take the hint that he didn't want to be engaged in polite chatter.

He'd had a visit from an official from the Ministry of Magic who'd confirmed that Remus had indeed transformed into the werewolf in the muggle hospital. He'd still been borderline unconscious at the time, but it had been more than enough to terrify the muggle doctors and nurses. They had managed to restrain him with sedatives, aided by the injuries he'd already sustained from the crash. As such the danger had been minimal. The staff at the hospital had had their memories modified as soon as word had reached the Ministry – the exposure of the wizarding world being the top priority.

The Ministry had gone in to pull Remus out, knowing only that a werewolf was in the building, nothing about how he'd wound up there, or that another wizard had been brought in with him. He admitted that despite the delay, they'd not taken the time to thoroughly research the situation.

Remus had been quietly executed in accordance with the order granted by the Wizengamot. The official had taken great pains to stress to Sirius the legality of the actions of the Ministry. In his nasally tone, he'd repeated no less than five times that his men had acted with the full authority of the Wizengamot. Sirius would have hit him, if only he'd been able to see where to aim.

The muggles had been obliviated and their records and memories magically altered and modified. A new member of the team, who had simply failed to recognise her, had inadvertently treated Daisy as a muggle.

Sirius didn't care. All that mattered was that his last shred of hope had vanished with the cold and brutal truth that Remus Lupin was gone forever.

Then, just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.

"Sirius!"

"Great, just great," he muttered as he heard the familiar footsteps of his mother striding across the room.

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you," she ordered coldly.

"Perhaps the healers have failed to mention to you, but I'm blind," Sirius pointed out sarcastically.

"You can look in my direction at least," Walburga stated as she sat down on one of the bedside chairs. Sirius didn't bother to try to stifle the groan at the thought of her sticking around for any length of time.

"I see that living with that half-breed has done severe damage to all the good manners I took so much trouble to drill into you."

"Don't!" Sirius hissed, finally turning towards where his mother was sitting.

"I hear he didn't make it," continued Walburga as though Sirius hadn't spoken. "His parents held a private funeral service a few days ago. They were glad to finally put the whole sorry business behind them."

"Don't!" Sirius repeated in a cold tone. "Don't you _dare _speak about him."

"I'm glad to see you're at least looking towards the future."

Sirius snorted. What future? Without Remus he didn't have a future.

"Rosina says that they've done all they can for you by way of spells and potions and that I can take you home now."

Sirius scowled at the memory of the latest visit from Rosina Whitby, the healer who'd been assigned to his case. He'd thrown the latest potion back at her, and from her squeal of annoyance he'd not failed to hit his target. "So they told me. I've sent a message to James asking him to collect me after he finishes work. I know he'll let me stay with him for a while."

"You'll not stay with a Potter," Walburga snapped. "What will people say?"

"I don't care what they say; James is my friend and I'm staying with him."

"You'll be coming back to Grimmauld Place. I'll hear no more arguments."

Sirius shrugged. Maybe he would be better off at Grimmauld Place. As strange as it seemed, the depressing and gloomy old house of the Black family might just be the best place for him. It certainly matched his mood and without Remus, did it really matter where he was?

"That's settled then," Walburga announced. "Kreacher!" Sirius heard the telltale pop of the house elf appearing in the ward. "Dress Master Sirius then bring him home forthwith."

"I can dress myself."

"I'm sure you can. But with Kreacher's help you'll at least be presentable."

Sirius growled in frustration, but couldn't summon up the effort it would take to argue with her. What did it matter if Kreacher dressed him in the Slytherin colours of silver and green?

What did anything matter any more?

--

A/N: It's the return of the evil cliffhanger!


	70. Waiting for the Day to Break

A/N: Fingers crossed that this works. Having major problems with my account. I can't reply to reviews, I can't leave reviews and I can't upload documents. I am therefore copying the new chapter into the undeleted previous one and hoping that it works without screwing up my formatting.

Also, still unbeta'd. Thanks to everyone for your reviews, and I promise I will reply as soon as my account is working properly again.

Waiting for the Day to Break

Remus was pacing in his cell in the Ministry, waiting for his trial to start, and more importantly waiting for Sirius to arrive.

Things were still hazy in his mind and he was struggling to fill in the gaps as to what had happened. He remembered the bike hurtling towards the ground – and had relived that moment in his nightmares – but he had no memories after that point until the time he had woken up in the same cell he was now in.

He had been told that he had been injured, and that he had transformed in the muggle hospital, but he remembered nothing of the night of the full moon at all.

He had also been told that several Healers had been brought in and worked on his injuries in the muggle hospital, and as soon as he was well enough to move, they had transferred him to his current cell in the Ministry. He had woken up there and had seen nothing outside of that small room since.

Romulus had been with him from the moment he had woken. He told him that he had not left his side for a single minute, though he had heard enough from the comings and goings of the officials to learn that Sirius had been taken to St Mungo's. Remus had sent him to see him, and Romulus had reluctantly complied. He had returned a few minutes later with the news that he could not get in to see Sirius. Although most of St Mungo's was accessible to him, someone had put up wards to prevent spirits from entering the private wing that Sirius was in.

Remus had scowled at the news. Wards to keep out ghosts seemed like too much of a coincidence. Someone knew that he was going to be sending Romulus to see Sirius, and someone was going to a great deal of trouble to make sure that he couldn't get in there.

At first he had been sure that even though Romulus couldn't get in there, one of his other friends could. He sent Romulus to James, hoping that he would have better luck.

James had come to see him, bringing Lily and Peter with him.

Lily had thrown her arms around him and promptly burst into tears. James and Peter had looked everywhere except at the two of them. The fact that James wasn't teasing him about getting too close to Lily was just another sign of how serious the situation was.

Remus explained, as best he could, what had happened, and James took off immediately to St Mungo's.

He was gone for a long time, but when he returned it was with the news that he had been unable to get in to see Sirius at all. He had done his best, but he had been thwarted at every turn. It seemed that no one could get past his guard dog of a Healer, who insisted he needed peace and quiet to recover, and would let no one in to see him.

Remus tried not to let the others know how scared it was, but the truth was that he was terrified.

Then James had received the note.

Remus had been relieved beyond words that Sirius was all right, but hurt at the idea of him going to stay with James, instead of going home with him.

James had gone to the hospital as soon as he had received Sirius's message, but once again he had been denied access to see Sirius. Not even the note that he waved in front of the Healer's nose could change her mind.

As a last resort he had attempted to sneak in under his invisibility cloak, but he wasn't quite quick enough to slip through the door. He had been thrown from the hospital and sent on his way, and his cloak had been confiscated to ensure he didn't try again.

James had assured him that his father would be able to get the family heirloom back, but it might take a few days, by which time the trial would be over, and it would be too late.

It was frustrating, and Remus was becoming more and more concerned, not only for himself, but also for Sirius. And that was why he had now resorted to pacing back and forth across his small cell. Deep down he knew that something else must have happened, that an important piece of the jigsaw puzzle was missing, but his trial was starting that afternoon, and he was starting to panic.

James and Peter were still trying to contact Sirius, and Romulus was searching the Ministry for Orion Black, and any clue as to what had happened to Sirius. As such, Remus was on his own when he heard a tentative knock on the door.

He turned to see Alana standing nervously in the entrance.

"Thanks for coming," Remus said, waving her inside.

"I couldn't let my favourite employee down," Alana replied with a smile.

Remus snorted. "Your only employee, you mean."

Alana took a seat opposite Remus. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Remus nodded. "I want you to do a little – what do you muggles call it? – Detective work for me."

"I've already tried to get to Sirius's parents' house. I just can't see it on the street, even though Romulus says it's there."

Remus waved his hand to dismiss her concerns. "Muggles can't see the Black family residence. I didn't expect you to even try."

"So, what is it you want me to do?"

"I'd like you to try and find out what happened to my brother after he was sent to Azkaban," Remus asked.

"You mean you don't know?" Alana questioned. "That he's never told you?"

"He's frustratingly stubborn, and has perfected the art of avoiding the subject. But, I have to face it, this time I'm in more trouble than I think I can handle, and with no real hope of getting out of it unscathed. Dumbledore has warned me that things are looking bad; at best I am facing life in a Dangerous Creatures' Camp, at worst…"

Alana nodded. She didn't need to hear the unspoken words to know what they were.

"There are wards that keep spirits out of certain places, places like the camps. Romulus won't be able to visit me in the camp, if I'm lucky enough to be sent to one. I don't want to spend my life wondering what happened to him."

"Perhaps you could ask him again…" Alana suggested quietly.

"I've asked him a hundred times or more," Remus muttered with frustration. "He refuses to talk about it. Please, will you try to find out for me?"

Alana nodded. "I'll do my best."

"He'll tell you if you ask," Remus assured her.

"Why would he tell me, when he won't tell you?"

"Because it would be you asking," Remus told her with a small smile.

Alana blushed and ducked her head.

"He's been visiting you a lot, hasn't he?" Remus asked quietly.

Alana nodded. "I like having him around. He's nice and…"

"And you fancy him, too," Remus guessed.

"I know it's a mistake to get so attached, but I can't help it."

"You can't help who you fall in love with," Remus told her.

"I'm not in love," Alana quickly argued. "I'm not, and even if I were, it's not like Rom would ever want to be tied down to someone like me."

"Did you know that only me and our little sister ever called him Rom?" Remus asked.

Alana shook her head. "He said to call him that," she replied. "I didn't mean to steal your nickname for him."

"It's okay," Remus said. "It was strange at first to hear you say it, but the point I'm making is that Rom never let anyone else call him that. Even Sirius doesn't call him Rom, but he let you."

"So, you don't mind?"

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, and you know that you can't have any sort of a future with him."

"I know."

A knock at the door stalled Remus's next words and he looked up as Dumbledore entered his cell.

"Any luck?" Remus asked, even though the expression on the older man's face was answer enough.

Dumbledore shook his head. "My owl has been returned unanswered, and my patronus can't seem to penetrate Grimmauld Place."

"You're sure he's there?"

"He left St Mungo's by floo from St Mungo's with his mother; I see no reason to believe he went anywhere else."

"Have you checked our flat again?"

"Mr Pettigrew has been keeping watch there, but there's been no sign of him."

James appeared behind Dumbledore, his expression equally sombre. "We should have snatched him from St Mungo's as soon as we found out he was in there," he muttered. "The note he sent made it clear he wanted to come and stay with me for a while. I should have hexed that bloody Healer and smuggled him out."

"Can I see the note again?" Remus asked, again feeling a stab of hurt that Sirius wanted to stay with James, and not with him. Did Sirius blame him for the accident? Was that why he was staying away?

James nodded and pulled it out of his robes. "Doesn't say much. Just that he was being released from St Mungo's and needed a place to stay."

"But why would he need to stay with you?" Dumbledore questioned, speaking more to himself than to James.

"This isn't Sirius's handwriting," Remus exclaimed, unable to believe that he hadn't realised this before.

"I didn't think it was," James agreed. "Wasn't entirely sure though. Not like I copied his work all the time or something."

Dumbledore gave him a look at the comment.

"I didn't," James insisted, though the flush of colour on his face said differently.

"At least he's okay," Remus said, not for the first time. "They wouldn't let him out of St Mungo's if he were still badly hurt."

Dumbledore nodded. "I spoke with the Healer in charge of his ward. She assured me that he was well enough to return home."

"In that case, I don't understand why he isn't here," Remus said.

"Had you had a fight?" Dumbledore asked. "Even a small argument?"

Remus shook his head. "We were fine. We'd been out for the evening and were on our way home when we crashed. I don't remember anything after that; not until I woke up here in the Ministry anyway."

A knock sounded on the door and an elderly man poked his head into the room. "We're about to start," he said.

Dumbledore nodded. "Are you ready?" he asked Remus.

Remus nodded and stood up. James and Alana left the room, promising to continue to try to get in touch with Sirius.

"We'll be there in a minute," Dumbledore told the man, but holding Remus back for the moment.

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"You do know that you'll have to speak up for yourself?" Dumbledore asked. "This isn't going to be like the last time you were here. I can't help you if you won't help yourself."

"And this time Sirius isn't going to be here to get his father to swing the vote," Remus added miserably.

"We'll keep trying to get a message through to him," Dumbledore promised and they walked through the doors and down the corridor to the Wizengamot. Remus tried to ignore the wizards trailing along beside them, their wands drawn in case he tried to escape.

"Back again?" the Chief Warlock commented. "This is becoming a habit, isn't it, Lupin?"

Remus squirmed in his seat, feeling the hostility in the room and wishing that Sirius were there.

"Failing to take the appropriate precautions during the full moon is a very serious offence," the Chief Warlock stated. "To transform in front of numerous muggles breaches the Statute of Secrecy and is equally serious."

Remus wanted to say something, to argue his case, but Dumbledore prevented him from speaking with a cautious look. As long as the lecture continued, they had a little more time to try to get a message through to Sirius.

Eventually, the trial began and Remus waited for his chance to speak as he listened to the reports of what had happened during the lost days.

"It was two days before the full moon that the accident occurred," Dumbledore stated in answer to a question from a middle-aged wizard.

"This accident was while driving a muggle contraption?" a witch on the front row of the Wizengamot asked.

Remus nodded. "A motorbike." He didn't add that it was crashed into the ground from the air – they really didn't need to know about Sirius's magical modifications to the bike, especially when he didn't have permission to make them.

Dumbledore turned back to the room. "Remus Lupin was unconscious from the time of the accident until the transformation. His injuries were serious enough that the muggles were able to restrain him when he did transform."

"Those muggles are extremely lucky that he didn't bite them," Umbridge called out.

Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat as the murmurs of agreement rippled through the room. He knew that it was true; he had been very lucky that his injuries had been so extensive that they had probably saved the muggle doctors and nurses who had been present.

"They are indeed," Dumbledore agreed. "But my point is that Remus was unconscious and unable to take the appropriate precautions for the full moon only because of that. To execute him in these circumstances would be tantamount to murder."

There was a lot of nodding heads in the room and Remus felt the knots in his stomach untangling slightly at the first real sign that he might get out of this alive.

The Chief Warlock was also nodding his agreement and a quick vote followed, confirming that Remus was not going to lose his life for this latest incident.

Remus stood up, thinking that the case was over, but it seemed that he was wrong.

"It's quite clear that the werewolf needs someone to supervise him," the Chief Warlock stated, and Remus sank back down into his chair. "If this were the first incident on his record then perhaps we could let it go, but it isn't, and the safety of the population, both wizard and muggle, must be taken into consideration."

Remus leaned forward to whisper to Dumbledore. "Sirius will supervise me."

Dumbledore nodded and turned to the Chief Warlock. "In anticipation of this happening, we have been attempting to contact Sirius Black, the Accused's partner. Unfortunately, he was injured in the same accident and we have been unable to contact him."

The Chief Warlock turned to his papers. "Our records show that Black was only discovered to be in the muggle hospital after he regained consciousness. This was several days after the werewolf had been removed. Black was transferred to St Mungo's where he remained until he was discharged two days ago."

Dumbledore nodded in agreement. "That is what our own enquiries have revealed," he confirmed. "We have attempted to locate Mr Black in order that he may apply to supervise Mr Lupin, but we have been unable to do so."

"Perhaps he does not wish to take on the responsibility of a werewolf?" one of the younger members of the Wizengamot suggested.

Dumbledore shook his head. "He was prepared to take on that responsibility when he was still in school. I believe that if he were here today, he would not hesitate to do the same."

The Chief Warlock turned to whisper something to the man sitting beside him and Remus realised that it was Sirius's father he was speaking to.

"Does Lupin have anyone else who would be prepared to supervise him?" the Chief Warlock asked.

"I will!" James called out.

"And your relationship to the Accused?"

"He's a mate."

Remus watched as several heads began to shake at this declaration.

"I'm afraid that's not good enough," the Chief Warlock announced. "Are there any blood relations prepared to step forward?"

Remus looked across at Romulus, who was sitting next to Alana, and wished that ghosts could apply.

"May I ask whether Warlock Black can shed some light on why his son isn't here?" Dumbledore asked.

"Senior Warlock," Orion corrected. "And my son is recuperating at home. He is still suffering greatly following the accident, and in no position to be supervising a werewolf."

"Suffering?" Remus asked.

"Depression mainly," Orion replied. "He's at home with his family, where he belongs."

"I'm his family!" Remus shouted.

"You are merely an indiscretion. My son has finally come to his senses and realised the close shave he has had."

"He's my husband!" Remus yelled, rising to his feet.

"A foolish mistake," Orion said. "My son is back with his family and I would strongly suggest you forget about him."

Remus glared at the older man. He was sure he was lying. "I want Sirius to come here and say this to my face," he demanded coldly.

"You are in no positions to make demands," the Chief Warlock stated. "Is there no one else who can apply to supervise you?"

Remus shook his head.

"Very well."

Remus listened quietly as the Wizengamot voted to send him to a Dangerous Creatures' Camp. He glared at Orion Black, who was looking more and more smug with every single word. He was sure he was lying, but he had no idea why. Sooner or later Sirius would find out what had happened, and when he did, nothing would stop him from tracking Remus down. He just had to be patient.

Then, when he thought things couldn't get much worse, he heard a single word that told him that it could.

Cheshire.

With that single name, Remus realised he was being sent to the same camp that Fenrir Greyback was being held in.

-o-xXx-o-

Later that day, Remus followed after O'Brien as she hurried him through the camp towards the cell that was to be his home until Sirius came to fetch him.

"You'll be in Section B," O'Brien explained, pointing to the building they were approaching. "You'll be transferred with the rest of the werewolves to the high security wing one hour before sunset on full moon nights."

Remus looked to where she was pointing at another building, that one containing no windows and looking as bleak as he imagined Azkaban did.

"Section B isn't locked except during an emergency. Your wand will remain in storage until such time as you are released back into the community."

Remus nodded mournfully; he'd not had a wand of his own for long, but he was already missing it.

A couple of minutes later and Remus was standing in the small room that would be his home for the foreseeable future. It wasn't a particularly bad room, all things considered. The bed looked large and comfortable, and there was also a couple of cosy looking chairs. The bedside table contained a lamp and a box of tissues, and on the wall there were several shelves with an assortment of books and magazines on them.

Remus ran a finger along the spines of the books. Was it even worth starting one of them, when Sirius would be coming to collect him at any time?

"I'll leave you to get settled."

Remus turned back to O'Brien, realising that he'd missed most of what she had said. Unfortunately the woman was already disappearing out of the door.

Remus stood in the middle of the room for several long minutes. The sound of a cough in the doorway pulled him out of the thoughts of his imminent rescue. He turned to see a young man about his own age, leaning casually against the doorframe.

His hair was long and black with streaks of silver within it. Remus suspected that the silver had been added, rather than grown that way. The man displayed an easy grin and Remus wondered what he was finding so amusing.

He stared at the young man, waiting for him to speak. Green eyes stared back at him, making it clear that the young man was doing the same as he was.

Remus didn't want to be the one to break, and eventually the other man spoke. "You're Lupin, right?"

Remus nodded cautiously.

"Aaron Winters." The man held out his hand and Remus shook it politely. "I was asked to come give you the tour," Aaron explained.

"Oh, don't trouble yourself," Remus replied. "I'm not going to be here for long."

"You're not?" Aaron asked in surprise. "The evening edition of the Daily Prophet says you've been sent here for life."

"It's only until my husband can apply for supervision," Remus explained. "Something must have come up and he missed the hearing." He tried to make his words as casual as he could.

"According to the Prophet, Sirius Black hasn't left his London home in weeks. What could possibly have been so important?"

"The Prophet never gives an accurate report," Remus replied. "He was only released from St Mungo's a couple of days ago. I'm sure he had a good reason for missing the hearing."

"Well, anyway, the tour." Aaron gestured towards the door, clearly indicating that Remus should follow him.

Remus shook his head. "Thanks anyway, but I won't be here that long."

Aaron looked like he was about to insist, but then a voice calling his name from further down the corridor pulled his attention away from Remus. "I'm on my way," he called, before turning back to Remus briefly. "The cafeteria's down the corridor and second on the right."

Remus nodded and smiled politely. He wasn't hungry and spent the remainder of the day in his room. If the case had really been reported in the Prophet, it was only a matter of time before Sirius saw it and came to get him. He was awake most of the night, listening out for any sound of someone coming to fetch him, to bring him the good news.

By the next day, he was a little less sure that his rescue was imminent.

The morning dragged on and he began to wonder what was keeping Sirius from coming to get him. Surely he'd arrived at the Ministry by now? If the case had really been reported in the papers already, then he must be aware of what had happened and where Remus was. It was simply a question of being patient, if only Remus had ever been in possession of that particular virtue.

Remus skipped lunch entirely, spending his day idly skimming old editions of Quidditch Quarterly, but by the time the sun started to go down he realised he was too hungry to forego dinner as well.

The cafeteria was crowded and Remus joined the end of the long queue to patiently wait his turn. He had just reached the trolley where the trays were stacked when he heard someone saying his name. He turned round curiously and saw a group of three men staring blatantly in his direction. He offered them a tentative smile. The glares that were returned to him wiped the smile from his face and he turned away quickly, picking up a tray and choosing his food without any real thought as to what he was taking.

He pushed the thoughts of the three men away, resolving to keep his distance from them as much as possible. Unfortunately, they were not prepared to let him do that, and whilst he was searching for a place to sit they suddenly surrounded him.

"Well, well, well," the largest of three men commented with a smirk at his friends. "If it isn't the most famous werewolf in Britain."

Remus frowned and tried to side step the men.

"What's the matter Lupin?" the second man said. "Not good enough for the rest of us animals?"

"I just don't want any trouble," Remus replied, scanning the room for the best way to manoeuvre round them.

The third man laughed. "You got that when you were bitten."

"What would you know about it?" Remus snapped.

"Oh, we know a lot more than you think," the first man laughed, shooting a glance behind him to where an older man was sitting alone at one of the tables. Remus recognised Fenrir Greyback, and recalled their last meeting with a feeling of cold dread. Greyback was glaring across at them and looked about as sociable as the trio in front of him.

"Too good for the rest of us," the second man concluded with a knowing nod. "Just because you got to go to the famous Hogwarts and pretend to be a wizard for a few years-"

"I _am_ a wizard," Remus interrupted.

"So are eighty percent of the werewolves in this camp, though not according to the bigots at the Ministry. You're the only one who got any training after they were bitten. The rest of us weren't that lucky."

Remus had always known that he was the first and only werewolf to be allowed to attend Hogwarts. He had even known that there were almost certainly other werewolves his own age, or thereabouts, out there who weren't so lucky. What he hadn't known was how they felt about the special treatment he had received from the current headmaster.

He squirmed under the hostile glares of the three men and looked around the room again. This time his gaze settled on another familiar face. Aaron was watching the four of them with some interest, though it was clear that he had no intention of approaching them. It looked like this was something Remus had to handle on his own.

He turned back to the apparent leader of the group and drew a deep breath. "I didn't ask to be treated differently to the rest of you."

"But you were, weren't you?" the leader snarled. "Got to go to a proper school, got to do magic without being arrested by the Ministry for it, and all because you're shagging a Black."

"Sirius had nothing to do with it."

"Didn't he?"

"Of course not!"

"You sound pretty sure about that?"

"Sirius was fourteen when I got to go to Hogwarts, he was hardly in a position to sway the decision of the Wizengamot."

"But, it's amazing how those of us who aren't shagging a Black got rounded up and sent here as soon as we were bitten. And all the time we get to read about how the lucky Remus Lupin – the poster boy for the Werewolf Division of the Ministry of Magic – is doing. How does it feel to be dumped in here like the rest of us?"

"I've not been dumped here."

"Your pureblood lover's got tired of you, and now you're slumming it with the rest of us."

"Sirius is coming to get me."

"But he's not here right now, is he?" the leader snarled, punctuating his words with a poke to Remus's shoulder. Remus stumbled and struggled to keep the glass on his tray from toppling over.

"That's enough Higgs," Aaron advised in a firm and quiet tone. Remus shot him a grateful smile and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, well," Higgs sneered. "If it isn't our fearless leader..."

"Come on, Remus. There's room at the table over here." Aaron pointedly ignored Higgs and steered Remus towards the empty table.

"Thanks," Remus offered as he sat down.

Aaron shrugged and settled down in the seat across from him.

"Higgs and his cronies are a bunch of idiots," Aaron commented, scowling across the room to where the trio were now arguing with the staff behind the counter about something.

"I gathered that much," Remus replied with a snort of laughter. "I take it most of the people in here are less hostile?"

"Yeah, this place isn't so bad. I should know, I've been here since I was ten."

"You were bitten when you were ten?" Remus asked quietly. He wondered why Albus Dumbledore hadn't gone out of his way to allow Aaron to attend Hogwarts as well.

"No." Aaron shook his head. "I was born with Lycanthropy, my mother was a werewolf and – lucky old me – I got the gene, too. She looked after me until I was ten, then she got killed and I came here."

"You didn't have any other relatives?"

"None that wanted to be saddled with a werewolf," Aaron replied with far less bitterness than Remus might have expected. "I'm the second longest resident here in Section B." Aaron looked quite proud of this fact. "It's why I got asked to show you around."

Remus nodded as he picked at his dinner. The encounter with Higgs and his friends had had a rather detrimental affect on his appetite.

"I'm not really a leader," Aaron commented. "I've just been here for so long I sort of got the label."

"So, I guess that makes me the new boy?" Remus guessed.

Aaron shrugged. "Here's a tip for you, don't back down. You were doing okay when I came to meet you; you were showing a bit of spine at least. But, you've got to keep doing that or they'll eat you alive."

"I thought you said this place wasn't so bad?" Remus commented.

"Not as bad as the Prophet likes to make out," Aaron admitted. "They make it sound worse than it is to try to keep all us half breeds from misbehaving. But that doesn't mean its some sort of holiday camp. You need to stand up for yourself, don't take any crap from idiots like Higgs, and for the love of Merlin, don't tell anyone else that your pureblood lover is coming to get you."

"But he-"

"Maybe he is, maybe he isn't," Aaron interrupted. "But take my advice and keep it quiet, or your life won't be worth living. The way you're going, you won't make it a year."

Remus nodded reluctantly, though privately he thought his life wasn't worth living anyway, not if he was going to be spending it stuck in here. 


	71. Trying to Face the Day

A/N: Good news - my account finally seems to be working properly again. Or at least I can upload documents again. Yay.

And my beta is now back in the land of the internet, which means that this chapter is the last one that will be unbeta'd. She has the next chapter already, but please be patient whilst she checks it over.

In other news - the BigBangBlackout archive went live this week. My contribution is a Remus/Sirius AU/AR story called Living a Lie. Feel free to check it out - it comes with art by the very talented anna_bm. Details are on my LiveJournal (link on my profile).

Trying to Face the Day 

Grimmauld Place had never seemed more suitably named. Sirius had been back for a fortnight, and he was finding it as difficult to navigate the place as he had on the day of his return.

"Damn," he muttered as he caught his shin on the edge of the table and stumbled. He was sure that Kreacher was moving the furniture on purpose, just to spite him.

"Do be careful, Sirius," Walburga advised. "We wouldn't want you to have another accident now, would we?"

Sirius nodded as he inched his way towards the chair by the fireplace and sank onto the cushions.

"Your father has invited several of the other Senior Warlocks to dine with us this evening," Walburga commented.

"I'll eat in my room," Sirius replied. He had no wish to listen to his father talking work and politics all evening.

Walburga's smile of approval was lost on Sirius, but her words were not. "A wise decision. I believe that would be best. You aren't quite fit for entertaining just yet."

Sirius nodded in agreement. He doubted he would ever be fit for entertaining, at least not to the standards his mother expected of him.

"Regulus will be visiting tomorrow."

"What for?"

"You have correspondence to deal with," Walburga replied. "He will read you your letters and write your replies. All you will have to do is sign your name to them."

Sirius sighed. He knew that owls had been delivering letters to him, and had been bitten by several of them, thanks to his newly found clumsiness, but he had no wish to deal with all of the missives.

He would, however, be pleased to spend time with Regulus again. He was the only member of his family he could truly stand the company of for any length of time. Regulus would also understand that Sirius would be far from sociable during his visit, and would understand how much Sirius had lost.

Sirius tuned out the chatter of his mother as he turned his face towards the heat of the sitting room fire. If he tried really hard, he could remember the sight of the flames dancing in the hearth… if he tried really hard.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus joined the rest of the werewolves in the line as they waited to be escorted to the maximum security wing for the full moon. He still couldn't quite believe that Sirius still hadn't come to take him home.

He kept his eyes on the floor as the rest of the werewolves chatted away. He felt self-conscious in his nakedness, even though everyone else was likewise stripped.

"You get used to it," Aaron had said with a shrug, when Remus had expressed his surprise. "This way there's less chance of them getting ripped or bloodied up."

Remus understood the reason for the policy, but it didn't make him any less embarrassed to be standing in line with a bunch of strangers, while trying to cover up his nakedness the best he could.

It was a relatively short walk across the camp to the wing where the werewolves would spend the night, and they were escorted there well before the sun dipped below the horizon.

The cages were small and clean and rather similar to the ones located at the Ministry of Magic. Remus stepped into his and sat down on the floor. He leaned back against the wall and pulled his knees up to his chest.

The chattering of the others had mostly died down when they had entered their cages, although a few of them were continuing their conversations as long as they could.

The magical barrier appeared and Remus realised immediately that it was only a barrier. There was no forest smells spell on the cage and it was going to be a rough night for him.

"Hey, Lupin!"

Remus groaned and looked across to where Higgs was grinning at him from the cage opposite his.

"Still think your fuck buddy's gonna come and get you?" he called, laughing deeply.

Remus turned away from the laughing werewolf and closed his eyes.

"He's probably found someone else by now," Higgs continued. "Someone who can satisfy him every night of the month. He's probably fucking someone else right now."

Remus tried to ignore the jeering voice, refusing to rise to the baiting.

"You'll have to make do with your hand," Higgs suggested with a chuckle. "Consider it your new best friend."

Remus resisted the temptation to flip him off and gave no indication that he had even heard him. He certainly wasn't going to admit that he had been horny as hell for the last two days, and that the approach of the full moon had only served to send his libido into overdrive. Unfortunately, he was now discovering that that particular trait wasn't unique to him, and was in fact just another sign of the wolf taking over. His tormentors knew exactly what was happening to him, because it happened to them, too.

"How many times have you had to wank in the last twenty four hours?" Higgs asked. "Once an hour, or more often than that?"

"Higgs, shut the fuck up!" Aaron called out from further down the line of cages in a bored tone of voice.

"You stay out of this!" Higgs shouted back.

"No one wants to spend the last few minutes of the day listening to your foul-mouthed taunts," Aaron replied, prompting several of the other werewolves to voice their agreement.

"This isn't over, Lupin!" Higgs snarled.

Remus could hear the truth in his words, but the full moon was approaching and he didn't have time to worry about their next confrontation.

-o-xXx-o-

"Full moon last night," Regulus commented as he rooted through Sirius's desk for a pot of ink.

"Was it?" Sirius replied. He had lost track of the cycle of the moon completely since the accident and he had no Remus to remind him of them.

He heard the clink of the inkpot as Regulus placed it on the desk and they set about going through his mail.

"This one's from James and Lily," Regulus told him.

"Both of them?"

Regulus nodded, before remembering that Sirius couldn't see his response. "Yeah. She's agreed to move in with him. Apparently the shock of the accident reminded her that life's too short and she moved in last weekend."

"It's about time," Sirius replied. He wished he could feel the joy he knew he should at the news, but something seemed to be preventing him from doing so. "What else does he say?"

Regulus was quiet for a few minutes as he read through the letter.

"What is it?" Sirius asked. "Is there bad news?"

"No, just trying to read his messy handwriting," Regulus explained.

Sirius nodded. "I remember it being pretty bad."

"It's not improved," Regulus told him. "You want me to write back for you now or read through the rest of them first?"

"Better read through the rest of them, in case there's something important."

Regulus put the letter aside and picked up the next one. "Damocles Belby," he said. "Lots of waffle about potions and werewolves."

"He's working on a cure for Lycanthropy," Sirius explained. "I've got some notes at my flat for him. Would you be able to dig them out and send them to him?"

"Of course," Regulus promised. "Can I borrow your owl to send them?"

"Sure. What's next?"

"A bill from Flourish and Blotts," Regulus said. "Five galleons and three sickles."

"Put that to one side. I'll need to get some money from Gringotts to pay it. There's probably a bill from the Daily Prophet, too. I'll need to cancel the subscription; it's not much use to me now."

"Do you want to send the books from Flourish and Blotts back?" Regulus asked. "I'm sure they'd understand."

Sirius shook his head. "The books weren't for me. They were for Eve, the little girl Remus looks – looked after."

Regulus continued to work his way through the correspondence, until finally the replies had to be written.

"If I had an automatic quill, I could reply to these myself," Sirius said. "Can you get me a pack?"

"Sure, but what's an automatic quill?"

"It writes while you talk," Sirius explained. "The post office in Hogsmeade uses them around Valentines Day, so you can disguise your handwriting when you send a card. They should have some in Scribbulus's shop."

"That's in Diagon Alley, yeah?"

Sirius nodded, realising, not for the first time, just how much Regulus had moved away from the wizarding world over the last few years.

It took nearly all day to reply to all the letters, and there was still the bills and Belby's letter to sort out. Eventually, Regulus had done all he could to help Sirius and returned home, leaving Sirius to wallow in his depression once more.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus woke up back in his bed in the camp. He wondered for a moment whether he had imagined the full moon, but the pain that shot through his body when he tried to move made it clear that he hadn't.

He slowly turned his head to one side and let out an involuntary groan. A woman he didn't recognise was sleeping in the chair opposite his bed, a familiar looking healer's kit resting on the desk beside her.

Moonlight streamed through the window to his room, but he couldn't move enough to see how much time he had lost since the full moon. At least a day, that much was certain.

He realised that he needed to use the bathroom and struggled to sit up. He was thankful for the adjoining bathroom that each of the rooms in the camp had, because at least he didn't have far to walk. He just hoped it wasn't too far for him to make it unaided.

The floor seemed to be swimming beneath him and he swayed on his feet as soon as he stood up. Then the arms of the healer were holding him up and guiding him back down onto the bed.

"What do you think you're doing?" she scolded.

"Bathroom," Remus rasped, nodding slowly towards the door.

"You aren't well enough," the healer told him, pointing at the old-fashioned chamber pot.

"I'm not using that thing," Remus muttered, trying to sit up once more. "And certainly not while you're in here."

"You've not got anything I've not already seen," the healer pointed out impatiently.

"How long since the full moon?" Remus asked curiously.

"Two days," the healer replied. "Now, stop being awkward and use the pot."

"I'm well enough to make it to the bathroom," Remus argued.

"Really?" the healer replied, folding her arms over her chest and standing back. "Go on then, you know where it is."

Remus stood up, slower this time, and waited for the room to stop spinning. He clung to the edge of the desk and took a tentative step forward.

Two more steps and he had to sit down in the chair for a moment.

"You don't have to put yourself through this," the healer said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I can wait outside if you like."

"I can make it to the bathroom," Remus insisted. "I just need a minute or two."

The healer patted him on the shoulder and turned to pick up his bathrobe. "Here, no sense in you freezing to death in the time it takes you to make it there and back."

Remus smiled. "I've had worse full moons than this one."

"I hope that's not true."

"Unfortunately, it is," Remus replied. "I thought this one would be worse than it was actually."

"Because of the new location?"

Remus nodded. "Partly. But also because I usually have my partner with me. He watches over me all night and takes care of me in the morning. I miss him."

"Where is he now?"

"Don't you read the papers?" Remus asked bitterly. "I thought everyone had heard about how my pureblood lover decided to leave me to my fate."

"Do you believe that?" the healer asked.

"Everyone else does."

"I didn't ask what everyone else believed, I asked what you believed."

"Does it matter?" Remus countered with a sigh. "He isn't here and the longer he leaves me in this place, the less plausible any excuse I make for his absence sounds."

"Do you believe that he would desert you completely?" the healer repeated.

Remus shrugged. "Why do you care?"

"My job isn't just healing the scratches and broken bones from the transformation," the healer told him. "I'm also here to help with other problems."

"You think I'll just spill my guts to some stranger?"

"Emerald Smythe," the healer said by way of introduction.

"Knowing your name doesn't make you any less a stranger."

"But it's a start," Emerald replied. "Now, do you think you can make it to the bathroom?"

Remus looked at the door, and gave a small nod. "Like I said, I've had worse full moons."

Emerald nodded. "Just call out if you need me."

Remus promised that he would and stood up again, this time without swaying and far steadier than he had been before. He didn't need Emerald's help; he needed Sirius.

-o-xXx-o-

The next full moon was a week away, and Remus was already dreading it. His temper was becoming shorter and Higgs and his followers were making sure that they taunted him about Sirius at every available opportunity.

"Just ignore them," Aaron advised him. "They're only doing it to get a rise out of you."

"I know that," Remus snapped, glaring first at Aaron and then back at Higgs, who was lounging against the muggle pool table, swinging one of the cues in a menacing manner.

"Then do what I tell you and ignore them," Aaron hissed.

Remus nodded sulkily and waved Aaron away. He was tired of being lectured and he was damn tired of Higgs and his friends stalking him around the camp.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" another familiar voice commented from the next table.

Remus ignored him. He hadn't spoken a word to Greyback since his arrival at the camp, and he intended to keep it that way; he wanted Greyback's advice even less than he wanted another confrontation with Higgs.

"Quite a turn of events, isn't it?" Greyback commented. "You refused to help me get out of this place, and now you find yourself locked up with me. Some might call it karma…"

"You deserve to be here," Remus said without looking up from the magazine he was reading.

"According to the Wizengamot, so do you," Greyback pointed out with a chuckle.

Remus closed the magazine and stood up to leave.

"You're a werewolf, Lupin," Greyback called after him as he left the recreation room. "You're just like the rest of us!"

-o-xXx-o-

"Damn it!" Sirius swore as the cauldron he was using for brewing toppled over, spilling its contents over his feet and the floor.

"Sirius, what are you doing in here?" Walburga snapped as she poked her head in the door of Orion's potions laboratory.

"Working," Sirius replied, fumbling for his wand and sending a jar of ingredients tumbling to the floor, too.

"You're making a mess and wasting valuable ingredients," Walburga corrected, pushing Sirius out of the way as she pointed her wand at the mess. "If you need a potion for something, all you have to do is ask."

"I'm working on some stuff for Belby," Sirius said as he continued to search for his wand.

"That half-breed lover can't do his own experimenting?" Walburga asked.

"Don't call him that!" Sirius snapped back.

"Just go back to your room and try not to make a mess of anything else," Walburga told him. "Call Kreacher if you need anything."

Sirius scowled, but it was clear that his mother wasn't going to let him anywhere near the counter again. He felt her push his wand into his hand and point him in the direction of the door.

He was halfway to his room when he realised that he didn't want to be shut up in the house any longer. He hadn't stepped foot outside the door since he had returned from St Mungo's, but now it seemed like the walls were closing in and suffocating him.

His navigation of the stairs was painfully slow, and with every step he took, he wondered if he would end up plummeting down them. A small part of him, one he could barely even acknowledge, wondered if he would see Remus again if he were unlucky enough to fall and break his neck.

He heard the voices of Regulus and his father before he reached the ground floor.

"You'll do as I tell you!" Orion shouted.

"I have done what you asked," Regulus replied. "But-"

"It's too late to back out now," Orion warned. "You're in this up to your neck."

"Unless I tell him."

"You'll hold your tongue or I'll silence you permanently."

Sirius was sure that he was the 'him' Regulus had referred to, and he moved closer to where the voices were coming from, hoping to hear more. Unfortunately, he miscounted his steps and collided with the side table, sending the glass vase on it crashing to the floor, and alerting the others to his presence.

"Sirius?" Orion called. "What have you broken now?"

Sirius didn't bother to reply. He wasn't entirely sure what it was he had smashed this time anyway. He heard the footsteps coming closer and the frustrated sigh of his father.

"Regulus, clean this mess up," Orion ordered. Sirius knew that Orion would never stoop to doing menial household chores, even though it would only take a second or two with magic.

"Can't Kreacher do it?" Regulus asked. "It'd take him half the time."

"Don't argue with me," Orion snapped. "Kreacher's working in the cellar. If I had to interrupt his duties every time that Sirius broke something, he'd never get anything done."

Sirius could feel his face burning as he groped for the doorway and walked straight into Regulus. "Sorry," he muttered.

"It's okay," Regulus assured him. "I'll clean up the vase. Why don't you sit down and I'll get us a couple of drinks."

"I'll get the drinks," Sirius replied, navigating his way around the edge of the room, making his way towards the drinks cabinet.

He was just pouring the second glass when Regulus came back into the room. "You're getting the hang of that," he commented.

Sirius nodded and passed the glass to Regulus, picking up his own and taking a long swallow.

"How are you doing?" Regulus asked after they had sat down on the couch.

"I'm blind," Sirius reminded him. "How do you think I'm doing?"

"Lots of people are blind and live perfectly happy lives," Regulus said quietly.

Sirius took another drink and shook his head. "I could put up with the blindness if I had Remus with me. I miss him so much."

Regulus didn't say anything, and Sirius knew that there was not really anything that he could say, and certainly not anything that would make him feel any better.

"What were you and Father arguing about?" he asked.

"Doesn't matter," Regulus muttered.

"It was about me, wasn't it?" Sirius guessed. "What is it that Father doesn't want you to tell me?"

"That's none of your concern," Orion said, causing Sirius to jump. He hadn't even realised that he had come back into the room. Or maybe he had never actually left.

"If you're discussing me, that makes it my concern," Sirius pointed out.

"We were discussing potential brides for you," Orion finally replied.

"Why don't I believe that?" Sirius asked.

"Regulus thinks that you'd want to be more involved in the negotiations."

"I don't want to be involved in the negotiations and I don't want to get married again either."

"Again?" Orion laughed humourlessly. "You call some idle promises to a half-breed a marriage?"

"They weren't idle promises," Sirius snapped. "He was my husband and I don't want another one."

"Well, that's good," Orion said. "Because you'll be getting a wife."

"How many times do I have to tell you and Mother that I'm gay?" Sirius asked. "Don't you get it? Remus dying doesn't change the fact that I'm attracted to other men, instead of women."

"You'll change your mind in time," Orion replied. "We're looking into an older wife for you. There are a couple of experienced widows recently on the market and negotiations are progressing nicely."

"I'm gay!" Sirius yelled, throwing his glass across the room and delighting in the sound of it smashing against one of the portraits. The occupant of the painting swore and Sirius felt another surge of satisfaction when he realised it had struck one of his more vile ancestors.

"Regulus, take your brother upstairs."

"I'm going out for a walk," Sirius said, standing up and immediately tripping over the coffee table.

"You can barely walk across the room; you're in no condition to be going out in public," Orion stated.

"Perhaps a walk round the back garden?" Regulus suggested. "I could take Sirius out there."

"If he wants to go into the garden, he can go on his own," Orion argued. "You should get back to your lovely young wife, unless you want her to worry that something has happened to you. That wouldn't do, would it? Not with a young baby to look after."

Sirius frowned, not only at the words, but also at the silky tone of his father's voice. It was the first time that he had heard his father acknowledge Regulus's wife at all, but it was clear that there was an underlying tone to his words that was lost on Sirius.

"I should be getting back to Chloe," Regulus said. "I'll come by again tomorrow to help you with your letters again."

"Has Scribbulus got the automatic quills in yet?" Sirius asked, stopping in the doorway as he spoke.

"Sorry, still out of stock when I went there yesterday," Regulus replied apologetically.

"They've not had any in for months. Surely they're not that popular?"

"The clerk suggested they might have some in again in late February or early March," Regulus said.

"Maybe I should try ordering some direct," Sirius suggested. "Then you won't have to keep going to Diagon Alley to ask about them. You must have been there every week."

"You don't have to do that," Regulus hurriedly assured him. "It's on my way home from work, and they have to have some in sooner or later.

"If you're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure, and you know I'm happy to help you with your letters until things are sorted."

"Thanks, Regulus," Sirius said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Regulus promised he'd be around early in the morning, before he went to work, and Sirius slowly made his way to the back garden, eager to get some fresh air after the months of being cooped up inside the house.

It was as he was wandering around the garden, that he realised he didn't even know where Remus had been buried. He wondered what the chances were of persuading Regulus to find out and taking him to visit, and resolved to speak with him the next day.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius quickly released his father's arm, subconsciously wiping his hand on his robes.

"Make it quick," Orion ordered. "I've got to be in the office in an hour."

"You can leave me here," Sirius suggested. "I can make my own way home."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I can see Grimmauld Place in my mind," Sirius pointed out. "I can visualise it enough to apparate home again."

"I won't hear of it," Orion argued. "Now say your goodbyes and I'll apparate you home again."

"I still don't see why Regulus couldn't have brought me here," Sirius muttered.

"We're on an island," Orion explained. "The only way here is to apparate."

"An island?" Sirius questioned, straining to hear the lapping of waves, but hearing only the sound of the wind.

"Yes. The werewolf's grave is about ten paces ahead of you. I'll wait here."

Sirius nodded and walked forward, stumbling slightly on the uneven ground, as he made his way to Remus's final resting place.

"Am I there, yet?" he called back to his father.

"Yes."

Sirius ignored the impatience in his father's voice as he dropped to his knees. The grass was still wet with the morning dew, but Sirius ignored it as he reached forward in search of a headstone, but found only air. He wondered if it was too soon to have been commissioned and delivered, or whether the Lupins had simply decided not to bother with the expense.

He was actually a little surprised that they had bothered to deal with the death of their son at all. Then again, it wasn't like Greyback was in a position to be arranging funerals either.

Sirius smoothed his hand over the grass. Now that he was here, he had no idea what he was going to say.

"Oh, Remus," he whispered, conscious of the fact that his father was probably still in earshot. "I'm so sorry."

He wanted to say more. He wanted to say that it wasn't fair that this had had to happen to Remus. He wanted to say that Remus had been dealt the worst sort of hand throughout his life, and that this final end was just too cruel. He wanted to rage against the world for giving Remus to him, and then snatching him away again. To have had him for such a short amount of time was almost more than he could bear.

He wanted to shout and scream and demand that Remus be returned to him, but now that he was here, all he could do was quietly sob.

"Are you done?" Orion called.

"I need a few more minutes," Sirius managed to choke out in response.

Orion made it clear that he wasn't prepared to wait any longer, and Sirius heard his heavy footfalls on the ground as he approached.

"Get up," Orion hissed. "We're leaving now."

"No!" Sirius snapped, turning his face away from the sound of his father's voice, hoping to hide his tear stained face.

"You're actually crying over that worthless half-breed?" Orion sneered.

"He wasn't worthless to me!" Sirius yelled back. "Don't you get it? He was everything to me!"

"Pathetic," Orion replied. "You're a disgrace to the entire Black family. Now, give me your hand and I'll apparate you home."

"I'm staying here," Sirius argued. "There's nothing for me at Grimmauld Place."

"Your family's nothing, is it?"

"Just leave me alone."

"After all we've done for you," Orion continued. "You're a Black, a pureblood, a member of one of the oldest wizarding families in the world. And here you are, snivelling over the death of a half-breed. You're pathetic."

Sirius felt his father's hand grip his arm and drag him to his feet.

"You're a disgrace to family."

"Then why not kick me out?" Sirius asked, not caring one way or the other whether he was turned out onto the streets or not. He still had his flat, after all.

"It would break your mother's heart," Orion replied.

Sirius wasn't given any warning that they were about to apparate, and a moment later he was stumbling backwards on the steps of Grimmauld Place. He reached out to grab onto something, anything, to keep him from falling. Then he felt a hand gripping his shoulder, tugging him into the house and imprisoning him once more.

"You will not mention that creature to me again," Orion ordered, his voice cold and threatening. "He's dead and buried. You've said your goodbyes. It's over."

"You think I can just turn off my feelings," Sirius whispered, his voice cracking. "I'm not going to stop loving him, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"We'll see about that," Orion replied.

Sirius expected him to say something else, but Orion walked away from him, towards his study, without another word. Sirius heard the sound of the floo flames roaring to life and breathed a sigh of relief that he had gone.

Sirius reached out and brushed the wall with his hand. Four steps to the doorway. Another five to the foot of the stairs. Twelve steps up and the second one after the stair that squeaked was steeper than the others by nearly an inch. He counted his way around the house, slowly navigating the layout, memorising the numbers, and hoping that today he wouldn't break anything valuable.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus was still aching from the latest full moon when he made his way to the area of the camp where the prisoners – and he still thought of himself as a prisoner, even though the rest of them used the term resident – met their visitors.

He didn't need to see the reaction from his friends to know that he looked like crap.

"You look like shit," James said as he sat down in one of the seats.

Remus ignored his comment and got right down to business. "Any news of Sirius?"

"Still no sign of him," Peter confirmed. "He's not been back to the flat since the accident, but it's not been put up for sale either."

"What about his brother?" Remus asked. "Regulus could get a message to him."

"It'd help if we knew what he looked like," James said. "We've never met him, remember?"

"I know that," Remus snapped. "He looks like Sirius; like all the men in the Black family. Wasn't there anything in the flat with his address on?"

James shook his head. "We searched everywhere. We're still watching the flat as much as we can, but we've all got jobs, and after all this time…"

Remus didn't need him to finish his sentence. The meaning was all too clear.

"We've even tried calling up everyone named Black listed in the London telephone directory," James added.

"Really?" Remus asked in surprise.

"Took him nearly an hour to work out how to use a public phone box," Peter muttered. "Honestly, he's just useless."

James glared at Peter and sighed. "No luck though. We don't know if he's living in London or if he has one of these phones at all."

"Try Cornwall," Remus suggested. "Alphard – their uncle – left Regulus his house on the beach. Perhaps they've gone there."

"Cornwall," James repeated with a nod as he scribbled down the name on a piece of parchment.

"Chloe will have had the baby by now," Remus said. "She was due back in January, I think. We should have checked the hospitals back when she was due to give birth."

"Maybe they'll have records we can look at?" Peter suggested.

"They're probably confidential," James pointed out.

"That's what magic's for," Peter replied with a snort of impatience.

"Anything else you can suggest?" James asked.

Remus shook his head. "I don't know. I've been using the library here to try and research the spells that keep number twelve hidden, but I don't know which ones the Blacks use, and without knowing which ones they use, I've no idea how you could get around them."

"We'll try the hospitals and Cornwall," James promised.

"Has he replied to your latest letter?" Remus asked. "I mean has he replied properly?"

"Same as before," James said. "It's not his handwriting and doesn't mention you at all. Just the usual rubbish that he's doing okay and doesn't want to be bothered. He doesn't answer any of my questions about you. If he hadn't offered his congratulations on me and Lily's engagement, I'd wonder if he'd read any of my letters at all."

"I don't understand it," Remus said.

"Me neither," James replied. "Which is why I want to speak to him face to face. Anyway, we'd better get going."

"So soon?" Remus asked, a little disappointed that his friends couldn't spare any more time to stay and talk with him.

"Lily and I have a wedding to plan," James reminded him. "And Peter needs to get to work."

"Besides, you have another visitor waiting to see you," Peter added. "Only two at a time, remember?"

Remus nodded. "Who is it?"

"Alana," Peter replied. "She isn't looking too well though."

"She isn't?" Remus asked.

Peter shook his head and stood up to leave. "We'll send her in. She's just down the corridor."

Remus didn't stand up to see his friends out of the room, nor did he return their hugs. He was simply too tired and too sore to do much more than sit at the table.

Alana appeared a couple of minutes after James and Peter had left, and Remus saw immediately what they had meant.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, waving her to a seat.

Alana nodded and sat down. "I'm just a bit under the weather," she replied. "I'm coming down with a cold or something."

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine. I just wanted to check how you were doing."

"I'm a bit sore, but nothing I can't handle," Remus told her, hoping that she didn't know him well enough to pick up on the lie. "You should be going home to take care of yourself. If you are coming down with something, you don't want to pass it on to Eve."

"There's something else," Alana whispered.

"About Rom?" Remus guessed. "Have you found out what happened to him? Did he tell you?"

Alana chewed on her lip and wouldn't meet his gaze.

"What is it?" Remus prompted.

"Rom asked me to tell you to stop trying to find out what happened to him," Alana said.

"He still won't tell you what happened to him?" Remus asked. "Damn it. How can a bloke be so stubborn?"

Alana snorted and Remus had a feeling that his ears should have been burning. Then he caught the light of something in her eyes and realised that she knew more than she was letting on. "He's told you, hasn't he?" he asked, reaching across the table to grab her wrist.

"He doesn't want you to know," Alana told him. "I'm sorry."

"What can be so bad he can't tell me, but not so bad that he can tell you?" Remus demanded. "He's my brother; I've got a right to know."

"He said you'd say that."

"What else did he say?" Remus asked, still not letting go of the older woman.

"Let it go, Remus," Alana whispered.

"Is that what he said?"

"Yes, and I agree with him," Alana replied quietly. "He'll tell you in his own time."

"Except he can't tell me, can he?" Remus snapped. "In case you've forgotten, Rom can't visit me in here. I'm stuck in here for the rest of my life, and the way it's going, that won't be much longer."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?" Remus echoed. "Look at me Alana! The full moon was nearly a week ago and I'm still struggling to get around. I used to recover within a matter of hours. They're getting worse and my recovery time is getting longer and longer. It's only a matter of time before I'm spending all my time between one full moon and the next recovering. It's only a matter of time before you find yourself being haunted by both the Lupin brothers."

"You'd come back as a ghost, too?"

"If that's what it took to find out what happened to Rom, then yes!" Remus stated coldly. "Now please, if you know what happened to him, just tell me. He can't visit me here; he'd never know you told me."

"I'd know I broke my promise," Alana whispered. "I'm sorry, Remus."

"Damn it!" snapped Remus, finally relinquishing Alana's arm and burying his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry," Alana repeated. "Do you have any other message for Rom?"

Remus shrugged. "Just that I miss him, but he knows that already."

"He misses you, too," Alana assured him. "He'd visit you if he could. Nothing would keep him away."

"I know," Remus mumbled. "Tell him I'm doing fine. Tell him this place isn't as bad as the papers make out, and I'll be back home before he knows it. You can tell him that I've still got James and Peter looking for Sirius's brother. They'll get a message to him soon. Just…"

"Just what?"

"Just don't tell him what I said about the full moons getting worse," Remus whispered. "He'll only worry."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Thanks."

Alana left and Remus leaned his head on the table, too tired to even move from his seat. He didn't think he could take many more full moons, at least not without Sirius beside him. He looked at the marks on his arm from their bonding and let loose a quiet sob. Had the promises they had made meant so little to Sirius?


	72. Losing the Fight

Losing the Fight (PG15 for language)

Remus didn't see the attack coming, although he had been expecting it for some time.

"You really do think you're too good for the rest of us, don't you?" Higgs said as he stepped in front of Remus, blocking his way out to the yard.

Remus glared and tried to push his way past, but an arm shot out and pushed him into the wall. He wished he had his wand with him, knowing that if he had it, he could hex Higgs good and proper. Unfortunately, his wand was held securely by the staff at the camp, and all he had was his fists, both of which were being held by his captors as they pinned him against the wall.

"We've given you the chance to settle in," Higgs continued. "To make friends and show that you aren't such a bad sort, but all you've done is look down your nose at us while you wait for your precious Sirius Black to come to your rescue."

"He's not here to rescue you now though, is he?" Maxwell, Higgs's second in command sneered.

"Your knight in shining armour seems to have been delayed," Milbourne added, twisting Remus's arm back for good measure.

"Take your hands off me," Remus demanded, kicking out and catching Milbourne in the shin.

"You just aren't learning," Higgs commented.

"What do you want with me?" Remus asked. "I've stayed out of your way and kept to myself. What's your problem?"

"You're my problem," Higgs replied. "The werewolf wizard. Come on, why don't you do some magic for us?"

"I don't have my wand," Remus said as he struggled to release himself.

Higgs and his friends laughed loudly. "Sounds like the werewolf wizard is impotent."

"Maybe that's why his lover doesn't want him back," Maxwell suggested. "Perhaps he can't get it up at all."

Maxwell leaned in close, a little too close, and Remus spat at him, prompting the other man to deliver a back-hander to his face that sent him reeling to the floor.

Remus was never entirely sure how he did what he did next; wandless magic wasn't something he had ever seen before or done before. But it was the only thing that could explain why his three tormentors suddenly found themselves being thrown against the wall, the wind knocked out of them and their faces pale.

"Stay away from me," he warned as he staggered to his feet. "Stay away from me and I'll stay away from you. Got it?"

Milbourne nodded as he got to his feet. Maxwell and Higgs followed his example.

"Lupin!"

Remus turned to see Warden O'Brien at the far end of the corridor.

"What's going on here?" she barked as she strode towards them.

"Nothing," Remus replied, turning away from the Warden to glare at Higgs.

"My office, now!" O'Brien ordered.

Remus sighed and trailed after her. In some ways the woman reminded him of Professor McGonagall, but unlike the Transfiguration Professor, O'Brien didn't have favourites, or if she did, Remus certainly wasn't one of them.

She didn't want to hear explanations, nor did she want to hear who had started the argument. Fighting wasn't tolerated and punishments for being caught were swift and harsh.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius sat at the dinner table as his parents and their guest chattered around him and across him, but never to him. It was the first time he had been allowed to eat in the dining room when they had a guest present, and he was already wishing that he were back upstairs in his room.

"Is everything else still working?" Isabelle, the latest potential bride asked, and Sirius attempted to glare in her general direction.

"Of course," Walburga replied. "We still hope that one day his sight will be restored, too. But in every other way he's a healthy young man."

"As long as he can get it up," Isabelle said with a laugh that reminded Sirius of a braying horse.

"I can assure you my son had a very healthy sex life before the accident," Orion promised.

Sirius turned his head towards his father and he felt his temper rising at the way he was being discussed like some sort of prize stallion.

"And the fact that your son's last lover was another man?" Isabelle asked.

"Experimentation," Walburga replied immediately. "You know teenage boys…"

"It wasn't-" Sirius began, but once again his words were cut off by his parents, who were doing their best to make sure that he said nothing to jeopardise the plans to marry him off to a suitable pureblood woman.

"I'm thinking August," Walburga said. "Will that give you enough time to plan everything?"

"I've not agreed yet," Isabelle pointed out.

"And I'm not going to agree at all," Sirius snapped.

"Be quiet!" Orion snarled back at him.

"Perhaps I should leave you to discuss things with your son?" suggested Isabelle, her tone a lot less pleasant than it had been a few moments before.

Sirius heard her chair scrape back across the wooden floor and the rustle of silk robes as she stood up. He heard his mother following her example, but his father remained in his seat and Sirius knew he was only waiting until their guest was out of earshot before he spoke.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus was kept in one of the camp's isolation cells for two days, seeing and hearing no one at all. His meals were delivered by magic and removed the same way, and if he hadn't finished eating it, the remaining food disappeared forever.

He hated every single minute.

From the looks on their faces after they were released back into the main camp, Higgs and the others weren't too happy about the punishment either. He suspected that being separated, when the three were always seen together, was not going to endear him to them any time soon.

For the week that followed their isolation from the rest of the residents, Remus was watching his back almost constantly and tried not to go anywhere alone if he could help it. This wasn't too difficult; the camp was a busy place and needed to be far larger than it actually was.

It was actually Greyback who told him that he had nothing to worry about with regard to Higgs and his friends.

"What do you want?" Remus asked when Greyback sat down in the seat opposite him in the refectory.

"Just because you've scared off Higgs, it doesn't mean I'm going to cower away. I've seen more of the world than he has, and I don't scare that easy."

"What do you want?" Remus repeated.

"Nothing," Greyback replied with a shrug. "I'm here to give you a bit of advice."

"Keep it."

"I didn't ask you if you want it."

"I don't."

"Well, you're going to get it anyway."

Remus glared at him as he cut into his steak and took a huge bite.

"You did good with Higgs," Greyback said. "But you still aren't accepting that you're stuck here, that this is your life now."

"I'm not going to be here forever," Remus told him.

"My point exactly," Greyback countered. "You still expect Black to come and get you out of here. You need to accept that it's not going to happen."

"I have accepted it," Remus replied, knowing it was a lie.

"Then why do you still waste your time researching the spells on his family home?"

"I don't." It was the truth; he had reached a dead end weeks ago in that particular avenue of enquiry.

"Why do you continue to write to your so-called friends asking for news of him?"

"You reading my mail now?"

"No, but you just admitted that my guess was correct. And why do you look at the wardens every time they come to fetch someone from in here? Hoping it'll be you and that they have news that your pureblood lover has come to get you out of here."

"What's it to you?" Remus asked. "Why do you care if I haven't given up hope entirely? It's none of your damn business!"

Greyback looked at Remus for several long minutes before throwing his head back and laughing loudly. In that moment he reminded Remus of their first meeting, but this time Remus had no intention of asking what was so amusing.

Greyback quickly realised that Remus wasn't going to ask him to elaborate, but did so anyway. "You're actually in love with him. A werewolf who's fallen in love with a pureblood wizard – one of the Blacks no less – it's priceless."

Remus felt his face flushing as Greyback continued to wipe the tears of mirth from his eyes.

"You're a fool," Greyback told him. "You're a werewolf, a monster, and the sooner you figure that out, the better. No one can love a monster."

"Sirius loves me," Remus snapped.

"Then where is he?"

"He'll come for me."

"No one ever came for me," Greyback pointed out. "Or for any of the other werewolves in this camp. And no one's coming for you."

"Why are you telling me this?" Remus asked. "What makes you think that I want your opinion on anything?"

"Because you being a complete prick is making me look like a fool for turning you in the first place!" Greyback snarled.

Remus grinned. "So, my continuing to believe that Sirius is going to come and get me makes you look stupid? Well, there's another reason for me to believe it. Thanks, Greyback."

"You've changed since the day we first met," Greyback commented as he pushed back his chair and stood up. "You're not as much like me as I thought you were."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"It is when I never wanted to be like you," Remus pointed out as he stood up as well. "Telling me that I'm not is the best thing you could have done for me."

"You're still a werewolf."

"But I'm not a monster," Remus replied with a smile and he turned to walk away.

"Not yet," Greyback called after him.

"Not ever," Remus called back, his heart feeling a little lighter for the first time since his incarceration.

He realised now that he had been wrong. Sirius didn't keep him from becoming a monster by loving him; it was the other way around. By loving Sirius, Remus retained his humanity, and it was his ability to love that kept the monster from taking him over completely. He knew that as long as he loved Sirius, even if he didn't love him back, he would never be the sort of monster that Greyback had become.

-o-xXx-o-

"You'll marry in August or I'll throw you out of my house!" Orion yelled, banging the desk with what Sirius guessed was his fist.

"Then throw me out," Sirius shouted back. "I hate it here! I've hated it here for years."

"You won't last more than a few days in the real world," Orion told him. "You think your friends will want to baby sit you all the time?"

"They-"

"They've not even been to see you."

"You're saying you'd let James and his wife into the house?" Sirius asked, hoping for a yes, even though he knew that the answer would be no.

"No mudblood will set foot in this house while I'm still breathing," Orion roared.

"Then how can they visit?" Sirius yelled. "You've cut me off from my friends. This house isn't my home, it's my prison!"

"You ungrateful little brat! You'll leave this house on the first of August. I don't care if you leave as the groom at your wedding or to beg on the streets."

"Orion," Walburga chided from her seat by the fire. "Perhaps Sirius has another bride in mind?"

"I find it highly unlikely," Orion snapped back at her.

"But if you throw him out, then our hopes of a magical heir will disappear."

"I refuse to let him continue to drain the family funds by lolling about the house."

"But if he leaves…" Walburga's voice trailed off, and Sirius got the impression that his parents were having a silent conversation that he couldn't witness.

Sirius heard sighs and pacing and eventually his father spoke again.

"You'll marry in August, or you'll leave this house."

It seemed that his father had won the argument between his parents, but Sirius had no intention of letting him win the argument with him. One way or another he had to get out of Grimmauld Place, or else he feared that the madness that ran through the Black family would claim their next victim in him.

-o-xXx-o-

"Lupin!"

Remus looked up from his lunch at the sound of a voice shouting his name from the other end of the refectory.

"I think you're being paged," Aaron commented with a nod towards the doorway.

"I'm thinking of ignoring him in favour of dessert," Remus replied.

"Lupin! You're wanted in the governor's office!"

Several people made oohing sounds and laughed. Being summoned to the office of the governor was never good news.

"Guess I'd better go see what I've done this time," Remus said with a sigh of resignation.

"Good luck," Aaron offered, just as he swiped Remus's dessert dish and grinned at Remus's annoyed expression.

Remus dragged his feet as much as he could, but found himself in front of the governor's office all too soon. He raised his hand and knocked.

"Come in," the governor called from within.

Remus entered the office and closed the door behind him.

"Sit down," the governor ordered without looking up from his paperwork.

Remus sat down and tried to think of what it was that he could have done to warrant the summons. Sitting and waiting like this was something akin to being called before Dumbledore and Remus was heartily tired of being treated like a misbehaving child.

Finally the governor looked up from the parchment he was scribbling on. "An application has been made by someone who wishes to be your supervisor," he stated calmly.

"Sirius?" Remus questioned in a breathless voice that he inwardly cursed himself for. After all this time, it was highly unlikely that Sirius would suddenly strut back into his life with an application like this.

The governor looked at the papers before him and shook his head. "I assume you mean Mr Black?" Remus nodded. "The application has been made by a Mr Lupin, who will be arriving here shortly to speak with you."

"One of my relatives?" Remus whispered. "After all this time?"

"Apparently so. Interview room four has been prepared for the visit. You'd better make your way there."

Remus nodded mutely and left to make his way down the hall. He wondered which of his relatives had eventually stepped forward to finally claim him as a part of the family. He wasn't sure whether to be nervous or excited at the prospect. Right now he was settling for terrified.

The interview room was empty when he arrived and he took a seat to wait for his visitor.

He was tapping his fingers on the table and gazing out of the barred window when the door finally opened.

Remus didn't know who he was expecting to see walk through the door. A grandfather perhaps, or an uncle he had never known he had. He never considered for a moment that it might be his father. He didn't know much about him, but he knew enough to know that the man would never want anything to do with his youngest son.

But Remus was sure that if his father had walked into the room, he couldn't have been more surprised than he was at the face of the man who strolled through the door.

"Well, aren't you going to say anything?"

"What the fuck?" Remus said before he could stop himself.

Romulus Lupin leaned across the table and smacked Remus around the back of his head. "Language," he scolded.

"Ow," Remus moaned as he rubbed at the back of his head. "You didn't have to do that!" The shock of his brother's arrival was wearing off rapidly thanks to the lump he was sure was forming on the back of his head.

"I've been wanting to do that every time you've sworn for years," Romulus replied easily. "Maybe if I'd been able to smack you upside the head once in a while, your language wouldn't be so bad now."

"You…" Remus waved his hand in a helpless sort of gesture. "What happened? Why aren't you still dead?"

"I wasn't dead in the first place," Romulus replied. "Now, aren't you going to tell me how great it is to see me? And don't you have a hug for your big brother?"

Remus stood up, feeling ever so slightly shaky, and walked around the table. "You're really here?" he whispered as he pulled his brother into a tight hug.

"Um, Rem, unless you want me back as a ghost, you might want to let me breathe."

Remus loosened his grip and stood back to look his brother in the eye. "Sorry. I just can't believe you're here."

"In the flesh."

"Exactly. So tell me, how the f-… er… how have you managed this?"

Romulus smirked at Remus's near slip up and sat down at the table. Remus knew he should return to his own seat, but he felt he had to keep his brother in touching distance, just in case he vanished again. With that in mind, he perched on the end of the table, his leg bumping against Romulus's as he waited to hear what he had to say.

"It's a form of magic," Romulus explained. "It's something Dumbledore taught me before I was sent to Azkaban. The basics are simple enough to understand; it's a form of meditation, normally used in combination with a potion similar to the Draught of Living Death, but possible without it, and thankfully without a wand. When you get it right you can send your spirit outside of your body. It wasn't easy to concentrate at first, being in there, surrounded by Dementors… well, it took me a while to get it right."

"Are you saying that you've really been in Azkaban all this time?" Remus interrupted.

"My body's been there. I've just not been in it as much as I should have." Romulus shrugged. "I wouldn't recommend the place for a holiday, lousy location and worse company."

"You're not funny," Remus muttered. "So, are you going to explain why you've been hanging around as a ghost for the last five and a half years, and how come you're here now?"

"The dementors feed on happy memories, stealing them from you, one by one."

"I know that," Remus grumbled. "I got Outstanding for my N.E.W.T. in Defence you know."

"Of course you did," Romulus agreed. "But anyway, eventually all your happy memories are gone, and you're left with only the bad, until it drives you insane."

"You've been making more happy memories," Remus gasped. "By sending your spirit out of Azkaban, you were making sure you never ran out of good memories."

"Exactly," Romulus smiled. "You provided me with so many happy memories, I could never run out as long as I had you to visit."

"You got six years, which means you got released…" Remus faltered as he made the connection.

"Two days ago," Romulus confirmed. "I'd have come straight here, but I wanted to get the application to get you out of here sorted out right away."

"Back up a minute," Remus asked. "Why didn't you tell me before? You've had over five years to get around to telling me that you weren't actually dead!"

"Because it might have gone wrong," Romulus replied quietly. "If you stay out of your body too long, you run the risk of not being able to get back in. Or if the guards had looked too closely at me whilst I was 'out' they would have thought me dead and I'd have been buried at sea. If I'd failed, I would have _really_ been dead. I didn't want you worrying every time I appeared or we'd probably have spent the entire time arguing. Which, I'm sure you'll agree, wouldn't be very happy memories. This way, even though you thought I was dead, you hadn't really lost me. I could keep an eye on you and continually replenish my stock of pleasant memories in the process."

"You should have told me!" Remus snapped and he jumped to his feet to point an accusing finger at his brother. "You had no right to keep this from me."

"And if I'd died doing this, you'd have blamed yourself, because I'd have died whilst looking over you."

"You should still have told me!" Remus yelled, his voice rising so loud that a guard popped his head inside the door to check everything was all right.

"Remus, sit down and stop yelling," Romulus ordered. "I did what I had to, and even if, for the sake of argument, I could go back and do it again, I would make exactly the same choices."

"You would? All of them?" Remus looked down at the table and scraped his nails along a groove in the wood. "You missed my first day at Hogwarts, the day I made the Quidditch team and the day we won the Cup. You missed so many days. The very best days of my life and my brother was missing from them. And don't you dare say you were with Cecily all those times, because it would be too much of a coincidence. "

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apologies," Remus snapped. "I want the truth for once. I want to know why you weren't there for the best days of my life!"

Romulus frowned momentarily before his face broke into a smile. "You never cease to surprise me," he finally said. "I would have guessed for certain that you'd want to know why I wasn't there the day you were captured."

"Fine, start with that one," Remus replied, taking a seat at the other side of the table once more. "Where were you?"

"In Azkaban, surrounded by more Dementors than you want to know about," Romulus stated, his eyes taking on a haunted look. Remus drew in a sharp breath and reached across the table to grasp his brother's hand firmly. "You were so happy sneaking around the school and I enjoyed watching over you. I got so many happy memories from those months. I didn't realise that my happy memories were acting like a magnet for the Dementors. Those memories were new and fresh and very strong. The Dementors swarmed in around me to feast on those memories I'd made. It was too much for me and I couldn't concentrate enough to send my spirit out of there. I didn't know about your capture until Dumbledore came to visit me after the hearing."

"Dumbledore came to visit you?" Remus interrupted. "And he didn't tell me?"

"Of course he didn't tell you," Romulus replied. "Anyway, his visit disturbed the Dementors, and I was able to get back to you for the summer. But nothing can prepare you for losing so many of your memories. It's like a huge chunk of your life, and you can never get it back again. I know I saw you the day you had your first flying lesson; I remember worrying about you getting caught. But I can't remember anything else about that day; it's just a blank. They took it from me, just like they took so many other memories."

"Were the Dementors crowding in on you on my first day?" Remus asked. "Is that why you weren't there?"

Romulus shook his head. "I wanted to be there," he finally admitted. "But I couldn't bear the thought of losing a wonderful memory like that one would have been. Losing the memory of the day you first flew on a broom was dreadful, and there are so many more lost that I don't even remember having. To lose the memories of all the most important days in your life would have killed me."

"But now you don't have those memories at all," Remus pointed out. "You might not have lost them all."

"I didn't want to risk it. Losing memories of you larking about with your friends, getting house points and detentions, you know, all the day to day stuff, wasn't so bad, because I could always make more of those kinds of memories. You were a never-ending supply of them. But the big memories, the important ones, I hated the idea of losing them so much I chose to stay away, just in case. I'm sorry."

Remus nodded silently.

"I guess I was a bit of a coward," Romulus whispered quietly. "I'm not like my baby brother, I'm a Hufflepuff, not a Gryffindor."

"Oh, Rom," Remus murmured as he hurried back round the table and flung his arms around his brother's neck for the second time. He couldn't stop the tears that were streaming down his face and he sniffled into his brother's shoulder. "You're not a coward at all. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, and I'm sorry for being such a git now."

"You're not a git," Romulus assured him with a smile as he hugged him back. "You're my baby brother, and I swear I'm going to get you out of here."

"Will your application succeed?" Remus asked.

"I don't know; my criminal record…" Remus snorted. "…will stand against me."

"They can't use that against you," Remus muttered. "That would be totally unfair."

"Since when is life fair?"

"Good point."

"So, the plan is to get you out of here, and then we're going to track down Mr Sirius Black and make him wish he'd never been born."

Remus watched as his brother's eyes hardened. "Have you seen Sirius?" he finally asked.

"Not in person," Romulus replied. He reached into his cloak and pulled out a copy of the Daily Prophet. It was a month old, and looked like it had been read numerous times. Remus looked at where his brother was pointing and thought for a moment he was imagining what he reading.

"No," he whispered. "He wouldn't. He couldn't."

"It's right there in the announcements section. It's not like it's some gossip doing the rounds, it's a Black family announcement and even has their official crest on it. Sirius is getting married."

"He can't."

"He's a Black, Remus. I thought he was different, too. I was wrong. He's just like the rest of his family. They do what they like, and to hell with everyone else."

"Sirius wouldn't," Remus repeated, his eyes not leaving the parchment.

Remus had barely recovered from the shock of seeing his brother alive and well; he didn't need another bombshell dropping on him.

"I'll be back again tomorrow," Romulus said. "I'll see you at visiting time."

Remus nodded mutely, his eyes following the newspaper as Romulus returned it to the inside pocket of his cloak.

They said their goodbyes and Remus wandered blindly back towards his room. He threw himself onto his bed and stared at the ceiling for a long while.

When it started to get dark he idly considered turning on the light, but decided in the end that it was too much effort.

"What did the Governor want?" Aaron asked as he poked his head around the door.

"My brother's making an application to supervise me," Remus replied quietly.

"I thought he was dead?"

Remus snorted. "That makes two of us."

"I take it that means he's not?"

"Alive and well, or as well as anyone can be after six years in Azkaban."

"So, why aren't you delighted at the news? Why are you laying here in the dark with a face like a wet weekend?"

Remus sighed. "He's getting married."

"Your brother? Guess he's a fast worker."

"Not Rom, Sirius."

"Oh."

"He's really not coming to get me out of here."

"You've known that for a while now," Aaron pointed out as he walked into the room and sat down on the end of the bed.

"I hate him," Remus growled. "He _made_ me love him, and then left me here to rot once he'd got what he wanted. I hate him."

"No, you don't."

Remus glared at Aaron. "Yes, _I do_. I wish I'd never met Sirius bloody Black and want nothing more than to forget about him. I want to forget he even exists!"

Aaron didn't say anything, he already knew better than to argue with Remus when he was in this sort of a mood.

"I want to punch him!" Remus shouted. "I want to tear his perfect bloody hair right out of his head. I want to… to…"

"Tear his throat out?" Aaron suggested in a quiet tone of voice that didn't seem to suit the brutal words.

Remus nodded before the implications of the words sank in. "What's happening to me?" he whispered in horror.

"The wolf's instincts are becoming stronger than the human ones," Aaron explained.

Remus shook his head. "I'm not going to be controlled by the wolf."

"You think you can stop it?"

"Sirius – or my love for him – it kept me human," Remus whispered. "I need him."

"You need to find another reason to live," Aaron told him. "If you don't, you'll become a monster."

"I won't be a monster," Remus insisted. "I won't!"

-o-xXx-o-

"I'm going to the press conference," Sirius stated for the fourth time. "I owe it to Remus's memory to be there."

He heard his father's intake of breath at Remus's name and smiled inwardly.

"You don't owe that half-breed anything," Orion argued. "You barely did anything to help that old fool with his potion. There's no reason for you to be there."

"Belby wants me to speak to the people there about our work," Sirius said. "I've already agreed."

"You don't expect your mother or I to take time out of our busy schedules to baby sit you?"

"Regulus isn't working that day; he'll come with me."

"And what do you intend to say to this crowd of fools?" Walburga asked. "What could you possibly have to say that would interest them?"

"I've been preparing a speech," Sirius said. "I've got it pretty much memorised."

"Let's hear it," Orion said.

"Why?" Sirius asked in confusion. "It's just boring stuff about the potion and where the idea came from for using Wolfsbane."

"Do you intend to talk about your sordid relationship with _him_?" Walburga asked.

Sirius shook his head. "I don't think I could mention his name without breaking down or making a complete idiot out of myself."

"Well, that at least is something," Walburga replied. "You've disgraced the family enough with your perversions. When is this conference?"

"Saturday," Sirius replied. "I'll be glad to get out of the house for once."

He sighed and reached for a bread roll, cursing Kreacher under his breath for placing the basket in a different place every bloody night. Just a few more days and he would be able to leave the house, if only for a few hours. He didn't know why, but as the months had passed he was feeling less like a temporary guest and more and more like a prisoner, and he was relishing the idea of a few hours of freedom from his ever-present guards.

He wondered if he could persuade Regulus to take him to visit James and Lily. He was anxious to talk to his friends again and wished that they could have visited him. Unfortunately, no matter how much Sirius wanted it, Orion and Walburga had made it clear that there would be no Potters in their house and certainly no mudbloods.

Sirius didn't bother to mention his intention to visit his friends. He would casually suggest it to Regulus after the conference, and if he refused to escort him, Sirius would just have to apparate away and hope that being blind didn't prevent him from arriving at his destination.


	73. Out of the Darkness

A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating. My beta got this chapter back to me nearly two weeks ago, but I hadn't got around to doing the work on it.

And the usual apologies for not replying to all the reviews. I need my days to be three times as long as usual to fit everything in. :-(

Out of the Darkness

Sirius let Regulus lead him towards the podium, and even though he couldn't see them, he could feel the eyes of everyone in the room watching him. Once he reached the stand he put his hand on the wooden surface and gave a small nod to Regulus to indicate that he could leave him now.

"Thank you for coming," Sirius said, a croaky voice. He could feel the icy coolness of the glass of water on the podium and reached for the same, taking a quick swallow to settle his nerves and bring back his voice.

"Thank you for coming," he repeated in a stronger voice. "I know that you are all eager to see the results of the potion I've been working on with Damocles Belby for the last year. I did have a speech prepared, my brother has been listening to me rehearse it all week," he smiled across in the direction he knew Regulus was standing. "But standing here, right now, that speech doesn't seem right. Instead I'd like to speak to you about Remus Lupin."

Sirius could hear the murmurs of the crowd, and he waited a moment or two for the room to quieten down.

"When I was eleven years old, like many young wizards, I was lucky enough to receive an invitation to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. My first year at the school was not an easy one. I was expecting to join my family in Slytherin, but instead found myself in Gryffindor. I was sure it was a mistake because bravery was something I just couldn't see in myself. I could see it in my only friend though. His name was Remus Lupin, and he lived on the outskirts of the village of Hogsmeade. Unlike me, he was not a student at Hogwarts. It wasn't because he was a squib, it wasn't really because of the money the school costs, and it certainly wasn't because he wasn't clever enough. No, the reason Remus wasn't allowed to attend Hogwarts was because he'd been bitten by a werewolf at the age of six.

"The lack of attendance at Hogwarts didn't stop him from wanting to learn magic though. He studied at home where he lived under the care of his brother. You might wonder why he didn't live with his parents. It was because he was a werewolf of course.

"But Remus studied and played and never let his Lycanthropy stand in his way. He suffered immensely during the times of the full moon. He imprisoned himself and let the wolf harm himself rather than endanger anyone else. He showed me what true courage really was.

"He was my first real friend; at times he was my only friend. He was my best friend, and he eventually became my lover and husband."

Sirius paused at this point and reached a shaking hand for the glass of water. A part of him was glad he couldn't see the reaction of the crowd, who he was sure could see the watering of his eyes as he spoke of the man he had loved for so long.

"Remus did eventually get to attend Hogwarts," Sirius finally continued. "Thanks to Albus Dumbledore, Remus was able to get part of the education that had been denied him for so long. But he was only one of many young werewolves and I know that even after he was allowed within Hogwarts he still felt the injustice that so many more were not.

"I decided, even before I left Hogwarts, that I would devote as long as it took to find a cure for Lycanthropy. Though it was tragic circumstances that brought Damocles Belby into my life, I cannot entirely regret it, because he was working towards the same goal as I was. It is our combined efforts that bring us here today.

"Sadly, Remus himself cannot be here to share the joy of our success. Last autumn we were in a motorcycle accident. It was a couple of days before the full moon. The same accident that robbed me of my sight also robbed me of my lover. We were taken to a muggle hospital and by the time I regained consciousness the full moon had been and gone, and the Ministry of Magic had executed Remus on the grounds that he hadn't taken the proper precautions during the full moon. The fact that he was barely conscious at the time was irrelevant. He died simply because he was a werewolf.

"Unfortunately we haven't yet achieved a full cure for Lycanthropy. But I'm sure when you see the results of the Wolfsbane potion that you'll agree that it is one that will be welcomed. Not only by anyone who suffers from Lycanthropy, but also by their family, friends, and anyone who has seen the damage a werewolf can do to it's human host."

Sirius picked up his glass of water and stepped back slightly from the podium, his signal to Regulus to come and guide him off of the stage so that Belby could take over. Regulus had not reached him when the sound of a familiar voice called out from the crowd.

"Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet! A question if you please."

"No questions," Regulus called out.

"It's all right," Sirius said. "What do you want to know?"

"I have a question about Remus," Rita began.

Sirius drew in a sharp breath. He hadn't really expecting to be talking about Remus at the conference, much less answering questions about him. But before he could say a word, Regulus was answering for him.

"This conference is about the Wolfsbane Potion," he declared loudly. "If all questions could be focused on the potion please."

"Why?" Rita called back. "Sirius was the one who brought up his boyfriend."

"That's not the point," Regulus argued. "Does anyone have any questions about the Wolfsbane potion?"

"Got something to hide?" Rita called out.

"No," Regulus replied, his voice barely carrying over the murmurs of the crowd, many of whom sounded as though they were agreeing with Rita.

"What question do you have?" Sirius asked quietly, ignoring his brother's whispered protestations.

He didn't need to see Rita to know that she was bearing a triumphant and gleeful grin.

"I'd like to know whether you're aware that one Remus Lupin was sent to the Dangerous Creatures' Camp in Cheshire last year?"

Sirius's felt the glass slipping through his fingers, he was vaguely aware of it shattering on the hard wooden floor, and the cool water splashing the hem of his robes. Regulus was tugging on his arm, but all he could do was stand there, mute, as the whispers of the crowd grew louder and louder.

Rita was a gossip, a troublemaker, the nosiest person he'd ever met, and a damn nuisance most of the time. But even her harshest critics could not deny that she was good at her job, and although she might exaggerate the facts or twist them to sell the story, she never outright lied.

"W-would you please repeat that?" Sirius asked as he shook off Regulus's hand.

"Remus Lupin was sent to the Dangerous Creatures Camp in Cheshire last year," Rita repeated.

"How do you know this?"

"I covered his trial," Rita explained. "The Wizengamot seemed rather surprised that you didn't attend, given your close relationship with the defendant. Was it a lovers' tiff?"

"Miss Skeeter, may I speak with you privately?" Sirius asked.

"An exclusive?" Rita enthusiastically asked.

"If you like," agreed Sirius, knowing he'd agree to anything at this particular moment in time.

"There's a small café just down the road," Rita said as she scurried up onto the stage and took hold of his arm.

"Sirius, you can't be thinking of speaking with this woman?" Regulus hissed as he tried to pull Sirius in the opposite direction.

"Regulus, you can either come with us or wait here, but I'm going to listen to what she has to say."

"This way, Sirius," Rita said as she hurried him through the crowd and out of the doors.

The café was small and crowded and Sirius felt people banging into him every few minutes as the customers tried to navigate the crowded room. Regulus had come with them and Sirius could tell from his fidgeting that he was agitated.

"Say your piece then," Sirius said to Rita who he could tell was scratching away on her notepad already.

"The accident you spoke of," Rita began. "I think you've been fed false information as to what exactly happened afterwards."

"Just answer me one question," Sirius asked coldly. "Is Remus Lupin dead?"

"Not unless he's been killed in the camp," Rita replied equally coldly. "It's a dog eat dog lifestyle in those places, and only the strongest survive more than a few months."

"Remus is strong," Sirius said, more to himself than to Rita.

"Sirius," Regulus tentatively spoke, his voice barely more than a whisper. "It's been months, nearly a year, the chances of him being alive are pretty slim."

"I have to find out for sure."

"I'll help you," Rita offered brightly. "It'll be a great story no matter what. Sirius Black's search for his true love, the heartbreak of finding out the truth too late, or the tender reunion of the lovers."

"He doesn't need your help," Regulus snapped. "The Black family has connections enough to uncover the truth, if you're even speaking the truth."

"Oh, I'm speaking the truth," Rita replied silkily. "And I'm sure that Sirius would be only too happy to have my assistance. After all, I'm not the one who's been lying to him for months."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked warily.

"Well, far be it from me to criticise the noble house of Black," Rita purred. "But Remus's trial was in all the papers, on all the wireless stations, and the talk of London for more than a month. No one in the country could have failed to hear of it. I can't imagine how the entire Black family could be so out of touch with current events."

"What exactly are you implying?" Regulus hissed.

"Why, that you and your family have gone to a great deal of trouble to ensure that Sirius believed his lover was dead, of course. It'll be a nice little twist to the story when I publish it."

"You wouldn't dare!" Regulus banged his hand on the tabletop, rattling the cups.

"Hasn't Sirius told you about me?" Rita asked silkily. "When it comes to a story, I'll do just about anything."

"The Black family will destroy you if you print those lies."

"Are they lies?" Sirius asked quietly. "If Remus is alive, I'll find him, and I'll find out the truth. I'd easily believe our parents capable of this, but what about you?"

"Sirius please…"

"Did you help our parents deceive me?" Sirius whispered harshly.

"They threatened Chloe," Regulus replied. "If I didn't agree to help them they were going to take it out on her and her family. I couldn't risk it."

"You could have told me."

"And what could you have done about it?" Regulus snapped. "You can barely dress yourself without help."

"You should have told me," Sirius repeated. He wanted to shout, but the shock had reduced his voice to almost nothing. "Just get out of here."

"Sirius please…"

"Just go. Please."

Sirius listened as the chair scraped across the floor and the familiar footsteps of his brother faded amidst the sounds of the busy café.

The silence that descended lasted only a few seconds. "Shall we head to my office?" Rita asked brightly.

"I've just found out my entire family have lied to me," Sirius hissed. "Could you try not to sound so delighted?"

Rita sighed and mumbled an apology. Sirius sipped at his drink, trying to make sense of why his brother had betrayed him so badly.

"Can I ask you a question?" Rita suddenly asked.

"Like you could ever resist the opportunity to be nosy," Sirius replied with a snort of mild laughter.

Rita huffed a little, but it didn't deter her from her question. "How is it that you're still blind?"

It wasn't the question he was expecting, and Sirius was sure that his surprise must have been showing on his face.

"Your blindness isn't magic related," Rita continued. "There's no reason why the healers shouldn't have been able to cure you."

"They tried their best," Sirius replied quietly. "I had the best treatment money could buy."

"Black money?" Rita's question was almost a statement, and a slightly sarcastic one at that.

"Bloody hell," Sirius swore.

"St Mungo's is just a couple of streets away," Rita pointed out. "It's on the way to Diagon Alley."

"Let's go." Sirius stood up, knocking his chair back into another customer in his hurry.

-o-xXx-o-

"I'd like to see Mr Black's records," Rita asked sweetly. "Just a quick peek…"

Sirius shook his head and smirked at the way she wound the young wizard round her little finger. All the way to St Mungo's she'd been in seventh heaven at the prospect of the story she was about to break. Corruption in St Mungo's was now as thrilling to her as the idea of prying into his private life generally.

"We've already done everything we can to help Mr Black," an older healer commented from behind Sirius. He spun round quickly, vaguely recognising the voice as someone who had attended on him after the accident.

"What about the Oris potion?" Rita asked. "It's supposed to be able to help all non-magical cases of blindness."

"As you can see from Mr Black's records, we've already administered that potion to him… twice."

Sirius heard the sound of rustling parchment as Rita flicked through his records.

"Perhaps you might like to give it one last try?" Rita suggested. "Third time lucky?"

The healer didn't sound entirely thrilled about the idea, but she had apparently already figured out that saying no to Rita was something of a pointless exercise.

Five minutes later, Sirius was sitting in a room, sniffing cautiously at the potion that had been handed to him.

"Drink it down quickly, while it's still warm," the healer advised.

"What is it?" Sirius asked.

"The Oris potion, of course." The healer sounded impatient, but there was just a trace of something else in her voice.

"No, it's not," Sirius stated firmly. "The Oris potion has a distinct smell of bilberries. This hasn't. So, what is it?"

"I assure you this…"

Unfortunately, the healer got no further before Rita interrupted. "Did you know that Sirius Black got an Outstanding in his Potions N.E.W.T.? And that this morning he was giving a lecture about the new Wolfsbane potion, the first step towards a cure for Lycanthropy?"

"I…"

"So, perhaps you might like to take a guess on whether or not he might be able to recognise the Oris potion from smell alone?"

"I'll be sacked…"

"You certainly will be," Rita agreed. "Especially after I print the story about what you've been up to."

"Rita," Sirius interrupted. "You're not really giving her any reason to help me. Perhaps you might like to try bargaining?"

"Bargaining?" Rita echoed, as though this was some sort of foreign concept.

He turned to face the direction of the healer, ignoring Rita's squawk of protest at having things taken out of her control. "Rita will leave your name out of the story, if you restore my sight."

"I will?" Rita asked in horror.

"Yes, you will," Sirius told her firmly.

"You promise?" the healer asked nervously.

"You've still got an exclusive story that's worthy of the front page," Sirius pointed out impatiently when Rita continued to hesitate.

"Very well," Rita finally agreed. "Just hurry up, before someone else gets on the trail of the story and scoops me."

Sirius listened to the healer hurry from the room, a small smile playing on his lips.

Another ten minutes passed before Sirius found himself holding a cup of Oris potion.

"Is that the right one?" Rita asked.

Sirius cautiously sniffed the potion. "Smells like it," he replied before downing it in one long swallow.

"Did it work?" Rita asked breathlessly.

"I'm not sure."

"It might help if you open your eyes," Rita pointed out.

"I'm scared," Sirius whispered quietly.

"Why?" Rita asked. "It's not like you'd be looking at me without my makeup."

Sirius laughed at her joke and opened his eyes to shoot her a startled look. He met her eyes, and gave her a wide grin. "I can see!" he laughed as he pulled her into a tight hug. "How can I ever thank you?"

"You already are," Rita pointed out. "My story, remember?"

Sirius laughed joyfully. Then he turned to healer and drew in a sharp breath at the sight of the woman before him. "You're…?" he faltered. The eyes staring back at him were heartbreakingly familiar, as were the features that he had last seen on the face of Remus's mother.

"I'm Rosina Whitby," the healer said quietly. "Celeste Lupin is my younger sister."

"You're Remus's aunt?" Sirius asked, knowing the answer already. The eyes, shared by both Remus and his brother, were identical to those he was now looking into. And now he knew the truth, he could see other similarities, too.

"You are?" Rita asked with delight. "What a wonderful twist to this story!"

"You said you wouldn't print my name," Rosina reminded her.

Rita looked pleadingly at Sirius, who was almost tempted to renege on his bargain with the healer.

"Your name will stay out of it," Sirius promised reluctantly. "Though I can't say the same for the rest of your despicable family."

"The only member of the Lupin family who's despicable is that monstrous creature you seem so fond of," Rosina sneered.

Sirius's eyes narrowed as he glared at the healer. He didn't look away as he spoke to Rita. "Print it all," he said coldly. "Every single detail."

Rosina's face turned various shades before settling on a pasty white.

When Sirius turned from her to face Rita, the young reporter looked like all her Christmases had come at once. "Let's get to your office," he said as he tugged her from the room.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius had never been inside the building that was the headquarters of the Daily Prophet. The first thing that struck him was the noise. Dozens of scratching quills, people shouting and the cries of owls mingled together, giving an impression of utter bedlam.

"This way," Rita said as she wove her way through the desks, finally stopping at a cluttered desk at the back of the room. Makeup and quills littered the desk and an owl was perched on the edge of the partition, a letter attached to its leg. Rita took the letter from the bird and sent it on its way.

"Something interesting?" Sirius asked politely as he watched Rita's face light up as she swiftly scanned the parchment.

"Just a letter from a reader, praising me on one of my recent stories." Rita smiled up at him. "I don't get many of them; being the youngest reporter on the paper, I get sent on all the boring stories that no one reads. Stuff like potions lectures." She screwed up her nose in distaste.

"I'll bet you're pleased you got that boring assignment now though, aren't you?" Sirius whispered mischievously.

"This is my big break," Rita whispered back.

"I thought the story about me and Remus on the steps of Gringotts was your big break?"

"So did I," Rita muttered. "Until your mother sent a howler to my editor complaining about my slandering the name of Black."

"She didn't?"

"She most certainly _did_," Rita replied, pouting slightly at the memory.

"And you want to risk upsetting her again with _this_ story?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"This isn't just any story," Rita pointed out excitedly. "This isn't some society scandal that can be swept under the carpet… this is deception, corruption, tragedy…"

"Tragedy?"

"If he's dead, it is."

"Let's try not to sound so thrilled at the prospect," Sirius suggested wryly.

"Of course not," Rita nodded. "If he's alive, it'll sell even more papers. Everyone _loves_ a happy ending."

"Well, we need to find him first," Sirius reminded her.

"Of course," Rita agreed, settling down in her seat and gesturing for Sirius to pull up a chair alongside her. "I know it's here somewhere," she muttered as she rifled through the desk drawers, scattering their contents haphazardly over the surface.

"How many eyeliners do you have in there," Sirius asked as Rita tipped another three onto the desk.

"A couple of dozen," she replied distractedly. "Why? Do you want some makeup tips?"

"Hardly," Sirius replied with a snort of laughter. "Just wondering how you can work in all this mess."

"Ah, here it is!" Rita sat back up and planted a small box on the desk.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, reaching out to touch it, only to have his hand slapped away immediately.

"_This_, my friend, is my box of favours," Rita crowed. "My magical IOUs, if you like. And, within this box, is an IOU from one Paul Denby, who is currently working as a security guard at a certain camp in Cheshire."

"He'll help us?" Sirius asked sceptically. "He could lose his job if he broke one of the inmates out."

"Paul fancies himself as a bit of a hero," Rita explained. "If I promise to show him in that light in my story, he'll be happy to help."

"You're sure?"

"He'll at least talk to us," Rita amended. "He'll be able to confirm whether Remus is still there or not. It's not like the information's restricted, it would just take six weeks to get it if we went through proper channels."

"How are you going to contact him? By owl?"

"Mirror," Rita replied as she opened the box. "These are magical communication mirrors, and those who owe me favours have the other mirror on them. They work by…"

"I know how they work," Sirius interrupted, much to Rita's dismay. "Just contact him, please."

Rita, still looking a little disgruntled, flicked through the mirrors, checking the names scratched on the reverse. Finally she pulled out the one she wanted and a moment later Paul appeared in the mirror.

"Skeeter?" he asked. "What is it? I'm at work at the moment; this isn't a good time."

"You're at work?" Rita asked. "Perfect!"

Paul looked thoroughly suspicious and rather nervous as Rita asked him to find out whether Remus Lupin was still being help at the camp. "I'm Security, not Admin," he told her.

"But aren't you dating that pretty little Mary in Admin?" Rita reminded him. "I'm sure you can _persuade_ her to take a teeny peek at the files…"

Paul looked like he was about to argue, but seemed to think better of it. He disappeared for several minutes before reappearing. "She's looking now," he said.

A few more minutes passed before he confirmed that Remus was still in the camp.

Sirius, who hadn't even realised he'd been holding his breath, let out a sigh of relief.

"So, we're square now?" Paul was asking Rita.

"Not quite," Rita told him. "You owe me big, remember? I'll be up in Cheshire later today for a chat."

"My shift finishes at five," Paul replied.

"Perfect!" Rita grinned. "See you soon!"

"What now then?" Sirius asked. "Do you really think he'll help?"

"He owes me," Rita said.

"Can I borrow one of the office owls?" Sirius asked as he watched another bird swoop in the open window.

"What for?"

"To get help from a couple of friends."

"James and Peter, right?"

"Yeah. I think perhaps my messages to them weren't getting through, or their replies to me weren't exactly being relayed in full."

Rita nodded thoughtfully. Then she left Sirius at her desk to write his messages whilst she went to appropriate one of the birds.

Ten minutes later and the owl was on its way. It seemed that someone had noticed the unofficial use of the office bird though, and Rita hurriedly gathered her things together and practically ran out of the office, dragging Sirius along with her.

They had just reached the door when he heard the call behind him: "Skeeter! Where's my copy?"

"It'll be on your desk first thing tomorrow!" Rita replied with a grin.

"I need it on my desk _now_!" her editor yelled.

"Soon, boss!" Rita replied and she left the building.

Sirius stepped out into Diagon Alley with her. "So, I take it you have a plan for breaking Remus out tonight?" he asked.

"Of course," Rita smirked. "This is _so_ exciting, isn't it?"

"How about we grab some lunch, and you can fill me in on this 'exciting' plan?" Sirius suggested, pointing up the road to a small café.

"That sounds delightful," Rita agreed as she wound her arm through his own and steered him along.

They sat at one of the outdoor tables of the café, enjoying the mild autumn day. Sirius listened quietly as Rita elaborated on her plan to break Remus out of the dangerous creatures' camp. He wasn't sure whether her scheme was genius or just plain insane. Either way, it was the only plan they had.

Sirius was thinking the plan over, whilst perusing the dessert menu, when he felt a prickling of his skin. Someone was watching him… someone was staring at him. Seeing that Rita was busy flirting with the waiter, he took the opportunity to gaze round the familiar street for the first time in nearly a year.

It didn't take him long to spot the observer, and when he did he felt his blood run icy cold.

The malevolence emanating from the man was almost tangible. Sirius felt goose bumps rising on his arms and his stomach was doing somersaults.

Vaguely he heard Rita asking him what was wrong. He shook his head, wondering if the Oris potion had any hallucinogenic side effects. That was the only explanation he could think of for what he was seeing.

"Is that Romulus Lupin?" Rita asked. "He must have been recently released from Azkaban. He got six years, didn't he? That would have been up at the start of the summer."

Sirius still couldn't seem to muster the words to reply to her. It wasn't possible, was it?

"I wonder if he remembers me," Rita continued, and from the corner of his eye, Sirius saw her waving flirtatiously across the street.

Romulus didn't take his eyes from Sirius as he stalked towards them.

"It's not possible," he whispered, almost to himself.

"What do you mean?" Rita questioned, but he had no time to answer her before he was pulled roughly out of his seat and slammed violently into the wall behind him.

"You're real?" Sirius whispered with wonder. "You're…"

Then words failed him completely as he tried to comprehend the fact that the man pushing him up against the wall was Remus's older brother… in the flesh.


	74. To Chase After Forever After

A/N: Here is the next chapter. I am pretty much caught up with the review replies now - just a couple from the last few days to reply to. But I hope that everyone will be patient if there is a delay in replying to them in November. The reason is I am doing NaNoWriMo this year (as well as working 11 and 12 hour days during the week, and the occasional Saturday). Which means very little time for anything else.

Oh, and while my other stories are on hold for November, this one won't be delayed since it is already written in full and it is just a question of my beta checking it. So you don't have to wait for me to have some free time to work on it.

Hope you all enjoy the next chapter. We are nearing the end now.

To Chase After Forever After

Sirius had seen Romulus angry once before, and the memory of the morning on the day following Remus's thirteenth birthday came back to him clearly.

It seemed that he wasn't the only one who was recalling that particular morning.

"Do you remember what I said to you the morning after you discovered Remus's secret?" Romulus glared at Sirius, but he didn't wait for an answer. "I told you that there was nothing I wouldn't do to protect my brother, and that if anything happened to him because of you, I'd track you down. I knew that sooner or later you'd show your face in Diagon Alley; all I had to do was wait."

Sirius tried to find his voice, but speech seemed to have failed him completely.

"Rom?" a female voice called out. Though Sirius thought the voice sounded familiar, he couldn't tear his eyes away from the furious face of Romulus Lupin.

"Can I interrupt?" Rita asked with a cheerfulness of spirit that the situation certainly didn't warrant. "It seems to me that you both are on the same side here, so perhaps we might like to avoid being arrested for brawling… again."

"My brother's a prisoner because of _you_," Romulus hissed.

"I…"

"You deserted him when he needed you most."

"I…"

"You broke his heart."

"I…"

"You – "

But Sirius never knew what other accusation Romulus was about to make because Rita interrupted him. "It isn't Sirius's fault," she said, and Sirius felt a surge of unexpected gratitude for her. "He's as much a victim as Remus in this whole conspiracy."

Romulus turned to look at Rita, raising a single eyebrow in question. "A conspiracy, is it?" he asked sarcastically.

"Your family and mine," Sirius whispered. "I only found out this morning. They deceived me, kept me blind and let me believe Remus was…" He couldn't bring himself to complete the sentence.

"Let you believe Remus was what?" Romulus asked. "That he's a monster without feelings? That he didn't love you any more? Didn't you think he deserved an explanation? You said you loved him, then you do this to him!"

"They told him Remus was dead," Rita explained quietly. "That he hadn't survived the accident."

"And Sirius somehow managed to miss all the reports in the paper?" Romulus asked sarcastically. "Clearly he's recovered his sight, which makes that a little difficult to believe."

"His sight was restored this morning."

"This morning?" Romulus echoed, looking at Sirius for confirmation.

Sirius nodded slowly. "I swear, I didn't know."

"Blind or not, you could have made the effort to find out."

"I thought he was dead," Sirius whispered. "I was barely even making the effort to survive each day."

"You should have done more to find him."

"I visited his bloody grave," Sirius shouted. "I… I…" His voice began to tremble as he realised that he should never have believed what his family had told him. He should have moved heaven and hell to discover the truth. He should have pushed his depression aside and exposed his parents' lies for what they were. He felt filled with shame as he realised how little he had done in the months since the accident. Other than working on the Wolfsbane Potion, he had done little more than survive, quietly ensconced in his rooms. He could have done so much more, had he simply made the effort.

Romulus drew in a deep breath and took a step backwards. The anger was almost gone from his eyes and as he stepped away, Sirius could see that the female voice he had heard was that of Alana.

"Perhaps we should take this off the street," Alana suggested quietly.

"Our place?" Romulus replied.

"My flat's just round the corner," Sirius argued.

"Very well," Romulus agreed, and the four of them set off for Cauldron Close.

The flat looked almost exactly the same as it had the last time Sirius had seen it. The only difference was the thick layer of dust that coated every surface.

"I'm surprised you didn't sell the place," Romulus commented while Rita pulled out her wand and pointed it at one of the dusty chairs. Alana brushed a stray cobweb away from the sofa and sat down on it, Romulus sitting close beside her.

Sirius didn't bother cleaning away the dust on the chair he chose. The state of his flat was the least of his concerns. "If I'd sold it, it would have been like admitting something, something I didn't want to. It was easier to leave it as it was."

Romulus nodded thoughtfully, understandingly, and Sirius saw the last of his anger finally vanish from his eyes.

"How is it you're here?" Sirius finally asked. "Alive and well and…?"

"Corporeal?" Romulus supplied with a grin.

"Huh?" Rita looked around the room in some confusion. Sirius caught her look and smiled at her.

"I was sort of a ghost the last time Sirius saw me," Romulus explained. "Surely you saw me around Hogwarts?"

Rita shook her head.

"How about at the Wizengamot during Remus's trials?"

Rita shook her head again and shrugged. Sirius quietly mused that for a reporter she was remarkably unobservant.

"Sort of?" Sirius questioned, not concerned in the least about whether Rita remembered Romulus or not.

"Well, I was in spirit form," Romulus agreed. "Just not exactly dead."

"But how?"

Romulus sighed and explained, as briefly as he could, how Dumbledore had taught him to escape from his body in order to replenish his happy memories during his time in Azkaban.

Sirius could barely believe it, but the evidence was sitting right across from him. "Are you saying that you've really been in Azkaban all this time?" he asked.

"My body's been there. Just I've not been in it as much as I should have." Romulus shrugged.

"Why didn't you tell us? Or at least tell Remus?"

"How do you know he didn't know?" Rita asked, her quill already flying across the page.

"Because it might have gone wrong," Romulus replied quietly, and he explained the risks he had taken in much the same way as he had explained it all to Remus.

"He'd have wanted to know," Sirius snapped. "You saw him after you first came back, you know how upset he was, he blamed himself for your death!"

"And if I'd died doing this, he'd have blamed himself even more, because I'd have died whilst looking over him."

"You should have told him!"

"What's done is done," Alana quietly interceded. "Rom had his reasons for what he did, and for why he didn't tell you."

Romulus turned to smile at the young muggle. "Thanks, love."

"So, you two are sweethearts?" Rita asked cheerfully, quill at the ready again. "That's so adorable."

Romulus frowned momentarily at Rita before turning back to Sirius. "Why's she here?"

"Sirius has promised me an exclusive," Rita replied, before Sirius could open his mouth.

"She's here to help get Remus out of the camp," Sirius amended. "She has a contact who works there who owes her a favour."

"And in return, I get an exclusive." Rita grinned widely. "So, did you two know each other when Romulus was a spirit? How did you meet? Did she know you were really alive? Or did she think you were truly star-crossed?"

"I was a spirit, we fell in love, I told her everything, I got released and came back," Romulus told Rita shortly.

"Care to elaborate?" Rita asked.

"No."

Rita turned to Alana instead. "So, how do you feel about ex-cons?"

Sirius rolled his eyes as Alana blushed and stammered and turned to Romulus for help. "I can't believe I didn't figure it out," he muttered. "You were ageing and I didn't even notice. And your hair - I _knew_ it was getting longer."

"There aren't any barbers in Azkaban," Romulus said with a chuckle. "Each time I left my body I'd appear as my body was at the time. I couldn't stop ageing or anything like that; I just had to hope you didn't pay too much attention to me. Not a great problem since you couldn't take your eyes off Remus."

"It's not like I noticed either," Alana added.

"You knew me for less than a year though," Romulus pointed out. "And you're not exactly used to ghosts and the like popping up all over the place."

"You're not?" Rita asked. "Are you a muggle? How did you ever meet each other? A ghost and a muggle and a werewolf and the Black heir…"

"Do we really need her here?" Romulus asked impatiently.

"Unfortunately, yes," Sirius replied. "We're meeting her contact when his shift finishes, and then we're going to see about breaking Remus out."

"You think Remus will want to be on the run again?" Romulus asked.

"Better that, than a prisoner in one of those camps," Sirius stated. "Are you coming with us?"

Romulus grinned widely. "Well, it's not like anyone else is going to keep you two out of trouble?"

"I'll wait back at our place," Alana said. "I have to collect Eve from her grandmother's soon anyway."

"You're okay to get back there by train?" Romulus asked.

"I managed it for years," Alana told him with a laugh. "Just bring him home safely."

Romulus nodded and gently squeezed Alana's hand. "We will," he assured her.

-o-xXx-o-

"So, you and Alana?" Sirius commented quietly as he watched Rita shamelessly flirting with Paul.

"Hmm?"

"Been making up for lost time?" he teased.

Romulus blushed and smiled to himself, confirming Sirius's suspicions.

"Did I imagine seeing an engagement ring on her finger?"

"No." Romulus grinned.

"Set a date, yet?"

"No, we're waiting until Remus can be Best Man."

"How come you didn't try to break him out before now?"

"I was trying to get him out through the official channels."

"Is that even possible?"

"Not for me. My application to take care of him was rejected earlier this week, because of my record."

"Could I apply to get him out properly?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I don't know," Romulus replied after thinking about the question. "Spouses can apply, but I don't know if a centaur bonding counts. The Warlocks who heard Remus's case seemed amenable to the idea of you supervising him, if you'd been there to apply in person."

"Maybe we should wait and get him out of here officially?" Sirius suggested.

Romulus shook his head. "There's no time."

"What do you mean?"

"Each full moon that Remus goes through brings him closer to death. Without you with him, he's suffering more than he ever has."

Sirius looked at the full moon hanging above them and imagined he heard Moony's howl coming from deep within the camp. They couldn't wait, not when Remus's life was at stake. "Guess we're breaking him out then."

"Looks like we're in," Romulus said as Rita waved them over.

Sirius and Romulus approached the others.

"There's not going to be a break out tonight," Paul told them immediately.

Sirius looked up at the full moon overhead again. "I know," he replied. "But can you get us in? I have to be with him."

Paul nodded. "This way."

"Remus is in B Section," Rita said, as they followed after Paul. "It's pretty low security in that section, but he gets transferred to the maximum security wing during full moons."

"Low security or not, it's still a prison," Sirius pointed out testily. "And James and Peter aren't here, yet."

"You don't even know that they got your letter," Rita pointed out. "I thought you wanted to get Remus out of here as quickly as possible?"

"I do," Sirius nodded, receiving a nod of approval from Romulus. He knew that Remus's brother was in no mood to wait any longer either. His decision made, he followed the others into the camp. "I hate to think of Remus in this place."

"It's not that bad," Paul commented from ahead of them. "These places get reported badly in the press, but that's just the Ministry sticking their noses in, making sure people know that the inmates here are dangerous. Paint them as violent and animalistic, and no one questions them being here."

"The Prophet always prints the absolute truth," Rita piped up with a haughty sniff.

"Sure it does," Paul muttered loudly. "Can't you hear the animals tearing each other apart already?"

"Erm."

"This is A Section," Paul said as he pointed to the building ahead of them. "That's the banshees' section; not exactly a battle ground, is it?"

"But all the deaths that are reported from these places?" Rita argued.

"The numbers we report to the Ministry, aren't the same ones printed in the papers," Paul confirmed. "Somewhere along the way they get inflated… a lot. We had one death last year, and that was a teenage werewolf who was badly bitten and didn't survive the first transformation. The healers did everything they could."

"So, Remus is all right?" Sirius asked quietly.

"He was alive this morning," Paul replied as he pointed his wand at the door of a building marked 'MAXIMUM SECURITY' and murmured the incantation to open it. "This way."

Sirius followed Paul down the corridor, looking about curiously. The building was plain, and there was a vaguely familiar tang to the air.

"Blood," Romulus whispered.

Sirius nodded in response.

"Can't be helped during a full moon," Paul told them. "We have more than two dozen werewolves in here. That's two dozen broken noses every time they change, and a whole host of other injuries throughout the night. It'll be cleaned up tomorrow."

"Why did you agree to help us?" Romulus asked.

Paul stopped at a door with a glass window, his hand resting on the handle. "I can't tell apart most of the werewolves in here, not on a full moon night anyway. I can pick out a few of them, the white wolf's Lesley, the black one with grey streaks is Aaron, but most look very similar to each other."

"So?"

"But even though he looks like the rest, I can pick out Lupin within an hour of the change."

A feeling of cold dread was spreading in Sirius's gut as he gave voice to his question. "Why?"

Paul didn't answer. He opened the door marked 'EMPLOYEES & WEREWOLVES ONLY' with a non-verbal spell and let them inside.

"This is it?" Sirius asked.

Paul nodded. "Well, come on then. I can't leave this door open all night. It'll set off an alarm if I do."

The werewolves were all caged separately. The cages weren't as large as the Lupins' basement, but they weren't exactly tiny. There was enough room for the werewolves to move about, and they might even manage to fit two in a cage if space was limited. That didn't seem to be the case at the moment though, and the first half dozen cages were actually empty.

"They all look the same," Rita said as they passed several tawny coloured wolves, each of which immediately attacked the barriers as they approached.

"You don't use the forest smells spell here?" Sirius asked.

"We're only allowed to use Ministry approved spells to cage them," Paul explained. "That one's still going through the system. If it makes it through, we should be able to use it in a year or two."

Sirius shook his head at the Ministry bureaucracy.

"How will we know which one to take?" Rita asked.

"You're not taking the wolf," Paul pointed out impatiently.

"You mean we have to wait here all night?" Rita squealed. For the first time since they had arrived she looked less than enthusiastic about her participation.

"No one's forcing you to stay," Sirius told her as they continued on their way.

Rita continued to grumble, but clearly decided to stick it out.

"You didn't think we'd actually release him in his werewolf form?" Sirius asked with astonishment.

"I thought you'd slip him that potion you've helped invent," Rita replied. "Then he'd have his mind and wouldn't be dangerous. That is what it does, isn't it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's what it does, but it has to be taken in regular doses in the week up to the full moon. It wouldn't be any use giving it to him tonight. That was explained in all the literature that was handed out before the conference; didn't you read any of it?"

Rita huffed a little more, but Sirius didn't even hear the rest of her complaints, because they had reached Remus's cage.

He knew immediately what Paul had meant about recognising Remus after he had changed.

Even on the worst nights, Sirius couldn't remember ever having seen Moony so angry and agitated.

The werewolf was attacking the barrier and himself; he was so furious he hadn't even noticed that Sirius was there.

The wolves in the neighbouring cages were howling in unison with Moony, his anger and despair feeding their own.

"Moony," Sirius cried, his voice barely carrying over the sound of the howls. "Moony, I'm here now, it's okay, I'm here."

"He can't understand you," Rita said impatiently. "He's a wolf, an animal. He doesn't know who you are."

Sirius glared at her. "He knows me; even as a wolf, he knows who I am."

Rita looked unconvinced, although Paul was nodding in agreement.

"Why didn't you tell us it was this bad?" Romulus asked. He crouched down by Sirius, but Moony didn't notice him either.

"Lupin has had it bad every month," Paul explained. "But not as bad as this. If I had to take a guess, I'd say that something's happened to upset him."

"Shit!" Romulus swore, prompting Sirius to tear his eyes away from Moony to look at the older man.

"What?" he asked.

"It's my fault," Romulus whispered. "I came to visit him and I showed him the article about you getting married."

"The article about me what?" Sirius choked out.

"Oh, it was a lovely announcement," Rita chimed in. "The long-awaited wedding of the Black family heir will need a full page article though. Maybe with a few photos of the happy couple."

Sirius swore under his breath. "What the hell are you talking about?" he snapped.

"Your wedding in the autumn," Rita replied. "The announcement was in all the papers, though the Prophet was the first to report it, naturally."

"Rita!" Sirius cut her off before she got even more carried away. "You do remember why we're here, right? We're here to get Remus, the bloke I intend to spend the rest of my life with, not some stupid bird my parents have tried to foist off on me."

Rita looked a little deflated, but continued to scribble down notes for her story.

"It's my fault," Romulus repeated miserably, his voice filled with self-loathing. "I should never have told him."

Sirius shook his head. "There's nothing we can do about it now," he pointed out. "Let's just hope he calms down before he kills himself."

Moony didn't stay oblivious to Sirius's presence all night, but he was far from calm when he saw him on the other side of the barrier. He charged towards him again and again. Sirius supposed that at least the bruises were less likely to be life threatening than the self-inflicted bites.

Paul continued on his rounds, checking on the rest of the werewolves, none of whom were in as bad a way as Moony. Rita, who Sirius had hoped would disappear from boredom, stuck around, making a total nuisance of herself with impertinent questions and ridiculous suggestions.

Sirius and Romulus never moved from the edge of Moony's cage.

Eventually the werewolves gave their final howls for the night, and Sirius waited impatiently for Remus to be returned to him and the barrier to fall.

The beating of Sirius's heart muted the sounds of the voices of the other werewolves, as he looked at Remus's motionless figure. He wondered if he had made it through the night, only for the transformation back to complete what the wolf had started.

The barrier eventually came down and Sirius hurried into the cage, gingerly pulling Remus into his arms. He took out his wand and began the healing spells he now knew by heart, sealing one wound after another.

"Come on, Remus," he urged. "We can't break you out if you're unconscious."

Romulus was at Remus's other side, using his own wand to help Sirius, before tugging of his cloak and carefully putting it around his brother's shoulders.

Finally, Remus opened his eyes and goggled up at him. "Sirius?" he whispered.

"Who else has such rotten timing?" Sirius asked with a small smile. "Anyone else would have got you out of here before the full moon."

"Is that what you're doing here?" Remus asked. He struggled to sit up, but it was only Sirius's arm that prevented him from falling back onto the damp stone floor.

"Of course we've come to get you out of here," Romulus promised. "We need to be quick though. We're going to use the confusion of the werewolves returning to their wing to walk you out of here."

"It's lucky really that you're always in a worse condition than the rest of them," Paul added. "The others are always back eating breakfast before you're even on your feet again." He passed Remus several potions from the trolley he had produced, which he struggled to get down his throat.

"Where are your clothes?" Sirius asked. "And what about your wand?"

"My clothes are back in B Section," Remus replied after he had passed the final empty vial back to Paul. "We have to undress there. My wand was taken from me as soon as I got here. It's probably being held by the Governor."

"Can we get it back?" Sirius asked Paul.

He shook his head, and was clearly unwilling to risk it. "I'll let you out through the maintenance workers' entrance," Paul whispered before turning to Remus. "You can get some maintenance robes on the way. Can you walk?"

Sirius helped him to his feet, but Remus stumbled almost immediately.

"Damn," Paul muttered. "It he can't walk, we can't pass him off as a worker."

"What's that?" a young man Sirius didn't recognise asked.

All heads had turned to face the newcomer, who, Sirius guessed from the lack of clothing, was also a werewolf.

"You know the rules, Winters," Paul reminded him. "Werewolves are to report immediately back to B Section after the full moon, wash, dress and then go to breakfast."

"Remus," Winters hissed with annoyance. "You'll never get away with it. You know you'll be caught within twenty four hours if you try to escape."

Remus, still leaning on Sirius, shook his head slowly. "I can't stay here, Aaron. You said it yourself, I won't last a year."

"I didn't mean you should try and escape!"

"We don't have time for fighting," Romulus snapped, putting his arm around Remus to help him keep on his feet.

"We're not fighting," Remus assured him.

"Doesn't sound like it," Romulus muttered as he carefully steered his brother out of the cage.

"How do you feel?" Rita asked, as she stepped in front of the three men, effectively blocking their path.

Remus ignored her and turned to Sirius instead. "Any particular reason you brought Rita along?" he asked conversationally.

"I'm covering the story," Rita explained, continuing to scribble away on the parchment.

"Terrific!" Remus muttered irritably. "It'd be nice to go one year without hitting the headlines."

"You're feeling better," Sirius said. "That's the irritation I know and love."

"You do?" Remus asked. "Then why did you leave me here so long? Was it something I did?"

Sirius could hear the underlying bitterness in the questions and shook his head immediately. "Never."

"We don't have time for this," Romulus pointed out, attempting to quicken their pace as they followed after Paul.

"I have to know," Remus insisted, stalling the three of them as he turned to Sirius. "Why did you leave me?" he asked, his voice breaking with a sob.

"Later," Romulus said.

"No," Remus snapped, choking on his sobs, his face damp with the tears that he couldn't seem to hold back.

"They told me you were dead," Sirius said, knowing that Remus wouldn't be satisfied, and wouldn't get moving, until he had an explanation for Sirius's abandonment.

"Dead?" Remus echoed.

"They lied to me," Sirius replied. "They all lied to me. My parents, my grandparents, even Regulus. I swear I had no idea."

Remus nodded and gave Sirius's hand a squeeze. He believed him. There was no question about it, and even if he hadn't, he was far too tired to argue. He trusted Sirius; he always had. And if there was one thing he knew about, it was betrayal by those who were supposed to love you.

"Now, let's get you out of here," Sirius said.

"In a minute," Remus replied, still not walking forward.

"We don't have a minute," Paul pointed out.

Remus ignored him as he pulled Sirius into a tight hug.

Sirius gave a small sigh as he hugged him back. Remus didn't have to explain; it wasn't necessary. Sirius knew that he simply needed to hold him and be held, just for a few moments. He understood because he felt the same way.

"It's okay," he murmured. "I've got you."

He could feel Remus's tremors easing, and he rubbed his back soothingly.

He could hear Rita sighing and the scratching of her quill, but he didn't care. He had Remus in his arms and that was all that mattered.

Finally, Remus pulled back and looked up at him. "Feeling better?" he asked, and Remus nodded.

"Are we all ready now?" Paul asked impatiently. "Only we're going to get caught if we delay much longer."

"I think you'll find you _are_ caught," a cold voice announced. "Taking a little trip are we, Lupin?"


	75. I Need You Now, Like I Needed You Then

A/N: Still doing NaNoWriMo, so I haven't had time to respond to the reviews from the last chapter. Sorry. I promise I will get to them after November is out of the way.

I Need You Now, Like I Needed You Then

Sirius turned to see the owner of the voice and came face to face with a fearsome and official looking woman whose name badge proclaimed her to be Warden O'Brien. Behind her a young man was grinning widely, clearly one of the other werewolves had raised the alarm, and was taking a great deal of joy from it, too.

"If you'll all follow me," the warden said, her voice making sure that the politely phrased request was perceived as the order it was. "Not you, Higgs," she added as she passed the grinning werewolf. "Go get dressed and join the others for breakfast."

Higgs looked disappointed, but he did as he was told.

Sirius sighed and helped Remus to follow after the warden. Even though Remus seemed to be recovering his strength a little, he could tell that he was shaking. Only Rita looked unconcerned at their apprehension, she merely looked disappointed that her plan to smuggle Remus out of the compound was never going to be carried out to its conclusion.

Once the party was gathered in the warden's office she looked at each of them in turn, her glare seeming to dare one or another of them into talking. "I suppose I don't need to inform you that breaking any prisoner out of a dangerous creatures camp is punishable by a minimum sentence of six months in Azkaban?"

Sirius felt his stomach lurching again and he risked a glance at Romulus. He wasn't surprised to see the other man had lost what little colour he'd managed to gain since his release from the dark confines of the prison.

"Aaron didn't have anything to do with it," Remus said, his words confirmed by the others.

O'Brien looked at Aaron and nodded firmly. "You may go and join the others," she finally said, and Aaron ducked out of the door, shooting a sympathetic glance at Remus as he went. "As for the rest of you…" she continued.

"It's not like we didn't try official channels," Romulus pointed out. "I applied for supervision of Remus."

O'Brien looked at the papers in the folder lying on her desk. "Your application was rejected, yes?"

"Because of my criminal record," Romulus replied shortly.

"Which you decided to add to today," O'Brien muttered. "And the rest of you?" She looked round the group, focusing on each of them in turn, finally resting her gaze on Rita.

"Oh, I'm just here to cover the story; I've been promised the exclusive."

"I beg your pardon?" O'Brien said, her harsh glare turning to an expression of frank disbelief.

"Mr Black promised me the exclusive story of his tender reunion with Mr Lupin, if I were prepared to…" Her voice trailed off as she realised she was incriminating herself with her own words.

O'Brien gave Rita one last suspicious look before turning to Sirius. "And Mr Black?"

"You think I could just leave him to suffer through the full moon?" Sirius asked. "I had to get him out of here."

"You could have applied for supervision of Lupin at his hearing last year," O'Brien commented as she flicked through the papers. "Why didn't you?"

"I didn't know anything about the hearing," Sirius replied.

"According to evidence given, you did know about it, and were unwilling to attend."

"That's a lie!"

"This was the evidence given by your own father. Are you calling him a liar?"

"Damn right, I am!"

"Well, that still doesn't alter the fact that you cannot simply waltz in here, collect Lupin, and ignore the proper procedures."

"Can Sirius go through the proper procedures now?" Remus asked quietly.

"I can have an application brought before the Ministry later today," O'Brien confirmed. "If I send it in now, it should be heard this afternoon. Mr Black is not a blood relation, is he?"

"No," Remus replied. "He's-"

"They were lovers," Rita chimed in. "Perhaps you read my story in the Daily Prophet about a year ago?"

"Never read that trashy rag," O'Brien snapped.

"It's the most popular wizard newspaper in the country!" Rita exclaimed.

"And prints whatever the Ministry of Magic tell them to," O'Brien countered sharply. "However the integrity, or lack thereof, of the news industry is hardly the issue here."

"But…"

"Rita, shut up," Sirius, Romulus and Remus asked in tired unison. Thankfully, she did.

Sirius turned to O'Brien. "I'm Remus's husband," he said, rolling up his sleeve to show the evidence of their bonding.

O'Brien didn't look that impressed and continued to glare at him. "You may, if you wish, apply for supervision of Lupin on his release on the grounds of being, effectively, his spouse. I should warn you however, whilst there have been several successful husband/wife applications, I've never come across one where the applicant and the resident are of the same sex."

"There's a first time for everything," Remus pointed out, and Sirius was pleased to see that Remus was recovering from his transformation with every passing minute.

O'Brien turned back to Sirius and gave him a sharp look. "Applications should not be taken lightly. I suggest you take the time to consider this thoroughly. By applying for supervision of a resident from a Dangerous Creatures' Camp, you are saying that you will be responsible for that person, for their security at dangerous times, in Lupin's case during the full moon. You would be expected to live with him and, should the relationship fall apart, return him to this or another camp immediately. If you have any doubts at all, then I suggest you consider long and hard about whether you wish to make the application."

Sirius nodded. "I don't have any doubts. Please put the application in right away." He felt Remus reaching out to grab his hand at his words and he turned to face him with a smile. "None at all."

O'Brien stood up looked at Paul, who had remained silent during the entire meeting. "I'll deal with you later," she told him. "In the meantime, kindly escort our _guests_ off of the premises. I'll ensure that Lupin gets back to his rooms, without any detours."

"I'd like to stay with him," Sirius asked.

"This isn't a hotel," O'Brien snapped. "You can't just decide to check in at your convenience."

"Remus and I, we need to talk," Sirius explained quietly. "A lot's happened and…" His voice trailed off; he was reluctant to admit to the hard looking woman in front of him that he simply didn't want to leave Remus's presence again. He knew it would sound clingy and pathetic, but he couldn't help it.

"This is highly irregular."

"Please?"

"Visitors for werewolves are only allowed in the camp between the hours of 1pm and 5pm, Monday through Saturday."

"Please?" Remus asked. "I need him here. I need him with me."

"I'm sure you can manage to go a few hours without each other's company. I'm afraid that I believe that it is highly likely you would simply try to leave together if I allowed any of your guests to stay."

"Then lock me in with him," Sirius demanded.

"We only lock up the residents during their dangerous times."

"So, what makes you think Remus won't just follow after us as soon as you leave him?"

"Because he's not stupid enough to believe he'd get away with it. We administer a potion to all residents through their meals, one that enables us to trace any and all inmates at any time. It remains in the bloodstream for forty eight hours."

"Oh." Sirius shot a glance at Remus, before glancing back at Paul. He wondered why neither of them had mentioned that little piece of information. Then he realised that Paul was simply trying not to lose his job, and that for Remus it would have made little difference; there would always be magical means to track them down, and their life on the run would always have been difficult.

"Yes, oh," O'Brien echoed with another glare. "You might have considered doing a little research before trying to break your partner out."

"I won't mind being locked in," Remus interrupted. "Sirius will give up his wand until the time of the hearing, won't you?"

Sirius nodded and placed his wand on the desk.

O'Brien looked annoyed, but finally gave an abrupt nod. She repeated her instructions for Paul to escort the others out of the camp and then pointed Sirius and Remus towards the door.

She grumbled considerably along the way, but didn't hesitate to secure the two of them in Remus's rooms.

Sirius felt a shiver run down his spine as the door locked behind him.

He looked around the room and saw that it was very much Remus's. Messy and disorganised, with Quidditch posters on the walls and dog-eared paperbacks on every surface, he had made the confined space his own. There was a single bed, unmade, of course, a wooden desk, and a couple of comfy chairs.

Someone had placed a tray of food on the desk, and Remus grabbed at a roll of bread, gesturing for Sirius to take something, too.

They ate in silence, neither knowing quite what to say. Sirius alternated between glancing round the room and shooting worried looks at Remus.

"It's a bit of a mess," Remus said with a grimace when he spotted Sirius looking at the clothes scattered on the floor.

Sirius smiled at him. "Of course it's a mess; your rooms always are."

Remus chuckled and let Sirius tug him towards the bed. Sirius caught the wince of pain Remus made as he sat down and cursed their families under his breath.

"Come on, you need to sit down."

"I should get cleaned up," Remus said, looking at the bloodstains on his brother's robes.

"Did we miss any?" Sirius asked, looking him over and cursing the fact that he had given up his wand.

"I'm okay," Remus insisted. "The bathroom's through there. I'll just wash up a bit."

Sirius sat awkwardly on the bed. Normally, he would have been going into the bathroom with Remus, washing away the remnants of the transformation and massaging away the aches and pains of the night. Now though, he wasn't sure whether Remus wanted him in there or not.

"Do you want me to live with you again?" Remus asked quietly. "Like it was before?"

Sirius looked at Remus's nervous expression and fidgeting hands and smiled softly. "I've never wanted anything else," he replied. "Or anything more badly than I want this."

"Knowing that I'm going to clutter up your flat with all my junk?" Remus added.

"Well, I'm the one that leaves motorcycle parts on the kitchen table."

"Knowing that I'll turn into a monster once a month?" Remus grinned.

"Knowing that you won't?" Sirius grinned back.

Remus blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

"Do you remember that wizard in Yorkshire I was writing to about potions?" Sirius asked, barely able to contain his excitement. "Belby, who spoke out at your trial?"

"The one whose sister was a werewolf who died?"

Sirius nodded. "We did it," he whispered.

"A cure?" Remus looked stunned.

"Not quite," Sirius smiled. "But it's the first real step to a proper one."

"What is?"

"The Wolfsbane potion."

"Wolfsbane?"

"It's a potion that'll let you keep your mind during the full moon," Sirius explained. "You'll still be a wolf, but you'll not be dangerous."

Remus was speechless for several minutes, silently taking in the news.

"It's not available in the shops yet, but I can brew it for you every month."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Bloody hell, Remus! How many times do I have to tell you? I'd do _anything_ for you." The last sentence was barely more than a whisper and no sooner had he finished speaking then he was enveloped in an almost suffocating hug.

"Thank you," Remus whispered over and over.

Finally, Sirius pulled back so that he could look Remus in the eye. "I can't believe you're alive?"

"You can't get rid of us Lupins as easy as that," Remus replied with a grin. "My return from the dead is nothing compared to Rom's."

"You're telling me," Sirius replied. "I was still in shock from getting my sight back, not to mention finding out you were alive, and then to see him, too… I thought I was hallucinating."

"You're sight?"

"I lost it in the accident, I only got it back this morning… thanks to Rita in fact."

"I _have_ missed a lot, haven't I?" Remus sighed. Then he grinned before adding. "And trust me to miss the once in a lifetime experience of Rita Skeeter actually being helpful."

"We'll have plenty of time to catch up later," Sirius promised. "If the application's successful."

"It will be."

"You sound pretty sure about that."

"Well, that's because you're Sirius Black," Remus told him with a grin. "And you _always_ get what you want."

Sirius laughed. "And do you know what I want right now?"

"I could take a wild guess," Remus replied, settling down in his lap and rubbing his nose playfully against Sirius's own.

Remus cast a mischievous glance towards the bed, and Sirius drew in a sharp breath.

"I really should get cleaned up," Remus said with a chuckle. "You used to help me." He cast his eyes over towards the bathroom. "There's a nice big bathtub in there, too."

"Is it big enough for two?" Sirius asked with a grin.

"How about we check it out?" Remus climbed off Sirius's lap and pulled him towards the bathroom door.

"Definitely big enough," Sirius commented. The room was actually bigger than the bathroom in their own flat. "Though I'd put in a complaint about the pest problem…"

"What pest problem?" Remus asked.

Sirius pointed to the ledge of the window where a large black beetle was crawling along the sill. Remus laughed. "Wonder how that got in. Never had any beetles in here before."

"Well, I don't think we should let it worry us." Sirius leaned over the bathtub and turned on the taps.

"Definitely not," Remus replied as he unbuttoned the borrowed robes, a familiar glint in his eyes.

Sirius sat on the edge of the tub as Remus slowly eased his way out of his robes. He shifted slightly as the sight of his lover quickly aroused him.

"There's really been no one else?" Remus asked. "Even though you thought I was dead?"

Sirius shook his head and smiled up at him. "If I recall correctly, then the last time I was with someone was in the loos of a muggle night club."

"Was it good?"

"You tell me."

"Well, it was for me," Remus said, tapping his lips thoughtfully with his index finger. "I seem to recall I left my lover rather unsatisfied though. He wanted his creature comforts, I believe."

"If I'd known we wouldn't make it home, I'd have forgone those comforts," Sirius muttered.

"Guess I have a lotof making up to do." Remus sighed. "Keeping you waiting so long like that."

"I'm the one who has to do the making up," Sirius replied quietly. "I'm so sorry I didn't do more to find out the truth."

"Shhh," Remus whispered as he took a step forward.

"But I…"

Remus shook his head and placed a finger over Sirius's lips. "You're here now and that's all that matters."

Sirius kissed the finger over his lips and pulled back. "Why aren't you angry with me?"

"I was," Remus admitted. "From the moment I realised you weren't coming to get me right up until you held me in your arms as you healed my wounds."

Sirius ran his finger along one of the newer scars, not from the previous night, but perhaps from the full moon of the month before. "So many scars I've given you."

"You weren't the one who gave me them," Remus pointed out.

"I might as well have," Sirius muttered harshly. "The full moons have been really bad in here, haven't they?"

Remus didn't answer. He didn't have to. Sirius could see the answer clearly on the exposed skin.

"I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered again.

Remus sighed and leaned forward to rest his forehead against Sirius's. "Do you still love me?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, of course."

"And I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anyone. So let's not waste any more time with regrets about things that can't be changed."

Sirius gave the tiniest of nods, and Remus lowered his lips to brush against his own.

Sirius eyes fluttered closed at the contact, and he sighed contentedly as Remus's tongue brushed over his lower lip. He placed his hands on Remus's hips, guiding him so that he was straddling his lap.

"We're going to fall in the tub," Remus murmured.

"I don't care." Sirius smiled back at him.

"You're still dressed," Remus pointed out.

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

Remus grinned and tugged the front of his robes open. "Why are you wearing green and silver?" he asked. "I thought you hated those colours?"

"I do. My mother picked out my clothes this morning," Sirius mumbled sheepishly. "I should have known she'd be putting me in Slytherin colours while I couldn't see what she was doing."

"Better get you out of them then, hadn't I?"

"As quickly as possible," Sirius agreed, pushing Remus back slightly. "But, after you're all cleaned up."

Remus meanwhile reached over for the taps and turned them off. "I think we ran too much water."

"One way to find out." Sirius stepped aside and gestured for Remus to climb into the bathtub. "Let's get you cleaned up first."

Remus nodded and sank back into the hot water with a sigh of contentment. He gave Sirius a meaningful look, encouraging him to finish undressing and climb into the tub, too.

Sirius looked around and grabbed a flannel and a bar of soap. "Let's get you cleaned up first," he suggested.

Remus smiled up at him. "Quickly," he said. "I want you in here with me."

Sirius gave him a sweeping look. "I can see that," he teased.

Remus snatched the flannel out of his hand and quickly began to scrub himself clean, wincing each time the soap hit one of the open wounds. "If I wait for you to do it, we'll still be getting washed when we're supposed to be before the Ministry."

"Well, at least you'd be clean for the warlocks hearing the application," Sirius teased. "That's got to be one point for us. A clean werewolf is a good werewolf."

Remus scowled at him. "Right now I care less about being clean and more about how long it's been since I felt your touch."

Sirius leaned over and eased Remus up into a sitting position. "Where does it hurt?" he asked.

"The joints," Remus replied. "It's always worse round the joints."

Sirius nodded and began to massage his shoulder, eliciting soft groans of contentment from the tired and aching werewolf.

"That feels nice," Remus murmured. "Don't forget the other one."

"Can't reach it," Sirius reminded him. "I'll get that one later."

Remus shook his head and scooted forward in the bathtub. "Come on," he said. "We've shared a tub before."

Sirius nodded and shucked off his robes, before climbing in behind him, causing the water to tip over the edge and onto the tiled floor. Remus settled back into Sirius's arms with another sigh of contentment.

Sirius kissed the shoulder he had yet to massage, and rubbed it gently in a slow circular motion.

Remus groaned and sighed again. "I think I missed this most of all," he said.

"What?" Sirius asked with a chuckle. "The aches and pains following your transformation."

Remus snorted and slapped him lightly on the leg. "Idiot," he muttered. "I meant you taking care of me. I don't know why, but no matter how bad the full moons get, I always feel better when you're taking care of me."

"I like taking care of you," Sirius told him. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Remus's waist, holding the other man close. Remus wriggled slightly as he tried to get comfortable, making Sirius considerably less comfortable in the process.

"If you keep doing that, I'm not going to make it to the bed," he warned. "I'll last all of five seconds."

"Who needs a bed?" Remus asked as he took one of Sirius's hands in his own and guided it lower. He made a sound of surprise when Sirius didn't immediately take what he was offering, instead pulling his hand back to place it on his stomach. "Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked.

"I just want to hold you for a minute," Sirius whispered. "I want to remember how it feels to have you in my arms and…"

Remus leaned back further and tilted his head so that he could see Sirius's face. "What else do you want to remember?" he prompted.

"The sounds you make," Sirius answered with a soft smile. "My hearing's got pretty sharp since the accident, making up for my lack of vision. But I can't seem to remember all those little sounds you make when we're together. I want to remember them all…"

"You will," Remus told him with another small sigh of contentment. "We both will."

Sirius smiled as he hugged Remus close. "I love you," he whispered.

He waited for Remus to reply and eventually opened his eyes to see why he hadn't. The answer was perfectly obvious when he saw that Remus, still exhausted from the full moon had fallen asleep in his arms.

Sirius chuckled and nudged the sleeping werewolf, but the only response from his lover was a soft snore.

"Come on, Remus," Sirius urged. "You can't sleep here. Let's get you into bed."

Another snore was the only reply he got.

Sirius sat up, splashing even more water onto the floor and soaking his robes that had been carelessly tossed on it. He swore, but Remus still didn't wake up.

It took some time and some awkward manoeuvring, but eventually Sirius managed to get himself out of the bathtub without disturbing Remus, or accidentally drowning him.

"This would be so much easier if I had my wand with me," he muttered as he lifted Remus into his arms, only realising now how much thinner the young werewolf was. The muscles he had developed playing Quidditch had all but wasted away, and he was a great deal lighter than Sirius had been expecting.

Even so, it took Sirius some time to get Remus dried off and tucked up in his bed.

"Come on, budge over," he whispered, nudging Remus across the mattress and sliding in beside him. Remus sleepily complied with his prodding and moved aside only long enough for Sirius to lay down next to him. Then he turned in his sleep and snuggled up close to him.

He smiled to himself as he looked at the snoring werewolf. He promised himself that this was the last time that the full moon would take such a toll on Remus and that from now on nothing would stop him from taking care of his love.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius woke to the sound of a very forced and very fake cough. He opened his eyes and looked straight at the source of the unwelcome sound.

"Remus, wake up," he urged quietly.

"Don't want to," Remus murmured sleepily. "Nice and warm here."

"Remus!" Sirius repeated, this time nudging Remus gently in the shoulder.

"It's too early," Remus argued, still not opening his eyes.

O'Brien coughed again, louder this time, before announcing that it was actually quite late, at least if they wanted to get to their hearing before the Ministry that afternoon.

The reminder about the application galvanised Remus into action and he clambered over Sirius, trying, not entirely successfully, to cover himself with the blanket.

"What happened in the bathroom, Lupin?" O'Brien asked, glaring through the door, first at the water still pooling on the floor, then at Sirius.

Remus ignored her question as he went into the bathroom and picked up his robes from the floor; he swore loudly when he realised that they were soaking wet. Sirius climbed out of bed, too, and looked through to where his own robes were languishing in an equally wet puddle, and groaned.

"Your wand, Mr Black," O'Brien said, holding out the same for Sirius.

"Thanks," Sirius replied, taking the wand and aiming it at the various puddles, and robes.

"We'll be leaving from my office in ten minutes," O'Brien stated. "I've heard from the Ministry. Your application is being heard at two o'clock precisely."

Sirius smiled at Remus, who was now back in the bedroom and looking for one of his socks.

"Thanks for rushing this through so quickly," Sirius said to O'Brien. "We know you didn't have to do that for us."

O'Brien blushed slightly at Sirius's questioning look. "I wasn't entirely truthful yesterday," she admitted. "I did happen to see that reporter's article in the Prophet. When Lupin… Remus, arrived here, I barely recognised him as the same man in the picture taken outside Gringotts. But I recognised him yesterday, after you arrived."

"I _am_ still here, you know," Remus called out from where he was now half under the bed.

"I can see that," O'Brien replied. "Now, my office, quick as you can. And Mr Black, I think you'll find the Ministry will take your application far more seriously if you dress first."

Remus burst out laughing the moment the door closed behind O'Brien.

"It wasn't that funny," Sirius huffed as he hurriedly dressed.

"I was just imagining the look on your father's face if you showed up at the Ministry naked," Remus explained.

"It would be horrible bad luck to end up with an unreasonable humourless git like my father on the…" Sirius's voice trailed off and his breath caught in his throat.

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"My father!" Sirius felt a coldness settling in his stomach as he remembered what day it was.

"What's the matter?"

"My father's working today," Sirius sighed. "He'll be one of the wizards hearing the application."

"Are you sure?"

"He rotates through departments," Sirius explained. "He was dealing with underage magic last week, that means this week he'll be dealing with dangerous creatures."

"He said you didn't want to speak for me when I was sent here," Remus whispered.

"He lied."

"I know that. I meant that he'll not let your application through."

"Doesn't mean we're not going to try," Sirius declared as he took Remus's hand. "We'll sort the rest of it out later, but right now we're getting you out of here."

"We'd better get going," Remus said as he squeezed Sirius's hand back. "Or they'll throw the application out on the grounds of us being late."

"They probably could as well," Sirius agreed as they left the room. "If we can't get to the Ministry on time, they'll never believe we can get you secured during a full moon on time."

They hurried along the corridor, but hadn't gone more than a few feet before the opening of the door of the room next door stopped them. Aaron stood in the doorway with a knowing smirk on his face. "You're recovered from last night?" he asked.

Despite the fact that Remus had been too exhausted to do anything, Sirius felt his face reddening, but Remus just laughed. "Totally," he said as he wrapped his arm around Sirius's waist and carried on walking, towing Sirius along with him.

"Good luck!" Aaron called after them and Remus turned to wave his goodbyes.

Sirius looked sideways at Remus. "We'll probably need all the luck we can get."

Remus smiled grimly. They both knew that it was going to take a lot more than luck to win Remus's freedom. It would take something of a miracle.


	76. The Birth of a New Day

The Birth of a New Day 

The Ministry was already crowded, despite the early hour, and it took them nearly half an hour to locate Romulus and Alana.

Rita, who Remus would much rather have avoided, found them within minutes of their arrival. "The application's going to be heard in public," she complained. "But make sure neither of you go talking to other reporters, I still have exclusive rights."

Remus scowled at Rita as she repeated her plea for silence to Romulus. "We don't want to talk to the press," he told her yet again. He didn't add 'including you', but the tone of his voice got the point across. Not that it deterred the determined, young woman.

Thankfully, before he could do anything that might result in him being brought before the Wizengamot on more criminal charges, he was distracted by the sound of a very familiar voice.

"Sirius! Remus!" James Potter was belting down the corridor, Lily hot on his heels. "I just got your owl, we were on our honeymoon!"

"You cut short your honeymoon?" Remus asked, completely dismayed at the idea.

"Well, yeah!" James replied. "Peter got his owl and flooed to us with the news. Then we heard from Remus's brother about how you'd got caught and the application, and Peter went right to the Ministry's library. He's right behind us with a ton of books to help."

"Doubt if we'll need them," Peter announced from somewhere at the back of the teetering pile. "Sirius and Remus probably have it all worked out. Bet they've been mugging up on the legislation ever since Sirius made the application, right?"

Remus felt himself flushing slightly under the smirking gazes of their friends.

"Just kidding," Peter grinned. "We knew you'd have spent the entire time shagging, without giving any thought to what you were actually going to say this afternoon."

"We haven't spent the entire time shagging," Sirius muttered, his face reddening again as he pulled a few of the books from the top of the pile. "We didn't get time to research anything though, so thanks."

"You're welcome," Peter replied with a shrug.

"So, what have you got planned?" Remus asked.

"It doesn't really matter what they have planned," a cold, hard voice announced from the doorway to the room where the hearing would be held. "This application isn't going to succeed."

"Father!" Sirius snapped, turning to glare at the older man. Orion Black gave Sirius a curious stare; he appeared rather surprised to find Sirius staring right back at him. "I thought there were three wizards hearing the applications?"

"I don't think you'll find much help from old Barrows," Orion smirked. "He was in the West Country when the local werewolf pack went on the rampage back in the sixties. He's been pushing for legislation to legalise hunting the beasts."

Remus felt Sirius clutching at his hand, and he squeezed back softly. "We only need two of the three votes," Sirius reminded his father.

"You think you're getting mine?" Orion laughed humourlessly.

"You don't want to fight me on this," Sirius warned in a low voice.

"I'll never give my consent to this application!"

"Yes, you will," Sirius replied. "Unless you want me to let slip to Mother about the witches you invite to the house when she's out visiting."

Orion glared at him. "You can't play that particular card again," he told him coldly. "You're too late. Your mother found out everything yesterday."

"You're lying."

Orion shook his head. "Your disappearance caused both our schedules to be re-arranged. Unfortunately, I forgot to mention this to Matilda. She arrived right on time, much to your mother's surprise."

Sirius snickered, even though it meant that they were one step further away from getting the application granted. They still had one more card to play though. "Well, how about this," he said. "If you don't grant the application, I'll tell them how you lied during Remus's hearing…"

"I never-"

"Oh, you've forgotten," Sirius asked sarcastically. "Perhaps I heard incorrectly. Remus, do you remember that hearing, by any chance?"

Remus turned his gaze from Sirius and looked into the cold grey eyes of Orion Black. "I remember it, and I believe we can ask for a pensieve to be used if there's any dispute."

"You were unfit to take responsibility for the werewolf," Orion stated. "You were blind and depressed, and certainly not in your right mind. I merely saved you from making a fool of yourself."

"I was depressed, because I'd been informed that the man I loved was dead!"

Remus felt Sirius's hand leaving his grasp, and he reached out to put a restraining hand on the other man's arm.

"I was blind, because I'd been given the wrong potions!"

"A mishap at St Mungo's is hardly grounds for your accusations." Orion waved his hand airily and turned to re-enter the room behind him.

"But when you put it all together, those accusations don't exactly put you in the most positive of lights," Sirius stated.

"We can ask for another hearing," Remus interrupted, unable to hold his tongue any longer. "Another week, next month even."

"No!" Sirius shook his head. "This hearing is going to be heard, and we're going to win."

Orion smirked, as though he knew something that they didn't. Then he turned and swept into the room.

"I guess we go in?" James asked hesitantly.

Remus shrugged and tugged Sirius towards the door. The confrontation with Orion Black was already giving him considerable doubts about how successful their application was going to be. When he looked at the cold, hard faces of the three wizards sitting at the table in the informal room he knew that there was no hope of success.

"The hearing of the application for the release of the werewolf, Remus Lupin under the supervision of Sirius Black will now be heard." The voice of the wizard chairing the hearing was somehow familiar, and Remus felt his skin break out in goose bumps.

"He's the one who told me you'd been executed?" Sirius whispered into his ear.

"Are you sure?" Remus murmured back.

"I'd recognise that nasally tone anywhere. I think I've seen him somewhere before too; I just can't place him."

"I can," Romulus whispered from behind them. "He was sitting in front of you at my trial."

"How do you remember that?" Remus asked, turning round to look at Romulus, and prompting a cough of disapproval from the wizard who was now reading the full application to the room.

"He's our father," Romulus replied.

Remus's head whipped round to face the wizard again. "We've lost," he whispered.

Remus listened in silence after that. The wizards hearing the application didn't look like they were listening to anything they were saying. He still couldn't believe that the rest of his life was now in the hands of a man who'd wanted him killed at the age of six.

The first thing James did was to request that wizards who were not related to either of the two applicants replace both Orion Black and John Lupin. Unfortunately that application was voted on by the three wizards, and rejected immediately. Sirius growled at the unfairness, but there was nothing he could do.

John Lupin sneered across the room at Remus, announcing that Remus was no son of his, at least not since the successful application of Albus Dumbledore when Remus was fourteen.

On a more positive side, Peter had somehow managed to contact Damocles Belby, who had arrived in a flurry of crimson robes to tell everyone that Remus was likely to be the safest werewolf in the British Isles thanks to the Wolfsbane potion. The older man had given an impassioned speech about the potion, it's effects, and Sirius's brilliance saving him years of research.

Unfortunately even that witness, the one James had gleefully referred to as their 'trump card', didn't seem to be enough to change the wizards' minds.

"Well, if we've heard from everyone, we'll adjourn to make our decision?" Orion glared around the room, almost daring anyone to argue with him.

"I have something to say," a new voice announced from the public gallery.

Remus turned to see Regulus Black standing behind them. He felt Sirius tensing up beside him, and reached for his hand under the table. He wondered what Sirius's brother was going to say.

"Regulus!" Orion snapped. "Go home and stay out of this."

"No!"

Remus watched as Regulus walked towards the front of the room; the younger man was shaking slightly and looked nauseatingly pale.

"I don't see how anything a squib could say would be relevant to this hearing," Orion sneered.

"I disagree," Peter said, even as he leafed through one of the books in front of him, searching for any rule that would allow the wizards to throw Regulus from the room.

"I'm here t-to give evidence against O-Orion Black," Regulus stammered, his eyes downcast.

"I've already spoken with Sirius about the unfortunate misunderstanding relating to his loss of sight and the werewolf's previous hearing," Orion hurriedly interrupted.

"I'm n-not t-talking about that," Regulus replied. "You c-can talk your way out of that. I'm here about the bike."

Remus frowned and looked at Sirius, who appeared as confused as he was.

"I really don't see the relevance of this," Orion stated. "As a squib, you can't be expected to understand the intricacies of Ministry procedures."

"I'm not talking about Ministry p-procedures," Regulus replied. "I'm talking about the fact you t-tampered with the flying spells on Sirius's bike."

"Flying spells?" John turned to his papers, before looking up gleefully. "Does Mr Black have a licence for modifying a muggle motorbike?"

"No," Sirius replied. "But, I don't have the bike any more either."

"I have it," Regulus said. "I got my wife's brother to pick it up after the accident, I've been storing in our garage. No wizard has touched it since the crash."

Peter shot to his feet. "Which means that if the spells have been messed with, we'll be able to tell."

Barrows, who up until this point had remained mostly silent, suddenly turned to glare at Regulus. "This is a very serious accusation you're making," he told Regulus. "Do you have any evidence?"

"You're not actually considering listening to this squib?" Orion spluttered.

Remus couldn't hide his smile at the condemning glare Barrows shot in Orion's direction. It appeared that Sirius's father wasn't the most popular member of the Wizengamot.

"Can't you just check the bike?" Regulus asked.

"Of course," Barrows replied with a nod. "But even if it has been tampered with, what evidence do you have that it was Orion Black who did it?"

"I heard him talk about it after the accident."

Remus heard Sirius gasp beside him, and the grip on his hand tightened almost painfully.

"Preposterous!" Orion spluttered.

"Is it?" Sirius asked. "Mother was furious the last time I saw her before the accident. She was also harping on about my bike again."

"Coincidence," Orion replied with a wave of his hand.

"Some might call it attempted murder," Peter suggested.

"They're wizards," Orion pointed out impatiently. "Wizards sometimes fall from great heights, it's a downside of travelling by broom or flying carpet… accidents happen."

"Accidents like a flying charm being tampered with, so that it becomes a temporary charm instead of activated and deactivated by the rider?" Sirius asked.

"Why would I want to kill you?" Orion asked. "There's no motive, and don't you think that if I'd wanted you dead, then I've had ample opportunity to carry out the deed since you moved back home?"

"You didn't intend to kill them," Regulus said quietly. "I heard you and Mother talking. The plan had been for Sirius to have a close shave with death, and then he'd be more likely to want to continue the Black line. He'd want to leave someone behind, live on in a son or daughter. Mother had already talked Remus around to the idea of using Polyjuice, only Sirius was digging his heels in.

"'Only problem was, you forgot to check the lunar cycle, and Remus transformed in the muggle hospital. Then the Lupins and the Whitbys got involved, and you decided it might be better to just go along with the plan to get Remus out of the way. You lied to the Wizengamot about Sirius, and told Sirius that Remus was dead. You hoped that once Sirius was back at home you could persuade him to forget about Remus, marry him off to some suitable young witch, and get a grandson. Continue the pureblood line… at any cost."

"I've never heard anything so far fetched," Orion sneered.

"That's what I thought, when I overheard you and Mother," Regulus replied. "I don't know whether it's possible, but would a wizard be able to take that memory and view it in a pensieve?"

"They would," Barrows confirmed, and he waved Regulus to the centre of the room.

Regulus looked terrified as an unknown witche walked towards him, with a wand pointed directly at him. Even from across the room, Remus could see that he was shaking.

He leaned across to Sirius. "Does he have to do this?" he whispered.

"They won't believe him otherwise," Sirius murmured back.

They watched as the witch pointed her wand at Regulus's head, withdrawing from his mind the memory he had spoken of. She took it over to the pensieve that was situated at the side of the room.

"Who gets to see it?" Remus whispered, earning himself another glare from John Lupin, who warned him if he continued to talk the rest of the case would take place in his absence, and he would be forced to wait in the holding cells.

Remus scowled, but remained quiet once more.

Remus's question was answered a few minutes later when the three wizards hearing the case went into the pensieve to see Regulus's memory for themselves.

They were in there for quite a while, and Remus had to stop himself from running across the room, and diving in to see the memory for himself.

Eventually, they returned to the room, and it was clear that Barrows had now taken charge of the situation.

"Absolutely disgraceful!" he shouted at Orion Black, who was looking extremely pale and nervous. Remus chanced a glance at Sirius, and saw that he looked as surprised as he was. It seemed that he had never seen his father like this before either.

Remus watched with astonishment as Barrows turned to the witch who was recording the events. "Get two new wizards in here now," he ordered. "Ones who aren't related to Black or Lupin."

The witched jumped to do his bidding.

"You can't just take over the case," Orion thundered. "We're all hearing this case or no one is."

"I suggest you worry about your own case," Barrows warned, turning next to John Lupin. "Both of you."

Remus felt Sirius fidgeting beside him, and he reached out under the table to grasp his hand. Now all they had to do was hope that the two wizards who replaced their fathers were prepared to listen to their application, and grant it.

Orion Black and John Lupin were replaced with two wizards that Remus didn't recognise. He turned to Sirius, but it was clear from his expression that they were strangers to him as well.

Remus listened quietly as the application was read out again, this time with Barrows taking the lead position, adding his own comments at various points, and making it clear that there was no love lost between himself and Orion and John.

Finally the three wizards left the room. His life was in their hands. He didn't feel particularly optimistic about the decision they were making. If Orion Black had been telling the truth about Barrows being a werewolf hater, they could still lose. He was in charge and could easily sway the decision of one or both of the others. Remus hoped from the bottom of his heart that he didn't.

-o-xXx-o-

"What does it feel like?" Sirius asked, as Remus stretched out his arms and took a deep breath of London air.

"Wonderful!" Remus exclaimed. "Freedom at last!"

"Not entirely," Sirius pointed out. "They're going to be checking up on us all the time."

"Let them," Remus grinned. "So, what now?"

"I need to go get my things from Grimmauld Place," Sirius sighed. He wasn't looking forward to speaking with his mother, and it was too much to hope that she'd be out of the house.

"I'll come with you," Regulus offered.

Sirius nodded once. It would take time for things to get back to normal between the two of them, but he knew it had taken a great deal of courage for his brother to stand up to their father. He also knew that without Regulus's evidence, Remus would never have been released into his care. They had caught a lucky break with Barrows, who it turned out was the brother of the werewolf hater, and had no strong feelings either way towards the creatures. The decision of the three wizards had been unanimous.

"Why did you change your mind?" Sirius asked curiously. "And what about Chloe and her family?"

"They could only use Chloe to control me as long as you didn't know the truth. Now you do. I'm really sorry."

Sirius nodded and gave a small smile. "I guess in your position, I might have done the same thing."

Regulus gave a small sigh of relief, and Sirius turned back to Remus, who was now talking animatedly with Romulus. Sirius watched as he repeatedly touched his brother's arm or shoulder, almost as if he was checking if he was really there. He suspected it would be many years before Remus was entirely used to having his brother back with him in the flesh.

James, Peter and Lily were next to him, watching quietly. "Sorry I missed your wedding," Sirius offered.

"Mother burned the invitation," Regulus explained. "I didn't even get a chance to read that one properly. I've got most of your letters at my place."

"They're just full of crap," James laughed. "That and lots of 'why can't we see you?' and 'are you sure you're well?' stuff."

"Well, you know the answer to those," Sirius said.

"You should have come to stay with us," Lily scolded. "Could have saved everyone a lot of trouble."

"I know," Sirius admitted. "But I was miserable, and Grimmauld Place seemed suitably gloomy."

"I'm really sorry," Regulus offered again.

"It's okay," Sirius assured him. "You're still my brother, and will be even when we're both blasted off the damn tapestry."

"Tapestry?" Lily asked curiously.

"There's a tapestry at home," Sirius explained. "It's got the Black family tree on it, but every now and then someone gets blasted off for not being good enough for the family. It's always been kind of a big deal."

"Sounds to me like just another pureblood tradition, in keeping with the obsession to keep the line going," Lily commented. "I thought you weren't bothered about all that rubbish?"

"I'm not."

"But you're bothered about the tapestry?"

"I guess not…" Sirius grinned and stuck out his wand for the Knight Bus.

"What are you going to do?" Regulus asked, stepping onto the bus behind Sirius.

"You'll see," Sirius smirked as the rest of the party climbed aboard, too.

"You couldn't tell me now, could you?" asked a hopeful sounding Rita. "It's just that my editor wanted my story on his desk yesterday and…"

Sirius rolled his eyes shook his head. He'd be grateful to Rita for all she'd done, but he wasn't exactly looking forward to hitting the headlines again.

-o-xXx-o-

"Sirius!" Walburga greeted him with a wide, and entirely fake, smile. "I was so delighted to hear you've had your sight restored."

"Really?" Sirius asked as he strolled past her and up the stairs to his room, without a second glance at the woman. Remus and Regulus followed after him. Since most of the others had gone ahead to put the flat back into order, that left only Rita with Walburga Black. Sirius heard her ask whether she was concerned that her husband might soon be facing attempted murder charges, and he couldn't repress his smirk.

Ten minutes later and everything he owned was gathered together. There wasn't much.

"What about those?" Remus asked, pointing to the faded Gryffindor banners on the wall.

"Permanent sticking charm, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot."

"It'll give them something to remember me by," Sirius suggested as he gave one last cursory glance around the room.

"You're not coming back here at all?" Regulus asked. "They'll disown you eventually."

"No, they won't," Sirius replied, pulling out his wand and calmly descending the stairs.

Rita was still in the hallway, badgering his mother quite persistently. Walburga looked like she was dying to hex Rita, or at least throw her out of the house. Sirius tried to feel sympathy for his mother, but there was none to be had. He ignored them both and walked into the study. He looked at the tapestry with revulsion.

"What are you going to do?" Remus asked.

"End the Black line," Sirius stated, just as Walburga and Rita followed him into the room.

"You should both be _proud_ to be a part of this family," Walburga told him. "A useless squib and a gay Gryffindor. My grandmother would have blasted the pair of you off the tapestry long before now. You should be grateful that you've both not been disowned years ago."

"So, why haven't you?" Sirius asked curiously.

"The pureblood families are dying out," Walburga said sadly, her hand tracing one golden thread and then another. "We're one of the last. If you'd only agree to do your duty and continue the line. Keep your half-breed lover, just marry one of the pureblood girls and produce an heir. Or use the Polyjuice method, either way the line continues." Her finger traced an invisible line below Sirius's name; there was plenty of room for the names of any children to be added to the tree. She gave him a hopeful glance, still not getting the point.

"It's not going to happen, mother," Sirius said quietly. "I've told you so many times, but you just don't listen."

"I'm listening."

"No, you're not." Sirius shook his head sadly. "But I hope you're at least watching."

"Watching?" Walburga echoed in confusion.

Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it at the tapestry.

"You wouldn't," Walburga warned, even as she moved out of Sirius's range, just in case.

Sirius didn't reply, he merely pointed his wand and muttered a spell that sent a blast towards the tapestry, burning his name from the material, until only scorch marks remained.

"NO!" Walburga screamed. She pulled out her own wand and pointed it at the place where Sirius's name had once been. She tried several spells, but nothing was repairing the damage.

"Don't you remember, Mother?" Sirius asked quietly. "Once a name's removed, it can never be restored. You issued that threat often enough, surely you remember? I'm not going to wait for you to disown me; I'm disowning you instead."

"Sirius?" Regulus asked quietly. "The tapestry has too much magic in it for me to burn my name off by muggle methods. Would you…?"

Sirius gave his brother a small smile and nod. The second blast burned Regulus's name from the tapestry, though this time Walburga didn't cry out in horror.

"You would see the noble house of Black disappear forever?" she whispered, sinking to the floor, her hand still tracing the invisible line that only she could see.

"It won't end," Regulus said coldly. "My son is a wizard, he did his first magic last week."

"He is?" Walburga looked torn between delight and dismay. Sirius could easily guess why, her grandson was a half-blood after all. But was that better than no descendants at all?

"He is," Regulus confirmed, pulling a muggle photograph from the pocket of his muggle-style jacket. Sirius watched as his younger brother approached their mother and crouched down beside her. "This was taken a few days ago."

Sirius drew closer to see the picture of the nephew he had yet to see. The dark-haired toddler was sitting in the middle of a cluttered living room, playing with a cuddly toy. Even without the benefit of movement, it was clear to see that the plush black dog was floating in the air, without the aid of anything other than the barely controlled magic of the small child.

"A wizard," Walburga whispered, her eyes darting to the tapestry.

"He wasn't good enough for the family tree when he was born," Regulus said quietly. "What do you want more? A pureblood line, or any line at all?"

"I suppose we could adapt," Walburga murmured begrudgingly.

"And would my wife be welcomed into the family too?"

Walburga hesitated a fraction too long, and Regulus sighed. "Take a good look at your grandson, Mother. It's the only time you're going to get to see him."

Walburga's head shot up, and she reached out to try to take the photograph. Regulus snatched it out of her reach and returned it to his pocket.

"INGRATE!" Walburga screamed as she stood up. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! DON'T YOU DARE SHOW YOUR FACE HERE AGAIN! GO BACK TO YOUR FILTHY MUGGLE WIFE AND YOUR HALF-BLOOD BRAT!"

"Mother?" Sirius tentatively asked.

"YOU TOO!" Walburga rounded on her eldest son with lightning speed. "UNNATURAL FREAK OF NATURE! YOU COULDN'T JUST GET INVOLVED WITH A HALF-BLOOD, COULD YOU? NO, THAT WOULDN'T BE CRUEL ENOUGH! YOU HAD TO CHOOSE A HALF-BREED, AND A MALE ONE AT THAT! GET OUT OF HERE! AND TAKE YOUR PET WEREWOLF WITH YOU! FILTHY BLOOD TRAITORS, THE LOT OF YOU!"

"Mother, please, calm down," Sirius cautioned, but she was long past listening to anything he had to say.

"SELFISH, UNGRATEFUL BRATS! AFTER ALL YOUR FATHER AND I'VE DONE FOR YOU! YOU DISGUST ME! GET OUT! GET OUT! _GET OUT!_"

"Maybe we should take her advice," Rita suggested as she backed up towards the door. Her parchment and quill were in her hands, but for the moment she seemed to have forgotten they were there.

"Good idea," Remus agreed, pulling Sirius along with him.

"I think we've really sent her over the edge this time," Regulus commented as they closed the front door behind them. Thankfully the spells on the house deadened the sound of their mother's temper tantrum.

"She'll calm down," Sirius said with a shrug. "And even if she doesn't, does it really matter?"

"I guess not."

Sirius bit on his lip, wondering what to say now. Thankfully Remus was beside him, and stepped into the uncomfortable silence with ease. "What's your son's name?" he asked.

"Alphard," Regulus said with a smile. "After our uncle."

"Are you going to put his name down for Hogwarts?" Sirius asked.

"Of course," Regulus nodded. "You'll still be a part of his life, won't you? Even after what I've done, you wouldn't punish my son for it, would you?"

"Of course not," Sirius replied. "I don't know that I've quite forgiven you entirely just yet, but I understand why you did it."

"I wish I could go back and undo it," Regulus said with a sigh. "I hated lying to you, but I couldn't see a way out of the mess. I'm not sure I'd ever forgive you if our roles were reversed."

"Come round for dinner next week," Sirius offered. "We'll talk then."

Regulus nodded and stuck out his arm for the approaching muggle bus. "I guess I'll see you then."

Sirius nodded, telling him he would send him an owl with the date and time, and watched Regulus climb on board. Then he turned to Rita. "So, do you think you've got enough for a story?" he asked, rather impatiently.

"More than!" Rita grinned. "Front page of the Prophet tomorrow, you mark my words."

"I can hardly wait," Sirius drawled sarcastically.

"You'll love it!" Rita said as she hurried away. "I'll see that a complimentary copy gets delivered to your flat."

"Shall we go home then?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded and wrapped his arms around the other man. Leaning into him, he breathed in the scent that was uniquely Remus and concentrated on Cauldron Close. They arrived a moment later.

"We could have been seen disappearing," Remus scolded.

"There wasn't anyone around," Sirius argued. "Which is more than can be said for inside here."

"I don't know," Remus replied. "It seems a bit quiet."

Sirius shrugged and opened his front door. The flat was spotless and certainly far cleaner than it had been at any point when he'd been living there.

"Looks like Lily did a good job," Remus commented as he followed Sirius inside.

"Wonder where they are…"

"They've left a note," Remus said, picking a piece of parchment up off the table. "Peter's gone to take the books he'd borrowed back to the library, and then he has to go into work. Lily and James have gone back on their honeymoon; they'll floo us when they're back in the country. And Romulus and Alana have gone to get Eve from school. Rom says he'll be coming round tomorrow. I think this is their subtle way of giving us some privacy,"

"I guess Rom realised that we wouldn't have done much talking this morning," Sirius replied. "I suppose he thinks we spent the whole morning shagging, too."

Remus chuckled. "Sorry, the full moon kind of took its toll on me. Didn't mean to let your reputation get knocked."

"Don't be silly," Sirius told him and he leaned over to kiss him. "You needed sleep a lot more than you needed sex. There'll be plenty of time for the rest later, right?"

Remus nodded and sat down on the sofa. "The place hasn't changed at all," he commented. "Except being cleaner."

"That's because I've not been back here until yesterday."

"Oh." Remus smirked. "I guess that would explain it."

"It'll be messy again in no time," Sirius assured him as he sat down beside him and pulled him into his arms.

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius's back and squeezed him tightly. "It feels good to be home," he said. "The camp wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, except for the full moons, but I missed you so much."

"What are we going to do now?" Sirius asked.

"I think we should spend the next week in bed," Remus suggested. "Then after that, we'll see."

"You know your brother will be round here tomorrow, and we won't get a minute of peace."

"Then I guess we should enjoy the peace and quiet while we can," Remus replied with a smirk. Leaning forward he pressed his lips to Sirius's and closed his eyes. Sirius felt Remus's tongue teasing his lower lip and he opened his mouth wider, his own tongue seeking the other. He moaned slightly when Remus deepened the kiss, then louder when Remus pulled away.

"I've missed you so much," he whispered, reaching up to push Remus's hair out of his eyes. "Don't ever leave me again."

"I didn't mean to before," Remus pointed out. "How do you suggest we avoid this sort of disaster?"

"We could just stay in bed all day… forever," Sirius suggested, pulling Remus closer again. "Your brother has a girl now, that should keep him out of our way for a while."

"Staying in bed sounds good to me," Remus agreed with a grin.

-o-xXx-o-

"I think the paper's arrived," Remus muttered, not bothering to open his eyes. The paper was the one Rita had promised to send, so the owl wouldn't require payment, not that that was stopping it from making an awful racket at the crack of dawn.

"I'm ignoring it," Sirius replied, giving a loud and fake snore, and snuggling closer to Remus.

"You don't want to know what she's written?" Remus asked, opening one eye.

"No, it'll only annoy me."

"Well, _I'm_ curious." Remus opened his second eye and sat up to reach for the paper. His fingers had just got hold of the paper when he felt himself being pulled back down by Sirius.

"I'm more interesting than some silly story," Sirius scolded.

Remus tried to ignore the soft kisses that Sirius was planting along his jaw line, and he unrolled the paper.

"We've made the front page again," he commented casually.

Sirius's kisses moved to his neck, and he gave a gasp as his tongue inched its way up his neck caressing the most sensitive spots.

"'Corruption in the Ministry and St Mungo's. How pure are the purebloods?'"

Sirius snorted, but soon turned his attention back to kissing Remus, finally leaving his neck and moving onto his bare chest.

"Submissive werewolves? Separating fact from fiction."

"Huh?" Sirius mumbled. "You mean she's actually written something about the Wolfsbane potion?"

"This isn't about the Wolfsbane," Remus squeaked. "Though she does briefly mention the potion at the bottom of page twelve."

"Then what's that bit about?" Sirius asked, curiosity getting the better of him. He sat up so that he could read the paper alongside Remus.

"How?" Remus asked. "How did she…?"

Sirius shook his head mutely. He had no idea at all, at least not about how Rita Skeeter knew what they'd said and done in the bathroom of Remus's room at the camp. The story of their 'tender reunion' was splashed across the pages of the Prophet and read like a trashy romance novel. He wondered how it had ever made it past Rita's Editor, who really should have had more sense than to print such rubbish.

"She must have been spying on us," Sirius finally said. "Though I'm damned if I know how."

"Devious little…" Remus shook his head in exasperation. "She's elaborated like you wouldn't believe."

"Oh, I'd definitely believe it," Sirius muttered.

"She says that we had sex in the bathtub!"

Sirius chuckled. "Perhaps she thinks she's protecting our reputations?"

"She says we were at it for hours!"

"Okay, she's embellishing our reputations."

"She says you topped and tamed the werewolf!"

Sirius's chuckles became a full-blown laugh as he pulled Remus back down onto the mattress. "My mother will be pleased," Sirius said as he grinned down at Remus.

"Why?"

"Because she thinks that you top all the time. This proves that you don't."

Remus raised a questioning eyebrow. "Why does she think that?"

"She jumped to conclusions, and I didn't bother correcting her." Sirius shrugged. He couldn't care less what his mother thought about his relationship with Remus. He knew, and so did Remus, that they had an equal partnership. In his mind, that was all that mattered.

"No wonder she hates me," Remus sighed dramatically. "Not only have I corrupted her son by making him fancy other men, I've turned him into a total utter arse, in every sense of the word."

"Hey!" Sirius explained with mock outrage. "Did I catch an insult in there?"

Remus's lips twitched and Sirius ripped the paper from his hands, slinging it across the room. Then he pounced on Remus and proceeded to tickle him into submission.

"I give… I give…" Remus gasped as he tried to catch his breath.

"So, do you admit I'm not an arse?" Sirius asked.

"Well, not a complete one," Remus amended between giggles.

"Good enough," Sirius said, ending his tickling assault, and starting one of a different kind. "I love you, Remus," he told him between kisses.

Remus smiled up at him. "I love you, too."

On the sill of the open window a large black beetle watched as the playful tickles turned to tender caresses, and the laughter was replaced with loving endearments. Then, as the soft kisses became more passionate, Rita Skeeter turned to leave, intent on chasing after her next big story.


	77. Epilogue and Notes

Epilogue

Anyone at the wedding could see that the bride and groom only had eyes for each other.

The bride's daughter made the perfect flower girl, and the groom's brother was best man.

The ceremony was traditional and at first glance nothing seemed out of the ordinary at the muggle celebration.

It was only if you looked closely you could see that not everything was quite as traditional and normal as it first appeared.

"It's a good job your family knows about Eve's powers," the groom whispered into his new wife's ear.

"Hmm," the bride replied. "I'd have a tough time explaining this one." She gestured to the confetti that had been thrown at them, but was not actually falling to the ground. Instead, each piece was swirling around them, as though they'd stepped into a confetti-filled wind tunnel.

The best man knelt down on the grass, heedless of the stains the knees of his trousers were now getting. "Eve, sweetheart," he asked, "don't you want to see the confetti fall?"

The flower girl shook her head stubbornly.

"I'd like to see it fall," the best man said, with a childish pout of his own. "Would you let it fall for me?"

The girl looked thoughtful for a moment; then she grinned and nodded, the confetti floating to the ground a moment later.

"Just in time," a handsome black-haired man whispered into the ear of the best man. He nodded towards the doorway, where the muggle vicar was just emerging into the sunshine.

The best man smiled and picked up the flower girl with ease. "You're a little minx, aren't you?" he asked with a grin.

"Do you have any children of your own?" the vicar asked conversationally, as the bridal party walked around the side of the church for the photographs.

"No." The best man shook his head and smiled softly at the black-haired man. "We just make do with spoiling our niece and nephew, don't we?"

The black-haired man nodded and returned the best man's smile. He slipped an arm around his waist possessively and pulled him into a loose hug.

"I'm sorry," the vicar apologised, his face flushing. "I didn't realise you were… er…"

"Well, we weren't about to start snogging in church," the black-haired man laughed. "Tempting as it is."

"Try and behave, Sirius," the best man scolded affectionately.

"Where's the fun in that?" the black-haired man replied, before planting a chaste kiss on the best man's cheek.

"You've scared him off," the best man sighed, as he watched the vicar scurry over towards the bride and groom.

"Never mind," the black-haired man replied. "Have you asked him yet?"

"No. I've not had the chance."

"I'm sure that dress is tighter than it was at the final fitting last week."

"That doesn't mean she is. You wouldn't be able to tell yet anyway."

"You could if they did it before he got released from Azkaban."

"That's not very likely."

"She didn't drink any alcohol at the rehearsal dinner either."

"Neither did you."

"I was driving."

"So was she."

"Well, what about the way he's constantly fussing over her?"

"The same way he fusses over everyone? It doesn't mean anything."

"But I want to know." The black-haired man was practically whining by this point.

"We'll find out eventually if she is. You've not whined this much since I wouldn't tell you what your birthday present was."

"I don't whine."

"Do too."

"I know what my birthday present is," the flower girl piped up.

"Do you indeed?" the best man asked. "But your birthday isn't until December."

"Mummy told me I was going to get an extra present this year."

"And what's that?"

"She said I'm not allowed to tell anyone."

"You can tell us," the dark-haired man said encouragingly.

The flower girl shook her head and buried her face in the best man's neck.

"If I guess right, will you nod?" he tried instead.

A pair of blue eyes looked at the dark-haired man and the girl gave a small nod.

"Is it a new brother or sister?" the dark-haired man whispered conspiratorially.

The flower girl looked across at the bride and groom before giving an almost imperceptible nod.

"I knew it," the dark-haired man gloated.

"It's a secret," the girl whispered.

"And we won't tell anyone, will we, Remus?"

The best man shook his head and put his finger across his lips. The flower girl copied the gesture, and the dark-haired man did likewise.

"Can we have the best man and the flower girl over here, please?" the photographer called.

The best man nodded and strolled across the grass, the flower girl still in his arms.

The black-haired man followed a few paces behind and the best man cast a smile over his shoulder to him.

Anyone could see that the bride and groom only had eyes for each other.

But, only if you took the time and trouble to look a little closer, would you see that the best man and the black-haired man were equally smitten with each other.

_The End_

**NOTES**

Thanks

First of all, huge thanks to my beta LostAndAwaiting who has done loads to make this story readable in the last couple of years. I am very grateful for all the time you have put in on this epic.

Secondly, thank you to everyone for reading, but most especially those who have taken time to leave a review. I don't beg for reviews, hold chapters hostage, or demand reviews, but I am very grateful for each and every one that I receive.

I know I am horribly slow at replying to them sometimes, but I reply to all of them (except of course the anonymous ones) eventually. I will be catching up with the latest ones after November and NaNoWriMo is over. I promise.

Bits of useless information

This story was initially intended to be a fifth year story and was going to be concluded just after they had graduated from school. However, I had only written a few chapters of the fifth year (which actually ended up being in the seventh year) when I decided that I wanted the story to start much earlier.

The story was initially to revolve around what would happen if Remus were to have bitten another student and how he would deal with the guilt. Obviously, that part of the story remains in it, but it is only one part of many.

For quite a long time the final chapter was the one titled Once in a Blue Moon, albeit with a slightly different final scene. However, it soon became clear that the quest for an heir for the House of Black would reach beyond their school years, and as such the story was extended even further.

Date of Births etc

Sirius

D.O.B. 15 Nov 1959

Scorpio – perhaps not the right sign for canon Sirius, but it seems to fit this version quite nicely.

Romulus

D.O.B. 10 Jan 1950

Capricorn

Peter

D.O.B. 21 Dec 1959

Sagittarius

James and Remus – as canon

Name origins

The Black Family – all names are from canon, although I have taken quite a few liberties with the personalities.

The Lupin Family

Celeste – chosen for the Italian origins, means "of the sky, heavenly"

Rosina – also chosen for Italian origins.

Cecily – English version of the Italian Cecilia. Latinate feminine form of the Roman family name Caecilius, which was derived from Latin caecus "blind". Saint Cecilia was a semi-legendary 2nd- or 3rd-century martyr who was sentenced to die because she refused to worship the Roman gods. After attempts to suffocate her failed, she was beheaded. She was later regarded as the patron saint of music and musicians.

Other Humans

Alana – simply chosen because I like the name

Eve – again, simply because I like the name

Charlene/Charlie Grahams – a character blatantly stolen from my Trouble series. Oddly enough, I've never had any complaints about her in that series; but then again, she doesn't date Remus in it. Anyway, one of the meanings of her Christian name is "warrior" and as a beater for the Quidditch team it seemed ideal.

Professor Delphi – also a character stolen from one of my other stories, in this case The Oracle of Gryffindor. It should be obvious, but for those who aren't into mythology, the name is derived from The Oracle of Delphi. It is also one that I am sure other people have used for the Divination Professor who came before Trelawney. So, not entirely original, but at least appropriate.

Professor Spion – Obviously a play on words with Spy On since he was a spy for the Ministry. Also the German word for spy.

Werewolves

Aaron Winters – One of the possible meanings of his Christian name is "exalted", and as a leader within the Camp he is very much so.

Higgs was a name I picked at random. His sidekicks Maxwell and Milbourne were named after two girls I knew at school who were nasty little bullies themselves. Yes, I am that petty and spiteful.

The Centaurs

Torin – Chief in Irish Gaelic

Ebony – Just horsey sounding

Taranis – Derived from the Celtic taran, meaning thunder

Alpin – Anglicized form of the Gaelic name Ailpein, possibly derived from a Pictish word meaning "white". Chosen for his colouring.

All other centaur names are from canon

The Owls

Damon – Means "to tame", although in the case of this bird it is probably a lost cause

Athena – Named for the Greek goddess associated with owls

Enid – Means "soul" or "life"

Hestia – Named for the Greek goddess of hearth and domesticity. As Walburga's owl it seemed suitable since she is very much the ruler of the house of Black.

Loose ends & things that may not have been entirely clear

The centaurs' land issues were deliberately left unresolved. We know from canon that this was a problem in Harry's time and even though this is AU, I decided that the problems would last as long in this universe, too.

Yes, Romulus was always intended to be secretly alive. There were plenty of clues there to hint at that, including his lengthening hair, the continuation of the spells on Remus's cage and a huge one in the title of the chapter where he came back as a ghost. The title of the chapter was This Journey's Over, which is a line from a song by Pink. The song in question is I'm Not Dead. Massive clue there, though only for those who were still playing the guess the song game by that point.

Cecily remains with her parents deliberately, even though it probably isn't the best environment for her, especially without her ghostly mentor. However, she remains there for the moment. I have a short Mpreg-ish (Polyjuice) sequel planned (though at the moment it is only in my head) and, if I do get round to writing it, she will be appearing in that one, too.

What is canon, partially canon or totally made up

The Werewolf Registry and the rest of the Ministry departments are canon of course. Except for the Containment Facility, which is made up, but I would think fairly likely in light of everything else.

The magically updated book is slightly based on the magically updated book at Hogwarts, which lists the birth of every magical child in Britain. The difference being that the Werewolf Registry book is updated by a wizard to show all of the new information that the department has received. It does not update on its own… otherwise they would have been able to track down both Greyback and Remus long before they did.

The various laws surrounding werewolves are either hinted at in canon, and extended on by myself, or made up completely by me.

The tunnel to Gladrags is partially canon. We know that there was a tunnel behind one of the mirrors in the school, but that by Harry's time it was caved it. We don't know where it leads to though. I decided I liked the idea of a mirror being at each end of the tunnel, and the Gladrags female changing rooms seemed appropriately mischievous for teenage boys.

Rowena Ravenclaw being responsible for the moving staircases is canon. I cannot take responsibility for that idea at all.

Sheila Shuttleworth's School for Squibs was made up. I have no idea where Squibs are taught, and suspect that muggle schools are probably the only option. However, I decided that perhaps other countries might be less prejudiced about Squibs and Australia was chosen.

Dangerous Creatures' Camps. Well, I am pretty sure I have seen this idea before, but cannot find any reference to it at The Lexicon (though the search feature has been screwing up on me for months, so I may be missing it). However, it is also possible that I may have seen the idea in another fanfic rather than in canon. Unfortunately even Google is failing me, and the phrase is only pulling up this particular story. But I am sure I must have seen it somewhere before.

Most spells and potions are canon. However there are a few that I made up for plot purposes.

The healing spells were made up using a Latin translator

The Medusa curse was made up by taking Greek mythology and giving it a twist.

Oris potion – for restoring the sight of wizards after muggle injuries – was made up using the Latin translator.

The sunset/sunrise barrier in Remus's cage was made up.

The forest smells spell in Remus's cage was made up, with the sole purpose of helping to bring forward the date that Wolfsbane was invented.

The windows of the train were inspired by the windows in the underground Ministry of Magic and so were not my own invention.

James's large feet were simply done with an engorging spell, which is, of course, canon.


End file.
